This case study comes from a 25-year-old who cured himself of TMS after going through FOUR variations of it.
I'm glad I found your website and I will start the abstinence program today! Iím so shocked at what Iíve read on your website, and I know I wonít be able to sleep until I finish writing this story, and seek advice from you. My problem is not the typical one you described on your website.
I'm 25 years old. I started masturbating when I was 12. At that age, I had not even had an erection yet. I had no idea what ejaculation was, what an erection was, and what sex was. But one day I was lying on my stomach and watching a NON-sexual TV program. Then I felt like doing some exercise, but I didn't want to get up. So I moved my stomach forward and backward. When I was doing that, my penis was actually getting pressure and pleassure too. Then I felt like I just "pee-d", which was very much like a light orgasm! That was my discovery of orgasm. Then I stood up and found my pants wet. Ever since that day, I had been masturbating this way for 13 yrs until about a month ago. But when I'm masturbating this way, my penis was soft the whole time. It cannot be hard, because otherwise, I cannot lie on my stomach at all. So everytime no matter how aroused I was, and how hard my penis got, I had to take some time to make sure my penis become soft before I lie on my stomach and masturbate. (I will refer to this way of masturbation as the FIRST way.) Is this way of masturbating a lot worse than TMS? Can the same abstinence program help me in the same extent?
Ed.: It might be about the same. One of the cases in Dr. Sank's article was similar to that. The abstinence program is the first step anyway.
I never learned the correct way of masturbating from school, my parents or my brother. Sex was always a taboo subject for my family to talk about. My school almost didn't have sex education at all. I grew up in Asia! Conservative parents and conservative education! When I was about 15, I accidentally found an erotic video and I watched it. That was the first time I knew what intercourse was. But I didn't realize I should immediately changed my masturbation at that time! Then when I was 18 years old, one day, I wanted to masturbate with my penis hard because I thought it was abnormal to masturbate with my penis soft! So I put 2 pillows on the floor and I lay with my penis in between them so that it could get hard. Then I started rubbing against them. It took a long time, but finally I ejaculated! (I will refer to this masturbation the SECOND way) I did this SECOND way a few times over the next several years, but still the FIRST way was my main way of masturbation!
I'm 25 now but I never had sex with girls until just more than a month ago. It has a lot to do with my parents wanting me to focus on school work and career, but not girls! Bad family background. I wish I had found out about my problem a lot earlier! Ed.: Likewise!
I just got out of school for about 5 months and so I thought it was time to experience girls. But because of my current job problem, I really would choose not to start a relationship! About just more than a month ago, it was around my 25th birthday and I decided that I wanted to see an escort. I treated her nicely and so she was nice to me too. I wore a condom of course. At first she was on top and I was able to get an erection and penetrate her, but I couldn't ejaculate! Then I tried the missionary position. But I think my penis might have been a bit softer. But I still was able to penetrate her. Then I started pumping, but still I couldn't ejaculate. After that time my penis became softer and softer. Then I tried a third time to penetrate her, but still I couldn't ejaculate! Then I tried and tried; even worse, my penis was very soft that I couldn't even penetrate. The whole time I was with the escort, she gave me oral sex. It felt good, but I couldn't ejaculate! After I left that escort and I was feeling like I wouldn't feel care if anybody shot me on my head with a gun! I was that sad, Doug!
I went home and called up my brother. I asked him how he masturbates. He said he always sit on a chair and then ONLY rubs the tip of his penis through the foreskin. He doesn't stroke the shaft. (Doug, is this the correct way to masturbate? How much I have to stroke the tip and how much I have to stroke the shaft?) Ed.: No, it isn't. Nearly all guys stroke the shaft. Rubbing only the head is apt to cause habituation similar to TMS. He is a virgin actually, so he doesn't know if he will succeed or fail when he has sex.
Then I told him my FIRST and SECOND way of masturbating. He told me to immediately stop them and do it his way. Then I immediately started doing his way but failed! It wasn't enough sensation at all! My brother told me to take some abstinence before trying again, but I didn't take his advice because the pleassure from ejaculation was too tempting. Now I know I have to take the asbtinence program!
Then I found the MISLEADING WEBSITE of jackinworld! That website says it is okay to do TMS, ie rubbing in the bed. So I thought my SECOND way was normal and was okay. Actually my SECOND way was exactly the same as one of their "techniques". God help those guys who have looked at that website!
So I quit my FIRST way but started doing the SECOND way regularly. At the same time I started to try different other ways of masturbation. One day, I leaned again something that was 45% to the floor, put something soft between it and my stomach and then I started pumping. It took a long time and a lot of energy and but I finally ejaculated. I sweated a lot the whole time! (I will refer to this as my THIRD way)
Then about 3 weeks ago, I wanted to use my hand to masturbate. But I wasn't able to do it in the normal way. So I tried the method of TMS with my hand wrapping my penis. It took a long time, a lot of energy and sweat, but finally I ejaculated. (I will refer to this as the FOURTH method) The sensation felt very good, but I was as exhausted as just getting out of the gym! So I kept using this method for the following 2 weeks and everytime I had to grab my penis very firmly and everytime I sweated a lot and was very exhausted.
Since I had no problem ejaculating when my penis was hard, I thought I was fine and ready for sex. Then last week, I met a girl (not escort) and we tried to have sex. Again I didn't ejaculate no matter what she did! I was able to have an erection and penetrate her when she was on top. But when I was on top, the erection was gone! Can you explain why the erection just disappeared? It's because you're too used to a specific way of getting stimulated. - Ed. I maintained my erection for only several minutes when I was on my back and then it was gone! Oral sex felt good (but not strong enough) but her vagina felt like nothing at all! After that incident, I felt sad again.
After that night with the girl, I tried several times to repeat my FOURTH method, but I had difficulty getting an erection. Very strange! (What do you think was the reason I couldn't get an erection??) Nerves. -Ed. But then I knew that I had no problem getting an erection when I was on my chair. So I started using my left hand to stroke the shaft very hard. When my left hand was almost completely exhausted, I ejaculated. Then I have used this method for several times, but each time I had to grab my penis very firmly and pump it fast and hard. Then I started to notice that my penis has become softer and softer! Why does my penis become softer and softer? Does this mean I need Viagra very soon, at age 25? It's because you used too much force by hand. After abstaining for some days, you should be able to orgasm without so much force. Don't think about Viagra yet. -Ed.
I'm quite confident and quite good-looking and I don't think I will have problem getting girls. But I need to solve my problem before really getting a girl.
Thanks for your quick reply. I will tell my brother to change his method too! But I'm not sure how much force I should use. You said on your website that "use a loose fist". How loose is considered "loose"? Which part I should stimulate and which part I should not? You said "nearly all guys stroke the shaft". So, when I stroke, should I also stroke the tip too, maybe through the foreskin? Or I should just left the tip un-stimulated? But during vaginal sex, doesn't the tip rub against the vagina wall too? I'll keep you posted about my progress!
Ed.: It's called the head, not the tip. Yes, the tip should receive some stimulation, but it's better for it to be indirect (as a result of the hand going up and down the shaft) rather than direct (rubbing the hand specifically against the head). A loose fist means it's tight enough so that the penis won't fall out.
I'm still in my abstinence program, but I am wondering how do I know I'm ready for sex? Should I wait until the end of the abstinence program, that is, until I can successful do the normal masturbation every consecutive day?
Ed.: That's a tough question. Since normal guys can masturbate daily, I suppose what you propose is sensible. Have you been successful by hand yet?
Last night was the first night I didn't use sleeping pills to help me sleep. I knew I had a hardon most of the time last night. This morning I woke up to find something like pre-cum on the head of the penis, but there wasn't any sign of ejaculation. Does the pre-cum ruin the abstinence program? Will an ejaculation during sleep ruin the abstinence program? Should I keep taking sleeping pills so as to make sure I have less chance of ejaculation?
Ed.: Congratulations! If you're having a spontaneous erection that almost causes a wet dream, then you might be ready to try masturbating by hand. The pre-cum doesn't hurt the program, but if you had actually ejaculated, then that ends the abstinence period. The sleeping pills are to help you sleep. They only do a little to keep you from ejaculating. If you don't need them to sleep, I wouldn't take them. (I'm not a doctor, remember.) If they do anything at all, they will keep you from getting an erection at bedtime.
This is only the 4th day in my abstinence program and so I haven't masturbated yet. Will let you know the outcome after I do it!
Ed.: Remember, the seven days is only a guideline. If you were that close to having a wet dream last night, I think it would be OK to give it a try after only four days. Are you feeling sexual tension?
I felt sexual tension in the first 3 days. But it seems that I've become quite used to abstinence. Actually I have some work that can keep me busy all the time! It is funny that now I'm more focused on my work than before this abstinence program :) Hmm... you make the same point anti-masturbationites make about it distracting from what people should be doing. -Ed.
Abstinence is not easy at all. I'm having spontaneous erection in bed and in the daytime too! But so far, I've been strong and it seems abstinence is becoming easier and easier over time. But I have to let you know that I NEVER had a wet dream even thought I always dreamt about sexy girls! I NEVER woke up to find my underwear wet! So I suppose I WON'T ejaculate when I sleep!
I will ask the group about their transitions from TMS to normal sex. Actually I'm meeting the same girl who had sex with me 2 weeks ago. I'm meeting her probably within 2 weeks. This is why I asked you that question.
I don't know if I should take shortcuts because as I told you before, I used to ejaculate when my penis was soft. My situation is worse than just TMS.
Ed.: You should enjoy spontaneous erections. When you get older, they will be rather rare. Congratulations on finding it easier. You might not think so at seven days.
If you've never had a wet dream, then I wouldn't worry that you'll have one tonight. But if you do, then at least you'll know what one is like.
12/27/02 2230h (to group)
This is my 4th day into the abstinence program. I haven't pleasured myself yet. But I'm wondering how many days after the start of the abstinence program then you tried having sex? I would like to know why you decided it was time for you to have sex and what was the outcome? Success or Failure? What was your feeling after the event?
I had some progress since last night. But you will have to comment on it!
After 4 days and 7 hrs, I masturbated last night and got done in 15 mins. Here are the details. Please comment!
1. The orgasm wasn't as intense as those I had using TMS or other methods I told you. Ed.: As I have mentioned, the regular orgasm will take some getting used to. Don't worry about it.
2. I felt a little pain from the part of the glans just above the sulcus when I stroke up and down. Is this normal? Ed.: No, pain is not normal. It's a sign of trouble. It might be just a different kind of stimulation than you're used to. Was it a kind of pain akin to irritation? it seems it is inevitable to indirectly rub that part when I use my loose fist to do the up and down motion. My stroking was a bit more than "loose," but wasn't intense!
3. Several bursts of ejaculation.
4. Throughout the whole sessoin my penis was hard, but not often 100%. Is it okay not to have 100% but only, say 90%? 90% means that I could twist or bend the penis a little bit; of course I didn't use much force to do so! Ed.: No, you don't have to be 100% at all times but you will want to be close to 100% when having intercourse. Don't worry that it is not perfectly hard now. You're still unlearning TMS. I've seen some porn movies and I noticed that my penis was harder than some porn stars' but softer than some. Is this usual or not usual? what does this mean? And I would like to know how to make sure the penis is close to 100% hard every time I masturbate or have intercourse? Ed.: If you could do this, you'd be rich! Do you think more abstinence can make my penis more used to being close to 100% hard? Ed.: Yes, you will have an easier time getting an erection after a period of abstinence. How hard a penis should be during intercourse?
A question to ask you: So far, on average, what is the typical # of days successful ppl took for their abstinence program?
Then, 9 hrs later, I had another one and got it done in about 16 mins. Here are the details
1. The orgasm was similar to that of the first session, that is, not as intense as those I had using TMS or other methods I told you.
2. I didn't feel much pain from the part of the glans just above the sulcus when I stroke up and down. My stroking was looser than the first session! Less effort needed for the second session! Ed.: That's very good!
3. Several bursts of ejaculation, similar to the first time.
4. My penis was as hard as in the first session.
Then another 3 hrs passed. But since the 2 orgasms I had wasn't intense enough, I felt the urge to do one more. I got done in 30 mins. I could have got done in < 15 mins, but I wanted to have an intense orgasm, so I delayed the ejaculation several times before having an intense one. Here are the details:
1. Because I delayed my ejaculation several times, the orgasm was a lot more intense and was comparable to those I had using TMS or other methods I told you.
2. I didn't feel ANY pain from the part of the glans just above the sulcus when I stroke up and down. My stroking was even looser than the second session!
3. More bursts of ejaculation than 1st and 2nd session and a bit more cum! After this event, I felt relaxed and didn't need another session!
4. My penis was as hard as in the first or second session.
5. The stimulation mainly came from the glans. The shaft did little help to the ejaculation. I stroke my penis up and down as you told me. I didn't directly touched the glans, but only stimulated them through the foreskin. Normal? Ed.: Yes, very normal.
After the 3 sessions today, what else is left for me to try or experiment? I think my penis is used to the loose stroking, so now what I am concerned about is the FIRMNESS and what will happen it I have INTERCOURSE.
Ed.: I would have advised against masturbating three times in one day while trying to cure TMS, but it seems to be working for you.
The first few times TMS guys masturbate in the normal way, do most of them find their penis softer than usual? Ed.: Yes.
My penis used to be very stiff when aroused. Sometimes NO manual stimulation was needed to make it hard like a rock. But one week before I started the abstinence program it became so soft. Yesterday, after 4 day abstinence, it was still softer than usual. Even when I was the most aroused, it was still not as hard as before. I'm just 25 and I don't think age is an issue here. Any comment?
Ed.: TMS is bad for erections. I hope you've given it up for good. Maybe it's all in your head. Just enjoy what you're doing. After you get used to your new way, you might find the erections are back to normal.
I've totally given up TMS or worse-than-TMS. I'm 100% SURE I won't go back to them.
It seems that I cannot get an erection by rubbing my penis. I can only get one by thinking about sex. Is this a problem? I heard that a lot of people can rub their penis to erection. Am I too strange?
Ed.: It's good that you can get one just by thinking. You're probably just nervous and that's why rubbing isn't helping. Next time, let her do the rubbing.
No, I was talking about masturbation, not having sex. I cannot even rub myself to erection! I'm not sure why. This might be because I used to masturbate when my penis was faccid. Therefore, my penis used to be rubbed when it was faccid. So now when I rub it using my hands, it doesn't respond... Strange! Rubbing does help me ejaculate, but it doesn't help me get an erection. I hope my penis will respond to my rubbing soon. I think those who used to rub their penis against pillows would not have this problem... Now I'm masturbating in the normal way, but there are still things to get used to...
Ed.: Then make a point of getting an erection before you start. You're just unlearning another part of TMS behavior.
1/11/03 2215h (to group)
It has been 2 weeks since I first successfully masturbated in the normal way and it seems to me that now my orgasm is more intense than before, even if I don't try to delay my ejaculation. I guess it only takes time to make the body used to the new method.
I'm feeling I'm like a 13 yr old boy who has just discovered masturbation... anyways, I have a question about masturbation: Now that I masturbate by one hand, but I've noticed that every time I had to contract my hip muscles in order to ejaculate. If I don't contract my hip muscles, I just cannot ejaculate at all ! I've asked my brother about this and he has the same situation. Do all guys have to contract their hip muscles in order to ejaculate? Could this be a problem?
If by hip muscles, you mean the muscle you use to stop the flow of urine, yes, that is the pubococcygeal muscle, and it is essential to ejaculation. Glad you're having fun. Good luck.
8/21/03 (to group)
I just thought I would write to this group one more time before I move on with my life.
I am a member for almost a year. A year ago, I was stressed out because of not being able to ejaculate inside two women, but I managed to masturbate in the common way using a fist. After a long time not having sex, I met this wonderful girl, and we had sex 4 times in the past 4 days, and all were SUCCESSFUL, meaning that I was able to ejaculate inside her without using any medicine like Viagra.
Currently, orgasm from sex is slower than orgasm from masturbation. This seems familiar because when I first started masturbating using my fist, my orgasm was slower than from TMS. but after a month of using my fist, my orgasm was back to normal. So I suppose that if I keep on having sex with her, ejaculating inside her will feel as intense as masturbation.
Even though orgasm from sex isn't as intense for now, I'm sure the 4 orgasms I have had from sex were the most fulfilling orgasms EVER! I still need to get used to the sensation of a vagina, but now I feel very, very happy, like a guy who has been given a new life.
Doug, thank you for your help and advice. Take care.
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