This man was cured of TMS without going through the abstinence program developed on this site.
Terrific information. I wish I had found it before I had to figure out all of this myself by piecing things together over several scary years. I was led here by the mention in the December 2003 issue of Playboy. I practiced TMS from puberty until my early/mid twenties. Ironically enough, it was (against your advice) sexual healing that eventually started me on the road to recovery. I was lucky enough that I had a girlfriend who cared enough about me to put up with the effects of TMS and nurture me back to sexual health through good old fashioned hard work, tenacity, and exactly the proper kind of encouragement (oh what difficult, agonizing work that was ;-) ). For a period of 3 months or so (until we broke up for unrelated reasons), there was no need to masturbate, so my body and mind became accustomed to sex in positions other than prone. That added boost was enough for me to finish a change that I had started before my experience with her, based on a hunch that it might be causing problems that I was having (the problems you've described here).
Anyway, please keep up the good work. It's so easy to stop (and the earlier, the easier and better) once you know that's what you have to do, and the effects can be so damaging to your confidence as a man. Every guy should read this.
Nearly a year later, the man contacted me again to follow up on his situation. Here are some key points from his experience:
I am cured. I only masturbate the proper way now. I am capable of having sex not only in the missionary position but in other positions. I have had oral sex and manual intercourse successfully. I still notice a difference between being on top and being on the bottom (not that there isn't going to be one, but it would be difficult to finish if I weren't on top). Reaching orgasm through oral sex is VERY difficult. I guess it could be that I never really finished the program 100% (never got to the point where I was doing it the proper way on a daily basis).
I never told my ex girlfriend about my masturbating style, but I didn't realize that was the problem at the time anyway. It's just that I drifted away from that kind of masturbation (and any masturbation) while I was busy having sex with her. She was only the second girl I had ever had sex with, and the first that I had sex with on a regular basis for an extended period (i.e. more than a week), so really, just about everything about sex was new to me in that relationship. Things did not go well the first few times. But she was determined that I would come and also satisfy her, so I had the pressure on me to do things right. And I got it down before long.
I started masturbating later than most of my peers. I often wonder if I have Pudendal Nerve Entrapment (PNE) and if that was a contributing factor to my developing TMS. When I was young, I would masturbate by thrusting against the floor, which I've learned from your site is a particularly bad form of TMS. Later, I switched to thrusting into my fist, with my clothers on, and I was probably doing that most of the time toward the end, although I still used the floor occasionally.
I really support what you're doing. I know there are a lot of people out there who don't know this stuff and suffer in silence. I used to. And my experience has been that the medical profession is neither equipped nor prepared to deal with this. How would it occur to someone that masturbation style was the reason? It sure hadn't occured to me. I recognized myself right away when I saw your site mentioned in Playboy, but before that, looking through medical journals, talking to doctors. I never made the connection, and neither did they. The word definitely needs to be spread wider. You're very brave to do what you do. It's certainly an important subject that not everybody is comfortable discussing. There's a certain degree of shame that you lose along the way when you realize that you're not going to get better if you don't reach out, open up, and start talking to people.
Yours is an important and encouraging story. You developed TMS through serendipity -- as we all did -- and you cured yours the same way. I suspect, however, that your cure would have been more complete if you had achieved it through the abstinence and masturbation program on this site that dozens (if not hundreds) of men have used to become cured. It might be worth giving the daily masturbation part of it a try for a month (during which time you would not have sex with a partner) and see if it makes a difference in your sexual response afterward.
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