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... a site about masturbation and you!

Some comments from a man somewhat older than the average TMS guy who comes to this site.

Just some lines on reading your fascinating website - I think you may be interested in my story. I read your site after a mention from someone in a group therapy group I am in. In a way, I have been waiting for information like this for nearly 40 years.

I am nearly 53 and have been a TMS practitioner since puberty. I guess I was not too happy with TMS - although I didn't call it that since the name did not exist - but did not see it as crucial as an explanation for my life of sexual dysfunction.

I have only once experienced ejaculation in a woman, despite some 80 penetrative episodes with some 30 different women. I would make the basic point that I have also had problems with creating close relationships generally - this is partly because of the dysfunction of anorgasmia (what do I tell a woman I like - that I don't enjoy sex, that I can't do satisfactorily?), although there are other problems I have had to deal with in therapy. Also, dealing with the dysfunction becomes more difficult if you have had problems in getting a partner.

So it is not JUST a question of TMS, as far as I see it - but I sure would like to change from TMS to "normal" - I'm sure it would help.

Some points:

  • For me, it is not just being prone against sheets - I have had to have the shaft of the penis against one specific side of the torso - it doesn't work with the penis against the left hand side of my body
  • I HAVE tried to change in the manner you suggest - but no joy as yet. My main (slight) success is doing TMS with the penis in a sock(as opposed to against sheets and my flesh) - that may not sound much but it has been a big change from before. I hope to extend this development of alternatives.
  • I also have a problem with the idea of abstinence from erection before trying the normal way - what I have done so far is not try to avoid erections, just to avoid getting prone and doing TMS. I have tried normal (albeit not vigorously) from one or two days after stopping TMS. In the past I have tried longish periods of abstinence - but then I tend to lose libido completely.
  • Fellatio has NEVER been likely to lead to orgasm, although I have had no problems holding an erection for half an hour so by fellatio or being inside a woman's vagina.

I'm sure that there are lots of reasons why I have been the way I am - but I guess that changing from TMS would be an important step forward. I shall try your recommended method, and let you know how I get on - if you wish.

Thank you for your story. Of course, we wish to hear how you are coming with your cure. Do not be discouraged by what is called "involuntary celibacy." With 30 partners in your past, you are much more successful than most men who seem to have involuntary celibacy. Once you overcome TMS, you will be more confident about having a partner. We all are.

Follow-up:

I thought I would update you with my progress. I am now approaching 55 years of age and want to get myself sorted out as soon as possible! It is good news and not-so-good news. Basically, I tried the abstention method with no joy. I then visited a cognitive behavioural therapist and we tried various ways of trying to shift my prone behaviour. These were mainly trying to use the prone method but adapting it slightly so as to end up moving away from it altogether. With no luck over a few months.

So it was back to the abstention method, or rather a version of it. I avoided the old way of prone rubbing penis against bed sheets and my abdomen (with various minor modifications) for weeks. There would be the odd occasion when I would become erect but I never returned to the old way position. Iron will!

After a good 6 weeks off I tried masturbating in a sitting position using my hand/wrist. Finally, after 7 weeks I came and saw the ejaculation for the first time in my life!

That s the good news. The not-so-good is:

  1. I can't do it much. Certainly no more than once every two days, generally more time required in between sessions to build up a head of steam , as it were.
  2. I haven't yet been able or confident to try with a woman.
  3. I need a very rapid hand movement. I don't know how this would translate to an intercourse situation.
  4. I also require a good lubrication liquid.
  5. It often does not work out.
  6. I often have to go for half an hour or more to get a result.
  7. I can't do it when actually lying down on my back I can do it sitting, or towards the end, standing up.
  8. Most importantly, the quality of orgasm is not so good. It just does not feel so, well, orgasmic, when I ejaculate.

But overall, I feel I have moved forward. Thanks to your site for the information! I will keep you posted. Meanwhile I carry on avoiding temptation to turn on to my front. I think avoiding going back to the prone position is key to progress.

You are making slow progress. I think going to the therapist and getting a bunch of advice to make the transition slowly was a waste of time and money. Everyone I have heard of who has been cured did it on their own. The hand movement becomes less rapid after you have been cured of TMS for a while. Everyone goes through that stage. It is good to use lube. Don't worry about that. I suggest you be more confident about having been cured and just try to reach orgasm whenever and wherever you want to. Pretty soon you won't remember that these things seemed like problems.


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