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HealthyStrokes.com
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February 27, 2002

I am a 27 year old male living in California. I never knew what the hell I had until I read your site last night. Believe it or not, I had not had sexual relations until last year, so yes, I was a virgin just a year ago. I don't have any brothers, but I do have a father, but he never told me how to masturbate the right way. You know this is an embarrassing subject to talk about, so you know you can't talk to your peers about this also. I always thought it was o.k. to masturbate facing down since it was so much easy for me to cum this way and plus it gives me great pleasure.

Well, the first girl I got involved with sexually was last year. She is not my girlfriend, but a good friend of mine, and she knew I was a virgin. So we had sex a few times in a few weeks' span and I did not cum once. She told me it was because I was thinking too much and that I was nervous, so I thought too. But actually the more times we got together, I felt very comfortable with her, but my penis felt even weaker -- not as hard as the first time I did it with her. I do and can maintain an erection for about 5 minutes and sometimes even 10 minutes but I just can't cum. When she performs oral sex on me, I always wear a condom, since I am afraid of diseases, but I can't feel a thing, hardly any sensation at all. I was thinking maybe its the rubber thats distracting me from feeling anything, but since I read your site, it's got to be TMS that I suffer.

I first masturbated by the age of 14 and have done so all the way up to my current age of 27. Usually when I was having sex with this young lady I knew we would be 2 hours having sex and nothing. I would do missionary, rear-entry, her on top and damn, nothing, but once I got home, I do the TMS thing you name and right away BAM withing a couple minutes I can ejaculate on my bed. I am very upset not knowing this 'til now, feel like punching the walls at my home. Damn, I'm pissed.

I was just about to make an appointment to see the doctor as to why I can't cum inside a woman, but luckily I found out reading your article here. But I still plan on getting a physical though, since its been a long time since I got one. I even went to a couple of escorts recently thinking well maybe the first girl I had sex with didn't get me excited enough since she is my friend, but they weren't able to get me off either. This is my first day abstaining from it. Also just so you know I abstained 4 days before the last escort I met, and still could not cum at all. Thats the longest I have gone in 13 years abstaining from masturbation.

I will abstain tonight just so you know. Also once I begin to masturbate the right way, how do I know what's normal time in order to ejacualate the right way and know I'm cured? How many minutes will it take me to get off? Can I do this every day once i get it right the first time or do I have to abstain again some more. Thanks for your help, I will be keeping in touch with you through my progress, hope you'll be there to help me. Thanks.

Response and comment:

First things first: It's a bad idea to go to prostitutes to expect help in curing your sexual difficulties. Prostitutes generally cause sexual problems and don't fix them. They only want you to reach orgasm as quickly as possible so they can leave. That's not a normal way of relating to women. They're also a source of venereal diseases.

In response to your question, you should be able to reach orgasm by masturbation in 5 to 10 minutes. If you're very young -- or have been abstaining from ejaculation for 5 days or more -- it might not take even that long. 10 minutes is a good target time. If it takes longer than 15 minutes, that might be a sign of mental distraction that's interfering with your masturbation. Turning off TV, radio, etc. will help you focus on what you're doing, and using a sexual fantasy (and often pictures) helps to speed things up. A sign that you're masturbating in a healthy fashion is that you recognize that orgasm is imminent but consciously decide to put it off for a while so you can enjoy masturbating longer.

Once you've had your first success in masturbating with your hand, you'll need to abstain again until you're at the point where you can do it with your hand again. After a few cycles like this, your penis will be better adapted to the sensations your hand provides. Soon you'll be able to masturbate with your hand as frequently as you were TMS-style.


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