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Issues about masturbatory privacy: Getting "caught"

Nearly everyone agrees that masturbating should only be done in private, and do so. Nearly everyone would be mortified to be accidentally discovered masturbating, or to accidentally discover someone masturbating. This is an issue everyone worries about. People often delay or postpone masturbation when they feel they lack privacy, and people often stop masturbating while painfully close to orgasm when they hear a sound that threatens their privacy.

Concerns that someone will discover them masturbating are justified; more than half of those surveyed have said someone has accidentally discovered them masturbating at least once. Even people who have little guilt about masturbating in general feel ashamed to be discovered in the act; most refer to it as being "caught," as though they were doing something immoral or illegal.

Yet, there seems to be no consequence of being discovered. Few of the people who walk in on a masturbation session say anything about it, generally being too embarrassed themselves to say anything. Most of the people who discover someone masturbating are older and experienced with the practice themselves.

Being discovered by a spouse is different from being discovered by someone else, because the spouse is usually more concerned about the impact of a partner's masturbation on the couple's sexual life than about the act itself. This article, therefore, is concerned with being discovered by persons other than spouse or exclusive sexual partner.

Males are more likely than females to be discovered, if only due to the increased frequency at which males masturbate.

Another page on this site deals with privacy for masturbating in dorms and other shared living situations.

Here are some actual questions from readers of this site and the author's replies.

I walked in on my brother who is 16 masturbating to photos of my girlfriend. I wanted to punch him but I calmed down and realized that he can fantasize about anybody while he pleasures himself. Did I make a good decision? (age 24)

I'm glad you didn't punch your little brother. You would be within your rights telling him it bothers you that he was masturbating over photos of your girlfriend. You might also apologize for walking in on him.

I was masturbating after coming back from school last week, when my sister's friend, who is 21, saw me. She was at her window and I had not realized that the blinds were not closed entirely. I know I should have been more careful but now that it has happened, I am feeling very awkward when she drops in to visit my sister. While she is totally normal in her behavior, I am feeling ill at ease. Should I apologize to her or just let it be? (age 15)

I think you should just tell her you'll make sure your blinds are closed from now on. I think saying that will make you less ill at ease.

I was masturbating to (non-nude) photos of my older stepsister on my computer when suddenly she walked in and saw. I want to apologize and don't know what to say. (age 17)

Tell her it was a mistake and it will never happen again. Then make sure it doesn't.

I walked in on my younger brother, who is 11, masturbating over the internet with his friend. Now things are awkward between us. How can I break the ice? His friend also visits our house often, and he could also be embarrassed. (age 13)

Since you are the older one, it is your duty to break the ice. The situation you describe is complicated because it involves another boy and the internet. The easy part is to simply tell your brother that masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. The more difficult part is telling him it's dangerous to masturbate or even to show his private parts on video. He can't always be sure who's seeing what he's putting on video. That behavior should very much be discouraged, especially at his age. It is not your responsibility to say anything to his friend, so instead of saying anything about masturbation, I would encourage you to just be friendly as usual and not say anything about the incident.

I've read your page about being caught, and everyone seems to be horrified that it happened to them. I want to be caught! I think it would be exciting. I've starting keeping my door slightly ajar in hopes that someone will walk in. Do you think it will excite me when someone walks in? Will I be able to fantasize about that moment forever? (age 16)

I have never heard about anyone fantasizing about the time their mom or sister walked in on them masturbating. It will probably not be exciting or something to fantasize about, but it will be something that will have an impact and that you will remember for decades. I know this because I frequently hear from people who write me that they still haven't gotten over being caught 30 or 40 years ago. Instead of trying to bring about what will probably not live up to what you're expecting, why don't you show respect for your family members and keep your door closed and preferably locked.

My cousins are visiting for Christmas. On Christmas morning, I was masturbating in bed when one of my cousins, who is 13, barged into my room without knocking. I am completely embarrassed. I don't know what to say to her or anyone else. I would like to curl up into a ball and die. (female, age 16)

Merry Christmas! Your cousin will probably not say anything, and you don't need to either. It is your room and your cousin is the one who entered without knocking. That makes her the one in the wrong. At her age, there is a good chance she masturbates herself. Just be yourself and hold your head high. Be thankful you have cousins you can spend the holiday with.

How can I ask my mom if she saw me masturbating? I think she did and I don't know to make her understand that it's normal. (female, age 15)

Your mom knows that masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and the odds are she's practiced it herself for decades, starting before you were born. There is no reason to ask her if she saw.

I was on an overnight trip with some guys from my college. On the second night, I couldn't sleep and thought it would be best if I masturbated to help me sleep. I think the guy who was across the room from me sleeping on the couch figured out what I was doing. He hasn't said anything and neither have I. What should I do? (age 20)

He hasn't said anything, and he won't. Neither should you. You don't owe anyone an explanation for masturbating. It's normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. And it's good for getting to sleep!

I was masturbating in bed the other day with no pants on and I started to fall asleep with my lubed hand down there. My mom walked in unexpectedly and I got fully awake and pulled back and said, "I was doing something." I was surprised I said that and my mom went out quickly. Do you think she knew I was almost asleep and knew what I had been doing even though there wasn't any movement when she came in and I wasn't erect at that moment? (age 17)

Yes, I think she knew what you were doing and would have known even if you hadn't said you were doing something. I think you're growing up, because a younger male might have insisted he wasn't doing anything even when his arm was moving wildly.

I keep a pair of underwear behind my night stand to clean up with after masturbating. My dad found it and put it in the hamper. Do you think he knows I masturbate? He hasn't said anything. (age 14)

I don't think he will say anything, and you don't have to either. I don't know if he knows you masturbate, but he knows that the majority of boys are masturbating at your age. He was your age some years ago. I suggest keeping your cleanup rag in a more private place than the floor.

Today I was masturbating and just as I reached orgasm and squirted, my 15-year-old sister walked in. How do I explain this to her? (age 19)

You don't need to say anything. At 15, she certainly knows about masturbation and likely practices it herself. If you want to explain the squirting, you can tell her that some women have a release of fluid when they orgasm.

After an exhausting day, I was lying in bed masturbating, when my dad barged into my bedroom without knocking. I quickly covered up, and I don't think he saw anything. I did what he told me to do, and then I got back in bed and finished. This is the first time I have come close to being caught. How can I tell him to knock before coming in? (age 14)

I am inclined to think he did see what you were doing. He will probably be more careful before barging in from now on. He knows that at your age, nearly all boys masturbate. It wouldn't hurt anything for you to ask him to knock before entering.

My older sister saw that there were tissues that I used to clean up after masturbating under my bed. Do you think she knows I masturbate? (age 14)

She can know something only if it's impossible for her to be mistaken about it.

Recently, I was masturbating in bed at night, and my mom walked in. I covered up as quickly as possible, but she saw what I was doing. There isn't any way for me to masturbate when everyone is asleep, because my mom stays up pretty late, and I go to bed pretty early. (age 13)

Now that your mom knows for sure that you masturbate, there isn't any reason to worry about being caught. If it really bothers you, why not try masturbating first thing in the morning, especially if she isn't up.

I was properly caught masturbating today when my dad walked in on me with my shorts down and hand on my penis. I was lying on my chair watching porn on my PC for the very first time, because someone is usually always home, but today everyone was gone, and my dad who was coming home first, said he'd be back in a few hours, but just after I put my headphones on and the audio came through, he walked past my open room. I think it was funny to him and to me as well, because he walked away straight away and we both silently laughed. How do I go about talking to him about this moment so our relationship doesn't stay too awkward? (age 15)

I don't think you need to say anything, and I doubt he will either. Masturbating with your door open is always risky, and so is masturbating wearing headphones. You can't be fully aware of who's approaching you when you wear them.

My mom caught me masturbating one night and she got really mad. She saw me with my fingers up my vagina. She said that masturbation is bad and unhealthy. She started getting mad at me for other stuff that I do like staying up late and not eating properly. She's passive-aggressive. I'm too ashamed to even look at her. How do I deal with this? (age 20)

You are an adult and get to decide how often you will masturbate, how late you will stay up, and what you will eat. As a reader of, you know that masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun. I have a feeling your mom knows that too but was feeling embarrassed about having walked in on you. Look her right in the eye and say hi as you go about your life.

When I was 11, I fell asleep in the middle of masturbating. My mom had to tuck me back in. I still don't know what to do to this day. What should I have done? (age 13)

Don't worry about it. She didn't know for sure that you were masturbating. And if she guessed you were, she guessed correctly. Enjoy masturbating and don't worry that someone else knows.

I was in the bathroom one afternoon. I thought that my mother was asleep in the other room. We are not allowed to lock the door, so I only shut the door and started to masturbate. As I finished, a drop of semen fell on the bed. I was going to clean it with some paper before it got soaked by the blanket. Then my mother entered the room. I left the paper on the semen to cover it. Some days later, my mother said I could lock the door if there is noise outside. Did she catch me that day? What can I do now? (age 18)

You're a grownup. Act like one. Your mother didn't catch you, but she knows you masturbate. I suggest you masturbate frequently as if you don't care if your mother knows.

Sometimes in the mornings I like to masturbate with the shower running and me just outside of it. It usually takes me about 20 minutes to masturbate and then 10 to actually shower. Then my parents say I took too long and ask, "what were you doing in there?" Do you think they know I masturbate? (age 14)

If they don't know, they could guess correctly. 30 minutes is an extremely long time to run the shower. Most guys get accused of masturbating after only 10 minutes in the shower. I would suggest not doing that in the morning, when demand for the bathroom and for hot water is at its peak.

I was nearly caught when I was 12. I had found some porn on my dad's USB drive and there was where I learned about sex and masturbation. I had been masturbating for a year then. I sat down on the bed, and I removed my trousers. My father had just gone to pick up my mom from work. I usually start the TV so no one suspects me. I usually close the main door but I forgot. I was seeing some naked women's pics while masturbating and suddenly my dad came up to find his phone that he left home. I rolled back in the bed, telling him that I was changing my clothes, but he quickly ran away by taking his phone because he had to pick up my mom. Does he knows that I was masturbating? (age 15)

Yes, he definitely did. You were caught.

I have been masturbating at bedtime nearly every night since I was five or six. My grandma has to live with us now, so I had to move into a bedroom already shared by my two older sisters. There isn't any privacy here anymore. When I was younger, and occasionally had to share rooms with them, I was caught masturbating, even after I thought they were both asleep. I try to masturbate in the shower sometimes, but it is not nearly the same. I am worried my sisters will know that I am masturbating if my shower is really long. It's still not the same as lying in my own bed, under my own blanket. (age 14)

By your own report, your sisters already know you masturbate. Since they are older, they probably masturbate themselves. You could probably work out a plan so that you can each have privacy in the room sometimes. I suggest you read my page about masturbating in college dorms for ideas about how roommates handle this situation. Everyone will have less privacy now that there is another person in your house. Your sisters will probably be relieved that you suggested making a plan.

I was masturbating in my room downstairs. I forgot to close the blinds and in the middle of it, I saw a man that was working on the house. I quickly jumped up. I acted like I was doing nothing but I think he saw me. What do I do? (age 13)

Just try to do better next time.

I was in my basement jerking off and I had my phone on looking at bikini models when all of a sudden I see my dad creeping around the corner. I tried to pull up my pants but he saw my hand down my pants. Do you think he caught me or no? Heís been really chill and hasnít said anything about it. Is it OK for me to be masturbating at this age? Thanks so much! (age 13)

It is very OK for you to be masturbating at your age, because most males start at or before your current age. I have to believe your dad knew what you were doing. Now that he knows, maybe you'll feel more free to do it in your bedroom instead of hiding out in the basement.

When I was 14, my uncle who was in college at the time was visiting us. It was a school afternoon, so my parents were at work and my sister was at volleyball practice so he and I were the only ones home. I forgot to close my door. As I was vigorously masturbating, he walked in and laughed for a second and said, "I'll be back. Iím going to get pizza." When he came back, he walked back in assuming I was done but I wasn't. I was still masturbating. It was an interesting day. (age 16)

We live in interesting times.

I started masturbating earlier than most boys, at age 10. Back then I didn't even know what it was called. I was caught in the act by my cousin who is 5 years older. She didn't tell on me and we both got comfortable in each other's presence. Whenever she used to drop in and we had privacy, I did it while she watched me from start to finish. Two weeks ago, she got naked in my room and we both masturbated while watching the other. Is it OK? (age 13)

No, that is not OK. It would be OK if you were about a year different in age, but she is an adult now and you are still a young teen. Tell her you can't do that any longer -- or at least not until you're of legal age. If she persists, tell your parents.

My girlfriend was at my house and she decided to sleep over. We stayed up until 1 watching a movie. After the movie we kissed and she went to sleep. I put an extra mattress down to sleep on and she was sleeping on the bed.

After 20 minutes I still couldn't sleep and was really horny. I decided to masturbate. I slowly started stroking my penis. My eyes were closed and I was going at it for about 5 minutes when I heard the bed move. I opened my eyes and noticed her looking directly at me. I pulled up my pants as fast as I could and she just stayed there not saying anything. I was so embarrassed. She told me to come up onto the bed. We started making out. This was the first time we actually ever made out. Previously we just kissed and nothing else. Then she helped me masturbate with her hand and I helped her too. Do you think we should have made out and done all of that or are we too young? We cleaned up and both slept on the bed while cuddling. (age 16)

What a great story! I think you're just the right age for what you did.

I was naked at my bedroom computer and was masturbating with some porn. The door was closed and just as I was starting to orgram, Mom asked what I was doing. I swung around and ejaculated. Once I finished, Mom said clean yourself up and come down for dinner. Am I in trouble? (age 17)

No, I think you'll be fine. You are 17 and almost an adult. Even if you were 12, I think your mom would have to accept that you masturbate.

I was watching porn and masturbating when I heard that my mom was awake. I thought that I turned off my computer so I lay in my bed and pretended that I was asleep. However my computer didn't turn off and some very loud porn ad popped up on the screen and my mom entered in my room to turn it off. I noticed in the morning that her oil lotion was on my desk and paper tissues (I forgot to hide it). Do you think that my mom knows that I am masturbating? (age 15)

Yes, I think she does.

I share a room with my older brother. He's walked in just as I had finished cleaning up the mess and everything was back to normal. But I'm so afraid that he will catch me in the act, and our door doesn't even lock. Any ideas? (age 13)

Since he is older, it is almost certain that he also masturbates. Why don't you say to him, "I would like to be able to be alone in our room for about ___ minutes every ____ days." He also wants private time and will be relieved to learn that you need it too.

I've been masturbating enthusiastically since the age of 11, and I have a healthy attitude about it, I think. I'm not ashamed about it, and I'm open about masturbating with women I've been with, and I have masturbated for and with them on many occasions.

I've also been caught a few times over the years, by roommates in college, of course, girlfriends, and (one terrible time) by a girlfriend's mother.

Two weeks ago it happened again but it was different this time. My girlfriend's roommate came home early from work and saw me sprawled out in the living room masturbating. I looked up and there she was, grinning, but not turning away! There was nothing handy to cover myself with, so I just made a joke, like "This is not what it looks like!" She stood there for a long minute, still grinning, but not saying anything. I'm not sure what came over me but I decided to keep going, even stretching it out for about ten minutes. "You're a bad boy," she said quietly and left. It was the most exciting thing I ever did!

I want to do it more! I want her to catch me, their friends to catch me, my ex-girlfriend's mother to catch me! How can I indulge this new enthusiasm for getting caught without getting in trouble? It's about all I think about these days! (age 28)

If you're doing it in a private space, you will probably not get in trouble, but if you're doing it either in public or in a space you are not welcome, you could end up with a criminal record. It can't be worth it.

I was about 14 and I shared a bedroom with an older brother, but he was often out late at night, especially weekends. I always left the lights on while I masturbated. I liked to watch my penis while I did it completely naked. I felt as though I was completely safe even though my bedroom door had no lock. It was always late and the house was totally asleep. So there I was sitting on my bed masturbating when my mom just popped into the room out of the blue! Nobody was ever up at this time of night except me so it was a total surprise. I was completely naked on my bed with the lights on. She saw exactly what I was doing. It surprised her as well. She just said "Oops!" and closed the door. She waited for a little bit and then gently knocked on the door. I was mortified, and now to make things worse, I was sure she was going to confront me about it. But I had to open the door. She acted totally unfazed. As I stood there in my underwear, she just looked me in the eyes and said: "Sorry I didn't knock first." I always appreciated her reaction. Without talking about it, she somehow conveyed that it was OK, and that it was nothing to be worried about. She never mentioned it again. (age 54)

Thanks for letting us know what it was like to be caught in the 1970s!

I was at my friend's house for a sleepover. I woke up around midnight, and I looked over and saw one of my friends masturbating. He saw me looking and gestures that we go out of the room. I said, "It's fine that you masturbate, but I'd like it if you did it alone." Was this the right course of action? (age 15)

Yes, but it also would have been OK to simply ignore what he was doing and not say anything. I think that's what most people would have done.

I think my parents heard me making noise while masturbating. I thought that they were at the grocery store, but they came back early and I’m pretty sure they heard me. I am extremely embarrassed And I’m scared to come out of my room. What should I do? (female, age 15)

You should come out of your room and just be yourself. Don't worry about what they might have heard. They won't say anything and you don't need to either.

I almost got caught masturbating. I was playing with some sex toys and I thought my parents wouldn't be home for a lot longer. I was watching porn and had just ejaculated when I heard my mom walking down the hall. I slammed my laptop and ran to my door. I was naked and she just walked in front of my door. She asked me what I was watching and I said nothing special and that I was getting changed. I'm pretty sure she knew what I was doing but she was acting cool afterward. (age 14)

Acting cool? I think she is cool!

I was alone at home, because my mom and sister were out. I decided to watch Playboy TV on the large screen TV in our living room. I fell asleep after I was through masturbating. The next thing I remember is that I was covered by a blanket and that my mom and sister, who is 19, were in the kitchen preparing breakfast and the TV was turned on, but it was a different channel. What should I do? (age 17)

Just be more careful in the future. Your mom and sister already knew (or could correctly guess) that you masturbate. There is no need to say anything about it.

I had just discovered masturbation, after itching my crotch while there was Vaseline on my finger (for my lips), when it felt really good to touch it. The next day I started to masturbate and my mom opened up the front door. She saw me with Vaseline, tissues, bed sheets open, and a picture of a girl I like. I was standing in my underwear saying that I was "changing." When she saw the Vaseline she asked if it was for "personal use." She then asked how long has this been going on, and I said 6 months. Is it healthy to use Vaseline? Should I talk to my mom, how about dad? Is it OK if I have a picture of a girl that I like? (age 12)

There is nothing unhealthy about Vaseline. As you get older, you will probably prefer using a water-based lube to an oil-based one like Vaseline. It is fine if you want to talk to your parents and also fine if you don't. It is nice to have pictures of girls that you like and even better to have such pictures inside your imagination where no one else can see them.

I came back from school earlier than usual and caught my 15-year-old brother masturbating in the living room. I shouted, "Ewwwwww! That is gross!" and I ran to my room. When I closed the door, I told him to finish what he started and that I will not leave my room. I don't know whether he finished or not, but the rest of the day he avoided me. How can I relax? (female, age 16)

The best way to relax is to grow up. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun. It is practiced by all males and most females your age. You could have simply excused yourself and not accused him of being gross. It is not your business whether he finished or not. The only thing that needs to be resolved is whether it's OK to masturbate in the living room. Other than that, you don't need to say anything.

I was walked in on by my dad once. I was 11, I had just learned to masturbate, and I was taking a nice long, relaxing bath. I figured it was the perfect time to have some time to myself, especially since I couldn't ejaculate yet. I had my eyes closed, was lying back, masturbating, and after I finished, I opened my eyes to see my dad standing in the doorway. He just laughed, walked out, and closed the door. I got the sex talk shortly after that. (age 17)

You might not have liked when it happened, but I think that's not a bad experience for you. I hope it made you more careful in the six years since.

I went to my friend's house and just walked in (like I always do) and he was jerking off. He turned and saw me and freaked out. I said, "Dude, it's fine. All guys do it." After that everything was cool. A few weeks later, I slept over and felt like masturbating and I think he suspected. He suggested we do it together. Do guys do that? Is it OK? (age 16)

It is up to you to decide what is OK for you. Some males indeed do just that. I suspect it is more common at 12 or 13 than at your age. Because you're asking me, I don't believe you're comfortable masturbating with him. You might avoid this subject in the future by deciding in advance that you won't masturbate at his house.

My sister who is 17 caught me in my bed masturbating with my phone as a visual aid and she ran out of my room yelling that I am bad and she told my family and her friends that I am a freak and I donít know what to say to make her stop telling people because now I look like a bad kid to everyone. (age 13)

Your sister is the one who looks like a bad kid. Your family and her friends know that nearly all boys your age masturbate. I think you should just wait for this to blow over and be forgotten.

I am an Indian and a very religious person. I maintain a lot of self-control regarding sexual matters. But I am also aware of the biological need to masturbate, so I do it only when I get a strong urge. Days back, I was enjoying some solitary time at home (family out) and felt the need to jerk. I usually masturbate roaming around naked in the house and many times near shut windows. This time I was doing it very close to the window (that feeling of masturbating in front of people but also w/o their knowledge is something I personally enjoy). But just in the act, I realized that anyone could see through the window! I live in a dense neighbourhood and the apartment next to me is full of people who can easily see the stuff going inside. I feel so embarrassed. I am staying at my friend's right now, and keeping away from my residence. I can't face it since this is not something you want to face, especially as a bearded adult in Indian neighbourhoods where old, young, women, men, kids everyone can see you. And now I know why those apartment neighbours weirded out everytime I stood in the balcony, because I have been doing this for a long time now! I fear one of those neighbours would knock my doors and tell it to my parents. I am not at all an indecent person. (age 25)

You don't know for sure that anyone saw. Just go back home and don't masturbate in front of uncovered windows anymore. I also think you're not being much of an adult by being so afraid of your parents finding out you masturbate. They already know, I promise. So you need not practice it only when everyone is out.

My brother, who is 13, caught me masturbating in my bedroom four days ago and he was cool about it but now he wants me to show him how to masturbate and do it with him and if I don't, he's going to tell people. Now I feel really awkward around him and don't want either situation. What should I do? (age 16)

Your brother will not tell anyone that you masturbate. That would make him look childish. Anyway, everyone you know already knows (or could correctly guess) that you masturbate, because all males do it past puberty. It's OK for you to tell your brother how to masturbate (or show him the page for young males here on but I draw the line at showing him anything or doing it together. Be the bigger brother and don't be intimidated by his worthless threat.

I was watching with videos on YouTube with my 16-year-old brother. I wanted to show him one video that I downloaded earlier. I started video player in order to find it in the history. As soon as I started video player, it played a video of a naked busty blonde who was masturbating. I tried to shut down video, but I couldn't so it continued to play for the next 15-30 seconds. My brother was very ashamed and he went out of our room. Now he avoids me. (female, age 18)

I think you should just wait until it blows over.

I was masturbating on the toilet in my bathroom while watching porn on my cell phone. I had earbuds in so I didn't hear my mom coming into the bathroom. There was a wall next to me. I shut off my phone quickly. Do you think she knows what I was doing? (age 14)

Of course she did! You were totally caught.

I was caught masturbating by my 20 year old sister who barged in to ask me if I did a chore at almost midnight. I don't want to confront her about it now and am weirded it out by it. (age 16)

It happens. Your sister is likely embarrassed too and there is no reason to talk about it. With any luck, she won't do that again.

I was 12 years old and as soon as I had my first wet dream, I couldn't stop jerking off. I was obsessed with my penis and would masturbate before I fell asleep and often woke up in the middle of the night and jerked off again. I had twin beds in my room. I slept by the window with the windows and curtains open. Moonlight and street lights illuminated the room. At some point during the night, my father must have been unable to sleep and come into the room to sleep in the other bed. I didn't notice. It was a hot summer night so I had the sheets kicked to the floor and my pajama bottoms pulled off. I was stroking slowly at first. I began stroking harder and faster and my bed was squeaking. Faster and faster until my ejaculation shot in the air in the light of the moon. Then I heard my Dad in the next bed to me and I froze. He got out of bed and walked out of the room and closed the door. I was embarrassed, and in the morning I tried to avoid my father before he went to work. He knocked on my bedroom door and came inside. He very calmly said that what I had been doing was "absolutely all right to do, but next time, just lock your door." I nodded my head. I took his advice from then on. I have had lots of years of fun jacking off ever since. Thanks Dad! (age 62)

That was a very long time ago! Congratulations of 50 years of masturbating.

When I was 11 I started masturbating. I was 12, and it was Thanksgiving. My family usually has a thanksgiving breakfast and dinner, where all my cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents come over to share a huge feast. That morning I woke up horny so I took one of those silicone strings with little bulbs all down it and put it up my vagina. Then I placed a vibrator on my clitoris. I was having a HUGE orgasm and I didn't know whether to stop or not. I tried stopping but I couldn't. Suddenly I heard "gross" come from outside my door and saw my 15 year old male cousin watching. I quickly dropped the vibrator. I flipped my blanket on top of me and yelled, "Get out!" He ran down the hallway and back upstairs. I cleaned myself up and took a quick shower. When I got out, it was breakfast time. I was so nervous to go up but it would be suspicious not to. I slowly walked up the stairs and my cousin ran down and grabbed me by my shoulder and turned me around. "I am so sorry that I intruded!! You can watch me masturbate if you want to." I was so mad and embarrassed so I decided to say yes, because I wanted payback. We went back to my room and he lay on my beanbag. He starting to masturbate and a bit of liquid started to shoot out. Then my aunt came in and yelled "What is wrong with you guys?!?!" I was so embarrassed. I just wanted to die. Any tips? (age 17)

Your masturbation was very advanced for 12. I hope that was the only time you and your cousin ever watched each other. Since it has been five years, I think it is best if you not say anything to anyone about that incident.

I am unmarried and a virgin and I always feel the need to masturbate daily. Recently my younger sister who is 22 caught me masturbating and told me that she never masturbates as she doesn't feel any desire and only dirty boys do it. Do girls never masturbate? (age 31)

All males past puberty masturbate often. It does not make anyone dirty to masturbate. Most women your sister's age also masturbate, although not as often as men. It is OK if you want to masturbate, even every day. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. You are too old to be a virgin and ought to work on becoming sexually active soon.

My mom found in the browser history. Only she and I use this computer. Do you think that she suspects that I am masturbating? I am so ashamed now. (age 14)

As a reader of, you know that masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. You also know that at 14, nearly all boys are masturbating and have been for over a year. I don't know what your mother suspects. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and I hope you will continue reading and keep writing.

One night I tried masturbating but couldnít get over the edge and ended up falling asleep with my pants down. The next morning, I didnít hear anything from my parents about it, but I am still worried that they saw me like that. (age 13)

Don't worry about that. If they saw you, they didn't necessarily know that you were masturbating. You could always tell them that you lowered your pants because you were hot.

I'm an only child living with my grandparents. I masturbate a lot but how haven't I been caught yet? (age 13)

You're pretty young. It's not until age 29 that a majority of males have been caught. Maybe your grandparents are respectful of your privacy. Reading this page will help you understand how others got discovered and how you can keep it from happening to you.

I still cringe when I think of something that happened years ago. I was 15 and was standing naked masturbating in front of the full-length mirror in the jack and jill bathroom in our family home. I was just about to ejaculate when my younger sister (age 13) suddenly burst in and saw me start to ejaculate. I was not in a position to hide what was going on when she suddenly was there right in front of me. After hurriedly ejaculating, I scolded her and told her to get out, which she did. I donít think she knew what I was doing, but we never said a word about it thereafter. It was traumatic enough at the time though that as she got older she probably figured it out. I now still suffer over what happened and she most likely forgot about it years ago. For the good of my own mental health, would you recommend we talk about the incident now that we are adults or just leave things as is? (age 46)

There is absolutely no reason to bring that up with her now. You've shared it with me and my readers. I hope that catharsis will be good for your mental health.

I was lying down watching porn in the bathroom while the shower was on waiting for the water to become warm. I was jerking off and about to orgasm when my mom entered the room connected to the bathroom. The guy in the porn moans super loudly, and I quickly shut my off computer. I don't know if this counts as getting caught because I don't know what my mom heard, but it was super embarrassing in the moment. (age 14)

You weren't technically caught, but you now have one more reason why you are better off using your imagination instead of porn.

Recently my cousin who is 15 spent the night. He slept on the bed downstairs. I got under the bed to attempt to scare him when he woke up. Suddenly it sounded like he was jacking off. So I made a beep sound and he stopped and said my name. I got out from under the bed affter two minutes or so to make sure he pulled his pants up. He sounded really nervous and asked how long I was under the bed. I said about 15 minutes or so. He didn't say much so I don't know if that was OK? (age 13)

Of course it wasn't OK. You invaded his privacy to scare him and you succeeded more than you had hoped. Do unto others...

I have been with the same girl since 5th grade and I really love her and everything was great. She came over to my house one day and my stupid self was turned on for no reason. So I went to my room to masturbate. I locked the door, and apparently it didn't latch properly. So I was sitting on my beanbag masturbating and I heard her walk over to my room and I was calm because I thought it was locked. I heard her knock, and as I was saying "I'll be right out," she just walked in. I have never seen a door shut so fast in my life. And I was so embarrassed I sat there for a minute in shock and I didn't want to come out of my room.

When I eventually did, she had to go do something with her family and I was totally OK with that because I was still really embarrassed. The next day I went over to her house and I was still kind of embarrassed but I tried to get over it because I didn't wanna be rude. Then out of nowhere she says if I want to, I can watch her masturbate and that she was sorry for yesterday. I really, really, really want to say yes. Can you please tell me if this is OK to do? She is 13 as well. (age 13)

I'm sorry you were caught and were both embarrassed. But two wrongs don't make a right. Watching her masturbate is very advanced for 13. I don't think you should do it. Just tell her you understand why it happened and that you're willing to forget about it.

My best friend sleeps over and we have twin beds and we tell naughty stories to each other and masturbate under the covers. A couple of weeks ago we were doing this but too loudly as my brother barged in asking what we were doing. I yelled at him to get out but he ignored me. I know he knew what we were doing.

My friend laughed and said, "will you promise to leave if I let you see?" He went silent but nodded and before I had a chance to look away, she pulled the covers back revealing her fingering herself! My brother stood there for a few seconds before she pulled the covers back and told him to get lost. He almost ran out of the room.

She apologized to me for showing herself. (age 16)

That's quite a story. Now you know what can happen when you are too loud and have an extrovert in the room with you.

I need quite a lot of stimulation to orgasm and my boyfriend isnít very well endowed. I donít ask but he makes up for this by frequently going down on me before sex. Although I often tell him it doesnít matter, he is quite self conscious of his size. He knows I masturbate but doesnít know I have a few toys as I donít want to make him even more self conscious.

Weíve had a really busy few weeks and not had time or energy to make love nor have I masturbated. Last weekend we didnít have to get up so after making out for a while my boyfriend started giving me head. Although I was extremely horny, I just wasnít getting there and after some time started to become uncomfortable so asked him to make love to me instead (foregoing my orgasm). Once he came, he wanted to doze for a while. I waited for a couple of minutes but still being horny slipped out of bed, collected my dildo from the bedside drawer and went to the bathroom.

I started having a shower and warmed up before sitting in the bath leaving the shower running on me to keep warm. As is my normal routine, I first masturbated by hand; then holding the dildo, before going onto my knees, I squatted using the suction cup to hold the dildo to the bottom of the tub. Then my boyfriend called from the bedroom. I knew that he was going to come in in a few seconds and probably ask if I wanted coffee. So with nowhere to quickly hide the toy, I sat down on it. However, the sudden deep thrust tipped me over the edge and I came. It was at this point that my boyfriend poked his head around the door. Seeing me hunched over in the bottom of the bath shaking, he assumed I had an accident and rushed over to help.

Although I told him I was fine, he tried to help me up. The suction cup held firm so as he lifted me, the dildo pulled out and was left wobbling with my fluids still on it. His face made me feel awful. He quickly apologized for disturbing me and left before I could open my mouth. I put a robe on and went to explain, but he kept saying that I didnít need to and it was fine, though I could tell it was not.

I feel problem was not that I was caught masturbating but that it was with that toy. Itís large, realistic and with a scrotum, so I can understand why he feels self conscious. Part of me just wants to throw the toy away so he will feel better; the the other half likes using it and getting that feeling. Do you have any advice? (age 23)

Nearly all males and many females masturbate frequently even when they're having intercourse. It wouldn't hurt to point that out. It might also help to say you weren't ready to have an orgasm when he was performing oral sex on you earlier and you didn't want him to do it any longer when he wanted to go back to sleep. Also, I have to ask -- does your bathroom door not have a lock?

Recently I had my girlfriend who is also 14 over. I'm not going to go into great detail about how and why, but she caught me masturbating. Later that day she texted that she was sorry and that I could watch her masturbate since she caught me. Is that OK? Can I accept that? (age 14)

I feel left out that you won't say how and why. This page is all about people sharing all the details about how they got caught. We can all relate to those stories, and they're fun to read. Most guys your age would be delighted to the moon and back to watch their girlfriends masturbate. Just be clear you agree beforehand that you aren't going to have sex, since it would be very easy to escalate in that moment. If you are going to have sex, then use protection.

One of my closest friends has been staying over for a few days. We are really comfortable with our sexuality and have seen each other naked countless times. On Tuesday evening, my friend was having a shower. I knocked on the door and asked if I could use the toilet. She was washing her hair but called back that it wasnít an issue so I let myself in. She had left the her towel on the toilet seat. As I moved it, a not unsubtle toy dropped onto the floor while my friend pulled the curtain telling me to hang on, obviously meaning to move the towel herself.

Seeing that I had seen her toy, she started apologizing, explaining that she wasnít getting there with her partner so needed a release but couldnít use a toy at home. As I went I out, I said I didn't expect her to get out of the shower for some time.

It was a while before she finished in the bathroom and walked out with a towel on her head. I called ďmy turnĒ and went into the shower for a combined wash and cum. That evening we both relaxed laughing and chattting has been the best for a long time. (age 22)

Good deal.

I was sitting next to my friend in class and his desk was shaking. I looked and he was masturbating. I told him I saw and he denies it. Everything is awkward around him now. Should I do anything? I was told heís still doing it by another friend. (age 12)

You already told him what you saw. He's the one in denial. I think you should still be his friend and not say anything more about it.

A week ago, I was caught by my cousin's daughter who is 17. She closed the door immediately and has not mentioned it to me or anybody else. I feel really embarrassed to face her.

She is behaving differently now. I walked in on her in the bathroom wearing her underwear only. When my cousin or his wife is not around, she will sit in my room for her studies. I help her with them, but her dressing has become quite provocative. I don't need to make any effort to see her cleavage and she now wears very short tights barely covering her back portion. I am wondering what is going on and how should I handle this? (age 36)

You seem to think she is signalling that she wants to be sexual with you, but you express no interest in wanting to be sexual with her. If that's the case, then you should tell her you didn't mean for her to walk in on you or for you to walk in on her, but that you're not interested in being sexually involved with her. And that you'd appreciate it if she'd cover herself better when you're around.

I have wondered what my vulva and vagina look like if a guy were to perform cunnilingus on me, so I tried masturbating in front of a mirror. It's hard to get the right angle. My dad has a video conference camera for work that is hooked up to our family TV. If you turn it on but don't dial a number, it just shows on the TV what the people on the other end would see. Last night I was horny while in bed and decided to creep downstairs after everyone was asleep and use the camera and TV like a mirror.

It started really well. Instead of turning on the main light, I moved a small table lamp to the floor and put the camera on the coffee table. My heart was really pounding as I took my panties off and sat on them. (I was being really careful not to leave a wet patch.) With the camera between my legs, my vulva filled about half of the TV. I found this a real turn-on so I started masturbating while watching myself. The image has a little lag time which actually made it better.

I was getting faster when out of the corner of my eye I saw my brother coming down the stairs. In a panic, I just pulled the cable of the camera as I tried to cover up. Instead of going black, the picture just froze with an image of my held-open vulva and the words "no signal" at the bottom. My brother just stared at the image as I scrambled to find the remote. Finally turning the TV off, I ran past him to my room, pulling my top down to try to cover up.

This morning, my mom told me before breakfast that she had found the lamp and the camera had been moved and was going to call a family meeting to discuss it. She didn't mention my panties that I had left behind. I going to try and speak to my brother beforehand and explain what I was doing. Maybe he will cover for me. My parents will kill me if they knew, and I doubt they will believe I was just using it as a kind of home made porn. (age 18)

I wouldn't call it homemade porn. You were using it to see something you couldn't see without the camera. I don't think you did anything wrong. I think you should have done that in a locked room, preferably when no one else was home. You are an adult. I suspect your brother would understand, at least.

I was horny last week but after 20 minutes of masturbating I just couldnít get over the edge. I knew where my brother keeps his magazines so I decided to sneak in and have a look. Rather than borrowing it, I stupidly opened it up on his desk and masturbated in his room. A minute or so in, he came in and caught me with one hand turning a page and the other on my hairbrush that was half inside me. I screamed, dropped everything and ran out.

I know the mistake was mine but Iím so embarrassed. I havenít asked him for my hairbrush back which is my favorite one. Part of me hopes he didnít realise I was using it. What should I do? (age 16)

He absolutely knew you were masturbating and he knew you were doing it with the hairbrush. So you have nothing to lose by asking for the hairbrush back. I hope you apologized for using his room without permission. If not, now is a good time.

One night I was feeling horny so I decided to masturbate. When I was done, I fell asleep before I could pull up my pants. When I woke up, my mom and dad were awake but I couldn't tell if they had seen me. (age 14)

That isn't technically a story about getting caught, but I'm glad you had a satisfying time.

Last night I was taking the trash out, and you can see into a number of the rear apartments. Next door's kitchen light was on and the daughter there was perched on the counter with her undies around her ankles and I could see she was masturbating with some kind of object. I believe that everyone should masturbate as itís healthy but she was on show to anyone taking the trash out; plus she is quite young to be using an object of that size. I was going to talk to her mom but she is stern and I worry she might just get cross with her daughter.

Her daughter and mine go to dance class once a week. Do you think I should talk to the daughter directly? I know sheís not my kid but she needs friendly advice. I would do it by saying ďI was taking the trash out and you might want to do some things in your bedroom...Ē followed by something like ďdonít worry, my daughter does it too and itís perfecly normal. You can always talk to her about it.Ē My daughter is quite mature for her age and weíve discussed masturbation quite a bit including what not to use. She might be able to give next door's daughter a steer in the right direction. (age 36)

I don't think you should say anything to either the mother or the daughter. If your daughter is comfortable discussing it, then I don't see a problem with that. Never tell anyone that your offspring masturbates. There is never a good reason to do that. You could seriously undermine your relationship with your daughter by telling that. When I lived in an apartment building, I was always careful to never look into the windows of the other units, especially not the basement ones.

I was masturbating in my room the other day, when my minor neighbor girl saw me at it. She did not raise any alarm but continued staring at me until I was done. I wanted to close the curtains but strangely got turned on by her watching me intently until my ejaculation. Was it OK to do that? (age 17)

No, it wasn't. You should have covered up or closed the curtains as soon as you knew she was watching.

I didn't notice that the video clip of a girl that shows her breast was downloaded onto my desktop until my sister who is 14 told me. I was so ashamed. What should I do now? (age 16)

Be more careful about what you leave on the computer. You don't need to do anything else.

I got caught masturbating by my sister's friend whoís 13, and she said it was normal and she wouldnít tell and that she did it too and I could watch her if I wanted, but I didnít because I was afraid of getting caught. you said not to do anything sexual with her because sheís too young. But I thought about it a long time and I did it anyway. No one else was home but I let her in to wait for my sister and then I asked her about that night and asked if I could still watch her do it. She said OK so we went into my room and she took her pants down and I watched her rub between her legs against her vulva and she had an orgasm. Then she wanted to see me do it again so I did it in front of her sitting on my bed. It felt weird. But I had an orgasm too. So now weíve both seen the other masturbating and having an orgasm. We donít act weird around each other. If she asked Iíd do it with her again. (age 14)

There's no rule that says you have to follow my advice.

I was not directly caught in this scenario, but rather my paraphernalia was found. It was August, and I was waiting at my mother's for my dad to pick me up. He was an animal control officer at the time, so he drove around town for work. I enjoyed spending the day with him on duty, but this time was a little different.

When he picked me up from mom's place, he said the words no kid wants to hear from their parents, "We need to talk." Naturally, I was mortified, not even wanting to know what I did wrong. Things only felt worse when he spoke about what needed addressing. He said that the hot water stopped working in our house and since that needed to be fixed, he needed to go into my closet, where the water heater was.

On the side of my bed parallel to the wall, I have a backpack filled with sex toys. To get to the tank, my dad had to go onto that side of the bed to access my closet. He told me that he saw batteries strewn everywhere and bottles of lube under my bed. My jaw dropped. I thought this was it. This was the end. Some years ago, he told me that dependence on vibrators was a bad thing, and that I shouldn't have one, so I was reasonably worried as to how he'd react to this supposed disobedience.

However, to my utmost surprise, he smiled at me and said everything was OK. I was dumbfounded, red in the face, and incredulous at what he said. Was my strict father really saying this? He assured me that he wasn't mad, seeming to forget what he told me years ago, and let me know I should do a better job of cleaning my stuff up. The rest of the day was full of laughs, masturbation jokes, and ridiculous stories.

Best awkward conversation ever. (age 18)

I'm glad it was you and not me who had it.

One day when I was on vacation, my mom found her bottle of moisturizer in the bathroom I share with my brother. She asked if anyone knew why it was in her bathroom. I told her it was because I needed to moisturize my hands because they are always very rough and callused from construction and stuff. (It's not a total lie. I sometimes moisturise my hands.) Do you think she knows that I masturbate? (age 14)

If she doesn't know, she could guess correctly. That moisturizer might be very expensive, while ordinary lube for masturbation costs very little. Why not get some of your own?

I was looking at some porn pics and whacking it in my room with the door closed while my mom was watching a football game, so I thought Iíd be fine. She just barged in my room and saw me with my pants down looking at something. The pics were too small for her to see. She told me she would take my computer away if she ever saw that again and slammed the door. What should I do? (age 14)

Your mom doesn't want you looking at those pics, but she doesn't seem to have a problem with you masturbating.

I have a male roommate. He works but Iím currently between jobs so Iíve gotten into the habit of waiting until heís left the house, then having breakfast naked in the kitchen. Yesterday I did the same routine. I heard him leave so I went into the kitchen and sat on a stool at the counter eating cereal and reading my book. There was an arousing scene so unthinkingly I started masturbating. I heard a noise and looked up to see my roommate transfixed by his door. I quickly crossed my legs and arms but the way I was positioned on the stool, there was no way he didnít see absolutely everything.

I quickly ran to my room and he was gone my the time I ventured back out. I only saw him briefly last night so havenít talked to him. I know I need to talk to him but Iím 24 and feel like I was acting like a horny teenager flicking my bean where I was. How do I explain to him? (age 24)

It's your house too and you thought he had gone out. I don't know why you need to explain anything. Unless he complains, just let the matter drop. And be more discreet.

I usually masturbate while looking at pictures of nude girls on the internet. My mom bought a cable TV premium package with porn channels. I guessed the password last night and it worked. I felt amazing. I sat on the couch and started to masturbate. I thought my mom was asleep, but she was with her friend next door. She saw everything, but she closed the entrance door and asked me if she could come in. I told her to come in, but I ran into my room after shutting off the TV. What should I do now? (age 16)

If she doesn't want you to watch porn and none of the adults in the house want it, she will cancel those channels, and if they do, she will change the password. If you want porn access, you'll have to ask one of the adults. I doubt your mom has any problem with you masturbating.

It's been very hard to masturbate in my house because of my younger sister and older brother always being there and barely ever leaving the house. I usually do it at night but my brother would stay up late playing video games in our room. We have an above-ground pool and I decided that no one would expect me to masturbate there. My first time doing it in the pool, I was afraid that if I ejaculated in the pool, chlorine would get into my urethra. So I got out of the pool and stood off to the side to shoot my semen into the grass. Right as I was climaxing, my sister was walking next to the pool and saw me. I fell backward into the water to shield what I was doing. At the angle she saw me, it mustíve been hard to see what I was doing because the first question she asked when she climbed up the stairs to the deck was, ďwhy arent you wearing a bathing suit?Ē She saw it hanging on the rail and I said, ďI was skinny dipping and I was just taking a leak off the side of the pool,Ē and she bought it. If she came out a second earlier it could have been very embarrassing and hard to explain. (age 18)

I would suggest reading my page about masturbating in college dorms for ways you could get more privacy in your bedroom with your brother living there.

Was doing it on the bed, didn't lock the door. Heard door opening. Freaked out. Pulled up pants at breakneck speed. Somehow survived.

Your story is missing a lot, particularly the pronoun I. And what were you doing on the bed? You didn't say. And you would have survived even if you had been seen.

I was on my bed jerking off with my phone in one hand. My mom barged in without knocking and saw me and said, "what are you doing?" I was speechless. She just closed the door again and left and now it feels awkward. (age 21)

It ought to be no more awkward than it ever was. She is the one who barged in without knocking. Why not be an adult and pay for a lock on your door?

Today I was home alone and both my parents were out. I'd had a shower and I stayed naked lying on my bed, reading at first, then I put some earphones in to listen to music. After a while, I closed my eyes and started to masturbate. I like masturbating and have been doing it for years. I must have been doing it slowly for at least 20 minutes before my orgasm, then I lay there just feeling my wetness and calming down before removing the earphones and picking up my book again. After a minute or so, I heard a noise from downstairs so pulled on some shorts and a shirt and went down to see what it was. My mother was in the kitchen sorting things and putting things away. I said hi and we talked before I went back to my bedroom.

She called me back saying she wanted a little word with me, so I sat back down to listen and she told me that she'd been food shopping, had wanted a hand to empty the car and to put things away and as I'd not answered when she'd come in. She'd come upstairs to find me, and my bedroom door was open a little so she'd knocked and put her head around to see where I was. At that point I knew I'd been caught, and all I could do was say "Oh, I see," and I looked down at the counter in total embarrassment and just wanted to crawl away. There was a pause of about 5 seconds before my mom said, "I've often wondered if you masturbate. When I was your age, I used to do it all the time." I looked up at my her in total surprise and said "What? You're not mad at me then?" "Mad?" she said, "No, why would I be mad? Masturbation is normal, everyone does it, and yes, even I still do it sometimes, and I'm very happy that you enjoy your body." I wasn't sure I was hearing right. In the end I felt very happy about everything and not embarrassed at all. The last thing she said was that next time I should make sure the door is shut completely, or maybe even lock it if I don't want to be disturbed. My mom has got to be the coolest person I know. (female, age 16)

That is a cool story, and both you and your mom are cool!

I was not caught masturbating but my neighbor kid (who is 12) saw me topless when I was changing in my room. I was hurriedly changing after school and had not closed the blinds. After some moments I realized it was this boy. I don't know what came over me but I turned around and showed myself to him more clearly and even got a kick out of the whole act. Later I was quite embarrassed thinking about it. He smiles at me every day now when we meet. Is it OK for me to repeat the act? (age 16)

It is definitely not OK and might even be a crime that can get you on the sex offender registry.

A few months ago, I was foolishly masturbating in the living room. My parents were at work, and my uncle and aunt (who were over at our house for a week) were sleeping. I was pretty close to orgasm, and then my uncle walked in. Luckily, I was covering myself with a blanket, and I quickly pulled my pants up. He asked why my pants were down, and I make up a lame excuse. I guess he believed it, because he never talked about it again. Since then, I only masturbate in my room or in the bathroom. (age 14)

Of course your uncle didn't believe the excuse, which you yourself admit was lame. You were caught masturbating in the living room. Congratulations on learning your lesson.

I share my room with my 14 year old brother. I had a nightmare last night so I woke up suddenly. That scared my brother who was still awake. He was using my laptop. He jumped and he dropped my laptop on the floor. I could see that he was watching porn. I suppose that he was naked under the blanket because he asked me to shut down the laptop. I couldn't stop the video. I had to unplug the battery from my laptop. He went out of the room few minutes after that. He has two Playboy magazines under his mattress but I thought that he masturbates in our bathroom. Should I allow to him to watch porn on my laptop and ignore the fact that he masturbates in our room while I sleep (or he thinks that I sleep)? (age 15)

It's your laptop apparently and your choice whether you share it with him or not, knowing what he uses it for. You're being awfully hard on your brother since you share a bedroom and you're older so I assume you masturbate too? I don't see what the problem is.

I was masturbating in the bathroom when my older sister (she is 15) knocked on the door and told me to "jerk off somewhere else" because she had to use the toilet. My mom also heard her. I was so embarrassed. I stopped masturbating and left the bathroom. I don't have another private place to do it. How did she know that I was masturbating in the bathroom and what should I do in the future? (age 13)

It was probably not the first time she noticed you taking too long in the bathroom and was irritated because she had to go. I would suggest finding a more private place or time to masturbate or else using the bathroom only when there's less demand for it.

My sister-in-law who is 10 years younger is staying at our place for a few days. This morning after my wife left for work, I thought I had a few minutes to masturbate before leaving for work. My bedroom door was shut but sister-in-law walked in anyway and got a good look at me lying back in bed watching porn. She shrieked and ran away.

Afterward I encountered her in the kitchen. She said she was sorry and thought I was at work. I told her sorry too. Should I do anything else? Will she tell my wife? What should I do? (age 37)

Kid sisters can be such a pain at any age. It would probably be better if you told your wife so she hears it from you before she hears it from her sister. Also, a lock on your door would be a good investment.

One day when I was 12, I wasn't masturbating. I was scratching my scrotum, as it gets itchy. I didn't even know what masturbation was. My mom walked in and said "are you jerking off?" and I explained that I was scratching. I then proceeded to look up what jerking off was, and I found I was poorly educated on sex, so reading your page for young males, I was getting an erection, and then without resistance I started, you know, jerking off, and I didn't get to orgasm, but I remember that feeling it was like the heavens came to earth. I was caught the next day by mom and she said, "you looked up jerking off after I mentioned it, didn't you?", and I said yeah. She told me about sex, and she even bought me a tube of Cetaphil to use to masturbate, she explained that my dad does it, my cousins do it, and I'm not the only one who does it, and told me that with lotion, it would be easier to orgasm. (age 14)

Thanks for letting me know how important my site was to you!

One day I was masturbating, when I realized my window was open, but then I moaned at orgasm and I heard some people laughing. I'd like to think it was people at a party, but what if they heard me moan? Is that a crime or something? I feel awkward telling people stories involving me masturbating. Thanks for helping me discover how to jerk off, as it is immensely fun! (age 14)

I find it very hard to believe a crowd of people laughed because they heard you moan. It was a lot louder to you than to them. Their laughter was loud because they were in a group and had to be louder to be heard. Even if they heard you moan, they didn't know you were masturbating, and if they guessed you were, then they guessed correctly.

I normally masturbate around 10 times a week. Recently I am getting erections very often sometimes during class or while studying or when I see girls in school. Is it normal? Once my mom caught me wanking in my room but said nothing about it. It's been 2 months. Another time she saw me looking at porn but said nothing. Should I do anything about these incidents? Thank you for this wonderful web site. (age 15)

If she said nothing, there is no reason for you to either. Your frequency is on the high end of normal. It's normal and very, very good to get erections so easily at your age.

I live in a small house with a lot of people, and I am practically never alone. The only private time I get during the day is when I am in the shower, which doesn't give me enough time to actually enjoy masturbating. I can (and I do) masturbate properly after my family is asleep. I can only masturbate once a week and sometimes even once in two weeks, which is worrying me. A lot of nights I cannot masturbate simply because I'm too tired from studying and because it would leave me with less than five hours of sleep for the day (which is unhealthy on its own). When I stay without masturbation for too long, the tension distracts me from my studying. Is it bad that I'm not doing it regularly and do you have any tips on how to be able to do it regularly? (age 18)

You are an adult and ought to masturbate when you want to without worrying what others think. Who are these people who are always around? You can bet they masturbate too. See my page about masturbating in college dorms for advice on how to get more privacy from the people you live with.

Last night I caught my little brother (12) masturbating in the shower. (He had the curtain pulled and I walked by the window.) While I obviously have no qualms with him doing it, I noticed he was watching porn on his phone (awkwardly holding it out of the water). I found this disturbing as I'm aware of the issues it can cause later on. I want to tell him he shouldn't watch porn but he didn't notice I saw him, so that could be awkward. Do I need to say anything? (age 16)

Age 12 is when the greatest number of boys start masturbating. You could certainly tell him how you feel about porn without revealing that you saw him using it or masturbating. Tell him what you think he should know.

I masturbated during the day and I had pornography pulled up on the browser and I forgot to close it. A few hours later, I had to show my mom something for school on my phone and she saw a quick glimpse of it and she said, ďwhat is that crap you have pulled up?Ē and I said itís nothing. She told me a ton of stuff saying that she has been raising me for so long and I shouldnít be hiding anything from them. But I still told her it was nothing pulled up. I donít know how to handle this but I donít want to bring it up again. (age 14)

Then make sure all windows like that are closed before you show someone your phone or your computer.

I set up my phone near my bed and took a vid of myself masturbating. A few days later, my phone fell out of my pocket and I didnít know my sister found it and went through it and found my vid and showed my mom. I got grounded for a week. (age 13)

You might have gotten worse. I hope you learned your lesson.

The stories on are nearly all solo stories. I have one that involves getting caught in both solo and mutual masturbation. After my divorce I started seeing a woman who was also just out of a relationship. This was just over a year ago, and I was 44. She was 22. Neither of us was ready for intercourse or even oral sex, but we were comfortable with nude or mostly nude massage and self and mutual sexual touch with each other. The idea of intercourse or oral sex made me feel uneasy. I am guessing she felt similarly.

Having just been dumped by my ex-wife for another man, it was good to have a woman compliment me about almost everything, including what I looked like with my pants down, and it was good hold a woman in my arms and experience the excitement of seeing her nicely shaped private area. On a cold, snowy, winter day up in the mountains of Colorado, we ended up in a chalet-style hotel room. This wasn't at all planned. I wasn't ready to be in a hotel room with a woman. Over the course of several hours with periodic breaks, we massaged each other, masturbated in front of each other, and enjoyed the benefits of mutual masturbation. Both of us climaxed, first with our own hands and then with the hands of the other.

We inadvertently left the curtains partially open. But after we discovered this we still didn't close the curtains. I chose not to say anything to my new friend, and I am guessing she chose not to say anything to me. I really don't know why she did not say anything. For me, the feeling of being a little naughty and a little dangerous while taking the risk at getting caught was exhilarating. I did not expect anyone to catch us massaging ourselves or masturbating ourselves or masturbating each other, but upon leaving the hotel room I could see footprints on the otherwise snow-dusted walkway that was in front of the window of our room. I wonder how many people saw us massaging each other, or saw my female friend's legs open either with her touching herself or with me touching her. Likewise I wonder how many people caught me masturbating in front of her, and I wonder how many saw her playing with my private area or saw her hands going up and down my erection. I guess I will never know. About a month later we broke up. She ended up by going back to her former gentleman friend.

She was my first love after my divorce. In a different way I think I was special to her. However this may be, for me, she held a special place in my heart, and in some way still does. When I masturbate sometimes I think about people catching us, seeing my two fingers in her vagina or her hand stroking my erection. (age 45)

You find that mostly erotic, but I would be horrified if I discovered that someone had seen.

Recently I walked in on my boyfriend masturbating. He yelled at me to get out and I walked away. I know that itís normal for boys but I felt extremely uncomfortable. He hasnít spoken to me and refuses to even look me in the eye. I feel like I did something wrong but I just donít know what. (age 13)

Walked in without knocking? Just be normal. Look at his eyes even if he doesn't look back. Don't mention the incident. Talk about normal things and he will figure out things are normal.

I was at my crush's dance recital (she was 12) ... (age 14)

I think your story is fake. A girl of that age would not be able to see you ejaculate in your pants (if that even happened) from that distance, while she was concentrating on her dancing.

I started masturbating when I was 11-12 and I've already been caught three times.

  1. The first time I was in my room, and my sister opened the door. She asked me if I was jerking off, and I replied by saying I was just changing. I don't think she believed me, because she walked off laughing.
  2. The next time was when my mom caught me. She had just found porn on my phone, so after she talked to me, I went in my room to masturbate. She came in to check on me, but luckily I was under the blankets. She didn't seem to know, but maybe she was just playing dumb.
  3. The last time was the worst. I was in the living room watching TV, and jerking off whenever I saw someone hot (my phone was broken). Just as I was about to climax, my parents walked in the front door. I covered myself before they saw anything, but my mom knew that something was up. She questioned me, and as she did I came in my shorts. It was an awful experience.
(age 14)

I'm not sure I believe any of that, but try to be more careful.

I was only caught once when I was 14. It was so hot I was in just shorts standing in front of a fan. I shared a room at the summer house with my younger brother and the door to the room connected to my older brother's room. I was not worried since I thought no one would be home for hours. I turned the fan up to high and got on my bed naked and started masturbating vigorously. I closed my eyes. I was almost about to ejaculate and my spidie sense cause me to open my eyes. To my horror, my older brother was standing in the doorway watching me. I have never been more embarrassed in my life. I immediately stopped. I covered my penis with my hands. He turned without a word and closed the door.

I had to finish what I started. But after my not very satisfying orgasm, I was still panicked with how I was going to avoid extreme embarrassment. I stayed in my room until dinner time. My brother never said anything but I was so embarrassed that he saw me masturbating. My younger brother had earlier told me that my older brother masturbates, so maybe I was able to avoid the worst possible family embarrassment. (Since we shared a room, my younger brother already knew I masturbated.) I never got caught again and never assumed I was home alone without an emergency exit plan.

Do you have any ideas for how I could have been less embarrassed? Thank you for your great site, which no doubt helps lots of people survive puberty. (age 41)

Honestly, I found your post embarrassing to read. Are you sure you're not still 14? I don't know why it was so bad that your OLDER brother saw you masturbating when you were actively doing it in front of your YOUNGER brother. You needn't have been embarrassed about masturbating. Your older brother is the one who should have been embarrassed for watching you. I don't think you have absorbed the main message of my site, which is that masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health.

I try to avoid getting caught masturbating by my parents and I haven't been caught by them so far. I've been doing it since I was about 11 or 12 and I'm scared if I get caught I'll get in trouble and if I do get caught, what should I do? (female, age 14)

You won't get in trouble. In fact, the odds are against you being discovered at all. Don't let your worry about being caught keep you from enjoying masturbating.

I was masturbating on the top floor of the house with headphones on. I was in a large room, and its only entrance is down some stairs. I thought I was safe because I believed I had locked the door, but the babysitter who was looking after my younger sister had apparently called me down several times, and she came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder while I was masturbating. I tried to cover myself but she just stood there smiling for a moment or two and then asked me where the baby food was. She winked at me and walked away. Will she tell my parents? (age 13)

No, I don't think she will. She's not a very good babysitter if she can't find the baby food on her own.

I masturbate at least once a day and I've come close to being caught at least twice. I lock my door and leave the lights off. I was masturbating without pants and my mom knocked and I quickly put on my shorts. I pretended I had just woken up. Another time I was about to start masturbating at my stepmom's. She knocked and asked, "What are you doing?" All my clothes were on so I said I wasn't doing anything. (age 13)

Those are some pretty close calls. I expect you will be walked in on at some point.

My dad took my phone and went through it. That same day I was masturbating to porn and I don't if he saw the porn because he hasn't brought it up yet. My stepmom is the only person who knocks before she comes in my room. Do you think he knows and that he told my stepmom? (age 13)

If they don't already believe that you masturbate, they can guess correctly.

A few days ago, I was home alone. I thought it was a good time to masturbate. I was quite loud. When my older brother (who is 23) came into my room, I froze like a deer in front of a car. Ever since then, I've been avoiding him. How do I talk about it to him? (age 14)

There is no reason to either avoid him or talk to him about it. He has been masturbating most likely for a decade and understands completely.

I was just masturbating down in my basement, since that is usually where I hang out, and my mom came home from work. She walked in on me and asked me what I was doing, and I just didn't answer, and she brought something else up. How do I deal with this non-awkwardly? (age 13)

You don't need to do anything. But it might be a good idea if you planned on masturbating in a private space like your bedroom from now on, instead of the basement, where you apparently don't have the most privacy.

I was masturbating in front of my PC and my sister was sick and sleeping in another room and when it was going to happen, she saw me. I instantly hid my penis and she just said that I should not blackmail her or else she will tell my dad. Is it OK? (age 15)

It's perfectly OK, but I think she was the one blackmailing you.

I work in a group home for developmentally challenged adults. One time I walked in on one of our residents and he was masturbating. It was so funny. He had halfway tied himself up and had bound his feet to a chair. I didn't say anything to him but everyone who works there thinks it's a funny story. I also tell the story to guys I meet, and it's helped me get them to tell me private things. Guys think it's cool when a girl talks about masturbating. (age 20)

I don't think you're very grown up, and the guys you talk to about masturbating have probably also noticed. You're at the group home to help people; not to gossip about them.

I was 18 and being babysat by a guy the same age as me... (age 33)

Sorry, dude. I already stopped reading.

I was going to masturbate when my father came down and knocked on the door. I said come in and it was locked. I unlocked it and made a deck of trading cards and he said, "Don't pretend I don't know what you were doing and pretend it never happened." Now everything is awkward. Any advice? (age 12)

I don't quite understand what happened. You said you had to get up to unlock the door, so obviously he didn't see you masturbating. You seem upset that he guessed correctly that you had been masturbating even though he didn't technically catch you. I think it should not be awkward, and you should pretend it never happened.

A distant relative's daughter, 17, caught me jerking off in my room when she walked in without knocking. I was just finishing and was unable to stop even on realizing that she was in the room. She saw me ejaculate over my fists and left the room with a smile. Since then she has been giving me enough hints of wanting to get into the bed with me. I have restrained myself as she is still not 18. How do I tell her NO? I stay at her parents' place for work reasons. (age 37)

You don't need to tell her anything because she hasn't asked anything. She is only giving you hints, right? Just stay professional around her if you absolutely need to stay at her house.

A few years back, I was home with only my younger sister; the rest of my family was out. She was going through a phase where she'd very rarely leave her room, so I felt safe in masturbating in the living room. I had my laptop set up and my headphones on and I was going at it when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw my sister coming down the stairs in direct view of me. I covered up quickly, but she looked me in the eyes with some contempt. When I saw her go back in her room and close the door, I resumed my masturbation session until I finished. She never brought it up and neither did I, and my parents didn't find out, so it ended well. (age 20)

I don't think it ended well. Your sister saw you masturbating, which could have been prevented solely by your not masturbating in a public area of the house.

I work at a bank. Several years ago, I went to use the ladies' room. Needing some relief, I began to pleasure myself. Just as I was reaching orgasm, the door opened; apparently I hadn't locked it. A co-worker stood and stared for the longest time as I came. Then she just carefully closed the door.

Was it a Full-Service Bank?

We were at the beach last summer with my wife's extended family. I was showering with the door locked (I thought) and while in the shower I started masturbating. I couldn't have sex with my wife since our kids were sleeping in the same room. The shower had a clear glass half wall and a tile bench that was opposite the shower head. I was sitting on the bench leaning back with my eyes closed and about 90% to orgasm when I heard something over the noise of the fan and shower. I opened my eyes to find my 14-year-old nephew staring at me. I quickly got up and turned my back and asked him to leave and close the door. He said he needed to use the toilet which was separate from the shower. I said go ahead and waited for him to leave and close the door. While he was using the toilet he was laughing so I just said, "sorry about that, I thought the door was locked." He left the room and I stepped out to check the lock and the plunger on the door that catches in the door frame did not engage because the door was warped. I pushed hard on the door to get it closed. Certain that I was now safe, I went back to finish masturbating. Afterward we were out on the deck and I told my brother-in-law what had happened, just in case the topic came up with my nephew. He chuckled and said thanks for the heads up on the door. I decided to talk to my nephew to keep him from running his mouth. I said, "I know what you saw and I am sure you do it too, so just like doing it in private, let's keep this matter private." To which he snickered and said, "no problem."

Despite being in private and being in what I thought was a secure place, I still got caught. It is still embarrassing even at my age because it is a private matter. If you get caught it is not the end of the world. Parents can help a lot by discussing masturbation in a healthy and matter of fact way before kids start so that there is not a shroud of secrecy. As parents, our silence on the subject leaves kids to wonder why we did not see fit to pass on our thoughts and morals when we teach them everything else. (age 45)

I liked your story except for the part where you told your nephew you're sure he does it too. You don't know that and saying that could provoke him to tell when he wasn't planning to before.

I got caught masturbating by my babysitter. It was embarrassing. Actually, it's pretty embarrassing to be old enough to masturbate and even have a babysitter. So let me explain. The babysitter was not really for me. But my parents had a baby when I was 12. They did not think I was old enough to care for my sister even though they had no problem leaving me home when it was just me. So they would hire a babysitter when they went out, and it was understood that she was there to take care of my sister and that her sitting of me was more supervisory than hands-on.

So I was pretty much in the habit of doing as I pleased when the sitter was there, and I didn't go around asking her permission for things, telling her when I was going to bed, etc., and my friends came and went as usual. And this sitter had been here before, so she knew what the expectation was. One night when I was 13, after I had learned to masturbate, I went to bed and was doing my usual thing in bed. The sitter came in without knocking because she was trying to find something in the kitchen and didn't know where it was. She burst in and saw me stroking my penis (which was made easier because I had the bedroom light on). She was very flustered and just stammered and walked out. I finished what I was doing and then went out to talk to her. She was really super embarrassed and admitted that she had never seen an erection before. I was surprised by that because she was a senior and I just assumed that girls that age have seen it all. We made a deal that she wouldn't tell on me and I wouldn't tell on her and all would be cool. It has been so far. (age 14)

I like how you finished what you were doing before you went out to talk to her. I think you should make a point of letting the babysitter know when you're going to bed so she won't bother you after that. Not all people are sexually active by the time they're high school seniors (or even seniors in college); in fact, I would argue that the girls who babysit are less likely to be sexually active.

I haven't been caught yet, but sometimes I throw the harpoon back in my pants because I hear a noise. (age 21)

You are an adult and get to do what you want with the harpoon. If someone barges in, it's their problem, not yours.

Over Christmas Break, I wasn't really caught masturbating, much as in the process of cleaning up. It was 3:00 a.m. and usually no one is awake, so I decided to masturbate. I had just ejaculated, rested for a second and then went to the bathroom (which is right across the hall from my bedroom) to clean up. While masturbating I had kicked off my underwear, so while walking to the bathroom, I was naked from the waist down. Halfway to the bathroom, I noticed my mother in the hallway. I quickly darted into the bathroom. I tried to play it off like I was going to the bathroom, but I don't think I was very convincing. I'm very embarrassed as this is the first time I've ever been caught. I know I should have put on my underwear again, but it was 3:00 a.m. and I had semen on my hands. Should I have said anything to my mother? (age 19)

No, but I agree that you should have covered up before going to the bathroom. It would be a good idea to keep a rag (like an old shirt) in your bedroom for basic cleanup.

I think I may have been caught, but I'm not so sure. I was in my room and I reached the "point of no return" and my sister barged in. I wasn't using visual aids; I was having a fantasy just by daydreaming. I quickly covered up with my pants and ejaculated in them. Sometimes I don't think my sister realized what happened but other times I think she did. I was so embarrassed. (age 16)

She obviously saw something. You were caught.

I was home alone and I decided to masturbate in the living room. While I was masturbating, my sister opened the door and caught me. I've always had a good relationship with her so I knew she wouldn't tell my parents, but I was surprised that she got me a nude mag a few days later. (age 17)

Every male would agree he would be a lot more than surprised if his sister did that. Get her something from her online wish list.

I just got caught masturbating by my sister, and I am so embarrassed. I was already completely embarrassed that she saw me stroking my penis. But an hour or so afterward, I saw her in the house and she said, "I always figured you did that." (age 15)

Just laugh it off. As a reader, you know more about female sexuality than she knows about male sexuality.

I'm Jason. One night I felt really psyched up, and I needed to calm myself down, so I went into my bedroom to masturbate. I thought I was at home alone. But about 10 minutes later, my uncle walked into the room suddenly. He saw my penis. He just said "oh" and walked out again. Later I told him that I had an itch and was just looking to see what was causing it, and he said he understood. Do you think he knows what I was doing? (age 17)

Hi Jason. This is what I am able to state: Your uncle ABSOLUTELY, DEFINITELY, POSITIVELY knew that you were masturbating.

I just got caught about 30 minutes ago masturbating in the bathroom. (I forgot to lock the door.) I got caught by my little sister's boyfriend, who's 18. All I could do was stare at him like a deer in the headlights, and now I'm mortified. I don't want him telling my sister about this, and I don't know what to think of it. He apologized repeatedly, and he left within 5 seconds of catching me. The weird part is this happened while I was at work. I work for my parents in their house (where I learned to masturbate) doing office work, and I feel comfortable there. I don't get much privacy at my own house because of my roommates, so lately I've been doing it here. What do I do? (age 23)

I don't think you need to do anything. What difference does it make if he tells your sister? If she doesn't know that you masturbate, then she is dangerously ill-informed about male sexuality. She probably masturbates herself. Just be normal around the boyfriend and don't forever act like he has something on you. He doesn't.

I have been masturbating for 5 years and lately my frequency has gone up. I need to do it once a day at least and if I have the time and place, I do it twice a day sometimes. Last week I was at a friend's house where we secretly watched some very explicit pics on his laptop. Both us got boners and while my friend went to masturbate in the bathroom, I decided to do it in his bedroom. The door was bolted but the window was half open and he didn't tell me that his 11 year old sister was home. When I was close to finishing, I heard a gasp and then a giggle which made me jump as I saw she was watching. In my haste to cover up, I zipped up without ejaculating. Why did she reveal herself only when I was about to ejaculate? Since I didn't ejaculate despite being very close, will it cause any harm to my genitals, as I was painfully hard all the way home? (age 16)

You thought you had privacy, but you didn't. Windows aren't only for seeing out; people can see in too. Maybe his sister only saw you right at the point she gasped. By not ejaculating, you gave yourself blue balls. All males have to endure it occasionally. It will not cause you any harm.

I got into a habit of saving erotic images into a folder on the computer. As I only live with my mom and sister, to be courteous to them, I decided to move the folder onto a USB stick. I would store the USB in the top drawer of my desk and would use it when masturbating. One day recently I was in the mood and needed to access my stick. I went to get the USB from the drawer, but it was missing. I decided to go look in my sister's room for it, and it was on her dressing table. I quickly took it and went to check the folder. I saw she had put some files of her own on it. I hoped she hadn't looked, so I opened the folder, and everything was still there. At the bottom of the folder was a Notepad document titled "It's OK." It was a paragraph of text saying the usual things like, It's good to see you're finally growing up, it's normal, I'm glad you're looking at these images, don't worry I won't tell Mom, etc. etc. I was somewhat relieved but was no longer in the mood to masturbate. So I returned the USB to her dresser. (age 16)

That is more embarrassing for her, since she left evidence of violating your privacy. I think you should tell her you didn't appreciate the note she left on your USB stick.

A few weeks ago, my mom suggested that she thought I was masturbating. It wasn't like she was mad or anything, but I denied it. I'm not sure I was so convincing. Do you think she knows? (female, age 13)

You can know something only if it's impossible for you to be mistaken about it. If your mom doesn't know you masturbate, she strongly suspects. If she suspected correctly, then you don't need to worry about anything. If she suspected incorrectly, then you should feel unjustly accused.

Recently, I was up quite late, and my mom had gone to bed hours before, so I felt free to masturbate in peace. I was getting really close to orgasm when my bedroom door swung open and my sister poked her head in. I sat up straight and tried to cover myself, and she asked me to turn my sound down.

I'm not sure if she noticed what I was doing, since it was dark, but I can't help but feel she noticed what I was doing. I now always feel really paranoid when I masturbate and I haven't been able to enjoy masturbating ever since. How can I reduce my paranoia? I find your site amazing.

You were in the dark. She didn't see. Even if she did, who cares? She probably masturbates too. Don't let paranoia about something you don't even know happened interfere with your enjoyment of something you would otherwise find greatly pleasureable.

I was masturbating in bed last night and the door was open and I was listening for people coming and then my mom walked past but I stopped before she saw me but I didn't have the covers over me and I was naked. Do you think my mom saw me? She exclaimed and asked why I was still awake. I said my pj's were on backward and I was swapping sides. Is it believable? Please help! I don't want anyone to know! (age 13)

If she doesn't know, at least she can guess correctly. The story about reversing your pj's is not credible.

I've been caught masturbating three times in my life so far, and this one was the most embarrassing. I was 16 and working my first summer job at a restaurant. One of my classmates also worked there. We had a particularly busy Saturday night and it was a really hot evening. Our shift ended at 10 PM, and the other boy said he was going to head down to the beach for a swim. We didn't have our suits with us, but late night skinny dipping was normal. His girlfriend was picking him up from work and I ended up following them to the beach in my car. After swimming, we got out and got dressed and he said he and his girlfriend were going to take a walk down the beach. I figured they wanted to make out so I just said I was heading home. I went to my car and the thought of them making out on the beach got me horny so I decided to masturbate in my car before going home. I put the seat back, pulled down my pants, laid back and started to go at it. I had been masturbating no more than five minutes when I heard a shout and laughter. My classmate and his girlfriend were there; they had decided not to go for a walk. He teased me about it for probably a week or so, then all was forgotten. (age 47)

On the basis of some subtle details I've edited out, I think your story is a fake one. Never masturbate in public.

I was caught by my mom in one of those moments that I just couldn't stop masturbating because I was so close to orgasm. I was at my bed just with my panties on and was masturbating through them, when my mom opened the door and screamed at me. I was far too close for stopping so I just had to hear her screaming while I kept on masturbating for a few more seconds until I reached orgasm. She just left my room. She never mentioned it again. (age 17)

I find myself questioning whether your story is true. The point of no return (for males) is where a male has already brought himself to the moment when ejaculation will happen within a second. He can stop before that moment and not ejaculate. The closest parallel in a female would be where she has brought herself to the edge of orgasm and cannot stop herself from having an orgasm. If you needed a few more seconds to get to that point, you obviously could have stopped.

After seeing all these stories, I feel really lucky that I haven't been caught since I started jacking off when I was 9, and I do it an average of 17 times a week. I grew up with three sisters and a brother. I am lucky. (age 19)

Well, don't give yourself credit for winning the Powerball. You are young. The average male doesn't get caught until he's almost 30. At the rate you're going, there's a suddenly opened door and startled looks in your future.

I have been masturbating since I was 12. A couple days ago, my 17 year old brother walked in on and me now he jokes around with me in a manner that I think is really uncomfortable. What can I say to him that doesn't sound too mean but prevents him from acting this way around me? (age 14)

You could say, "You're making me really uncomfortable."

I have never been caught masturbating but my mom makes me keep my door unlocked and open at all hours. Should I tell her that I masturbate or need privacy or something so I can be alone? I hardly have any time home alone. (age 14)

I don't think you need to mention masturbating, but you would be within your rights to ask for privacy. You might also tell her that in case of fire, it's safer if people have their bedroom doors closed when they're sleeping.

When I masturbate, some preparation usually goes into it, like getting tissues or something at the ready for clean-up, but one night I was in a particularly horny mood. I had been browsing hot chicks. My mom was downstairs, with the TV up loud. So I thought took off my pants, obtained some arousing images and lay back to jerk it. Sometimes I like to just lie on my back on my bed, headphones on, eyes closed. I must've been masturbating for a decent 5-7 minutes, and opened my eyes, to get ready to catch my ejaculate. When I opened my eyes, Mom was standing in the doorway. I got such a fright and scrambled to cover myself, but still ejaculated. She apologized and closed my door. I still just jerk it even if she's around, being caught isn't something to be afraid of. Thank you for your great site! (age 16)

I've been doing this for a long time and I have a feeling that story is fake.

Long ago I when I was masturbating in the school shower, my friend caught me and he joined me and we jerked off together. We still masturbate together whenever he comes over to my place. I have noticed that my orgasms are more intense and more fun than when I masturbate solo. We both are pretty sure that we are straight and we masturbate together occasionally just for some fun. After reading your site, you seem to be quite against mutual masturbation. You say it's personal activity but once in a while doing it with your bud is fun. I don't think that masturbating with him has caused any noticeable change in my body. Am I missing something? Can you tell me with reason why are you against joint masturbation when it's so much FUN? (age 17)

I don't think I've said I'm against it; when young people ask me about it, I point out that it's being sexual, and most people are not sexual with their friends. If there is an age difference or some other kind of imbalance between the two, it is possible that one is trying to exploit the other. I would think by age 17 you would be better able to handle this than two 11 or 12 year olds would be, for example.

Today I fell asleep after masturbating, and my dad caught me with my hands in my pants. He didn't say anything, so I stood up and walked away, but I was so embarrassed that I cried in my room and I still can't muster up the courage to face my dad. Should I talk to him about this or should I pretend like nothing happened? (female, age 14)

Pretend nothing happened. Because not much did.

My neighbor lady was mowing their lawn yesterday in a bathing suit. This was nothing unusual to see. After a half hour she caught my eye once again. As she drove her riding lawn mower in just her bikini she was having too good of a time. She was definitely having an orgasm. She made great orgasm faces and clenched her shaking legs together. I just had to masturbate to it. I opened my blinds and rubbed my penis as I watched her. It was the greatest orgasm I've ever had. I think she briefly saw me. I now always try to be home when she is mowing their lawn. She sunbathes in her backyard regularly and just the sight of her in a bikini makes me orgasm harder than my girlfriend can make me. (age 21)

Yes, vibration will really do it for a woman, but it doesn't seem to do much for men. Be very careful masturbating where someone can see you, even at your own window. Maybe especially at your own window.

Earlier today I was going at it using pictures on my phone when I heard a knock on the door. I locked my phone and put it on my bed and told my female cousin to come in. We talked for a while and then I unlocked my phone. That picture I was jerking to was still on the screen. I don't know if she saw it. I quickly changed apps and she didn't say anything. Do you think she saw it? She was looking at my phone before I unlocked it. (age 14)

If she was looking at the phone after you unlocked it, then she saw it. Even if she saw the picture, she didn't necessarily connect it to you masturbating. But if she did, then she connected correctly.

Yesterday my boyfriend came over to visit and my mom sent him to my room. He came in without knocking and saw me sprawled out on my bed masturbating. I really just wanted to die! He went out to the living room and sat there and after a few minutes I came out and greeted him, but I just feel like things are not the same. I don't know if I'll ever be able to look him in the eye again. What should I do? (age 16)

I don't know that you need to do anything. He was the one who came in without knocking. He is probably more embarrassed than you are, or at least he should be. My first recommendation to you is that you just go on as usual and don't say anything about what happened yesterday. If you really feel you have to say something, start by saying, "I'd like to talk about what happened yesterday." Then let him talk. He probably masturbates more than you do and has perhaps been discovered himself. Either way, this shouldn't be an important issue in your relationship.

Iíve been masturbating since I was 11 but I share a bedroom with my younger sister. I don't like to masturbate in the bathroom. I'm not comfortable there. I get the most privacy at school in the library where I can masturbate under the desk. Often I wake up before my sister and do it. It makes me happy and relaxed for the school day.

Do you think I can get in trouble if Iím caught? I was caught by another student once but I just said she was making it up so nothing happened.

Is it normal for me to be this horny? Some days I feel like I just have to masturbate right then and I canít even think about schoolwork.

I read on here itís not good to look at porn until Iím older. I was just wondering why other than getting caught. (age 13)

I think what you're doing in the morning before your sister wakes up is the best solution for you. Not only do you have more privacy then (or at least you think you do), but it also keeps you satisfied throughout your school day when you'd otherwise be tempted to masturbate at school.

You can indeed get in a lot of trouble if you're caught masturbating at school, particularly out in the open in the library. You can bet that whoever took that report last time kept a record of it, and the allegation will be more likely to be believed if a second student (or worse yet, the librarian) report you. Never masturbate in a place where you don't have privacy.

Lots of people your age feel sexually aroused often. But that doesn't mean they have to masturbate every time they are. Wait until you get home. I advise against using porn at your age because you should be building your sexual imagination instead of importing other people's fantasies.

I am in the ninth grade now. I have had a tremendous urge to wank since I was a kid. I started masturbating when I was 8 and was able to orgasm without ejaculating. When I had just discovered the pleasure, I used to do it in class. One day one of my female classmates caught me red-handed when I was about to finish. That was six years ago. She told some of her female classmates, all of whom teased me to the hilt for the next few weeks. Now I masturbate only in absolute privacy but these classmates still keep jeering and teasing me about it. How can I make them stop? (age 15)

You illustrate profoundly one of the consequences of being caught masturbating in public, even though you might not have known better six years ago. At your age, most of the girls and nearly all of the boys have started masturbating themselves, so they should feel more empathy for you now. Instead of acting very bothered by being teased, simply say, "I don't do that at school anymore." That will do more to shut them up than by you getting flustered.

When I masturbate, I usually wait until everyone is asleep and pull my pants down underneath my blankets and rub my hand against my clitoris under the blankets. If someone comes in, I can then get my pants up really fast. I love your site. It's very helpful. (age 14)

OK, but it would be better if you could masturbate whenever you feel like it and not have to wait until everyone is asleep. You would also enjoy it more if you had more range of motion instead of being forced to do it underneath the blankets. A lock on your door or a better expectation of privacy would translate to more enjoyment for you.

I was on vacation and I walked in on my brother jerking off and watching porn. I walked out and went back to my room. I ended up closing and locking the door. I got really wet and started masturbating myself. I went to the kitchen for a second and noticed he had his door closed; I got kind of sad because I wanted to see it again. I know that's wrong. But later I told him don't worry about it, all guys do it. Now I find myself masturbating more than I used to. (female, age 14)

I think you handled it well.

I got caught masturbating at my friend's house while he was at the store buying donuts. His sister who is 18 caught me and at first she just stared, then she started laughing at me. The next week while my friend was asleep, I went to use the bathroom and she came out completely naked and I got an immediate erection and almost ejaculated. She just looked down and smiled. After that we made out. Then I finally used the bathroom. Then while I was walking back to my friend's, room I said goodnight to her and she was masturbating. I didn't say anything. Then the next morning my friend asked me why it took so long to use the bathroom. I just said because someone was in it. Should I tell him that I have feelings for his sister and that she has feelings for me too?

You might be reading too much into the situation. She might be only sexually curious about you and not have feelings. It would be better if you discussed the situation instead of just randomly exposing your privates to each other while you are supposedly there to visit her brother. After you have discussed it with her, you can tell your friend as much or little as you want. He doesn't get to decide anything.

Many nights I stay at an accommodation for my work in another town. Some days back, I was in my room watching an erotic clip on my laptop. As it was late in the evening, I decided to masturbate. I was at it for a few minutes and was nearing orgasm when I noticed a pair of eyes reflecting in the mirror. I continued until I ejaculated. When I was walking up to the washroom to clean myself, I saw my landlord's 21-year-old daughter slipping away hurriedly from my window. The next day we met as usual but she gave me a knowing smile while chatting. I now feel that whenever our eyes meet, she gives me a mystic smile. I am wondering what do. How do I put an end to this? Should I say sorry to her or just let it be? (age 32)

Unless you're interested in her sexually, it would be a good idea to find another place to stay. If you have to stay at that place during your work week, then try to have as little contact with her as you can, and definitely don't let your eyes meet daily. She was the one who was peeping on you, and you have nothing to be sorry about.

I have been babysitting a 6 year old for the past few months. One late night, when he was fast asleep and I was feeling horny, I went to the other room and started to stimulate myself. I was fully clothed. I only unbuttoned my jeans and inserted my right hand inside my panties. I closed my eyes to enjoy the sensations and was extremely close to orgasm when I noticed, to my horror, the boy had gotten up. He was rubbing his sleepy eyes and was looking at me from the doorway. I could not stop until I orgasmed and hastily made myself presentable, as he wanted me to sit with him in his room. He did not ask me anything but I am extremely embarrassed as I was all flustered, sweaty and was chewing my lips during my fingering session. Do you think he realized what I was up to? (age 22)

No, I don't think he did. But to be perfectly safe, if you have an uncontrollable urge to masturbate again while you're babysitting, why don't you take it to the locked bathroom. His parents will understand that you occasionally need to use the bathroom for a few minutes at a time, especially when he's asleep, but they won't be cool with you masturbating in their living room.

I personally couldn't be caught masturbating and if I caught someone else doing so, boy or girl, I'd be cool about it, give them their privacy and unnoticably do what I can to make them less embarrassed.

If that person were to ask my advice, I would tell them not to worry partially because I also masturbate. But I don't want them thinking I do if I don't and I don't want to think anyone else does if they don't. I find it misleading to say for a fact that all parents are understanding about masturbation or that they've all done it when some people are the exact opposite. (age 20)

I think people who believe they'll never be caught masturbating are most likely to be. Now you're making me hope you'll get your comeuppance! Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It is no worse to assume that someone who doesn't masturbate does than to assume that someone who masturbates doesn't. Playing the percentages, nearly all males past puberty masturbate regularly or used to do so, and so have a majority of adult females.

I masturbate every day at least once and I have a sister who is two years younger. Yesterday I did it right when I came home from school. Usually I do it at bedtime but yesterday I needed it right after school. I was doing it face down (yes, I know it's bad) and my sister came in to see if I was home. I stopped right away and she didn't see any private parts but she might have seen my butt moving. Do you think she knows? (age 16)

If she's 14, she probably knows that all boys and most girls your age masturbate often. Whether she connected the movement of your butt to your masturbating at that moment, I don't know. If she didn't see anything obvious like naked pictures or your penis, then you might have gotten away with it. And so you know, I urge you to give up prone masturbation ASAP.

I was masturbating the other day in the stairway to the terrace. Usually that's a very private space and I can hear someone climbing so I stop if I hear anyone climbing. This time I was much too engrossed in my masturbation when my 20 year old cousin came up. I was startled and so was she to see me in that position with my erection sticking out. I tried to make an excuse of severe genital itching and she told me to apply some medication. As I was climbing down, she went up and I saw her burst out laughing like anything. Did she realize what I was doing? She has been normal with me since that incident. (age 14)

She absolutely knew what you were doing. The stairway to your terrace is not a private space at all. I hope you've learned your lesson and will now masturbate only in truly private spaces like your bedroom or bathroom.

My bathroom window overlooks a residential apartment building. I was on it when I looked and saw my friend's younger sister looking through my window flashing torchlight. I felt so embarrassed. I was suicidal, and I don't know how to face her. (age 18)

There seem to be a lot of details missing from your message. I don't know what "flashing torchlight" means. Was she using a flashlight? To do what? Was she flashing you (i.e., exposing her privates)? You say you were "on it." On what? Were you masturbating? Since she was the one looking through your window, maybe she should be the one who is embarrassed. Don't be suicidal and just lift your head high and greet her when next you see her.

This morning I felt really horny, and my mom was out of the house, so I sat down at our shared computer and retrieved some porn, and I masturbated. I have done this many times and am very careful not to get caught, I always stop and look if I hear a noise. I put cream on my penis for lubrication. I was about to ejaculate listening to the moans of porn, and then I heard the door open. I quickly exited the porn and threw pants on and hid the cream. When I masturbate, I get really red on my chest and face (is this normal?) and I forgot to put on a shirt. My mom came in and asked me what happened and she was getting mad at me and asking me what I did. I just flat out told her I was masturbating and she said, "oh, why didn't you just say so then." and then she acted like it was no big deal. I am an only child and my mom is a single parent, and it just feels so weird looking at her and talking to her now. (age 16)

The redness is called sex flush. It is harmless, but people can figure out what you've been doing if they see it on you. It shouldn't be weird talking to your mom now, since she was so cool about it. It also shouldn't be a problem for you to get your own computer or other device to use in your own bedroom.

Earlier today, my mom was at work so I decided to have a special extended masturbation session. I closed all the windows and blinds, locked the doors, and prepared a towel for my shower for when I was finished. I found some exciting material on the Internet and masturbated twice. Shortly after my second orgasm, I decided to finish the video and head to the shower. Then I heard my mom unlocking the door. I jumped up, closed out the window as quickly as I could, and ran into the shower. Luckily, my mom left shortly after I had gotten into the shower. She came home later that day and said nothing until she was off to bed. She said that she understood what I was doing, but if she caught me looking at porn (not masturbating) again she would do something about it. I'm glad the situation is resolved, but I don't know what to do in the future. Any suggestions for keeping it private? (age 15)

Your mom's issue is not with you masturbating but with your watching porn. I advise males your age to use their imaginations to masturbate anyway. If you can respect her wishes not to use porn in her house, I don't think you will have trouble keeping it private.

I went to my girlfriend's house to go swimming for the day. She told me she invited a few our friends. I arrived when I was supposed to and her mother said she was watching TV in her room waiting for someone to show up and said I could go get her. Her door was closed and I said it was me. I heard her mumble something that sound like come in. When I went in, she was fully naked rubbing herself and moaning a little. I realized what she was doing after what was only a second and said sorry and closed her door. She called me back in. She said she was bored and wanted to have some fun. She invited me to have some fun too. As I started masturbating, she quickly was getting louder and she kept looking at me. I ejaculated into a tissue (she had some in her room) and then she suddenly stopped and asked if i wanted to "do it." I kind of shrugged and said I don't know, I would have to think about it. Then all day at the pool she was making advances toward me. One time she came around me from behind and grabbed my crotch. What should I do? Should I do it with her to pleasure her even though this would feel wrong to me? Or should I tell her I'm not really comfortable with it. I'm sure I would like sex, but I have morals and would regret it afterward. (age 14)

You should be honest with her that you're not planning to have sex anytime soon. She will probably understand.

I have been masturbating for about a year and a half, and I've been keeping it very secret and private. However, sometimes, I just look at porn without masturbating just to get aroused. My parents are divorced. Yesterday, I was at my mom's house, and I was really bored. I was in my room, so I decided to look at some porn, but I wasn't masturbating. My mom walked in and demanded to look at what I was doing. I tried to close the tab but she saw it anyway. Instead of saying "it's natural, never mind" like most parents would, she immediately starts yelling about how I've lost her trust and it's unnatural and bad for you and blah blah blah. She grounded me for a week, refusing to listen to any arguments in my defense. What should I do? (age 15)

You should be glad you weren't masturbating and apologize for looking at the porn. Tell her you'd be happy to listen to her guidelines for web site use.

A few days ago, I was watching anime on YouTube and got a spontaneous erection. I thought I had locked my door, so I just paused the video, opened some photos that help me, and started masturbating. Well, the door wasn't locked, as it turns out, and my mom walked in. I quickly closed the porn tab, but then my anime tab was still open, and the shot was paused on a frame of the shirtless male protagonist. My pants and underwear were, of course, still down.

I don't know how to approach this. My mom caught me masturbating, which I would ordinarily just leave alone, but for all she knows, I was masturbating to same-sex anime porn. I really want to clarify that wasn't the case, but I have no idea how to do that.

It is best if you don't say anything. She might have seen you close the porn tab. Anime is nothing but a cartoon, and your mom probably doesn't connect it to masturbating.

I got a lock on my door by telling my dad I needed one because I only wear underwear when I'm in my room and I don't want anyone walking in. (age 19)

Good tip. And remind him that sometimes you don't wear even that much.

I have been caught twice. The first time was by my dad, when I was wanking in the shower. He looked at me weird, then went out and told both my brothers that I was wanking in the shower. I did not find that to be cool. The next time I was caught was by my brother, but he was cool about it because he was also experienced at masturbating. (age 42)

Being experienced at masturbating did not make your brother cool, because your dad is also experienced. Your brother just knew how to handle the situation more tactfully.

Mom taught me early on that masturbation was a healthy, fun and safe and was best done in private. She caught once when I was 18, while I was by our private pool. I didn't realize she was home. She quickly turned around, and said "Ooops!" We both then laughed about it. Mom had come out to tell me that we had visitors on the way. Glad they didn't catch me. (age 19)

Most likely, so are they!

About an hour ago, I was masturbating with my girlfriend on webcam when my dad opened the closed door and walked in. (He only saw me, and I didn't have any bottoms on.) He just stood there and said, "Keep the door open for the cat." Then he walked away, without closing the door. Now I feel like it's really awkward. What do I do? Luckily, I wasn't near the point of ejaculation. (age 14)

Tell your dad you think it would be OK for the cat if you closed the door for a half hour at a time occasionally. He will probably agree.

A few days ago, my mother used my computer in my room, and today while I was on it, I saw that a link to a porn site I was on was clearly visible. Ever since then, my mom has been making me keep my bedroom door open to "let heat in." Do you think she caught me?

More likely she thought it was cold when she used your computer.

I started masturbating a year and a half ago. One night I was in my bed and felt very horny. The door was partially locked and I instantly started to masturbate, and all of a sudden I heard someone coming. I got worried because it was 2:05 a.m. So I stopped until the footsteps went away. It was my sister, 3 years younger, who wanted to ask something about her schoolwork. It was the first time that I was close to getting caught. (age 15)

That is not a getting caught story at all. You were only interrupted, and barely. Worse nights are ahead.

I have read on that after you start ejaculating, you can't stop, but I never believed it until last week. I forgot to lock my door and my mom walked in when just as I started squirting. She just said oops, sorry. When I came downstairs, she was extra nice to me. She is so cool. (age 16)

Hooray for you!

A couple of months ago, I was masturbating in my living room (I was the only one home), and I had just finished and cleaned up and I got to to go to the kitchen. When I got up, I put my penis back in my pants and zipped up, to realize that my neighbor was at my door (which is mostly see-through glass). I don't know how long she had been there or what she had seen. I let her in, but then realized that my laptop was still open with porn on it on my coffee table. I hopped over the couch to close it. She asked me about shoveling her driveway, then left. Do you think she knew? (age 14)

No, I don't think she did. But be more careful.

I started masturbating a few weeks ago and have been doing it every night at around 2:00 a.m. (Everyone goes to bed at 10:00 p.m.). As usual, I opened up some porn and started at it. I was at the point of no return when I heard my door being opened (my door handle has a broken lock). My sister walked in before I could do anything and she saw the porn; I don't think she saw me. I feel really awkward. (age 12)

People have to feel awkward sometime. Be glad you've found something new that you enjoy. I know you enjoy it because you only started a few weeks ago and are already doing it every night.

I have been thinking it over and the real problem when it comes to being caught masturbating is not being seen but rather the semen. It gets on stuff and cannot always be cleaned up fully. Eventually someone will notice. (age 15)

You did not ask a question. Nearly everyone who has supplied a story about being caught to was seen or interrupted by someone. I can't remember a story about someone finding semen that didn't get cleaned up. That doesn't mean it hasn't happened; but really, who is going to inspect your space for signs of semen? I don't think the semen is the real problem. Semen is good.

I was caught while I was masturbating. I imagined she was in the yard so I found the moment for masturbating but she was actually in her bed. I don't know if she saw me or not. What should I do? Does she forget about it? I just want to die! (age 18)

If you don't know if she saw you or not, why do you think you were caught? You will not die but you will masturbate again thousands of times. Just forget about this incident and be more careful the next 5000 times.

So I'm in the living room and my mom sleeps in the room it's late at night and I can't see the corridor where my mom's at but if she peeked she could see me since it's lighter in the living room. She just entered the bathroom I'm not even sure if when she got out, she washed her hands, but she went back to the room and turned off the Internet. I go to the room and ask her to keep it on and she just softly said OK which she usually yells when I wake her up at night so I'm not sure really.

I'm not sure either. I thought your message was going to be about getting caught masturbating, but you didn't mention anything about masturbating or being caught. Try to express your ideas more clearly than that.

The only place I can masturbate is the bathroom. I was doing my thing there and my mom walked in. I got up quick, and I was in a squatting position next to the toilet and she never saw me lying down, but I can't shake the feeling that she suspected at least what I was doing. (I had a shirt on but no pants.) What are your thoughts? She won't get me a lock on my door. (female, age 13)

You were caught and your mother knows that you masturbate. I suggest doing it in bed where it's more comfortable, and you now have one fewer reason to worry about being caught.

I was in my room doing my homework and I got very horny all of a sudden. I closed the door so I could rub one out very quickly. I was about to ejaculate when my sister and a few of her friends ran in my room. I yelled at them to get out but they stood there like they saw a ghost. I didn't realize they saw me ejaculate on my stomach when I thought I was under my blanket. When they see me at school they just laugh at me with a red face. My dad took off all the locks on the bedroom doors except his and Mom's. What should I do next time? (age 15)

Dude -- This is about the fakest story anyone has ever sent me.

I was in my room. I left the door open, because I was getting dressed to leave, and my parents and brother didn't care about that. The window was also open, and I had my pants down, no underwear. I started to milk the cow, then my dad walked in the room. He asked my brother to go downstairs as he closed the door. He said, "If you want to do that, you have to do it in private, with the window and door closed." I agreed, but was I caught? (age 12)

Why do you even need to ask? Of course you were caught.

My brother was using my computer to order a pizza, and I was sitting next to him. While he was mousing, he clicked on my history tab, and even though I had cleared my history, it showed porn sites I had been to. It was only on screen for about three seconds before he clicked off. He didn't say anything. Do you think he caught me, or just decided not to mention it? (age 15)

As used on this page, "caught" means someone saw you masturbating. You were not caught. Your brother probably knows you use porn and probably that you masturbate. But if he's old enough to order pizza, he does too. You have nothing to worry about.

I got home early from school but was pretty horny from seeing my new teacher so I decided to masturbate in my room. I didn't realize my sister had come home only a few minutes after I did. I was getting really into it. I had a picture of a really hot babe up on my computer, and I was mere seconds away from orgasm when my sister opened my door to see what all the noise was. At first I freaked and tried to hide myself, but I knew she already saw. She apologized and said she'll knock next time. I manged to continue and finish and was happy with the outcome, so I had no need to be ashamed of something so natural and fun. I masturbate at least once a day, and it's so exciting! I even put up a few pictures of babes I adore! (age 15)

Good deal.

I was feeling very horny one evening and decided to wank off. I did not bother to close the curtains though my room door was secure. I reached orgasm pretty quickly in a few minutes and just started spraying when I heard peals of laughter coming across from the terrace alongside my window. To my horror, my niece who is going turn 14 next month had watched and now she was doubling up with laughter. I immediately closed the window but could hear her laughter for a good while. Though she has not told anyone in my family about this incident, she has a mischievous glint in her eyes whenever we meet. As we are next door neighbours, it is becoming quite awkward for me to face her. What do I do? (age 28)

Just be normal around your niece. If she doesn't already masturbate, she will be within a few years. She is old enough that people in your family wouldn't think it right if she told on you. Be more careful about who can see you.

A few months ago, I was upstairs masturbating when my mom called me just when I was ejaculating. She wanted me to come straight down and as I was walking down the stairs, I noticed a visible wet patch on my pants. Ever since then, she has been acting funny around me, and I think she knows what I was doing. How can I tell her that masturbation is normal? It's weird because my 16-year-old brother doesn't masturbate because he has Asperger's syndrome so I seem to be the only one who does this stuff, and it's awkward. (age 14)

Even if your mother noticed the wet spot, she might have thought you had a urination accident and doesn't necessarily think you masturbated. And if she guessed that you masturbated, she guessed correctly. I find it hard to believe that she has been acting weird around you for months because of this. I also don't believe your brother doesn't masturbate. A web site about masturbation for people with autism says, "The sexual feelings and needs of individuals on the autism spectrum are no different than the rest of the population." (Melissa Dubie, "The 'M' Word," There is also a good chance your mother masturbates too, so I think you are making way too many assumptions. It was months ago. Just forget it.

I'm 80 but masturbate almost every day. My wife no longer engages in sex but my sex drive is like a 20 year old. The other night while I thought my wife was sleeping, I was doing myself pretty well when I happened to look up to find my wife watching me. She just laughed and said, "I don't have to ask you if you're enjoying yourself, because it looks like you are. Have fun, I'm going back to bed." I did have fun and really enjoyed the fact that my wife wants me to be satisfied.

What a great story! I hope I and all of my readers are in such good shape when we're 80.

I look at naked girls' pictures on my PC in my room during my masturbation sessions. My room does not have a lock and it is hard to close the door so I usually watch adult content in the early morning when my mom and sister are sleeping. However, my mom woke up and saw the light in my room. She thought that I fell asleep with the light on so she came in to turn the light off. I did not hear her, but I noticed that the door was open wider than before and I heard her in the kitchen. She did not say anything to me regarding that event. (age 18)

And you don't need to say anything either. But now that you are a grownup, why don't you spend some money on fixing that door so it closes?

I just got caught tonight and I'm so embarrassed. I was lying completely bottomless on my bed and my brother walked in and saw me with my hand on my pussy. There was absolutely no mistaking what he saw. He slammed the door and went away. I'm too embarrassed to look at him now. He has gone to bed and I don't know what I'm going to say in the morning. (age 19)

He probably won't say anything and you don't need to say anything either. He ought to be as embarrassed as you since he was the one who came into your bedroom without knocking.

Follow-up: No, he should not be as embarrassed as I am, since I am the one who got seen bottomless and masturbating. He saw me stroking my vulva. I can't imagine being any more humiliated than that. You say "they are as embarrassed as you" a lot, but it just isn't true.

OK, but he is embarrassed too. I promise he doesn't want to talk about it. He will likely be more careful coming into your room from now on. If it's any comfort to you, sisters walk in on brothers masturbating a lot more often than brothers walk in on sisters.

When I was 17 I was spied upon by my 19-year-old sister from start to finish. I used to have asthma attacks, and my sister was attentive to my labored breathing. She had saved my life a few times during past attacks. After lightly hearing my breathing and asking through the door if I was OK she got the key and opened it just a crack. With my eyes closed and headphones on with music blaring loud, I had no idea she was there. I opened my eyes after finishing, and there she was leaning into the slightly opened doorway. She said "Sorry, I thought you were having an attack." She must have seen me finish. She closed the door before I could say anything. I then got dressed and took about five minutes before I walked out of the room trying to figure out what to say.

I apologized, saying I was sorry that she caught the end of that event. She immediately apologized for opening the door, and added why she did. To which I told her, please don't apologize and in fact I thank you for having checked if I was having an attack. She said she was sorry because it didn't take 10 minutes to figure out that I wasn't having one. She said that she was sorry for having watched the whole episode. She said that she only stayed being stunned, but that afterward she figured that since I had not seen her that she would stay until I did see her before she asked are you OK. She wanted to see how it was done because she had never seen a guy masturbate before. I told her to seriously not worry about it.

I highly doubt that there are many sisters who walk in on their brothers who would be as nonjudgmental, kind, not put down or laugh derisively, and be sensitive in humor over it. She is super special. And in retrospect I have no qualms that she had her lesson in watching me that day, because it was learning experience that many folks unexpectedly get, and for her it was not at the hands of some moron. (age 44)

You would have been within your rights to be mad as hops about that incident. I think you really might still be after 27 years. It only took a second for her to see that you were not having an attack, and at that point, nearly everyone would disappear for fear of being embarrassed.

I was only caught masturbating once. It was about a decade ago, but it was very embarrassing. I was still living with my parents. I usually masturbated before bed or before getting up in the morning. It was summer so I was sleeping in my underwear and I took that off to masturbate. My door didn't have a lock, but I felt safe because it was pretty early in the morning. Then my dad walked in to retrieve something. He was leaving for work, and I think he thought I would be asleep. I quickly covered with my sheets, but I am sure he saw what I was doing. He apologized and never ever mentioned it. (age 34)

I think that's how most dads would handle it.

I've been caught a few times by my mother. She has no respect for my privacy, and the lock on my door does not work. Each time I've been caught I was on my bed, with legs spread just enough for access to my vagina, and I was rubbing my clit through my clothes. She walked in to tell me something or to put clothes in. She always looks at me with a startled expression, and then looks down and walks out as if nothing happened. She definitely knows what I'm doing each time she walks in on me, but for some reason she never mentions it. I expect her to get mad, but instead she just pretends she didn't see me masturbating, which is actually quite a relief. I usually just get along with my business, assuming she won't walk in on me again during the rest of my session. (age 16)

Your mother knows that girls and boys your age masturbate often, and she probably masturbates herself or used to. She has no reason to be mad. Why not work on getting that lock working?

About a year ago, I came home from visiting my girlfriend and was feeling horny but when I got home my mother was up watching TV so I sat with her and watched TV for a while when she got up and said she was going to bed. After about 10 minutes, I decided to have a quick wank on the sofa so I dropped my shorts and started to go slowly and enjoy myself. About 15 minutes into a fantastic wank, I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye at the adjoining patio doors. My mother happened to go out the front door and go around to the back. It was very embarrassing. (age 19)

You took that chance by masturbating in the living room. It would have been better to go to a private space.

I was upstairs in my parents' bedroom and my mom was going to go to the pharmacy unbeknownst to me. I started wanking and she came to get her purse and tell me she was leaving. As soon as I saw the shadow of my mom in the hallway, I put my phone in the crack of the chair and tried to pull up my shirt but I couldn't. She asked, "what are you doing with your pants down?" I said I had used the bathroom and my pants didn't go up all the way. Another time I did it and nearly got caught. I think she might have known because she said don't do it again. How can I tell her it's healthy? (age 13)

You don't need to educate your mom. The important thing is that you know it's healthy.

My older brother and I shared a bedroom (twin beds on opposite sides of the room). I had gone to bed, and was asleep when he came into the room very drunk. He was never quiet, drunk or sober, when he came to bed.

He stripped and immediately started stroking his penis. I was awake, but I didn't want him to know I was watching. Trying to peek through slits of my eyelids, he busted me anyway. (age 66)

That doesn't count as a "caught" story, because he wasn't doing anything to keep you from seeing. He knew you were there and probably didn't care. If he was very drunk, then he probably didn't remember catching you catching him afterward.

I was caught once when I had just started mastrubating. My stepfather came into my bedroom and saw me. I covered myself. He said he was sorry and walked out. We talked about it the next day and he said he was cool with it if I did it in private. I am 35 now and I still do it.

I've always had a weird fascination with being caught masturbating. I was in a youth home where the staff liked to catch and stop children masturbating, usually right at orgasm. (age 55)

I think group homes for youth are more humane these days.

Iím 14 and my sister is 13, and she has a friend who sometimes comes over and stays overnight. Sheís really a nice girl and I like her and itís fun when she stays over. Sheís also really mature and you can talk to her about things and she understands what you say. The last time she stayed overnight, I was in my room and really wanted to masturbate, so I started doing it lying on the bed. I thought I closed the door but maybe I didnít close it all the way. Maybe I made some noise because my sisterís friend came in and saw me doing it. She saw everything. She just looked at me and I didnít have time to move or get my clothes and she said she was sorry and went out. Later that night, she knocked on the door and asked if she could come in and talk to me and I said OK. She sat on my bed and told me she was really sorry for coming in before and said she didnít think I was doing anything wrong and that it was OK to masturbate and that she was wrong for just coming in and wouldnít do it again and she wouldnít tell anyone she saw me doing it. Then she said she did it too and that itís normal. I thought that was really nice of her. Then she said I could watch her doing it if I wanted, since she saw me doing it. I said no because I still felt weird about getting caught and I was afraid someone would catch us. But now since itís been a couple of weeks, Iíd like to watch her masturbating and wonder if I asked her, if sheíd still let me. Should I ask her? What if she says no? I really want to see her doing it and she said I could after she caught me.

It's a bad idea to do anything sexual with a girl that young. I suggest you keep being friendly toward her, and maybe in a couple of years, you could pursue the idea of being sexual.

I was sleeping in the living room of my father's TV last night and woke up early. I wanted to go back to sleep but couldn't so I masturbated under the covers. I wonder if he heard me. I know he didn't see me. (age 37)

Your father's TV has a living room? I don't know what your father heard. If he heard anything, maybe he didn't care, and if you know he didn't see you, then he couldn't be sure of what he heard, if he even heard anything. You are also pretty old to be wondering if your father knows you masturbate. I promise he does.

Follow-up: RV, sorry.

Ah, yes. I hope you aren't expecting much privacy in an RV.

I'd just gotten back from the gym and it had been a while since I've had intercourse so I thought I'd masturbate. My door was shut and usually no one bothers me at night. Not even two minutes later, my stepbrother walked in and stared at me. I was quick enough to cover up so he didn't see anything but the only thing I thought to say was I'm busy and he just laughed and stood there. I am mortified that this happened and I need to know is it bad or awkward that I was caught? We are both dudes so I can't help but think that's not as awkward as a girl walking in. (age 19)

A girl walking in would have been more awkward, and Melania Trump and her Secret Service detail walking in would have been more awkward still. My point is that what happened was awkward all by itself. Your stepbrother didn't seem to learn anything from his intrusion, so I suggest you either lock the door or remind your stepbrother to knock before he comes in, or both.

Last week I had a sleepover at my best friend's. I woke up and saw him naked and stroking himself. I got an erection and he noticed. He told me he wanted to see it and compare penises. I showed him. He suggested I masturbate too. I told him I was OK (didn't want to) but then went to the bathroom and masturbated in private. He said we should masturbate together in the morning. Is he gay? Am I gay? (age 15)

None of that means either you or he is gay. You don't seem at all comfortable masturbating together, so you should tell him you don't want to.

My home has serious privacy issues! For example, my sister will get annoyed at me for locking the bathroom door, because she "needs to use it too." The bathroom is the only room in the house with a lock, and it's super uncomfortable to masturbate anywhere in the bathroom, plus my parents and sister will get annoyed at me for locking it. What do I do? (age 15)

You're a good candidate for masturbating in bed.

I was home alone and I knew my family would be out for most of the day so took the opportunity to use the big screen computer in the family room. I watched a cam girl stripping with my pants down and got really into it. I could feel myself getting close to orgasm and I was feeling pretty freaky so I stood up and ejaculated explosively on the desk. I exited the porn and got some tissue to wipe it up. I'd just finished cleaning up and flushed the tissues down the toilet when my brother's very conservative Christian girlfriend walked in the front door. She had come to drop off some item for my brother but if she had come a few minutes earlier, she would have seen me masturbating or at least wiping up. From then on, I have always locked the front door when I masturbate at that computer. (age 22)

Close call.

What is the best time for me to masturbate? I worry that my parents will catch me. (age 15)

Your parents know that all males will be masturbating by the time they're done growing. So your parents already know or suspect that you masturbate. If they discover you, it will not make any difference. The ideal time to masturbate is whatever time you'll enjoy it. About half of male masturbation happens at bedtime. That is also the time you'll be least likely caught.

I made a trip with two of my closest friends last summer. It was a long journey (two weeks) and first I didn't masturbate at all but after a week I just needed it. I was doing it in my bed, under the covers. It was a shared bedroom in a hostel. Only my friends were there. When I finished, I realized they were awake. There was so much semen, some of it leaked onto the mattress. They obviously also saw the tissue I used to wipe up. It was so embarrassing. They said nothing, but I don't think they were really cool about it either. It was awkward for the rest of the trip. (age 19)

It shouldn't have been awkward. You didn't do anything they hadn't done, or wished they couldn't do more often on the trip.

My family stayed at my grandparents' house for Christmas and the whole extended family was there so a lot of people had to sleep in the middle of the house including my brother (age 16) and me. He said, "Well, I guess I can't masturbate tonight!" and I said, "Sadly not." We both laughed. That was the first time he ever said anything to me about masturbation. (female, age 12)

That was a risky thing to say to a sister four years younger. I would not have said that, but I'm glad you laughed.

About 4 years ago I was staying at someone's cottage. One afternoon I was in the mood to masturbate so I lay on the lounge bed in an outbuilding, stomach down, pulled up my dress and started to rub myself. I was quite far from the house and the bed was lower than the windows so I didn't bother closing the curtains. When I looked up, two young men were staring at me with huge smiles on their faces. They caught me in the act. They were plumbers who had come to fix the shower but nobody warned me. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. Luckily I didn't know them and have never seen them again. (age 30)

Always be careful. That outbuilding was not a private place.

I was masturbating in front of my PC and my sister was sick and sleeping in another room and when it was going to happen, she saw me. I instantly hid my penis and she just said that I should not blackmail her or else she will tell my dad. Is it OK? (age 15)

It's perfectly OK, but I think she was the one blackmailing you.

I was jerking off in my room last week without bolting the door when my 17 year old cousin walked in. She was startled to see me doing that and stared at me for a moment or two and then left the room with a smile. I was left red- faced. She did not say anything about it. She gives me a knowing smile when our eyes meet. Is she hinting at something? (age 20)

No, I don't think she is. Just pretend it never happened, and remember to bolt your door.

I was alone at home. I decided to masturbate in front of the computer in my room. I don't watch porn but only look at pictures of nude girls so I can hear if someone is near my door. Since I was alone, I didn't close my door. Suddenly I heard our neighbor (female, 35) in our living room and calling my mother. My room is next to the living room and she entered my room. I tried to minimize my browser, but it didn't respond so a web site with plenty of nudity was on the screen. I managed to pull my trousers back. She asked me where my mom was and I answered that she was out of town. Then she left and didn't say anything about what she saw. What should I do now? (age 15)

You should always close your door when you're masturbating even if you think you're the only one home. Also, if you have a choice between covering up and closing browser windows, always cover up.

Recently I lubed up, started picturing my crush, and i started doing my thing. I could almost feel that orgasm, the cold feeling in my legs, the extreme pleasure of that last couple strokes, the semen pouring out onto my hand and then the feeling of "wow, i just had an orgasm, picturing my crush!" but my sister who is 19 walked into the room just as I ejaculated. She said she didn't think I would do that. The next day I got home and in my room was a gift bag with a tube of actual lube, and a Playboy magazine, and some condoms, with a note that read, "I'm sorry I walked in on you the other day." (age 14)

If that's true, it's quite a story, and if it isn't, you're a pretty good writer.

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