Reader questions about masturbation
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A Young Man's Guide to Masturbation was written for parents to give to their pre-adolescent (and early adolescent) sons. It's not as frank as it could be, but would parents want to use it then?!
These questions and answers are general ones about masturbation and not specifically about prone masturbation.
Many older questions have been moved to one of these topic pages:
- Penis and anatomy
- Sexual response & puberty
- Fantasies, fetishes & unusual practices
- Sexual problems, aches & pains
- Sex with partners
Is masturbating demonic? (age 14)
No, it's mammalian. Masturbation has been observed in the male of every species of mammal.
Two years ago, I found HealthyStrokes.com just randomly surfing the net. After about an hour of reading your excellent site, I was dripping precum. I started getting this weird ache in my abdomen. I went to my room and it wasn't long before I exploded. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for helping me learn to do this happy, wonderful thing!!!!!!!!! (age 15)
I started masturbating when I was in 10th grade and it became a habit where I was usually masturbating three to four times a week but sometimes as much as twice a day. Now at 21 I can't achieve a good erection. I know that masturbating relieves stress and prevents prostate cancer but I can't achieve an erection and the moment I feel excited I start to precum and it's driving me crazy. I can't focus in school and all I think about is not being able to achieve a good erection. Two years ago, I stopped dating and having sex because the last time I was in a relationship, I ended getting hurt really badly. Is there a solution to my problem? (age 21)
Most males your age who are not sexually active masturbate about once a day. You ought to be able to get erect more than that. I would see a doctor to rule out a physical problem. I also think you should see a psychologist about your relationship issues. Nearly everyone gets hurt in a breakup. You will probably find a lot of females who will break your heart; and then you will find one who won't.
I heard that it is dangerous to sit on the edge of a sofa and masturbate because the pressure from the sofa obstructs the muscles used during orgasm resulting in the tearing of pelvic nerves. Is this true? (age 25)
It is dangerous only if you're using strong force to hold your perineum against the sofa. I don't know about the tearing of pelvic nerves, but placing strong pressure on the perineum is dangerous because sensitive nerves and blood vessels run through that area. Some males use force there to prevent themselves from ejaculating, or rather to cause their ejaculate to become diverted into the urinary bladder.
I am worried about my lack of wet dreams lately. I usually have a wet dream about once a week or every 10 days and I don't masturbate. I really don't. I know you don't usually believe guys who say they don't but I don't. I have never masturbated to orgasm even once. Anyway, I haven't had a wet dream in almost a month. I have not masturbated or done anything else sexual in that time. I am getting worried. Does this mean something is wrong with me? What can I do to bring on another wet dream? (age 14)
Wet dream frequency can be pretty irregular. A guy can have wet dreams two nights in a row and then not again for a month. I highly doubt that there is anything wrong with you. I am inclined to believe that you don't masturbate. But why not? Most guys your age masturbate daily and enjoy it greatly. Since you're having a month without a wet dream now, why not take the opportunity to teach yourself how to masturbate? As far as bringing on the wet dream, that is a tricky one, but it might help to wear less clothing to bed.
I believe that prone masturbation can result in damage to the suspensory ligaments. I used to prone masturbate with my penis pointed down and I heard a pop and now it slings downward instead of upward. I'm still looking into other possibilities to what happened and how to fix it, but would you agree that there very well could be physical damage from prone masturbation?
What you describe is fracture of the penis. I have never heard of anyone fracturing his penis by masturbating prone before. It is usually caused by having intercourse in the female-superior (cowgirl) position with a rambunctious partner who moves her body while the man is erect inside her. Talk to your doctor about fracture of the penis. He or she will probably refer you to a urologist. Anyway, I hope you have given up prone masturbation and now masturbate conventionally.
Is it normal that I haven't had an erection without trying to masturbate in 3-4 days? (age 13)
At your age, a whole lot of things fall within the range of normal. Not every guy your age is having frequent or even daily erections yet. There is nothing wrong with you at 13 if you're only getting erections occasionally. Even if you're masturbating often, there is nothing wrong with you if you don't get an erection in 3-4 days since you last masturbated.
I have 8 to 10 wet dreams a month, almost 50% of which are caused by dreaming about intercourse, which I have never engaged in. I also masturbate 3-4 times a month. Is it normal for a guy like me? (age 21)
That is a lot of wet dreams at any age. Most male virgins your age masturbate about once a day, sometimes more. I suspect if you masturbated at least four times a week, it would put an end to your wet dreams forever.
In school when I talk to attractive female peers, I can't help but take glances at their breasts (especially from the sides) or look at pictures they post online, and masturbate fantasizing about having sex with them and seeing the exact size of their breasts bouncing. I don't feel aroused when I look at them in person. Would they find out that I'm looking and is it very a bad/unethical thing to do? Is it normal? (age 14)
It's very normal to look at attractive people (either in person or photos) and masturbate in private. Females usually don't like when males stare at their breasts. It's easier for them to tell than you think. It would be a good idea to teach yourself not to stare.
You say it's a symptom of STDs if urinating hurts after masturbating. I sometimes urinate after masturbating and my penis hurts afterward but not always. What should I do? (age 13)
If you've been sexually active, you should see a doctor to get tested for STDs. If you haven't been sexually active, then you can't have an STD. STD stands for sexually transmitted disease. You might be simply using too much force when you masturbate. If so, work at using less force.
I get erections easily and the way my school uniform shorts are made, when I sit down, there is a bulge as my pants are lower than others, even when I'm not erect. Would girls notice this and find it a turn-off? (age 15)
Girls could see the bulge if they looked, but they probably wouldn't know which part of it is a sex organ and which part is just the way the fabric lays. If it bothers you, find a solution. Either get different shorts or wear heavier underwear under them so that more of the bulge is fabric and less is your anatomy.
I have a constant twitch in my penis and am wondering how I can get rid of it. What are the possible causes? (age 16)
A twitch (discomfort) in your penis could be caused by an STD. If you have been sexually active, you should get tested by a doctor to rule out an STD. If you haven't been sexually active, then you might need to urinate more often. Drink a lot more water for the next few days and see if the extra flushing of your urinary tract makes a difference.
I always thought masturbating (to orgasm) wasn't something you should do. I have indeed masturbated to orgasm a few times, but lately I have been stopping before I get to orgasm because I was scared that maybe I was not supposed to do it at this age. Now reading HealthyStrokes.com that a bare minimum is about two weeks without masturbating for good health's sake I'm scared I might have hurt my abdomen or bladder or something by going that long without. Did I? (age 13)
You are pretty young and most boys your age are just starting to masturbate and a lot of them haven't made it a daily habit yet. You have not hurt anything by masturbating infrequently or stopping before orgasm at age 13. Once you get to enjoying it more, you will do it more frequently and understand why ejaculating only once every two weeks is an extremely low amount. I suggest you read my page about the health benefits of frequent masturbation.
I have been with my girlfriend for over a year now, and we have been having sex for a while but I can't orgasm from it. When she gives me a handjob or fellatio, sometimes I masturbate until I get close and then she takes over to make me orgasm. I am not nervous or anything like that, I just can't orgasm. I read somewhere that it might be because I use too tight a grip when I masturbate. I have a very tight grip. I squeeze it tightly and I also stroke very fast. I masturbate anywhere from 1-3 times a day. I'm getting really desperate. I want to orgasm from my girlfriend. Can I solve this problem my masturbating with a weaker grip? if so, can I still masturbate that often, or is this another cause of my problem? (age 16)
Yes, a tight grip is very much your problem. Your frequency of masturbation is also unusual for someone who is sexually active. I suggest working on both. Take 3-5 days off from sex and masturbation and then try to masturbate to orgasm using a much lighter grip. Try to see how good only a small amount of touch can feel. Then try to masturbate no more than once a day (occasionally twice) and plan to take a day off from masturbating before you have sex. You might also acquire a device called the Super Head Honcho, which works well to train a male to use less force to masturbate.
Can anyone know if I am masturbating or not just looking at my penis? (age 21)
No. And I won't tell anyone either.
I have been masturbating since I was 9. From 9 to 11 I did prone masturbation. Since then, I have been masturbating by hand. I jack my beanstalk around twice a day, but yesterday I did it four times to practice my imagination (twice with porn, twice with only my imagination). I am thinking of swapping the two each day. Is this good? (age 13)
Four times is approximately the most that the average male has ever masturbated in a day. Excercising your imagination is not going to make much difference if you still use porn that often. If you want to eliminate the porn, then do so.
Sometimes I like to masturbate with one hand and do homework with the other. I've only ejaculated on it once. Is this normal? (age 17)
If I had an award for wackiest question of the year, I would nominate you for it, but I don't have such an award because I don't want to encourage wacky questions.
I have been masturbating for about two years now and I have noticed two nipple-like things appear under my nipples. I can't find anything that links them that to masturbation or what they are. (age 14)
I'm not a doctor, but I can say with 100% certainty that they were not caused by masturbating. (And if they were, would you quit?) Any unexplained growth on your skin should be checked out by a doctor. So please do that.
You state that penises don't create lubricant, but this is not true. The penis will secrete a small amount of lubricating fluid when stimulated, just as a woman's vagina will get wet. (age 34)
You are only partially correct. An uncircumcised penis has two lubricating glands, but one of these is removed in circumcision and the other dries up shortly afterward. As of the last survey, most of the male readers of HealthyStrokes.com are circumcised.
I've been masturbating since I was 12 but have noticed changes in my habits. Sometimes I am constantly horny and masturbate 2-3 times a day and have the urge to watch porn. Other times I go for days with no desire to masturbate or watch porn. Is this normal? (age 20)
I think you might be over-analyzing. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Most men your age practice it about once a day. That doesn't mean they do it exactly once every 24 hours. In general, it is better for your prostate gland if your ejaculation is more evenly spaced out. But if you're not having symptoms of prostate trouble (which usually manifests itself at your age as random pain in your genitals) then I don't see a problem with your binge and break cycle.
Lots of men don't worry about not having desire to masturbate; they look at something stimulating in order to provoke their desire.
The other thing that occurs to me that you didn't specifically mention is sex with partners. If you're having sex with a partner, it's not at all uncommon to go days without masturbating around those acts of intercourse.
You might find you also eat certain things repeatedly for a period of time and then go a long time without it. It doesn't mean you have anything wrong psychologically.
I don't reach orgasm when I masturbate. I have wet dreams frequently. Is everything OK? (age 18)
If you're 18, you should have learned how to masturbate to orgasm years ago. Some males learn later than others. But most of the males you interact with on a daily basis (school, etc.) have been masturbating to orgasm for more than half a decade. Are you taking any medication that makes reaching orgasm difficult, like an antidepressant? If so, talk to your doctor about switching to one that doesn't have sexual side effects. If not, work harder at reaching orgasm when you masturbate. Reading the male pages of HealthyStrokes.com will help.
Is it OK to look at Internet porn at my age? Thank you very much. (age 12)
No, I don't think that's OK at all. You ought to be developing your sexual imagination at your age and not relying on porn. Save the Internet photos for when you're much older.
I find it easier to reach orgasm watching porn; however, I can use my imagination but it's not a better experience. What is your argument? (age 13 years and 9 months)
My argument is that you are young and porn is a shortcut. It can be a dangerous shortcut too. Instead of taking shortcuts, you ought to be learning. There are lots of things that can arouse you that you haven't even experienced a little bit yet. Every little bit of arousal that you can experience can lead you to have a better orgasm later. But if you shortcut those future arousals, you might never develop your sexual imagination and become unable to be aroused by anything other than porn.
Also, a lot of porn is just plain dangerous: violent, extreme, exploitative. There was a time when boys your age spoke of "porn," what they actually meant were rather tame photos of topless women in swimsuits, or perhaps Playboy. Porn today includes extreme material that 20 years ago was only available in seedy porn stores in bad parts of large cities. As you get older, you will recognize the difference between Playboy-type photos and the extremes of Internet porn. At your age, you might not be aware of the difference. So porn can be an explosive and degrading experience that ought to be postponed until you can handle it better.
A girl I know lost her virginity to some guy. He had a large penis that tore her up. Will this large penis mess up her vagina permanently? I'm asking because she is now my girlfriend possibly my wife.
Wow, that question sure escalated quickly. At the beginning of your message she was "a girl I know" and at the end she's "possibly my wife." There isn't that much variation in the size of penises. A small one is as capable of "tearing her up" as a large one. You can rest assured that her vagina has not been "messed up permanently" by that sexual encounter. Better days are ahead.
The other night my friend, who is my age and who's been having sex for a few years, revealed to me that in all her sexual experiences and all her boyfriends, she has only had one orgasm during intercourse. I thought that was just sad. Is this normal for her age or is she just really unlucky? (age 21)
I wouldn't use the word normal but unfortunately it is a common experience for women to not have orgasms in intercourse; in men, that is a rare thing. Most females learn to be orgasmic by masturbating. They can use the knowledge of orgasms they get that way to help themselves reach orgasm in intercourse, and some women even masturbate while having intercourse. If your friend can figure out what helped her have that one orgasm, it would be to her advantage.
I masturbate about 1-2 times a week, a lot less than my old 7+ times weekly. Lately my nipple got stiff and sore (only one though). My friend told me it's because I masturbate. (age 15)
Masturbating will not make your nipple sore. Something touching your nipple (tight shirt, something in pocket) is doing that. Most guys your age masturbate more like your old frequency than your current one.
I am almost 14 and I have never had a wet dream. I started masturbating about 10 months ago. Whenever I masturbate, it takes me about 4 minutes roughly and I only produce this clear liquid and try to masturbate more but I just can't. Is this normal? (age almost 14)
The wet dream would depend if you're actually ejaculating or not. The clear liquid might be pre-cum (bulbourethral fluid), which comes out when a male is sexually aroused but before he ejaculates. Or the clear liquid might be semen, if you are not yet producing all of the components of semen. Either of which would be normal at your age. If you've actually been ejaculating by frequent masturbation for 10 months, than I doubt you'll ever have a wet dream. I suspect you are actually ejaculating because if you weren't, you'd probably be having wet dreams lately. My main suggestion to you is to work at making your sessions last longer than four minutes.
I mostly masturbate thinking about girls I know or have seen around, usually my age, some older. I find it hard to face them afer I've recently masturbated with them in mind, even a day or two ago. What should I do? (age 17)
Just smile and say hi. They don't know what you've been thinking.
I started masturbating about a month ago and have not yet achieved an ejaculation, I think. All of my friends at school say they can ejaculate the white thick fluid (semen) but I am confused. Recently I noticed a small amount of clear sticky fluid that oozes out about 45-90 seconds after I orgasm. What is this? When is a male supposed to ejaculate? Before orgasm, during, or after? (age 13)
Males ejaculate at the same moment of orgasm, or within one second of the orgasm starting. For nearly all males, ejaculation is part of orgasm. Semen is sticky but not clear. You might be releasing pre-cum, or bulbourethral fluid. Or you might not be producing all of the components of semen yet. Frequently after a male ejaculates, another burst of semen comes out when he next moves his pelvis, like when he stands up again. This semen is not being ejaculated but is being forced out by gravity. I doubt you're doing anything wrong and will probably be ejaculating like nobody's business soon.
I noticed on your prone masturbation page that you mention the need to ejaculate at least once every two weeks. I and many others are doing the No Fap challenge, which can last many months. How safe are we? (age 19)
Not at all safe. Once every two weeks is an extremely low frequency of ejaculating. A team of doctors led by Dr. Graham Giles found that males who ejaculated most often when they were young had the least incidence of prostate cancer later. Dr. Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. The No Fap movement is one of the dumbest and most destructive things to come along for sexual health.
I masturbated last night, and a few hours later, I had a wet dream. Is something wrong with me? (age 27)
Wet dreams are rare in a person who masturbates frequently, especially at your age, but they do not mean anything is wrong with you.
I have a huge crush on my best friend and I masturbate while thinking of her. Is that normal? (age 15)
Recently I have been feeling really anxious when I go to masturbate. It has never been a problem before. I used to love it, and could relax and get into it without the worry of anyone disturbing me, even with porn on. But recently I have become on edge, like I feel someone is going to catch me or something. Every time I hear a noise while masturbating, I jump and stop for a while until I believe no one is there. I'm struggling to get back in touch with myself, and I need to learn to relax again and know no one is gonna catch me, which I seem to be unable to do. I live with my mom and sister. It has been an issue for a couple of weeks now and I have only managed to properly orgasm/ejaculate three times over this period, and that was purely from not having masturbated for a few days. Even then it wasn't a pleasurable experience. It's like masturbating has lost its pleasure. Is there any advice or methods you know of to help my situation? I just want to be able to enjoy myself again, safely, relaxed. (age 18)
You are an adult. You get to do what adults do. Even if you weren't 18 yet, you are experienced at masturbating and have enjoyed it for years. Even if your mom and sister knew for a fact that you masturbate, and often, you would not, could not, stop. So simply accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health, and something you are going to do whether or not your mom or sister approve. I also thing reading my page about variety in masturbation would be good for you.
I really want to try masturbating with condoms. For some reason the idea of a condom turns me on and I get hard. I found a few boxes of condoms, all sealed up in shrink wrap, except a couple which were open, in my mom's room. I am tempted to take some but I'm worried they would notice. It seems like using a condom would be fun and a new variation. What do you suggest I do?
What is it like using a condom, if I never get the chance in the next few months? (age 15)
You have two questions. You are asking about the experience of masturbating in a condom and you are asking whether you should steal some from your mom's private drawer. The obvious alternative to stealing them is to buy some; or perhaps you could even get some for free at a teen health center or even your school. Only you can decide the ethics about that.
Most males find it fun and exciting to try using a condom to masturbate, but only a few make it a regular part of their masturbatory practice. It feels slightly different from dry hand masturbation, because there are two kinds of friction: hand against condom, and condom against penis. A male who is experienced using lube to masturbate would probably not find condoms to be much different. However, there is one advantage of masturbating with a condom that makes it occasionally a useful choice even for a sexually experienced man: There is no worry about cleanup and where the semen will go when ejaculating into a condom. I also discuss this on my page about variety in masturbating.
I have just started to read your site and I am really impressed. I would love to know more about my sexuality as I never went to sex ed and don't know much. I am a 20-year-old virgin and I was wondering if you would be interested in doing a study on me. It would help me know more about my body and it would give you data. Let me know what you think of this idea.
I am happy that you found my site and that it is helping you learn more. I don't do studies on individuals other than a small number who have written up their lengthy histories of prone masturbation and have given me permission to post it. If you have specific questions, feel free to post them.
I was a virgin by choice until I got married last month. I started masturbating when I was 13 and masturbated about once a night (sometimes more) for 23 years. A few times in the past decade, I heard people talking about "getting too used to your own hand" or whatever, and so I backed off in the last year or so to just weekends (when I would binge, haha) and then I tried really hard the last month before my wedding to stop completely; I didn't, but I only masturbated a few times in that month.
Now that we're married (she was a virgin too at 33), sex has been really difficult and awkward. We are completely OK with that and know we'll get more used to it. However, when I finally was able to penetrate her, it's like neither of us can feel much of anything. I feel a lot of this is psychological. But I fear most on my part is that I have trained myself to respond to the grip and movement of my own hand. Can I unlearn this and become more responsive to her vagina? (age 36)
The learning curve for male virgins gets much harder past the age of 21. You are correct that you will improve over time. This is an issue for all new partners. But I am also inclined to believe you masturbated not only very frequently but also with a lot of force. No vagina will ever feel as forceful as your own hand. While you obviously should work at having better sex with your wife, you should also work at learning to masturbate with less force. For more than a year, I have recommended a sleeve called the Super Head Honcho for males with this problem. By masturbating with this sleeve loosely over the penis, you can simulate the pressure of the vagina.
I have been masturbating for the past 3 to 4 years. Due to religious reasons, I have decided to quit. I know it's healthy and natural but I am quite firm with my decision and there is no going back. It's been a week since I last jerked off. It has been a difficult week. I think I will make it and quit masturbating altogether. I read somewhere that sexual inactivity might lead to cancer or some similar stuff and might also affect one's fertility. Can you set me straight on that? (age 17)
I see you posted that on May 8 and it is now the 14th. Are you really going on two weeks now, or have you decided that you really enjoy masturbating more than quitting? It's not the case that sexual inactivity will lead to cancer, but on average, males who masturbate more frequently when they're young have less prostate cancer when they're older. Masturbation is good for your fertility. I wish you would accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Most religious guys also masturbate often and enjoy it.
Thank you for putting my earlier story on the caught masturbating page. Just a few days after that other incident happened, I was driving on a rural road and decide to masturbate as I drove. It was dark as can be and there was no other traffic around. I was going 65-70 miles per hour. I really got into it quickly even though I didn't have any cool pictures to look at. I kept a napkin handy. Just as I was about to orgasm, I spotted a bunch of deer crossing the road. When I came, it was the most intense orgasm I have ever had. I really yelled out, even louder than I ever have during intercourse. I braked and avoided the deer. Then I pulled over to clean up and rest for a minute. I feel that driving while masturbating is safer than a lot of things that people do while driving, like eating or fooling with the stereo. You don't have to take your eyes off the road or your foot away from the brake to masturbate. (age 34)
I advise strongly against masturbating while driving. You probably didn't react to the deer as quickly as you could have because you were busy. That could have ended very badly, and the coroner's report would have noted that your penis was erect and out of your pants.
I just read on here that prone masturbation isn't recommended for girls. I've been humping pillows for a long time. I had no idea about this. I read it was bad for boys. Why is it bad for girls? (male, age 14)
There is overwhelming evidence that it's bad for males, so I urge you to stop with the pillow humping ASAP. There is some evidence that it is also harmful for females. Females who masturbate by hand have more orgasms in intercourse than those who masturbate prone. So prone masturbation is bad for everyone, but especially bad for males.
I use yogurt as lube. Is that OK? I don't buy lube because I would get embarrassed if my parents were to see it. (age 18)
You are a grownup and should not be embarrassed because you do something that most 12 year olds do. I have never heard of yogurt being used as lube. An individual container of yogurt costs about 50 cents, while a 9 ounce tube of lube costs less than a dollar at Walmart and a 3 ounce tube of Warm Touch costs $1 at Dollar Tree.
Are erections meant to be straight or horizontal? How can you tell if you're masturbating normally? (age 16)
Not all penises are perfectly straight. Generally speaking, at your age, your erection should almost point straight up so your penis is almost parallel to your abdomen. As males get older, the angle of erection tends to decline. By masturbating normally, I mean stroking up and down the penis with one hand. That's how nearly all males masturbate.
I have masturbated for about four months and precum comes out but I have never ejaculated even when I go as long as I can. Is this normal and can I still have wet dreams? (age 13)
Yes, that is normal. If you keep masturbating, then you will be ejaculating soon. If you stop masturbating, then you are apt to have wet dreams when your body is ready to ejaculate.
I used to masturbate prone from age 14-16. After reading your site, I decided to switch to normal, and I masturbated twice normally after that. Last week, I decided to stop masturbating altogether, but somehow, within 2 days (this has never happened before) I started having wet dreams and have had four wet dreams over a span of 5 days. Is this normal? What should I do? (age 16)
Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. You should want to do it often. It is not normal to quit; and I don't think you could succeed at quitting. Most guys who try to quit are masturbating again within a week. The wet dreams could be caused by your not ejaculating as much as you're used to since you took some time off to switch to regular masturbation (congratulations on that) and then did it only twice. I suspect if you started masturbating again (by hand), the wet dreams will go away. But if you want to abstain from masturbating to see how long the wet dreams will happen and at what frequency, there's nothing wrong with that. Keep me posted and don't go back to prone!
Often when I am sexually aroused, I have a short spasm where I shake a bit. Is that normal? (age 14)
That happens to lots of people, both male and female. It's why most guys and many females hold their legs straight while they're masturbating.
I've started exercising a lot more, and when I do I wear sweatpants. A pimple has formed on the base of my penis. What can I do to make it go away? I know it isn't an STD because I'm not sexually active. I can go about a week, probably more without masturbating, but I'd really like to get this thing off of me. Any tips? (age 16)
It helps to change your underwear more frequently (at least once a day) and to use soap on the area in the shower. There is no need to cut back on your masturbating.
If the vagina does not have any nerve endings or sensitivity, then how does a female reach orgasm during sex or internal masturbation. Please elaborate. (male, age 22)
Where did you get the idea that the vagina doesn't have any nerve endings or sensitivity? It is very sensitive. It contains a particularly sensitive area called the G Spot that most women aim for when they masturbate internally and try to get their partners to aim for during intercourse.
I am going through puberty. I have already grown pubic hair and am already getting a mustache. When I masturbate I cannot ejaculate or feel pre-sum coming out. Is this normal? (age 12)
If you have gotten pubic hair, then you ought to be ejaculating soon. Most males can't feel their pre-cum coming out. It is more noticeable when it comes out and is felt. What you describe is very normal.
I have tried to start masturbating lately as all my friends say they do it. It never seems to work as I don't feel anything. I'm worried something might be wrong. (age 13)
Don't be worried. And don't try to force yourself to masturbate. Wait until sometime you get an erection that feels really good and then try. Practice makes perfect.
I have been masturbating for about 6 years. I usually masturbate dry although occasionally I use some sort of lube. It seems like my meatus has stretched and no longer controls urine well. Is this a normal part of aging or should I be concerned? (age 19)
This is bad for 19. I suggest having it checked by a urologist to rule out a serious problem. Many men your age masturbate dry but don't have issues with urination. I also suggest you start making lube a regular sexual practice.
I'm glad all of this information is readily available in one place. I'm a circumcised divorced male, and I have masturbation sessions about 3-5 times a week. I can have more than one orgasm in a session.
I think I have a very short refractory period. I can reach orgasm around 30-60 seconds after I start stimulation. Usually I will be erect before the clothes come off, and unless I employ a modicum of control, I will orgasm within a minute or so. After around another minute, I am good to go again. This time it feels better to achieve orgasm, but takes around 5 minutes on average to come.
A normal night is something like this:
- 45 seconds thrusting
- ORGASM 1
- 60 seconds refractory period
- 4 minutes oral or vaginal stimulation
- ORGASM 2
- 60 seconds refractory period
- Penis limp, need to use hand to make erect 30 seconds
- 5-8 minutes doggy style
- ORGASM 3
- 50 seconds refractory period
- Penis very limp, engage major mental imagery, use hand
- 10-15 minutes thrusting, oral, foreplay eventually....
- ORGASM 4 (30 minutes or so altogether)
I want to know if I am a freak, that I have such a short refractory period? (age 26)
You keep talking about orgasms, but you never mention ejaculation. Are you ejaculating with each of these orgasms, or only once at the end? Some males can be multi-orgasmic. If that's the case, then you're doing just fine. I've never heard of a male be able to ejaculate so often in as little as five minutes and to get an erection again for another session less than a minute after an ejaculation. I don't think you're a freak and doubt that the 30 minute sexual session you describe is harming you.
I recently managed to give up prone, after coming across HealthyStrokes.com, however I have never been aroused by naked women or porn or anything like that. I still get aroused by beautiful women, but it is beautiful women who are in positions of power like a queen. Is this dangerous? Would it affect my sex life? (age 19)
It is obviously very dangerous to only be aroused by women in power like a queen. You might never have a chance to have sex with the only kind of women who arouse you. It is much better if you can be aroused by most of the countless eager and available females around your age. You ought to work harder at being aroused by regular females. If you really can't be, then I think you need to seek professional help.
I masturbate on my back but usually use a pair of underwear in between my hand and my penis for easy cleanup. Is this OK, normal, or unhealthy at all? (age 15)
There is no reason to do that. You would be better off using only your hand and then cleaning up afterward.
Many times I've read that you say a guy can't stop masturbating once he's started. Is it the same for sex? I've never had sex but is it true that someone can't stop having sex once they're used to it? If not, then why can someone quit sex but not masturbation? (age 15)
Your conception of how this fits together is all wrong. Once a male starts ejaculating regularly, he's going to need to keep ejaculating regularly for decades, and he can't stop that. Most of the time, this means masturbation. Some males, even younger ones, do most of their ejaculating as a result of sexual intercourse. Obviously a male can stop having sex if he wants to, or more likely, because he doesn't have a willing partner. But he is going to be masturbating more often as a result of no longer having sex. Basically, if a male doesn't have any other way to ejaculate, he's going to be masturbating.
You mention frequently about using visual aids when masturbating. You say you're not against it, but that it is better to try to use our imaginations more in order to maintain a healthy sexual lifestyle. My question is, if we need to use visual aids to masturbate with, what types or genres would you recommend that would be safer than other options? (age 15)
At your age, you are constantly surrounded by attractive people your own age. Those should be your visual aids. Build your imagination off of what you see around you instead of someone else's sexual fantasies. Having said that, if you must take to the visual aid habit as young as you are, it would be better to use swimsuit photos or simple nudity of the type featured on kindgirls.com. I strongly urge against using video porn of any kind.
I'm masturbating at least three times a week. After masturbating, I often feel tired. Should I keep masturbating? If I continue, will my body strength decrease? (age 17)
Most males your age masturbate about once a day. More masturbate more than seven times a week than masturbate fewer. I thought you should know this, since you report three times a week as if it's a lot. That is a low frequency for a 17 year old male. It is normal to feel tired after you ejaculate. That is not a problem. It is how the body is designed. It is why half of male masturbation takes place at bedtime; because orgasm leads naturally to sleep. Your body strength is not being depleted; when you wake up, or even if you just rest for a few minutes, you will be feeling fine and strong as ever. If anything, masturbating makes your body stronger, not weaker. Furthermore, you could not quit masturbating even if you tried. So you need to accept masturbation as normal, healthy and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health.
I'm really worried about being caught masturbating, but I also think of telling my mom or dad about it. I don't know what to do. (age 13)
You ought to keep reading HealthyStrokes.com. It will both help you worry less about being caught and make you less inclined to want to tell. There's no reason to tell.
I like your site a lot. I don't understand these guys who say they only masturbate once or twice a month, because ever since I started doing it, I've needed it every day and I get downright irritable if I don't get to masturbate for three days straight for some reason. How can a guy get along masturbating only once a month? (age 17)
Not everyone feels the same urge that you do. Most guys your age masturbate about once a day. Some do it a lot less. Of course, some of them are sexually active and are not masturbating like they used to. But some males just don't feel the urge to ejaculate daily; some of them disbelieve me when I tell them how often the average male ejaculates and that some doctors urge males to ejaculate at least six times a week to maintain sexual health.
Why isn't there masturbation training in school? (age 30)
Students today are lucky if they hear masturbation mentioned in their school curriculum at all, let alone "masturbation training." In 1994, the surgeon general of the United States, Joycelyn Elders, was fired by President Clinton after answering a question that she thought masturbation should be taught in school. The irony of the situation is that Clinton was probably dissatisfied with her at that point for other reasons and only took the opportunity of the masturbation comments to announce her firing. So having masturbation in the sex ed curriculum got a bad rap as a result of the timing of that firing.
I just don't feel like masturbating. Is there anything wrong with that? I'm not thinking that it's gross or anything, but I just don't feel like playing with my penis. (age 13)
There is nothing at all wrong with that. On their 13th birthdays, a lot of guys aren't masturbating. But then something interesting happens. Every day, another thousand guys get over their feeling of not wanting to masturbate. Each one does it and likes it enough to try it again in a few days. And then again and again. And before long it is a daily habit. And then he laughs at the thought that there was a time (two weeks ago!) that he didn't want to play with his penis. I think before your 14th birthday, you will be that guy.
I find your site interesting because it promotes the health benefits of masturbation. What is a healthy amount of masturbation? What would be too much and too little? Does porn have a harmful effect on health? Should masturbation be done without porn? (age 21)
Most men your age masturbate about once a day. I doubt that anyone who knows anything would say that is either too much or too little. A team of doctors led by Dr. Graham Giles found that males who ejaculated most often when they were younger had the least incidence of prostate cancer later. Dr. Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times per week. Too much masturbation is when your penis hurts, or when you're missing appointments or taking too much time away from other parts of your life. I doubt there is anything harmful to health about using visual aids; but I discourage their use by teen males. I regard videos and photos of sex acts as porn and simple nudity as not porn. Visual aids are more a time-saver than anything else. With them, masturbation might take 2-5 minutes and without them it might take 20-30.
Ever since I started masturbating, I've trained myself to be extremely quiet. I could leave the door open at night and nobody would even notice, even if they were awake. I'd have to go out of my way to make noise when I masturbate. Soon, there will be days when I will be home alone (parents out of town) and I am wondering if you could tell me how to be "noisy," just to see how it feels.
Most people let out a scream or moan as they reach orgasm. Some people shout out sexual words. Moaning the name of a partner or fantasy partner is a favorite.
I used to be able to fantasize fine while I masturbated but now I can't. If I manage to fantasize about something, it will only stick in my head for about 5 seconds. Would this be because I have a lot going on at school (e.g., junior band)?
I never heard of a guy who was unable to fantasize while masturbating because he was preoccupied with band. And I've known some serious band-intense people. Most adult males use visual aids to help them focus on a particular fantasy. Try harder to keep those stimulating thoughts in your head.
I masturbate by not thrusting, but sliding my hand up and down my penis to make it feel like I'm thrusting. Is this prone masturbation? (age 12)
I've been masturbating since I was 11. I got my first ejaculation when I was 12.5, and my first wet dream was near my 13th birthday. I don't masturbate often, only about 1-3 times a week. I still often get wet dreams up to 5 times a week, sometimes twice a night, and I orgasm pretty fast. You said it takes around 5 minutes when masturbating, but it usually takes less that a minute for me. Is this weird? When can I expect wet dreams to stop? They're annoying! (age 13.5)
You are pretty young and could benefit by reading more of HealthyStrokes.com. I've dealt with all your questions over the years; in fact, you were born right around the time that HealthyStrokes.com started on February 4, 2002. The five minutes is only an average; it is not at all weird to be able to masturbate to orgasm in less than a minute at your age. As you get older, it will probably take longer. If you can do it so quickly, I'm surprised you don't masturbate more often. You would probably stop your wet dreams if you did. Wet dreams usually stop forever once a male starts masturbating more than 4-5 times a week.
I have always been very nervous discussing or mentioning masturbation at all with anyone. I am 44, have never had a partner, but have recently found that when I masturbate, it takes about 10 minutes, but I am not ejaculating as much as I used to. I find I ejaculate more when I am more relaxed. Is this normal or should I be concerned if I do not get a good orgasm at my age? I try to masturbate about twice a week. Would it still be helpful more often than that?
It is natural for me to just do very heavy breathing when I do it. When I finally get a partner, I understand that I will be face down on top of them, like masturbating prone. Why is that OK when masturbating prone isn't?
Is it safe to taste semen as I have never done it as I do not know if it is safe or not?
I think it would be good for you to discuss masturbating and your other sexual issues with a friend of yours. Do not be nervous about it. All your friends and all the other males you know have masturbated, as have the vast majority of the females you know. Nearly all of the men your age have been masturbating for over 30 years. It is typical to have reduced ejaculate volume as you get older. Twice a week is not very often, and most males your age who are not sexually active masturbate more than that.
Having vaginal intercourse in the prone position is safe for a man even though masturbating prone isn't, because a woman's vagina provides resistance. A mattress doesn't. Easting your own semen is perfectly safe and about 11 percent of men clean up after masturbating that way.
How long should the sensation before ejaculating last?
If you're talking about the plateau stage, where a male is certain he will ejaculate soon if he continues what he's doing, it's fun to make it last as long as possible, perhaps as long as a minute. The orgasm stage, which includes ejaculation, generally only lasts about eight seconds.
I am gay but not completely out of the closet. I have been with women, sexually and relationshipwise, but have been brought up to be ashamed of my homosexuality, and I have never been sexually active with a male. At 29 years old, I have only masturbated regularly once or twice a week for many years. After reading HealthyStrokes.com and realizing how far behind I am in the amount of masturbation I've done, as compared to the males who responded to your survey, I want to know what is wrong with me. Why do I feel like masturbating isn't a good thing. How do I fix this problem? Please don't say see a doctor. (age 29)
Keep in mind that those males who answered my survey were readers of a masturbation web site. They are almost certainly more avid practitioners of masturbation than the average male. Some males, even ones who aren't sexually active, are content masturbating only once or twice a week. I have to believe that your issue with masturbating stems from being ashamed of your homosexuality. Surely there are many online support groups you could join and get to know other gay men who are in your same situation. In most of those groups, you can use a handle and be completely anonymous. Don't worry that you're in a masturbating competition with my readers.
I am 35 and like to masturbate twice a day. My friends say that's way too much. What is normal for a 35 year old man?
According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, the average man in the 35-39 age group has 7.94 orgasms per week.
I am 19 and I've been in the habit of masturbating at bedtime for 10 years. Yes, since I was 9. I can't get to sleep without doing it. I tried having sex recently and it just wasn't working for me. I feel like I'm desensitized to having sex because I've been masturbating nightly for so long.
I don't think your problem is masturbation but why you can't get to sleep. Many, many males masturbate at bedtime. But I don't think very many would say they couldn't get to sleep if they didn't masturbate. So deal with that first. Then, when it comes time to have sex again, abstain from masturbating for 4-5 days (er, nights) beforehand and see if you're enjoying sex more.
I recently met a girl through mutual friends and I think she's cute and I would like to get a chance to get to know her. We met for 30 minutes and I'm thinking about her in a sexual way and am thinking about masturbating to her. Is this normal or OK? I barely know her. (age 18)
Are you sure you're 18? If you're asking for my permission to fantasize about a girl you met, I think you might be closer to 11. Most people fantasize about those they find attractive. Some people avoid fantasizing about people that they might actually have to deal with in real life and instead fantasize about celebrities or people in pictures and videos.
Every time I masturbate, which is about once a day, my head gets very sensitive and I can only masturbate my shaft. If I rub my head or include it in the stroke while masturbating, I urinate. (age 14)
It is normal for the head to get too sensitive to be touched when the penis is aroused. This can be reduced as a factor by using lubricant when you masturbate. Nearly everyone likes to urinate before masturbating in order to keep the need to urinate from intruding.
As a teenager, I used to masturbate several times per week, but now I don't even get the urge to do it. I find it easy to go 2+ weeks without masturbating. Is this unhealthy? (age 20)
Yes, very. Frequent ejaculation is good for your sexual organs, and fun too. You are putting yourself at risk for prostate trouble by ejaculating so little. Most men your age masturbate about once a day. If you're lacking the sexual urge, maybe you're depressed. It might be good to talk to your doctor to find out what's wrong.
I masturbate in bed almost every night and it really disrupts my sleeping schedule, and I try to stop semen from getting on my sheets. I have masturbated in the shower once or twice and really enjoyed the sensation. Our house is really small and there is very little privacy and I don't have much time when showering! Could you please give me some suggestions on places and ways to masturbate that require minimum clean up afterwards, and also how to request more privacy from family members without giving anything away? (age 14)
The place for maximum privacy is in bed. You report masturbating there almost every night, so obviously you know that. Most guys ejaculate onto their stomachs and then clean up afterward with no problem. If worry about spraying onto your sheets is really bothering you, then try it with a condom a few times. Some guys like it and some don't. I suggest you read my page about getting caught masturbating for tips about dealing with family members.
There is this girl that I talk to a lot and she is 21. I masturbate to her voice and we talk about sex and all that. The laws of my state say 16 is the age of consent so is there anything wrong with this? (age 14)
Being the younger one, I don't think you have to worry about the law, but if she asked me, I would tell her not to engage in phone sex with minors.
I have been masturbating since I was 10. I only knew that it was fun. When I learned what it really was, I started doing it even more. I joke with my cousin about masturbation but not tell him I actually do it. Before I started producing semen, we were about to watch a movie in my room. He said he would not sit on my bed if I had masturbated before, but I kept denying it. Sometimes my cousins cannot keep things to themselves, but I want to tell him I do and that it would not matter anyway as wet dreams are part of the equation, but I think it will affect our relationship. What should I do? (age 12)
If you are not comfortable telling your cousin that you masturbate, then don't tell him. If you don't want him to keep asking you about it, then stop making jokes about it. Better to tell him you just don't want to talk about it.
I really like this girl from school and sometimes I masturbate while imagining her nude. Is this wrong to do? (age 12)
Most boys your age do that. It's only wrong if you think it is. If you really like her, why not invite her to do something fun. I think you'll like that better than imagining her nude.
I started masturbating during my pre-puberty days. As far as I can remember, I was 7 or 8 when I started rubbing my penis. I could reach orgasm every time even though there was no ejaculation. I ejaculated the first time a few weeks before my 14th birthday. Lately, I have noticing a white semi-solid substance coming out of my penis when I masturbate. It smells like semen but it is semi-solid & sticky. Usually it happens if I have a gap of 3-4 days between masturbations. When I am masturbating once a day, my semen shoots out in normal manner. Do I need to check up with a doc? (age 19)
Frequent ejaculation is good for your sex organs. You might have one or more components of semen getting old inside you if you take four or more days between ejaculations. Sometimes they can form into clumps. I don't think it's anything to worry about if the problem goes away simply by your ejaculating more often. If you tell the doctor, he will probably order a semen analysis, which means you will have to go 3-4 days without ejaculating and then masturbate at his office.
How does one learn to last longer while masturbating? All my life I've had a very sensitive glans and from the time I get erect to when I orgasm is around one minute. It's really just an annoyance. I orgasm so soon I can't really get into the groove to enjoy the moment. (age 16)
When you feel your orgasm coming, try to keep going for another 10 seconds. Then when you've learned that, try for 20 seconds, and so on. It might also help to masturbate more often. If you did it twice as often as you do now, you are likely to find it takes you longer.
I have been masturbating since I was about 9 (I figured it out by myself before I knew what it was) and now I'm 13 and not sure if puberty has even started. Did my early masturbation delay puberty or am I just a late bloomer? (age 13)
There is nothing at all late about puberty not having started at 13. How are you sure you haven't? If you're ejaculating semen, you've started puberty. If your body hair is growing in, you've started puberty. Even if you haven't started puberty yet, masturbating did not delay it.
I normally masturbate by stroking the bottom of my penis rather than by making a fist around it. I masturbate through my underwear sometimes (bad habit that resulted from my initial self-discovery) and clean up afterward. I stroke almost exclusively on the bottom side with my hand. I read your site and got scared about whether what I am doing is safe or not. Is it? HealthyStrokes.com is incredibly helpful to me. (age 18)
It is better if you can masturbate to orgasm using a gentle fist around your penis instead of stroking exclusively in one spot.
I haven't had a wet dream before. I have been masturbating since I was 12, but only pure liquid comes out and it's sticky. Is this normal or not? (age 15)
Yes, that is very normal and healthy. You will probably never have wet dreams.
I am a virgin. If I stopped prone masturbation forever but also stopped masturbating completely, after 4 to 5 years of no masturbation, if I get a partner to have intercourse with, would I be able to ejaculate and finish? (age 24)
I don't believe you'll be able to stop masturbating completely. Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It is the best practice for successful intercourse. Why not give up prone now; start masturbating conventionally in 1-2 weeks, and then look for a partner immediately instead of waiting 4-5 years. You're too old to be a virgin.
Can a doctor tell if you've masturbated before? (age 13)
No, but as you get older it's easier for one to guess correctly.
Have you heard of penis health creme? They will protect and keep the skin free of common irritations like chafing, dryness and soreness. I use one and it works great.
A "penis health creme" is just a lotion specifically marketed for penile use. If you don't need a lotion (which is what you use in case of chafing, dryness, or soreness), then using one will not help anything. If you need a lotion, any decent brand is as good as any other.
I'm a virgin but every time I masturbate, I have an orgasm. I started when I was 12. Can all my masturbating lead to my not having an orgasm during sex? (age 18)
No. Masturbating is good practice for sex, for both males and females.
I read about prone masturbation, but I am not sure what I do qualifies. Instead of humping, I lie face down and rub my hand along my penis, as I would do face up. I masturbate face up sometimes as well, but the prone position is more pleasurable to me. Is this dangerous as well? (age 17)
That is not prone masturbation (lying prone and thrusting the penis into or against something) but I have never heard of anyone doing that. You obviously have less range of motion when you're masturbating that way, and I suspect your penis is making some contact with the surface below you. I would urge you to quit that position while you're still young.
Last night for the first time ever, a girl let me reach down inside her pants. I felt her soft, wonderful crease, but I was surprised that there wasn't any hair there. Shouldn't a girl of 16 have pubic hair? Why do you suppose she doesn't have any? (age 16)
Congratulations on getting to know a girl better! She most likely has pubic hair but shaves or waxes it. Telling her how much you like her and enjoy touching her will get you further than being shocked at her lack of hair.
What types of injuries may occur from prone masturbation? Is anything associated with having trouble defecating? I have had extreme problems getting erections and defecating. (age 24)
Out of thousands of males I've interacted with who have masturbated prone, only a handful have reported any physical injuries attributable to prone masturbation. I have never heard of anyone having bowel trouble from it. You should give up prone masturbation ASAP and see your doctor about your other troubles.
I am 14 and I don't really masturbate. I have occasionally touched my penis but it is just touching and nothing has ever happened from doing it. I have a wet dream about every 8-10 days and I enjoy them a lot. From reading HealthyStrokes.com, I understand that most guys have the same orgasms from masturbating that I get from wet dreams, and I understand that a lot of guys who have wet dreams don't like them and wish they would go away. I also understand that if I started having orgasms from masturbating that my wet dreams will eventually stop. Since I enjoy my wet dreams, should I keep them going or should I learn to masturbate?
Overwhelmingly, males prefer masturbating to wet dreams. Since you like the feeling of a wet dream (i.e., orgasm), you would enjoy that feeling even more if you were completely awake for it and could make it happen every day; perhaps more than once a day (at least some days). More than 90 percent of males your age have made a regular habit of masturbating, and the rest of them, including you, will be doing so before age 18. So why not give it a try? If you masturbate three times a week or less, you might be able to keep your wet dreams for a while.
I recently discovered that I'm circumcised. My parents never told me; I discovered circumcision through HealthyStrokes.com. I would like to confront my parents about this, but without revealing that I masturbate. How do you suggest that I go about doing this? (age 13)
You can certainly discuss circumcision without bringing masturbation into the discussion. I assume you're showering at school now with other boys, so if asked how you know about circumcision, you could say that you've seen other boys in the shower who are different.
Unless your parents are still producing children, it's unlikely that confronting them about your circumcision is going to make any difference.
I've been masturbating for about 6 months now. I have some pubic hair but I'm not ejaculating. Sometimes when I stop near orgasm and do it again I get a little pre-cum, but that's it. Am I doing something wrong? (age 13)
I doubt it, but when you feel close to orgasm, keep going. Don't stop. Make the orgasm happen, and when your body is ready to ejaculate, you will ejaculate at that point.
When my girlfriend and I cuddle and kiss, I usually have pre-cum by the end. Is this normal? Could this be a sign of premature ejaculation? (age 16)
That is very normal and has nothing to do with premature ejaculation. You are very lucky to have a girlfriend who likes to cuddle and kiss, and you are lucky that your body responds appropriately.
When I masturbate, I usually reach orgasm in a little more than a minute. After I orgasm, my penis is too sensitive to continue. (age 13 and 1 month)
Both of those are normal at your age. Try to last about 10 seconds later each month. Then when you're 13 and 7 months, you'll be able to go for two minutes.
I have been masturbating frequently for 7-8 years and my puberty is over. I find that my bones are weak. What should I do? I am having medical exams for the army in a few days.
Puberty only lasts about a year. If you have been masturbating 7-8 years and are going into the army, yours has been over for at least five years. Masturbating does not make your bones weak. It does not make your muscles weak either. If there is something wrong with your bones or your body, the doctor will tell you so, but I promise the problem has nothing to do with masturbating. Most males your age masturbate daily or nearly so, and that's true in the armed services too.
Is it considered prone masturbation if you bunch up your blankets and stick your penis in the middle and simulate doggy style? (age 20)
Yes. Prone masturbation means to lie face down and thrust your penis into or against something, like bunched up bedding.
I have masturbated 16 times in the past 4 to 5 months. My hands have become thin and also my legs. How can I recover? (age 19.5)
Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Most men your age masturbate daily. It is good and good for you. It will not make any part of you thinner. Lifting weights is good for your arms and legs, and after your daily muscle workout, plan a masturbating session too. You will enjoy it more if you do it more than once a week.
I am temporarily sharing a bedroom with my 16-year-old brother, who masturbates at night. He says all guys do it. Is this true, and will I? (age 11)
Yes, it is true, and you will. Masturbation is an inevitable and happy part of the male experience. A pretty good portion of the boys your age are already masturbating, and just about all will be by age 14. If your brother's masturbating bothers you, then ask him to do it when you're not in the room.
Why do males ejaculate so quickly? (female, age 22)
It likely goes back to primitive times when sex had to be over quickly or a predator would have a chance to sneak up. Many males have also trained themselves to reach orgasm quickly in masturbation instead of stretching their sessions out and enjoying them longer.
I found an unused condom in the bedding of the bed where my husband sleeps during his work week. He says he uses it to masturbate with. Do men really masturbate with condoms, or is he cheating on me? (age 36)
Most males have tried masturbating with condoms, and if your husband is sleeping in a temporary bed for his work week, it's possible he doesn't want to risk getting semen on it. Or it could be he's cheating. I don't know him.
I take my hand and make a loose fist and go up and down my penis.
1. When I masturbate, sometimes my semen will be yellow with dark spots and one time it was clear with a red line in it. Are these colors bad?
2. Again when I masturbate, I will feel pleasure and some precum will come out but then I have a pain ranging from the base of my penis to my tailbone. Is this bad?
3. If I were to have sex with my girlfriend, could I do her harm because we are too young or not experienced enough? (age 13)
What you describe is the usual way for a male to masturbate.
1. You are young and might not be producing all the elements of semen yet, so don't worry about the yellow and dark spots. However, the red could be blood, and it leads me to believe you are using too much force. Try to use a lighter grip.
2. Pain is not good. It leads me to believe you are using too much force. Try to use a lighter grip. It might also help to do it less often until you are able to masturbate successfully without pain.
3. Sex can be very destructive at your age. Wait until you are much older.
I've always been really open about masturbating and that sort of stuff. Since I started masturbating when I was 13 I've always done it standing up in the shower so I won't get caught. The water drowns out the noise and I can just wash my semen down the drain. Can masturbating standing up be hurtful like prone masturbating? I can masturbate lying down just fine. (age 16)
Masturbating standing up is not at all hurtful. It's up to you to decide how comfortable it is relative to your other options.
I used to masturbate almost every day and it started causing some physical and health problems like concentration, being lazy, and now I feel like I'm really skinny although I have started going to the gym which has helped boost my stamina. When I masturbate, for the next few days, my head and ears get red and it burns. I have now stopped daily masturbating. I go about 2 weeks then I feel like I want to masturbate but I'm worried the ear burning and things like guilt will return in my head and bother me. (age 20)
Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It does not cause you to lose your concentration, be lazy, or get skinny. It does not make your head and ears get red and burn. Most males your age who are not sexually active masturbate about once a day, sometimes more. Please read this page about the health benefits of frequent masturbation.
I always worry that I will get erect when a doctor examines my penis. How can I prevent this? (age 16)
The doctor has seen many erect penises, and the doctor also masturbates. If it really bothers you, bring on an erection 20 minutes before you will be examined. Then by the time of the exam, your erection will be gone and you won't get one for another hour.
I have a trip planned with three friends. We will be sharing a room. Will I be able to masturbate? Should we do it together? (age 16)
Please see the page about masturbating in college dorms for suggestions on dealing with this situation. I doubt you'll do it together, but if you really can't do it in the bathroom, then you'll either have to do it furtively when you think the others are asleep or make arrangements with them for private time in the room.
This has been bothering me since high school. In the summer between my junior and senior years, an unattractive girl that I didn't know well (or at all) who was two years younger asked me if I masturbate, in front of a few friends of hers (none of whom I knew well, or at all). I was very embarrassed and didn't answer. Then one of the friends said, "she just asked if you masturbate." I was not only embarrassed by the question, I was embarrassed because I masturbated. Then another girl who was in earshot, whom I didn't know well either, but thought was cute, took sympathy on me and told me those kids were just plain immature. Apparently the cute girl was not in favor with those kids either, because one of them said she was a lesbian and I must be gay for talking to her. (She was not, and neither am I.) How should I have handled this differently? (age 23)
I agree wholeheartedly that those kids were immature. They should be embarrassed by their verbal assault on you, and the girl. It is typical when you are 17 to be embarrassed about masturbating. Most males say they felt less embarrassed about it at age 18. First of all, you should realize that masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Accepting that makes it easier to decide what to do in your situation. Making the question even less friendly was that all males at that age masturbate, so that by even asking, she was questioning your masculinity. I think most guys would have just walked away from that unfriendly girl. A guy with a lot of nerve would have said, "Yes, I do. Do you have a problem with that?" But of course it is entirely up to you to decide who, if anyone, you discuss masturbating with. I personally think it would be fun to turn the question back onto her by asking, "Do you?" If she says, "I asked you first," say, "Then you answer first." Then no matter what she says, say, "I'm done talking about this."
I also take issue with your describing the girl as unattractive. Would you have found her question less offensive and embarrassing if she were good looking?
How does it feel for a girl to masturbate? (male, age 14)
You would get a better idea reading the page about female masturbation or girls' first orgasms. Among females who've learned how to masturbate to orgasm, the feeling is not much different from what a male feels.
I have been masturbating since age 10 and do it every day. My family spent the whole Thanksgiving week at my grandparents' house, and with 15 people there, I had no chance to masturbate. We got home Sunday night and I woke up early Monday morning really needing to do it. I laid a towel in front of the toilet to catch my semen, and I was amazed at the amount I squirted out. If you don't masturbate for a while, does your prostate stretch out to accommodate the amount of semen your body produces? (age 14)
All of your bodily organs that produce or store fluids can stretch to hold extra. You did not hurt yourself by taking a week off from masturbating.
One day I noticed a lump on the back of my left testicle. My doctor ordered an ultrasound and they found a spermatocele. He told me that the spermatocele is benign and it didn't required surgery but that he will have to "watch it closely" because it tends to grow. Does too much sex or frequent masturbation makes it grow? (age 22)
No. Masturbation and sex do not cause growths on the testes. Do what your doctor says and keep your appointments for your periodic examinations.
Lately I have had this thing where I feel a need to get naked and sort of wash myself when I'm in a one-person bathroom with a locking door. I haven't actually masturbated in there but just kind of had this compulsion to do the nudity and washing thing three or four times in recent months. I've done it in a hospital, a motel, and on an airplane. Is there anything wrong with getting naked in bathrooms like that? I worry that something is going to happen. (age 13)
If you're behind a locked door, you shouldn't be so worried about what is going to happen. I worry that you might try that sometime when there is no lock on the door, or a malfunctioning one. Think about somebody you wouldn't want to see you naked and washing yourself in an inappropriate place. If you think about that person catching you, then maybe you'll stop doing it.
P.S. Really, an airplane? Those bathrooms are TINY!
I'm working at giving up prone. I have an extremely high sex drive. Whenever I'm in the shower, I get a raging hard erection. I usually soap my penis and my scrotum because I'm kind of a clean freak. When I'm abstaining from masturbating to switch from prone, could this affect my progress? (age 20)
I doubt it. But if you want to be extra careful, don't. I'm sure your privates will be OK without directly getting soaped. Usually soapy water from your upper body runs down over them and gets them pretty clean.
My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost two years and have decided that we're going to wait to have intercourse until we're married. She's 20 and we both frequently masturbate (occasionally in front of each other), but she does not let herself have an orgasm, wanting to save it like her virginity. I feel guilty about nasturbating to orgasm in front of her, and I'm beginning to fear that when we finally have sex, she'll be anticipating the greatest sensation ever and I may not be able to deliver. Any advice? (age 23)
Congratulations on having a partner that you're sexually compatible with. If your girlfriend has consciously decided not to have orgasms before marriage, then you need not feel guilty for having them. Even most men whose partners want to have orgasms but don't have them don't feel particularly guilty about it. The male body is built for having orgasms and those are what you need and enjoy. Don't worry now about her not having immediate orgasms when you get married. She ought to understand that there will be a learning curve for her sexual response.
When I masturbate, I keep myself from ejaculating and then my testes hurt. Is this bad? Should I just let it loose? (age 16)
If your testes hurt, something is wrong. Truly, the pain is coming from your prostate gland, not your testes. Your prostate gland really wants you to let it loose. Your prostate gland has a way of punishing you when you don't do what it wants, and it's giving you a preview of that with the pain.
Usually my little brother (who's 6) falls asleep at 9, so I just masturbate in bed. A few days ago, I was jerking off and he woke up. I am always prepared with tissues, and I was under the covers so I don't think he saw, but he asked me "What are you doing?" I'm afraid he might tell our parents. (age 13)
Your parents already know or suspect that you masturbate. What are you going to do differently if he tells them? I think you ought not share a bedroom with a boy that young, and if you must, it might be a good idea to masturbate in the bathroom or when he's not home. Don't you get home earlier from school than he does?
Is there any way I can increase the chances of a wet dream or to make myself have one? (age 12)
If you are already masturbating to orgasm, then you will probably never have a wet dream. If you have not ejaculated for the first time, then if you don't masturbate, there is a very good chance that your first ejaculation will come from a wet dream. Don't worry if you never have one. Nearly all males who've had them agree that waking orgasms are better and more fun.
I have these fantasies about this girl named Alexa that I really like. I have tried to stop them but I can't. Is there a way to stop them? (age 12)
Why do you want to stop them? If you really like Alexa, then you should want to have more fantasies about her. If the fantasies are really bothering you, then fantasize about other people, and maybe the fantasies about Alexa will become less important.
I am unmarried and start to feel sexual pressure when going without ejaculation even for one day, and I get relief when I masturbate, and I feel guilty about it as my girlfriend says she masturbates occasionally and does not feel any sexual pressure and can go wihout masturbation for many days. Is this true? If yes, how are their sexual fluids released? (age 27)
Ejaculation is necessary for males to empty their sexual fluids. Most authorities believe that females do not ejaculate. They don't have the same need for expelling sexual fluids that males do. The main reason females masturbate is for fun. You ought not feel guilty because masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Anyway, your girlfriend does it too. Maybe you can do it together sometime!
Help me. I first masturbated on April 11 when I was 16 and since April 18 that same year I have been unable to stop. What can I do? (age 18)
You don't need help and shouldn't want to stop. Instead of being ashamed of masturbating, you should accept it as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Why not celebrate April 11 every year as a milestone?
I was masturbating with lube and some got inside my penis. How can I get it out? (age 18)
When you ejaculated, it probably came out. When you urinate next, the rest of it will be flushed out. If the substance was made for use as a sexual lube, then you probably need have no worry about getting it inside your urethra anyway.
How do I measure my penis? Should I do it when it is erect? (age 19)
Measure along the top of your erect penis like this:
I masturbate once a day and have been doing so for the past 2 years. I am also obsessed with exercise and want to build muscles. Do you think my masturbation at this rate would affect my muscle growth? Also, while having sex with my partner, after 10 minutes I lose my erection and then again get it hard and again lose my erection. Is this normal? How much masturbation if I am into body building? (age 22)
Masturbating once a day at your age is normal and healthy. It will make no difference in your muscle growth. However, most males who are sexually active cut back on their masturbating to better enjoy their orgasms with their partners. Try abstaining from masturbating for 2-3 days before your next intercourse and see if it makes any difference in your erections.
Two or three times a month I masturbate by letting the water jet from the shower hit my penis while I slowly stroke it. Will it have any ill effects in future? (age 21)
It is better if you don't masturbate with running water. There is nothing a partner can do during sex that will feel like running water hitting your penis. Usually it is females who get in the habit of masturbating with running water. It is a bad habit that you can do without and give up easily, since you only do it two or three times a month. See my page about developing variety in masturbation/
I am a porn addict and I love to masturbate (almost 6 days a week) but it lasts only for a couple of minutes. I am worried about whether I will last longer in reality. Does the time increase during intercourse? (age 19)
I don't think you are a "porn addict." Most males your age are in the habit of using visual aids to improve and speed up their masturbation sessions. You don't even masturbate as often as the average man your age. You should expect to last 1.5 to 2 times longer in intercourse because that's the experience of most. If you want to convince yourself that you're not completely dependent on porn, make a point of masturbating once every week or two without visual aids.
I've been reading your page, especially about bruising. For some time now I've noticed the bottom part of my head is darker red sometimes pale red-purple, and after a shower it's usually lighter or pink but still sort of puffed up. I am uncircumcised. Is it possible for men with foreskin to get bruising? Is what I described bruising? I've tried K-Y but it's the same, but I applied it for 2 weeks about a month and a half ago. (age 17)
Yes, uncircumcised males can bruise their penises. Maybe even more likely to do so because the uncircumcised head is more sensitive and not as accustomed to being exposed. What you describe is not bruising. If the lube makes you enjoy masturbating more, then continue to use it; but I don't think you need it for the coloration of your penis.
I have been masturbating prone for many, many years. I have quit only when I had to, when I had a girlfriend. I know you don't believe guys who say they quit masturbating, but I stopped for a month while we were having sex. I might have a new girlfriend soon.
Can I masturbate by hand using a condom? Isn't this better than using a bare hand? I also find lube to be messy and impractical.
I suggest giving up prone masturbation ASAP and learning to masturbate with your hand. You can give masturbating by condom a try, but nearly all guys who switch do so by masturbating by hand. Only very few guys prefer masturbating with a condom to using their hands. Some guys only do it when they need to be especially careful not to get semen anyplace, like when they masturbate at a friend's house. Once you've learned to masturbate by hand, you can try introducing lube.
It's good that you might have a new girlfriend soon. I've heard of many males using the pressure of getting a new girlfriend to help them expedite their switch to hand masturbation.
P.S. Many males stop masturbating when they're having frequent sex; the ones I don't believe are the ones who masturbated daily for years and then claimed they just stopped one day.
I have a thing around (not on) my testicles mainly the larger left one. I told my dad and he said it was the tubes that semen goes through. They first appeared when I was about 12 1/2.Ithey do not hurt but occasionally seem to vibrate when I'm aroused. (age 13)
I would suggest having a doctor check them out and see if he verifies what your dad said.
I've been masturbating for almost a year, and HealthyStrokes.com helped teach me the basics before I started. I foolishly started out using shampoo as a lubricant, before I learned how to use strictly my hand. I don't use any type of soap any more and am well aware now of items that should not be used as a lubricant, but I noticed something interesting: After ejaculation when I used soap, my penis was too sensitive to touch like I'd seen on the site. After I started doing it the natural way, I was able to touch my penis and even masturbate to orgasm again right after ejaculation. I'm interested to know why this is? (age 14)
It is a good idea to use lube. Soap is a bad choice because it needs to be washed off right away, whether you're using it to masturbate or just to clean yourself. Please read my page about lube to learn about the different choices that are available to you.
I still haven't masturbated or ejaculated yet. I am worried that it might hurt or that it is TOO pleasurable. Should I try it out? (age 14)
Yes, absolutely you should try. I promise that it won't hurt. If it turns out to be too pleasurable, then do it at least once a day until you decide it isn't too pleasurable anymore.
What are the consequences of learning how to masturbate the conventional way, and later trying prone for a very brief period of time? (age 16)
Probably nothing. Males who learned to masturbate by hand (which is to say nearly all of them) find prone masturbation unsatisfying and tiring. It will not hurt you to masturbate prone for a brief period of time.
Is injaculation bad for the penis? Is it as bad as prone? (age 17)
Injaculation, which means to use force to keep onesself from ejaculating while masturbating (thereby sending the semen backward into the urinary bladder) is bad for the male genitalia and perhaps the penis. Whether or not it's as bad as prone, it is a habit that needs to be broken. Start letting your semen fly! Do not redirect it inside your body.
I recently started driving and think it would be a great thrill to masturbate while driving. (age 17)
It is a bad idea, especially if you are a new driver. You haven't had much experience with the hazards that can come up along the road. I suggest that you keep both hands on the wheel. That said, masturbating while driving is definitely safer than texting while driving.
I stopped masturbating for two weeks and I have started to feel the leak of semen. Is it normal? (age 16)
It is not at all normal at your age to stop masturbating for two weeks. Normal is to masturbate 14 times in those two weeks, and maybe more. Your semen wants to come out. You should not only let it, you should make it come out.
My 8 year old brother caught me masturbating. He keeps asking me what I was doing. What should I tell him? (age 14)
Just tell him you had an itch on your penis. With any luck, he won't ask any follow-up questions.
When I masturbate, I just put my hand down there and rub on it. Usually I don't ejaculate. It's so weird and it's driving me crazy because I know I'm not doing it correctly. I usually don't even think about girls while doing it either. Any tips on how to stop this? I've been doing it ever since I can remember. (age 18)
I suggest you start by reading my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation and concentrate on stroking your penis up and down with one hand until you ejaculate instead of just putting your "hand down there and rub." Thinking about girls (or maybe boys) will help you reach orgasm.
I masturbate a lot, maybe too much. When I ejaculate, my balls usually move up tighter under my penis. Is that normal? Sometimes when I ejaculate, it feels like something is tugging inside my balls. It doesn't hurt but it just feels different, like it's pulling or tugging inside. Does that mean anything is wrong? If I masturbate more then twice a day, my balls ache for a while, maybe for a couple hours, then it stops. It's not painful but it just aches. Does that mean I m doing it too much? I masturbate almost every day and 2 or 3 times a day some days. The most I did it in one day is 6 times. No semen came out after the fourth time and my balls ached and my penis hurt until the next day. When I did it again the next day, semen came out but not very much. Can I use up all my semen if I keep doing it so much? (age 13)
You are young and learning. The movement of your testes is normal. They pull close to the body right before you ejaculate so sperm can move from them into your prostate gland. The prostate gland is actually what's hurting when you think it's your testes. If you know it hurts if you masturbate more than twice a day, then you should learn to limit yourself to twice. You won't permanently run out of semen (it is refreshed constantly, like other bodily fluids) but it can run low if you ejaculate too often in a short period of time. Lots of boys your age masturbate 10 times a week or more, but within a year or two, not very many do.
For about the past month, I have been concerned about my ejaculation frequency. When I masturbate with my imagination, I like to hold back before orgasm to make it last longer. When I ejaculate, no semen comes out. Sometimes a liquidy stuff like urine. When I masturbate to images, I ejaculate heaps and it's definitely semen. What's going on? Can you see semen through a microscope? (age 14)
If you're ejaculating to images, you also should be ejaculating using only your imagination. It helps to urinate before masturbating so that you won't worry about leaking urine at the wrong time. You can see semen with the naked eye; it's the liquid that you ejaculate. I think you're asking if you can see sperm under a microscope. Yes, you can.
I discovered masturbation age 11. I am now 16 and only masturbate 1 or 2 times a week. Is this normal?
It is lower than normal. Most males your age masturbate daily or close to it. A team of researchers led by Dr. Graham Giles found that males who ejaculated most often when they were younger had the least incidence of prostate cancer later. Dr. Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week. You can learn more about the health benefits of frequent masturbation here.
Lately I have been masturbating while texting girls. Is it OK for me to ask them if they masturbate too? (age 14)
Both of those are bad ideas. It is bad manners to masturbate while you are talking to someone without their permission. A girl might not like it if you ask if she masturbates. You wouldn't like it if she asked you, would you?
I am having a sperm count tomorrow and have been told not to masturbate for 3 days prior to the test. I had a wet dream last night. Will it affect my sperm count and should I change the appointment? (age 21)
Yes. What they told you was not to ejaculate for three days prior to the test. By having a wet dream, you broke the three days. You should reschedule the test.
I'm about to be 21 in a few months and sadly I have never dated a girl or have had any type of sexual relations. Is there any extreme negative side effect physically or mentally I should worry about? Are there any positive benefits I gain from being a virgin this late in life?
Males who remain virgins past the age of 21 are more likely to have sexual dysfunctions (like erectile dysfunction, arousal dysfunction, and orgasmic dysfunction) than males who make their sexual debut before age 20. You can resolve to become sexually active in the next few months or years. Just get out there and meet women and get to know them. You benefit from not having been exposed to any sexually transmitted diseases.
When I was 12, I masturbated in the shower. When I got to my bedroom, I looked at my penis and it looked different. It looked like it was shriveled up or something.
You did not ask a question, but everything about your experience is normal. Penises shrink and expand in reaction to temperature and running water and orgasm. If you haven't masturbated in the shower since you were 12, you should give it another try.
Can masturbating be a sport?
It is a sport the same way jumping rope and jogging and lifting weights are sports. All of them and masturbating are good for you and fun. You can make it more like a sport by keeping track of how often you do it and how long it takes, and monitoring your heart rate before and after.
It may not be in the Olympics, but it's the most popular workout regimen in the world.
When I was younger, my dad said he "would make sure to knock more often," but at the same time my mom suggested that she would kill me if I ever locked the door. I have never talked to her about porn or masturbation. I started masturbating when I was 15. I have no clue what to do. I am 17 but feel like a 12-year-old trying to hide my masturbation. There are so many mixed signals. If you thought that a parent would tell you to stop masturbating, would not bring it up?
You need to grow up and not worry about what your parents think. There is no reason to hide your masturbation from them. Just do it in private and enjoy it. You couldn't stop masturbating even if your parents ordered you to, which they won't.
Does masturbation/ejaculation reduce testosterone? Does it deplete nutrients that are essential for growth and development during puberty? After frequent ejaculation, I started to develop less facial hair. I used to get more. (age 14)
Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It is good for you. It does not reduce testosterone or deplete nutrients. I find it amazing that you think you are getting less facial hair at age 14. Most guys your age are barely starting to get facial hair. If you think you have a lot now, wait until you're older. You'll wish you didn't have to shave so often and won't worry a bit about masturbating.
I believe that lust and masturbation go together and lust is a sin, so I do not masturbate. I have not had sex either and do not look at pornography. I probably had my first wet dream at age 16. It was a surprise to me. Over the years, I've noticed that sometimes a full bladder will trigger a wet dream. Sometimes I remember the dream and sometimes not. Sometimes if I see more sexual imagery during the day like commercials on TV, a PG-13 or R movie, or just someone in real life, it can trigger a nocturnal emission that night or the next night. As you said, in my wet dreams, I'm usually approaching a clothed woman and giving her a hug or straddling her or her leg or about to use the restroom or using the restroom. It may happen every other month, sometimes once per week for three weeks in a row, and then a break, and just a few times twice in one night. I don't try to seek wet dreams out; they just happen. To me, it's interesting that in the unconscious dream world, something can transfer into reality. (age 33)
Your story does not ring true. 16 is very late for a first wet dream; most guys are done having wet dreams by age 16. The sporadic wet dream frequency you report would be most unsatisfying. A full bladder will not trigger a wet dream. I am led to believe that you are in denial about masturbating. Try to accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health, and you will feel less guilty and enjoy masturbating more. Not every sexual thought is lust.
The other night I got really aroused and I precummed a little. After that I masturbated and came. The next day I tried it again but I didn't cum, so I waited two days to try again and again I didn't cum. I haven't had a wet dream before but the other night was the first time I came. What is happening? (age 12)
You are young and learning. You ejaculated for the first time. I suspect the second time will happen within a few weeks, and then the third and fourth times and in the next 30 years will happen the next 10,000 times.
I have marks and some scablike things on the head of my penis. I wish I were joking. I have washed it, but I end up with this issue regardless. What's wrong with it and why does it look so disgusting? I'm too afraid to go to my doctor about it. (age 20)
Your doctor's job is to help solve your physical problems. Your doctor masturbates too. I would suggest putting a small amount of medicated lotion on the affected area a few times a day. Water-based sex lube works well too.
I want to share my first experience ejaculating. I was 14-15 when this first happened and am pretty sure I was getting close to having a wet dream but would always wake up right before it happened. I was fully erect and had strange sensations down there that would fade once I woke up. I was unaware of what was happening. Then within a few weeks of this starting, I was doing pull-ups. I had been getting a strange sensation down there but again didn't understand what it meant. I remember thinking it felt like I needed to urinate so I would just stop and the sensation would go away. One day I had just urinated so there was no urine to worry about, so I just kept on doing pull-ups and I ejaculated a big load right there in my underwear. I understand that physical exertion can cause this and I repeated the process many times afterward and then moved into masturbation by hand. Since I got with the hang of it, I have never stopped. Even today with a girlfriend, I still need to masturbate frequently as she just isn't up to sex as much as I would like, which I guess is quite a lot for someone my age. (age 37)
Thanks for the story, but you're not geriatric. Most men your age make themselves ejaculate at least four times a week, alone or with a partner. I'd be interested to know, where did you do these pull-ups, and did you have orgasms too or just ejaculate?
I find that I have to masturbate every day, even when I don't want to. I've tried several times to last a whole week without masturbating, but I can't make it even two days. Why can't I overcome this awful temptation that I feel constantly? (age 16)
Your mistake is thinking of masturbation as a terrible urge that you have to fight. Your having to ejaculate frequently just comes with being a grown male. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Most males your age do it about once a day, sometimes more. As you get older, you'll probably masturbate less (and have sex more) but you might be over 30 before you go a whole week without ejaculating.
Imagine going without food for a week. You could probably do it, and it wouldn't kill you, but think about how awful you would feel for that week, and how often you would be thinking about food. That's basically how you're making your body feel when you try to go without ejaculating longer than your body wants it.
Instead of thinking of masturbating as succumbing to a horrible temptation, think of it as how grown men keep their sexual organs in healthy functioning condition.
I'm a guy and I use porn from the internet a lot when I masturbate. I'm reading a lot lately about how internet porn is bad for you. Why is it worse than any other kind of porn, like magazines or videos? Will masturbating with porn make me less able in sex? (age 19)
I advise readers to be able to masturbate to orgasm at least twice a month without using any visual stimulation. The reason Internet porn is worse than non-Internet porn is that it is so extreme. In the old days, use of visual aids might be nothing more than Playboy, and many men never went beyond Playboy to any other kinds of visual aids. Some men next sought out more explicit magazines and then tried videos, and so forth. Today, a teen boy might skip the naked-photo stage altogether and go straight to hard-core (i.e., showing sex acts) video, even live sex shows online.
You're better off if you make internet porn only an occasional instead of a daily part of masturbation, and you're better off still if you can become aroused by something more tame than explicit.
Why do I feel ashamed of myself every time I finish masturbating? (age 13)
Because you're new to it. You haven't accepted masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. As you get older, you'll regard it as more normal and won't feel ashamed. Most of your friends do it too, and within a year or so, they all will.
Does it count as losing your virginity if you use a Fleshlight sex toy? (age 20)
No. The only way to lose your virginity is to have sex with another person.
What does masturbating feel like? (age 13)
The first part of it, called arousal, feels pleasant. Then there comes a stage called plateau where the person knows they'll reach orgasm soon if they keep up what they're doing. Plateau feels very, very good, and people who are experienced work to make this stage last longer, up to a minute. Near the end of plateau, the internal sex organs start contracting indicating that orgasm is imminent. Then comes orgasm. In the male, this is when semen is ejaculated from the body. Then comes the resolution phase. It's best to relax for as long as one can to stretch this phase out. When you're done relaxing, you'll feel really, really good, or maybe be asleep.
How can I make my semen shoot out more instead of just dribbling? (age 18)
If yours isn't shooting out forcefully, try holding in your ejaculate for one second. Use the same muscle (PC muscle) that you use to stop and start the flow of urine. When you feel yourself about to ejaculate, just tense this muscle for one second and then relax it. You should have a more forceful ejaculation that way. It only gets better as you get more experienced and have more control over your PC muscle. Kegel exercises help you control your PC muscle.
I switched from prone a few months ago, but I have still never achieved an orgasm. Just today I discovered a big spot on my penis. I can't tell if it's a wart or some kind of bug bite or something else. I'm honestly quite scared at this point, and I feel like I should see a doctor, but I'm too embarrassed to say anything about it to my parents. My dad almost walked in on me a few days ago. Do you have any advice? (age 16)
If you can't tell what it is, then you need to be examined by a doctor. Your dad knows that all 16 year old boys masturbate. Also, you don't need to tell him that you masturbate in order to report the spot. (Actually, he is apt to assume you're sexually active.)
Is it bad to masturbate in the shower or bath? (age 16)
I don't think anyone thinks so, except maybe the person who uses the shower or bath after you, if you didn't clean up.
We were driving down to Florida and had been in the car too long and we stopped at a rest area and I just needed relief so I went into the rest room and masturbated in a stall. It didn't take very long, and nobody saw or heard me. Did I do anything wrong? (age 15)
It is a bad idea to masturbate anyplace you don't have privacy. Highway rest areas are often dangerous places where anonymous sex takes place. The highway patrol knows this and sometimes has undercover officers monitoring the rest rooms for people having sex. If someone had discovered you masturbating there, you could have gotten in a lot of trouble. I suggest you wait until you're at your destination.
I sometimes have a dull ache in my abdomen after masturbating. Is this normal? I masturbate by hand. I'm worrying about this. (age 21)
That is a sign of an overworked prostate gland. Cut back to ejaculating only 3-4 times a week for a few weeks and see if it gets better. Please also read my page about prostatodynia.
How can I give up masturbation? I don't want to do it anymore. (age 15)
Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Most males your age do it about once a day, sometimes more. Instead of trying to give it up -- which you will not succeed at until you have a regular sex partner -- you ought to accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. You'll enjoy it more after you do.
Masturbating is supposed to be fun and not a source of stress or shame.
Does masturbation feel better at night than it does during the day? (age 21)
The experience is a good one at any time of the day or night. Most people prefer to masturbate at bedtime because they have more privacy then, and sexual activity also leads naturally to sleep. You can also better control how much or little light you have at night than you can during the day when the sun is shining. Try it at different hours and different lighting conditions and see what you think.
Every time I jerk off and ejaculate, I get a cramp-like pain in my pubic area/abdominal area. I did not masturbate for 2-3 months and then I did it again and got the pain. Other sites say it's a prostate problem but I am healthy. (age 15)
Most boys your age masturbate about once a day. Going 2-3 months without ejaculating is not good for your prostate. Try masturbating more often and see if the pain goes away. If it doesn't, I suggest seeing your doctor.
Is it normal for the areola to swell and raise when I'm aroused? If so, why does this happen? (age 22)
That is normal. Often the nipples are engorged when the body is sexually arousal. Sometimes they get irritated by a close-fitting shirt. Most females and many males find it arousing to stimulate their nipples during sex or masturbation. It is perfectly fine.
When I masturbated after a 3 month break, I got pain between my anus and scrotum and pain in my abdomen. Is it a prostate infection or what? (age 16)
A three month break from masturbation is unheard of at your age. The area you describe is called the perineum. Chronic pain in that area could be originating in the prostate, but sudden pain after masturbating is more likely to be from rough masturbation. Only a doctor can diagnose a prostate infection. If the pain persists, see a doctor.
Follow-up: Could it be the prostate swelling because I didn't masturbate for a long time?
I encourage you to masturbate frequently, and as I said before, if the pain persists, see a doctor. Only a doctor can diagnose prostate swelling or infection. Get this checked out sooner rather than later.
Follow-up: The pain stopped after I masturbated for 2 days. Looks like it was just my prostate getting used to me masturbating again.
Another follow-up: I'm still having the pain.
Like I said before, if the pain persists, see a doctor. Do it this week. Don't be afraid to tell the doctor you masturbate. The doctor masturbates too.
Follow up from another reader: I occasionally have the same issue as the guy who has pain and worries that he has an infected prostate. If I go to the doctor, what will he do? (age 19)
The doctor will examine your testes and prostate and probably do urinalysis to look for infection. Whether he finds it or not, he will probably prescribe antibiotics on the idea that if you're having prostate trouble at your age, you have a sexually transmitted disease. He will do this even if you deny ever having had sex. If the problem persists, he will probably do semen analysis.
Follow-up: I went to the doctor and he said it's nothing and to keep masturbating more. Which I did. A week later I don't have any more pain and I masturbate a lot now. Thanks for the help.
Follow-up: By semen analysis, do you mean the doctor will have you masturbate in a cup?
When I masturbate by hand, I worry I'm harming it somehow. I don't know if it's because my skin's dry, or if it's the way I hold my penis or if I'm gripping too hard. I just don't know if I'm doing it right. I did it today and I still don't know if I'm doing it right.
Should I just grab my penis and stroke up and down? I do this and it feels OK, but something still feels wrong. Am I using too much force? Something just doesn't feel right. Please help. I'd hate to still be harming my penis somehow after giving up prone so many years ago. (age 22)
You could easily be using too much force. Stroking up and down is the way to go. You describe grabbing your penis like you're using a lot of force. Instead of grabbing it, just touch it lightly. A sex toy called the Super Head Honcho might help you learn to use less force.
What are your thoughts on the Fleshlight device? I read one of your comments where you recommended another device instead. Why? Thanks for your response. (age 32)
I always recommend the Super Head Honcho because it is a single soft piece and not encased in a hard plastic container like the Fleshlight. The Super Head Honcho has been recommended by sex therapists for overcoming delayed ejaculation, a problem that HealthyStrokes.com specializes in. The Super Head Honcho is also considerably cheaper than the Fleshlight (about $15 as opposed to $60).
My lower abdomen hurts after I masturbate. I do it every two weeks. (age 18)
That isn't nearly often enough. Most males your age masturbate every day. You might be having prostate trouble because of doing it so seldom. Try masturbating every day for a few weeks and see if the pain goes away. If not, see a doctor.
I think youre wrong about masturbation not affecting penis size. I think as you grow constant use of the blood capillaries in your penis would cause them to expand and grow. I masturbated frequently in youth but my brother did not. My penis is a lot bigger than his. (age 41)
You illustrate why I rarely answer questions about penis size. How do you know how often your brother masturbated when you were young, and how do you know the size of his erect penis now? Masturbation does not affect penis size.
I love wanking. I do it about 3 times a day. Sometimes I use my imagination. I find it boring to use my hand now and I was just wondering that is there anything I can use to masturbate that I can find in my household because I just want it to feel better and I'm getting more horny and the erections hurt if I try to hide them or don't masturbate them away. Thanks! (age 14)
You might be trying too hard. You might enjoy masturbating more if you didn't do it three times a day. Cut back to once a day for a few weeks and see if you like it better. At your age, guys have an erection about every 90-120 minutes. You don't have to masturbate every time you get an erection. This page will give you ideas about how to find more variety in your hand practice: http://www.healthystrokes.com/variety.html.
I don't masturbate but everyone I know of my age and older does. Is it OK for me to not masturbate? (age 12)
It's certainly OK to not masturbate at 12 but you will be sooner or later anyway. Ask anyone you know your age and older and they will tell you that masturbating is great fun. Once you start, you will wish you had started sooner. Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health.
I started masturbating when I was 14. I am now 19. I am a straight guy, but I get very horny when I watch guys on live webcams masturbating. I started to broadcast myself while masturbating and have gotten the most powerful orgasms doing this knowing someone is watching me. Is this normal?
Not very many people do that. If that is a way of masturbating, it is a pretty new way of masturbating. Keep in mind that people could be capturing your video streams and looking for clues to find out who you are. Maybe your face could be seen even for a second.
My friend recently started masturbating and now he talks about sex all the time. He goes on and on about penises, vaginas, oral sex, etc. I just don't want to talk about it all the time. What can I say to him? (age 13)
When he starts talking about penises, vaginas, and sex, tell him you'd rather not talk about those things, and then turn the conversation to video games, movies, Trump, sports, the weather, TV shows, etc. Keep in mind that most guys past puberty talk about sex a lot, so you should be prepared to do so at least occasionally.
How do boys who grow up in nudist cultures cope with having erections in front of others? (age 17)
I've never been to a nudist place, but I read the controversial 1960 book Summerhill about the boarding school of the same name where children played outdoors in the nude. There was no requirement for dress, but the author noted that most of the older boys chose to wear bathing trunks to conceal uncontrollable physical responses.
Where do guys masturbate? (female, age 15)
Overwhelmingly, males prefer to masturbate in bed. There was a time when males shared bedrooms and in those days the bathroom was more popular. For a time about 10 years ago, the computer desk became the second most favorite place for guys to masturbate. But in the last 5 years or so, desktop computers have gotten less popular and so now guys are masturbating in bed more than ever, often using handheld computers (laptops, phones, tablets) to help.
Why do some people take off all their clothes before masturbating? It seems unnecessary to get naked when you can masturbate just by unzipping. (age 18)
It's a turn-on for people to be able to see more of their own bodies. Also, having a shirt on makes some guys worry about ejaculating onto it. If you know what you're doing, you're going to take your pants all the way off, because having them on at all restricts your motion. However much or little you wear is up to you.
I masturbate daily. I have no idea if anyone knows, but I think I might be addicted to pornography. What do I do? (age 12)
How sad that you suspect yourself of porn addiction at age 12. Masturbating daily is just fine. Do it without any pictures or videos for a few weeks. Then you will know you're not an addict.
There is a girl I know who I can't stop thinking about. I feel like 97% of the time I am thinking about her and having an erection. Is something wrong? (age 12)
No. But identify other girls you enjoy thinking about and don't spend 97% of your time on the one.
I learned to masturbate by pressing my penis against my abdomen and briskly rubbing it left and right across. What is this called? Is it dangerous? I have failed to masturbate any other way. (age 14)
I've never heard of that having a name. I think it is dangerous because anything other than masturbating by hand can lead to serious sexual difficulties. You are young and ought to be able to learn to masturbate by hand fairly quickly. Why don't you take about a week off from the left and right masturbating across your abdomen and then learn to masturbate by hand? Your penis will be more sensitive at the end of that week to allow you to reach orgasm by a new method.
Why is masturbation called jacking off? (age 20)
"Jacking off" is a slang term that refers to male masturbation to the point of orgasm, or ejaculation. The term is derived from "ejaculate." Some women refer to their masturbation as "jilling off." Get it?
Would the world be different if nobody masturbated? (age 16)
Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It is practiced by the male of every species of mammal. It is just something we all do. It is not bad for the world. It is good and good for you, and by extension, good for the world. If we couldn't masturbate, there might be more crime and violence.
I have been ejaculating regularly since I was 16. I'm currently masturbating 1-3 times a day as I have for the past few years but lately I've noticed that a clear precum-like discharge slowly seeps out of my penis after I've ejaculated and cleaned up. This is pretty annoying as it often soaks into my underwear or sheets, leaving wet spots. I'm not sexually active so I can't see how it could be an STI or sexual disorder. Is this something that I should worry about or should I just be more thorough in cleaning up? (age 22)
That is very normal. You can get the last drops out by pressing gently on your perineum and stroking gently upward along your urethra toward the end of your penis.
Do you have to have pre-cum first before the semen? How do I know if I can have kids when I'm older? (age 14)
Yes, you have pre-cum first, but it's often the case that the pre-cum only comes out immediately before the semen and is not recognized as distinct. Most men find out they can have kids when they get a woman pregnant. If they're having trouble getting one pregnant, they go to the doctor for a semen analysis.
Can masturbation in the teen years cause erectile dysfunction around 50 years and more? (age 17)
No. Masturbating in the teen years is normal, healthy, and fun, and even good for male sexual health. Masturbating and sexual intercourse keep your body in good functioning condition. Not ejaculating regularly is what causes sexual function to deteriorate.
I sometimes feel a dull ache in my abdomen after masturbation, even when I don't do it regularly. Why is this? (age 22)
You're not masturbating often enough. The prostate gland and other sexual organs need regular ejaculation. Make a point to masturbate at least six times a week.
I have become incredibly attracted to a boy a year older than me. I want to be his boyfriend. I often have sexual fantasies involving him and myself, but in real life I would prefer to just hold his hand and make out with him. I am also attracted to a girl, but less so. I only fantasize sexually about her, and I can't imagine being her boyfriend. Does this make me gay? (age 14)
You are pretty young and you don't indicate that you've done anything physical with either males or females. Your fantasies mean that you might be gay, you might be straight, or you might be bisexual. I think you should take some more time to get to know both boys and girls and see what direction your interests take you.
I am an 83 year old widower. I been alone for 12 years. I ejaculated from masturbation the first time at age 11. I have been doing it ever since. Lately I have not been able to produce semen. Is there any supplement that will help?
That is a question for a doctor, probably a urologist. I doubt a home remedy like a supplement would help. It sounds like your body has stopped producing one or more of the components of semen. Most men can still masturbate to orgasm in your situation, although it is a dry orgasm.
I'm 4.5" erect and am overweight. Would 4.5" pleasure a girl? I've been masturbating twice a day recently and noticed the amount I ejaculate has gone down. What should I do? (age 16)
There is nothing wrong with masturbating twice a day, but most males your age only do it about once a day. It is not unusual that your ejaculate volume has decreased when you're doing it that often. It might be part of your erection is being buried in abdominal fat. As you lose weight, you might find your penis is longer. 4.5 inches is plenty long enough to satisfy a female. You might find you both enjoy it more if you were in healthier shape. Work on that and don't worry so much about your penis size.
I am a 31 year old virgin with a lifelong suppression of my libido due to medications I've taken since I was 4. I didn't even have a desire to kiss until I was in my 20s. I rarely get aroused and I hate masturbating because all I ever get from it is tired and sore with no orgasm. How can I find enjoyment and pleasure in masturbation if all I ever feel from stimulation is dizzy, tense, and in pain?
I suggest talking to your doctor about getting off those medications and either going without or switching to something that doesn't cause sexual side effects.
If two boys are identical twins, are their penises identical? (female, age 14)
Yes, they are. Not only that, they are likely to masturbate at the same frequency. According to "The Orgasm Answer Guide," "Kate Dunn reported the responses to questionnaires from almost 1400 women in the TwinsUK study group. About half of women were identical twins and half were fraternal twins. There was considerable variability in the frequency of their orgasms during intercourse or masturbation. However, the identical twins were much more similar in their frequency of orgasm than were the fraternal twins."
Does masturbation feel better at night than during the day? (age 14)
The experience is a good one at any time of the day or night. Most people prefer to masturbate at bedtime because they have more privacy then, and sexual activity also leads naturally to sleep. You can also better control how much or little light you have at night than you can during the day when the sun is shining. Try it at different hours and different lighting conditions and see what you think.
What is good about masturbating? Why can't we just have wet dreams? (age 15)
Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It is good and good for you. It brings about a whole palette of health benefits. It especially flushes out your sex organs and keeps them in healthy, functioning condition and keeps your semen fresh and healthy for fertilization.
Wet dreams are not sufficient because any male who has been masturbating for more than a few weeks and has reached a typical teenage daily frequency has probably put a stop to his wet dreams forever. Typically, males who masturbate only two or three times a week can still have occasional wet dreams but males who masturbate four or more times a week never have another one.
Also, even if a male has wet dreams, he typically doesn't have them as often as doctors recommend as the ejaculation frequency that is optimal for sexual health. (A male who only has wet dreams might have only three or four a month, whereas ejaculating about once a day is optimal for maintaining prostate health.)
I often masturbate but don't finish ON PURPOSE. I get to the point where if I go for another 10 seconds, I will ejaculate. Is this bad? Am I damaging anything? (age 17)
It's better if you don't do that. By stopping short of orgasm, you are training your body to not respond sexually. There is no reason to do that.
I met a boy, 15 as well, on the Internet. He lives in London. He doesn't know where in the U.S. I live. We have traded selfies. I'm bisexual, and he's gay. He's really cute, and we both openly masturbate together. I know it is illegal to trade nudes underage, but it is very tempting. Do you think our current discourse is the best way to handle the situation? We are seriously attracted to each other. (age 15)
Be careful. You don't know for sure he's 15 in London and not older and around the corner from you. Don't give out identifying information. Try to meet others your own age who live near you and don't pin all your hopes on this boy you might never meet.
Though I masturbate about every two days and have been for a year, I still get a feeling of shame or guilt at times. Could it be related to the fact that I'm going to remain a virgin until I'm 27? (age 17)
It's normal to occasionally have those feelings. If no one ever felt guilty about masturbating, people might not be inclined to seek sex with partners, and the species would die off. How do you know you're going to be a virgin for 10 more years? Maybe you'll meet someone tomorrow who wants to have sex with you right away!
Is it healthy to masturbate daily? (age 21)
Yes. Most men your age do. See here to learn the health benefits of frequent masturbation.
I've been masturbating for a while now and haven't ejaculated so far. Is there a way to know if I'm old enough? (age 13)
Yes. When your pubic and body hair starts to grow in, you will probably be ejaculating within a month or so. Try to enjoy the dry orgasms you're having now. Once you start ejaculating, you'll never have them again.
I masturbate doing pull-ups with a horizontal pole. During this, my abs go up and after a few tries, I reach an orgasm. Is this prone masturbation? (age 13)
That isn't prone masturbation, but it's very unusual.
I'm worried that the doctor is going to ask me if I masturbate. Will he do that? (age 15)
Unless you have a problem that specifically concerns your genitals, he probably won't. But he knows that nearly all boys your age masturbate frequently, so even if he doesn't ask, he can guess correctly. Don't be embarrassed to tell the doctor that you masturbate. He masturbates too.
I am relatively new to masturbation and I found some Vaseline which I read is safe as lube but I'm unsure how to use it. Do I put it on the outside or inside of my foreskin or on my hands, and what amount should I use? (age 13)
Put it on your hand. Vaseline is pretty goopy. Try to use as little as possible. Most guys prefer a water-based lube, which you can buy for less than $1 a tube.
Does masturbation makes hair rough? I am always afraid of hair loss and balding. (age 15)
Dude. Every male over puberty has a history of masturbating. Look at any man you see. Perfect hair, gray hair, rough hair, bald, receding hairline, they've all masturbated a lot in their lives. Masturbating didn't cause them to have either nice hair or what you call rough hair.
How can I ask a question and will it be private? (age 35)
The most popular pages on HealthyStrokes.com have contact forms at the bottom of the page, or there is a main contact page for the site. I never include identifying information, especially if I don't have it. On rare occasions when the question is very specific and private, I omit the question and head my reply with something of the form "CONFIDENTIAL TO 16-year-old female:"
I have a surgically acquired brain injury and am also a survivor of sexual abuse from a young age. I am intensely hypersexual and if I'm not masturbating, I frequently think about sex during the day. I am married with a son and so I can't always masturbate as much as I would like. When I am by myself, I masturbate at least once a day. Even when my family is home, I touch myself, even if not actually masturbating, just for the pleasure of it. Is this still normal at my age?
My wife is completely on side about my masturbation and even watches me do it from time to time.
I want my son who is 13 to know that it's perfectly OK to masturbate, but do I even need to tell him? If so, how do I bring it up? (age 47)
Masturbating once a day, even when having regular intercourse, is not so much. I doubt that needs to be regarded as a problem. If you're uncomfortable talking to your son, why not have him read my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation or print it as a PDF.
This page updated April 27, 2017.
Dear readers: I am getting short of stories to put on the caught masturbating page. Why not go over there and share your stories or things you've done to keep from getting caught.
It will be a while before there is a long survey for males. In the meantime, I have posted some quick surveys (no more than 4-5 questions) and these will be changed every few days. Click the link on the male survey page and come back frequently to take new quick surveys.
New quick survey questions for males!
Do you like to take surveys? While we decide if there will be a new long form survey, we will be posting some quick and fun questions. A new male survey is online and new questions will be posted every few days, so come back repeatedly. Won't you please help us out by answering them? They are completely anonymous. Click here to take this fun and interesting survey. These are different from our earlier, longer surveys.
If the question you asked isn't answered here, it might be on the Page of questions and comments about prone masturbation
Many older questions have been moved to one of these topic pages:
- Penis and anatomy
- Sexual response & puberty
- Fantasies, fetishes & unusual practices
- Sexual problems, aches & pains
- Sex with partners
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