Healthy Strokes - Male Masturbation

Reader questions about masturbation

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A Young Man's Guide to Masturbation was written for parents to give to their pre-adolescent (and early adolescent) sons. It's not as frank as it could be, but would parents want to use it then?!

These questions and answers are general ones about masturbation and not specifically about TMS.

Many older questions have been moved to one of these topic pages:

I read your site, and I don't have TMS. What I really want is to quit masturbating altogether. How can I do this?

Quitting masturbation will be quite a challenge, at least until you have a regular sex partner. One person who's done it is best-selling author John Gray (Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus), who had to give up the habit when he became a monk. He said that giving up masturbating took him seven years, and was the hardest part of becoming a monk. (He also had to give up talking to people.)

If you've read my TMS page, you know I take the position that masturbating is normal and healthy and fun, and I don't think you should quit. And I don't think quitting is easy. However, if you really want to change, I suggest cutting back to once a week. Masturbating only once a week will keep you sexually healthy, and you'll probably be able to do it without sexual fantasy. Try doing it once a week for a month or so and then decide if you really want to stop masturbating.

Why do males masturbate more than females?

As discussed elsewhere on this site, masturbation is universal among males past puberty, while only three quarters of females have done so by their 18th birthday. Remember why males masturbate:

They enjoy it
To release built-up sexual fluids; and
To keep their sperm in good condition for fertilization.

These last two reasons amount to a biological imperative for males to masturbate. Females don't share this biological imperative. So the only reason they do it is because they enjoy it. Considered in this light, it's understandable that (1) more males masturbate; and (2) males are more likely to make a regular habit of it.

I suspect my 13-year-old son is masturbating. Should I discourage him?

You shouldn't discourage him. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and all guys do it. It's just part of being male. Lots of normal, healthy, intelligent women have somehow failed to learn what all men understand: Puberty is going to leave your son bigger, stronger, deeper-voiced, and with two new habits that will be practiced regularly: shaving and masturbating.

How can I stop my husband from masturbating?

If you and he have an enjoyable sex life, there's no problem if he masturbates on the side (or if you do). Men typically have more sexual desire than women. Also, most women take a break from sex once (or twice) a month. These differences are made up in part by masturbating. Also, men enjoy masturbating for reasons that have nothing to do with intercourse. It's normal for men who have regular partners to masturbate once or twice a week. On the other hand, if it's keeping him from being sexual with his partner, then it's a problem and the two of you should discuss it. In such a discussion, you'll earn points if you accept masturbation as a normal part of male sexuality rather than a habit to be eradicated.

Why do guys relieve stress by masturbating?

Because it's fun, free -- and effective. Masturbation is one of the most effective ways to relieve stress.

What are blue balls?

"Blue balls," which is properly called vasocongestion, is a discomfort in the male pelvic area caused by sexual arousal going unrelieved by ejaculation. The cure for "blue balls," obviously, is to ejaculate. Your body doesn't care whether you ejaculate through vaginal intercourse, manual intercourse (i.e., your partner's hands), or masturbation. It is quite unethical to use "blue balls" to pressure your partner into intercourse. If not relieved by ejaculation, the congestion will go away within a few hours.

How much masturbating is too much?

Physically, if your penis starts to hurt, you're masturbating too much. Or, if you're finding it takes you a lot longer to reach orgasm than usual, that's another sign. If you can't have orgasm during intercourse, that frequently means you masturbate too much. More practically, the question of how much is too much is determined by averages -- "normal" is a statistical term. As mentioned elsewhere on this site, eight times a week is the response heard most frequently as to how often young males (without partners) masturbate. It's not unusual to hear teenage boys (like those who've just discovered masturbation) doing it twice a day. It's probably safe to say that most people would agree that masturbating more than twice a day is not normal. For males older than 16, even 10 times a week is higher than normal.

What's so special about eight times a week? A lot of males make a point of masturbating every day and then do it a second time once a week or so. Remember, normal doesn't necessarily mean healthy or unhealthy. It might not be unhealthy to masturbate more than twice a day, although it certainly isn't normal. If you masturbate once a day, you're normal in terms of the statistics available about masturbatory frequency.

Another way of considering if you're masturbating too much is if the habit is keeping you from pursuing other sexual outlets. If you find you'd rather masturbate than have sex with a partner, that's a sign you're doing it too much. (Of course, some people have moral reservations about casual sex and it shouldn't be surprising that they masturbate more often than those who are also having sexual intercourse.)

I'm a boxer, and I'm planning to abstain from ejaculation for a month to preserve my energy for the big fight. Your site says males have to ejaculate every two weeks to avoid damage to their prostate gland. Am I causing trouble for myself here?

Are you talking about doing this just once or making a regular habit of it? I don't think abstaining from ejaculation for a month (if such a thing is even possible) one time only would do any damage.

On the other hand, if you're talking about ejaculating only once a month as a regular thing, then you're setting yourself up for a painful condition called prostatitis. It normally occurs mostly in older men who start having less sex than before, but it's also been noted in people (like sailors) who abstain from ejaculation for a long time (like while they're at sea) and then have lots of sex after those periods (like shore leave).

I really question whether "saving it up" for as long a period of time as a month will do your fighting performance any good. The idea behind abstaining from ejaculation before an athletic event is not to do it right before the event. An optimum time might be five to six days. That's when most guys really feel the tension of not having had an orgasm.

What is compulsive masturbation?

The key definition of a compulsion is that the activity is performed not for pleasure or gratification but to reduce anxiety or distress. The practice of the compulsion must also cause its own distress, be time consuming (more than an hour a day), or significantly interfere with the individuals normal routine, occupational functioning, or usual social activities or relationships with others. [Paraphrased from The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV)]

What does this mean for masturbation? If you're doing it for fun, you're OK. If you're doing it and you don't really enjoy it, that's a sign of compulsion. If it's causing you stress, making you late for work, appointments, or classes, or other scheduled activity, or interfering with your interaction with people, those are signs of compulsion.

So is there any particular frequency of masturbation that means one is masturbating compulsively?

Maybe. Maybe not. The diagnostic criteria don't refer to frequency. But it's hard to believe that masturbating three times a day, every day, could be fun. So there's a certain frequency that points toward compulsivity. At the same time, masturbating only once a day could be compulsive if the activity causes the problems described above.

Here are some questions to consider if you think you might be masturbating compulsively:

Is masturbation your favorite kind of sex? (Ignore this question if you're a virgin.)
Do you masturbate mainly because you often masturbate at such a time of day?
Do you masturbate when you know that doing so will make you late for something?
Do you feel a need to masturbate after having sex with a partner?
Do you masturbate without sexual fantasy? (Nearly all males fantasize.)
Do you masturbate in inappropriate places? (While driving, at work, in school, etc.)
Do you get up right after you ejaculate? (Most people like to relax after an orgasm.)
Do you feel like you're cheating yourself if you "miss a day"?
Do you have more erotic material than you have room for?

Answering yes to more than one of these questions is a sign that you're masturbating compulsively.

The head of my penis is a little blue (violet) and does it influence my sexual abilities?

Well, now you know why some people call it the "purple-helmeted love nazi." As long as it has sensitivity and isn't downright cyanotic, you have nothing to worry about.

Is it good to not release semen during masturbation?

No, it isn't. The goal of masturbation should be ejaculation. Stopping before ejaculation is apt to cause "blue balls." (See above)

Can doctors tell if a person has been masturbating?

That's not an easy question. The official answer is "no," but masturbation in both males and females leaves telltale patterns on the skin. The penis of someone who hasn't masturbated for a few days is apt to have less redness than someone who has, kind of like a "halo" around the head. Sexual intercourse won't leave the same pattern but might leave a different one that is less symmetrical (more pressure on the underside of the penis and less on the top). I suspect that most doctors who take the time to look over the genitals will notice these things.

Of course, doctors are aware that most people masturbate, including nearly all males past puberty. This might be more useful information than observation of the genitals.

Will I ever be asked to masturbate in a doctor's office?

Yes, if they ever need to analyze your semen. You can use the same bathroom where you give the urine specimen, but most doctor's offices would let you produce the specimen at home, if you can get the sample to their lab ASAP. (That's another drawback of TMS: can't produce the sample in the doctor's bathroom.) I'd guess 25% of men will have a semen analysis sometime.

I am 20 years old and in the past week I haven't masturbated, but before that I masturbated at least once a day. I am wondering if I keep not masturbating, will I be able to get a wet dream, being 20 years old. Can you please let me know if I can have a wet dream and if so, about how long would it take with me not masturbating?

You don't say if you've ever had a wet dream (like before you started masturbating), but in either case, I think it's unlikely you'll have one. You've gotten used to the stimulation of doing it yourself. There are some older males who have wet dreams, but that is kind of rare. I've heard of guys abstaining from intercourse and masturbation for as long as a month in an effort to induce a wet dream and they haven't been successful. I've heard of other experienced guys having a wet dream after only 2 nights without an ejaculation. I can imagine the appeal of trying to have a wet dream if you've never had one before, but if you get to about 25 days and then give up, you'll probably decide you've wasted a lot of time. Are you really abstaining from masturbation or just from ejaculation? If you're masturbating short of orgasm, that might be enough to inhibit a wet dream. Good luck.

I have been trying to keep my masturbation a secret. It is hard, though, because my bed is over a hundred years old (honestly), and whenever I move at all, it creaks and groans and yells. I am home alone a lot, but have a lot of things to do. I do not have time to masturbate at night, and my parents are up usually until 1:00 in the morning working, doing taxes, etc. I can't wait until everyone is asleep, because I will wind up being a sleepless zombie. How can I find time to masturbate, or keep the noise of my bed below 10000000 decibels?

I don't blame you one bit. I'm not ashamed of masturbating, but I don't want the people who live near me to know whenever I do it. You don't mention TMS, but I'm suspecting you have it and that's why bed is the only place. Guys have been having trouble finding privacy to masturbate for millennia, and the usual solution is to do it in the bathroom. If your bed is over 100 years old, I suspect your floors are not carpeted, and maybe that's why you're not doing it there. If I had your bed, I think I'd find a quieter place to do it.

How old should you be to begin masturbating?

That's a tough question. If you're old enough to ask, I think you're old enough to masturbate. When your pubic hair grows in, you're old enough. If you've had a wet dream, you're definitely old enough to masturbate. Half of males start before their 13th birthday. Nearly all have started by their 15th birthday. If you start after that (like I did), I think you'll regret being a late bloomer when you find out that almost everyone else has already been masturbating for several years.

Some males start in childhood, before they're able to ejaculate or even have a real erection. For most of them, it's only an occasional thing until they reach puberty and start to ejaculate. Then it becomes a daily (or more) activity.

I'm 13 and I masturbate every so often. I have noticed a very mild odor that comes from the semen. Is this normal? Can other people smell it too?

Yes, that's normal. The smell comes from prostate fluid, which most of the time contributes most of the volume of semen as well. Other people can smell it if they get close enough. It's always a good idea to clean up and/or shower after ejaculating.

Hi, I have been masturbating a couple of months (I'm 13) but I do not know how to grasp my penis. I know that I should lay on my back though; I just don't know how to grasp it.

Try to use a loose fist. No tighter than a medium handshake. As you become more experienced, try to use less pressure and see if it's still as effective.

Hi, I am 16 years old. I was just looking for a clarification on whether masturbation does help and/or lead to weight loss? It seems like I get skinnier after masturbating.

Weight loss is one of the great mysteries of life. Burning calories in excess of caloric intake is what really does it. Masturbation burns calories, but I doubt it burns enough that you're losing weight as a result of it.

I read your Young Man's Guide to Masturbation and I think you're a homophobe and a pedophobe. Telling guys not to masturbate with their friends and to alert authorities if someone older approaches them about masturbation is old-fashioned and irresponsible. You should be ashamed.

Whatever is a pedophobe? If it's someone who's opposed to adults engaging in sexual activity with children, then I'm happy to be one. I don't think I'm a homophobe. I'm not against adults engaging in consensual activity with other adults. But I think more circumspection is necessary where young people are concerned. I wrote that article to warn young people about TMS and inform them about other aspects of masturbation. I also wrote it for parents to use to educate their sons. I think parents in particular want to see warnings against pedophilia and homosexual experimentation.

So why don't I warn against heterosexual experimentation too? Because this isn't a two-way street; many females would reject a male for having engaged in homosexual activity, but no gay men would reject one for having experimented heterosexually. So it's rational for a male to postpone homosexual experimentation until he's certain he's gay.

Does it hurt to masturbate for the first time? And if it does, if you do it a second time will it still hurt?

Masturbation is not supposed to hurt. If it hurts, you're doing something wrong. Perhaps you're confusing it with something you've heard about sexual intercourse. Some females find that their first intercourse hurts, especially if their partner is not careful.

I often feel the need to urinate after ejaculation. I have pondered possible reasons, but no solution comes to mind. Is this a normal thing? (age 20)

That's very normal. The urine cleans the urethra of residual semen that didn't get ejaculated. If the semen dries in there, it plugs the urethra and urinating later can be very uncomfortable.

How do girls masturbate? (age 13)

Females have more variety in how they can masturbate than males. The typical way for a girl to masturbate is to rub her clitoris or the skin around it. Some girls stick fingers or objects into their vaginas.

I do not masturbate excessively, but I don't usually use lubricant. About a year ago I developed two small finger bruises on the sides of my penis where I usually grip. I stopped masturbating temporarily at times, but the bruises did not go away. Should I stop masturbating permanently until they go away? What should I do? (age 17)

You need to start using lube. You can make the bruises go away (often the same day) by applying medicated lotion, like Vaseline Dermatology Formula.

Follow-up: Would any type of lotion with vitamin E work, or is there a certain ingredient that I should look for? Is it possible that since the bruises have been there for over a year they may be permanent, or will time heal them?

The ingredient you want is dimethicone. The bruises will go away when the irritant causing them has ceased and proper healing aids have been applied.

What are some good masturbating techniques? I'm female. (age 14)

I'm male, so I only have hearsay when it comes to female masturbation. Girls generally stroke their clitoris (sometimes indirectly, because the organ is very sensitive) and some also stick fingers inside their vagina. The important thing is to relax and take your time.

How does masturbation affect you if you're trying to work out, gain mass, build muscle, and eat protein bars at the same time?

Masturbation has little effect on your weight and caloric consumption. Of course, any activity burns calories, but masturbation burns only a few compared to the number you would be burning through weightlifting, running, swimming, etc., as part of your program. It is estimated we burn 6 to 7 calories per minute during sexual activity. This compares to 8 to 10 per minute while jogging. People typically exercise longer than they masturbate, so a half hour jog would burn 240-300 calories while seven minutes spent in sexual activity would burn fewer than 50. (Thanks to Phyllis Cooper RN and McKesson for supplying those figures.)

I have had a crush on one of my favorite TV stars for about 3 years and I sometimes dream that she is with me in the room when I try to sleep. Is it normal to have sexual fantasies about this kind of person? I feel kind of guilty because she is someone that I really look up to. Is this a bad thing? (age 19)

Your fantasies are very normal. But don't pass up the girls around you because you'd rather have your Hollywood hottie. It's unlikely you'll ever get a date with her. Local girls are so much more attainable. You shouldn't feel guilty. There are probably millions or even tens of millions of guys who have the same fantasies about her.

What are the techniques in masturbating in the bathroom? (age 15)

The technique should be the same as in the bedroom. This is why I tell guys they should learn in bed and then try other places. The challenge in the bathroom is to stimulate yourself the same way as in bed but without the comfort and with less space. For example, you might be used to pressing your legs or head against the bed, something you can't do when you're sitting or standing in the bathroom. You'll have an easier time in the bathroom when you're experienced in masturbating in bed.

My boyfriend says that he has stopped masturbating (not at any request from me) and I didn't believe him at first, but now when we have sex he is unable to keep going for longer than about 10 minutes. When we first started he lasted much longer. Is this because of the lack of masturbation? (age 17)

As a rule, it takes guys longer to reach orgasm the less time it's been since their last one. If he really has quit masturbating -- something I find doubtful unless you're having very frequent intercourse -- that would tend to make his orgasms with you more "urgent," so to speak. Another rule of thumb is that guys generally take longer to reach orgasm as they become sexually experienced. So maybe he really did give up masturbating. You might tell him if you liked his technique better before.

My church and ecclesiastical leaders say it? not good to masturbate. That the sexual fantasies create lustrous images in my mind that damage my spirit. However, reading many of your thoughts you sound like masturbating is in some ways a necessity. That the pressure builds up inside and needs to be released and that the older the sperm isn? as potent as newly replenished sperm. How do I balance both? How do I relieve my physical needs and not go against my leaders? Is masturbating really that important? Do I need to do it to stay healthy? (age 20)

Ejaculation is a necessary part of male sexual health. If you don't have a partner, then masturbation is necessary. You can balance the concerns of your church leaders by limiting masturbation to once a week. After a week's abstinence, you can probably reach orgasm without sexual fantasy, by stroking alone. Most guys your age masturbate much more often than that. This is true for many different religions. You might also want to keep in mind a study released just last week that found that males who masturbated most often when they were in their 20s had the least occurrence of prostate cancer in their 60s. Thanks for your question. I'd like at some point to put up a page that addresses masturbation from a Christian viewpoint.

I'm 15 years old and I masturbate about 3 times a day. Sometimes my chest and other parts of my body go red. After about 5 to 10 minutes it is back to the normal colour. I've never had sex so it can't be an STD. Is this normal?

Yes, that is called sex flush. At least 25% of people get it. It's nothing to worry about, but people can figure out what you've been doing if they see you with it. Someone we know complained to his mother that the house was too hot. She offered to lower the thermostat. Meanwhile, he went to his bedroom and masturbated. When he emerged, his face was flushed, and his mother said, "Oh, it is too hot in there. Your face is all red."

I would have to say that any figure that claims 100% of men masturbate is most likely untrue. Men with cystic fibrosis are frequently unable to masturbate. I myself have gone for 18 years without not because of any physical defect, but simply because I have never enjoyed it enough to bring myself to orgasm. I'm confident that I am not alone in this. (age 18)

But you say you have masturbated, only not to orgasm. Men in vegetative conditions don't masturbate either, but rare exceptions like this don't falsify the generality that it is normal, even necessary, for men to masturbate. I suspect that you wouldn't be reading a masturbation website if you didn't want to practice it. There are masturbation machines that are administered to men (e.g., quadriplegics) who can't do it themselves. Perhaps this type of therapy would be appropriate for you? Might ask your doctor or physical therapist. Don't be embarrassed to ask. They masturbate too.

Thanks for your informative site. I'm wondering - you have a formula for frequency of masturbation for guys 30 and under. Could you send me a similar formula for single/ married guys under 40, under 50, under 60?

I've thought about that, but there's much greater variance in men over 30 than in those under, which makes a neat formula more elusive. A lot of older men reduce their sexual output greatly and in some cases cease altogether. For a lot of men even in their 40s, masturbation becomes a sporadic thing. Also, most of what I hear from males is from those under 30.

Hi, I'm a girl, and I recently heard two people on a dating show talking about women masturbating internally or externally. I'm not entirely sure what they were talking about. Can you help? (age 16)

Yes, for females, internal masturbation means inserting fingers or objects into the vagina, and external masturbation means masturbating without doing this. Of women who masturbate, informal research says only 20 percent masturbate internally. 84 percent masturbate externally by stimulating their clitorises and/or labia, 11 percent mount or rub against objects -- the female equivalent of TMS, 11 percent stimulate their breasts, 10 percent squeeze their thighs, 5 percent masturbate by contracting their PC muscles, and a lucky 2 percent can achieve orgasm by fantasy alone. (The numbers don't add to 100 because some women masturbate more than one way.) [These stats courtesy of SexTV.]

I have been going with my girlfriend for a long, long, long time and we want to take our relationship to the next level. We want to have intercourse and we were going to do it yesterday but I wanted to ask you first. So is it OK for us to do it? (age 13)

I think you're much too young to be sexually active. And I think you believe that too. If you had really wanted to have intercourse, you would not have waited to see what I think. The "next level" doesn't have to involve sexual intercourse. If you must copulate, at least consider the consequences and use protection.

Follow-up: What kinds of consequences?

The big ones:

Pregnancy
Sexually transmitted diseases
Emotional damage to the partners when the relationship ends
Getting caught by parents, etc.
Getting a reputation among your classmates as an "easy" sex partner

These things are hard to deal with at any age and are especially devastating at age 13.

You're a sick puppy! You need to get a hobby. Better yet a life! These kids will grow up healthy on their own. If they make mistakes, that's healthy too! You did, I did, grandpa did. You can't save the world. Put your efforts into your own family life where you can benefit from your work. Treat each day like it was your last. Breathe deep and suck in life. Savor today! There is no infinity. Just try to deal with it as best as you can. Best Regards! P.S: Sorry if I seem a little hard! Just think about what you're doing. This Net is a powerful thing! If there happens to be infinity you will have to pay your dues! Safe or Sorry? Check or Mate? It's for sure up to you!

I happen to be a good Christian. Every day I get mail from people thanking me for the advice I give. I'd like to save young people (and others) from decades of sexual inadequacy. Most of the people who criticize me say I'm too conservative and call me a puritan. (Which I am.) Someday I'd like to put up a page addressing masturbation from a Christian perspective.

If a guy doesn't want to masturbate, is that bad? (age 13)

In an older male, it might indicate some level of maladjustment. I think most younger guys sometimes wish they didn't have to masturbate. Masturbation is a lot of fun, and that's the reason most guys in your age group do it at least once a day. But many guys feel guilty or embarrassed about masturbating from time to time on some level, and that's OK too. Nearly half of males have tried to quit masturbating at some point. With maturity, they accept that masturbation is normal, even necessary, and think it's silly that they once wanted to quit.

What is the depth and width of a woman's vagina? (age 16)

The average vagina is three inches long and four-fifths of an inch in diameter when not aroused. Like the penis, it expands during arousal. Then the average is about four inches long and close to two and a half inches in diameter. (This information is found on a number of websites although none cite a scientific study.)

I heard that masturbation can cause prostate cancer. Is this true?

Exactly the opposite! A study published in the British Journal of Urology International this summer found that men who had masturbated most frequently when they were in their 20s had the smallest chance of getting prostate cancer later.

How can I get a semen stain out of fabric? (age 17)

I've heard that shaving cream gets the stain out.

Congratulations on having one of the most frank, honest, open, and unembarrassing pages I have ever seen on masturbation. And thank you for encouraging questions. I happen to have one.

I'm a 22-year-old circumcised male, and I've been masturbating since I was about 14. Since I'm circumcised I have difficulty achieving orgasm bare-handed, and have to masturbate with something, usually something soft like a thick blanket or fleece (in the normal position). Having masturbated like this 2-3 times a week for the last six to eight years, I'm starting to build calluses on the head of my penis. My sensitivity seems to be markedly decreased. I know the only way a callus will leave is if the area is free of abrasion (like masturbation), but as you mention, it's tough to DO that. Is there something else I can do to substitute for masturbation (or some better technique I can use) for long enough for the calluses to leave and to help them stay gone? Is there anything I can do to help thin them down faster?

Your problem is not being circumcised. Most guys your age are circumcised and do not masturbate like you do. What you really need to do is learn to masturbate bare-handed. The abstinence program on the main page should help you achieve that. As a rule, try to touch the head of your penis as little as possible, and try to vary the places on the head that you touch.

I masturbate 3-4 times a day. I wonder if it's okay to eat my semen? Also, is masturbating 3-4 times a day too much? Are there any suggestions you have for males, as far as different ways to masturbate?

It's OK to eat your semen (but don't be a guzzler). I think 3-4 times a day is too much. My emphasis is on getting males to masturbate the normal way, but variations are OK as long as they involve stroking the penis by hand and never thrusting the penis into or against something.

Do girls masturbate? How often? How? Where and when? (age 16)

Yes, most do. You can learn more in the Young Man's Guide to Masturbation and the female page. Who knows where or when? (Wasn't that a Rodgers & Hart song?)

I love to masturbate and I do all the time. It feels so good. Is that normal? (female, age 13)

Yes, very.

For sexual intercourse, are there any good techniques to physically last longer without obtaining an orgasm? I've heard that contracting muscles when urinating helps make them stronger, and allows you to last longer. (age 19)

The techniques I recommend to make yourself longer masturbating will also work during intercourse. Exercising the pubococcygeus (PC) muscle will help you obtain greater control of your orgasms. This is the muscle you use to stop the flow of urine.

Do you masturbate, and how often do you do it? (age 23)

That is a very rude question. Besides the obvious, since I state on my site that all men masturbate, by asking you are questioning my masculinity. I don't ask anyone to tell me how often except in an anonymous survey.

What exactly is a clitoris? (age 11)

The clitoris is the key female sex organ. It corresponds to the penis somewhat in terms of its sexual function. It is very sensitive and erects when touched. The clitoris is the only organ whose only function is sexual; all the other sex organs have urinary or reproductive functions.

I am curious to why masturbation is such a "bad" topic. I have a lot of girl friends, and once or twice we have stumbled upon the question of whether or not we have masturbated before, and the subject is always changed as soon as posible. We all say that we have done it, but all seemed ashamed. Even I've done it, and I can talk about it to other girls. (age 15, female)

Your group isn't the only one where masturbation is a taboo subject. Sex researchers have frequently found that subjects will talk to them about about adultery, sexual fantasies, intercourse positions, and even rape, but the questions about masturbation have to be asked in writing. Masturbation's long history of ignomy stems from it being a non-procreative activity. There is a biological purpose to masturbatory guilt. If everyone were satisfied masturbating, there would be less reason to make love and procreate. So you shouldn't be surprised when people don't want to talk about it.

I want to masturbate but I don't know how. I've had a wet dream but I'm confused. (age 12)

Don't worry about it. You'll be able to in time. You might read my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation.

I am a 17 year old male, and I thrust my penis against my forearms. It feels like a soft crack, and I can vary the tightness to the point it feels like a girl's vagina. I can't stop doing this, it feels so good. Is this a normal way of masturbating? Have you ever heard of this?

I have more than heard of it. It's a form of TMS. You really need to quit this. It's pretty easy to quit TMS at your age.

I stumbled across your website and I am interested in learning more about TMS. I did not see any references to medical or psychological research or any information about your credentials on the website.

You must have missed the abstract of Dr. Sank's article, which is near the bottom of the main page. As I say on this page umpteen times, I'm not a doctor or health professional, only a recovering TMS sufferer trying to help others.

You said that strengthening the PC muscle is a good way to last longer when having sex. What is the correct way to make this muscle stronger? (age 16)

The PC (pubococcygeal) muscle contributes the key motions in orgasm. Controlling it is key to controlling your orgasms. It's also the muscle you use to start and stop the flow of urine. Contract it as if you're stopping urine, hold for a second and release. Do this 10 times a day (no more). Once you've been doing this for a week or so, contract the muscle and hold it for 10-15 seconds. Do this 2 or 3 times a day. And stop these exercises if anything starts to hurt.

In your Young Man's Guide to Masturbation, you state, "the correct way for a male to masturbate is to form a loose fist around his erect penis and stroke in an up and down motion." THERE IS NOT A CORRECT WAY, NO WAY IS THE RIGHT AWAY. THERE IS NO LAW ON MASTURBATION, AND IT WILL NOT ALWAYS LEAD TO SEXUAL DIFFICULTIES IF ITS DONE A DIFFERENT WAY TO HOW YOU STATED IT. (age 15)

I follow Dr. Sank on that point. In his article he states firmly that there is a "proper masturbatory technique" (p. 41), and that the "inability to masturbate correctly" seems to lead to sexual dysfunction (p. 37, emphasis original). Other research finds that approximately 90 percent of males masturbate in the manner I describe as correct. These males have fewer problems adjusting to intercourse than males who masturbate in other ways, especially TMS.

I am 17 years old and I have never masturbated. I understand that this is abnormal. I suppose it is because I just never "discovered" it in my early pubescent years, and when I became aware of its prevalence among my peers, I abstained from it because it seemed dirty as well as unnecessary. I just never felt the urge to masturbate. I do, however, have frequent wet dreams. Lately I have noticed that when I get an erection, it is only semi-hard, whereas in the past they have been very firm. I am concerned that this may inhibit my sexual abilities in the future. I suspect that sleeping on my stomach and experiencing nocturnal erections/ejaculation may apply the same sort of pressure that causes problems in TMS sufferers.

The most instructive thing in your message is what you didn't say. If I were 17 and had never masturbated, I would be screaming for someone to tell me how. You need to accept masturbation as a normal, even necessary, part of being male. It's curious that someone who claims to have never masturbated would notice his erections aren't what they used to be. You should have felt the urge to masturbate if you're having regular erections and frequent wet dreams. They're all part of the same cycle. Sleeping on your stomach will only cause a fraction of the pressure on your penis that thrusting it into something will.

I've heard that you're not supposed to masturbate lying face down. Is this true? Why not? (age 14)

You've come to the right place to ask! The habit of masturbating face down is known as Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome. It causes severe sexual problems in most males who practice it. You can learn more here.

Where did you find all of your knowledge about masturbation? (age 15)

I've been practicing it since I was your age and studying it almost as long.

I'm not so clear at your definition of TMS. I usually masturbate at my computer. I occasionally look down at my penis but I don't stare. Do I have TMS? (age 15)

No. TMS is masturbating in the face-down position. Lying face-down and rubbing the penis and frequently the entire body against something, like a mattress, pillow, or hand.

What if I had started masturbating the proper way but still can't get a proper hard-on? How long does it take usually? (age 16)

It's not possible to will an erection. Sexual activity is apt to be more enjoyable when the erection results from pleasurable activity than from trying to bring one on. At your age, erections come fairly frequently. Even so, you're better off masturbating when you have a spontaneous erection than trying to get an erection when you feel like masturbating. Most guys look at something erotic when they want an erection.

I'm curious as to what most guys ejaculate into during masturbation? I personally use a paper towel but I get the feeling that some just catch it whith their hands or something?? I enjoyed the site! Very interesting. (age 19)

I think most guys let it go where it will and then clean it up afterward. Some catch it in their hand. One of the TMS cases I heard of, for the first year he ejaculated directly into his sheets and comforter. Then he worried about all the stains, so he started catching it with his hand. Many TMS guys flip over right before they ejaculate so they don't make a mess.

Is it healthy to masturbate? (age 30)

Yes, very.

I started masturbating on the age of 11. The second time I did it I felt guilty and made a promise to God I would never do it again but sometimes I can't help myself so I masturbate. Is this wrong? Will God forgive me? (age 14)

I'd like to put up a page with various religious views on masturbation. Here are some of mine: I don't think God will hold you to your promise. I think it's normal, even necessary, to masturbate. God made it this way. He made people feel guilty about it sometimes so they would seek sexual partners and the species could go on.

Is there any way you can tell if someone masturbates? (female, age 14)

I doubt it. Even after a physical examination of the genitals, I doubt even a trained medical professional could say with even 50% accuracy.

First, I want to say thank you very much for your site that has answered many of my questions. Second, when I first started masturbating I did it in the TMS way. I don't do that anymore but I've noticed that my penis is crooked, not sharply bent or deformed but just a nice curve. Could this have been caused by TMS? (age 16)

Yes, but guys who masturbate normally also get curves like that. It's probably just the way it is. If it functions OK, you don't have anything to worry about. You might do a web search on "Peyronie's Disease" to decide when to seek help.

I started masturbating at the age of 14,and I am still doing it. I couldn't stop. But after seeing your site I got confidence and enjoyed it. I used to masturbate daily from my 14th age; I have masturbated nearly 4000 times in 10 years. I will not get married for five years, so I will masturbate another 2000 times before having sex with my spouse. Can I father children or will I became impotent soon? I am masturbating only in face-up position. (age 24)

I'm sorry you had to do it 4000 times before my site let you enjoy it! You can't deplete your sperm by masturbating. Your body is constantly producing sperm. Men can father children into their 70s, at least. Masturbation also will not make you impotent, especially if you do it face-up, as I recommend throughout this site.

I started masturbating at age 8 is this healthy? (age 14)

Yes. Lots of guys start before puberty.

What is the appropriate time for masturbation?

You don't say whether you mean time of day or duration, so I'll answer both. Any time of day is good! A recent survey conducted for this site found that guys do 23 percent of their masturbating upon waking up, 43 percent at bedtime and 38 percent at other times.

As to duration, I think it should take at least five minutes. Most guys take about 10 minutes. If it's regularly taking 20 minutes or longer, you might be doing it too often or something might be distracting you. You'll probably enjoy it most if you plan to take 10-15 minutes.

Hello, I was just wondering if it is normal to masturbate using lotion. (Age 13)

Yes, very. Especially by guys who are too embarrassed to use a lube made especially for sex.

I know my boyfriend masturbates with porn. Is this normal? Should I say anything? Is there any way to get him to stop using pornography?

The starting point for a discussion should be how you are affected. If he masturbates regularly, with or without pictures, but is still able to have a successful sex life with you, there shouldn't be a problem. All men masturbate, and around 80 percent use pictures or videos when they do. My research suggests that men with a regular partner masturbate once or twice a week on average. That much masturbation is normal. If he's doing it more than that, then I'd say he's headed for a problem and you'd be justified in trying to discuss it. If he can't masturbate without pictures, that's a problem too.

The key thing to understand is that men regard masturbation as different from intercourse, not better, and they don't think about giving it up completely just because they have a partner. Kind of like not giving up eating burgers just because you can afford steak.

I don't know that trying to get him to stop should be a goal. Most men never go beyond Playboy-type pictures with simple nudity and the kind of tacky videos available in any video rental store. If he's using those, then I wouldn't worry. On the other hand, if he's mail-ordering hard-core, violent, or really bizarre stuff, or making regular trips to adult bookstores, then I'd worry. If he's spending a lot of time masturbating to online porn, I'd worry about that too.

On a positive note, you might see if he'd be interested in finding some material that the two of you could enjoy together.

I masturbate sitting down and use a backhand grip and slide in and out of it without moving my hand. Is this safe? (age 19)

It's atypical. For some reasons guys who masturbate typically (i.e. face-up with their hands) have the fewest sexual problems.

What does masturbation help during puberty? (age 14)

Masturbation is a normal part of life that usually begins in puberty. In males, it serves the function of eliminating sexual fluids and keeping the sperm in healthy condition. And it helps most people because they enjoy it.

How can you tell if a girl likes you? Is it bad to stick your penis in the vacuum cleaner hose or that long thing you use to get in cracks and corners? (age 13)

If she smiles at you, she probably likes you. And you already know the answer to your second question.

Hi, I'm 12, and I am constantly thinking about sex when I see a beautiful girl around me. If I am not thinking about sex it is about French kissing or kissing her. Is this normal? I like to masturbate but my penis is only about 1-2 inches in length. Is this normal? Also are there any other websites about masturbation? Thank you for your time.

Yes, it is very normal to think about sex and kissing beautiful girls. I think you're very normal. I'll bet your penis is bigger than you think it is, and it will grow very soon. There are other masturbation websites, but you've already found the best one.

Oof, this is embarrassing. I'm 16 years old and Roman Catholic. I can't get anything but the vaguest answers about the morality of masturbation from anyone. I'd give up trying to find out about the morality of the issue, but every time I masturbate, I feel horribly guilty afterwords. Is this normal? I suffer from some anxiety problems. And another question: Is it normal for my penis to barely be six inches with an erection? It seems that every one else my age is many times larger. I realize a lot of it is macho-talk, but it is unsettling.

First the easy part: Your penis is normal size. No one's is "many times larger" than yours. The guilt thing is more difficult. You need to accept masturbating as a normal part of life. Many guys feel guilty about their sexual fantasies. If you cut down to only once a week, you can probably do it without fantasy.

Have you any good tips for masturbation like how to do it properly because I am not really experienced. (age 14)

This whole site is full of them. Might start with the Young Man's Guide.

Hi, I'm 16, and I have a pretty average-high sex drive. I masturbate about 8-10 times a week. In about a month, my family and I are going on vacation and my parents and I will be sharing the same room. I have tried to stop masturbating for a week, and I lasted 6 days before I really had the urge to jerk. Our vacation will last 2 weeks, so what should I do?

Can't you masturbate in the bathroom? If not, I can't imagine that in two weeks there won't be times when you can't have the room to yourself. The direct approach would be just to tell your parents you'd like to be alone in the room for a bit, but I can understand why you wouldn't want to do that.

If I bed masturbate will I get TMS? (age 14)

Masturbating by thrusting into something (like the bed, pillow, hand, etc.) IS TMS. Most guys who do this develop severe sexual problems.

Is it dangerous to masturbate before puberty? (age 12)

No. Just don't do it face down.

Masturbation is a first for me. This is embarrassing to ask, but can you explain what to do? (age 18)

You might start by reading my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation. As a late bloomer, it's important that you avoid idiosyncratic methods.

Where can I find other sites about TMS? (age 15)

This is the only one focused on TMS. There are a few others that merely mention TMS, if only to parody our problem. You might consider joining the Yahoo! group for TMS (click "support group" in the banner), where there are a few files not found on this site and a discussion board.

Thank you for all the information. You have really helped me out with my masturbation. (age 13)

Always glad to help!

Is it wrong to look at girls' crotches? (age 14)

It's not wrong if they give you permission to look. Otherwise I think it is.

At my school, the girls sometimes use the boys' changing rooms. I walked in on a couple of them using a vibrator. One of the girls I really liked and she was naked, but she didn't seem to care. I got out as fast as I could but I am afraid that they will tell people about it. What should I do? (age 14)

I think you should start by asking that girl out to the movies. I don't think girls who would masturbate openly in the boys' locker room will tell anyone about it. If anyone asks, just say you walked in and saw girls in there and were embarrassed and walked right out. Everyone will understand because of the shared locker room arrangement. No need to mention the vibrator. And don't even think about telling other guys who you saw naked. Because that will come back and haunt you.

Is there anything wrong with masturbation? (age 12)

As long as it's done in a healthy fashion, I don't think so.

How can you convince your friend to tell you if they masturbate or not? (age 12)

Why is it your business to know? You might start by telling them about your masturbation experiences.

I masturbate but I want to know if girls my age masturbate also? (age 15)

Yes, many of them do.

I like to masturbate but what should I do if my parents ever caught me masturbating? (age 18)

What an unusual question from an adult! You should assert your right to privacy and they should be thoroughly embarrassed for walking in on you.

I have a girlfriend that's 13. How can I tell if she masturbates? (age 13)

I think you'll have to ask.

I just wanted to say Thank You for your kind, compassionate, and thoughtful support. You are truly one of God's great gifts on this planet!

Best wishes,
Steven

May I use you as a reference?

Your site seems pretty informative. Sometimes you seem a little closed-minded (or overeager to shout "TMS!"), but your site is still a valuable resource. (female, age 15)

Thanks. I hope you don't mistake my sexual conservatism for closed-mindedness. My sexual philosophy is guided by concern for healthy sexuality rather than the "if-it-feels-good-do-it" mentality that is so common. And of course, TMS is the focus of this site. The other stuff is a sideline.

I commend you, and appreciate you making this information available. I think there are many misconceptions out there, mostly caused by the religious, that cause much harm. I am a spiritual, God-seeking person, and I find it difficult to believe God would condemn men for fulfilling a need and enjoying it. (age 48)

Yes, I think you're within the normal range.

Is masturbating healthy or not healthy? (age 17)

It's healthy. A study released in 2003 found that males who masturbated most often in their 20s had the least incidence of prostate cancer in their 50s and 60s.

I was wondering who came up with the word vagina and why and the word masturbate. Why don't they just call it playing with yourself? (female, age 15)

Most of our sexual words evolved in medieval times based on how monks talked. In its original form, penis meant the tail of an animal and vagina meant sheath, something that was used inside out, like a holster. Masturbate comes from the Latin words manus, meaning hand and turbare, meaning to disturb. So masturbation means "to disturb with the hand." Many people indeed call it "playing with yourself," but one of the main functions of language is to replace 3-word colloquial phrases with single words that sound better. Remember the conjugation: I play with myself (first person), you masturbate (second person), he jerks off (third person).

I have masturbated since before I was 13 and I have never had pre-cum or a wet dream. I have ejaculated for about 11 months. Is this normal to have never pre-cummed or had a wet dream at my age? If I were to go a long period of time like a week or 10 days would I have a wet dream because my body's need to get rid of the semen and prostate fluids? (age 14)

Everyone who ejaculates has pre-cum. You must be masturbating so fast that you can't distinguish the pre-cum from the semen. Maybe slow down a little. Most males never have a wet dream, because they started masturbating before they had one. I doubt you would have a wet dream, because your body is used to masturbating. I've heard of guys who have abstained for as long as a month and not had one. (If anyone has a story about trying to bring on a wet dream, please share it with me.)

When my girlfriend and I spent a week together in Hawaii, I became hard 4 times when I was around her. She felt all 4 and now she's wondering about "everything" going on... like if I masturbate, when I masturbate, etc. What do I tell her? If she starts feeling uncomfortable, what should I do? (age 14)

You might tell her that masturbation is a private activity, and you choose not to discuss it. I suggest you not discuss it with a girl your age, since she might not be able to deal with that information properly.

I am 14 and can't get a girl to like me. I like one girl but I don't think she likes me. How can I tell?

Be friendly to all the girls. The ones who are friendly back probably like you.

I never masturbate prone, but I have all the symptoms of TMS sufferers including inorgasmia during intercourse, weak erections and lack of erection occasionally. When I masturbate I almost always use a sock or something else over my penis because it feels better and there is less cleanup. I usually masturbate while looking at pictures and videos. Is this method similar to someone who masturbates TMS style in terms of sensations? I can achieve orgasm when masturbating normally but typically I have a weaker erection until near climax. What should I do to repair myself and achieve orgasm during intercourse? (age 24)

Lose the sock and see if that makes things better. If using only your hand feels too strange, might try a condom for a few weeks and then go to using only your hand.

Is twice a week too often to masturbate? (age 35)

I don't think any man thinks so.

I masturbate with both hands. Is it normal? (age 26)

Most males (and females) masturbate with only one hand. More switch hands than use both at once.

Do you know that the Bible considers masturbation sinful? What do you think about that? (age 21)

The Bible doesn't say a word about masturbation. If you have specific verse references, I'll be happy to look. I now have a page of masturbation advice for Christians.

I am paranoid about my mom finding me masturbate. Is it normal to masturbate in the shower. I tried it before but it didn't work too well. I find it hard to masturbate standing, so I lie down in the shower. Is all of this normal? (age 13)

Yes, it's normal. Most people worry about being discovered masturbating, and most eventually get discovered at least once. Oops! Most guys masturbate in the shower sometimes. If you lie down, at least make it on your back.

I'm confused on how to masturbate, and I don't know if I'm doing it correctly. How tight should my grip be, and should I move the foreskin up and down, or peel it back slightly? (age 14)

The grip should be like a medium handshake. Enough so that you can stop moving and the penis stays in place. Don't worry about the foreskin. Just stroke the shaft and do what feels right.

How do I know you know what your talking about? (age 15)

It's good that you're skeptical. Perhaps you'll do some of your own research on the subject and decide that I do know my stuff.

I would like to know what you think about masturbation in Christians. I feel very guilty doing it. I will not have sex until I'm married so I masturbate. Is there a way of quitting masturbation? (age 23)

You're in luck! I just recently put up a page about masturbation for Christians. I don't think efforts to quit masturbating would be successful. You might also consider that abstaining from sex until marriage might make it less likely that you'll get married.

I discovered this site yesterday and it's superb! Congratulations to you! I have masturbated since 13-14 years old. I do it twice a week and I wonder if it's normal. Do you think that any men don't masturbate? Especially famous or intelligent ones? If not, what kind of people don't do it? Sherman (age 22)

I'm glad you like my site, Sherman! Your frequency is normal. I don't think there are men who haven't ever masturbated. Famous and/or intelligent men probably masturbate more than average. The sex drive is correlated with other drives, like the drive for fame and power. It's generally less educated men who claim they don't masturbate.

Hi! This site is fantastic. I love masturbation and I would like to know if there's any reason to stop doing it, any at all. And why do we have so afraid to talk about it with others? (age 19)

The only reasons to stop (more likely cut back) is if it's interfering in your relationships with others or causing you unnecessary stress. Most people don't talk about it because it's a private thing, and some people think that masturbating means they're not having enough sex with partners.

I just want to thank you because I only masturbated once a week before I found your site (because I felt weird , bad and guilty after masturbating) but thanks to your advice I do it once a day and feel a lot better with it! (age 22)

I must say its unbelievable how you?e created this site thinking in other persons! You do this only for help us! Thank you in the name of all! How do you know all this things and want to share it? You must have experience in a way, right? How old are you? (age 16)

I'm 38. I'm happy if I can help others avoid the problems I've had.

If you don't masturbate, can you get cancer, or can you get cancer when you masturbate?

A study published in the British Journal of Urology International in August 2003 found that males who masturbated daily in their 20s had the least chance of getting prostate cancer when they're older. More here:

http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2003/07/16/1058035072239.html
http://www.bjui.org/92/3/abstract/bju_4319.asp

I talk about masturbation a lot with my friends. I have a friend that is about a year younger then me and he said he masturbates once a week. Do you think that he was telling the truth? I ask my friends because I feel that I am the only one who masturbates. Do you know of a way to tell if someone is lying about whether they masturbate or not? In regards to my younger friend I am planning to have him over and tell him to try a lube that I use. If he does masturbate do you think it is ok if I suggest that we masturbate together just so that I know that he does? Should I do this with my other friends who I am not sure if they masturbate or not? (age 14)

You illustrate why it's a bad idea for friends to masturbate together. You're not interested in sharing something fun and exciting with him; you only want to exploit him to satisfy your curiousity. You're not the only one who masturbates. I think you'll have to learn on your own how to tell when people are lying to you. Asking about masturbation is perhaps the best way to get people to lie.

Does it matter if you masturbate standing up, if that is the way you have sexual intercourse? (age 22)

Lots of people (males, anyway) masturbate standing up but it's a rather uncommon position for intercourse. Masturbating while standing does not have the same implications for sexuality that masturbating face-down has. The reason for most upright masturbation is that the practitioner is doing it in the shower. This is not an unhealthy practice.

This isn't really to do with masturbating at all, but my girlfriend says she wants to pull me. What is this? (age 12)

It means she'd like to do to you what you do to yourself when you masturbate. Might read the glossary to learn its correct name.

I am in high school right now and people say that they can tell if one masturbates if the veins on the forearms show most of the time even when one has his arms at his side. Another way is by the size of the forearms. Are either of these rumors true? (age 15)

No. (Readers, you can stop looking at your forearms now.)

I've heard that if you push on a certain spot when you masturbate, it will cause the semen to go into the bladder instead of come out to avoid the cleanup afterwards. Is this true? If so, where is the spot? (age 15)

You don't want to do that, because besides diverting the semen into your bladder, you can damage the nerves and vascular structure that serve the penis.

I want to know if masturbation is known as safe sex. (age 21)

It's the safest sex there is.

Thank you for this site.I have masturbated for about five years and I masturbate once every 2 to 3 days. I am 25 now, and every time I masturbate I have premature ejaculation. Do I have to worry about it? Is more ejaculation a threat to health?

No, there's no health risk. Premature ejaculation is a disorder of intercourse, not masturbation. Of course, you want to last for at least 2 minutes and preferably 5 or more.

Can you tell me the best thing to say or do to get a girl to have sex with me? Of course, I would use a condom. (age 13)

I think if you risked your life to save her from a ferocious tiger, she would pretty much have to have sex with you.

I have been masturbating for 2 years now and was wondering whether or not using a lube will harm me in any way? What is the best brand to use? (age 16)

I don't know how using a lube could hurt, but not using one could if you start bruising your penis. I don't recommend any brand, but one made for sex is best. You might check out the web sites for K-Y Liquid and Astroglide, where they mail out free samples.

You are all retarded. There is no real disease called TMS. Never has it been posted in any books or other sites. This is just a site for sad old men that can't get an erection and won't admit it so they made up a fake disease so that they can say it's not their fault. Your all LOSERS! (age ?)

Would you like to be the keynote speaker at our next convention?

I'm a male and I was wondering if it's okay to be in love with a cartoon character. (age 10)

Sure. I've always had a crush on Meg from "Family Guy" (especially when she was voiced by Nicole Sullivan!) But don't let your attraction to a fictional character keep you from pursuing real girls, when the time comes for that.

I've heard that masturbation causes your brain to work slower. Is this right? (age 17)

No. The people with the quickest brains are apt to masturbate more than average.

I have found your website to be very informative and interesting. I'm a Christian and I have been given two different viewpoints about masturbation, like many Christians coming to your site. Some Christians say that it is sexually immoral and others, like you, believe it is natural. I sometimes see masturbation as a completely selfish act and the Bible says, for instance, in I Corinthians 10:24 that "nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others. (NIV)" Is there a way of justifying masturbating in light of this or should I not consider it so much a selfish act, but rather a necessity like food? The only way I have seen to justify it so far is that I am really thinking of my future wife by masturbating to be a blessing to her when we finally unite as one. But, then I fall into the trap of, if I don't masturbate then I am truly saving myself only for her and she will be the only one to bring me pleasure. I know that the Devil is the master of deception, but I don't feel like God has clearly revealed the truth to me, one way or the other. I may already know what you will say, but maybe this will help others as well that may be having the same question. (age 21)

I think you'll be better off sexually if you masturbate frequently than if you don't. It's not selfish. It's keeping your body fit for your mate and your offspring. Males who masturbate daily in their 20s have the least prostate cancer later. God invented masturbation and never condemned it.

How long does it take for your semen to refill? (age 13)

After you ejaculate, it takes about 24 hours to replenish the semen. If you ejaculate three or more times in a day, you will probably notice there's not much semen coming out.

I just want to say, YOUR SITE IS THE BEST INFO SITE EVER!!! (age 12)

And you are the best reader ever!

How quickly do you check your email? Do YOU have the option of posting the mail on your website? Your site is the best! (age 12)

I try to answer questions every day, but I'm sometimes out of town. Yes, I have sole discretion as to what gets answered.

Will masturbation cause any cancers? (age 22)

No. There's even some evidence that masturbation can help prevent prostate cancer.

Your site is educational. I just started masturbating about 2 months ago. I think my mom might think it's unhealthy and I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught one of these days. How should I go about telling her it is normal? (age 13)

You might be surprised to learn she thinks it's normal. That's what most mothers think. She probably does it too. In two years of answering these questions, I have never been asked about getting caught, so I wonder if that doesn't happen as much as it used to. Readers, have you ever been discovered masturbating?

I am bodybuilder and I masturbate everyday. I feel that I am weaker the next day when I workout and feel skinnier. Can you please tell me how does masturbation affect the way you look and your strength levels and would masturbating every night affect my chances of going out and meeting a girl? Do ephedrine and caffeine make you climax quicker? By the way I found your site very informative and honest. (age 22)

Masturbating does not make you weaker or skinnier, but it uses some energy. Much less than intercourse, however. I think if either of those made you orgasm more quickly, someone would have said so. Some guys find it easier to meet women and/or beg them for sex when they abstain from masturbating for a few days beforehand. On the other hand, most guys masturbate daily when unattached and still make new attachments.

I'm a Christian. Is it OK to look at pornography while I masturbate? (age 15)

You'll have to come up with your own philosophy about that. You might consult clergy and other strong Christians for ideas. My personal viewpoint is it's not wrong if and only if the subjects aren't being exploited, are of legal age, and are being compensated, and the photos are tasteful (e.g., simple nudity only; no sex acts).

Do girls have more pleasure than boys during masturbation? (female, age 15)

That's a really interesting question! I'd be inclined to say boys do, based on the percentage of male masturbation that results in orgasm (more than 99%) versus a smaller level for females. There are also many females who only masturbate once a month or less, as opposed to the average unattached male masturbating daily. However, it is common for females to be multi-orgasmic, something that is extremely rare among males. Those females probably have more pleasure than males.

I'm 13 and I rub my penis against a soft rug. Is that bad? I do that because when I use my hand I don't have an orgasm. When my girlfriend gives me a hand job, what do I do?

It is very bad. You can learn more about the dangers of Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome and how to cure it on this site. You need to teach yourself how to have an orgasm using only your hand. Your girlfriend's hand would be even less likely to bring you to orgasm.

I am a Christian. Masturbation is my greatest obstacle to God. I tried to overcome it but to no avail. I'm weak and without fire. (age 18)

God obviously wants males to ejaculate regularly. If you don't have a partner, you have to masturbate. God also wants people to feel guilty about masturbating sometimes so they will seek a partner and the species can continue to exist. (Readers, if you don't believe in God, change it to "nature" or "Darwin," etc.)

I have been masturbating for about 9 months. At first I used to thrust on my mattress but now I rub my penis with my hand. Does this cause any sexual problems? I want to stop masturbating but I can't! I can't get out of the habit. How do I stop? (age 12)

Thrusting causes problems, but rubbing with your hand doesn't. It's good that you switched! Congratulations. I don't think you can quit masturbating. It's a waste of time to try. You're better off enjoying it.

I am trying to quit masturbating. Today I looked at pornography and ejaculated after a while. Does this mean I've broken down my "no masturbation" cycle? If I look at porn for long times and ejaculate, is that masturbation? I'm trying to quit because I feel EXTREMELY guilty and don't know why. I've actually cried after masturbating. Have I just masturbated again? (age 15)

I don't think you should quit. You need to feel less guilty. I think if you're touching your penis in any way while looking at porn, including flexing it or rubbing your pants against it, you're masturbating. If you cry after masturbating, it should be because it felt so great.

Just to point out irony: it seems that the male section is all about how to stop masturbation while the female side is about encouraging it. I just thought that was funny. (age 15)

I don't think you read the site very carefully. I have never advocated that anyone stop masturbating. I tell both males and females to masturbate and have a good time doing it. I advocate strongly against a particularly harmful form of masturbation called TMS.

Why do many people ejaculate more easily when having sexual fantasies while they masturbate? (age 16)

Sexual fantasies are how you engage your brain in masturbation. The brain is the most important organ for sexual response and the more you get the brain involved, the better the sexual response will be.

Your site is very nice. In one trip here, I nearly doubled or tripled my knowledge on masturbation. (age 13)

Why, thank you!

What is the worst thing about masturbating 7 times a week? (age 19)

Having to wait until tomorrow?

Do all of the questions get answered? I have sent a few and have yet to see a reply. (age 13)

Well, here's one! I don't answer the ones that duplicate ones already answered. It's a good idea to look through the topics pages first.

Is it OK to masturbate without an erection by pressing on your penis with your hands? (age 15)

I think that's a bad idea. You want to be erect when you masturbate, or at least within 30 seconds of when you start masturbating. You have to be erect to have intercourse, so you defeat your body's natural sexual abilities if you teach yourself to have an orgasm without an erection.

When I masturbate, I stretch my legs. Is this normal?

Many guys stretch their legs out as stiff as they can.

Is there a difference between the stuff that comes out when you masturbate and when you have sex? (age 17)

No. The sperm cell in Woody Allen's movie Everything You Always Wanted to Know about Sex But Were Afraid to Ask couldn't tell. As his owner engaged in intercourse, he worried, "What if he's masturbating? I'm liable to wind up on the ceiling!"

I masturbated against a pillow for many years but now I stopped 9 months ago. Will the problems go away? (age 14)

Yes. If you have been free of TMS for 9 months, you should be cured. Congratulations!

What does the word orgasm mean? (age 15)

Might read the glossary.

I read your TMS section on this website. I don't do any of the listed things, except for sometimes masturbating while closing my hand and simulating a vagina. I am worried I have TMS. (age 13)

TMS is masturbating by thrusting into or against something while in a prone position rather than by stroking with your hand. It's a bad habit to grip too tightly or to "close" your hand while stroking, but that isn't the same as TMS. Try to use as little force as possible. For some reason, a medium handshake grip does the best job of simulating the feel of an actual vagina.

If jacking off is such a good thing, then why does everyone around me makes fun of it and think it is nasty whenever someone says they do it? When I told my friends I jack off, they just started to think I was sick and disgusting. (age 14)

At your age, most people are embarrassed about masturbating, even though almost all the guys and as many as half of the girls do it. Making fun of someone or putting it down spares them of having to discuss it. It will be easier to talk about it when you're older.

Your site is very helpful for growing teenagers. Your method of masturbating is healthy. But some of the guys are not able to understand your method. So can you show pictures of masturbating, so that the less intelligent guys can clearly understand your opinion? (age 20)

For now, this is a picture-free site, but I am considering adding some medical-textbook-type illustrations of masturbation similar to the ones recently added about anatomy. (See the bottom of the left bar.)

When I study I always play with my penis. Is this harmful? (age 15)

Not to your penis, but probably to your studying.

Do girls my age masturbate as often as boys do? (age 13)

No. Fewer girls than boys masturbate, and the ones who do masturbate a lot less often on average.

Why haven't they said anything about TMS during sex ed at school when they mentioned masturbation? (age 12)

You're lucky they mentioned it at all. A lot of people get through sex ed without ever hearing the word. TMS is a relatively new discovery, and it hasn't been added to sex ed curricula yet. But you could mention it in class!

I masturbate with my clothes on. Is this normal? (female, age not specified)

Presumably you bare enough to touch the right places? I don't think it matters. Most people remove enough clothes that they feel comfortable. Taking your pants off makes it easier to move your legs. Teenage boys are known to jump into bed right after school and masturbate quickly, removing little if any clothing (or shoes).

I masturbate about 1-2 times a week, but for about 3 weeks I didn't masturbate because I didn't have the time and now I don't really care of masturbating like before. Is it normal? (age 15)

I think it's normal for your interest in masturbating to wax and wane a little over the course of your life. Wait another couple of weeks and you might wonder how you made it through those three weeks.

You say wet dreams feel good but at the same time does masturbating feel better? I never had a wet dream so I need to know. How can I make a wet dream happen? (age 13)

You don't have a choice unless you've never masturbated. Once you start masturbating, you'll probably never have a wet dream again. I think most guys prefer masturbating to wet dreams.

How come I don't have any wet dreams anymore? (age 12)

If you've started masturbating, you'll probably never have a wet dream again.

Follow-up: I didn't just start, but I did start to ejaculate. Is this the cause of no wet dreams?

Yes.

I'm just giving a suggestion. You should have a chat session where all of us can talk about masturbation and if that's not possible you should maybe let us write stories that will get us excited, if you know what I mean. (age 17)

I know what you mean, and this site is for education, not pornography. In the Yahoo! support group I run for guys with TMS, we have frequent chat sessions, but they are focused on getting cured from TMS. There are plenty of places on the Internet where you can chat about masturbation in a lewd manner.

Are there any safe sex simulations out there? (age 13)

Your hand is the safest one I know, and also the best.

When did humans first masturbate?

Interesting question. Masturbation has been observed in every species of mammal, so it's reasonable to believe that humans were masturbating from the very beginning.

You have TMS or have had TMS, right? (age 23)

You are right about my being a cured TMS sufferer.

Your web site is great. It tackles many embarrassing issues with maturity and dignity. Thank you. (age 17)

Thank you for reading and for your nice comments!

I'm right handed but I get more stimulation from my left hand. But my left hand gets tired. What should I do. Is this normal? (age 14)

Very normal. According to the survey I've done on this site, 18 percent of guys masturbate exclusively with their non-dominant hand, and many more use both or switch. The best solution would be to learn to use your other hand, but here's a simple solution: You're used to the feeling of your left hand on your penis. When your left arm is tired of stroking, use your right arm to move your left hand. That way you get the stimulation you're used to and your left arm gets a break.

This site has made me more comfortable about masturbation. All my friends and I admit it and humor about it. I like your site. (age 16)

Thanks!

Should I try masturbating prone until I almost get an orgasm and then switch to my hand? Then make the switch earlier and earlier? (age 13)

No. Masturbating prone is very bad. It's better you don't masturbate at all until you can masturbate with your hand.

Hi, great site! Your info on TMS was interesting, as I have often wondered why the sensation is different if I masturbate on my knees facing forward or standing up into a sink. It bothers me though to see two things: 1.) this constant reference to every guy masturbates. This is just wrong/untrue. Just because the majority of people do it and they think everyone else does it, is not a fact that everyone does it. I didn't start until I was 19. Now I am compulsive and answered yes to a number of your questions in particular being late and feeling like I missed an opportunity. This has been a major issue between my girlfriend and me, but one that I am growing more control over. It is not so much the masturbation that is the issue, but looking at porn. Anyway, for other young men this statement is untrue especially for really devout Mormons who are explicitly forbidden to masturbate. 2.) In response to someone else you say that no one maintains an erection for 3-6 hours. On a binge I can easily masturbate for 6 or more hours before orgasm. The orgasm is very strong and the only reason I have one is usually needing to finish because of needing to do something else. (age 25)

1) Many authorities on male sexuality assert that every male masturbates, and some say there are no exceptions. You (and I) started later than average, but you note that you are trying to make up for lost time. I suspect that the prohibition by certain religions doesn't lead to less masturbation but rather to more guilt. Mormons (and Baptists and Catholics and Muslims) are biologically the same as other males and have the same sexual fluids that need to be emptied and the same urge to release their semen as Methodists (and Lutherans and Jews and atheists.)

2) I suspect you did not have an erection during that entire 6 hour binge.

I have been masturbating since I was 15. People say I look older than my age. Does regular masturbation makes you look older than your age? (age 30)

No. A lot of people tell me I look 10 years younger than I am. (You finish the syllogism.)

My brother and dad walked in on me when I was masturbating on the couch. I'm so embarrassed that I have trouble looking at their faces. (age 14)

They didn't say anything about it, and you don't have to either. Your dad masturbates too, and if your brother is older, so does he. They have probably been discovered at some time themselves. Don't worry about it. But you might make a point of masturbating only in private.

Is masturbating demonic? (age 14)

No, it's mammalian. Masturbation has been observed in the male of every species of mammal.

How do I tell my girlfriend I want to have sex with her without offending her? (age 15)

You have to do a lot of other things first, like hold her hand, and kiss her, and give her soft, gentle touches that she likes. Somewhere along the line, she'll figure out that you want to have sex. If it's OK with her, you probably will. It might be better if you wait until you're older.

You shouldn't have told that guy not to tell the girl he thinks about her when he masturbates. Of course, you shouldn't go around telling people you fantasize about them, but that goes out the window if somebody asks you. If they ask, and you want them to know, you should tell them. Maybe they fantasize about you too and want to experiment. (age 15)

Never, ever tell a female you fantasize about her when you masturbate. The chances are extremely low that she will find this appealing, and the chances are extremely high that she'll regard you as a pervert and tell a lot of her friends, acquaintences, and enemies what you said.

I'm quite sure that you've gotten about a million of these messages and don't need any more, but I just can't thank you enough for your extremely informative site and quick response to my questions. I am so happy I came across your site and will try very hard to avoid this behavior in the future. I'm not a religious man by any stretch of the imagination, but you're definately going to heaven without question. Keep up the great work!!! (age 18)

Why, thank you! But you're wrong about my not needing more messages like yours.

I'd actually just like to thank you. It wasn't until I read your web site that I made some serious changes in my life. You put the fear of death into me, and I decided to try changing how I masturbate. Honestly, I'd tried "standard" masturbation, but I found it unsatisfying. However, it turns out that I'd been doing it wrong! Best orgasm ever! You may want to add that "normal" masturbation feels much, much better! Thanks a million! (age 18)

A million and one!

The other day we had company. It was my mom's friend, a man, and my stepfather likes to make fun of people. At the dinner table he told him that I spend a lot of time in the bathroom. He told him that he suspects that I'm masturbating a lot. (age 16)

I bet your stepfather has masturbated a lot more than you have. Might point that out next time company comes.

I don't think I quite understand female sexuality. Males are aroused by physical qualities. Are females also like that? Does a female need to be aroused for sexual processes to take place in her body? How do you tell if a female is aroused? (age 16)

Males are primarily aroused by what they see, and secondarily other senses. Females are primarily (some say almost exclusively) aroused by the sense of touch. A female needs to be aroused to have an orgasm, but in terms of reproduction, no. Conception is helped if the woman has an orgasm, but the vast majority of conceptions take place without the woman having one. Some of the key signs for telling if a woman is aroused are the lubrication of her vagina, the erection of her nipples, and the engorgement of her vulva.

Follow-up: So a female can't be turned on without being touched? Does the touch has to come from a guy she finds attractive? Is there a liquid released in a female that makes her emotionally attached to her partner? When does this happen and does it have to be with a guy she finds attractive? (age 16)

Touch isn't a necessity for female arousal, but it's the best way. Females (and males) can be brought to orgasm by people they don't find attractive. I think the "liquid" you're talking about is endorphins, which are released at various states, including orgasm. They don't necessarily make someone emotionally attached to their partner, but they help.

Follow-up: So a female can be aroused by a male she isn't attracted to? How is that? (age 16)

Because it is mostly a function of touch. You can also be aroused by a female you're not attracted to.

Follow-up: I can't be aroused by an old lady. Is it the same for a female? Does it make a difference how attractive the male is for sex to be enjoyable for them? (age 16)

Maybe not thinking about an old lady, but her touch might have the same effect on you that a young, attractive girl's would have. Of course it makes a difference, but the point is that touch is much more important for a female, and sight is much more important for a male.

Circumcision was not invented to prevent masturbation but as an oath to God. (age 14)

And why circumcision, as opposed to dipping the head in water, which many religions practice as an oath to God? It has something to do with the penis being a source of sexual pleasure. Circumcision persists among many people who do not have religious convictions about it. It was justified by its proponents in earlier times as a remedy for masturbation, and it is justified by its proponents today as a way of making less work for the mother in keeping her son clean. If there are people who really believe they are honoring God by mutilating their infant sons' genitals, then perhaps this is the best evidence in support of those (atheists) who claim that religion is irrational.

I am Roman Catholic, and in theology class, my priest was talking about adultery, and he started talking about masturbation. This of course woke everyone up who was sleeping, and he said that he doesn't believe masturbation is a sin when you are young, because you are simply exploring your body and trying to figure out how everything works, but he did say that if we continue to do it as we grow older, without trying to stop at all, that he does think it's a sin. But from what I've read on this site, it's something we guys have to do to stay sexually healthy. I still plan to masturbate in my later years simply because it's healthy, and I enjoy it! And if it is a sin, so be it. God forgives sins. (age 16)

I'm not Catholic, so I can't offer any guidance from a spiritual perspective. You might tell your priest what you just told me.

I love masturbating! Its such a release and pleasure. Thanks for your great site! (age 14)

Thanks for reading.

I use lotion while masturbating. After I'm done, would it be harmful to leave it all on and shower the next day, or should I wash off what I can immediately? (age 21)

Lotion isn't going to harm you. But there might be people who can smell it and dried semen, so you're better off washing right away.

What exactly arouses girls? Guys are aroused mostly by good looking girls. Are girls aroused by good looking guys, personality traits, or just being touched? Does how attractive the guy is affect sex with them? How much? Also, when they masturbate, do they normally fantasize like guys do? (male, age 16)

As I stated earlier, the main path to arousal for females is touch. Being attractive or personality traits don't make that much difference in female sexual response; however, they might make it more likely a female will let a particular male arouse her by touching her. Most females fantasize when they masturbate, but not all of them do. Almost all males fantasize when they masturbate.

I am 20 years old. I don't understand about what this "face up or face down." Is it about penis positions or real facing positions? Can you help me how I can practice masturbation in bed? I wear underwear during my night sleep. As you said while ejaculating it should be freely ejaculated without stopping it. How I can freely do it? I have to finally ejaculate into my underwear only right. Does this make any disturbance in ejaculation? Please explain me some steps to masturbate in my bed in detail please.

Face up or face down really means stomach up or stomach down. Of course, males who masturbate prone (stomach down) don't have their faces straight down. They turn them to the side so they can breathe (and see pictures). By stopping ejaculation, I don't mean with underwear. It's dangerous to use the force of your hand to stop ejaculation. Merely ejaculating into underwear isn't harmful. Very few guys masturbate into their underwear. They take their underwear down or all th way off and ejaculate onto their abdomens, and then clean up the semen afterward. I'm sorry you had to wait until age 20 to learn that.

I read through your site and have been TMSing for the greater part of my life. I don't know if what you say is true, but I'm going to try your advice anyway and give up TMS, as I find the traditional way is better (although harder to do). When you are TMSing, your "visuals" are that of actual sex and when you masturbate in the normal way, your visuals can just be pictures, is that correct? (age 17)

Why don't you read the case studies and brief comments or join the support group and read the messages there if you want to know if what I say is true? Actual sex is only your visual if you are watching people having sex. Guys who masturbate prone use pictures as visuals the same as guys who masturbate normally (although they can't watch videos or computer images like regular guys can.)

About a month ago, I asked my 14 year old male cousin if he masturbates. He said no, but I think he is lying. Do most boys his age masturbate? (female, age 15)

74 percent of males have masturbated by their 14th birthdays, but I think you should apologize to your cousin for invading his privacy.

I am a proud member of the American Right. I would like to know if the people who say masturbation and Christanity are not mutually exclusive and the ones who say fantasizing isn't lust are part of the new Christian Left movement that says that premarital sex isn't a sin, or do they still believe that premarital sex is a sin but masturbation and fantasizing isn't? (age 17)

I hate political labels, so I can't claim to be part of any political or sexual movement here. I also can't speak for the authors I cite on the Christian page. You might read their books, because some of them address premarital sex and other sexual issues. If you want my opinion, I'll be happy to respond.

You are obviously aware that I don't regard Christianity and masturbation as mutually exclusive. My understanding of lust is that it is focused upon a particular person whereas fantasy is more general (involving perhaps a body type or a celebrity). I advise readers not to fantasize about people in their lives, because the connection to lust becomes so close in that instance. I lean against premarital sex, but there's an age at which it is harmful to one's sexual health (especially for males) to remain a virgin. If you've read this site, you know I frequently urge young people (under 18) to wait longer before engaging in sexual behavior, but I do not tell this to people over 18. I hope that clears things up.

I was wondering what age you think is right to start a relationship in general. (age 13)

Your age is about right for school dances, and perhaps having a girlfriend doing activities with each other's families and groups of others the same age. I don't think you should be solo dating until about 16. At 13, you should be interacting with a lot of people your age.

Generally speaking your site is educational and informative, providing a good forum for frank questions and answers, especially to younger readers. However, some of your answers are contrary to medical and psychological studies. For instance, you told a 37-year-old man that he should seek psychological help since he masturbates twice a day. According to conventional wisdom, the number of times a person masturbates in a day does not matter unless it interferes with daily activities. Regarding oral sex you say that a majority of women disdain it and prefer that a man not come in her mouth. My experience with the 10+ women I've had sex with over the last 25 years is the exact opposite. They got very turned on by the act of fellatio and loved it when I came in their mouths and always swallowed. Finally, you seem to discourage anal sex as an alternative to vaginal sex. Anal sex is steadily becoming part of a normal couple's repertoire. You should change the advice you give about anal sex. (age 40)

Perhaps you should start your own site and give that advice there. The man in question was masturbating three times a day, and I recommended professional help not because of his frequency but because he was convinced that not masturbating that often would cause migraine headaches and baldness. Three times a day is indeed extreme for a married man. "Conventional wisdom" in this area is too often dominated by people I call IIFGDIs. ("If it feels good, do it.") An IIFGDI would be in denial about any sexual practice being unhealthful, and wouldn't say so if they thought so anyway. I said many (not most) women refuse to perform fellatio, and that many (perhaps most) won't swallow. I told this to a 14-year-old girl in letting her know she wasn't alone in her distaste for semen, but advised she might change her mind later. Anal sex is a patently unhealthy activity, and this site's mission is based on sexual health.

I have decided to practice celibacy for personal reasons. I also have been doing TMS for a long time and want to know if there is any harm in continuing it if I am going to remain celibate. (age 37)

I assume you mean chastity, a vow to be sexually inactive, and not celibacy, a vow to remain unmarried. TMS is always harmful. Many of the guys who have quit didn't have partners at the time.

I just started masturbating and when I ejaculate (or so i think) it's like my penis vomited and the head gets extra sensitive. Is is nomal? (age 11)

Yes. You have ejaculated. Congratulations!

I just want to say that I'm REALLY glad to have seen this site. It's so great to see so many young people be assisted with questions that they have. I no longer am ashamed to masturbate, and I used to be very ashamed every time I finished. This site and all the entries have reassured me that I'm not the only one, and that it's not a bad thing to do! So I just wanted to thank you! It's truly great. (age 17)

Why, thank you!

Is all this TMS stuff real, or is it just someone having a joke?

It's real for me, as a former sufferer, and it's real for the hundreds and perhaps even thousands of former TMS practitioners (and their partners) who have been helped by this site. The people who regard it as a joke are lucky enough that they learned to masturbate in the usual way when they were young and don't need a site like this to tell them why they've been having trouble in sexual relations with women for years or even decades.

What is foreplay?

Foreplay is sexual activity, such as manual manipulation of the genitals, leading up to intercourse. When the same activity is done not as a prelude to intercourse, it's called petting.

Sir, today I know about TMS. Since the age of 13 I have masturbated face down, hitting my penis to the bed assuming a girl is there below me. Now I am very afraid after reading your site. I am a virgin. I will masturbate by hand from now on. In the future, can I satisfy my partener? Can I become a father? Can TMS can be cured now? (age 20)

Yes, TMS can be cured very easily, especially when you're a virgin. TMS does not affect your fertility. Your partner can be quite well satisfied when you have TMS. It's YOUR satisfaction that gets impaired. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just switch to masturbating with your hand and everything will be fine.

I would like to see pictures showing how TMS is done. It is not clear enough to me. (age 21)

It is the policy of this site not to have pictures, but we have recently added a series of drawings, which you can see by looking at the bottom of the left-hand navigation bar. If we could find some drawings of TMS, we would consider using them.

Is it harmful to get semen into the bloodstream mistakingly by means of a cut or a scrape? I am pleased with your site and further pleased that you are giving examples from a Christian perspective. I have been an active reader at another masturbation site and I have to hand it to you, your site is much, much better, focusing fairly on both male and female masturbation. I will never rely on that site again, only this site! Keep up the good work and thanks! (age 15)

Thank you for your praise and for handing it to me. Conceivably sexually transmitted diseases could be spread by getting one person's semen on another person's open sore. But your own semen could not harm you. In fact, if you do not ejaculate for a long time, your semen and sperm will be picked up by the lymphatic system and travel throughout your body. Cool, huh?

When do our questions show up on this page once we've submitted them? I can't find the one I just submitted. (age 15)

I answer questions every day I'm home. (But I'm away from home a lot.) Look for the date at the bottom of the questions and answers. Questions that appear to be fake or that duplicate other questions already answered are generally not answered. New questions are only posted on the main male page, the main female page, or the TMS comments page. The other pages are filled with questions that have been moved there.

I am an Indian and I don't think that your stats would apply to Indians. How much semen is normally ejaculated during masturbation? Does it normally shoot out? (age 17)

I don't claim that any of the statistics on my site from my own surveys apply to the population generally, much less to any sub-populations. My surveys are biased heavily because the people who responded them chose to. Of other's people's research I quote, most sex research is conducted among English-speaking people, and the results might vary across cultures. The average ejaculation is one teaspoon (5 ml). The second part of it normally shoots out. It will shoot more effectively if you hold it in for a second right before you ejaculate. Gaining control of those muscles is key to that.

I have been in love with a certain girl since the very first time I saw her when I was 9. We have grown up together but we are not close -- my secret got out when I was 10 or so-- and she STILL seems intimidated that I like her, even though everyone thinks that I have moved on. I have tried dating and experimenting with other girls, but after each unsuccessful try, I realize more and more that I am in love with that same girl. The problem is, she has a steady boyfriend now. What can I do? (age 16)

You're in a tough spot. She seems to not be interested in you even though everyone is supposed to think you've moved on. Telling her openly how you feel is apt to be unproductive, and trying to woo her gradually -- which isn't working -- will likely be a waste of time. When you get older, you will regret wasting one minute longer than necessary on this girl. Try your best to forget her, and find the beauty in all of the other girls who are available and friendly.

Are there any ways to reach orgasm besides grabbing my penis and doing it the old fashioned way? (age 14)

There are, but that's not what this site is about. The vast majority of guys are happy and satisfied doing it the conventional way. That's why it's the conventional way. The risk of doing any idiosyncratic form of masturbation is that it can make you less likely to have intercourse successfully when you get to that point.

Is sperm count in your body limited, and does a person who does not masturbate have a higher sperm count than one who masturbates regularly? (age 21)

The sperm count of a person who does not masturbate might be higher, but his sperm and semen are apt to be of lower quality. Masturbation flushes the body of the old sperm and semen and keeps the sperm and semen that remain in fresher, healthier condition. Kind of like how a person who never throws out old milk is apt to have more milk but a person who cleans the refrigerator is apt to have fresher and better milk on average.

I like to masturbate twice each time I do it. I mean I play with my penis until I ejaculate twice. Is that bad? Does it affect my sex life? (age 28)

You should be satisfied after one time. Your doing it twice exhausts twice the amount of energy and built-up sexual tension (at least) that you need to lead you to a partner. Why not cut back on the amount of masturbating you're doing for a while and see if it brings you better things in bed?

I just wanted to give a big thank you to you and your site. I respect you for answering the questions so quickly and effectively. I also really like how it's anonymous.

You, sir, are welcome!

I've never had sex and I was wondering if masturbating will help me make a really good impression the first time. They say practice makes perfect, but I don't know where to get sex practice! Are there any other ways to make you ready for your first time? (age 18)

Yes, masturbating is good practice for sex. It teaches you about your own body and sexual response. If there are any males who try having sex and don't masturbate, I suspect they would be extremely clumsy and awkward in bed, not knowing how to satisfy themselves, let alone their partners. Don't worry if you're not perfectly smooth your first time.

For the last few days, I have been masturbating compulsively. I just get the urge and start masturbating three times a day. Today I did it even though I knew it would make me late for a meeting with my minister. No fooling! What can I do to stop? (age 23)

You shouldn't worry so much about something that has only happened for a few days out of a decade of frequent masturbating. There are times in your life when you'll do a lot of things more than usual (go to ball games, eat pancakes, do sit-ups) but it's not a problem of compulsion until it lasts for a while. You're probably under a lot of stress right now, aren't you? You should know better than to do something that will make you late, but don't fret -- that would be more stress -- at least not until you find you feel your masturbating has been out of control for a couple of weeks.

I'm fed up. Is there anyone who is happy talking about sex openly if it does arise? People my age I've talked to don't seem shocked when we were talking about a film 40 Days and 40 Nights and how I said it's impossible to talk sex together as in the film. He stops solo sex too and they got shocked by me saying "solo sex." I didn't even say masturbation. (age 16)

Young people usually think it's cool to talk about sex but are completely tongue-tied when masturbation is mentioned. More than a few teens are embarrassed about masturbating and scared to death someone will find out they practice it. When I was younger, I knew a guy who was about 17 who would talk about every sexual practice in the book without blushing, as if he were a cook sharing recipes, but he never said a word about the most popular sex act of all. So you shouldn't be surprised if your friends are all laughing and chatty about sex acts that none of them have ever tried (or aren't sure what they are) but start staring at their shoes when someone mentions the one sex act that all of them have probably practiced. It doesn't stop at high school, in case you haven't read the discussion elsewhere on this site about masturbating in college.

Follow-up: This is for the guy whose friends would talk about sex but not masturbating. I once watched the film Being There with a group of college students. They laughed uproariously throughout this very funny movie. But the room went dead silent when Shirley MacLaine started masturbating. You could slice the discomfort in that room with a knife. I think they all thought it was them who was being filmed masturbating.

Thanks for the illustration.

I found a site that says excessive masturbation is bad. (age 16)

Yes, I know that site. It's a bunch of quackery selling an expensive herbal concoction. Be careful about any site that sells a cure for something only it says is a problem.

Have you ever heard of a hank rag? How about a fifi sack? What's the difference? (age 20)

A hank rag is a piece of cloth used to mop up semen, and a fifi sack is a piece of cloth one ejaculates into directly.

Why do you put up questions that put down your web site? (age 12)

Fortunately, I also put up a lot of questions that praise my site. I'm just trying to be fair to my discontents.

What is the best non-sex lube in your opinion? (age 13)

Just based on what I hear, many guys find ordinary hand lotion very appealing.

I've tried to get K-Y Liquid online but it has to be delivered between 9 and 5 and this is getting me paranoid that they will deliver it in person! I've not used any lube so wanted to try some and I don't want to walk into a shop to get it. Any web sites you can recommend that just mail it? (age 17)

You can always call the customer service number on a web site and find out what their delivery options are. If it makes it easier for you, not all people who buy lube use it to masturbate. Many use it for intercourse. The store clerks will not pay attention.

I'm wondering what age most guys start masturbating and the age most of them start ejaculating. (female, age 16)

And you can bet they're wondering similar things about you. You might start by reading my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation.

Do women have different types of hymens? Is it true that some of them never rupture? Is it also true that there is an avascular hymen where after first coitus, no sign of blood appears? (age 26)

All of that is true. If you want to see the different types, check out the hymen gallery.

Is sex very different from masturbation (in terms of pleasure)? (age 14)

I think most who have done both would tell you they are different kinds of pleasure.

I am wondering if sleeping on your stomach itself is a bad thing because it might make you more susceptible to TMS. (age 30)

No.

When you read Leviticus, chapter 15, it says that when a man releases his seed, it makes him unclean. How do you argue that God approves of masturbation? (age 16)

Lev. 15: 16-17 says: "And if a man has an emission of semen, he shall bathe his whole body in water, and be unclean until the evening. And every garment and every skin on which the semen comes shall be washed with water, and be unclean until the evening." I see no prohibition against masturbating here. Only a procedure as to how to clean semen off. The follwing verses say approximately the same thing about women's menstrual flow. So if the chapter is against male masturbation, is it also against menstruation? So these verses are consistent with the idea that masturbation is normal.

Does smoking marijuana play a factor in any sexual way? (age 24)

In the long run, marijuana reduces male sperm count. In the short run, marijuana interferes with the mental concentration that is quite useful at being good in bed.

I've been masturbating since I was 8 years old. Will the sensation of orgasm decrease as I masturbate throughout my life? (age 16)

No. I hear all the time from senior citizens who enjoy it as much as when they were your age.

I was wondering if masturbating for years at least once a day will have an effect on sperm count. (age 27)

Once a day is pretty normal and will lead to normal sperm counts. You should always abstain from ejaculating for 2-3 days before a sperm test or trying to inseminate a woman.

Is it dangerous to masturbate when you live in a house with just girls? (age 15)

No.

My girlfriend and I are close but not sexually active. She asked me if I masturbate and I said yes. She said that's good and then said she thinks it is gross if guys don't masturbate. I was expecting the total opposite. I asked her if she masturbates and she said no. She said she found her sister's dildo and was gonna use it but didn't. But sometimes she can be very, very horny. Is there some way to tell if she masturbates? (age 13)

I think you've found the way. You can be sure that any girl who asks a guy if he masturbates has done it herself.

Does masturbating on your own time make you act differently around girls and your friends?

That's an interesting question. If you hadn't ejaculated in a long time (5 days or more), you might have sex on the brain more than usual, and that might show in the things you say. Then there's the infamous scene in There's Something about Mary where Chris Elliott urges Ben Stiller to masturbate right before his big date with Cameron Diaz so he won't be thinking like a horny guy on the date.

Some girls I know find the concept of male and female masturbation to both be disgusting. Why might this be?

It's probably because they're not comfortable with the idea of playing with bodily fluids. Many people have this idea at some point in life but overcome it when they find out how much fun it can be. Males overcome it through wet dreams, if they haven't started masturbating already by that point. Or it could be she's embarrassed about her own masturbating and says it's disgusting to avoid having to discuss it.

I orgasmed by TMS till I was about 14, then I started a mixture of TMS and regular masturbation. It has been very few times over the last 13 years that I've even engaged in the TMS method. Normal masturbation always felt better and more right. (age 27)

Thanks for sharing your cure story with us!

I only masturbate with my left hand and when I have tried to use my right, I don't seem to get much pleasure, and I can't seem to reach orgasm. Why is this? (age 20)

Like a lot of males, you're habituated to the feeling you get with your main hand. There's nothing wrong with that. If you really want to try your other hand, you will find it easier after a few days without ejaculating. It might also be easy when you're REALLY SUPER aroused over something.

Thank you for showing me the correct way to masturbate. Since I've started using the loose fist, I've had orgasms every time. YOU ROCK!!!! (age 13)

Thank you very much for this site and for answering my questions! It's helped me a lot! Once when I was searching, I came across an e-book which says that masturbation is bad because it damages the nerve endings in the penis due to the intense feeling gotten from an unnatural way. Then it in turn affects the brain's nerves and then affects your intelligence. Is this true? I've been masturbating for 2 years and there has been a decrease in my grades though not that much. (age 12)

It's good that you care about your grades. The only way masturbation will affect your grades is if you do it so much that it's taking time away from your studies. I am aware of a case of someone who took the same standardized test 13 years apart and did much better the second time, and he masturbated almost daily in the interim.

The walls in my house are paper thin, and my parents tend to come in to my room at night without knocking for various reasons, like if my mom did the laundry. I never have time to masturbate, and some days it's all I can think about because I haven't been able to for a long time. What do you suggest? (age 16)

Most guys in your situation masturbate in the bathroom. You might tell your parents you would prefer they knock before entering. That's a normal teenage request that often has nothing to do with sexual privacy.

When a male gets an erection, is the foreskin meant to pull back behind the head of the penis? Mine doesn't. (age 14)

Normally, the skin sticks to the head of the penis like a finger does to a nail, until with time, it becomes retractable. This happens at different times to different guys. Some can do it at 5 or 6, and others not until their late teens. Just give yourself some time. Don't force things. Forcing your skin back can actually be damaging. Just wait until it can slide back with ease.

I am uncircumcised. Is it possible to pull back the foreskin for good and leave it pulled down forever? My head is very sensitive and I have problems having sex with my girlfriend. It hurts too much because it's not used to being outside the foreskin. I never pulled it back until a few months ago. (age 20)

No. Unless a male is circumcised, or is born with a short foreskin to begin with, the foreskin covers the head of the penis, unless it's retracted. When erect, the foreskin can be pulled back, but it goes back onto the head when the penis goes flaccid. You will be less sensitive to the touch as you become experienced.

Because of my religious beliefs, I am trying to quit masturbating. I have been trying for 5 years now, and I don't think I ever will succeed. I manage to go for a week or so without masturbating until I feel like I can't go any longer. Then I will then masturbate a lot in a very short time, like a few times a day. Is this healthy or would it be better to have a regular pattern? I found your site very helpful. (age 21)

I advise males not to try to quit masturbating because it's extremely unlikely they'll succeed. There is something about the urge to masturbate that makes the pattern you describe a typical one: Males will abstain for longer than they'd like and then make up for lost time in one day. If you're going to masturbate three times a week, it would be better if they were evenly spaced throughout the week instead of all in one day. Why not accept masturbation as something necessary, healthy, and fun?

In one of your responses, you mentioned something harmful called "urethral masturbation." Please describe what this is and the harmful effects. (age 34)

Urethral masturbation, practiced by both males and females, is masturbating by inserting objects into the urethra (the opening where urine comes out). The urethra can become inflamed and infected very easily and these infections can spread to the bladder in both males and females and to critical sexual parts in males. It is a dangerous practice.

I have masturbated and produced pre-cum but I have felt a little pain in my left ball. Is this normal? (age 13)

Pain is never normal. Try to find out what's causing it and then do it differently.

When I ejaculate, about 3 teaspoons comes out or sometimes a little more. Is this a bad thing? Also, I have never had a wet dream. I usually masturbate once a day. Is this normal? I have been masturbating for 4 years. (age 14)

I doubt your ejaculate is that big. Don't worry about it. Boys who start masturbating at age 10 will probably never have a wet dream. Don't worry about that either. The guys your age who get by on wet dreams have 30 or so orgasms a year (that they aren't even awake for) but you have 365 or more. They might have more reason to envy you than you do them

I want to quit masturbating. And I'm taking it seriously. I can control myself better every month. Since I'm fighting myself, I find myself masturbating at various frequencies (like 5 times a week, and then no activity for 3 weeks). I know it can lead to diseases. When should I first visit a doctor to check my sexual health? When I turn 25, 30? I know I'm pretty young, but as far as I know getting cancer at an early age is more likely than ever before. (age 19)

You can try cutting back to once a week for a while. That should be no problem. Then see how that feels and decide if you really want to quit. But it's important to limit yourself to ONCE a week if you choose to do that; don't abstain for 6 days and then masturbate 5 times on that 7th day. If you cut back on masturbating, you might have prostate troubles by the time you're 30. The risk is not cancer but inflammation and radiating pain. I think it's better to masturbate at a healthy level than incur that risk. If you practice a low-masturbating diet, you should ask the doctor to do a prostate exam at every visit. Usually they don't do that until men get to be 35.

I have an uncircumcised penis. Is it OK to leave it open for a while? If so, how long? I once left it open a whole day long, and it felt good. I thought it might be nice to get my penis circumcised. (age 16)

It's your penis, and you can retract your foreskin for as long as you wish. Just keep in mind that normally, your foreskin is supposed to cover your head when not erect. Normally, the head of your penis is kept moist, as the inside of your foreskin and the head itself is made up of mucous membrane. (Kind of how your eyes and eyelids work.) This natural lubricating system helps when masturbating, and when you are having sex.

I would advise you to leave your penis the way it is; if it isn't broken, don't fix it. Having your foreskin retracted for a day barely mimics the feeling of being circumcised. Aside from having the vunerable head desensitized, because it's constantly exposed to rigid environments (ie- underwear and water drops from the shower), a significant amount of sensitive tissue is missing in circumcised males . They've also been this way their whole lives, not just a day.

Before considering circumcision, do some research and make an informed decision. Talk to your parents only after you've fully understood the pros and cons. Keep in mind that if keeping your head exposed becomes uncomfortable, you can always fall back on your foreskin. Once you get circumcised, you will have to get used to it if it ever starts to feel uncomfortable to have your head exposed like that, because circumcision is irreversible.

If I can ejaculate does that mean I can get a girl pregnant? (age 14)

If you can ejaculate, it's worth believing you're fertile (can get a girl pregnant).

I would like to THANK YOU for a wonderful site. I have just found it and you have already aswered a lot of my questions. Too bad it isn't required reading for all people, no matter their gender. For years I thought I was weird because I engaged in the practice but now I find I was normal. With other sites that clog the Web, it is so refreshing to find one like yours, that gives straight answers to so many who have questions. I was one of those with a lot of questions but was too embarrassed to ask. Bless you for your efforts to help those who have those questions.

Thanks to you too.

Your site is awesome! You address things in a way no one has to feel uncomfortable reading it. (age 20)

Thanks for reading.

Is it OK to masturbate with a condom on? When I did, I think I had an allergic reaction because my penis started to itch really bad. (age 15)

It's OK, but you might be allergic to latex. In that case, you'll have to be more careful than other guys when having sex someday, because non-latex condoms don't do as much to protect one from AIDS and other diseases.

I'm all good with masturbation and it's great. Is there a way to reduce the number of times you want to masturbate? If you do it 3-4 times a day, which is considered bad, how can you reduce it down to 1-2 which is considered healthy. Is there some exercise, or is it sheer will power and resistance to temptation? (age 20)

I don't know that 3-4 times is bad, but it's quite high for any age and perhaps not conducive to healthy sexuality. By your age, most males have leveled out at once a day with an occasional second time. You will probably also level off as you age and, if nothing else, simply have less time for masturbating. Will power is the best way to control your masturbatory frequency, but I'm not sure you need to worry so much.

I lie face down sometimes and hold my body off the ground with my knees and left hand. I then ejaculate onto a sheet of paper. Is this TMS? It seems to be different from what is described at this web site. (age 15)

It is not TMS, strictly speaking, but it is an idiosyncratic style of masturbation that will not serve you well in the long run.

I masturbate at least twice a day. I lie on my back for my first orgasm and ejaculate. I then sit on the toilet backward and press on the front of the toilet in between my anus and genitals. I then have an orgasm again and sometimes up to 10 orgasms; however, I do not ejaculate. Is this alright? (age 15)

I don't think so. You have three problems: 1) You're using an idiosyncratic method of masturbating that does not translate to healthy sexual relations with a partner; 2) You're using a method that puts pressure on your perineum, which is filled with sensitive nerves and blood vessels and the roots of your penis; 3) You're masturbating without ejaculating. These are all bad things.

God bless the Internet and God bless you! (age 20)

You too!

Can you provide some details about yourself? Are you a doctor yourself? How does one know that the information presented here is authentic? (age 36)

I have said on this site many times that I'm not a doctor or any kind of health care professional. I'm a Ph.D. student in an unrelated field and a former TMS practitioner working at getting better sexually. You can read through the TMS case studies and comments to see that many, many men have benefited from this site. Most of the non-TMS pages of this site provide widely-known basic information about masturbation and other forms of sexuality. I frequently engage the help of other people (some of them health care professionals) when it comes to particularly challenging questions.

Your site is excellent. You mix uncensored and modern insights with subtle wit which probably helps those who feel uncomfortable about masturbation. You're a legend! (age 18)

I told my younger friend that I masturbate. Somehow, he was disgusted about masturbation and me for that matter. We didn't talk for two days, and when we finally talked, no more was said about masturbation. Why is he disgusted about masturbation? I don't even think he knows anything about masturbation. Are all young kids like this when the subject is masturbating? (age 12)

Many are. Until he masturbates to orgasm for the first time, it will seem vague and foreign. He won't be disgusted once he's felt what it really is. There are also people who pretend to be disgusted by masturbation because they're embarrassed about doing it and don't want to talk about it. There are people who make fun of it for the same reason. Since most people younger than you don't masturbate, talking to them about it might not be the best idea.

Some of my friends talk a lot about sex and sometimes masturbation. But when I ask them, they always say they don't masturbate. Is it possible that someone who is so smart when it comes to masturbation doesn't masturbate himself? And is it possible to get pimples on your privates? (age 12)

A rule of thumb is that people who talk a lot about sex aren't having any. But with masturbation, it's kind of the reverse. I doubt that someone who doesn't masturbate would bring up the subject among friends. You can get pimples on any skin that hasn't been washed carefully. And if you've been sexually active, perhaps they aren't pimples but are something more serious.

I'm a virgin and have been masturbating since the age of 9 for about 10 times a week on average. I've been doing this in the face-down position well over half the time, so I'm thinking I might have TMS. I've noticed that I'm not sexually aroused whenever I see a woman, even those most men would consider "hot." However, in the privacy of my home, I can easily get turned on to pictures of fully-clothed women I find attractive by starting to masturbate (not necessarily going through to orgasm.) The reason I'm concerned about this is that I've met lots of women in my life but being unable to be sexually aroused by their presence (even those whom I consider "hot" and a good match), thus I end up being "just friends" with them.

Putting that aside, my main concern is whether or not my condition of not being able to feel sexually aroused by women I meet in public (or bars, parties, etc.) is typical or indicative of some problem (notably TMS)? Thanks. (age 22)

TMS is masturbating prone, so you definitely have that. It would be a good idea to quit that. You shouldn't expect to be sexually aroused just by being in the presence of an attractive woman, although many men are. The real test is when you go out with a woman you find attractive and try to do intimate things with her. Nerves can easily get in the way of sexual arousal the first few times. For best results, try to find a woman who is patient and understanding and willing to help you get over that hurdle. You might also cut down on your masturbation frequency. Men who masturbate as frequently as you often don't feel the desire to go out and find a female companion. Good luck.

Thanks you for posting this site!!!!! Before I found this site, I thought I was sick and perverted because I masturbate. But I know now it's a normal part of life.

I wish to thank you so very much for this article on TMS. I am 40 years old and up until a few years ago, I masturbated almost exclusively in this manner. I no longer masturbate prone and have switched over to conventional masturbation after reading your article. For the most part, I now only masturbate conventionally. I have consistently had problems with intercourse, oral sex, and even with another person stimulating me and I always thought this was due to performance anxiety. Things would improve slightly (such as achieving orgasm during intercourse), but I could never enjoy receiving oral sex or being stimulated by my partner's hand to orgasm. Your article really opened my eyes and explains a lot, and I can't tell you how grateful I am for finding it. I'm going to bookmark this page and return to it as I need to. I'm glad to know that I have overcome these problems and now have a clear understanding of what is behind them.

What is the earliest record that has been found relating to masturbation? (age 14)

There are references to masturbation from the Sumerians, from 2500-3500 BC. Supposedly the Tigris River was filled by the god Enki masturbating. There are a couple of references to ejaculation in the Bible, from as early as 1450 B.C., but none specifically about masturbation.

In the Young Man's Guide to Masturbation, you mention masturbating with other males as a homosexual act. Why is this mentioned?

I also discuss on this site definitions of virginity and what constitutes sexual intercourse between males and females. There is no reason, then, for the site to not discuss what constitutes sexual relations between males.

Why can't you get sexually aroused in a pool? (age 12)

You can and probably will if you spend a lot of time in them. You can't at first because of the temperature of the water. But once your body gets used to it, arousal is quite possible and even likely once you see someone who looks good in a swimsuit. You can see guys bobbing along the wall waiting for their erections to go detumescent.

I don't see what the big deal is about TMS. I have masturbated in the prone position before, on a mattress, and I have found conventional masturbation to be much much better. So I'm surprised to hear that people would develop a preference to the prone position. (age 20)

Most males accustomed to TMS are unable to readily masturbate the conventional way. So they don't have a preference for it; it's simply the only way they can.

My young penis is bigger after I masturbate, so if I masturbate normally, will it get bigger? (age 15)

No. The change in size you notice is only the result of extra blood coming into the penis while you're erect. After an hour or so, your young penis will be back to normal size.

If more semen comes comes out, does that mean a better orgasm? (age 13)

Hmm... I'm inclined to believe a better orgasm causes more semen to come out.

My friend and I were talking the other day and we stumbled across the subject of masturbation. He claimed that he masturbates face-down. I didn't quite understand what he meant so I asked my older sister whom I trust very well (she is 16). She told me to visit this site. He says he discovered masturbation about 3 months ago. Is he in serious danger from TMS already? I have already told him to stop but he is scared this will affect his life in the future. (age 13)

Men have been cured after decades of TMS. I don't think your friend is in such danger after only three months. You've already done the right thing by suggesting he stop. You're lucky you have a sister you can talk to about such things.

Thanks so much for answering my questions! I have an answer to those out there who are feeling guilty. My science teacher says that masturbating is part of a man's life whether he likes it or not. It's as normal as taking a shower. (age 12)

Your science teacher has the same message as this web site, but I work to help men like it.

You described as "fishy" a claim that a guy had quit masturbating after two years of regular practice. I am a 17 year old guy and for eight weeks now, I have not masturbated, and the urge to do so has nearly subsided. I stopped for religious reasons after five years of masturbating normally and an equal amount of time trying to stop. I will say that it is indeed very difficult to quit. It's something I couldn't do until this age, but with enough conviction, it can be stopped. For the first two weeks, I woke up with raging erections every single morning, and could not stop thinking about sex (which, by the way, I have never had). But after about three weeks, the desire to masturbate was decreasing and, like I said before, is now almost gone. I still am very attracted to girls. As for the sexual desire that remains, enough religious conviction can take care of that.

Then the question becomes, why are you reading a web site about masturbation? Another fishy story. Frequent erections won't stop just because you want them to. Masturbating at your age is normal and healthy no matter what your religion.

I read in a low-quality newspaper that males have "significantly more nerve endings in their buttocks than women." Do you believe that this is true or not? But then the article said that women have more nerve endings ("by 15%") in their skin, all over the place. Wouldn't that mean that men could have the same amount, but not likely more than women in their buttocks?

I'm glad you came to a high-quality web site. Men have bigger buttocks (and other parts) but essentially the same nerve structure as women, so therefore their nerves are spread over a greater area. And don't forget that 16 percent of statistics are wrong.

Is it true that your palms will get rough after masturbating for a long time? (age 20)

No. I frequently get compliments on how soft my hands are.

Can prone masturbation kill off nerve functions? Is it possible to regain sensitivity? (age 18)

Prone masturbation is bad for sexual nerve sensitivity, but I've never known a man who didn't gain sensitivity after quitting prone masturbation.

Is inorgasmia curable?

Yes! Inorgasmia, anorgasmia, delayed orgasm, retarded orgasm, delayed ejaculation, whatever you want to call it, they've all been cured.

If a man were just about to ejaculate but someone knocked on the door and the man stopped and lost his erection, what would happen to his semen? (age 24)

In that situation, I think I would yell "coming!" The semen would stay inside the organs where it is contained prior to ejaculation.

I've heard that drinking one cup of coffee every day can shrink your penis. Is this true? I have better orgasms when I don't masturbate for a day or two. Is this normal? (age 15)

No. Yes.

You have a great web site! The guys at my school aren't exactly the most respectful toward chicks. Usually we just hang out with them because they're particularly easy or are hot or in many cases both. However, I heard from this one girl I know that girls actually enjoy it when guys say they have a nice rack or something along those lines. But they don't want to appear to be sluts so they pretend to be offended. But when you don't comment on a girls appearance, they feel bad deep down. So how is a guy like me supposed to win? And I'm not just trying to know for sexual reasons. (age 14)

Females are offended when you reduce them to sexual objects. You can compliment a lot of things about her that aren't sexual, like her hair or her clothing, or her jewelry or her shoes. (Women usually like it when men notice their shoes!) You might also stay away from other males who aren't respectful toward "chicks," as you put it. If you're going to work at being respectful, you don't need to be associated with people who aren't. (Oh, and stop calling them "chicks.")

Is masturbating detrimental to one's creativity, such as in song or short story writing? (age 16)

I don't know why it would be. You can look through biographies of famous creative people and many of them had pretty high sex drives and I imagine they masturbated frequently. A few famous creative people are known for being undersexed.

Does masturbating kill brain cells? Every since I've been masturbating (almost a full year), I seem to have trouble with my diction. I feel that masturbating is slowing my brain, and consequently I'm unable to think coherently and quickly. (age 16)

No. Don't worry about that. If something is wrong with your brain, it's not due to masturbating. See also the previous question.

Thank you for this very educational web site. I used to think masturbating was bad until I came across this web site. (age 14)

I just want to thank you for creating this web site. It has helped me, and obviously a lot of other people. I can come here and ask anything freely without being embarrassed. I feel better knowing I'm not the only one masturbating! Thanks again! (age 15)

How the heck does TMS affect anything when it's perfectly normal to have sex in that same position? ESPECIALLY for a girl. It doesn't really make sense that you're calling TMS a problem when having sex means that somebody pretty much HAS to be in that position.

Masturbating prone puts much more pressure on the penis than having sex prone. The vagina offers much less resistance than the objects (mattress, bedding, pillow, floor) that males with TMS typically thrust against. Don't worry if you don't understand this right away. Most males who have been masturbating face down for many years don't get it right away either.

My boyfriend is serving in Iraq and he wrote me an e-mail the other day and told me he needs something to masturbate to. I packed up an artificial vagina and some erotic pictures of myself and thought it was illegal to send it through the US Mail. FedEx and UPS don't have places in Baghdad so how do I send it to him? (age 24)

Don't send him that stuff. You don't want pictures of yourself falling into the wrong, um, hands. Just buy him one or two of Playboy's special editions. For more protection, wrap them in fake covers so the military censors can pretend they're something else. You can look up his zip code on this list at the post office's web site. If it's not marked E2, then the military censors won't care if there's nudity in it. Look for the Overseas Military Mail Postal Bulletin at http://ribbs.usps.gov/files/IntCustomsForms/

Where could I buy condoms that people will not think of me as a horny freak? (age 16)

A large discount store like Target or Wal-Mart would be good. You could slip them in with other items and then go to a cashier that you know is not paying attention. Some stores also have self-service checkout.

I always hear my older brother talking about second base. What is it and how do you do it? (age 14)

First base is kissing, second base is breast fondling, third base is fondling below the waist, and home run is intercourse. Keep in mind that people who talk about it a lot are probably not doing it.

Is it OK to masturbate 3 times a day from time to time? Say 3 months apart? (age 14)

Yes, or even more often than that. My point is that 3 times every day (or nearly every day) is more likely to be compulsion than fun. Masturbating three times a day occasionally might be fun.

I'm going to college next year, and I'm wondering what guys do in dorms to masturbate. Do they jack off quietly in bed or do they do it together at the same time? I know it probably varies from dorm to dorm, but what do most guys do? I'm going to be sharing a bathroom with several other people. Masturbating quietly in bed is hard because I'm sort of vocal when I masturbate. Thanks for your time. I appreciate your site. (age 17)

Congratulations on getting admitted to college! First the easy part: Not many do it together. Most guys in dorms and roommate situations never say a word about masturbation and have to do it surreptitiously when their roommates aren't around or learn to do it in the shower or toilet. This means they have to stop when someone comes back to the room and can't do it during sleeping hours, which is most people's favorite time to masturbate. I suspect they are less satisfied than guys who discuss the situation and lay out ground rules. Everyone would be greatly relieved if someone would say, "I propose that it be OK to masturbate whenever it is dark in this room." But these discussions need not mention masturbation specifically, and can instead refer to one roomie "wanting to be alone in the room." As Homer Simpson's college roommates advised him, hang a necktie over the doorknob if he's with a girl, or a sock if he's with a picture of a girl.

Just a comment on the college dorm thing. I went to a small religious college and there was an unwritten rule that when your roommate came back from a date, he got the room to himself for half an hour. Nobody ever said it was because of masturbation, but everyone knew it was. The girls at this college were way too straight and guys would usually be completely turned on with no relief after dates. (age 26)

Interesting concept. It sounds like the dorm administration was in on this plan at your school? I think it's universal for males to masturbate after unsatisfying dates.

My roommate and I used to never speak a word about masturbation. Recently though, we have tried doing it at the same time a couple of times - each person on his own bed concentrating on himself. The only problem so far is it seems to make going to sleep really hard now that we have it in the open. It doesn't seem to affect our friendship. Do you think this is still fairly healthy? We're both straight, of course. (age 20)

I think the only thing roommates have to acknowledge is that they all masturbate and/or "need to be alone in the room" sometimes. Doing it together or simultaneously is a level above that. I don't think it's unhealthy, however, and I think going to sleep will be the same as usual once the novelty of your joint masturbation wears off.

During freshman year, my roommate and I each walked in on the other masturbating at least once. We were both cool about it, and left each other to finish in privacy. Many other times, I heard him masturbating when he thought I was asleep. Usually, I'd wait until he was finished and went to sleep before I starting masturbating. If I had a particularly urgent need to make myself come, I just did it, and he never got uptight about it, and I'm not even sure he was aware of what I was doing. (age 23)

Obviously, it would have put no strain on your relationship if you had recognized aloud what you were doing.

As a rule, guys just wait to masturbate until their roomie is asleep. Every guy knows that they both masturbate in the room quite a bit. And unfortunately, neither of them ever says anything about it. One day I was just in utter need of relief, and I asked my roommate if he would leave me alone so I could masturbate. I was quite shocked that I had said it. I thought we both were, but he told me no problem, and even offered me one of his magazines. It was the first time I had ever used a naked picture, and I still remember it as one of my greatest orgasms ever. He always let me use his collection after that, and I bought a few that I shared with him too. I wouldn't have gotten to experience that at that point if I hadn't said anything. (age 27)

Another triumph of communication, but I don't think you needed to ask him to leave you alone so you could masturbate. As you state, everyone knows that both he and his roommate masturbate in the dorm room, so all you really had to do was ask to be alone and he would have understood what you were going to do.

Hi, great site, and what a great question. I just have a confession to make. I was never in a dorm in college, but I've occasionally stayed in them for retreats, conferences, youth hostels, etc. I would make a practice of never talking with the guys in my room or even make eye contact because I knew I was going to masturbate and I didn't want any of them confronting me about it if they heard anything. I just figured it would be harder for them to say anything if that was the first thing they had ever said to me. I also chose the bed (whenever I had a choice) based on which one had the most privacy to masturbate. (age 32)

OK, I can understand all that. Most guys don't say anything about masturbating to the one guy they live with for a whole school year in a tiny room. I think a lot of guys would think it was strange if you brought that up when it was going to be just one night. I've heard of guys enduring that kind of accomodation for weeks at a time and then masturbating often and furiously when they finally had a bedroom to themselves again.

Why do you have a big feature on the male page about the trouble guys have finding privacy to masturbate at college but nothing at all for girls. We have issues with it too just the same as guys and I would like to know what other girls do. (age 19)

First, there is a series of questions on the female page about dorm masturbation. Just go there and enter control-F and type "dorm." Second, I suspect that this is more of an issue for males than females because (1) females can usually masturbate beneath the covers, whereas males usually cannot; (2) male masturbation generally involves more motion than female masturbation and is therefore harder to do inconspicuously; and (3) males generally masturbate more often than females. Anyway, female readers, please help out with this reader's question. What do you do to ensure privacy when masturbating in a dorm?

I am going on a trip whith my family for nine weeks. I like to masturbate every day, but I can't when I am gone. What should I do? (age 15)

Your situation is similar to that of the dorm residents whose conversation is above. I'm sure you'll find a way to masturbate in private. Necessity is the mother of invention. If you are unaccustomed to masturbating in the bathroom, perhaps your trip will give you a chance to learn. You might also find some excuse to linger in your sleeping quarters for a while after everyone else has gone.

I've never had a girlfriend before. And I don't know what to say to my parents if I did. My younger brother would laugh at me, like he did when I started shaving. You got any advice? (age 15)

I suggest you pursue a girlfriend without worrying about what people will say. Just tell your parents you have a new friend and you're going out with her to the movies. You probably do all kinds of things that your younger brother laughs about. (I know mine do.) Don't worry about him either.

This is a great web site. Masturbation is a misunderstood subject. I think parents need to respect their daughter or son's privacy. My parents didn't and it hurt me. Had they been knowledgeable, it would have been easier on me. I am a male and I masturbate and it is to me a pure joy! I encourage young people and older people to masturbate. If there is no one around all that need is your own permission! Enjoy! (age 60)

Amen!

I masturbate when my penis is soft and I stimulate the glans using my middle and ring fingers of my right hand. I have a tight foreskin that doesn't go back when I'm erect. When I'm finished, my penis is hard. I have never orgasmed with a girl. I have attempted it on numerous occasions. I'm worried I have damaged myself. My ex could never understand why I would never orgasm and she could. It frustrated her but me more. (age 23)

You have two, possibly three, problems. Masturbating when soft teaches your body poor sexual response. You should only masturbate or have intercourse when you are fully erect, even if that means you can't do it as often as you'd like. It might take a month or two of masturbating with an erection to overcome this. You also use an idiosyncratic method of masturbating with two fingers. For whatever reason, using the conventional masturbatory grip illustrated above -- a loose fist fully encircling the penis -- more closely replicates the feeling of intercourse than any other form of masturbation does. It would be a very good idea to change this habit too. Finally, if fixing both of these doesn't solve your problem, then you ought to see a doctor about the tight foreskin.

Do you change the typos of people's questions before you post them for grammar mistakes and such? (male, age 17)

Yes. Would you believe this site gets more hits from "masterbation" than from the correct spelling?

What a great site. I've never seen something like that. There're not many people like you in this world. You helped a lot so THANK YOU! It's the best site for teens I've ever seen. You probably helped many teens. Thanks a lot! (age 16)

Thanks. I need readers like you, so keep up what you're doing.

I masturbate at the normal rate but I am so afraid of getting caught because I live in a house with my parents and an older brother, but I don't feel the necessity to talk to anyone about it and don't really want to either. What can I do about my privacy problem? (age 13)

Most people don't talk about it in your situation. They just do it where and when they know they'll have privacy.

Isn't it healthier if these people who love to masturbate just sleep with each other instead? (age 25)

Only if it's with a monogamous partner. Otherwise masturbating is healthier.

Recently I heard that it is unhealthy to not masturbate. Is that true? If so, why? (age 18)

Males need to ejaculate frequently (twice a month at the absolute minimum) in order to keep their private parts in healthy working condition. If a male cannot ejaculate any other way, then he needs to masturbate.

I'm glad I stumbled across your web site. Thank you for your help. You have probably saved me from TMS or dysfunction in the future. (age 14)

I'm glad you stumbled in too!

Thank you! Your web site has helped me out more than you will ever know. I just have a few questions. Is it healthier to masturbate or not? Are there any permanent mental damages from masturbation? My penis when erect seems to lean a little to the right. Is this normal? If not, can I fix it?

Mate, you're a legend, and by reading some of your responses, I can tell you really know what you are talking about. Thank you for calming many of my fears about masturbation. Mike (age 16)

Mike, it is healthier to masturbate than not; it causes no mental damage; and it is common for penises to be not perfectly straight.

Why does waiting until your twenties to lose your virginity cause sexual problems? Is it just because of the inexperience? I don't think people should have sex just to get rid of virginity.

I don't think they should either. It is better to find a partner that you really want to be with while you're young. It is simply a fact that males who remain virgins past the age of about 21 have more sexual problems than males who become sexually active before then. It is something about getting habituated to the feelings of masturbation rather than learning to interact with a partner and increase your sexuality that way. Men who lose their virginity at later ages can become sexually functional; it just usually takes longer and requires a patient partner. (For more information, you might read Eva Margolies's book Undressing the American Male, which is available very cheaply on Amazon and other sites.)

I am an engaged virgin and I will be marrying a non-virgin. In one of your earlier answers, you told a male virgin that he had better step on it and get married or give up his virginity is absolutely inaccurate and neglectful of your duty as a self-proclaimed author. (female, age 21)

A female virgin your age suffers much less in terms of both societal stigma and sexual dysfunction than a male virgin your age. That is one reason why it is better for males to become sexually experienced before they get too far into their 20s than it is for a female. I don't know that he has to "step on it," but it would be good for him to develop a strategy for finding a marital and/or sexual partner. I don't believe remaining a male virgin past the age of 21 is all that rational unless one already has a partner lined up (just waiting for the wedding) or is in some social situation that makes finding a marital partner easy (e.g., student at a Bible college aka "bridal college"). Being a male virgin and trying to compete in the regular dating world with sexually experienced males is very tough.

Thanks for creating this wonderful resource. I am not circumcised, and I have always masturbated without retracting my foreskin. I have tried to become erect after pulling my foreskin back while flaccid but the foreskin becomes uncomfortably tight and I pull it back up because it hurts so much. Also, when I pull my foreskin back there is a piece of skin that stretches over from the bottom of my head to the opening in my penis, that is where the uncomfortable tightness during a pulled-back erection is coming from, I believe. I haven't read about any other cases like mine. I have no problems masturbating, but I am concerned that this might prove to be a problem during intercourse. Should I be worried, and if so where should I go for help? (age 18)

You might try intercourse before deciding that you will have a problem with it. Using lube might help with the problems you're having masturbating. You can always ask your doctor about it, who might refer you to a urologist.

Even if you don't have a temptation, should you masturbate every day just for the sake of masturbating? (age 16)

No. You should only masturbate when you feel like doing it.

I've been masturbating for 8 years mainly with the use of porn. I have found that if I do not use porn but masturbate in the shower or through a fantasy, there is a slight discomfort in my penis (not my testicles), almost as if I am not aroused enough, and it is kind of uncomfortable (even though I have a full erection). If when I feel this discomfort and turn on porn or think about something very arousing, the ache will go away. If this ache does not go away, I can still ejaculate, but it feels like I forced it and then afterwards my penis might ache. I can perform normally during intercourse and have no STDs. (age 20)

You illustrate why I tell males to be able to masturbate at least once or twice a month using only fantasy and no visual aids. That can serve as a check that you aren't losing your sexual imagination. Since most males use pictures in some form, you shouldn't feel guilty if they help you achieve more and better orgasms. Just try the twice a month diagnostic to make sure you haven't become completely dependent on pictures.

A lot of my friends say they're circumcised, and I'm not. I feel like I'm different and not as open minded about everything. Also,I feel like girls won't like me because I'm not circumcised. (age 13)

I think it's better to be uncircumcised. You have your whole penis and those other guys don't. It doesn't have anything to do with open-mindedness. By the time a girl is ready to have sex with you (which I hope won't be for a few years), she will not care whether you are circumcised or not.

You say that you should only masturbate when you feel like it, but also you should masturbate at least once every 2 weeks. If you haven't masturbated for a while, like a month, then should you masturbate at that time just for the sake of masturbating?

I think you should. You also ought to feel like masturbating more often than that. What I mean by masturbate only when you feel like it is that it's bad to get into the habit of masturbating first thing in the morning or every night before bed whether you feel like it or not, as a few people do.

Why do guys like to play with girls' breasts? And why do girls stare at guys' bottoms? (age 11)

Breasts and buttocks are considered secondary sex characteristics, and they actually come in more variations than primary sex organs. People tend to like body parts that are different from theirs.

Sometimes girls say that they get wet. Is that like pre-cum?

Yes.

Is Doug a doctor? It would be irresponsible to give this advice without having the proper credentials. There are many insufficently answered questions, sometimes with just a simple "yes" or "no." Surely an explanation would help. Another problem is that the surveys are not scientifically conducted, yet are presented as fact. I think this site does have a lot of potential to help young people. (age 33)

As I have said many times, I am not a doctor or other health care professional. I frequently tell people reporting medical problems to see a doctor or nurse practitioner, or to call a nurse line. If you read those questions answered with a simple yes or no -- such as "is it dangerous to masturbate when you live in a house with just girls" and "is it normal to get an erection when I'm making out with a girl" -- you know they have fairly obvious answers, which don't need or even deserve an explanation. These topics, if worthwhile, are discussed in greater length somewhere on the site. The surveys are conducted as scientifically as a low-cost web site will allow.

I was astounded that so many ridiculous questions were asked. I understand that you must take into account that each entry may very well be a confused individual whom is in need of guidance however you MUST get the suspicion that some of these questions are being manufactured by Internet vandals whose deviant thoughts should not be spread to places where young people come for advice. A child or teen can be very impressionable. I am just disheartened to read this. Maybe a screening process is a good idea. (age 39)

And those are only the ones I publish. You should see the ones I delete without a second glance. When I post a suspected fake, I generally think that if it's a legitimate question, then it's from someone who really needs my help. Sometimes I delete these suspected fakes after a couple of days so the questioner has a chance to see it but it doesn't become a permanent part of the site. You could help me by telling specifically which ones you think are fakes.

Why do you think circumcision is a useless surgery when it can reduce the chances of getting an STD? (age 14)

That has not been proven. The way to reduce chances of having an STD is to have only safe sex with uninfected partners.

My girlfriend masturbates by lying face down with her hands under her crotch and wiggling her butt about. Is this TMS? (age 22)

Yes.

This site really has helped me a lot with technique. But the only place I can do it is the shower because my parents are always home. I'd like to do it at night in bed, but I worry about my mom finding semen stains on my sheets. Any suggestions? (age 12)

Just keep a rag (like an old shirt) handy for cleaning up. The little droplets of semen that fly around usually don't make noticeable stains, and the main part of the ejaculate lands on your abdomen when you masturbate on your back. If it really bothers you, you can contain the ejaculate by cupping your other hand over your penis as you ejaculate.

I recently caught my girlfriend on the sofa, face down and moving her butt around. She was fully clothed but red in the face. I'm having trouble deciding what she was doing. (age 17)

She was probably masturbating. The red face could come either from sex flush (blushing after orgasm) or from embarrassment at being discovered.

Why is it better to use your imagination than pictures? (age 13)

Developing your imaginary capacity is a useful skill. Becoming dependent on pictures at your age is not a good thing.

My boyfriend exhibits TMS problems, masturbates daily (in private), and has a couple of scars on the side of his penis near the base. He claims the scars are from a human bite, but I suspect they're from something he masturbated with, considering the TMS. Any thoughts? (age 50)

I think you should discuss it with him. Turn your assumptions into questions.

Is it normal for teenage boys to not masturbate? (age 14)

Not in the statistical sense, since the majority of younger ones and all of the older ones do, but it isn't necessarily unhealthy for them to not masturbate. About a fourth of them haven't started masturbating as of their 14th birthdays, but nearly all will be doing it by their 15th birthdays. The ones who start late usually wish they had found out about it sooner.

Is masturbating while sitting harmless? I started masturbating at the beginning of 2006 and now my genital region stinks. I clean my penis after every masturbating session but dont use lube because nobody bothered explaining it. (age 14)

Sitting is fine. It's a good idea to shower daily beginning at puberty. The stink might also be coming from what you use to clean up.

What does it feel like to be inside a vagina? (age 16)

The pressure is about that of a medium handshake, and if the male managed to get the female properly aroused before penetration, it will feel wet and warm too.

This is weird to admit, but this is my second semester at college. Last semester, I had a different roommate and he would go home frequently on the weekends and I would be able to do what I needed to do. But this semester my roommate (also my best friend) never goes home on the weekends because he's from out of state. I've been fine thus far not masurbating at all since school started, but recently I've been having urges and even tried to do it last night but was worried he would wake up. I would be too embarrassed to even say anything. What do I do? I don't go home often on weekends either because all my friends are here and I get really bored at home. (age 19)

I see your problem. If it's weird to admit to me in an anonymous e-mail, how can you admit it to your best friend? I suggest you follow some of the strategies on the dorm masturbation page people have used, or else learn to do it in the bathroom.

Should circumcised males use lube while masturbating? Will they hurt themselves if they don't? (age 14)

Some uncircumcised males can masturbate without lube because their penises produce a natural lube. It is more likely that circumcised males will need to use a lubricant while masturbating and run the risk of chafing, calluses or tears on their penises if they don't.

I have masturbated regularly (about 2-3 times a week) and I enjoy it greatly. My problem is my youth pastor told us about the sinfulness of masturbation, among other sexual practices. Since then, I have continued to masturbate, but I feel horribly guilty about it. I don't want to talk to anyone about because it is an embarrassing topic, and all my friends and family are religious also. Is masturbation really a sin? Am I going to burn? What do I do? (age 15)

I don't think it's a sin or that you'll burn, but your pastor obviously has a different idea. Your friends are in the same boat. It wouldn't be such a bad idea to talk to them. You might also consider discussing it privately with your pastor sometime.

Is it okay to sleep on my stomach at night (without rubbing up against the bed)? Would it have the same effect on my penis as if I suffered from TMS? (age 16)

Sleeping prone is fine and has no effect on your penis.

I used to masturbate via TMS, and at some point 5-6 years ago I started doing it normally, probably for convenience. But it never has been very pleasurable, even during the TMS days. This caused me to masturbate infrequently, and generally to have little (i.e. almost no) desire for sex. More recently, I was diagnosed with prostatodynia. The doctor's first impulse was gonorrhea -- prostatodynia is not fun. I was encouraged to ejaculate more frequently, but the remedy has become a chore. Do you think this strange dilemma could have been caused by TMS at early stages (ages 15-19)? I stumbled upon your site based on a bet among friends, where the opposing criteria was that I am 1 out of 10,000 for being a virgin at 25 years old.

I think you have a deeper rooted psychological problem for which you should seek professional help. You are supposed to enjoy masturbating and want to seek out a sex partner. I doubt that your early TMS is to blame. Being a virgin at your age is rare, but much more common than 1 in 10,000. Probably more like 8 in 100.

Are you still a virgin if you have had anal sex? (age 18)

I would say no.

I masturbate 2 or 3 times a day the TMS way and I want to stop, but every time I try, I get really aroused 5 or 6 hours later and have to masturbate again. What should I do? (age 15)

You should abstain from masturbating for as long as it takes for you to learn to do it the conventional way.

I just found out a few days ago that I am circumcised and I really feel violated. Is that normal? Will this affect my penis? Will this prevent me from orgasming? My penis head is extremely sensitive when I masturbate. Is it because I am circumcised? (age 14)

A lot of males feel cheated because their foreskins were cut off without their permission, but there is no reason to obsess over it. Yes, everything you do sexually will be affected by your being circumcised. You will learn to have orgasms and enjoy them a great deal. Circumcised males generally have more sensitive glans (penile head) than uncircumcised males and have to learn to masturbate by touching the head as little as necessary.

What is a girl's G spot?

The Grafenberg, or G Spot, is a small area on the anterior surface of the vagina about a third of the way in that is especially sensitive. Many women find stimulating it as conducive to orgasm as stimulating the clitoris.

How do I stop masturbating? I am a Christian so it bothers me much. (age 25)

You might read my page for Christians, where some pro-masturbation views by prominent theologians are aired. If you really want to quit, I suggest cutting back to once a week for a while and deciding if you still want to quit.

I use lotion when I masturbate. I am out and I want some lube but I don't want to get embarrassed. (age 13)

The best brands are K-Y Liquid and Astroglide, which are both sold at major chains like Target, Wal-Mart, CVS. They are not age-restricted and the cashier will not question you for buying it, or probably even notice. Some stores also have self-service checkout lines.

Are you male or female? (age 22)

Male.

I have masturbated prone since I can remember, and I almost never reach orgasm. In fact, I've only reached orgasm three times in my life, and it was always while masturbating the normal way. I masturbate the normal way about once a week while looking at porn or in the shower, but almost never anything happens. When masturbating prone, there only comes some clear, watery stuff out of my penis, but there's never been a real ejaculation. Also, when I masturbate the normal way, most of the time I don't really ejaculate, but produce this clear, watery stuff. And if I ejaculate, I need a very long time to do so (about half an hour or longer). I'm currently trying to stop prone masturbation. Should I stop smoking too? (age 14)

You already know how to masturbate correctly, so all you need to do is cut out the prone masturbation. I think all the rest will fall into place once you do. And quitting smoking will help you be sexually healthy a lot longer.

What causes semen to smell the way it does, like bleach? (age 33)

The distinctive smell of semen comes from prostate fluid.

Why do girls stick tampons into thei vaginas? From a girl, where does urine come out? (age 18)

Most women believe a tampon to be the most efficient way to absorb menstrual blood. Urine comes out the urethra, same as for males. The female urethral opening is just above the vagina.

Follow-up: So women have two openings in their vagina? One for urine and the other for sex? Is it possible to mistake the urethra for the vaginal opening during intercourse? (age 14)

The vagina is one opening and the urethra is another. Both are inside the vulvar lips. The urethra is too small to be penetrated sexually so there is no danger of mistaking them. See this image for a better idea.

How long does it take for the semen in your body to become yellow? (age 15)

About four days.

I tried to give up masturbation for Lent just to see how long I could go. I went one day but then masturbated the day after Ash Wednesday. I masturbated twice in the day and went to sleep. (age 14)

Whatever you give up for Lent, you don't have to give up for the Sundays in Lent. Perhaps knowing that will make it a little easier to go those forty days and forty nights? You can count 40 days from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday if you don't count Sundays.

I'm Catholic. I read in our catechism that masturbation is a mortal sin (the kind that sends you to hell), but society accepts it as a normal activity. I'm confused on whether I should absolutely stop this act or just refute the fact that such an act is a mortal sin. (age 15)

Your choices aren't limited to those. You can accept privately that masturbation is normal without refuting the church in public.

I'm 22 years old and I masturbate 5-6 times a day. I don't have any pain. I don't masturbate because I'm bored. I just see a hot chick on TV or something and boom, I gotta go take care of business. I've been doing this for almost 10 years. It's ridiculous, don't you think?

Not completely, but you might have an easier time finding a partner if you didn't masturbate so much. That frequency will catch up with you in a few years and you will start feeling pain.

I always urinate before I masturbate, but now and then after I am finished masturbating, I have to urniatate again after about 10 minutes. Is this normal? (age 33)

Yes. The urine clears your urethra of unejaculated semen. I wonder if the body can tell that the urethra is congested and signals for urine to come? If you let the semen sit all night, sometimes it dries and then when you urinate in the morning, it takes the urine a second or two to clear the dried semen. Most males find this feeling uncomfortable.

Thanks for this brilliant site which helped me cure my TMS. I have also told my friends to read the site. They too said it was great! I would like to offer my services to improve the site "HealthyStrokes.com" into the modern look of today's web. I'm good in PHP, Photoshop, and XML too. (age 16)

Why don't you e-mail me privately? I maintain the site myself and don't know all that stuff. Perhaps we could talk about some specific suggestions.

Didn't the Bible say something like our body is a temple for Christ and therefore we must keep it clean and pure? How can we keep it clean and pure when most men masturbate with pictures of naked women or fantasies about sex with women? Is masturbation clean at all? (age 29)

The Bible doesn't specifically prohibit masturbation. Some people feel guilty about their fantasies. You might read my page for Christians.

One time I was scratching my leg in the morning and my mom walked past the door, and suspected I was masturbating. I tried to tell her that I was only scratching my leg, but she didn't believe me. (age 15)

I think males are occasionally accused of masturbating when they're not, something that almost never happens to females. When I was about your age, my dad intimated that I was masturbating in the shower every morning and using all the hot water. "You think I don't know what you're doing?" he said. At the time, I was only half sure what masturbating was and never practiced it in the shower. I genuinely protested that I didn't know what he meant. I still like my showers long but I no longer worry about what people might mistakenly assume I'm doing.

Is the missionary position considered TMS? I am home schooled. It makes life hard now. How am I supposed to meet any girls if I'm not walking by them every day to go to school? What would girls think of someone with a life like mine? (age 15)

TMS is masturbating in the prone position. Intercourse with the male in the prone position (the missionary position) is not TMS. There are lots of students who are home-schooled today. You don't have to limit yourself to who you meet at school. You can get involved in church, community, and group activities. There might even be activities at the public schools in your location that are open to everyone, even if they don't go to the public school. Girls will not hold being home-schooled against you. Don't worry about that.

When I was in college, masturbating was not a problem in the dorm. You either did it in your room or went to the bathroom down the hall. Everyone knew what was going on. Some wanted to be left alone and others didn't care. My roommate and I didn't care, and there were times when we caught each other or we both would do it together or go down the hall. There were really no hangups about this subject. It is a fact of life. Maybe we were just lucky. (age 40)

Yes, you were lucky to have a roommate who was as easygoing about it as you are. Not everyone has a roommate like that.

I'm very embarrassed to have to go on a web site to find out how to masturbate, but I need help. I'm 15 and I've never masturbated to orgasm. I'm scared I might rip my foreskin or something. I'm not fully developed yet, but I know people who are smaller than me who have masterbated to orgasm. When hard my penis is about 5 inches long but probably only about 0.75 inches wide. How should I start?

Size doesn't matter. Your skin won't rip easily. Just relax and stroke your erection. You'll find what feels right.

Has an average amount of time for how long it takes without masturbating to have a wet dream ever been decided? If so, what is it? (age 16)

No. If I knew, I would share it with you.

I am 16 and I am circumcised. I don't know why anyone would want their foreskin. I cannot stand wear to wear a jockstrap. They agitate my penis and I only like to wear boxers.

I think a lot of men would like to have their foreskin because then their jockstrap and other clothing would not irritate their penises.

The directions to masturbate says to place your whole hand around your penis gently and stroke. I just use the tips of my fingers. Is using my whole hand better, or going to make me orgasm better? (age 16)

It should. It would involve a greater surface area of your penis which ought to give you stronger or at least faster orgasms. Of course, there is nothing wrong with a lighter touch. In many ways, that's good. Perhaps you could experiment and let us know how it goes.

On your Christians page, you mention the story of Onan, where God instructed Onan to impregnate his sister-in-law. Is it right to do that? (age 15)

As a rule, no, but it's OK if God commands you to do it, or if the brother and sister-in-law agree that you should father their child. Nowadays, artificial insemination rather than intercourse would be used to accomplish this.

I wish I had found a site like this when I was a kid. I had to learn the basics from the library when I was in college. Yes, college! I didn't even know how to do it until I was 21. I resented it when I realized that everyone else had been doing it all the time. I had the desire but not the know-how. If I ever get prostate cancer when I'm older, I could probably sue my religious leaders. (age 38)

I hope you would try to influence your church in a positive direction rather than be angry at them.

I've always masturbated supine, but my method is to rub the head with my fingers up and down to orgasm. Is this harmful? I have never successfully masturbated the conventional way, but I have had manual intercourse mimicking conventional masturbation many times, with different partners. I find it difficult to achieve orgasm in any position with some of my partners when she becomes too wet. Would learning to masturbate the conventional way successfully by myself be able to fix this? It might be worth pointing out I have never orgasmed standing up, either via masturbation or with a partner. I think that if I could bring myself to orgasm standing up with a good technique would be a step in the right direction. (age 24)

I don't think standing up is a big deal. When you masturbate, you ought to stimulate the whole penis and not just the head. You can also experiment with different brands and amounts of lubes.

I masturbate the conventional way but I put my legs in a butterfly position. Could this cause TMS? (age 13)

No.

I am concerned about the fashion in which I masturbate. I normally grip my penis firmly and slide the skin of the penis up and down the shaft as opposed to sliding my hand up and down the shaft. Is this unhealthy? Can it cause damage? (age 20)

I think it would be better to treat the skin more lightly and have more movement in your hand instead of the skin. This is only an inclination, however, and not a certain indictment of your masturbatory technique.

I think you should address questions by just e-mailing people privately rather than posting the questions and answers on the web site for the public to read. I hope you understand that some of these facts you're posting are extreamly explicit, and I really don't think it is suitable for certain people who are gaining access to your site. (age 20)

I answer questions publicly because I want to share sexual health information with everyone. I much like it when people search through my site before asking me a question that has already been answered here. Obviously, I can't be e-mailing minors with sexual information.

Is it OK to masturbate the same day you do Kegel exercises?

Yes.

I don't see any pre-cum during masturbation, whether I masturbate quickly or draw it out for a good 15 minutes. Is this a problem? (age 18)

Sometime when you've been at it for 15 minutes, see what is in your urethra. It should be clear and very sticky.

All I did was grab my penis with my hand and move it up and down while watching a man and woman have sex. After 5 minutes, I felt this great feeling, and when I touched the head it was wet. I did it 4 times today. Do you think I masturbated? (age 12)

You definitely masturbated. Whether you masturbated to orgasm or not, I'm not sure, but if you didn't have orgasms today, you will soon.

I have been mastubating for a few years now and one of my methods has been to put my penis between two couch cushions. Is this this a bad method, because it seems very close to sex in my mind. (age 17)

That is one of the worst forms of TMS. The best masturbation is when you touch your penis as little as possible.

Why shouldn't we touch the head of our penis when we masturbate? (age 16)

It's better to touch the head as little as possible. It's easier to perfect the light touch when you concentrate most of your stroking on the shaft and only brush against the head and coronal ridge. Circumcised males might find it painful to do stroke the head unless they use lube.

I am a 17 year old male and my name is Chris. I was very pleased to stumble across your site this afternoon. I have been masturbating since before puberty, and originally, I never gave it a second thought. Yet now, as I grow both mentally and physically, I feel as though I would like to stop, quite simply. My rationality is this: Rational, sentient human beings should be masters of their own sexual desire. Shouldn? we be able to control this basic instinct? In a documentary-esque manner, I decided to record in a personal journal, my experience kicking the habit and the various physical and mental effects I felt throughout the process. At a week and a half of abstinence, I am, frankly, a nervous wreck. The buildup of sexual tension has been very uncomfortable and I find it harder to focus on things and harder to sleep. I? just really skittish and, more embarrassingly, easily aroused. Much more so, and in circumstances which, in most, I would not be. Overall, I? just really restless, and after only a week I have come to the conclusion that I really can? stop. It just isn? working and I? more miserable for it.

Why exactly are we males such slaves to the sex drive? Obviously I try to pass myself off as sophisticated, tame, etc, in public. but in the back of my mind, these sexual urges, if left unsatisfied, just seem to tear away at me and leave me feeling somewhat primal, almost animalistic in my desire for relief. I get the whole buildup of fluids and whatnot, but why exactly do I have to be a slave to this silly over-reactive sex drive? What is it about teenage males that, without release, we get distracted, skittish, and antsy? In short, why do we NEED masturbation, as through my self-test, I feel as though I do? I would truly appreciate some form of response as I am trying my best not to succumb to the desire just yet. I'm stubborn like that.

Hi Chris. I think it's good that you're experimenting with your urge to masturbate. As a result, you know more fully than men who have never abstained that long how great the urge can be, and how it can affect other parts of your life. For example, a male who is accustomed to daily orgasms might find that after five days without one that his conversation is more peppered with sexual remarks than usual. He might not even mean to be so sexual in his speech. This has been expressed in popular culture in various ways: There is the often-spoken idea that people who talk about sex frequently aren't having it, and there is the infamous subplot in "There's Something about Mary" where a character is urged to masturbate before a date so he won't have sex on his mind.

The urge to ejaculate is very hard to control, even when one has a good reason to do so. For example, men who are working to cure themselves of TMS and learn a new way to masturbate find it a struggle to remain composed after five days or so. There are various theories why males find it difficult to go without orgasm. The most often heard one is that the sex organs become engorged with sexual fluids that need to be released. Bellis and Baker (in their book Human Sperm Competition) maintain that semen needs to be kept in optimum condition for fertilization, and that this calls for ejaculating at least every other day. It is therefore understandable that masturbation is apt to be more of an urgent habit for males rather than females. I think you're looking at masturbation the wrong way. Instead of thinking of it as giving in to sexual desire, you might think of it as a means of managing sexual desire. These charts might illustrate the point, although they are not meant to be precise. The first graph shows the tension level of a person who masturbates every five days, and his sexual tension goes up every day in between, all the way up to 9 and then drops to 1 when he masturbates. The second graph shows the tension level of a person who masturbates daily, and his sexual tension remains constant at 1. This is an oversimplification, but I hope it makes a useful point.

I really want to have sew with my girlfriend. (age 15)

You might wait until you can spell it.

While I can get an erection, and ejaculate fairly far, my orgasms seem to have weakened. Very rarely do I get a very good orgasm that I can actually feel good about. (age 17)

You're worrying too much about it. Woody Allen said he never had the wrong kind of orgasm.

How do you avoid semen leaking when you're aroused? It's really embarrassing. Will it ever stop? (age 21)

Sometimes so much pre-cum (not semen) can leak out when you're aroused that it soaks all the way through your underwear to the outside of your pants. It's a good thing, and it means you're really into whatever is making you that way.

I have been masturbating for about 8 years now, and as far back as I can remember, I have always masturbated with some sort of cloth, usually my boxers. I find it hard sometimes to even be able to achieve an orgasm if I try it with just my bare hand the whole time. I had intercourse 4 times in the last year, and I only was able to last about 30 seconds to a minute. Could these two things be connected? How can I get myself to last longer during intercourse? (age 19)

Masturbating with cloth is an atypical method, and it will not serve you well in the long run. I don't know specifically about the connection to premature ejaculation. I would suggest getting over the cloth thing first and then seeing if it makes any difference in intercourse. You might try masturbating with lube and see if you can more easily achieve what you have been unable to do without the cloth. The lube makes it possible for you to stroke vigorously, including the whole head.

I performed manual intercourse on my girlfriend for the first time. Would she lose her virginty if we kept on doing that? (age 17)

Very few people believe that manual intercourse (what some people call mutual masturbation) makes you lose your virginity. She would have to experience some other form of intercourse (penis in vagina, penis in anus, mouth on vulva, mouth on penis) for her to not be a virgin.

My girlfriend touches my penis through my pants so she is not actually touching it. I'm a Christian and I'm wondering if I can lose my virginity that way. I have never had sex and don't plan to until I'm married but would you consider that intercourse? (age 16)

I wouldn't and most people wouldn't consider stimulation only with the hands to be intercourse that causes loss of virginity. However, it is strictly speaking manual intercourse, one of the four main types of intercourse, and a small number of people regard someone as not being a virgin if they have engaged in it. Touching it through the pants doesn't make it any different from touching it naked. Did you know that someone can be charged with rape for touching the clothing that covers private parts?

Does oral sex make you a non-virgin? (age 21)

Some people think so.

I'm having trouble masturbating lately. It's really hard to get the usual erection. (age 17)

You're probably having a lot of stress in your life right now. It would be a good idea to masturbate only when you really feel like it.

I had a circumcision in first grade and after that I stated practicing TMS every day. I always felt guilty after doing it although I did not know what I was doing. I feel pain in the lower part of my penis and a burning sensation when I urinate. My urine seems to come out in two streams as if my TMS has created an alternate path due to physical damage. I will try to get rid of TMS, but do I have a serious problem? (age 17)

You ought to see a urologist about that, but I suppose it can wait until you're cured of TMS. Most guys your age can overcome TMS in less than two weeks.

I have been masturbating 7 times a week from the age of 16. Does it affect my concentration during studies in any way? (age 22)

It might affect it in a good way. I think most male students masturbate that often.

You say that men must ejaculate at least every two weeks to avoid damage to sexual functioning. Yet I know men who go many months at a time without ejaculating. Can you cite even one doctor who agrees with you on this?

Yes. You might start with "Conservative Treatment of Primary Phimosis in Adolescents," by Michel Beaug? MD, tr. by Dr. J.P. Warren, 1991. On page 10, Beaug says: "Masturbation is in fact advised twice weekly as adjuvant treatment of chronic prostatis in single men." The article is available online at http://www.cirp.org/library/treatment/phimosis/beauge/.

How do you clean semen up? The stuff goes everywhere! (age 14)

As you get more experienced masturbating, you will learn how to contain it. The semen going everywhere isn't caused by ejaculation but by the motion of your hand as you ejaculate. Doing the motion in a manner less likely to spray the semen makes a difference. A lot of males catch the semen in their hand or deflect it with their hand. It always helps to have something to clean up with ready.

If we call masturbating against any objects TMS, is it safer to use toys like fake vagina, etc.? Why is it premature to ejaculate when masturbating while watching a porn movie and not in other situations? I ejaculate sometimes after 20 minutes and sometimes within 5 to 8 minutes. (age 28)

I advise against using toys to masturbate. They are also a form of TMS. I don't think I've ever commented on the time to orgasm while watching a porn movie. There is nothing inherently wrong with the times you mention. I don't think it's bad to take 20 minutes or more if you are enjoying masturbating, but I tell guys to give up after 20 minutes if they are actively trying to have an orgasm and it won't come. It seems 5 to 8 minutes is a typical amount of time spent masturbating. I advise males to aim for that amount of time in order to gain the most from the experience. There is also a time and place for finishing after a minute or two, if you don't want to masturbate at a leisurely pace and just want to get it over with, but masturbating at that speed will not help you become a good lover in intercourse with a woman.

Can compulsive masturbation cause loss of memory? (age 16)

I don't remember. No, it can't.

Follow-up: Can you clarify?

Saying I don't remember was a joke. I guess it wasn't funny. Masturbation will not affect your memory.

I have started practicing multiple orgasm by developing my PC muscle. Is this healthy? (age 13)

Yes, but keep in mind it's possible to overdo not only masturbation but also those PC exercises.

I have heard on the news on a local station that the more orgasms a man has, the younger he looks. Is this true or a myth? (age 33)

I've never heard that before, and I'm not too sure how someone would study that scientifically. I think that smoking, drinking, and exposure to the sun make people look older than they are.

When I was 14, my mom caught me masturbating in my room. I was totally naked. I started ejaculating when she walked in. I couldn't stop myself from ejaculating.

What you describe is the point of ejaculatory inevitability. When you get to that point, you will ejaculate, no matter what happens.

How can I increase my ejaculation, because sometimes it just dribbles out and other times it shoots out. (age 14)

Like the previous questioner, you ought to learn the point of ejaculatory inevitability. It helps if you can contract your PC muscle right before that point. It puts a little more pressure behind the ejaculate and it tends to shoot farther.

Last year I had a roommate that would always take a peek at my crotch and he knew I saw him. Sometimes I could hear him masturbate at night in his bed. I know he wanted me to hear because it was so loud. I haven't talked to him since he moved out. I masturbate to the memories of all this and I want to talk to him but I'm afraid he won't talk to me because I don't know if he likes me in that way. What should I do? (age 18)

Wow! In over four years of writing this web site, I think this is the first time I've been asked for gay dating advice. I don't know that either of the things he did means he's either gay or interested in you. As you probably know from reading this site, many people masturbate with their roommate around because they want to masturbate and don't care if the roommate hears. It's also common for men your age to eyeball other crotches even if they are completely straight. On the plus side, you seem to have nothing to lose by making contact with him. Why not invite him over to watch a movie? Then you can talk about erotic interests.

I masturbate five times a week and sometimes less than that. I had a superstition that masturbating can increase my grades. But sometimes it hurt and I did not like it but I still did it. It never caused any significant effect in my life. I have overcome this habit. Do you think that I was suffering from compulsive masturbation? (age 16)

Perhaps a little. Five times a week is really not enough to be considered compulsive, but continuing after it hurts could be. Just be glad you put this superstition behind you and enjoy yourself now.

I'm 18 years old and, believe it or not, I only started masturbating a few months ago. I have had wet dreams since I was about 13 or 14, and I've tried playing with my penis, but I never experienced orgasm from masturbating until about four to six months ago. The way you described TMS made me wonder if my style was a problem. I sit in front of my computer and rub the underside of my penis (the side that is in contact with the testicles when standing up) back and forth, faster as I get closer, and then ejaculate into my underwear at orgasm. I'm not sure if this qualifies as TMS, since I am not technically facing downward, but I cannot see my penis and I am not doing the "fist method" of pumping up and down. I also tend to push my penis against my abdomen at orgasm, so that my semen is relatively clumped and easy to clean up afterwards. Is this TMS, and is there anything I am doing that is technically wrong?

Congratulations on learning to masturbate! What you do is not TMS, but it is not conventional either. You are putting too much effort into the underside of the penis. I suggest learning the fist method. Just like men trying to quit TMS, you might have to abstain from masturbation for about a week to make your penis sensitive enough to learn the new method. I also suggest trying this in bed, because it makes it easier to control your body when you lie flat.

Is compulsive masturbation curable? (age 16)

Yes. Just try to masturbate less. Sometimes keeping a log (making a check mark on a calendar each time) can inspire you to do it less.

I got on summer break on Friday and I have masturbated 13 times since then. It seems like a lot to me but I'm so horny. Should I back off? (age 16)

Are you truly horny or just bored? Why not find some other things to do?

THANK YOU HEALTHYSTROKES!!! I had been a TMS sufferer before puberty and I didn't even know it. I read this, and found out it was a bad habit. I tried hard to go regular, and succeeded within a month. Thank you so much for all the help and for helping to set me straight! (age 14)

Your site is very informative. Are there any other ways of masturbating apart from the conventional way? My friends say there are but I don't know and I'm too embarrassed to ask. (age 15)

There are variations in position (sitting, standing, lying on side, etc.) and in grip (which hand, position of hand, etc.), but nearly everyone masturbates by stroking in an up and down manner.

I am about to get a physical for cross country training. Will they make me masturbate into a cup? (age 17)

No. Don't worry about that. The only time that would happen is if you were having trouble conceiving.

If my girlfriend and I did mutual oral sex (69), would that make us non-virgins? (age 21)

A lot of people would say so.

I need to use you in a bibliography for my paper on virginity but your name isn't listed anywhere that I've seen. Can you give me the information I would need to cite your site? (age 17)

According to the Chicago Manual of Style, you should cite the article this way: "Virginity," HealthyStrokes.com, 2006, < http://www.healthystrokes.com/virginity.html > (26 May 2006). Thanks for citing me!

You say that a sign of compulsive masturbation is that no sexual fantasies are being played in the mind during masturbation. I seem to masturbate by thinking only of the orgasm; and have never done sexual fantasies while I masturbate. This is the only compulsive sign I have. (age 17)

You need more than one compulsive sign to be compulsive. Thinking about orgasm IS a sexual fantasy. I think you are fine. You might try to find other things that turn you on.

I started masturbating normally, but now it is like an addiction. How can I stop this? (age 14)

Many guys your age do it frequently. Just relax. You'll probably be doing it a lot less at this time next year.

I leave dried ejaculate in my boxers all the time. Does it smell, or are there any other signs that I've masturbated? (age 15)

Some people can smell it. Many people also get flushed faces after they have an orgasm, so someone could guess you'd been masturbating from that.

Does simply doing Kegel exercises alone make us last longer when we masturbate, or do we have to do something while we masturbate to make us last longer with our stronger muscles?

Working your PC muscle with Kegel exercises will help you control your ejaculation but it will not solve the problem by itself. You have to know the right moment to contract the PC muscle in order to delay ejaculating. Practice makes perfect.

Whenever I wear something loose like boxers or very light swimming shorts, I get a lot of erections. Is this normal? (age 22)

Yes. Wearing anything different from what you're used to is apt to be felt as arousing by your genitals.

Is it very common for guys my age to have never dated or kissed anyone? (age 16)

Yes, it is. Why not get some experience while you're young? It will be a lot harder to initiate relationships once you're out of high school.

Hello, I am writing to thank you. Your relaxed and informational answers to confused kids are very helpful and relieving. I was actually inspired by some of the stories about parents being OK with their children masturbating. Even though it was uncomfortable for a while, I told my parents that I needed respect for my room since the door lock was broken. They installed a new lock, and they knock now. They understand what I am doing, and it relieves my stress, making masturbation even better. I showed my parents this site and they both think it is a great site. I told friends about HealthyStrokes.com, and it has helped them. I'm in 9th grade and we are having our last health class, and in my health reproductive units, nothing was said about masturbation. Given it was everyone's last health class, I told my health teacher that she should include something about masturbation and that she should let classmates know about this site. I figured that since I was inspired by this site, I would like to inspire someone to do something helpful to others. I have no questions as the site has answered them for me, but I just wanted to say what a great job you are doing for kids and to tell my story. (age 15)

It's a great story! I'm glad the site has helped you, and thanks for helping to spread the word about HealthyStrokes.com and to tell your teacher what you really wanted to learn in health class.

If a guy has TMS, but does not currently have a girlfriend, or never plans to have one, why should he change his method? (age 23)

I hope he changes his mind about wanting a girlfriend. If not, perhaps he would like to be able to masturbate more than one way, in one place. Once males get over TMS, they don't have to masturbate only in bed. They can do it in chairs, bathrooms, the computer desk, parked cars, etc. Also, TMS tends to bring on other problems like erectile dysfunction and retarded ejaculation that not only interfere with intercourse but masturbation too.

My dorm roommate asked me the other day if he could masturbate me. I'm not into sex with guys and I don't want to. (age 20)

Then you should tell him that.

You said that people masturbate in the bathrooms at the doctor's office. I can't believe this. I can't believe anyone would masturbate there. I couldn't do it in such an uncomfortable space. (age 15)

When doctors want a semen analysis, they ask the patient to produce it in their regular bathroom where people usually produce urine specimens. Then the patient puts the semen cup through the same little door in the wall where the urine cup goes. The bathroom at the doctor's office is obviously not designed for comfort. Commercial sperm banks have facilities that are more comfortable to masturbate in, but only slightly. The patient is always aware that he is in a medical facility. The picture below is a donor room in a sperm bank. This is actually a deluxe donor room. I've been in some that didn't have the bed, only a chair.

Can you do any damage by trying to hold in your semen using only your PC muscle?

No.

I'm at boarding school and share a dorm room with four other guys. I don't enjoy masturbating in bed and usually use the toilet cubicle to relieve myself. If I wanted to, I could do it in bed in the evenings without having to keep the volume down. Everybody in the dorm does it and no one is embarrassed by it. Two of the guys in my room regularly masturbate and often simply ejaculate onto the floor. (age 15)

Wow, suddenly I'm glad I never went to boarding school.

After oral sex, would I still be considered a virgin? (age 23)

A lot of people would say you are not a virgin after oral sex, but a lot would.

I am Protestant, and I believe that there is nothing wrong with masturbating. Do you know which group of Christians discourage masturbation? (age 15)

Traditionally masturbation has been opposed by Catholics, Baptists, Mormons, and fundamentalists. Most Protestants (including Methodists, Episcopalians, Lutherans, Congregationalists and Presbyterians) have never heard a word in church about masturbation.

Will the doctor know if I am masturbating when I go to take my appointment? I'm kind of scared that he might know. (age 14)

Don't worry about that. The doctor could probably not tell by looking at your genitals with even 50 percent accuracy.

Is it OK to have sex at 16 because I feel weird about losing my virginity?

It would be a good idea to wait until the idea doesn't feel weird.

About 3 nights ago, I was masturbating and then I fell asleep, and then the following morning I woke up and looked at my alarm clock and saw a bottle of K-Y Liquid. I'm really confused as to why it is there. (age 14)

I think someone in your household figured out what you were doing and wanted to help.

I am Christian but not very religious. Whenever I masturbate, I feel ashamed. I feel like instead I should have been doing something better. What can I do to overcome this? (age 14)

Those feelings are very common, regardless of your religion. As you get older, you will become more accepting of masturbation.

Thank you for this informative site! I've been masturbating for a few months now but I've had an ongoing problem. It usually takes me at least 50 minutes to orgasm. While masturbating, I think about either the orgasm or a girl that I like. I can recognize when an orgasm is near, but by that time I'm really tired and I really don't care anymore after waiting for so long. Most times, however, I wait until I ejaculate before quitting. Why is it taking me so long to reach orgasm? (age 14)

Probably because you're inexperienced, or because you're doing it too frequently. Give yourself a few days between masturbation sessions until you can get it over with in 20 minutes or less.

As I'm sure many people before me have, I'd like to tell you thanks for being the only reliable source of masturbation info that I could find on the net. I've masturbated for over a year, and have always been conflicted about it. I've always felt ashamed of myself and have tried to stop completely on several occasions. I'd like to offer a huge thank you. It's great that someone cares enough to help people who are having issues with their sexual health. After reading the countless resources at HealthyStrokes.com, I now feel very comfortable with myself, and feel like I can look forward to a happier and healthier life. (age 16)

Are there any common household products that I can use as a personal lubricant for masturbating, because I am too embarrassed to buy one from a store. (age 16)

Petroleum jelly, hand lotion, baby oil, and even cooking oil are popular.

I'll be living in a dorm with another male soon. I'm not gay but I wouldn't mind experimenting with him or masturbating together. I'm fine if he doesn't want to, but what's a good way to bring it up without having him freak out or think I'm gay? (age 18)

If you wish to experiment sexually with other men, I suggest you pick people other than your roommate. Freaking out your roommate or having him think you're gay are apt to cause stress in your home life, but there are many other gay and bi-curious men on campus that you can try things with that won't affect your home life. Of course, the best way to keep your roommate from thinking you're gay is to refrain from doing sexual things with men.

I have a very sensitive penis, especially the tip. I often get aroused too easily by just looking at an attractive female and I ejaculate quickly during masturbation. Is there any medication, cream, etc. to make my penis not so sensitive? (age 21)

Yes. There are sexual anesthetics available. They are sold alongside condoms and lubricants in many stores. The most popular brand is Sta-Erect.

I do not masturbate in a peculiar way, nor do I suffer from performance anxiety. I have absolutely no trouble ejaculating during masturbation, but I have never been able to climax with my partner. What could be the cause? (age 17)

Inexperience is probably the main one. It would be a good idea to abstain from masturbating for 3-5 days before your next sexual encounter and see if it makes any difference. Good luck.

I have had the biggest crush on this girl in my class for some time now. We recently have been talking on the phone nightly and hanging out (and she smiles back at me). I have asked her out a couple of times and she has said no. Should I ask her out to the movies again? (age 13)

I think you should ask her out one more time, and if she says no, don't talk on the phone with her or hang out anymore. Move on to someone who is interested in you. You're just wasting your time on her.

If only you could have sent your site back in time 30-40 years, that would have been great. I almost cried when I read the responses you made for kids writing in. They were so well thought out and not at all condemning or mocking. All people need is a straight answer, not PC gobbledygook some kids are forced to endure. You write so well for kids. I am so glad you do this. (age 49)

What are the effects of using two condoms instead of one? (age 13)

I think the main effect is wasting a condom. Condoms aren't designed to be used that way.

Do you hear or feel a girl's hymen pop when you first have intercourse? (age 17)

Hear it, absolutely not. It is unlikely you would feel anything either.

I understand why men must masturbate, but why must women masturbate? (male, age 23)

They don't. Women won't suffer any harm if they never masturbate in their life. Women masturbate because it's fun and some masturbate to relieve menstrual cramps. Men, on the other hand, have to relieve themselves of sexual fluids regularly or they can cause harm to their sexual organs.

I think you are wrong to characterize all prone masturbation as TMS. (age 38)

When 61 percent of males who masturbate prone already have sexual dysfunctions, I am justified in pathologizing all prone masturbation. This is especially important since many of my readers are younger males who aren't engaged in intercourse and probably wouldn't know the signs of dysfunction if they had them.

Do you recommend Surgilube for masturbating? (age 18)

I think it's a little goopy, like K-Y Jelly, and it has a medicine-like smell. You also have to ask for it behind the counter, usually. If you're going to buy a commercial product, you might as well get something made especially for sex, like K-Y Liquid or Astroglide.

I don't enjoy masturbating, and I don't want to do it. (age 20)

I think you need psychiatric help. You're supposed to enjoy it and want to do it every day that you don't have some other kind of sexual release. That is what I hear from healthy men your age.

I started having wet dreams when I was 16 and since I turned 17 I have them about twice a week. I have never masturbated in my life, and my religion forbids it. I also find it disgusting even though all my friends tell me they do it. Is there any way to get rid of them besides masturbating? (age 19)

Your story is really hard to believe. You should enjoy ejaculating and orgasming from either source. The same religions that forbid masturbating trumpet wet dreams as the guilt-free solution.

My mother discovered me looking at healthystrokes.com 3 weeks ago. She was asking me about the site, and I could not answer them correctly, because she thinks this site is a site that involves sex and porn. I try to view the site when she is not present, but I am still kind of worried that she assumes I masturbate too much. How can I explain to her that this is an educational site, and not a dirty site? (age 13)

Why don't you just show her the web site and she can see for herself?

Is sunscreen an OK lubricant? (age 13)

It is at best OK. You can find some that are a lot better -- and less expensive too.

I'm a 22 year old university student and have never masturbated. Since I was an early teen, I've had wet dreams at least twice weekly, and the dreams have always had to do with either intercourse or intense foreplay.

Like most guys who write me claiming to have never masturbated, your story is suspicious. The wet dreams of sexually inexperienced males are rarely about intercourse or other heavy sexual activity. They're usually pretty non-sexual. If you really have never masturbated to orgasm, why aren't you asking how?

How did the word "ejaculation" get its name? (age 33)

It's from the Latin language. It means "to throw out."

I masturbate once a day, and my acne worsens after I ejaculate. If I don't masturbate for 7 days, I have no breakouts whatsoever and my face clears up. I cannot stop masturbating, and it is ruining my face! Should I do anything to make up for my releases? (age 17)

Masturbating or not masturbating will not affect your acne. There are oral and topical treatments for acne your doctor can give you.

I take many classes with male seniors. They are not virgins, and they keep talking about sex and try to get me to have sex with girls. One time they got a senior girl to flash me. I don't know what to do. (age 14)

They probably are virgins. The best thing to do is ignore them. If it really bothers you, you could talk to the school counselor about it.

Sometimes when I have to urinate in a public restroom, I can't. Is this masturbation related? (age 17)

No. It's called "bashful bladder." As many as 35 percent of men have it. If it's hard for you to use a urinal, go inside a stall. You will have an easier time there.

I was circumcised, but I have foreskin covering approximately 1/2 of the head of the penis when flaccid. Many people say that I wasn't circumcised, but I know I was. (age 32)

The most common type of circumcision performed in your day was partial circumcision, in which case most of the foreskin was not removed but allowed to bunch at the base of the glans. In some males, this covers part of the glans.

I live alone with my dad. Sometimes when we're watching TV in the evening, my dad will get up and go to his bedroom. He comes out again in 15 or 20 minutes and he will be happy and active. Do you think he masturbates when he goes to his bedroom like that? He's 46 years old. How old are men when they stop masturbating? Or do we masturbate forever? (age 15)

Forever sounds pretty good. Or at least he wouldn't stop before age 46. You shouldn't make assumptions about what your dad is doing. He could be doing a lot of things. You wouldn't want someone to assume you're masturbating whenever you leave the room, would you?

I read that the testosterone level can be affected by the time since last ejaculation. There was this experiment where a group of men were held from masturbating up to 8 days and their testosterone level grew until the seventh day. Can this be true? (age 17)

I only know of one study that was done like that, in China. What you report is what that study found, but I wouldn't make too many conclusions based on it. Other studies have found no similar pattern between ejaculating and testosterone levels.

How long does it take to get TMS? How many times? (age 13)

That's an interesting question that I've never been asked before! TMS is simply the habit of masturbating prone, so if you've done it in the prone position even once, you've done TMS. I suspect your question is how many times do you have to do it before it becomes a habit that will require effort to break. I don't know exactly, but if you've only masturbated prone a few times, even if you've never masturbated conventionally, I doubt it would take a serious effort to switch. That's what I think based on what I've heard from males. If I had to pick a time, I'd say if the only way you've ever masturbated is prone, you would need to go through the abstinence regimen to quit if you've been at it for more than three months.

I have been masturbating for a while now by using a pillow. I just learned about TMS from HealthyStrokes.com. I must change to the conventional way, but to me the pillow just feels much better. Is there any way to make the regular way feel better? (age 15)

We all felt that way about TMS before we quit. After you get used to the conventional way, you will like it just fine.

I'm Presbyterian and I really need to know my religion's thoughts on masturbating. I've read the Christian page but it doesn't fully help. Do you know if some Presbyterian churches believe it is OK? (age 13)

Here is what the Presbyterian Church USA says in its 1970 report "Sexuality and the Human Community":

We find no evidence for any theological, psychological or medical strictures against masturbation per se. The medical myths concerning the ominous consequences that might follow masturbation ... have long since been dispelled. On the contrary, there is nearly unanimous medical opinion that no physical harm to the body is produced even by frequent masturbation. There is even some argument for the positive values of masturbation in relieving sexual tension and attendant physical discomfort in the pelvic region, in contributing to psychosexual development, and in providing a satisfactory alternative form of sexual gratification to single persons or to married persons during periods of separation, where intercourse would be inappropriate or impossible. The problems associated with masturbation are, in our opinion, extrinsic rather than intrinsic to the act. Guilt feelings aroused in connection with masturbatory experience are induced either religiously or culturally.

I come from a very conservative and religious family. I started to masturbate when I was 16 but I always feel ashamed and scared that someone will catch me. I have two brothers who are older than me but I've never noticed them masturbating so I think I'm doing something wrong. (age 18)

You are an adult and you don't have to answer to anyone who might "catch" you. I also don't think you should be ashamed. I have no doubt that your brothers are experienced with masturbating. Why not talk to one of them about it?

How long do you have to masturbate prone before you develop TMS? (age 15)

That's a good question. I say that masturbating prone IS TMS so if you do it prone, you have TMS. Your question probably is how long do you have to do it prone before you are habituated to it. I can't say precisely, but from what I know, it is a habit after even a few weeks.

Can masturbation reduce the risk of prostate cancer? (age 15)

Yes! Studies have found that males who masturbate the most in their teens and 20s have the lowest incidence of prostate cancer later.

I am 14, and I have been masturbating 6-7 times a week for 2 months. I usually masturbate in the traumatic position. Is there any way to safely masturbate in the traumatic position? What would you recommend as the best quitting method?

If you think about why it's called the traumatic position, you'll realize that there's no safe way to do it. The main page of this site contains a detailed program for quitting prone masturbation. If prone isn't the only way you masturbate, you'll have a much easier time quitting.

I have just been circumcised. They told me that after 3-5 days the stitches would dissolve though it may take up to 3 weeks. They said it would take 6 weeks to get back to normal sexual activity but after 2 days I found that I had to masturbate. It didnt hurt but worried me. Do you know of any people who have started this early after and does it cause any damage as I really need to continue this! (age 23)

It would have been a good idea for you to wait at least a week or until it could be verified the stitches were gone. I don't know about your situation specifically, but I know that bad things can result if you disrupt stitches -- anywhere on the body -- even one day before the doctors tell you to. I suggest you refrain from masturbating until you are given the go-ahead, and to be honest about what you did when you are in the doctors' office next. You really ought to think about why you were compelled to masturbate after only two days when you knew it could be dangerous.

Follow-up: Just thought I'd let you know that I went for a check up with the doc and he said that my physical state (and stitches) were all OK. I have not continued to masturbate and will be restraining myself from that. I think I lapsed due to the fact I was with my girlfriend and though she said not to, sleeping with her was too much to handle!! Good luck with the web site. It's very informative and I'm sure it's helped many people out.

I'm facing too many problems because of excess masturbation. My eyes and cheeks have become sunken, my face looks very thin and weird, and sometimes I have back and stomach pains. I feel very tired during the day. I masturbate 3 times a day or even more for the last eight months. Will stopping masturbation fully recover me of these effects or will I have to take some kind of pills also? (age 15)

Those are the things people attributed to masturbation in the 19th century. In our day, we know it doesn't cause them. They are often caused by a lack of sleep, however. You might try to get more rest. I also suggest cutting back on masturbation a little, because three times a day, every day, is very often. You might also find you have more time for sleep if you only masturbate once a day!

I am really interested in becoming a sexologist and was just wondering what it involves. Are you a doctor or sexologist? (female, age 17)

What a good question! I know no one has ever asked me that before. I have said many times that I am not a health care professional of any kind, but I occasionally think of becoming a sexologist when I am in danger of quitting or getting thrown out of my field. You might read through these websites: http://www.sexologist.org/ is of more importance for people who want to be practitioners (e.g., sex therapists working with clients) while http://www.sexscience.org is of more importance for people who want to do research.

I entered a girl but nothing actually happened. Have I lost my virginity? (age 21)

Yes.

Thank you for your site. I never knew if masturbation for my age (14) would be OK but now I am relieved. The first information source I visited was Wikipedia but your site is far more exact.

The Wikipedia article, which mentions TMS and this site, is just plain weird.

If you have anal sex, do you lose your virginity? If you have oral sex, do you lose your virginity? (age 15)

I think if you do either, you are not a virgin.

I have TMS, and so do both of my twin brothers who are 24, and so do a few of my younger cousins. We all learned how to masturbate when we were toddlers, using fists to rub while lying on a couch, floor, or bed. Each of us is uncircumcised. One of my cousins masturbates properly, but he is the only one who's circumcised. Is TMS more common among circumcised males than uncircumcised ones? (age 25)

I have not gotten around to analyzing my survey research on that point. (I have 6796 surveys from males waiting to be tabulated.) It is curious that you know so much about the masturbation habits of your brothers and cousins. How do you know all that? I hope you are working at overcoming TMS and helping them to do so too.

I love your web site. Before I found out about it, I felt alone that I was the only person in the world that masturbated. Now I feel comfortable that it is a usual event in everyone's life. Thanks so much! (age 13)

Is fantasizing lusting? I need to be a good Christian and have a good sex life in the future. I really don't want to quit masturbating. (age 12)

Theologians generally make a distinction between lusting and ordinary fantasy. I don't think you should be worried.

Are you a doctor or just someone who has done his research? (age 16)

Not a doctor. But I do my research quite well, thanks!

I am a virgin and I just started college. I have had a few relationships. Most people I know have already lost their virginity and I'm nervous about having sex. I have masturbated daily in the past but slowed down to only once a week. I think I come too easily. I need some sort of way to build my sexual confidence and extend the time before I have an orgasm. Have you got any ideas? (age 16)

You are young for college, and undoubtedly you've noticed most of the other students are older than you and have been living there for a while. Don't feel like you need to compete with them. Try not to focus so much on virginity. Masturbating is a better way for you to gain sexual confidence and control over your time to orgasm than are furtive sexual contacts with girls, especially if you're worried about performance. Try to be more relaxed about this whole business.

Thought you might like to know that the page in the Mark Foley sex scandal has TMS. According to the transcripts of instant messages published on ABCnews.com, he masturbates lying face down.

You raise a good point. Here is an edited excerpt of that message:

Foley: [Do you masturbate] in the shower[?]
Page: actually usually i dont do it in the shower
Foley: in the bed[?]
Page: eh ya
Foley: on your back[?]
Page: no face down
Foley: really
Foley: do you really do it face down
Page: ya
Foley: kneeling[?]
Page: well i dont use my hand? use the bed itself

P.S. A page is a high school student who works as a messenger in the U.S. Congress. Congressman Mark Foley resigned after being exposed for having solicited former pages for sex.

I would just like to say that I wish I had discovered this page years ago. I am uncircumcised and masturbation is a heck of a lot easier for me than it is for circumcised friends. To all you younger boys who are uncircumcised, you have nothing to worry about. IT'S BETTER. I last longer in bed with my girlfriend than my friends do with theirs. Just keep it clean!!! Its all natural, the way God made you. (age 18)

When I am about to come, my body gets red patches all over like a heat rash. It could be quite embarrassing. Do you know how to prevent it? I masturbate once a day. (age 15)

It is called sex flush, and I don't know any way to prevent it. The thing to be careful about is that someone could figure out what you've been doing.

I'm 14 and I have masturbated since about 11 and I have always considered getting circumcised, because I have heard it's easier that way. What do you think I should do?

I'm opposed to circumcision to begin with, and I think having it done to make masturbating easier is a very bad idea. Surveys show that uncircumcised males masturbate more often, which might mean they enjoy it more.

Would I look like a little pervert if I walked into a store and bought lube? (age 13)

No. Drug store clerks see everything. Also, you don't have to buy it from a clerk. There are a lot of grocery and discount stores that have self-service checkout now. You could also pick a line with a cashier who looks like they absolutely don't care about anything.

Excellent web site! I can appreciate your reasons for being anonymous, but if you listed your experience/qualifications, wouldn't that make the advice you give more credible? Do you agree that masturbation may have a role to play in male psychogenic sexual dysfunction (masturbation dependence leading to problems during sex with a partner) as suggested by Lipsith et al? (age 30)

My experience consists of running this web site and the accompanying Yahoo group for almost five years now and being a recovering TMS practitioner myself. I agree with Lipsith and her co-authors and cited their article in an article I wrote on Wikipedia (which has since been deleted) about TMS. If you look through this site, you will find that many times I encourage people to diversify their sexual practices beyond masturbation and to look for a partner before they are past 21.

If you masturbate are you still a virgin? (age 14)

Yes.

On your site you state: "The graph shows that 80 percent of males who masturbate face-up say that intercourse is more fun than masturbation, but only 57 percent of males who masturbate face-down agree. This indicates that males with TMS don't enjoy intercourse as much as other males." That conclusion is irrational. You're suggesting that if somebody varies A, and they find that A is better than B, then the variation to A has made B worse. If you want to enjoy sex more, or enjoy anything more, then keeping it special is obviously the way to go. When it comes down to it the advice you're giving appears to direct people to not give themselves too much pleasure, with the result that what they get with a partner is more enjoyable in contrast. All of the data you present can be interpreted in that way, but you've put an alarmist spin on it. Your advice is good, and I will follow it myself, but I'm concerned that your presentation is misleading and may actually put some people off as it comes across as crackpot. (age 29)

I don't agree with you. Psychologists and sex therapists have often used the yardstick that a sexually healthy person is one who prefers vaginal intercourse to other sex acts. This is what they have used for straight people, at least. It is no surprise that 80 percent of males prefer intercourse to masturbation. That only 57 percent of TMS males do is a statistically significant deviation from what is normal. There are other statistics on this site that lend support to the idea that TMS males don't enjoy intercourse as much as non-TMS males.

I masturbate the TMS way. I only learned about it because my pal sent me a link to this site as a joke but WOW. I have been doing it like this since I was 8 or 9, perhaps earlier. I never learned how to do it the conventional way. I had a buddy tell me (after he walked in on me) that what I was doing was strange and that most people did it a differrnt way. I tried it, but it never worked. I learned more about it in a college human sexuality class and then more in the past hour reading your site. I had thought that it might make me lose sensitivity but I had never put two and two together. When I was with women, I always thought that lasting for a long time was great, but I have only once ejaculated with a women. Bad news, huh? Thank you for putting so much information into your site; it's been incredibly educational.

As for the college dorm thing, my roommate and I were really quiet about the masturbation issue. Both of us knew that we did it (who doesn't) and just joking around, we made a schedule of our work, school, and off time and then made "JACK OFF TIME" when we knew one another would not be around. We did it as a joke to begin with, but we both respected it most of the time. It really worked out well to be totally open and honest and laugh about it a bit. It also helped that we were both in sexuality class together.

Thanks for your comments. It just goes to show that sometimes sending people a web link as a joke can help them out. Good luck at giving up TMS.

I have been using the TMS method since I was 13. I have been masturbating around 3 times a day. Is it possible I won't be cured? Oral sex has gotten me erect but I couldn't ejaculate. Do I have anything to be worried about? (age 18)

I've never known anyone who couldn't overcome TMS. It is good that you've recognized the problem at your age when you haven't even tried vaginal intercourse. I imagine if you masturbate thrice daily it will take some effort for you to give up masturbating for the days needed to switch, but you can do it. Think of how much better it will be once you're cured.

Is it normal to be turned on when you either hear or read about masturbation? (age 15)

Yes.

Is watching yourself masturbating on a camera a sin? I wouldn't record it or show it to anyone else. (age 14)

I don't think it's a sin, but I would discourage that. Eventually you will forget and accidentally webcast it.

If a female doesn't masturbate for several years, how does it affect her sex drive? (age 22)

Women probably have an easier time getting restarted after not masturbating than men do. They don't have fluids that need to be released by ejaculating, and their sexual response is not as critical to successful intercourse as it is for a man. Women are better off if they masturbate, but they can regain their sexual functioning rather quickly even if they don't.

I have been masturbating for 4 years. I want to stop masturbating because after the orgasm I don't have energy for anything and only want to sleep. When I awake it is night. The whole day has passed and I didn't make do anything useful. How can I stop masturbating? (age 14)

Masturbating is useful for a lot of people because it helps them sleep. If you did it at bedtime instead of whenever you're doing it, you probably wouldn't feel like you were wasting time. If you really want to quit, I suggest you start by cutting back to once a week.

I'm 19 and have been masturbating since I was 14. Since age 9, I have lain on the carpet or ground and rocked back and forth. The doctors told me it was because I had tight hamstrings and that was the way my body worked to stretch them out. One day around the age of 14 after doing my normal procedure, I found I I had ejaculated by doing it. The weirdest part is my penis was not erect when I did it. Even today I still do the same method, while looking at a picture or video, and lay on the carpeted floor, rock back and forth for a couple minutes, and masturbate with all the rocking into a Kleenex. I experience difficulty during hand jobs and oral sex to ejaculate but I remain hard and it feels great. Only once have I orgasmed during oral sex, so I still have hope. Why do I continue having orgasms even when I'm not erect? What is the best way to break this habit? I'm still a virgin, in terms of vaginal intercourse, and when I get married one day I don't want to suffer from not getting an erection and ejaculating with my wife. Please help me, and thank you for all that you've done.

Erection is not necessary for orgasm or ejaculation. However, it is necessary for successful intercourse. You have trained yourself to masturbate without having an erection. It would be a good idea for you to unlearn that as soon as possible. Something similar to my method for overcoming TMS would help you. If you aren't successful overcoming that habit on your own, it would be worthwhile to have a sex therapist help you. Good luck.

Is there a way to delay ejaculation to have a bigger orgasm? (age 16)

Yes. Many males put off their orgasms for a few minutes so they can enjoy masturbating longer. They are apt to have more copious ejaculations. It is also a quick trick to squeeze the PC muscle for a second right before ejaculation. This increases the pressure in it.

Is it normal for a 36 year old male to still have wet dreams? I do not masturbate often, only once a month if I am lucky. My wife and I only make love once every two months. We both work a lot and have conflicting schedules. When I have a wet dream it feels fantastic, but my wife gets very angry with me. We actually got into a huge fight over this. What should I do? Is there something wrong with me?

Wet dreams at your age are unusual. They result from your small orgasmic output. Most couples in your situation find time to have sex more often than you do. You might consider that there is some deeper cause of your lack of sex than merely conflicting schedules. If you're not having sex, you ought to masturbate much more often than you do. This is not something your wife should be upset about.

I sometimes read erotic stories before I masturbate as a warm up. Is this OK? (age 14)

I think it's better than using pictures, but it would be better still if you could develop your imagination at your age.

I started masturbating about 2 years ago, about 9 times a week, and I've gradually cut back to 4 times a week. About six months ago, I wrote here because I'd had a wet dream. You said that it was unusual and that I might have another random one again. Last night, I had another one. I feel lucky that I can have the best of both worlds, because I've seen here that people who give up masturbation for years can't get a wet dream. Do you think this will continue? (age 13)

No, I think the wet dreams will stop eventually, because that is the experience of most males. You might be looking at it the wrong way. Wet dreams are a way of ejaculating by chance while masturbation is by choice. You get more and better feelings from your orgasms when you are fully awake for them. There is no reason to feel you are missing something if your wet dreams stop.

After seeing your site and having experienced some of the problems with intercourse and fellatio that are described, I've ceased TMS and begun masturbating conventionally about two weeks ago. I didn't do an abstention period, but I'm still able to ejaculate every time, although it takes 10-20 minutes. Should I abstain for a few days or a week to try to cut down that time, or should I just keep masturbating conventionally daily? (age 21)

The abstention period is not essential at this point since its purpose is to help you masturbate conventionally. However, 20 minutes is too long. If you can't get into the 10-12 minute range soon, perhaps abstaining for a few days would make it easier. Once they get used to masturbating conventionally, most males find it only takes them 3-5 minutes. Good luck, and let me know how it goes.

How often do you think the average married couple makes love in a month or year? (age 32)

The conventional answer is three times a week, but studies have shown that the frequency drops over the first decade a couple is together. By six years, the average is down to about seven times a month, and after seven years, the average man masturbates more than he has intercourse.

I found a bottle of Viagra in my dad's car. What should I think? (age 16)

It's reasonable to believe he's sexually active. But it doesn't mean he's having erectile dysfunction necessarily. Lots of men take it to boost their sexual abilities.

Yesterday, my mom was tidying up in my room and she found my tube of lube. It was moved from where I had hidden it. I am really embarrassed but she hasn't said anything about it and I don't know whether to talk to her about it. (age 16)

She is probably respecting your privacy. You don't need to say anything either. Some people use it for dry lips this time of year, you know.

I get a terrible headache when I masturbate and only when I masturbate. (age 12)

Those are called orgasm headaches. Here is a site that talks about them: http://www.drdaveanddee.com/headache.html

Follow-up: I checked the site and they said I might have a brain hemhorrage and I'm quite worried. Should I tell my parents?

The chances of a brain hemhorrage are quite low, especially if you are still alive. Just see if the headaches go away, and if not, see a doctor. You can tell only the doctor and not your parents what is causing the headaches.

Hi, I'm the happiest 12 year old in the world. Your web site is the best. I read every page in the boys' section and found out I was doing it wrong! My glans was getting tender and uncomfortable to touch and then I read not to squeeze so tightly while masturbating. Thanks a lot and I'll always be reading your site.

Does more semen come out when you have intercourse than when you masturbate? (age 14)

That's an interesting question! I've seen studies of this topic, but they don't agree. It might be that more semen comes out in masturbation, but ejaculations resulting from intercourse have a higher concentration of semen. Of course, those studies were all done using condoms. And that might mean they aren't replicating real-world conditions. So the world may never know. In any case, the differences in volume between ejaculations produced by masturbation and those produced by intercourse are a milliliter or two.

On occasion I have difficulty sleeping, with my mind running around in circles from one subject to another. From time to time those thoughts stray to someone I'm dating but am not intimate with. On those nights, I masturbate to the point of ejeculation and when head on my shoulders hits the pillow, I'm out like a light. Is there a connection? (age 28)

Yes, very much. As many as half of men masturbate at bedtime to go to sleep. Some say that when a really satisfying orgasm leads to sleep, one's first thought after the orgasm is something completely off the wall. So if you find yourself helplessly thinking about the rising cost of staple removers just as you're cleaning yourself up, it means you'll be asleep in about a minute.

I am a stepfather and my stepson has learned about wet dreams in private school. He is 10 years old. Is that an appropriate age to learn about wet dreams? (age 38)

Yes, I think it is. It could probably wait another year, but they probably want the boys to know about them before they start happening.

I dont have a "caught in the act" story yet although the stories posted here have helped me to be cool about it in advance if I ever get caught! (age 23)

LOL.

Is it OK to make an ice dildo? (age 17)

That is very dangerous. Ice can cause burns on tissue that is not accustomed to it.

I'm really worried about this particular fantasy I have; I imagine that I have sex with a teacher of mine. I fantasize about this 95% of the time that I masturbate. Is this normal? (age 14)

It's pretty common to have fantasies about teachers. But it would be a good idea to find other people who turn you on.

Should you stop masturbating if you get orgasm headaches? (age 12)

I don't think so. The problem is the headaches, not the orgasms. You ought to search for a solution to them.

Can I get a wet dream I have masturbated only a couple of times? (age 12)

Probably.

I have a friend who is my age, 14 1/2, who masturbated every day. About six weeks ago, he decided to only masturbate once or twice a week. Now my friend has been having wet dreams since then. If I do the same thing as him, will I get any wet dreams? (age 14 1/2)

It's possible, but you will have to decide if it is worth giving up more than 20 orgasms a month to have a couple of wet dreams. Most would say it isn't.

I can't seem to get a girl to like me. I really like this girl and I've known her for 2 years but we've never been friends, and she used to laugh at me. I can't talk to her because I'm afraid I'll get nervous and stutter a lot. (age 12)

You are putting too much importance on this one girl. Go to school dances and things and work on a lot of girls, and this one will seem less important, and it will be easier for you to talk to her.

I have gotten used to masturbating before bed and now I cannot fall asleep until I masturbate. But that is not my problem. Every time I masturbate, I get extremely sleepy. Is this normal, and can it go away? (age 16)

That is fairly typical, but you can will yourself to stay awake. The easiest way is by getting up and doing things afterward instead of just lying in bed.

I really enjoy masturbating, mostly in the nude. I'm constantly afraid that my mom will walk in and see me. I can't cover myself up immediately when I hear her because my pants are down. What should I do? I enjoy masturbating and don't want to stop. Putting a lock on the bedroom door is not possible because I share a room. (age 16)

It's just a fact of life that people with less privacy have less luxury about how they masturbate. Guys who share a room often learn to masturbate in the bathroom. The only solution is that you demand that people knock before they come in, but I understand that you would be reluctant to suggest that because doing so would call attention to your desire for privacy.

I read a web page that said that some circumcised males experienced hardening of the glans, called keritinization, and didn't enjoy orgasms as much. Is this true or simply scare-mongering? (age 14)

The part of keritinization is true. The glans of a circumcised male is exposed 24 hours a day and is more like ordinary skin, while the glans of an uncircumcised male, protected by foreskin, is more like the skin inside the mouth or nose. It is more sensitive, to be sure, and some surveys have shown that uncircumcised males masturbate more, but I'm not convinced they enjoy orgasms more.

When I ejaculate, my scrotum shrinks up, like when it's cold. Is this normal? (age 14)

Yes. The scrotum not only shrinks but also draws closer to the body so that sperm cells can be transferred for ejaculation.

Recently my dad died and I was really depressed and unable to sleep. After 2 days of no sleep, I had a wet dream. Is that OK? (age 39)

There's nothing wrong with it. Too bad your first wet dream in a long time couldn't happen under better conditions.

I am having wet dreams for the last 10 days every night. I have also been involved in sports for the last 10 days. Are they related? I masturbate once every week. (age 21)

I've never heard of sports causing wet dreams. They are more likely caused by your infrequent masturbation. Most men your age masturbate much more often.

I masturbate once daily on average. Lately I've been freaking out because the skin on my glans is for some reason cracked and crinkled, like old leather or a more intense version of the distressed skin often seen on knuckles or elbows. I try not to touch the head when I masturbate but the problem persists even after weeks of staying away from the area. Is there anything I can do? (age 14)

I suggest using lotion until the problem is cleared up and after that masturbating only with lube.

I never had a wet dream in my younger years but now at 39 I've had two of them two nights apart. I'm married for 19 years with 2 children. The wet dreams felt GREAT.

I don't have an explanation. A lot of later wet dreams just seem to be random.

I have observed that I have wet dreams in two situations. First, when I haven't masturbated in some time and second, when my stomach is fully loaded. When I sleep face down they are more frequent. I have had wet dreams twice in the same night and three nights in a row maximum. (age 22)

Thanks for your details, but I don't know why having a full stomach would make a difference. It's not good to go to bed full, you know.

I was masturbating at the computer in my room when my dad walked in. He said "I'm sorry, Buddy" and then walked out. When I came back home that evening, there was a stack of men's magazines from my dad. (age 15)

Some people benefit from being discovered.

I had a wet dream a few weeks ago involving my 22-year-old sister. Is this normal? At first I was disgusted because this is incest. Why did I have this dream involving her? Does it have any meaning or signify anything? I try to abstain from masturbating as I think it to be degrading, gross and wrong. Did I have the dream due to abstaining? (age 15)

You probably would not have wet dreams if you masturbated more often. There is no significance to the dream. Don't think of it as incest. It only happened in your head.

Earlier today I was masturbating in the shower with the door locked. Suddenly my dad started yelling about the water bill. He said that I shouldn't have the door locked because it meant I was doing something I wasnt supposed to be doing. It seemed as if he was trying to say I shouldn't masturbate. (age 12)

Maybe he was just mad about the water bill. There are plenty of reasons people lock doors that don't involve masturbating and plenty of things people do illicitly behind locked doors that aren't masturbating. Why not just try to conserve water for now until he calms down? It will also help your cause if you can stop toilets from leaking. Strangely enough, my dad used to complain about me using all the hot water. I'm pretty sure he thought I was masturbating in there, although because of TMS, I never did.

One year ago, I could have sworn my mom caught me. While I was doing the deed, I looked to my left and saw her walk past quickly. It almost seems like she is trying to catch me because every time I do it, I always hear her footsteps, so I have just enough time to put it away before she sees anything. This happens 90% of the time.

I really think you are paranoid. Be glad she has loud footsteps.

I am virginal from being extremely shy of girls. Is this the result of the intense shame and guilt I have of masturbation and sex ever since age 3? Or just a simple psychological issue? (age 45)

I suggest professional help to untangle all of that. It doesn't sound at all simple.

I find that wearing boxers irritates my penis and also makes it harder for me to conceal my erections. (age 14)

Those are both good reasons to wear briefs.

I usually clean up with my underwear and throw it in the laundry. Will my parents know once they do the laundry? (age 13)

If they look at the soiled underwear, they will almost certainly notice. Semen and semen stains are hard to miss. Also, if you use the underwear for that purpose over a period of time, it will become permanently discolored -- and that will be one more way for someone to notice.

Do you have to masturbate to get rid of wet dreams? I don't think it's allowed in my religion, so what should I do? (age 15)

If you don't masturbate, you will almost certainly continue to have wet dreams. There are other good reasons for masturbating, including that it's fun and that males who do it most often at your age have the least prostate cancer later. I would guess that only a few of the men of your religious group don't masturbate at all.

I'm a skateboarder and my friends say that I can't do certain tricks because I masturbate so much. They say that masturbation causes your legs to become weak. Are they right about that? (age 17)

No. Don't worry about that.

Is it normal for me to have a wet dream? Sex has slowed down because my wife is pregnant but we just had sex 3 days ago. Should I expect more? (age 32)

It is unusual to have wet dreams at your age, but your reduced intercourse frequency is the obvious cause. There is nothing wrong with them.

I discovered masturbation when I was 15. I would twist and squeeze the testes past pain and into numbness and then had an amazing orgasm. I stopped after about a week of this due to discoloration and pain. Will this affect my future childeren? (age 19)

That's hard to say. Testicular injury is bad for your fertility. It's good that you stopped that. Only a semen analysis could reveal if you have any permanent damage. You could ask your doctor for one.

My mom once told me that I was partially circumcised. Is such a thing possible? Should I still lube up to masturbate? (age 15)

Most boys who are circumcised for non-religious reasons are only partially circumcised, in which case the foreskin isn't completely removed. It is still good to use lube.

I masturbate around 8 times a week. It takes me around 15 minutes to ejaculate. When my girlfriend performs manual intercourse on me, it can take 2-3 times longer than that. Is that normal? Should I not masturbate so much? (age 16)

Fifteen minutes is a long time to masturbate on average at your age. I doubt being stroked for 30-45 minutes is that enjoyable, so you ought to find a way to make that take less time. It should be easier to reach orgasm the longer you've had without one, so I suggest masturbating less and seeing if the remaining times are more enjoyable and more timely.

Thank you for this site. Your information and manner of communication ring very true to me despite what I'd consider a healthy amount of skepticism on my part with playing 'web MD' and the surprising lack of information on this topic elsewhere. I believe I developed a variation of TMS over several years in lying supine and using quick vibrations against myself with my comforter. For the past few years I have mostly been less than fully erect while masturbating. Just trying to satisfy my body's urge as quickly as possible and go to sleep. I'm fascinated that it took me till researching and finding HealthyStrokes.com to realize that I should not expect my functionality to be uninfluenced by this behavior.

In being with a new partner after a very long time of being single, I'm realizing it has indeed affected my sexual performance. I can still achieve normal erections, though their duration seems to have been compromised, as have their rigidity at times. I also have performance anxiety, and the net result is that we have frequent oral sex (with success) but have not yet had intercourse (I lose my erection quickly). Thank you again so much for all this information and a roadmap to successful change. This can be such a nervewracking and lonely thing, even more so with a girlfriend! Are there any other tricks you can recommend to improve stamina, staying power, rigidity, etc? Is it possible this could take many months to nurse back to full functionality? (age 30)

It could be. You again make the case that any idiosyncratic method of masturbating is bad for people. Most of the recovery comes from abandoning the idiosyncratic practice and doing common-sense things like only masturbating when fully erect. Good luck to you. Be sure to involve your partner in your recovery.

Does excessive masturbation affect one's resistance to colds, etc?

No.

I used shampoo as a lubricant, and I believe it dried in my urethra. Now I have a slight burning sensation. What should I do? (age 14)

It might help to drink 8 glasses of water a day for the next few days and see if you can put an end to the burning sensation. If it persists, it would be a good idea to see a doctor.

I have a tip for you. You can warm up lube and it is like nothing else! Here is how to do it. First, fill a mug about halfway with hot water. Then put your bottle of lube in it and let it sit for a couple of minutes. (age 22)

Not bad. Make sure the water is no hotter than you could stand to touch.

My brother walked in on me just as I was about to get started. He didn't say anything. He just looked up and left. I feel ashamed! What can I do? (age 16)

He was probably as embarrassed as you. There is nothing you need to do.

I'm uncircumcised and after sex I find dried semen on my penis. I have tried different ways to get it off, but it's too sensitive. Is this a problem or does it go away in time? (age 22)

I suspect you'll always have to deal with that. You don't need to clean up immediately after sex. It can wait until the next shower.

My mom and dad think that I'm a really disciplined boy and I always think as I'm betraying them by masturbating. They are very strict and I don't think they would like the idea of this thing. (age 14)

You are probably assuming too much. They probably want you to be normal and it is normal to masturbate at your age.

Do males also pre-cum when they have sex or only when they masturbate? (age 14)

Yes. If they've been doing other sexual things before intercourse, they will notice it. It is not a very good indicator of when orgasm is about to happen in intercourse, and you wouldn't be able to tell anyway.

What could this lump on my right testicle be? I must have had it since I reached puberty. Just tell me it doesn't have to be cancer. What else could it be? (age 16)

It could be non-cancerous, but it needs to be checked by a doctor right away.

My girlfriend wants me to stop masturbating, but we aren't having sex. I haven't masturbated for nine days and I want to do it now more than ever. What can I do to convince my girlfriend to have sex or let me masturbate again? (age 14)

You are a free and equal person and ought to masturbate whenever you desire. Your girlfriend does not own you. She sounds like a horrible control freak that you should not be with.

Can pre-cum get a woman pregnant? (age 32)

Yes. It can contain sperm.

I see young male missionaries around here all the time and wonder if they masturbate. (age 16)

Of course they do. They probably wonder the same about you.

Can 2 penises that are the same length when erect be different lengths when they aren't erect? (age 17)

Yes. In fact, about 90 percent of penises are about six inches long when erect.

I masturbated a lot when I was 13 and 14 and never had a wet dream, but now I haven't masturbated for a few weeks and I'm getting wet dreams. Is that normal? (age 15)

It's kind of unusual, but there's nothing wrong with it.

I am 14 and my doctor says I'm in stage 2 of puberty. She says it is not harmful to masturbate right now. I just want to double check with you!

Because you already know what I'll say?

My girlfriend says she's ready for oral sex but is afraid she'll do badly her first time. What should I tell her? (age 15)

Tell her it's OK with you if she doesn't want to do it but if she does, however she does it is OK because it's your first time too.

During my freshman year I stayed in an apartment style dorm. Even though I had my own room, I could still hear my roomate masturbating. He was very loud and did it extremely late at night which would wake me up. He denied the whole situation and still woke me up at night. I eventually got a new room but now my younger cousin has the same person as a roommate and is going through the same thing. What advice should I give my cousin? (age 21)

The problem is not masturbating but noise. Your cousin should knock on his door whenever he's too loud and tell him to quiet down. It will work.

How come if I masturbate when watching "movies," I ejaculate after maybe 10 seconds of pumping? I don't masturbate very often. Does this mean I have PE? (age 16)

You ought not think of that as PE. It could be a normal reaction to either your unusual visual stimulus or the length of time since your last ejaculation.

I have been masturbating since age 12 and think of it as a daily routine. One day out of the ordinary I recorded myself ejaculating and my cousin (3 years younger than me, male) found the video file on my computer and said that I was gay. Does recording/watching yourself engage in sexual activities mean that you're gay? (age 14)

No, but it's a good idea not to record yourself because those videos can fall into the wrong hands and get posted all over cyberspace.

I am thinking of giving up masturbation altogether; just to see how long I can last. Could you give me any tips to help me NOT want to masturbate? (age 14)

The first suggestion would be to not read this site...

How long should a normal 14 year old last while masturbating?

Over 2 minutes is pretty good.

When you say use a water-based lube for masturbation, what can you suggest that is around the house? (age 13)

Unfortunately, anything you have around the house -- like petroleum jelly, baby oil, lotion -- is oil based. To get a water-based lube, you will have to buy one specifically, like K-Y Liquid or Astroglide.

Can we see the sperm swimming in our ejaculate with our own eyes? Or only with microscopes? (age 18)

Sperm are the smallest human cells and can only be seen with microscopes.

I have had sex about a dozen times and am really bothered by not being able to last very long. I masturbate very frequently, often once every 2 hours when I have the dorm to myself. Would masturbating face down once in a while help? If not, what? (age 19)

Masturbating face down has the potential to make you unable to succeed at intercourse for a long time. You shouldn't worry so much about your performance as a beginner. You are learning. Masturbating sporadically (when you have to share the dorm) and them masturbating furiously when you have it to yourself is also a bad habit. You seem to realize that frequent masturbation detracts from your success at intercourse. I advise abstaining from masturbation for 3-5 days before your next sexual encounter and see if that makes a difference. I believe it will.

A few weeks ago, I masturbated when I had some guests over (privately in my bathroom). When I went back to in the living room, some of the girls saw me and laughed at me. I went back to the bathroom to see if anything was wrong, and I was a little red in the face. What does this mean? (age 14)

It is sex flush. If you have it, you should wait at least 10 minutes after an orgasm before letting anyone see you. I'm surprised those girls were able to pick up on it.

I'm a strong Catholic and it is against my religon to masturbate and I have a very bad addiction. I'm very good at basketball and hope to get to the NBA one day. I pray every day to help me stop but I'm still having a problem. (age 14)

It's not an addiction. It's not a problem. It's normal. Good, bad, all kinds of Catholics do it, and so do NBA players. Probably more than anyone else, too.

I've found that if I increase the frequency I masturbate, sometimes it feels like my urethra gets stressed or something. It can become very irritating throughout the day. Is this normal? (age 18)

It is part of the pain one feels when masturbating too much. It might help to urinate after each session, but it might help more to cut back to a frequency that does not irritate.

I have seen online as well as heard about guys who, when ejaculating, can shoot their semen 2 or 3 feet. I never really manage to get that to happen. (age 18)

Don't worry about that. It only needs to shoot a few inches to do the job. Some of what you have seen might be video work.

Recently, I've had wet dreams almost every week even though I masturbate about once a week. Some of the dreams are enjoyable but most of them barely have anything to do with sexually pleasing situations. I almost never orgasm during this dream but rather just ejaculate (usually within a few seconds after being aroused). I would much rather masturbate than have wet dreams because wet dreams are messy and much shorter. Are there ways to prevent them other than masturbating, which I already do? (age 20)

In your situation, it sounds like you will have to masturbate more than once a week to inhibit them.

My girlfriend and I recently been practicing manual and oral sex, but I get nervous and my breathing and pulse get really fast, and I shake a little bit. I probably look like an idiot, and my girlfriend probably thinks this too, because she always seems quite relaxed when we do this. (age 16)

Rapid breathing and pulse are normal reactions, and lot of males shake. I think that's why males often stretch their legs out straight while they masturbate. You ought not assume your girlfriend thinks that. The nervousness and some of the shaking are due to inexperience and you will feel less of that as you get more comfortable.

I've never been able to masturbate in any other position than lying on my side, but I don't think I suffer from TMS. Why is it so? (age 21)

Lying on your side is not TMS, strictly speaking, but it is an idiosyncratic form of masturbating that you ought not do exclusively. The abstinence regimen recommended on this site for TMS males ought to help you learn to masturbate the conventional way too.

I have a habit of tensing my leg muscles when masturbating, and now I can't seem to do it through penile stimulation alone. What can I do? (age 21)

That is not such a bad thing. I'm just now combing through the results of the latest survey done on this site, which asks about that specifically, and it seems that a large share of males (perhaps most) tense their legs while masturbating. This is not a substitute for penile stimulation; rather, it seems to neutralize feelings coming from the legs so that one can focus more on the penile sensations. You ought not be worried because of this. It might be worthwhile to try repositioning your legs just before orgasm and see if you can still have it.

Follow-up: I masturbated last night, and at the very last second, I tried relaxing my legs, and I had the best orgasm I've had in years! It was very difficult to do though, because it only worked at the very last minute. When I relaxed halfway through, I just didn't feel any pleasure at all. I'll have to teach myself to relax more often. Thanks for the advice!

I saw an older woman's breasts recently and couldn't help but notice that her nipples were very long and large, not like normal ones. Is this normal? (age 13)

Older breasts tend to sag more, and bigger ones change shape more than smaller ones. What you describe is normal for an older woman with large breasts.

I'd just like to say there's a lot of garbage on the Internet, whether written by cranks or so-called experts. Your web site is the best resource available on masturbation. What you say is true and correlates to my personal experience. It is a great service you provide. Thank you. (age 30)

Is it wrong to masturbate standing up in the shower? (age 14)

It's not wrong, it's not harmful, and a lot of guys think it's fun!

Is it normal for me to have fantasies with my teachers and my best friend's mom? (age 16)

With them, no. About them, probably.

I masturbate about three times a day. I would love to experience a wet dream. Do you think that this would be possible? (age 17)

If you haven't had one by now, you probably never will.

I am married, but I am not satisfied sexually with my wife. I feel like doing somebody who's really sexy and hot. What should I do? (age 28)

If you don't want to be faithful, you shouldn't have gotten married.

You say wet dreams normally start at 12-14 years of age. I didn't start masturbating until I was 15 1/2. Why did I never have a wet dream? Can I still have one? I masturbate three times a week. (age 16)

Your pattern was not typical. I tell males who write me at 13 and 14 years old because they are not ejaculating to see a doctor if you get to be 15 and are still not. That is what I would have told you. Your story has a happy ending because you are now able to ejaculate. I suspect you will not have wet dreams now because you been masturbating frequently for a while.

I see the negative effects of TMS. When I masturbate I do so in the conventional method. I have sex once or twice a week, and almost all the time I ejaculate prematurely. Would you ever recommend masturbating in the prone position as a cure for premature ejaculation? (age 22)

Never. Prone masturbation is too risky. It might not even help and would probably make your situation worse. There are plenty of treatments for premature ejaculation that do not put your sexual health at risk.

I can't masturbate without watching porn. It is extra hard to masturbate because I can only do it sliding on the pillow. How do I solve these problems? (age 14)

I suggest quitting the prone masturbation first since it is the most harmful, and because having the porn will make it easier for you to switch. See the main page of HealthyStrokes.com for information about how to stop masturbating prone. Once you have gotten over that, I suggest easing off of the picture habit by concentrating on other things that turn you on.

I have recently switched to masturbating the conventional way but notice that I don't get hard until right before I come. I still suffer from not being able to get and keep an erection. I masturbate without getting hard. Would I be better off refraining from masturbating? (age 30)

It's good that you switch. You can also switch to only masturbating erect. That is best.

I am 16, I feel I am getting to be around the age and maturity level where I think I should start getting involved with girls. I feel very insecure about my penis size. I am circumsized, and you can clearly see on my penis where the foreskin was removed. Is this unusual? My question isn't so much about how my penis should look, but about how much it will matter to a girl. Should I be worried? Also, do you know any good pick up lines?

I think the more you are involved with the girl before you show her your penis, the less it will matter to her. I've never heard of anyone being rejected because of a particular penis, but I've known lots of men get rejected because they used lousy pickup lines. Just say hi.

My girlfriend just informed me that I was masturbating in my sleep last night. I have no recollection of this whatsoever, nor is there in any indication that I orgasmed. Is involuntary masturbation while asleep, similiar to the acts of walking your sleep, something that is common? (age 22)

I hear about it quite often but don't know about the prevalence in the population. It is similar to other things that happen in your sleep, like snoring. People will often deny that they were snoring within a second of it happening. Since sleep masturbation usually doesn't result in orgasm, it is not surprising that you found no evidence. So you have to decide if your girlfriend has any reason to make it up.

Is it bad to stop masturbating if you are near the climax and you hear someone coming? (age 12)

That is a very good thing to do in that situation! You might be made uncomfortable as a result, but it will not hurt you. You can just pick up again when the person leaves.

Is masturbating with an artificial vagina dangerous in any way? (age 17)

Yes. Doing that will not help you adapt to sex with a partner. It is much better if you don't use something like that.

Is it actually possible to turn gay, or is that some kind of joke? (age 16)

That is a controversial question, and one that is mostly beyond the purview of this site, but in short, it is possible to live a gay lifestyle without being gay. Some people who are now heterosexual admit that for a time, they lived a gay lifestyle but were not really gay or lesbian. However, the vast majority of people who claim to be gay or lesbian will be that way for the rest of their lives.

Why is it so much easier for guys to orgasm and to learn how to orgasm? How is that fair? (female, age 16)

It's easier because their private parts are on the outside and because the adolescent penis erects about every 90 minutes. If he didn't notice it before puberty, the male will soon figure out that it feels good to touch it. It might not seem fair to those females who have to struggle to have their first orgasm in their 20s and 30s that about 70 percent of males naturally learn to masturbate at age 12-13 (and the rest have spontaneous orgasms known as wet dreams), but there is some functional significance to it. It is theorized that male mammals have to be able to reach orgasm quickly so they can impregnate a female and be done with it before a predator approaches. That might not be too much comfort to a male human who is trying to overcome premature ejaculation, but it tells him he has company in the animal kingdom.

I really want to have sex with my 28-year-old cousin. Aside from the age difference, I would like to know if my aspirations are legal, because she was adopted when she was younger. (age 17)

If you can get her to think you as a potential partner rather than someone who was still a baby when she already thought of herself as grown up, you ought not have legal problems. It's legal in almost half the states for first cousins to marry. Her being adopted makes no difference in terms of the law.

I'm 18 and I masturbate and have wet dreams too. Is this a problem?

No. It sounds like fun.

How are wet dreams caused if there is no friction involved? When masturbating, it takes quite a bit of friction to orgasm, so why not in a wet dream? (age 16)

That's a good question, and one to which I don't have the answer. I don't know of anyone who does. Obviously, something is happening in the brain that causes the orgasm. It greatly underscores the often-heard assertion that the brain is the most important sex organ. Wouldn't it be something if we could consciously activate that orgasm trigger? Of course, national productivity would decline tremendously.

I go to a military boarding school, but I have a girlfriend in the area. Our relationship is good, but it's rather strange because we've been going out now for about two months and I've only been with her in person about 7 times. We talk almost every day, but our relationship seems to go nowhere. I made the move to kiss her and now we do that every time we see each other. I would like to spice our relationship up, and I think that sex might help. How do I do this without being a typical sex-oriented guy? I really like her and need some help. (age 17)

It's too late to be a typical sex-oriented guy because one of those would have tried to be sexual on the first or second date. If your kissing is perfunctory and doesn't naturally lead to anything else, then you probably are wrong for each other. Why not pursue some other girls and see if the feeling is better?

Follow-up from another reader: I disagree with your response If the kisses he gives her are indeed perfunctory and he has no real desire to be more physical other than to make things more interesting, then he may want to find another partner. However, he may simply be trying not to move too fast and being cautious respecting her boundaries. Here is my recommendation to him: I would start by trying to hold her more closely and kissing longer. After this, ask if she wants to move to a more private location, and then progress to touching and kissing more of the body. At all steps you should pay attention to her response and if she does not seem to be into what you are doing (or if YOU are not really interested) then it may be time to consider that you are not sexually right for each other, or just to slow down again for a while. However if you are considerate of her reaction at each step then you will definitely NOT seem like "a typical sex-oriented guy." The key is to find out if she wants to go somewhere you can be more physical after your dates, so you can let things progress naturally from there. I do not agree that you should immediately give up on a physical relationship just because you have not been able to be together in private yet; it takes some guys several times to become comfortable asking a girl if she wants to go back to a bedroom, especially if they are shy like me. It sounds like you already have a great emotional connection; congratulations and good luck! (age 21)

If you give up masturbating to a fetish stimulus, will you stop getting erect when you see the thing in question? (age 17)

I don't know much about that, but I think if you learn to become stimulated by more than one thing, the fetish stimulus will become less important and I think less likely to give you an erection. Also, in a few years, you'll be having a lot fewer erections than you do now.

Is masturbating 1-2 times daily bad? I don't seem to have any problems and I switch between lotion and non-lotion stroking. (age 17)

I think that is fine.

I've been masturbating at least 1-2 times a week for years. This past weekend I kissed a girl I've been extremely attracted to. We almost went further but decided not to for the time being. The next night I had a wet dream. The following day I masturbated and then that night I had another wet dream. These are the only wet dreams I've ever had. Do these consecutive nights of wet dreams have anything to do with my feelings for this girl? (age 21)

I can't say for certain that they're not, but most men your age have gotten involved with women and not had unusual wet dream activity as a result. Good luck to you and her.

I masturbate quite frequently, and when I arrived at university last year, my psychology professor said that men develop premature ejaculation problems when masturbating at home because of the rush to get to the orgasm without getting caught. I think that may have happened to me, so I took my time in my dorm room, sometimes taking up to an hour. I have developed a callus on my foreskin that hurts when I try to pull it back. I can still masturbate, but sometimes the callus splits and there is a painful cut. Will this go away if I abstain for a long period of time, or is there anything I can get from a doctor? I'm getting kind of worried. (age 18)

I think you took the psychology professor too literally. A lot of men who have premature ejaculation got it as a result of masturbating furtively, but that does not mean that all men who masturbate quickly will develop PE, or that it will be a long-term problem for them. Probably less PE is caused that way than in the past because males have more privacy to masturbate than they once did and because fewer are worried about being discovered. If you're taking longer than five minutes, you're doing fine. Your callus will heal fairly quickly with some good lotion. There is no need to abstain from masturbating altogether, but it would be a good idea to keep off the callus. You also might consider using lube permanently.

I started masturbating when I was 11. My penis is not yet big enough for me to make a loose fist and masturbate. I can do it that way, but it doesn't feel very good. Instead I put all my fingers on the near bottom of the base, while my palm is barely touching my head (it's very sensitive). Is this normal? (age 12)

It's normal to find an adaptive way to masturbate when you can't do it in conventional fashion. I suspect you will be OK when everything grows but you might try the loose fist method every couple of weeks just so you can get used to it.

I am 20 and masturbate quite frequently. Before going to bed last night I masturbated twice. I woke up around noon today after having a very sexual dream. I was face down, the way I prefer to sleep. Is it possible I was rubbing unintentionally against my bed or something? I dont have any want for waking up with semen in my shorts, and the dream was really messed up.

Did you ejaculate? If so, what were you wearing? It is much easier to masturbate in your sleep when you are naked.

I am afraid of going to the doctor because he will be able to figure out that I masturbate. (age 14)

Nearly all males your age masturbate. You ought not be embarrassed about it. The doctor masturbates too.

When I masturbate to orgasm, the very bottom of my penis bleeds a little. It gets very uncomfortable, that I can hardly walk. I do not masturbate the TMS way. This has been happening for just over a month. Should I abstain from masturbating? (age 14)

Bleeding is not to be expected from masturbating. You ought to pinpoint the cause of the bleeding and then eliminate it. Lube is apt to help.

Is TMS safe if I only do it twice a week? (age 14)

No. TMS is never safe.

I just turned 18 last month. I have been very anxious to contact someone about the problem on my penis as soon as I turned 18. I am circumcised and have been masturbating since my penis would allow it. I was sort of bullied into doing it and never received any masturbating information like your web site provides. Since I started I have masturbated 3-4 times a week and sometimes more than once a day and I never have used lubrication. About 6 months ago I noticed one section of my penis starting to become darker then the rest. It stretches from right below the head to the base, stretching as it goes down. I need to know what I can do to make it go away. Do I just stop masturbating for a while? Do I have a serious problem on my hands?

I would advise using lube and seeing if the problem clears up. It might not be as noticeable as you think.

From the time that I started masturbating in November 2002 until October 2006, I had what I would consider a high sex drive. I viewed pornography often, masturbated multiple times a day, and got horny all the time. Ever since November 2006, my sex drive has basically been dead. I rarely get erections now, and they are not as firm and do not last as long as they used to. I almost always have to touch my penis in order to get an erection to masturbate. I rarely get sexual urges, and I never experience that real drive to have sex anymore. I have a girlfriend and we can't have sex because of my problem. When we do stuff I do not get an erection that is hard enough or lasts long enough to have sex. I am not nervous or anything. I wonder if I have ED or if I am too young, if I will ever be able to have sex naturally, and about the relation between my previous high sex drive and my current almost non-existant one. What do you think? (age 16)

It is not so unusual that you have to touch your penis to get an erection. That is quite normal. You ought to see your doctor to rule out a physical problem such as diabetes that could be responsible for your decreased sexual drive.

Every time I masturbate and am about to orgasm, I feel it coming but suddenly my semen shoots but I have no sensation at all. I never had this problem until 3 months ago! (age 18)

What you describe is ejaculatory anhedonia, ejaculating without orgasm. Most males will probably have that happen to them at least once, and all agree it isn't any fun. It is unusual for that to happen every time for 3 months. I suggest seeing a doctor to rule out a physical problem. In the meantime, don't anticipate that you will not have an orgasm. That can make it harder to have one.

My brother who is 21 saw me masturbating in my room. He laughed and went away. The next day he came to my room and said that I can speak with him whenewer i want. Is it ok to talk to him because I am really scared that he could make fun of me? (age 15)

I don't think you have to worry about that. He probably wants to help. He has masturbated many times more than you have.

I haven't masturbated in 7 days. I woke up this morning to a wet dream. This is the first time. You mentioned that REM can cause this. I wasn't having an erotic dream but I'm pretty sure it was a REM dream. I was wondering if there was something wrong with me. (age 19)

REM doesn't cause wet dreams, but wet dreams only occur during REM sleep. There is nothing wrong with you.

I masturbate regularly, maybe 2-3 times a day. Two weeks back I had a kidney stone removed. The ultrasound indicates that it's gone. But my lower back pain still hurts and I'm not masturbating as I fear this back pain and now my legs trouble me. (age 23)

I doubt that masturbation will make much of a difference in terms of recovery from your kidney stone, but when you do it as often as you usually do, masturbating can cause back pain all by itself. I suggest talking to your doctor about all this.

My sister takes almost an hour in the bathroom. Does this mean she is masturbating? She says she doesn't do that stuff. (age 14)

It is unfair to suspect someone of something just because they take a long time in the bathroom. Girls typically take longer than boys in there no matter what they're doing. Strangely enough, boys are more likely than girls to be accused of masturbating. Go figure.

I am engaged, and have been with my fiancee for nine years. We have a healthy sex life, and when I'm with her everything is great. However, when I am alone and masturbating, all I can think about is a mutual friend of ours. I'd say that 90% of the time I masturbate alone I'm fantasizing about her. This doesn't interfere with me and my fiancee, but I still feel guilty about having these fantasies. (age 23)

Don't worry about the occasional fantasy about this woman, but don't fantasize about her exclusively. You would feel less guilty if you fantasized about a large number of women, particularly ones you don't know. Male-oriented magazines are useful at providing fantasy material.

When I masturbate I look at pictures of woman and their sexy legs in pantyhose. I focus mainly on the woman's legs in pantyhose. I am only interested in their legs. Is this normal?

It would be more normal if you were turned on by the whole woman instead of just the parts. It is not too unusual to have a leg fetish, however. Why not find some other parts that interest you?

I have been masturbating chronically for a long time now, and I decided to quit cold turkey. It's been 1-2 weeks now and my groin has been tender. Is that bad? Someone told me it was bad to quit suddenly.

Perhaps all men could claim to have been masturbating chronically. If you took even a quick look at HealthyStrokes.com, you would know I think that's a good thing. I advise males who want to quit to cut back to once a week for a month or so and then decide if they really want to quit. That advice is informed both by the difficulty in quitting cold turkey and by the possibility of a sudden change in ejaculatory habits causing a problem. Much prostate trouble is caused by an inconsistent amount of ejaculation. Your tenderness could be a result. There are also rare males who experience testicular swelling as a result of suddenly ejaculating less frequently. I once read a case of an emergency room doctor who was confronted with such a case and immediately thought the patient had testicular torsion, a medical emergency. Upon further examination, he inquired and learned the patient hadn't ejaculated in several weeks. He decided the recommended treatment would be for the patient to masturbate. And the treatment for torsion is surgery.

I have a bathroom in my room. My mom always comes in while I'm using it to get the wet towels and wash cloth. I often have an erection. She sometimes just stands there and talks to me about school and stuff. How do I politely tell her it embarrasses me without making a big deal about it? (age 14)

I suggest either making a big deal about it or treating the bathroom as if it's a public place and dressing accordingly.

I keep hearing about guys having their sexual peak meaning they can have sex more frequently. When I masturbate, after I reach orgasm, I usually lose the urge for at least an hour. Are guys my age normally able to go more frequently than that? Would I be able to go more frequently if I were having sex with a partner instead of masturbating? (age 19)

The sexual peak at 19 is a myth. It's good to lose the urge to masturbate after you just masturbated, like it's good to lose the urge to eat after a big meal. If you really tried, you could probably do it again in half an hour. There's nothing wrong with either 30 minutes or an hour. Intercourse wears you out more than masturbation. You shouldn't worry about that. Your intervals sound very normal.

I like this girl, but she doesn't show any signs of liking me. She even runs away. Has she reached the age of maturity that she starts to like boys? (age 12)

Probably not. It's always a challenge to find girls who won't run away.

I prefer to masturbate in bed, in fact I find masturbating anywhere else futile (can't reach orgasm). However, because I am worried about getting semen on my bedding, I change my sheets daily. My mom is getting really annoyed. Is it OK to get semen on bedding without changing the sheets constantly? I masturbate on my back, not my stomach. (age 15)

On your back, it ought to be pretty easy to keep all but a few drops off the bedding. Most guys either catch it or deflect it somehow. A little bit of semen won't hurt anything. You ought to figure out why you can't masturbate anyplace else. You ought to be able to.

I am the father of a 13 year old boy and I just talked to him about sex and masturbation. I am open with him about everything and want to help out as much as I can. Would it be prudent to buy him a pack of condoms and a bottle of lubricant? Do you think it would be healthy to let him look at pics of naked women ( I remember that age very well ) or could that screw him up somehow?

Giving him lubricant would be a very good idea. Giving him condoms would be a good idea if you think he is apt to become sexually active but it might confuse him if he has no such plans. I have answered the question about nude pictures before on my page for parents and in that instance, the boy was already pursuing online porn. I recommended that the father pick out some tame pictures for the son, but question whether that is necessary in your case, because your son hasn't expressed interest in them yet.

I've noticed that after lifting weights (about 2 to 3 hours later) I often masturbate. Usually once or twice but sometimes three times. I've heard from friends that doing this, I won't gain muscle. And that I just wasted time lifting weights. Is this true? (age 26)

No, but masturbating consumes energy. The only way it could detract from your weightlifting regimen is if you did it right before you lifted the weights.

I'd like to commend you for your site. It gives people the information they need and the confidence that some are looking for. I've noticed that sometimes, after ejaculation, I get a heat rush all over my body that can from 15 minutes to a couple of hours. Is this normal? If it is, is there some way to make it less uncomfortable? (college age)

It is common for sex flush to last a few minutes, even 15, but two hours is quite rare. I don't know how you would alter it. Most people like to avoid it because it can signal to other people what they've been doing. Yours seems to be worse because it comes with a heat feeling that makes you uncomfortable.

If I don't masturbate for a week, I almost always have a wet dream. Which is better, masturbating or letting the wet dream come? (age 21)

It is much better to masturbate. Then you can decide when you have an orgasm. In a recent survey for this site, 64 percent of males prefer masturbating and only 9 precent prefer wet dreams. (27 percent like them equally well.) Also, masturbating frequently when you're young seems to prevent prostate cancer when you're older. The author of that study recommends masturbating six times a week. Ejaculating once a week through a wet dream isn't the same. However, you are lucky, because you can have wet dreams if you want. I hear from males every week who are frustrated because they have never had one.

How does a person know if he has an enlarged prostate? Is there a way to tell? (age 32)

The most likely symptom is decreased flow of urine. A man complaining of that would be given a prostate exam by the doctor, and the diagnosis would be pretty instant.

I only started masturbating a month ago and I'm surprised I didn't start sooner. When I do it I go until I'm right on the edge of orgasm and then I stop for a about 10 seconds, then I start again and continue stopping and starting until I finally ejaculate. Is this the right way to make sessions last longer, or is there a better way? (age 18)

I don't think that's the best way. It is better if you can control it with your mind so you can keep stroking but still put off your orgasm. Pretty soon your start and stop method is going to interfere with your erections. There is no shame in being a late bloomer.

When I'm tired, usually when I pull an all-nighter, or only get 3 or 4 hours of sleep, I find that I am much hornier than usual and masturbate much more. I also find that my orgasms are much better. I have great orgasms when I'm rested, and masturbate regularly, but fatigue really seems to positively enhance my sex drive. Why? (age 21)

It's probably that you're less inhibited when you're sleep deprived and you express it by masturbating more frequently. Unfortunately, for most men, lack of sleep impedes erections. It's good for you that yours aren't.

Just wanted to know that the string or whatever it's called, the long scar, under my penis is crooked or curved. I've been masturbating since I was 11, and I'm 16 now, always using my left hand. Maybe I've manipulated it by masturbating too much? I jerk off about 5 times a day.

It is called the raphe (pronounced "raf'-fay") and it's not a scar in the usual sense. Back when you were an embryo, you had female anatomy. All embryos do. When you developed into a male, what used to be your vaginal labia formed into a penis, and the raphe is the seam. It runs from the penile opening to the anus. It is not caused by masturbating, although like any other piece of skin, it can be irritated by contact.

If you masturbate too much, will that mean one side of the body is being exercised more than the other?

The amount of muscular involvement in masturbation is pretty small. I've never heard of anyone develop muscles asymmetrically as a result. Look at how much more you use your strong arm for everything. But it isn't overdeveloped, is it?

1)How long has homosexuality been around? 2) Do animals exhibit homosexual behavior? (age 17)

Homosexuality was known in the earliest cultures, so presumably it has existed in people as long as there have been people. Yes, homosexuality has been observed in over 1000 species.

I reached orgasm three times today. The first two were normal, but the third one was quite painful and I'm still sore. I know that grasping your penis too tightly can make you sore, but are there any other reasons I would be in pain right now? (age 15)

The pain is probably not from grasping too tightly. It is probably that your prostate is overworked. It might be a good idea to give it a rest for a couple of days when that happens and to limit your frequency if a third round tends to cause that to happen.

I have never masturbated and am wondering why I can't. I never get an erection, maybe once or twice a month I will get one. Plus nothing really turns me on anyway. I know I am young and should be able to. The erections I am getting now aren't firm, used to they would be. But anytime I would try to masturbate, I could never reach ejaculation or orgasm, and I didn't like it. I didn't like the feel of it. I am just wondering why I can't. (age 15)

You describe everything that could go wrong with your penis as happening. If what you say is true, then you should seek professional help. However, I am more inclined to believe your message is a bunch of lies. I think you masturbate quite regularly and are guilty or embarrassed about it. It is good if you can learn to accept it as a normal part of life.

When I masturbate in the bath, I like to use the shower head to spray water on the head of my penis. I know that its a bit weird but for some reason it makes masturbation better. Is this healthy or not? (age 13)

I would say it is not. Your penile head is a sensitive spot, and spraying that water is apt to cause it to become desensitized in the long run.

Will masturbation help cure an enlarged prostate? (age 32)

That is a question for the doctor who diagnoses the enlarged prostate. Ejaculation is not specifically mentioned in treatment regimens I have seen for the condition.

Why do wet dreams feel so good? (age 15)

They are orgasms, and all orgasms feel good. It was probably intended to be this way so people would want to have sex and reproduce and the species could continue.

I can't orgasm or ejaculate when masturbating. I'm afraid I have a medical problem. When I try to masturbate, I usually go for about 5 minutes at the most because my hands get sore and I give up. I also have wet dreams all the time. (age 19)

Perhaps you have arthritis or some similar condition. If you have wet dreams, then it doubtful there is anything wrong with your sex organs. Most males find that the penis gets sore a lot sooner than their hands. Five minutes is not such a long time. You should be able to go for at least 20 at your age.

I had a wet dream the other night and it made my girlfriend very uncomfortable. I understand they are normal but what can I do to not have wet dreams? (age 32)

For most men your age, they are very rare. Your girlfriend does not have a right to be comfortable.

You claim that masturbating prone for males is bad. But is that based on the assumption that they are having erections while prone as well? I've always masturbated prone, but I've always done it with a soft penis. I can see it hurting an erect one, but not a soft one. I'm also capable of having proper erections and masturbating the normal way. (age 25)

Then you have two problems. Prone is bad with or without an erection, and masturbating without an erection is bad in any position. They both teach you to respond sexually in ways that can't be simulated in intercourse. I suggest you give up both of those practices. You should not have much trouble, because you already do it the conventional way.

I masturbate on average once a day, but sometimes every two weeks or so I will masturbate 5-6 times in a day. Is this dangerous or medically harming in any way? (age 16)

It is better if you are consistent. It is strange, but masturbating 5 times every day seems to cause fewer problems than what you're doing. For now, you probably don't need to worry, but once you are an adult, it is probably better if you avoid those "busy" days.

I would like to thank you for setting up this site. I have found it incredibly helpful! I masturbate roughly twice a day since the age of 13. I just wondered if this is compulsive and if masturbating causes mental illness. Please help. I am confused. Jason (age 17)

Jason, I hope by roughly you mean approximately and not harshly. Twice a day is on the high end of normal, but a lot of guys your age do it that often. I doubt it is compulsive. Masturbating does not cause mental illness.

I was alone in a common room at school and really needed to masturbate, so I thought I'd do it really quickly. I was having an orgasm (it was the best one I've ever had) and ejaculating when the head teacher walked in! I was so embarrassed. She shouted at me for getting semen on the carpet and "being obscene in a public place." She told my parents and I was grounded for three weeks, made to scrub the carpet and given the "masturbation is a private thing" talk. SO TAKE MY ADVICE: MASTURBATE ONLY IN YOUR BEDROOM OR A LOCKED BATHROOM. (age 13)

Wow.

I masturbated prone for about a third of my masturbating life. For the past 12 I've been able to do it normally. Problem is, I see porn where guys masturbate very slowly, with not a lot of muscles tensing or legs cramping etc. They just seem to slowly go up and down and have a great finish. I feel like I always have to masturbate really hard and it's all very tense. After reading your site I knew that this TMS obviously affected my technique. You said that you were a one time practitioner. Is it possible to have a way more laid back experience masturbating? I do it often, but would love to enjoy it more. (age 30)

Porn isn't real. It's a production. Those guys might not even be masturbating for real. It is certainly not a good indicator of how real men masturbate. It is better if you don't stroke like a jackhammer, but there is no requirement that you have to stroke very slowly. The majority of males tense their legs to enhance the experience and prevent leg cramps. If you have been over TMS for 12 years, I doubt you are still feeling the effects of it. If you want to practice taking your time, it might be easier if you haven't ejaculated for a few days. Try to use as little force as necessary.

Will a man who has never had sex or masturbated have a bigger scrotum than those that have? (age 33)

No, and I don't believe you will find a man who has never masturbated.

Can I have wet dreams when I'm awake? (age 15)

No.

I am 23 years old, and last night I experienced my first nocturnal emission. I've masturbated fairly reguarly since I was twelve years old, and I often have sexually oriented dreams which do not produce an orgasm. The dream I had which produced this emission involved an attractive woman spitting on my penis, and I proceeded to masturbate (in the dream). I actually ejaculated in the dream, and when I woke up (much later after the dream), I discovered the semen in my bed. I just thought it was highly unsual for a 23 year old to experience a wet dream especially when masturbating frequently.

It is rare, you are correct, but you also provide proof that it can happen.

I'm a 21 year old male, and like many of the other people that have asked questions, I masturbate a lot: once or twice a day. I've been dating this guy who I'm super attracted to but I can't ejaculate (this has been common in the past as well with 3 other people). I can go just fine masturbating but not from oral sex or any other form of intercourse involving another person. This has made my partner very concerned and looking at himself as the problem and I can't bear to see him like this. I thought this may be performance anxiety but it might be anorgasmia. I could use any advice that you can give.

I would advise you to abstain from masturbating for 3-5 days before your next sexual encounter. If that doesn't help, then write me back and I will try to figure something else out.

When I sleep, I sometimes wear tight briefs under my shorts, tight enough that if I have an erection, pull it out, and stick it back in, it gets uncomfortable. In the morning, my penis sometimes isn't hard. Can my briefs cause a long-term damage to my erections? I've noticed that if I have an erection and stop check my mail for a few minutes, my erection goes away. (age 15)

Erections are supposed to go away when you're distracted. That is normal. You should be able to have erections inside your clothes. Excessively tight clothing could inhibit your erections after a while. If you're uncomfortable, you are better off changing to a larger size.

Is it normal to use masturbation as a way to get to sleep? Usually I am unable to sleep until I masturbate, which leads me to doing it every night. (age 18)

Yes, about half of younger males masturbate at bedtime. That is very normal.

I know for sure I'm not gay. When I masturbate, I only fantasize about females and I've never been attracted sexually to the same sex but I don't like how vulvas look. I'm still a virgin but the thought of inserting my penis into a vagina turns me off and I'm not gay because the thought of anal sex disgusts me even more. Do I have some sort of severe mental problem? (age 15)

You might feel differently by the time you're 18. I advise against having sex at your age anyway. I suspect you'll get involved with a girl and do sexual things short of intercourse, and at that point, you won't be thinking about what the genitalia look like. If it really bothers you, it might help if you talked to a psychologist about it.

My sister has finished college and is always at home when I get in from school (which is normally when I masturbate). Since she has been home I've found it very hard to get the privacy to masturbate. Could you give me some advice? Thanks, and this site is great! (age 15)

Most people do it in the privacy of their bedrooms. I'm sure you don't share a bedroom with her. I suspect you've gotten into the habit of doing it at the computer. You had better learn to adapt to her being around. I suppose she will get a job soon and not be home as much.

How often or how much online porn is normal and reasonable? What would you consider excessive? How do people find a balance between downloading images and keeping them vs. deleting them and continuing to download? It seems like a double-edged sword in that the more you keep, the more you seem like some kind of fetishistic pervert while the more you download, the more digital records there are of your surfing and also more chances you'll accidentally download something illegal. If porn is normal and OK, what are the safest ways/methods of viewing? How can you know that the models are of age?

Those are tough questions, and I don't have a philosophy about them. I've said in the past that the only pictures that are OK are those where the pictures are tasteful and the models are of age, not exploited, and properly compensated. Once those conditions are met, I'm not sure it matters whether you only look at them once and delete them or save them. You have the least chance of accidentally finding underage models if you stick with reputable publications that verify the age of their models.

You make it sound like masturbation is a necessary habit for one to be normal. In every response you give, you encourage readers to masturbate, giving the strong argument (a totally false one, however) that everyone they know does it. Your surveys say that 100% of men who are potent masturbate regularly. How false can that be. I started masturbating when I was about 11. When I was about 14 I had an Internet connection. It didn't take long before I became a porn addict and spent hours in front of the PC searching for more porn. My relationship with others soon deteriorated. It was the darkest period of my entire life. About two years ago, after I made a bond with God, and I succeded in overcoming my addiction. It was easier to stop looking at porn, but it took a great exercise of strong will to stop masturbating. But I was soon over with it. It took me about two weeks to completely stop masturbating. I've been clear for two years now and everything is going just great. I have excellent school results, lots of friends, and so much spare time to spend on useful activities. Also, medically speaking, I'm OK. Nothing happened with me after I stopped masturbating. I still have regular erections, every morning, and I have a wet dream about every 2 months. That's something I can't control. If I could, I would. So please tell me, what's abnormal with me, if I don't masturbate at all? (age 19)

I think your whole story is a bunch of lies. A male can't quit masturbating in two weeks. I've heard stories of monks who said it took them years, and it required a full-time effort. Anyway, if you've put masturbation behind you, why are you reading HealthyStrokes.com? But to answer your question, a 19-year-old male who doesn't masturbate is abnormal in the statistical sense because all the other males that age masturbate and also abnormal in the medical sense because most prostate trouble in younger men is caused by not ejaculating often enough.

Can someone have a wet dream when he is dreaming of his legs in the water? (age 29)

Yes.

I am on vacation, and I will be gone from home for about 5 weeks. I told myself before I left that I would not masturbate on this trip whatsoever. One and a half weeks into the trip, I am suffering. I really want to pleasure myself and but I feel I would be letting myself down. I don't want to be a slave to masturbation. I want to be in control of my urges. Any advice? (age 19)

You ought to enjoy masturbating on vacation. The different surroundings might make it a different and more pleasurable experience. You aren't a slave to masturbation. You're responding to your normal sex drive. You're no less in control when you masturbate than when you eat.

Is it unhealthy to spray a high-pressure shower on my penis? It feels good. (age 16)

It is better if you don't do that. It is good when you can reach orgasm with as little force as necessary.

I was walking down into the basement to get a book I left in there and I saw my 18 year old brother masturbating TMS style. Should I tell him about the dangers of that? (age 13)

You would be a very good brother if you did. Perhaps it would be easier to just let him know about this site.

Does your penis size effect your chances of having a wet dream at a young age? (age 12)

No.

When I have sex, I can barely keep going for more than a minute. Is that normal for a guy who has only done it a couple times? (age 15)

Yes, very. You will get better with practice. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just make sure you satisfy your partner some other way.

I have a girlfriend who is 17 who has never masturbated. Will she still be able to have an orgasm? (age 18)

Probably, but it is apt to take her longer than a girl who is more experienced with them. Be patient with her.

Follow-up: Do you think she should masturbate alone or should she try to achieve an orgasm through intercourse? She thinks that masturbation is dirty and unhealthy so she doesn't want to do it that way. She wants to have an orgasm but doesn't know whether she needs to or not.

Your girlfriend is not thinking like an adult. She wants an orgasm, but she doesn't want to do the preliminary work that would make it much more possible. I think it would be better for her to masturbate alone. If she won't do that, I wouldn't hold out a lot of hope that she'll be having orgasms in intercourse anytime soon.

I don't have a normal frequency in which I masturbate. I just masturbate when I get the urge. Sometimes I'll masturbate twice a day and other times I won't masturbate for a week. Is it bad for me to be so inconsistent? (age 16)

At your age, I don't think it needs to be an issue, but I would tell an older male to be more consistent. I have a feeling you will be more regular with your practice before too long.

I'm 21 and have been masturbating for a number of years. Since I have been masturbating, I have had very few wet dreams. I am now trying to cut down on masturbation and I'm having frequent wet dreams which I don't like. Is there a way to stop them? I sleep in a room that gets very hot in the mornings. Could this be a cause of the wet dreams? I heard holding urine in mid-flow was bad for males but I've seen it as a tip for strengthening PC muscles. Is this true?

You can simulate the stopping and starting of urine without actually doing it. That is probably better for your body, but I don't know that exercising the PC muscles "wet" would hurt anything either. You answered your own question about the room heat: It is your change in masturbatory frequency and not the room temperature that is causing your wet dreams. I think you have to decide whether you would rather cut down on your cutting down or have the wet dreams. (Most men would rather masturbate.)

I've had wet dreams since turning 14 and I'm about to turn 16 now and wet dreams annoy me. If I masturbate twice a week, will they stop forever or just for a while? I just started to masturbate two weeks ago and I've only done it once a week. (age 15)

If you masturbate daily, as most males your age do, the wet dreams will likely stop forever. It's more difficult to say what will happen if you only masturbate twice a week. If you're still having a lot of wet dreams, then I think masturbating only twice a week would not eliminate them completely. Glad to hear you're having a good month!

I am 14, uncircumcised, and somewhat worried. I live in Canada and can tell most of my friends are circumcised. My girlfriend has offered me a blow job and I'm not sure what to do. I'm pretty embarrassed because I don't know if I should tell her or not. I don't know what she'll expect. It seems most females prefer circumcised penises. If she tells people, that could be the end of my social life.

You are too hung up about this. You haven't even talked with your girlfriend about these things. Maybe she doesn't have a preference or prefers uncircumcised males. If you're self-conscious, just make sure to be very clean when it happens, and your girlfriend will have nothing to complain about.

My sister caught me masturbating while I was looking out the window at her sunning by the pool about a month ago. She was very interested and wanted me to finish while she watched. She said she never saw a guy do it before. I told her I was scared, and she lifted her top for me so I would get hard again. She and I have been doing this daily. I love the butterflies I get. She is 18 and going to college in the fall. She is very pretty, and I don't want it to stop. (age 16)

It's a good thing you're not touching each other. You are supposed to be doing these things with other people besides your sister. You should know better at your age. Masturbating while looking out the window at someone like that could get you branded a sex offender. Why not cut this out before she leaves for college so you can both work on forgetting about this before school starts.

I'm 37 and still have wet dreams. I don't know if I should go to a doctor or not. I'm married, but I have noticed that it occurs more frequently (1-2 times a week) when we've not had intercourse for a month or so. I masturbate very infrequently. Is this normal?

None of that seems normal. Very few men your age have wet dreams; most married people have a lot more sex than you do; and men who aren't having sex masturbate frequently. I don't know that you need a doctor, but a marriage counselor might help you relate better sexually with your wife. In the meantime, I suspect that masturbating several times a week would put an end to the wet dreams.

From around 13 to 15 1/2 I masturbated every day. During the summer usually twice a day and on the weekends. After 15 1/2 I cut back to once or twice a week. I thought it was going to cause problems and I don't have many spontaneous erections anymore. Sometimes I go a whole day without one. Can my mind thinking I caused a problem from masturbating a lot make it harder to achieve erctions? When that's not on my mind it seems I can get erections without much of a problem. but sometimes the thought bothers me and seems to affect me. (age 16)

You are worrying too much. Your frequency before a year ago was healthy and normal. You ought to go back to that frequency if that's what you really want. Try to worry less about erections. According to your own statement, that is what is inhibiting them.

Follow-up: When I was masturbating at that rate, I still had erections without a problem. Then I cut down because I thought I was doing it too much. And now it's a year later and that thought still bothers me. I don't think I have a physical problem because I always masturbated the common way. A few weeks ago I was talking to a girl on the phone about sex and had 5 hard ons and the thought wasn't really bothering me. It would seem similar to anxiety. I don't want to masturbate at the old rate. I like once a week. Sometimes I've thought about stopping but am not sure it would be a good idea.

If you can have five erections just by talking about sex, there's nothing wrong with you. Don't worry about your erections.

I have been liking guys since I was about 13. Does that mean I am gay or it is just a phase? Once when I went to camp, all the boys slept together and when my friend (a quite cute one) slept, I couldn't sleep. Can I masturbate with my roommate when I discover he masturbates? Is gay sex safe? I feel like trying it but that it is wrong to do. I am trying to figure out why I like guys more than girls (which I also like sometimes). (age 16)

If you have been liking guys for that long, I am inclined to believe that you are gay. You also seem more interested in getting inside your male friends' pants than those of the girls at the neighboring camp, which also makes me think you're gay. I wouldn't advise jumping into gay sex at your age, but it might be useful this summer if you went out with a girl or two. See how it makes you feel even sitting close to her and touching her (in a friendly way) and see if you would rather be with girls or boys.

I have had sex with my girlfriend about 6 or 7 times. The first time I failed to ejaculate, and I think i have ejaculated only 3 times out of the 6-7 times. Is it a psychological problem? Could it be related to stress because I get very worried about it. I don't think she knows. We have oral sex quite reguarly and I ejacualte in her mouth. I read that this is unsafe. How safe is it? (age 17)

It is easier to reach orgasm with a partner the longer it has been since your last orgasm. So perhaps abstain for a couple of days before your next expected sexual encounter. Oral sex is only safe with a monogamous partner and both of you are free from diseases.

Lately I've been confused, because I want to lose my virginity but I'm not willing to wait much longer. I don't like the idea of hookers or sleazy girls. I want to be in a relationship, but I also hate the idea of being a virgin. Things have never gotten further than first base, and that was only because she was drunk and I didn't know, which made me feel terrible because I'm not that kinda guy. I wish had sex last year so I'd have one less thing to worry about, but I want more than that before I'm old. This choice is tearing me apart mentally. (age 17)

You are not on the verge of hopelessness. You have a lot of time to lose your virginity. I don't think male virginity is a problem until you're at least 21. It is definitely better if you find someone to have a relationship with than to just sleep with someone for the hell of it. (Yes, I said hell.) Why not ask some nice girl out to the movies and see where it goes? Just concentrate on having a good time and don't worry about sex. Better yet, date two or three girls, and you can find which one you are best with and which relationship will get you to sex sooner.

You've said masturbating does not affect penis size but can you tell me how you know that? (age 14)

Observation of the human condition has been going on for millennia and formal sex research has taken place since the 1920s. Masturbation and penis size are both large-scale obsessions, so if one of them affected the other, we would have found out by now.

I masturbate with my underwear on using three fingers to stimulate myself through my underwear. I do this supine, and get orgasms with normal ejaculations. Is this practice unhealthy for me, or can I stick with this method? (age 15)

It is an idiosyncratic and unusual practice, which should be avoided. It would actually not be that much different for you to masturbate conventionally, especially if you used lube or a condom to get started.

When a boy has a wet dream, does he ejaculate any semen? (age 13)

Yes.

On the top of each of my testicles, there is a small, defineable, but loose structure. I am not sure what it is but ever since I began masturbating I have noticed them. (age 16)

You are describing your epididymis (plural, epididymides).

I just had my first wet dream last night after going a week without masturbating. It was a very strange and graphic dream but I enjoyed it. I learned how to masturbate over a year and I did it quite a lot but in the last few months I have cut down to once a week or once every 2 weeks as I aways feel guilty afterward. Could you please tell me if I'm normal or a freak? (age 15)

Everything you said sounds normal. Congratulations on the wet dream!

I'm 16, sexually active, and I masturbate. Yet, in the last couple of weeks, I've had two wet dreams. What's going on? (age 16)

Your body had some excess semen to eliminate. Try to enjoy the wet dreams while they last. Most males do.

My parents are divorced, and my dad is extremely religious. Last week, he caught me masturbating when he walked into my room and just walked out, and did not even bother to say goodbye when he left about half an hour later. I know he is against masturbating, because he told me in the past and was still upset toward me when he came over on Sunday. What should I do? I don't want my dad disappointed at me for doing something that's normal for guys to do.

He might not be as upset as you think. Just try to be cool. If it really bothers you, talk to him about it. It might help if you print out my Young Man's Guide and share it with him.

I want to congratulate you on the best web site there is for masturbation. I have been masturbating about 2-3 times a day for a couple of months. Is this too much? I am not sure if I should use lube. If I should, what are the best types, where can I buy them, and is there any way I can do this confidentially? Thank you so much for all of your help! (age 12 and 10 months)

Your frequency is typical for someone your age who has just learned to masturbate, but I suspect you will do it less frequently in the near future. Don't worry about that. Lube is a good idea, and you should try it to see if you like it. Water-based lubes made for sex are the best, and they are sold next to the condoms at drugstores and stores like Target and Wal-Mart. Most of the time, the cashiers in those stores have no idea who you are, but if you want more confidentiality, you can go to a store that has self-service checkout.

I've heard that men are subconsciously more attracted to females who are fertile at the time. Is the reverse also true? Will a girl be less attracted to me if I've masturbated that morning or the day before? (age 17)

No. It's also a serious question whether human males are more attracted to females who are at their most fertile.

I was wondering if this is a form of TMS: I often masturbate by lying in bed on my back (never prone) and moving part of a comforter or blanket up and down around my penis. However, I can easily do it the normal way as well, as that is how I learned. What should I do? (age 15)

What you describe is not TMS, but it is an atypical and unusual form of masturbation that will not help you in the long run. I think you should quit it.

I recently visited the doctor and was told that there is a build-up of smegma near the head of my penis and that circumcision may be necessary. I'm worried about masturbating after circumcision. Is it harder and less pleasant? The thought of no longer enjoying masturbation scares me to death! (age 14)

The doctor is probably overreacting. His training is to use surgery as a solution to problems, but there are other solutions that are apt to work and be less drastic. You can keep smegma from building up just by washing daily. Why not ask your doctor if this would work for you? You ought to have a chance to try it. Undoubtedly you will find a way to adapt if you get circumcised. It will probably be different but as much fun. Circumcised males usually need artificial lube. I don't have a clear answer as to whether or not it's more pleasant. Uncircumcised males tend to masturbate more. I don't know if that means they enjoy it more, but they probably do.

I am a normal heterosexual male and I have been divorced and now have a girl friend. I masturbate every day. I have a fantasy about masturbating with another heterosexual male while looking at pictures or videos. I don't want to do other homosexual activities. Could this be a healthy thing to do? (age 40)

I have always thought that men advertising for other straight men to masturbate with was a cover for gaining an entree into other activities. If that is what you want, then do it. However, if you do, then I don't think you ought to call yourself a normal heterosexual male. Also, it would be much easier for you to find a gay or bisexual man to masturbate with.

I am 12 years old and I have been masturbating for 6-7 months but I am scared about reaching an orgasm. I am scared that I will moan or scream and my parents will find me masturbating. What should I do?

Don't worry about that. People are very good at being silent when they have an orgasm and someone is around that they don't want to know. You will not be uncontrollably noisy. Once you've had an orgasm, you can try it again when they're not home and see what difference being able to vocalize makes.

I masturbate sitting up rather than on my back. I have sex with my girlfriend and have no problems. Would masturbating sitting up most of the time cause problems in the future in any way? (age 19)

No. That is fine.

How come you never answer my questions? (age 18)

They are probably already answered here or pertain to a topic I don't address. It's not personal.

I have a friend that has lived near me all my life and we wrestle. Lately I have been getting erections when I wrestle with her and I have to go to her bathroom and wait for the erections to go down. I don't know what to do because she is my best friend and I like her but I don't wanna tell her that. What should I do? (age 15)

You're too old to be wrestling with girls in a non-sexual way. I think you ought to ask her out and then go on a real date.

Follow-up from another reader: Tell her before she feels your erection herself.

You say not to masturbate until you have an erection. Is it OK to for me to rub my penis and fantasize to bring about a firm erection so I can masturbate? (age 16)

Yes, that sounds very good.

I just had my first wet dream two days before my 44th birthday. I was very surprised that it would happen this late in life. I haven't been sexually active for many years. Could this be the cause? (age 43)

Having wet dreams is very rare at your age, but they are most likely to happen at any age when no ejaculation has occurred for a while.

If I masturbated once just to try it and haven't done it since, is there a good chance I'll have a wet dream? (age 13)

Yes, I think masturbating only once would not inhibit wet dreams.

When I masturbated as a teenager, I remember shooting 12 to 18 inches. Now the semen just oozes out. Is this a sign of a problem? (age 25)

No. It probably shoots a couple of inches. You might be remembering it going farther than it did. It's also possible you're controlling you're splatter better. I don't think you have a problem.

Yesterday I was masturbating with a marker, but I reach orgasm by rubbing my clit. I've never orgasmed with something inside me, as I can never seem to be able to keep my finger in when I orgasm. But the contractions felt different because of the marker and I'm not sure if I liked it. Is it just because I'm not used to it, or will it be different when I have sex? (age 16)

Once is too soon to be sure whether you liked something. It's OK if you would rather masturbate externally than internally. When the time comes for sex, you'll probably like it just fine.

I was making out with a girl and she started to give me a hand job. I ejaculated on the third stroke. Is this normal? (age 15)

It's pretty fast, but a lot of guys your age have a similar experience. You must have been very aroused. It will probably last longer next time.

I have masturbated on a regular basis since the age of 15. At times I have averaged 4 to 5 times a day. Recently I have not been able to become erect when attempting intercourse. I have even tried not masturbating a few days before with little success. I'm concerned about my ability to have sex with women. Would you recommend stopping masturbation altogether? I have been slipped Viagra as a practical joke and the result was an erection simply at the sight of an attractive woman. Would that have caused any physical problems for me? (age 20)

Only a doctor can decide if Viagra is appropriate for you, but my first thought is that it wouldn't have caused that problem. Your problem is more likely psychological than physical. I doubt that quitting masturbation altogether will be productive. Stopping for a week beforehand should be more than enough.

I love your site. I think it is absolutely unbelievable that people would criticize you by telling you that you're homophobic. If any of those people ever found out their son was doing the same, they surely wouldn't take it well. Keep up the good work! (age 14)

Is it abnormal to NOT have a daily morning erection? (age 19)

No. In fact, starting about your age, most men don't awaken with one every day. In a few years, you will only wake up with an erection rarely.

I usually masturbate 2-3 times a day. Recently I have been having pain in my lower back and I either don't get a good erection or am not able to hold it. Do you think my back pain has got to do something to my erection problem? I also cycle 10 km per day and am a vegetarian. (age 28)

Lower back pain can originate in the prostate gland, and excessive ejaculation (or not enough, surprisingly) can cause prostate pain. It would be worth cutting down to three times a week and seeing if that makes a difference.

I woke up with a wet dream the other day! I will be 54 soon. Many people often comment that I appear years younger (usually 10-years) than my actual age. Could the same healthy lifestyle that makes me look so young play a role in the occurrence of wet dreams? This was the first one since I was 40. Are there other men who can relate and identify with such an anomaly?

Wet dreams are so rare at your age, that it's tough to pinpoint a cause. I suspect that leading a healthy lifestyle is a necessary, but not a sufficient condition for having wet dreams at your age.

A few days ago I found my dad's lubricant by accident. He uses K-Y. After reading this site I wasn't surprised to know that he has and uses it. So I decided to try the lubricant when I masturbated. It was the best masturbation I ever had. Now I'd like to use it more often but am afraid he will notice that it is disappearing. What should I do? (age 14)

I would advise getting your own bottle at the store.

My girlfriend had a birthday party and her friends came over and my girlfriend wore a really SEXY dress. That turned me on so I went up to the attic to masturbate since her friends were there.When they were about to cut the cake, my girlfriend noticed I was missing and came looking for me. She searched everywhere and thought I might be in the attic and the attic door opened just as I was about to cum. I was so embarrassed. (age 14)

I think this is the fakest getting caught story I have ever posted.

I've never been caught but I'm always scared that my parents will walk in on me and not be so cool about it. I'm alone most of the day but our neighbor across the street is really nosy so when I have an orgasm I'm always scared someone will know. Once during truth or dare with my sister (18) and friend (20), my friend asked me if I touched myself. I don't usually lie and considering she told me she masturbated, I told her the truth. After my friend left my sister told me how mad she is and said I should never do it again and it's not normal. It made me feel really bad even though I know it's normal. (age 14)

Your sister is the one who isn't normal. Don't worry so much about what people might hear or see. You'll enjoy it more.

I think my parents know I masturbate because they have found semen stains on blankets and pillows. I've decided not to use those anymore, but now I don't know what to wipe on. (age 15)

Most guys use tissue or socks or an old shirt.

I am going to be 23 soon and I still have wet dreams. I really don? like it because I always have to change the sheets and I don? think it? good for my mattress. I want to know how to stop them. I want to try to not be so dependant on getting an orgasm. I masturbate usually once every third day. If I am unable to do so, usually because it is inconvenient, I am at risk of having a wet dream. And sometimes, even if I do keep to the schedule, they still happen. Is it because I am just sleeping too much? And am I get too much REM sleep? I always thought that was the best kind of sleep to get, but I don? want it to be causing me problems. Please help me to take steps to having orgasms maybe once a week.

You ought to accept masturbation and wet dreams as normal and healthy things. If you really want to put an end to those wet dreams, then you should masturbate daily. If they really bother you, wearing underwear to bed will prevent damage to your sheets and mattress.

This site is by far the best web site out there for information on masturbation. I was wondering how fake vaginas are a form of TMS because they are almost perfect copies of a real vagina. (age 12)

Irrational as it seems, trying to replicate in intercourse during masturbation makes it harder to function during real intercourse. The penis does not receive the same stimulation from a fake vagina as from a real one. Men who are sexually successful do not use fake vaginas. The most successful men sexually masturbate using only their hands, with a minimal amount of pressure.

My girlfriend is 27 and like a lot of girls, she started masturbating when she was 5 with stuffed animals in the prone position. Around 12 she switched to normal manual stimulation lying on her back. She says she always had orgasms and got wet, even at 5. After reading the female questions, it seems there are a lot of girls who masturbate but don't orgasm. Why would they continue masturbating if they dont climax?

Masturbating can be fun for both males and females even if they don't have an orgasm. However, for males, the need for orgasm can be urgent due to the amount and different types of fluids that build up as a result of sexual stimulation. Thus, a male who doesn't reach orgasm is apt to find masturbating makes him feel worse, but a female can feel better even without an orgasm.

I've heard that men get their sex drive back after 7 minutes, so I tested it. I masturbated, waited for 7 minutes, then masturbated again. Is that OK? (age 16)

Yes. The time you refer to is called the refractory period. It is apt to get longer as you age.

I do not want to to masturbate and I am refraining myself as best I can from doing it but wet dreams are becoming a problem as I am having them about 2-3 times a week. I do not want wet dreams and do not want to masturbate either. Is there a way to stop wet dreams without masturbating? (age 13)

I don't think so. The religious groups that preach against masturbating advocate in favor of wet dreams as "nature's way" of releasing the semen. The few credible cases I've heard of someone stopping all ejaculation involved training themselves to be aware when a wet dream was about to happen and waking up and stopping it. I think you would be better off if you enjoyed both and practiced them without guilt.

I have greatly enjoyed masturbation and wet dreams but I want to put a stop to both because in my experience they interfere with my athletic ability. I masturbated 13-14 times a week and even 4 times a day sometimes. I really want all this to stop and I really need your help. (age 14)

Ejaculation will not interfere with your athletic ability. Some of the world's greatest athletes are sexually compulsive and have sex and/or masturbate many times a day. The Olympic athletes go through an astounding number of condoms during the games. However, 13-14 times a week is a lot of energy expended for anyone. Why not cut down to three times a week? You will still be able to enjoy it and you will be less inclined to think it is affecting your game.

When I masturbate I normally last 5-10 minutes but lately I have been ejaculating in under 2 minutes. I don't know why this is but it leaves me unsatisfied and worried. I have read you mention strengthening the PC muscle and I was wondering if this could solve my problem. (age 15)

I doubt what you describe is the result of poor ejaculatory control. It is a good idea to exercise your PC muscle, but I suspect you are just experiencing a temporary period of quick orgasms. It would probably help to relax more before masturbating and decide in advance approximately how long you want to go.

Sometimes when I masturbate my left testicle pulls in and totally disappears and I get the feeling like I am pulling my groin as I orgasm. This doesn't happen all the time. (age 28)

It is normal for the testes to retract close to the body right before ejaculation, but the testis shouldn't completely retract into the body. If you can verify that's what happening, then you should see a doctor. You could also experiement with different ways of holding your legs and see if it still happens.

I'm 18 and I masturbate about once a day. How do I know when puberty is over?

Puberty only lasts for about a year and a half and is generally over when you're 14 or 15.

I masturbate in a diferent technique. I sit in a face-up position and place my right leg over my left leg and stroke my erect penis. I have been doing this for 3 years. Is this safe and will it have any bad effect in the future for sexual intercourse? (age 17)

What you describe is safe, but you might consider why you have to do it that way with your legs in a set position. It would be better if you could be more flexible and not worry about where your legs are.

Have you heard of anyone who masturbated before puberty or before they had a wet dream and had one anyway? (age 14)

It is very rare, but it happens.

I lost my virginity when I was 11 to a friend of mine who was also 11. She and I did it 6 or 7 times with no birth control. I moved out of the area a month or so after we tried it. I sometimes worry that I made her pregnant. Is that possible at that age? (age 14)

It is quite unlikely but nevertheless possible. I think you would have heard about it if you had made her pregnant. Why not keep in touch? You could probably still be friends.

Does it make a difference whether you sleep naked or in boxer shorts for having a wet dream? (age 13)

The boxer shorts won't make it any more or less likely to happen, but they will help contain your ejaculate if it does.

There is a girl in my neighborhood who looks at me whenever I pass by. She has a boyfriend but I want to know what's in her mind about me. I want to know what will be her reaction if ask her for a kiss. Here in India a kiss is not common so will she accept? (age 18)

She might be wondering what it would be like to have a better boyfriend. I don't know about India, but here in America, we ask girls like that out for lunch or ice cream or something. It would be bad if you asked for a kiss.

I'm 19, and I have a girlfriend who is 19 as well. She has never masturbated, nor used tampons. She wants me to finger her, but every time I try to put a finger in her, it's uncomfortable for her. She is always sufficiently wet (usually I perform cunnilingus first), and we've even used K-Y. I assume the problem is the hymen. We both really want this, and we also want to have sex.

I doubt the hymen is the problem. She is not relaxed enough and she is tensing her vaginal muscles. It would be better if she could learn to introduce her own fingers first.

How can you become a non-virgin through oral sex (just licking of the penis)? (age 13)

Different people have different conceptions of what it means to be a virgin. The literal definition is "a person who has not experienced sexual intercourse." Some people understand oral sex to be sexual intercourse, in which case a person who has had oral sex is not a virgin. Other people have a strict definition that in order to become a non-virgin, you have to engage in vaginal intercourse; however, this would mean that a gay man who has had sex with hundreds of men but has never had sex with a woman is a virgin.

If I get dependent on pornography, will I not get orgasms any other way? (age 14)

Being dependent on pictures can make it difficult to have orgasms without it. That's why I encourage people who use pictures regularly to have at least one session every two weeks without them.

I was trying to masturbate in the shower the other day. As hard as tried I never got close. About 2 days later I tried to masturbate and it worked like a charm. For some reason it's easier to masturbate while my penis is dry than when it's soaked. Is this unusual? (age 13)

No. Now try it with lube.

I heard that if you try to masturbate your morning erection, you're more likely to have premature ejaculation. Do you know if this is true, and if it is, why? (age 17)

I've never heard that. A morning erection (and a lot of spontaneous teenage erections) are caused not by sexual arousal but by hormones. I would speculate that it would take longer to reach orgasm when the erection was not connected to sexual arousal.

You state, "Males have a much tougher time adjusting to a partner (or even finding one) if they remain virgins past [20]." And elsewhere you state, "Men who remain virgins past the age of 20 have trouble adjusting sexually." While I can understand the difficulty in finding a partner, could you explain the two other statements? What's the issue and what's so special about the age of twenty?

Based on survey research and my general experience writing this web site for over five years, I have noticed that men who remain virgins past the age of 21 are much more likely to develop severe sexual dysfunctions. Eva Margolies says approximately the same thing in her book Undressing the American Male.

When I masturbate, I start having an orgasm, the most pleasurable part. The problem is I start to ejaculate after the pleasurable part. Is this normal? How do you know when ejaculation is over? (age 13)

What you describe is normal. The entire orgasm lasts about eight seconds, but ejaculation may only take place for part of it. Most males keep stroking for as long as they can stand it. I think you'll learn to time it more precisely with practice.

I'm homophobic but I sometimes get random flashes of men while I masturbate. I'm worried about that. Should I be or is that normal? (age 17)

I think only a tiny fraction of people only fantasize exclusively about the opposite sex. It would help you to be less worried and also less homophobic.

My son told me this morning that he has had to change his underwear when he gets up because they are wet. He said that his bed was not wet, just his underwear. Is is possible that at the age of 7 he is starting to have wet dreams? I don't want to say too much and scare him by telling him something that is going on when it is not.

I have never heard of wet dreams happening that early. I would be more inclined to suspect some sort of wetting accident.

For 2 years now, I get a spontaneous erection when I sit down for a couple of minutes. It only happens if I masturbate more than once every 2 to 3 days and I can combat it by not masturbating for about a week, and not masturbating any more than once every 3 or so days. It is rather annoying to get it in class. I never get spontaneous erections when I stand up but they seem to come lots when I sit down. A friend suggested it could be when I sit down it stimulates my prostate? (age 15)

Spontaneous erections are common and quite frequent at your age. They are not related to masturbation or stimulation of the prostate. If anything, not masturbating would make them happen more often. It is true they happen less when you are standing than when you are sitting. That is simply due to physiology. It is often tough to get or sustain an erection while standing. You ought to enjoy your erections, not try to "combat" them by abstaining from something you certainly enjoy.

I'm 19, and I masturbate 3-4 times a week, and for the past year or so I have been having wet dreams frequently. Some months I haven't had any, but sometimes I have 2 in a week. I am sick of them, and I don't understand why I still have wet dreams even though I masturbate frequently. Please help me rid myself of the wet dreams.

Like the last questioner, you want to be rid of something you should enjoy and will someday miss. I hear every week from males who have never had a wet dream and are desperate to have them. Try to be grateful for them and think of it as being young for your age. Being young for your age is good!

My mom has walked in on me twice while I was masturbating, but she just acts like she never saw it and never says anything about. I feel like she is either mad or she is just doesn't want to talk about it. I'm confused. (age 13)

Don't be confused. I can promise you she isn't mad and doesn't want to talk about it.

I have been masturbating for 6 years, and I feel bad after words like I have done something wrong. I would like to know what to do about this feeling. How often is normal? I masturbate 4 times a month. Is more or less better? I am single and very sexually frustrated. (age 22)

Dr. Graham Giles says males need to ejaculate at least six times a week. You ought to accept masturbation as something normal and healthy.

I think I'm a late bloomer. I've only masturbated 4 times, once a week and so far I can only have an orgasm by watching videos of girls stripping or exposing their breasts. Is this normal? (age 16)

I was a late bloomer too. You're pretty normal, but it would be a good idea to be able to do it without the videos. Try to expand your imagination.

My girlfriend and I were always honest about everything, and once I brought up the subject of masturbation, we both liked it and continued talking about it, but it turned out that she wasn`t to happy about being so honest, and we haven't talked to each other much for two weeks now. What should I do?

Try talking about what you used to talk about.

My ex-girlfriend gave me oral sex but I was wearing my pants. Can I still get an STD? (age 19)

Yes.

How do you get orgasms to feel really good all the time, not just sometimes? (age 15)

Experience helps, and your mental state is key. Try to be relaxed and able to focus.

What is the best way to ask a girl out? I have been friends with this one girl forever and now I like her. Do you think I should ask her out or not? (age 14)

Yes! Just ask her if she'd like to join you for a movie on Saturday night.

Is it possible for a male to get a urinary tract infection from anal sex? (age 15)

Yes, absolutely it is.

I am 12 and when you are older like 34 do you still have wet dreams?

Wet dreams are fairly common at 12 and almost unheard of at 34. All of the 12 year old will have more wet dreams tonight than all of the 34 year olds will have all year.

Does masturbation stop a boy from having wet dreams? (age 14)

The most likely case is that once a boy starts masturbating regularly, he will never have another wet dream.

I can't stop thinking about masturbation. Its almost taking over my life, I mean when I