... a site about masturbation and you!

Click a button to go to a popular page on this site:

Reader questions about masturbation


Is masturbating several times in one day bad for your brain? (age 16)

No, it's good for your brain. Your brain is the part of your body that gives you the idea to masturbate.

When I was a kid, my male neighbor and I got caught in the nude about to masturbate by my dad. It was horrific. They made me an appointment with a psychiatrist. I think it was because I was experimenting. At one time I thought I was bi so I told someone and that got back to my parents and they told some people at the time. Now years later my mom asked me if I was still bi. (age 30)

You don't say how old you were or how old your neighbor boy was or even if he was your friend (you called him a neighbor). It's OK if you want to be bi or gay or straight or something else. The psychiatrist probably told you that too. But parents don't want their minor children experimenting, as you put it, especially with other people who they might not know much about. Now at your age, you don't have to tell your mother if you're bi (or gay or straight, or something else) if you don't want to.

Iíve been masturbating since I was approximately 14. Iím now 46. Iíve also been happily married for the last 16 years, while still happily masturbating once or twice a week during those years. My wife and I make love once a week, with rare exceptions. Itís usually a scheduled activity. She is a prude when it comes to sex, although she seems to enjoy it, but she never wants to talk about it. The other day, she finally caught me dead to rights masturbating, and I was very close to ejaculating in profusion. She saw everything. Weíve been avoiding each other around the house since the incident, and definitely not making love. Do you have any suggestions on how I can explain to her and then getting on with life? How can I explain itís a natural activity and doesnít reflect in any way on her as a wife or on me as some kind of pervert. Thanks for your help.

My first thought is for her to read some of You might even print out for her the Young Man's Guide to Masturbation. She obviously doesn't accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It's very normal for a man your age to masturbate when he's only having sex about once a week.

Before I masturbate, I watch porn for 2 hours. My penis becomes hard for 2 hours and then I masturbate. Is it OK for a penis to be hard for so many hours? (age 30)

Nearly all men your age use visual aids one of two ways: They either watch something exciting for 2-3 minutes before they masturbate to help them get erect, or they watch something exciting while they masturbate to orgasm in 5-15 minutes. There is no reason to be erect for two hours. That is hard on your prostate gland and probably on your other sexual parts also.

Is it OK to masturbate with a friend? I really want to do it with someone but I don't now how they would take it. (age 15)

It is OK, but your friend might not like being asked. It could impact or even end your friendship. If you're not sure how your friend feels, then you're better off not asking.

What is the average age to go through puberty and how besides penis size do you know if you have gone through it? (age 14)

Most boys start puberty at 12 or 13 and it lasts for about 18 months. In puberty, a boy ejaculates for the first time; grows taller; grows pubic and body hair; and his voice changes. By the time a boy grows facial hair, his puberty is over.

What are your thoughts on autofellatio? (age 14)

Only one boy in 1000 can. I think he does.

I prefer masturbation over sex with my girlfriend. Is this normal? What should I do to fix this? Should I fix this? (age 19)

More than 80 percent of men prefer intercourse to masturbation. By definition, it is abnormal to be one of the less than 20 percent. I have the feeling you have only had one partner. Perhaps after you have had several partners, you find that you enjoy intercourse more than you do with your current partner. I would suggest cutting back on how often you masturbate (perhaps even give it up completely) and only have sex with your girlfriend for a few months and see if you're liking intercourse better.

I masturbated 3 times a day for about 2 months at this time last year. I then cut back to once a day because I thought I was addicted. Should I cut down more or increase? I also used to do it prone but then I stopped. (age 14)

Congratulations on stopping prone. Your frequency is typical for your age. It is also typical to masturbate as often as you were doing when you first started and then to drop down to about once a day. It is completely up to you how often you masturbate. I think your current frequency is just fine.

My masturbation frequency has decreased now. It started right after my fifteenth birthday. Is that OK? I have never had sex before, but I have been wanting to for some time now. If I have sex at my age, would it be advisable to use condoms? (age 15)

Lots of boys masturbate furiously and frequently when they first discover it and reduce their frequency when they get to be 14 or 15. It is advisable to use condoms at any age when you are not sure whether your partner is safe. And how could you know at 15 that they're safe?

I have been masturbating for the past decade, and I always get depressed afterward, and I feel weak, even if I love masturbating and I have to do it. Now I have lost all hope. I know other people with the same problems. Can you help us out? (age 19)

Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. All the men your age do it. You seem to know this. Don't be depressed. Masturbating doesn't make you weak. It makes you stronger. Instead of losing hope, accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It is something you will always do.

Thank you for your site. It has been really helpful for me. I masturbate only 2 to 3 times a week, and I like to use pornographic images. Recently I have gotten interested in erotic videos. Is it OK to masturbate with them? How often should I masturbate a week? (age 26)

I think that using still images is better than using videos and using your imagination is best of all. That said, most men your age use videos when they masturbate. I hesitate to say it is not OK. Most men your age who are not sexually active masturbate closer to once a day.

If youíre able to pre-cum, are you able to ejaculate? (age 12)

Not necessarily. Most boys are producing pre-cum before they can ejaculate. You can enjoy masturbating to orgasm even if you can't ejaculate yet. I suspect you will be ejaculating soon. Give your body time to develop.

Is oral sex safe? (age 18)

No. You should take the same precautions against STDs for oral sex that you would take having vaginal intercourse. The only way it is safer is that you can't get pregnant that way. Flavored and non-lubricated condoms are available for performing oral sex on a male. Flavored dental dams are available for performing oral sex on a female.

I keep trying to masturbate but I can't. It's weird. A month ago, I was able to masturbate for the first time and it was amazing. I did it for the next three days. But then the fourth day, I couldn't and there was a burning sensation. Then I tried again and the same feeling. I thought it was because I urinated before masturbation. I wasn't able to do it for about a week and a half after that, and then I was finally able to masturbate and have success. It has almost been another 2 weeks and I'm still struggling.

I keep trying to masturbate and I get erect and then when I try to please myself, the erection just goes down. I don't understand and now nothing really pleases me anymore and I have lost most of my confidence in masturbation. (age 15)

Can you rule out a urinary tract infection completely? That's the main cause of burning sensations there. Only a doctor could say for certain that you don't have one. I also wonder if you're using too much force. I would suggest keeping your head populated with arousing thoughts and images to make it easier for you to perform the next time you want to.

I have to urinate every time after I orgasm even though before masturbating I didn't have to. Is there any way to prevent this and is it normal? (age 14)

Plan to urinate before and after you masturbate every time. It is not only normal, it's a sign that your genitals are in good condition and very sensitive to even a little bit of stimulation. Of course, what you've been drinking before your session also makes a difference.

How can I stop masturbation forever? (age 17)

I don't think you can, and you never will. Instead of trying to stop, you should accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It is something you will always do, so be sure to enjoy it!

I wake up every day horny and I can't resist it and I masturbate. Is it OK to wake up horny every day at my age? (age 30)

It is better than OK. Good for you!

I love to masturbate a lot. I masturbate 3 to 4 times a week. I masturbate for 30 minutes to an hour then I ejaculate at the end. Sometimes I have an hour session in the morning without ejaculating and masturbate again at night and ejaculate. Is it OK? It feels very great. 5 to 15 minutes is too little for me. (age 20)

There is nothing wrong with either your frequency or your duration, although most men your age masturbate about once a day and are finished in 20 minutes. Masturbating for an hour and then not ejaculating is very hard on your prostate. Let yourself go!

What should be my average masturbation frequency? (age 15)

Most boys your age masturbate about once a day, sometimes more.

If masturbation is harmless, then how can it become an addiction and cause severe side effects? (age 15)

I agree that it's harmless and don't agree that it can become an addiction and cause severe side effects. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Most males your age do it about once a day. I would not call anyone addicted unless they are doing it many times a day and feel compelled to. Any "side effects" will go away once one's frequency is down to about once a day.

I have started masturbating to erotica, and I am wondering if it is better or maybe worse than porn or pictures. What do you think? (age 13)

You are young enough that you ought to be able to get by with only your imagination. I have to believe that erotica (arousing text) is better than visual aids.

I still masturbate like a young person. I sometimes get concerned. (age 50)

I don't know what it means to masturbate like a young person. Most males who are not sexually active masturbate about once a day, and that can continue into the 50s, at least. Can you tell me what you are concerned about?

I'm a virgin. I'm not sexually attracted to nice girls or their parts, and I cannot get erect from looking at a nude female (photos) or from imagination. I am very aroused by girls urinating. I believe this is a fetish. Is this normal? (age 23)

If we define a fetish as an unusual sexual interest, then by that definition, it is not normal. Yours is called urophilia. I don't think a fetish is so bad as long as it's not the only thing that arouses you. Since you report that you are not aroused by ordinary fantasies, then I suspect your fetish is something for which you should seek professional help.

Is it normal to think of hot girls from your school as you masturbate? Is it OK for teens to look at nude pics as they masturbate? (age 15)

Both of those are absolutely normal. I think it is better at your age to use your imagination instead of nude pics.

I learned about masturbation at age 25 some 4 months ago. I had never masturbated before. I have never had sexual intercourse. Now I masturbate as often as twice a day. I feel my testes are becoming hard as well. What are the health effects of my situation? (age 25)

I am very disinclined to believe you. Most males start masturbating at half your age and are only beginning to reduce their frequency at your age. If you are being truthful, then your situation is so rare that I don't know what it means healthwise. Generally, ejaculating more often is better than ejaculating less often. I would suggest getting checked out by a urologist including a semen analysis.

This question may be weird, but lately I've been watching anime. One of the characters in the one I watch is a teenager past puberty. Because of his status, he is restricted to various activities, such as masturbation, for example. If he's a teenager, he has to masturbate, right? Or are there "tricks" to masturbate without impure thoughts? I'll wait for your answer. (age 15)

He is a cartoon character, so he is not limited by the rules that govern humans and other earthlings. For example, Mickey Mouse has a dog as a pet, but in the real world, no mouse has a dog as a pet. (Minnie Mouse has a pet cat, Figaro. Go figure.) It's not clear from what you wrote if he's restricted TO masturbation or restricted FROM masturbation. If he were a real boy your age, I would expect him to masturbate often and with great pleasure. Don't worry about impure thoughts.

Your site is amazing. Masturbation is the most amazing thing I've experienced. Too bad it is a topic guys are so afraid to admit to or talk about. I usually masturbate once a day but when I have the urge it seems to overwhelm my logic. I usually masturbate in private but sometimes the urge overpowers my ability to wait. This usually happens when there is a change in my daily routine like traveling with my family or if I have not had an orgasm in a while and I think there is a way I can pull it off but it might be risky.

When I am in a hotel room with my siblings, I lie in the dark trying to avoid the urge but eventually convince myself it's worth the risk. I wait what seems like forever until everyone else is asleep. I can do it really slowly under the covers and usually work hard at controlling my climax breathing. I worry about the cleanup problem but I can usually contain the mess in my underwear.

When my family is visiting someone's house and I am bored, I go to a bathroom or empty bedroom and quickly masturbate. I always have a plan to clean up before I start. Each time the excitement and added risk make my penis rock hard and the orgasm INCREDIBLY intense.

In each situation, I know it is a bad time to masturbate. But it's as if the urges are drugs and my rational mind decides it's not a bad idea. After I give in, the orgasm is mind blowing and after I recover, I know it was too risky and that I should definitely resist next time.

Are these irrational urges and risks unusual? It seems my orgasm urges override my risk aversion no matter how hard I try to talk myself out of it. I have never been caught and the orgasms in the risky situations are the most intense I have ever had. (age 15)

You're really thinking too hard. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and as you agree, great fun. It's even necessary for male sexual health. It's normal for a male to want to masturbate daily, especially at your age. But I don't understand why you take a chance on being discovered masturbating where someone might think you shouldn't, when, as you point out, you are able to masturbate to orgasm quickly in a bathroom. You mention sleeping with "siblings." That leads me to think it's both brothers and sisters. Your brothers and elders would probably think nothing of you masturbating in a room with only boys. They might even expect it. But sisters and elders might not be cool with that happening in a room with both boys and girls.

I urge you to enjoy daily masturbation in appropriate places and try harder to come up with a safe plan when you feel the urge to masturbate where it isn't appropriate.

It usually takes me 15-20 minutes to reach orgasm masturbating. how can I lower it? When is it best/easiest to masturbate? (age 14)

There is nothing wrong with taking 15-20 minutes. That is a fun and relaxing amount of time. I suggest you read my page about variety in masturbating for some ideas that might make your sessions more fun and be over sooner. Boys your age are masturbating at all hours of the day and night. I hesitate to say one is better or easier, but most masturbation happens at bedtime, when people have the most privacy and can use the satisfaction of an orgasm to help them sleep.

I was delighted when I somewhat by accident found It explained many things I had long wondered about and provided a great deal of useful information. I have masturbated regularly since I was 14 to my present age of 69. I have been happily married with a satisfying sex life for over 45 years. For years, though, I was deeply embarrassed and in genuine shame about secretly enjoying masturbation at my age. I finally had a heart-to-heart talk about it with my wife about 10 years ago. She says, and I believe her, that she has never in her life masturbated. She said she knew that most men enjoyed lots of sex, some of it when alone, and she was fine with my masturbation practices. She has magnificent orgasms when we make love, but I bring them about by stimulating her manually. Itís the only way I can get her to orgasm. Lately I changed over from vaginal intercourse to having her stimulate me manually. Itís heavenly! This has made my solo masturbating all that much more fun and satisfying. Married people should always do what feels good in their sexual relations with each other, realizing that physical love takes on many forms and methods as we age. (age 69)

Thank you for sharing.

I have been masturbating since I was 8. I didn't know until last year that what I do is masturbation when a friend told me that he does it also. I masturbate 2-3 times a week and feel very good when I finish but in all these years I have never ejaculated. Is it possible to "feel good" like I am doing without ejaculation? (age 12)

Yes. Many boys masturbate, even to orgasm, before they are able to ejaculate. It might surprise you that even more pre-pubescent girls masturbate. You will be ejaculating soon.

Is it normal to fantasize about girls I know when masturbating? (age 13)

Yes, very.

Does masturbating make me a bad person? (age 16)

No. Masturbating is simply something that a male does when he reaches puberty. Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It is bodily maintenance, like bathing or shaving. It flushes out your sexual fluids and keeps your sexual organs in healthy, functioning condition.

Masturbation has been documented in the male of every species of mammal.

Instead of thinking you're bad for masturbating, learn to accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health.

Does masturbating less often cause a male to have more testosterone? (age 17)

No, that is not true. The more testosterone he has, the more he masturbates. One outcome of testosterone is the pitch of a male's voice. Males with more testosterone have lower voices. According to a survey of over 8000 males by the web site in the first half of 2007, males whose self-appraisal of their own voices was higher than most other males their age had intercourse for the first time at age 19.1. Those who said their voices were lower had intercourse at age 17.9. That's more than a year sooner.

I have been orgasming every single time I masturbate for about a few months now. But I still haven't noticed any changes in my voice yet, while all my friends have been having voice cracks and voice changes. Is something wrong with me? (age 12)

No, nothing is wrong with you. Ejaculation is usually the first thing that happens to a boy in puberty. The voice change happens about 6-8 months later.

I typically masturbate once every couple of days, and I've done so for about seven years. For about a year and a half, I was sexually active with multiple partners, but I have been in a slump for the past year or so. Now when I masturbate, always with porn, I ejaculate very quickly often without achieving orgasm. What could cause this, and how can I fix it? (age 21)

If you're really ejaculating without orgasm (which isn't a fun thing to do) most of the time, you could have a serious problem that needs help from a doctor. On your own, I would suggest masturbating without porn some of the time and seeing how much longer it takes.

I have a friend and we talk all the time and are very open about things like masturbation. She has never tried it before and when I told her that it feels amazing and is supposedly better for females than for males, she said she would try it. One morning she texted me that she had tried it and when I asked her how it went, she said she hated it. I found out that she wasn't aroused or anything and that she went straight for penetration with her finger. I feel like a jerk because I'm kind of pressuring her into it. But in a friendly encouraging way, I told her she should visit but she won't and I really think she would love it. Am I being a jerk? What should I say so she will try it in an enjoyable way? (male, age 14)

You are not a jerk. The experience of masturbation for a female is not exactly the same as for a male. Just about all the boys your age are doing it often and think it's the best thing they've ever experienced. Many girls your age find it's a tougher learning curve. On top of that, she might be more embarrassed discussing it with you than you are with her. You have already told her what you think will help her. Now you don't need to say anything else about it or ask her anything about it. Maybe she will tell you someday that she has perfected it and does it regularly. More likely she will never say anything about it again, but she'll know you helped her.

Is it OK for me to tell my parents that I masturbate? Would they be angry at me? (age 12)

It is certainly OK for you to tell them, although there is no reason for you to do so. I doubt they'd be angry, but you are the one who knows them.

Instead of masturbating for 30 minutes, is it OK to masturbate for 5 minutes and then five minutes later and so on? (age 13)

It is better if you masturbate to orgasm in one session. That is the best exercise for your prostate. Stopping and starting is taxing for your prostate. You ought not have to worry about prostate trouble at your age; nor should you be developing bad sexual habits that will trouble you later. Most boys your age masturbate to orgasm in five minutes or less.

When I masturbate, should I tug on my foreskin or should I use lube and stroke my penis without pulling on it? (age 13)

A gentle tugging motion is what most males use. I think you would enjoy lube, but at your age, not everyone uses it.

I need 20-30 minutes to orgasm. Is this bad? (age 15)

It's longer than average, but I wouldn't say it's bad. If you want to finish faster, then work on it. Check your time on a clock. Most males your age want to last longer.

What makes sex at my age dangerous OTHER than pregnancy and STDs that could occur at any age? What makes teen sex so harmful? (age 14)

Teen sex is harmful because it can keep you from developing the way you're supposed to. At the very least, it is a distraction from what you're supposed to be doing. At worst, it can lead to unplanned pregnancies and STDs that can affect your entire life. I have no idea why you're being dismissive of pregnancy and STDs. All the more reason you shouldn't be having sex at your age.

I masturbate by stroking my foreskin up and down my penis. Is this normal? (age 15)

Yes, very.

I don't want to watch erotic videos but while masturbating, what should I imagine/think? (age 13)

Most people think about people they've seen recently in person or in media who arouse them and imagine being close to them and possibly doing sexual things.

Is baby oil good for masturbation? I've been using it for a month now and I haven't had any problems, but I just want to make sure that it's OK. (age 19)

Baby oil is fine, but oil-based lubes are usually used by boys just starting out. At your age, most prefer to use water-based lubes and silicon-based lubes. There is nothing wrong with masturbating with baby oil, but when you become sexual with a partner, you can't use an oil-based lube if you're also using latex products such as condoms for protection.

Should I use erotic videos, photos or women in bikinis for masturbation? Can you suggest any site where I could find them? (age 15)

At your age, it is a good idea to use your imagination as much as you can. You are probably surrounded by attractive girls all day long. You are succeeding when you can get by with what you have in your imagination and don't need to seek out visual aids.

Since I get asked this question quite often, I have started making a list of web sites that have rather tame material, showing either females with their private parts covered or only simple nudity with no sex acts. I don't "recommend" these sites but merely suggest them as a suitable alternative to other sites that contain unfettered porn. (Keep in mind that even these tame sites might contain links to porn web sites.)

  • contains no nudity, showing girls fully clothed or in swimsuit poses
  • has hundreds of thousands of images with only simple nudity
  • "A Tribute to Beauty" contains no sexually explicit photos or videos

Iíve started thinking way ahead to when Iím a father. If my child were to ask to see my penis out of curiosity, would that be illegal, or would showing him how to masturbate during a sex talk be illegal? What are the limits in doing that? (age 14)

I hope you won't be a father for quite a long time. Most children see their parents naked simply by happenstance from living together at home. There will probably never be a reason to show him or her specifically. I am in favor of parents telling their children how to masturbate but I draw the line at showing them. I think the limits will become clearer once you have children.

Is there any way to suck your own penis? (age 19)

According to sexologist Wardell Pomeroy, who was co-author on the Kinsey report, only one male in 1000 can do that. Even for them, it is not a usual method of masturbating.

I masturbate looking at photos of girls in my class. I also look at the photos of my best female friends, which makes me feel bad afterward. Is it wrong? Is there any problem if I continue? (age 19)

You are an adult and can access any photos you want. If looking at particular photos and fantasizing is causing a problem, then seek out different photos that don't cause that problem.

What is the most pleasurable type of masturbation? (age 17)

Doing it with a female is especially pleasurable. Take a look at my page about variety in masturbation for ideas.

Why is it that I enjoy jerking off better when I'm shirtless than when I have a shirt on? (age 26)

Maybe you're worried about ejaculating onto your shirt.

Lately I've figured out that when I stimulate my nipples before or during masturbation, it makes it feel a lot better, and so does orgasm. Is this normal? Something tells me it's odd, based off of how little it's talked about in reference to males. Is it weird for nipple stimulation to make masturbation more pleasurable? (age 14)

Some males and females enjoy nipple stimulation and some don't. Some guys enjoy scrotal stimulation and some don't. You've learned that you enjoy nipple stimulation. That gives you another way to increase your pleasure compared to males who don't. Go for it!

I started prone masturbation when I was 15 and practiced it for 7 years. I stopped doing it suddenly one day. From there I started experiencing wet dreams regularly (2-3 week). Should I practice it by hand for a month to see if it makes any difference? (age 27)

I'm not completely understanding the timeline. If you stopped masturbating prone five years ago, how have you been masturbating since then if not by hand? If you want your wet dreams to go away, then masturbate more often.

I have been able, every time, to masturbate without looking at photos or anything. Do you think it would be OK to obtain a swimsuit magazine or photos like that? (age 12)

If you are doing fine without visual aids, I say keep it up until you think they would make a difference. There's nothing wrong with viewing swimsuit magazines.

Do men get wet? (age 12)

Yes. Both males and females produce sexual fluids when they are aroused. Males produce bulbourethral fluid, better known as pre-cum. If a male is aroused for a long time (30 minutes or more) without an orgasm, he is apt to leak bulbourethral fluid.

What is the difference between erectile dysfunction and impotence? Does prone masturbation cause impotence?

I have always distinguished them this way: Erectile dysfunction is any condition in which the penis cannot erect as well as it is supposed to. Impotence is when a man is completely unable to erect. Prone masturbation definitely causes erectile dysfunction.

I've been masturbating for almost 6 years now but only recently started discharging any fluid. It is plentiful but clear. I tend to masturbate 3-4 times per session before I stop, and I have to do it on the toilet at night. I also get very itchy in my groin area afterward. I feel like there is a problem and I cannot tell my parents because they treat me like a child still. I am just frustrated and think something is wrong with me. (age 14)

You seem to have a lot of issues for someone who claims six years' experience. Itchiness is generally caused by getting semen somewhere and not cleaning it up. If you shower daily and wear clean clothes every day, you ought not have this problem. I have no idea what you mean by masturbating 3-4 times per session. You would probably be more comfortable doing it in bed. I'm not sure anything is wrong. I think you mostly need to masturbate in a way that will help you enjoy it more.

I just started masturbating a month ago, only a month and a half away from my 15th birthday, so I'm late I guess. How do I masturbate discreetly? I used to do it in the shower but the semen clumps and sticks to hair and makes it drain slowly. I masturbated in the toilet for a few days but I used coconut oil for lube and it smelled like coconut. I don't understand how people can do it in bed without ruining their sheets. Surely it'll go through a tissue and smell afterward, right? (age 14)

Congratulations on learning something fun and exciting and good for you when you're only 14. With a month of experience, you ought to have a good idea where the semen will go. Once it's landed, most guys clean up with a tissue or an old shirt. You can flush or dispose of the tissue and it won't smell, and you can store the shirt in a drawer. According to surveys done by, 11 percent of males clean up by eating their semen.

I'm a virgin and I masturbate often. I ejaculate really fast. I'm scared that I won't ever last long in bed. What can I do to prolong my masturbation and last longer? (age 17)

Most males your age are virgins and masturbate often. In intercourse, most males last 1.5 to two times as long as they take to masturbate to orgasm. Just work at slowly increasing your time. If you're lasting two minutes, try to last 2:30, then 3:00, and so on.

How can I explain to my mother that I want a lock on my door so that I can masturbate in my room whenever I want and not only when she sleeps?

She always knocks before she enters my room and does not come in if I tell her to not come in. However, I am uncomfortable masturbating when she is awake.

She works from home from 8 p.m. to 2 a.m. so I need to set my alarm to wake up early in the morning to masturbate. (age 16)

Your problem isn't that you don't have a lock but that you are embarrassed about masturbating even though your mother has exemplary respect for your privacy. Work harder to accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. You can certainly ask for a lock on your door without saying anything about masturbating. My siblings and I had locks on our bedroom doors from the time we were 9 and 7.

How do you relate porn and masturbation? (age 18)

Visual aids make masturbation faster and easier. I tend to use the term porn to mean that which shows sex acts. I exclude simple nudity from the definition of porn.

I'm on the anti-depressant Zoloft and it takes for me to masturbate to orgasm. What can I do? (age 14)

Tell your doctor and see if you can get a prescription for a different anti-depressant that doesn't cause sexual side effects. Don't be embarrassed to tell the doctor you masturbate. The doctor knows that nearly all boys your age masturbate, and the doctor masturbates too.

Not a question, just thank you. (age 18)

You're welcome!!!

I have been diagnosed with a condition of recurring anal fissure and I am concerned whether masturbation is the cause of this fissure. I have abstained from masturbation for ages now as I felt masturbation might be the reason for the condition occurring again. I could never ask my doctor due to the stigma. (age 26)

I've never heard of masturbating causing anal fissure. You don't mention whether or not you masturbate anally. Your doctor knows that all men your age masturbate, so there is no stigma. Why don't you tell the doctor what he or she needs to know in order to treat you properly?

Why do I get so much more aroused looking at women in underwear or bikinis than naked? (age 14)

I suspect it is because you like things about those partially-clothed women and it that rather than exposed private parts that arouses you.

I start almost every day masturbating off my morning wood. I have several cats and they seem to associate my grunting and groaning as I orgasm with the next step of feeding them in the morning. So now any time I jack off or have sex with my girlfriend, the cats come swarming because they have an association of the sounds of orgasm with them being fed in the morning. All the cats are fixed so I don't think there is anything sexual about it. They have just formed this association with being fed. (age 39)

You are pretty lucky if you still have morning wood at your age. Have you considered the possibility that maybe your swarming cats are just voyeurs?

Why does it always feel like I have to urinate when I'm close to having an orgasm? It's really annoying. How often should someone my age masturbate? (age 19)

Urinating before your masturbation session will take care of that feeling. Most men your age masturbate about once a day.

I've been masturbating for 12 years two or three times daily. I feel like I'm addicted to masturbating and can't control myself. I am getting married soon. (age 26)

You don't say if you are sexually active with your fiancee. I recommend you cut back to once a day until your wedding, and right before you become sexually active, abstain completely for 3-5 days. Once you are having frequent sex, you are apt to find you don't feel like masturbating much anymore. Or perhaps you will. Deal with it as it happens.

Yesterday I was alone and wanted to masturbate. I went to my pool and started. It was really relaxing and felt amazing. Close to orgasm, I jumped into the water and ejaculated, and it was one of the best orgasms I had ever had. Is this OK? (age 14)

It will not hurt you to do that, but you are not being especially courteous toward other users of the pool. They don't swim in your bed; don't ejaculate in their pool.

How are you qualified to answer our questions about masturbation? (age 15)

I have a Ph.D. in a field unrelated to sexuality. I have been studying sexuality more than twice as long as you've been alive and have been authoring since before you were born.

What is it that arouses us after seeing a sexy image? (age 17)

It's all in the brain. Your brain sees a sexy image and sends chemicals to your genitals to get them going. The rest is up to you. (It's kind of like how you can make your mouth water by thinking about biting into a lemon.)

Many times when I am close to ejaculation, my parents or someone else will come in and I have to stop. Afterward, there is pain in my feet. Should I masturbate? (age 15)

I don't think you would stop if I told you to, which I obviously won't. I suggest exercising your feet to make yourself better able to prevent that kind of spasm. I don't know why you can't pick up where you left off once you have privacy.

How much bacteria is in semen for so many people to eat it? What's the chance of getting sick? (age 14)

Most semen is free of bacteria. Even if you have something living in yours, you cannot infect yourself with your own semen. Even if you ate your own semen with bacteria, if would not cause illness because urinary bacteria cannot infect via the digestive system. The danger of bacteria in semen (i.e., sexually transmitted disease) is that you can infect other people by having sex with them.

Is it OK to masturbate to photos of swimsuit models? (age 16)

It is a lot better than OK. It is stupendous!

Would a woman in a bikini rubbing her pubis against a man's penis as a kind of having sex have the same effect as prone masturbation? (age 14)

No. First of all, what you describe is called apposition or grinding, and most people don't do it very much or very often. Secondly, it's not usually done to orgasm. Thirdly, if the woman is in the superior position and is rubbing herself against the man, it is not nearly as great a force as when the man is lying prone and thrusting his penis into or against something. Apposition is most often done as a prelude to some other kind of sexual behavior and it is not at all the same as a male only knowing how to masturbate to orgasm for years or decades by lying prone and thrusting.

Finally, I don't think very many people think of grinding as "having sex."

Is it true that a man can only ejaculate semen 4000 times in his life? (age 15)

No, that is not even close to being true. Most men will ejaculate over 10,000 times in their lives. A man can continue to produce sperm and ejaculate fertile sperm into his 70s, at least. I will not name them, but one can rattle off the names of a dozen celebrity men (rock stars, etc.) who fathered children in their 60s and 70s. Obviously those men of legendary sexual prowess were ejaculating into five figures by then.

A lot of people have mistaken me for gay. They ask if Iím gay and I tell them Iím not but it doesnít change their opinion. I am straight. I even have a girlfriend but all the guys think Iím gay. Iím not into sports. I care about my appearance and I hang out with a bunch of girls.

Iím not homophobic but Iím starting to think if I act ďapparently gayĒ then maybe I am bi. Iím definitely not gay because I am obsessed with girls.

Please help me or give me tips on how to look more straight and stop people asking because Iím sick of explaining Iím not. (age 13)

There is no such thing as "apparently gay." How you dress, what you watch on TV, what music you listen to, who you hang out with -- none of those things make you gay. Being gay or bi is about being attracted to members of the same sex. You assert a strong heterosexual orientation. I doubt that "all the guys" think you're gay. If people are asking, then they must not be sure to begin with. You don't have to be "into sports," but it's not a bad idea to know enough about them to carry on typical trivial-level conversations about the local sports teams, the latest national championship, etc. Why not hang out with some boys too? Acting "apparently gay" does not mean you're bi. Just work on doing what you like with the people you like and do your best to ignore adolescents who pepper you with questions about that which they know nothing.

What is the ideal age to have a girlfriend? My crush asked me at what age I want a girlfriend. Does this mean something? Is it bad that my crush is a month older than me? (age 13)

There is nothing wrong with having a girlfriend at your age. Go for it! If she asked that, then she is probably interested. Go for it! Older girls are divine. Go for it!

I started masturbating at about age 11. I didn't ejaculate until I was 13. Since then I have been masturbating with something pushed in between my legs approximately where the prostate is. I can't masturbate standing and can barely do it sitting. I need pressure there to actually ejaculate. Is this an issue? (age 15)

Yes, it is an issue. Pressing on your perineum (the prostate is an internal organ) is not sexually functional and can actually hurt. Nerves and blood vessels run through the perineum. I would suggest taking a week off from all masturbating and then concentrate on being able to masturbate to orgasm without stimulating your perineum.

When in a healthy supine position I can't get any pleasure or an erection and/or orgasm without locking my knees (usually to the point where it hurts and is tiring). I have tried not locking them and after an extremely long time, I was able to orgasm, but the orgasm came without my ever having an erection. Sitting up, I still need to engage a lot of lower body muscles for an orgasm to come. All of this applies to both masturbation and sex with my partner. Have you heard of this problem before, and if so what tends to be the issue? If not, is it something I should likely speak to a doctor about? (age 20)

Most people stretch their legs out tense during masturbation and intercourse in order to keep sensations from their legs from interfering with their sexual pleasure. It is not generally necessary to lock the knees. I would suggest experimenting with leg positions when you're getting close to orgasm. When you feel you're about to orgasm, move your legs to a different position. Many people also say they have an unusually strong orgasm when they kneel while masturbating. It is also bad for you to masturbate without an erection. You are teaching your body a bad lesson by doing that. Since erections are so frequent at your age, I would suggest getting checked out by a doctor for a more serious condition if you're not able to get this under control on your own.

What's the best hand position for the quickest orgasm? (age 13)

I have no idea why you want the quickest orgasm. The best orgasm is the one you enjoy the most. Having a quick orgasm often translates into premature ejaculation when a male starts having sex with partners. Try different hand positions and see which one you like. Some males stroke with a ring made by the thumb and index fingers. Most prefer to use all of their fingers and to maximize the contact of the heel of the hand against the penis. You are young and should be trying these out, not trying to orgasm as fast as you can.

I masturbate to Internet porn and accidentally stumbled upon some nude photos of a girl who was 10-12. I feel like a pedo and have tried to stop but I keep stumbling back to something similar. What should I do? (age 14)

Delete those photos and either work off your imagination only; view only photos of adult models; or view only photos of models with no private parts showing.

Can prone masturbation cause an STD? (age 20)

No. If you think you have an STD, you should get tested by a doctor.

What feels better, masturbating prone or by hand? (age 18)

By hand, definitely. More than 90 percent of males do it that way. Only a small percentage (less than 10 percent; probably more like 5-7 percent) masturbate prone. Those who switch from prone to hand enjoy hand more than they did prone. I never hear of men learning about prone and wanting to switch to it from conventional hand masturbation.

I have ulcerative colitis and I find it very hard to ejaculate. I have never had an orgasm apart from wet dreams. I take a drug called Pentasa and a probiotic called VSL 3. I am also on a diet called the SCD diet. Is it possible that any of these things affect my ability to have an orgasm? I donít feel anything at all when I rub my penis. What should I do? (age 13)

You are pretty young. Many boys your age are not masturbating yet or have not masturbated to orgasm. If you're having wet dreams, it's a good sign. Make sure you're thinking arousing thoughts whenever you try masturbating. If your problem persists, tell your doctor. He or she knows about the sexual side effects that medicines cause and might be able to prescribe something different. Don't be afraid to tell the doctor you masturbate. The doctor masturbates too.

I have phimosis. Is it OK to masturbate with phimosis or should I stop until it is fixed? (age 14)

Of course you're going to masturbate. No one would expect you to stop. If your foreskin is bothering you, tell your doctor. The solution might have to be circumcision.

Is waking up with a boner considered healthy? (age 12)

Very healthy. Nearly all guys your age do every day. When you get to be 20 or so, you will miss the morning erections you used to have.

I know a girl I really like. I'm wondering if I should tell her I like her or ask her to the next dance as the upcoming one is a Sadie Hawkins. Should I? (age 12)

Traditionally the rule for a Sadie Hawkins is that girls ask boys. But that does not need to be a firm rule. At age 12, probably nearly everyone at that dance will have gone solo (without a date). There is no reason you shouldn't ask the girl you like out to the dance. Go for it! You will be glad you did.

What is the main reason that young boys masturbate? (age 72)

I don't know what you mean by "young boys." If you mean prepubescent boys, it's because they tried touching their genitals at some point and found they enjoyed it and have continued to do it periodically, whether or not they have anything resembling an orgasm. If you mean pubescent boys, it's because their genitals are now able to ejaculate and give them orgasms, and once they've learned that, they will never stop.

I have been masturbating for the past two years and recently I asked a girl in school about female masturbation and she told me all and now I feel weirdly attracted to her and fantasize about her though I don't want to. (age 14)

You should talk to her again to find out if she's interested in going out with you. It might be a good idea not to make reference to masturbation again for a really long time so you can find out what other things you have in common.

I know I am straight as I have had heaps of girlfriends and not once have I ever been attracted to a guy, but when I masturbate, I like to watch gay porn? Is this normal? (age 14)

At 14, normal is very wide. You ought to be figuring out what you like and don't like and what turns you on and what doesn't. I discourage boys your age from watching porn of any kind. You ought to be developing your imagination instead. If you've already decided to use porn, then finding out what kind you like will happen.

I have OCD and feel as though masturbation is dirty and it takes me a long time in the shower to get clean after masturbating. I now do it only once a week to try to stop the anxiety, but I constantly feel as though I am going to ejaculate just walking around. (age 20)

Masturbating is not dirty. It is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. All men your age practice it frequently. Some of them don't even wash their hands afterward. I also think you don't really feel it's dirty, because you say you feel "as though" it's dirty (meaning you know it's not really dirty, get it?)

Masturbating should be something you enjoy and not something to cause you anxiety. Nearly all men your age do it a lot more than once a week. Have you ever tried masturbating with a condom on? Perhaps you could try that and see if it makes you feel less compelled to get in the shower.

Iím a teen and I find it really hard to not masturbate every day. Is this normal? (age 14)

At 14, it is very normal to masturbate every day, and sometimes more than once a day, even if you sometimes don't want to masturbate that often. Within a few years, you will reduce your frequency. That's what happens.

I don't want to get into the habit of masturbating with videos. What are some materials I can use on my personal laptop to masturbate? I love masturbating, and I do it every day. I seem to rub my penis a lot whenever people aren't looking, and at home when I'm alone or hidden. Is this a normal habit? (age 12)

I would advise against keeping any kind of nudity on your personal laptop at your age. You might enjoy swimsuit photos. There are even swimsuit magazines you can by at stores that sell magazines. There is nothing wrong with your non-sexual rubbing. But as you get older, you will only want to stimulate your penis when you are ready to have an orgasm.

Is it OK to masturbate without even taking underwear off or cleaning the aftermath up?

I used to masturbate prone, but I learned from that it isn't good for me. Had I not found out, I probably would have used prone for the rest of my life. I found out that using your hands are even better. Thank you! (age 13)

It's OK with me. But you're not doing it for me. You're doing it for yourself. I recommend taking your underwear all the way off because it gives you the greatest range of motion. You will enjoy it more when you can move around and not be constrained by shorts around your knees at the critical moment. You're also cleaning up because of how you want to live. You don't want your friends and family members coming into your room and seeing the aftermath all over the place, do you? Congratulations on giving up prone.

I am a Christian and know it is completely fine to masturbate, except it takes a very long time (30 minutes) for me to ejaculate, so I end up looking at pornography. I would prefer not to do this, and I am afraid it would be bad if I was caught watching porn.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a feminist via email about sexual arousal. My parents found out and were disappointed with me. My parents would be disappointed if they caught me watching porn. Is there anything I can do to solve this?

I know the solution to this is to stop watching porn, but it requires extreme concentration to ejaculate because I cannot imagine naked women very well. (age 14)

I hope you understand why your parents were not in favor of your talking about sexual issues with an adult woman, even in e-mail. I suspect your parents know or could guess correctly that you masturbate and that they don't have a problem with that.

It is not good that it takes you half an hour to masturbate to orgasm at your age, with or without visual aids. Most boys your age can do it in 5-10 minutes, probably faster.

I think the solution might be to find some kind of visual aid that works for you but doesn't cause the shame you're getting from whatever you're using now. Perhaps obtain a swimsuit magazine or swimsuit catalog. A swimsuit site like might also do the job.

This has been bothering me since high school. In the summer between my junior and senior years, an unattractive girl that I didn't know well (or at all) who was two years younger asked me if I masturbate, in front of a few friends of hers (none of whom I knew well, or at all). I was very embarrassed and didn't answer. Then one of the friends said, "she just asked if you masturbate." I was not only embarrassed by the question, I was embarrassed because I masturbated. Then another girl who was in earshot, whom I didn't know well either, but thought was cute, took sympathy on me and told me those kids were just plain immature. Apparently the cute girl was not in favor with those kids either, because one of them said she was a lesbian and I must be gay for talking to her. (She was not, and neither am I.) How should I have handled this differently? (age 23)

I agree wholeheartedly that those kids were immature. They should be embarrassed by their verbal assault on you, and the girl. It is typical when you are 17 to be embarrassed about masturbating. Most males say they felt less embarrassed about it at age 18. First of all, you should realize that masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. Accepting that makes it easier to decide what to do in your situation. Making the question even less friendly was that all males at that age masturbate, so that by even asking, she was questioning your masculinity. I think most guys would have just walked away from that unfriendly girl. A guy with a lot of nerve would have said, "Yes, I do. Do you have a problem with that?" But of course it is entirely up to you to decide who, if anyone, you discuss masturbating with. I personally think it would be fun to turn the question back onto her by asking, "Do you?" If she says, "I asked you first," say, "Then you answer first." Then no matter what she says, say, "I'm done talking about this."

I also take issue with your describing the girl as unattractive. Would you have found her question less offensive and embarrassing if she were good looking?

If you masturbate prone, does it affect your semen (in color and other ways)? (age 14)

The only thing I've heard is that men who masturbate prone tend to produce a greater volume of ejaculate. That is only a tendency and is not something that has been documented scientifically.

I have a girlfriend. Iím really happy, and we have a good sex life, and I think sheís the most attractive girl of all. Twice I have masturbated while fantasizing about other girls and it is making me feel extremely guilty. Is this normal? (age 15)

You could easily live to be 100, and in the next 85 years, I expect that you will fantasize about thousands of women who aren't your girlfriend. It is completely normal and does not mean that you are cheating on your girlfriend.

However, I am concerned that you "have a good sex life." I hope you are taking precautions against pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and other perils.

I am experienced at masturbation (been doing it for years now), but I've been having problems getting to climax. I've tried porn, every position I could, any practical oil-based solution I could find, but I can't satisfy myself. I can't buy toys. I'm too embarrassed and I'm in the process of learning how to drive. I can't yet go to a store by myself to get one. I am disabled and my mom is not comfortable with letting me walk to a store by myself. I can't buy toys, lube, or have sex, and masturbation doesn't do it for me. I always feel like I'm about to ejaculate but I don't and it's seriously dissatisfying. (age 17)

I'm wondering if you're taking prescription drugs that can cause orgasmic disorder. Anti-depressants (SSRIs) are especially bad for that. If so, I suggest talking to your doctor and finding out if he or she could switch you to a different medication that doesn't cause sexual dysfunctions. You can get water-based lube at nearly any store: Target, CVS, etc. There are even lubes at Walmart and Dollar Tree for $1 or less. I think you would like one a lot.

Recently I was using our family computer and found a folder with some closeups of females masturbating. I thought it was pictures I had saved from a previous porn session (and had forgotten to delete) so I started masturbating to them but as I was scrolling through, I found a couple of images of my sister and realized that they were all pictures she has taken. I feel really guilty masturbating to them. I donít want to tell her Iíve seen them but if I just delete them, sheíll know I did, because my parents donít use this computer. Any suggestions? (age 17)

That is as close to an O. Henry story as anything anyone has ever sent to me. You would be justified in confronting your sister about that. She violated you by leaving those photos where you were apt to encounter them. Tell her those don't belong on the computer you share and that nude selfies should never be posted on the Internet (because that's probably why she put them on the computer).

Is it true that masturbating a lot can deform your buttocks? (age 16)

Next time you're in a locker room, see how many guys have deformed buttocks. You can bet that almost all of them masturbate a lot.

I usually masturbate with moisturizer, but you recommended lube. I have no idea when I could buy it and where I would keep it. I cannot order it online and it would be awkward in a drug store, and I never shop alone.

If I managed to buy it, how would I keep it hidden? All lubes seem pretty easy to tell what they are for, so I have no idea what to do. It would be uncomfortable if my dad lectured me on this topic. (age 14)

You are growing up and will eventually decide you want to masturbate with lube more than you are embarrassed about someone finding out that you masturbate. Both for the added pleasure of using something made especially for masturbation and the cost savings it will bring versus moisturizer. I don't know why you couldn't just put a bottle or tube of lube among the other bottles and tubes you have in your bedroom. Would you really notice this tube of lube in a pile of other tubes?

How do I tell my parents about without it being awkward? (age 14)

Why do they need to know about it? If you feel you need to tell them, just say there's this web site I've been reading lately and show them the link.

I tried going without masturbation for a few days to increase my sex drive, because I find I don't get many erections anymore. After a few days, I don't get more erections, but I have a need to ejaculate so strong that I cannot concentrate on anything. How can I fix this? I don't masturbate prone and I masturbate about 6-7 times a week. (age 14)

Your frequency is normal for your age. Your problem is not how often you masturbate but that you find your erections inadequate. Very few males your age report erection trouble. I would suggest relaxing and not worrying about your erections so much. If that doesn't work, then you might need to see a doctor, if only to rule out a serious health problem.

Is it normal that I can urinate while erect? Iíve heard that thatís not supposed to happen? Iím worried thereís something wrong with me. (age 16)

You are fine. Your body closes off the urethra to urine immediately before you ejaculate but you can urinate with an erection before that point.

You told someone that masturbating for too long is not good for you. Why is that? I have a very healthy sex life and appetite, but no matter how many times I have mind blowing sex with my girlfriend, I still masturbate once or twice a week for anywhere from 1 to 5 hours, before climaxing and ejaculating. I am able to keep myself from ejaculating for a long time due to a side effect of an anti-depressant I take. What could be the danger of doing this? (age 37)

Your prostate gland likes to ejaculate soon after it ready to do so. Keeping your prostate gland in a state of arousal for 1 to 5 hours is not good for it at all. You're opening the door to sexual trouble by fatiguing your prostate and other private parts for hours at a time.

Is masturbating more than once a day bad and if not, how many times per day is too much? (age 13)

Masturbating more than once a day is fine, especially at your age. At age 13, a lot of boys masturbate more than once a day. By age 16, not very many do.

I masturbate 2 or 3 times a week using handmade sex toys. Is there any disadvantage to using handmade sex toys? Am I normal or abnormal in regard to my masturbation frequency? (age 24)

I don't see what the advantage is to masturbating to homemade sex toys. You might be getting yourself used to an atypical way of masturbating. What's wrong with your hands? Most males your age masturbate more than 2-3 times a week.

Sometimes all I can think about is sex. I recently started sleeping naked. Are these OK? (age 13)

They're OK with me if they're OK with you.

Is it normal to taste my own semen? (age 15)

Yes, more than half of males have done that at least once, and about 11 percent usually clean up that way.

I started masturbating in the shower standing up and my penis seems limp rather than straight. Is this normal? If it isn't normal, how do I help it become straight? (age 13)

It is indeed more difficult to maintain an erection while standing. Lying flat puts gravity on your side. Running water also interferes with erection and arousal. Most guys who masturbate in the shower keep their backs to the running water. I don't think you have a problem. Keep learning what you like.

I just wanted to thank you for and the wealth of honest, nonjudgemental information. It's helped me come to terms with my own needs and embrace masturbation more fully. I am straight and enjoy regular intercourse but I need to ejaculate often and in different ways and masturbation helps me attain that and sustain that now. We all need to masturbate a lot these days but some, including me, need honest information to allow us to get past our reservations and grab on. (age 27)

Always glad to help.

I am asexual. I also enjoy masturbating and do so daily. However, because I am asexual, I have no real desire to lose my virginity. I saw a question about being a virgin past 21 and read the chapter by Eva Margolies you recommended, but I donít feel that it really addresses the fact that some people donít really want to lose their virginity. (age 14)

It is very premature to declare yourself asexual at 14. Your body is still developing. You might not even be producing a full complement of sexual hormones and other sexual fluids at your age. Also, you report daily masturbation, which is at loggerheads with the notion that you are asexual (i.e., lack sexual attraction). Instead of being so quick to proclaim yourself asexual, why don't you work on developing your sexuality? Instead of deciding you're not attracted to anyone or anything, learn about things that might attract you someday.

It's good to not want to lose your virginity at 14. Give yourself a chance and maybe you'll want to when the time is right.

I am 31 and have been masturbating daily since I was 15. I canít get or maintain erections. I no longer get morning wood. How can I cure my ED?

Start by seeing a doctor to rule out organic causes of erectile dysfunction. The doctor will probably send you to a urologist and/or endocrinologist. One or more of those doctors will take blood and urine tests and possibly do semen analysis.

It is not unusual that you are no longer having frequent morning erections at your age. You ought to be able to achieve daily erections for masturbation and/or intercourse.

Is it safe to use essential oil body wash as lubricant? (age 15)

Anything that can be used on the skin is safe, but I doubt body wash is an effective lubricant.

Since my mom found my Playboy magazines in my room, I don't need to hide them anymore and I now keep them on my nightstand. She told me that she doesn't mind if I keep them in my room. Is it normal that I masturbate more frequently than before? (age 17)

You don't say what your masturbation frequency is, but most guys your age do it 5-9 times a week. That frequency is normal, healthy, and fun.

Is there any difference in the effect of masturbating with erotica and pornography? Sometimes when I masturbate, I feel pain in the area between my belly and my genitals, and I can have a hard time urinating even when I've been flaccid for a while. Is this normal? (age 13)

Most people say that arousal via words (erotica) is better than arousal via pornography. At your age, I think you should use neither and instead work off your imagination. Urinary trouble is highly abnormal at your age. I suggest drinking more water for a few weeks and see if the resulting increased urination takes care of your problems. If not, you might need to see a doctor. The doctor would probably start by analyzing a urine sample.

I first tried to masturbate last year, but I had no idea what to do. My dad never told me anything about masturbation. Recently I found and a managed to masturbate to orgasm, but I canít ejaculate. If I masturbate for a while, a small amount of clear liquid comes out of my penis. Do you have any tips to reach ejaculation? (age 13)

You might not be producing all the components of semen yet. When the clear liquid comes out, stroke as hard and fast as you can for a few minutes and see if it leads to ejaculation.

I've heard it's more relaxing in bed/lying down, but I'm not sure how I would clean up since now I just ejaculate into the carpet. (age 13)

You seem to have a narrow focus for someone so young. Most guys clean up with tissues or a rag like an old shirt kept on hand for that purpose. You obviously can't ejaculate into your carpet forever. You would find lying in bed much more comfortable and allow you greater range of motion. You'll certainly be having sex sometime after the next presidential election. Enjoy what you can do for now.

Will masturbating first thing in the morning make me less aroused during the day? (age 16)

Your arousal is apt to be less for a few hours after you masturbate. But if you're young, the effect might not last very long and you will be aroused again. Being aroused is good. Why do you want it to be less?

I donít masturbate often, only about once a week. Is that OK or should it be more frequent? I donít do it every day because there is never time when Iím completely alone and Iím afraid of getting caught. (age 14)

Frequent masturbation is good for you. Most boys your age masturbate daily, and you seem to want to do it that often. There is no reason to fear being caught. Your parents already know that nearly all boys your age masturbate. The older you get, the less you have to hide. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It is not something to be ashamed of.

Whenever I masturbate only one hour after my previous ejaculation, the orgasm is painful. This seems to only happen when I do that. Is this normal? (age 13)

Unfortunately, yes. You're straining your sexual parts by masturbating that often. Give your body a chance to recover from your previous session before you start another one.

I'm a virgin (no luck with women). I masturbate to porn daily, but when I miss a day or more, I start having major anxiety. Why does that happen? (age 31)

Masturbating is an excellent anxiety reducer, but you shouldn't having anxiety attacks just because you haven't masturbated lately. You might seek help from a doctor for your anxiety. I would also suggest working on finding sex with women. It's not too late.

What is the difference between hymen and vagina? (age 22)

The vagina is the organ that the penis inserts fully into during intercourse; and it is also where a baby passes through in getting born. The hymen is a thin membrane that partially covers the entrance to the vagina.

Is it OK for me to masturbate using the backhand technique? (age 16)

Yes, fine.

Is it good for cardiac and control of blood pressure by masturbating thrice weekly at 52 years of male? (age 52)

Masturbation is good, healthy exercise. I have never heard anyone say it causes cardiac risk. I have heard that it tends to lower blood pressure. Many men your age masturbate or have sexual intercourse a total of more than three times a week. I say go for it!

Should I participate in no-nut November and destroy dick December? (age 17)

Frequent ejaculation is healthy. Going all of November without ejaculating is no fun and is apt to be bad for you.

I masturbate naked. I do it to be free of clothes and want to see my chest and body. Is it normal to masturbate naked? (age 29)

Yes, very. Most people have an easier time getting aroused that way. Some even do it while watching themselves in a mirror. I call that mirrorbating.

I get massive headaches whenever I masturbate. What do I do about this? (age 18)

I would suggest seeing a doctor to rule a serious health problem. If they are occurring at the back of your head, just above the neck, they are apt to be muscle-tension headaches. Try masturbating in a different position (e.g. sitting, standing) and see if they go away.

I see you tell a lot of people that they are too young to have sex, but I don't know when it is physically not harmful. I'm a teenage boy so naturally I think about sex a lot and want to have it but I understand that I have to wait and not pressure someone else into it. I'm only 14 but I matured pretty quickly. I masturbated for the first time two weeks before my 11th birthday. What is your opinion on a safe age to have sex? (age 14)

The right age for sex is more than just about physical functioning. If you were able to have a firm erection and masturbate to orgasm two weeks before your 11th birthday, then you were physically able to have sex then. A boy or girl is not able to handle the other, emotional aspects of sexuality until later. Plus, there can also be consequences of early sexuality, not the least of which are pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. Also, there is something called age of consent which means it can be against the law to have sex below a certain age, which varies from place to place. I always tell people who are not yet 16 that they're too young to have sex. I never tell people 18 or older that they're too young. At ages 16 and 17, some people are ready for sex and some aren't. Only you can decide.

I don't think I have precum. Does everybody have precum? Do I just not make a lot? I have honestly never noticed it. Not even during my first kiss (very recently!!!). Is it normal? If it isn't, is it bad or does it just not affect me? (age 14)

I teach that all males produce pre-cum, which is properly called Cowper's fluid or bulbourethral fluid. The time you're most likely to notice it is when you're very aroused for an extended period of time without engaging in actual penile stimulation. If you're aroused long enough (30 minutes or more), you will notice an actual flow of pre-cum, possibly enough to soak through several layers of clothing.

I've seen a few times you telling people, "you're too old to be a virgin." That is rude and judgmental. Sex is a personal choice, not something someone should do at a certain age, just because they feel they have to. Many people may also have reasons, like no sex until marriage, or maybe they have a history of sexual abuse. It's very insensitive. (age 23)

Would you please read this chapter by Eva Margolies for an understanding of why I believe men should never be virgins over age 21.

I've tried to masturbate using different strokes like just the shaft or just the head but I haven't really been getting any pleasure from it other than a few tingles and I usually become flaccid after a short period of time. I still have wet dreams though. What do I do? (age 14)

Keep trying. Find a thought that really turns you on and have that in your head next time you try.

What's the best way to masturbate for hours without rushing to orgasm? (age 27)

You can have an enjoyable session without stretching it out for hours and without rushing to orgasm. Try a session that lasts 15-20 minutes. That's what many males do. Going for hours is not good for you.

I'm a virgin. I love to masturbate a lot. I masturbate almost every day. What's the difference when you ejaculate from masturbation and from having sex? Which one is more pleasurable? (age 19)

They both feel good. You can better control what happens when you're masturbating and can make it more intense. When having sex, you have to work with your partner and think about her pleasure too.

Is there a way to speed up how quickly you orgasm? (age 16)

Most guys your age want to slow down their orgasms. If you want to speed it up, the best way is to make sure your mind is fully engaged in a sexual fantasy that arouses you. The more turned on you are, the easier it is to bring yourself to orgasm faster.

Is it OK to use lotion instead of lube? (age 18)

Yes, fine. Lotion is a form of lube. My point is that you would probably enjoy a water-based lube made especially for sex than an ordinary household product that contains oil and can be messy.

I am a really weird case. I can't ejaculate or reach orgasm with just my hands. I never could. I've trying to do it my entire adolescence. I had ideas of trying new things, such as an electric shaver (only for the vibration). Is this normal? Should I stop? I'm not getting any injuries. I'm more relaxed now and I can masturbate often. (age 19)

Vibration helps a lot of females reach orgasm, but it doesn't do much for men. I don't think that is your answer. I would suggest abstaining from masturbating for a week (perhaps longer) and then trying to masturbate by hand. It will be easier the longer it's been since your last orgasm.

I had wet dreams during high school. Then I learned masturbation at 15. I did it 2 or 3 times a week. At 19 I only masturbated about once in 15 days. At 20, I started masturbation while watching porn. In my all time masturbating, I used to ejaculate in 2 or 3 minutes. At 21, I met with a girl and tried to have sex but when she touched me, I started leaking pre-cum, and my erection slowed down, and I could not penetrate her. The next time I took Manforce 50 mg, and then I could penetrate her, but I lasted only 30 or 40 seconds after penetration. Now I masturbate only 1 or 2 times a month, and I still have wet dreams. What should I do to fix it so that I can reach ejaculation during real sex? Is it OK to masturbate with porn? (age 23)

You are not masturbating anywhere close to often enough. Most younger guys who are not sexually active masturbate every day. By still having wet dreams at your age, you are proving that you're not masturbating enough. You probably haven't done it often enough to have sexual control. For example, you gave up at your first intercourse when you had pre-cum. That is very normal, and if you had more experience masturbating and being with women, you would know how to handle that moment. 30 or 40 seconds is not ideal, but it is better than not reaching orgasm at all. Keep masturbating and having intercourse and work at being better at both. Most men use images to help them masturbate.

I have an amazing girlfriend who is just like me and I donít want to lose her doing something stupid. Iím having trouble keeping my fantasy life outside of my real life and I do stupid things when I get aroused. Iím worried that Iím going to cross the line with my perfect girlfriend and lose her. (age 14)

You're being pretty vague about what you might do to lose your girlfriend. Are you saying you're going to be sexual with a different girl? Are you worried you're going to say or do something that will alienate your girlfriend? Most people don't expect their relationships at 14 to last very long. Why don't you talk more with your girlfriend about things you should and shouldn't do.

I would just like to thank you for the information you provide. I've been pretty unknowledgeable about sex, because my dad didn't explain it very well to me. I used to get tingling sensations in my genitals when I glanced at women's clothing or a woman swimming and felt like I wanted to play with the area. I also poured body wash on my penis one time when I was young, and it erected like crazy.

A few years ago I stuck my penis into a glove, because it looked like it would feel nice for some reason. I did it for a few minutes before I felt a strong sensation in my pelvis, like I was about to sneeze. Only about 8 months ago did I start masturbating, and I felt awesome. I thought I was the only person in the world who did it, and I would feel guilty when I felt an extremely strong desire to masturbate. This website has really helped me to understand that masturbation is healthy and that all boys do it. (age 14)

You seem to have experienced a lot penis-wise for a young age. Be careful where you stick your penis. Thank you for reading

Should I request my parents buy me some lube and do you think I will get it? (age 16)

I don't know your parents. (At least I don't think I do.) What usually happens when you ask for something that costs between 88 cents and $10? Most guys your age would just go out and buy it themselves.

Thank you for your site. I masturbated for the first time today and had an orgasm. It felt great! (age 13)

Hooray! I hope the next 10,000 times also feel great!

I am sick with a cold. Is it OK to masturbate? (age 13)

It is a lot better than OK.

Do lots of people my age masturbate? (age 14)

The boys, almost all of them. The girls, more than half.

I've been reading through and some things stated as facts are wrong. (age 21)

Why don't you tell me what those are, and we can go from there?

Will my mom be angry or disappointed with me if she finds out I masturbate? What should I do? (age 14)

She probably masturbates herself or used to. She will not be angry or disappointed. She might even be happy that you have healthy sexuality and are keeping your sex organs in healthy functioning condition. She would be more likely to be angry or disappointed if, instead of masturbating, you were using girls for sex.

Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health.

My friend is very religious and he says that masturbation is bad and he hasn't masturbated for at least 2 years. He says that the only ejaculation he can have is a wet dream and that occurs to him once a month. Can he become underdeveloped in some way? Is there a risk of prostate cancer if he would not be able to have sex for next 5-7 years when he thinks he'll get married? (age 16)

I would have an easier time believing he's never masturbated than that he used to but quit. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. He should masturbate often and enjoy it. Why don't you have him read my page for Christians? The risk of prostate cancer is not an immediate one but long term. Males who masturbate most often when they're young have the least incidence of prostate cancer later. Most men are not married at age 21-23. Why does your friend assume he will be?

Follow-up from another reader: You found it hard to believe that the writer's friend had quit masturbating, but I disagree. When I was 12, I masturbated a few times. Then I stopped for nearly 2 years. I had a lot of wet dreams but I easily stopped masturbating for a while. (age 15)

You had not made masturbation a habit and were able to quit after only a few times. But then after two years, you took it up again and have now made it a daily habit. That is the point at which I have trouble believing a male could quit.

What is the actual way to masturbate supine? You never say. (age 13)

I say frequently. Supine means lying on one's back. The regular way is to lie supine (on one's back) and stroke up and down the penis with one hand. I suggest you read my Young Man's Guide to Masturbation.

I masturbate to this girl in a jeans ad whoís exposing her cleavage and lifting up her shirt. Is it OK to use this, because itís not really extreme or about sex, or should I use my imagination more? The only problem is that when I use my imagination, it doesnít really turn me on. (age 13)

I see nothing wrong with the ad. Work at finding more things you can imagine that will turn you on.

I just had a doctor's appointment and my doctor had a medical student working with him. My doctor asked if my mother and I if I minded her doing the exam as a part of her residency. My mother said it was OK and they told her she needed to remain in the room. So we went into the exam room. The student doctor asked me to stand and take my clothes off. I did so covering my junk. She asked me to lie on the table with my hands on my sides and she checked my belly and groin. I was so nervous being this naked. She then asked me to stand so she could check for a hernia and scoliosis. Her hands felt nice while I was coughing. She then asked me to turn around and touch my toes. She ran her fingers along my spine to my lower back. She then told me to stand up straight and tall. I was so embarrassed. My penis was getting hard and I was literally 2 feet in front of my mother. I tried not to look at her but I could see she was staring at my penis and it was growing. The doctor said good job get dressed. I did and left then room as fast as I could. Do you think my mom realized what happened to me and is it weird that I got turned on in the appointment? (age 14)

It would have been better if your mother hadn't been in the room. It is not unusual that you got aroused by a 20something female medical student examining you. Be glad everything checked out fine.

I used to be able to masturbate for up to 10 minutes, but nowadays I seem to only be able to masturbate for a couple of minutes before I have the urge to ejaculate. How can I prolong the amount of time which I use to masturbate? Does viewing porn have any effect on this? (age 15)

There is nothing wrong with masturbating to orgasm in only a few minutes. Just because you have the urge to ejaculate after two or three minutes doesn't mean you have to. If you're enjoying your session, channel your thoughts away from what is leading to your orgasm but maintain your erection. Stretching things out for a minute or two is apt to be fun. It is more in your control than you think. Viewing visual stimulation is usually done to make masturbation sessions shorter, not longer.

Today I was attempting to draw a simple erotic picture. During drawing I wondered: Do people masturbate to their own erotic art? Does that also cause the bad side effects of masturbating to porn? (age 13)

Yes, people do; and I don't think there's any harm to that. Drawing your own pictures is obviously a greater exercise of your imagination than merely imagining something.

I want to try masturbate with lotion. What part of my penis do I put it on? I'm uncircumcised and can fully retract my foreskin. (age 12)

Don't put it on your penis directly. Put it on your hand and then use your hand as you do.

I masturbate twice a week for about an hour to and hour and 30 minutes. Sometimes I decide to cum and sometimes I don't. If I decide to let go, I shoot lots of cum and it feels great and if I don't, I just enjoy the orgasm. Is it OK if I masturbate and don't cum? (age 29)

That is a bad way to masturbate. Most men and women say the ejaculation at the end is the best part. That is the goal of nearly all sexual activity. You're also taking an extreme amount of time, which is taxing your prostate. Most men masturbate more often than you do and get it over with in 5-15 minutes.

How can I introduce masturbation to my girlfriend? (age 16)

Do you want to talk about it, or do you want her to practice it? If you want to talk about it, just mention that you enjoy masturbating and do it ___ times a week. Then see what she says. You might find out she already practices it, or you might find out she's not even comfortable talking about it. If you're already being sexual together, you might try touching her gently the way she might like it if she did it herself.

Iím very attracted to my girlfriend and donít have trouble when Iím with her. But when I try to masturbate while fantasizing about her I have trouble focusing and getting to orgasm. Are there likely reasons and/or solutions to this? (age 20)

Many people are uncomfortable fantasizing about people they actually know and/or are sexually active with and prefer to fantasize about strangers, celebrities, and people who pose for nude photos. I don't know that there's anything wrong with that. If fantasizing about your girlfriend causes you dissatisfaction, then fantasize about some of the billions of other people.

I came across your site years ago and it helped me come to terms with my own masturbatory needs and embrace it. I'm straight and enjoy intercourse several times a week but masturbation fulfills another part of me and so I need that too. I occasionally masturbate with other guys who share my passion for it. My girlfriends over the years have all masturbated and have all admitted they masturbate with other girls but it's awkward for a guy to admit that so I have kept that part to myself. I wish guys could be as open about masturbation and mutual masturbation an girls. Can you comment on why the disparity and perhaps talk about the changing norms in that area? (age 26)

I have never asked about masturbating with other people on any of the surveys I've done on I don't perceieve that many people practice masturbation with friends and random people. Not even many people who are sexually active masturbate together. I even think it's unusual that all of your girlfriends have admitted they masturbate, because in my experience, a large share of women either don't masturbate or don't admit it.

When I masturbate, after 10-15 minutes, my muscles lock up and I don't ejaculate. Is this bad? (age 15)

I have to say that is bad. At your age, you should be masturbating to orgasm quite easily. Try to keep your erection while you get your muscles unlocked, then go back at it.

Each time I masturbate, I seem to last a lot longer than the last time. Is this bad? (age 13)

No, it isn't. Most boys your age seem to reach orgasm too quickly and wish they could last longer.

I am a virgin and unmarried and feel a strong desire to masturbate after 2-3 days without ejaculation but right after ejaculation, my desire goes down and I do not feel any excitement. Why does this happen? Do women also feel the same condition? (age 31)

Yes, that is called the refractory period. Both men and women experience it. But at your age, you should feel the desire again after a few hours. Most virgin men your age masturbate about daily. When you feel that strong desire, why not go out and meet women that you might want to have sex with? You're too old to be a virgin.

I have a lingering pain in my penis from a prolonged masturbation session two weeks ago. Nothing is visibly wrong, but I have a burning discomfort through the shaft and glans, even when flaccid. Erections have been uncomfortable, bordering on painful. I have an appointment with my urologist next week, but Iím terrified Iíve done something permanent. Iíve looked at articles online about ďbroken penisĒ but I really donít think thatís what Iíve done. Is this just a case of being too vigorous and inflaming the tissue? (age 52)

Let me know what the urologist says. Penile fracture is a possibility. If it were mere inflamed tissue, I would think it would be back to normal after two weeks.

Is white hair caused due by masturbation? (age 18)

No. All of the males and nearly all of the females your age masturbate. How many of them have white hair?

I love your web site! I've been masturbating since 11-12, and it felt great then! But now, I don't even get a leg-twitching, face-crunching orgasm. It feels like nothing! Then the second I reach orgasm, 1 or 2 seconds afterward, I ejaculate and then lose ALL feeling! So it's just 1-2 seconds of nothing. (age 14)

I think you might be anticipating having a nothing orgasm and then you get one. Don't expect all orgasms to feel leg-twitching, face-crunching. By definition, most are only average. It might help to masturbate less often than you do now and see if having only three orgasms a week instead of eight helps you have a more enjoyable orgasm.

I have masturbated since I was 15 or 16. I used to masturbate 4-6 days a week, on average, but now I do it 3-5 days a week, and I am a virgin. I want to have kids in the future and I am afraid my sperm will become less fertile. Do I need to cut down on masturbation? (age 20)

No. Masturbation is good for you and your fertility. Frequent ejaculation flushes out the oldest sperm from you and so the newer, better sperm remain. A male is more likely to impregnate a female if he's masturbated recently than if he hasn't. You ought to enjoy frequent masturbation and not worry that it will harm your fertility.

Ever since I started masturbating and being sexual active, I have felt like once I got aroused, I was already to ejeculate. I stopped masturbating because of this and now only ejaculate during sex. I still have the issue of awful premature ejaculation. I don't masturbate because it will affect my erection quality. (age 33)

You have it backward. Masturbating before intercourse is apt to make you last longer in intercourse. Why don't you try masturbating to orgasm a few hours before you next have intercourse?

I masturbate with a flaccid penis by rubbing/pushing it. Is that OK? (age 22)

No, that is bad. Only masturbate when you have a satisfactory erection. Pushing a penis sounds like prone masturbation.

I masturbated once, sometimes twice, a day for a month straight. Does this have negative effects? (age 14)

No. Almost all the boys your age do the same thing.

Iím starting to worry that I can only climax, or even get very excited, if thoughts about one certain girl from my past are involved. Is this possible? Has this happened to people before? Is there a way to overcome it? I really donít want this to be the case.

Itís also possible that I have trouble getting aroused unless itís to something that feels forbidden. Have you heard of this before and people overcoming it? (age 19)

People have been tempted by forbidden fruit since the Garden of Eden. It's better if you can get aroused by other things too. Yes, there are people who can only get aroused by one particular person. It's a problem if she's in your past and not your present. Why not work about finding more girls who can arouse you? There must be billions.

Is humping a pillow prone masturbation?

YES! It might be the most common form of prone masturbation.

I masturbate once a month. Is it OK? (age 16)

I have to say that it isn't. Most males your age masturbate about once a day. The ones who don't do it often do it about three times a week. Once a month is an extremely low frequency. Even males about your age who don't masturbate have wet dreams more often than that. See here to learn the health benefits of frequent masturbation.

I've only masturbated intentionally twice, one when I was 10 years old and the other one a few days ago. I usually get aroused very frequently and I really want to masturbate. However, I'm afraid of ejaculation, since I don't know what measures to take to avoid staining or wetting my underwear or surroundings. What do I do? The last time I masturbated I spilled out some precum, but I don't know if that means I'm not able to ejaculate. (age 13)

Don't be afraid of ejaculating. It will be one of the best experiences you will ever have. Most males only ejaculate about a teaspoonful of semen. With practice, you can control exactly where it goes, and with experience, you won't care if it doesn't go exactly where you want it to. Just have a cloth or tissue for cleaning up handy.

I started masturbating at age 14. Now I am 16 and cannot do it as long as I want to. Sometimes I last only a minute. Is this a medical problem? I masturbate once or twice a week.

Most boys your age masturbate daily. If you do it more often, it is apt to take longer. There is nothing wrong with ejaculating after only a minute or two. If it bothers you, work at lasting 1:30, then 1:45, then 2:00, and so on...

Suppose there are two males the same age, one of whom is masturbating and the other isn't. Which person is likely to get more sexual thoughts overall? (age 19)

I've never asked about "frequency of sexual thoughts" on one of my surveys here. Keep in mind there aren't any men your age who don't masturbate. If you were talking about 13 or 14 year old boys, I would expect the one who masturbates to have more sexual thoughts. Both masturbating and sexual thoughts are good things. I get the feeling you don't think so.

Why is it that I rarely get erections and when I do they are not fully erect? I have to stimulate my penis with my hands and kind of "play with myself" in order to get hard and I then quickly go soft. I resort to just grabbing my foreskin and not shaft in order to get somewhat hard. Why am I not getting fully hard naturally? Please help. This has been ongoing for several months. (age 16)

The problem you describe is typical for a man over 40 but is very rare at your age. I suggest seeing a doctor to rule out a serious physical condition.

I keep fantasizing about women who dominate me in really serious ways. I imagine them blackmailing me, humiliating me, manipulating me, etc. and often I have especially good orgasms this way. Is this unhealthy? Would it be better not to have these fantasies often, and if so how could I get as turned on by other things? (age 18)

Those are common fantasies. There is even a genre of erotica called B&D. It's not unhealthy to fantasize. But it would be good if you can get aroused by other things too, like simple nudity or thoughts of simple intercourse.

Iím trying to masturbate while fantasizing about my girlfriend, but for some reason it wonít work. It works when I fantasize about other women. Iím very attracted to my girlfriend so Iím not sure why this isnít effective. Is this a common thing at all? (age 19)

Yes, it is. Many males feel guilty about fantasizing about people they know. That is one reason fantasizing about women in nude images and celebrities are so popular.

Masturbating feels amazing, but I don't have the urge to do it every day and I'm still a virgin. Is it normal not to masturbate every day? I'm not against it. (age 17)

Most virgins your age masturbate daily, but plenty masturbate less than that. I think you're doing fine.

I'm getting circumcised because my foreskin doesn't retract. Any suggestions? (age 12)

If this has to happen, it's better to get it done now than wait until later. If you're already in the practice of masturbating frequently, ask your doctor if you'll be able to do it after the operation. Don't be afraid to tell the doctor that you masturbate. The doctor masturbates too.

After I masturbate, my penis gets really small. Is it normal? (age 13)

Yes, the smaller the better. That means your penis drained of blood effectively after your orgasm. Congratulations! At your age, you will probably be able to masturbate again in 15 minutes.

I am interested in buying a masturbation sleeve, except I donít want my family knowing. What is a good way to order it without them knowing? Also any tips for hiding it? (age 13)

I would suggest getting better using your hands for a few years before trying a toy. If you really want one, you can buy it with a Visa gift card. A package arriving for you in the mail will be less suspicious if you routinely get packages than if this is the only one all year. If you wrap it in a piece of clothing, it is unlikely anyone will find it.

I enjoy masturbating when I do it, which is about 3 times a week. I'm still a virgin. I feel like I'm wasting sperm when I ejaculate. I'm a weightlifter and I feel like jerking off will have an effect on my growth and size. Help me if im wrong please. (age 29)

You're wrong about many things. You should accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. You are too old to be a virgin. Most virgins your age masturbate daily. Masturbating does not waste sperm; it keeps your semen healthy. Masturbating is good exercise and will not affect your weightlifting. I suggest reading this page about the health benefits of frequent masturbation.

Does masturbating to still pictures of naked females have the same effects as masturbating to video porn? (age 15)

I believe that still pictures are safer because they leave more to your imagination. With video, the story is handed to you.

I just masturbated in the shower and the semen leaves a very strange texture on my skin. I think the best way to describe it is that my skin has gotten less slippery. Is this normal and is there a reason why this would happen? (age 14)

You might have been greasy for some reason and the semen washed some of it off? Might use more soap in the shower (for cleaning).

Does masturbating 2-3 times a day cause prostate cancer? (age 16)

A team of doctors led by Dr. Graham Giles surveyed a group of men with prostate cancer and an age-matched group of men without it and asked them questions about their sexual practices, including how often they ejaculated in various decades of their lives. They found that the men who ejaculated most often when they were younger had the least incidence of prostate cancer later. They reasoned that frequent ejaculation flushes the prostate and keeps it in healthy functioning condition and eliminates chemicals that might cause prostate cancer. Dr. Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week. However, 2-3 times a day is an extreme frequency not evaluated by the Giles team's study. Most boys your age do it about once a day.

When I masturbate, usually it takes about 35 minutes to reach orgasm. How can I lower this? (age 18)

Try doing it only when you're really aroused. Focus on bringing yourself to orgasm. If you do that, you should be able to finish in 10 minutes or so.

I discovered today and have been reading it over. Congrats on making such a remarkable service for so many people. One thing I noticed while reading that concerned me was the age at which I developed seem to be radically different from everyone else. I never masturbated until I was 20. I didn't have much in the way of sex ed, and I didn't know how to do it and honestly wasn't super interested. I didn't have much in the way of sexual dreams or fantasies. I was interested in girls but in purely romantic ways, as opposed to sexual ways. I knew I was different from other guys but I never felt bad about it or anything, until I read over and over that every male starts doing these things way before I did.

I continued to develop late as my life went on. I didn't really get interested in girls in a sexual way until my mid 20's, and I was a virgin until I was 32. I am 42 now and have had sex three times with two partners. I didn't masturbate regularly until I was 22 or so, and now I typically do it 2-3 times a week. All this time I knew I was different but I never felt bad about it until I read your site. Why is it that I am so different?

You might not have anything to worry about, and you are not necessarily very different. You shouldn't feel bad about anything. It is possible your testosterone or other hormones are lower than normal. A doctor could do a blood test to determine that. Your frequency now is within the normal range for a man your age. Work at finding a regular sex partner. It isn't too late!

I jerk off two to three times a week without ejaculating. I just love to masturbate. I enjoy orgasm and I can go for more than an hour. When I feel I'm about to ejaculate, I stop. Is it good to masturbate and not ejaculate at the end? (age 27)

I have said many times that what you're doing is not at all good. You're being unnecessarily hard on your prostate and other sex organs. They want you to ejaculate, and sooner than you are. How do you enjoy orgasm if you're afraid to ejaculate?

How does masturbation impact testosterone levels? Is the impact different when masturbating to pornography? (age 15)

Masturbating or ejaculating in other ways does not affect your testosterone level. However, your testosterone level affects how often you masturbate or seek to ejaculate in other ways. Males with more testosterone ejaculate more frequently.

Sometimes I masturbate by opening the skin of my penis and gently rubbing it with my finger. Is it safe? (age 19)

Breaking skin is never safe. This is how infections start.

Iím in high school and for five years now, Iíve been sure that Iím bi. I want to experiment with another guy so badly. I donít want to have anal sex but Iím really turned on by the idea of masturbating together or sharing hand jobs or oral sex. Is it OK for me to do this at my age? (age 16)

In most places, you have reached the age of consent and can decide what kind of sex you'll have and with whom. I think it would be better for this kind of experimenting to happen with a guy about your same age instead of someone much older or younger.

I havenít masturbated the past 5 days because I have been staying in my brother's room due to renovations. I notice my right testicle has grown about twice its size. It feels great. Is this normal? My left hasnít grown much at all. Iím worried. (age 16)

A testicle will not double in size merely because you haven't ejaculated for five days. If you think something is really wrong, you need to see a doctor. Why don't you try masturbating at your usual frequency (in your brother's room or someplace else) and see if things go back to normal?

Is there any downside to daily masturbation at age 70 and over? (age 70)

No. Frequent masturbation is good for you. It will keep your sex organs in good function. Take a lesson from Ernest Borgnine, who lived to be 95.

When I masturbate, I usually stroke up and down the shaft a couple of times, then firmly and quickly press down on the base of my penis. Is this normal, or should I only stroke the shaft? (age 12)

Nearly all males stroke the shaft and lightly brush the head. The base has no role in this. Pressing firmly on it will also not help. Try to see how little force you need to bring yourself to orgasm. You are young and keep learning.

About 9 months ago I started secretly taking pictures of my crush and keeping them in my phone for when I wanted to masturbate. Yesterday I was showing my younger brother (who is 12) a different pic on my phone when one of my crush pics came up and I quickly moved on to another picture. He asked me who that was but I didnít answer. Do you think he knows what Iím up to? (age 14)

He probably has the idea that you're attracted to that girl, but he probably doesn't know you're using them to masturbate. Why not ask the girl out?

When I masturbate, with porn or other erotic material, I am able to climax within 5-10 minutes. When using only my imagination, climaxing takes 15-45 minutes. Is there any way to speed this up? Is it OK to use still pictures and erotic texts to masturbate, or should I not use them at all? (age 15)

It's completely up to you. I say to be able to get by with only your imagination at least some of the time. You've learned the most important function of visual aids: a timesaver during masturbation. If you can get aroused from still pictures and erotic texts, you're better off than those who can only get aroused from extreme videos.

I love your site. It has really helped me with some questions I had that I was too embarrassed to ask my mom about (since my dad left). (age 15)

Is it OK if I get my own semen in my mouth? Can I use my saliva as a lube to make my penis more slippery? (age 13)

Those are both OK.

Many sources that I found online all state that at my age, I should be waking up with morning wood every morning and that it will last for a while after waking up, but itís not the case for me. I used to have them frequently but now I only have them seldom. Is there something wrong with me? I heard itís an effect of porn. Could it also be because I wake up very early in the mornings? (age 15)

Morning erections decline after age 18. If you can erect when you want to, it is not a problem that you are not waking up erect. I recommend using less porn generally. Your time of waking does not matter.

What's the most guys have ever masturbated in one day? (age 14)

I asked over 10,000 people that very question in a survey once. Here is the result from 8479 males. The most common answer was four. The median answer was five. The average was 5.66.

Should I masturbate when I am home alone? (age 12)

If that's the best time for you to get to know yourself. Once you've started, you'll want to do it also when other people are home.

If I masturbate and get orgasm, my erection depletes and nothing happens. Around 5 minutes later, a clear sticky fluid comes out of my penis in waves and in small amounts.Iím concerned. (age 12)

It is normal for your erection to go detumescent immediately after your orgasm. The liquid that comes out afterward is semen that didn't get ejaculated. Nothing is wrong.

How much should someone my age masturbate? I do it every day and sometimes twice a day. I heard that doing it too much can numb your penis. Is that true? (age 18)

Your frequency is just fine. Masturbating frequently will not numb your penis, although the penis will be more sensitive after a few days with no friction.

I have typically masturbated while thrusting into a blanket while sitting up similar to the doggy style position. (age 15)

That is prone masturbation, and it is bad for you. I urge you to give that up.

Will applying turmeric or aloe vera gel on the glans penis cause any problems? I need to get rid of an infection. Do you know any home remedies to do so apart from going to the doctor? (age 14)

If you really have an infection on your penis, you need to go to the doctor. The doctor knows how to diagnose and treat that infection. It is one of the most sensitive parts of your body, and you want to be able to keep having fun with it for another 80 or 90 years. I doubt aloe vera gel would do any harm, and I doubt turmeric would feel good there. Neither will cure an infection.

I think Iím bisexual, but I donít really get turned on by girls that much. It happens occasionally but I get easily turned on by guys. Recently, Iíve stopped masturbating to gay porn and have switched to videos of girls only. It works and I can masturbate without thinking about guys. But it somehow doesnít feel right. Is it possible for me to get accustomed to masturbating to girls? I have also switched to jerking off with my left hand instead of right. I hope that it somehow tricks my mind into getting turned on by girls only. I just wanted to know if that is really possible? (age 15)

You report having mixed feelings. You say you don't really get turned on by girls but are able to masturbate with female images. It's good to be turned on by more than one thing and to masturbate to more than one kind of image. It's also good to be able to masturbate with either hand. I think you ought to find out where your sexual interests lie and not try to force something that doesn't work for you.

Whenever I look at a hot girl, something like thick water starts coming out of my penis. It's not ejaculate. Is it the symptom of something dysfunctional? (age 19)

You are about seven years too old to ask that. You ought to be familiar with pre-cum, or Cowper's fluid, by now. It is produced when you're aroused in anticipation of your having intercourse or a different kind of orgasm.

Is it bad to jerk off 5 times in one day, but regularly 2 times a day? (age 14)

Twice a day is not an unusual frequency at your age. I suspect by the time you're 16 or 17, you'll be down to once a day, or maybe 6-10 times a week. For most males, five times is the absolute most they've ever done it in one day, and that was probably only one day for them.

Lately my semen is thick and stringy and almost has the consistency of Jell-O. It's got a yellowish tint to it. It used to be more white and more like a liquid. Is there something wrong? I don't want to tell my doctor or anything. (age 15)

I hope you would tell your doctor if you thought something was wrong. From what you report, you haven't been ejaculating often enough lately. Try ejaculating at least 4-5 times a week and see if your semen gets more like a white liquid.

I read that teenagers around my age are supposed to wake up with an erection every morning. Iím not getting one every morning and only get them rarely. Is there something wrong with me? Is there a way to have them more often? I used to have them more when I was younger. (age 15)

You're right about how it is for 15-year-old boys. Erections decline starting at about age 18. You seem much too young for that. I would suggest getting the doctor to check your testosterone level.

Can masturbation be a cause of lower back pain or knee stiffness or joint stiffness? (age 19)

Anything you do can cause those things. I think masturbation would be good for knee or joint stiffness (it's exercise), but unfortunately, yes, masturbation can cause lower back pain.

My girlfriend gave me a handjob and I ejaculated and then I fingered her about 15-20 minutes later. Iím worried I might have gotten sperm on my hand and then fingered her but Iíve read that sperm dies after 2 minutes outside of the body. If so what are the odds of her getting pregnant. (age 16)

If she gets pregnant, 100 percent. Sperm can live longer than two minutes. That was not safe to finger her with semen on your fingers, even 15-20 minutes later. Always wash your hands before fingering her.

I have heard that masturbation affects your brain and memory and might lead to hair loss. I masturbate 8 or 9 times a week. How much of this is true? My hair loss has increased. Is this because of masturbation? (age 24)

If masturbation has any effect on your brain or memory, it is good for them. It is good for your body to be kept in good physical condition, which masturbating helps provide. Hair loss is genetic. If you don't have the gene for baldness, then you won't go bald. If you have it, there are treatments like Minoxidil that can help you keep your hair. Masturbation doesn't cause hair loss, but they aren't completely unrelated. Hair loss is accelerated by testosterone. You seem to have a lot of testosterone, which is why you masturbate more than once a day. Guys with more testosterone masturbate and have sex more and also lose their hair faster, if they have the gene to do so. I suggest you check out treatments for hair loss, like Minoxidil, and enjoy masturbating while you do so.

I want to masturbate with my friend but how do I ask him if he wants to? (age 14)

I really think it's better if you don't.

I masturbate weirdly. I place my penis on top of my thighs and press on my shaft. Is this prone masturbation? (age 14)

That is not prone masturbation, but as you point out, it is weird. Masturbating like that will not make it easy for you to reach orgasm in other ways, like inside a partner. Males who masturbate by stroking gently up and down the penis have the best success in sexual intercourse. I suggest you stop the shaft-pressing thing.

Can I masturbate prone if I use a toy vagina with lots of lube? Or will my penis still get damaged somehow? How does doing it prone damage the penis? (age 25)

The damage caused by prone masturbation is not usually to the penis itself but in your head. A male who masturbates prone gets too accustomed to the tremendous force that prone masturbation delivers. The force of the gentle stroking action of regular masturbation is more similar to force of thrusting in and out of a partner's vagina than prone is.

When I masturbate in bed, I put a towel underneath myself so when I ejaculate, I get no stains on the sheets. Is it OK to put the towel back on the radiator to use after a shower or to ejaculate again? (age 13)

I would use a separate towel for that, but it really doesn't matter.

I'm wondering if I can start masturbating at my age or if I have to wait until I'm older. It would be mortifying to ask that of my parents. (age 12)

More boys start masturbating at age 12 than any other age. There is no reason to ask your parents.

A few days ago, I masturbated 3 times. I usually have a large volume of semen when I ejaculate but since that day, my semen volume has dropped. Instead of 3-4 squirts, I now have only 1-2 squirts. Sometimes there are no squirts and it just oozes out. (age 15)

You didn't hurt anything by masturbating three times one day. You never measured your semen volume accurately. Don't worry about that and instead enjoy yourself.

I masturbate by hand almost every day but occasionally I masturbate prone. Should I stop? (age 16)

Yes. Masturbating prone will do you no good and will probably cause problems. It's not worth the risk.

Iíve been masturbating since I was 13. I still manage to get a good stiff erection just thinking about sex, using porn and fingering my penis. I still masturbate, have pleasurable orgasms and ejaculate semen. (age 66)

Thank you for your inspiring report.

Recently, I woke up in the middle of the night and didnít go back to sleep, so I ended up masturbating to erotica and a porn videos online. I noticed that while I was masturbating, my erection was weaker than it usually was and my penis wasnít as hard. It would start to become flaccid if I stopped stroking the foreskin. I am worried. Is this because I have been masturbating to too much porn and that I am starting to suffer from ED, which I heard is a side-effect of viewing porn? Or is it because I was masturbating having woken up in the middle of the night and was just quite tired? I have been viewing porn videos since I was 11 and I recently noticed that some porn videos and erotica donít excite me as much anymore. If I am suffering from the side-effects of porn, are there any ways to remedy them? Thank you! (age 15)

Nearly all men can tell of waking up early and masturbating to help them get back to sleep. You give a lot of reasons why I urge younger readers to use their imaginations instead of porn. You are pretty young to find that some videos don't excite you anymore. I would urge you to make it a priority to be able to reach orgasm using only your imagination and only using videos occasionally.

Is it true that if I always shower with hot water, I will suffer from low sperm count in the future as my testicles will be unable to produce as much sperm? Does showering with hot water also boost penile growth? (age 15)

I've heard it said that men having semen analysis should avoid bathing in hot water or hot tubs before producing their sample, but I've never heard that about shower water. Shower water only flows down the body, you know. It's not the same as soaking in it. Showering with hot water or cold water will make no difference in your penile growth.

Are videos of people masturbating considered porn, even if they are people of the same gender masturbating? (age 16)

Masturbating is a sex act, and a video of it is considered to be porn, regardless of the gender of the people in it.

Is it normal for me to get an erection as often at 20 as it was going through puberty? I'm a college student and I am always getting an erection, sometimes a couple minutes before the lecture is over and we leave class.

I usually wear shorts or sweats but even with jeans, my erection is still noticeable. I don't know what I can do to hide it. I wear boxers but usually my penis works its way out of the fly, or if the fly is off to the side, it just points out. Not only do I have the erection problem, sometimes I have a noticeable precum spot on my pants if they are lighter colored, like light gray sweats. If I wear tighter jeans, I get an erection and it just hurts because I have no room.

It's awkward having to get up and carry my bag in front of my crotch until my erection goes down. The last time I did that I dropped my bag by accident and my erection was there for everyone to see. Nobody said anything but it was very awkward.

Sometimes I'll masturbate before class but I still get an erection. Other times I will go to the restroom to do the deed, but I hate doing that because I like to masturbate in complete privacy even though I'm in a stall, so it takes longer for me than usual to reach orgasm if I do that. (age 20)

Erections are good. You should enjoy them and be glad you're having them frequently. You shouldn't will them away or be ashamed of them. You don't need to masturbate every time you get an erection.

I would suggest switching from boxers to briefs. It is a lot harder for an erection to poke through briefs. I promise no one is looking to spot your erection or your precum spot. Instead of holding a bag in front of yourself, why not drape a jacket of your arm. It's less awkward.

What is the average age for a male to lose virginity? (age 14)

Age 18.

I'd like to thank you for helping me learn about masturbation. I had my first orgasm today. I had been masturbating for a couple of minutes. I felt my penile muscle tension increase and a wake of a cold amazing feeling over my body, then my semen lightly dripped out, which I was fine with because it felt AMAZING. Are there any web sites that aren't like porn that are milder, and just clothed/naked woman? Thank you for teaching me to discover masturbation. (age 14)

Congratulations. I think you would enjoy

I've been reading your site for a while now and I think it's really good. I've been masturbating since I was in eighth grade. I was really thrilled by it and started doing it a lot. I'm gay so I used to receive lots of sexual stimulation from TV commercials and also from gay porn. Also, I am in a boys' school so whenever I saw shirtless guys in the sports field, I used to get turned on. I think I got addicted to masturbation and started doing it on a daily basis. I used to do it 2-3 times a day, sometimes even more. There were times when my parents would be asleep and I would be jerking off to some tv ads on the couch. I would masturbate very roughly through my pants. I have stopped the rough masturbation now and I use oil as lube. That has also stopped the pain and my sex drive has increased as well. I also have a greenish layer around my penis opening. I don't know what it is. I'm scared that it might be an STD, but I've never had sexual contact with anyone. (age 15)

Masturbation is not an addiction. Your frequency is somewhat high. I recommend seeing a doctor to examine your penis for possible infection. There are other kinds of infections besides STDs, you know. I also think you would enjoy water-based lube more than oil-based.

I've masturbated many times, but I don't think I've ever orgasmed. After doing it for a few minutes, my penis always feels numb, and it gets slightly painful after a while, and it feels good, but I think I'd know if I had an orgasm. Maybe I actually have, but I'm not sure. Nothing's ever come out. (age 14)

If you don't think you've had an orgasm, then you haven't. You would know. At your age, you ought to be able to ejaculate. If you aren't ejaculating by age 15, see a doctor. Masturbating should not make your penis feel numb or painful. Use less force.

Someone said is it possible to masturbate with just the glans. I can only get satisfaction from the glans, and none from the shaft. Is this normal and OK? I used to prone masturbate, but not anymore. (age 14)

You should enjoy stroking the shaft, and most males do, and unless they're using lube, they only brush lightly against the glans, or more specifically, the coronal ridge (the widest part of the penis). Spend some time working on the shaft and learning to enjoy the feelings you get from stroking it.

I have been masturbating once a day for a few months now, and my penis hurts afterward for a few hours. Is that normal? (age 12)

No, not at all. You're using too much force. Try to see how little force you can use and still bring yourself to orgasm.

I masturbate sometimes in a condom, and wash it every time. Should I only use it once, or re-use it after washing it? (age 13)

Modern condoms are designed to be used only once. After one use, it is no longer safe to use as a contraceptive or for the prevention of disease. I doubt you'll hurt yourself by masturbating with a reused one, but I won't say it's impossible. There could be bacteria living in a washed condom.

I was circumcised 2 days ago because of my phimosis. I forgot to ask my doctor about masturbating, although my penis hurts when ANYTHING touches the unbandaged part, so I wouldn't be doing it anyway. But it's starting to kill me. I used to masturbate every day and I had my first wet dream ever last night. I don't know what to do. (age 13)

I have no idea why you can't ask your doctor now or at a follow-up visit.

Follow-up: The doctor said I have to keep my hands off it for 4-6 weeks. I don't know if I can go that long.

The doctor has obviously dealt with this situation before. Ask him if he has any suggestions. In the meantime, learn to enjoy your wet dreams.

I suggest you insert a table which consists of age group and the recommended frequency of masturbation. (age 15)

age group
recommended frequency of ejaculation
not necessary
six times per week
five times per week
four times per week

Will masturbating benefit me later in life? Is it OK to do it at a very young age? (age 14)

Yes. I predict masturbating will benefit you every day or close to it for the next few decades of your life. It is OK to do it at any age, and you're already past a very young age. You're past the age most males start masturbating.

The skin of the scrotum, dartos, usually becomes darker, a reddish brown, when a boy starts producing testosterone at pubertal levels. This process also occurs in girls and leads to the darkening of their labia. You have an outstanding site, which has a great deal of factual information for teens. (age 63, medical doctor)

Thank you for that information. I will add it to the puberty page, but I don't think many boys notice the color of their scrotum before puberty.

I asked my friend (who is also 15, like me) about his masturbation frequency and he said that he masturbates 2-3 times a week. I told him that is too low. I said I masturbate once a day and said, ďbro, I thought that you were innocent but you masturbate?Ē How do I tell him that he should masturbate more often? (age 15)

I think you did by telling him you masturbate once a day. Perhaps you could suggest he read too, where I point out on nearly every page that frequent masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health.

I don't want to be gay, but when I masturbate, I sometimes picture myself with other boys. I hate it when I accidentally think about one of my friends or classmates, and it discourages me from masturbating. What is a good way of turning yourself on without doing letting your imagination run wild? (age 13)

Just because you have occasional fantasies about other males doesn't mean you're gay. You said you "sometimes" fantasize about boys. What about the rest of the time? Even if you are gay, that's not something bad. It's just the way some people are. Instead of restricting your imagination, let it run even more wild. That's how you'll learn what really turns you on.


This page updated August 11, 2019.

Dear readers: I am getting short of stories to put on the caught masturbating page. Why not go over there and share your stories or things you've done to keep from getting caught.

Older questions from males


It will be a while before there is a long survey for males. In the meantime, I have posted some quick surveys (no more than 4-5 questions) and these will be changed every few days. Click the link on the male survey page and come back frequently to take new quick surveys.

New quick survey questions for males!

Attention guys!

Do you like to take surveys? While we decide if there will be a new long form survey, we will be posting some quick and fun questions. A new male survey is online and new questions will be posted every few days, so come back repeatedly. Won't you please help us out by answering them? They are completely anonymous. Click here to take this fun and interesting survey. These are different from our earlier, longer surveys.

If the question you asked isn't answered here, it might be on the Page of questions and comments about prone masturbation

Many older questions have been moved to one of these topic pages:

masterbate masterbated masterbating masterbation masturbator masturbators masterbaters beat jack off jacking off jacked off jerk off jerking off jerked off play plays played playing with himself myself yourself can't cum inside her can't come during sex from a blow job a hand job

Do you have a question about masturbation?

You may contact the author via e-mail or if you wish to be anonymous, enter your questions and comments in the box below. Your question may be answered on the male or female or Prone pages. It's a good idea to read the topic pages to see if your question has already been answered. The author rarely answers questions about penis size. is not designed to provide medical advice and does not provide medical advice. All material is for information only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional or medical advice, diagnosis, and treatment. Please review the information contained on carefully and confer with your doctor, psychologist, or other health care professional as needed. Copyright © 2002-2019 by