HealthyStrokes.com
... a site about masturbation and you!

Many older questions from female readers have been moved to one of these topic pages:


I tried masturbating once. It didn't feel good. I think I was doing it wrong. Now and then I get a sexual urge and feel the need to masturbate. Is there any advice you can give about masturbating correctly? (age 13)

Make sure you're relaxed when you're doing it and not worried that someone will barge in. Don't worry about having an orgasm. Just concentrate on feeling good and eventually orgasms will come.

I love masturbation but I always feel tingly afterward. I want to do it again but can't because I lose my arousal. Please help. (age 11)

You're supposed to feel tingly! That's why people do it. I think it's good that we lose our arousal afterward. Otherwise, that's all anyone would ever do.

After rubbing, I'm sore. Is it normal? (female, age 13)

No. You're rubbing too hard or too much. You have to learn to masturbate without hurting yourself. Take it a little easier.

I love running water on my clitoris, but once I get excited and can't take it anymore, I move away. When I go back I don't get very excited. What can I do to extend my pleasure or to achieve it a different way? (age 13)

You might learn to do it with your hands. You will have more control that way.

When I'm taking a shower, I let the water that's going down the faucet hit my vulva and it feels sooo good. Is this dangerous? Will the water go into my vagina? (age 14)

If you're standing, I don't think the water will go up and in. I don't know that masturbating that way is dangerous, but it's not a feeling a male partner will be able to replicate when you have intercourse someday.

I masturbate about twice a day and I realize how good it feels but I have trouble reaching orgasm. Do you have an answer to that? (age 15)

You need to both relax and keep a mental focus while you're masturbating. Concentrate on what feels best, and I think it will lead you to orgasm.

I'm 16 and I have masturbated for about 6 months now. I have achieved orgasms, but why does it take so long?

You just need to learn better how to push your erotic buttons. Whatever you're doing, try to do it more efficiently. It might help to eliminate distractions and focus on what you're doing.

When girls achieve orgasm, do they all have a liquid shoot out like all men, or do just some girls have that? (age 14)

Definitely not all women do. In fact, it's an unresolved question whether any women do. Many authorities believe "female ejaculation" is a myth. Other women contend that they have a burst of vaginal fluid at the point of orgasm.

How many orgasms can women have? (age 14)

Many women can be multi-orgasmic, which is something only a few men can do. I've heard of women having 60 orgasms in a session.

I'm 13 and I tried masturbating once and it hurt. All of my female friends do it and they say how good it feels when they do it and how good orgasms feel. Can you give me tips on not making it hurt so much, and is it normal for a girl to feel pain while masturbating?

You're doing something wrong. You might start by learning external masturbation, that is, stimulating your external genitalia and not sticking anything inside. Try to find places to touch that feel good and don't hurt. It's not normal to feel pain, but you might have been touching parts that are especially sensitive. I think you'll learn.

I have been putting a pillow between my legs and pretending to have sex with it, like laying downwards and moving my bum up and down. I then come to a stage where I start feeling I need to go faster and then something happens for no more than 10 seconds, what is happening here? Is this OK? Also I was wondering if rubbing against a pillow is any sort of masturbation and will it lead to an orgasm? (age 15)

What you're doing is definitely masturbation. The 10 seconds thing sounds like orgasm. I recommend against what you're doing and suggest you learn conventional means of masturbating.

I'm considering whether I should masturbate, but I may feel out of place. I know that you say that most girls my age are doing it, but the girls I'm with SEEM to be the "non-masturbating" type. Is there any way that I may feel comfortable being with them, to masturbate, and to not feel guilty at the same time? (age 14)

I wish you'd tell me what the "non-masturbating" type is. If you choose to masturbate, it's highly unlikely you'll be the only one in your group who practices it. You have nothing to feel guilty about.

How exactly can we get familiar with my body instead of touching? What time to you recommend us to start using objects? What objects may we use instead of buying them? (age 14)

I recommend using your hands for a year or so before you try objects. You can read above on this page or my survey results to get an idea what objects girls your age are using.

I have only had orgasms through masturbating and oral sex, but never through intercourse. I am wondering if this is normal and is there any way to change this? (age 22)

A lot of women deal with this. Sometimes it's because they masturbate in ways (running water, prone, etc.) that don't correspond to intercourse. It's good that you have them with oral sex. I think you just need to get used to a skillful partner. It would help if your partner knew how to stimulate you in intercourse.

I am way too young but I really want to masturbate and I don't know where my clitoris is and I use objects but it doesn't help. Am I too young? (age 10)

I've heard of lots of girls masturbating at your age or younger. Most start when they find their private parts without help. Some get help from friends, sisters, or media. The clitoris is at the top of your vulva just inside the outer labia. I think you're too young for objects.

What can I use to finger myself other then my hands and dildos or vibrator? I love to masturbate and sometimes I use a banana. (age 16)

You should read the rest of this page for ideas. Technically, if you use something other than your fingers, you're not fingering yourself, are you?

Can you recommend any websites that would show me what to do in masturbating? I don't think I'm very good at it. (age 15)

It's my policy not to recommend other websites, but you might look into some books by Betty Dodson. You might learn more by doing a search on that name.

I masturbate in the shower with water. Is that normal? I get orgasms too. (age 13)

Many females masturbate with running water.

Whenever I masturbate, I always begin by parting my lips at the top and then I use my left hand to keep my lips apart and to pull the skin a little towards my belly button (this feels good and makes it easier to get to my clitoris). With my right forefinger, I carefully place the tip of my finger on the hood just behind the tip of my clit. I stroke my clit up and down the shaft of my clit through its hood, sometimes very quickly, but I stop if I feel like I'm going to climax. After I calm down, I start stroking again, and then I stop, over and over. After about 10 or 15 minutes, I can't take it any more, and I stroke very quickly until I climax. The pleasure is so intense that my entire body goes rigid, and it's very hard to keep quiet! I was wondering if this is a common way to masturbate. (I should note one benefit of doing it this way is that it's not at all messy because I never stick my finger into my vagina and get it wet.) (age 19)

Yes, most women masturbate externally.

I disagree with you regarding running water vs intercourse. The sensation is definitely different than that of intercourse but whether it is better or more intense would be debatable. I certainly don't think there's a danger of it replacing pleasure from intercourse unless it becomes the only way a girl can reach orgasm. (age 31)

Thanks for your comment! I acknowledge that women can masturbate in more ways than men can without it disaffecting their sexuality. The advice I gave was to a teenage girl who was new to orgasm. I would be less cautious in advising an older woman who already knew how to bring herself to orgasm and was experienced with intercourse.

At what age do girls first have an orgasm. I love your site! (female, age 13)

Why, thank you! While nearly all boys first ejaculate at around age 13, there is no easy answer for when girls first have orgasms. It is probably a couple years later for the average girl than for the average boy, but many girls have their first orgasm before puberty. As many as a quarter of females have not had an orgasm by age 18, something that is unheard of in males.

I don't have my period yet, but I masturbate periodically. Is it OK? Will it make my period come quicker? Is it normal to be sexually aroused before I get my period? I LOVE MASTURBATING! (age 13)

Many females start masturbating before they have their period. It will not make your period come sooner.

Is it common for females to masturbate by stroking their clitoris through its hood with NO natural or artificial lubrication whatsoever? (That's MY method!) Thank you for your very educational site! (age 19)

Yes, I think that is fairly common. You might find it more comfortable to use some lube.

I am 14 years old and when I was about 7, my mom was in medical school. Once I was reading through one of her books and looking at all the pictures and I saw a picture of a woman having a baby. Seeing her vagina, I started to have a tingling feeling in my clitoris and I just went to my room and started to explore myself a bit. Then I started to rub my clitoris and I was totally fascinated by how good it felt so I bunched up a corner of my comforter and started to lay on it and rub my clitoris on it. After a little while of doing this I got this funny feeling that I needed to go faster and then I had that tingly sensation again but stronger this time and only for about 3 seconds. Please tell me that wasn't an orgasm. Wasn't I too young? Is it unhealthy for me to do that? I still do it now and then. Should I stop? Thanks, and your site is really helpful.

It was an orgasm. Congratulations! You achieved at 7 what some women in their 40s struggle to do. It's not unhealthy to masturbate, but I'd advise you to learn to do it on your back. The prone masturbation you're doing has been shown to cause severe sexual problems in males, and my own my research suggests that it might cause problems for females too.

When I was 8 years old, I was sexually molested by my father's best friend. (There was no coitus, only oral sex.) I went into therapy for three years. Perhaps I masturbate face down because of this? (female, age 13 years 11.8 months)

I'm sorry you had to endure that. I've never heard of anyone developing prone masturbation as a result of sexual trauma, but it may have had an impact. You can always unlearn the prone masturbation. And happy early birthday!

I started to masturbate about a year and a half ago and I like it but I don't know when I have had an orgasm. How will I know? How long will it last? Can you please just fill me in in on that. Thank you and I love the site!! It's so helpful! (age 16)

You'll feel some muscular contractions in your pelvis and your breathing will be interrupted. There is apt to be an overall feeling of unrestrained ecstasy that lasts about eight seconds. Good luck.

Is using a vibrator in the anus bad? How about giving oral sex while he's driving? (female, age 19)

Personally, if I had a vulva, I wouldn't want a vibrator in it that had been in someone's anus. It's up to the owner. I think most men would have trouble controlling a car while having an orgasm.

What is the average amount of time that a female masturbates before she climaxes? What about a male?(age 17)

According to my female survey, 10 minutes, and my male survey, 10 minutes. Go figure.

Is it normal to masturbate 5 minutes after you masturbated the first time? (female, age 16)

For a girl, that sounds OK to me. Guys have to wait longer than that, you know.

Why do we get horny when we see naked pictures? (female, age 14)

Certain sights, sounds, thoughts, or even smells make your body get ready to have sex.

I have been masturbating for years now, since I was about 13. I do fine when I just use external methods and I am usually fine with one finger, but if I use any other objects like markers, it hurts. What can I do to stop the pain? (age 19)

You might gradually move from one finger to two, and then three. You need to get used to the feeling of vaginal penetration. I assume you have never had intercourse.

I have been masturbating for about a year now and I use my fingers. I can only fit two fingers in. When you say some girls use hairbrush handles, do you mean to rub the clit or insert inside? Do guys prefer a girl shaved? (age 14)

Girls who masturbate with brush handles insert them into their vaginas. I think most guys prefer unshaved, or neatly trimmed. Fully shaved is prickly, like a guy's 5 o'clock shadow. I hope it's a long time before you have to deal with that.

When I masturbate and get an orgasm I want to continue rubbing my clit but it's like the orgasm has gone away. It doesn't hurt or anything. Is it bad to keep rubbing after I've had an orgasm? What exactly is a climax? Is it when you can't take it anymore that you have to stop? (age 16)

The orgasm has gone away because it's over. Most girls can't keep masturbating after their orgasm because their parts get so sensitive. Climax is an old-fashioned word meaning the peak of a female's sexual excitement. It was more commonly used in the days before it was established by Masters & Johnson that women in fact have orgasms which closely parallel male orgasms.

Is it unhealthy for females to masturbate externally even if in excess? I masturbate 20 times a month, mostly out of memory of hot pics or videos or hot encounters with my boyfriend. Although I'm a heterosexual virgin Middle Eastern, the image of naked women excites me more than naked men. Is it normal? I also get enraged and filled with regret and guilt and my self esteem drops after each time I do it. I get so mad I can kill someone. (age 22)

Nothing in excess is healthy. I don't think 20 times a month is excessive. Some (not most) heterosexual women describe the feeling you have about naked women. Try masturbating about twice a week and see if the guilt feelings go away. You shouldn't be guilty or enraged.

Is it good to masturbate anally? I've gotten bored with just my clit and I started just touching around my anus and lately I've been sticking my finger in. It doesn't hurt. Is that good or bad? (age 16)

You'll have to decide where you like to be touched. Keep in mind that the clitoris and vagina get more stimulation in intercourse than the anus.

If I had my period would masturbating be a good thing? Internally or externally? (age 16)

You'll have to decide. Some girls can't stand getting blood on their hands. It can't hurt to masturbate with your period. You'll also have to decide someday whether you'll have intercourse with your period, or do other things with partners.

I feel I am ready emotionally and physically to masturbate, but I don't get a good enough feeling when I rub my clitoris. It ends too fast. I just started to venture inside, but I don't get an orgasm and the strange spongy texture inside kind of creeps me out and turns me off. I realize that I need a dildo or something, yet it'd be much too risky to get one through the mail, and I certainly can't ask my mother or siblings. How, or what can I use to get a good orgasm with items lying around the house? (age 14)

I think you should give your fingers another chance. Not every girl (or boy) has an orgasm the first time she or he masturbates. Just relax and try to create a good feeling. It would be premature to experiment with objects until you can masturbate manually.

Are the same orgasm sensations someone gets when they are masturbating the same when someone is having sex involving a penis? (age 16, female)

According to Masters and Johnson, the landmark sex researchers on the subject of orgasms, they are the same, but many people -- men and especially women -- observe qualitative differences. Certainly, the overall sexual experience of intercourse is different from the overall sexual experience of masturbating.

Is it OK to get multiple orgasms while masturbating? When I have one orgasm I always go back for more and get another one. I hear it's not common. (age 16)

It's very OK! Everyone who reads this will wish they were you!

I am 14 and I have been masturbating as long as I can remember. I recently started engaging in sexual intercourse (protected!!) and I have now found it's harder for me to get off by just fingering myself so I started inserting markers. Is this normal?

It sounds pretty normal, but you should work on getting by with less stimulation rather than more.

When I rub my clitoris it feels good, but if I stick my finger or a tampon in my vagina, I don't get any feeling. I feel it going in and out, but it doesn't excite me. If I do them both at the same time I get a very small orgasm. Is this normal and what can I do to have a bigger orgasm? (age 15)

You should work at being orgasmic from your clitoris before moving on to internal masturbation. I think your orgasms will get better with practice.

I just started masturbating because of private reasons. I was wondering if it's normal to feel pain afterward and discomfort. (age 13)

No, it isn't. You should figure out what you're doing wrong and be more gentle in the future. Any reason for masturbating is a private reason.

I've been masturbating with running water for at least 3 years. It gives me a lot of pleasure. The problem is that I let the water run at high speed at my clitoris until I get an orgasm. But afterward I get horrible pain there and also a headache. Is it a migraine? Does masturbating make you look older? What are other ways of masturbating? (age 17)

Masturbating with running water is not good because it habituates you to a form of stimulation you won't be able to get in intercourse. Your way is especially bad because it's causing you pain. I don't think it's a migraine headache, but only a doctor could say for sure. (Migraine headaches can last for days and often cause nausea and vomiting.) You should read through my pages for females for more ideas on how to do it. I don't think masturbating makes you look older, and I don't think there would be any way to prove it anyway. For what it's worth, I've always looked younger than my age, and I ... well, never mind.

I've been masturbating for about a year now and what that whitish fluid coming out of my vagina when I orgasm? (age 16)

It might be the elusive female ejaculation. You could be in demand as a research subject if you could masturbate to orgasm in a laboratory with someone watching.

Can I masturbate or have sex when I have my period? (age 16)

Whether you masturbate is completely up to you. Lots of females enjoy it with their period. You'll have to work sex out with your partner. Some men don't like having sex with a menstruating woman.

Is it OK if I use an electric toothbrush as a vibrator? I always wash it off. (age 14)

I hope it isn't one others in your family use! It would be better if you got to know yourself better with your own hands at your age. But a lot of girls your age use toothbrushes.

I love the idea of masturbation and try external masturbation, but it doesn't seem to have an effect on me. If I try running water on my vulva, will it give me a better feeling than my fingers? If I get a good feeling from it, will it harm my chances of getting stimulation during intercourse in the future? Is masturbation something to feel guilty or ashamed of? (age 12)

You shouldn't be ashamed. Don't give up on external masturbation so soon. I think you should avoid running water at least for now. It's good that you're thinking about the consequences of your sexual behavior.

I feel like I really want sexual pleasure. I masturbated externally since last year, and now it's boring. I want to have oral sex or sexual intercourse, but I have no one to have it with. Am I too young? How can I get more pleasure? (age 14)

I think you are too young. You need to explore your fantasies more when you masturbate so it won't be boring. Although mostly a male thing, some females look at pictures.

I am a beginner with masturbation and have been trying to masturbate externally once a week for a month. After about five minutes, it hurts and I do not have an orgasm. My clit is sensitive, even when I gently rub the area AROUND it. Please tell me what to do. (age 12)

Using lubrication is apt to help with the sensitivity. Try to find a place to touch that feels good and go from there.

When will I start to come when I masturbate?

You don't say how old you are, but it's mostly a matter of time and patience. Relax and try to focus on enjoying the masturbating by itself, and orgasms will come eventually.

Is it unhealthy to masturbate with a pillow because my period is 3 months late and I think it is because of that. (age 15)

I recommend heavily against masturbating that way, but it isn't affecting your period.

What position should I always masturbate in? Which one is better? I usually do it lying down. (age 16)

I don't know if it's better, but most girls masturbate on their backs. Next most popular is sitting. I advise against face-down.

I love masturbating. I do it every night, but after a few nights, I realize that the pleasure isn't as good. Why is that? (age 12)

It gets routine. You might enjoy it more if you didn't do it so often. But you also might miss it if you didn't do it every night. You'll just have to find the right balance with more practice.

When I masturbate I use a corner of a bed but when I use my hand or pillow it hurts. How can I get off the corner of a bed and go back to using my hand without it hurting? Is there any way I can make my period come sooner because everyone I know has their period and I'm the only one who doesn't. I love your web site! I thought I was the only girl who masturbated at my age till I came to this site. (age 13)

Don't worry about your period. It will come soon enough, and then you'll be wishing it hadn't. You just need to practice the right technique to not make it hurt. Find the spot to touch that doesn't hurt and work on that. Your hand is much easier to control than the corner of a mattress!

After I masturbate, I feel guilty about masturbating at all and guilty for not telling my mom. (age 12)

There's no reason to tell your mom. She probably masturbates herself and doesn't tell you ... or her mom.

What is a lube? Where can I get it? Am I too old for it? What does it do and does it increase sexual pleasure? What kind of muscle contractions should I feel in orgasm? (age 12)

You can buy the kind of lube made for sex at drug and discount stores, like Wal-Mart, Target, Walgreens, CVS, etc. They are sold next to the condoms. Some brands are K-Y Liquid, Astroglide, and Wet. There are also store brands. It keeps you from hurting your sensitive parts while masturbating. You should feel contractions inside your pelvis. Your breathing might also be interrupted, like jumping into a cold pool.

How can I tell if I have gotten an orgasm? I don't feel any intense pleasure at all in my vulva. (age 14)

You will know when it happens. Just relax and try to enjoy the feelings you're getting and eventually you will have an orgasm.

I feel nothing whatsoever when I masturbate. I explored my whole body and besides my ticklish spots, there are no spots that give me sexual pleasure. Maybe It's because I'm distracted. My room doesn't have a lock, so I masturbate in my bathroom. I turn the lights low, take off my clothes, put on the heating in the room, and lie on my back on a towel. I feel no sensation at all. Is there anything I can do? I don't want to masturbate internally. Should I change my settings? How can I get a lube? (age 12)

Wouldn't it be great if we could change our settings like a piece of software? You might give your bedroom a try. You don't need to be completely nude. If someone walked in they might not figure out what you're doing. Might read the rest of this page for lube ideas.

I love this site. I love to masturbate, unfortunately I'm not able to buy a vibrator because I'm too young. I do it with my fingers. I start and I get tingly, but my legs start to shake and I rub my clit stronger and stronger until I can't stand the feeling anymore when my legs shake. So I don't have an orgasm. Tell me please what to do to keep my self rubbing and not to end. (age 15)

You might hold your legs as stiff as you can. That's what many males do too. You should focus more on a sexual fantasy and less on the feeling in your clitoris.

I'm 14 and I love to masturbate, but the thing is, my mam thinks it's 'self-harm.' Is that true? I love to masturbate, but what can I do when I'm on my period?

It's not harmful. I think it's healthful. Lots of girls find ways to keep masturbating even with their periods. Any suggestions, readers?

This is for the person who asked what can she do when she has her period. I find it very satisfying when I'm about to take a bath to sit froggy style and masturbate internally so when I drip I'll just use water to cleanse. Another suggestion is to sit on the toilet with your legs spread out and masturbate internally or externally. You might put something on your hands like a medical glove or a condom if you dont like the smell of blood. (age 16)


Do orgasms last longer for males than females when they are masturbating? I've seen men in porn moan much longer than women. (age 16)

It's about eight seconds for both seconds. If anything, I'd say women have an easier time making it last longer. You shouldn't judge sex by porn. It's not real.

Is prone masturbating safe during pregnancy? I have used the method since 8 years old and it's my sure-fire way of reaching orgasm. I am currently 11 weeks pregnant and wonder if putting pressure on my pelvic area would harm the baby. (age 32)

I don't think prone is ever safe, but I doubt it would harm the baby, especially at your stage. The question of whether prone is bad for women is still open, but I would advise you to quit. I can understand your not wanting to make such changes at this stressful time in your life, but it might be easier for you to switch to normal masturbation now and then you won't have to worry about harming the baby when you're closer to delivery.

When I was about 11-12 years old, I tried inserting a marker in and out of my vagina. There was no pain or pleasure involved. I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. Is there something wrong? And whenever I reach an orgasm after masturbation white sticky clumps come out. Is that normal? (age 13)

It takes most girls a long time to develop orgasmic ability. It sounds like you've done it. You might try the marker again now. Lots of girls have fluids come out after an orgasm. It seems pretty normal.

Can preteen girls lubricate vaginally?

Yes.

I masturbate every day but nothing happens. I can't feel anything. What should I do? (age 12)

Try to relax and focus more on what you're doing. It would help to do it less often until you can have an orgasm. Also, make sure you're touching the area around the clitoris. You should feel at least something by doing that.

Sometimes I feel like like masturbating a few times a day and sometimes none. Is that normal? How often can someone masturbate in one day? (female, age 17)

It's pretty normal for sexual desire to fluctuate from day to day. I don't know what the record is, but females can masturbate more than males because males have a refractory period following ejaculation during which they can't get an erection.

I've been masturbating externally for about a year. It used to feel so good, and I'd do it all the time, but now it's not so good and I don't feel as horny. Is this normal? Are there other ways to masturbate to make it feel better? I don't want to insert fingers in my vagina. (age 13)

Sorry to hear you're bored with masturbation so soon! You'd probably enjoy it more if you didn't do it as often. See if that makes a difference.

How can I masturbate without using a lube or without doing vaginal? (age 13)

Most girls rub the area around the clitoris. Lube can be nice but it's not necessary.

This is embarrassing, but how can you tell when you have an orgasm. I masturbate all the time but never really know if I had one or not. Please help. (age 17)

When you have an orgasm, you will feel a series of muscular contractions inside your pelvis, possibly involving your vaginal walls. You might have the urge to vocalize (moan, scream) and your breathing might be interrupted, kind of like when you jump into cold water. Your nipples will erect.

How long is an average masturbation session? After I take my fingers/object out it still feels like something is in there. What causes this? When something is in my vagina, I can't feel it, except in a good way, but when I take it out, sometimes it kind of hurts. (age 13)

According to the survey of females done here, the average female session is 10 minutes long, although most take 7 minutes or less. Your vagina is probably reacting to the sustained pressure. If it feels good, you have nothing to worry about, but if it doesn't, perhaps you're removing the objects too quickly.

Is it ok to masturbate with a soft toy? (age 14)

It's better if you stroke with it instead of thrust against it.

I found your page tonight, luckily. I'm embarrassed to be asking you this, but I need to know. I'm almost sure I've reached orgasm. My nipples were erect, I felt a small rush, then I released for a good 5 seconds, and afterward I felt sensitive. However, I was expecting something more urgent, or maybe even explosive. I'm not really one to judge (if it is what I thought), it was my first. Anyway, are there such things as a relaxed orgasm? I did not moan, I try to keep quiet while experiencing pleasure. Did I have my first orgasm? It felt wonderful, but I'm not sure if it was. Thank you so much! It's nice to know that there are actual people who can help teens and adults understand so much more about themselves; and not to feel ashamed about it. (age 15)

It sounds like an orgasm. Not all are explosive. Now that you know how to have one, you can have others, and you will note how they vary in intensity.

Whenever I'm in my dad's garage and no one is around I get my dad's electric sander, take the sand paper off and hold the sander up against my labia and clitoris and it gives me the best orgasms ever. Is this going to hurt me? I still masturbate manually and that feels great as well but the sander brings me to orgasm in about 1 minute and manually it takes me about 6 minutes. (age 15)

Six minutes is pretty good, and masturbating with a power tool is very dangerous. You should only use a vibrator made for masturbating, but you seem pretty good with your hands.

Do girls 5-10 years of age masturbate? Do they get the same sensations as adults? And is sexual intercourse possible at such young ages?

Yes, some although not many do. They probably don't have the same intensity of sensation as a post-pubescent female. Yes, sexual intercourse is possible since the vagina is designed to stretch.

The other day my boyfriend was giving me oral sex and when I orgasmed a murky liquid came out of my urethra. It didnt smell like urine but I was embarrassed. My boyfriend said I ejaculated, but I didn't think girls could do that. (age 17)

A lot of sex researchers say they can't either, but your boyfriend may be right.

I used to push the corners of beds,couches and tables into my privates when I was about 4, and ever since then I lie on my stomach and put both my hands down on my vulva and push my body down, and I get a great orgasm. I can never get an orgasm when I push my fingers or anything inside, pushing above my vagina is the only way I know how to masturbate. Is this wrong? How should a female masturbate? (age 14)

You are masturbating externally, although you're using a lot of force by rubbing against those objects. You would be better off masturbating with your hands. You can still masturbate externally, which is how most females masturbate.

My clitoris is really not very sensitive. I don't react in the way that other people describe. What's wrong? Short of seeing a doctor or specialist, what can I do? (age 15)

It might be more sensitive with the right kind of stimulation beforehand (i.e. foreplay). Try to enjoy the sensitivity you have and learn to make it better.

I have been masturbating for about 4 years now. For my 15th birthday, my mom bought me a small vibrator. Once when I was masturbating I had a particularly strong orgasm and some fluid squirted out of my vagina. It felt really good. Is this normal? (age 18)

It's kind of rare, actually. So are mothers like yours.

What does the word orgasm mean? (age 15)

Might read the glossary.

Sometimes when I masturbate, I start slow then go faster. Just yesterday I did and I felt like I had to urinate. Was that an orgasm coming? Next time I feel that should I continue instead of stop? (age 15)

It might have been an orgasm about to happen. Next time, don't stop. It's a good idea to urinate before you masturbate so you won't be bothered by those feelings.

Every time I have my period and try to masturbate it takes so much longer to reach an orgasm than when I'm not menstruating. I takes me at least 10 to 15 minutes to reach an orgasm when I have my period whereas when I don't it takes me at least 2 or 3 minutes. I would like to know if this is normal and is it common for most women? I know since you're a guy you probably wouldn't know the right answer so if it's possible, could I get a female opinion? (age 16)

Thank you for your confidence in me. You might be self-conscious. Could you be taking a remedy for menstrual cramps that causes delayed orgasm? Here is the female opinion you requested: It shouldn't take longer for you to reach orgasm while menstruating. It's my experience that women are generally pretty horny at that time of the month. However, it has traditionally been taboo to touch one's privates while menstruating. A lot of women feel unclean and mentally there is some stigma that might make it harder to relax and enjoy oneself. Some also might worry about making a mess or getting her hands bloody. Standard OTC cramp remedies ought not cause orgasmic difficulty. Remember, women are often edgy with their periods, and many things -- including falling asleep -- can take longer than normal. Since orgasm is a physical release of built-up tension, when one is more tense than usual, it may take longer to release that tension.

If someone has been masturbating for a year and she hasn't had an orgasm, how much longer will it take? How many more times does she have to masturbate, and how many minutes each time? (age 13)

For some reason, it takes many females a long time to get to orgasm. Many women who start masturbating at puberty report they didn't have orgasms until they were much older, like 18-20, sometimes even older. You should try to enjoy the feelings you're having and make a continuous effort to know your body better. I don't think a specific number of minutes is indicated. Orgasms will come eventually. My female correspondent says:

I didn't learn to have an orgasm until I stopped holding my breath. When you feel like you're close, you tense up and hold your breath. It wasn't until I forced myself to start breathing deeply at that point that I could let myself finally go over the edge. Make sure you're not instinctively holding your breath. That might help the sensations intensify.

I masturbate once during my period and now I feel pain at my uterus and vagina what could it be and what should I do? (age 18)

If the pain is from masturbating, you should take it a little easier. Perhaps masturbate externally. Otherwise, I don't know. Pain isn't good. I will refer this to my female correspondent.

Sometimes when I masturbate and reach orgasm, especially when I have my period, I get pelvic pain. Sometimes it goes away quickly, and other times it stays for up to 15 minutes and hurts pretty badly. I assume this isn't normal? (age 20)

No, it isn't. Could it be vaginismus? It might be something to talk to your OB/GYN about.

How many fingers is it safe to put in my vagina while masturbating? Sometimes I masturbate in the shower. Is that ok to do? I get really horny but sometimes it's really confusing! (age 14)

I've heard of girls putting both hands in. It's better to use as few as possible to get the job done. Most people masturbate in the shower, at least sometimes.

I masturbate with my clothes on. Is this normal? (female, age not specified)

Presumably you bare enough to touch the right places? I don't think it matters. Most people remove enough clothes that they feel comfortable. Taking your pants off makes it easier to move your legs. Teenage boys are known to jump into bed right after school and masturbate quickly, removing little if any clothing (or shoes).

I was with these two guys I know and my female friend. The masturbating topic came up, and my friend said, "don't tell me you two have never masturbated?" The guys said it was gross. I asked my friend if she does. She said no and that girls don't really do that. Why haven't these guys tried it? Are they lying? (age 12)

At your age, many boys and most girls haven't tried it. If they have, they're probably embarrassed to talk about it. Most people don't have honest conversations about masturbation in mixed company until they're over 25. It was not good for you and your friend to question people about it like that in public.

I don't really understand the whole stimulating and lubricating thing. What is it? If I stick an object in my vagina, do I have to do something first? I'm not sure where to insert my finger? Is it where you take out a tampon? Please help. (age 13)

All these questions tell that you're not ready for internal masturbation. You should continue masturbating externally (if you do) and perhaps going inside will make more sense in a year or two.

I'm 14, and I've had orgasms many times. But never have I came. My orgasms are very short, and I sometimes but rarely let discharge out. And neither my boyfriend nor I make can make me cum. Is something wrong with me because I can orgasm but not cum?

I think you're not understanding something. Orgasm and coming are the same thing, especially in females. You shouldn't expect a discharge. Males almost always have a discharge (ejaculation) with orgasm but it is rare in females.

My cousin taught me how to masturbate by humping the side of a bed or chair. We do this together sometimes. Is this wrong? We never get naked and we tell each other not to look. How can I tell if I have broken my hymen? (age 15)

I think masturbating together is wrong, and I think masturbating by humping furniture is very bad for you. It may make you unable to have orgasms when you someday have sex with a partner. I suggest you quit this practice and tell your cousin to do so too. (And anyone else she may have told.) You can examine your hymen with a mirror by lying on your back and spreading your vulvar lips apart.

How can I finger myself without bleeding? (age 12)

It would be better if you stuck to external masturbation at this point. Going internally, no matter how gently, is apt to produce bleeding.

I seem to have quick, weak orgasms. It takes a minute or less for me to be finished. I don't groan or make noise, like some women do. I use plastic wrap or a zipper-type bag. (It is nice and smooth.) I put my vulva over it and hump it face down. Because my masturbating takes so little time, I do it more often than other girls, I guess. I masturbate almost every day. I started pretty early too (masturbating, not orgasms). Could this have something to do with how strong my orgasms are now? (age 13)

You should expect orgasms to be fairly weak at your age. I think you'd have more control over your orgasms if you stopped masturbating face down and started masturbating on your back with your hands.

Is it true that people only have a certain number of orgasms preset before they die? I read something or head something about that in a science magazine or radio show. I'm not too sure. Have you heard about that? (age 16)

It's not true. Your orgasmic capacity is limited only by your life expectancy.

I don't masturbate all that much. When I do, I masturbate internally with my fingers or a hairbrush. I've never had an orgasm. Is there something I'm not doing right? Is there some advice you can give me to achieve an orgasm? (age 16)

Masturbating externally -- stimulating the clitoral region and the labia minora -- is how most females learn to orgasm. Rubbing the area around the clitoris is often more effective than stimulating the clitoris directly because it's so sensitive. It's also important to focus mentally on something that you find enjoyable.

Is it weird to be masturbating and then defecate when you climax?

It indicates a lack of control over your anal sphincter at the point of orgasm. You might need to learn some exercises to gain that control. Congratulations on your powerful orgasms, but you will want to be finished with that long before you try sex with a partner.

I've been masturbating ever since I was nine but recently I decide to try vaginal stimulation but didn't achieve an orgasm. Could you please tell me a way to achieve orgasm this way? (age 14)

You need to keep working at it. But why switch to internal masturbation when you know how to masturbate to orgasm externally?

I tried to rub my clitoris several times but didn't feel anything. Is it normal? (age 14)

It helps a lot to be in a relaxed state and aroused by something when you try to masturbate for the first time. Come to think of it, it helps every time. Don't give up so easily.

What can I do to make masturbation more interesting only using my fingers? (age 18)

If it's boring you, perhaps you're doing it too often. Using pictures or other material you find arousing heightens the experience for most people.

I've been masturbating very frequently for about a year now, and I've been using the shower head method because that's how I first orgasmed when I was little. I have trouble orgasming manually, and I'm worried I may be causing problems for myself that I'll have to deal with later (like not being able to have normal intercourse). I usually go for about a half hour before I really orgasm. I think it's because I'm stressed out or distracted, but is there something wrong with me? When I focus I can get there really fast and from I've read, I think I have multiple orgasms. Is there anything wrong with masturbating once a day? (age 14)

I don't think there's anything wrong with you, and once a day sounds very nice. You've learned the importance of mental focus to successful masturbation. Therefore, you should not try to masturbate when you're distracted. It's a good idea to learn to masturbate manually and probably to give up the shower head method for good.

Will masturbating at a young age make you less sensitive and able to have orgasms when you actually have sex? I have never used my hands and always rubbed objects against myself. Do you think this makes any difference? (age 16)

The young age doesn't hurt and might even make you more likely to have orgasms in intercourse. Learning to respond to your hands would be a good thing.

I can't figure out how to have an orgasm. Masturbating makes me feel horny but how do I have my orgasm? What can I use to make me have it? (age 11)

Just enjoy what you're doing now and don't worry about having an orgasm. They'll come in time.

Is it all right to masturbate while you have your period? (age 12)

Yes, and many females find it helps relieve cramps.

I'm not very expressive in the bedroom (alone or with my guy). I really want to loosen up and express how much I'm enjoying something, but I've gotten so used to staying quiet in my house that I think it's just habit. Any tips? (age 18)

You might practice where you know no one will hear you. It might be a fear of being heard that inhibits you. You might try being more vocal sometime when you (or you and your partner) are home alone together then see how it feels. Don't worry about someone hearing you so much; they would probably be jealous.

I have a very big sex drive all the time. I masturbate at least 5 times every day. Am I too young to be this way? I always have sexual fantasies, and can't keep myself off myself. (lol) I know masturbation is a healthy act (which no one ever told me), but I fear I do it too much. Could I be hurting myself? (age 13)

I think five times a day is too much. You'd probably enjoy it more if you did it less often. I doubt you're hurting yourself.

This is a great site you have! My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years now, and I find it hard to have an orgasm during sex unless I stimulate myself externally at the same time. When I feel like I'm about to orgasm from him penetrating me, it's only when he is about to orgasm and he ends up coming first. Is there something I can do to orgasm before him so I don't have to rely on external masturbation to do so? (age 22)

Lots of women masturbate while they're having intercourse, or they ask their partners to stimulate them with their hands. You shouldn't be embarrassed about doing this. Hands are usually the fastest route to orgasm. You probably shouldn't try to have mutual orgasm in your case. It would be better if your partner could bring you to orgasm manually or orally, and then satisfy himself vaginally.

If I masturbate all the time with a Jacuzzi jet and bathtub faucet does that mean that I will never enjoy sex? (age 14)

The feelings you get from masturbating with running water cannot be replicated in sexual intercourse, so if you can only orgasm from running water, you will probably never have an orgasm from intercourse. It's better if you can learn to masturbate using only the gentle touch of your hands.

I masturbate at least 5 times a week. It's been harder for me to get an orgasm, though I always do. It used to be easier a year ago. I don't know what turns me on. What should I think about? (age 13)

If you can have an orgasm every time, think about what you do right before the orgasm comes. That's the best way to know. And try to relax more.

What's the difference between just getting off and having an orgasm? How would a girl know? (age 15)

"Getting off" means having an orgasm. You'll know when you have one because of an intense throbbing that occurs inside your pelvis, accompanied by a change in your breathing pattern. I tell girls they're breathing will be like you suddenly jumped into a cold pool.

I asked you if I should stop masturbating prone and you said yes. But I just can't stop. Whenever I masturbate I always do it in this fashion. I've tried lying on my back but I never get an orgasm. What should I do? (age 13)

A lot of girls your age have never had an orgasm. Just keep at it, and I'm sure you'll figure it out soon.

What exactly arouses girls? Guys are aroused mostly by good looking girls. Are girls aroused by good looking guys, personality traits, or just being touched? Does how attractive the guy is affect sex with them? How much? Also, when they masturbate, do they normally fantasize like guys do? (male, age 16)

As I stated earlier, the main path to arousal for females is touch. Being attractive or personality traits don't make that much difference in female sexual response; however, they might make it more likely a female will let a particular male arouse her by touching her. Most females fantasize when they masturbate, but not all of them do. Almost all males fantasize when they masturbate.

Usually I masturbate in bed before I go to sleep and after I'm done I get really really sleepy and conk out within minutes! I can use it to my advantage if I can't get to sleep. I just masturbate and I'm out. (age 15)

Sexual activity is a soporific (sleep-inducer). You seem to have it down pretty good. I think that's a good thing.

Is it true that a female's skin glows after orgasms? For how long? Can anyone actually tell if you have had an orgasm? (age 15)

Both men and women may experience flushing after orgasm. It only lasts about 10 minutes. Sex flush might be a clue to someone that you have had an orgasm, but no one can tell solely on the basis of that since other things cause flushing too.

I'm almost 14 and I started to masturbate maybe 5 months ago. Every time I masturbate I don't feel anything. Rubbing feels nice but not enough to please me. When I stick my finger in, I don't feel much. Recently I tried using a candle but when I feel something like a tingle it lasts only a second or two. Why don't I feel pleasure when I masturbate? (age 13)

You haven't gotten used to having sexual feelings yet. It's good that you get a tingle for a second or two. Be gentle and work on that spot some more.

Do the nipples ALWAYS erect when you get an orgasm? Mine only do sometimes. They tend to erect more when I masturbate prone (I recently switched to lying on my back) so my nipples aren't erect as much? Why is this? Is it because I just switched? (age 17)

The nipples generally erect when a female has an orgasm. Perhaps you're not having true orgasms. Nipples are more likely to erect when lying prone because of the friction against them, not because of the orgasm. But keep at it. Don't worry if you're not having a full fledged orgasm every time. Just try to enjoy what you are feeling.

I heard there is something called the Venus Butterfly that gives a girl a one hour orgasm. Is this trick real and how does it work? (age 15)

No, it isn't. It was made up for the TV show "L.A. Law" more than 15 years ago. Supposedly the "Venus Butterfly" was how a polygamist got many beautiful women to marry him. A few seconds of orgasm is enough for most people anyway.

What does an orgasm feel like? (age 16)

The main feeling is a series of muscular contractions inside your body just above your genitals. You might also notice a change in your breathing pattern, as if you had just jumped into a cold pool. Many people feel the need to scream or moan (what sex educators call "vocalizing") as a result.

I have a big problem and I dont know how can I solve it. All girls and boys come here and say masturbation is really good and they cant stop it. But I feel nothing. When I masturbate it seems like I try to find my sexual spot but I reach nothing. I cant make pleasure myself, and even with my boyfriend, I feel nothing that make me horny. I love my boyfriend we want to get married in future but without having a successful sex feeling, how can I? I would give all I have to feel one time horny & hot. Please help me! By the way, today is my birthday. (age 20)

You might need to see a doctor. On the other hand, many women didn't start having orgasms until they were your age or older. You ought to just start slow, with some touches that feel good. Don't worry about being "horny and hot" or not. Just make it feel good. Then you can work your way up to more sexual touches. Be very relaxed and comfortable when your boyfriend touches you. Don't base your expectations on people who write me. Just try to make yourself feel a little better than when you started. Oh, and happy birthday!

Will masturbation make you less sensitive? Which one would feel more pleasure during sex? A girl who's never masturbated or one who has?

Masturbation won't make you less sensitive but it will make you more in touch with what you like. I believe females who masturbate enjoy sex more.

When you finger yourself or get fingered, what should happen? (age 15)

It's supposed to feel good. If it doesn't, then you should figure out what you're doing wrong and try again. This relates to the previous question. It's easier to enjoy what someone else is doing to you when you know what you're doing yourself.

I'm on many medications for depression, ADHD, and anxiety. My therapist told me that one of them makes it hard for males to orgasm. I guess she was assuming that I don't masturbate, but I do. I think that all of my medications have made me unable to come. I go from feeling pretty good, to feeling even better, to feeing very good. Then right when I feel like I'm about to have an amazing orgasm, I stop short and can't go any further. Sometimes I become aggressive and rub my clitoris harder so that I can come, but it is to no avail. This is very frustrating and upsetting to me. Will I never feel an orgasm? (age 17)

A lot of girls your age who aren't on many medications have never had an orgasm. Don't be discouraged. For now, try to enjoy masturbating even if you can't have an orgasm. You might also ask your therapist to prescribe medications with less chance of sexual side effects. You don't need to mention masturbation, but remember that your therapist probably masturbates too.

I masturbate quite frequently but don't think I reach orgasm. It takes me about 10 minutes, but I can't carry on because it becomes too sensitive. I can't get through this point. I want to carry on but I can't. (age 16)

It's best if you avoid the clitoris at that point. If you can keep stroking the area around the clitoris, or your inner labia, you might be able to bring yourself to a second climax, which might lead to a true orgasm.

When I masturbate, I end up getting contractions or throbbing down there. Is that an orgasm? A guy told me it was. I thought I would orgasm later in life. I don't know what it is but I've been able to do it since I was about 4. (age 13)

If it isn't an orgasm, it must be pretty close. That's good, to be able to reach orgasm at your age.

Why are female ejaculations a controversial subject? (age 14)

Because many scientists deny that there is such a thing. Other scientists -- and many women -- disagree. That many women have a release of fluid accompanying orgasm is not in dispute, but the doubting scientists disbelieve this is part of a process akin to male ejaculation.

I am 16 years old have never masturbated. Is this normal? Is it normal for me to get horny thinking about males and having sexual intercourse? }

Many girls your age have never masturbated. It's also normal to get sexually aroused by those thoughts. And it's normal to respond to sexual arousal by masturbating.

I've been having Internet sex with this guy all the time, but I never orgasm. Even when I'm alone thinking about guys and masturbating, I don't. What's wrong with me? (age 17)

A lot of girls your age have never had an orgasm. Be patient. It will happen soon. It would be better if you learned how on your own and only then experimented with phone and Internet sex.

How can I get some sort of sexual thought to turn me on? Sex just doesn't arouse me. I only get waves of an orgasm while masturbating. How can I get a full one? I think I had an orgasm in my sleep. Is that possible? (age 14)

You're still pretty young. I think you ought to give yourself a few more years to get an interest in sex. Most girls your age don't have even waves of orgasm, so you're ahead of the game. Just keep at it. And yes, it is possible for both boys and girls to have an orgasm in their sleep.

Is it OK to masturbate until I almost have an orgasm, then stop and wait a while, then get close again, then stop, and keep doing that? It really makes me aroused and I like to wait a long time before finishing. Afterward I feel kinda wiped out. (female, age 16)

It's better if you don't do that. In both males and females, arousal draws blood to your pelvis and then when you stop, the blood drains away, and so forth, and what you're doing is apt to cause a kind of sexual fatigue which feeds your "wiped out" feeling.

I have been sexually active since 18 with the same partner, but I never had an orgasm during intercourse. I only have an orgasm when masturbating. My boyfriend is wondering if he's doing anything wrong, but I think it's just me. Is there any way I can obtain an orgasm during intercouse? We have tried different positions, but nothing has worked. Thank you for your time. (age 21)

Many women your age cannot reach orgasm in vaginal intercourse. It might be more useful to teach your boyfriend to bring you to orgasm through manual or oral intercourse. Once he has been successful at making you orgasm that way, he is apt to be more responsive to you in vaginal intercourse.

Is it necessary for the female partner to have an orgasm during intercourse in order to conceive? (age 28)

No. Everyone over 40 was conceived when it was believed there was no such thing as a female orgasm.

Is it normal for me to play with my nipples (e.g., stroke, circle) while I masturbate? I love your site. It's answered a lot of my questions already. (age 14)

Yes. Many females do that.

I masturbate using objects but when it comes to using my fingers, I can't orgasm. Any tips? (age 17)

It would probably be easier to masturbate with your fingers when you haven't masturbated in a week or two.

Thanks for a great site! You lifted a heavy weight from my shoulders. I'm 29 and have been masturbating prone (with a pillow) since I can remember. I have never had an orgasm during intercourse and started masturbating around the age of 7 before I knew anything about sex. My partner is fantastic but my sex life is dull. I've been faking it to make him feel good before I realized it made things even worse. I've tried so many times to masturbate with fingers lying on my back. It's nice, but I never climax. I'm afraid I will never learn to masturbate the right way.

Just take your time. It helps if it's been a while since you've had an orgasm. It would be a good idea to tell your partner what you're going through.

I like to masturbate by placing a curling iron (not turned on, of course) in my vagina. Could this be damaging? Have you heard of others doing this? I also use the smaller end of a flashlight, and I especially like the ones with ridges. Would it be better if I put a condom on the end of these? (age 15)

Yes, I have heard of females using those kind of objects, but it would better if you could learn to respond to the lighter touch of your fingers. I don't know that condoms would make any difference.

I've been very shy about asking questions regarding my ability to orgasm. Each time I masturbate or have sex with my husband, I don't think I orgasm. When I masturbate my whole body gets stiff and I can't even move my fingers to continue. I can't cum because I get so stiff. When I have sex, it feels good, but I don't believe I cum. I don't get the tingly sensation that I read about. What can I do? How do I know when I cum? How can I get myself to continue past the rigid to cum? (age 25)

There are plenty of books out there to help women in your situation. The important thing is not to give up when you get stiff. Keep working on it. Lots of men get stiff right before they orgasm, and it happens to some women too. I think it would be easier to learn while masturbating rather than having intercourse.

Why do you have to spend several minutes inducing an orgasm? Why doesn't it just happen when you touch the right spot? Could you explain what happens when you keep rubbing yourself and why it doesn't happen more immediately? (age 20)

I don't know that there are answers to these questions, but I suspect that if orgasm were instantaneous, many people would never get any work done. Masters and Johnson proved that there is a pattern of sexual response that has to happen for an orgasm to occur. The rubbing gets your body to go through this pattern.

When I masturbate, I'll start to shake after a while. Is that normal? (age 15)

It happens to a lot of females. As you gain more control over your body, you are apt to shake less.

Thanks for all your help answering my questions over the past year! I have another: You say, and I agree, that using a vibrator instead of your hands is bad because that feeling cannot be replicated during sex. But you also think it's better for girls to masturbate externally rather than internally. But that feeling can't be replicated during sex either, right? (age 20)

No, the clitoris can be stimulated during intercourse either by a sexually experienced man positioning his penis in order to make contact, or by one of the partners using their hands. There might be more to it than simple genital contact. Females who masturbate externally seem to have a higher rate of orgasm during intercourse. So it might be something about the mental conditioning caused by internal masturbation that makes it harder for women who practice it to reach orgasm in intercourse.

When having sex, does it feel good for the female on the inside of the vagina too or only outside the vagina? (age 20)

Most like having both areas stimulated. They can both feel good.

I feel so funny reading about girls age 10-15 able to climax. I have never had a climax. Is this normal for my age? I have tried to masturbate a few times, but I get so frustrated that I don't know what I'm doing that I lose the excitement. Afterward I feel dumb for not knowing what to do. Is this normal? I also have this one movie character I fantasize about a lot. I just get goose bumps when I think of him. Is this normal or am I obsessing? You say to find more then one person to fantasize about, but how? (age 20)

I think you're normal. A lot of women your age have never masturbated to orgasm. Just keep trying. Focus on this screen star who turns you on. There's nothing wrong with that. Once you're experienced masturbating, I don't think you'll have trouble finding more fantasies that turn you on.

I'm a 16 year-old girl. I want to know how long should a girl masturbate to reach orgasm? How often do girls masturbate? Also, I've heard that the more sex you have, the more dark the colour of your vagina turns. Is that true? Your site answers a lot of the questions I was afraid to ask.

In the survey I've done of females for this web site, the average female masturbates 22 times a month and takes 10 minutes to do so. I think the colour thing is a myth.

I finger myself daily but cannot reach a full orgasm. (age 14)

Lots of girls your age don't have orgasms. Just enjoy the feelings you have and know they're apt to get better in the future.

I visited your web site for the first time and was very impressed. Once in a while I'll masturbate and I've tried using the faucet. I haven't put the water inside my vagina but I have put it on my clitoris. I appear a bit bruised down there. I haven't done it more than 12 times in 3 years. Will this affect me when I have sex? I also have a bit of trouble using tampons. Any suggestions? Thanks again for a great web site. I really appreciate it. (age 17)

Masturbating with water is ill-advised, but I doubt that 12 times would cause lasting damage. If you're getting bruised, you're overdoing it. Tampons take practice. I suspect you're not relaxed when you're trying to get them in. It might be less frustrating to use external protection until you're more comfortable with tampons.

I usually masturbate 2-3 times a day, but two weeks ago I masturbated 10 times in one day. I use a drop or two of Lubriderm lotion and rub circles on and around my clitoris. The last two weeks, my clit is so sore and it burns, though it's not enough to stop me from masturbating once a day still. This is not a bladder infection, as it feels very different. I am worried, but have no money to go see a doctor. Do you think it would stop burning if I could just leave myself alone for a few days? (age 34)

Your frequency is extreme, and I've never heard of a woman masturbating with hand lotion before. Either or both of those could contribute to your pain. You might try cutting back your frequency, as you suggest, or you might switch to a lube made especially for sex, such as Astroglide or K-Y Liquid.

I am 18 years old and have a lot of sex without a condom. I am almost always able to get wet and a lot of times I am able to orgasm. After I orgasm my boyfriend usually tells me that I am dry. I thought that women were supposed to get really wet during orgasm. Is there something wrong wtih me?

I doubt it. Women are supposed to get wet when they are aroused, but often the production of lubricant slows down or ceases by the time of orgasm. If it bothers you, you can stimulate yourself during intercourse in an effort to produce more lubricant. Of course, using a commercial lube is also an option.

I would like to say that I like your site a lot! It's really helpful! I've tried masturbating with my hands and I can never get an orgasm. But then I tried it with my shower head, and I DID get an orgasm. I wasn't sure if this was wrong or not. But now that I've done it with the shower head, I'm hooked. I don't know what to do! (age 13)

There is nothing morally wrong about masturbating with a shower head, but this will not help you grow sexually. You ought to go a couple of weeks without masturbating that way and concentrate on producing the same feelings you get from the running water with your hands. I think you will enjoy it a lot more than the shower.

Sometimes when I masturbate with the shower head, I get a powerful impulse to urinate. Is this normal and what can be done about it? (age 15)

If you're reading this site, you know I advise against masturbating with the shower head. Both males and females, especially when they're new to orgasm, have trouble distinguishing between the urge to orgasm and the urge to urinate. At any age, it's a good idea to urinate before masturbating so you not only won't have trouble with the urge, you won't be distracted by a full bladder. (Most males also like to urinate after ejaculating in order to get leftover semen out of their urethra.)

What does multi-orgasmic mean? Is it good to be that way? (age 16)

It means to be able to have more than one orgasm in a single session of masturbating or intercourse. Most women are multi-orgasmic while very few men are. I think it is good to be that way.

I've been masturbating by doing sit-ups and leg lifts. Something about this, if I do it for long enough, stimulates me and I orgasm. A few years ago, I began doing this with a vibrator held in one hand between my legs for added intensity. This brings the orgasm much faster but it only really works if I have pants on, especially jeans, but never directly on the skin. I'm getting worried that I'm unable to bring myself to orgasm without a vibrator, and not only that, but it only works when I use the vibe in this particular way. When I've had sex with boyfriends in the past, I never orgasmed the way I was able to on my own. It was pleasurable, but I guess what's stimulated me just doesn't transfer. Any suggestions for how to wean myself off of this towards something more applicable to sex with another partner? Does anyone else get stimulated this way?

I've heard of people becoming aroused through exercise and other physical activity. What you really ought to work on is becoming aroused, to the point of orgasm, by as little stimulation as necessary. This will get you able to reach orgasm through partner sex or any other minimal kind of stimulation. I suggest cutting out the vibrator for good and avoiding the stimulation from leg lifts. Try to orgasm only through your hand.

I got an orgasm when I was 11. Is it normal for a girl my age to get one? (age 12)

If you can reach orgasm at 11, you're in very good shape. Congratulations.

I've been masturbating for about 8 years now and unfortunately I masturbate prone with my legs together and straight. I don't achieve climax through clitoral stimulation but from a spot just barely inside and on the back (towards the anal) side of my vagina. I didn't find this way a problem until I recently started having sex and oral sex with a partner and cannot orgasm at all. I've tried masturbating on my back and stimulating my clitoris with my hand. I've tried probably a couple dozen times, and for up to an hour at a time but I haven't had any success at all. I'm just not finding clitoral stimulation arousing, with or without lubrication. Do you have any advice or suggestions? Would a sex therapist help? (age 19)

I don't think you need a sex therapist at this point. Many women your age have never had an orgasm. You ought to work on moving away from prone masturbation and then after you've been successful at that for a month or so to try having an orgasm with a partner. The abstinence program I recommend for males to quit masturbating prone has also helped women.

I pleasure myself externally, but it seems like when it gets good and I think I'm gonna have an orgasm, I can barely touch my clit anymore, and I have to stop right before I can climax. What am I doing wrong? (age 19)

You're relying too much on direct stimulation of the clitoris. When you approach orgasm, you should switch to stimulation of the clitoral hood and the area around the clitoris. The same thing happens to males who masturbate by rubbing the head (glans) of the penis. It gets too sensitive to touch right before orgasm.

I wrote you earlier about sex not really turning me on. You answered to give myself more time to get interested in it. I really don't know what to do because I WANT sex to arouse me but it just doesn't. I am interested in it but it's just not arousing. I'm sure I'd enjoy masturbating more if I was actually aroused by something sexual. (age 14)

You're still pretty young. You're ahead of lots of girls by masturbating at all. If sex doesn't turn you on, try to find something that does. Think of what makes your privates feel funny and concentrate on that some more.

I started masturbating when I was about four. I quit after that, until now. I usually masturbate by lying on the floor, face down, spread eagle. After I change into a tight pair of pants I begin pushing against the floor. In about 8 minutes I reach my peak. I usually do this about three times. Is this a good way? I tried the hands/fingers/water/items method and it doesn't do anything for me at all.

Your method is not safe and not conducive to successful sexual relations with a partner. It would be worth your while to try your hands again.

I never knew about prone masturbation until I saw this site. It startled me because I've been masturbating that way for ages! I don't want to over-worry about it. Is it causing any damage overall? (age 19)

Prone masturbation in men has been documented as damaging, but we're just starting to look at prone in women. Several women have written me and said they became more orgasmic when they gave it up, so I would recommend that you give it up too. Even if only to see if there's any difference without it.

Thanks for helping me kick the prone habit. I tried masturbating other ways last night without lying face down and it was OK. It's fun experimenting. I wanted to drop a note and say thank you for running the site, because it is so informative and helpful. Kudos to you!! (age 19)

Thanks a bunch! I hope after you get more experience, you will decide it is much better than OK.

I want to masturbate frequently during my period. What is a way to do it without making a terrible mess? (age 13)

It's best to put a towel under you. Then you won't be so conscious about the menstrual flow that you can't enjoy yourself.

I've heard about something called a squirting ejaculation. Does it exist? If so, what is it? (age 15)

Some females release a fluid when they reach orgasm, analogous to the male ejaculation. Most sex scientists deny that it is part of the orgasmic process.

Until recently, I was too scared to masturbate, partly because I was ashamed and partly because I had no idea where to start. After reading various sections of your site, I felt confident and physically and emotionally ready. Just after reading your web site, I masturbated for the first time and had an orgasm! It was awesome! I couldn't believe it! Afterward I couldn't stop smiling. So thanks! It's great that there is a site to provide young people like me with useful information on such private topics. The questions you have addressed have answered many of my own queries. I congratulate you for creating such an accessible web site for both boys and girls that is guilt free and not pornographic! Now I know masturbation and orgasms are not just for characters in movies and TV. (age 17)

What a great letter! Keep smiling!

Is it dangerous or does it have any effect on the vagina to masturbate by rubbing against various objects? A friend rubs back and forth against a duvet by putting it between her legs and pretending to have sex. I thought this might be dangerous or similar to prone masturbating from what I have read. When I masturbate it's usually using my hands. What's your advice on this? (age 20)

What your friend is doing is a form of prone masturbating that ought to be avoided. Women who masturbate with their hands have a higher rate of orgasm in intercourse.

My partner wants to watch me masturbate but I think I look obtuse. I usually put my dildo in, and I put the tail of a stuffed alligator under my butt and up between my legs. This is to hold it in place and for deeper penetration. Then I put a butterfly colored massager on my clit. Then I put both of my hands on top of the alligator and close my legs. This is when I, in a way, hump or gyrate my hips in variations of speeds and pressure, until I orgasm. It feels great. I am just wondering if this might hurt me in a way, or later on keep me from having normal pleasures with my partner? I can't seem to orgasm vaginally. Should a girl be able to orgasm from oral sex, because I can't. (age 18)

I don't know about obtuse, but you need to be both comfortable with your partner and with masturbating as something you practice before you can do it in front of a partner. You have a very specific way of masturbating that seems to already be causing you problems with your partner. It would be better if you could learn to do just plain, ordinary masturbation without anything more fancy than your hands. Women who masturbate without accessories seem to have an easier time reaching orgasm in intercourse. Yes, most women find it easier to reach orgasm in oral sex than in vaginal intercourse.

I began masturbating when I was very young (perhaps 3 or 4 years old). I would rub (fully clothed) against hard objects such as the arm of a chair or the footboard of a bed to achieve an orgasm. I've been using this method for my entire life and I have been unsuccessful in achieving an orgasm by any other method. Now I am unable to orgasm with my boyfriend through any of his efforts (fingering, oral, and intercourse). I was wondering if I could have done damage by masturbating that way for so long. If so, is there any way to repair the damage that has been done? It is very frustrating to my boyfriend and I am ashamed that I may have ruined our chance of having a sexually fulfilling relationship. (age 18)

Most women and men find their sexual response improves greatly once they give up prone masturbation. You are young. It is easiest to be cured when you are young. You probably didn't do any physical damage, especially if you were in the habit of masturbating prone fully clothed.

I like most of your advice, except for how you tell girls who masturbate a lot or who like porn that they're "unusual." Statistics may show that women masturbate less than men, but that has to do with societal norms and how much women are expected to reveal about their sexuality. (age 17)

I think it has more to do with the biological imperative that men have to eliminate sexual fluids frequently. I also tell males who masturbate much more often or much less often than other males that they're unusual, statistically speaking.

I like to rub my clit with an towel because I don't want to get my privates dirty from my fingers. (age 13)

A towel could irritate your clitoris while your fingers probably won't. You can always wash your hands before you masturbate.

Sometimes I masturbate while wearing a tampon. But is it bad to do so? (age 13)

No.

I'm so glad I found this site. I am at my wits end. I've been masturbating prone since I was 8 and cannot orgasm any other way, either alone or with a partner. It doesn't matter what I try or how I try it. I've even tried not masturbating for a month at a time hoping that would cure it, but it hasn't. My boyfriend's hurt, thinking he's either doing something wrong or that I don't trust him enough to allow myself to have one. I'm upset because nothing works. Do you have ANY ideas? (age 19)

Yes, and this site is full of them. Don't worry so much about not having orgasms. Just try to expand what you can do and enjoy the pleasure you get from it. You can increase your orgasmic potential gradually. A lot of women your age have never had an orgasm at all.

I'm an 18 year old female and I've been masturbating prone since I can remember. Perhaps as young as 3 or 4. I masturbate 2-3 times a day. Sometimes I wake up in the night and just feel the need to. I'm sexually active and have never reached climax with penetration or external whatsis. Also, I think I want sex more than my current boyfriend, yet most likely I don't enjoy it as much as he does. Do I have a sex addiction? About 20 minutes ago I realized that what I've been doing my whole life is not the norm, yet I've tried the norm, but it doesn't work and is not nearly as intense. My current boyfriend I suspect might masturbate prone from what I've read and we're both only children. Could it be that we didn't have a teacher?

Most people don't have teachers. You note that regular masturbation doesn't fulfill you like prone does, yet you admit that your sex life is not what it could be because of it. You have a good reason for wanting to quit prone. I don't think you're a sex addict, but your masturbatory frequency is very high for a woman. You seem to be pretty open about sex, so why don't you just ask your boyfriend how he masturbates? Then you can fill him in with what you learned 20 minutes before you wrote me. Good luck.

After reading this site, I attempted for the first time to orgasm using external masturbation methods only, and it was AWESOME. It might seem weird that I'm almost 19 and had never tried it, but I guess insertion was just a habit I got into right from the start. I'd always start externally as a warm-up, but then when I'd start to get excited I'd insert a finger or two, or something else, and it worked just fine, but this is great too and gives me more options! I'm definately grateful. (age 18)

Glad to hear it.

How can I tell my mum that I masturbate when she thinks it's utterly disgusting? I can't talk to anyone about this except people over MSN. Also if I tried to use a tampon and it really hurt, does that mean I don't have my hymen anymore? (age 13)

You don't have to tell your mom you masturbate. If you know she's against it, it might be better if you didn't. Talking to people about it online isn't so bad. Just be careful for people who might be trying to exploit you. Your hymen is probably fine. Lots of girls use them and have little or no damage to their hymens as a result.

I have really wanted to get an orgasm for ages, as I have been masturbating for quite some time now. How can I insert things to get the most pleasure, fast, and how long may it take during a course of masturbation to get an orgasm? I really want an orgasm. I'm desperate! (age 13)

I can tell. Unfortunately, being desperate to have an orgasm and trying to get one fast make it less likely you'll have one. You're more likely to get one when you're being relaxed about masturbating and just focus on what feels good. Many girls several years older than you have never had an orgasm or even masturbated. You should be happy to know that you're farther along than they are. You'll probably be having orgasms within a year.

I have been masturbating since I was ten, but I hardly ever get an orgasm. Will masturbating too much at this age affect my vagina or sex life later? (age 14)

I think the effects will be good ones.

When I learned to masturbate, my style was wrapping a piece of cloth around my finger and inserting it into my vagina, I was still a virgin then. It felt so good, i always cum that way with the aid of external stimulation. When I finally had sex, I couldn't cum. It wasn't like the pleasure I get from the friction of the piece of cloth inside my vagina. The penile penetration is so smooth and slippery, and I unresponsive while he was pumping on me. I'm not the type who fakes orgasm and I'm not good at it. So little by little I taught myself how to masturbate with just my finger like you advise. It's a really big adjustment, but I'm starting to feel horny with it. It's a big help. (age 25)

I'm glad my site could help you.

I never masturbated until I was 18 when I was really depressed and bumming around. I got addicted to it and orgasm most of the time. I used to orgasm as frequently as 3 times a day. At first I was really noisy everytime I'd touch myself. I shared the bedroom with my sisters and so I was ashamed and learned to orgasm without noise or any sound at all. When I turned 21, I had my first boyfriend, and I knew that I was always disappointing him because my clit wasn't that sensitive anymore. He'd give me oral, fingers, and intercourse but I never orgasmed. My point is that if I could only bring back the past, I wouldn't have masturbated. I would rather have my very first orgasm by my love. I regret that I had my first orgasm with just my own fingers and uttered "I love you" to the pillow. (age 24)

I think you were saying it to yourself and not the pillow. Your problem isn't that you learned to satisfy yourself by masturbating, it's that you haven't learned to adjust yourself to your partner. Once you do that, you are apt to be much better with him than a woman who's never masturbated is. Males seem to understand what a lot of females don't; masturbation isn't better or worse than intercourse, it's just different.

I have been sexually active for two years, masturbated regularly for several years before that, and have relatively recently developed a new problem. During masturbation, I sometimes will press against the front wall of my vagina vigorously and repeatedly, as this is the only way I have discovered to reliably get feeling out of my G spot. Occasionally when I do this, I will end up bleeding, but it's always been the beginning of my period, until now. The last five months or so I've been having pain in the area I press afterward. I think this might be because I got injured in some way I can't figure out during intercourse with my partner five months ago (I think air got in and pressed around in odd ways). The other possibility might be that I am on oral contraceptives and have elected to skip my period this month, which I know can create spotting. What do you think is causing the pain and/or the bleeding? Are they related? What suggestions do you have to make them stop? (age 18)

I suggest you stop the forceful masturbation. What you describe can easily cause pain or bleeding and would not cause your period to come on demand. If you think it's the contraceptives, you ought to discuss it with your doctor or nurse practitioner. It's not unusual to skip a menstrual cycle at your age.

I'm sexually active but don't have a steady partner. I feel sexual and turned on a couple of times a day at least but only masturbate every other day in order to build up my tensions for more intense orgasms. I can go on for more than an hour and have several orgasms during this time. My problem is that I seem to want more and more intense sensations, especially to orgasm very strongly. After a day of abstinence, my first 2-3 orgasms typically are intense, with my body spasming in a completely uncontrollable way and with 10-15 vaginal contractions that feel strong around my fingers if they are inserted. I love this feeling more than I can ever describe. I have deliberately explored how I can consistently get these orgasms ever since my early teens, and I can say that I also have managed to increase the intensity of the sensation by finding exactly how to touch myself and use my toys. I'm getting more and more curious about some very advanced sex toys I see on the web, in particular electrostimulation (dildo giving electric pulses inside the vagina or other places). I have read and watched everything I can find about these things, but still I'm not sure whether it is a safe thing to do. Can the electricity cause any damages if I follow the recommended use? Is there anything else I could do to make my orgasms even more intense? (age 27)

I highly recommend against those appliances. I'm sure you're aware that when you have sex with a man, he can't stimulate you with electrical impulses. I think a problem is also that you demand a continually increasing amount of stimulation. From what you write, I think you are already in the 99th percentile among women in terms of orgasmic capacity. You might try harder to incorporate a regular partner into your orgasm regimen.

I am 12 and have not gotten my period. I masturbate by pushing down on my vulva face down on my bed. Will this prevent me from getting my period?

No. That will make no difference for your period, but as you might have read, it's a masturbation technique I highly discourage.

I just masturbated for the first time, and it wasn't anything great. I followed the guidelines for touching the clitoris and even inserted a finger but I didn't feel much. Help! (age 15)

It takes many girls a while to get into the rhythm of it. Don't worry if the first time wasn't magic. Just keep trying to make progress and soon you'll be there. Keeping sexy thoughts in your head can make the difference too.

I love to masturbate and I've been doing it for about a year. I always masturbate naked on my bed by opening my vulvar lips and putting them on one of my oversized teddy bears' nose and then I hump it. I get a wonderful sensation but it goes away soon after, and I freeze. Is there a way I can masturbate and get a longer lasting sensation? Is this prone? (age 12)

It is prone masturbation. If you learned to masturbate with your hands instead, you would gain greater control over your orgasm and the other sensations you get.

I was reading the page that is questions from parents and the one about the girl putting her hands between her legs and moving her legs in a rhythmic motion is the exact same thing I do. You said it is a sign of prone masturbating. Should I stop? Is this preventing me from getting my period? (age 12)

It would be a good idea to learn to masturbate with your hands instead of by thrusting against your hands. What you are doing will not prevent you from getting your period.

Do women get wet dream? I have often woken up from sleep very lubricated. Why? was I having some kind of unknown female wet dream? (age 18)

Wet dreams involve ejaculation. Since women don't ejaculate, they can't have wet dreams, but like men, they can have dreams that cause them to become aroused. A few women have claimed to have orgasms during sleep, but that is very rare.

I often insert my fingers into my vagina while face down. I don't usually rub against pillows or anything. Is this considered prone masturbation? Is it harmful? (age 21)

Your practice falls into a gray area. I think if your hands are doing most of the work, it is not prone masturbation, but if you are thrusting your vagina onto your hands, then it is.

I have tried and tried again to masturbate and get an orgasm and have had no luck for almost a year now. I have used my hands time and time again and nothing. It feels a little good but not outstandingly good, just okay. Then I tried inserting something in and it just felt really good and got me aroused a little but then it would quickly go away. I know you will probably say to use my hands more but you have no idea how many times I have tried and never gotten anything out of it. The only time I get orgasms is when I'm asleep and having those dreams. So tell me what to do. I relax and everything but no such luck. It probably sounds funny but it wouldn't be if it were you! (age 15)

I think you're doing all the right things, but you're trying too hard to have an orgasm. Just do what feels good and you are apt to come across something that will give you an orgasm one of these days. It usually helps to have thoughts in your head that really turn you on. Try to enjoy what you're feeling even if it isn't orgasmic.

I don't feel any pleasure by sticking my finger up my vagina. It doesn't hurt but it doesn't feel good. Is this normal?

It should feel good when you are sexually aroused. Try it then. Otherwise, most females learn to masturbate by stimulating their external genitalia, including the clitoris.

I externally masturbate about 3 times a week. Sometimes I masturbate for so long that I get sore around my clitoris and it hurts for a while and goes red. Am I causing myself any problems by doing this? Could I get infections or cancer or anything? (age 21)

Masturbation does not cause cancer. You couldn't cause an infection unless you break the skin. You ought to use lube if you are going to masturbate for so long. I advise against masturbating that long, because failure to reach orgasm often means that your body does not want to have one. I tell males to give up after 20 minutes and try again when they're more aroused. In the case of females, a few more minutes might be in order since it usually takes women longer to reach orgasm.

What is the definition of an orgasm? I masturbate and I'm not sure if I have reached an orgasm because my breasts don't get hard? Can you still have an orgasm without your breasts becoming hard? (age 13)

Yes, you can, although it is typical for the nipples to erect upon orgasm. You might spend some time browsing the definitions in the glossary of this site.

I can masturbate with 2 fingers and I use tampons, but I haven't ever had blood come out when I was masturbating. I was wondering if I broke my hymen when I used a tampon and just thought it was blood from my period. Also, how do I know if I reach an orgasm? (age 13)

You might do better to think of the hymen like the plastic that is inside the opening of a box of Kleenex, which can withstand some friction, rather than a soap bubble that will burst upon the slightest touch. It is unlikely that using tampons for as short a period as you have would make a difference in your hymen. Masturbating with fingers or objects internally will make more of a difference, but wouldn't necessarily produce bleeding, especially if you're not inserting very far. Also, some girls have only a small amount of blood flow in their hymens and will never bleed much. An orgasm will produce a series of contractions inside your pelvis and an overall good feeling.

Is there a female equivalent to "blue balls"? My understanding is that "blue balls" occurs due to blood congestion in the pelvis due to arousal which is not relieved by orgasm. If I am aroused for a long time before I masturbate, I often have a crampy, aching pain in my pelvis which persists for around an hour or so. Is this normal under these circumstances? (age 22)

Yes, there is a female equivalent of "blue balls." It is more likely to be a problem of males because more blood flows to the male private parts in arousal. It takes a lot more blood to engorge the penis than the clitoris. If it bothers you, try to reach orgasm sooner. A more robust orgasm also leads to a more complete resolution of the blood congestion.

I love to masturbate, and when I orgasm, my entire body shakes for about 30 seconds, while I feel intense pleasure. Is it normal to shake vigorously while having an orgasm? (age 14)

Yes, that's within the range of normal.

I've been masturbating by rubbing my pillow on my vulva since I was 10. I dare not insert my finger because I'm scared that I'll break my hymen. How can I get an orgasm without breaking my hymen? (age 14)

You are still pretty young. You will probably have orgasms soon by masturbating externally as you are doing and won't need to go inside. I suggest stopping the pillow and using your hands instead.

Just recently I got so turned on that I masturbated around 12 times in one day. Is that normal? (female, age 17)

I hope you don't have too many days like that. Recently I conducted a survey of males, asking the greatest number of times they had masturbated in a single day, and for 53 percent, the answer was between 2 and 5. Only 16 percent had ever masturbated 10 or more times in one day. I suspect for females, the average would be lower.

Great site, but I have to take issue with your answer to the 17 year old female who masturbated 12 times in one day (you replied "I hope you don't have too many days like that," and that on average males masturbate more frequently than females). I think you should have clarified that there's nothing wrong in and of itself with masturbating that frequently. The problem is if it becomes obsessive behavior, or it interferes with the person's health or other aspects of their life. That's an important distinction. Based on my own experiences and those of other women I know, I question whether guys really masturbate more frequently. At 17 maybe, but at 27? 37? Even at 17, I remember infrequent days when I'd masturbate 10-15 times. I averaged a lot less (maybe 2-3), but if I had privacy and nothing else to do, I would pleasure myself. I think a big problem here is defining how many times for women. If I lie down, have a few orgasms, then get up and carry on with my life, I say I masturbated once. But at the other extreme, if I'm in bed and I come, doze, come, doze, I might count each climax as a separate instance. So saying a woman masturbates X times a day only tells you half the story, unlike for men. (age 34)

I stand by my answer to that girl. Twelve times in one day is extreme, whether you're counting orgasms or sessions. I don't think there's any question about males masturbating more than females, at every age. Every survey I have ever read shows that. I also think it's relevant to use the session, rather than the orgasm, as the unit of analysis. I think you are correct to count each session as a different instance when there is sleep or other activity between them.

My boyfriend has fingered me twice, and I didn't get an orgasm either time or feel like I was close. I can give myself one by masturbating externally but I was wondering about how many more times does he have to finger me before I get one?

It's not unusual for females to not have orgasms when they first become sexually active. Part of it is your partner's skill and part is your comfort with him. As you become more acquainted sexually, both should improve and this will make it easier for you to reach orgasm. It is good that you can have them on your own. Perhaps you can give him some tips about how you like to be touched.

Last night I had a very erotic dream and when I woke up and got out of bed, a lot of fluid ran out of my vagina and down my legs. It was clear, like the stuff I produce when having sex, but there was a lot of it. Could I possibly have had a wet dream? (age 24)

Females don't have wet dreams, but you might have had the closest thing. Women produce some sexual fluids when they are aroused, which some women experience similar to ejaculation. You might have had an abundance of them during your dream which were still fluid when you got up.

I really appreciate everything I have learned at your site. I'm 20 years old and female. I masturbate about six or seven times a week. I've always been very easily aroused, and just the idea of being turned on is enough to turn me on. I never had any social problems, and always plenty of friends, etc. But I never dated, made out, or had sex throughout high school. This was purely my choice because I have very high standards, and am saving sex for marriage.

However, once I got to college, I finally made out with a very nice attractive young man. It was far more stimulating than I had ever imagined. I can see why people like kissing so much. Every time I've made out I've been aroused. And one time while we were making out, he was on top of me, and started feeling my stomach with his hands (he has a thing for girls' stomachs) and I had an orgasm. I kept it to myself (as best I could) because I was rather embarrassed and ashamed of this reaction. Is it normal that just making out and caressing could cause an orgasm, that making out eventually turns me on? Is this healthy? Will guys be disgusted by this? Do you think most guys would be disgusted by a girl who masturbates daily like me?

It is a good sign that you had an orgasm without genital stimulation. This tells me that when you get married and have sex, you will be a very responsive partner. No man would be disgusted by giving a woman an orgasm. There is no reason to hide your orgasms. Make them as loud as you feel. You will be giving him what he wants to hear. I also don't think men would be disgusted by your daily masturbation. It would probably turn them on. The exception might be a male who is not accepting of his own (probably daily) masturbation, who might pretend to be offended by your mention of it. But you don't have to tell the men in your life anything about your autoerotic habits unless you want to.

Follow-up from the original questioner: It's nice to think of this orgasm without genital stimulation in a very positive light. It had been bothering me a little, like I felt oversexed or something. The idea that a man could be turned on, as opposed to repulsed, by my masturbation and orgasms is also comforting. I have struggled with my beliefs on masturbation for a number of years. Off and on I've gone from masturbating daily, to several months without masturbating even once, due to the guilt I've felt. Abstaining wasn't as miserable or as difficult for me as some have described it; there is much more to life. But I'd certainly rather masturbate than not. So after I found your tasteful site a while ago, I became convinced that if it wasn't right I wouldn't have been given a clitoris, imagination, and fingers. Now I masturbate as often as I please. Thanks for being on the net to answer questions and explain what I don't care to discuss with the conservatives who people my life. Your site has helped me so much.

I'm always glad to help! Keep in mind that most of those who complain about having to endure abstinence periods are males, and males can't just give up masturbating the way females can. They have fluids that need to be eliminated frequently, and they become downright congested, irritable, and unable to think of anything except orgasm after a week without one. So be glad you have those three things and a body that gives you the option of being orgasmic or not.

Do you recommend masturbating in the bath? I am paranoid about live sperm still being around from other members of my family. (age 16)

Sperm cannot live in a hot bathtub.

Can I masturbate in my period. Masturbation feels great. (age 12)

Yes, many girls masturbate when they have their periods.

I seem to get very wet whenever I'm even slightly aroused, for example when kissing a guy. I'll get so wet that I have to go to the bathroom and clean up. When I masturbate I also produce a LOT of fluid. Is this normal? (age 23)

I think it's a very good sign that you're sexually healthy. Be glad you're so easily aroused physically.

The only way that I can get an orgasm is by putting pressure on my vulva through my clothes. I do it by pushing on it for a while and squeezing my legs and my vagina at the same time and then I have an orgasm. Is this normal? It's the only way I can get an orgasm. Is there something I can do to get an orgasm another way? (age 22)

It's better if you don't masturbate prone. In males, this is a troublesome cause of sexual dysfunctions, and there is some evidence that masturbating prone is harmful to females too. The females who masturbate most conventionally (on their backs, with their hands) have the best success at orgasm in intercourse. You can learn new ways of masturbating by avoiding masturbating prone for a week or so, at which time your private parts will be extra sensitive so they can respond to a new kind of touch.

I can't get an orgasm out of anything. I've been trying since I was young when I first learned about masturbation. I've tried everything from my own hands to dildos, oral sex, to my fiance trying himself. He gets very upset when we have sex because I don't ever get an orgasm. I really hope you can help me out because I get very upset when I think that I'm never going to have an orgasm. Is it possible for a person to never have an orgasm in their life? (age 19)

Don't be discouraged. There are a lot of women who have never had an orgasm by your age. Just try to enjoy what you are doing sexually and don't worry so much about having an orgasm. You are apt to start having them when you least expect them.

I masturbate a lot but fingering myself or touching my clitoris or massaging anything around it never makes me feel anything. I sometimes like to rub my hand up and down and that brings me to orgasm but only sometimes. How can I get clitoral orgasms? Once I tried to use a vibrator but it hurt too much trying to put it in. I can only fit one finger inside. Is this normal? (age 15)

That's all normal for your age. Rubbing your hand up and down is probably producing a clitoral orgasm. You've somehow found the way to bring yourself pleasure without causing pain, as can happen when you focus too much on your clitoris. Keep trying. You will refine your technique as you progress. It will also get easier to insert more fingers.

This is my first time hearing about prone masturbation after going through your site. I have been masturbating this way for as long as I can remember. When I try to masturbate the regular way, liquid comes out of me (probably female ejaculation) but no orgasm. I don't really know what to do because I want to have orgasms during sex which has not happened yet and I'm guessing prone is the cause of this problem. What should I do? (age 17)

A lot of girls your age are not having orgasms yet. Giving up prone masturbation is apt to lead to greater sensitivity, which would let you reach orgasm in conventional masturbation and possibly sooner than you otherwise would in sex. The techniques I describe for males on the main page can also work to help females switch. There is also a prone support group on Yahoo especially for women

I'd first like to say that I'm really glad you've made this web site because it's answered a lot of questions I've had, but I've never been able to ask before because they're kind of embarrassing. I've been masturbating for a few years, since I was 11, and I do it frequently, almost every day. Is that healthy? I don't plan on having sex anytime soon, but if I keep up this rate of masturbation, will it lessen the pleasure when I have sex? I usually do it externally. (age 15)

I am inclined to believe that females who masturbate frequently will have more pleasure when they have sex. You are healthy.

When I masturbate it feels really good but sometimes when I'm about to reach a really intense orgasm, I start to have an asthma attack. I can't help it. It just happens. It has happened twice and I'm scared that it will happen again. I dont know what to tell my doctor when she asks me what triggered it. What should I do? I'M REALLY SCARED! I have a doctor's appointment soon. I haven't told my mom anything. I really like to masturbate! (age 13)

You ought to tell the doctor. Don't be embarrassed. She masturbates too. Just ask for privacy during the appointment and your mom will be sent to the waiting room.

Is it possible to pass out from a really strong orgasm? (age 17)

Yes.

I usually masturbate by rubbing my labia minora over my underwear. It's easier to induce friction that way, and I have not had orgasms the normal way although I have tried. (age 12)

Most girls your age have not had an orgasm. It would be more conventional to masturbate without your underwear. Just keep trying. Orgasms will come in time.

I have been masturbating since I was 12 years old, and it looks like I do it in the prone style (thrusting into a pillow face down). I am a virgin, and I am very scared I will not be able to have an orgasm when I finally have sex. I will now no longer masturbate as often, and never face down, but, will the damage caused by prone masturbation be erased if I stop now? What are some proper ways to masturbate for a girl of putting her hands "down there?" (age 15)

Don't worry! I hope you will not be sexually active for a few years. Even a few months would be enough to make your body forget that it had ever masturbated prone. You don't have to cut back on your frequency (except maybe for a few weeks while you learn a new method.) Most girls lie on their backs and rub the area around the clitoris until they have one or more orgasms.

I was talking to my best friend about masturbation and she said she can have 8-10 orgasms in one night. Is that really possible? The most I've had is three and that was a huge effort. (age 13)

Three puts you way ahead of most girls your age. Congratulations! Yes, it is possible your best friend is having that many. You're lucky to have a friend you can discuss masturbation with.

I only started masturbating a few months ago, but it feels so good, I do it nearly every night. Most times I finger my clitoris for 10 or 15 minutes until I have a lovely orgasm and fall asleep. But some nights I still feel really horny after I've come, and I need to do it over and over again before I feel satisified. The only problem is that after a while the orgasms get so intense that the muscles in my lower belly start to ache (it feels a bit like period pains). Is this normal? (age 15)

That isn't exactly normal, but it's what you can expect when you overdo something. Why not learn to stop before you know you will feel pain?

Let me just say that I love, love, LOVE your site! You have no idea how much you've helped me and, I'm certain, many other people. I absolutely love masturbation. I've been doing it prone style since about 4 or so and I've always had a satisfying experience. Well, now that I've discovered this site I'm not doing that anymore and I try doing it the normal way but I just can't seem to come. I really try hard but I just end up getting tired and not pleasured. Is there something wrong with me? What if I'm never able to come again? (age 17)

Don't even think about that! You will learn how and enjoy it as much as you ever did prone masturbation. It seems to take females more to reach that first orgasm than males. But don't give up hope. It will happen soon. Try to enjoy masturbating even if you aren't having an orgasm.

Can I enhance my masturbation pleasure by touching or doing things to other parts of my body besides my vulva? Where and with what (besides hands) should I masturbate? (age 13)

Many girls find that can evoke sexual response from touching other places called erogenous zones. These places vary from person to person, and it takes some experience to figure out which are your erogenous zones. It's easiest to figure these out when you're very aroused and close to orgasm. Some of the most popular are lips, underams, breasts, neck, and ears.

You said thrusting against a pillow while masturbating is bad. Sometimes I lie on a blanket and put the other part of the blanket between my legs and rock back and forth on it. Is this bad? (age 13)

It's an atypical form of masturbation that won't serve you well in the long run. You are better off to learn to masturbate with your hands. It ought to be easy to learn something new at your age.

Follow-up: What will happen in the long run?

If you become habituated to masturbating with a blanket, you will have a harder time reaching orgasm with a partner (which I hope won't be for about five years.) I can't explain why, but people who learn to masturbate with their hands have the easiest time reaching orgasm in intercourse.

Follow-up: So I'll never be able to reach orgasm by intercourse? Is this irreversible?

Yes, it is reversible. It doesn't mean you will never be able to reach orgasm in intercourse. It just makes it harder for you as opposed to a female who's only masturbated with her hands.

I've been masturbating for about 2 years now, and I'm able to do it just about any way I like and still orgasm. Even the way you say we shouldn't (the rubbing against something) but I can easily switch to my back or anything and it's great! I reach orgasm quickly, which is something I don't like, because I would like to keep going longer. Is there any way I can slow down how fast I have an orgasm so that I can rub longer? (age 16)

Your problem is a familiar one for males. I advise them to put their orgasms off for 30 seconds when they feel it coming. After doing this for a while, you can extend your masturbation time by several minutes. It's ideal to find something that mentally distracts you so that you don't orgasm but remain aroused for those 30 seconds.

I'm fairly sure that everything about my sexuality is unhealthy and/or abnormal, and am wondering if there is anything I might be able to do about it. The only way I can achieve orgasm is by lying on my side and rubbing my thighs together. I have tried many times to use my hands, but it never culminates in anything. I've been masturbating this way since I was about five. I usually masturbate once or twice a day, but sometimes, usually during my period, I masturbate up to twelve times in twenty-four hours. I also do not become lubricated, or "wet" when aroused, which one of my friends tells me is not unheard of, but I still wonder about it. I have never had sexual experiences with other people, partially out of fear and partially because my sexual attractions are not normal, and in order to act on them, I would be breaking several laws. So how does someone like me ever have any type of healthy sexual relationship? (age 21)

I'm sure your situation isn't hopeless, but you might need professional help to get through it. There is only so much I can do via this site. There are nearly 300 million people in the U.S., and there must be some who appeal to you who that would not be against the law. I assume you mean are attracted to children. There are plenty of treatments and support groups available for that. You seem to have great orgasmic capacity if you have been masturbating since age 5 and can come up to 12 times a day. I think all you need to do is set your preferred method of masturbating aside for a week or two so that you can experiement with some other ways, including the conventional method of masturbating with your hands. You can use a commercial product to simulate vaginal lubrication, and this might lead to an increase in the amount of real lubrication you get. I have no doubt there are many loving people out there who would want to be in a positive sexual relationship with you.

I'm a 17 year old female and I love masturbating. I've been doing it all my life and I always get really powerful orgasms that leave me kind of shaky. Anyway, I was masturbating on my bed while alone in the house just recently and I got a really intense orgasm. It was so strong that I think I passed out for a few minutes. Can that really happen and is it a sign that something is wrong? I've never done that before.

Yes, an intense orgasm can occasionally cause someone to pass out. I've never heard it described as a bad thing. There is probably nothing wrong with you.

I am 31 years old and have never realized how dangerous prone masturbation is. My entire life I've only ever been able to reach orgasm through masturbating with a pillow, which usually produces a good orgasm within minutes. I have been married for 8 years and sexually active since I was 17 years old. I've never achieved orgasm during sex and now I have a clue why! Is it too late for me? What would you suggest?

The program I recommend for males on the main page will also help you. There is also a support group for women working to overcome prone masturbation. It is not too late. You can learn to masturbate conventionally, and from there you will develop greater orgasmic capacity and learn to reach orgasm in intercourse.

I've been masturbating for about 6 months, and I am unable to get excitement from it. You have said to start by learning with your hands before you try water or inserting things into my vagina. But after about a month I started trying internal, and I didn't feel anything with that either! So when I was in the tub I used running water and I went crazy with that. It Was GREAT!! But I want to do it with my hands. I continue to try rubbing the clitoris in many different ways, but no result. What can I do to enhance the feeling? Should I touch or massage any other part of my body (breasts, thighs, etc.) ? How should I prepare? How can I get more aroused? (age 13)

I think you're trying too hard. It takes a lot of females time to get used to arousal. Just take it slow and easy and I think you will find reward in less than a year.

My friend said she found out about something called a G spot and she said she found it and I can't find it! Where is it and what is it? She said it felt really good, but I don't get it, and I cant find it. (age 12)

The G spot is a highly sensitive place a couple of inches up your vagina on the top surface. It would be easier to find if you were experienced at having orgasms. Most girls your age are just trying to learn external masturbation and have not even attempted to find their G spots.

I am not able to get lubricants, so I was wondering what kind of household items you can use as lubes. Vaseline or petroleum jelly works great, but I've heard it can cause infections. (age 12)

I've not heard that about Vaseline or petroleum jelly. In fact, it's a very popular lube. Some people also use cooking oil, but I recommend something made especially for use on the skin, which would include petroleum jelly.

I've been masturbating since I was 13, using my hands outside my underwear, and until about a year ago directly touching my clit. I recently got an electic toothbrush, and it felt good at first, but then my genitals became too sensitive, and I ended up using the smooth side of the toothbrush to masturbate. How can I masturbate with the toothbrush without it hurting? (age 15)

I recommend against using the toothbrush. Hurting is a sign that you shouldn't be doing something. Why not find out how to masturbate with your hands using as little force as possible? That's a skill that will serve you well when you have sex someday.

I've always masturbated with water, practically whenever my mom is out of the house, I masturbate! I can only masturbate for about 45 seconds to one minute, then the excitement dies. How can I make it last longer? (age 15)

Try it dry and learn to use your hands. You don't have as much control when you're using running water.

I've never seen anything on your site about masturbating by stroking the opening to the urethra. I found this by accident when I had a urinary tract infection and was quite itchy there. I mostly use a cotton ball to stroke it while externally masturbating in a pretty normal way but I've used other things too. I can orgasm just by doing this but it makes me urinate when I come. Have you had anyone else talk about this? (age 23)

I say in both the Young Man's Guide and the Young Woman's Guide that urethral masturbation is dangerous. In addition to causing infections, it is an atypical form of masturbation that doesn't translate to intercourse. Most men don't like when their partner urinates on them.

I have been masturbating for a couple years now, about every other day, and over the years I have been having to increase pressure to feel the same sensations, and I'm worried that I may lose some feeling down there. If this is true, should I stop for a while? (age 16)

It might be worth your while to see if masturbating less frequently (perhaps twice a week) makes a difference. It might be it's all in your head. Lots of girls your age (and most guys) masturbate daily and never lose the feeling.

I masturbate using a rolled-up towel on the arm of a couch. I read on the site that using furniture is bad. Is using the towel on the couch arm bad too? I get orgasms from it and I use it frequently. Will it affect me in anyway? (age 16)

You are getting more pressure than you would from your hands or in intercourse. I advise against your practice. Females who masturbate using only their hands have the best chances of reaching orgasm in intercourse.

About 80% of the time I wake up in the morning I find my hands down my pants. Is that compulsive masturabtion? Also, is it normal to get turned on by your own sounds,smells,or nakedness when you masturbate? (age 17)

I don't think it's compulsivity, but it's something akin to sleepwalking. You probably aren't enjoying it, and it might be making you more fatigued than you ought to be. You can try to overcome that by wearing heavier pants to bed. What turns you on is normal.

The only way I can orgasm is by lying on my back, with my labia together and my hand flat, covering both labia. I move my hand up and down extremely hard and fast and can orgasm in 2 minutes. Is this a form of prone masturbating? Should I stop doing this? I can also use a back massager, but only on the highest speed. Again the orgasm comes quickly. Will this hurt me when I start having intercourse? Your site is amazing! Even with open parents, I had so many questions that I was afraid to ask them, but you have explained. Keep up the good work!! (age 19)

Masturbating on your back with your hands is not masturbating prone. I recommend against the back massager. It would be to your advantage to learn other kinds of touch that you like and that can bring you to orgasm. I suspect that if you can orgasm within two minutes from your method, you would be able to reach orgasm in about five minutes or so with a gentler touch.

I have been mastubating for about 2 years now with my back massager on my clitoris. Today, I used a hair bender that is a little smaller than a penis and gentle and squishy. It didn't give me an orgasm, but I did have a sexual sensation. Is this normal? I am not sure exactly which spot an orgasm comes from most intensely. Do you think I will have more orgasms with this method when I grow more? (age 14)

Many girls try to be adaptive in creating orgasms with objects from around the house. I think it is better to use your hand rather than any kind of object, but the hair bender is better for you than the back massager. I think you would find the gentle touch of your fingers or the hair bender to be more productive if you gave up the massager and took a week or so off.

Im a 29-year-old woman who has got a lot of experience in masturbating with hands, but I have never had sex. By masturbating I get an orgasm while rubbing my clitoris. I have inserted several small things into my vagina. If I get 2 fingers in it, it hurts. Why does it hurt? I am anxious about damaging the hymen. But because of that Im afraid to have sex with a man. Im going to buy a dildo, but I dont know if I can insert it. Can you help me?

Women who have not had much inside their vaginas usually experience some pain or discomfort when they attempt to. Using fingers is the best way to go. Just accept that some discomfort is normal. There is no reason for you to be anxious about the hymen. It needs to go away someday. I would use fingers and possibly a small dildo to help you get over this stage. I think you will be fine in the end.

I am 13 and I have been masturbating for a while. External doesn't do anything for me but when I insert something it tingles but nothing special. How can I make it better? My hymen has not broken. Should I break it? If so, how? What can I use for a lube without having to buy one because my parents are conservative and don't know I'm masturbating? I love your site!!!

I think you should give it more time. A lot of girls your age (and much older) aren't having orgasms yet. They will come in time. Be patient. I think you are better off masturbating externally anyway, so there is no need to break your hymen. Many girls and boys your age use lotion, petroleum jelly, and even cooking oil as lubes.

Does masturbating in prone fashion with violence hurt the hymen? (age 30)

Entering the vagina while masturbating is more of a factor in eroding the hymen than prone masturbaing would. However, if you have been doing that for a long time, it is very likely your hymen is not still intact at your age.

I've been masturbating since about 6th grade, and I don't see why some people are so uptight about it. I masturbate about 3 times every two weeks but around my period I do it A LOT. At least once a day for about a week. Why do you think that is? (age 16)

Many females are more genitally active (either intercourse or masturbation or both) around either their period or when they ovulate. It is just a manifestation of "that time of the month" for them. Some females also masturbate frequently to relieve pain or cramps associated with menstruation.

I recently switched from using a blanket to masturbate to using my hands and my orgasms are far more intense than the ones I had using the blanket, The problem is that when I have an orgasm I feel like I was just left hanging like there and it wasn't a resolution to the orgasm. It doesn't feel like the way it used to feel like this rush. Now it's just like it just stopped and afterward my clit is too sensitive to touch so I can't keep going. What can I do to make my orgasms better?

It can often be like that when you change how you have orgasms. After a month or so you will be completely used to the new way and you will gain greater control over your sexual response. You will also have greater control with your hands than you had with the blanket.

If there are different ways to get an orgasm, does that mean the orgasms are different? (age 13)

Wow! What a good question! There was a time when doctors advised that a clitoral orgasm was different from a vaginal orgasm, but after the landmark studies by Masters and Johnson into the nature of human sexual response, the consensus became that an orgasm is an orgasm. So, an orgasm is a series of physiological responses that will happen no matter how it was triggered. However, most females respond better to clitoral stimulation than to vaginal stimulation, and for some it is the opposite. Intercourse can also produce different feelings from masturbation. Thus, some women believe that there are different kinds of orgasm based on how they are produced. It's kind of like eating. People derive different sensations from eating lobster as opposed to eating rice, but foods are all digested the same way.

When I masturbate, I begin to rub my clitoris and I get a weakness and throbbing in my entire body. I can't control myself, and it feels good. Is this the start of an orgasm? (age 13)

Yes. Keep going at that point and you might experience more.

I've been masturbating in the shower daily for the last six years and have found that I cannot pleasure myself by hand. I've only had sex once but I'm worried I won't be able to reach orgasm in sex. Is there a way I can learn to masturbate by hand? (age 17)

Yes. I suggest abstaining from sex and masturbation for at least a week and then trying to masturbate by hand. The abstention period will allow your genitals to become more sensitive so that you can learn a new way to masturbate. You can adapt a program I recommend for males to do this on the main page.

I have never had sex, but I would like to. I think I am prepared emotionally because I love my partner very much, and we have a great open relationship. But I am worried that I am not physically prepared. I have not been masturbating internally for very long at all. I did a mirror check and I failed to see an actual vaginal opening. There looked to be skin or something else blocking it. Does this mean my hymen is still too intact to start having sex? Would he be able to penetrate me? (age 18)

He probably could. Just looking with a mirror doesn't mean you have a difficult hymen to penetrate. Just take it slowly at first and try not to worry about it so much.

I tried masturbating while standing up one time and I kind of passed out. Is it weird to pass out from masturbating? (age 18)

Yes, it is. You shouldn't rule out that the fainting was caused by something else. Fainting can be a sign of a more serious condition.

Do most girls masturbate? Also, I've never had an orgasm before in my life. Is that normal? (age 18)

At your age, most females masturbate. Many have never had an orgasm at your age. Most achieve their first orgasm by masturbating. For some it takes a few years of practice.

I've been masturbating for years by using my clit. I want to start using my vagina. I've tried it before, but I get so entirely frustrated. I can't get an orgasm because my hand gets tired and starts to hurt badly. I've tried using the end of a bottle. I got a little closer but still didn't get an orgasm. What in the world do I do? You don't have an idea how frustrating this is! Help! (age 18)

It would be easier for you to reach orgasm with a new masturbation method if you abstained from sex and masturbation for a week or so beforehand. The important thing is to be relaxed when you try something new sexually. This is better than resorting to more brutal devices like the bottle.

Is it possible to have an orgasm without touching my genitals at all? Sometimes when I get aroused, I sit down and think of something that turns me on a lot, then I feel a rush that goes straight to my privates, and my face gets red. My breathing also increases, and I can do this about 4 or 5 times in a row. It feels really good and it feels like an orgasm, but I dont know if it could happen without any physical contact. (age 16)

Yes, that has been documented in a small number of females. Congratulations!

Last month I was masturbating like I usually do but instead of a gooey liquid oozing out, it shot out like when a man masturbates. What happened? It felt like an orgasm but looked like I was urinating. (age 15)

It might be the elusive female ejaculation. Sometimes a copious amount of fluid comes out all at once. A lot of the women it happens to enjoy it.

I'm a virgin and lately I've been trying internal masturbation but I'm very tight and it's painful and there appears to be a piece of skin nearly down the middle of my vaginal opening. I've examined myself with a mirror and it appears I have a septate hymen. I'm worried about this. Is there anything I can do to help erode this type of hymen before I have sex? When I do have sex, would it be more painful because wouldn't it have to break off on both sides? (age 19)

I think you're worrying too much. Most women feel some pain when they first try penetrating the vagina through masturbating or intercourse. Just relax and try to enjoy it, and it will be more comfortable very soon. The hymen should break after a while. If it is truly sclerotic (hard), your gynecologist can remove it on your next visit.

My body loves to have sex but I never had an orgasm. Is it normal for me to feel this way? I would like to have the same feeling that a man does. (age 20)

If you have never had an orgasm at all, it is easiest to learn to have them by masturbating. Keep working on it. If you have orgasms by masturbating but not in intercourse, then it would be easiest for you to show your partners how you like to be touched. Don't be discouraged. A lot of women your age are challenged by orgasm, but by being persistent, they learn to reach orgasms by becoming generally more sexually responsive.

I really want to experience orgasm through intercourse, I am married and we are very sexually active but I can only achieve climax with clitoral stimulation. (age 31)

There are intercourse positions that provide more direct clitoral stimulation and others that allow more room for you or your partner to stimulate you manually. It is often just a matter of working with your partner so that he delivers more of what you like.

My boyfriend had a wet dream this morning (after I performed manual intercourse on him last night) and I'm starting to feel that maybe I'm not satisfying him enough. Is having wet dreams at his age (43) normal, even if his sexual life is active? (age 35)

They're rare at his age, but I don't think that there's anything wrong with him or that the problem is you.

I would first like to compliment you on your site. It is extremely helpful and well done. I have now been masturbating with running water from the faucet for about 4 months. If I continue to masturbate with water will that make it so I would not be able to orgasm during sexual intercourse? How can I learn to masturbate with my hands? (age 13)

Females who masturbate with their hands have an easier time reaching orgasm in intercourse than those who masturbate prone or with running water. Masturbating with water does not guarantee that you will have trouble with orgasm in intercourse, but I think it makes it more likely. If you are patient and willing to give up masturbating with the faucet, I think you would be able to masturbate with your hands within a few weeks. Just be patient and give it a chance. I think you will be better off in the long run.

I have been having orgasms through masturbation for a very long time but haven't had intercourse yet. I've been thinking about losing my virginity sometime soon, but I haven't really done anything involving penetration. Is there something I should do to prepare myself for it, like maybe using a vibrator? (age 22)

If you are successful at having orgasms through external masturbation, then I don't think you need to try internal masturbation or use of a vibrator simply for its own sake. Some women, but not most, have difficulty with their first intercourse. There is no reason for you to presume that you will.

In answers to females who wonder about masturbation during their periods, you advise that it might not be a good idea if it's too messy. Why don't you just tell them it can be done over their clothes? If you just rub on the outside, it should get the job done, and you won't get blood all over your hands. (age 19)

You are very correct, but most of the females who ask me that masturbate internally. Obviously, females who masturbate externally are less affected by menstruation.

I think your web site is very helpful and interesting, but I would like to object to the answer you gave to a young woman who had trouble reaching orgasm through intercourse without stimulating herself externally, and that her partner usually comes before she gets the chance to. Your advice was "It would be better if your partner could bring you to orgasm manually or orally, and then satisfy himself vaginally." It's true that it's easier for a woman to have an orgasm through oral or manual stimulation, but that doesn't mean that during intercourse we just want to lie there and let men use us as sperm receptacles. Advising him to "satisfy himself vaginally" was a pretty poor choice of words. It's not like you can just lie there and not notice that there's a penis inside of you, so there should at least be some attempt to make it enjoyable for both partners. I think your response to that person's question should have been geared more toward how the guy can delay his orgasm so that she could come first. As for external stimulation of the female during intercourse, it is usually a good idea since it enhances the experience for her. (age 24)

I would say that if a woman knows she isn't going to reach orgasm in intercourse, she should facilitate her partner's orgasm, especially if he followed my advice and gave her one before penetrating her. Perhaps she would learn to be sexually responsive from that act. Certainly she isn't going to learn anything she doesn't already know by masturbating during intercourse, especially if it interferes with her partner's enjoyment. Most men find it a lot more difficult to enjoy themselves when their partner has her hand between them. Most sex experts believe that mutual orgasm need not be a goal if it will not be pleasurable for both. It is much simpler and more effective for partners, especially inexperienced ones, to satisfy each other serially. Mutual orgasm will be more feasible once the partners are experienced and comfortable with each other.

I used to masturbate by rubbing a pillow against my clitoris while lying on my back. For about 6 years I have masturbated prone by rubbing my clitoris on a pillow because I could have an orgasm faster that way. I have never had an orgasm during intercourse. If I switched back to the way I used to do it, would I be able to have an orgasm during intercourse because I'm using a pillow and not just my hands, or would I be able to have one during sex because I'm not doing it prone?

I think you would be better off doing it on your back and better still without the pillows. Women are more idiosyncratic about how masturbation methods affect them, so I can't say with certainty what is contributing to your anorgasmia in intercourse. I just think your odds would improve if you eliminated the prone and the pillows.

How do you masturbate inside with your fingers? I've tried to do it but I can't have an orgasm that way. The only way I can is doing it prone and I don't want to do it that way anymore because I want to be able to have an orgasm when I have sex with my boyfriend someday. (age 18)

Just try fingering yourself that way when you're very aroused sometime, and try to find the places you like to touch the best. Be patient. It often takes a while for women (and men) to learn a new way to masturbate.

I am a 21 year old woman who has been masturbating the wrong way from a very young age (I would guess at least 7 or 8). I have been searching all over the Internet for help but cannot find any helpful information for my case. The way that I have been doing it does not involve the prone position nor thrusting but rather placing my wrist on my vulva on top of my undwear, then stretching my legs and squeezing very tightly and pushing on my vulva until my muscles tremble and I achieve orgasm. This happens very quickly now and I have never been able to achieve orgasm with a partner nor using my fingers or my vibrator (which I think is pretty weak though it is my first and only vibrator.) I have tried abstaining for a few days but found that I still could not achieve orgasm using my hand or vibrator. I did try to get myself to "the point of no return" using my old ways and then trying to use my vibrator or fingers to finish but I find I just lose it completely.

This is beginning to affect my self worth and relationship with my boyfriend, as well as his feelings of adequacy though he is incredibly skillful and attentive to my needs. He is aware of my problem though he does not know of the details on how I do it. Can you give me any advice or refer me to someone who might have more information for me? It would be greatly appreciated. I have been longing for a normal sex life for quite some time.

I would suggest abstaining from both masturbation and intercourse until you can masturbate by hand. This might take as long as two weeks. But once you do it, you will be able to overcome your past habits and use only the normal amount of force that most women use. There is a Yahoo group for women who masturbate prone that exists to help.

Ever since I was 14, I've masturbated by rubbing my clitoris to experience pleasureable contractions, about 8-10. Once when I was 15 I inserted something into my vagina for the first time, and I found I'd contract automatically when I rubbed what must be my G-spot. I orgasmed for about 2 minutes (heavy breathing, flushing, savage muscle contractions, and this AMAZING UPLIFTING PULLING FEELING INTO MYSELF I'VE NEVER FELT AGAIN) but I can't find it anymore. Now when I stick something into my vagina which isn't brand new, I relax instead of contracting. Also, my clit orgasms seem to be weakening, with only about 3-4 contractions that are orgasmically pleasureable. Even though the last ones are still there, they don't feel very good. Shouldn't I be experiencing more pleasure with more experience? (age 17)

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Not every orgasm is going to be equal to your best one ever. I suggest masturbating externally to the point where you realize orgasm is imminent, and then try to stimulate your G spot. A lot of time, sustaining an orgasm is a matter of contracting your PC muscle at just the right time. A lot of girls your age have never had an orgasm at all, so you should feel lucky that you've had them in more than one way. Keep working at it.

I found this site incredibly interesting. I am only able to orgasm when I masturbate prone and have wondered why I found it so difficult (until recently) to orgasm when somebody else stimulated me, and whether my style of masturbation had something to do with it. Do you realize how incredibly heterosexist this site is? I am straight and even I am amazed. The whole thing seems to be geared toward people achieving orgasm during penetrative heterosexual sex. Is prone masturbation a problem for homosexual men? (age 21)

I frequently tell people that if they can't achieve orgasm in intercourse to try to enjoy whatever else they can do, or to satisfy your partner. There have been many gay men who have communicated with the author or participated in the Yahoo support group over the years. Getting back to your problem, I suggest you take a break from prone masturbation and see if you have an easier time with supine masturbation and/or intercourse.

I have read the female masturbation page and read how many females have regular orgasms. I have tried your advice but I can't seem to get an orgasm outside the faucet, and I would really like to find out. (age 13)

Don't be discouraged. Lots of girls your age and much older have never had an orgasm. I suggest you be patient and give up the faucet. Using running water will make it harder for you to learn to have an orgasm without it.

I get incredibly turned on when I masturbate, but my vagina never feels very wet. Should I be worried? Do girls who get really wet have to worry about staining the sheets like boys do? (age 14)

The important thing is that you enjoy yourself. Wetness is not that important. You will probably get wetter when you are older. Yes, vaginal fluids can stain fabric.

I can only reach orgasm by masturbating through my clothes. Is this a form of prone? (age 18)

I don't think so. It suggests you're very sensitive and need something to dull the sensation. That's why it isn't working when you're unclothed. You might try using lube. That will make you a little less sensitive.

I have been masturbating for about 7 years now with running water. I have been having sexual intercourse for about 4 years now and I seem to be having trouble getting an orgasm through intercourse. It seems like I can only orgasm with water. Have I damaged something? Is there any way that I can get the sensual feeling back? (age 18)

It would be good for you to give up the masturbating with running water and to lay off all sexual stimulation for a couple of weeks. At that point, you should be able to masturbate to orgasm in a conventional way. Then, if you stayed away from the water masturbation, you should become more responsive during intercourse. It is highly unlikely that anything is damaged.

I tried masturbating with my fingers for a few days, but couldn't get an orgasm. Then I used a vibrator and it worked. Should I continue using a vibrator? (age 14)

I don't think you should have given up on your hands after only a few days. The vibrator could be limiting what you can discover on your own.

I'm 16 years old and I've never masturbated or done anything sexual in my life. I haven't even used tampons. Nothing's been in my vagina. Does this mean my hymen is intact? Will it hurt when I have sex for the first time if I haven't masturbated? Is it weird not to have masturbated by this age?

I wouldn't call you weird, but the majority of girls your age have masturbated. Based on what you say, I think your hymen is unbroken. The first time hurts for a lot of females whether they are experienced at masturbating or not, but I would say the ones with experience masturbating internally probably hurt the least when they lose their virginity. Don't worry about it so much.

Since I was 13 I have been masturbating by humping the edge of bathroom sinks (square sinks with unsharp edges). Will this hurt my pelvic bone (because it puts a lot of pressure on it) or some other part of my body? (age 16)

Believe me, you would know if you broke your pelvis. The damage, as I see it, that can be caused is not to your bones but to your sexuality as you become accustomed to sexual stimulation that no partner can provide. No man is as hard as porcelain. That being said, you are at greater risk for falling off the sink and hurting yourself by doing that. It would be good if you gave that form of masturbation up altogether.

Does age have anything to do with how powerful and long-lasting an orgasm can be? (age 13)

Yes. They will get better when you have learned to control them, and you will be older then.

I have never really had an orgasm and if I did they weren't big or too pleasureable. I get excited and I feel pleasure but I can't cum and I think it's because of prone masturbation. I've been doing that for years and never knew it could be a problem until now. Is there a way for me to climax when I'm having sex? (age 27)

There is a support group for women who masturbate prone, and you're also welcome in the main support group which is nearly all male. The best thing is to give up masturbating prone and to learn to bring yourself to orgasm with your hands. As you are successful in orgasming with less and less force, you will become more responsive in intercourse.

I always used a mini massager to masturbate, and I used to do it every day. I can`t get aroused anymore. I`m really scared that I won't be able to orgasm when I have sex. Did something break? (age 17)

Nothing broke, but you seem to have become habituated to the vibrator. Just stay away from it and pretty soon you will be able to masturbate with your hands.

When I masturbate, I rub my clitoris in a circular motion and my legs shake. It feels so good but I have to stop because I can't stand the shaking. I used to do it prone and I am trying to do it this way after reading your site. What can I do? (age 18)

How interesting. Many males who have quit masturbating prone tell me something similar. It helps to control the motion in your legs if you hold them out as stiff as you can as you approach orgasm. It ought to put a stop to the shaking.

I've heard about masturbation and I'm curious but I've never masturbated. I'm scared that if I do I might cause harm to myself and my parents will find out. I wonder if it's a common thing girls do and if maybe some friend does it. If I get sexually aroused and get a weird feeling in the urethra area, will it go away if I don't masturbate because I don't want to. (age 15)

It is a very common thing among both boys and girls your age and will not harm you. Many of your friends do it, probably. Sexual arousal will go away on its own even if you don't masturbate, but you have nothing to lose by trying.

I love your site! It's so helpful. I have been masturbating almost every day for the past year using the shower way. Should I stop using that method? Would I have a problem in the future with a male partner? (age 14)

Women who masturbate with running water have a higher rate of anorgasmia in intercourse than women who masturbate with their hands. You have more options in masturbating if you use your hands. I think you are better off that way.

I started masturbating by age 6 and I used to rub myself against things like you explained prone masturbation. I don't do that anymore but I still do it facedown. Is that bad? (age 16)

Yes. Masturbating prone (face down) is a cause of sexual dysfunctions. It would be good if you could learn to do it on your back.

When I masturbate I can usually orgasm after a few minutes but I can then keeping going and orgasm another 3 or 4 times in a five to ten minute time period. I was wondering whether this is normal for girls? (age 21)

Yes. It is much easier for women to be orgasmic than men. Good for you!

I was wondering why it's possible for women to get no feeling out of masturbation. I've also realized that I am asexual, in the way that I don't find myself sexually attracted to anyone, nor do I ever find myself sexually aroused. (age 15)

I think your problems are more than I can help you with. I suggest you see a doctor or psychologist for help with these issues.

I can only achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation. Internal stimulation feels good but never makes me climax unless I'm also masturbating externally. I'm a virgin so I don't know yet for sure, but I don't think the penis would rub against the clitoris during sex, does it? And if it doesn't wouldn't that leave the woman feeling unsatisfied and frustrated? (age 17)

A lot of women can only reach orgasm in intercourse when they're also masturbating externally. But don't decide now that you have to be one of them. You can learn a lot before you first have intercourse, and you might also start having orgasms from internal masturbation. There are also intercourse positions that maximize contact with the clitoris, and once you have a regular partner, you can try some of them.

I masturbate about four times a week using pillows without a hand or anything. I just rock back and forth on a couple of pillows face down in the dog position until I reach orgasm. (age 14)

It is better if you learn to masturbate with your hand(s). That is how most girls learn to orgasm, and those who do it that way have an easier time reaching orgasm in intercourse. You will probably enjoy it more too.

Girls can masturbate prone. I did. My older sister still does and she's 22. One of my best friends has it. My sister says that she doesn't achieve an orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. She also says she can masturbate while sitting in a chair, but it's not as good as when she lies face down. I weaned myself off of masturbating prone a few years ago. I really enjoy your site. (age 16)

Thanks! Younger sisters can set examples for older ones too, you know.

Is it normal for your vagina to get all tingly when you see or read about sexual things?

Yes. That's a good sign.

I feel like I am masturbating all the time now. Can one masturbate too excessively? Also, I am only having orgasms while masturbating internally. How can I change this?

Don't worry if it's excessive unless you start to hurt. If you take a break from masturbating for a while, you will make it easier for yourself to respond to other kinds of stimulation.

I use my clitoris when I masturbate, but it usually takes me ages to reach climax. How long is it supposed to take to get an orgasm? (age 15)

You ought to be able to reach orgasm in under 10 minutes. Try to be relaxed and focused and eliminate any distractions.

If you masturbate often, can you get any kind of disease from it? (age 11)

No.

I can't oragsm while lying down; only while I'm sitting up. What does this mean and how do I change it? (age 18)

It's probably just a habit you've learned. It might help to abstain from masturbating for a week or so and then try to reach orgasm lying down.

I am a virgin and will remain one until marriage. Whenever I do pull-ups or use the ab-roller, I get sensations in my abdomen that feel good, but I don't know what it is. It takes intense working-out before it begins, then just a little strain will cause multiple sensations. Doing pull-ups and squats give me even more intense (and pleasurable) feelings. They used to feel like muscle spasms or something, but it didn't hurt. If this is an orgasm, did my hymen break? I didn't bleed at all. I don't know of anyone who gets orgasms by exercising. (age 21)

They could be the beginnings of orgasms. Your private parts are getting stimulated by your bodily movement. It is unlikely your hymen is affected. You might have trouble having a full-blown orgasm that way, but if you could go someplace private and stimulate your privates by hand, you could probably have a very nice orgasm.

I have not experienced an orgasm of the clitoris where I feel a zinging sensation for a long time. When I rub my private parts, I feel a pleasureable pull inside of my vagina where I think my G spot might be. Do you think this means my G spot wants to be rubbed? (age 17)

There's a good chance of it. You can experiment with different means of producing orgasm. Lots of girls find their clitorises are too sensitive to be touched directly.

I began masturbating about a month ago, and then I took about a 2 week break because I felt guilty. When I began to masturbate again, I couldn't feel anything that was pleasureable to me. Should I start to use objects to masturbate, or continue to use my fingers? Is it serious? (age 14)

I suspect you were very keen to masturbate a month ago. You ought to try to recreate that feeling. I don't think you should give up on your fingers so soon. Just relax and try to do what you did before.

I tried masturbating externally for almost a month and it didn't work! It was as if my clitoris didn't have any sensitivity at all! So I tried internal masturbation and that worked perfectly. I was able to have an orgasm the first time I tried. Why was I having such a hard time with my clitoris? I think something's wrong because it's not sensitive like it should be. (age 15)

The important thing is that you were able to have an orgasm. Congratulations! Perhaps when you get more used to having orgasms, you will be able to get more response from your clitoris. I think if women had to choose one or the other, more would want to have orgasms from vaginal stimulation than from clitoral stimulation. So you're ahead of most women!

When I masturbate, I can put one finger in my vagina and sometimes even big markers that are bigger than two fingers, but I can't put in two fingers because it hurts way too much. Is there something wrong with what I'm doing? (age 15)

No, I think you're just inexperienced. It will get easier to get more fingers in with some practice.

Wonderful advice! You are right about prone masturbation and women.I'm a 5 feet 7 inches 140 pound bodybuilder and I hump the corner of my bed with all my force. It feels great and it is the only way I come. I do it twice daily, and it takes about 3-5 minutes but it is so automatic I don't even need to be horny. I just do it because I know I'll orgasm each time. I' m trying to change this to a more normal habit but it is not that easy. The pressure I need on my clit is enormous. (age 23)

As you know, I advise against masturbating that way, and I also advise against masturbating when you're not aroused. You might find it easier to switch to a more conventional method if you only masturbated when the feeling was right.

I have been masturbating since I was 7 and I orgasm every time. I'm always on my stomach and I use a pillow. When I was younger I would just use the floor. Will that make it harder for me to orgasm during sex if I'm in the missionary position? Would I always have to be on top to orgasm? (age 18)

Females (and males) who are accustomed to masturbating in the prone (face-down) position are less able to have orgasm in intercourse no matter what position they're in. I recommend learning the conventional method. You're lucky that you discovered this information before you have to deal with sex with a partner.

If a girl masturbates too often, can it cause her to lose feeling in her vagina? (age 16)

That would be pretty hard to do, but not impossible. Numbness can result from all kinds of repetitive motion. If she has really lost feeling, the best thing to do would be to take a break for a few days and see if the feeling comes back. Of course, a sudden loss of feeling could be a sign of a more serious condition which would require medical attention. The average girl doesn't have to worry about those things and would actually find masturbation to cause her to have more feeling.

I have to breathe loudly when I masturbate because I am using all my energy. I am scared that my mom or sisters can hear me. What should I do? I masturbate externally. Is that uncommon? (age 15)

External is the most common kind, especially among girls your age. People learn to masturbate quietly so they don't alert others to what they're doing. If you're really using all your energy, it would be a good idea to learn to do it with less force and exertion. This would be good for you to do to increase your sexual potential on top of being more quiet.

I have come across your site before and found it very good and educational. I never thought loads of people masturbated. I started masturbating at 13 and haven't stopped but now I'm 17 and I think I can stop. I'm doing it every day. It takes me longer to reach climax every time I masturbate and each time I climax it's not as good. What should I do?

You might try doing it less often and see if it feels better. You might just be too conscious of it. It's important to realize that not every orgasm will be a "10."

I'm 21 and still a virgin. I've tried having vaginal and oral sex but can never get aroused enough to have sex with out a lot of pain. I think my main problem is that I can't get turned on without looking at porn.

If you've tried to have sex, you're not a virgin. Being able to allow penetration is not a matter of arousal. It's more about being relaxed and comfortable with your partner. Having longer foreplay (perhaps an hour) would probably make you more relaxed. If you can put up with a little bit of pain, you'll be better off. It's like going into a cold pool. Better all at once than little by little. If you can't get turned on without porn, they maybe you should view it before sex. If it bothers you, you can try to move away from it later. I think you'll have an easier time getting aroused once you've been successful at intercourse.

I've been masturbating for years but recently had sex for the first time. Masturbation has felt different ever since and my clitoris feels sore and feels like it's burning afterwards? What's caused this? (age 17)

It could be a sexually transmitted disease. I suggest getting tested. Masturbation might feel different because you have now done something sexual that you can compare it to.

I masturbate externally and orgasm, but when I have sex with my husband I cannot. When he penetrates me I feel nothing. (age 32)

Lots of women have your problem. I usually deal with women who have extremely physical methods of masturbating, which tends to impede the ability to orgasm in intercourse. If you don't use one of those extreme methods (face down, running water, strong vibrator), then the problem is a more basic one which will probably take more work. It might be useful for you to find an online support group for women with anorgasmia.

I know someone who masturbates often. She uses almost anything (water, table, pillow, etc.). After orgasm she usually has aches on her clitoris. (age 19)

You seem to know a lot about the intimate details of this person. You might tell her to masturbate with less force, which will be easier on her clitoris. I also suggest she use her hands instead of those things you say she uses.

I am a 16 year old girl and I have been masturbating prone since I was about 6. I have never reached orgasm and I enjoy masturbating prone more than I do internally or exterally. When I masturbate prone I can feel a sensation building up but never reach orgasm. I was wondering if there was something medically wrong with me and what I could do to fix it. Thank you and I love your very educational site.

A lot of girls your age are not having orgasms. There is probably nothing wrong with you and you probably just need more practice. As you know, I think masturbating prone will be bad for you in the long run.

I was wondering if girls can have wet dreams, because I woke up this morning wetter than usual. (age 18)

It is possible for females to have orgasms in their sleep, although they are called neither wet dreams nor nocturnal emissions. The "wet" in male wet dreams refers to the emission of semen. It is also normal for both males and females to become aroused in their sleep and to wake up in a state of arousal even if they can't have orgasms that way.

Whenever I masturbate, I get really wet. What is this and what does it mean? (age 17)

It is secretions from your Bartholin's glands. When females are aroused, they produce these secretions. It means you're doing it right.

I have been reading through your site and noticed how you mention that it is a bad idea for females to masturbate prone. As this is the way I usually achieve orgasm, I was wondering what it is about masturbating this way that makes it worse than lying on your back? (age 18)

It seems that masturbating on your back better replicates the feelings of intercourse and therefore makes it easier for a person to make the transition to intercourse successfully. The evidence that prone masturbation is bad for females is not as strong as the evidence that it is bad for males, but I hear quite frequently from women who have had difficulty with orgasm in intercourse whose orgasmic capacity rises once they quit masturbating prone.

When I masturbate, I can orgasm three times in six to eight minutes. Is this normal? By the way, I love this site!! (age 16)

You are more sexually responsive than normal. That's a good thing.

Why do people moan or scream while masturbating? (female, age 12)

It's a way of releasing tension and some say it makes the orgasm more intense.

If a female were pregnant, would masturbating to orgasm affect the baby in any way? I love your site. I have learned a lot from it. (age 13)

Masturbating will not harm the baby.

I know that masturbating prone is bad, but I can't help it! I've been masturbating on my stomach since I was 12 and when I try to masturbate on my back with my hands instead of a blanket or a pillow, I don't feel anything and switch back to prone right away. What should I do? (age 17)

You can help it. You perpetuate your affinity for prone masturbation every time you do it. You just need to exercise the will power I talk about on the main page and abstain and be patient that you can really switch. Good luck.

I started masturbating about 2 days ago and need advice about how to get the best feelings. I'm also worried about my 9 year old sister walking in on me. I can't have a lock on my bedroom door because it would cause too much questioning from my parents. Where do you think is the best place to masturbate? (age 12)

Why don't you spend more time learning on your own? Two days seems awfully early to be raising all kinds of questions. You might put something in front of your door so you'd know if someone came in suddenly. Most people get discovered sometime, but there's no point obsessing about it.

I have been masturbating by stimulating my clitoris since I was about 9 every night before I go to sleep. I have recently become sexually active, and I don't find sex that stimulating; rather, it is slightly unpleasant. Is this because I'm accustomed to clitoral stimulation? Or is it because I'm new to sex? Will I be able to have an orgasm through penetration at all? (age 16)

Like the poster above, you are new and shouldn't be so quick to judge. It might just be your partner is too interested in pleasing himself and doesn't do enough to make it pleasant for you. I doubt that it has anything to do with masturbation.

I love to masturbate (I have only done so externally), and have been doing so for a year or two. I orgasm almost every time, but I was wondering are there any other positions besides lying on my back? (age 14)

Yes, there are a lot of them. I think it's best to learn on your back, because it permits you the most flexibility. The only ones I strenuously advise against are ones that put excessive or unusual pressures on your genitals, like face down (prone) or using streams of water. You can try it sitting, standing, on your side, etc., and see what you like.

What's the difference between climax and orgasm? (age 13)

Climax is an old-fashioned word from the days when it was believed that only men had orgasms. A climax is a sexual peak, and in most cases it is also an orgasm.

Three times this year I have woken up at orgasm or near orgasm. At the exact moment of orgasm I wake up. I'm am not masturbating. I am having an orgasm from my dreams. I read in your men's section about wet dreams and saw the explanation on woman stating that we don't have wet dreams because we don't expel semen. I don't mind them, but why do I have these orgasms in my sleep? Is it my way of having release because I'm not sexually active? (age 24)

I don't know that it's necessarily tied to sexual release because male wet dreams so often aren't. Wet dreams remain a great mystery. In your case, I think it's a sign that you're very sexually responsive. That's good. Women don't have nocturnal emissions, but they can have orgasms in dreams, which some might call female wet dreams. I think a lot of women in your situation would just masturbate when they woke up.

I've tried masturbation but each time I give up because I don't have any sensation from my clitoris and I don't get aroused at all. It almost seems like I don't have a clitoris. What might I be doing wrong? (age 15)

Find wherever feels good. There is no reason to obsess about the clitoris if your best sensations come from someplace else.

I am a freshman in high school and I masturbate about once a day and each time I get an intense feeling in my vagina if I keep rubbing the same spot. I start to get hot and it is very intense but I make myself stop after a few seconds. I really want to keep going but it's too intense for me to handle. Is this normal for girls? Is what I am experiencing an orgasm or the leading point to one? I am so confused. (age 14)

What you describe certainly resembles an orgasm, and I suspect you have found your G spot. No harm will come to you if you keep going at the point at which you have been stopping. Good luck.

I'm rather embarrassed to admit this. Females don't have wet dreams like men do. But is it normal to release a large amount of fluid suddenly after waking up? I never masturbated until two years ago, when I finally got over my fears and taught myself how with a small vibrator (After a few months I learned to use my hands and stopped using the vibrator.) Not long after my first orgasm, I woke up and sat up, and suddenly there was this gush of fluid that soaked my shorts. The second time this occured, about ten months ago, I knew for sure I'd had a very erotic dream before waking up to a large amount of fluid. When I masturbate I get some fluid, but nothing like those two occurences. I masturbate once or twice a day, almost always externally. (I'm a virgin with a largely intact hymen and I don't like putting things up my vagina). Just how common is this? (age 26)

I hear reports like this from time to time. There is probably more of this happening than is talked about. The women who ask me about this seem to think they're the only one. I don't think it's something to worry about, and it points to good sexual responsiveness. It might be something to realize might happen to you about once a year, and just try to deal with it.

My boyfriend hasn't masturbated in over three years because he is Catholic and was taught it was wrong. Is that bad for his health? (age 19)

I wouldn't believe him, but taking his claim at face value, going three years without ejaculating would be bad. Some recent studies have found that masturbating frequently as a young person leads to a reduced incidence of prostate cancer later.

I'm a 28 year old virgin female and have never been interested in masturbating until about a few weeks back. And now I do it 2-3 times a day! I only put one finger into my vagina and don't know how deep it should go. I force myself to move back and forward face up (not face down after reading your site). Would it be a good idea to buy objects? Would it break my hymen?

I think you ought to practice with your hands longer before considering objects. Yes, they would break your hymen.

I'm impressed with all your research on your site. I've tried to masturbate a few times and I usually start out fantasizing, which works well and my clitoris starts pulsing a little. Whenever I start to get turned on and put my hand down there to start masturbating manually, it immediately stops, even if I'm still fantasizing. I've never orgasmed and I don't think I'll be able to if I cant keep it up. What should I do? (age 14)

Your clitoris is obviously very sensitive. I would suggest touching the area around it instead of the clitoris directly. I also suggest starting with your hand before you start fantasizing so it isn't such a disturbance to your private parts. For both males and females, physically changing something can affect sexual response.

Sometimes I like to bundle up a blanket and hump it because it feels really good. Is this OK? (age 13)

I discourage people from doing that, because people who masturbate that way have less success in reaching orgasm with a partner. You're young and ought to be learning other ways of making yourself feel really good.

You said when we reach an orgasm our nipple will erect. What do you mean?

It is fairly common for the nipple to erect when a female has an orgasm.

What is an orgasm supposed to feel like and how long should it last? (age 16)

An orgasm starts with a tingling sensation in your genitals and peaks in a series of contractions inside them. For some people, it is like waves that spread out through the body. An orgasm lasts for about eight seconds.

I have been masturbating for many years now. I started with my fingers, then water, then fingers again. I then moved onto using a vibrator or a toothbrush.. Now I often use an electric toothbrush to stimulate my clitoris and use a candlestick for internal masturbation. The results are usually very good, but there is often a small pool of thick white fluid. I am wetter than when I started, but I'm not sure if this is "female ejaculation" or just what was built up inside of me. Could masturbating like this be harmful to me? (age 17)

The fluid is probably normal. I think it is better if you use your hands because females who do have an easier time reaching orgasm in intercourse.

I know women can have two types of orgasms, a G spot orgasm and a clitoral orgasm, but how can one tell the difference between them? I've also heard women can have blended orgasms as well. What do you suggest might be different? Your site rocks. (age 18)

You have stumbled into a controversial area. Most sex educators teach that there is only one kind of female orgasm, that it is a whole-body response. It is acknowledged that females have two principal orgasm triggers, the G spot (vagina) and clitoris; however, they produce the same orgasm. You would know which was which depending on what parts you stimulated.

I don't like to touch my clitoris directly, so I masturbate with a blanket, but lately, I've had pain after this. What can I do to prevent the pain? (age 17)

Both males and females have to learn how to masturbate without hurting themselves. For males, it means learning not to touch the penile head. For females, the clitoral head is very similar. Masturbating with a blanket is obviously stimulating your clitoris more than is useful. It is better if you use your fingers instead of the blanket because you can control them more precisely. Most girls touch the area around the clitoris instead of touching it directly.

Recently, I decided to insert one finger into my vagina, since simply rubbing wasn't satisfying me; but for some reason, it was too tight or something and I could only get the very tip of my finger in. I didn't try to force my finger in since I was afraid of hurting myself; instead, I just sort of moved the tip of my finger in a circular motion. Afterward, I felt really sore, even though I hadn't even inserted half my finger in. Why am I sore, and why couldn't I get my finger fully in? I haven't ever had anything in my vagina before (not even a tampon). (age 15)

The difficulty in insertion was from your unfamiliarity with having things in your vagina, and the pain was from repetitive motion in one spot. This is all normal. It will get easier with practice.

Recently I was masturbating and I got an amazing orgasm. It felt so good!! Is that normal for a girl my age? (age 13)

If you read this site, you know there are plenty of females years older than you who can't have orgasms. So you are ahead of the game. Congratulations!

Whenever I'm in my room alone lying down, I usually get turned on and start to thrust my hips and that, in turn, leads to masturbating. It's kind of annyoying sometimes. (age 18)

That is how a lot of males and females discover how to masturbate in prone fashion. They weren't even trying to masturbate specifically, but they just had some excess energy that they put into thrusting their hips.

Why don't I have wetness when I have a clitoral orgasm? (age 25)

Some women get very wet and others much less. Wetness is more connected to arousal than to orgasm. It ought to help for you to be aroused longer before you have your orgasm.

I've been masturbating for several days, but lately I've been getting a throbbing sensation in the outer vaginal area. It's not painful or anything, but it's strange to me. Is it even normal? (age 15)

If you're that new to masturbating, you should expect some new sensations. It doesn't seem like the throbbing is too uncomfortable. After a little experience, you will know better how to deal with it.

I love your site. Why I'm still a virgin is partly because I make pleasing myself a top priority ;). Recently though the prone problem has been on my mind. I've always masturbated prone. I can't think of giving this up as I find it extremely satisfying. I changed technique for a while and used my hands to stimulate my clit. The orgasms were quicker but I preferred the intensity of thrusting and humping and friction from masturbating prone. I understand this is more significant for males. Will it be as hazardous to me if I continue masturbating this way? I fantasize best this way too! Is it really so bad that it's recommended to be given up totally for females? (age 20)

Females who masturbate with their hands have an easier time reaching orgasm in intercourse than those who masturbate prone. If you kept up using your hands for a longer period of time, you would have learned to prolong your sessions.

I am a 33 year old single female. I don't have wet dreams. Is there a drug to help me have erotic dreams like guys do?

Anyone can have an erotic dream although only males ejaculate in their sleep. There are various methods to produce certain dreams. You might do a search on the term "lucid dreaming." This is outside the scope of this site.

Whenever I masturbate, my legs shake and I have to hold them really stiff or put pressure on them like putting them against a wall. Is leg shaking normal when you masturbate? (age 12)

It's fairly common in males, but I've never heard that from a female before. So I will ask my readers. Do many females hold their legs stiff while they masturbate?

I masturbate twice a week. I put a pillow underneath me and rub my vulva up and down until I'm satisfied. Is it harmful? (age 18)

You are better off if you don't do it that way. Women who masturbate with their hands are more successful in intercourse.

I have a question about arousal and wetness and how it happens. Isn't a girl being wet because she is aroused just like a guy having an erection? Do you think that guys get an erection so quickly because all that happens is blood flows to the area and that makes it hard, and for girls, blood has to flow and then liquid has to be produced in her glands? What actually happens to make the liquid come out, and where does it come from? Has anyone ever seen where it comes from before? Is the reason girls don't get wet that fast is because they just aren't turned on enough? I love your site! I love to masturbate and I'm glad this site exists. (age 18)

Female lubrication is primarily produced in the Bartholin's gland. Masters and Johnson studied all of these things very closely and concluded that the sexual response in males and females is very similar. However, important differences exist. It is theorized that males arouse quickly and can reach orgasm quickly because male sexual response is necessary to reproduction, whereas for women it is nice but not required for conception. A male being able to inseminate a female quickly is useful where they are being stalked by predators and might have to stop what they are doing suddenly. This is not quite as useful in the modern age where humans have to deal little with predators, but it has implications for sexual relations between a man and a woman. It is always a good idea for the male to plan to spend extra time arousing the female. On average, a male can reach orgasm in four minutes while it takes a female nine. Thus, if the man can work at getting the woman to orgasm for at least five minutes before he tries to reach orgasm himself, they have a much better chance of finishing together. Less experienced males ought to work at bringing the woman to orgasm some other way first before attempting vaginal intercourse.

When I masturbate, I wet my fingers and flick the tips across the area just underneath my clitoris, which gives me the urge to moan, arch my back, and also gives me shivers and makes my body shake. I always urinate before I masturbate to ensure this is not an issue, and I always excrete a watery fluid, transparent, colorless and odorless. Could I have experienced female ejaculation?

It's possible, or it could just be your natural lube. Ejaculation describes something spurting out, while female sexual fluids ordinarily just run out.

Why is it when I have an orgasm I feel more awake but men feel sleepy? (age 18)

Ejaculation terminates a man's sexual arousal. He cannot have another orgasm, so it is understandable that his consciousness would be programmed to decline after orgasm. At least half of men have further programmed themselves by masturbating at bedtime for many years. Women are capable of having multiple orgasms, so it makes sense that their consciousness does not decline as swiftly in the resolution phase as the man's. One way to keep a man awake after sex is to leave the bed. Playing a game or some engaging activity will keep him up a while longer.

You said in one response that females are energized by orgasm as opposed to males who fall asleep afterward. Is it weird that I am female, and I get tired after I masturbate? (age 16)

No. That was only a generalization. There are males and females all over the spectrum. I think it is good if orgasm leads to sleep for you.

I'm a 15 year old female and I have been masturbating for about a month. It feels really good and I never wanna stop but after a while my legs start to shake and I start sweating and I get really stiff and hold my breath so I stop for a few minutes even though I don't want to. I've never reached an orgasm. When I start up again my clit is really sensitive and I have to stop. Could I be doing something wrong? I masturbate 3-4 times a day.

You are doing pretty well for a beginner. Many females masturbate for years without having an orgasm. I think you are very close. If you could keep going for a minute or two at the moment you give up now, you would have a good chance of having an orgasm. Holding your legs as stiff as possible will keep them from shaking. Try to relax and enjoy what you're doing even if you aren't having orgasms. You also might enjoy masturbating more if you didn't do it so often.

I masturbate 3-4 times a day and can reach a climax quickly, and I can reach a climax while having sex within the first 5 minutes and achieve multiple orgasms. Is this abnormal for a girl? (age 18)

Yes, but it's abnormal in a good way.

Is it at all possible for men masturbate in their sleep without acknowledging that they are doing it? I have confronted my fianc about this and he has insisted that he would never do such a thing and has stated that I have insulted him by thinking this. I really would not have a problem with him doing this as I suppose it is a natural process. What worries me is that he is being dishonest about it to such an extent that he has suggested that I seek counseling. I am a light sleeper and notice when the bed starts to vibrate. (age 25)

Yes, it is possible. Sleep masturbation is like snoring or sleepwalking. The person doing it is often not aware and will deny it. There is no harm in waking him up while he is doing it.

During intercourse, every time I think I am going to orgasm I feel like I have to defecate. The urge is so strong that sometimes I stop sex. As soon as I calm down, the sensation goes away. I know this is the reason I have not had an orgasm because I never fully relax. (age 23)

I've never heard of that problem before. It would be extremely unlikely for that to happen. Do you also have this worry while you are masturbating? If not, then there is probably no reason to worry about it during intercourse. If so, then perhaps you have some sort of block about having an orgasm in front of your partner.

I only started masturbating about 5 days ago because your site made me work up the courage to. When I masturbate, I get to a point where it feels really good and my legs start shaking a lot, but then my clitoris feels too sensitive to touch. Am I close to an orgasm, and do you have any advice for getting one? (age 14)

Yes, you are probably very close to an orgasm at that point. That is very good for less than a week of trying! When the clitoris becomes too sensitive, most females avoid touching it and instead stimulate the area around it. (Males do the same regarding the head of the penis.)

You say the best form of masturbation is too touch the penis as little as possible. Wouldn't it feel better to touch it in more places, like cover more area? How does it work only touching one spot? (age 18)

I meant to use as little pressure as possible. I don't recommend touching only one spot. It is better to cover the whole penis with a gentle touch than to concentrate a heavy touch on one area. When stimulating a male, it is is best to avoid the head unless lube is used or he specifically tells you to touch there.


Many older questions from female readers have been moved to one of these topic pages:



HealthyStrokes.com is not designed to provide medical advice and does not provide medical advice. All material is for information only and is not intended to be a substitute for professional or medical advice, diagnosis, and treatment. Please review the information contained on HealthyStrokes.com carefully and confer with your doctor, psychologist, or other health care professional as needed. Copyright 2002-2016 by HealthyStrokes.com.