Comments from readers of this site
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I have somehow managed to abstain from masturbation for about 2 months, after years of masturbating prone. Every week or so, I try to masturbate using the normal method, and can easily get an erection, but I never feel the urge to climax/ejaculate. My question is, should I continue to abstain and keep trying, or should I masturbate prone once and then try again, since you said that going more than a few weeks without masturbating is not healthy? Also, is there anything I should be doing to get myself to go that one last step to orgasm?
A:Many guys your age ejaculate only sporadically, so I don't think you're in danger of prostatitis. You need to maintain a mental focus on something you find erotic. Pictures are apt to help. Good luck.
9/30/03
I have problem starting urination. Is it possible that the TMS habit of mine is responsible for that? (age 27)
A: I've never heard of that. Why not quit TMS (something you could do in less than two weeks at your age, probably) and see if it makes a difference. If not, see a doctor.
10/2/03
I am a 33 year old female and my husband is 51. We have been married for two years. We dated for 4 years and during the course of our relationship he has very rarely achieved orgasm through intercourse. We have a very active sex life. He does have erection difficulties and always seemed to lose his erection upon entering me. What a blow to one's self esteem. We will engage in foreplay and some intercourse but it usually ends up that he satisfies me orally and I have learned that he is able to achieve orgasm, almost always (hard or soft), if he lies on his belly and I manipulate him with my hand or mouth. I have always felt as if I am just getting him off so what does he need me for?
A: Getting him off with your hand or mouth is no worse than getting him off with your vagina. Overall, it's much more satisfying with a partner. Your being there is making a difference and he appreciates it.
He tries to assure me that it is not me and it is different than just him doing it to himself. He has gone to his doctor, taken shots and is currently taking Viagra. Viagra works for the erection problem but really does not help with orgasm during intercourse. I can count on one hand the number of times he has ejaculated inside me.
It was not until a week ago during a romantic get-away that he shared with me that he has never been able to masturbate the traditional way. I did not think much about this or that it could be a contributor to his dysfunction. I decided to go online and I typed these words "can achieve orgasm through masterbation instead of intercourse". [sic] I reached your website. I became so excited because these symptoms described my husband to a tee! I printed all the information and let him read it. Needless to say he was a little embarrassed. My intentions are to help my husband. He has been dealing with this most of his life. He is willing to try anything and we have a very committed relationship.
The frustration lies with the fact that he makes me achieve orgasm in multiple ways and I would like to give him the same pleasure. I also do not like to feel that it is doing very little for him to be inside of me.
Ed.: He's mostly doing it for you, just like when you stroke him off, you're mostly doing it for him. Also, intercourse is often fun for someone who can't reach orgasm that way.
He is willing to try your technique but because he is older he is unsure on how to start, what method to use and if there is anyone in our area who can help. I was reading some of your testimonials on how men deal with this. one in particular caught my eye. A gentleman in his fifties said the breakup of his marriage may have been from TMS, and where are the woman who are willing to help. They are out there, the problem is most men don't realize that they have TMS. Please, please e-mail with some suggestions.
A: I think your husband can be cured with my program, but like any self-help course, it's most important that he wants to change. I doubt he'll need other people to help. It's good that he has the Viagra; that's helped a couple of people I've heard about. He might consider joining the online support group.
10/6/03
Hey Doug! I hope you can publish this to everyone but please do not reveal my email address. I have actually been following this group for a quite a while. I started TMSing at the age of 13, and it was the only way of masturbation I knew. I am 21. I ran into a series of sexual problems the past few years, mostly because I could not stay hard long enough even for penetration. I realised I had a problem. Thank goodness I came across the site. That was a few months ago, and I've cut down on TMS style but still I do cheat now and then. Now more than ever I am determined to put it away, as my girl is frustrated about the problem and it makes me feel very guilty.
I've been able to masturbate with fist but only at the chair with video stimuli. I hope to be rid of that. I have rechecked the page and now I would like to follow the programme more thoroughly, which is to abstain for one week and then try it lying on my back. It says for young people you can get cured easily. I hope it is true, and I hope my cure is just weeks away, not too long like 6 months. I would have lost my girl by then, and frankly I don't blame her. All my ex girls thought that they were the problem. Right now I can get hard lying on my back but it doesn't last, so no orgasm. I have completely stopped TMS and I'm hoping for my first orgasm with the fist, lying on my back and with no visual help whatsoever.
I have a foreskin and before this it was usually closed not revealing the tip but now my equipment tip is exposed. I've gotten used to that and I hope to increase its sensitivity. I don't think circumcision is a good choice (nor seeing a doctor as I heard they just prescribe Viagra). Let's work toward a natural cure.
I think everyone should follow the programme closely, and don't be like me, adjusting it to suit my needs or what's convenient for me. Like everything else, do not think that it is a curse, or that we're different, coz we're just normal males and no matter it's a problem, as long as we address it, confront it and fix it. Good luck and I will keep you posted.
Doug, your site and this group deserves more credit than it receives. Everyone work hard, keep an open mind and work toward a 100% cure rate.
A: I don't know that the abstention program is necessary since you already know how to masturbate the normal way. There's really no need at this point to quit using visuals. They will help you get cured faster.
10/10/03
I have always masturbated face down using a pillow. For more than 20 years, I never really experienced any problems. Within the past year, however, I have noticed a decrease in penis sensitivity. I can masturbate in normal fashion and reach orgasm. Now, the masturbation process is less enjoyable due to the lack of pleasure. My orgasm is more physical than reactionary.
I am assuming this is nerve damage which may be irreversible. What is your opinion? (age 36)
A: I wouldn't assume that. Many of our cured guys had similar problems. You need to quit TMS now. Since you already know how to masturbate the correct way, this shouldn't be a problem. You will notice changes in the way things feel within two weeks of quitting.
10/12/03
Is there a possibility of permanant damage to sensibility? Is there a possibility I can`t be cured? (age 48)
A: I have never heard of anyone with permanent damage from TMS. Even some guys with very bad habits have been cured and become normal sexually.
10/21/03
Wow. I just came across your URL in Playboy's Dec 2003 issue. I've practiced TMS since I was 6 yrs old. I am 28 now. I would do it 3 times a day, lying on the bed and pressing on a semi-erect penis. I'm amazed that this is unhealthy. I am stopping ASAP. I am scared to death that I may have permanently damaged something.
I jack off the regular way sometimes when I am looking at porn videos. It is hard for me to come in oral sex (maybe 5 times in my life). It is really hard for me to come with a girl giving me a hand job. If I only knew... now I do.
10/27/03
I found the information on this page absurd. I have always masturbated in a prone position, and have never suffered from any of the symptoms you describe. I have never had trouble reaching orgasm through intercourse. I am able to reach orgasm in a multitude of positions. My wife of eight years has never felt my sexual performance was lacking in any respect and does not find anything unusual about the way I masturbate. I find it odd you can proclaim that this behaviour is always bad, for all people. How can you possibly make such a claim? (age 36)
A: We have documented that 61 percent of TMS males already suffer from severe sexual dysfunction. Some of the other 39 percent are too young for symptoms to have shown up, and some are virgins who don't know their sexual capacity yet. Unless you can tell us some way to know prospectively who are the 61 percent who will definitely have problems, who are the ones who will develop them eventually, and who are the lucky few who will not, we will continue to spread the anti-TMS message. Would you suggest that smoking is not always harmful because only a third of smokers will die from it?
10/28/03
Here's a reply from another reader to that comment:
For the person who believes TMS is absurd, I can tell you that it isn't. I too had not experienced any problems until the past year or so. I'm 36. I have lost a significant amount of sensitivity in my penis and have a very difficult time achieving orgasm. I had always attempted to delay orgasm because of the pleasure involved in building up to one. Now, that pleasure is gone, and all of my focus is just on trying to get there. My penis is noticeably dull to touch which it had never been before. I only stopped TMS once I noticed this unignorable lack of sensitivity.
I have avoided TMS for a month now and have had no return of sensitivity thus far. My last three attempts to acheive orgasm were unsuccessful. At this point, I am obviously concerned but still holding out hope that things will change over the course of time thanks to the information I have read on the subject.
Some people may be able to avoid these types of problems with TMS. But as a person who is presently experiencing this type of problem, I wouldn't advise ignoring the evidence. The practice can catch up to you even after years and years of experiencing no ill effects. I practiced TMS for more than 20 years before experiencing the problem.
I read the September 2002 blurb in the Playboy Advisor and was a little concerned but never changed my habits. Now a while later, I'm dealing with the problem and I wish I weren't. I advise anyone to stop TMS even though other methods may not be as satisfying to you. Nothing is as dissatisfying as having no pleasureable sensation and the inability to achieve orgasm.
A: Try to be as relaxed as you can when masturbating. Don't let the lack of an orgasm faze you. Just keep your mental focus, and you will be successful.
Does TMS affect erection? I have been doing it TMS style and I can't reach a full erection. It can be hard, but it can't stand. Can I be cured? Does a longer time abstaining from TMS masturbation helps in curing of TMS? (age 16)
A: Yes, erectile dysfunction is a common symptom of TMS but not as common as orgasmic dysfunction. You can be cured by quitting TMS. You don't need to abstain from TMS, you need to quit it forever. You need to abstain from any masturbation until you can masturbate with your hand.
10/29/03
I had a girlfriend and wasn't able to get an orgasm with her. It was really embarrassing. I was so scared and thought that there was something wrong with me. The only way I could come was TMS. I thought I was alone until I read the article in Playboy and realized it's a real medical problem. Thank you so much. I will hopefully be able to cure myself and I have the comfort of knowing that I'm not alone. (age 17)
10/30/03
I stumbled across this site upon seeing something called TMS on Playboy's site. Now, before reading this site, I always figured my masturbation was a little weird. At about 6 or 7 I started doing it prone with my hand exerting pressure on the base. I of course didn't know what I was doing, but I enjoyed the feeling afterwards. Now I am 16, and I am extremely grateful that I have discovered the error of my ways before it was too late. I have abstained from TMS for about 3 days, and am just waiting to begin the "normal" way. Thanks for all the info, and hopefully I have caught the problem soon enough to prevent substantial damage.
10/31/03
I started masturbating in the prone position around age 12 or 13 and did it every day until age 20. I started experimenting with masturbating the "correct" way at age 20, and from then until today (age 28) about half of my masturbation is prone and half is the "correct" way. I still masturbate at least once per day. I only discovered the dangers of this when I read about TMS in Playboy. However, except for a few isolated cases of performance anxiety, I have not experienced any sexual problems. During intercourse, I am perfectly capable of performing and having an orgasm in any position. You can count one guy who loves masturbating face down, will continue to do it, and has experienced no problems from doing it.
A lot of guys don't notice TMS-caused problems until they're in their 30s. It's good that you learned the normal way at 20. If you run into some problems later, at least you know what might be the cause.
10/31/03
What an eye opener, man! as I'm sure you get this a lot, I would never have made the association between weird masturbation habits and weird sexual experiences (e.g., having to rub on a girlfriend's ass to re-harden). I am fortunate because I had a collegiate roommate who was pretty open about his sex life and we just thought it was one of those "you have your way, I have mine" sorta things. We were also Playboy subscribers, and now, if anybody EVER tells me that Playboy is useless male entertainment and I'm going to throw a fit. I'm just about to start your program (3rd day of abstaining from TMS) and I haven't slept very well just because I'm nervous and excited about what's in store. Is age 25 considered young to 'catch' the problem?
I am curious about your history with all this --- it may be on the site and I've yet to discover it --- but obviously, you've created a life-changing resource for a lot of guys. I also was curious if at the end of the week, if it's considered inappropriate to use lubricants or visual stimuli with normal masturbation or if I need to do it "naturally" to get the best results.
A: It's easier to be cured when you're younger. Many of our cures were much older than you. I'm hesitant to post my own history because I'm a permanent presence here -- most of the guys come and go soon after they're cured. I encourage the use of lubricants and visuals to make it easier for you to be cured. Good luck.
11/1/03
Dear God! I never knew what my problem was. Then I saw a brief mention of TMS in Playboy Dec 03. It piqued my curiosity, and I went to your website. The similarities were unsettling. Every sign and symptom perfectly described me.
I only hope that other men with this problem will find this out. It's just difficult, because masturbation isn't a very comfortable or common topic.
11/2/03
I am 27 yrs old male living in India. I have been masturbating in the prone method since I was 7. I had sex last year but could not get a erection as I'm used to masturbating when the penis is not erect. I checked with the doctor but everything seemed normal. I could not understand what went wrong until I saw your web site.
I tried to change my method but it took a lot of time for orgasm. So I went back to the prone method. Now I want to completely stop masturbating the prone way. Can I do it at this age and will I have normal erections and orgasms?
A: Yes, you can be cured. Lots of men older than you have been cured (including me). It takes time and patience. Yes, it will take a long time to get your first few normal orgasms. It is essential that you be fully erect when you try. Once you are cured, your erections and orgasms will be normal.
11/2/03
I abstained from prone masturbation for a week and successfully masturbated the normal way. So is it correct to continue the normal way? Will my sexual dysfunction be gone? (age 16)
A: Congratulations! Keep up the normal masturbation. I think your sexual dysfunction (if any) will be gone in a few months.
11/4/03
I just found your website yesterday (after the Playboy mention). I am going through the abstention period and am irritable as hell. Is there anything I can do to be in a better mood? P.S. I would have lost "the contest" on Seinfeld as well. (age 29)
A: George won that contest by cheating. Don't you do that. You should make up the hour-by-hour chart. It helped my morale when I was abstaining. Good luck.
11/4/03
I've read a lot of what was written above so far & to that I say keep up the good work! It's great to see something where people can overcome the taboos associated with something so natural in this life. I'm 21 years old & for a long time now I have masturbated in the prone position. I usually rub up against the mattress until orgasm. It was something easier for me to do when younger but as I've gotten older it's become more difficult for me to do so. My penis when erect bends to the left somewhat and I am wondering if this is a permanent problem that is cause for concern? I also masturbate in the supine position but I am wondering if a bend in the penis will create problems for me when I attempt to have sexual intercourse with my girlfriend?
A: A little bend in the penis is OK. You need to quit masturbating prone forever, since it's already causing you problems.
11/5/03
I'm 38, and I have been masturbating in the prone position since I was 14 and never heard of TMS until it was mentioned in Playboy recently. I never knew that this could cause a problem but want to improve my sexual performance. Am I beyond repair? I am in good medical condition and am single, but have had a few mishaps with women lately.
You can be cured. I was 37 when I was cured. I hear from older men all the time. You might want to join the Yahoo! support group. Good luck.
11/6/03
I have masturbated this way, face down, my whole life, and now I am having problems getting erections period! This is bad for my girlfriend, and I can't even get hard enough to put on a condom. The doctor said it is because I have very low testosterone. What should I do? (age 28)
A: You need to quit masturbating face-down. Once you've done that, it should be easier to get erections, and your low testosterone shouldn't matter as much.
11/7/03
Just writing to say thanks for providing this service; your website is both informative and provides discretion for those suffering from TMS, whilst at the same time helping cure them. (age 18)
11/10/03
Since stopping TMS, my sexual relations with women have gradually improved, even in just 6 weeks. I'm able to control my timing better, come faster, enjoy myself during sex more, and more capable of "letting go" to orgasm when it feels right rather than worrying whether I will or not. Sex feels a lot better than it did before. (age 31)
11/12/03
This is the first I have ever heard of TMS, and I have been suffering from ED symtoms for years. I have also masturbated in the prone position since I was a teen. Given my long period of prone masturbation, can a change at this advanced age have any impact on my ED isssues? (age 48)
A: Yes. One of Dr. Sank's original cases was older still.
11/12/03
I was very surprised to come across this site. I'm a 53 year old male who's practiced prone masturbation my whole life. My sex life is very normal - I enjoy a variety of positions including oral sex.
If the information on this site helps people who have developed TMS and it has caused them sexual problems, then I think you're providing a great service.
However, I disagree with some of the terminology used here. It talks about "normal masturbation", "correct masturbation", and "curing TMS". And there's advice to "quit TMS". There's a distinction here - TMS is a medical syndrome - apparently sometimes caused by prone masturbation. "TMS" is not the same thing as "prone masturbation" but on this site the two terms are used interchangably.
And the "yeah, right" comments for erection failures in the sex survey aren't very professional. I've never had any difficulty getting an erection - my only problems have been with being slightly premature - so that's how I would have answered that question too. Maybe you were just trying to be humorous but it doesn't help your credibility.
A: I'm glad prone masturbation hasn't caused you the kind of problems it's caused me and nearly everyone else whose comments appear on this page. It is correct to refer to any prone masturbation as TMS due to the level of pathology associated with prone masturbation. I advise all males to quit masturbating prone, whether they are experiencing sexual problems yet or not. Similarly, the health conscious advise smokers to quit whether or not they have developed illnesses as a result. I will take into consideration your suggestion about the "yeah, right" comments, although I have to believe all men have had trouble achieving an erection sometime, even if it was only for an hour.
11/13/03
I'm a 55 year old male. I have been masturbating in the prone all my sexual life. I have never used my hands and only once was I when a woman did it. I was 19 at the time. I do have some problems with sexual positions and your site is very interesting and in fact I may try what you have said.
11/14/03
That was great you made me aware of what harm was i gonna cause myself and my (future) partner. (age 16)
11/14/03
Will TMS seriously cause permament sexual dysfunction? What if one has kept trying masturbating the right way. How long will it take to have a full 'stand-up' erection? (age 16)
A: Most TMS guys eventually find problems with erections and orgasms. Once one stops masturbating prone, most guys notice a difference in their sexual performance within two weeks.
11/15/03
I have been masturbating prone since age 13. One day while mastubating I felt some pain in my left testicle. Since that I have been getting less sensation on the left side of my penis and also the left testis. My erections are not as hard as they used to be. Have I injured my organs in some way? (age 27)
A: It might be worth checking with a doctor about that pain. You might have a simple inflammation called epididymitis. You should also quit masturbating prone.
11/16/03
HI, I just want to say that this is an excellent site, and I think the creator of this site should be heartily commended.
I think it's a cruel twist of fate for all of us here affected by TMS, because we haven't done anything wrong, and it's only later that we experience difficulties. BUT, there IS light at the end of the tunnel! So for all my stroker pals there is hope!!
I personally have been using TMS technique since I was about 7 or 8 and I'm 22 now. I havent jacked off for 5 days now. I tried the 'normal' method but to no avail. I think I should give myself more time. I am heartened by reading these responses and this site.
I wish you all luck, and I salute any man that can come through this, because it truly is a tough test.
A: Thanks for your nice comments. Good luck.
11/16/03
I was surprised that in your survey that you did not ask respondants as to their circumcision status. This is surely a major factor in any discussion about male masturbation. I know that most cut men masturbate slighly differently than uncut men, something that seems to have been ignored in your advice. (age 36)
A: That question is now asked on the male survey. I don't think it's going to be significant in terms of TMS.
11/19/03
I started masturbating by the TMS way when I was 15. I lay on my bed and rubbed against the sheets. I used only that way for about two years. Around 17 I started to use my hand while sitting in a chair, usually in front of my computer. From then to now, I have used both methods depending on how much time I have. With TMS I could get off quickly and with little cleanup. However, with my hand I used lube and could hold out for 45 minutes to an hour. I have always used lube when using my hand to jerk off and I can't get off without it. Is this due to TMS? After reading this, I will try to stop TMS cold turkey and I think I can handle it. I am 20 now and lost my virginity 4 months ago. The first three times I went for 45 minutes without an orgasm. The fourth time I nailed it, and I am pretty sure it was the position that made a difference. The fourth time I came while in doggy style or with her lying on her stomach and me on top of her. Those feel the best to me. I am now wondering if this is all due to TMS. Thanks for your site though, and thank God I am only 20. My luck goes out to you guys who have been struggling with this for 10+ years.
A: Your struggle with intercourse sounds familiar. It could well be a result of TMS. Good luck.
11/19/03
After reading your site, it became obvious that I suffer from TMS. I would like to bring to view another possible way to "improperly" masturbate, which for me has caused the same symptoms you describe. I regularly masturbate leaning over the bathtub side, with my chest on the bathtub and my knees on the floor outside the tub in the bathroom. I masturbate with my hand in this position. Please consider this, and the many other possible ways, I'm sure, that one could develop a problem. Lying on the bed is not the only possible way to develop TMS. Also, habitual masturbation in itself, as you mentioned on your site, make intercourse with a woman not as pleasurable as masturbation due to the speed and pressure control on has while masturbating. (age 28)
A: TMS is essentially masturbating in a prone position, by thrusting against something. While what you describe is weird, if you're using your hand and not thrusting into it, you're not much different from a normal guy. I think you read too much into what I said about intercourse. My point is that intercourse and masturbation are different, and that a person naturally has more control in masturbation (because theirs is the only body there). I do not believe and did not mean to imply that masturbating makes intercourse less pleasurable.
11/19/03
I am 29 and have been masturbating prone for last 10 years. Some time back when I had sex with a girl I didn't come at all even though we had sex 7 times in two days. Back then I thought that I probably didn't come as I masturbated a few times before I met that girl. Now I know what the actual problem was. After I visited your site almost a month back I didn't masturbate prone at all. So trying to quit prone habit is not the problem in my case. I have not followed your abstinence schedule and masturbated irregularly in past month. So suppose I do not follow the schedule and do not masturbate as per your schedule, is my problem gonna go away on its own as I am no longer masterbating prone? Or do I need to follow your regimen in order to get the things to normal?
A: My schedule is designed to help you quit masturbating prone. If you've already quit masturbating prone, and can masturbate the normal way, you're cured.
11/19/03
I had no idea there was such a thing as TMS! I started using tms when I was 11 and had no idea what i was doing. Then when I was 15 and went to have sex for the first time I could not get an orgasm. I can ejaculate but I don't satisfy my partner with a strong erection. I'm now 19 struggling with this problem. Trying on my own to figure out how to fix this, I started masturbating on my back in bed, because my erections were harder that way, but my penis does not feel like it is fully erect and when it feels close to being fully erect it doesnt go straight forward, but rests against my stomach. Is this a side effect of 8 years of TMS, and can it be fixed?
A: Your erection doesn't sound that bad. Your erections will be stronger after you are fully cured of TMS.
11/21/03
First off, the creator of this site deserves a Nobel Prize. Men should be aware of TMS despite masturbation being taboo -- it is too important to ignore! Second, what caused this condition: I am sure that a lack of privacy at an early age in my bedroom due to a sibling that had to cut through to get to her room was what started this -- the position was a need that turned into a want. Third, recovery: After the 1 week off, I recently came for the first time 'supine.' I have rarely ejaculated in any position but missionary during sex, and even then it's very difficult and the climax is not as enjoyable as prone masturbation. Oral sex could never finish me, and I always suspected that my prone masturbation was the cause, but I didn't realize that it was such a necessity to quit. It is! Thanks so much! All men's mags should tell about the link to this site! The word has to get out! (age 25)
11/23/03
I'm a former TMS practitioner. I used to masturbate in the prone position when I was a kid a lot and it didn't have to be on the bed. It could be on the bed or on the floor with a comforter or a very thick soft rug. I used to do it in the bed or on the floor with a comforter.
Does TMS have an negative effect on penis growth? Erect I only measure 11 cm (4.33 in.) and it's severely depressing to know I can't do any of the other sexual positions (spooning, doggy) that other guys can do. I hope my comment inspires other small guys who masturbated prone for a good length of time and guys have a tendency to lie about the size of their penises.
I masturbated prone for about 10 years a lot (once or twice daily). I started when I was ~6 years old; even though I couldn't ejaculate, it still felt great. I learned about jacking off before I went to high school. I saw other guys 'mimicking' how they do it when they were being funny about it. Then I experimented with masturbating supine after I had learned about how others do it and TMS naturally faded away. I think it's because I also started using warm lube (hand lotions warmed up in the microwave) to simulate the slickness and wetness of a vagina.
Isn't TMS really about overstimulation of your penis? I mean my girlfriend used to suck me raw and I wouldn't come and I'd become desensitized to it after too long if she didn't do it right. Being articulate I just told her to "suck the head like you were sucking the juices out of a popsicle" and she learned how to give BJ's and learned what makes a man come correctly (sucking around the head and the shaft around the head) since then. Also, does TMS make one more prone to "blue balls" later on? Or is this just a case of masturbating/sex sessions too close together (i.e. 5-15 minutes between sessions). I know if I masturbate more then a few times a day I get major blue balls and I'm wondering if guys shouldn't be warned about that as well. Anyway, great site. I saw it in Playboy and didn't even know this site existed! (age 25)
A: Penis growth is genetic. Masturbation has nothing to do with it. Be very careful putting anything from a microwave on your body. Guys with TMS don't have blue balls any more often than other guys.
11/27/03
I just want to say thanks for the great information and I wanted to share a bit of my experience. I?e been masturbating prone since I was about 10 years old (I? 35 now) and never thought that it was harmful. I never had any problems sexually until recently when I noticed I could not come from oral sex and then a few years later, intercourse. I also had a few girlfriends who would let me finish between their breasts or in their crack. That just reinforced my TMS as it would seem now. Before long, that would be the only way I could come.
On a few occasions I would thrust so hard that I think I herniated my penis. This would manifest itself as a ?ump on the side of my penis that would take about 3 months to fully go away. It was odd explaining that my girlfriends and I think at least I woman left me because if it. In fact, looking back, I now believe that TMS was 75% of the reason my relationships failed. Only now can I admit how difficult it was hearing ?hy can? you come inside of me? all the time. I think it made women think that I was ?sed up from seeing other women or that I didn? think they were attractive or that I was just plain weird. TMS can undermine even the best relationship.
I consider myself very lucky that I never had erection problems but I was really preoccupied that something was really wrong with me. I found your website from a recent issue of Playboy and read it over about 10 times the first night. I could not believe how nearly every word of it applied to me. I abstained for about 4 days and after that have been having no problems having an orgasm on my back in about 6-7 minutes. That? something I know I never done since I was so used to humping pillows, etc. It? been about two weeks and I can honestly say my penis feels much more sensitive and my orgasms are as great as they?e ever been. Going back to the prone position actually turns me off, knowing what I know now. I really think I? cured and definitely look forward to having sex with a woman. At times I've made excuses not to!
I feel so much better about myself, it? hard to explain. It shows in almost everything I do. I think that there must be a strong link between TMS and depression since I know for certain that it affected my life and behavior. I think that TMS had me heading for depression but now my penis looks and feels great and I feel so confident again. Thanks Doug!
A: Glad to hear I've made a difference. Continued good luck! What you describe as herniation sounds like rupture of the penis. That's a condition every guy who's ever heard of it worries about. It's frequently caused by a woman moving abruptly when on top.
11/27/03
Follow-up:
Since I stopped TMS in October of 2003, I can report that it took me about a week to masturbate the normal way. About a month later I was still not able to have an orgasm when having sex with a girl I just met. I did not give into my temptations to rub off between her breasts and she ultimately gave me a hand job while I was on my back. I came very easily from that. It felt great! I knew that wasn? perfect but I was happy since I never enjoyed (or came) from a hand job.
A few months later I started seeing someone on a regular basis. Still could not come from straight sex. But, for the first time in years and years I WAS able to come from oral sex! This was great and I knew even though it was six months since I completely stopped TMS, I was on the right track to being cured!
The next thing I did to help go to the next level was the following. I would also like to hear your comments on this as well: When I did masturbate I would lie on my back and only use my RIGHT hand instead of my left, with tons of lube. I would also make it a point to use as LITTLE pressure as possible. I am left handed and masturbated that way when I first stopped TMS. It was a lot harder to orgasm that way but when I did, the sensation was unparalleled! In time I was reaching the big O faster and faster until I reached the finish line at about 7 minutes! This took about 3 weeks.
The other thing I did was deliberately stay way from pictures. I would only allow myself to reach orgasm from using images in my mind, instead of using visuals. In the past I loved looking as porn and masturbated a lot because of it. I would say that I was definitely doing it compulsively. This really helped too since when I did see my GF naked I was really excited! After a month or two of this, I was completely cured! In fact I was having multiple internal orgasms with her, regularly! That? something I have not been able to do since high school!
This whole process took about 14 months to get right. I would advise even the most desperate case to be patient, and things will work out in the end! Also, try not to masturbate as much. At age 37 I try to limit myself to no more than 4 times per week. Hope this helps someone who was in my shoes!
A: I think learning to masturbate with your other hand is a good idea. You seem to be taking the long way around in a couple of places. I encourage the use of pictures to help one get to orgasm faster when getting cured of TMS. You address a completely different problem, fixation on images. Your solution is a good one, but the problem is not one for every TMS male. Continued good luck to you.
2/5/05
Terrific information. I wish I had found it before I had to figure out all of this myself by piecing things together over several scary years. I was led here by the December mention in my roommate's Playboy. I was TMS from puberty until my early-mid twenties. Ironically enough, it was (against your advice) sexual healing that eventually started me on the road to recovery. I was lucky enough that I had a girlfriend who cared enough about me to put up with the effects of TMS and nurture me back to sexual health through good old fashioned hard work, tenacity, and exactly the proper kind of encouragement (oh what difficult, agonizing work that was ;-) ). For a period of 3 months or so (until we broke up for unrelated reasons), there was no need to masturbate, so my body and mind became accustomed to sex in positions other than prone. That added boost was enough for me to finish a change that I had started before my experience with her, based on a hunch that it might be causing problems that I was having (the problems you've described here).
Anyway, please keep up the good work. It's so easy to stop (and the earlier, the easier and better) once you know that's what you have to do, and the effects can be so damaging to your confidence as a man. Every guy should read this.
Note to readers: This was sent in anonymously. It is the first case received that claims to be cured from TMS by intercourse. Response to correspondent: It would help if you could contact me by e-mail to answer a few questions I have.
11/28/03
You have got to be kidding me -- there is a name for what I do?!!! I've been doing this since I was 15 and when it took me an hour to climax I used to congratulate myself but recently when it took 2 hours and I barely made it, it was not so cool. Everything I've read on your site fits me to a "T": lack of orgasm from oral sex, feelings of compulsion, lack of regular intercourse, feelings of guilt - freaky! I have never successfully masturbated by hand, and recently there has been a slight loss of sensation - very freaky!! Also what what one of your case histories said about making major life decisions around this particular "quirk" was dead on, plus the proclivity towards nervousness. Gonna start the abstinence tomorrow - one last time tonight ;-) (age 35)
A: Of course, it's normal to feel guilty, and surprisingly, most guys feel they masturbate compulsively. It's just that these are accentuated in TMS guys. I put off getting cured for too long. I wish you could resolve to be cured without one more TMS fix. Good luck.
11/30/03
Wow, am I glad to have found this site! I've never been able to come by hand and have found that when I have intercourse with my girlfriend, I could go for hours and not come which worried me. I'm gonna stop. From now on no more TMS for me ;) (age 16)
12/1/03
I discovered the wrong kind of masturbation in a bizarre way. I was near my 13th birthday. Some of my classmates were playing with adult playing cards at school. When I saw the cards something happened in my testicles. It was definitely a strong reaction and it felt exiting.
A week or two later I bought my own deck. The storekeeper said, ?here ain?t no age limits in these." I went home and watched the pictures amazed by them. One evening I watched the cards while I was lying on my bed. I was lying in prone position with my face down, watching the cards. That?s when I ?ame for the first time. I was hooked. All this seriously hurt my sexual development, both physically and mentally. I believe seeing any adult magazines or stuff like that at an early age can be very harmful. I'm worried because that kind of material is very accessible these days via Internet etc.
I haven't practiced TMS for many years now. I have learned to masturbate in the right way. I'm glad you have acknowledged the dangers of the wrong kind of masturbation. I'm still struggling with my problems. I'm pissed off to say the least and feel I have been very unlucky. I'd very much like to hear some comments from you.
A: I think you're overstating the harm the cards caused. If it hadn't been them, it would have been a magazine or video or a girl in a halter top to set you off. You have learned to masturbate correctly, and you should be on the path of sexual normality now. Don't fret about problems. Just have healthy and enjoyable sex and don't worry about the past.
12/8/03
Follow-up: It?s probably good advice not to worry about the past. And I should not fret about it, I know. But the past is a part of me. And I don?t think I was overstating anything. The problem is that I was in a very early stage of development when I saw the cards. Basically, my puberty hadn?t started yet. It was probably going to start pretty soon since I reacted to the pictures. Had I seen the cards in a later stage of development, the harm would have been smaller. Since you have created this great web site, I?m going to talk to you some more. On this very site it says: "TMS might possibly cause physical damage." I believe TMS or masturbating at an early age might affect penis growth. Why not? Doctors always say penis growth depends on genetics but there are other factors to human development than genetics.
A: We don't know for sure that TMS causes physical damage. Everyone who has been cured did so without physical remedies. There is no evidence that masturbation impairs penis growth.
12/30/03
After reading your webpage, I now know that I am a subject of TMS. I am 24 and have been masturbating using the TMS method since I was about 10. With the few sexual relations I've had, my story holds true with the other subjects of this ailment. Your web site has opened my eyes quite a bit.
I have abstained from masturbating for 3 days, and just tried to masturbate this morning using the normal method. I got erect fast and thought I would ejaculate very quickly. I came close a few times over about 25 minutes into it, and ejaculated a lot of pre-cum, but after an hour, I finally gave up. I did not resort to the TMS method and never will. The normal way felt really good, and I feel like I will be able to do this, but it is just really difficult and very frustrating.
Even though I didn't reach orgasm, should I restart my abstention period over, or should I try again sooner than seven days?
A: No, you don't have to restart the clock. Try again in a day or two. Try to relax and enjoy it. Don't focus on having an orgasm. Use pictures or something to help.
12/8/03
I have always masturbated using the prone position. I have no problem ejaculating during sex with my girlfriend. But I have never ejaculated during oral sex. In my past I have ejaculated a few times prematurely during normal sex. From your website I see that TMS is probably the reason I cannot ejaculate during oral, but does TMS also cause premature ejaculation? Maybe my problem is that I don't do TMS enough. (age 28)
A: It's good that you aren't having problems with vaginal intercourse. I suggest quitting the TMS anyway because you might develop TMS-related problems with intercourse later. I wouldn't worry about the premature ejaculation since it's in your past, and most guys who masturbate normally have experienced premature ejaculation. I have never heard of a TMS practitioner who regularly has premature ejaculation. Most have the opposite problem. I would never recommend doing TMS more often.
12/10/03
Thanks so much for this website! My girlfriend said my erections feel like they are only halfway, and this is after I took a 5-day break from masturbating and started masturbating on my back. It's been less than two months since I stopped TMS. Is it going to get better with more time? How long does it take to be cured of TMS? You are a life saver. Thank you so much. (age 19)
A: I recommend being cured of TMS and masturbating on your back daily for a month before trying intercourse. Going right into sex seems to mess up guys' progress.
12/15/03
It appears I have been masturbating in the incorrect (TMS) way. I've started a period of abstinence from TMS, but after one day I attempted (and failed) to masturbate in the normal way. Does this mean I have to restart the cycle of abstinence again? (age 15)
A: Yes. One day is definitely not long enough. Good luck.
12/15/03
I was surprised to read about this condition for in Playboy not too long ago. I'd been practicing prone masturbation by cupping my flaccid penis with my hand and then applying pressure, etc. I "discovered" masturbation at an unusually young age (probably at 5 years old or so). It continued pretty regularly up until I was 19. At that point I pretty much quit cold turkey because I knew that this was the wrong way to get the job done. When I stopped I did so because I realized that there was no way that these pressure forces I was putting on my organ could possibly be good for it. I had no problem with erections once I tried the correct way of masturbating, but my first intercourse attempt was very embarrassing. (Nerves probably had a lot to do with it.) I always masturbate correctly now, and I'm never tempted to revert to the old way. Sexually, I have no problems. Is it possible that this may have stunted my penis size? I'm nowhere near as big as my foot size would suggest and there's a huge difference between my flaccid and erect sizes. (age 23)
A: Masturbation style has nothing to do with penis size. The guys with smaller flaccid penises gain the most when they erect.
12/16/03
I think your site is absolutely fabulous and has taught my partner and me things that we were completely ignorant about. We are a relatively new partnership. I had been previously married and had always enjoyed a good sex life; he had not and was relatively inexperienced. It was a throwaway comment (as well as a seeming difficulty to orgasm during sex) on my new partner's behalf that led me to your site. He is currently trying the cure with success but is still having difficulty climaxing during intercourse (we relapsed during the holidays, but he has started again). I must admit that his problem is now beginning to affect me personally. I am beginning to think that perhaps deep down he doesn't fancy me? Is this a common feeling on behalf of partners of men with TMS? And could it possibly be true? I am quite willing to persevere with the cure for his/our sake but I am worried that it might not solve the problem. He reassures me that he loves me at every opportunity and wants to be with me, but I can't help this doubt. (age 44)
A: Yes, the partners of TMS sufferers always believe the problem is really them. It's good that you're willing to work at it. The important thing is that your partner wants to change. Good luck.
12/28/03
I'm a 22 year old from Paris. I've been searching for this website for years! I was really frustrated that none of the masturbation sites I saw even mentioned TMS. I started masturbating prone when I was 12, and I always feared that when I had sex, it wouldn't work. That's what happened. I only came one time in a woman (and the effort to focus ruined all the pleasure), and I have never had pleasure with oral sex or normal masturbation. I always thought that I just had a sensitivity problem, and that TMS was just what I needed.
I discovered this site one hour ago, and I'm glad to say that I just had my first "normal way" orgasm! I did it the TMS way this afternoon so maybe it's normal but it took me more than 30 minutes to find a good gesture. I started without porn but it was hard to focus so I used a movie and it worked (but my advice is to download a good small movie scene and play it in loop because maybe you'll need some time and it would disturb you to use your remote to forward/rewind). Will it get easier with time? I've never had any problems to erect, au contraire, I can do it ten times a day with a "woodlike hard" penis. Thank you for changing my life !
A: Wow, I never thought anyone would be cured on demand. Congratulations, and continued good luck. It will get easier with time.
1/1/04
I've been doing TMS since my early teens. I remember worrying about premature ejaculation (because that's what most everyone was worrying about)... and thought that rubbing up against the bedsheets would increase my endurance during intercourse. I was right. It worked a miracle early on. But recently, I've noticed that I have a hard time 'finishing' with a girl. Especially when she gives oral sex. And I've had a hard time keeping an erection during intercourse.
I knew something was wrong, and I couldn't believe there was a name for it. This site is an invaluable resource. I can only hope they start teaching it in high school sex ed, because it needs to be taught.
It seems especially odd that my fears of premature ejaculation inadvertently caused another more serious problem. I was curious if the use of sheets or a cloth during masturbation is also a symptom of TMS? Since I am not technically rubbing up against the sheet, but using it instead of my hand. I do this because I have a tough time keeping an erection with just my hand. Does this have anything to do with TMS?
Thanks for your help and for this site.
A: Yes, thrusting into something (sheets, cloth, pillow, hand, etc.) is central to TMS. You need to learn to do it with your hand. Good luck.
1/2/04
I am glad that I found your website! Recently I have been having trouble maintaining a good erection while with my girlfriend. I have never had problems coming while having sex before, but since my current girlfriend is a virgin, the only stimuli I've been getting is either oral or manual, neither of which have ever caused me to reach orgasm before. This has been putting a real strain on our relationship, as she feels that it is a problem with her ability to satisfy me (far from true). Of course, this has also been causing me to wonder what is wrong with me and why a 22 year old would need Viagra.
I was flipping through an old Playboy when I saw your website mentioned. Since I usually use a TMS style of masturbation where I press my semi-erect penis into my hands, lying face down on the bed, I decided to check this page out just in case. I have been suspecting that this style was harmful, and have been trying to switch to a "normal" way in hopes of being able to come from a hand job. Now that I know that TMS is harmful, I will stop immediately and only use a normal method. My girlfriend will be out of town for a few weeks, and hopefully by the time she gets back, I'll be able to surprise her with a solid erection and proof that she can satisfy me!!
A: Let us know how it goes! Good luck.
1/3/04
I was so excited in finding your website and am shocked to know that masturbation in prone position is such a troublesome habit.
I started to practice TMS at age 24. My girlfriend lived in another town at that time. I accidentally found I could have a stronger orgasm if I masturbated face down. Now I have erectile dysfunction and I realize there is a problem. Your site confirms my finding. I hope I am not too late to get it corrected.
Right now I cannot achieve a strong erection to have normal intercourse. I cannot achieve an erection through normal masturbation either. I have been like this for about three months. But I do have regular sleep erections. I am also worried that I lost erection when I see a beautiful and sexy lady, which I had several months ago. It seems that I can get a hard erection only when I ejaculate when I masturbate prone. Have I caused any physical damage to myself?
I am committed to quitting TMS. It seems not too hard for me to stay away from TMS. I have been in abstinence for 3 days. Hope that I can quit TMS. (age 31)
A: I think you can be cured soon. You have only practiced TMS for seven years and have only noticed a decline for three months. Most of the guys I hear from have been doing it longer and been in a dysfunctive state longer. I don't think you've done physical damage. Good luck.
1/7/04
I came across your site after the mention in Playboy. I'm hoping you might be able to advise.
I am 25 years old and discovered masturbation around the age of fifteen. I initially "handled" myself the normal way in the shower using soap. But because I wanted reference material, I got in the habit of lying prone on the bed, stomach down, and looking at a magazine or TV. I would also sit up and slide my penis from left to right against my stomach. This has caused the favored side of my shaft to become extremely responsive.
Everything appeared fine until 1997, when I contracted mono. During this time and for about six months afterwards, I had no apparent sensation in my penis. Sex and masturbation didn't feel at all stimulating. I also had problems maintaining an erection.
Once the illness subsided, my erections improved, but I did not regain sensation until about a year later. Since that time, while I can achieve an erection, it seems to subside extremely quickly unless I'm constantly stroking it. I also cannot stimulate myself for long at all before climaxing. I am able to remain hard during intercourse, but can't stave off ejaculation.
Is is possible I "broke" some kind of cutoff valve in my equipment by moving it from side-to-side for so many years? It doesn't seem like there's any built-in torniquet to maintain the erection.
After reading the site, I no longer masturbate any way but stroking up and down. It's only been two weeks. Could I have sustained permanent damage?
A: I've never heard of a case of TMS that was intractable, so I'm guessing those guys didn't sustain physical damage. It is possible for a penis to rupture (usually from wild intercourse) but you would feel that. There's no hidden cutoff valve to break. Two weeks isn't very long, so I suggest you keep up your progress, and you'll probably notice a difference in two to three weeks more. Reference material! I like that!
1/17/04
Great site! I am Roman Catholic and so felt guilty about masturbating until recent years. I had lots of wet dreams when I was younger and the first time I ejaculated awake was when I was 14 while doing pull-ups. I also learned to ejaculate while doing sit-ups or other physical excericise and this is how I masturbated (about every 10 days) until I was 21. That is when I became comfortable with normal masturbating. Will this leave any physical sexual problems? While I usually masturbate the normal way, I have done it face-down about once a week for two years, and more often include face-down as a small part of my regular masturbating routine (2 out of 5 times a week). I am quitting the face-down way immediately. However, I seem to be able to masturbate anywhere the normal way -- might I still have irreversible damage from doing it face down or will I lose TMS from using your schedule? (age 23)
A: I've never heard of a case of TMS that was irreversible. Just quit the face-down and you should be OK.
2/3/04
I feel a bit out of place here, as a Christian, and an 18-year-old girl in college. Anyway, I have been masturbating since I was very very young. Six, maybe? I used to masturbate about once every two weeks, but since I got a boyfriend, I have masturbated more often to relieve pent-up sexual tensions. I have always masturbated in bed, lying face down on a pillow. I didn't know that it could harm my sex life in the future! It is difficult for me to reach orgasm lying on my back.
My boyfriend and I are not going to have sex (vaginal or otherwise) before marriage, but we have engaged in some activities that led to his orgasm. I have never reached orgasm solely from him pleasuring me. The one time I did orgasm, I was thrusting against something underneath me. Is it normal for guys to come more easily than girls? Perhaps this is premature, and there is nothing wrong with me, since we have only made out 5 times. But just in case, should I be concerned?
A: You shouldn't feel out of place here. I'm Christian, and I was an 18-year-old in college once. Lately most of my correspondence is from girls. It is easier for males to reach orgasms than females, and your problem is compounded by your practice of masturbating prone. While TMS in women is not as clear-cut a problem as it is in men, there is a definite pattern of women who masturbate prone having orgasmic difficulty in intercourse. You might follow the abstinence program on the main page to habituate yourself to normal masturbation. You might also want to read the page of masturbation advice for Christians. Good luck.
2/9/04
I am 20 years old and am finding it very difficult to stimulate my penis to full erection so that I can masturbate from a non-prone position. I haven't masturbated prone or had sex for about 4 weeks. Even my GF tried to do it and it didn't work. What can I do? (age 20)
A: You might ask your doctor for Viagra, although I've never heard of anyone your age needing it. You should be able to erect fairly easily. If not, you can masturbate without a full erection. It's good you quit prone. You'll have to get cured without help from your girlfriend.
2/14/04
I'm 32 and have been masturbating prone since I was about 10. I have quit TMS style and have not masturbated in over 8 days. You said somewhere on this site that it should be no problem reaching climax for someone who has not climaxed in about 5 days. I have tried 3 days in a row to reach climax using the "right" method but I never seem to be close to climax. I usually try for fifteen minutes at a time and after that I usually lose my erection. What am I doing wrong? Will I ever be able to masturbate like a normal person?
A: I think you need to relax and not worry so much about ejaculating. Erotic pictures will also help. You might also get Viagra so you can practice for longer periods of time without losing your erection.
2/19/04
Follow-up on 2/23/04:
I wrote to you on 2/19/04 and explained to you that I was having trouble climaxing using the "right method." Well, I took your advice of getting some Viagra and today I reached orgasm using the "right" method for the first time in my life. What a load off!! Now that I know I can do it, I will never, ever go back to TMS style ever again. I feel like I'm on my way toward a new life and I just want to say thank you to you and this site!
A: I like when people get helped by my advice! What a difference four days can make! Continued good luck.
Hi, my name is Chris and I am an 18 year old college student. I started using the TMS method when I was 15 and thought that it didn't matter. I always thought that when a girl touched me, it would be different than the TMS and I'd still be able to ejaculate. Then a few nights ago, I was with a girl sexually for the first time. She attempted to give me a hand job and get me off in the conventional way, and it didn't work. I apologized and said it was my fault because I had masturbated earlier in the day. Thankfully, she isn't mad at me. Anyhow, I decided to look into my problem and I came across your site. I'm going to abstain from any sort of ejaculation for a week and try to do things the standard way. Thank you for putting up so much information on the subject. I thought that I was the only guy who masturbated face down. I will keep you posted with updates.
A: Good to hear from you, Chris! You were very brave to admit to masturbating. Good luck, and we'll look forward to hearing from you.
2/22/04
Follow-up on 3/1/04:
After abstaining for a week, I was able to masturbate the correct way. A few days later, my girlfriend was also able to get me off without a problem. Thank you for your advice, and I give my best wishes to anyone who has the problem I had.
I've never had an orgasm with a female. The only way I had kids with my wife was to masturbate and then put my penis in just as I was about to orgasm. My wife knew the problem. Right to this moment I've never had an orgasm with intercourse. (age 52)
A: It's never too late to quit TMS. You might live another 50 years and have lots of great sex in that time.
3/5/04
I suspect my husband suffers from TMS. He masturbates face down either on the bed or on the carpet. I never really thought anything of this until I started to notice he was reluctant to have sexual intercourse with me. I naturally thought he didn't love me yet he kept telling me he did. This led to me being very insecure with him and I honestly thought he must be gay as I had never heard of TMS before. I have ended our marriage as I felt there was something wrong with him. However, one night I sat until 3 o'clock in the morning trying to get explanations. I came across your web site and it answered all my questions. He also gets very frustrated and angry with me which I now know why. He also says his penis gets very sore with constant masturbation. He can now manage to masturbate by hand on occasions and our sex life is getting more exciting. I just love him too much to give him up for this habit which started when he was about 5 years of age. Do you think he will cease masturbating prone completely and are we better to abstain from any form of sexual relationship until he is cured? I hope this helps other wives understand because it is devasting for both parties not too know what is going on. (age 39)
A: It will be up to him to get cured. I've never heard of a case that was intractable.
3/18/04
Thank you very much for this page. It has given me some very useful information, From puberty until about 4 months ago (when I first read your information) I masturbated prone. I had also masturbated using the orthodox method you described between classes, or whenever, but I'd always revert to the prone style at night. I'm worried because occasionally I cannot maintain an erection. I did a lot of cycling in high school and college and experienced penile numbness on long rides. Is this a factor?
A: The usual bicycle seat is very bad for the penis. Four months isn't so long that you won't still be experiencing aftereffects of TMS occasionally. The important thing is to quit TMS forever.
3/18/04
I've masturbated prone for almost 10 years, but I've occasionally done it by hand. The pleasure from prone is 10 times better compared to by hand. I noticed when the 1st time I had sex a few years ago I couldn't ejaculate after a couple hours in different positions. I thought something was wrong with me. I am going to quit TMS, but since I have ejaculated with my hand in the past, although it may have taken longer, would you still recommend the abstinence week? (age 20)
A: No, abstain only for as long as you know will let you masturbate by hand. Perhaps 2-3 days. After you quit prone, you will find the pleasure from hand getting better, and you might even forget what prone felt like.
3/24/04
I'm 24 years old and I've masturbated in the prone position since I was 12. I have had sex with 4 women and was unable to reach orgasm with any of them. After reading your site, I stopped masturbating for 8 days, then I started to use only my hand. I've had a girlfriend for 2 months now. I can reach orgasm through sex, but only in the missionary position. I can never reach orgasm through oral sex, or in any other positions. We always have to finish with me on top of her in the missionary position. Also, after the first time, it's hard for me to reach an orgasm the second time. If I do, it usually takes me close to an hour. What can I do to help my chances of reaching orgasm with her in other ways?
It's good you've quit TMS. You really should be free of TMS for at least a month before having sex with a partner. The online support group might help. Good luck.
3/24/04
I have been masturbating the incorrect way for over 5 years now. Did not know I was wrong until today. Thank you very much. I always knew what I did was not what the majority of guys did and I am still a virgin so I never got around to figuring it out. Thank you so much. (age 18)
A: It's good you learned when you're young. Most of us didn't find out until we were older and had experienced sexual failure. Now you can avoid that!
3/24/04
I came across this site when it was mentioned in Playboy. I've never had a problem having orgasms during intercourse, but I could never have one from oral sex. Before reading this site, I had never masturbated the "normal way." For the past few months I've been masturbating the correct way, and can do it on a daily basis now. At first I needed lubrication, but now I have even gotten past that. I have had two orgasms now during oral sex which makes my girlfriend as happy as me. She always thought that it was something she was doing wrong. When I told her about TMS, she was very supportive about helping me break the cycle. I hope that other guys read this and rest of this site. I'm happy I did. Thank you for this site! (age 24)
3/26/04
THANK YOU. I was worried for a while if using my pillow was a good way to masturbate. Now I realize the problems I face. Ironically, I learned how to masturbate properly first, and I only used the pillow when I was unable to use the computer. Now, however, I know what I must do. I again thank you for your article. (age 13)
4/3/04
I am unmarried, 38 years old, and I have never had sex with a woman. I thought it was perfectly normal to masturbate face down, but I have come to know about 2 years back that while masturbating one has to move the foreskin in order to masturbate by hand. I have never masturbated by hand and once when a girlfriend of mine tried to perform manual intercourse on me, it was painful when she moved my foreskin. For the past 2 years I have been able to slowly make my foreskin move, but I have not been able to reach orgasm while masturbating this way. After reading this site, I am worrying that maybe I won't be able to have sex with women in a normal way. Is there any way for me to get cured?
A: Yes. The cure program on this site ought to help you get cured. You might need medical help for your tight foreskin. You should join the online support group for TMS.
4/12/04
I am delighted to find your web site as I have been struggling with TMS since I was a kid. I always knew that I was doing something wrong by rubbing my penis against the bed, but I never knew the normal way. It was just something that happened instantly and has become a habit ever since. I never knew anyone else was like me having this problem and I only found out 2 days ago by your site.
I am 25 now but I have never had sex with anyone due to the problem of my penis. I have noticed a lot of the effects of TMS. I have foreskin and it has naturally covered the head and the base of my penis, but over the years the foreskin had lossened and shrivelled up, the head is all exposed now and the foreskin is painful and sore; it looks horrible as there's only a tip of foreskin leading to the opening which I believe TMS has injured due to the hard pushing against the bed.
The other sign I have developed is that because I have been humping, my butt and back are in the air all the time and it has made my posture poor. My lower back is very weak and it's hard to explain but all the fat from my lower back has pushed its way down on my hips and buttocks, making me have a big butt and big hips, and hardly any fat down my lower back. I feel heavy and weak, especially my legs, as they cannot straighten.
I feel like a idiot as I have done so much damage to my entire body, but a habit is not easy to break. I have told a doctor about it, but he doesn't seem to think my penis is abnormal. Yesterday night I tried masturbating the normal way, lying on my bed. I did it for about 5 minutes with vivid pictures in my mind, and I could feel myself wanting to cum, but I couldn't no matter how much I stroked.
A: You need more than two days to get cured. I recommend abstaining a week. Your TMS has not caused anything to go wrong with your butt or back. If anything, masturbating prone exercises your back muscles. Good luck.
4/16/04
Follow-up: I have abstained a week and have tried to masturbate normally but I still cannot ejaculate or get the same feeling as I did when I did it prone. I have tried doing this twice now and because I didn't get any reaction for 20 minutes, I stopped. I am worried as I think there are several people out there that may not be able to get cured. If I cannot masturbate the normal way, what can I do? I have tried telling a doctor but he never heard of TMS and thinks I'm overreacting.
A: It's important you be both relaxed and focused on a particular stimulus (e.g. fantasy, pictures) when you try to masturbate normally. If you think you need help, a psychologist would be better than a doctor. Print out my article and Dr Sank's for the psychologist. I've never known a case that couldn't be cured. It might take more than two tries. You might join the online support group and come to one of our chat sessions for more advice from fellow sufferers.
I masturbated prone into my hands since I was 6. Then in high school there was a lot of joking around about doing it the normal way. One night when I was 14 I tried it and have masturbated the normal way most of the time since. I came across this website and had never realized that that choice 10 years ago may have saved me a lot of problems. I occasionally do it prone, but seeing this information, I think I'll stop altogether. (age 24)
4/19/04
Do you have any information regarding TMS sufferers who are also gay? I "cured" myself of TMS over a year ago, but then went back. I've since stopped again and I intend for to stay "cured" this time. I was just wondering if there were any differences or additional info. for gay TMS sufferers. (age 27)
A: I don't know why the process for getting and staying cured would be different. You might consider joining the online support group. There must be some gays in it.
4/20/04
I think I have TMS as I masturbate face down and I have tried masturbating normally but to no effect. My method is rather brutal. I lie on my stomach and massage or crush the head until I ejaculate. Is this TMS? Do I need to stop? Will this affect my chances of recovering from it? (age 18)
A: Yes, you have TMS. It would be a good idea to quit ASAP. Most guys your age are cured rather quickly.
4/27/04
First of all, thank you. I have been a TMS practitioner for 20 years, but I never knew all of this information. It sucks to only be able to masturbate by thrusting against the floor. I have tried for years to allow myself to masturbate in other ways, but have never been successful. I usually get worked up, but after 30 minutes and nothing happens, I get frustrated and do it the "old" way. I have one interesting question. My method involves placing my penis flat and pointing towards my feet while thrusting. I almost always have a full erection, but cannot do it any other way. Is this how most TMS sufferers masturbate? (age 24)
A: No. You can read the stories on this page and the longer case studies for more insight into TMS practices.
4/28/04
This is kind of embarrassing for me since I never talk about this stuff. I'm really glad I came across your web site though.
After saying something to my boyfriend a couple nights ago about the way I masturbate (which I now know is 'prone'), he thought he had heard that was not a good thing. I ran into your site and am kind of blown away by all of this.
I'm a 20 year old female and have been masturbating pretty frequently since high school, but I have been and remember doing so (prone) since I was little, like maybe 6 or 7. I'm pretty positive I orgasmed, even back then, even though I didn't know what it was or what I was doing, just that it felt good. I think sometimes I would wake up doing it. I first had sex at 16 and had it periodically but not a lot for the next four years. In that period, I had had a boyfriend for two years, but barely ever had sex. I was never interested; it didn't do anything for me. The last six months I've had another boyfriend and have had sex (including oral) a lot. But through 5 partners in almost 5 years I have never, ever orgasmed from anything besides prone masturbation. Sex never has done much for me at all, and although maybe oral or fingering may feel somewhat good, I never have felt even close to orgasming. I could do that with my boyfriend for an hour and not get off, and masturbate by myself on another night and orgasm in a couple minutes.
This whole realization is pretty scary for me. Should I fight the temptation and just try to quit? I've tried to masturbate "normally," and I never get to the point of climaxing. I have just always thought that maybe there was something wrong with me, or the guys haven't been good enough, but my boyfriend's good. We're very open and communicate. It's not that he's doing something wrong.
Is there any research about if this is caused by something psychologically? I dont understand why some people do it this way. It's not like you ever learn to masturbate, you just do it. And, what can I do? I would love to orgasm from things other than my hands underneath my body. And boost my boyfriend's faltering self-esteem.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your help. I feel like there's something wrong with me all of a sudden.
P.S. If you need a laugh, I did win a fake orgasm content on my spring break a couple of months ago.
A: I don't know why the abstinence cure method I prescribe for males wouldn't work for you. Would you like to be the first woman to try the cure? You can be a pioneer!
Don't feel like there's anything wrong with you. You, like the rest of us, simply learned masturbation the wrong way. As you point out, no one ever tells you how. The cure comes quickly for most males. You can help us learn if it will work for females too. You're lucky to have a well-informed boyfriend (he read about it in Playboy, right?) who knew about TMS.
P.S. Can we spend spring break together next year? How about next weekend?
6/9/04
I have masturbated TMS style since I was a very small boy. I have in the past couple years had a problem with maintaining a full erection even during masturbation. I also usually lose my erection almost completely after 5-10 minutes of intercourse. I also have rarely had an orgasm during intercourse with a woman. When I have it has only been in the missionary position. I also am worried about my urine flow. It is not a straight stream. I have a bubble right after the tip of my penis, then it goes straight. Could you give me your opinion on my situation and what you think I should do. (age 29)
A: You definitely are showing all the signs of TMS. You need to quit now. Don't worry about the urine thing. Might ask your doctor about it when you see him next.
6/10/04
Thank You, Thank You, Thank You for this site! I couldn't believe it when I started reading about TMS and it described exactly what I have been going through and struggling with. And it's such a relief to know that it can be cured simply and privately! My wife and I married as virgins eleven years ago and my inability to reach orgasm inside her has been difficult for both of us. I'm so glad that there's nothing wrong with me that I can't fix. Today I was able to masturbate the normal way to orgasm for the first time. It did take two tries of abstaining for a week, which was very difficult to do, but I didn't give up and today it finally worked the way it's supposed to! I am on my way to a great sex life with my wife and I am so excited and relieved. I wish I had found this information sooner.
6/10/04
I just thought I would e-mail you to thank you from the bottom of my heart for this wonderful site which has changed my life. I started going out with my girlfriend recently and noticed that I was experiencing virtually no sensation from any sort of sexual practice, including fellatio, manual and vaginal intercourse, regardless of position. I never really considered that masturbating prone was a problem. I'd done it daily from a very young age and presumed that it was just a different way of masturbating that not many people knew about. However, I decided to search the web to see if it there were any possible problems about masturbating this way and eventually I came across this site.
It really scared me, and the first few days after I read it, I was a wreck. I did not believe there was any way I could be cured since I had masturbated prone so much and no matter how hard I tried, I could not ejaculate masturbating the normal way. I gave TMS up immediately, although the temptation was there every now and again to do it, when you know what's at stake, there is always something at the back of your mind which stops you from doing it. After around two weeks of this cold turkey treatment, I ejaculated using the normal masturbating technique. It took around half an hour, which I know is not normal, but it felt good and I think the length of time I took to do it was a combination of anxiety and the naiveness of my technique.
After abstaining from sex with my girlfriend for a month, making excuse after excuse, we started again this week and wow, it is incredible. I climax everytime and can keep going for a good length of time, perhaps the only positive result of my TMS days? The sex is incredible now and since both my girlfriend and I enjoy the sex now, our relationship is at an all time high. I did not realize what I was missing until I came across this site. Anybody reading this should trust me, if I can be cured, anybody can. It just takes will power, but you will get there and believe me, it is worth it. Thanks again. (age 24)
A: It's very normal for it to take half an hour the first time you masturbate supine. Thanks for your nice story. Perhaps you should join the TMS support group on Yahoo and come to one of our chats. I think you could be a good coach to others who are struggling.
6/10/04
Follow-up: I can certainly vouch for your site and have a very positive story to tell because without exaggeration, it has made a huge change in my life and turned me into a better person. I wanted to e-mail in person to thank you for your site. It really was a godsend for me.
4/17/05
I have all the signs of TMS. I was wondering, I usually only orgasm when I masturbate and when I do I usually only ejaculate a small amount. I know this is not normal. Is this caused by years of masturbating TMS style? (age 29)
A: Probably. But strangely enough, most guys say they ejaculate more when they masturbate prone.
6/12/04
I'm a 22 guy who has recently discovered his practice of masturbation was the wrong one. I discovered masturbation at the age of 11 lying on bed, face down, and having a pillow between my legs and in contact with my penis, and ever since, TMS has been my only masturbation method. I can assure you that I have never ejaculated by any other method of stimulation. I simply considered it was OK, and that when it came to face a girl all was going to be a lot different. But the day came, and I started to date a girl and a few days ago we tried it for first time. I was quite nervous, and had problems keeping the erection while putting on the condom. It was my first time and it was in a car, not comfortable at all. I could get a few erections but not strong enough to penetrate her. She tried to rub my penis with her hand, but I really didn't feel stimulation at all. I could penetrate her for few seconds, because my erection was going down just after putting the condom on but neither in this penetration could I experience enough pleasure to restore my erection. Let me add that this first time was also conditioned in my mind by a feeling of "now or never," because it was the last time we could see each other in strict privacy for about a month.
I had never had problems with her because just by grabbing her hand while walking or siting I used to get spontaneous erections. So I guess nerves and TMS did ruin my first sexual encounter with my girl.
I'll try to have other experiences with my girlfriend, and maybe I'll be able to achieve hard erections and even ejaculate as we know each other better and as we feel more and more comfortable.
I sometimes tried to masturbate like most men do, but there wasn't any effect at all. I didn't feel even close to experience anything comparable to my TMS ejaculations.
For some reason I haven't masturbated in a whole week. I think I'll try what I can do. As recommended I'll try to reach masturbation by the normal method, but here are my questions: Is it going to be harder to achieve good results considering I'm circumcised for phimosis? Should I stop an retry in another moment, after several times without obtaining the ejaculation? Does the method change when it comes to a switch to a correct masturbation on phimosis penises? If I don't ejaculate during sex with my girlfriend, am I breaking the abstinence period? Can the nerves for achieving results ruin my attempts to get ejaculations by the normal method?
I'm concerned, and I really need the point of view of an expert like you.
A: You're in luck. Your girlfriend has given you a window in which she can't see you in which you can quit TMS, and you have already abstained a week. You're all ready to start your treatment now. You should relax and try to masturbate the normal way. Your circumcision should make no difference. Most of the cured guys I know are circumcised. If you can't ejaculate within half an hour, try again tomorrow. There is no difference in the method for guys with phimosis. Perhaps try to stay off the head even harder. You should avoid sex with your girlfriend until you have been able to masturbate every day for a month the normal way. Nerves will be bad for you when you try to have sex again. Good luck.
6/13/04
I had no idea what I was doing was so bad for me. After reading this site, I realize that almost everything you say applies to me. Thanks, I'll be changing my habits immediately. (age 18)
6/15/04
First I want to tell you how grateful I am for your web site. Since I was 13 or 14, I masturbated in the prone position, thinking there was nothing wrong with it. I was unable to reach orgasm with the first three girls I had sex with. I accidentally stumbled upon your page, and I realized what the problem was. After masturbating in the prone position for nearly 10 years, I gave it up, and went 7 days without masturbating at all. The first time I had sex afterward, I was able to reach orgasm. This was a great relief. I'm 24, have a girlfriend, and can always reach orgasm during sex now. The only problem is that I can't reach an orgasm during oral sex or manual intercourse, and I think I have lost some sensitivity in my penis. I didn't masturbate or have sex for 5 days, and I still could not orgasm during oral sex, but had no problem during vaginal sex. What do you think I should do to bring sensitivity back to my penis and be able to reach orgasm during oral sex?
A: Are you saying you had intercourse within 7 days of quitting TMS? I think that's part of your problem. I advise guys to be able to masturbate by hand daily for a month before doing anything sexual with a partner. A few people in our support group have reported a problem similar to yours, that they have become partially cured of TMS for purposes of vaginal intercourse but still have trouble with the other stuff. If you feel your penis is less sensitive, it's probably a result of not taking the full 30 days plus to get fully cured. You ought to consider doing that, and also joining our online support group and coming to some of the chat sessions.
6/15/04
I am a 16 year old male and I'm glad I found this site. I recently started having sex (protected oral and vaginal sex) and discovered that although I can maintain my erection, I just can't reach orgasm. I have never reached orgasm in any other way than through TMS style masturbation.
After reading the information on your site today, I decided to quit masturbating prone. I am now going to abstain for a week and then try "normal" masturbation. If I learn to masturbate normally, will I have any more problems achieving orgasm during sex? (age 16)
A: No. That is the whole point of quitting TMS. Guys your age seem to have the easiest time quitting. Just be sure not to do anything sexual for a month after you're able to masturbate by hand on a daily basis.
6/21/04
I am a TMS sufferer and have tried your programm. I found that the two week abstinence program wasn't long enough! It got to the point where (after just under a month) I couldn't control myself and broke the abstention. What can I do next? (age 16)
A: You have to start over. 7-10 days ought to be long enough for anyone. Just relax and focus on something that turns you on.
6/24/04
I am 20 years old in two weeks. I started masturbating when I was VERY YOUNG in prone position. Only last week when your web site was mentioned in a magazine did I even begin to think that what I was doing was wrong. I have been masturbating TMS with my hand under my body for over a dozen years. I never thought TMS was wrong, just different. In fact, until your web site I didn't even know it was called TRAUMATIC!
Thank you first of all for making me more knowledgeable. I have started a spreadsheet counting down my first week of abstention from masturbation. But I am looking for a little more help for a game plan from you. My biggest problem in the past has been that when I masturbate face up, I don't have enough pressure on the base of my penis to ejaculate, so I turn back to prone position.
Now knowing that TMS is SO BAD FOR ME, I will never do it again. But I will not do ANYTHING for a week, and then masturbate normally (face up). Thank you for your help and time. Now that I stopped TMSing, will I be able to last longer having sex with my girlfriend? Can you expand a bit on the exercises that will help me hold my orgasm longer?
A: It sounds like everything is falling into place for you. Yes, when you are cured, sex with your girlfriend will be better than ever.
6/23/04
Follow-up:
The magazine I saw this topic or your web site discussed was either Men's Health or Men's Fitness. SUCCESS! I successfully finished my business while lying face up within 10 minutes. I never in my life thought I would be able to do that (face down gives you so much more pressure, but face up makes the pressure more realistic to sex.) Now since I made it a week, do I wait six days and do the same thing again? then five? or should I just try this daily now? what exercises do you know of, or web sites that can help, to help me hold it in?
P.S. - What's gonna be the long term effect of my TMS in 20 years?
P.P.S. - thank you for everything
A: If you're comfortable with your situation, you might need to abstain for only a day or two. 4-5 if you think you might have trouble. PC muscle exercises can help you gain control of your ejaculation. You might not need them. We've only known about TMS for 6 years, and the people in my support group have been cured for at most 2 1/2 years. So we don't know about long term effects, but we think there might not be any.
6/26/04
I am so glad I stumbled upon your site! I was fascinated to learn about TMS, and believe it is the cause of my recent troubles in bed. I am recovering and enjoying great masturbation in the process. At first I was scared I wouldn't be satisfied with the old fashioned way, but I'm enjoying greater duration and pleasure masturbating, and I feel more normal. Keep it up!
6/30/04
I came across your website, healthystrokes.com. First of all, let me thank you for addressing this topic. I think American society creates such an unhealthy attitude towards sex and the discussion of sex-related topics, and it is really great that you are providing a forum for this. As a scientist, I must admit that I start out a bit skeptical -- TMS has only been described in that one article, and the data you cite on the website are based on limited samples which are probably skewed. By this I mean that it is more likely that people who have problems related to prone masturbation get in touch with you. There may be many more who perform prone masturbation but experience no problems, and they are less likely to respond to your web site (they would probably dismiss it as much of the nonsense related to sex that is on the Internet). So the numbers you present may be highly skewed.
Nevertheless, you seem genuinely interested in helping people and are not out for money or anything, and we really should have forums to talk about these issues. So while I think your conclusions are a bit strong given the concerns I expressed, I am glad you have addressed the issues. Hopefully there will be more published studies on TMS soon. Good luck.
A: The problem with studying any disease or condition is that you can't study it unless you pre-select people who already have the disease, or at least the symptoms. Thus, studies on glaucoma are based on people who already have symptoms of glaucoma, and studies on diabetes are based on people who already have symptoms of diabetes. This site is informed by people who have TMS. Nowhere do I attempt to estimate from my surveys the prevalence of TMS in the population. That could only be done by a careful survey of people who don't self-select, like among male college freshmen at a large state school (preferably not a commuter school). I hope someone does a study like that soon.
7/4/04
I have quit TMS and now masturbate normally. Will I have problems in the future because of this? (age 16)
A: No. I've never heard of anyone having a relapse. Once you're cured, you'll be sexually normal.
7/6/04
I masturbated prone from age 11 to 18, have personally told several of my friends to do it that way, have maintained a normal sex-life, and now through the magic of Internet porn, almost exclusively do it the other way (as do many of my friends who followed my lead during puberty and began their masturbatory careers in the prone position.) I have never noticed any particular difference in sensation of the orgasm (it's still usually a better orgasm when I masturbate, but overall sex is more fun!) This is crap science. (age 26)
A: You don't make a case in favor of TMS. You claim that you yourself switched to regular masturbation at age 18, when it's fairly easy to switch. Even if you were still masturbating prone and having sex successfully at your age, there would be danger in your future, for many of the men I've heard from didn't start having sexual problems until they were over 30. You write with the same ignorance as a 26-year-old smoker who's been smoking for 14 years but doesn't have any smoking-related illness.
7/7/04
I have been masturbating TMS style for about 8 years. In fact, it's the only way I've ever really masturbated to orgasm (I never tried to reach orgasm the manual way, since I could reach it so much quicker TMS style). I am still a virgin, but I wonder if I have done any damage. I knew using hands was the "usual" way of doing it, but I had no idea this could be damaging! I will try and go through the process to get cured. Do you think I have done any damage? I masturbate this quite a lot. (age 19)
A: No, I don't think TMS causes physical injury. By ceasing the prone masturbation, males are able to masturbate normally and achieve orgasm with a partner. Congratulations on finding out while you're young and don't have to deal with a partner while you get cured.
7/7/04
What's your take on using Viagra to overcome TMS and have sexual intercourse with a partner? (age 23)
A: Viagra helped me get cured of TMS, and I know it's helped others too. You might consider joining the online support group. You should only need the Viagra the first couple of times you try something new.
7/17/04
Thank you very much. I wanted to ask a few other questions and give an update as well. I am no longer sore at all after supine masturbation, and the orgasms are much better and more similar to the few I experienced during sex. Here are my few questions:
1. Although I have stopped prone masturbation for several weeks now and replaced it with the supine position, I am having trouble giving up thrusting into my cupped hands. I start out stroking, but to finish up and have an orgasm, I have to thrust some. Should I abstain for some time and then try to give up thrusting altogether, or can I keep masturbating and gradually wean myself off of thrusting (I think I have been getting a little better)?
A: The thrusting is a key part of TMS. You need to quit thrusting and learn to masturbate by stroking. You're only partially cured if you need to thrust to reach orgasm. You should resume the abstinence program until you can masturbate to orgasm using only your hand.
2. I sometimes need to gently stroke and squeeze the head of my penis, particularly as I am close to reaching orgasm. I fear this might be mimicking TMS in some ways--overstimulating the head and stuff. Is it problematic in supine masturbation?
A: It's a good idea to touch the head as little as possible. Squeezing is especially problematic because it can't be replicated in intercourse.
3. I often used prone masturbation to help get to sleep. When I first stopped, I was sleeping okay, but for some reason, a week or so into it, I started having trouble. I will fall asleep for 3-4 hours, then wake up, often with a very hard erection, and feel wide awake. In the past when this happened, I could prone masturbate myself to back to sleep, but now I don't, and I feel wide awake--for a few hours. Then I am drowsy again. I never had any sleeping problems before. One more related point--the advantage of prone masturbation was that my underwear caught the semen--I could go right to sleep. Perhaps I could try to supine masturbate myself back to sleep, but it is more messy--I feel like I need to get up and wash my hands, and this wakes me up. Do you have suggestions to help with this?
A: Supine masturbation also induces sleep. There's nothing wrong with masturbating to sleep if you wake up in the middle of the night. You should keep an old shirt on hand to mop up. It only takes a second longer than adjusting your underwear did.
4. Do you know if Prof. Sank is doing more studies on TMS? Do you plan to publish your data? I am curious because a few sex therapists I have corresponded with think that TMS and your website are bogus. But what you say really seems to ring true -- I'm wondering if you think it will be validated by others more in the long run (or you are concerned at all about that).
Dr. Sank is a psychologist in clinical practice and not a sex researcher. You might write him and suggest he do a follow-up article. Putting my data on the Internet constitutes publication. I'm working at getting sex researchers interested in TMS as a research topic. Most sex therapists are IIFGDIs -- "If It Feels Good, Do It" -- and the concept of a sexual practice being dangerous is unknown to them. I've helped many more people with my site than those therapists ever will.
7/21/04
My husband and I are assuming a very active sex life after years of not being sexually close. Your article is wonderful. It seems to hit our problem correctly. We are having sex, but my husband is not climaxing. He has masturbated in the face down position with pressure for years. When we did have an active sex life, it always took him forever to come and the pressure was needed. Now he is not having a climax at all. Thank you for your advice and excellent article. (age 61)
A: I don't think you're ever too old to change.
7/23/04
I have TMS. Just discovered I had it 8 days ago.. I have never done it any other way. I waited a week ( not masturbated) , tried the normal way, and no luck. Any hope for me? What should I do? (age 51)
A: Plenty of hope! Just wait two days after you weren't able and try again. Pictures will help, and so will Viagra.
7/30/04
I wanted you to know that your web site saved my life. I have been masturbating prone since 7 or 8 and have never masturbated (successfully) the proper way. Through numerous sexual encounters, I could never reach orgasm, and I have been going through a crisis of sorts. (I assumed it was because I masturbate too much, once every day.) After viewing your site, I abstained for 5 days and then masturbated the proper way successfully for the first time, just by looking at a picture and concentrating. This site has changed my life! (age 21)
7/31/04
I have to personally thank you for the excellent information on your web site. I have suffered from TMS for a long time now and I didn't even know it was a problem. So I set out on a mission for the past few weeks and I no longer have to use my bed in the prone position ...what freedom! And now no more sore anatomy. Switching wasn't that bad really, except doing it prone is more rushing; while masturbating normally is more sensitive. Thanks again! (age 30)
A: You are welcome! But since when does an anonymous e-mail count as thanking me "personally"?
8/9/04
I'm a TMS sufferer attempting to switch over to standard masturbation. However, while I am getting much of the same sensation that way, actual orgasm seems to elude me. Does this mean I'm too far gone (I started at 13), or is there still hope? (age 19)
A: I've never known someone who couldn't switch successfully. Just keep at it and be patient. Many guys changed after much more than six years.
8/20/04
I'm 18 years old and up until recently I masturbated in the prone way. Several months ago in an article in Playboy I read about your web site and that it was bad to masturbate face down, so that's when I stopped. I have always heard of guys getting their penises "up," and the few pictures of men I have seen show the penis pointing up, but I don't do this. Is it normal for me to not point up?
A: It's good you've quit TMS. You are apt to notice your erection gradually getting better, and in a few months, it might point up. For now, work on getting it off your abdomen when you're lying on your back with an erection.
8/25/04
Thanks for disclosing the risk of TMS to me. With that gone, now I have found a new sense of freedom. (No more bed bound!) (age 29)
9/9/04
I've been masturbating prone now for probably 15 years and stumbled upon your article. I've had sex now for 7 years with lots of women, but I have never had an orgasm in any of them. Unbelieveable! Usually I'll finish myself off or fake it . Will I be able to finally enjoy orgasm in a girl now that I have quit TMS? (age 25)
A: Yes, that has been the experience of the rest of us. Be sure not to try anything sexual with a partner until you have been able to masturbate by hand daily for at least a month.
9/10/04
Hi Doug, I want to thank you for your HealthyStrokes site. I have been practicing TMS ever since I was around 12. I'm now 33. TMS, I believe, has been responsible for one of my relationships breaking up and this was really bad for me. I have now met someone new, in its very early days, but one thing I decided is that I would give up TMS, in case we do have sex. I just didn't want to be in that situation ever again, where I couldn't reach orgasm, and then have to roll over and finish it off myself. So I stopped TMS ten days ago, and yesterday succeeded in masturbating the normal way. It was a fantastic feeling, and now I can probably have completely normal sexual relations with women. I will continue to follow the program, and will never go back to TMS. Your site describes perfectly the habit and symptoms I had. Even if it doesn't go anywhere with this girl, at least I think I have been cured of TMS, so that's really positive. Thanks again.
9/11/04
I am 15, male, have been masturbating since I was 12, maybe 3 times a week in the improper position prone. Since I read your site, I have changed my ways and tried to fix my masturbation. However, I fear that my penis may have changed already. What degree of inclination ( penis -> \| <- body ) should the penis and body be at normally? My penis is almost parallel to my body and I would like to know if this can be fixed or if it will affect future sexual activity. Thank you in advance for the help you give to many of us that prefer to ask an anonymous person instead of our familiars.
A: At your age, nearly vertical is normal and quite healthy. The angle will tend to decline as you get older. Congratulations on quitting TMS.
9/11/04
I am extremely glad to have found this site while cruising the Internet and trying to find what was going wrong. Since I was about 12 or 13, I have been masturbating prone (on bed and pillows mainly). This went on for almost four and a half years before I noticed a little skin damage on the penis in form of a little wrinkling. Therefore, I stopped masturbating that way but since I could not stop it altogether, I moved on to manual masturbation with hand (the right technique) and for about a year I did that. But with time the skin has gotten worse and I am guessing it's due to the rubbing against mattress/pillows that I did for almost 4 years. I am now 19 and have not practiced TMS for a pretty long time and masturbate only about twice a month the correct way. I also noticed changes in the erection strength, which after a little abstinence has improved. The ejaculate has increased. However, I am still concerned that the TMS technique has damaged the skin on my penis. I would appreciate if you can tell me whether this can result from TMS and if I have stopped it, will the skin improve over time. (age 19)
A: I doubt you're having skin trouble due to something you quit so long ago. You're probably just being too rough with your hands. You might try a water-based lubricant like K-Y Liquid or Astroglide.
9/14/04
I'm 28 and have been masturbating prone since I could feel sensitivity in my penis. Now, however, I have been masturbating "normally" for the past 3 - 4 weeks, but I never get truly hard or rigid. I can ejaculate, but often it's not much in volume. I haven't fully used the TMS guidelines to learn to masturbate normally. I just stopped for a couple days once and then continued normally. My problem is I don't get a hard erection anymore and most times, I have to WORK myself so I can get to the point where I can masturbate. I had the chance for sex recently, and I couldn't even get hard enough to penetrate her, and I don't feel much sensitivity either. This is driving me crazy. Am I not creating enough semen? Am I masturbating too often? ( 2 - 3 times a day). I'm really at the end of my rope here.
A: You really should have gone through the full program, although apparently you've done most of it already by quitting prone masturbation. You are definitely masturbating too often for someone recovering from TMS and still suffering from erectile dysfunction. Cut back to once a day and see if your erections start getting stronger.
9/20/04
Hi, my name's Christian and I'm 21 years old. This site has helped me in my life so much. I would like to extend my thanks to the author and all the users who have contributed.
Let me explain my story. I used to masturbate for many years in the "prone position." I met my first girlfriend when I was 16 and I was unable to sustain an erection to have full sex with her. I would often have to rub my penis against her leg or vagina to orgasm. Obviously she thought this was pretty weird, but even at that time, I didn't realize I was masturbating the wrong way. So two to three years ago, I started researching on the Internet, believing myself to be impotent and unable to have sex. I found this site and it just explained everything that I was going through. It gave me hope. I started to masturbate in the correct way and I can remember at first it didn't feel as good as masturbating in the prone position, but I got used to it. Unfortunately, I still couldn't have sex with a girl, and I then began to think, well, maybe I am just unable to sustain an erection. Then skipping forward to now, I met my present girlfriend 1 month ago. I again revisited this website and did some further research. I found that the head on my penis was very sensitive but my foreskin was tight. I explained to my girlfriend about my "problem" and she was really understanding. Then it just happened -- we had sex. Five years of trying and that one magic moment where she says "it feels so good when you're inside me."
If it wasn't for this site, I don't know how I ever would have overcome my psychological fear of sex. Thank you so much and if anyone wants to talk to me or needs advice, my email is [deleted].
A: Thanks, Christian, for your encouraging story. I hope you will start coming to our periodic chat sessions. Since you posted that story anonymously, I have no way of knowing if the e-mail address you provided is really yours, so I decline to share it with the Web. If anyone wants it, please e-mail me. Doug
9/25/04
I first started masturbating in the prone position when I was 8. I taught myself how to masturbate the proper way when I was 14. I had no idea TMS existed until I read your site yesterday. I have been alternating between the two methods. Both ways worked for me. But thanks to your information, I will no longer be masturbating in the prone position. Is there any way to undo the damage done to my penis? I've had trouble reaching climax while standing up. It takes extra concentration and elbow grease. Is that normal, or is it from the bed humping? (age 19)
A: There probably isn't any damage. A lot of guys have a harder time standing than in other positions. Don't worry about it, but let us know if it's any easier after you've quit TMS for a while.
10/09/04
I did TMS for 18 years or so before coming across your site. I was able to give it up pretty quickly, without abstaining - I just stroked until it worked. I think I am cured, but I still have the urge to TMS. Sometimes I need to lie on my stomach to get an erection, and then turn over on my back to stroke. I don't actually do TMS, but will the urge to do it ever go away? (age 31)
A: It will go away more quickly if you don't do that. You're also doing part of TMS by lying face down with an erection; read the definition of masturbation in the glossary.
10/13/04
Thanks for the site. For many years, I had no idea I was doing it wrong, and I paid for it dearly through embarrassment and losing relationships with women. Anti-depressents like Lexapro which helped me from being depressed have caused problems with erectile dysfunction and libido. I have switched to Welbutrin and have masturbated the normal way. Since then, I have had some success masturbatiing but have yet to have intercourse with another woman. Half of me wants to "try out" my renewed ability but the other half dreads failure. Granted, it helps to have an understanding partner but around here, those women are few and far between. (age 39)
A: I think you should go for it! You can read some encouraging stories on this site of men who went out and grabbed the bull by the horns. Er, you know what I mean.
10/14/04
I am dismayed that you address this problem as if it were totally confined to heterosexuals. I detect much homophobia in your report. I am 71 years old, have always had homosexual relations but also had heterosexual relations for 30 years. I have not had sex with a woman for the past 30 years but have been active with men several times a week during all my mature years. I have never engaged in TMS. I can assure you, however, that the problems you describe for TMS practioners -- erectile dysfunction and orgasmic dysfunction -- are certainly not confined to them. I wonder whether your study considers the fact that such problems may be totally attributed to other causes. I have experienced them since the age of 30. Recently I have been having sex with a 28-year-old man who has never masturbated any other way other than TMS. His functioning with me is superb. I am not comfortable with directing his attention to your site. I fear that it could only unnecessarily cause him worry.
A: I wish you would be specific about the homophobic statements so I could fix them. Yes, there are other causes of sexual dysfunction. But this site is about TMS and the dysfunction it causes and not about other causes of dysfunction. (One of which is being on the bottom in anal sex.) Lots of men don't notice sexual problems until they're older than 28. If you care about him, you should warn him of the danger.
10/17/04
I thought I was alone or a freak when it came to masturbating in the TMS fashion. Thank you SO VERY MUCH for having this site. I just read it and will heed your advice. I have been masturbating the wrong way for almost 17 years so I have my work cut out for me. Thank you once again. (age 29)
10/21/04
I am a TMS sufferer and my girlfriend just informed me of this site. After a long period of having sexual difficulties with girls, it's good to finally realize I am not alone and that there is a solution. I have often wondered if my way of masturbating was harmful, but I was never able to find any evidence of it. I think the term TMS is misleading and makes it hard to find information on it.
I noticed someone asking if his difficulty in urination could be caused by TMS. I have to say I have the same problem, only I find myself going at a higher rate. This seems to have just happened this year. I don't know if it has any relation to TMS or not, but I thought I'd bring it up. I have a fetish: I masturbate to images of women, fully clothed, tied up and gagged. I am wondering if this also will affect my sexual life, as the fantasy involves no penetration. Right now I am trying to cure TMS by stopping masturbating for a week. Thank you very much for the information you've provided on your site on TMS. It has changed my life. (age 22)
A: Thank you for sharing. If we who suffer from TMS had anything to say about it, it wouldn't be called TMS either. Prone Masturbation Syndrome perhaps? (But I don't like those initials.) I doubt your frequent urination is related to TMS. A fetish is harmful if it's the only thing that turns you on. Try to have more than one sexual interest. They don't all have to involve penetration. Good luck.
10/21/04
I have never needed visual aids to masturbate--TMS or otherwise. My imagination always seemed to be enough, at least at the moment. I'm wondering how normal that is, and if it is related to any good or bad pattern of sexual performance. Should I be worried about orgasming too quickly, or will I actually be inhibited with a partner? I just want to be ready. I have not had a sexual relationship since giving up TMS a few months ago. In my prior relationship, I experienced some (but not all) of the TMS symptoms you describe, but I was able to give TMS up pretty easily compared to many of the stories I read on your site. Thanks for all of your valuable information. (age 30)
A: Most males start using visual aids a long time before 30. It's better to not use them, although most find it makes the process faster to do so. It's good that you quit TMS. Congratulations. I don't think you have anything to worry about.
10/24/04
I've been dealing with this problem for years and trying off and on to switch techniques. I just can't do it. Is there any other cure - surgery or something? (age 24)
A: You need to focus on getting cured for a period of weeks and not work at it off and on. Many men, including me, were cured when they were much older than you.
10/25/04
I used to masturbate using the TMS method; since reading this page I have corrected my behaviour but cannot reach orgasm. I abstained for a week but this did not help. What could be causing this?
A: You need to focus on having an orgasm with your hand. It just takes some concentration to get used to the different feeling of manual masturbation. Don't be discouraged if it doesn't work right away.
10/30/04
For years I have been masturbating prone thinking it was a harmless alternative to normal masturbating. My friends (who could masturbate normally) used to always talk about masturbation and stuff and I just joined in the conversation but always felt a lot of discomfort as I could not masturbate properly. I knew what I was doing was incorrect and have tried many times to masturbate supine with no success.
I never knew there was a name for TMS until a week ago when I wanted to learn why I could not masturbate properly. I was surprised to hear it was an actual condition because I just thought I was a bit odd. The only way I can masturbate is by humping a pillow or two and lying on the floor or the bed looking at porn or thinking about it.
My many concern is that I have done permanent damage to my penis because often after doing such techniques my penis would hurt quite a bit but I didn't think anything of it. Because I can't masturbate properly, when my girlfriend gives me oral or manual intercourse, I cannot ejaculate and it's frustrating and I end up feeling awful. She is very understanding but I am worried about future relationships. Because I couldnt ejaculate with 'headjobs,' I used to get my ex girlfriend to hump me. I would lie down naked on a bed and she would get on top of me in her underwear and thrust herself onto my penis. This would make me cum but often caused pain in the penis.
I am sexually active and can ejaculate during sex with little problem at the moment but am worried this may soon decrease and that I may be limited to certain positions as the web site talks about. I have tried many times to masturbate normally but I just can't do it!! I am 20 years old and have not been mastubating that long (since about 17 only). I never masturbated before then because I was told it was bad and other garbage, but I had many wet dreams. It's nice to know that at least I am not the only one with this problem.
A: Don't worry about permanent damage to your penis. I've never known a situation like yours where merely stopping the prone masturbation wasn't enough. You're in better shape than a lot of guys because you've only been masturbating prone for three years, and you can function in vaginal intercourse. If your partner would let you take a month or so off from sex, it would be good if you could go through the abstinence program and learn to masturbate normally.
10/31/04
Thank you so much. I've been doing TMS for a while and I've always wondered why I couldn't do it the normal way. Thanks. (age 15)
11/3/04
I have been masturbating for 6 years (TMS) and haven't been able to get an erection for the past four years. Is this permanent even though I have switched to a normal style? (age 22)
No. You should get better and better erections as you move away from TMS. It's also important to masturbate only when you have an erection and to use as little force as necessary.
11/3/04
I have been masturbating prone since I was about 11. Very recently I have masturbated sitting at my computer by lightly, rhythmically squeezing the shaft of my penis (I saw on HBO that a light squeeze can be a very pleasureable method for a woman to give a man a handjob) by wrapping my hand around the shaft and using my thumb to push my penis into my other fingers (I'm trying to describe this as specifically as possible), which I prefer to the normal "jacking off" method. I want to know if this method is still harmful, because it seems very similar to the TMS method in that a different pressure is being applied to the penis, although it does not feel as harsh as humping my bed. (age 19)
A: I think you are right. It is in between the two methods (the normal one and TMS). I'm not sure this method is harmful, but I know that males who practice the normal method have the least trouble when it comes to intercourse.
11/3/04
I grew up masturbating prone and i think because of it, I can't make physical contact with my penis without going through great pain. It's been three years since I last prone masturbated and I still suffer from erection problems and anorgasmia. Is there anything I can do that might help my penis return to normal? (age 19)
You've cured your TMS, but you might be suffering from phimosis, a tight foreskin. It might be worth talking to a doctor about.
You have turned my life around. I have been practicing TMS for probably 10 years, and never thought anything wrong with it. I saw a thing about it on a news show, found your site, read the whole thing, and in 2 weeks, I've been cured. Before this, my sexual experiences have been difficult. I definitely found it easier to satisfy myself, which led to some psyche problems. Now I've had sex several times since being cured, and I owe everything to you. Thank you for all you've done to help people like me and all the others out there still suffering. (age 19)
A: Glad to hear it! Keep up with the cure!
11/4/04
I am a 22 year old college student. I have been a practicioner of TMS since I was about 5 years old. I didn't know that it was damaging to my sex life. I never knew there were other people who did this. And as many people. The first couple of times I had sex it wasn't a problem. I would go for about 40-60 minutes. I thought I was a stud because I went so long, but then it wasn't as enjoyable as TMS. So after a while I would have no trouble getting an erection. Maintaining it was the problem. I would blame it on having a few beers. Or I would say I masturbated today so thats why I'm not hard. I didn't think it was because of the way I masturbated. I thank you for having such an informative web site for TMS. I try to quit immediately. I will e-mail you again in a month to keep you up to date on my process.
A: Good luck!
11/5/04
I just thought I was strange this whole time. My first TMS memory was all the way back when I was 2 years old. And I have reason to believe that I did it even before then because I remember at that time it was nothing new to me. Occasionally my parents would catch me, and reprimand me to stop. I never did. I kept on going until about 11th grade. By then I had tried masturbation the normal way only a handful of times, and succesfully reached orgasm only about two times, both of which took me more than 30 minutes to reach orgasm.
But since then I started doing it more often and now the normal way is what I use 99% of the time. Sometimes I go back to the prone position for old times' sake. I never have problems getting erections, at least when I know I am about to engage in a sexual act with a woman. I can go to a strip club and not get an erection at all.
I had already figured on my own that my inability to ejaculate from intercourse was because of all the years of masturbating face down, because face down there is a lot more pressure on it than inside a vagina. With intercourse it seems I just go until the point of exhaustion, and then I just give up. Oral sex and a hand job from my partner still result in nothing. I still get plenty of pleasure from it all, but without the final payoff. I assure my partner that she didn't do anything wrong, and it's just the way I have always been. I have been masturbating normally for the past few years now, but still cannot orgasm during sex. Is there any remedy for this even though I masturbate normally now? (age 19)
A: Yes. It would be good if you could abstain from masturbation for 5-7 days before an expected sexual encounter. Then you should be able to reach orgasm easily. Once you're used to having orgasms in intercourse, you can cut your abstinence period and still be able to orgasm in sex. Good luck.
11/13/04
Thank you for your brilliant site on TMS. I am a 19 year old circumcised male currently suffering from ED. Since I first learned to masturbate, I have masturbated by rubbing my penis on the palm of my hand face down. I discovered normal masturbation too but chose to do it prone because it felt better. I first realized I had a problem about a year or so ago when I couldn't get an erection just through looking at pictures, and I always had to touch myself to get an erection (which didn't always work). I couldn't work out the problem, and for some reason I didn't worry about it because I thought that when I was with a girl it would all be different. Now I am with a girl, and we have been trying to do sexual stuff. Sometimes I am able to get a full hard erection just through kissing her. Once we attemped intercourse, but as soon as I started taking my trousers off, I started to lose my erection. She tried touching it and stroking it and that didn't work either. I can't get an erection about 50% of the time, and it's really bothering me because I have totally fallen for this girl and I don't want to lose her because of this.
I stopped masturbating for a long time, about a month. and masturbated a few times in the next two weeks after that month, able to achieve a full erection. I have been depressed for 1-2 years and I heard that depression can cause ED, and I went to the doctor about it and he said it was due to depression and gave me some anti-depressants, which i have been on for over 3 weeks now. Now I have found your site. It has opened a whole new light for me, because I have realized that all those years of masturbating prone is probably the cause of the problem. I used to lose my erection as soon as I stopped touching it, however this has started getting better since I have completely quit prone masturbation. Thanks a lot, Doug. You seem to have changed a lot of peoples' lives and hopefully mine too, and you would be my favourite person in the world if you have any suggestions.
A: I don't think you're as bad off as you think you are. It's not important that you don't get erections merely by looking at pictures. Most guys don't. You have already done the important thing of quitting the TMS. It would help if you would tell your partner about your problem. If you don't, she might decide you're having problems because you're not interested. I would also advise you to quit the anti-depressants, in consultation with your doctor. Anti-depressants probably cause more sexual problems than depression does. Try to enjoy being with your partner and don't worry so much about whether you have an erection.
11/13/04
My name is Scott. I am 25. I had been using the TMS method since I was 5 or 6 years old. I always thought it was the best way to masturbate, since I could do it any time with little provocation and even fully clothed if I felt like it! Then I came across the term "TMS" while watching a comedy show starring Colin Quinn, of all places. He and the other comedians made silly comments about the problem, but I felt my heart sink because I realized that I was one of the people they were making fun of. Still in disbelief, I did a Google search on the subject and found this web site. I read up on the topic, my heart sinking with each minute because I thought that my situation was hopeless. I had never achieved orgasm any other way. My few attempts at "normal" masturbation failed terribly. I had never reached orgasm from a hand job or a blow job. Nothing.
However, I took the comments on this web site to heart and decided to make a change. Using the self-help method you describe, I can happily say that I am on the road to recovery. My first try after a week off from masturbation was unsuccessful. But I tried again about a week later. With the help of some video visual aids, I was successfully able to achieve orgasm the way I had always heard of it being done. Since then it has been smooth sailing. It's still a work in progress. I guess you could say I am a recovering TMS practitioner. But I thank you for the frankness of the steps on this web site. It has done wonders for my self-esteem and hopefully for my sex life!
A: Good luck, Scott. You might join the Yahoo support group and converse with others at your stage in getting cured.
11/16/04
I have just read your article and realize that for the past 9 years I have been a sufferer of TMS. I have noticed over the past year or so I have problems maintaining an erection. I have stopped TMS but the blood flow is not enough. What can I do to speed up the process and be cured faster? (age 20)
A: The cure goes better if you are patient. You will not notice a sudden powerful erection. But one day you will realize that your erections have gotten better over a period of time.
11/25/04
I was shocked to learn about TMS, something which I know nothing about. I learned to use TMS as a young teen but changed to the more normal style around 15 which involved lying on my side. I can occasionally experience delayed orgasm, especially with a new parter, although this has subsided over the years. Some sexual positions, however, don't do much for me. I plan to follow your abstinence program and fully adopt a supine position to hopefully cure myself 100%. It is a shame that information on the subject is not more readily available, obviously due to it being a taboo, despite the fact it affects so many people.
11/25/04
I thought something was wrong with me so I typed 'can only masturbate by rubbing' into a search engine and came up with this. I almost only ever masturbated prone style for 20 years, and have known it wasn't the right way but never felt the need to change. However, it has massively affected my sex life and I can only get hard by thrusting against my partner's body and if I act quickly enough, it stays hard enough for me to penetrate her. However, when she gives me oral or hand relief, the only time it gets or stays hard is with friction style rubbing. If I abstain from TMS, am I going to be able to have proper oral sex? I don't recall ever having one and this really concerns me. Consequently, this has created a psychological barrier in the bedroom and all this time it was because of prone masturbation. Am I honestly going to be able to get oral and hand relief from my partner if I totally abstain? Also, my other concern is losing my erection, is this going to happen less or should I look at taking something to improve my erectile dysfunction or is all related to the TMS and should cure itself. This site is brilliant. Thanks for all your help. (age 31)
A: Yes, males who are cured find they are able to orgasm through oral and manual intercourse. Your erections should get better too.
11/26/04
I have stopped TMS, but I prefer to sleep on my stomach, and sometimes I thrust into the bed while sleeping. I wake up with a very firm erection, which sometimes lasts 30 or 40 minutes. Usually I do not masturbate on these occasions unless I really have a really strong urge (when I do, I turn over on my stomach to do it). When I masturbate on other occasions (before sleeping), I do so on my back and with an erection, but these are usually not as firm and long lasting as the ones in get while sleeping on my stomach. My questions: is there anything I can do to stop thrusting into the bed while sleeping? Why are the erections I get in my sleep firmer and more long lasting than the ones I get when consciously trying to masturbate? Is this something I can change? (age 31)
A: The erections are probably no different. It's apt to be in your head. Wearing more clothes to bed is apt to inhibit sleep masturbation. You cannot claim to have stopped TMS until you stop masturbating on your stomach.
11/27/04
I have been a TMS sufferer for 15 years but have still been able to enjoy a regular sex life albeit that most of the time I need to rub to stay hard. I don't anticipate any problems giving up the prone method and I abstained for 4 days before I tried it the normal way. In the following week I have tried three times and can bring myself to ejaculation in 5 to 10 minutes but I can only get a semi-erection at best. I do miss the thrusting into a bed that gave me a hard erection. How can I get an erection like previously? (age 29)
A: Your erections will not be instantly better when you quit TMS. Look for them to get better over a couple of months.
11/30/04
I have been a chronic TMS sufferer for many years and feel sure that this has affected my love life to the point where I struggle to maintain (getting is no problem) an erection and both hand and oral relief do nothing for me.
I have started to try the normal way but am really worried in the bedroom as I have yet to get a full erection this way. Is there anything that can cure me properly and not just for short term fixes, so that once I get an erection, I can maintain it even through oral. I should add that almost all the time I can maintain an erection through penetration, whichever position but I suspect this is because of the thrusting motion. (age 33)
A: Your erections will get better as you move away from TMS. It's important to only attempt activities leading to orgasm (intercourse, masturbation) when you have an erection.
11/30/04
Thank you. I never knew, but now that I think about it, I can see how TMS, which I have used since junior high (maybe even sooner) has affected my love life with my wife and can even be responsible for the loss of my marriage. (age 36)
A: Perhaps you can get cured and then try "sex with your ex."
12/10/04
I'm amazed at how textbook I seem to be for what you describe. I've been masturbating since about 14 or 15, and it was always in the prone position. It wasn't until I was about 27 that I did it with my hand lying on my back at all, and that was pretty problematic at that point. I have only had sexual intercourse with one woman in my life, though I have done lesser sexual things with several more. The intercourse was when I was 19. I would have erections until my pants came off, and would often lose it. Eventually, I was able to maintain erections while nude, and had sex with her in missionary and doggie style. After we broke up, it was several years before I had other chances, but then, though I severely desired sex and masturbated on a regular basis, I was unable to achieve full erections when actually in those situations. I dismissed it to nerves and guilty feelings. But the masturbating continued.
Recently, I've started taking an amino acid supplement, which has given me often FEROCIOUS erections during the night. It was in response to fears about my powers fading (I have just turned 36). But masturbation has become more difficult. And erections in response to the attention of a beautiful woman, still problematic. I long to have an intimate sex life again, and have the opportunity to do just that with a beautiful woman. And such a woman has presented herself. I'm physically fit, never smoked, little alcohol, no drugs and adore women. I'm way too young and too healthy to be suffering from such difficulties. But your description of that scenario has offered me hope.
A: If you quit TMS altogether, I think your erections would get stronger soon.
12/29/04
I have been practicing TMS for 16 years now and it is very difficult for me to stop masturbating for even 1 day. Last year after having my 3rd TMS style masturbation in the day, I felt a severe pain in my left testicle which subsided after some time. I thought it was because of mastubating too much, so I cut down on masturbation to only 1 per day. But I felt loss of sensation in the left part of my penis and it seemed I could not feel the left part of my penis during erection and ejaculation. Also, I stopped having full and hard erections as I used to have previously. I can ejaculate only by rubbing the lower of my penis against the bed. I don't know how to quit this style of masturbation. Are there any drugs available which can cure me of this disease? (age 29)
A: You ought to see a urologist to rule out a physical problem with your penis. As for quitting TMS, the cure is abstinence and learning to masturbate the conventional way. The program on this site has helped hundreds, if not thousands of men, quit TMS and become sexually successful.
1/1/05
Just read your article and am really nervous about this. I have had TMS for 32 years. Hope it helps because it has ruined my sex life totally. Does the orgasm just happen? How does one get into that habit from the start? Thanks so much for your information. (age 45)
A: More than 90 percent of males just learn to masturbate the normal way on their own. (That's why it's the normal way.) You can learn it even at your age. Better sexual days are ahead. Good luck.
1/3/05
I have abstained from the prone method for over 6 weeks now and am doing pretty well. However, I don't always get a hard erection and also sometimes I thrust my hand down my penis, which I find is more effective. Is this as bad as rubbing prone or can I do this from time to time? (age 30)
A: I don't know what you mean by thrusting your hand down your penis. What you do with your hand is OK, but avoid thrusting your penis, since that's an element of the TMS which you are trying to move beyond.
1/4/05
My friend, I owe you debt of gratitude. I used to suffer from TMS and because of your site, single-handedly, I have learned to masturbate normally. It has been about about 2 years since I have masturbated prone and I have had sex with several partners, but still have not been able to ejaculate during intercourse or by receiving oral sex. Like you indicate, probably because of the trauma inflicted on the base of the penis, there is little to no pleasurable stimulation. I think it has gotten a little bit better over time, but that may just be placebo. I meditate, and have good will power and mental control, but, aside from the positive result of less mess, I'd like to be able to achieve orgasm during regular sexual intercourse at some point. Any suggestions/advice would be greatly appreciated. Also, I do have trouble maintaining an erection for more than about five or ten minutes, but it does come back up after a while. However, my alcohol consumption, I'm guessing, may be part of that problem. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks again for providing a very enlightening and life-changing service. (age 24)
A: Congratulations on learning to masturbate single-handedly. After two years -- no, two months -- without TMS, you should be able to orgasm in intercourse. Try abstaining from masturbation for 5-7 days before an expected sexual encounter. Alcohol does interfere with erections. Try to lay off that too for 12-24 hours before.
1/5/05
I had been a TMS user for numerous years. I tried giving it up for the normal way, but I had no success doing this. I simply got no satisfaction, even after abstaining from the TMS method for a couple of weeks. Then, I realized that it felt especially good when my girlfriend spit in her hand before attempting to give me a hand job. So, I used K-Y Jelly as a lubricant, and it worked like a charm. Used it numerous times in the past 2 days, and am loving it. Thanks for all the help, and for helping to avoid serious problems in the future. (age 18)
1/9/05
I'm male and suffer from TMS. I don't get horny often and therefore when I do, I do it against the bed when I masturbate. (age 23)
A: You ought to follow the advice on the main page regarding abstinence and learning the conventional way to masturbate. If you don't get horny often, it ought to be fairly easy to abstain.
1/12/05
I was a victim of TMS for more than 6 years since I started masturbating when I was 12. Now I have given it up and I can masturbate normally. I think my penis is slightly crooked downward. I get embarrassed about it. I also have big testes. What should I do? (age 19)
A: It's good that you've quit TMS. What you describe anatomically is probably considered normal, and you should accept it and not feel embarrassed about it.
1/12/05
What is the average time to be cured? (age 22)
A: Most males can give up TMS in 1-2 weeks and notice a difference in their erections in 3 weeks or so. Younger guys seem to get cured faster.
1/12/05
On November 11, 2004, I found out about your site. I was the victim of TMS. I never knew so, until I found your site. I've been in a serious relationship for 6 years. I could never orgasm during intercourse. I never could masterbate like they do in the movies. Before turning 25 at the start of this year, I determined to stop TMS, and try the normal way. This started on Dec. 1, 2004. On January 3, something happened. I'm a happy man. Glad to announce I can masturbate normally. I just can't wait to see where this takes my relationship now. I agree it takes a little more mental focus than TMS, but I'm happy with that. The orgasm seems the same if not better.
What a nice story! Continued success to you.
1/13/05
I am 28 and have been a TMS practitioner since I was about 8. That is when I first discovered masturbation and began to use the face down method, and rubbing my penis between my leg and the mattress. I have never managed to masturbate in the usual way and have never felt much sensation when having sex with a woman. It has always frustrated me as I consider myself to have a very high sex drive.
I don't have much trouble picking up women, and I still go out and pick up women and take them home even though I know that I won't be having sex with them. What normally happens is I engage in a long period of foreplay and when they've had enough, I make an excuse such as I'm tired or too drunk. Then they go away feeling disappointed and paranoid that it's something to do with them. My last girlfriend happened to be a pole dancer in a strip club, and when I told her one night, she decided to do a long show for me in her apartment to get me aroused, but I felt a lot was expected of me because of the effort she was going to and when it came to sex I lost my erection because of the anxiety. Normally I can get a hard long-lasting erection. She then flew into a rage and said that I wasn't a real man and she hadn't had this problem with a guy before, and proceeded to kick me out of her apartment and dump me! Then I decided to do something about this.
I had looked in medical books and men's health books before but never found anything relevant to what I was suffering from. But then I stumbled across this site a couple of days ago and was overjoyed to see the same problem I have. I was ecstatic!! I realized I wasn't the only one! I haven't masturbated since Wednesday, but now it's Friday and I have the weekend to contend with, because I usually have a lot of time on my hands and masturbate frequently. I will have to keep very busy and try not to think about sex and only go to bed when very tired so I don't get restless in bed and decide to roll onto my front. I think I'm strong enough to make it to day 7, and in the meantime I'm going to stock up on the K-Y Jelly, Viagra, Kleenex, and a special DVD, and hopefully I will soon be cured.
I'm currently single after being dumped by that girl, but in a month's time I'm going to find a nice, understanding, patient girl and hopefully I will have sex with her. I think it's fantastic what you're doing. You have already made a profound difference to many lives already! It's great that you brought this taboo subject out into the open. God bless you! (age 28)
A: Good luck to you. Just concentrate on beating the prone masturbation and learning regular masturbation and don't try pursuing a woman until you've been successful at supine masturbation for a month.
1/29/05
Follow-up: I have reached the 7 days abstaining period, and have tried to masturbate with the supine method, but have failed to reach orgasm, even though I notice more sensitivity. I tried for almost an hour. would you advise trying again tonight or giving it a couple of days?
A: I think you can try again tonight. Make a point of being relaxed, and don't worry so much about having an orgasm. Have some helpful visual aids within view.
2/2/05
Follow-up: I'm glad to report that yesterday, 2 days after my first attempt at normal mastubation, I'm cured!!. Last night I cheated slightly. I was almost to the point of ejaculation but couldn't quite manage it, so I used TMS for like 5 seconds, then finished myself in the conventional method. And today I have succesfully ejaculated using the conventional method 3 times! I'm over the moon! Thanks so much! I'm so glad I found this site!!
A: You should be more cautious about declaring yourself cured when you admit you cheated. I also think three times in one day is too much so early in your recovery. Perhaps try making progress slowly.
2/5/05
Follow-up: I'm glad to report I am now cured of TMS and masturbate in the normal way, and about 3 months ago I managed to ejaculate during sex for the first time which was great, and things have been good ever since. Sometimes It takes me a while to ejaculate, but I put that down to playing with myself too much! I have to admit though sometimes I start masturbating prone VERY gently and for a very short time before I masturbate using the conventional method; it just feels more like you're on top of a woman, and so far it hasn't caused me any problems. I'm so thankful that this site has come about. I kind of wish this information had been around 10 years ago though! I hope many more people suffering from TMS come across this site.
A: Congratulations, but perhaps your occasional troubles stem from your occasional TMS.
6/20/06
I masturbated prone from 13 to 19. I worry that it might create problems. However, I am able to masturbate normally and have a normal sex life. Is it already too late for me to do anything, and that will I develop TMS? (age 21)
You were cured of TMS two years ago and now have a normal masturbation life and a normal sex life. Congratulations!
1/31/05
I had always masturbated in the prone position but recently was made aware of TMS and the damage it can cause. I am able to reach orgasm through normal masturbation, however, when I'm with my partner it is much harder. What does this mean? If I have caused damage, how do I fix it? (age 20)
A: You need to give up prone masturbation for good, and then just work on using less force in normal masturbation. You should start feeling better with your partner as you progress. Joining the online support group is apt to provide a barometer for how you're doing.
2/14/05
I first discovered masturbation at 12, and have done it at least once a day ever since. At first I started off the conventional way, but then I started masturbating in prone positions and remained that way until recently when I came upon your awesome site and your articles on TMS. Recently, I find that while I masturbate, I start off the normal way, then roll from one side to the other. Sometimes I find myself snapping back to the prone postion for a few seconds. If there any way to stop this? I always masturbate in bed, usually cumming into my sheets when I finish. Lately, I find that I don't like to stroke myself with my bare hand. I usually do it with a bedsheet or the comforter. Though I am attracted to females, I find myself having a lot of homosexual fantasies too. (age 19)
A: When you quit masturbating prone, you have to make it all the way. That means no flipping over to finish masturbating in the prone position, even for a few seconds. It's important to stroke with your bare hand. Stroking with sheet or comforter is just substituting another defective form of masturbation for TMS. You can use a condom while you're getting used to it. Perhaps your fantasies mean you are bisexual. Time will tell.
2/16/05
Follow-up: I have been following your program since my last comment. Last night was the first time I ever had an orgasm using my hands after I slept on my side for two nights in a row but now I have a problem. I think you said somewhere on this site that some people have stronger orgasms doing it TMS style but I think that in my case is the extreme opposite in after last night I can? even imagine doing it the old way (and I? just like to THANK YOU!!!!!). The best way to describe the difference is that before I only felt in the head when I came whereas now I feel it in my entire penis and it seems to last about twice as long. I know I already said it but THANK YOU, because of your site I? never going back to TMS again! The problem is I don? think I can wait through another night, let alone five days before I try it again and throughout the day I?e had an intense desire to try again, and at one point it got to the point that I caught myself talking to my penis in an attempt to calm it down. Will trying to masturbate again hurt me in the long run?
A: I think it is OK if you wait less than five days. Good luck. It's better if someone catches you playing with your penis than talking to it.
3/3/05
I'm a 19 year old virgin and I recently learned that I have TMS. I learned how to masturbate using a pillow when I was like 14. I find it uncomfortable to lie on my back. Is there any way to masturbate the conventional way other than on my back, like sitting, standing, or something else? Is it odd to be 19 years old and never had girlfriend or ever done anything sexual with anyone?
A: It's best to learn to masturbate on your back, and once you've done that, it's perfectly OK to do it sitting or standing. A lot of guys your age are as inexperienced as you. Now's a good time to be more active socially.
2/20/05
Has TMS ruined me forever, even if I follow the improvement steps you have guided me with? (age 22)
A: I doubt it. I hear about a lot of men who are cured and never have trouble again.
3/1/05
There is not much about men who can't ejaculate and either sex or masturbation take too long. That's my case. Can you help me? I take an hour to reach orgasm. (age 42)
A: Anorgasmia is the main problem in men with TMS. You might consider joining the support group on Yahoo. I don't know of any anorgasmia support groups for men who don't have TMS.
3/1/05
I have overcome TMS and I can now masturbate easily using the normal way either lying on my back or on my side, but I haven't managed it yet sitting or standing. Is there any reason for this? (age 28)
A: You're probably trying too hard. Try a different position sometime when you're really aroused and you might find the position easier to learn.
3/5/05
Thank you for your interesting and informative site. I am a 36 year old married uncircumscised male. When I read the findings about prone masturbation leading to anorgasmia, I started playing with the idea of using a variation of thrusting to decrease sensitivity to the penis. Maybe thrusting into very soft objects with less pressure while not lying face down, with the entire body weight against the penis, or using the palm to apply pressure to the base while sitting at the edge of a chair or a towel the (possibilities are many) could lead to a less sensitive penis that can take lots of friction for long periods from the vagina. This is important to me as my partner likes vigorous thrusting for long periods. Also, I practice semen retention and find being able to satisfy a woman completely without ejaculating very important, adding to my masculine self esteem.
A: My solution is to eliminate TMS altogether. There is no value to "semen retention." Many men satisfy their partners before they begin thrusting so that is not an issue.
3/9/05
I've read your views on TMS, and how it can cause male sexual dysfunction. I recognized my own problems when I was younger, when I became intimate with the opposite sex. Thankfully, this problem is not beyond fixing. I simply changed the manner in which I masturbated; something I hit on by my own experiences. I question though if masturbating in a prone position will cause the same problem in women. My wife lies on her stomach and humps her pillow every day, prior to sex, and never once has she had any problem achieving orgasm. (age 38)
A: Good for you on quitting, and congratulations on having sex every day! I think you point out the problem with female prone masturbation by your example, because your wife should not have to hump her pillow before sex in order to have an orgasm.
3/17/05
I have been carrying out the TMS method for about 5 years and had no idea it was dangerous. I had no problems before; however, I have stopped for last 2 months and can practice the normal way to ejaculation. I am worried as I cannot get or maintain an erection with physical stimulation, unlike before where simply thoughts were enough. Will I get my erection back as before? I am so worried. (age 20)
A: I think it's in your head. Now that you've quit TMS, your erections ought to be better than they were before. Don't worry about it.
4/15/05
Thanks for your site! I had been masturbating the wrong way for over 14 years! I am 25 now. I tried for weeks to stop masturbating the wrong way. But I kept going back. The way I finally did it was to not masturbate for 4-5 days and then get myself really aroused, so an orgasm was inevitable. I lasted much longer and had a much better orgasm! I have been off the TMS way for 2 months now and can't even think of going back. I feel very lucky for having seen your web site!
4/16/05
When I first found this site, I was skeptical. I'd never heard my condition referred to as TMS and I didn't believe I could cure myself. After abstaining for 7 days, I loaded some porn and began to attempt normal masturbation. After 30 minutes, I succeeded for the first time in my life! Since then it's taken less time and I'm really enjoying it. The orgasms are better, and I've started to watch myself ejaculate too, and I feel no need to resume humping the pillow!! I'd just like to say thanks for the help and to skeptics out there, IT DOES WORK!! (age 20)
A: Thanks for writing! I like to know that my site is helping people.
4/19/05
First, thank you for your site, just thanks. I cannot express how great it is that you have that information out. I have been engaging in TMS since I was 16. I am 24 now. I had my first sexual experience 2 weeks ago, and I am undergoing a lot of changes. I was over 300 lbs since the age of 18, and now I am 220 lbs. I always knew TMS was wrong, but it took me 20 minutes to ejaculate the other week, and I knew something was wrong. Luckily I found your site.
So, here's the question. I am, starting today, quitting TMS, but I tried to "test" myself and try to masturbate with my hand tonight, on my back. It took about 4 minutes to get to the point of climax, but I could not finish it off, and ejaculation never happened. Am I really far off from recovery? I will try again next week, but is getting that close, and not being able to finish typical of a person who has been doing TMS for as long as me?
A: It's very good if you were close to orgasm without abstaining for days first. That's a good sign. Eight years of TMS is a lot less than some other practitioners, including me, experienced before getting cured.
4/22/05
I wish to thank you so very much for this article on TMS. I am 40 years old and up until a few years ago, I masturbated almost exclusively in this manner. I no longer masturbate prone and have switched over to conventional masturbation after reading your article. For the most part, I now only masturbate conventionally. I have consistently had problems with intercourse, oral sex, and even with another person stimulating me and I always thought this was due to performance anxiety. Things would improve slightly (such as achieving orgasm during intercourse), but I could never enjoy receiving oral sex or being stimulated by my partner's hand to orgasm. Your article really opened my eyes and explains a lot, and I can't tell you how grateful I am for finding it. I'm going to bookmark this page and return to it as I need to. I'm glad to know that I have overcome these problems and now have a clear understanding of what is behind them.
A: Great! Thanks for sharing your success with us.
4/28/05
TMS was a daily thing for me; however, a few months ago I lost my erections. I have stopped masturbating prone for 3 months but cannot get my erections back. I do not understand what is wrong with me when I am so young and have had no sexual encounters. (age 19)
A: I suggest seeing a doctor. TMS might not be your only problem. It would be good to rule other things out.
5/1/05
I have been cured of TMS and have now been masturbating the normal way for the past 3 months. However, I am still struggling with oral sex. It just does nothing for me and I seem to get no sensation to the point that I lose my erection. (age 31)
A: How are you coming with vaginal intercourse? It's best to take things one step at a time. As you get more habituated to normal masturbation, you will become more sensitized to things like oral sex. You shouldn't expect an overnight miracle after almost 20 years of masturbating prone.
5/4/05
I just read your web site on TMS and it seemed to explain a lot. What's funny is that I've been doing TMS-style stimulation ever since I was 2 or 3, by rubbing against the knuckles, and I didn't honestly realize it was a form of masturbation until the age of 16 when my penis, in a flaccid state, would produce semen. I suppose I always just assumed it was some strange sort of sexual stimulation or something of the sort. The odd thing is that I've always known how to masturbate conventionally (ever since age 13 or so) as well as several other ways I've experimented with in the past. After I started to produce ejaculate while using this technique, I became upset with the mess it produced and basically limited it only so I would be on the verge of coming without actually doing so. I'm 18 years old now, and only for a few months have I started to have problems maintaining an erection, with my penis often going limp after 10 minutes of masturbation. I've noticed a couple of things regarding this: The first is that this only seems to occur after I have used TMS-style masturbation the previous night. I'm 100% fine if I have only done it two days ago or more, and I can prolong the session with no trouble. The second thing I've noticed is that it affects my ability to maintain an erection based entirely on the amount of pressure I applied the previous night. If I actually do full-on TMS masturbation that involves coming and everything, with a dense amount of applied pressure, it makes masturbation virtually impossible the next day.
So I read your site after stumbling on it almost entirely by accident, which was very helpful. Thanks a ton for that. There are still a few things I'm curious about, however. The first thing is that before I knew what TMS was, I always was impressed by my own ability to stretch out a typical masturbation session into three hours (if I felt like it), and I'm worried that if I give up using TMS completely, I won't be able to do this any longer. I'm still a virgin, but I would like to know that I can more than adequately satisfy a woman when the time comes. I'm also uncircumcised, so that puts me at a disadvantage right there, y'know? The other thing is that I've gone several days at a time without using TMS method but I find it extremely irritating to do so, as it does, in fact, help me sleep at night.
My problem is that I think I may be addicted, which makes me want to quit it. I'm sure this is what you're going to suggest, as your web site does seem to advocate one form of masturbation with hardly any variation at all (I'm not sure if I even agree with that, because I've read of something called "the death grip" or whatever from a sex columnist, which supposedly is caused by only masturbating one way your whole life). Anyhow, after contemplating this quandary of mine, I have developed sort of a plan. Here it is: After going two or three months totally TMS-free and therefore proving that I have overcome any form of apparent addiction regarding this behavior, I would like to wean myself back into it but only sporadically, like say, once a week or less. That way, my ability to have sex won't be hindered to the point where I'm unable to come inside a woman, but hindered only in the sense that I'm able to last for a long period of time before coming. I'm not sure if exploiting TMS like that would actually give a person more self-control, but it seemed to do just that around a year or two ago. That's what's making me curious.
A: I don't advocate masturbating only the conventional way, but that is how one gets cured of TMS. Males who masturbate conventionally can stretch their sessions out for hours too. Once you are cured of TMS, you can use variations in how you masturbate (e.g., hand style, with or without lube, sitting, standing), only no prone positions. A lot of cured males "cheat" occasionally (i.e., masturbate prone), but I think cheating more than once a month means you are not cured. Men who are cured of TMS are a lot better at satisfying women (and themselves) than TMS males. Being uncircumcised doesn't make any difference. You are right about one thing: TMS is better at making one sleepy.
5/6/05
I read this web site a few months ago. I attempted to forgo TMS masturbation for a week, but I gave in after four days and tried to masturbate normally, failing. I then gave up and reverted to TMS. Today I tried to masturbate in the correct fashion using porn. For the first five minutes or so it was not at all stimulating. However, I got a condom and started masturbating again. It was far more stimulating (probably because I wasn't using lube before). It took me about 25-30 minutes and then, to my shock, I orgasmed and ejaculated. I hadn't prepared at all (in fact I masturbated this very morning using the TMS technique).
How should I proceed, given that I managed to achieve orgasm without the timetable on this site (I am definitely NOT going back to TMS). I am 18 years old and have a girlfriend. We haven't had sex yet but she has told me she wants to, and since we're both off to different universities in September and are going on holiday separately in the summer, my time frame is around two months. Please, please help, because I don't want to screw up.
A: I think you're doing OK. You can try again after two days, or possibly after only one if you think you can reach orgasm without trouble. I advise men for best results to wait until they've been masturbating daily for 30 days. I can understand if you would cut that short due to your travel plans.
5/8/05
I recently started dating a really great guy about 2 months ago. He is now my boyfriend and we've been getting closer. About 2 weeks ago, we were fooling around and I performed oral sex on him and he lost his erection. We were both embarrassed - I thought it was my fault. He then confessed and told me about his TMS. I didn't fully understand and still believed it was my fault. He was going to abstain from masturbating for 7 days (which is the next time we would see each other). However, he only lasted 5, but did it the conventional way. When we saw each other this past weekend, he couldn't keep his erection, and he couldn't even get hard for oral sex and my trying to arouse him with my hand didn't work. He was completely embarrassed. He sent me the link to HealthyStrokes to help me understand; it's a big help for me.
My question is since this is a new relationship and I've never experienced this before, will he ever be able to have a healthy sex life? This is rather important to me because I enjoy sex, enjoy pleasing my partner and don't want to end up with issues that I can't satisfy my man. How long before he's completely cured - able to have intercourse and oral sex and reach orgasm from them? I want to try to stick this problem out but at the same time, it's unfair to not have a sex life. It's a big part of a relationship. It's not everything, but it's important and without it, to me, it's just a friendship. I'm willing to be a little patient. He's worth it, but at the same time, I don't want to wait forever. (age 29)
A: I can't tell you there will be success by a particular date. It would probably help him greatly if you would leave him alone sexually until he's cured. I advise men not to do anything sexual until they've been masturbating conventionally daily for a month. Even so, when that month is up, there's apt to be a learning curve, and it will be a while before he's as responsive or as confident as other men. It's very important that you never call attention to his lack of erection or orgasms. He is self-conscious enough without your pointing those things out. Just enjoy yourself and whatever he can do. You might not even realize the point he starts behaving in bed like someone who never masturbated prone.
5/9/05
I was glad to find your site because it described my symptoms, and for the most part, the cause. I wanted to write to you because my method was slightly different, though the results were the same. I would masturbate daily in the prone position, but I did not thrust into anything. This will sound painful, but it was not. I would lay on my stomach, with my head at the head of the bed and bend my penis back so that it pointed to the foot of the bed, Urethra side up. I would then massage the urethra while pressing my penis against the bedding with the messaging hand. So this was not "traumatic" from a thrusting standpoint. It virtually made me unable to ejaculate any other way, no longer how long I tried.
Occasionally, I could ejaculate during sex after about an hour. Once my wife and I tried for two hours and we both gave up in unsatisfied exhaustion. I never had any erectile problems, except when I tried to masturbate the normal way. Then part way through I would lose the erection. This was because I had gotten used to the prone way and the regular way did not provide enough stimulation. Incidentally, I started masturbating this way because I need a daily release and my wife is only up for 1-2 times a week. I prefer to do it in the morning. I came up with this method as a quiet way to do it and if she walked in on me she would just think I was asleep. I just went four days and was able to ejaculate in about 10 minutes. I'm going to go 3, then 2, then 1 for a few days before my wife and I resume having normal relations.
A: Good. A common belief in the sexology community is that any atypical masturbatory style is bad. This site focuses on prone masturbation (TMS) because it's the most popular atypical style (and of course the author used to have it too.) I suggest daily masturbation for a month before attempting sexual relations. You might also explain to your wife that masturbation is normal for men, especially when they don't have as much intercourse as they want.
5/10/05
I have masturbated in the prone position since my teens, and had terrible trouble maintaining an erection with my ex-girlfriend. This caused me great embarrassment, and as a result I shyed away from sexual relations for a long time. Recently I came to realize on my own that it was my method of masturbation that was causing me problems. Over the past few months I have purposefully set about learning to masturbate using the correct method. I now have as far as I can recognize, a fully functioning, normal penis. The sense of relief this has provided me with is immense. By accident I just happened to stumble across this website, and it has confirmed everything I have concluded over the past few months. I think its brilliant that you are educating people about this problem. Keep up the good work. I'll never masturbate in the prone position again. (age 22)
5/12/05
After reading this site, it became clear to me that I am experiencing symptoms of TMS, although my case may be unique. Throughout my adult life I have been aware of a definite symptom of delayed ejaculation. While having sex, I just go on and on even though I'm enjoying it. This has caused problems in every single relationship I have ever had. (I have even had a few relationships and never ejaculated once in her presence.) I find it easier to ejaculate during masturbation and I have been known to have 2 hours or longer masturbation sessions, struggling to come (but enjoying it immensely at the same time, of course). As your statistics confirm, I tend to prefer the sensation of masturbation to sex. The symptom has varied there have been occasions when I have come inside a woman in normal time (but this is very rare for me) or have come during masturbation in under 5 minutes (this is lightning speed for me). The time it takes appears to be random and not totally connected to how long it? been since I ejaculated last. But overall, the pattern of delayed orgasm has been pretty consistent, apart from the occasional normal duration.
I found your site particularly interesting because I have often done Internet searches for ?elayed/retarded ejaculation etc. but never found anything which seemed to fit my case until I came to your site. Realistically, I do not think I will ever be free of this symptom I am 40 and have been masturbating with my hand since I was 17. But I first started masturbating at 14. Between 14 and 17 I masturbated in a self-taught and highly unusual way. This is how I did it: I was not prone but the effect could have been similar I used to lie on my back but lift my legs up and down (legs bent) so that my penis would rub against my stomach I remember finding this process unbelievably arousing and the constant rubbing of my penis used to eventually end in ejaculation. I did this 3 or 4 times a week for 2 ? years and was only able to perform this because I was young, light, and fit but I always used the same method; it built up strong stomach muscles in the process. Then in 1983, for some reason, I changed over to using my hand, and enjoyed that, but after reading your site, I believe I am still experiencing the effect of TMS to this day due to my early bad conditioning.
A: I suggest you try masturbating only once or twice a week for a while, and focus on bringing yourself to orgasm within 10 minutes. You are apt to have greater sensitivity by abstaining for 4-7 days and feel the pressure of trying to come more quickly. Good luck.
5/14/05
I've been performing TMS as long as I can recall and am following your advice. What's the oldest age you've heard of someone curing TMS? Would use of drugs like Cialis be useful in getting stimulated enough to learn to masturbate the correct way? (age 36)
I can't recall the oldest person offhand, but I can think of some into their 40s and possibly one at 50. I was older than you myself when I was cured. The modern sex drugs are quite useful for maintaining an erection so you can focus on having an orgasm.
5/17/05
I have been masturbating since I was 4 or 5 years old in TMS fashion whereby I place my flaccid penis between my legs and thrust into my right hand while I'm lying on my left side. I am putting excessive pressure on my penis. I have never masturbated the normal way and now I can't have an orgasm while having sexual intercourse. I have been masturbating almost every day. I have tried the 7-day abstinence but still I cannot reach orgasm while masturbating the conventional way. How long do I have to abstain in order to masturbate the conventional way? Is there any hope left for me since I have been masturbating for the past 15 years in TMS style? The decrease of sensitivity in the middle of my penis doesn't get better. Please help. (age 20)
A: The seven day suggestion is only a guideline. Some males can masturbate supine after only one day and others take two weeks. It is important that you not give up easily. Try the new method only when you are in a proper mental state and have the necessary stimuli available that will help you get to orgasm. The second time will be much easier.
5/25/05
Thank you so much for the information on your site. I have been masturbating face down since before puberty. I knew that guys usually did it with their hand, but I never knew what a big problem it was. My problem is that when I masturbate face down, I do it without an erection, and so then when my girlfriend and I fool around, it doesn't feel good when she does anything to me when I have an erection. I've tried waiting a while, and then masturbating the normal way, and it feels pretty good. Sometimes semen comes out, but I never have the pleasure that I do when I masturbate the TMS way. Is there anything else I can do to cure it? Thanks again for making this site. Someone really needs to give you a medal or something.
A: You not only need to cure your habituation to TMS, but also your habituation to not having an erection. This means it will probably take longer for you to get cured than the typical TMS male. It's very important to only practice when you have an erection. Experimenting with lubes might make the transition easier.
5/29/05
I really enjoyed reading the info on your site. I knew that TMS was not a normal way to masturbate, but I didn't know that it caused so many problems. My question is regarding climax. I know that TMS causes lower levels of sensitivity. This has definitely been an issue in my sex life. I have only been able to orgasm in the missionary position. I have stayed away from TMS for over a year though, and I still have this problem. Is there any way to develop sensitivity again, or is it too late for me? I can't even orgasm from a hand job. Please help! (age 21)
A: After a year, you should be about the same as a male who never practiced TMS. You might try cutting the frequency of masturbation, especially when you know you'll be having sexual relations. You might also get a feeling for how your penis feels in masturbation after those days of abstinence.
6/2/05
I had this prone problem and I did not even know it was a problem until I found your web site. I have probably been doing this for a couple of years now, but after I found your site, I abstained for a week. Actually its a week today, but I abstained for 5 days and tried the conventional method when I reached the 5th day. It was more of a thrusting motion into my hand the first time I did it and I had much more ejaculate than when i used the prone position. I have done it two other times and it seems like I am using less of the thrusting motion, although in order to lose that, my pelvis sort of 'locks' forward almost like flexing my pelvis forward. But the two other times I didn't really use too much thrust motion, so I guess I am getting it down slowly but surely. One thing is I have been getting a little irritation. Should I use more lubrication, or should I be using any lubrication at all? I am 16 years old and probably used the prone way for a couple years now. Now that I have read your site, I won't use it at all.
A: Irritation is normal as you switch your method of masturbating. Lube is apt to help in the long run, but you might want to work around the irritation until you've gotten used to the new method, because interposing lube will change the feeling.
6/9/05
I would like to thank you for helping out people for such a problem which they might not have been aware of. My problem may sound weird. I am now 29 years old, and I am still a virgin. Since my boyhood I used to ejaculate (erect or half erect) on my bed against my blanket or bed, and I never felt the tendency to use hands for masturbation. I also go have wet dreams. Up to this point, I have never had any erection problem, but my erection occurs mostly under the blanket in a warm environment. Whenever I come out of warmness and try to masturbate by hand, I lose my erection.
Last year, I tried to have sex with a friend (not girlfriend) of mine on our second meeting, but I couldn't get an erection. After a couple of days, I was having erection, but she was not in a position to try sex with me for some other reasons. Another thing is whenever I try to masturbate using hands I don't get a very hard erection, and I hardly get an erection in a non-warm environment. Is it psychological?
My other problem is, before coming across your site, I tried to masturbate lying on my back on my bed and I got an erection (medium hard) but I couldn't ejaculate or couldn't reach orgasm. I also feel that the skin of my penis feels a lack of smoothness from my hands. It feels kind of an unknown hard hand rubbing my penis. Should I use any lubricant to make my hands smooth? If so, which is the best? The liquid that comes out during wet dreams that is white but when I get a spontaneous erection, one kind of watery clear liquid comes out of my penis. Some say that the watery liquid is the first stage before getting the semen out. If that is correct, then I am getting semen out during wet dreams but watery and a little bit sticky liquid during spontaneous erections. So, what do you think could be wrong with me?
A: Your problem is TMS, which I strongly advise quitting. You've conditioned yourself to only get erections in certain settings. It would be helpful to only work on one problem at a time. Since you will need to be able to masturbate by hand (which generally means outside of bed covers), I suggest getting used to having erections at room temperature first. Then work at masturbating by hand. Your description of your penile emissions is consistent with normal sexuality. The product of masturbation and wet dreams is whole semen, which comes out white, while an erection which does not lead to orgasm will produce only a few drops of pre-ejaculate (if anything), which is clear. I don't recommend using lube as you go through this transition, since it might decrease the feeling you're having and make it harder for you to masturbate with your hand. On the other hand, wearing a condom might increase the feeling and make it easier. In either case, I suggest abstaining for a full five to seven days before attempting manual masturbation.
6/16/05
Follow-up: Thanks for your valuable suggestions. Considering my above-mentioned condition, I would like to know whether or not I will try to get an erection after 5 or 7 days or if I can just try to have an erection now and try to musterbate manually after 5 to 7 days.
A: I suggest working on getting erections at room temperature, and once you are accustomed to doing that, to go through the abstinence program to quit TMS.
6/19/05
I found out about TMS just today. I had been doing TMS for years, ever since I was 13. It's been enjoyable, and from time to time, I would alternate and go manually while standing up or sitting down. What was apparent to me was that in both cases, I could get an erection and orgasm. The other day I had sexual intercourse for the first time with my partner, but I had trouble maintaining an erection. I hadn't orgasmed, but was struggling with the erection. I penetrated her a bit, but could not use my full potential. Afterward I came online to do research, and to my surprise found out about TMS. I am worried and slightly scared. But from what I've read, a lot of it was directed toward those who have never masturbated in other ways. I was just curious to know if my situation was any different. I can orgasm when masturbating manually, but from time to time it takes a while. It usually ranges from 5-20 minutes. I don't wish to suffer from erectile difficulties or delayed ejaculation. I want to maintain a proper erection and be able to orgasm naturally when with my partner. My partner has given me oral sex, and i've had an erection then. I am terribly worried and as of now, I am abstaining for a week's time. Just curious to know if I still need to abstain since I can already masturbate supine. (age 19)
A: I think you have less to worry about than someone who has never masturbated in the conventional manner. There is no need to abstain since you already know how to masturbate conventionally. Just make a point not to masturbate prone, and after a month, you can resume intercourse. Let us know if you notice a difference in your erections and your orgasmic response.
6/17/05
Is masturbation against the floor the worst method of TMS? It's the only way I have learned and now I am worried I may have problems. (age 16)
A: I don't know that males who masturbate against the floor have more problems than those who masturbate against softer objects. You can unlearn TMS now and be completely cured before you ever have to have sex with a partner.
6/24/05
Hi, I am 15 year old male and I have been masturbating prone for 3 years. I've tried many times to stop doing it this way, I do it about 5 times a day, But I always go back to masturbating on my stomach. How do I stop masturbating prone forever?
A: You just have to work up the will power to stop. Guys your age have the easiest time quitting. The method on the main page has worked for hundreds. Joining the Yahoo! support group might also help.
6/26/05
I have been doing TMS around the age of 8-9. (Yes, it's young, but I saw something on HBO that made me mimic and we'll leave it at that). I found this site 4 days ago and have stopped for 4 days now. It's been hard but I'm dealing fairly well. I'm trying the traditional way and have yet to reach orgasm. The good news is it's becoming more and more sensitive to touch and I get closer and closer each time. I hope within a few weeks time it'll be much easier to get up and orgasm. I thank you for this informative web site and I hope my signs point to progress. (age 17)
7/5/05
Your info on TMS is very well documented, but I'm having trouble believing it nonetheless. I used to masturbate face down most times when I was young. Now I do it occasionally. I've found only two problems with prone masturbation: an occasional irritation on my penis and the issue of staining the bedding. Otherwise I'm fine, and I've rarely had trouble with intercourse or fellatio. The few times I have, I think it was because I had ejaculated too recently. Today my wife and I had intercourse twice in about a half hour, and I had great orgasms both times. I would like to last longer, but my wife has a diagnosed and basically untreatable ailment that often causes intercourse to be somewhat painful, especially when it takes too long. Yet you insist that TMS is a serious problem, an abnormal condition, a syndrome. Maybe it's just a bad idea for some males.
A: 61 percent of males who masturbate prone report already having one or more serious sexual dysfunctions. That is much higher than the one third of smokers who will die from it. Would you say that smoking is only a bad idea for some smokers?
7/13/05
Having stumbled across a link to your site on the Howard Stern show web-page (where it was listed as "Masturbation 101" or some such) I thought it was going to be a joke. I must say I was quite surprised that it was entirely serious, informative and most significantly, focused on something which until now, I had thought was unique to my own situation.
I am in my 40's and have been masturbating prone since I was a kid. I don't remember exactly how I started but I also don't remember ever having done it any other way. The few times I've ever tried (mostly out of curiosity) rarely met with success. So while much of what I read on your site was surprisingly dead-on in terms of how it related to me, I must also acknowledge that there are several aspects in which my experiences have differed significantly from nearly every other person who has posted a reply here.
I'm a bit hesitant to get into this because some of it is going to come off sounding like I'm merely a wishful-thinking braggart, but since I am posting anonymously I have nothing to gain by making any of this up, so here goes....
Many of the negative effects of long-term prone masturbation that you and others here have described, would also fit me to a tee. I am completely unable to achieve an orgasm as a result of felatio. I am also unable to orgasm in most any sort of "adventurous" sexual positions such as "woman on top," "dog style," standing, sideways, etc. Nor can I orgasm from having a woman use her hands to manually stimulate me. I'd have to agree with you that decades of "incorrect masturbation" have deadened all the nerve sensations in the tip and shaft of my penis and focused them entirely on the base.
Up to that point my case history matches the profile you describe. However, I have found that not all of the effects are entirely negative though. Indeed a few have even turned out to be quite beneficial in certain ways. I have discovered that I can have extremely satisfying orgasms in a variation of the "missionary" position. The woman can be either face up or face down (though the latter seems to often work best) but the key is that she must have her legs closed together and my legs spread apart to either side of hers. This position enables the base of my penis to rub against her thighs in much the same way it rubs against the mattress when I am masturbating prone. The intensity of the resulting orgasms is almost always extraordinary. I would certainly suggest that anyone reading this who has been unable to orgasm during sex as a result of TMS should try this method for themselves to see how it works.
More to the point though, this inability to orgasm in any other positions has led to me being able to maintain an erection during sex for an unusually long period of time as long as I am in any positions other than the one described. When I was younger and in better shape, two hours of non-stop intercourse was not uncommon. Nowadays although the erection can still last that long, my arms and legs get too tired to keep up that pace. Needless to say, most of the women I have dated have been extremely pleased, though a few have found it to be a bit much. On the downside, most of these same women have been baffled (and sometimes hurt) that they could not orally or manually bring me to orgasm, despite even prodigious efforts.
On balance, after reading your article, I would not recommend anyone make a habit of masturbating prone. I'm also concerned that some of the more drastic consequences you've mentioned such as actual physical damage to the penis might occur at any time. However, since some of what I have experienced has differed so markedly from the rest of what I've read here, I though it would be worthwhile to note it here and see if anyone else can report anything similar.
7/14/05
This was the problem I was looking for an answer. I have been doing this for more than 15 years but in last 5 years I have noticed that I cannot maintain erections and face soft erection problems as well. Could you please tell me that if I quit TMS, will it be helpful in solving my erection problems because I was thinking to go for Viagra. (age 28)
A: Many men, including me, were a lot older than you when they quit TMS. Why not try that before resorting to drug therapy?
7/18/05
I read your article on TMS. I have been doing it for nearly 10 years now. I can do reqular masturbation with no problems. I am afraid that I may have damaged organs? Also, does too much heat to the testicles leave me infertile? After reading your article, I am gonna stick to conventional way! Thanks for the information you have provided.
A: Don't worry about damaged organs. Too much heat kills the sperm that are in the testicles at a particular moment but does not have a long-term effect on fertility. Just try to keep the testicles away from heat (e.g., whirlpools) while trying to conceive.
7/19/05
I've been practicing TMS since a very early age and am now 16. I used to masturbate with a practically flacid penis against hard objects. Eventually I moved on to an erect penis against my bed and pillow. However, I have had erectile dysfunction for some time and have been attemping to stop TMS for two years. I don't get boners frequently and I cannot masturbate in the normal fashion. I haven't done TMS in over two months but had a close call tonight (I started to then I stopped myself). Is there any hope for me or anything I can do? Please help me.
A: You might see a doctor to rule out a physical problem that might be keeping you from getting erections. In the meantime, study the cure approach I recommend on this web site. Good luck.
7/31/05
YESSSS, I LUV THIS SITE, THANKS SO MUCH! TWO YEARS AGO I FOUND ABOUT TMS, AND I HAD TROUBLE MASTURBATING THE RIGHT WAY BUT I LEARNED IT ALL BECAUSE OF THIS SITE! THIS SITE CHANGED MY SEX LIFE! HOW WOULD I HAVE BEEN IF I STILL MASTURBATED THAT WAY? GOD PLEASE BLESS YOU! I STILL HAD A HABIT OF PRONE, BUT SINCE THIS NEW YEARS I NEVER DID, I LET GO PERMANENTLY. IT'S LIKE A PAST THING. I'M LUVVVIN IT. (age 18)
8/1/05
I am 14 and have been masturbating TMS style for 1 1/2 years and I am going to stop this. Will this hurt my sexual life in the future if I stop now and do it correctly?
A: I think you will be perfectly normal if you quit TMS at your age. Good luck.
8/4/05
Thank you so much for this site. Have been practicing TMS since puberty and to be honest, knew no better. Have always backed off from relationships due to my inability to perform. It is a problem that affects all parts of my life because you can't tell anyone the reasons for your introversion. After stopping for a week, as you suggested, I tried the normal fashion, but it took until the end of the 3rd week to get a result. I find it's far more sensitive around the neck of the penis but I guess in time, the rest will become more sensitive. For many years I thought this was a problem that I alone had, but thank you so much for the explanation and reassurance. (age 25)
A: Congratulations on being persistent and keeping up the abstinence program until you got it right. Good luck!
8/4/05
I used to be a TMS practitioner. I have been cured for over 5 months yet I still have not managed to regain my erection only by physical stimulation. I have seen a urologist and everything came back fine. I have been told it's because I have no confidence. I want to get my erections back like I used to have. I never wake up hard anymore. Could TMS have damaged me internally? (age 19)
A: I've never heard of anyone being damaged internally. If the urologist says everything's fine, then you should stop worrying and have nice, hard erections. Most males stop waking up with erections at about your age.
8/10/05
Can TMS lead to venous leakage injury?
A: I've never heard of that.
8/13/05
Greetings. I used to masturbate TMS style for 10 years once a day. Now I use another quite similar technique. I take my underwear off then lie lengthwise prone on the edge of the bed with one leg on the bed and the other kneeling on the floor. I support my upper body with my arms then thrust my erect penis forward and backward on the edge of the bedside. I can easily regulate the weight on the penis and can rub a little bit slantways, which stimulates the frenulum and foreskin in different directions. It is so enjoyable that I don't know any kind of masturbation more pleasurable. Is that method as harmful as TMS? (age 22)
A: Absolutely it is. You are masturbating by thrusting, and you're putting a lot of weight on the penis.
8/18/05
Can TMS lead to damage of veins or blood vessels?
A: I have never heard of that happening.
8/23/05
I masturbated the TMS way for four years but I have quit. I feel depressed because I think I have destroyed my penis. (age 15)
A: Don't be feeling that way. You quit at age 15. Most guys are much older when they quit, and they manage to have normal sex lives. In a few months, you might not even remember clearly what TMS masturbation was like.
8/24/05
I am 17 years old and have been using the TMS method ever since I was quite young. When I came across your web site, I was shocked to realize that I wasn't the only one who masturbated this way, and I was even more shocked that it was a problem. I decided I had to stop using the TMS method and use the conventional way. So I abstained for a whole week, and tried to masturbate using the correct method. This did nothing for me at all, I couldn't reach orgasm or ejaculate. I tried again the next day and the same thing happened. I was crushed. I thought I could overcome this.
I have no problem with getting an erection and keeping one, or even ejaculating with the TMS method. I am worried as to what I should do. Can you give me some advice?
A: You seem way too worried about this for 17. Just be very relaxed when you try to masturbate conventionally, and try to have things around that make you aroused and comfortable. Just relax and enjoy masturbating and soon you will reach orgasm. Then it will be a lot easier.
9/2/05
Ever since I was 11 I have been practicing TMS as I would now phrase it. I first discovered masturbation in bed with the use of pillows, and naturally at the time I didn't think anything of it because I wasn't educated at all in sexuality. I can't say for sure when I came to realize that I did not masturbate the "normal" way, but a year or two after my initial discovery, I knew the "normal" way of doing it. I tried it and decided that I would just stick to my old method (I could never come to a climax in conventional masturbation). I had no knowledge of the drawbacks in masturbating face down. I came to this site and learned about TMS and decided to abstain for a week and then see if I could do it the normal way. I was able to achieve pleasure but could never come to a full climax. I ended up in a brief stage of denial and decided that since there wasn't much information or credibility elsewhere on this matter that maybe doing it face down realy wasn't that bad. The thoughts were always there in the back of my mind though and eventually I came back to this site and did some more reading. I decided to start abstaining again. This is my 4th day and I have just masturbated successfully.
I do have a question though, because in order to come to a climax I didn't just use my hand. From this site it seems that the basic concept of a non-TMS method is the aspect of lying on your back, as opposed to your stomach. If it's as simple as that, I have successfully masturbated non-TMS style for the first time. To go into detail, I used an eye cover. I wrapped it around my penis, and then rapidly moved it back and forth. Will doing this make me dependent on that type of cloth touching me, just as TMS made me dependent on having extreme pressure on me? (age 17)
A: I think it will. All you have done is substitute one idiosyncratic form of masturbation for another. If you read this site carefully, then you know that what you need to learn to do is masturbate with your hand while lying on your back. I suggest you go back to abstaining and try the conventional method again in 5-7 days.
9/3/05
I'm a 16-year-old virgin who used to masturbate the TMS way. I started to use my hand to masturbate the conventional way when I was 12 and this has been the way ever since. I have no problems with getting an erection or orgasm. Does this mean that my earlier practice has no effect on me at all and I am completely cured or will the side-effects show when I get older?
A: You are cured. You won't ever have to worry about the effects of TMS. Congratulations.
9/8/05
I have been masturbating prone since I was about 12 and have just now realized after reading this web site what a problem it is. I want to cure myself of it and have talked to my therapist about it. First of all, I was interested in reading other research about it. I know that research was done by Sank but I couldn't really find anything else. I feel it important to have a better background about the subject. I would like to see some research that is not anonymously published. I realize the reasons for anonynimity but being a research student, I feel the need to have more research to back up everything I have read on this web site. More than anything I am more interested to see your method of reconditioning supported by a professional before I begin seriously. I also say this because I have a girlfriend and she is not thrilled about not being able to have sex for a couple of months. Thanks again for your dedication to helping sufferers of TMS, it seems to have made a wonderful improvement in most people's lives. (age 22)
A: You might join the Yahoo! group and read the messages people have posted there over the years. There are a couple of articles in the files area of the Yahoo! group that aren't on this web site. You might be a candidate for professional help from a competent sex therapist, because I get the feeling you will not follow the advice of people online. You might search the listings at sexologist.org for one near you.
9/21/05
I have the TMS problem, but it doesn't make my orgasms longer. In fact, my ejaculations are premature. Can TMS be related to my problem? Can curing TMS make my orgasms longer?
A: TMS males are more likely to have the opposite problem, but some have premature ejaculation. Your PE will be much easier to cure once you cure yourself of TMS. Most of the cure regimens involve techniques for gripping your penis, which are obviously only possible if you're masturbating with your hand.
9/24/05
I am 15 years old and I masturbate in a weird way. Ever since I was about 7, I have always lain down to masturbate. I take my non-erect penis and point it downward. Then I lie down on the floor with my penis still pointed downward. Then I start to push. After a few minutes I ejaculate. I was wondering if this was normal and if not, if it will cause me problems in the future. (age 15)
A: Yes, you have several problems that should be overcome before you attempt to have intercourse. First, you should only masturbate when you have an erection. Second, you have to stop masturbating prone. You also have a very brutal form of TMS. You are lucky that you discovered this site while you are young. Most guys your age can learn to masturbate the conventional way in less than two weeks. It would be a good idea for you to vow to never masturbate the way you describe again and to follow the abstinence routine on this web site.
9/28/05
I would like to thank you for your advice on TMS. I had been masturbating the TMS way for 8 years, I abstained for a week and had no problems masturbating the normal way. However, I still have a lot of foreskin, about 0.5 cm, which I think is a result of masturbating the TMS way. Will this create a problem while having intercourse (I'm still a virgin)? Can I undergo circumcision at this age? (age 23)
Congratulations on your speedy cure! The foreskin was not caused by TMS. I advise against circumcision. You're still pretty new to conventional masturbating, so just work at getting used to the foreskin. Try to find what makes it feel good, and I don't think you'll think about cutting it off anymore.
9/29/05
I didn't even know what I was doing was an issue until I came across your site. I've been using the TMS method for years (I just turned 20 now). It's how I learned to do do it. I also have a habit of applying pressure and preventing semen from coming out. That's probably really bad, too. I'm able to masturbate on the toilet, but I've never tried on my back. My gf is my first sexual partner, and we haven't been able to have intercourse because I can't have or keep an erection, and when I do, it's usually too soft for intercourse. I'm guessing my practice is the reason. I read your site yesterday, and haven't masturbated for a day now. Now that I know it is a problem, I will stop doing it the TMS way. I will also quit preventing semen from coming out. If I had known my methods were bad, I would have stopped a long time ago. Can this actually be cured, or are chances low? If I stop masturbating for a week and use the normal method for a few weeks, will I be able to have a normal, hard erection and intercourse, theoretically? I'm actually pretty afraid. I used to masturbate multiple times a day, mostly at least 3 to 4 times. I can control myself, but I didn't because like I said, I didn't realize it was a problem.
A: I've never known a case of TMS that couldn't be cured. You should be able to masturbate the normal way in a week or so, and after a month of that, you can try intercourse. Your erections will get better gradually, so don't be discouraged if they're not solid the first time you have intercourse. I hope you'll join the Yahoo! support group and keep us posted on your progress. Good luck.
9/30/05
I followed your program and now I'm able to masturbate in a normal way. I masturbated frequently in the prone way for years and that created erection problems, but now i feel like they are getting better. Are Kegel excercises helpful in restoring normal erections? My problem is that I can not maintain erections. They are very brief though they are strong enough to penetrate. (age 29)
A: Good! Your erections will get stronger as you get further away from TMS. Just masturbate normally and you will notice better erections within a couple of months.
10/4/05
You have a wonderful web site. My story is that I practiced prone masturbation from ages 10-31. I was cured 4 years ago after seeing a sex therapist. However, my cure was somewhat incidental as I don't believe she really knew or understood this wrong way of masturbating. I deeply agonized over this problem from ages 25-31, after I realized it was completely out of line with normal sexual relations with the opposite sex.
I masturbated prone without even touching my penis - just making contact with it with my hand over my underwear or even sweatpants. My penis never was hard until after I ejaculated. It was soft as I massaged it. The key to my cure came through the use of lubricants (e.g., K-Y Jelly) to massage my penis. If I never used them, I doubt I would have been cured. Their use softened the concept of masturbating through an erect penis, not to mention actually touching my penis during the act. It was still very difficult but I did it. It was just such a foreign concept. But to all those still suffering, please consider how you can use a lubricant to help you. It feels so much better than without one. It was essential to my ending the misery. Fortunately, the very first time I had sex after my discovery everything worked out well. (age 35)
A: I'm glad you had a happy ending. Your story is different from most TMS males, so thanks for sharing it.
10/5/05
Can I still be cured if I have been masturbating against the floor for 5 years? I have quit prone masturbation but still have erection difficulties and do not feel turned on by anything.
A: Yes, by quitting prone masturbation you are cured. It will take several months before your erections are back to normal.
10/6/05
Fixing and realizing the true joy of normal sex is a process that one has to discover for oneself. Education on these forums is very helpful, but I believe that one also has to go through a phase of self-realization - which positions make one excited faster, which positions make one feel most comfortable, etc.
I got cured by being able to masturbate supine about a month or so ago. Since then, I have never tried the TMS style. In fact, I can't seem to even do it any longer. Once I tried TMS after days of regular masturbation, it felt weird. That's when I realize my years of wasted experiences.
Trust me, once you get off the regular way whether it is having sex missionary style or otherwise with your partner, it feels wonderful. It's almost like a new world which you have never seen before, and those who say that it's not as great as TMS don't know what they are talking about. TMS was good, but not as good as this.
In fact, when I first made love after getting cured, I almost felt like I was losing my virginity. Yes, it really is that good when you achieve this and set out into the real world of sex. Patience is essential - to get something you have to work for it. If you're too lazy and can't control yourself, maybe you should see a psychiatrist who might be able to guide you on how to control such emotions.
A: Now that's the best description of a cure I've heard in a long time! Thanks so much!
10/8/05
I'm 23, and all these years I never realized I was masturbating the incorrect way. I'm still a virgin, and I have recently been experiencing sexual things for the first time with my first proper girlfriend, but we have encountered problems. At first I thought it was a personal problem with condoms, or a psychological thing about being with a girl for the first time, until I started doing some personal research on Wikipedia.org and came across TMS and then discovered your web site. I became really concerned, quite tearful, and terrified as I read about the consequences of masturbating prone, something I have done all my life!
I didn't have my dad around when I was young and entering my teens as parents were divorced when I was young. I discovered masturbating prone myself and merely thought it was just a different way to do it, as highlighted on your site. I'm going to start following your advice straight away and hope to fully cure myself of this! I just wish I had my dad around when I was younger to chat about male things. I hope TMS will be made better known, as I think it should be!
I want to say a big thanks to you, as you have hopefully saved my sex life and my relationship with my girlfriend.
Thank you very much!
A: After all the trouble I have gone through to keep that article from being removed from Wikipedia, I'm glad it has helped someone. Most males who have dads in their lives never discuss masturbating with them, so you shouldn't blame anyone for that omission. Good luck with your cure.
10/16/05
I just wanted to thank this site for the help that it has brought me. I have masturbated the wrong way since I was about 9 years old. I had a very high sex drive in my teens and would masturbate the TMS way twice a day. I had no problems at all with sex. in my teen years, but when I reached about 21 years of age it started to take longer to ejaculate, then each year after that went by, it took longer and I could not ejaculate during intercourse. I had a hard time getting it up at all. I thought I was finished as a man and was very depressed. My girlfriend was upset and mean to me. So I went to a doctor and they ran tests and I was fine. Physically, there was nothing wrong, so I thought I was screwed up. I found this site and read about masturbating the wrong way, and I was excited. I stopped masturbating prone cold turkey. I was to the point that I would try anything and stopping masturbating face down was what I did. It took me about 2 weeks to notice a big difefrence and it has now been 3 months and I am 90% better. Thank you for your help! (age 28)
A: Thank you for writing! I hope you will continue to improve.
10/18/05
I came across your web site last spring, as I was struggling to deal with sexual difficulties. I am now 24. I learned to masturbate prone and had done so for a very long time, though not exclusively. After reading your site, I retrained myself and no longer use the prone method. I still have sexual difficulties, including ejaculation without a real sense of orgasm, a problem that developed over the last year or so. This may be caused by some other problems (I have developed chronic prostatitis), but I wondered if damage from a lot of TMS might be a factor. Have any TMS sufferers never regained their ability to have an orgasm?
A: I have never heard of a case that was intractable. The problems TMS causes are psychogenic rather than physical. Some males are slower to regain full sexual functioning than others. Are you working with a doctor to overcome your prostatitis? An informal treatment regimen would include ejaculating less frequently, which would also help you recover from TMS.
11/03/05
I found your site after researching painful sex. I? 23 and have not had a sexual partner in years due to what I think are psychological issues associated with pain I experienced during sex. This is the first time I have ever discovered information about prone masturbation. I wish I had your fact sheet when I was younger. I? going to pass on your information to my much younger brother, I don? want him to end up where I am now.
Right now I? starting your program. Thanks so much for posting this information.
A: Good luck! And good for you to think of your brother.
11/09/05
I have quit TMS but I used to come very fast. Do I have premature ejaculation now? (age 23)
A: I doubt it. You will gain more control when you masturbate normally. It might be even faster for a while, but you will get used to it and take as long as you need.
11/21/05
Until a few days ago I masturbated face down but upon reading your site decided to change. However, I am not having any success with the normal method and if after two or so weeks it does still not work, I will have to revert. I feel the big problem is that when face up there is not an accurate simulation of real sex. What can I do? (age 15)
A: You should not expect results after only a few days. You could join the online support group and learn about the experiences of other males. At your age, many are cured in only a week or two, but for others, it takes much longer. Strange as it seems, conventional masturbation better simulates the feeling of sex than any other kind.
12/12/05
I am 21 years old and have always masturbated the TMS way. I have actually waited for my erect penis to get soft, and then rubbed it face downward against the seat of a soft chair with my knees on the floor. I always knew that there was something off about this, but I was terrified when I saw your site and read about all the adverse impacts this can have. I have never had sexual intercourse. But now that I know this, I will never masturbate the TMS way again. The problem is that I dont know how to do it with my hand. I used to masturbate my way regularly, but recently I have cut back for religious purposes. Lately I've been doing it once every 2 months or so. It is difficult to hold out that long, but I am pretty disciplined. If I quit masturbating completely, then will I be able to have normal intercourse? The thought of intercourse just seems a bit scary to me. I kind of don't know whether I will be able to do it. Can my problem be solved simply by quitting masturbating completely, and then when it is time to have sex, just go with that? Or do I HAVE to learn to masturbate by hand? I cannot thank you enough for the vital information you have provided.
A: Yes, you have to learn to masturbate by hand. I think you will not be successful at quitting masturbation. The way to be cured of TMS is to learn to masturbate daily by hand. Once you're cured, you can do it as much or as little as you want. The only case I have ever heard of someone being cured by having intercourse was someone who was already experienced at intercourse and had a regular partner.
12/13/05
I came across your TMS web site Monday. I just wanted to let you know what a revelation it was. I felt like I was reading exactly about myself. My experiences have been very similar to what you and others describe.
I'm 25 and have been masturbating the TMS way ever since I began around age 13. I always knew it wasn't the traditional way, but I just figured my way was different and something that worked for me. Although I was beginning to think there was some connection, I hadn't really connected the dots between TMS and my experiences with women. Fortunately, I never seem to have erection problems, but with women, it takes me forever to ejaculate and I sometimes can't at all. I've never been in a steady sexual relationship, but I have had sexual experiences with a fair number of women (intercourse with 6; oral/manual with 12-15). I have never ejaculated from oral or manual intercourse, and only once from vaginal intercourse. I'm not sure how much this affected the women, since I was able to get an erection and last for a long time, but it's always bothered me, because I wish it were more pleasureable. I truly could not feel much when receiving oral or manual stimulation. There was more pleasure from actual intercourse, but still not a great amount.
I have vowed never to use TMS again, and have been abstinent for 2 days. When I reach the 5-7 day mark, I will masturbate conventionally and then follow your program. I'm happy that I see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm frustrated I've spent all this time hurting myself. I just hope there's no permanent damage.
12/16/05
I just came across your web site for the first time today, and I absolutely had to write in and say thank you! I am a 28 year old female. I have been with my boyfriend for five years, and the only way he could ever orgasm was while lying on his stomach with his penis pointing down toward his feet.
Over the years, I have tried to see if there were any books or web sites that explained what the problem could be, but nothing ever seemed to pertain to my situation. Everything I read said that if a guy reaches orgasm while masturbating, then it must have something to do with his not feeling comfortable or being able to relax with his partner. But my boyfriend could always orgasm very quickly and easily if I was around touching and talking to him while he was masturbating his usual way. Plus, we have always been very comfortable and relaxed while we were making out, and I didn't make an issue about his not achieving orgasm as I knew that it was something that just happened on his own. It just never did in all those years. Our regular routine was to make out for a few hours, and then when we were done, he would lie on his stomach, and I would help him achieve orgasm while he masturbated. He would just never, ever orgasm until he was lying on his stomach, and then he would orgasm in a couple of minutes once he was.
I should probably also mention that when we were making out and he wasn't masturbating, I would do the things that I knew turned him on the most; out of nowhere his hips would thrust forward, his whole body would tense up, and his face would get a really intense expression like you'd expect somebody to look when they were in the middle of an orgasm, so he was clearly very caught up in the moment. It's just that he wouldn't ejaculate, and then he would stay aroused afterwards. It almost seemed like he would have a psychological orgasm without having a physical one.
Anyway, after looking around a fair amount for information about our situation on the Internet, I gave up hope that there was anything out there which applied to our situation. I had actually resigned myself to the thought that our future children would need to be conceived by artificial insemination. So I was really shocked after all this time to finally come across your site and find a description of the problem which seemed to fit our situation to a tee! Thank you so much for sharing your insights with everyone.
A: I'm glad you've seen the light at the end of the tunnel. I hope you will help your boyfriend want to become cured of TMS. He has to be the one who wants to change.
12/23/05
Hi,and thank you very much. I have been doing TMS since I was 8 years old and since I turned 33 I have started noticing some ED. And then I found your web site and I stopped my TMS for a month now and I hope it will work for me. I am scared to try again with my wife due to fear of failure. What do you think? God bless you!
A: If you have been able to masturbate normally for a month, then it's a good time to try sex with a partner again. Don't be discouraged. You have a partner who's ready and willing to help you be cured.
12/23/05
I realized I had a problem with sexual dysfunction due to prone masturbation years before I discovered your site. You gave it a name for me - TMS. But for the past few years now, I've been masturbating on my back, and my sexual dysfunction has disappeared. But I question how detrimental prone masturbation is for females, as your site seems to suggest. My wife masturbates every day by lying face down in bed, and humps her pillow. She has never shown any problem with sexual dysfunction when we have intercourse. (age 38)
A: Congratulations on overcoming TMS. I'm not sure that TMS is as bad for women as it is for men, but some women have reported an increase in orgasmic ability when they stopped masturbating prone.
12/27/05
I'm 18 now and I've been masturbating TMS-style my entire sexual life! I only came to knowing of my disorder from your site, by accidentally browsing through the "What is TMS" section. Why didn't anybody tell me this before? Why didn't I realize it from all the clues people around me would give me? I was so dumb, I tell you that! I read your whole long article on TMS. It seems really true. Hey man, do I have any way of curing myself EVEN NOW? My 19th birthday is coming up in one month. I've grown up in a predominantly Muslim community and they never talk about this, but they all jerk off! Now I know, thanks all due to your great article. So you're saying I can be cured, right?
A: Yes, you can be cured. You're not so old. Many of us were in our 30s or later when we were cured. Good luck to you.
12/27/05
I have been in a relationship with a man my age for the past 8 months. He has never been able to orgasm during intercourse with me but claims that earlier in his life he had no problem doing so. Until we met, he had not had sex with a woman for 7 years and had only had sex with 4 other women during his twenties. He said he started having sex late but has not told me how old he was (I would guess early to mid 20's). We can literally have sex for hours (and he is a very considerate lover), with his erection coming and going, but he will not reach orgasm in any position. I have been able to bring him to orgasm once through manually stimulating him, but he typically has to masturbate by himself in order to achieve it, and if it is during our lovemaking, it takes quite a while.
He claims that when he masturbates alone, he fantasizes about another woman he used to see and it doesn't take that long. I have told him that masturbating by himself is normal even when in a relationship with someone, and fantasizing about someone else can also be normal, but he feels that he should only be thinking about me if he is in a relationship with me. I have noticed that when he masturbates, he focuses a lot of stimulation on the head of his penis, which obviously won't be stimulated in the same way during intercourse. I would guess that he masturbates in a similar way when he is alone. He says that he masturbates every other day or so. He does not have an easy time talking about this, and then he thinks about things not going right and tends to have difficulty maintaining an erection.
He has never had a long term relationship in the past, but he says he never had problems with orgasm when having intercourse before, which makes him question our relationship. There are no other problems in the relationship as far as trust, respect, affection. I've read areas of your site as well as other sites, and this would seem to be something that can be resolved, but I'm not sure how to address it with him or what exactly to suggest to remedy it. I would really appreciate some feedback. (age 36)
A: The most important thing for you to realize is that he is the one who has to want to change. He obviously enjoys masturbation a lot and intercourse less so. You need to help him reverse that. I suspect he would have an easier time during intercourse if he abstained from masturbating for 4-5 days beforehand. Once he is successful in bed, this interval can be reduced. It is very important that you not call attention to his sexual inadequacies during the act itself. It's better to talk about it the next day, and focus on what can be done to increase his sexual pleasure.
12/28/05
I've been masturbating in the prone position for a long time now, about 15 years. I'm still a virgin. For about a year, I've been feeling that I am having some sexual problems. I don't have an erection for a long time, and when I get one, I lose it quickly. The first time I read the support site, I felt it could help me.
I have stopped masturbating in the prone position about 2 months ago. I am going out with my girlfriend in a few days. I am scared that I won't be able to have an erection long for intercourse and will be unable to satisfy her.
I'd like to know if there are any medicines that can help me. I've heard about Viagra pills. I want something inexpensive with no side effects.
A: If you are a virgin and you've quit TMS for two months, it ought to be time to try to have sex. Don't be surprised if your erection isn't good enough the first time. If it really bothers you, you can see about getting Viagra. This is not an inexpensive pill, however. Once you are accustomed to intercourse, then you shouldn't need the Viagra.
12/30/05
I am a lifelong TMS practitioner trying to fix things; the anorgasmia problem during sex is particularly bad. I saw the posting by the guy who said he spread his legs [like I do when masturbating prone] while having intercourse. I'll try it. But I was particularly intrigued by his comment about the nerves being at the base. I have completely stopped masturbating with strong pressure prone, but I still occasionally masturbate prone with light pressure. I've noticed that the nerves do seem most sensitive near the bottom of the penis, near the testes, and touching that area, even softly, leads to the quickest orgasms. As I've grown older, this almost always happens while I am soft. I'm theorizing here - is it possible that masturbating prone from an early age prevented the nerves from developing in my penis as it grew? Or could I have done permanent damage by crushing them when I was doing TMS with a lot of pressure? If so, will this damage necessarily be reversed from stopping TMS (so far it hasn't, after months of total abstinence and over half a year of abstaining from strong pressure). If the answer is no, do you think it is possible a prosthetic device might help? I'd really like to be cured, but I suspect real physical damage has been done. (age 36)
A: You need to quit TMS altogether before you will notice any difference in sensitivity or erections.
1/1/06
I just wanted you to know, for your research, that although I relieve myself in the prone position (1-3 X a day), and I suffer none of the symptoms and enjoy a good sex life. I am also 36 years old, white and in relatively good shape.
A: Good for you, but many males don't suffer problems from TMS until they're older. It's good that you've read my site so you might have an idea what to expect later.
1/5/06
My boyfriend masturbates face down, and he wants to have sex very infrequently, though he has orgasms while prone three nights a week or so. We finally talked about it the other day, and I told him I was uncomfortable with this bed thing even before I found your site. It was also disturbing my sleep because he was vigorously going at it in his sleep. The bed was getting more action than me. He rarely gets an erection while playing with me, and he does not really like fellatio. In fact, though I am pretty good, he often yawns during it, which is strange.
He says he started masturbating prone during a long term but sexually abstinent relationship in his early 20's, when he would imagine his partner being the bed. I think he really does enjoy prone masturbation more than sex in some way. This is such a relief to know I am not just imagining that this is unhealthy out of insecurity. I thought that maybe it was that he wasn't attracted to me. I was really disturbed by this problem.
How can I help him to have a fulfilling sexual partnership with me, rather than our mattress?
A: The most important thing is that your boyfriend has to want to change. From your description, it sounds like he was able to masturbate the conventional way before he started masturbating prone in that earlier time. That would make it fairly easy for him to give up prone masturbation. It's too bad you didn't discover this problem until you moved in together.
1/11/06
Thank you for the information on your site. I am a homosexual with a question about TMS. I masturbated the TMS way for around 15 years, and have just recently (a few months ago) switched to the correct way. I have a partner, and I have great difficulty achieving orgasm around him, and it is usually not possible. This is true even when I just masturbate in his presence. Could this be due to self-consciousness? I have no trouble masturbating alone, and I usually achieve orgasm then in around 5 minutes. How can I get this to go away? I really want to be able to orgasm around him and it's terribly frustrating for both of us.
A: It could be a remnant of your TMS. You should be back to normal from quitting that by now. The abstinence program I recommend for quitting TMS might also help you gain sexual confidence around your partner. It should be easy for you to reach orgasm with him in the room after a week of not ejaculating. Being able to do that even once might help you get over that hurdle.
1/16/06
The first thing I want to do is thank you for making the information on this disorder available. I'm 17 years old and have been masturbating prone since I was about 13 years old. That was just the way I learned to do it. I always knew it was different from most other men but I never realized how much it could damage my sex life. In light of this, I'm kicking my habit now and following the steps you suggested to cure myself. The one thing I'm concerned about though is if I stop masturbating prone now, will there be any lasting effects on my future sex life? Will curing myself of TMS mean that I will be able to function as well as someone who has never masturbated prone?
A: Yes. That's exactly what I say on the web site. You ought to be good as new in a few weeks.
1/16/06
I just wanted to let you know that tonight I was able to orgasm for the first time with my hand. It was all thanks to your site. I abstained for 7 days and then tried it. However, it took me nearly 25 minutes and I have a small blister on my penis. I was wondering if there may be a problem, because it says here that people my age should have no problem climaxing in 5-10 minutes after abstaining for that long. Also, was the blister caused from my doing it to hard? Will this process get easier and will I be able to do it faster as time goes on? (age 18)
A: Congratulations! It is not unusual that your first time with your hand took 25 minutes. The 5-10 minutes the site speaks of refers to males without TMS. You will be doing it faster before you know it. The blister was caused by your intense stroking. It would be a good idea to let it heal over a few days and to use some kind of lube or a condom next time.
1/21/06
I used to masturbate in the prone position for many years, before going onto a combination of prone and normal masturbating for a few months before I first had sex. I found this site and stopped masturbating prone about 3 weeks before my girlfriend and I first had sex (it was the first time for both of us). Before sex, we tried oral and manual methods to give each other a few orgasms before going onto sex. However, I couldn't reach orgasm and ejaculate from these methods, and we couldn't have sex the first few attempts because I would lose my hardness as we put on the condom. Nevertheless, we succeeded in having sex, and have always had successful intercourse since, but I still can't come from oral or manual stimulation from my girlfriend. Is this because I haven't fully recovered from TMS, and will I over time? (age 19)
A: I think so. Three weeks is not a very long time to recover. You also ought to get better as you become more experienced at sex. Give it some more time.
1/24/06
When I was 13, which was 20 years ago, my mother caught me masturbating. This happened on a Sunday morning. I was doing it prone, and the sound of the bed creaking woke her up. I told her to get out, and she gave me a lot of grief about it and went back to bed. Later that afternoon she told me all about it. She told me it would be OK to do it at home, but not to tell my friends in school, because she feared I may be picked on. However, when I had a few sleepovers at a close friend's home, he talked about it, and used the slang terms about masturbation. I wanted to try to have sessions with him, but I declined. Was I better of declining the session, or should I said yes? I always wanted to try it out once with a close friend. He never pressured me to do it, though. I was so undecided that time, and I knew very well he wouldn't pick on me since we knew each other since 8 years old (we were 15 at the time). But was I better off taking my mother's advice? (age 33)
A: I think you were better off to not masturbate with your friend, though I doubt any harm would have come of you doing it together. I hope this hasn't been bothering you for 20 years and that you've quit masturbating prone by now.
1/25/06
I have been masturbating the TMS way since I can remember. I had to find out what the problem was with me. I am a virgin still because I have shyed away from opportunities because I feel I wouild only embarrass myself. I found your site two weeks ago and it amazed me. I read all the facts and case studies and it has got me so excited to try to cure myself. I stopped for a few days but I kept masturbating TMS style but now after reading more case studies, I am going to do this once and for all. I met a mad girl the other day and I know she likes sex. I stayed at her place and we fooled around and she gave me oral for a while but I was also very drunk so I didn't really have much of an erection. I really want to have intercourse with her and she wants it very soon. What should I do? Thanks so much! You may have just saved my sex life. Cheers! (age 19)
A: I suggest you work at curing yourself of TMS and put this woman on hold for a couple of months. If she is truly interested in you, she will give you another chance then. If you refuse to do this, then the best thing to do is tell her that you're trying to get cured of a sexual dysfunction and that you won't be able to have sex for a couple of months. If she is truly interested in you, she will understand.
1/31/06
Well, this has been the best couple of days in my life. All my life the only thing holding me back from getting a lot of girls was my problems with TMS. I was the one who submitted a question a couple of months ago wondering if I had caused structural damage due to the brutal form of TMS I practiced. Well, after being abstinent for 2 months, I attemped masturbation the normal way, and it worked!! Not only that, I've done it 6 times in the past 4 days. I'm so happy! My life is going to be so much better now. Thanks so much for this site.
Now here are some tips for quitting for other TMS males: 1. Abstain for a long time. It's the only way 2. Use some sort of lubricant when you do try to masturbate the right way 3. Chill out. Relax, and dont worry about whether or not it's going to happen. Just let it flow. 4. Find something that really turns you on 5. Rub the head as you're going up and down. It helps. Hope I can help! Signed, A Formerly Hopeless, Now Dashing, Young Man : )
1/31/06
I just read your article on TMS. My opinions conflict with yours significantly. I am what you would call a TMS practitioner. I do not have any of the problems you claim result. TMS is not painful. For me, it is the most comfortable position.
You also claim that you cannot get aroused without stimulation. This is also untrue. I can quite easily get aroused lying in bed, visualizing. In a similar part of the article, you also claim that after 21, waking up hard happens less frequently. I am 27 and I wake up hard every morning. Do not take this to be some kind of machismo or bravado, it is simply your generalisations versus what I know to be fact for me.
You claim that that TMS makes sexual relations between a male and his partner more difficult, I would also strenuously disagree. At present, my partner and I are having trouble having sex, but only because I am a virgin and my penis is hypersensitive. However, we get around this by her allowing me to grind against her vulva, which is just like TMS-style masturbation. As an advocate of TMS masturbation, I should point out that without entering my partner, I can leave her hot, sweating, breathless, and extraordinarily wet purely from this alone. She enjoys the sensations of my penis rubbing against her. I would assume that this is something a man who masturbates conventionally would find uncomfortable and unusual.
I also strongly object to you referring to TMS masturbation as "the wrong way" to masturbate. There is no right or wrong way. In fact, it would appear that your article claims that it takes a TMS practitioner a long time to reach orgasm and is strenuously argued that this is a bad thing. Men who do take a long time are far preferred as partners to men who can only last 5 or 10 minutes. When rubbing against my girlfriend's vulva as described above, it can take me 15 to 30 minutes to reach orgasm. Not only does she enjoy the fact that I can last, she loves the fact that when I do ejaculate, it goes all over her. I believe a lot of girls also enjoy this.
I assume you masturbate the non-TMS way. I would enjoy hearing your comments on what I have said. I am not saying that TMS masturbation causes no problems. According to my research, my hypersensitivity appears to be due to TMS and is reversible by masturbating in the conventional way. I am just saying that your argument is one sided and does not mention the advantages males who are used to TMS masturbation have.
A: You are in denial. You object to what is on this site, yet you claim to have a dysfunction caused by TMS that makes it impossible for you to have vaginal intercourse.
If you read the article, you know that 61 percent of TMS practitioners already have a severe sexual dysfunction. That means that 39 percent do not. They will not always be that way. You can look through the TMS comments and case studies on my site and see letter after letter from males who found that giving up TMS improved their sexual functioning immediately.
Surveys show that women prefer 4-6 minutes of thrusting on average. Lasting longer is not an advantage of TMS practitioners; they last longer because they cannot reach orgasm any sooner. A man skilled at lovemaking can last longer because he wants to, not because he can't reach orgasm.
And for the record, I am a former TMS practitioner who was cured after 22 years of TMS.
2/1/05
I am a recent TMS practitioner and last night after abstaining for 4 days, I had an awesome orgasm in the regular style. I suggest for the other TMS users to use something soft to rub it up and down. It feels great. But something troubled me. I reached my peak after about a minute and a half. With the TMS style, it usually took me about 3 minutes. Is this normal? Also it feels really tender close to orgasm, so my hand doesn't want to move any more. And my legs lock up really tight during masturbation, which feels good, but is it normal? (age 13)
A: All of that is normal, except I suggest you use your hand instead of something soft. It is normal for orgasms to take less than you are used to once you find a new way of bringing them on. They will take longer again after a little while. Lots of former TMS practitioners discover they have to tense their legs, but a lot of males who masturbate normally do that too.
2/13/06
My girlfriend sent me to this site. She did a Google search trying to figure out why I masturbate weirdly, and why I couldn't orgasm no matter what we tried sexually. I've quit TMS. As soon as I read through your site and connected the dots with my negative sexual experiences, I decided to stop then and there. My biggest problem is that I can't seem to learn the conventional way of masturbating to replace TMS. I did a week's abstanence, then tried the way described on this site (loose fist, water based lube, lying on back), and tried and tried and tried until it was starting to hurt (45 mins). I gave up, unsatisified. I abstained for another 6 days, and I still can't get it. I have the incredible build up like I'm used to but it just doesn't release. The best I could get was a few drops just dribbling out. I've tried with pictures, without pictures, in darkness, and in light. Two weeks is more will power than I thought I had, and I feel like I'm about to either cheat or have some form of breakdown. My way of masturbation was to stick my penis between my thighs, lie on my stomach, and tense my thighs while rolling my legs around. (age 20)
A: When you get a few drops coming out, you are doing well. What you ought to do at that point is have whatever fantasy in your head arouses you the most and stroke as hard and as fast as you can. Don't worry if it's more rough than you would use normally. Once you've learned the sensation of masturbating the conventional way, you can reduce the speed and amount of pressure. You have done very well to abstain this long. Don't waste that magical buildup now.
2/17/06
When I read about TMS on your site, five months ago, I quit this bad habit. I was suffering erection problems because of TMS but still I cannot maintain my erection and lose it quickly. I'm too worried. Please tell me how long will it take to recover from this problem? (age 30)
You should have noticed an improvement in your erections by now if you quit masturbating prone five months ago. You might see a doctor to rule out some other problem besides TMS that might have been contributing to your erectile difficulty.
2/14/06
Do you think ordering one of those artificial vaginas would help a TMS practitioner regain sensitivity?
A: No. That would be just replacing one form of TMS with another.
2/15/06
I want to thank you for a good and informational site. It has helped me. I have just come off TMS and have abstained from touching myself in any way for 5 days. Today was the first day I tried masturbation conventionally and I had a mindblowing orgasm but it raised a few questions. It took me 50 miniutes of stroking to ejaculate. Is that a bad sign and is there a way to shorten the time? I chafed my head. Could I have hurt my penis at all? During my time away from masturbation I felt like I could not sleep and my testicles felt like a full bladder. Is that normal? I told my mother what had happened and I ask her to get me some lube. What is better? Jelly or liquid based? (age 15)
A: Fifty minutes is a long time, but you will find it takes less and less now that you know how to do it. I predict within two weeks, you will be reaching orgasm in less than five minutes. The sensation in your testicles is also typical for males who go longer than usual without ejaculating. Be careful that you do not repeatedly chafe the same place on your penis. Lube is a good idea, but you might want to get used to the new way of masturbating first as lube changes the sensation. Any water based lube is fine. The jellied kind in a tube is goopier and harder to use than the liquid kind that comes in plastic bottles. You're lucky to be able to tell your mom about this.
2/19/06
I Just started masturbation normally from the TMS way and I found that it feels good to lie on my back, put lube on my hand, grab the base of my penis when I am fully erect (I am circumcised by the way) and rub my remaining skin up and over my penis head fast. Is that normal? Also when I cum I have enough force to get the semen on my head and pillow. Does that mean I am very fertile? Will that freak out a woman?
A: Your method is the conventional one. It is normal to stroke faster than average when you are just getting away from TMS. You are apt to slow down as you get used to the new feeling. The force of your ejaculation is not a measure of fertility. I don't think women mind, or necessarily notice, how far a man ejaculates.
2/23/06
Hi Doug, I found your website only a few days ago and was so happy I could have cried!! I'm not cured yet (and wouldn't expect to be in such a short space of time) but, if nothing else, your site has given me hope.
I'll explain my situation. I've been masturbating prone from time to time since my mid teens. The first relationship I had in my early 20s was a disaster, due in large part to my not being able to reach orgasm during sex.
However, I subsequently had 2 very long relationships (the second one over 15 years) where the sex was good. In the first of those relationships (when I was 23) I had the same problem (anorgasmia) at first, but she was a very kind, patient girl, was prepared to bear with me, and I think because we were having sex frequently (which did away with my need to masturbate) the problem went away very quickly (within a couple of weeks).
In the last few months I've started a new relationship and the anorgasmia problem has returned. I think a big cause of the problem is that, due to circumstances, we only see each other once a week so I masturbate daily (sometimes prone) in between, and had been doing so in the months before we met. In the last month or so, the problem has got worse. I've found I can only reach orgasm in the prone position.
I'm convinced that masturbation is the cause of the problem. Having read a lot of the material on your site and other sites, I think the problem is caused by masturbating in a way which puts an excessive amount of pressure on your penis, or perhaps on the wrong part of the penis (the base). I suspect that, as well as stopping masturbating in the prone position (which you say puts a lot of pressure on the base), it may also be necessary to concentrate on the head and make sure you do it very gently, because a vagina is a very soft place and cannot replicate any sort of iron fist grip sensation!!
I managed to abstain for 4 days, and then managed to masturbate to orgasm in about 15 minutes using a very gentle technique on the head of the penis while kneeling and looking at some "reference material." Previously it was taking me about 30 minutes while gripping my penis very hard, so that's progress. I intend to abstain for a few days before trying again, and will again try to be as gentle as possible.
Is kneeling OK, or should I really try to masturbate lying on my back? My girlfriend is completely aware of all this and of what is going on. She is being totally supportive, and is so glad we seem to have found the root of the problem. I suspect we may try sex again in a couple of weeks, after a few days' abstention for me.
Thanks so much for putting all this information on the web. I'll try to keep you informed. (age 41)
A: I'm glad the site has gotten you on the road to getting cured. I would avoid kneeling to masturbate at this point. It's simply easier to focus on the penis while in the supine position. Kneeling creates an additional tension that wouldn't otherwise be present. Once you're completely cured, you can experiment with other positions. Good luck.
2/24/06
I've recently quit TMS (a little more than a week ago) and masturbated successfully the normal way exactly a week after I began my abstinence. You recommend masturbating in a supine position to unlearn TMS. For various reasons, particularly greater difficulty in using visual stimulus, I have masturbated by hand, seated at my desk in front of my computer. You don't say much on your site about whether masturbating while seated is as good as masturbating supine to cure TMS. I've now masturbated successfully 3 days in a row this way, and am wondering if I should be trying to do it supine as well. (age 24)
A: There is nothing wrong with masturbating while seated. Most TMS males find it easiest to switch to supine, but you are proof that it is also possible to switch to seated. Continued good luck.
3/1/06
I have practiced TMS since I was about 11. Things started to go downhill when I was about 17. I could not get an erection for longer than a few minutes but I think a lot of this may have been psychological at the time. I became aware of this site a few months ago, and I haven't practised TMS since. My erections are getting better and my penis has grown almost an inch and is now 6.4 inches. I assume that it had always been this length but TMS had severly affected this.
Has my penis size been adversely affected by TMS? Will modern drugs help speed up the recovery? (age 21)
A: Congratulations on quitting TMS. Practicing or not practicing TMS will not make a difference in the absolute length of your penis. I suspect that TMS is bad for the blood flow in your penis, and therefore quitting TMS will increase the blood flow and make it appear bigger. However, I doubt it would make an inch of difference. It might be a difference so small that it can only be measured very scientifically. Don't worry about your penis size. I don't think you need erection drugs at this point.
3/2/06
You seem to be the only one giving credence to this TMS thing, and for a long time I've recognized it as a problem, but I have never been able to overcome it. I am now trying your abstaining method to see if it works. Thank God for your site! It took a while to find it because I didn't know what to search for. At least know that I'm not the only one. As you've said yourself, you were once a sufferer.
However, my method isn't exactly the same as thrusting against a floor or a mattress, although it exerts similar pressure. Basically, with a semi-chubby erection, I normally lean over something like an arm rest on a couch or the seat of a chair and swing my legs back and forth. I've tried to figure out exactly what kind of motion this creates, but upon seeing a video of myself, I saw no real movement other than my legs. Because of this, my penis has always pointed down and when I'm hard it goes outward (and can comfortably bend upwards but not to my stomach), but other than that, everything seems to work fine and I experience absolutely no pain.
This started when I was about 6 years old and hasn't stopped until now. At times I would try the conventional way, but the problem is I usually get the sensation of having to urinate when doing so. From what I understand, you're not supposed to be able to pee when erect, but I can. I'm not sure if I have the facts right, though, so please clarify that for me.
I'm extremely uncomfortable masturbating on my back in a bed because I'm afraid I'll just urinate and I really don't want to have to clean that up. I was, however, successful at emptying my bladder completely a week ago and absolutely nothing came out. I was just wondering if anyone else has mentioned urinating while masturbating to you as I was unable to find any questions about it.
I hope this is successful for me because I'm really tired of doing it the old way. Not only is it depressing, but in my younger days, I would exert so much pressure that my ejaculate didn't travel far. I understand now that I was experiencing retrograde ejaculation (sending the semen into my bladder), which seems to account for why I get the urge to urinate when masturbating the normal way. Using my own TMS style, it's simply a matter of standing up and letting it out, but again, that's very depressing for me, especially at my age (turning 27). I'm a virgin, so I really have no idea whether or not I will even enjoy sex at this point. However, stroking does get me hard for a while, and then I just lose the erection because nothing happens after a while.
I'm wondering if someone like me should be able to be cured through your methods or if I should consider myself a lost cause. I really want to be a father some day and it really worries me to the point that if I ever get close to a woman, I push her away because I really have no idea whether or not I can have sex normally.
Thanks again for your informative site and it's comforting that other people suffer like I do. Doctors haven't been much help when I've been candid with them, so you're my only hope.
A: You have a couple of problems to solve. In addition to your variant form of TMS, you are practicing retrograde ejaculation. They can be cured at the same time. The key to not urinating during masturbation is to urinate before you masturbate. There is a famous and filthy radio talk show host who wrote a book about his sexual exploits, and he urinated all over himself the first time he masturbated. So you are not the first. There is no reason to write off sex with women when you haven't even tried. You can quit TMS within a few weeks, and you ought to notice that your erections are better within a month or two. There is plenty of hope for you.
3/6/06
Follow-up: Yes, I joined and read everything I could, but I don't feel comfortable posting just yet. Your site, your members, and especially you yourself have been giving me so much hope for something that's really been a downer for me, so I can't thank you enough for just being around.
I discovered your web site yesterday after researching some symptoms, and while it's worrying me, perhaps it can help me recover. I'm a married middle-aged man who has practiced TMS for more than 20 years. I have had normal sexual relationships with girlfriends, but with occasional erectile dysfunction (ED), the early instances of which I still attribute to stress.
I developed new issues, however, beginning a few years ago. Sometimes a painful erection returns about one hour after I have an orgasm. I often have painful ejaculation, or pain after urination, especially when that urination follows ejaculation. ED has become a serious problem. Rather than lasting a mere week, as in the past, it has been a serious issue for the past year, and for a while it put a strain on my marriage. (No problems with anorgasmia, by the way).
I've been to my regular doctor and a urologist, not about ED but about the penile pain during ejaculation that was troubling me. I was diagnosed with prostatitis and given antibiotics, but the pain came back, and I gave up going to doctors.
I think you may be onto something here, but I am worried that my problem is incurable. After all, I've spent a large part of the last two decades "putting excessive pressure on the base of the penis." Am I beyond hope?
No, I think you can be cured. The first step ought to be to give up TMS. Once you are masturbating normally, I suggest cutting back to no more than three orgasms a week to see if that helps bring your pain in check. It is best if you can give up intercourse altogether until you have gone a month without TMS. I practiced TMS for over 20 years. So have many others. We have been cured. You can be cured. There is no reason to give up hope.
3/7/06
Follow-up: The fear of future problems works at least as well as will power.
I've been reading all sorts of messages and I can't tell you how much hope they've given me. This has been something that has been depressing me for quite a while and since discovering that it can very well be helped, I'm much happier than I used to be. So thanks to Doug and all the rest of you for that. If I ever do cure myself, I plan on sticking around to help others do it, too. And if I don't, I already promised myself I'd never TMS again. Ever. So it's now or never. But that's not my problem.
I began abstaining 3 or 4 days ago (I really have no idea - it seems like years ago) and the first few days were easy to conquer. Even now, over the hump, I still don't have any desire to TMS. The problem is that since I started the program, my morning wood has slowly been coming back. It never went away, per se, but today especially, it came back at high school-level proportions. I think it was almost a straight hour of full-on erection without any stimulation from me (I had to pee like that) and not until it began to ache from being up for so long that it started to calm down. I promise you I'm not trying to gloat.
Three things: 1st off is that the recommended thing is to avoid erections completely during the abstinence period, but this was beyond controllable. Should I be tacking a few more days onto the abstinence period? During the day, I rarely get an erection because I can keep my mind off of things (thus no desire to cheat... though I do kind of wanna start doing SOMETHING to it... haha - I promise I won't).
Second, I was cursed with an extra amount of foreskin and being Asian, my penis has never exactly grown into it. When I'm fully hard, I'm still pretty much covered (no problems retracting though). I only describe this because when I take a leak, I don't pull it back. But at the same time, it catches a lot of urine and my normal practice is to run my fingers along and squeeze the last few drops out. I don't get erect when doing this and since abstaining, I've been using an incredibly light touch to do this (I used to use a good-but-not-dangerous amount of force). Is this something I should be avoiding as well? It doesn't seem to stimulate me anymore than a regular shake does, but shaking doesn't get it all out and I don't enjoy the idea of urine dripping into my undies.
Third,I wear briefs. With regard to the morning thing, briefs don't exactly have breathing room for an erection like the one I had this morning. It doesn't put a considerable amount of pressure on my penis (to be safe I fell back asleep with my shorts to my knees after the rude-yet-wonderful awakening), but it's pressure nonetheless. Though it's nowhere near TMS pressure nor is it painful. I can't stand boxers and my only other alternative are boxer-briefs, which really don't have much more give. It's not that I'm wearing super-tight stuff. Just regular ol' snug. Just wondering if that's going to cause me any problems on day 7 or 8.
For all of you who have been cured, congratulations. I feel that reaching that point isn't just a milestone, but it's pretty life-changing for the better. And for all of you still attempting breakthrough, you're not alone. Treat yourself good and never give up.
And if I may throw in a suggestion as well for those of you looking for information on how to start - swear TMS off forever. I think a lot of people have a mentality of "If this doesn't work, I'm going back to it." You can't think that way at all because it gives you an out. You have to promise yourself that you'll never ever do it again regardless of the outcome of your journey. Even those who have been cured have suffered greatly for trying TMS again and have to go through the whole ordeal. When I started last week, I made the most solemn oath to myself I've ever made - even if failure meets me, I still refuse to return to my old habits. I think that greatly helps in my chances for success. Only by accepting the possibility of defeat can we be victorious.
A: After four days is when thoughts of genital friction start to intrude hourly or more. Don't make a big deal out of morning erections. I also see no harm in your urine cleansing thing. It shouldn't make much difference what underwear you wear. But don't switch now anyway. Switching will give you a different feeling in your pants which will increase your urge to masturbate. Good luck with a happy outcome later this week.
3/9/06
I have been masturbating facing down (prone) for 8 years. Last month I had my first sexual intercourse with my girlfriend. I was embarrassed when I lost my erection completely when I was just about to thrust. I came across your site yesterday and today I tried masturbating facing up. It did erect and even reached orgasm in 4 minutes. I used my hand but held it a bit tight. What could have caused the problem? (age 26)
A: It could have been a combination of nerves and TMS. Congratulations on masturbating the usual way. I think you will be able to have intercourse successfully about a month from now.
3/9/06
What is your opinion of the use of toys when getting over TMS? What is your opinion on manual stimulation by a partner when getting over TMS? What is your opinion on the effect of TMS of the penis sensitivity? Is the purpose of abstention to make you OK mentally to masturbate normally or is the purpose of abstention to allow your penis to regain sensitivity? Would a prosthetic foreskin help? Thank you for the site. It is something my girlfriend and I have been trying to figure out for years!
The way to get over TMS is to use your hand. Using a toy is just substituting one improper method of masturbation for another. Manual stimulation ought to come after you have learned to masturbate with your hand (i.e., been cured of TMS) and had vaginal intercourse successfully, if you are into vaginal intercourse, that is. I think abstaining serves both purposes, and I'm not sure how to distinguish them. It is simply easier to reach orgasm when you haven't had one for several days, and I don't know the degree it is mental or physical. You can be cured of TMS without resorting to a prosthetic foreskin, but I can't say they would do any harm if you used one after being cured.
3/9/06
I was sexually molested from an early age by a father who constantly pumped me up and down by the buttocks on the bed. I ended up masturbating face down from a very early age, around six. I feel there is a direct connection between the molestation and my behavior, particularly because it involves very similar physical motion on the bed. I am not the only person who sees the connection. I think there is a common sense reason why there could be a connection between molestation and TMS in others as well. Various studies have shown that children who are molested are more likely to masturbate from an early age and frequently, and as you have pointed out, masturbating from an early age can lead to TMS because it is easier to stimulate an underdeveloped penis in a prone position. (age 36)
I think the connection is a small one, because few molested boys practice TMS and few TMS males claim to have been molested. I know, because I've dealt with hundreds, perhaps over a thousand, TMS males the past four years. I hope you are recovering from TMS and your history of abuse.
3/10/06
Thank you very much for the info on your site. I am a 32 year old male who has never reached climax while having intercourse with my female partners.
I have had a suspicion that my masturbation method was incorrect since the first time I had sex, simply because the sensation during intercourse was nothing like it was when I would masturbate prone.
Before I found your site, I decided to abstain from masturbation and try using only my hand -- the more conventional and correct method. During this time (it has been roughly three weeks), I have also been having intercourse with my girlfriend but I still cannot climax during intercourse with her.
Would it be best to start the program over again by abstaining from masturbation for one week and also sex for at least one month or is my case hopeless? I ask this because during these three weeks I have not been masturbating prone, but all the while I have been having sex with my female partner and I still cannot climax.
A: I think you would have been cured if you had not been having intercourse while you were trying. Just give that a try. I'm sure your partner will understand. Good luck.
3/10/06
Your web site has saved my sex life! Everything you said described me, so I went with your program and sure enough, I was soon able to orgasm inside my girlfriend in the missionary position. For this I thank you; you are truly a saint to have helped as many random strangers as you have by making this site.
I'm already at the point at which I can orgasm every day in the correct masturbation position. I reached orgasm with my girlfriend once, but we have tried another time and I was unable. Actualy, we did not have intercourse this last time, since she was on her period, but instead I used my finger to get her off. She spent over half an hour on me, using her hand and her mouth. It felt amazing, much different than when I had practiced TMS, but I had no orgasm.
Why could this be? I feel I am totally cured. I no longer have any urge to TMS. How much more work is required to reach orgasm in different positions (most importantly oral) with my girlfriend? (age 20)
A: You have done the hardest things, quitting TMS and having intercourse to orgasm. Congratulations. It takes some additional time getting used to the new sensation before you can reach orgasm through manual or oral intercourse. That is true for most men. It helps if you abstain from orgasm for a few days before you attempt something new.
3/10/06
I would like to thank you so much for your web site. I came across it by accident, and was intrigued, so I read on and discovered that until that day I had been masturbating the wrong way (TMS). How long should I take to ejaculate after beginning masturbation? When I used to masturbate, I had fantasies which involved being much more muscular, strong, handsome and popular (while copulating with women). Is this normal or a sign of irregular sexual tendencies? (age 16)
A: Once you become cured of TMS, you should be able to masturbate to orgasm in 5-10 minutes. Your fantasies are normal.
3/26/06
Thanks very much for bringing the plight of TMS men to light. My girlfriend found your web site after I'd had some issues with performance. After reading the site, I was glad to find out that I didn't have to be relegated to the sex position "man on top, woman in magazine" for the rest of my life. After following your instructions (abstaining for two weeks and then learning the right way), I was, in fact, so cured, that I gave my girlfriend "honeymoon cystitis" the next time I saw her! (age 18)
A: Congratulations! I think I will use your description of TMS on this site someplace too.
4/3/06
Thank you for this site. I don't know what I'd do without it. I followed the program of one week no masturbating. I slowly did it every day until now it's 2 weeks and 2 days I've been masturbating conventionally. There is still no ejaculation. I lied to my girlfriend and said the doctor told me not to masturbate for two weeks. I am so horny when I hug her. Could this be screwing me up? It doesn't feel like much pressure. (age 16)
A: No, I doubt that's the problem. It would be better if you just focused on having an orgasm when you masturbate. Just go as fast and hard as you can. Once you're able to, you can slow down and use less force. It might also help to tell your girlfriend the truth and show her this site.
4/4/06
Do you think practicing TMS for 10 years would have any permanent impact on my life? (age 20)
A: No. Men are cured merely by quitting TMS. Sexual function comes back to normal very quickly.
4/5/06
I have been a TMS practitioner for many years but it's only now that I have come across the information on your site. I am very thanful that I managed to, however, as I am on my way to reversing this condition, finally! TMS caused my first sexual experience to be very uncomfortable and that is very painful for me. I cannot have enough gratitude. I hope you manage to help others in the same position as me. (age 19)
A: Your "position" is what we specialize in here! I think you will be cured soon.
4/8/06
I grew up masturbating in the prone position. I never developed the drastic problems you described, but I did periodically have what amounted to blockage in my urethra because my semen didn't fully ejaculate (as it was more or less being crushed). When I would urinate afterwards it would periodically be accompanied by a burning sensation that would take up to 20 minutes (and ongoing periodic kegel/urinary dribble) to clear up. I can't recall whether I had given up on prone masturbation before I had sex (at age 18). My initial sexual attempts were comic as my partner and I couldn't get in sync (her lack of lubrication, my losing my erection). But that didn't last long and we had a fulfilling relationship for over two years. Once in a blue moon I revert to prone masturbation probably for the comfort factor. It has a different feel from typical masturbation, and if I take care not to strangle my urethra, it's not usually a problem. Nonetheless, it does still occasionally happen, and for that reason (among others) I usually masturbate in the correct fashion. Incidentally I've been married for six years and have zero sexual dysfunction. (age 37)
A: It's good that you quit TMS when you did. Since your ejaculatory problem was unusual, it would be a good idea for you to avoid those occasional episodes of prone masturbation, in order to keep something like that from happening again.
4/11/06
Should I be able to get a hard-on before masturbating before I can consider myself cured of TMS? Should I wait for that hard-on before using my hand? I've experienced erectile dysfunction and delayed orgasm from TMS.
A: It's a very good idea to masturbate only when erect. It's OK to fondle it for a while in order to get it erect. I know you might be very anxious when the abstention period is over, and this might make it difficult to get erect, but just relax and turn your thoughts to something arousing. Some men have gotten Viagra or its newer cousins to help them through this step. You can do it.
4/12/06
Wow. That's all I can think right now. I can't believe that I just found your web page. About two years ago I became convinced that TMS was the cause of my problems. Without hearing it from someone else though, and with the difficulty of stopping, I have avoided forcing myself to use other forms of masturbation. As of tonight I will no longer practice TMS, but I'm not sure if that will solve everything for me.
I first want to thank you so much for investing your time to bring light to this conditon. I would like to tell you my story, and would be forever grateful if you had any feedback for me. Although I am definitely a TMS guy and have some of the symptoms, I am the opposite of a delayed ejaculator and have some other differences, and wonder if you have seen any similar cases.
I am 25 years old and have never masturbated in any other way than TMS. I have always had an underlying feeling that TMS masturbation was bad for me and have therefore made some effort to masturbate in other ways. It has always been incredibly uncomfortable for me to try to ejaculate when masturbating without lots of pressure though. Not sure why, and the uncomfortability is difficult to explain. I actually started using TMS because I liked pleasuring myself, but after reaching a certain level of excitement, I just couldn't go on without pressure. I usually come in just 2-3 minutes using TMS though. Also, I am not always completely erect when I ejaculate, which is kinda scary.
TMS has caused a different form of sexual dysfunction for me (at least I assume TMS is the cause). I have trouble delaying ejaculation. During foreplay, friction with my penis is likely to cause ejaculation. My body is accustomed to coming in a couple of minutes with only a pillow, when with a real woman I am significantly more excited. I have had girlfriends, and after being with them several times the premature ejaculation is usually manageable (though not consistently, and as long as we don't use missionary position), but I tend to go through waves of losing my erection and regaining it if I go for longer than five minutes or so. Perhaps the premature ejaculation is unrelated to TMS and the loss of erection when I do manage to delay is caused by TMS - this is where I hope you may have some insight.
One theory I have is that I have sensitive genitalia or am predisposed to premature ejaculation and I started using TMS because a hands-off method is easier. The rationale on your site that pressure DE-sensitizes genitalia and makes reaching ejaculation with women more difficult does make sense and is obviously the case for most people. For me however, having pressure surround the penis and using a hands-off method that required only thrusting was so much easier to bear. Ejaculating feels great, but the moments leading up to it, without pressure, have always been very uncomfortable for me. I know that when I switch from TMS, even after waiting a week or more, it will be extremely hard or maybe impossible to ejaculate in the normal way. I've tried many times. It will be uncomfortable, as if it feels far too sensitive and needs pressure. It felt like that when I first started in my early teens as well though.
I know I have sexual dysfunction and have been trying to find a remedy. I was actually on the verge of trying medication, and still might, but as you can see my problem is sort of contrast. I have heard that anti-depressants work well for many to avoid premature ejaculation, but I also have the issue of losing my firm erection when intercourse lasts. I am too young and otherwise healthy to get into a salad of pills to help me both get an erection and delay ejaculation. I'm not sure now which of my problems are caused by TMS and which may be unrelated.
I know you're not a doctor, but it seems you have as thorough a knowledge of TMS and its effects as one could. I will no longer use TMS, and after time I hope I will be able to masturbate normally. Have you heard of any case close to mine though, or do you suspect that converting from TMS will solve my loss of erection problem only, and that my premature ejaculation is unrelated? Any insight or advice would be appreciated. I am just so amazed, excited but still kind of in wonder about TMS and how bad it has mesed with me. Thank you again for your time and web site.
A: Your problem is different from most of ours, but it is not unheard of. A few TMS males have PE or have overcome both. The first step is getting over TMS and seeing if any of the other problems are solved as a result. Anti-depressants do not cure premature ejaculation; they cause delayed ejaculation. I don't think you have that much to worry about. You are pretty functional sexually considering the number of problems you perceive. The online support group would be a good place to be too.
4/20/06
I've been masturbating since I was in 5th grade and also in the prone position This whole time I thought I was genetically tantric as I was able to discharge when I wanted, but only after about 45 minutes or longer. Though some might have thought that was a VERY good quality, in the back of my mind I hated the fact that I wasn't normal. Anyhow, thanks for writing this site. I hope to be jerkin' it in every room in every house I ever enter from here on out. (age 21)
4/24/06
I've been masturbating prone since I was about 4-5 years of age. I am pretty active in my sexual activities and there are no problems with my erections or reaching orgasm, but I am concerned about this bubble on the tip of my foreskin. I will get it checked, but for now I would like to know if it is due from the friction of prone masturbation and if it will have any effect on me later on. (age 17)
A: It's possible. Masturbating prone puts more pressure on the urethral opening than conventional masturbation. It would probably get close to normal if you quit masturbating prone.
4/24/06
Thanks for the information. I am quite concerned, as I have been practicing TMS since I started masturbating, and only found that it was wrong when reading this site a few months. I no longer thrust to get an orgasm, although I often still masturbate when not fully erect, only sometimes becoming fully erect when ejaculating. I am still a virgin, but I don't seem to get full erections often so this will be a problem. Can you help me? (age 19)
If you've quit masturbating prone, your erections ought to get better soon. You are probably just worrying about it too much. Just enjoy the erections you have. You can often make a partial erection into a full one by looking at the proper visual aids.
4/25/06
I have masturbated prone all of my life. I never knew it was a problem. Growing up, I gathered it was different (seeing as how it was never displayed in movies or books). I just assumed it was a safe alternate way of masturbating. When I got to college, a sex therapist briefly discussed types of masturbation and mentioned prone masturbation. She did not, however, mention any harmful effects. She placed it side by side with conventional masturbation as just another masturbatory technique. Any doubts I may have had were cast aside and I continued engaging in prone masturbation. It is only recently, at age twenty five, that the effects have started to appear. It is increasingly difficult to have an erection and almost impossible for me to orgasm. In desperation, I turned to the Internet for information and found your article. It was an incredible relief. My symptoms and story were all there. Finally, I have a name for my problem and a way to change it. I am writing to say thank you. Without your article, I could have gone twenty-five more years in total ignorance and despair. (age 25)
A: Good luck on getting cured! Dr. Sank's article was already published by the time you got to college. Do you have contact information for this sex therapist? Perhaps you could send her an e-mail telling her to read HealthyStrokes.com and spread the word about the hazards of prone masturbation.
4/25/06
I've been masturbating using TMS (always a pillow) since about 14 and never thought anything of it and continued all through college. I was a virgin until a year ago when I tried having sex with a girlfriend and failed. I couldn't get a full erection. I had never noticed my partial erections when I was masturbating because I always had an orgasm, and almost always very quickly. I finally noticed that and wished I were having normal orgasms but kept on.
Being 22 and thinking to myself that I had ED and was perhaps "broken" was very depressing. I withdrew from dating and social activities so I wouldn't have to deal with it. The thought of having to take Viagra in order to be normal just didn't sit well with me but I finally thought that I had a theory on what was going wrong: Sleeping on my stomach might have something to do with it. I had the position right, but it was my way of masturbating.
Today I begin my week's abstinence, hoping to regain my erections and confidence. I know it will be difficult, since I have been in the habit of masturbating prone several times a day.
When I begin to practice masturbating normally, is it OK to use a lot of lubrication (like K-Y) or is that too much stimulation?
A: Good luck. You can overcome TMS. I would say that it is better if you don't use lube right away, since that is introducing two things into the equation (manual masturbation and lube) that you are not used to. Some males who overcome TMS (and some who always masturbated conventionally) get by without lube for years. I would recommend not starting lube until you have gotten used to masturbating with your hand.
4/27/06
I just discovered your site and I hope it will prove the answer to my problem - inability to perform with a partner, and masturbating prone. (Very few and brief relationships as a result) I would add that I am not absolutely prone, but turned to the left. My left side is on the bed with the right side raised slightly, so that the left side of my penis gets most of the pressure. I am unable to perform the same way on my right side but with a partner.
Your site mentions physical damage because of this TMS, but that I can cure myself in a month (maybe more, since I'm older). Does this mean the damage will heal?
Also, I've visited a local men's clinic and have obtained their Auto-Injector, based on the doctor's theory that I suffer from venous leakage (where the blood drains from the penis immediately after obtaining erection) although I haven't administered it myself yet. I have to check with them about dosage.
I do not know if the drug is curative, or simply meant to induce an erection for sex. If the former, I would take it. If the latter, why bother? Anyway, I've been through all this before finding your site. Do you recommend I use this medicine together with your curative method for TMS or not? (age 45)
A: I don't think there is physical damage. Males are cured simply by quitting masturbating prone. If there were physical damage, they would need surgery or something. I advise against using this injector or any drugs right now. Get over your idiosyncratic masturbation and see if that makes a difference. If after quitting TMS for a month you don't notice any difference, then perhaps those other treatments would be worth trying.
4/29/06
I have been using the TMS method for about a year now and had sex for the first time yesterday. I coudnt have an orgasm and I just found out why. I am not sure exactly how I can become cured. I know for sure I won't use the TMS method anymore but what do I have to do to get better? During sex I didn't really feel anything and it wasn't very pleasurable. I will practice the normal method lying on my back. I don? have much trouble with that but should I do it every day or what? (age 16)
A: All of that is discussed on the main page of this site and on this page. Please read it more carefully. Once you stop using TMS, you should notice a change in sensitivity in about a month.
4/30/06
Once you are cured, is it still advisable to masturbate on your back or can you masturbate sitting down? (age 16)
A: I suggest you be cured (i.e., able to masturbate on your back daily) for a month before trying anything else sexually. Once you are that familiar with masturbating supine, then you can try standing, sitting, intercourse, etc.
5/3/06
I'm 24 and I've been TMSing for the last 15 years. Yesterday after 11 whole days of not masturbating, I masturbated face up for 10 minutes, but I couldn't come. I couldn't even feel the pleasurable sensation that I usually get from masturbating in a prone position, though I DID get erect. In the past I have always masturbated prone and felt pleasurable sensations and come only when soft. Can you give me any advice?
A: It's good that you were erect and very good that you were able to abstain for 11 days. Congratulations. It's not unusual that your first outing didn't produce an orgasm after only 10 minutes. Give it a try again and once you're nice and erect, stroke it as hard and as fast as you can stand until you reach orgasm. Once you are across that barrier, you can work at doing it more slowly and with less force.
5/4/06
I am a 20-year-old male who has done TMS style some of the time. I started it because it was easy to not be caught while doing it and because I didn't want to get my hands wet when I masturbated before sleeping. I probably masturbate prone 50 percent of the time now. I am going to try to wean off TMS completely. I find that doing TMS tends to make me fall behind schedule for the day if I try to do it after I wake up. Before your web site, though, I hadn't realized what might be the cause.
I have a girlfriend and I have been able to go to completion in positions other than missionary. It does take quite a while to finish, though, and I am often completely wiped out once I do. Nothing is quite as firm as my mattress, but I shouldn't have too much trouble getting away from it. I am also on flouxetine, so I had attributed the amount of time it takes me to orgasm to the anti-depressant's effects.
I have gone weeks at a time masturbating with only my hand so this is probably how I've managed to avoid most of the downsides to TMS. I just need to remind myself not to do it prone any more.
I think that not being caught and not wanting to have the semen on my hands are what caused me to start doing TMS. I would not be surprised if this was also the case for many others.
A: Good luck to you. I think you are ahead of a lot of people by the time they post here. I've never before heard anyone say they masturbated TMS to keep from getting semen on their hands. What do you do with the semen when you masturbate TMS?
5/8/06
Thank you so much for educating me. After 5 years of masturbating prone, I taught myself to do it the normal way and can do it just as well. I would never have thought of doing this until I read your site. I have cured myself of TMS and now only achieve orgasm with an erect penis. I really, really enjoy masturbating prone. Is it OK to do it on occasion and still masturbate supine as my main method? I do it with an erect penis at all times.
A: I strongly advise against that. The longer men go without masturbating prone, the less desire they have to do it that way anymore. Keep up what you're doing and try not to cheat on your no-TMS diet.
5/10/06
I would just like to say thanks to the site. I had been doing TMS for a very long time, then after a month of abstaining, I managed to come normally. I read some comments on your site about overcoming TMS and that it takes a very long time, but I would just like to say that if you keep at it you will succeed. At the time I was getting really frustrated and thought that I was never gonna come the normal way but I did! So keep at it! Sex with a partner has also become MUCH nicer and more enjoyable and I can actually come during sex now. Non-TMS masturbation gives you a lot more possibilities for experimentation as well so dont give up if you feel that you're not getting anywhere. (female, age 22)
A: Thanks for your encouraging words. Good luck with your newfound sexual freedom.
5/10/06
I suffer from phimosis and TMS. Which one should I take care of first. I know the way to cure TMS and I saw a site to cure phimosis by stretching the skin little by little everyday and then masturbating with a closed fist every day. I have stopped masturbating prone. I waited one week and then tried the normal way and got nothing after 45 minutes. I am now waiting another week but cannot do anything about phimosis until I cure TMS, but I don't know if my TMS can be cured while I still have phimosis? Please help. (age 27)
A: I suggest doing the TMS cure first because it is easier and you can do it on your own. I have heard of other men with phimosis being cured of TMS. You might join the Yahoo support group and see if anyone there has tips for you from having done it himself. You probably won't have to wait another whole week before being able to masturbate supine.
5/11/06
I always felt I had a problem with masturbation, and I even tried to change my method of my masturbation after I couldn't have any stimulation in my first intercourse, but then I failed and didn't try again. I just can't thank you enough for pointing out what is wrong. But my problem is a little different, I don't really masturbate with my face down against the bed, I masturbate normally with my face up or even sitting, but I use my hand to thrust against my penis. Without any kind of slippage between my penis and my hand, just static friction and pressing. I feel my penis being pressed firm against my stomach is a must! And I couldn't till now ever masturbate any other way. I found any kind of sliding between my penis and hand hurts. Am I having the TMS problem? Worse? Anyway, I will try your exercises and wish they will work. (age 28)
A: That is not strictly speaking TMS, but it is an atypical style of masturbation. My method will help you get over that too. You might find it easier to touch the head of your penis if you used some lube.
5/11/06
I have been masturbating in the prone position for over 20 years, on and off, and in between relationships. After several years of being on my own, last week I was completely unable to obtain or sustain an erection when I was with a woman. She tried everything and I could not "rise to the occasion." I was surprised when it happened and have been looking for answers. I could not find a convincing possible answer until I found your site. I am going to try your suggested treatment. But I have to ask if a person can seriously damage the penis by TMS and, if so, is there a treatment? Also, are there any natural herbal remedies that you would recommend in addition to your treatment? (age 44)
A: Everyone I know has been cured simply by quitting TMS. This suggests that there is no physical damage involved. I don't know anything about herbal remedies. Good luck.
5/12/06
I learned to masturbate the regular way after years of the TMS way. I'm finding that it is difficult to get rid of my urge to masturbate prone. Will these urges decrease or diminish the longer and more I masturbate normally?
A: Yes, they will. After a couple of months of supine masturbation, you might not even remember what TMS felt like.
5/15/06
I recently discovered your TMS web site I have been using the TMS method of masturbating against the mattress since I was 13 or 14. Last week a girl asked me for sex. I accepted her offer but because I was a virgin, I decided to practice how long I could last for using the TMS method. I did this for about a week. At the end of the week, after reading your site, I used the "hand" method and realized I could not ejaculate. My girlfriend tried too and she could not make me come. I am now scared whether this could be permanent. Should I abstain from TMS for a week and try the hand method again or should I see a doctor? (age 17)
A: I don't think you need a doctor quite yet. I think you should abstain from TMS forever and should abstain from other forms of sexual stimulation for a week and then try masturbating with your hand. Guys your age tend to get over their TMS fairly quickly. Don't be discouraged. Be glad you've already got a willing partner for when you're able to try sex again.
5/16/06
I've been masturbating the TMS way for a few years now and I've realized that I've mainly been ejaculating without a fully erect penis. Is this bad and what can be done to fix it?
A: It is bad. You are teaching your body to respond sexually in a state you cannot replicate in intercourse. You're making it more difficult to have a proper erection when you have sex. I suggest giving up TMS by following the program on this site and then masturbating only when you are erect.
5/20/06
I have been masturbating the TMS way for 4-5 years now but I also can do it the normal way with my hands. The problem is that when I masturbate with my hands, I usually rub the bottom of my penis with my fingers at first to get it hard. Is this considered TMS as well and for a guy trying to quit, is doing this to get hard considered cheating? (age 17)
A: Stimulating the base of the penis with your hands is not TMS, but it illustrates how much TMS has affected your sexual response. Few non-TMS males stimulate the base of the penis. It doesn't get much stimulation either in intercourse or in conventional masturbation. Since you already know how to masturbate the conventional way, I suggest just giving up TMS altogether. Then work at getting erections without stimulating the base so much. At your age, erections ought to come easily just from fantasy. But I wouldn't consider a few touches there cheating on the TMS cure regimen.
5/20/06
I tried sex with my partner today (after 6 days since last jerking off). Nothing. When she was jerking me off, I could only get semi-hard. I tried to masturbate myself in order to get hard, and ended up ejaculating while still soft. Needless to say, it was an anticlimax. Do you have any suggestions?
A: Yes. You should be able to masturbate daily before attempting sex with a partner. Save manual intercourse for later, and don't try anything sexual without a firm erection. All this advice is already on my site.
5/21/06
I have been masturbating since 11 years old in this position. Your web site has both enlightened and frightened me. It was always difficult for me to masturbate the correct way. I am learning how to enjoy sex all over again. Today I finally told my new wife of this problem and brought her to see the web site. I did not know she also blamed herself for me not being able to enjoy sex and to come to completion. While she enjoys having sex for long periods of time, she was troubled by me having to stop without finishing. She blamed herself. In her view it was the way she looked being pregnant. Hopefully now we will be able to have a normal sex life. (age 32)
A: You show the power of bringing your partner into the cure program. Most women would like to help, and it is probably a relief for them to know that they are not the cause of the problem.
5/24/06
I am 20 and have TMS. I have not had any problems trying to stop. I can do that easily, but I am more concerned about learning it the other way. During the first week, is it important that I try not to get aroused? Is that just to help prevent people from giving into the prone method again?
A: The purpose of the abstinence period is to get your penis sensitized to learn a new way of masturbating. Anything you do in terms of stimulating the penis, even a little bit, detracts from that sensitization process. If you think you can do that easily, let's see how you're feeling after six days of abstinence when you might have trouble thinking about anything else.
5/25/06
I have been practicing TMS for the past 5 years and I feel I might have crushed my penis. Most the time I cannot hold an erection firmly without physical stimulation. I don't get erections like I used to. I'm 21 and still a virgin. I have tried Cialis and it helped, but I feel I have crushed the base and it is permanently damaged.
A: I've never heard of physical damage being caused by TMS. Just quit the prone masturbation and you will notice your erections getting better in a month or so. It is normal to have fewer erections at your age.
5/27/06
I am suffering from TMS. My problem is I fantasize sex with guys and ejaculate in an non-erect state. Could this be curable? How do I overcome TMS and ejaculating only in non-erected state. I tried after a week abstinence to masturbate normally, but I did not come. Please advise. (age 31)
A: It might take more than one try to reach orgasm, even after a week of abstinence. It is important to only masturbate when you are erect. I don't understand how the homosexual fantasies fit into your problem. Are you trying to get over them too? If not, why is it relevant what you fantasize about? Heterosexual males sometimes have your other problems too.
5/29/06
I have been a TMSer for as long as I can remember, even before I even knew that what I was doing was called masturbating. I usually masturbate at least 3-4 times a week, or every second day. I am always semi-erect (fully erect is too uncomfortable), and I always lean to the right. In fact, when I am fully erect, I have a noticeable kink to the right, at the base. I don't know whether I was born with this unfortunate feature, or whether it was inflicted by 15+ years of TMS. It's been like that for as long as I remember.
I just found this site on a Google search. I can't believe what I've been doing to myself all these years. I am terrified at the thought. I knew what I do is different from most guys, but I didn't know how destructive the practice actually was.
You state that most guys can masturbate to orgasm almost anywhere, and I know for a fact that I can only perform against a bed. This troubles me a lot. I shall try my hardest to make the switch to "normal" style, beginning with a week or two of abstinence, and then some quality time with my hand. (age 20)
A: You also need to get out of the habit of masturbating semi-erect. You can overcome that and TMS at the same time. If it is really too painful to masturbate fully erect, you might have Peyronie's disease, which only a doctor could diagnose. Getting away from prone masturbation might reduce the rightward angle. Masturbating in a symmetrical fashion can influence the penis to become more symmetrical. Don't be terrified. Guys your age are usually cured fairly quickly.
5/29/06
Is hypnotherapy of any use in TMS? Are there any specialists in the UK that help treat TMS? (age 40)
A: I've never heard of anyone using hypnosis to get cured. You might look for someone specializing in treatment of men with psychogenic male sexual dysfunction.
6/6/06
I'm a 25-year-old man who happened upon your web site about a week ago, and I'm writing to thank you for the help it's done me. I'm not positive you could really call me a sufferer of TMS (my main problem with my method of masturbation was gripping too hard and moving too fast), but I've suffered the same consequences ever since I first became sexually active with women at age 19. However, after reading your site thoroughly I finally received the answer to my problem. I abstained from masturbation entirely for three days and I'm happy to report that this past Friday, for the first time in my life, I ejaculated from fellatio without having to masturbate to orgasm. Earlier this evening, I was able to orgasm by normal masturbation for the first time. I look forward to finally being able to ejaculate through vaginal intercourse soon. Again, I thank you for this web site, and I have a different name for your detractors - FOOLS!
6/12/06
I had TMS but have been masturbating normally for around a week. Prior to that I abstained for 5 days. I can masturbate normally but only with visual stimulus. I don't think I should need it to be able to have an orgasm from masturbating. Can you help? (age 14)
A: Yes, I think you are fine. You have just made a change in your masturbation habits, and I don't think you should make another one for at least a month. You are pretty young and are around fantastic looking girls all the time, and I think it will be pretty easy for you to give up visual aids. You might not have to give them up completely. Congratulations on being cured of TMS in only five days!
6/21/06
My girlfriend and I are sexually active and as a part of foreplay she enjoys it when I thrust my penis against her vulva while we still have clothes on. This sounds like it could be a form of TMS but I am not sure because I do not reach orgasm when we do this and I masturbate face up or sitting down. (age 16)
A: I don't think that's TMS because you only do it briefly and not to orgasm. But it's good that you're concerned about avoiding TMS.
6/21/06
I was 13 when I started masturbating and I humped the bed at least 3 to 4 times a day until I was 15. Then I started experiencing problems but i still continued to masturbate in TMS fashion. When I was 16 I started doing it by hand, and I've done it by my hand ever since. I've never had sex. My problem is that I often have pain in my penis when I'm done masturbating. I have to wait about 6 hours until I can masturbate again. Is this just a side effect of TMS still and maybe I haven't recovered? (age 18)
A: You ought to see a doctor about that and possibly get a referral to a urologist. It seems to me unlikely that you would still be suffering effects of TMS after quitting for two years. It sounds like a physical problem. I've never heard of someone causing a physical problem by masturbating prone, but that doesn't mean it isn't possible. A urologist could examine your anatomy and do any tests that would diagnose a physical problem.
6/28/06
I have been masturbating for 20 years by rubbing against the bed, combined with some mental fantasies. Thanks to your web site, I realize the potential problems of being habituated to a method that cannot be replicated during intercourse. I have never had sex with a woman (another problem), so I don't know whether there will be a problem when I do, but I suspect there will be. Therefore, I am determined to change. The instructions on how to quit say to use the fist, but I didn't see anything about not relying on mental fantasy, which is the other thing I am habituated to. Is it important I learn to masturbate with a loose fist and without using fantasies that cannot be replicated during intercourse?
Also, is it bad to masturbate by thrusting into a loose lubricated fist while standing, instead of simply moving the fist back and forth? They appear to be the same to me.
Thanks again for maintaining this web site.
A: There is no reason to quit fantasizing. You can fantasize during intercourse too. Thrusting into a fist is not the same as stroking with the fist. I can't explain why. It just works that way.
7/4/06
Will TMS adversely affect my ability to become a father? Is there a relationship between TMS and rheumatoid arthritis? (age 33)
A: No. No.
7/4/06
I would like to thank you for your web site. I was a TMS practitioner until I read your site. I discovered it when I was in the park climbing up a pole and it felt good. But now I'm on my way to being cured. I have learned the proper way to ejaculate but it doesn't give me the full satisfaction it used to but it might just be because of the switch from TMS. I wish I had known about this a long time ago because not even in my health class did they talk about this. (age 15)
A: It will feel as good as usual soon. Don't give up the fight.
7/5/06
I masturbate all the time with a pillow. However, I do not masturbate with it on my stomach. Instead, I lie on my back and use it on top of me. I am OK with masturbating the conventional way, but I would much rather use a pillow, as the orgasm is more powerful and it takes less time to reach orgasm. Is masturbating with a pillow lying on your back just as bad as using it face down?
A: I don't think that is as bad as prone, but it is still an atypical form of masturbation. It would be better if you didn't do that. What is the advantage to using a pillow? The facts you point out about your orgasms suggest that it will make it difficult for you to transition from that to intercourse.
7/5/06
I masturbate by lying on my stomach and sticking my penis between my hands and my legs. From your site I learned that this was was TMS and I have limited masturbating like this from 7-9 times a week to twice a week. When I masturbate like this I go for about 2 minutes then I let out clear liquid (what I think is pre-cum) but then I can't continue. I'm planning on abstaining from masturbation for 5 days and then trying normally. Will this cause me to ejaculate white liquid and last longer? (age 14)
A: Cutting back from TMS nine times a week to twice is not that much help. You need to give it up completely to overcome the ill effects it may have had on your sexuality. I suspect that you will be able to ejaculate once you start masturbating conventionally. For whatever reason, you are too sensitive when you masturbate prone to finish. One more reason to give it up forever.
7/8/06
This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I've masturbated TMS for over ten years with no problems. I can have sex and have no problem. It's all about control. I've never had a problem getting it up and I still wake up with an erection every morning. (age 24)
A: You are one of the lucky ones, or perhaps you aren't at the point of having problems yet. A lot of males with TMS didn't notice any sexual problems until they were older.
7/8/06
When I was about 3, my mom always reminded me not to "rub," as she called it, by putting my hand over my penis and lying face down, rubbing my hand until it felt good. When she stopped helping me in the bath, she never knew I had continued the habit. Two days ago, I came across this site and learned that my mom was right 10 years ago and that it's unhealthy, but that's how I've reached orgasm since then and since I've been able to ejaculate. I've tried quite a bit of "good" masturbation without success until about an hour ago when, after 15 unfocused minutes I found a thought and was able to achieve orgasm. I used your method by completely quitting prone masturbation two days ago. Since I have always enjoyed regular masturbation, even without orgasm, since I first tried it, I had no problem switching. Now that I have achieved orgasm the right way I don't think I'll ever try prone masturbation again. But will 11 years of prone masturbation ever come back to haunt me? (age 14)
A: I don't think it will haunt you. You have already learned to masturbate conventionally after only one session and with no prior abstinence period. Keep up the good work!
7/8/06
I've been masturbating for 11 years now, and have used a variety of different methods. I have never had difficulty reaching orgasm when doing it the correct way, but I would also use the TMS method (between two pillows), and also use two pillows while lying on my back. After maybe the first two years, I stopped using the TMS method, but would still use two pillows while laying on my back. Til this day, it's still my favorite form of masturbation, but I'm wondering if I may be experiencing TMS symptoms due to the use of pillows while lying on my back. When using the pillows, I usually exert a good amount of pressure downward to keep them tight around my penis. Perhaps this causes the same conditions as if I were prone? I've been with a decent number of girls in the past, and have had on-and-off problems reaching orgasm via intercourse. I've only failed to reach orgasm with 2 of the 10 I've been with. Wearing a condom usually seems to make it even more difficult, but I have been able to reach orgasm with a condom in the past. I have also never particularly found oral sex to be all that pleasurable, but have reached orgasm through that method a number of times. Lately I have been finding it particularly difficult to reach orgasm during intercourse, giving up a few times after it lasted 2+ hours. Do you think what I described is an alternate means of causing TMS? I am currently taking a week break from masturbating, and am resolved to only do it the correct way, without pillows. (age 22)
A: You have an atypical method of masturbating, which can be as bad as TMS. I suggest you quit the pillows. I think you will enjoy sex with partners a lot more. Good luck.
7/11/06
I am very thankful to have found your site. It cured me from TMS about a year ago. When my girlfriend and I were messing around the other day, she began thrusting herself against my penis. It was just like what I used to do against the mattress when I had TMS. I noticed that after she did this, I began to have weak erections like I had when I practiced TMS. Is a woman thrusting her body against a man's penis harmful in a comparable way to TMS?
Also, are there any permanent effects of TMS after one has stopped?
A: I don't think what your girlfriend did is the equivalent of TMS, but if it bothers you and you think it affects your erections, then you should ask her not to do it. Most males don't suffer ongoing effects of TMS once they have stopped. Usually erections and orgasmic ability get better.
7/15/06
I want to thank you very much for this article I found about TMS. I've always had issues sexually with other people. I'm 28 years old and I tend to avoid intercourse more often than not. My number of sexual partners is very low. I've always masturbated prone. Never have I been able to masturbate the conventional way. Everything you wrote about here is me.
I never thought anything about it, but in recent years I started having issues with erections when with a partner. I thought it was mental, and maybe part of it was. This article really hits home. Thanks for sharing something very personal to help other people, like me, who never thought anything was wrong with it. I found out about this through Wikipedia when I was researching why I was having such trouble and weak sexual performance when everything physical had come back positve. I'm going to try what you've outlined to cure this issue. Thanks again. I can't believe I found this.
7/20/06
I masturbated TMS style until about two months ago. I have been masturbating the conventional way since then. I always felt there was a problem with my old way, but now I have a hard time getting as erect as I used to and I do not have the urge to masturbate as often as when I used TMS style. I was masturbating every day and now it's more like 2-3 times a week. When I lie on my back, my penis is parallel to my body and not straight up. When I stand, it points up a little higher which I think is normal and I am afraid this will affect me having sex. I thought this might be from TMS, but I remember having this problem with my first erection. Is this a problem? Thanks for the site. I feel it helps a lot of people. (age 18)
A: Congratulations on giving up prone masturbation. Your experience is typical. You will get used to the new feeling of erections with conventional masturbation and like them a lot better. Many males find they masturbate less after they switch, but once they get used to the new feeling, they generally ratchet back to their traditional frequencies. I don't there is anything wrong with your penis. Keep up the good work.
7/27/06
Follow-up: I am a virgin and am afraid the parallel problems I have will keep me from having sex with a woman on top. When I masturbate I hold it straight up, but when I lie there and I don't touch it, I do not see how I could sucessfully penetrate a woman's vagina. I would also like to say something about a comment I read saying that you will be punished for having a site like this. I think that is the most ridiculous thing I have heard in my entire life. I greatly appreciate all the work you do and without your site, I may have been stuck in my TMS ways forever.
A: Don't try having sex with the woman on top until you are familiar with the missionary position. Try not to think about the physics of it. A lot of things about having sex don't make sense when you try to analyze them like that. Now that you have overcome TMS, you need not worry about being unable to perform in intercourse. Once you find a partner and get used to her, you will be very comfortable with sex and enjoy it a great deal. When you try woman on top, you might even find it easier than missionary, because the woman does most of the work and you get to just lie there and enjoy it! The view is also a lot better in that position.
I have been very interested, and somewhat relieved to discover your HealthyStrokes.com web site. I have been masturbating prone for as long as I can remember. I recently embarked on a serious relationship and have been trying to find out more about my method of masturbation. I was shocked at how long it took me to find your site. I suffer from anorgasmia, and I had linked it to my method of masturbation, but it was not until I found your web site that it was confirmed. I plan on quitting TMS over the next month.
I wanted to ask you about the work that has been done by doctors on the subject. Other than Dr. Sank, has anyone else conducted any studies? Is there anywhere I can look to find out more? I find it amazing that if 5% of the population masturbates prone, then how come yours is the only web site that addresses it? I would be also interested to learn if there are any web sites or articles promoting TMS in any way - you mention in a message on the Yahoo message board that many people have been undermining things on Wikipedia. Do you have any idea why? As someone who has the classic symptoms of TMS at its worst, I am so glad that I have found your site. I am also lucky to have a very understanding partner. I really wish there was more information out there for people to stumble across more easily. (age 19)
A: The HealthyStrokes.com web site has had 1.8 million visitors in 4 1/2 years. We have had referrals from many other sites (some derisive), and our site has been mentioned in Playboy three times. There are a lot of people to reach. Five percent seems like a lot of people, but keep in mind that masturbation has been something that has historically not been mentioned. There used to be an article about TMS on Wikipedia, but some editors there were against accepting it since there has been so little published about it. The TMS article was reduced to one paragraph in the main masturbation article. You can read the TMS article in its final form here: http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Traumatic_masturbatory_syndrome&oldid=38061888 and discussion about the article here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Traumatic_masturbatory_syndrome and here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Talk:Traumatic_Masturbatory_Syndrome/archive1 . If you review this discussion, you will see that I was usually alone in opposition to people who wanted any mention of TMS purged from Wikipedia.
7/28/06
I am 15, and having been doing TMS since I was 5. I was worried what would happen if I carried on in this style, but then I found HealthyStrokes.com. I have just taken the 6 day abstaining period and I am so pleased that it worked. It felt so good that I could masturbate in the conventional way and I am really proud. I am just writing to say thank you for your help, because this will now change my life for the better.
8/7/06
I just turned 20, and I always knew that I didn't masturbate like other boys I knew, so I decided to search a bit, and I found your site. It was a shock to find out that there was a wrong way of doing it, but I got even more concerned when I realized that my sexual relationship with my girlfriend could be at stake. We started recently having sexual interaction (without penetration) and she could never get me to come with a oral or manual intercourse. I was worried that it was my fault, and she was worried that it was her fault. So I can thank your site for removing her unnecessary concern. After reading it, and having immediately started your program to learn regular masturbation, I realized I don't do TMS precisely the way you describe it. Can I still be cured? Thanks a lot.
A: Yes, you can be cured. The abstinence regimen can help anyone overcome an idiosyncratic masturbatory style, even if it isn't exactly as described (e.g., on your stomach and thrusting your penis against something). Good luck.
8/10/06
I am 19 and have been doing TMS since I was 5 or 6. Is it too late for me to quit? I finally have my first important girlfriend. I am so glad I found your site.
A: Yes, you can be cured. Many men were in their 30s or 40s before they found out that TMS was the cause of their problems. Good luck to you.
8/21/06
I cannot believe I read your website about TMS. Why did anyone not tell me about this before? I think you may have saved my life. I cannot tell how much I appreciated the information you gave. Thanks a lot!!!
8/27/06
I'm 17 years of age and I started masturbating TMS style when I was 14. I stopped when I turned 16 but I masturbate compulsively in a painful way and I fear this has caused damage to my penis. I fear I could have damaged the growth and size of my penis.
A: No, you couldn't have done that. But it would be good for you to not only leave TMS behind forever, but any way of masturbating that is painful.
8/29/06
I found your site and read up, and was surpirsed that I wasn't the only person out there with TMS. Before your site, I didn't even know it was an actual problem (other than my own experiences). I have been doing it the TMS way my whole life, but I actually require something more firm than bedding. I used even firmer objects (such as the arm of a sofa). I was wondering if you've heard of anything of that sort before, where they need something even firmer? I've tried to do it the right way before, but with no luck. I can get an erection with no problem, but I can never finish. I've just started my period of abstinence to try and do your program for doing it the right way, but was wondering if you think I might need even longer than a week because of my previous methods? Also, any other advice on doing it the right way would be awesome.
A: Yes, there are case studies on this site of men who used hard objects, including arms of chairs. The abstinence period probably isn't affected by the hardness of your stimulus. Good luck.
9/8/06
I just wanted to thank you for writing that article on TMS at healthystrokes.com. I just read it and I actually feel excited about sex for the first time since I was 18 years old.
I've been thrusting into my hand for over ten years, ever since I first felt the inkling to masturbate. I've had troubles with my partner and she has been wondering if she's to blame. The unhealthy sex life has been a major contributor in problems in our relationship. It's just not healthy to have sex as rarely as we do. Almost everything in that article made perfect sense to me. I could feel that metaphorical weight being lifted off my chest as I read that, and I'm going to follow the advice starting now. Immediately. I caught myself saying things like "Wow, I can only imagine what it'd be like to do that!" when I saw things like this: "A sign that you're masturbating in a healthy fashion is that you recognize that orgasm is imminent but consciously decide to put it off for a while so you can enjoy masturbating longer. That's a skill that will be most useful when having sex with women."
I haven't been able to do that in about 9 years. I can only recall doing that one time, ever. I remember it because it was great!
I look forward to gaining my functionality back, and I have got to give you a giant thanks!
A: Great! Be sure to let me know how it goes.
9/20/06
I have been masturbating prone ever since 13. I tried to masturbate prone without fantasy or porn today (and I could not do it). Then I tried it face-up, and it happened but it took me 20 minutes. That's when I found your site and it freaked me out. I have masturbated non-prone in bed and bathroom and sitting down, and it takes me longer and produces less ejaculate. Can I be completely cured of this? Is this why I don't have that much hunger for sexual intercourse with women (like my friends)? I am a virgin. Is there anything wrong with fantasy masturbation? (age 23)
A: 20 minutes is not so bad, especially since you didn't even know masturbating prone was a problem when you did it. Since you are experienced with other methods of masturbating than prone, I don't think it would take you too long to give up TMS completely. You might not even have to abstain from masturbation at all. However, I think you are hung up on masturbation on a couple of other different fronts, including your belief that it is keeping you from sexual intercourse and your guilt about sexual fantasies. These things are all normal. All males who are successful at intercourse started with masturbation. Males who are most successful at masturbation include a lot of fantasy.
10/1/06
Discovering this site was the single greatest relief I've ever experienced in my life. I've masturbated prone since I was a young boy. Since reaching puberty and developing an insatiable sex drive, I've done it at least once a day, sometimes as many times as 5 or 6 times a day. Even in adolescence I knew my masturbation technique was atypical, and I tried to masturbate the conventional way, but to no avail. Conventional masturbation just didn't stimulate me enough to the point where I would have an orgasm, whereas prone masturbation has always given me extremely intense, pleasurable orgasms. In my late teenage years I became worried, as when I masturbated I never obtained a full erection. In fact, often I had no erection at all. I soon learned that I couldn't get an erection adequate for regular intercourse, so after several extremely embarrassing experiences, I concluded that there must be something wrong with me. Two doctors confirmed that I was perfectly healthy, with normal levels of testosterone, yet neither hormone injections nor Viagra helped my situation. This left me more puzzled than ever, until I found your site I have now vowed to quit prone masturbation and sincerely hope that my 20+ years of prone masturbation have not permanently destroyed my ability to masturbate regularly, and more importantly, to eventually be able to have regular sexual intercourse. I applaud you greatly for making this site available. (age 26)
Thanks for your story. Good luck, and please let me know how it goes.
10/11/06
I realized just two days ago that I suffer from TMS. I am 17 years old and have been masturbating for as long as I can remember, maybe back to age 2 or 3 even. I am heterosexual but have not been with many girls because of lack of confidence because I knew I couldnt orgasm regularly. Just recently, before I knew of TMS, I have started to get with a hot girl. She has been able to get me off through simulated sex where we hump each other with clothes on. I cannot have sex the regular way and she can't perform a hand job on me, and I'm afraid she won't succeed when she gives me oral sex either. Because I have masturbated so long in the same way (always against my bed...rarely a floor), on average once a day or once every 2 days since 14, is there a chance I am NOT cured? Do you have any case studies or reports of someone not being cured? I've tried regular masturbation before and I failed, but I didn't know TMS was a problem so I wasn't as motivated to succeed. Please let me know my chances.
A: I've never heard of a case that couldn't be overcome. It would be better if you could get the hot girl to wait for a month or two while you concentrate on masturbating in conventional fashion.
10/11/06
I have been practicing TMS since I was about 6. I always knew I didn't masturbate in the usual way, and now I have come across this web site. I've abstained for ten days now, and tonight I'm going to have a go in the conventional style. I'm so glad that HealthyStrokes.com exists, otherwise who knows what could have happened. Congratulations to the author of this site. It is brilliant! (age 16)
10/14/06
I am a 16 year old male, and I have been masturbating prone (TMS) since before I was 13. I came upon this site and started reading about the condition I believe I have. I will be starting my abstinence period tomorrow. Lately I have been losing some of my sexual feeling whenever I masturbate. In fact, my penis sort of feels numb. Will this feeling ever come back? Will it come back once I start masturbating the correct way? I need help, and I am really nervous.
A: Most males gain a lot of sensitivity in their penises when they give up TMS and learn to masturbate the conventional way. It takes a few months before the feeling is changed completely, but I don't think you have to worry about having done permanent damage in the little time that you've been masturbating.
10/15/06
I am 15, and I have been masturbating prone since I was probably 5 or 6. I just started abstaining, and I lost a lot of my sensitivity in my penis. It's hard for me to determine when I need to urinate. My penis feels very odd, not like it used to. I have an urge to masturbate, but it feels different from before.
You are just hypersensitive because you are abstaining from masturbating. Try not to think about those sensations. If you are not wetting yourself, I don't think you have anything to worry about.
10/16/06
I am 22 and I used to masturbate TMS style up until about 19 then for some reason I decided it wasn't a good idea. I wish I'd seen your site earlier. I pretty much used the methods you described to stop. But only now am I becoming sexual active with a girl. I don't do TMS anymore but it seems as though I still have the sexual problems despite being able to masturbate completely normally. We haven't had sex but when she tries to give me oral sex it just doesn't work for me (and I know she is experienced in giving them). Sometimes I lose my erection and I never feel enough pleasure to ejaculate. Any advice? Should we just keep trying with me trying not to feel worried about it? By the way - great site!!
A: Former TMS males seem to have more trouble with oral sex than with vaginal intercourse. It might be worth waiting until you are experienced with vaginal sex before trying oral sex again. If you really want to have an orgasm orally, it would be worthwhile to abstain from masturbation for 5-7 days ahead of time.
10/17/06
I've been masturbating prone since I was very, very young; probably age 6 or 7. I always thought it to be weird and often wondered if others did it too. Today I decided to research it and came upon your site. Every symptom described me perfectly, and I actually started crying. I want to say thank you very much for helping get the word out there. I'm going to start abstaining today and hopefully I will be successful. (age 19)
A: I'm sure you will be. Good luck.
10/23/06
I always thought what I did since I was 12 was somehow out of the ordinary. When I discovered orgasm I did not know what it was except that it felt incredibly good. I did not know it was called masturbating. I come from a place where such information is unavailable. When I immigrated to the US, I learned how widespread masturbation is. I always masturbated in the prone position. As long as I remember I had trouble reaching orgasm. It would take me repeated attempts to orgasm, usually with failure altogether to my and my partner's dismay.
Lately I have started feeling pain inside my scrotum right after I finish. This is consistent. I felt like I was damaging something since the base of the penis and testicles are unnaturally impacted. I also am finding it difficult to be fully erect where orgasm is very difficult if not impossible even when masturbating prone. Until I found this site I was convinced there was nothing I could do about it. You cannot imagine what a breath of fresh air it had been for me to discover that there are others with my condition and that there is something I can do about it. You bet I will do whatever is suggested here no matter how long it takes.
A: I suggest quitting TMS first and seeing if that makes any difference in the pain. It might be related to the frequency and intensity with which you masturbate. You will be able to change those more easily after you quit TMS. Good luck.
10/28/06
Thank you for making TMS information available; I'm glad you've helped so many people, and I am looking forward to being one of them. I am 38 and have masturbated prone exclusively since I was about 10 years old. I encountered your site because of the Playboy reference and have not followed up since. I came across the site this morning, after I masturbated prone, and have decided to follow your abstinence timetable.
I have some tangential concerns I am hoping you can address. I grew up uncircumcised and realized at 20 that I had developed phimosis (only after I tried to have intercourse for the first time). My doctor recommended circumcision, and I endured the procedure shortly thereafter. Unfortunately, I misunderstood directions about how to change the bandage on my penis and left the bandage on untouched for 48 hours. The bandage ended up stuck to my penis and removing the bandage caused extreme pain (a doctor performed the procedure, not me). I have always thought that this experience resulted in a loss of sensation (I have not sought medical confirmation), which I believe I compounded with TMS. Do you think my bandage episode will make my transition from TMS more difficult, either because the length of time will increase or because I have real/perceived loss of sensation due to other sources? Thank you again for your efforts.
A: I doubt the bandage incident would be responsible for long-term trauma. It was almost 20 years ago. You are probably worrying over nothing. I suggest quitting TMS and going from there. You will probably be much happier with things after that.
10/28/06
I'm a 39 year old who has been using the prone position since I started masturbating at about 13. I don't know if this is typical but when I masturbate, my penis is mostly flaccid and pointing downwards, and I've never really ejaculated when I've had an erection. I've never had a problem getting hard for sex with partners though. I'm interested in trying to stop the TMS method and move to conventional masturbation and being able to reach orgasm with a partner. Will there be any complications if I'm not even used to ejaculating when I'm erect?
A: I suspect your situation with partners will get worse as you get older. It would be advisable to quit masturbating prone and work toward only doing it when fully erect.
10/29/06
I'm 19 and have been doing TMS since I was about 9. Years later, I am aware that I'm not masturbating the normal way and I've tried a few times without success. I did it only once about a year later, sitting on a chair while watching porn. However, I did not stroke but continously rubbed my penis. I found out that the orgasm was much better than the TMS way. Unfortunately, I continued to do TMS. Two months ago, I did not masturbate for about 3 days and a girl did a hand job for me and I managed to have an orgasm. But the next time another girl did nothing to me (I had masturbated in TMS fashion the day before). On the next attempt (2 days ago and I had done TMS in the morning), I did my first sexual intercourse for about 5-10 minutes but could not reach orgasm. I'm really frustrated and embarrassed. I thought that there is something wrong with me. I went home and did the TMS again at night. It was yesterday that I found your site and realized there are people similar to me. I'm really afraid and decided to stop TMS permanently and began my abstaining yesterday. Today, I erected real hard when I woke up in the morning. I tried to do it the normal way for about 10 minutes in the afternoon. But I kept failing. I need help and suggestions of what to do. Will I be able to be cured and enjoy it like the rest? Your site has greatly help me to find out about TMS.
A: I think a cure is within your reach, but a single day of abstinence is assuredly not enough. Give it at least 4 days, perhaps 7 if you can make it that long. It is a struggle, I know, but you can make it. You have already had success with girls after abstaining for a little while. You should understand as well as anyone here the importance of balancing masturbation and intercourse.
11/02/06
I just realized that I used to have TMS. My case is unique, because I actually effortlessly switched to regular masturbation about a month ago. However I recently had sex for the first time and couldn't reach orgasm. I tried again and still had no luck. There are a few things which I am wondering.
- Should I follow the same formula to becoming cured as one who just realized they have TMS? I can already orgasm easily the regular way and even made it in just under 5 minutes with a loose fist the first time I tried. A: Your goal is to learn to masturbate in conventional style. You have already done that. Therefore, you ought to work instead on integrating masturbation with intercourse. Usually abstaining from mastubation before having intercourse does the job. 3-5 days is good.
- Could the fact that I was masturbating with a rather right fist be traumatic? A: Yes.
- Is it okay to use visual stimulus to meet the 5 minute orgasm target? A: Yes.
- If I have to go to urinate during sex, will that make the odds of reaching an orgasm far lower? A: If you urinate during sex, it will take some time to be able to get an erection again. If you don't urinate, then you will be distracted by your full bladder and not perform as well sexually. The best thing to do is urinate before sex.
- My foreskin is a little tight, so it doesn't naturally fall back when erect. I can painlessly pull it back, but it is a little tight and uncomfortable to leave it like that for too long. Is it possible to orgasm during sex with the foreskin over the majority of the head of the penis? I was stretching it daily before now. Is it okay to continue to stretch it, as your site recommends not touching it playing with it outside of the required masturbatory periods. A: I think what you are doing is OK and likely to help.
- Until I can masturbate for an entire month easily, am I to refrain from making out with my girlfriend or doing anything that might give me an erection? A: The purpose of your abstinence was to teach you to masturbate conventionally. SInce you already can, I don't think you need the month of abstinence from intercourse, but make sure you're abstaining from masturbation in the days leading up to a sexual encounter.
11/02/06
I have been masturbating since I was 12. I started prone and continued that way until I was 20 when I learned the conventional technique. But I have always preferred the prone way and do it once in a while that way. My frequency has always been around twice a day. I got married last year and it's been more than a year now that I've been unable to maintain my erection long enough to penetrate. Also, my penis keeps pointing upward and I am just not able to get it in. I start hard, try to get it in and then as it doesn't happen, I lose my erection and get dejected. My wife has been very understanding all this while. I've tried giving up masturbating for eons now in vain. I am in deep trouble. Please help me. Does it matter which way I point my penis inside my underwear? I always keep it upward. I don't smoke or drink and have a healthy lifestyle. I am now scared after reading this site, especially re TMS and will try once again to stop completely. So please help me. (age 28)
I think giving up prone masturbation forever is an important first step. You might need help from a sexual health professional because of the degree of dysfunction you're already experiencing. Remember that most men are perfectly sexually functional once they quit TMS. Try to relax and don't fall into past patterns where you were unable to penetrate. How you keep your penis in your underwear is unimportant.
11/09/06
I recently read this site and everything made sense to me. Two weeks ago I started in the direction of masturbating in the conventional fashion after about 6 years of masturbating prone. The first week I abstained from masturbating altogether and when the week was over I attempted to do so normally. An hour and a half went by and nothing. In the morning I tried it sitting on my knees and thrusting into my hand in an attempt to at least step down from what I had been doing and after about 30 minutes it worked. A few days later I was completely alone at work and was aroused so I figured I'd try in the bathroom. So I sat and masturbated. After about 30 minutes I ejaculated. I was in complete disbelief that it actually happened. That time I 50% masturbated in a normal fashion (a loose fist) and the other 50% was a thrusting motion while holding my testicles.
Is what i've been doing harmful? Should I continue to do this and try to learn what about the feeling makes me ejaculate and step down until I can do it lying on my back normally? Or should I wait another week and abstain altogether?
A: I suspect that what you are doing now is an improvement. However, you shouldn't have been so quick to quit trying after your week of abstaining. You might have succeeded lying on your back the next day. It would be good if you could start over and keep trying until you can masturbate conventionally lying on your back. Stepping down to a semi-TMS state isn't a very good idea. It would be better if you just went all the way and quit TMS. Good luck.
11/12/06
Since I have occasionally reached orgasm the traditional way, I decided to try the traditional method first before abstention. Is the abstention period necessary if I can consistently reach orgasm through traditional masturbation (10-20 minutes, with lubrication, no visuals)? Should the skin surrounding the shaft slide freely against the hand, maintaining its position with the penis (ie, really really loose just barely touching) or is it OK to use enough grip for the shaft of the penis to slide within the skin? (age 36)
A: The purpose of the abstention period is to make it easier for you to masturbate conventionally. If you can already do that, there is no reason to abstain. Either grip you describe should be OK.
11/16/06
I came upon your site and never even knew there was a problem with this style of masturbation I first masturbated at 14 in TMS fashion without even knowing what was going on. I didn't learn for a few years that it even was considered masturbation. Currently, I'm 20 and masturbate prone one to three times a day. I can do it in 5 minutes quite easily and have even done it twice in the span of two hours before. I'm against romantic relationships (seen WAY too much garbage in my life between man and woman; also against homosexuality) and prohibit myself religiously from sex without relationship. Therefore, I consider myself asexual. Is TMS still negative in this scenario?
A: Yes. You ought to give it up so when you decide to not be against relationships anymore (which I hope will be soon), you will have no trouble functioning sexually. Also, even if you resign yourself to having no sexual activity other than masturbation forever, eventually TMS can make it difficult for you to masturbate easily.
11/17/06
I just read your article on TMS and I am stunned. I am 24 years old and only recently lost my virginity. For some reason, I learned to masturbate prone early on. I do it regularly (though I will NOT be doing it anymore!). I recently had a sexual encounter where I had some erectile dysfunction and it has destroyed my self-esteem. I'm trying to not think about it too much and just get over it. I had NO IDEA that masturbating prone can contribute to this. What are the odds of making a recovery and the erectile dysfunction ceasing once I stop my TMS habits? I'm on the verge of freaking out that this has scarred me for life and I'm going to have sex problems from here on out. You may have changed my life.
A: I've never heard of anyone who couldn't change. You can quit TMS in a matter of weeks and notice a difference in your sexual functioning within a couple of months.
11/20/06
I abstained from masturbation for about a week and last night I started masturbating for the first time the conventional way but I couldn't reach orgasm. I tried to pay attention to what I was doing and tried not to think about ejaculating. What should I do? (age 15)
A: Just be patient and try again tonight. You will succeed very soon.
11/27/06
I just found your site through a Google search. I didn't even know what TMS was! Luckily, I am able to masturbate using the traditional method. I'm abstaining right now and starting my seven day wait period! But it's just so tempting to go back. Is it really possible to completely quit? (age 19)
A: I don't know that you need to abstain. The purpose of abstaining is to learn the conventional method. If you can already masturbate that way, then just quit TMS and you'll be fine.
12/02/06
First of all, I must thank you for creating the HealthyStrokes.com web site. I had never heard of TMS but knew in my heart that my teenage masturbation techniques had had an effect on my sexual ability, and your web site has proved this to me. I am also grateful to you for providing details on treatments for TMS and for creating a forum where people in the same situation can discuss their problems. I understand that you must get numerous people asking you for personal advice, but if you could just read my introduction and background I would be greatly appreciative.
I am a 24 year old male who has suffered from erectile dysfunction all my life. I have just stumbled across this web site and am so pleased that there seems to be a possible explanation and help for my problem.
I started masturbating against a pillow when I was 13. Back then I was able to achieve strong erections and I masturbated several times a day. Around the age of 15, my erections became a lot less solid but I continued masturbating this way anyway. When I was 16, my erections had disappeared to next to nothing as I continued rubbing myself against a pillow. At this age I started to have sexual relations with women but they always ended unsuccessfully; I was never able to maintain my erection long enough to have sexual intercourse. Being a cocky 18 year old this didn't worry me too much and I thought it was just a matter of time till I would be able to, so continued to masturbate against a pillow. This was even though my penis felt less sensitive and a blue bruise had started to appear on the head.
When I was 21 I started my first serious relationship. For the first 6 months of the relationship we had sex no more than 10 times and for no longer than 4 or 5 minutes at a time. Although I stopped masturbating when the relationship first started, I soon reverted back to it without my girlfriend knowing. At this point I realized that masturbating against a pillow was part of my problem, so I stopped completely and started to use my hand. I have not masturbated that way since but I still am unable to achieve a suitable erection masturbating with my hand or for sexual intercourse. At this point I visited my doctor and explained that I was unable to achieve an erection but was told that as a 21 year old it couldn't be a serious problem. The doctor looked at my penis and I went for a series of tests and these all came back OK. As I was getting desperate, I bought Viagra off the Internet and started to use it. For the first time I was able to consistently achieve an erection and have sex but still I would lose my erection after only a few minutes. After another 2 years like this the inevitable happened and the relationship ended badly with me finally admitting my problem and nearly breaking down and my ex-girlfriend feeling like I had never loved her or cared about her. Since then I have tried several times to abstain from masturbating for a while or stop watching pornography but after a week or so I will get frustrated and revert to it. I have also tried using a sexual therapist, a hypnotherapist and all the impotence drugs under the sun but without success.
I am able to achieve erections without the use of Viagra, etc, but usually this only happens in my only bed early in the morning. If I masturbate slowly and gently, I am able to keep this erection for as long as I want. It is when I am with a women or when I masturbate harder that I lose it. This fact does give me some solace though as I don't believe that I would be able to achieve a natural erection like this if it was a physical problem. However, having had this problem for so many years has completely drained my confidence and I am now avoiding sex just so I can avoid that inevitable feeling of failure. Although this problem did not start out as a psychological one, it has most certainly manifested itself into one now. Up until now I truly have not known what to do, or how to approach this problem.
However, just finding the HealthyStrokes.com site and the Yahoo forum has given me an enormous boost. From the case studies it seems clear that if you put your mind to getting yourself better then you often can. I am going to try the abstinence program and see how I do with that. I would be so grateful for any further advice, especially if you have experienced a similar problem to me.
A: I suggest consulting with a doctor for referrals to a urologist and a competent sexologist. Your problems seem to be more severe than that of the typical person who contacts me. Since you are having regular erections, it suggests there is no physical problem, but it would be good for a urologist to check you out anyway. Since you quit masturbating prone years ago but are still having problems with sexual performance, a good sexologist could help you work through those issues. You can find one at http://www.sexologist.org and see if your medical insurance will cover a referral to that person.
12/05/06
I am recovering TMS practitioner. I'm very new to the sensations, etc., that the conventional way provides. My question involves control. How do you control orgasms? Currently, upon feeling the warmth traveling toward the head, I immediately let it release. Is control forcing yourself from releasing? Does this have any negative effects? (age 23)
A: It is best if you just let the orgasms happen while you are new to the conventional method. You will gain more control over them as you get used to the feeling. Once you have been at it for about a month, then is a good time to start delaying orgasms a little so that you can work at more control. There is more to control than simply delaying. This will make more sense after you are more familiar with it.
12/06/06
I started masturbating at an early age (8-9) and did it the usual way on my back, but one day around when I was 14 I decided to do it on my front, rubbing against the bed because I thought it was "more like having sex." Yesterday I found your site on TMS. I must agree with what it is saying. I cannot ejaculate in the shower or other places without it being a labourous, tiresome and unrewarding job. Today I have decided to stop TMS. I don't feel I need much of an abstaining period, because I can quite easily come after just 1 day. Today I ejaculated in the correct way, but it took 20 minutes and didn't feel as good as TMS. But I am going to keep it up. I will keep you updated on my progress. I hope to fix this problem before I start having sex with women. (age 16)
A: Good luck to you. After a while, it will feel a lot better than TMS.
12/06/06
I started to masturbate when I was 7 years old in the TMS position. I stopped that at 11 when I started to get erections. Will this have made any effect later on in life? (age 16)
A: No. I think after 5 years you can call yourself cured.
12/11/06
I am in deep need of help right now. I need to explain my story a little more in order for you to understand the full impact that TMS has had in my life, and I'll start from the beginning. I started TMS masturbation at 4-5 years old, which kept up over the years until I found your site last summer and realized what I was doing, and therefore I quit during the summer after a few tries and with plenty of resolve. However, during the time of TMS, I picked up a fashion fetish, and for things that are "puffed up" or "poofy" in some degree. The fetish applied because I did TMS on my stomach with a pillow and it reached into my mind and stayed. After I quit TMS, the fetish kept up, and last Saturday, I TMS'd again and began my strict resolve to have it ended. I'm going to follow the prgoram on an even more gradual and lengthy process of nearly a month and decreasing from there, which I'm hoping the power meets that of my fetish. My problem is, could this fetish be what ties me back to TMS? Can my fashion fetish, as in watching Style channel and such and being a male and fearing I might be gay (even though I have a girlfriend, this fetish has limited my desire for anything at all, I feel distant from life itself). Can this fetish be prevented or is it too strong (being it's the base of my sexual desire entirely) or can I truly fight this? Your help is much appreciated, please post this and answer, I'm desperate! (age 15)
A: You ought to separate the fetish from the TMS. It is good if you never masturbate TMS style again, but most males "cheat" occasionally after they are cured. A fetish for puffy clothes is not so bad. There are ways of being cured of fetishes too, but that is not what this site is about.
12/20/06
I just recently stopped doing TMS and I still suffer from erectile dysfunction. Is this a mental problem? (age 17)
A: It usually takes a few months before you notice a difference in your erections. Stick with the program and be patient.
12/21/06
I used to masturbate in the prone position but as soon as I read the info on TMS I stopped straight away! I have always been able to masturbate on my back also but thank you for warning me on how it might affect me in the future.
12/22/06
I have been masturbating in the TMS position since I was 7 and I am now 17. I have had sexual intercourse and the first time I ejaculated in 15 minutes but with my new gf have only ejaculated 3-4 times while having intercourse and that was after at least a 30 minute period. I was wondering if it would be too late to change from the TMS position and masturbate conventionally so I can ejaculate and enjoy sexual intercourse with my partner more? My partner thinks it's her fault I dont ejaculate during sex and would like to change this.
A: It is never too late to change. You are only 17 but you already have a lot of reasons to want to be cured. Go for it!
12/23/06
I've practiced TMS since about 11 or 12, but I did it the normal way also, about 50-50. Do you think I should do the abstention period, or just stick with the old fashioned way? I'm a virgin and can't wait to have sex, but if waiting will make it better for both parties, I'm willing to wait longer. (age 19)
A: The purpose of the abstention period is to make it easier for you to masturbate conventionally, so since you already know this, there is no reason to abstain. Just make a vow to give up TMS forever.
12/26/06
I have practiced TMS for several years, but I have often done the conventional way too during this time. After discovering this site 5 months ago, I have not masturbated prone since, but I am still having problems maintaining a sufficient erection. What should my next step be? (age 19)
A: It can take months for you to notice a difference in your erections. Just stay away from masturbating prone and make a point of masturbating only when you have a nice erection. Sometime not long from now, you will suddenly notice your erections have gotten better and you are not even thinking about them.
01/03/07
Thanks for the useful info on this site. I used to masturbate prone, from around age 13-18. I have stopped doing that for about a year and a half now, and I still struggle to get erections when I feel sexually excited. As a result, I normally begin masturbating with only a partial erection at best. It doesn't seem to be a physical problem, because often I wake up in the morning or during the night with a strong erection. Could you offer any advice as to how I can obtain strong erections at the right time? (age 20)
A: It is a good idea to only masturbate when you have a strong erection. If you want a stronger erection, most men your age look at something visually exciting before or during masturbation. You are at the age when spontaneous erections go away even without a history of prone masturbation.
1/11/07
I just came across the HealthyStrokes.com web site after doing some surfing around the web. I am 52 years old, and now realize that I have suffered from TMS all my life. Suddenly I realize why I have had anorgasmia with all my previous girlfriends, and why missionary was the only position that ever worked. So first a really BIG thank you for putting up this site. You are a genuine hero. Second, do you think it's possible for even me to unlearn after so long? I've tried masturbation with my hand and just can't feel anything sexual - it just seems so far from the feeling of coming. Anyway, thanks again.
A: Yes, you can be cured. I've never known anyone who couldn't. Many of the men in the support group were close to your age when they were cured.
1/28/07
I am recovering from TMS. My sex life with my girlfriend has been inconsistent. Sometimes it is phenomenal, other times not. Though things have been getting better, I have decided to abstain and begin the program once more: I want a normal and healthy sex life. She has hinted about a vibrator. This makes me somewhat insecure though. However, since I am going to be abstaining, I would rather her use the vibrator than someone else. Do women in relationships often use vibrators? She's 19 years old. What are your thoughts while I go through this? (age 23)
A: She is willing to be supportive of your abstinence. There is nothing wrong with you sexually pleasuring her while you are abstaining, although I discourage it in the early stage because it will make you think so much about sex or masturbating that your willpower will be threatened. Lots of women in and out of relationships use vibrators. You should tell her it's fine with you if she uses it.
2/7/07
Thanks for all the info in this site. I am married for a year and have been having trouble maintaining my erection during intercourse with my wife (my one and only sexual partner in my entire life). I have had all kinds of medical checkups (urologist, etc.) and no one could seem to find what is wrong. I masturbated prone for about 10 years (ages 17 through 27). For the past few years, I have only been masturbating rarely (twice a month) and doing that by stroking just the head of the penis lightly with a cloth, with visual stimuli. Does this also fall under the definition of TMS? I get fully erect while doing this and reach orgasm. I have never masturbated the traditional way. I would appreciate your thoughts on whether the abstinence program would help someone in my situation.
A: Although you put TMS behind you, you replaced it with another atypical method of masturbation, and your sex life has suffered. I would suggest learning the typical method of masturbation using the abstinence program. Remember, the definition of "cured of TMS" is that you are able to masturbate daily using the conventional method for at least a month. No doubt it will be difficult for you to abstain now that you finally have a partner, but it will be well worth it in the long run.
2/17/07
Since I've switched, semen doesn't come out like it did when I masturbated prone. Only a bit of urine comes out. What's wrong? (age 16)
A: It is probably not urine. It is probably pre-cum. You just need to get used to the new feeling. You weren't aware of pre-cum before. When it comes out, just keep stroking and keep your mind on what was working. You will ejaculate in a few seconds.
2/24/07
I'd like to thank you for having this site and keeping it up. I am newly married to my partner of 7 years, who suffers from TMS. I always did searches online through the years because of our occasional hangups in the bedroom. I always suspected that his only method of masturbation being why, even going as far in my youth as trying to contact Dr. Drew on Loveline! Since I didn't have the correct terminology, I never found any answers. Recently the comic Louis C.K. mentioned on an HBO special that masturbation this way is harmful, and my husband looked it up online, and here I am, hoping to repair what is now our problem. I plan on following your directions to correct this and hopefully have a much more enjoyable and happier love life with my husband. You should probably thank Louis C.K. for shedding light on this if you hadn't already heard what he said. I am angry now because when using TMS in an online search other than this site, all I see is people bashing it and calling it nonsense. It hurts as someone who knows a sufferer and who's feeling the consequences personally. I wish there were more medical research conducted publicly other than Dr. Sank's. This is a real condition -- I KNOW. I will stay informed and inform others. I hope to come back to you with positive news about our progress. Thank you so much again! (age 26)
2/27/07
Sometimes when I get an erection my penis points slightly downward. Is this normal? I used to masturbate prone, and your site helped me to stop. Does my erection have anything to do with TMS? (age 12)
It's unlikely at your age. I would expect you would suffer no long lasting effects as a result of TMS. Congratulations on switching.
2/27/07
I started masturbating when I was 13 by thrusting my penis against my bed, and I recently came across your site, which made me concerned. After perusing the TMS article, however, I found a contradiction between how I masturbate and TMS being unhealthy. On the page, you say, "A sign that you're masturbating in a healthy fashion is that you recognize that orgasm is imminent but consciously decide to put it off for a while so you can enjoy masturbating longer." I normally prolong my climax, despite masturbating against my bed. What should I take this to mean? (age 17)
A: There is no contradiction there. You are talking about two different things. Masturbating by thrusting against something is bad, but deciding to put your orgasm off for a little while is good.
3/14/07
I stopped TMS on 22 days ago. I have to tell you, I can do it the correct way without any problem. I feel so much better. It's hard to explain, but everything seems so much better now. I wanted to say thanks a bunch. I am just going to keep moving foward, and just completely put that bad habit in the past.
A: Good job!
3/27/07
I have masturbated vigorously for years without realizing how difficult it was making intercourse. My female partners loved that I could go on for 30-40 minutes before I came but it left me feeling tired and often angry if I couldn't. I have adjusted my method and I am so happy because my lovemaking is 200% better already after 2 weeks. I get plenty of sex. Now I decide when I come!! Your site has changed my life. Thank you.
4/2/07
I am trying to quit TMS and I am unable to masturbate to orgasm the regular way after a week of abstinence. What should I do? (age 18)
I suggest trying again in a day or two. It helps if you are very determined to have an orgasm. The one thing to avoid doing is giving up and going back to prone. Then you've wasted your abstinence period.
4/5/07
Many thanks for bringing TMS to public attention. It was so enlightening reading about TMS and checking out the comments and case studies. I am 34 years old and have been using TMS since I was very young. In over 30 years I had never reached orgasm with my own hand, reached it only once with a girlfriend's hand and never at all from oral sex. I thought that it was all in my mind, but your site changed my thinking for the better! Since giving up TMS 10 days ago, I am now able to orgasm properly on a daily basis in under 10 minutes and am really looking to putting my re-found sensitivity to good use with my girlfriend when the month is up. I feel like I have been born again and am just about to discover sex for the first time!
A: More power to you! It is very good that you were able to put TMS behind you so quickly.
4/7/07
I'm a 26 year old medical student, and after much research into your site, I suspect I may have TMS. I started this practice by pressing my flaccid penis against bedding years ago. I've been practicing your cure technique. I can now ejaculate with hand lying on my back but only with my anal sphincter clenched and my legs clenched together. Is it still a variation of TMS this way?
A: Those things do not constitute TMS. A fairly high percentage of males do the leg stretching. The anal clenching is less common. Now that you are cured, you can work to overcome those habits. Congratulations!
P.S. Are you active in the support group? A medical student would be much welcome there.
4/15/07
I have been masturbating since around 6 years old using the TMS position. Once I read your web site, I stopped and haven't been using it for months now. Is it still possible for me to be cured? (age 14)
A: You are cured! Congratulations.
4/22/07
I self discovered masturbation around age 11-12 in the prone position. I continued that for years. I would create a cavity in a blanket and found that extremely enjoyable. I think that the cavity stopped me from placing a lot of pressure on my penis. I did this for about 6 years, and occasionally thereafter. Since then I have been lying on my back using my fist. But back then, in order to stop the semen from covering the blanket, I used to squeeze the tip of the penis to stop the flow. I did that for years. I wish someone had told me not to do this. I don't think that I ejaculate a lot due to that practice. What exactly did I do to myself and can I reverse the damage? (age 37)
A: If you quit TMS 20 years ago, your orgasms ought to be normal. Most guys notice a difference after only a few months. You also had the additional problem of retrograde ejaculation, and I don't know as much about how that affects the body. Keep in mind that the average ejaculation is only about a teaspoon. It might be worth your while to get examined by a urologist. Be sure to tell him about both of your problems.
4/23/07
I don't enjoy masturbating if I don't do it the TMS way. I tried the conventional method for 3 months and it didn't feel good. I also can't feel much during sex. (age 22)
A: Your problems are related. You will never improve your feelings during intercourse until you quit TMS. A lot of males find they masturbate a lot less once they first quit TMS, but the majority are back to their old frequency within a year. It is just a different feeling to get used to. You can do it.
4/23/07
I just realized (from your amazing site) that I've been masturbating the TMS way my entire life. I have done it the other way a couple of times, but the number is small compared to the TMS number. I know now to not do it the TMS way. If I stop forever, will I experience any problems in the future? (age 15)
A: I think you will be fine very soon and experience no aftereffects of TMS. It's quite easy for males your age to give up the TMS habit. Good luck.
4/24/07
I had been practicing TMS for the past 10 years until last month when I visited your site. I am a virgin. The problem I faced due to TMS was that even when I am doing TMS, I don't completely reach orgasm. After reading about the dangers of TMS from this site, I stopped doing that 3 weeks ago. Today, I tried masturbating in the normal way, and I still don't get a perfect orgasm in my penis. Is something wrong? Is 3 weeks not enough for curing TMS? (age 27)
A: I don't know what you mean by a perfect or imperfect orgasm. If the orgasm feels the same as it did when you were masturbating prone, then you have overcome TMS. Congratulations! If you feel the orgasm is still not perfect, then you might have a problem other than what I can help you with. Where did you get the idea that your orgasms were less than complete?
5/4/07
I've been practicing TMS (and been trying to stop), but just recently, when I ejaculated, it hurt! Now the tip of my penis is a little red, and it hurts when I urinate. Is this because of TMS? I've never been sexually active so it can't be an STD. Please help! (age 19)
A: Yes, it sounds like you irritated the tip of your penis. It ought to get better by leaving it alone for a few days. Good luck in quitting TMS.
5/5/07
I've been practicing TMS since I was 3 years old. I accidentally discovered that it felt good to thrust against a pillow face down on my stomach, and as a consequence masturbated this way ever since. I had long suspected that my atypical masturbation technique was the reason I couldn't get an erection suitable for regular intercourse, but since no doctor could find anything physically or psychologically wrong with me, I had no hope until I discovered this site. In any case, I'm interested if you know about any cases in which it took significantly longer for someone to get cured of TMS. I ask because in addition to having practiced TMS for over 20 years, I have a very high sex drive so I've regularly masturbated more than average, occasionally as often as 4 or 5 times a day even as I get older. I've abstained for the week period as suggested, but regular masturbation doesn't work although I am extremely horny at that point. Every time I've tried abstaining I end up giving in and masturbating prone to relieve all the built-up tension. I realize this negates the whole abstention period, but I would really like to know if there are cases you're aware of in which it took the TMS practitioner a few months before he could masturbate normally. I think that would motivate me not to give up so easily. (age 27)
A: Yes, I know of many cases like that. It pays to be persistent and to be motivated to want to switch. There have been more than a few men who thought they were so dependent upon masturbation that they couldn't even think about giving it up for a week. I remember one case where the man was like that but he decided he wanted to be cured fast when he met an interesting woman, and he gave up TMS in about six days. As a rule, older (20+) males can't switch as nearly automatically as adolescent males can, but it is rare for the switch to take more than three or four weeks. If the problem is sustaining an erection, often Viagra will help you switch from TMS. I highly support joining the support group and sharing information with others who have gone through the things you are now.
5/10/07
I am 16 and have been masturbating in TMS fashion almost every night for a year. I have never once masturbated the conventional way. The other night my girlfriend was over and we were doing some pretty heavy making out. When she got up to leave she promised me that next time she'd "do something for me" and winked. I knew she meant that she wanted to give me a hand job, and I was excited but worried because I had never even done that myself. So right after she left I decided to give it a try, to see how good it felt. After about 15 minutes of not orgasming, and not even feeling much pleasure, I gave up and flipped over onto my stomach and masturbated the usual way. The next day I couldn't come through conventional masturbation either, and it freaked me out. I found your web site, and it terrified me. I've abstained from masturbation for two days. I'm planning on doing it for a week like you suggest, and then masturbating the normal way. But my two previous failed attempts leave me with absolutely no confidence. What if it doesn't work next Monday? Should I try again the next day if I cant orgasm the first time? Am I better off doing it myself the first time, or will the excitement of having my girlfriend topless doing it for me make it easier for me to finally orgasm normally? And if I do get it to work the first time, how long do I have to avoid my girlfriend before it would be OK for me to get a hand job?
A: I hope you will be able to masturbate supine next Monday, but don't worry so much if you aren't. It might be a good idea to tell your girlfriend this isn't the time for your planned sexual experimentation. I usually advise men to be cured of TMS for a month (i.e., able to masturbate by hand every day) before trying anything sexual with a partner. In your case, it might not have to be a whole month, just because you have no sexual experience to make an adjustment from. Try not to worry about your girlfriend when you try to masturbate conventionally. Just concentrate on this method, and then you can become sexual with her with confidence when you know you have beaten TMS.
5/14/07
I have been practicing TMS style masturbation from a very young age compared to when most men start masturbating. I am currently in the process of quitting, but it has been nearly two weeks and I still cannot get an erection, with or without visual aids. I do not want to damage my reporductive organs by abstaining for too long. However, I do get erections in my sleep again, as I was awakened one night by a loud lightning storm to find that I had one and it was not caused by a need to urinate. Should I continue to abstain for longer than two weeks, or is my ED caused by some psychological factor rather than a biological one? (age 18)
A: You obviously do not have a physical problem, because you are able to have erections at night. Just relax. You are obviously very worked up about this. I recommend Viagra to get you through the next step. Abstinence will not damage your reproductive organs.
5/16/07
Honestly, I didn't know where to turn. Someone referred me to your site, www.healthystrokes.com and I'm so grateful. I am 16 years old and have masturbated face down since pre-school. I have started abstinence and I'm unsure if I can cure myself but at least I know what's wrong. I don't thrust into anything, but rather lie on my stomach, penis against hands, back of hands against floor (knuckles touching floor). I've always known it was awkward, but didn't know it was causing problems. How many TMS sufferers have you talked to that have masturbated the wrong way since preschool? I'm thinking it's too late for me.
A: It is not too late. It is usually very easy to switch at your age. You can do it. And you do thrust -- you thrust into or against your hands.
5/20/07
Hi, I just want to say your site is great. It's a great source of information and you're very knowledgeable. Because of your site, I've recently found out I have TMS. I have been masturbating both prone and face up for about 5-6 years (I'm 16). I don't think it's good thing to find out that I've been doing an unhealthy practice multiple times a week 5-6 years later. When erect, my penis doesn't point up at all, like in the images on your site. If anything, it points down a little bit and doesn't even stand straight out. It's always firm, and I never have a problem getting it up. Do you think prone masturbation caused this? Is the damage done and is it too late?
A: I doubt it did, especially if you can masturbate supine too. You probably have nothing to worry about. Now that you are going to stop masturbating prone, why not take note of any changes in your erections in the coming months, and let us know?
5/20/07
An underspoken problem. I knew something was up, everything makes sense now and fixing it should be doable. I can relate to a lot of what you've published. Just wanted to say thanks. (age 18)
6/5/07
Thanks to your site, I no longer practice TMS and can masturbate conventionally. I practiced TMS since the age of around 4, and I never ejaculated, or realized that I was likely to do so. I knew that what I was doing was similar to masturbation but I thought normal masturbation would come to me at a certain age. When I first saw your web site, I was extremely concerned and upset that what I thought was an unusual but not unhealthy practice was a genuine disorder. I now realize that from a young age I masturbated compulsively, in that I did it in inconvenient places even if it would make me late and I seemed to have little control over it. My problem now, after I have been conventionally masturbating for the best part of a year, is that I don't appear to produce much semen, to the point that for a while I wasn't sure if it was semen or pre-cum. I can only compare to what I see in pornography, and I know that's not the best guide but what I produce seems to be a tiny amount of semen which does not project but runs down the side of my penis. Is this normal? I use idiosyncratic masturbation often, because it feels more comfortable. Is this something I should try to change? (age 14)
A: If you quit TMS, you are only part of the way to recovery if you still masturbate idiosyncratically. Most males your age aren't ejaculating much semen. Normal volume for an adult male is 5 to 7 ml, about a teaspoon. You can make it project more if you hold it in for a split second before you ejaculate.
6/9/07
After reading your site about TMS, I vow never to go prone again. My question is this: I think this habit has caused my urethral opening to become wider than normal, and thus my urine stream is wide as well. Do you think this will heal over time? Do you think this might affect intercourse or cause further damage to the penis by intercourse? (age 26)
A: That is an interesting question. I heard once of a urologist telling a TMS male (although neither of them had heard of TMS at the time) that the only thing abnormal about his penis was the urethral opening. By the time he brought it up on my group, he had quit TMS but didn't think his penis looked any different. I think I will pose this question to my online support group.
6/14/07
I do not believe I practice TMS, although I masturbate face down, on my hands and knees. I use my hands, not the mattress, or any other bedding. This usually gets me to orgasm faster. Recently, however, I masturbated on my back for the first time, and I realized it took me a lot longer to come, and I was actually becoming frustrated in the end. Is this normal? Am I practicing TMS by masturbating on my hands and knees? Second, I've noticed that when I masturbate, there is always a residue of semen that will come out later. My countermeasure against this was, since I masturbate typically in the shower, upon ejaculation, to face my penis into the shower water (the shower water hits the urethra) and forces urine to come out (in other words, I force myself to urinate with the help of the force from the shower). Is this a harmful practice? (age 20)
A: I think you ought to quit both of those practices. Although I don't think what you describe is TMS per se, it is an atypical form of masturbation. The proof of that is that it takes you a long time to masturbate the normal way. Irritating your urethra will not help you in any way. It is no problem if that little bit of leftover semen comes out later and drips onto something.
6/18/07
I have been masturbating the TMS way for around 5 years now. I have followed your instructions by not masturbating for a week, but my penis does not seem sensitive enough as I cannot ejaculate or masturbate at all the conventional way, and I have an urge to masturbate the TMS way. (age 16)
A: It is important to not masturbate TMS. You are the only one who loses if you do it that way. You will have thrown away what you were supposed to gain by your week of abstaining. Just relax and get aroused and then practice the conventional way again. It might take more than a half hour. When you are sure you are not to going to orgasm that way, just be patient and try again tomorrow.
6/23/07
Is there a way to get over anorgasmia? I used to use the TMS manner of masturbation and now masturbate on my back, but it still takes me forever to orgasm by masturbation or intercourse. (age 23)
A: I recommend increasing the interval between your orgasms. Most males find they can masturbate much more quickly once they quit TMS (5 minutes as opposed to 20).
6/25/07
My girlfriend has brought your site to my attention. I read it and I really think that I am having this issue. I have been using Viagra due to ED and it works really well for me. I've always associated my inablitlity to orgasm and my ED as seperate issues but now I'm starting to think that they are definitely related. In any case, I'm into my 3rd day of no prone masturbation and am anxiously awaiting the 7th day so I can try the normal masturbation technique. I'm 31 years old and have been doing prone masturbation since I was a kid. I'm a little worried that 7 days is not going to make much difference but I understand I should wait another 5 days whether I'm successful or not. I guess my question are the following. If I am still having issues with erections after a month, is it still OK for me to use Viagra while waiting for my erections to improve? It's my understanding that I should not have sex for about a month. Is this absolutely necessary? I guess I'm worried about the effect of this on my gfriend. Would it be OK to have sex once a week for example? Maybe even as a substitute for normal mastubation. Just the thought of not having any stimulation with her at all for a month seems like the hardest thing in the world.
A: It's OK to use Viagra to help you masturbate for the first time the conventional way, but I advise against using it when you're in the period after that. You should try to get used to the new feelings. It might be 3-4 months before you notice your erections have changed. It is important to be able to masturbate daily the conventional way for a month before doing anything sexual. That doesn't mean you can't touch, etc., or even bring her to orgasm. But you ought not do anything sexual with her involving your genitals in that time.
6/25/07
I had masturbated prone from about the age of 5-6 or as long as I can remember. I came across this site about 2 months ago. At the start I had my doubts as to whether it would work. Before coming across this site I had been researching my problem for a while and all I could come up with was delayed orgasm, which seemed like a no-hope situation. Then I came across this site. I started your program. I gradually made my way to masturbating on my back and kept progressing to the point where I could masturbate standing up. Then came the test with my girlfriend and all went well! Without this site I'd still be stuck thinking I had delayed orgasm and I probably would have had sexual problems for many years. I'm just glad I cured it at my age. I can't thank the author of this site enough for solving this problem has made me a much happier person in general. Excellent site altogether, not enough credit! (age 17)
7/1/07
I'm a 15 year old male who has been masturbating TMS style until recently. I knew I masturbated different from most guys but I figured it wouldn't cause any problems later on. I first realized I had a problem about 2 weeks ago when my girlfriend and I were practicing manual intercourse. I was able to get her to have an orgasm no problem through fingering but when she tried to give me a hand job, I wasn't feeling any stimulation and didn't come anywhere near ejaculation. She thought it was her fault but I made up an excuse that I had masturbated too much earlier that day. It was then that I knew I had a problem. The next day I tried around 4 times to masturbate face up but it just didn't work. I then found this site and read the article. Thank you whoever wrote it! I abstained from masturbation for about 8 days. On the 8th night I was able to ejaculate the normal way. And it worked the next night but it was a little harder and the next night was even harder but I still reached ejaculation. Should it really be getting harder to ejaculate facing up? I have not returned to TMS since I quit and have no desire to but will it get easier to ejaculate with time?
A: Yes, it will get easier, but I don't recommend masturbating on consecutive days when you're just learning to masturbate supine. You would have a much better chance of habituating if you only worked on it every other day, at the most. Keep at it. You will notice a big change in about a month or so.
7/23/07
I am 30 years old and I have masturbated in the TMS style for more than 16 years. Now I have a girlfriend and some problems. I was a virgin, until three weeks ago when we had sex. After 50 minutes with no orgasm, we took a break. Now I want to change everything. I did not masturbate for 6 days and I want to wait the next 5 days. I am afraid that I will have no orgasm the correct way. What can I do? I am very nervous! I need a lot of pressure and stimulation. My girlfriend is away for the next 4 weeks. I really want to be cured in these weeks. I need every help and tip you can give me. How can my penis get more sensitive? I will never practice TMS in the future. Can I do something to get an oral orgasm? On the phone, my girlfriend told me that she wants to put my penis in her mouth. The last time I did not feel anything!!! If I try to masturbate conventionally and I get no orgasm, I get mad. The last time I masturbated was July 17th. I want to do it the normal way July 27th, August 4th, 8th, 12th, and then every second day. Is that correct? Can I have fun with my girlfriend in 4-5 weeks?
A: What would help most is to be patient and focus on YOUR getting over this, and not feeling the additional pressure of having to live with your girlfriend's travel schedule. If she really cares for you, she will understand that you are overcoming a bad habit and will wait until you are ready. You have the right idea about the interval you should use to masturbate, but there is no reason to be so rigid about the dates. Just do it on the dates when you think it has been long enough and you can be successful.
7/23/07
I've abstained now for around 2 weeks, and last night I tried to masturbate while lying supine on my bed. After 45 minutess, I still hadn't orgasmed, so I gave up. Should I just keep trying, or do I need to try something else? (age 16)
A: Don't give up. Try again a day or two later. Practice makes perfect. You don't want to waste those two weeks of agony by masturbating prone. Put your energies into having a successful orgasm looking face up!
7/30/07
I am a 32 year old male and have TMS. I had no clue what was wrong with me until I was listening to Howard Stern one day and heard him mention the Playboy article about TMS. I was relieved to know that other people were experiencing the same issues I was having but did not know where to go for help. A few months later I did an Internet search and found your site. I tried the steps to cure myself but they have not worked. Are there any other suggestions you might have? Would seeing a professional help? This is really affecting my social life.
A: You do not say what your problems are. Were you able to switch to conventional masturbation? If not, then keep working to switch. I've never heard of anyone who was unable to learn how to masturbate manually. If so, then are the issues with partner sex?
8/8/07
I have been masturbating prone for about 15 years. I didn't notice any problem with it until about 3 years ago. I had quite a bit of sex in high school with no problems and had many orgasms, with a condom and without one. I found your site about 5 months ago and decided that I would cut down on masturbation and just masturbate prone once a week. That worked for a while, but I went back to it too often. I have noticed that even if I do it once in a week, I lose a little sensation. I still can get an erection when I am getting oral sex but I do not reach orgasm. I haven't had vaginal sex in a while because I am pre-occupied with whether I will be able to complete the task. But the real thing that concerns me is that I have a few small bumps in between the head and the shaft of my penis from masturbating prone. I can get an erection but it feels like the tightness of the skin wont let me get fully there. Is this something I need to consider for surgery? (age 28)
A: I don't know that masturbating prone has ever caused anything like that. Before you even need to think about surgery, you ought to quit masturbating prone. If you can cut down to once a week, you are the first step in switching. I advise males who want to switch to abstain from ejaculating for seven days, at which point they should be sensitive enough to masturbate the conventional way. Once you have done that, your anxiety about intercourse ought to be lifted. At that point, you can take another look at those bumps. They might just be pockets of secretions from where your lube glands were before circumcision. Lots of men have those.
8/13/07
Follow-up: I haven't masturbated prone since we corresponded in August 2007. I have masturbated the normal way for 6 days in a row. I just lose a little sensation when masturbating so often. Why do you have to do it for 30 days before you're cured? Can you take one day off?
A: Yes, it doesn't have to be 30 consecutive days. My standard for overcoming TMS is that you can masturbate conventionally on a daily basis (which doesn't necessarily mean every single day) for a month. Once you've masturbated daily for that long, you are unlikely to go back to TMS. Conventional masturbation will thus become a new habit.
1/10/08
After reading your article recently, I realized that I have developed TMS as I have been masturbating prone exclusively for over 5 years. In a bid to cure my TMS, I followed the guidelines on your web site and after a week of refraining from masturbation, I am currently unable to maintain an erection during a conventional masturbation session and am even having problems getting one. Do you know what the problem is? I am also afraid that (since I am a virgin) that if I try to have sex without learning the correct technique of masturbation that I will not be able to reach orgasm inside my partner. What do you think I should do? (age 20)
A: It is fairly common to be unable to erect after that first week of abstinence. Some of that can be due to nerves. You seem overly anxious about sex with a partner. Don't think about that right now. Just try to relax and look at some things that interest you, and I think a strong erection will come fairly soon. Don't be worried if you don't get one right away. You have plenty of time to be cured of TMS before you have to worry about a partner.
8/19/07
I tend to practice unusual masterbation habits however I am unsure if these would fall under the category of TMS. I usually have used a cotton pillow with a hole in it as a surrogate sex doll, or I will use toys such as full-mold vaginas and I will enter them missionary style, the same as I do when I have intercourse missionary style. I have done this for numerous years and long before I became sexually active. There are a few things I have noted as a side-effect of this behavior. First I am unable to achieve orgasm through stimulation solely via my hand, and I have never done so. I have not attempted it very many times as usually I will get frustrated at not being able to reach orgasm that way. I however have no issue reaching orgasm via the use of props, regardless of the position I am in, I normally assume missionary stance with my props however I can just as easily reach orgasm lying on my back and using them above me. I also tend to be more aroused when I touch myself through some other material such as silk or cloth than with my own skin. I think the feeling of something else besides me touching my skin is what drives me.
As for affecting my sex life, I am very sexually active with my partner. I have no problems reaching orgasm regardless of position. I have never orgasmed from other sexual activity such as fellatio or manual intercourse, but I attribute that mostly to the fact that my partner does not do them for an extended period of time and also me having anxiety about fellatio with her due to her tendency to have lockjaw. I have no problems achieving erections, I have no physical discomfort, my sexual appetite and sex life are by no means hindered by my habits. I have a very happy sex life both with my partner and through masturbation. Is my unusual masturbatory behavior classified as TMS? Should I change my method of masturbating?
A: Your unusual masturbation habits are definitely TMS. There is no question about that. You don't say how old you are, but you might be young enough that you are not feeling the effects of TMS yet. Most men notice a sexual decline in their 30s, and when that happens, TMS males are worse off than others. It is good news that you are able to have intercourse but you also report an inability to orgasm through non-vaginal sexual channels. Perhaps if you quit TMS, you would find that even vaginal intercouse gets better.
8/20/07
I have been having sexual dysfunction for the past three years or so and I want to correct it. I have an issue with the ability of ejaculating appropriately. Currently, I am not able to ejaculate inside a woman. The only way for me to have an orgasm is through manual stimulation. Here are the details. I am a 39 year old male with no known physical issues preventing me from performing. I don? have any issues with getting erect and staying erect as long as I am aroused by my partner. I was married for 12 years. She wasn? very sexually motivated during the whole marriage and she was very bad at the end with her only having sex with me once a quarter for about the last year of our marriage. Prior to our separation, I was able to achieve orgasm inside of her without an issue. In fact, sometimes I was too fast after she kept me waiting for so long. After our separation I haven? been able to achieve an orgasm inside a woman. I have been separated from my ex for approximately three years and have had many sex partners since our separation including long relationships. The women I have been with, I had sex without using condoms. During the last year or so with my ex, I masturbated frequently to pornographic movies. I think I may have masturbated almost daily. Currently I masturbate to pornographic material almost on a daily basis. I have noticed a distinct drop in the amount of semen that I ejaculate since I left my ex. I don? have to watch pornography in order to ejaculate but I think I almost always fantasize to it. I have used drugs, licit and illicit, at times, to have all night masturbation sessions with pornography. It isn? a frequent activity. I have come close to coming inside a woman a few times with the women I have been very close to and am completely sexually attracted to. I have had massage therapists bring me to orgasm through manual stimulation with the use of oil. I masturbate on my bed laying face up using my right hand. I am right handed. Sometimes I use lube, mostly I don?. I have received advice from an ex-girlfriend of mine on this issue. She has a master? in psychology and is a practicing general mental health counselor. She suggested I stop masturbating and just have sex vaginally. That way my penis will get re-accustomed to the sensation of the vagina and with all the build-up, I will have to orgasm at some point. I tried doing this a while back but my sex partner was unreliable so I wasn? able to fully go through the process. I am looking to confirm that her suggestion is the right way to go. I have a new girl I am really serious about and I want to orgasm with her, so if you could help in anyway I would really appreciate it.
A: It is part of a solution. I doubt that quitting masturbation altogether is a realistic solution given your frequency and intensity at it. I would suggest abstaining from it for 5-7 days before you next have intercourse and giving up the excessive aspects of it (e.g., no more drug-induced sessions, cut back on porn, cut back to three times a week). All of the issues with your ex-wife are beyond the scope of my experience. I don't know how all of those things are affecting you now. If you continue to have sexual problems, you might seek help from a sex therapist to deal with those issues.
8/22/07
I gave up masturbating in the prone position when I was about 18. I lost my virginity at 22 and still have not been able to ejaculate during sex or oral sex, despite trying different partners and positions. My search for a solution led me to this (eye-opening) site. I am curious now whether my years of TMS have led to long-term damage, or that the transition to normal masturbation has meant that I masturbate too fiercely. I have not masturbated in the prone position for about 5 years. Have other men had this problem? (age 25)
A: You ought not be suffering any effects of TMS at this point. I have the impression that you don't have sex regularly. It would help if you had a regular partner, and if you could abstain from masturbating altogether for 5-7 days before having sex with her. If masturbating too fiercely is indeed your problem, then you could also work on masturbating with less force.
8/26/07
I had a look on your web site regarding masturbation. According to you it was a normal activity as long as it is done the conventional way. I have ALWAYS done it the prone way. I am of course aware of the other (more common) way of masturbating, though I have no idea how to do this. Does this mean I am doomed and will never get a proper erection? I must admit that the regular way of masturbation has always sounded incredibly odd to me. You are also right about the fact that I can only masturbate while I am lying (or standing and rubbing it against the wall). I can often do so without taking my pants off. I am wondering whether my inability to masturbate the normal way has scarred me forever. This fear has led me to believe that I may not be able to satisfy girls in the future. I was rather surprised to learn from your web site that masturbation itself is not a harmful activity (if done the proper way), as I had always thought it is harmful no matter how you go about it. (age 22)
A: You are not doomed. Many men have switched when they were older than you and have been cured. The problem TMS males have is not satisfying women but satisfying themselves in intercourse. You can change and become perfectly normal.
8/26/07
My 18 year old boyfriend is currently suffering from TMS. I was so psyched when I found this web site because now we finally know what's wrong with him, and I don't think it's me anymore. We knew it had something to do with the way he masturbated, but we could never really understand what the issue was, I thought he had ED or something. Over the past year he has had trouble ejaculating, and this is very unsatisfying and a VERY low blow to the self esteem on my part, so I would tell him to wait a week and then try masturbating the normal way and then try having sex, but even when he has practiced a week of abstinence and then tries masturbating with his hand as opposed to his bedsheets he says it hurts. This also happens when I try to practice oral sex on him or even give him a hand job. Is this normal for men who have TMS, that it "hurts" or that something else is wrong? His doctor told him it was all in his head but I doubt he told him he masturbates prone, because it took him months to finally tell me! Well there be any long term damage? If he has ED or anorgasmia, will it part with him when he cures himself of TMS? (age 16)
A: I define as being cured of TMS as no longer masturbating prone and being able to masturbate daily by hand for at least a month. After he has done that, he ought to notice differences in his arousal and orgasms within a few months. Just remember you can't get him cured by yourself. He has to want to change himself.
9/3/07
Thank you so much for making this site. If I had never found this site, I wouldnt have stopped it. I started masturbating this way when I was quite young, about 8 years old. Since I stopped recently I've noticed it easier to get erections. Can masturbating prone cause you to stop getting morning erections? I don't get them very often and it's making me kind of worried. (age 16)
A: I've never heard of that. You probably don't need to be worried.
9/5/07
Realizing that I had TMS, I have followed the guidelines and tried to refraining from masturbating the TMS way for over a month and a half now (other than accidentally masturbating in my sleep). The problem is that I cant find a pleasurable way to masturbate conventionally so that I am aroused. Using the full fist grip doesn't seem to work and I quickly lose my erection. I am too afraid to go back to the TMS way but I dont know what to do as I cannot refrain from masturbation forever. What is the best way to masturbate for someone just recovering from TMS? Why am I unable to masturbate conventionally? (age 20)
A: Masturbating in your sleep might be part of it. You need to cut that out too. The idea behind abstaining is that after 5-7 days of no masturbation, you are apt to much more sensitive and able to masturbate to orgasm an unfamiliar way. The first time you masturbate by hand, it's OK if you stroke as fast and hard as you can. You can work at slowing down and using less force later.
9/21/07
I want to thank you for making this page. Because of you, I found out I was a lifelong victim of TMS, and I was able to correct myself recently. Kudos! Even though it's only been about a week since I was stopped TMS (I started in mid September), I was curious if there was any way for me to be able to control my orgasm (i.e., keep from ejaculating too soon). Any tips? Thanks again for your wonderful site! (age 17)
A: You are getting ahead of yourself by worrying about that. Don't make it an issue unless you are really having a problem ejaculating too soon. Most males your age don't hold off for very long.
10/5/07
I have practiced TMS since I was 14. Also, I suffer from a behavioral disorder known as autism spectrum disorder. Would this make it harder for me to learn to masturbate the conventional way and give up TMS? (age 18)
A: I don't know. Everyone else who has given up TMS has made up his mind to do it. You can do it too. You shouldn't worry that you have something that will inhibit you. Just go for the cure!
10/8/07
I have masturbated prone for a very long time, possibly since I was 8 or 9; however, once I hit 14 and began to ejaculate, I used to go across a pillow before I switched and did it the conventional way. By 15-16, I was mixing 50-50 between both ways and by this year I have been doing almost all of it the conventionally. After reading this site, I will not go back to masturbating prone, but I am curious, as I am a virgin, if you think I will be sexually impaired. (age 17 3/4)
A: Since you already know the conventional method, all you have to do is give up masturbating prone for good. I think you will notice a difference in your erections by the time you are 18 1/4 and will not suffer sexual impairment.
10/9/07
I have been masturbating TMS style my whole life, and I never thought anything of it until last year when my girlfriend was giving me oral sex and I couldn't orgasm. It just wasn't stimulating, but when I was with her if I was dry humping her I would have no problem having one. I found your site and tried fixing this habit. After a week without masturbating I still couldn't do it the conventional way. What do you suggest? Are there any medical fixes for this problem?
A: A week isn't very long. Many males can't get an orgasm until it's been 10 days or two weeks. I suggest you keep abstaining. The program on the Main page of HealthyStrokes.com has helped innumerable men. You might also consider joining the online support group.
10/7/07
About 18 months ago, I quit TMS. I was over the moon to be able to masturbate on my back after a short period of abstaining and following all your fantastic advice. When I first ejaculated the normal way, it was like there were fireworks going off all around the bedroom!
The reason I am now back is because I have a problem getting and maintaining an erection. Until recently, I had not had a partner for some time. I am gay and am dealing with that as well. My struggle to achieve and maintain a hard erection (it is usually a "soft" erection) is weighing on my mind. I am 32 now, and I wonder if the length of time I masturbated prone has damaged me in some way. In addition, I was circumcised 2 years ago for medical reasons, and I worry that this has made the situation even worse.
Do I need to try pills? It is a horrible thing to have to admit to myself. In my head I am not functioning as I should.
A: Having a partner after a period of not having one requires an adjustment, especially since this is your first time after overcoming TMS. Taking pills like Viagra can help you get through that first stage, especially if you are self-conscious about your erections. Don't think of it is a horrible thing.
10/21/07
Mine is sort of a unique case. I learned to masturbate prone long before puberty (about as far back as I can remember). However, I began practicing the conventional way not too long after puberty, maybe at 14 or 15. It was difficult for me to make the transition but at the time I did it just to be normal. I only recently learned of TMS at age 25. I've had normal intercourse since I began having sex at 19, experiencing erection trouble only the first time or and when having sex with a new partner, which many men experience. I never masturbate prone anymore. Should I be concerned with the fact that I masturbated that way even though it was so long ago? I think I'm healthy sexually but stumbling upon that page has affected me because I cant stop thinking about it and wondering if it will affect me at a later point in life. From what I've read, the problem lies more in not being able to have normal sex because of the habbt that's been formed rather than doing physical damage to the penis, though that's a possibilty as well. I know it was never a painful experience when I was younger, and I certainly would have stopped if it had been painful at all. It's hard to tell, from what I've read, if sexual dysfunction occurs due to the current practice of prone masturbation or due to prone masturbating AT ALL in one's lifetime. I made a similar post on a different site and the doctor seemed to think that it's not very likely to be an issue because I've stopped that habit and haven't seen serious effects from it.
A: I don't think you have to be worried about something you quit 10 years ago. You are sexually normal now. That is what is important.
10/28/07
I just wish to thank you very much for you information regarding TMS. Up until recently, I was a practioner and suffered all the dysfunctions associated with it. I now masturbate the correct way and I achieved this despite being on a low dose of SSRI medication. I found that sometimes after as long as a week, I still wouldn't need to masturbate due to the medication, so I would try it whenever I had the urge. In the beginning, I found it very hard but after long spells of no TMS followed by mild TMS, I was able to beat it. By mild, I mean using a duvet and only applying minimal pressure and climaxing without any pressure being applied. I am so happy I found your site because I really knew something wasn't right. Thank you very much. Your web site will probably give me much more confidence when I am sexually active again. (age 29)
A: Your story is an inspiration to many men whose anti-depression medications inhibit their sexual drive. You have shown that not only can you achieve what you want to sexually, you can do it in spite of a troubling side effect. Good for you!
11/11/07
I have not had an orgasm in close to two weeks nor have I had the urge to. I was receiving oral sex last week and could not come. I've been masturbating prone since I learned how to masturbate, roughly five years. I do not know what to do. I tried to masturbate the normal way last night and nothing worked. Also, my penis is now swelled and kind of aches. I have no trouble getting an erection. Help please! (age 17)
A: I suspect the swelling and aching is in your head. Your penis would not get like that in only a week or two. Just give the abstinence program a few more days. You can do it.
11/11/07
I have been masturbating prone most of the time for quite a while now, but I also masturbate sitting up, lying on my back, standing, or in the shower, and I find it easy to get an erection with very little imagination or stimulation. I even find myself getting erections after a few minutes of dancing with a girl in a night-club. I am a virgin, and was wondering if my future sexual function is likely to be impaired by the fact that I usually masturbate face-down (usually supported by knees and my non-masturbating hand). (age 19)
A: You are in better shape than a lot of TMS males because you can masturbate in other ways. Congratulations! So all you have to do is resolve to quit masturbating prone, and then you will not have to worry if it will affect you. I suspect that it will not, if you quit now.
Non-masturbating hand ... I can't wait to drop that into a conversation.
11/11/07
I started masturbating prone when I was 8 or 9. I used to masturbate prone 3 or 4 times a day, I do it so violently that even some times I hurt my penis because of the friction with the bedsheet. I don't get a proper erection. I tried to have sex with my girlfriend, but when I entered her, I was unable to maintain my erection and I came within 30 seconds. I think masturbating prone made my penis weak. I have read about the quit program from your site but I don't understand it clearly. Your cure program says that one should masturbate every day for a month to get cured, but I go to gym regularly and work out there very hard. Is it good for my health to masturbate every day even after working out in the gym so hard? (age 24)
A: The cure program is 1) quit masturbating for 7-10 days and then start doing it by hand; 2) no sex with a partner until you can masturbate daily by hand for a month. It will make no difference whether you are working out in a gym in this time.
11/25/07
I have just found your site, and I have been masturbating prone for years. Now I know about TMS (and that I am not the only one masturbating prone) I am about to stop after reading the effects it can have. As I have been using TMS for around 4 years, should there be any permanent damage, or should it all be fine if I stop now? (age 17)
A: I think you will be fine if you switch now. Most guys your age can change in only a week or so. You can overcome it!
12/1/07
I have followed your advice on giving up prone masturbation, and after a week of abstaining, I tried to masturbate the conventional way. But I struggled to get an erection, and when I did finally and tried to masturbate conventionally, all that happened was that urine came out. I thought it may be pre-cum, but there was far too much. What should I do and is this normal, as I can't ejaculate using the conventional method? (age 17)
A: Don't give up so soon. Be sure to urinate before you masturbate. The first couple of times, just stroke as hard and as fast as you can until you have an orgasm. Once you're used to it, you can work at slowing down and using less pressure. Better things are out there.
12/14/07
I have an awkward problem to say the least. I masturbated prone in a way on pillows and other soft objects not knowing what I was doing, and before I could even produce semen. This "tickle," as I thought of it, was amazing. But now that I've learned about masturbation and everything, and thanks to your site realize how harmful TMS is, I've begun using my hand. But the orgasm has been less enjoyable, and I'm worried I may have lost the old feeling forever. Is there anything I can do? (age 17)
A: I'm not convinced that conventional hand orgasms are better or worse than TMS orgasms. I think they're different, but it's worth realizing that it's valuable to be able to masturbate wherever you want and to be able to have orgasms successfully with a partner. Once you work these things into the equation, the difference in feeling, if there is one, will not seem as important.
12/18/07
I have using TMS for the past 10 years, and last month I noticed a difficulty in spontaneous erections. I consulted with a sexologist and he told me that it is a problem with my mind. After visiting this site, I came to know that TMS is the base of my problem. I quit TMS the next day. Will it cure my problem? (age 27)
A: I think it will. It has worked for many, many other men in your situation. Did you discuss your masturbation style specifically with the sexologist? After you notice your erections getting better, it would be worth dropping him a note to let him know about TMS and what you did to overcome it and that the problem wasn't only in your head.
12/18/07
I am recovering from TMS. I haven't masturbated in that fashion for about 3 weeks since I saw this site, but I still really feel the urge to do it during the night. I've tried wearing more clothes, but I still get aroused when lying against the bed. What should I do? (age 16)
A: Are you able to masturbate by hand yet? That will make it a lot easier to overcome TMS. Then when you get the urge to masturbate prone, you can masturbate supine. You will like it a lot better that way.
1/4/08
Thank you for this site because you describe how I masturbate perfectly. I have not gotten as hard as I usually do lately. Will that be back to normal once I do what you say? Once you wait a week, do you have to do it by hand daily? Because I really don't have the time to do that. (age 16)
A: Your erections are apt to be stronger when you have given up TMS for a month. You don't have to do it daily right away, but you should be masturbating daily by hand within a few weeks. Most guys your age are able to make the time somehow. You might also find it doesn't take as long to do it by hand as your TMS sessions now take you.
1/9/08
I have been masturbating prone since before puberty and have been suffering from erection problems for two decades. In the past decade or so, I visited several doctors (including urologists and psychiatrists), and they all said my ED problem is not physical. I'm physically fit, have never smoked, only drink a little alcohol, and have done no drugs.
I still have morning erections in bed. I have erections on drugs like Viagra (but they last only for a couple of minutes in intercourse). But other than these two situations, I don't have erections even when I am sexually excited (with a girlfriend or seeing images or pictures). When I masturbate face down, I do it without an erection. Perhaps my brain has already been conditioned by my body for so long that my penis can seldom get hard when sexually excited. At my age, I don't masturbate frequently, usually once a week or sometimes once in 10 days or so. But each time I do it, it is against the bed and my penis is soft. Some years ago a psychiatrist suggested to me that my erectile problems may have to do with my prone masturbation method, and asked me to change to the conventional one. But I only tried once or twice, failed, and then stopped trying it. Now having found your great site, I am fully convinced by the evidence, and I am really determined to get rid of TMS.
However, I have one big question. You said in the comment pages that it is important to practice the normal way of masturbation only when there is an erection. So given my situation, should I take Viagra each time before practicing it? I am quite sure that I won't get any erection (or one lasting long enough) without the drug (except when I wake up in the morning). Also, if I am not successful the first time, should I do it again a couple of days later, by taking another pill? What more can I do to help solve the erection problems? Having you heard any case like mine but is recovered? Can a two-decade erection problem associated with TMS and be cured? I am quite despaired. Would be very grateful for your input. (age 46)
A: It is very good that you have spontaneous morning erections. That means your erection problems are not physical. It is not essential that you masturbate only with a spontaneous erection; it is fine if you induce the erection in order to masturbate. Viagra is a good idea when you are first learning conventional masturbation, but I've never heard of anyone needing it for more than a couple of days. Many men have quit TMS after more than 20 years. You can do it too.
1/10/08
I have been masturbating prone for about 5 years now, but nearly always by thrusting into my hand. Is this really TMS? How much more or less harmful is this? Do I need to stop it? (I have been trying to!) (age 19)
A: Thrusting into your hand is dangerous, although somewhat less so than thrusting against bedding or objects. I sometimes advise males who thrust into pillows, etc., to learn to thrust into their hands when they are having trouble overcoming TMS altogether. But it is still short of the ideal of supine masturbation by hand. I recommend that you engage in the abstinence program and work at stroking yourself to orgasm using only your hand, with or without lube. You are fairly young and ought to be able to make the switch fairly easily.
1/11/08
I used the TMS style from the age of 14 until I was about 21, not really knowing any better. I knew the other way existed, but I preferred my method. I eventually switched when I started to notice that my equipment did not seem to match others. It took me a while to notice because how many other guys' equipment do we really want to look at? I noticed that, though I had no problem with erections, it only raised to a horizontal level. It never raised any higher. It was actually quite surprising to me to realize that it was supposed to go higher than that. I have had no problem having intercourse, but to date I am still the same way -- horizontal, straight out, never any higher. Did I screw up some of my inner workings via those years of TMS? If so, is it reversible? Like I said, I've always been this way, for as long as I can remember. It's not really a new problem. Great site, by the way. Wish I had this sort of thing when I was 13.
A: There is variation among men in their erection angle. I have never heard any other TMS male mention the angle of his erection. My own angle was and is quite high, and I did TMS for 15 years longer than you. It is likely that you just naturally have that angle. Congratulations on quitting TMS so many years ago.
1/20/08
I can only ejaculate when I masturbate face down. I tried to switch but it didn't work. What should I do? (age 15)
A: Keep trying. Men with a lot more of a habit of doing it face down than you have switched successfully. You can do it too.
1/21/08
I took your advice and went a week without masturbation to stop my TMS. However, now I can't seem to find as much pleasure from regular masturbation as TMS style. Is this something I'll have to get used to? (age 19)
A: Yes, a lot of males notice this right away. They soon come to enjoy conventional masturbation much more. You will be able to masturbate a lot more easily and in more circumstances than you can now. Give it a chance and don't go back.
2/21/08
When I was 11 I discovered masturbation the prone way. It felt so good and I did it periodically. But then I read your site and how that kind of prone masturbation was bad. So I took the advice and tried to completely stop for a while. I got 3 weeks before finally masturbating to orgasm with my hand. I like it better and I do it every day. (age 13)
A: Congratulations! Your story can be an inspiration to older males too.
3/6/08
I have been masturbating prone for close to 10 years now and typically do it a few times every night. After reading this site, I have decided to stop doing it prone. However, it takes ages to ejaculate from normal masturbation, more than an hour usually. Even when I have had sex, I lasted longer than an hour. Is this a sign of anorgasmia from prone masturbation? (age 17)
A: Yes, that is anorgasmia. Once you get adjusted to conventional masturbation, it will not take you very long. The important thing is to resolve to give up prone masturbation forever.
3/22/08
I am kind of shocked to read all the contents of this site. I am 30 and have masturbated prone for over 15 years. I stopped for 5 days since reading this site but the tension is getting unbearable and using the hand is not working. How long do you think it would take to change?
A: You ought to be able to change within a week or two. You should not be using the hand yet. The idea of abstaining is to go a week with no masturbation or other sexual stimulation at all. At the end of that week, you ought to be able to masturbate by hand. Please give it a try.
4/11/08
I've followed your process and did not masturbate for a week. I've never done it the conventional way and did TMS since I was 6 years old. After the week, I tried doing it the correct way, but it didn't work out, since then I tried it for a few days now, but it never works. I also tried using visuals. When I try doing it the normal way, there is no climax, although I get an erection. Should I keep on trying to do it the normal way every day? Is it normal, that it doesn't work right away? Is it harmful if I don't masturbate for a long time? Please help me! (age 15)
A: Keep at it and resist the temptation to go back to TMS. When you feel like climax is close, stroke as hard and fast as you can until it happens. Once you learn how, you can work at slowing down and using less force.
4/15/08
I did not masturbate for a week, and then I tried to do it the normal way. At first it didn't work. Now when I try it, small amounts of semen comes out. There is no orgasm. I tried this twice a day for about half an hour. Is this normal? How can I reach orgasm? (age 15)
A: What you describe is normal. When you get to the point where the small drops come out (probably pre-cum and not semen), stroke as fast and hard as you can until you reach orgasm. Once you are successful, you can work at slowing down and using less force.
4/20/08
I almost fainted when I read about this. I have been doing it since age 13. I am a virgin and plan on being one for a while. I was able to cum fast and was worried I would be too fast in the real thing. I then tried to last longer in prone style. The other night I tried the normal way and I just couldnt reach orgasm. Is it too late? (age 17)
A: Of course not. Most TMS males, including me, were much older than you when we overcame it. You can probably get over it in half the time it took most of us.
4/22/08
Thank you for your continued efforts to help all the members of the TMS group. You must know that it is highly appreciated.
I'm a 26 year old male, and I used to be a TMS practitioner until about 5 months ago, which is when I discovered healthystrokes.com and was horrified, to say the least. Since then, I have quit TMS and have been practicing masturbation the conventional way, and I have been successful. Although, even now, sometimes it is hard for me to climax without watching porn. In the process, I have met a beautiful young girl, whom I'm absolutely in love with. I have no trouble getting an erection when I'm with her, and no trouble climaxing either, when she gives me a hand job. But when I attempted penetration, all of a sudden my excitement died and I lost my erection completely.
I'm confused and worried about the fact that these are still repercussions of 17 years of TMS practice? I feel the head of the penis is still quite sensitive and I'm almost afraid of the pain, because until 5 months ago, I had never retracted my foreskin, since I practiced TMS.
A: There is apt to be an adjustment period at becoming sexually active whether or not you had previously practiced TMS. The problem, I think, is that you're worried in advance that you will not be able to stay erect. I recommend being more relaxed the next time you attempt intercourse. Do not worry about whether the erection will persist. Just enjoy what you can do. It is a good idea to abstain from other forms of sexual release (including masturbation) for about 5 days ahead of time.
4/20/08
I have engaged in prone masturbatory practices for approx. 17 years and recently came to conclude exactly what this excellent web site informs. I knew that I must be causing some serious sensitivity issues and that the mechanistic aspects of sex are more closely replicated or simulated in normal masturbation. This falls contrary to my previous beliefs that the prone position more closely mimics the act of sex as my whole body would be involved in the act. Humping a mattress as I would potentially hump a person. Evoking a fantasy as though I was actually humping the "attraction of the day" seemed more visceral and mechanically pleasing as well as involved rather than the typical and previously regarded as "limited" or even "boring" hand job activity. I am extremely grateful for your acumen of TMS. I am a bit curious about another finding of mine that may be related to or possibly a side effect of TMS. Oftentimes when I'm in "the heat of the moment" with my limp noodle trying to muster enough energy to try to get pumped, I may inadvertently rub the couch or bed linens, and at that moment I may become slightly aroused but never torpedo action. Is this merely an association resulting from making love to a mattress for many years or is it something much more serious? The bedding does not turn me on, but has my penis made an association with linen and tumescence/masturbation/ejaculation. This seems very bizzare and freaky. Should I be concerned at all? (age 31)
A: I have never heard of anything like that. I think now you just work at overcoming TMS, and within a few months, your erections will be a lot better.
4/24/08
When I stumbled across this site, so many things made sense to me immediately, I could not believe it. I was happy and horrified at the same time. I'm 35, and I have been practicing TMS for probably 20 years, and have all the symptoms that are described here. After 6 days of abstinence, I was able to masturbate conventionally to orgasm sitting in a chair. It took a while, and almost didn't happen, but I can't even conceive of masturbating lying on my back. My penis just goes soft soon after I start masturbating, even after the near-week of abstinence. I want to be able to do this, and I'd like to be able to masturbate without the help of porn. Will I ever be able to do this? Thank you so much for this website, truly.
A: You are judging yourself pretty quickly. Your erections won't get better instantly, but you should notice a difference within 3-4 months of switching. You've done the hardest part already, giving up TMS and learning to masturbate conventionally. There is nothing wrong with using visual aids. At your age, most males use them almost every time.
4/27/08
I started masturbating through self discovery, and I always did it face down until I stumbled across this page. Is it OK to stroke your testicles? Does TMS have any real harmful effect or does it just take your mind off of sex? (age 13)
A: Yes, stroking testicles is OK. TMS is indeed harmful and should be avoided. It doesn't take your mind off sex any more than any other kind of masturbation.
5/3/08
Could some kind of chastity device be useful in abstaining from ejaculation while trying to quit TMS?
A: I hope not. Surely you have enough self-control that you can get by without a barbaric, medieval chastity device. Taking a sleeping pill before bed can work at least as well. The answer lies inside you, not in some painful gadget.
5/4/08
I abstained for a week and then tried to masturbate the conventional way. I am trying to reach orgasm, but it won't work. Just some pre-cum comes out during masturbation. I have been trying it now for a month. I have another problem. There is a scar on my penis that goes from the border of the top part of the penis down to the testicles. It lookes like a red stripe. Is this normal? (age 15)
A: It is not a scar. That is called the raphe. It is a seam that would be your labia if you were a girl. When you get the pre-cum, just stroke as hard and fast as you can until you ejaculate. Once you have learned to do that, you can work at going more slowly and with less force.
5/8/08
Finally after 1 month and three weeks, I reached orgasm through the conventional way. Thanks a lot for creating HealthyStrokes.com. Without it I would have never managed!!! (age 15)
5/22/08
I am in the process of trying to quit TMS. When masturbating on my back, I find it very difficult to achive orgasm without tensing the muscles in my knees tightly. Is this normal, and might it do harm? (age 18)
A: No. That is very normal. Most people do that at least some of the time when they masturbate, both males and females. It keeps you from getting unwanted feelings from your legs.
5/26/08
I finally learned how to masturbate the conventional way. After about a month of doing so, I now wake up with an erection nearly every morning, something that I haven't experienced in a long, long time. Is this just a coincidence or is it due to me learning the new way? (age 16)
A: I am inclined to say that is a result of your overcoming TMS. Congratulations!
5/27/08
I owe you my life, man! Five days after discovering your site, I was finally able to masturbate the conventional way, and I have never felt better. I'm so glad to know that it was not a serious problem and your site is to thank. Keep doing what you're doing and God bless you. (age 17)
6/5/08
I just want to say thank you for making this web site. I am so thankful I found it. I felt very weird that something was wrong with me but because of you, now I know what was wrong.
6/6/08
I am in the process of quitting TMS. However, I find it very difficult to achieve orgasm without tightening the muscles in my knees tightly. Might this do me harm? (age 19)
A: You always run some risk of pulling a muscle, but many males tighten their legs, including many non-TMS males. It is probably serving you better to do that.
6/16/08
I should thank you for creating your web site and the Yahoo group. My problem is the same as everyone else's and was affecting my marriage. The advice offered here changed my life. Your work is amazing.
6/19/08
I practiced TMS from the time I was 13. I quit TMS forever once I read this web site. I went through the program you laid out. I faced certain problems and I gradually went successfully through the 7, 5, 4, and 3 day periods and had orgasms with an erect penis in less than 10 minutes. But when I quit for only 2 days, I either lose my erection or it will take around 45 minutes to reach orgasm. Should I go back and abstain from masturbation for 4 or 5 days? (age 30)
A: At least three. You ought to be able to do it after only two days at this point. Perhaps the problem isn't the abstinence period but not maintaining a proper mental focus. Pictures can help a lot.
6/21/08
I had no idea that masturbating prone was a problem. I have been masturbating in this way for as long as I can remember, and I had no idea that it was harmful or even unusual. Thank you so much for this information. This is very eye-opening. (age 25)
6/21/08
About a year and a half ago, I came across your web site about TMS. The descriptions really hit home and decribed my situation. I'd been doing TMS all my life and, in my late 20's and early 30's, had been experiencing more difficulty reaching climax in anything other than the missionary position. It had gotten to the point where I actually faked orgasm a few times. I also noticed that I was losing sensitivity. It scared me enough to stop smoking (a few years earlier), and then later to stop TMS. I followed your advice and flipped myself over and started masturbating in a more healthy way. Thank you! I wasn't easy but I managed to get used to it and not do it prone at all anymore. Things improved somewhat for me.
My problem is that now, over a year after stopping TMS completely, I'm still having problems keeping a good firm erection either by myself or with a partner. Not all the time, but frequently. It causes me much worry. My sensitivity is way down. I'm not sure if my problem is psychological (I am prone to depression and have been on medication for it in the past, I despise my job, and I'm a nervous and anxious person) or physiological (I'm about 30 lbs overweight, not in good shape, ex-smoker, drink 2-5 alcoholic beverages a week, drink caffeine, etc.) I'm working hard to change my diet and get get in shape. What else do you think I can do to regain some sensitivity and firmness? (age 33)
A: I recommend making sure any anti-depressant that you take doesn't cause sexual side effects, and if it does, switching to one with less risk of sexual side effects. It would also be in your interests to cut down on alcohol and caffeine and lose weight. In your case, TMS can't be blamed for all of your sexual dysfunctions.
7/4/08
Thank you VERY much about your section on TMS. You have helped me so much with this! (age 18)
7/5/08
I just want to thank you for having created this site. I masturbated TMS style all my life until two months ago. After reading your TMS page, I realized why I was having so much difficulty in sexual encounters with girls, and it was a real eye-opener. I followed your steps to relearn how to masturbate and now I'm cured. I feel like my my confidence has taken an X pill. But I need a chick to test my newly refurbished self with. Really, I feel like I would have had more bad experiences had I not seen this web site before college, so thank you and keep up the good work. (age 17)
7/13/08
I have been practicing TMS for about 4-5 years, and every time I try to quit (even stopping for 2 weeks), I can't ejaculate and just produce urine. (age 17)
A: It would be useful to urinate before you masturbate. It is also helpful that first time after the abstinence period to stroke as fast and hard as you can until you reach orgasm. Then you can work on stroking more slowly and with less pressure.
7/28/08
I am a 44- year old male who would like to thank you for your wonderful site on TMS. I have been masturbating prone since my early teens, and it has affected my interpersonal relationships for 25 years. It wasn't until a month ago that I realized that TMS was the source of my inability to finish with a female partner. Needless to say this anorgasmia has led to my relationships ending prematurely.
When I found your site, it was a revelation, as I had tried other methods such as hypnosis to no avail.
Since reading your site, I have tried to follow the steps to break the TMS cycle, but I've found it is like trying to break a drug addiction. Furthermore, there have been some unforeseen physical side effects that have surfaced since I have tried to transition to the traditional mode of self pleasure.
I truly want to move from TMS to a traditional method of pleasure and relationship sex. For me, TMS is a terrible addiction that I did not know I suffered (not denial, just ignorant of the fact that I do it wrong). I was wondering if it is time to see a doctor to address some of these issues. Your thoughts would be valued.
A: Your message is missing some important details, like these "unforeseen physical side effects" and how you have failed at the abstinence program. It has only been a month. Plenty of males take longer than that to get started at the abstinence program, but most are done with TMS within two weeks when they do. Even I wasn't cured of TMS until almost four years after I learned about it, even though I was running this site for a year before I seriously tried to get cured, and then I was done with prone in a few days and felt like I had made major progress within a month.
I would suggest joining the online support group if you have not already and paying attention to what the guys in there say. The message archive at the Yahoo group is also a useful resource. Only if you are still having trouble after a while with that would I suggest finding a sex therapist.
7/30/08
I am a 30 year old woman married for a year and on the verge of a divorce. The reason is quite complex and could not be explained either by my husband or by anyone else. I am also a researcher and understand why you cannot disclose your identity.
In one year of marriage my husband and I never had sex. He is 34 years old. He never displayed any enthusiasm towards getting physical, did not even know how to kiss, almost like a child. All my attempts failed to arouse him. If I touched him I never got a response, although instead sometimes he would claim that I was hurting him even though I was gentle. I never saw him erect, but rarely he would be 1/4 erect perhaps. At times, when I could not sleep out of sheer frustration, I would notice that he would, in his sleep, rub himself against the mattress vigorously for a long time and seem to satisfy himself. In the morning I would find certain stains on the bedsheet and his garment, but it never looked like semen stains. I never saw him masturbate like a NORMAL man. He is otherwise very childish in his behavior. His touch was never sexual. He always claims that he is NORMAL. He also did not show any signs of dissatisfaction in the marriage or never bothered to be considerate to me for his own faults. His acute neglect of me and non-responsiveness made me file for a divorce since I consider him impotent. We are going through with it.
I came across your article right now and would like to ask you -- Do you think this is a case of TMS? Do you think he can ever be cured? Do you think any woman can actually feel satisfied with him?
I would like to hear from you. I have gone through tremendous mental trauma over the past year, and I have suffered immeasurably and also lost professionally because of this weird phenomenon that occurred in my life, which I had never experienced. I need some these answers desperately for my own mental health. I have been thinking all this while that I was incapable of attracting him. Please help me.
A: What you describe sounds like TMS, but it is complicated because he is also practicing sleep masturbation. I think the way to cure him would be for him to learn to masturbate conventionally while he is awake. This would reduce the likelihood that he would masturbate in his sleep. He also seems to have a lot of other psychological and developmental problems that would need to be addressed before he could have a relationship with an adult woman.
8/4/08
Reading your site was a big lift. I immediately went into the abstinence program. I am going back to college to change my career for 2-3 years next week. I never thought anything was wrong with doing it with my sheets until I had anorgasmia with the last 4 or 5 partners. I have been TMSing after unusual sexual Internet chat roleplays. I thought my problem may be that no woman I am with in real life can match up to the Jenna Jameson look. I have significantly reduced that. You have told others it's healthy to have stimuli. Did I do the right thing in quitting/reducing these roleplays or should use them once I start masturbating the traditional way?
I also smoke at least a little pot every day after work. I was wondering if smoking pot during the abstinence period would help in keeping me relaxed and my mind off sex. I know I need to quit pot too and I will but one thing at a time.
After I start ejaculating the regular method of masturbating, should I practice doing it in other positions to get ready for sex? I am only used to being on my back. I'm not a virgin but it has been years between partners and climax was not reached on my end.
A: I think cutting back on the Internet porn was a good thing. You can try that again after you are cured. I advise against using marijuana, but I don't know that anyone has used it while they were getting cured of TMS. So I don't know if it will make a difference. The only masturbation positions you need in the immediate future are lying down on your back and sitting. You can fool around with different intercourse positions when that time comes.
8/7/08
I just found your site today and it has given me hope. I thank you for giving me at least hope if nothing else. I'm 28 in five weeks and had my first orgasm at 12. I remember my friend talking about "whackin' it." It sounded like fun and tried it myself but didn't find anything happening. I stopped while I still had an erection and my sheets felt really nice. So much that I kind of started thrusting and before I knew it had my first orgasm. From that point on I have essentially been humping my sheets which sounds very similar to these guys. I just do it on my back.
Nearly 16 years later I'm still masturbating with my sheets. I'm not a virgin but not fully experienced either. During my first fellatio, I didn't reach orgasm. I just thought it was because she was a bigger girl and I was not that attracted to her. My next two experiences were a hand job and oral and I had no problems except it took about 30 minutes each. I just thought that was normal. Later, sometimes I'd come after a while and sometimes I wouldn't.
When I was in college, I lost my virginity at 20. I was erect and thrusted into her all night before I gave up on having an orgasm. She felt bad I didn't cum but she obviously told her friends that I was good because of my stamina. The same thing kept happening through college. I usually blamed alchohol for that problem. After college, it has been harder to meet women. It had been years since I had intercourse. Then I had it and as others have said, I lost my erection once it was time.
Over the six years since I graduated college, I became seriously interested in a sexual form of online roleplay. I'd RP and masturbate pretty much every day through college and worse after. At first I thought it was nerves because it had been so long or, thanks in large part to our advertising industry, thought I may need a pill. I even told my doctor about the problem and he gave me Cialis as a "confidence booster" and told me they would work and after a few times I wouldn't be so nervous and not need them anymore. Of course, I did not tell him or anyone else how I masturbate, because I thought nothing was wrong with it. At 27, I realized I had a serious problem and it was affecting indirectly all aspects of my life.
I have been depressed and angry throughout these years of severe TMS because of sexual frustration. The depression is caused by a lack of confidence from being afraid I can't have a satisfying sex life. Boredom is another reason for these habits as none of my friends or potential dates are available in the day or late night. So now I pretty much work, masturbate TMS style and role-play. That is my life. I know I need to change a lot.
I recently decided to change my career and I'm going back to college for professional reasons. I'm studying to be a teacher. Months before I read your site, I decided I was going to beat all these problems and get the things I want in life. I have cut way back on RP.
A: OK. You have identified a lot of things you want to change. When you are changing careers is a good time to make other changes in your life. Now go out and do them! Good luck!
8/7/08
I came across this site out of curiosity and concern. I have been masturbating prone since I was about 8. I have tried to masturbate the conventional way but I can't seem to get hard or reach orgasm using this method. I am very accustomed to lying on my stomach using the floor, or pressing my penis against a chair. This always produced orgasms for me and felt good. I didn't realize the harm I was doing.
I have read that several other people with TMS have commented that they are worried about long-term effects and I'm in the same boat. I'm hoping that stopping prone masturbation and using the conventional way will cure me. I want to be able to enjoy sex and one day be able to have a family. I have been tentative about having sex with my girlfriend because I am afraid of underperforming or not staying erect or not ejaculating. Please help! I'm worried that I can't fix the problem, but it was calming to see here that TMS is CUREABLE!!
After reading the comments on here and realizing I'm not the only person with this problem, I decided to fix the situation and yesterday I started my abstinence program. I am determined to fix this problem and have a great sex life.
Thanks for your time and I really appreciate your site. I feel comfortable sharing and I'm relieved that there is a solution. (age 30)
A: You can be cured and suffer no long-term effects. It has never been proven that TMS causes physical damage. Good luck with your cure.
8/10/08
Will long term prone masturbation (over 15 years) and being a virgin at 29 affect my ability to enjoy intercourse? Can I be cured or have I done too much harm to ejaculate through conventional masturbation or sexual intercourse?
A: I have never known of a case that couldn't be cured. Many men have been cured a lot older than you. Be glad you never have to experience intercourse in your situation. You can get cured before ever having to explain anything to a partner.
8/12/08
Today I completed my first week of abstinence but when I tried to masturbate the conventional way I didn't ejaculate. I tried a few times today but to no avail. However I must admit that a few times during the week I had the urge to masturbate prone but was able to resist. I was able to go the entire 7 days without masturbating. Is it just a matter of time before I'm able to masturbate and ejaculate the conventional way? Does it take time for my penis to adjust to the conventional method? In time will certain areas become more sensitive? (age 30)
A: Those questions are all addressed on the main TMS page. Try again in a day or so and see if you can ejaculate. If not, go back to abstaining for 7 days.
8/17/08
I'm 19 years old and O've been masturbating prone for about 6 years. Recently, I have gotten a girlfriend and we've been getting physical. However, I have been unable to climax whenever she gives me oral or manual intercourse. It is very fustrating and I usually just masturbate prone after she leaves.
Luckily, I came across HealthyStrokes.com. I didnt know this way of masturbating was a problem. I have abstained for a week; however, I am having difficulty cumming. It is frustrating since I want to be able to share sexuality with my girlfriend. Are there any tips you can give me that can be used to overcome this syndrome? I have cheated once since seeing your web site, and this was because of frustration. I can reach orgasm in under 2 minutes with prone, and when I do it conventionally, I can't do it at all.
A: This web site is full of tips about overcoming TMS. You might also join the online support group, which has over 1000 guys to help you. They can also provide support when you feel like cheating.
8/19/08
I used to masturbate in TMS fashion, then I found this site. I tried abstaining, but after one day I tried the conventional method. After about 10 minutes, I ejaculated. This took a lot longer than the TMS method. Will the time it takes for me to ejaculate the conventional way go down, or will it always be longer? (age 17)
A: It will probably take longer at first, but when you are used to it, it will take less time than TMS took. At least that is the experience of older males who were taking about 20 minutes to reach orgasm via TMS. If you were only orgasming after a short time (e.g., 5 minutes), you might not even notice a difference. Congratulations on being cured so quickly!
8/21/08
I have been masturbating almost daily since I was 12. 99% of the time has been in the prone position, thrusting my penis into the bed, pillow, sheet, etc. I knew that it was not the most common position, but I found it easier and more pleasurable to reach climax by humping rather than by stroking. I am only finding out now that this is potentially harmful. Since I started having sex at 19, I've found that I'm able to stay erect for long periods of time but have always had problems reaching orgasm during intercourse, only being able to climax maybe a third of the time. I either get too tired or my partner gets worn out and we both end up feeling frustrated. Besides changing my masturbation method, is there anything I can do to reverse this? (age 40)
A: Changing your masturbation habits is the main thing. Once you have overcome TMS, it can also help to abstain from masturbating for 3-5 days before an expected sexual encounter to see if it makes any difference. By giving up TMS, you are well on your way to better sexual functioning.
8/27/08
I just turned 15 years old and I have been using TMS since before I can remember. I waited a week and a half without doing TMS. When I tried the conventional way I couldn't be stimulated long enough and went back to TMS. I'm afraid I can never get better since I have been doing it this way for so long and I really don't know what to do.
A: When I was your age, I had not yet started masturbating, yet I was cured of TMS after 22 years. You have barely made an effort, and you are ready to give up. Most guys your age can learn to masturbate conventionally with only one abstinence period, but this is not true for all. Keep at it, and you will find the rewards soon enough.
8/29/08
I'm just thanking you for the help you and your site has provided me and would like to tell you a story.
When I turned 15, I noticed that I had a harder time having erections. I was really puzzled as to why they came easily a year prior but were difficult to have. By the time I was 16, I rarely had ANY erections during the day. I was worried that I had erectile dysfunction, but the people I had asked about it said it doesn't occur in someone as young as me.
Then one day while researching if my method of masturbation was normal (the prone position, rubbing on a bed or the floor), I came across HealthyStrokes.com. Although I didn't want to believe it at first, eventually with enough will power and practice, I started masturbating the conventional way.
Doing it this way is SO much better. I'm finally not limited to a bed.
Also, the best part of the story?
After learning the conventional way, I started waking up with a hard erection every single morning. After not being able to experience that for two years, I finally appreciated it again! Also, I now get many erections during the day. Although it can be inconvenient at certain times, I'm definitely not complaining!
To anyone who thinks that this is a hoax, IT'S NOT! Many guys including me didn't want to believe it at first, because breaking away from the prone habit seemed hard. But pretending the issue isn't there won't make it go away. I've seen a big difference because of this.
Thank you for the help!
8/29/08
I have been trying to quite TMS for 9 months, but every time I try, I cannot masturbate conventionally. I have tried stopping for up to two weeks but I just can't ejaculate unless I masturbate prone, which I only try after trying conventionally for at least 30 minutes. Do you think I have been seriously affected by a TMS habit of 4-5 years and already have sexual problems? Do you have any other tips because it is really hard for me to ejaculate conventionally? (age 17)
A: You really need to have the determination that you are not going to masturbate prone no matter how long you have to struggle at it. 30 minutes is not so long compared to two weeks of abstinence. You are throwing away two weeks' hard work whenever you do that. If you cannot reach orgasm in 30 minutes, then you should stop for a few hours (at the very least) before trying again. When you are first trying to get over that hump of learning to masturbate conventionally, it is OK to stroke as hard and fast as you can. Once you have learned conventional masturbation, you can work at slowing down and using less force. You are pretty young. It is unlikely that you already would have sexual dysfunctions. Just keep at the TMS cure.
9/12/08
I'm an 18 year old healthy guy who has been masturbating TMS style since the age of 9, and like so many others, thought it was normal. I have always had a huge sex drive, being able to masturbate 6-7 times in a single day with sex constantly on my mind. Due to my religious views, this was always accompanied with guilt and I had always refrained from getting involved with girls, despite many offers.
A: Now you have the chance to get cured of your TMS before you decide to accept one of those many offers.
9/14/08
Thank you so so much! I never knew I had a problem until I started having sexual intercourse. My girlfriends thought they were at fault for me not reaching orgasm. I have been masturbating in the unconventional way for the past 11 years. Almighty God has used you to give people like me a second chance. Now I know there is a cure. Once again, THANK YOU SO MUCH! (age 22)
9/16/08
I have been using TMS since age of 9 and have conditioned myself to ejaculate in the shortest time possible due to fear of being caught. I can cum in just under 60 seconds if I want! I found this site weeks ago and since then have vowed to give up TMS but have used it twice and have masturbated prone about 5 times. This method takes slightly longer, only about just 3/4 minutes though. My question is when I first have sex, will I cum vey quickly, or like the typical TMS sufferer, have anorgasmia? Please answer me. I am very anxious about my first time.
A: It could go either way. There is no reason to speculate about it before you try it. You should advise your partner of your potential sexual difficulties and be prepared to give each other a good time even if there is no erection and no orgasm. You can do what she wants or do some non-sexual things that let you feel close to each other.
9/28/08
I always knew that prone masturbation was not correct, but I needed someone to tell me. I have now abstained for 1.5 days. You are a hero! I am very nervous that it is permanent. I have had no huge problems until the last year, which made me engage in TMS more often to prove I could. Lately it has been in an increasingly half-erect position. When it became everyday things really snowballed. Do you believe that a penetrating orgasm would be helped by the experience of conventional masturbation? Or is this just to remove TMS? Is conventional masturbation a nesesary part of the resensitization? (age 24)
A: I have never heard of someone who couldn't learn to masturbate conventionally. You can overcome TMS, and you will notice an improvement in your erections. I have only ever heard of one person going directly from TMS to intercourse successfully without learning conventional masturbation in between. You want to learn to masturbate conventionally. You will like it. It will help you get better in intercourse.
9/29/08
I attempted intercourse around last Christmas and could not get erect, due to anxiety. Because of the shame and further anxiety I have not tried again since but will be doing so soon. I gave up TMS three weeks ago, and I already feel differences! I feel much more energetic and get stronger and have more frequent erections, but the erections are still not as hard as they were when I was 15. I feel more confident after discovering my condition can be cured and my anxieties have decreased. Will the erections come back hard as they used to be? Is it possible to condition myself through masturbating to last long in sex? (age 18)
A: Yes, your erections will be stronger in a few months. It has only been three weeks. You shouldn't expect so much in that amount of time. It is very possible to last longer in sex through masturbation. That is how sex therapists train men to overcome premature ejaculation. Don't worry about PE at this point; most TMS males (as you've read) have the opposite problem.
9/29/08
It has now been 4 weeks since I quit TMS. I gained an erection yesterday that was 90% full, something I have not had since I was 15. I noticed that periods of abstinence do not affect the erections, but masturbating only conventionally has a greater effect. I only cheated 3 times and this was only in the first 2 weeks of quitting. Since then I have not cheated and erections are better as a result. (age 18)
A: Good job!
10/11/08
It is clear that the sensations produced in TMS cannot be reproduced in a vagina, therefore TMS men mostly suffer anorgasmia during sex. But why does TMS also result in weaker and less frequent erections? I have not seen an explanation for this. (age 18)
A: It is the body responding to what is needed. If you work the penis by stroking it with a medium fist or inserting it into a vagina, you will need to be hard. If you get in the habit of making a phony vagina for it, by thrusting into or against something that is more rigid than a real vagina, you will get in the habit of not needing to be as hard. The act of thrusting into or against something hard might also be causing temporary stress to the penis that makes it more difficult to get a full erection. Males who quit TMS find that their erections get a lot better within a few months.
10/11/08
I turned 21 recently and have been practicing masturbation prone as described on your web site. I noticed that sometimes it's hard for me to reach ejaculation even when I masturbate prone and that's why i started researching and came across your web site. I'm really nervous and scared because I really want to be able to masturbate with my hands. However, I'm scared of what I read on your web site that maybe I have lost some sexual sensation due to the consequence of prone masturbation and now that I turned 21, it has made an impact. I'm following your guideline now, and I haven't tried to masturbate for two days. I'm currently dating someone and she sometimes gives me erections when I'm around her. Your guideline indicates that I shouldn't have an erection while being on the abstinence period. So do you think i should stop seeing her for a few for days and try out masturbating the correct way?
A: An occasional erection isn't a problem, but you should avoid doing things that will bring on a persistent one, like being around a female who arouses you. I advise against being sexual until you have been able to masturbate daily by hand for a month.
10/16/08
It has now been 5 and a half weeks since I quit TMS and I can confidently say that I'm cured! I can masturbate conventionally every day, so thanks a lot. During this period I have cheated 4 times, the 4th being this morning, followed immediately by convential masturbation. Is it possible that TMS causes permanent shrinkage to the penis? I can swear it has done so to me because my penis length was 6 inches at 15 years old, and since then it has been 5.6 inches. My erections are 95% full now, but the length just does not reach 6 inches, and it most definitely used to. I have a theory that those years of TMS so badly damaged the base of my penis that it does not properly fill with blood anymore, and perhaps this is where that half inch is lost. The base of my penis is the weakest part of my erection. Please let me know your thoughts. (age 18)
A: TMS does not shrink the penis. The most likely explanation for the disappearance of the half inch (assuming your measurements were correct when you were 15) is that the fatty pad at the base of your penis (the mons pubis) has grown, which could make half an inch of length get buried. There are plenty of guys who did TMS for 20 years or longer, and their penises are truly not eroded down to almost nothing. You ought to notice your erections being more firm within a couple of months. Good luck to stop cheating!
10/18/08
I have been masturbating TMS since I was 12 and have been getting more and more problems because of it. I often cannot reach orgasm during sex except in the missionary position and have lost a lot of sensation in my penis. I have been able to reach orgasm before without being in the prone position by using a blanket to rub, or using lubricants. How do you feel about the use of lubricants when quitting? Should only a dry hand be used? Thanks a lot for all the information on your site. (age 24)
A: Lubricants are great, but you should not introduce more than one change at a time. I suggest learning conventional masturbation first and then adding lube.
10/19/08
I don't know how to thank you for your guidance. I found your web site about 3 weeks ago after I had a bad experience in bed with someone whom I care about a lot. I was really disappointed and I thought I had screwed the relationship up because of that. I searched and found your web site. I joined the group and followed your steps to make it work. I cannot believe how fast I got cured. I'm 36 and did TMS for 30 years. I was expecting it to take me 4-6 weeks, but now after 2 weeks trying I'm easily able to keep my erection and have an orgasm within 5 to 15 minutes. I tried every night from Monday on and it worked. I just wanted to see if I could have more than one orgasm in a night like I used to in TMS sometimes and I could do it on Tuesday. I think it gave me good confidence that I'm able to do it whenever I want. I know I need to do it step by step. Next thing after I get used to this is to try different locations and positions.
You have no idea how grateful I am and I owe you big time for this.
A: Good job! Thanks for giving hope to older men.
10/23/08
I can't thank you enough for all this help. I found your site and at that moment I knew what I had to do. It happened after I had sex with someone but I wasn't able to orgasm. I had been doing TMS for 4 years and had no idea that it would cause problems. I abstained from masturbating for a week then tried it while sitting in a chair at a computer desk. I came within two minutes. Now, I was just wondering if thats OK or if I have to be lying on my back for it.
A: No, it isn't necessary to be lying down. I only recommend that because it's what's easiest for most guys. Congratulations to you! Keep up your progress!
10/26/08
I masturbate both conventionally and face down. (I stopped face down after reading about TMS.) I masturbate 3-4 times daily. I easily get aroused. Even though I'm getting good erections at first, but it doesn't last long. Am I having erectile dysfunction? If not, what should I do? (age 23)
A: A better measure would be if you can sustain an erection during intercourse with a partner. It is good that you have given up prone masturbation. That will serve you well. Your frequency of masturbation is extreme. It would be a better test of your erectile capabilities if you were able to get a good erection for a complete masturbation session at least once a day. Once you have proven to yourself that you can do that, then maybe you can increase your frequency. But I doubt it would be good for you to continue masturbating as often as you do now.
10/26/08
I would like to thank you for sharing and educating others on TMS. I have been suffering from this condition from childhood. I must have been around 4-5 years old, and I thought there was something wrong with me since I never knew anyone who had sexual thoughts since kindergarten. I tried to find more about it, but couldn't find anything on TMS before. It is very comforting to know that I am not the only one to suffer from it, and it is curable.
At present, I can do conventional masturbating from time to time. But, I rely heavily on masturbating in prone manner. I intend on treating myself with the information that you have provided.
10/26/08
I just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH! I have been masturbating the wrong way (TMS) for many years, and I had tried masturbating conventionally more recently and failed every time. But thanks to your advice and some persistance on my part, I beat it! Thank you for all your help! (age 17)
10/31/08
I followed the procedure for getting out of TMS. Believe me it works. I had to wait for 1 week. (age 26)
11/02/08
I first saw your site about 2 weeks ago and it enlightened me in so many significant ways, for I aptly fit into this group of TMS practitioners. I was incredibly terrified to learn of my dysfunction, and I was even more frightened since I am going to have sex with my girlfriend for the first time very soon. So I decided to never go back to TMS ever again in order to drop the habit and move on to the conventional manner. However, during my 2 weeks of abstaining, I kept feeling discouraged and depressed since I tried about every 4 days to use the conventional method to no success. But today I got out stimulating pictures and went at it to great success. Honestly, the joy and relief is indescribable. I thank you sincerely ... you've saved me, my friend. I thought I would never be able to ejaculate without TMS and was so disheartened; but sure enough I was able to use the conventional method successfully a little less than 2 weeks after learning I had TMS. Thank you so much! (age 17)
11/02/08
I came across your page about a half hour ago and I'm still in shock. I started masturbating prone at a very early age and I never realized that this was a problem and that I was suffering from TMS. I am able to masturbate in the correct way too. But the other symptoms of TMS, such as being able to orgasm only in missionary position and not getting any satisfaction from fellatio, in addition to anorgasmia, were very strongly present.
I can't thank you enough. I don't know how other people react to what they read in your web page but I just wanted to tell you that you really changed something wrong about my sexual habits, and I have absolute belief in that gradually I will also overcome the negative results of TMS. I hope that many other people also read and benefit from what you say in your site. Have a nice day.
A: You can read this very page to find out how other people react. See what a difference a half hour can make?
11/10/08
Thank you very much for your information. For the past 15 years, I have been doing TMS. It was always a problem for me to come inside a vagina although I had come few times prematurely once I entered. About 6 months back, I was able to keep my erection for 30 minutes but still couldn't come. Lately I find it difficult to get an erection, which is hurting me a lot as am not able to satisfy my partner.
I stopped doing TMS for a day and after 2 days I was able to masturbate the conventional way, which is good news. Do you think it's OK for me to masturbate conventionally for a week and should I try vaginal sex with my partner with or without Viagra or do you recommend I shouldn't masturbate at all and try having vaginal sex after only a week? (age 30)
A: If you have read through the cure regimen on HealthyStrokes.com, you know that I recommend that you not attempt sex until you are able to masturbate conventionally on a daily basis for a month.
11/10/08
I have been masturbating prone for a while now, I would say a few years. I can only do this when my penis is not fully erect and is quite soft. I experience a lot of pleasure, but it feels like I? not allowing the semen to exit. It doesn? shoot out, but it just waits until I pull the skin on the tip of my penis. I have tried masturbating conventionally but I never come to an orgasm, and only release a little pre-cum. Is my problem, TMS, as I am not masturbating by rubbing my erect penis against a hard object, but instead rubbing it against my hand, when face down. Or is it something else? (age 16)
Masturbating prone is TMS. It is bad both to masturbate prone and to masturbate when not fully erect. You seem to know how to masturbate conventionally but cannot do it to orgasm. When you get pre-cum coming out, then stroke as hard and fast as you can until you ejaculate. It will be a breakthrough. Once you're able to do this regularly, you can work at slowing down and using less force. However, you ought to be sufficiently erect in order to do this. Viagra might help, or it might not. Anyway, your problems can be overcome with some persistence.
11/12/08
About 2 years ago I came across this site and was blown away. Not only did I find out what was wrong with me but more importantly how to stop it. I'm currently 25 years old and was a TMS practitioner for years (possibly started as early as 4-5) and quit when I was 22-23 years old. Since then I've been masturbating conventionally and frequently with good success.
Here is my problem now. I have just recently begun a sexual relationship with a young woman who I have strong feelings for. Due to my past sexual frustrations (difficulty keeping an erection, not being able to cum with a condom, etc.) I've been very nervous and thus far been unable to cum through vaginal intercourse. First, I have felt practically no stimulation in my penis. Granted, I have rarely (in fact, only once) used a condom when having sexual intercourse. The few times I've had it, the girl was on the pill. Thus far, I'm 0-3 with achieving ejaculation while wearing a condom (even with the help of lube). I just don't feel the stimulation that is usually there. Originally, I believed it to be due to constant and excessive masturbation (which I'm now realizing the erections were rarely ever full but only semi). The last time I masturbated was five days ago, and I attempted sexual intercourse both last night and the night before, thanks to assistance from Viagra. I was able to maintain my erections but unable to cum.
I have not done TMS for WELL over 2 years (probably closer to 3). I really thought that this was behind me. I do not doubt that my negative thoughts are a part of it and this very well may be a psychological issue but I don't know what to do. While I have no problem pleasing this woman, I want her to know that she's pleasing ME and would LOVE to be able to ejaculate for her rather than faking it.
I am able to to ejaculate practically every day using normal methods. I feel that perhaps due to excessive masturbation, I would take a break for another week and hope that stimulation comes back and I'll be able to finish. I can only hope.
A: It takes time to learn anything new sexually after you've been through TMS problems. It is good to cut out masturbation as much as possible during this period. It would also be a good thing if your partner could go on birth control so you don't have to rely on the condom. They really make a difference in terms of male (and female) sensitivity. I would try to wean off the Viagra if I were you. It obviously helps with the erection but can make your anorgasmia worse.
Follow-up: Things have been well for the most part. I did cut off on the Viagra due to hearing that it can cause you to become dependent on it. However, I have been taking a sexual enhancement: Herbal Dragon. It is apparently an "all natural herb" pill. It does work very well. The sex life has been pretty successful. The anorgasmia has - for the most part - gone away due to cutting out masturbation completely. The reason is pretty obvious -- the condoms. Alas, wearing those blasted rubber things - regardless of how thin they are - makes my already insensitive penis, even more so! Last week, I masturbated 3 days in a row, probably a total of 5-7 times, so when it was time to have sex (a day earlier I had ejaculated 3 times), I was unable to maintain or enjoy the sex. So I'm back to not masturbating. We'll see how it goes.
However, though we've discussed the pill. She did still say that due to it being 99% (and not 100%) effective, I'd may have to still wear a condom. I'm going to go down fighting. She also isn't aware of my TMS. I'm not sure when I should bring it up... My erection troubles have improved due to the herbal pills, but there have been nights/days of not taking it and an erection was achievable. It's the condoms, I hate them!
After I ejaculate I seem to be done for a while. I hear of guys that can cum and still be hard as a rock or ready to go within 15 minutes. Not I. Is that due to TMS or perhaps my late bloomer of sex? (Virgin until 23.) I still can achieve nothing via fellatio. Any feedback is appreciated! Thank you for all your help and assistance, Doug. You have no idea how invaluable it's been in my life.
A: Most couples who use the pill in conjunction with another method use vaginal jelly or foam, not condoms. I suggest you tell her about TMS. She may otherwise assume your sexual problems are due to your not being attracted to her. Men find women to be quite supportive when they're trying to overcome sexual problems. 15 minutes is a lot to expect at your age. However, you ought to be able to perform again in 30-60 minutes.
11/15/08
I have done TMS since I was 4. Is this why my testicles are small? I am quitting TMS forever right now. Please tell me I didn't do permanent damage to my testicles or my nerves. (age 15)
A: TMS will not affect the size of your testicles. Your nerves will soon get used to the new sensation of conventional masturbation. I think you will be fine.
11/16/08
I first discovered your site about a year ago. For the new year, I made several resolutions, one being that I would learn to masturbate properly. I then forgot about your site until came back 2 weeks ago. I went 10 days without masturbating, and today I tried for 30 minutes but it did not work. At the end I just went back to TMS (masturbating on my stomach). Can you please help me out? What am I doing wrong? Am I not masturbating correctly? (age 18)
A: The main page of this site has all kinds of information about overcoming TMS. You blew 10 days of abstaining by being impatient after only 30 minutes. Instead of impulsively masturbating TMS style, you could have waited a few hours, or better yet until the next day, and tried again. You might also consider joining the online support group and reading through the archives. Thousands of males have been through what you have.
11/20/08
I found out about your site a few weeks ago. TMS describes exactly my problem. Following your method, I was able to ejaculate while masturbating the conventional way. Thanks for the help! However, I continue to have problems with intercourse with my girlfriend. It is getting to the point where we may break up because of it. So far, the only solution is to take Cialis. With it, I can get fully erect even with a desensitized penis. However, my girlfriend is concerned that the pill will cause fertility problems down the road. Any thoughts on this? (age 37)
A: Cialis does not cause fertility problems. That is something that is carefully tested before a drug is put on the market. I suspect that there are other problems. Your girlfriend is unlikely to believe Cialis will cause fertility problems, so I suspect she is using it as an excuse to cover up another reason. You ought to work harder to find out what the real issue is.
11/21/08
I have been masturbating TMS-style since I was about 13, but I have also developed an alternative, which is to stroke my penis's erotic buttons, not so much by fist-pumping, although there is pumping involved. When I masturbate this way, I can't have my penis stand straight out; it's usually angled upward against my absomen, or at least upward (I do it sitting in a chair). I'm still stroking with my hand and not really thrusting against anything. I have thought about this way as an alternative to TMS (thank you for informing me, by the way). Is this a sound alternative, or is the only cure for TMS masturbating my penis at a perpendicular angle to my body?
A: I can't picture exactly what you're doing. The important thing is to give up atypical forms of masturbation and learn to masturbate conventionally. I am not convinced that what you're doing is atypical, but it doesn't sound typical either.
11/21/08
When I lost my virginity I wasn't able to come. That made me even more insecure. I've never been able to come the normal way. (I have tried a lot of times.) According to HealthyStrokes.com, I have the most "innocent" way of TMS. I lie on my stomach and thrust into my hand while my hand is helping. At the moment I haven't had an orgasm in 12 days! I tried to masturbate twice, the first time after 6 days and now after 12 days! But I don't even get close to an orgasm. I really want to be able to masturbate the conventional way so I can have decent intercourse with a girl.
What do you suggest? Should I just stop masturbating until I'm able to come the normal way? Even if it takes 4 weeks? I'll be able to do that but I read that you also say it's unhealthy to not masturbate for a long time. Do you other people that can't get cured of TMS? Is it possible? Please give me some tips to get cured! (age 19)
A: You are giving up too easily. Be patient and work at making the orgasm happen. It helps to be mentally well stimulated when you try to masturbate even after a week abstinence. Viagra can also help as it takes care of the erection so you can focus on having an orgasm. You are very strong to be able to keep from reverting to TMS when you couldn't reach orgasm after six days. And now you've done it twice.
I have never had a case of someone who was unable to learn to masturbate conventionally. You can do it. Just be patient.
By the way, the "unhealthy to go a long time without masturbating" refers to a person who habitually only ejaculates twice a month or less. Taking a break from it to help you overcome TMS is not the same thing.
11/27/08
My girlfriend and I are thinking about intercourse and I have been masturbating in the prone position since I was 9. I've completely quit masturbating TMS style but I can't seem to masturbate in the conventional way. (age 16)
A: Your story doesn't make a whole lot of sense. You can't legitimately claim to have quit masturbating TMS until you have replaced it with another way of masturbating. Even if you swore off TMS, until you learn to masturbate conventionally, the next time you get a strong urge to masturbate (and I can promise that this will happen), you will have no choice but to do it TMS style. I suggest straightening this out before you attempt intercourse. You're too young to be sexually active anyway.
12/4/08
I thought I was screwed up. I could never have an orgasm when I had sex with a girl, at least with a condom. I always blamed the condom. Whenever I had sex with her without a condom, it was so tight that I'd have orgasms. I will give the HealthyStrokes program a try. I've been masturbating prone for about 10 years now. (age 23)
12/06/08
I have been masturbating prone for 30 years. Although I knew it was definitely non-standard, I never thought of it as a problem. I have to admit, I must be a complete idiot for not being able to link prone masturbation with my inability to ejaculate whenever a girl would give me oral sex. I took your advice and gave traditional masturbation a shot after 10 days of abstinence. I tried for 30 minutes lying on my back and both standing and sitting and failed to even feel like I was getting close. I also chafed my penis badly, and when I tried to use some hair conditioner to cut down on the chafing, it burned like crazy. I am so stupid.
Subsequently, I had sex with my wife (missionary) and ejaculated. I went another 5 or 6 days without sex or masturbation and tried again this afternoon. I got some lubricant and copious amounts of visual stimulation ready on my laptop. I tried flat on my back in bed at first and really didn't get anywhere with that so I switched to kneeling. I was getting a bit discouraged after about 15 minutes but then my monkey DNA must have kicked in and ... SUCCESS!
Guys who have masturbated conventionally their entire lives will read this and probably laugh at me because I am sure they cannot conceive of the difficulties that TMS can cause but I am so proud of my achievement.
Was the use of pictures and lubricant cheating? Is my success tainted? (age 42)
A: No, those were both OK to use. Congratulations to you! I hope you will be able to ejaculate from oral sex soon. Please keep us posted on your progress.
Follow-up: I tried without lubricant yesterday afternoon. Success in less than 10 minutes. Amazing. I can't thank you and your web site enough. Without the Internet, I don't know how you would be able to reach so many people with this kind of information.
12/7/08
I am uncircumcised and have been masturbating TMS style since I was 13. I read your page about TMS and decided I needed to change. I tried mastubating the regular way for 20 minutes but nothing is happening, and when I go for more than 10 minutes, the tip of the foreskin kind of swells up and so does all of the skin around my penis. Can you give me any tips to achieve masturbation the right way without my penis swelling up? (age 15)
A: You can't expect to switch with only 20 minutes of work. You can read through these comments here and find many, many males who had to work for a couple of weeks to be able to masturbate supine the first time. I also suggest you put up with the swelling up while you are trying to overcome TMS and then start using lube once you are comfortable with conventional masturbation.
12/7/08
I masturbated prone since I was about four. Since finding your site, I have not masturbated prone for about 5 months now. I have taught myself to masturbate the conventional way but my erections still haven't improved that much. What should I do? I told my mother and now I am going to the doctor soon. (age 18)
I suggest printing out this page for the doctor or at least giving him the web address of HealthyStrokes.com. You might see if the doctor will refer you for a RigiScan screening. I suspect that you are paying too much attention to your erections and that they are either fine or are improving gradually and you haven't noticed.
12/8/08
I masturbate by rolling up a blanket and placing my penis in there and then humping. I also hump a wet towel sometimes. When having sex with a woman I have a hard time getting a solid erection. It's never rock hard. I have trouble doing doggy style too! Is this from TMS? I can do missionary OK. I've been masturbating this way all my life. I have done it conventionally a couple of times but it's easier and feels better the TMS way. Your site is great! I read a lot and I think I know how I can fix my problems. I never thought I'd be able to find readings on this as I thought it was only me! (age 29)
A: Yes, what you describe is typical for TMS males. Be glad you can reach orgasm in missionary at least. Some guys can't.
12/11/08
I unknowingly practiced TMS for years, and whenever I tried the normal method, it felt so strange, I would just stop. Eventually, I got more used to it, but then I would start squeezing my penis so that I would not ejaculate. I cannot find any information about this latter technique but I'm wondering if it is also dysfunctional. I still practice TMS occasionally - but after reading this today, it seems it's time to change for good! I'd like to thank you for your site. (age 29)
A: Congratulations on deciding to overcome sexual dysfunction. Squeezing to stop orgasm is in general dysfunctional, but it is also a technique recommended to overcome premature ejaculation. (However, once a male overcomes PE, he does not need to do the squeeze technique any longer.)
12/14/08
I'm a 17 year old male who has been masturbating in TMS form since I don't know when. I learned of TMS about 9 months ago and I haven't masturbated that way since. Instead I masturbate sitting in a chair while watching porn on the Internet. Recently I tried to have sex with my girlfriend and I could not get an erection. For the past 2 months I have abstained from masturbating for about 5 days and then masturbated. It was about 75% successful. My erections were about 75 percent of the best ones. Now after a month of abstaining and conventional masturbation, I can ejaculate in about 3-5 minutes. My erections are at about 85-90%. For the past week I have used video stimuli (per your post of 12/7/08). I also found out that fantasizing is harder to do (I used to never need porn) to obtain an erection. Should I keep abstaining (and for how long)? Can I use video stimuli? How long will it take for me to get rock hard erections back? Why can't fantasizing get me hard like it used to?
A: The purpose of abstaining is to overcome TMS and learn to masturbate conventionally. You have achieved that. Congratulations. Secondary abstinence is suggested when you are having trouble with intercourse. I advise males to abstain for 3-7 days before a sexual encounter and see if it makes a difference. Going longer than a week will probably not make it any easier. The erections you describe ought to be good enough for intercourse even if they are not as perfect as your best erections. The reason you can't get an erection for intercourse is in your head. The solution involves being more relaxed around your partner. Whether you use videos is up to you. If you think they are making things worse, then discontinue them. Fantasizing might be different since you took the video shortcut. You should be able to fantasize your way to an erection, but as you get older, erections are not as automatic. They might never be 100 percent of what you remember, but that is due to aging and not necessarily due to TMS. Just work at it, and you are apt to notice your erections are back to normal before you realize it.
12/26/08
For years I was a TMS practitioner, but I haven't done that for a couple of years. My girlfriend and I are monogamous, test regularly for STDs and have been clean, and she's on the pill, so we usually have sex without condoms. However, no matter what I do, I can't orgasm inside her, which is something we both want. What's going on here? (age 25)
A: I would be interested to know what your orgasms are like when you masturbate and how long it takes. How much force do you use when you masturbate? TMS is an atypical form of masturbation, but it is not the only atypical form. In the short term, it might help if you abstained from masturbating and ejaculating for 5-7 days before attempting intercourse again. In the long term, it might help to get a doctor to rule out a physical problem and perhaps to see a competent sexologist.
12/26/08
I've been masturbating since I was 13, sometimes prone. Once, my mother caught me naked in my room. I was asleep and naked under the sheets. (I slept that way to get aroused) I'm not sure if she knew why I was naked, but she only told me not to do so when I sleep over at friends' houses, and she never mentioned it again. I am now 20 (I read how the prone position can lead to TMS) and have stopped doing it. Is it too late to restore sensitivity to my penis? Also, I recently experimented masturbating with a honeydew melon. I didn't get caught but it was really gross due to the messiness and wasn't all that pleasurable. Is this due to TMS?
A: If you didn't masturbate prone exclusively, the amount of sensitivity lost is apt to be small. You will be better off by staying away from TMS. Masturbating with the melson was messy and unpleasant because that's how melons are.
1/1/09
I've read the article on TMS on your web site. I used to masturbate in the way you describe but over the course of the past year relearned how to properly masturbate and am enjoying the results! Thank you!
Do you think there could be a connection between improper masturbation and sexual orientation? I questioned my own orientation when I was first learning how to masturbate prone and thus used visual stimuli of a certain orientation, but since learning how to masturbate properly, I think about the other orientation while masturbating. The only time I ever had gay thoughts was during improper masturbation. You say on your web site that masturbation affects your mental sexuality (or something like that). I guess my question is, is there any research on what people think about while masturbating and how that affects your health and orientation?
A: I doubt that either sexual orientation causes you to learn to masturbate a particular way or that learning masturbating a particular way influences your sexual orientation. When I first started doing surveys about this, I found that there was a lower rate of TMS among gay males. I posited that because gays masturbate frequently among themselves, that a TMS male would get corrected by his gay partners. Relatively few of the males who contact me or post in my Yahoo group are gay. I don't have much of an answer. However, Kinsey speculated in his landmark 1948 Sexual Behavior in the Human Male that gays engage in prone masturbation because they are fantasizing about being penetrated from behind. I have never heard that statement from a TMS male.
1/1/09
I have learned to masturbate conventionally but I can't achieve orgasm or ejaculation. I get an erection, go somewhere private, and use soap as a lube. I stroke my penis with a loose fist for 15 or more minutes and concentrate on arousing ideas and after a while it feels quite good but no orgasm. When I used to orgasm in the prone position, I don't think there was any pre-cum. Is this normal? Congratulations on such a great site where people can openly ask questions about masturbation! (age 15)
A: You haven't learned to masturbate conventionally if you can't orgasm that way. There was certainly pre-cum, but it is easy to miss when you are masturbating prone and not as sensitive to what is coming out as you are when you're able to see the penis while you do it. Soap is not a very good lube and might be a hindrance while you're getting used to the new feeling. I suggest going without lube. When the good feeling comes -- it shouldn't take 15 minutes -- stroke as hard and fast as you can until you have an orgasm. Once you have it down, you can work at going more slowly and stroking with less force. You might even decide to use lube again. Take it one step at a time.
1/4/09
Hey man! Thanks for this. I've been wondering why I can't orgasm when I have sex. I just found this site today and I'm gonna try a week of no masturbation. I can't wait to see how it works! (age 17)
1/8/09
I just orgasmed and ejaculated for the first time non-TMS. I got an erection looking at pics and then stroked my penis in the sitting position while looking at pictures and then closing my eyes and fantasizing. After 5 minutes I felt this feeling and knew it was coming. I opened my eyes and ejaculated. Thank you for your great informative web site! I got a rush a few times when looking at the pics. Do you think I should be able to orgasm without them? (age 15)
A: I wouldn't give them up just now. They seem to be critical in helping you overcome TMS. Once you are habituated to masturbating in non-TMS fashion (after a month or so maybe), it would be a good idea to try not to use them every time.
1/8/09
I read your discussion and have stopped masturbating face down.Within a day I was able to masturbate sitting upright but it takes much longer and even a little distraction turns me off. If I try hard and focus on something erotic, I ejaculate in somewhere around 15 minutes. Is pushing a little hard on my penis and ejaculating in a conventional way better or should I give take seven days to abstain and then masturbate and get a faster ejaculation without pushing it too hard?
A: 15 minutes is kind of long at your stage in getting cured. I suggest going longer than you are now between ejaculations, but once you have managed to masturbate to orgasm by hand, there is probably no reason to abstain for as long as seven days.
1/10/09
I can't believe I never learned about TMS. I started masturbating around 13, practiced TMS until I was about 19-20. I have a slight tear right below the head of my penis from rubbing it against my leg when in the prone position. It doesn't bleed, but it hurts mildly when agitated from regular masturbation. Intercourse doesn't seem to bother it. Do you think this is treatable? (age 25)
A: I have never heard of a case of trauma like that being permanent. If it hurts, you should have it examined by a doctor. Be sure you tell the doctor what you told me, including that it's over 6 years old. I don't know what the treatment is -- stitches, maybe? -- but would appreciate being updated by you so I can learn something new.
1/11/09
The comment of 10/23/08 troubles me. I also have been TMSing for 30+ years, never realizing the trouble. For several months I've tried the program. I abstain for a week or longer, and sometimes it still takes over an hour and I don't get close to orgasm. How much time should I give a session? 15 minutes? 30 minutes? An hour?
I've had mild success sometimes, and on occasion even managed to ejaculate while inside my partner! (It never would've happened if not for this site! Which she found for me, btw). Sometimes I've fallen off the wagon because after masturbating for an hour with no success, I know I can just roll over and be done in a few minutes.
I also have a fantasy that I have done for 30+ years - it's what I think about when I TMS. It does not involve intercourse. Are these two very distinct issues? I worry that I'll never be able to orgasm the normal way daily, let alone within only a few minutes. Do you think it's still possible for me? Between the two (TMS and the fantasy), I think I need therapy (the fantasies are always related to S&M). Can you recommend the best way to find a therapist who may be familiar with TMS, other than calling every one of them in my area? (age 43)
A: You ought to be able to reach orgasm with a half hour. Most guys who have been abstaining successfully for as long as you say are completely over prone masturbation in that amount of time. It might be worthwhile to stroke as hard and fast as you can until you have an orgasm. Then when you are used to the new feeling, you can work at using less force and lasting longer.
S&M fantasies are fairly common and are probably not central to your issues. You don't say where you live, so I have no idea what therapist to suggest, if any. If you e-mailed me privately with your location, I might be able to look someone up. You could also find a sex therapist near you at http://www.americanboardofsexology.com.
1/15/09
When I came across your site, I was just about to turn 21. I had been with my girlfriend for 6 months into our relationship with no sex, mostly because I had TMS. I came across your web site, read the case studies, and couldn't believe other people had been masturbating the way I had. I came to your site seeking a cure, and I did what you said to do. I think it took me a month of stopping, and starting back up the TMS way, then stopping again for an entire week. Each night I'd try my hand for a little while, and I finally got it down the right way.
It's been over 6 months since I came across your site, and read it in its entirety. My girl and I have been having sex like rabbits, and I've been masturbating the conventional way ever since. I just wanted to say thanks, and give you credit, for had it not been for you and your wonderful site, I'm sure I'd still be masturbating with the aid of my bed, wondering why I can't do it the usual way, and not having sex with my girl. She'd have most likely dumped me, and I'd still be a virgin for fear of not being able to keep an erection.
Thank you, Doug, from the bottom of my heart. I'm so in love with the girl I'm with, and it makes me happy to be able to make her smile. Sex is an amazing aspect of life that I'd have hated to miss out on just from masturbating the wrong way. (age 22)
1/15/09
I was a TMS practitioner until I encountered your site, and I followed the weeklong abstention method. It worked better than great. I ejaculated MUCH more then a teaspoonful and at such a velocity that some hit my hair until I pointed it away. Since then I haven't produced as much, nor at such a high velocity. Was this the result of the week-abstention? I want to experience that again (without the hair part). (age 19)
A: Congratulations on such fast success! Yes, the extra large ejaculation was due to the abstinence period. Now you will know to control your ejaculate better next time. Good luck.
1/16/09
I find that the only way I can masturbate to the point of ejaculation is to rub my penis against my mattress. I know from reading your TMS page that this is wrong, but when I do it with just my hand nothing happens and it gets painful. I don't use any form of lube because I don't know what would work well. Is there anything I can do or can you recommend some form of lube? (age 14)
A: I suggest you read my TMS page again, more carefully, to find out what I recommend in your situation.
1/17/09
I have been masturbating TMS style for about 10 years. I didn't realize it was a problem until I got married. (I had no sexual experience before marriage.) I began to realize there was a problem when I couldn't keep my erection long enough for intercourse. I went to check things up at a urologist. He recommended I go through a Doppler ultrasound test (which measures the blood flow to and from the penis via injection simulation). Unfortunately I was diagnosed with a venous leak (blood is not trapped properly at my penis). As you can imagine I was very depressed knowing that this cannot be cured easily. I didn't take stock of my erections before marriage. Through y masturbation, I felt my penis semi-erect and thought it was fine and normal. Then I found your web site. I was so happy when I found out that my style of masturbation has a name, and that it can cause ED, and of course I am happy to know it is reversible. Of course I quit TMS (it was fairly easy for me) and begin to masturbate the conventional way. I realized that my erections are good. Could TMS cause a wrong diagnosis in a Doppler test? I have read in another web site that the test is not enough to diagnose venous leak. Have you heard before about a wrong diagnosis of venous leak because of TMS? I have asked my urologist but he didn't seem to believe in TMS. (age 26)
A: Yours is the first concrete physical diagnosis I have heard of a TMS patient in seven years of writing this web site. Of course, I am not a doctor and cannot offer an alternative diagnosis. However, you owe it to yourself to find a urologist who is willing to accept TMS as a cause of sexual problems and get a second opinion. In the meantime, I would encourage you to keep working at overcoming TMS and learning to masturbate conventionally. There is a good chance you will find your erections much better within a few months and will then not bother to find out about the venous leak diagnosis.
1/17/09
I have emailed you before re my boyfriend. He has never been able to ejaculate during sex and I am not sure why. I have read a lot about how Internet porn is becoming a problem and asked my boyfriend whether he watches porn or not. He HATES talking about his masturbating but after me asking him a couple times he finally told me he looks at porn about once a week. How often is regular for a guy his age (21)? Is this too often?
I have suspected he has a problem with ejaculation because he has told me he masturbated wrong (face down) as a child. Now, he tells me he does it correctly. He has always been able to ejaculate when masturbating but never with intercourse. In fact, he feels very little pleasure at all with sex. I've tried oral sex and manusl intercourse and he feels no pleasure with those either.
Is there something he can take to maybe help? He gets an erection fine. Toward the beginning of our relationship I felt that sex was not a big deal, but after two years of this it is beginning to wear on me. I hate to say it, but it is putting a major strain on our relationship. We only have sex once every couple of weeks and it sucks on my part, but I hate having sex and knowing he isn't enjoying it, let alone really feeling much.
A: According to a suvey of over 10,000 males by the web site HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, 387 21 year olds reported an average frequency of 7 times per week. It is normal for guys to masturbate once a day or more until age 24, and even then, the frequency only goes down a little bit. I strongly suggest he work to overcome his prone masturbation (TMS). He would benefit from the help of a competent sex therapist. Help him tell you what would make it enjoyable for him, and if he won't, then just make sex as enjoyable as possible for you. A good sex therapist might help you get all this sorted out.
1/20/09
I suffered for years from a form of TMS and have now begun to masturbate properly 100% of the time. Before, I learned to reach orgasm without erection, and I would not get an erection when fooling around with my partner. Now that I have stopped and am re-learning the proper technique, will I be able to get an erection again when I am around my partner? (age 28)
A: Yes. That is how getting cured of TMS works. You should notice a difference in your erections within a few months.
1/21/09
I found your site exactly a week ago after masturbating TMS style. I am 30 years old and have been doing it this way since I was probably 7 or 8. I have tried to masturbate the conventional way in the past but never been able to ejaculate. I would always finish up on my stomach on the carpeted floor. Today I finished a week of abstaining and this morning I tried the conventional way. It took me about 15-20 minutes and I came normally for the first time. I tried again within the hour and this time it took me longer (about 25 minutes) and I was able to ejaculate again and this time I actually saw myself do it.
I have not been sexually active in a few years and in the past I was never able to reach orgasm with a girl. Past girlfriends have always thought it was their fault. I use porn usually when I masturbate TMS style and I know I am not always erect all the way when I ejaculate. I used porn both times today but I was able to ejaculate when I only fantasized in the end.
I am still nervous though. Today I was hard and then I would lose that sensation and then I would get hard again. The same has happened to me during sex, and my ex would get me hard and then when we changed position I would get distracted and lose the erection. Will I be able to sustain my erection in the future? What do I need to do to rectify that? I have never used any pills. Have I caused permanent damage to my penis and can I never sustain an erection? Thank you SO MUCH for this site. I feel accomplished today and I know I have to stay strong and not go back to TMS. (age 30)
A: I think you are getting cured too fast. Masturbating twice in an hour doesn't give your body much of a chance to get used to the new sensation. In a sense, you are fighting your body's natural need for a refractory period anyway. I usually tell people in your situation to wait two days between orgasms and only go to one day when they are really working well. There is also no reason to be worried about future performance in intercourse right now. Just concentrate on getting used to the new feeling of masturbating. You will probably be much more confident about masturbating non-TMS style by the time you have sex with a partner again.
1/31/09
I have been masturbating conventionally since I was 13, never prone. About two weeks ago, I had the urge to masturbate by rubbing against the floor (sounds so corny when typed). I have found it harder to gain an erection since then. I can still masturbate conventionally (and that is my preferred method), but it takes longer for me to become aroused, and I need to concentrate harder.
I have stopped masturbating prone. I was wondering what would be better for restoring my libido -- continuing to masturbate conventionally until my body readjusts, or abstaining for a while as you suggest for TMS practitioners who cannot masturbate conventionally? (age 15)
A: It is good you recognized your mistake and stopped so quickly. However, I find it hard to believe that you did something to cause all that sexual trouble. I think it is in your head. You obviously don't need to go through a full abstinence regimen -- the purpose of which is to make it easier to learn to masturbate on your back, something you obviously know how to do. But I think it would be good for you to take a few days off anyway just to get some sexual rest and maybe think about what led you to try something like that because of an urge.
Follow-up: I still have not been able to get erections as quickly as I used to. Also, I don't think it's "all in my head" because this was happening after my prone session, but before I came to consider the possibility that masturbating prone caused my problem, so I don't think it's psychological.
A: Give it some time to get normal. You are probably paying too much attention to your erections right now. I find it very hard to believe that a single incidence of prone masturbation would cause as much trouble as you allege.
2/4/09
I first experienced masturbation as prone/face-down (around 12 years old), and after a relatively short period (a year) I realized other guys did it differently, so I taught myself to do it that way. Most of my thrusting would involve me rubbing my penis against my underbelly (reproducing the same simulation as prone) and also I would get more out of handling the head than out of handing the shaft, which I read on your site is a part of TMS. Do you think this sounds plausible? If so, I think this is something you should address: TMS symptoms, even though you masturbate conventionally. I've had some erectile dysfunction during foreplay situations because of this, because it just didn't feel the same. I am still a virgin, so I can't talk about actual penetration. (age 21)
A: TMS isn't the only cause of sexual dysfunction. You didn't switch from TMS to conventional masturbation; you replaced it with a different but also atypical method of masturbating. I would recommend getting over the penis-rubbing thing and learn to masturbate only by stroking with your hand. It is hard to say that you are having ED if you've never tried penetration. Also, concentrating on the shaft (especially the base) instead of the head is very characteristic of TMS; not the other way around.
2/7/09
I HAVE BEEN MASTURBATING THE TMS METHOD FOR SIX YEARS. NOW I WANT TO STOP DUE TO THE DANGERS. WHEN HAVING SEX I COME VERY QUICKLY THE FIRST TIME AND THEN FIND IT VERY HARD TO GET A FULL ERECTION TO HAVE SEX FOR THE SECOND TIME AND I KEEP LOSING MY ERECTION. IS THIS DUE TO TMS? I HAVE ABSTAINED FOR SIX DAYS. I MASTURBATED YESTERDAY FOR THE FIRST TIME USING BABY OIL WITH NO VISUAL STIMULI. IT TOOK ME SIX MINUTES TO EJACULATE. I WAS APPLYING A BIT OF HARD PRESSURE TOWARD THE LAST FEW MINUTES ESPECIALLY THE PENIS HEAD. MY NEXT SESSION WILL BE IN FIVE DAYS. AM I ON THE RIGHT TRACK? (age 26)
A: If you reached orgasm in only six minutes, I don't think you need to wait a full five days. If you are orgasmic in sex, your problems might not be as bad as you think. Most males don't report that their TMS-related problem is that they can't have sex repeatedly; it's that they can't complete intercourse at all. I think you are doing just fine.
2/10/09
I stopped TMS, and abstained for seven days and then masturbated conventionally and had an orgasm within 10 minutes. What is the target time I need to shoot for when masturbating conventionally? How long should I abstain? What if during one session it took me 15 minutes or more to reach orgasm? What if I had an orgasm with a less than a fully erect penis? (age 30)
A: Anywhere from 5-15 minutes is good. If you can orgasm within 10 minutes, then you can definitely cut your abstention time by days. You should only masturbate with a fully erect penis. That is what you want to train yourself to do.
2/13/09
I greatly admire what you are doing with your web site. I think the depth and elaboration with which you describe such a taboo subject is very brave and inspiring, but above all, an incredible help to people like me.
I would like to relate my personal story to you because I have not encountered any cases like mine on the web site (although I confess I haven't been able to read *all* the responses people have written, but at least a search for keywords didn't return anything), and as such I think it may serve others who have the same experience. Although I have never masturbated prone, I am pretty sure that the way I have masturbated until now would have the same detrimental effect (leading to the same kind of dysfunctions that TMS males suffer from). Also, I have dealt with some other masturbation-related issues in the past that I think I might as well include.
It all started with the way I discovered masturbation, at quite a young age (I'm guessing 8, maybe 9 years old). I used to have this big stuffed monkey that I slept with, and for some reason I would always fall asleep hugging it with my arms and legs. In other words, I would always have this soft thing between my thighs. Once, in an experimental mood, I did the same thing without wearing any underwear. It felt good and when I rubbed my penis against it this made me have my first orgasm. In the weeks after that I went from rubbing this stuffed animal against my penis to using my hand, but in a similar way. Rather than making an open fist, I used a flat hand, and with it would rub my penis against my abdomen. However, I would always have something (usually some stuffed animal) between my legs while doing it.
Some years later (I was still quite young - under the age of 12 I believe), I learned from a cousin that this was a very weird way of doing it. He told me that he did it in a different way, using his open fist to stroke his penis. It made sense, also in the context of the signs about masturbation (e.g. suggestive hand movements in a joking context) that I certainly did pick up from time to time (I should add that as a consequence of skipping a grade, I was always around boys at least a year my senior). So I tried it out, found it quite satisfactory (although initially less so than my old method - but only initially), and adopted it as my new standard masturbation practice. Still always keeping something soft between my thighs.
Ironically, it turned out I was still doing something deviant. Rather than exerting most force while stroking down, pulling the foreskin back and effectively simulating penetration, I was pulling upwards! I was pulling my foreskin further over my glans than it already was. This had one advantage: upon ejaculation my extended foreskin would prevent the semen from squirting out and making a mess. At best it would simply leak out a bit, but usually I would be able to get to the toilet and spill it there without even getting my pants dirty. Only last year did I discover that I still wasn't doing it right. I lost my virginity, but noticed that penetration did not feel pleasant. The reason was it forced my foreskin to retract - something it didn't do without much resistance. I started doing some research on the Internet and it turned out I probably had either phimosis, an abnormally short frenulum, or both. Most importantly, I found that both these conditions had been associated with certain abnormal masturbation techniques. Examples of such techniques included both ways of masturbating I had ever used up until that point.
So, I finally started doing it the absolute, established, proper way, I thought. I changed from stroking up to stroking down, found that this too was a way that could lead to Rome, and moreover that it gradually made my foreskin looser. Except...there was still the thing between my thighs. Of course it had been some years since I had done away with my stuffed animals, but I had resolved this by folding up my blankets and putting them between my thighs instead. I continued doing so with the new, proper-direction-stroking method.
Now we come to the present (hope you're still with me). Yesterday evening, when I was talking to a girl whom I have casual sex with and she mentioned how I can never come inside her, but only by masturbation, and only with something between my thighs (when I'm with her, that something would usually be her breasts). I replied saying that this was simply a "sensitive spot" for me that had to be stimulated, and that lack of this stimulation made it much "harder" for me to come. The fact is I don't do prone, and definitely not in the last years. However, I think that always squeezing these things between my thighs while masturbating, and in the case of the bed sheets also actually pulling them up into my thighs, has had the same effect, for two reasons: - I did consistently exert some abnormal pressure and don't remember the last time I succeeded without it, and consciously I knew that indeed this was something peculiar, and possibly quite harmful to my sex life. So again I turned to the internet for help, and may I say thank heavens I came across your web site and read about this thing that actually has a name: Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome.
So, as I said, at no point in my life have I really masturbated the base of my penis for years on end - I have the symptoms. Erectyle disfunction (can get it up, but often doesn't stay hard), and failure to orgasm during intercourse or by any other means of stimulation but for my deviant masturbation technique.
Today, I started my 7-day period of abstaining, as you recommend on your website. I am confident that in time I will be able to orgasm without having those parts of my groin stimulated in some way, and finally start enjoying intercourse the way it was meant to be experienced. Especially once I have also completed my phimosis treatment (foreskin stretching + application of corticosteroid cream).
If anything I think it may be a description of one of the widest ranges of masturbation-related problems found in a single person - at least I sure hope that the number of guys who've had to go through the same process is limited. You are most welcome to use it, or parts of it, on your web site as a case study if you so wish, and if you or a fellow visitor of your web site have any questions, I'll be happy to answer them. Thanks again for a brilliant and most helpful website. I wish you the best of luck with it, and keep up the good work! (age 18)
A: What you describe is not TMS, but it is a different atypical form of masturbation that could possibly be as bad as TMS. You are doing the right thing by seeking to overcome your atypical style. I also recommend joining the online TMS support group where there are many males who can help you out. I have heard about having something between the thighs many times, but it is because it helps the man sleep and is not used during sex, so we might be talking about different situations here.
2/13/09
I have been masturbating prone for as long as I can remember. I have never been able to ejaculate when masturbating in any other way. Moreover, having read your site, I get the impression that the way that I masturbate is particularly bad. I lie face down with my penis semi-erect. I link my hands and put them beneath my penis. I then sandwich the sensitive skin on the bottom side of my penis just behind the head between the thumb joint on one of my hands and my pelvis/inner thigh. I increase the pressure by lifting my legs in the air, putting my lower body weight on the skin that is sandwiched between my thumb joint and my hip area.
In 25-odd years of doing this regularly, the skin on the underside of my penis has become loose, slightly callused and even a little discolored. I think there has also been a serious deterioration in sensitivity.
I have been sexually active since the age of 17. Up until recently, I had never ejaculated in any other context than TMS. I normally dealt with this by lying to my partners, which, believe it or not, would work, sometimes for years. I suspect the ramifications on my sex life, relationships and psyche generally have been profound. I am single. I have also developed in the past 7 or 8 years some pretty extreme sexual fantasies/fetishes. Have you heard of this happening as a side effect of a life of TMS and the consequent inability to ejaculate with a sexual partner?
I ejaculated during intercourse for the first time about 4 years ago with a girl to whom I was particularly attracted. I have since ejaculated perhaps 5 or 6 times during sex, always in the morning, always during missionary position. The rest of the time, though, I can't ejaculate. 5 or 6 ejaculations with a woman in 13 years is pretty depressing. I have also started to develop problems maintaining an erection.
I have always been in denial about this problem, despite not being able to ejaculate except with my penis's skin pressed between my thumb joint and my hip. As the problem's always been there, there's never been a real catalyst to do anything about it despite its significance. For a long time, I thought I could continue to lie to girlfriends and only deal with it when it came time to have children. In any case, I didn't know what to do. I tried to masturbate normally without success in the past, once or twice after a week of abstinence as I groped my way to the cure you suggested. However, my efforts to cure myself were pretty desultory and extremely occasional.
Needless to say, I am going to start your suggested cure. I must say that I am not hopeful. Stimulation other than my method of masturbation has never led me anywhere close to ejaculation. Whether it be conventional masturbation, oral sex or vaginal sex, it's pleasant but it's nowhere near the kind of physical stimulation that typically lets me ejaculate. I worry that I have desensitized my penis so much that I'm beyond help. I have no idea if it is going to work but obviously I have nothing to lose. It would really help to have some reassurance that a 30 year old with a desensitised penis and a particularly physical and, I think, unusual form of TMS has a good prospect of recovery. Are you aware of anyone else who masturbates like me? Also, what are the success rates generally?
Thank you in advance and thank you for your work in trying to help people who suffer from these kinds of problems. I am very grateful.
A: There is no reason to be pessimistic. I have never heard of a case that couldn't be helped. Many, many men were cured when they were older than you, including me. I would advise you to join the support group for males with TMS. Everyone who posts there has a similar story to yours, and many of them are recently cured or are currently becoming cured. We have also documented much more punishing methods of masturbating than yours. I have also never heard of anyone developing fetishes or paraphilias as a result of TMS, although I have heard some TMS practitioners mention that they have them.
2/14/09
Follow-up:
I now want to express my gratitude for the service you're doing. I took your advice and stopped masturbating with the plan being to see how I went masturbating normally after 2 weeks. However, fate intervened and I met someone who may turn out quite special about a month ago. Bearing in mind that I had probably previously ejaculated only about 10 times with a woman, imagine my surprise now that I have ejaculated with her about half the (numerous) times we have made love. I've even talked to her about this issue. I had never done that before.
So I'm not following your prescribed method, in that I am yet even to attempt to masturbate conventionally. But I seem to be training myself to orgasm with a woman I care for which is fine by me. I haven't relapsed at all yet. I may work on masturbating conventionally in the future but right now I am preserving my libido for her.
A: I only recall one other person ever being cured of TMS through intercourse. Good luck to you if it works, and please let me know about your progress.
3/17/09
Regarding TMS, one could end up hurting the penis if they put their body weight on their penis while masturbating, but it doesn't mean that prone masturbation will always put weight on your penis. In my case, I stack up pillows vertically in 2 rows and insert my penis between the 2 rows. I use condoms to avoid a mess. This gives me enough room for my penis and avoids putting my body weight directly on my penis. It is not sandwiched under my abdomen. This also wraps my penis from all sides and gives me a closer feel of sexual intercourse. I also lie on my back and masturbate but I would like to do it in different safe positions. I usually avoid masturbation not because I find it unhealthy but because if I start, I'll be doing it twice a day for 3 or 4 days. So I go on a spree once in 3 or 4 weeks. Then I start watching porn as I feel the tension grow and I end up masturbating. This is my general masturbation cycle. Is this fine? Usually after watching porn movies, I end up ejaculating quickly (2 or 3 minutes) the first time but in later acts of masturbation in my cycle I ejaculate after 15-20 minutes. Sometimes it takes more than 30 minutes. Is this fine? Are you a professional in this field or do you advise based on your experience and knowledge? (age 21)
A: The weight of the body pressing down is not the only reason why TMS is bad. You also have the tremendous force of your legs behind your thrusting in prone masturbation, which is obviously greater than the force your arm provides in conventional masturbation. I also think there is some sandwiching going on between your body and what is under you. I also think your "masturbation cycle" is a bad thing. You ought to accept masturbation as something normal, healthy, fun, and necessary for males to do. This means masturbating daily, or nearly so. It does not mean consciously keeping from masturbating until the tension gets to be too great and then going out of control for 3-4 days. What you are talking about is what sailors once did during periods at sea (at a time when masturbating in those quarters was frowned upon). That kind of practice often led to prostate trouble. It is common for subsequent acts to take longer than initial ones. In general, I would say even things out so the cycle repeats itself daily rather than every month. And I have said many times on this site that I am not a health care professional.
2/14/09
I just went on this site and realized how bad TMS is. I am 19 years old and a virgin and have masturbated in the prone fashion my entire life. I have turned down sex many times fearing I would be unable to perform satisfactorily. I have tried mastrubating the conventional way a few times but failed to reach orgasm. I came close but couldn't. I was frusturated, upset and went back to the prone style. Do you have any tips or advice that can help me to masturbate the correct way? I am going to abandon the prone style for good and will just keep trying to do it the right way. I think I'm nervous and my failure to orgasm during conventional masturbation is mostly psychological. Thanks for listening to me, and thank you for creating the HealthyStrokes web site.
A: This site is full of tips. You might also join the online support group. It is extremely likely that your problem is psychological. When you get the feeling that you are close, stroke as hard and fast as you can until you reach orgasm. Then you can work on slowing down and using less force.
Follow-up: I made a commitment to never masturbate prone again. I'm going to refrain from masturbation for 1-2 weeks and then try the conventional method. If I have a wet dream during this period (I have had a few recently as a result of not masturbating), will it affect my ability to reach orgasm the conventional way when I try it?
A: I have never heard of that situation before. Why don't you wait until it actually happens and ask me then. You might have more to share then depending on how you feel about it happening.
2/17/09
I stopped TMS and am going through the program you describe on the HealthyStrokes.com web site. You said that a person should masturbate conventionally on a daily basis for at least one month or more. How much more should I go for? Will I be cured 100% from TMS and its harmful consequences which include erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia? When can I start having intercourse? Can I have intercourse normally such as any normal person after I am cured? Will there be a need to revert back to the program you described? (age 30)
A: Masturbating daily for a month in conventional fashion is how you know you've gotten over TMS. Then you can work on having sex with partners. You might not notice a difference right away, but most males are able to tell within 3-4 months after giving up TMS that their erections are different. Many cured males say that they are 100% cured and 100% normal. You probably not need to go back to the abstinence period again.
2/22/09
I have recently discovered that I am a sufferer of TMS and my girlfriend occasionally performs manual intercourse on me. However its is nearly impossible for me to reach orgasm;. therefore we both feel badly as a result. I was wondering what I could do to help my situation and ejaculate before my girlfriend gets tennis elbow. (age 15)
A: I would advise against doing anything with a partner until you have overcome TMS for at least a month and are able to masturbate daily by hand. You will know when you can make progress with your partner. Good luck with her tennis elbow. That is a real problem among philagyners and philanderers.
2/22/09
Thank you so much for this site! For quite some time, I knew that my method of masturbation was different from the kind described in sexuality books and the way other guys talked about how they masturbate. But I never knew that it was unhealthy to masturbate prone. I did that on an almost daily basis since I was very young.
I?ve tried to masturbate more like the conventional way, but every position except my ususal, wrong, position leads to failure to reach orgasm and ejaculate. So I thought maybe stopping masturbating for a week or two would make it easier. But it did not, and I resorted to TMS.
Then I stumbled upon this site and at first I didn?t want to believe it. I was quite shocked that the description of a typical TMS case was so accurate regarding my own situation. And after a while it felt good to read the comments knowing that I was not the only person in the world with this problem. So I followed the advice and abstained from prone masturbation for a full week and then tried to masturbate sitting behind the computer desk. I failed after trying for quite some time, like I was used to. Very frustrating but thanks to this site, I didn?t make my usual mistake of restoring to prone masturbation. I tried the next morning but failed again, but still no TMS behavior. Last evening I tried again and after an initial failure, I finally was able to reach orgasm and ejaculate sitting in a chair and using one hand! I am still far from being cured but at least it feels like a step forward. Thanks again for this great web site!
A: Thanks for a great story of practice makes perfect. You will be probably be done with TMS a month from now and might not even remember too well what it was like. You will be masturbating daily by hand then and getting ready to move on to partners.
3/1/09
I've always masturbated in the TMS position and was completely unaware of its potential harms. Around age 28, I started to experience occasional erectile dysfunction (approximately 30% of the time). I used to think it was due to alcohol (although alcohol had not affected me before). To compensate, I would use Viagra. Recently I have also been unable to orgasm on several occasions. I will now stop TMS and report back if I see any difference. From what I've read here, it looks promising. Thank you for this site. (age 30)
A: Alcohol is bad for sexual performance, but TMS is worse. Good luck with giving it up. Using Viagra when you're ready to try conventional masturbation can make it easier.
3/3/09
What part of TMS actually damages the penis? The way the penis is thrust against the floor/item, the angle at which one ejaculates, what? Also, is it TMS if I flip onto my stomach during ejaculation? (age 17)
We don't know for certain that TMS damages the penis. Nearly everyone gets better only through abstinence and masturbatory reconditioning. If the penis were being damaged, then it seems like some other work on the penis would have to be done. The force of TMS is not as bad for the penis itself as it is for the expectations for intercourse that are being built up in the practioners head as he masturbates. He gets used to a lot of force in masturbation and expects the same in intercourse but then is disappointed and unable to perform when he does not get the same feelings. The pressure at the base of the penis is also very different in TMS from what a male gets in intercourse or in conventional masturbation. Flipping over at the point of ejaculation is a popular maneuver at the point of ejaculation, generally to keep the semen under control. I will admit to doing that myself for many years. Then I saw Jennifer Jason Leigh doing it in "Single White Female." Wow. Was that ever exciting.
3/14/09
Hi Doug. I have been abstaining for 2 months now with no success in ejaculation! Is it dangerous? I had NO wet dreams over this period. What you do advise me? (age 26)
A: I'm confused. Are you trying to overcome TMS? I would suggest abstaining 5-7 days and then trying to masturbate with only your hand. While you are learning, you can use a lot more force and speed than you usually would. If it doesn't work, wait a few days and try again. If you still can't reach orgasm, I suggest getting a prescription for Viagra, which will take care of the erection so you can focus on having an orgasm. It is good if you have gone 2 months without TMS.
3/14/09
My husband is a TMS practitioner and getting ready to start your program for changing to conventional masturbation. He seems to think it would be easier for him to practice the correct way if I am in the room with him. He does not want to watch porn to stimulate himself and thinks me being there to touch his body in other places would help him. Is this a problem if it doesn't bother either of us or should he do it on his own?
A: I have never heard of anyone doing that. It is very stressful to go days without ejaculating and then to feel the pressure even from your own head to perform in a new manner. I can't believe it would be easier with someone watching. However, it would make more sense if you were only there long enough to help him get a nice erection and then left him alone.
3/18/09
I want to stop this habit, but the conventional masturbation technique doesn't feel very good to me right now. Also I lose concentration and get discouraged when I do it that way because I think it won't work (age 14)
A: You seem to be giving up pretty easily. It will work. It works for every other guy. It will work for you. Tell yourself that. It will feel very good to you once you get practice at it. Think of what it would be like to do it wherever you want, like the computer or the bathroom.
3/19/09
I have stayed away from TMS for about a month. I was getting to the point of masturbating conventionally. Then I had an unsuccessful attempt at sex and later had one relapse back to TMS. If I've only relapsed once, how big of a deal is it? How often should a guy my age be masturbating? I saw something on the site about masturbating daily to totally rid yourself of the problem. (age 34)
A: Just restart your abstinence period to the last time you masturbated prone. You should be able to masturbate by hand 5-7 days after that. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, which included 588 males age 30-34, inclusive, the average male in that age bracket masturbates 6.1 times per week, or a little less than once a day. Masturbating daily for a month once you're able to do it by hand successfully ought not be such a challenge.
3/23/09
I'm 22 and still a virgin. I had a VERY strict upbringing and have only recently decided that I am OK with having sex before marriage. I began masturbating TMS-style in 8th grade and transitioned (out of curiosity, actually) to the normal method during high school. I only discovered the concept of TMS via your site today. Since transitioning, I have used mainly the conventional method, but I have occasionally mixed in the TMS style. As far as TMS frequency, I would estimate once every couple of months with a few spikes in frequency (ex. a chain of 3-5 TMS sessions over a 2-3 day period) over the past 10 years, but I haven't kept a logbook. My best guess at my last TMS session would be about a month ago, and it was an isolated session (not a frequency spike). Having found a partner with whom I wish to lose my virginity, should I expect any residual problems from my past TMS habit?
I think your site does the entire English-speaking world a tremendous service by bringing this material into the open, and I thank you for that service.
A: I suggest you give up TMS forever, but I doubt that you would be feeling the effects of TMS now, after more than four years of conventional masturbation. I would also recommend that you abstain from masturbating for 5-7 days before your anticipated sexual encounter. Once you are accustomed to having sex, then this interval can be reduced or even eliminated.
3/24/09
I followed the advice on HealthyStrokes.com and abstained from prone masturbation for one month. It was difficult but I remembered what you said, "NEVER resort to masturbating prone." Today I tried masturbating the conventional way and was able to ejaculate after about 20 minutes of trying and it felt great! However the orgasm felt weird -- less intense and shorter then prone masturbation -- and it seemed less semen came out. Is this normal?
Anyway, thanks again Doug for helping me get over prone masturbation. I owe you one!
A: I wouldn't have thought you needed to abstain for a month. Whenever you learn something new sexually, it is apt to feel different from what you're used to. As you get accustomed to conventional masturbation, you will enjoy it more as you learn to have control over your orgasms.
3/29/09
Wanted to thank you for your site which has a lot of helpful information. I have been bumping my head against the wall for years wondering what was wrong with me. I started taking it rather seriously when I met my current girlfriend who I really wanted to ejaculate with during intercourse. I have now begun the journey toward recovery and I feel great that I have finally come to find the solution. Many blessings to you.
4/1/09
I am 23 years old. I have been masturbating by humping my bed since I started doing it at around age 11. I rarely do it with my hands and I find it hard to go without masturbating for even a day! I want to stop masturbating face down. I don't know what I should do because it is very hard for me but I am worried that humping my bed has damaged my penis as it always points toward my belly button when I am erect. Is that possible that TMS caused this?
A: You can start by following the program for overcoming prone masturbation on the main page. All of us who have gotten past prone masturbation have started that way. I didn't think I could quit either but I did when I set my mind to it. The direction your penis points is normal.
4/17/09
I learned to masturbate on my own and unfortunately I learned to masturbate in TMS fashion. This persisted for several years. However, once I started to use magazines and other media, the TMS position became very inconvenient, so I switched to a lying supine. Is it possible that my years of TMS may have harmed me in any way? Currently, when I masturbate, I wrap my penis in Kleenex. I have tried to masturbate with my hand and lube but I have had several problems with this. These include minor problems like the masturbation sensation feeling strange and the orgasm being not nearly as pleasurable and major ones like the feeling of my penis's movements in my hands during ejaculating being very disturbing, almost to the point where this feeling overrides my pleasure. What do you suggest to help with these problems? Also to avoid problems with cleaning up, is it OK to cover just the tip of the penis with tissue or cloth during ejaculation so that semen does not go everywhere? Finally, what are the best types of materials to use as lubricant? I have tried to use simple hand lotion in the past but I often have to add more halfway through. Are there other more effective lubricants? (age 16)
A: You have a lot of issues with masturbation! This is unusual, even for a former TMS guy. If you are only 16 now, and if you only started at 12 or 13, then you couldn't have done TMS for too many years. It is pretty easy for guys to get past prone masturbation at your age and younger. You ought not expect any negative effects from that period of TMS. Wrapping your penis in Kleenex is not normal. The abstinence program that I recommend for overcoming prone masturbation on the main page of this site can also help you learn to use lube properly. After 5-7 days of abstinence, you will be able to respond more easily even to a feeling you are not used to. There is nothing wrong with stopping in the middle to apply more lube; however, it will be less necessary to do this if you use a silicone or oil based lube. The disadvantage to getting used to an oil-based lube is that you cannot use it when you become sexually active due to its degrading effects on condoms and other latex products. If the feeling of your penis during orgasm is truly a problem, I suggest seeking psychological help.
4/19/09
First, thank you for this site. I've been masturbating prone for most of my adult life and recently decided to learn to do it the right way. After following the advice here, I was able to masturbate conventionally. I continue to do so with consistency, but I have one concern. It usually takes me anywhere from 20 to 30 minutes to reach orgasm. Is this a problem? And if so, is there a solution? (age 40)
A: You don't say how long it's been since you started masturbating conventionally, but it usually takes a while the first couple of weeks. After that, it will probably take less time than it was taking you to masturbate prone.
4/23/09
I've been with my girlfriend for about 18 months and have had sex 3 times with her, but after we are done, I have to masturbate because I cannot ejaculate during sex. I used to masturbate prone. The last time I did it was about 2 months ago under two mattresses. To be honest, it did hurt my penis. Also, sometimes I have had my hand tight on my penis while masturbating, but since then I have been masturbating regularly and safely and I ejaculate in about 5 minutes. Also, is it bad for me to ejaculate, then keep masturbating until I ejaculate again, but only a little bit. (age 15)
A: It is good that you have quit masturbating prone. Now that you have done that, you should also work on using less force. Try to see how good a little bit of touch feels. I strongly recommend abstaining from masturbation for 5-7 days before having intercourse again. I would recommend against your continuous masturbation pattern. That isn't going to help anything.
5/6/09
Since I was 10 years old I've been masturbating face down. I have TMS. I tried having sex once, and when I tried putting it in, my penis went limp. I don't get erect as much and I am beginning to notice a decline in my erection size. So this is one of those "last thing I needed to happen right now" stories, as I'm sure you've heard tons. Anyway, I've spent the last two hours on your site, and I need to know practically how to change and start doing it correctly, and if it's possible to correct my TMS problems? I've tried so many times to stroke and masturbate that way, but I end up getting exhausted after 20-30 minutes of stroking, or my erection goes away after it is ineffective, and then I feel the urge to flip over and start humping and I'm done in 10-20 minutes. Please help me! (age 25)
A: You've come to the right place for help. I suggest joining the online support group for males with Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome. The main page of HealthyStrokes.com has a cure program to help you overcome TMS. It is normal for erections to be less frequent around your age, but you need not worry that the size of your erection is decreasing.
5/11/09
I cannot believe that I just happened to stumble across HealthyStrokes.com. I am a 21 year old college senior who has been masturbating this way since high school. I have had three girlfriends, all of whom I dumped because I was embarrassed over my inability to perform. I would always make up some sort of external excuse, and ended these relationships because I was nervous they would discover that my inability to perform was a regular thing. I have never had any problems getting an erection, but for some reason during intercourse this suddenly became a TREMENDOUS problem, and an orgasm seemed impossible. Do you really think I can unlearn this behavior so easily?
A: Yes, I do. Thousands of guys have, and those are only the ones who told me or the support group that they did. Who knows how many have overcome TMS without saying a word? I hope when you are cured of TMS, you will call those girlfriends up again and pick up where you left off.
5/12/09
Thank you 1000 times! You have changed my life! After I had thought of suicide because of my erectile dysfunction, you have given me a clue about my case and thus gave me a way! I have been practicing TMS for about 12 years. My first sex-with-partner trial was for 7 months. It has horribly failed because I couldn't keep a good erection. On 9 January 2009 I came across your web site and you recreated me from scratch! On 23 March I managed to ejaculate using the conventional method and I depended on Viagra to maintain a rigid erection. I was happy with the result though. On 17 May I came with a good fantasy and a pretty good erection that lasted for an hour without Viagra!! So thank you again and again you are really an angel! Yet I have a question: Has anyone reported you that the problem has returned to him after being cured? I am a bit worried about that. God bless you Doug! (age 26)
A: Men's erections tend to get better the farther they get from TMS. When people tell me their problems come back, I generally find out that they have lapsed back into TMS. Good luck to you.
5/21/09
I've been regularly masturbating since I was 12 years old. I never did it the standard way by hand while lying on the back or sitting on a chair. I'm not even sure if "masturbating prone" is the exact method I'm using. I lie on my stomach, place my erect penis between my left thigh and the mattress. My penis points toward the sidewall of my room, while my body is parallel to the sidewall. All I do after that is move my butt in a sideways motion, so that the underside of my penis gets a back and forth kind of stroke by my left thigh. My penis does get sandwiched between my left thigh and mattress so there is some pressure applied. The penis does move a bit, but its the left thigh that performs all the action. Is this method a variation of the normal way, or is this what you call masturbating prone that leads to TMS? (age 30)
A: I don't think anyone would call that a variation of the normal way. What you describe is an idiosyncratic method that sounds a lot like TMS to me. I would advise giving that up ASAP. It will not help you achieve normal sexual functioning.
5/27/09
Thanks for the wonderful site. I had been masturbating prone ever since I could remember. What followed were unsuccessful attempts at sex. I was not at all able to maintain an erection. When all options seemed to have run out, luckily I stumbled upon HealthyStrokes.com. The first time it took me around 45 minutes to ejaculate via conventional masturbation but after that it was easy. I was able to have sex and have even had a kid. (age 29)
A: A post-TMS baby! What good news!
6/2/09
I am 21 and have had trouble getting hard enough for sex, and it sounds from your article like the problem might be TMS. I have been masturbating face down since I was in 6th grade. I am planning on trying your method for getting away from TMS, but I am curious if I have done any incurable damage. Will I be OK in a couple of months?
A: That is the experience of everyone else who has overcome TMS. Most men notice that their erections are stronger within a month or so of masturbating prone for the last time. We do not believe that TMS causes physical damage.
6/3/09
I've been masturbating prone and without a full erection for pretty much my whole life and I definitely have TMS, so I'm going to try to fix it now. I remember being about 13 or 14 years old and getting such hard erections and the angle of my erection was nearly vertical; it stuck up straight in the air. When I get erections now, they seem to be much weaker. My size hasn't decreased, but my erections are nearly horizontal with only a slight upward angle. This is worrying me as I am only 18 years old. If I cure my TMS, will I regain the erection strength I had before?
A: It is usual for erection angle to decline as you get older, but you are correct that you shouldn't have seen that much change in only 5 years. Most guys notice that their erections are better within about three months of quitting TMS.
6/4/09
I have been cured from TMS for 3 weeks now. Since then I am used to masturbating daily the conventional way. I mean daily, day by day, without missing a single day. And sometimes I have done it twice (or 3 times) in a day. Is this harmful? I feel that my erections are not 100% rigid as they used to be right after I overcame TMS and started masturbating supine. Is it an illusion? Please advise. (age 27)
A: There is nothing wrong with increasing your frequency to what you were used to after you have overcome TMS. (However, according to a survey in the online support group for TMS males, about half of males say they masturbate less than they did when they were masturbating prone and only 1 in 6 say they do it more.) It will take about three months for you to notice a difference in your erections.
6/5/09
I came across your site by chance. I can't make up my mind if this is a joke or not but I have TMS. I tried masturbating by hand for a good week or two weeks, and I could not ejaculate to save my life. Then I masturbated prone because it feels so good and I ejaculated like a madman. I don't have anxiety or anything, but how long can it take to train yourself to orgasm the conventional way?
A: You might join the online support group, which has over 1000 members, none of whom think it's a joke. The idea is to abstain from ejaculating for about a week so you can let your penis get to be more sensitive. Most guys can masturbate conventionally after five days. Some take a week and a few find they have to go two weeks before they can masturbate to orgasm by hand. Most notice that their erections are improving within 3 months of quitting TMS.
6/7/09
When I was 16, I rigorously masturbated TMS style, against a pillow and the bed for about 9 months. The weird thing is that I didn't masturbate to orgasm, but just for pleasure. I didn't know about orgasms then. I did ejaculate once or it might have just been a burst of pre-cum. I think I weakened that muscle. It started to hurt a bit after 9 months so I found this site. I tried masturbating the conventional way, and it actually worked! However, no orgasm. For the last year I've been masturbating, and I get pleasure, however I rarely orgasm. Out of the 100 times, I've had maybe 8 small orgasms. 2-3 medium sized. It's super frustrating. Also I noticed that early on, I would ejaculate earlier than I thought I would, and I would try the "stop and go method" and ejaculate when I didn't want to, when I was trying to hold off right when I got to that point. I'm really nervous and frustrated. (age 18)
A: You talk about ejaculating but no orgasm. For most males, orgasm and ejaculation happen at the same time. If you are having one at your age, then you should be having the other. After giving up TMS for over a year, you should be having no problems. It might be worth seeing a doctor.
6/15/09
I wanted to let you know that HealthyStrokes.com has given me hope to overcome my TMS. As opposed to what I have been hearing on this web site, when I was a child I learned to masturbate by applying significant pressure in a prone position while my penis was soft (non-erect).
However, because this sensation is obviously completely different from that experienced with a lover during intercourse, I have been unable to cum at all for the past two years of sexual activity. Being able to pleasure a woman for an indefinite amount of time is a "dream" of many men... However, it is absolutely horrible for my personal love life. Though my girlfriends have no doubt enjoyed our sexual engagements, I, on the other hand, have not been able to feel any feelings close to orgasm.
As of now, I have begun my abstinence period, and I hope to God that I am able to rid myself of this syndrome. I am 22, and have masturbated in this way for the entirety of my sexual life, so I am expecting this to be very difficult for me... however.. I won't, I can't, lose hope.
Please continue your good work, and if I ever have the chance, I will promote your web site to the best of my ability, so that many men like me can get the information they need before they develop damaging habits like this.
6/20/09
I used to masturbate prone with my blanket. Now I masturbate supine with a blanket. Is that still bad? (age 18)
A: Yes, it is. It is good that you quit prone masturbation, but masturbating with a blanket is still not a good thing. I would work at giving that up.
6/20/09
Thank to your help and your WONDERFUL web site, I have been able to get cured from TMS. My problem (before being cured) was sort of not being able to keep an erection. Now, and during masturbation, this problem has completely disappeared. I am used to masturbating daily for about a month and a half now. However, I need your advice concerning intercourse. Is it the TIME now for me to have a sexual intercourse successfully? Or you advise me to wait for another period of time? (age 26)
A: You are good to try it now!
6/20/09
I'm shocked and very scared of what I read. I think I accidentally discovered TMS/masturbating prone when I was extremely young as in even age 5. I remember rolling around the floor on a ball and realizing it felt good and continuing to do so more and more often, and by age 7 or so I was using the floor exclusively. I'm 17 now, and for 2 years I've figured it isn't probably good for me but I didn't know why or how until now. I'm scared that because I've done it for so long I will (or do) have serious problems. I have had 2 relationships within the past half-year and although I can easily get erections, I have never been able to ejaculate with another person. Also, I'm not sure if this is significant, but typically when I practice TMS I stop myself before ejaculating and hold it in.
A: Those are both bad habits, but you can easily break both of them. You can read hundreds of comments from males on the HealthyStrokes.com site about how they overcame TMS at much older ages. I also suggest joining the online support group. Over a thousand people there have been through the same. As for the stopped ejaculate, that is just a matter of not stopping and letting yourself ejaculate freely.
7/11/09
Is it the same kind of rehabilitation for people who masturbate against a floor instead of a bed? Is the floor worse because its a harder surface? (age 17)
A: Yes, the treatment plan is the same. I am unsure if the floor is worse. Everyone can be cured of TMS.
7/19/09
You have really saved my life, Doug! God bless you man :) (age 26)
7/20/09
I masturbated prone when I first started at 8 years old and did it about once a week for a year and then moved onto conventional masturbation on my back. I have had sex 9 times now with 3 different partners. All three were fairly inexperienced (one was a virgin, one had had sex twice before and the other had only had two sexual partners). None of them have been able to bring me to orgasm. I used to think this was because they just weren't very good at sexual things but I am now worried that it is because of my practice of TMS when I wass younger. I can still make myself orgasm from masturbation. (age 16)
A: It is hard to believe that something you quit at age nine could be affecting you now. I am uncomfortable with your description of them bringing you to orgasm. You should try to bring yourself to orgasm inside them. That is a better way to think about it. If you are expecting them to do all the work, then you might never have an orgasm in intercourse.
7/25/09
I have masturbated prone since I was about 10 years old. I had a wet dream caused in part by rubbing against the bed. It felt so good I wanted to replicate it again and the only way I knew was to rub against the bed again. It became the only way I masturbated. I want to stop now because I can't have sex properly. I am also afraid to pull the foreskin back on my penis. I have tried your technique of not masturbating (for ten days now) and then trying to masturbate the conventional way but it hasn't worked for me. Should I just wait a few more days or what should I do? (age 29)
A: What you call a wet dream was really sleep masturbation. Anyway, the important thing right now is to not give up. I suggest masturbating as hard and fast as you can until you have an orgasm. Once you have figured out manual masturbation, you can work at stroking more slowly and with less force. Viagra and its competitors can help at this point because they take care of the erection and let you focus on having an orgasm.
7/31/09
I came across the site about a month ago, and I can't even begin to say how relieved I was to find it. I'm 19 and I have practiced prone masturbation for ages now (although in a specific way -- see below), but, with all the tips and advice on the site and some serious determination, I've been able to kick the habit and learn the normal way.
I am, however, concerned about something else. On several occasions, when I've been making out with a girl, I've ejaculated (after only a few minutes) in my pants -- very embarrassing. And even though TMS usually has the opposite effect, I wonder if this isn't related to my old habits. I used either a T-shirt or pair of boxers between my legs to masturbate (I would tug to get the necessary pressure). After learning about TMS, I thought maybe I'd somehow conditioned myself to get over/hyper-stimulated when a lot of pressure (especially from some kind of cloth) is applied to my penis, as it is when it remains in my pants while kissing.
Is there more information on premature ejaculation and TMS (even though this seems to be the exception and not the rule)? And does anyone have any advice on how I can correct the problem (especially because I've just met someone that I'd like to become more serious and intimate with).
A: Premature ejaculation is rare among TMS practioners, but it is certainly not unheard of. From the way you describe it, you haven't had much sexual experience. You make no claim to experience PE in intercourse. So, I don't think you should assume a priori that you will experience such. The first step is to give up TMS. When you become sexually active, if you experience PE, you can deal with it at that time.
7/31/09
First off, thank you. For years I had suspected that my method of masturbation was the cause of my erectile dysfunction and inability to reach orgasm with my sexual partners. Now I have hope that I will soon overcome TMS and have a healthier sexual life.
I have tried, in the past, to switch over to supine masturbation and had been unsuccessful at climaxing, or had urinated instead of ejaculating at the climax point. After reading your site, I tried the 7-day method. I was able to get an erection and was completely mentally stimulated, but wound up urinating again. I immediately masturbated TMS that night. Determined, I tried to abstain again for about five days and after masturbating with my hand I ejaculated what seemed to be watered-down semen.
My question is if this is normal? Have others had similar experiences? I have not gone back to prone position after my last couple of attempts as to not waste the time I have put into recovery. Will my ejaculations get thicker as I develop more sensitivity to regular masturbation?
I am in a new relationship and my partner is aware that I am in "recovery." This places added pressure to recover and I am trying to stay focused. Thank you for all you've done. (age 27)
A: Yes, what you describe is typical. Your first ejaculations from regular masturbation will seem thinner than what you're used to experiencing from prone. This is because of the new sensation and a generally increased sensitivity in your penis that will lead you to stop before you've ejaculated completely. As you get used to the new sensation, you will keep masturbating for a few seconds longer than you are now, and your ejaculations will be closer to what you're used to. This is completely normal.
8/1/09
I just needed to share my experiences with TMS. It's been a long and hard road for me to give it up. I have had TMS since I was 13. It was the only way I had ever masturbated. I knew it wasn't normal but I didn't think I was doing myself any harm until I accidentally found HealthyStrokes.com. I tried for months to quit and eventually after many failed attempts I found out that my TMS habit had led to phimosis, where the foreskin cannot retract properly. But thanks to your site and reading all the success stories, I eventually managed to cure myself of both TMS and phimosis and can now masturbate conventionally several times a day if I want. So thank you for running this great site with the advice you give. It's really helped me and I'm sure it will help many others.
As I say, a long, difficult road but it was well worth it. I have healthier erections and better orgasms and I am finally not restricted just to my bed. (age 18)
8/1/09
I'm 24 years old and I have TMS. I've been masturbating since I was 13 and I always did that in the prone position. Sometimes I masturbated once and sometimes a few times a day. After such a long time of masturbating prone can I still unlearn traumatic masturbation or is it too late for me? I'm still a virgin and I'm afraid that oral sex and normal sex will not give me pleasure.
My girlfriend is overseas right now but she is coming back in December and we are planing to have our first intercourse then. Will I be able to get better by then? And if I do get better will I have pleasure from oral sex?
I tried masturbating the normal way a few times but it just did not give me any pleasure. Will your method help?
A: Yes, you can achieve a lot between now and December. I think this is a good time for you to quit. I would say make a plan to learn conventional masturbation by September 1, and be doing it daily by October 1, and then take October and November to get used to the new feeling. You will probably notice a difference in your erections by December 1.
8/1/09
Thanks a million for creating awareness about TMS through this web site. I had been masturbating since I was 12 in the prone fashion. In the last 5-6 years I had a feeling that i was doing it the wrong way but found no evidence it back it. I even asked a sex specialist about it and he did not find it wrong. The problem started since i have been actively having sex in the past year with my girlfriend. I was never able to orgasm through oral sex or intercourse. I was searching the Internet about this method of masturbation to find if it was atypical. After almost a year of search, I found your site last week which answered all my questions. I was so relieved that there was a solution. It's been 8 days since I last masturbated. Today I was very horny and finally masturbated in the regular fashion with my hand. I did it standing and I was able to succesfully orgasm and it was a great feeling. I tried it again in the sitting posture after a few hours. I was successful again. Now I am looking forward to do this again next week to forget the prone style and get used to the regular style. I am looking forward to orgasm while having sex with my girlfriend. I thank you again for your help. (age 30)
A: You probably won't have to wait a whole week to do it again. Congratulations! May I ask what web searches you were using for a year that didn't bring you to my site?
8/6/09
What do you think of my girlfriend who thought that having TMS means that I am not a real man? I used to have erectile dysfunction while attempting to having sex with her, and after getting cured (with the aid of HealthyStrokes.com), she refused to return to me, saying that I will never be good at sex even after being cured, and that one used to TMS all his life will never be equal to one who didn't. Please tell me your advice. How can I reply to her? (age 26)
A: She is being unnecessarily harsh. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, among 4319 currently sexually active males, 678 former TMS males reported having sex with partners an average of 3.1 times per week while 3447 males who have never regularly practiced prone masturbation reported an average of 3.02 times per week. This is a statistically insignificant difference. In terms of anorgasmia, the former TMS males (N=559) gave it an average score of 4.0 (where 1=almost always have anorgasmia; 5=never have anorgasmia), while never TMS males (N=2886) have an average score of 4.05. This is also a statistically insignificant difference. In terms of erectile dysfunction, the former TMS males (N=563) gave it an average of 4.17 (1=almost always have ED; 5=never have ED), while never TMS males (N=2904) have an average of 4.24. Although larger than the other two measures, this is not statistically significant either at either the 90 or 95 percent confidence levels.
The short answer is that males who have given up prone masturbation can put sexual dysfunctions behind them and wind up the same as males who never masturbated prone.
P.S. Your girlfriend is a jerk. Take this opportunity to find someone new.
8/8/09
I've been masturbating prone for so long I can't even remember when I started. I usually have done it on the floor with no erections. I've often masturbated on the bathroom floor on the carpet through clothes. About 8 months ago when I met my fiancee and we attempted sex for the first time, I could not obtain an erection. I went on like that for a while until I started using ED medication even though my doctor insisted it was my nerves. I am only 21 and would hate to have to use ED medication forever. I don't masturbate daily but when I do I'll lie on my unerect penis and crush it for sometimes hours. I tried abstaining but I couldn't. Sometimes I would start TMSing and end stroking with my hand with about a 65% hard penis. I finally decided about two days ago that I would abstain from everything. It's been two days. Last night I had a dream that I was gonna have sex but couldn't get it up. I can't remember the last time I woke up with an erection. Once in a while I get an erection but it's very weak. Do you think I have permanent damage? I have an extremely attractive fiancee and I just hate that I can't please her without pills, and sometimes they don't work. Do you think I can be cured? Your web site is great. Am glad I found it now and not later. (age 21)
A: I have never heard of a case that was intractable. Your method of masturbating has been especially punishing. You need to start by vowing never to do it that way again. It's OK to use the ED medication the first few times you try masturbating after abstaining. Keep in mind that ED medications won't help you get an erection; you still have to get aroused on your own, but they will let you keep that erection for a very long time.
8/17/09
Since I read your web site and it relates to me, I tried twice to masturbate the conventional way and both times I ended up doing it the prone way. Just yesterday I was masturbating conventionally and after 20 minutes nothing happened and I couldn't help myself so I ended up doing it the prone way. Now I really don't know what to do because my girl is waiting for me until I'm ready and I can't seem to teach myself to masturbate correctly. Should I keep trying or what should I do? (age 18)
A: Yes, I think you should keep at it. You might join the online support group. We've all been where you are now. It would probably be easier if your girlfriend weren't putting pressure on you to have sex. Then you could find it easier to relax and learn to masturbate conventionally.
8/26/09
I don't know if I masturbate using TMS, but I find it almost necessary to use a golf club cover with a very soft sock inside. I don't think this hurts me for future intercourse but the sensation is much more than I get when masturbating with my hand. I also think that intercourse (with that extra female stimulation) will cancel out the need for this. I almost can't enjoy masturbation nearly as much without it and I'm not sure if I can orgasm without it.
A: If you are thrusting into the sock/head cover, you have TMS. If you are stroking up and down with it using your hand, it is not technically TMS but it is an atypical masturbatory style that is at least as bad. As a rule of thumb, if you can't masturbate to orgasm using only your hand, you won't be able to reach orgasm inside a partner. The stimulation from a female is not going to be more; it will be less. I advise giving up your routine ASAP and working at being able to reach orgasm through ordinary stimulation.
8/29/09
Thanks a lot for your support and help. Many can do what you did but not that way, at least they would make a fortune out of it! God bless your life. I have been rescued thank to your web site for about six months now. I was experiencing erectile dysfunction and weak erections while having sex and masturbating. I didn't imagine that my special fashion of masturbation is having a name and that it is the cause of my curse. After following your program I became better. My erections are stronger and I can last for a long time. The problem is I am still afraid of trying sex. I wouldn't bear another failure in an intercourse trial. Is there (and don't laugh at me) a way to tell if I will be successful at sex or not? During masturbation I feel my erections are good and hard but I am not sure if it is hard enough or not. Also, I feel my penis tip is not so hard for penetration. (age 28)
A: You say your erections are stronger, and it has been over six months. Most men are ready for intercourse well before then. The only way you can know for sure is to do it. It might be a good idea to get an ED pill like Viagra to use as a backup in case it is not right the first time.
9/4/09
I practiced TMS from 13 to 20. But I changed to conventional masturbation at age 21. I have problems sustaining an erection for a long period of time when I am having intercourse. I don't have anorgasmia or any other problem. I regret ever masturbating the TMS way. I wish there had been Internet and sites like yours during my adolescent age. (age 37)
A: I doubt that TMS is still affecting you 16 years after you gave it up. A lot of males start having erectile dysfunction at your age. It might be better if you could have an orgasm while you know you can still keep erect instead of waiting until your erection goes away.
9/16/09
I have been masturbating prone since I was 12 or 13. I never really thought anything of me not ejaculating when I would get oral sex in high school. However, once I got to college and really started to engage in sexual intercourse with a lot of girls, I started to get worried about not being able to finish. I followed your abstaining plan and was able to whack off conventionally and finish for the first time like that today. Thank you very much. There's no way in hell I'm ever going to do it lying on my stomach again. (age 21)
A: Congratulations on your many successes!
9/27/09
I masturbated from age 14 the TMS way and used to do it as many as 4 times a day. Thanks to your site, I have stopped that. After doing the conventional way I have seen that it roughly takes me 3 minutes to having an ejaculation. Is that very early or late? My semen seems to be more white. Is that good or bad? I can keep from masturbating for up to 2 weeks since I switched. Is it OK if I masturbate once every 2 weeks (maybe twice)?
In the three years I was masturbating twice a day through TMS, the area between my legs around the penis has become displaced (come out from its position). I am thin so when I wear tight jeans it looks very odd and doesn't look like normal people. Is this because of TMS or masturbation? (age 17)
A: It is typical for guys to reach orgasm more quickly when they change from one way of masturbating to another. Before too long, you will be better able to control how long it takes. 3 minutes is not a bad time. Your semen is probably no different. You are just better able to notice it when you can see yourself ejaculate. It is not good for a male to go two weeks without ejaculating. That is the absolute minimum to keep from having immediate prostate trouble. Most guys your age masturbate every day. Dr. Graham Giles recommends that younger males masturbate at least six times a week to prevent future prostate cancer. I have never heard of anyone's pubic area being pulled out of position due to masturbation, prone or otherwise. Try not to worry about it. If it really bothers you, then why do you wear tight jeans?
9/27/09
I was having the tms problem before. Thanks to your site I have started doing the conventional way now. The conventional way feels much better and with conventional I do it 6 times a week and abstinence is not needed for me. Is that OK? Is it necessary to abstain for 7 days as suggested? How long should a session of masturbation last at my age? (age 17)
A: The abstention period is to make it easier for you to learn to masturbate with your hand. Once you can do that, there's no longer a reason to abstain. According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, which included 664 current 17 year olds, the average masturbation time at age 17 is 10.7 minutes, and the median time is 8 minutes. That means half of guys take 8 minutes or longer and half take 8 minutes or less.
9/28/09
I would like to thank you heaps or your fantastic web site on TMS. I have masturbated in the prone position for 8 years and have always known it was not the way most guys masturbate. I decided to read your web site and from the knowledge I gained from it, I decided that I had better start to use the conventional way and managed to ejaculate straight away in 6 minutes. I might have been too hard or fast but I am sure it was OK and can manage to become better at this over a period of time. I will be recommending your site to others and I am very grateful. (age 16)
9/29/09
I practiced TMS for about 12 years. I have experienced erectile dysfunction, and a urologist diagnosed my case as venous leak using a Doppler ultrasound test. After I saw your web site, I knew what my problem is and I overcame it. Currently, I have no erectile dysfunction. I think I never had venous leak (because real venous leak can never be cured). My question is, can TMS cause a false diagnosis in a Doppler test? (age 27)
A: Only the urologist could say what led him to that diagnosis. To calm your mind, I would suggest going to a different urologist for examination of possible venous leak and seeing what he comes up with.
10/1/09
My participation in this Q/A forum has ended as it became clear that masturbation was the primary concern (and OBSESSION!) rather than sexual fulfillment in a RELATIONSHIP with one's [FEMALE] partner. With me, Delayed (or "Retarded") Ejaculation is the concern, BOTH while masturbating AND during intercourse. "Correcting" or "improving" masturbation technique(s) have proven virtually useless in resolving this condition. (I'm convinced that the vast majority of TMS respondents [Q & A-ers, if you will] are overly preoccupied with auto-arousal, and in many cases, simply "reach orgasm" as the result of their latent adolescence and subliminally homosexual tendencies. I'll be seeing a urologist later this month concerning my problem with anorgasmia, but also other issues as well. While I'm certain this site has been helpful to many who do indeed have TMS, this is but one of multiple factors contributing to my particular situation. Thank you for your concern, and for taking the time to read this comment.
A: I don't think you understand the problems those with TMS have. TMS males, for the most part, enjoy masturbating prone more than they enjoy conventional masturbation. If solitary enjoyment were their only goal, then no TMS practitioner would want to switch to conventional masturbation. The reason males want to change their masturbatory style is to achieve better results in intercourse. We've heard from males as young as 13 who have never even seriously considered coition want to switch from TMS is because they desire to have sexual intercourse. If it seems that TMS males have latent adolescence, it's because you've internalized masturbation as a juvenile thing to do, which it assuredly isn't; or because, typically, it is younger males who discover that something is amiss with their first attempts at intercourse and come to forums like this one. Masturbation is a basic sexual practice, like throwing a ball is in sports. If you can't get the basics down, you'll not do well at advanced activity.
10/1/09
I used to masturbate the TMS way. Thanks to your site, I have started doing it the conventional way. I read your article saying TMS guys should follow the abstention process. You said that if you don't masturbate for 7 days, it might be all you can think of so what should I do? Now that I have started masturbating the conventional way, it takes me 2-3 minutes and I do it 7 times a week. Will abstention help me increase the time of my ejaculation from 2-3 minutes to more than that? Is it better to see something on TV and masturbate or masturbate without seeing anything? (age 17)
A: The point of the abstention process is to help a male give up TMS and learn to masturbate conventionally. Once you are successful at masturbating conventionally, there is no longer any reason to abstain. The 7 day abstention is usually only for the first time a guy is trying to masturbate with his hand. It is also typical for a male to take less time to ejaculate when he switches than he was taking with TMS. 2-3 minutes is not unusual for your age and your point in this process. Your average will probably be longer soon. There is nothing wrong with masturbating after seeing something arousing on TV. What I advise against at your age is using pictures to masturbate every time. You ought to be able to get by on your imagination while you're still in your teens.
10/1/09
I've been masturbating in the prone position since my teens. I never really knew that it was atypical, until I stumbled upon your site. I decided to learn to masturbate in the conventional supine way, and began my abstention period. After abstaining for four days, I masturbated the conventional way by lying on my back and with my hand and could ejaculate. I've been able to acheive orgasm by standing and sitting too. It's been 2 weeks since I first started to masturbate supine, but I'm able to orgasm in this way only by the use of photo or video stimuli (not porn but the normal usual stuff in magazines, modelling videos, etc.) Is this OK? Today I tried to masturbate without any stimuli but couldn't reach orgasm. It took some time and I eventually stopped and gave up. I've been masturbating in the conventional fashion almost every day ever since I first achieved it. (age 21)
A: Yes, whatever visual aids you want to use are fine. Many guys start with swimsuit and modelling photos when they are young, but nearly everyone is using nude pictures by your age. Congratulations on giving up TMS.
10/4/09
My girlfriend and I finally decided to find out why I have trouble during intercourse, and we found HealthyStrokes.com. I've practiced TMS more or less every day since I was 6 years old. I have never ejaculated from standard masturbation or from sexual intercourse. I recently abstained from masturbating prone for 7 days, and it took me over 45 minutes to ejaculate the standard way. Many of your posts say it will hopefully be less than 10 minutes (especially at my age) after abstaining for a week. I am worried that since it took me so much longer to ejaculate the standard way, and that I have never ejaculated the standard way before this, and since I have never ejaculated during orgasm, this process will be very difficult for me. What do you think? Also, my girlfriend is being very supportive and I was wondering if there's anything she can do to help (not physically, from reading this web site I know that would likely be counter-productive). (age 23)
A: 45 minutes is not so long for the first try. Good for you! I advise against doing anything sexual with your girlfriend until you are able to masturbate by hand daily for a month. If she understands why you can't have sex, then she is helping plenty. Good luck on your progress.
10/6/09
I'm 21 years old and have been masturbating prone since I was 13. I had no idea it was bad and I've been freaking out. I'm very glad I found out. Thank you for this site. I'm not a virgin and engage in regular sexual activity (if not often intercourse). Should I be worried about 8 years of TMS causing permanent damage to my sexuality? I don't know if this helps or not, but I always only used my hand beneath my body. I have never thrust directly against sheets or pillows.
A: It is good that you don't report issues with intercourse. If you give up prone masturbation, you can be masturbating conventionally in less than a week and notice an improvement in your erections within a few months. You need not worry about your past TMS masturbation. Thrusting into your hand reduces your chances of getting anorgasmia, but it doesn't make much difference when it comes to erectile dysfunction.
10/7/09
I suffer from TMS and it is clearly dreadful. I'm thinking of trying to fix it. But I may never be able to achieve orgasm again if I do. My frequency of masturbation, from the beginning of 2009 to October 15, 2009, is 360 times total. That's roughly 36 times monthly. E-mail me back if you would like to message me via e-mail or mailing address. (age 23)
A: I prefer to communicate on this web site instead of by e-mail. If you want to talk to some other TMS men, please join the online support group. I have never needed anyone's mailing address. I think you will be able to orgasm just fine after you have gotten over TMS. You apparently have 450 orgasms a year, and you also appear to keep track of them somehow. Far from never orgasming again, I think you might find even more ways and places to orgasm after you give up TMS.
10/16/09
Your web site is great and very very useful, especially for young kids. I have been cured of TMS (after 12 years of practicing, and suffering erectile dysfunction because of it) thanks to your site. However, I have some concerns. After getting cured, my masturbation sessions may last for an hour (perhaps longer) under my complete control. My erection is good and maintained but not with the same quality. It may go harder or softer according to the status of stimulation. I wonder if this is a normal situation. I haven't tried intercourse yet and won't until I am sure of my performance. That's why I am asking you this. (age 30)
A: I have the impression that you only recently switched to conventional masturbation. If so, it generally takes about 3 months to notice a difference in your orgasms. You might join the online support group to gain insight from the experiences of other men. You ought to be able to try intercourse after you have been able to masturbate by hand daily for a month.
10/17/09
Follow-up: Actually I switched to conventional masturbation 5 months ago. As I told you, I may begin my session with pretty hard erection with high stimulation. During my session I may lose my interest toward the porn I watched, and as a result, my erection may go softer (still maintained but not so hard). After switching to another more attractive video, my erection returns to be hard again. Is this normal? I mean, is it normal that the quality of erection is not maintained during the session? Will I face problems during intercourse? Do I have to see a urologist?
A: I don't know that you need a urologist, but you should be working at maintaining the erection throughout the session. If you fear losing your erection, then it is better to reach orgasm more quickly before the erection goes away. Then you can work at stretching out your sessions. It might help to view the material for a longer period of time before you start masturbating. Lots of males use Viagra or its cousins to help them keep their erections longer.
10/22/09
I suffered from TMS for years, and after discovering this great web site, I followed the cure program and overcame TMS and started to masturbate conventionally. Yet I can only masturbate with a sustained erection that can last for as much as I want only once a day. If I masturbate after a few hours of my first masturbation session on a particular day, my erection will be much weaker and difficult to maintain. The same thing will happen if I masturbate a third time on the same day. Is this normal? Or is it due to the effects of TMS? How can I overcome this problem? (age 32)
A: It is typical for men your age to masturbate only once a day and only occasionally have a second session in a day. If you are trying to masturbate twice or three times a day every day, that is apt to be why you are having problems. It might be related to TMS. It takes a while for your erections to get normal after you quit TMS. However, according to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, former TMS males masturbate only slightly less (6.6 times per week) than males who have never practiced TMS (6.8 times per week).
10/25/09
I am trying to stop masturbating prone, and I didnīt make it the full week before trying. I waited 4 days, and tried the conventional way, and it wasnīt successful. Do I still need to wait another whole week if I never ejaculated? (age 21)
A: No, count the original four days as part of the week. So try again when it's a week from the last time you masturbated prone.
11/4/09
I came across your article and was shocked. I always wondered why I did things differently from normal, and why sex was never as enjoyable as masturbating. Is it ever too late to undo? I am 25 and have masturbated this way since 12 or 13. I have had a number of partners in that time. Since I was about 20, I have masturbated in TMS fashion about 2-3 times daily, sometimes 4-5 times a day. I'm afraid the damage is irreparable.
A: Many, many men have been cured who were older than you and had been masturbating prone much longer. I have never heard of a case that was intractable. However, even after you overcome TMS, you should be aware that your frequency is quite high, especially for someone who is trying to be sexually active. I suggest getting on with the cure regimen and seeking support from the online support group. You can be masturbating conventionally by American Thanksgiving and feeling normal by Christmas.
11/5/09
I want to start by saying that I've really been enjoying reading your site. Not only is it the most informative site about masturbation, but some of your replies to readers make me laugh heartily. I'm hoping now that I've found your site, my life can change for the better.
I've been masturbating TMS since I was 7, and I'm 19 now. I learned to do it that way because I caught my older brother doing it that way. I've been with my girlfriend for over 4 years and we've never been able to complete sex. Most times I would just use her leg instead of the blanket to masturbate on. We could never have sex because anytime she would give me fellatio or a handjob to get me erect, my penis would just go soft again as soon as she'd stop. If I do have an erection that happens to last a minute, she's usually not ready for penetration.
When I'm cured, should my erections last longer than a minute? Anytime we tried putting a condom on, it would go soft. A huge problem is I don't think my penis is sensitive at all. I've spent 30 minute sessions trying to masturbate the conventional way, and even though it's given me an erection, not once has it ever felt pleasurable. When I do it the TMS way, I can feel much pleasure building up until I orgasm. I also find it a lot easier to fantasize while doing TMS. My girlfriend has given me a 15 minute act of fellatio and I know it's supposed to feel a lot better than it did. She kept me hard but there was just no way I could orgasm. I fear I broke my penis head's sensitivity.
What will it be like once I'm cured? I always just thought I had erectile dysfunction and I bought these $15 pills at Walmart that were supposed to give me an erection but did absolutely nothing, so I threw them out before they damaged me in some way.
I haven't masturbated in 3 days now. I'm planning on doing it the conventional way after 4 more days like you suggested. So if I look at erotic images, or touch myself at all before the 7 days, would I be losing its chance of it getting sensitive?
A: You are the first man I've ever heard claim to have learned TMS by seeing someone else do it that way. Your experiences with sex are, unfortunately, typical for TMS males. The point of giving up TMS and learning to masturbate conventionally is to restore sensitivity to your penis. Just abstaining for 5-7 days is enough to heighten the sensitivity of most males. It's not the case that if you look at erotic images, you are ruining your chances of reaching orgasm, but there is really no reason to look at them if you're not planning to masturbate, is there? And it is very important to avoid touching your penis sexually until you think you can give conventional masturbation a try.
By definition, when you are cured, you will be able to masturbate conventionally by hand daily. After about a month of that, you should be able to have sexual intercourse. Given your erectile history, I might suggest getting a prescription for Viagra. Lots of males with a history of erectile trouble have used it to help them masturbate conventionally after the abstinence period. It will also help you keep your erection so you can have intercourse. Obviously, you don't want to use it permanently if you don't have to, but it can be quite useful in getting you through this transition.
11/6/09
My boyfriend, now 23, admitted to me six weeks ago that he's been masturbating prone since he was 6. When we had a serious talk, which led to his discovery of HealthyStrokes.com, he was both shocked and scared to hear exactly what has been happening to him and what may happen in the future. At that point, he decided to follow your plan. Ever since then, once every few weeks I have asked how it's going. The first week he said it took about one hour, and the second week he admitted he was not able to ejaculate the standard way and resorted to prone, but Ive tried to encourage his progress abstaining from prone. I'm trying not to pressure him so I've only asked about the progress twice since then. We've been dating almost 4 years and he has never ejaculated with me (at first I thought he was too nervous). He said since the first week of trying to masturbate the standard way he has not "cheated," but he has also not been able to successfully masturbate this standard way. When I asked if he waits the full week, he said once in a while.
I want to support him but it has been rough knowing its been almost 2 months and he has not made progress, and I'm not sure that I believe that he has not "cheated" during this time. He believes a standard ejaculation will not come any time soon. I've asked him about 3 weeks ago to email you for help, but I know he will not. He now says he regrets telling me at all because otherwise he could keep doing what he was doing. We don't live together and I am concerned not only about our future, but also about his health. Can you please help me? Or should I keep trying to encourage him to contact you himself?
He has said he has not ejaculated for 5 weeks. I can't tell if he's being honest with me, and although I've tried to make him understand, I don't think he understands that we're in this together and I'm not having sex (and I've only masturbated once) since he's started. I don't know how long I can keep this up if he is not putting his all into this. I thought this would be a few months' process, but almost 2 months in, there is no progress. When I brought this up with him it was because we were only having sex about once a month, unsuccessfully. I appreciate your help! (age 23)
A: It is admirable of you to help your boyfriend, but he has to be the one who wants to change. He says he regrets telling you because then he could continue to masturbate prone. I suspect he is still masturbating prone. If he could masturbate successfully in conventional fashion, he would have told you. I don't believe he could go five weeks without ejaculating at all. Most guys his age can learn to masturbate conventionally in less that two weeks. Once they have done that, they can usually have intercourse successfully within a month. If he doesn't want to e-mail me, perhaps he could join the online support group. He could read messages there without actually having to post anything himself. There is also a support group for females. It includes both females who masturbate prone themselves and those who are helping partners overcome male TMS.
I know you know this, but there's no need for you to give up masturbating yourself.
11/7/09
I would like to thank you for the information provided by this web site. It has helped me overcome TMS successfully. I had realized I had a problem for a long time but had no idea how to resolve it or how to go about it. I also agree that information on TMS should be more available. If I had known earlier how to overcome it, it would have saved me a lot of grief.
11/10/09
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