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Female masturbation

This page is for questions from females about masturbation and other issues related to sexuality. A few rare questions from males about the female experience are also posted here.

Questions from female readers

These questions and answers pertain specifically to the experience of female masturbation. Of course, a lot of the questions on the main masturbation page, although posed by males, can address the experience of both genders. Answers marked with have been critically reviewed by an anonymous female correspondent.

Do you have a question or comment for the author of this site?

You may contact the author via e-mail or if you wish to be anonymous, enter your questions and comments in the box below. Your question may be answered on the male or female or prone pages. It's a good idea to read the topic pages to see if your question has already been answered.


How is masturbation healthy? (age 14)

  1. It's fun and relaxing
  2. It keeps your sex organs in healthy functioning condition
  3. Orgasm releases mood-enhancing chemicals
  4. It teaches you about your body and sexuality
  5. It's good practice for sexual function
  6. It relieves menstrual cramps
  7. It promotes restful sleep
  8. It releases tension and stress
  9. It stimulates the immune system
  10. It lowers blood pressure
  11. It keeps you from doing something where you might get an STD
  12. It keeps you from doing something where you might get pregnant
See this illustrated.

What can 12-year-olds masturbate with? (age 12)

At your age, hands are very desirable, and good too.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while and are having sex. He can only reach orgasm when we are in the missionary position. Weíve tried cowgirl and lotus, but neither work to get him an orgasm. He is able to orgasm when I give him fellatio. What are some potential causes for this problem? What are some sex positions that would be better for him? (age 19)

You probably know that I campaign against masturbating in the prone position. That could explain this. It would help if you could find out how much he's masturbating and how he does it. It would help if he could avoid masturbating for 3-5 days before you have intercourse. As he gets better at intercourse, you can reduce this interval. Cowgirl is the position I would have suggested for helping him.

I've been masturbating for a few months now and am a virgin and when I masturbate, the feeling before I orgasm gets way too intense and I need to stop before being able to orgasm. I've never been able to orgasm. How do I fix this? (age 15)

Try to slow down when you feel that overwhelming feeling approaching. If you are stimulating your clitoris directly, instead stimulate the area around it. Try to keep the feeling going. You will be glad you did.

I used to be able to orgasm or feel pleased by masturbating but now even after watching porn and getting aroused about 10 minutes in, I feel turned off completely or I will start to feel an orgasm coming then it just stops and I can't seem to keep it or want to continue. I feel the need to do it often but after I start, I just get turned off. (age 21)

The most important sex organ is the brain. Find a way to keep your brain aroused through those moments during a session where you want to quit. Keep going and keep the tingling feelings rising, not falling.

I donít feel anything while masturbating internally or externally. It just makes me feel dirty. (age 16)

Masturbating is not dirty. It is normal, healthy, and fun. Be aroused before you try masturbating again. Think about the sexiest things you can. Concentrate on what makes you feel good. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

The skin around my clitoris has been sore and it looks weird after I've been masturbating for a long time. Is this OK? How long will it take to recover? Will it be obvious to a person that I am experienced masturbating when I have my first sex? (age 14)

I hope your first sex won't be for years. I doubt your partner will inspect your genitalia and know what to look for. You are a good candidate for using water-based lube. It will prevent chafing around your clitoris, help the skin heal, and also make masturbating feel better.

What is prone masturbation for girls and how does it affect us? (age 14)

Prone masturbation means to lie face down and masturbate by thrusting the genitalia into or against something, like a pillow or blanket. Prone masturbation is a proven cause of sexual dysfunctions in males and has been associated with sexual dysfunction in females as well. Females who masturbate by hand have a greater rate of orgasm in intercourse than females who masturbate prone. If you masturbate prone, you should learn to masturbate by hand.

How can I help my husband when he is trying the prone cessation exercises recommended by you? (age 27)

Give him time and space so that he doesn't get sexually aroused when he's supposed to be abstaining. Once he's overcome prone and is accustomed to masturbating to orgasm by hand is when he will need your help with intercourse.

Can external masturbating damage or deteriorate the outside of my vulva or the bone/cartilage? (age 15)

No. I have no idea why you're worried about any of that. Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even good for you.

I started masturbating around the age of six by rubbing my privates against a pillow, not knowing what I was doing, only that it felt good. This continued now and then throughout the years. Now that I understand it better, I decided to try it with my hands, however despite fingering myself, I felt no pleasure. Any advice? (age 13)

You are very young. Most girls your age have not started masturbating yet. I would suggest continuing to use your hands; however, instead of fingering yourself (inserting fingers into your vagina), I recommend that you masturbate externally (stroking your clitoris and/or the area around it), which is what most girls do when they start masturbating. I suspect you will like it better with practice.

I've tried masturbating a million ways and only one super specific thing works for me to feel good at all. I have a dildo/vibrator I bought online and it doesn't feel good. My shower head hurts even on the lowest setting. I've been to so many web sites and I just can't figure it out. I really want to mix things up but it's frustrating when nothing else works. Is there something wrong with me? (age 15)

I think you need to be more patient. You obviously haven't tried a million ways. You are young and need more time to figure out what will work for you. Often taking your time and doing things slowly work better than a gadget. Instead of buying objects that might not work, take time to slow down and enjoy your own touch.

Does masturbation cause back pain at my age? I want to stop. (age 36)

Anything you do physically can cause back pain at any age, even masturbation. Instead of wanting to stop masturbating, you should figure out what's causing the back pain and work on making the pain go away. It's unlikely masturbating is causing the pain but it could be exacerbating your already sore back.

I have always had a hard time masturbating with a vibrator because I'm long waisted. Have you ever heard of this or am I the only one? (age 58)

You are not the only one. I've heard from many females over the years who found their arms were not long enough to reach inside their vaginas. Masturbating externally (stimulating the clitoris with hands or a vibrator) might be more satisfying for you, or perhaps you could obtain a vibrator or dildo that is easier to handle given your size. Possibly a smaller one that would let you hold it closer to the business end of it instead of at the far end.

My 20-year-old first cousin visits us often. Over the past two visits, I get a feeling that he is showing himself off to me whenever it is just the two of us. He wears shorts without undies and cross or pull up his legs in a manner that his testicles are partially visible. He pretends that he does not realize but I know he does. Last time he did not lock his room and I walked in when he was jerking off. I was mightily embarrassed and walked out muttering sorry but all this is making me uncomfortable. Is he trying to seduce me? (age 17)

I don't know, but you'd be within your rights to tell him that his partial nudity is unacceptable in your house and that he needs to wear underwear. Walking in on him masturbating was your fault.

I have been masturbating since age 14. Lately I am always very horny. Every day I masturbate twice. For getting the pleasure I desire, I have to simultaneously insert my finger into my vagina and also stroke my clitoris. This has become a necessity for me. Is this normal? Is there any sex toy which would do both the above ways of pleasuring? (age 19)

It's not exactly a sex toy, but a man who is a skilled lover can angle himself so that he brushes against your clitoris as he thrusts into your vagina. I think you'd like that a lot. Other than that, yes, there are sex toys designed to contact both at once. One is called the G Spot Clitoral Stimulation vibrator. It's better if you can get satisfied from less stimulation instead of more, but I would hesitate to say your situation is not normal.

I want to thank you for providing a comfortable web site,, that I love to visit. I am writing this because today, I just came for the first time! You provided many helpful facts on masturbation (and etc.) and made a comfortable place for us to visit at any time. Thank you so much! (age 13)

Hooray! I hope June 11, 2019 is a day you will always remember and is a site you will always visit.

Is it normal that I can only masturbate with my panties on? All I do is external as I am a virgin and I've tried to do it without panties but I didn't get aroused at all. I'm scared it will affect me getting aroused when I'm having intercourse in the future. (age 21)

Most women prefer to masturbate with their panties off or at least down. You would enjoy it more as you would have greater freedom to move around. You are obviously self-conscious about masturbating. Try it without panties sometime when you are really aroused about something. After the first time, it will get easier.

I started masturbating a couple of months ago with a vibrator and I have been having orgasms every time I do it. I want to do something quieter because I have to play rain sounds at night so nobody in my house will hear me. I want to learn how to use my fingers but when I first tried it, before I experimented with the vibrator, I didn't feel anything. It was just weird. I'm afraid I won't be able to come at all without a vibrator. How do I use my fingers and will it feel as good as the vibrator? Also how long does it usually take to come using your fingers? (age 18)

I suggest taking a week off from the vibrator before trying to masturbate again using only your hands. You will be more sensitive after having waited that week. Most females stroke the area around the clitoris or the clitoris itself while having the mind in an aroused state. Most females can masturbate to orgasm that way in 20-30 minutes. Practice makes perfect.

Do you think it is good to purposely stop masturbating? (age 16)

Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun. You should do it often and enjoy it. If you really want to stop, then I would say work harder at accepting masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun.

Why is prone not safe for females? (age 38)

Because females who masturbate prone report having less success reaching orgasm in intercourse than those who masturbate by hand. This is similar, although of smaller magnitude, to the same problem males who masturbate prone have.

I have a few questions about intercourse. If I were to have intercourse with a male, do most males enjoy having the penis slightly squeezed along with each testicle squeezed individually? If a male were to ejaculate on my breasts, could that cause an STD? As an act of foreplay, could a male gently stroke my clitoris with his penis?

Males generally do not enjoy having the penis squeeze and nearly all males recoil at the thought of their testicles being squeezed. You could not get an STD from a male ejaculating on your breasts. A male could thrust his penis against your clitoris as foreplay, but that's awfully close to having vaginal intercourse, don't you think?

Iíve grown up in a very conservative household, where we donít talk about sex and masturaction very often. I hump a pillow while doing some smut reading, but lately Iíve been getting extreme urges at inappropriate times. I can be in the middle of English class or at work and I get an urge (like almost about to orgasm) to just go have sex with anyone. Itís beginning to alter my feelings about people in my life because Iím getting feelings for people just because there is extreme sexual tension on my end. Iíve never been a very sexual person. I never had interest in sexual activity of any kinda and this just randomly showed up about a month ago. Iím not sure if all of these feelings have built up over the years and are beginning to overflower, or what it is. Maybe my body is telling me Iím ready for sex or actually masturbation. Iím really unsure. I want to know how to stop, or at least control this feeling of wanting to sleep with anyone, anywhere at anytime. (age 18)

What you describe is pretty normal. You aren't acting on these urges; you're merely have ideas. Those ideas are fine. If you were acting on these urges by having sex with strangers or masturbating in inappropriate places (like school or work), then I would say you had a problem. Since you're unsure, I would urge you to exercise caution before engaging in sex with anyone. Humping a pillow IS masturbation. It's a dangerous kind called prone masturbation. I think it's high time you admit that you masturbate and then started doing it with your hands. You'll enjoy it a lot. It might help you have fewer of the feelings you're not enjoying.

Is masturbating while sitting on the toilet OK? (age 14)

Yes. And there are other places you can do it where you might find it even better than OK. Most girls prefer to do it in bed.

Do you know the history of masturbation? Did our ancestors masturbate? (age 25)

References to masturbation go back to ancient times. The Sumerians believed that the Tigris and Euphrates rivers were formed by the god Enki masturbating. Masturbation among both males and females was well known among the ancient Romans. During the middle ages, masturbation became frowned upon by the Catholic church. By the early 20th century, masturbation for males was accepted as normal, healthy, and fun, and this came to be true for females as well by the late 20th century. All of your male ancestors and probably a large fraction of your female ancestors masturbated.

I've been masturbating in the prone position for 5-6 years now and I can't orgasm in any other position. I'm getting married soon and I'm scared I wont be able to feel pleasure in intercourse because I'm only used to one way of doing it. Any tips on how to stop or what to do? I won't be having sex until I'm married so I can't test anything. (age 21)

I've helped thousands of males and many females through the same process. Read the main page and the page for overcoming prone for more information. Basically, if you take a week or two off from masturbating -- I don't have to tell you not to have intercourse -- at the end of that period, you will be more sensitive and able to bring yourself to orgasm by only masturbating by hand. With any luck, by the time you get married, you will be able to masturbate by hand easily and often. Don't worry that you will have difficulty in intercourse. Take one thing at a time.

I have been prone masturbating since I was around 8-9 years old. I didnít realize that it would cause problems or what even it was called up until recently, and after discovering on how to fix it. Only then, I decided to stop prone masturbation. If I stop all forms of sexual activity, does that include touching myself short of masturbating, in the non-prone position? If I were to do so in this scenario, would this ruin the process of stopping prone masturbation? (age 14)

You only need to stop all forms of sexual activity, including masturbation, for as long as it takes you to learn to masturbate to orgasm by hand, which is usually about a week or two. I'm not entirely sure what "touching myself short of masturbating" means, but it might be a good idea to abstain from that as well during your week or two of abstaining from masturbation. The whole point of abstaining is to allow your private parts to become more sensitive to the touch of your hand. Good luck!

I had my first orgasm with my boyfriend recently. We are in a long distance relationship, and have been for a year and a half. I'm a virgin and I don't masturbate. I lay on the bed while he played with my clitoris. It was getting gradually more and more intense. We have done this many times before but I always stopped him as I got close to orgasm because I felt scared of the intense sensation. This time I was ready. I begged him to keep going and felt the amazing wave of tingles, gentle at first and then a stronger second wave and then quickly after that a third incredibly intense one, and I moaned because it was so intense. Then I lost consciousness. I woke up a few seconds later feeling weak and disoriented. I couldn't even finish him off afterward. It was amazing. I'm gonna try again. I'm just quite afraid, especially if I try alone, that I may faint again. Is this common? Should I see a doctor? Is it safe? (age 20)

Fainting from orgasm is not at all common. I certainly don't think you could hurt yourself by masturbating to orgasm. I think you would enjoy it greatly and would with practice be able to control your orgasms more than happened with your boyfriend. Congratulations on having such an overwhelming orgasm!

I've been masturbating for about three years now and my cousin is the same age as when I started, and she is asking questions about it. I just started on my own and didn't have anyone to ask questions to. How do I explain it to her and whether it's safe for her to do so?

I think it would be better if you drew the line at telling her what to do and don't show her anything physically on either your body or hers. You're nice to be a good friend to your cousin!

My husband, to my knowledge, has never been able to successfully masturbate. Every time he touches it, he loses his erection within seconds. I'm wondering what might cause this. I tried a search for "can't masturbate" and it led me here. (age 36)

I find it very hard to believe your husband has never masturbated to orgasm. I don't think you have all of the facts. Find out at what age he started having this problem. That will help you better pinpoint the cause of the trouble. Keep in mind your husband is the one who needs to want to be helped.

Can I get pregnant from masturbation? (age 14)

No, not at all.

I recently used the computer of my boyfriend and found a folder with dozens of images of busty blond women. I have small breasts and black hair. However, my mom looks similar to those women. I don't mind that my boyfriend watches porn and masturbates, but this is weird. Does he use me just to get the opportunity to see my mom? He is 16. (age 15)

Trust me: Busty blond women are disproportionately represented among the ranks of women in girly magazines and web sites. More than half of Playboy centerfolds are blond. Your boyfriend is with you because he likes YOU!

I have noticed that my 14 year old son has started to masturbate. I didn't worry until I read your article about prone masturbation. I have noticed semen stains on his pillow. My husband doesn't want to do anything because he learned everything about masturbation on his own and that our son should too. I am concerned that he is masturbating in the unhealthy prone manner because of the stains on not only his pillow cover but the pillow itself. We allow to him use the internet only in our living room while we are there so I can't direct him to Or should I? (age 45)

I think you should. You could also print out the main page about prone masturbation in PDF format and give it to him. You can do this without telling him you suspect that he masturbates prone. Just tell him you saw this article that you think he should read. Thank you for helping to improve your son's sexual life!

Sometimes there is a wet patch on my bed after Iíve masturbated. Is there something wrong? (age 15)

Nothing at all is wrong! That is most likely your vaginal lubricant having run out. If it bothers you, place a towel under yourself while and after you masturbate.

Is it a normal thing to do if I masturbate with something other than my fingers? (age 16)

Yes. Many females use objects to masturbate.

What's the best way to masturbate without a sex toy? (age 12)

Use your fingers to gently stroke the area around your clitoris.

Iím in gymnastics, and I can give myself oral sex. Is that still masturbating? (age 14)

Masturbation is stimulation of one's own genitals for the purpose of increasing sexual arousal. I would have to say it is, although technically it's autocunnilingus. You are very talented and the envy of everyone!

Iíve been swimming my whole life. I recently moved up to the next level of synchronized swimming, and my new uniform is really skimpy. Iíve had pubic hair since I was 11, but itís never been a problem. Now everyone can see little blond hairs sticking out of my swimming suit. I shaved my nether region (with shaving cream), because I was embarrassed. Then I had tiny, itchy pimples all over my vulva. They are seriously the worst feeling in the world. Is there any way that I can prevent this issue in the future? If not, Iíll wax next time. (age 15)

It's really nothing to be ashamed of. Since it bothers you, you can trim instead of completely removing the hair, which as you noticed, has consequences. Good luck with your synchronized swimming.

Follow-up: Thank you! I tried trimming and it works fine.

When I tried fingering myself, I didn't feel any pleasure so I stopped relatively quickly. Does it come with practice? (age 20)

Most females start by masturbating externally, which means stimulating the clitoris and outer genitalia. Nearly all females only move on to internal masturbation (fingering) after they've learned to masturbate to orgasm externally. If you're in that situation, it might not be time for internal masturbation yet. Practice makes perfect.

I've masturbated a little before, but when I was close to having an orgasm, I stopped because I was too scared. I've read that it feels good but I'm scared to try again because I got so close last time. What should I do? (age 13)

You should finish what you start. You will be very glad you did.

When is the best time to masturbate? Day or night? (age 18)

Overwhelmingly people like to masturbate at bedtime. Not only do they have the most privacy then, but an orgasm often helps one get to sleep. Any time is good!

I use an electric toothbrush as a dildo when I masturbate. When I pull it out there is often bright red blood on it. It doesn't hurt at all when I use it though, and this certainly isn't the first time I've used an object to masturbate. Why is this? (age 16)

Something is bleeding. I assume you would know if it was menstrual blood. I would encourage you to masturbate with your hands. You would know if you did something with your hands to cause bleeding.

I've been masturbating prone with a pillow since I started masturbating around age 6. I have never orgasmed using any other method. Last year, I started using my hand to start but I always ended up finishing prone with a pillow. The few times I've had sex I've been unable to feel any pleasure, even when receiving oral. I'm really freaked out that I will never have a good sex life because of my masturbation habits. I vowed to stop doing prone but I don't have the same pleasure from using my hand. Is orgasm from different stimulation possible after doing it exclusively from pressure for so long possible? (age 18)

As you probably know, I have 17 years experience helping males and a few females with this very problem. I urge you to put prone completely behind you and then to experience how good it feels to have orgasms using only the gentle touch of your hand. If you continue to practice prone on any level, it makes it more difficult for you to experience sexual pleasure from less forceful means. Don't be freaked. Your best orgasms are ahead of you.

Do I have any chance of pelvic infection if I've been masturbating for so long? (age 21)

Your question does not make any sense. Most people who develop pelvic infection have a history of masturbating, but it's unlikely masturbating caused their infection. If you think you have an infection, you need to see a doctor.

I like to masturbate when Iím home alone because I can make as much noise as I want. When Iím not home alone, I canít because someone is going to hear, which makes it harder to orgasm. And when I do masturbate to orgasm when others are home, it doesnít feel as good. Is thereís some way to make it feel better or a way I can make noise without them hearing? (age 14)

Yes, indeed. You can get these handy orgasm mufflers at any discount store or department store. Keep one nearby while you masturbate, and strategically hold one over your face (or tilt your head into one) right before the moment of truth. You'll be glad you did.

Iíve been prone masturbating with my legs closed and straight, wrapped around a blanket, all my life. Iíve never had an orgasm any other way. I recently discovered and I want to quit prone masturbating. Iíve heard that I should give up all kinds of masturbating for a while before I try to masturbate by hand. How long should I stop masturbating? (age 19)

On the main page about prone masturbation, I advocate abstaining for a week and then learning to masturbate by hand. It doesn't mean anything is wrong if you need 10 days or two weeks.

Can I use lube during masturbation? (age 21)

Yes. You can definitely use water-based lube, which you can learn about at that link. I think you would enjoy trying it.

Where is it OK to masturbate? I want to make sure Iím not being gross. (age 14)

Someplace you have privacy, preferably your bedroom or bathroom.

Today I went horseback riding. When we started riding through the forest, the horse tripped over a root and stumbled. I felt a sort of tearing pain down below, and there was blood all over my jeans. My hymen is definitely ruptured, and I was wondering if when I decide Iím ready to have sex, if my partner will think Iíve been with another guy. (age 14)

You really ought to be checked out by a doctor. You don't know for certain that what happened was your hymen breaking. I think a guy who is lucky enough to have sex with you will not ask questions about why you're not bleeding, if you don't.

I have a high libido and masturbate about once a day. In the last couple of weeks, Iíve been getting horny more and more regularly. The problem is I get wet very easily and become uncomfortable. I always orgasm but was wondering if I wasnít having a satisfying enough one for my body to reset so yesterday evening I made an excuse of having a headache and went to bed early. Then I spent the next 3 hours masturbating, slowly with just my hands until my first orgasm and then moving to porn and a few toys to see the job really through. By the end I was exhausted, a little swollen (but not sore) and satisfied so went to bed.

This morning I woke up to find myself horny again but tried to just ignore it. This turned out to be a real mistake as I became steadily hornier as the morning went on. Walking to my third class, I could actually feel the tops of my legs sticking so I went to the restroom to clean up. On finding quite how wet I was, it was almost like a red mist descended and I ended but sat in a nasty cubicle with my legs apart, fingering myself and hardly caring if anyone heard. Only after cumming did I realize what level I had stooped to. Iíve felt worried all day that someone had heard and why my horniness has gotten to this level. Is it better to masturbate more to keep the urges down or masturbate less and try to ignore it? Is there a way to reduce my wetness? I get sore after my labia have been wet for so long. (age 18)

I don't think you need to worry about something that's only been going on for a couple of weeks. If it became a permanent situation, then you might see a doctor about persistent sexual arousal syndrome (PSAS). Most people your age don't masturbate for three hours; they like to get it over and done with in a 10-minute session, and if they feel like it again later, they do it again later. You really ought to be able to make it through the school day without masturbating. If you're really having wetness issues, a feminine napkin might help.

What is the limit for masturbation per day without affecting your body and health? (age 23)

I hesitate to state a limit, but most men and women your age get by with once a day. If you do it more or less than that, it's OK too. Not very many men or women do it more than ten times a week.

I inserted something into my vagina and rubbed it for a long time but I didn't get an orgasm. Why is this? (age 23)

You don't say if you've ever had an orgasm any other way. Most women learn to masturbate to orgasm by stimulating themselves externally, by rubbing the clitoris and labia minora. Masturbating internally, by inserting fingers or objects into the vagina is usually an advanced technique. I suggest learning to masturbate to orgasm externally first.

I don't think anyone else in my school masturbates because they always say things like "ew." I'm ashamed because I feel like I'm the only one who masturbates. (age 16)

Nearly all of the boys your age and at least half of the girls your age masturbate regularly. They say "ew" because they don't want to talk about it. Instead of being ashamed, be glad you've learned to practice something that's fun and good for you. See more here.

Why do I feel guilty after masturbating? (age 19)

Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, but it's sometimes expected to feel guilty about it. That's because if everyone were happy and satisfied by only masturbating, the species would die off. Feeling guilty about masturbating occasionally is your body's way of encouraging you to find a sex partner so that humanity can continue.

I have had a boyfriend for 2 and a half years. I have never been attracted to females. But recently, Iíve started to think about my best friend while masturbating, and I have erotic dreams about her every night. I get more horny looking at her than when I make out with my boyfriend. What do I do to cope? (age 15)

Don't cope. Figure out what you're feeling. If you only have a crush on your best friend, that doesn't make you a lesbian. If you were only attracted to females, then you probably would be. You report being attracted to your boyfriend and not having attraction to females other than your best friend. That would mean you're straight, or mostly straight. Take time to figure all this out. It might make more sense in a year or two.

I have been masturbating for years now. I can only have an orgasm if I fantasize about having to urinate desperately and Iím holding it, whether in public or not, but always when Iím with someone. (age 43)

There is nothing wrong with having that fantasy, but it is not good if that is the only fantasy that can help you have an orgasm. I would encourage you to work on developing other fantasies that arouse you. If you really can't, then professional help from a competent sex therapist might be useful.

Not so long ago I found an erotic story book in my mom's room. I started to read the book and it was packed with detailed descriptions about this man and woman having sex, then this woman had sex with an other woman, then it finished up with her masturbating for this man. It took me about four days to get through it and I was so wet and horny every time I read it that I'd end up masturbating myself. Then the book disapeared a few days after I'd finished it. My dad often works away and I got to thinking that maybe my mom masturbates. Is it possible that my mom is still masturbating at her age? Is this normal? (age 14)

It is very normal. Most women masturbate when they are not able to have sex. Most women in their 30s and 40s (and even older) like frequent sex or masturbation. You would probably not like your mom snooping around your room for evidence that you masturbate, so why not show her the same respect? I probably don't need to tell you not to say anything about this. And you didn't ask, but I suspect your dad also masturbates frequently when he's on these business trips.

How come every time I try to finger myself, I can never fit more than one finger in? (age 15)

You are young and inexperienced and your vagina has never had much of anything inside it. As you gain experience, it will be easier for you to fit more fingers inside your vagina comfortably.

Iím a virgin and Iíve only kissed one guy. Guys I know personally are snobby and only want one type of girl and if you look like that they only want to have sex with you and brag. I want to feel stuff. Iím not hard to pleasure. I get wet just talking to guys about sex or thinking about it. I only masturbate by rubbing on the outside or I put a blanket in between my legs and it feels good but I donít orgasm; I only feel tingly and really good for a few seconds and then it stops. I think itís a tiny orgasm or something but I have to stop immediately because it feels like all my nerves there turn off after theyíre done feeling good. I've tried fingering with one finger but I donít really feel anything and if I do itís just uncomfortable. I got my period at late 15 and I don't know if Iím developed enough to feel pleasure on the inside. I know you're a man but do you think I should try fingering faster or something with one finger or just continue on the outside? (age 17)

You report two problems. You want to be sexual with a guy, but right now you're having trouble masturbating. The first one is easier to deal with. Plenty of guys will be interested in you. Don't stay away from the snobby ones completely, but let them know they'll have to get to know you before you'll consider being sexual. In the meantime, try to connect with non-snobby guys, who are definitely in the majority.

In the orgasm department, I think you're just inexperienced. When you get those tingly feelings, try to keep your body from shutting down immediately. Keep touching and figure out how you can keep the tingly feelings going longer and possibly to a full orgasm. When you are still aroused and lubricated after the tingly feelings is a good time to experiment with relaxing your vagina to allow more fingers inside. Practice makes perfect.

I have a group of friends that Iím really close to. We talk about a variety of things including sexuality. All of my other female friends have said they have sexual desire and sexual thoughts about boys while Iíve only ever had sexual desire for other girls. If Iíve never liked a boy and have tried dating and kissing guys but have never felt anything, could I be gay or bisexual? None of us believe in having sex before marriage so all we've ever done is kissed boys briefly. (age 19)

It's certainly possible that you're lesbian or bisexual, but with as little experience as you've had, you might also be straight, or something in between. I would suggest getting to know one or more men that you feel you could really become a couple with and try kissing them (and maybe more) and seeing if that makes you feel differently from just briefly kissing some casual acquaintances.

So I really like this guy and I think that we should hook up and I think heís just too shy to ask me. Weíre friends and used to be best friends. Would it be bad if I gave him Viagra or something to give him a boner when we hang out to make him think heís really attracted to me and want to masturbate or hook up with me? Is that drugging someone like a roofie? He's awake and he will just have a boner. It's like a love potion. What do you think?

Drugging someone with Viagra is a crime. You could hurt or possibly even kill him, because you don't know the proper dose of Viagra or how it could interact with any other medications he takes. Men used to drug women with a love potion called Spanish Fly at one time (which was essentially a urinary tract irritant) but it has been decades since I've heard of that happening.

In the teen years, guys are erect for about 20 minutes of every 90. So if you're with a guy for an hour and a half, he almost certainly had an erection for part of that time. A drug-induced erection would be just another erection.

You didn't say how old you are, but I'm thinking you're too young for all of this. If you really want to have sex with him, tell him. Talk to him about it. Maybe he's eager to have sex with you, or maybe he wants to wait, or maybe even suggesting it will be the end of your friendship. Talk to him and then figure this all out without drugging him.

I was brought up Christian, and to this day I have a very strong faith. I started masturbating when I turned 11 years old. As I got older, I developed guilt and depression after masturbating, and It has continued to get worse. I tried to stop, and I went months without touching myself, but then the urge grew stronger and stronger, so I did it, and then I got guilt again. What is some advice you can give to help me stop masturbating, or help the guilt go away? (age 19)

Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun. All the men your age and most women your age practice it regularly, no matter what their religious faith. Instead of trying to give up masturbation, work at accepting it as normal, healthy, and fun. Reading my page for Christians will give you some theological viewpoints on the world's most frequent sex act.

I usually masturbate about 2-3 times a week and I like to curl my fingers a lot. The day after, I feel sore. Is that normal? (age 15)

No, it isn't. I think you might be curling your fingers too much. Try to be more relaxed.

My cousin, 19, has been exposing his masturbating sessions to me. I liked watching him initially but now I don't anymore and I have told him. He refuses to take heed and continues to flash and keeps his door unlocked during his masturbating period. I have walked in a number of times and walked out in embarrassment when I realized what he was up to. Should I complain about this to my elders? (female, age 16)

You're backpedaling from liking it to begin with. I think you'll have to say more than once that you don't want to see it before anything will be different. Let him know you'll tell adults if he doesn't stop.

Can a virgin open up her vagina through masturbation? When a guy has sex with her for the first time, will he notice that she wasn't a virgin? (age 19)

No one can lose their virginity by masturbating. By definition, when a guy has sex with her for the first time, she will still be a virgin at that moment. In general, a vagina that is rigid and not responsive to the touch can be made more so by a woman masturbating internally.

I want to masturbate a lot, like 2 or 3 times a day, which is not good. Now I'm on my period and I'm dying to masturbate. What should I do? (age 20)

Many women enjoy masturbating more when they have their period. You should do it. How many times you do it in a day is up to you.

Is masturbation bad to do every day?

It is good to masturbate every day!

Can a girl lose her virginity with a finger? (age 18)

No, not at all.

Is it OK if I get very horny when I see my teacher? (age 14)

Yes, it's fine. The problem happens when you decide to act on feeling horny about your teacher. Keep in mind that it's against the law in most places for a teacher to be sexual with a student under 18 years old. Find a way to channel your horniness to more appropriate subjects, like your classmates.

I went over to my friend's house last week and she excitedly dragged me upstairs saying she had found something and wanted me to see it. She opened a drawer and pointed to a dark blue object, giggling and saying ďitís my sister's vibrator.Ē Iíve seen them in a shop but never close up.

With the door firmly shut she explained she had seen it yesterday but was too nervous to take it without me. After turning it on and talking for ages we psyched ourselves up and just pressed it against our vulvas (outside of our panties as neither of us wanted to be exposed.) My friend went first just by pulling her skirt up and held it on herself for maybe 20 seconds but stopped saying it was nice but not amazing. I did the same but found the tip more buzzy so used that. I started feeling hot almost immediately so I pressed a little harder and it felt like a sort of shiver ran down my legs and my genitals went tight in a wave. Was this an orgasm? I havenít felt something like it before. (age 16)

It might have been an orgasm, or you might have only been getting close. The amount of time you're talking about is not really long enough for a girl to get to orgasm. I would suggest learning to masturbate to orgasm by hand instead of surreptitiously masturbating with your friend's sister's vibrator, or any vibrator.

Is it OK to not be sexually attracted to the opposite gender at all? (female, age 16)

Yes, that is OK. Some people are like that. Some people aren't sexually attracted to anyone. And some are only attracted to their own gender.

Iím currently in hospital after a horse riding accident where Iíve broken a leg and my right shoulder so Iím trussed up like a turkey in plaster until the fractures heal after an operation. I have to have a catheter as I cannot get up to go to the toilet.

Iím naturally horny and despite all this I really need to have a release. A couple of days ago, the ward was empty at night and I tried masturbating with my working hand, but Iím right handed and with the catheter in the way, I couldn't pleasure myself.

The following lunch time, my usual nurse checked my catheter and noticed that my vulva was swollen. She asked if it was itchy and had I scratched it. I just burst into tears. She then leaned in and asked quietly if I had masturbated. I nodded. She assured me that it was really common but not to do it with my hand as it could inflame my urethra and that not to worry as she would get something to help.

I thought she was going to get me yet another drug, this time to lower my libido. Instead she came back with a hard white lipstick saying, ďit's not bad considering itís free from the hospital pharmacy.Ē I must have looked puzzled as she said "to help you ... you know?Ē I then realized that I was holding a small, cheap but discreet vibrator! Looking embarrassed I said there was no way I could do it in an open ward. She told me not to worry and she would come back toward the end of her shift to give me some privacy.

Four achingly slow hours later she came back and asked if I was ready. She drew the curtain around my bed area and helped me flop the blanket off saying she would go outside and catch up on paperwork but make sure that no one came in. By this time I was far too horny to bail out so after she left I turned the little vibe on and went at it. This was by far the most excited Iíve ever been, basically masturbating away in a really busy room with just a curtain between being seen and knowing that a complete stranger knows what Iím up to. The first orgasm was probably less that a minute and the second more like 10. Not wanting to push my luck I stopped there, covered up and called for the nurse, who popped back in asking if I was done. The last bit of this embarrassing saga then followed with the nurse apologizing and explaining that she had to check that I hadnít dislodged my catheter. If I had known she was going to look, I would have waited until I had calmed down. So she saw a soaked, sticky and pink me. Luckily nothing had moved and she was content for me to just cover up.

Itís now the following evening and I saw her briefly today but only for a quick checkup. I might have another two weeks in here and am wondering when I can ask her for another private time? (age 22)

I'm sorry you're going through all that. It's part of the nurse's job to make sure you're comfortable. The next time you see her, tell her you'd like to have more private time soon.

Follow-up: Thanks for your kind words. Iím coming out of hospital tomorrow though Iíll still look like something from a horror film. She has been so caring and definitely going the extra mile. After I messaged you last, the nurse and I organized a plan. Itís almost become normal to be asked if I need some time to masturbate (though she never uses the word), but each time having my post-orgasm vagina checked has taken some getting used to. So thanks again and my kind nurse for the support.

My sister and I both love your site, which our mom sent us to if we had questions. Iíve seen on your wet dreams page that girls donít have wet dreams. Both my sister and I definitely have wet dreams as sometimes in the morning we have really wet patches on our pajamas. Iím 18 and my sister is 17, also itís not really wet more like really sticky that has soaked through.

Once I woke up halfway through a naughty dream to find the same thing and couldnít sleep until I had gone to the bathroom and masturbated. (age 18)

I don't doubt that some females produce sexual fluids in their sleep that is similar to a male wet dream, but it's not the same thing. In a wet dream, a male has an orgasm and fully ejaculates in his sleep.

The boys in my band class occasionally make obvious sexual jokes. While I'm not included in it, I end up hearing the conversation because they are only a few feet away. They know I'm listening. I want to actually say something to them, but I don't know how they'd take it, me being the only girl. I also know the teacher wouldn't appreciate this talk, but I feel like it will help me feel less confined to being the girl that is in their instrument section. (age 13)

You ought not be exposed to unwanted sexual banter in junior high school. The teacher has a duty to put a stop to that. Tell him or her, and maybe also tell the principal. Joining in their banter would probably make things worse. You want it to stop, not to increase.

Last year I made friends with an Amish girl who was starting her rumspringa. (That's what the Amish call adolescence.) Weíve been close and recently sheís been asking questions about masturbation. She masturbates often and the subject of sex toys came up. I lent her a couple of mine. She loved them but is going back to her community in a couple of months. Apparently masturbation is NEVER discussed and neither are sex toys but she wants to take one. Would a dildo be banned? She canít ask anyone from her family so has asked me for advice, and Iíve turned to you. (age 18)

If sex toys and masturbation are never discussed, then how does she know anyone would object to her having one and masturbating? I would encourage her to masturbate with her hands anyway, but if you were to give her a dildo, I don't know that anyone in her family is going to do anything about it.

Iím a late developer and only recently started masturbating to orgasm. How long I take to get there seems to make a difference as to what happens. If Iím really horny and quickly rub until I orgasm, I just get a bit wet. If I watch a bit of porn and am slower (say 20 minutes) I get really slippery but if I almost orgasm then tease myself for a bit before really going for it, when I orgasm white creamy stuff comes out. Is this normal? Why is it white? (age 18)

That is all normal. Thanks for sharing with other females how you take your time to bring yourself to a better orgasm. The whiteness is the result of additional fluid building up during the extra time you're taking.

Iíve been masturbating since I was about 6. I only touched my breasts, but recently Iíve gone even further to fingering myself, but I never get turned on the way touching my breasts does. Just touching my vagina doesnít feel good or bad. It only feels good when my boyfriend (who is also 15) touches me down there. Itís like only he can make me feel good down there. I just want that feeling when Iím alone while masturbating. Is there another way to help me feel good while touching my vagina? (age 15)

Lots of women and girls stimulate their breasts while masturbating or while getting aroused to masturbate. There is nothing wrong with that at all. You obviously can get aroused by genital touching, because you do when your boyfriend does it. I would suggest being relaxed and in a welcoming state of mind when you try it next. Practice makes perfect.

Iím quite an outgoing person, bubbly and not shy so recently when I was asked to be one of two models in a life drawing class I was flattered. On arrival at the studio, the lecturer/lead artist explained it was meant to be an erotic classical scene of two parts. The first I was to curl up on a pile of soft pillows with the other female model curled around me; the second she was on her back and I was meant to be sitting on her stomach with a bunch of grapes held above my head. He asked we were both comfortable with this intimacy and we both said it was fine.

The first set was easy. It was arousing being curled up with a naked stranger while 10 or so students looked at every inch of me. The second scene started and I realized how exposed I was, mainly to the other model whose head was only two feet from my straddling form. The more I thought about it, the more intense it got and I started to get sticky down there. My labia stuck to her stomach so that every time she breathed out they made a Ďpipí sound. She noticed and started getting the giggles which started me off too. Eventually the lecturer called a break.

She has asked if I want to do another session together some time saying that this time sheíll be on top and I can do the looking. Half of the people on earth have a vulva and the other want to see it. (age 21)

Thank you for sharing.

I have been masturbating for a few years now and I really hate thinking of having anything in my vagina. Iíve tried to put fingers in there while masturbating and a tampon while on my period, but nothing will go in. When Iím fantasizing or watching porn, I always imagine myself as a man with a penis. I feel envious of men who get to have a penis and be hairy and muscular. I want to have sex with women but not as a woman. I want to have sex with a woman as a man. What does this mean? (age 14)

You might have a desire to be transgender. It might be only a phase or if you're still feeling this way after a few years, you might identify as transgender permanently. Some people even as young as you identify and live as the other gender these days. Keep in mind that most girls your age are not masturbating internally yet but will within a few years. Keep your mind open to a lot of different possibilities.

Iíve been reading boys' experiences with porn, but I wonder about girls. I know girls watch porn, but I still feel like society make me think itís just not for girls. I want to watch porn just to see what in the world it is, but I donít know my parents' views on it, not that I would tell them Iím watching it, and I donít want to feel guilty. Hopefully you can help. Thanks! (age 12)

You're awfully young. I can't believe any parents would think it's a good idea for you to watch porn. Many parents would be OK with you taking a look at some to see what it is. Overwhelmingly, porn is made by men for men. There is some porn created with women as the intended audience, but that is very much the exception. You don't need to feel guilty for being curious about porn. But many people feel guilty when they get into the habit of watching it regularly. I tell both boys and girls your age (and even older) that it's better to exercise your imagination than to get accustomed to watching the sexual fantasies of strangers acted out.

Why do I always want to masturbate whenever I'm alone? (age 14)

It seems to have become a habit for you. It's a good habit, one that's healthy for you.

I wrote to you about experimenting with shaving with my roommate and wonder why you didn't answer me? (age 17)

It's on the page about living in dorms.

I began talking to a guy over Snapchat from another school and he's asked me for nudes and I've sent them. He didn't screenshot or show anyone. Should I feel guilty? He said that he liked them and we talked after that, but he's been ignoring me these past few days. What does this mean? (age 14)

It is dangerous and possibly illegal to send nude photos of yourself to strangers. You don't know how old he is or where he is. You don't know if he did or didn't save your photos or share them with anyone. If he's doing that with you, he's probably also doing it with other girls, and that might explain why you aren't hearing from him lately.

Is it OK to read sex stories instead of watching porn? (age 15)

Reading stories like that is certainly preferable.

I masturbate very often but I am only able to get pleasure from grinding the floor. Whenever I try to masturbate sitting up or lying in my back, I can't seem to reach that level of pleasure. I tried fingering myself before and I couldn't feel any pleasure. (age 15)

I'm sorry you're having trouble, but grinding the floor is very bad for your sexuality and possibly also for your vulva. I tell males in your situation to take a week off from masturbating and other sexual stimulation and at the end of that week, they should be able to masturbate to orgasm by hand. In your case, I would suggest taking two weeks off. You will be glad you did. Better orgasms are ahead.

Just letting you know more than ďmore than a few femalesĒ masturbate on a regular basis. Just as much as men do, if not more. Acknowledging this would be nice since girls are often shamed for masturbating while guys get to do it all the time and talk about it. Girls masturbate just as much. I wish people would realize this. (age 18)

No matter how much you wish it were so, it isn't. Masturbating is a universal experience for males over 16 (probably younger), and most younger males practice it daily or nearly so. Among women the same age, anywhere from 25 to 40 percent claim to not practice it at all, and among those who do, the frequency can vary wildly. There are women who claim they masturbate but only do it a few times a year. It is not unusual for a woman to say she masturbates often, but when asked how often, says once every two weeks. Women masturbate much more often than they once did, but nowhere near the frequency of men.

So far the only thing I do is rub my clit and a bit further down to the labia, but never inside. Should I try it? I have never reached orgasm before but I really want to. I'm scared I'll make noise and I have male siblings. (age 16)

You're at the age where many girls are experimenting with internal masturbation to see if they like it. I think you should try. You can always muffle a noisy orgasm with a pillow. Don't let fear of making noise stop you from having an enjoyable orgasm.

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I'm still a virgin but I love to masturbate. I really like boys. I also like looking at cute guys, but these past few weeks I've started looking at lesbian porn and I think I've started to fancy my friend. I'd love to masturbate with her and see her naked. I've seen her in her underwear a few times and it's always small and sexy. I'm sure she masturbates as well but we've never talked about it. Do you think it's a good idea to ask her if she'd like to masturbate with me, maybe ask her in a joking sort of way, maybe ask her to compare our bodies, or something like that? (age 15)

It's better if you stay friends and don't use her for idle sexual experimentation. Keep trying to find out what you want.

My best friend, who I've masturbated with a few times, has started shaving her pubic hair. We both used to trim and now she's telling me to do the same as it feels so much better for masturbating. I'm not sure about shaving smooth and I'm wondering if you have any advice. (age 15)

It's your body and you get to decide what you do with it. You need not do what your good friend says. Lots of females these days go completely shaven. Even 15 years ago, not many did. 20 or more years ago, it was typical for everyone to be completely untrimmed. I doubt that shaving or not shaving makes any difference for masturbating. You might experiment and see if it makes any difference for you.

I want to finger myself but Iím scared? Does it hurt? What do I do? Do I need to pop my hymen? How do I finger myself and what position shall I be in?

Most girls start by masturbating externally (i.e., stroking the clitoris, labia, and other external genitalia). When they are comfortable with that, they start inserting fingers into the vagina. It ought not hurt. If it does, you're doing something wrong. Inserting fingers will probably not affect your hymen much, but inserting objects certainly will. Most girls finger themselves while lying on their backs. You seem way too nervous about this to derive any pleasure from it your first few times.

What is the most effective way to orgasm? (age 18)

Most would say that masturbation is most effective while intercourse is most fun.

I never orgasm with my husband through sexual intercourse or oral. In order to reach an orgasm, I have to find porn (gang rape, prostitution, risky sexual encounters, etc.) and use a vibrator. I don't even get wet before sex. But once I get into it, I start to get wet. I just want to be turned on without the porn and vibrator. (age 30)

Have you told your husband this? Maybe he can describe things that you look at in porn as foreplay. Would it arouse you to hear him describe a risky sexual encounter? Many couples do this via phone sex when they can't be together, but it works in person also.

I want to learn how to masturbate but I donít know how. I am not a virgin but I want to be able to pleasure myself and be able to cum. (age 17)

I suggest you start with my Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation and then read the other female pages on

I'm completely straight, yet whenever I see as much as hard nipples, I already feel aroused. I've figured that I have a very, very high sex drive (I masturbate about twice almost every day) but I would to have more insight as to why I feel aroused from just nipples. (age 14)

It's not unusual to be aroused by breasts, even nipples. Most females pay a lot of attention to their breasts and those on other females. Don't forget that males have nipples also.

Is it normal that I masturbate about 4-8 times a week? Sometimes I've done twice a day for a full week. (age 14)

That is completely normal and good for you too.

Girls my age at my school often talk about how they've had sex more than once. Is this normal? (age 14)

Many (not most) girls your age have had sex. Of the ones who've had sex, the overwhelming majority have had sex more than once.

I have a friend with whom I've never talked too much about sexual activities or masturbation. Recently I've been getting turned on lately and relieving myself. I feel like I should tell her about it because its a normal thing to do but she's really shy and I'm not exactly sure how to tell her. (age 16)

You could start by saying, "I've been getting turned on lately and relieving myself." Then see what, if anything, she says.

I love to masturbate with my fingers but I want something more and canít go buy something. What do I do? (age 12)

You are doing a lot better than most girls your age who haven't even discovered masturbation yet. I suggest you keep up what you're doing and get more comfortable with it before trying something from a store. You might get some ideas from my page about adding variety, even though that page was written for boys.

I feel like my vagina smells and tastes weird but I went to a doctor, and they said nothing seems off. Do you have any suggestions? (age 18)

If the doctor says you're fine, you should be relieved. It might be your natural smell and taste you're reacting negatively to. There are some products made to change the smell and taste of vaginas, but those chemicals can also cause problems with your natural vaginal chemistry. You might just need to worry less.

I masturbate and bleed a little. Am I a virgin still? (age 21)

Masturbation cannot make you lose your virginity. The only way to lose your virginity is to have sex with a partner.

Send me a pic (age 30)

Here is a pic

I have been sexual with my best female friend. We started out humping each other naked in bed at sleepovers. Then she started kissing me working down to my breasts then down lower until she was opening my legs and satisfying me orally. It felt like heaven, much better than when I masturbate. Now all I think about is being with her for that wonderful feeling. I like boys but have not had any sexual doings with them except kissing. Does this make me a lesbian? (age 14)

Your sexual escapades are advanced for your age, but I would hesistate to say that you're a lesbian. Lots of young people do what you did at your age and did not become gay or lesbian permanently. You express interest in boys. See where that leads and also see if you develop any feelings for your friend beyond sexual curiosity. You will probably have a better idea of your preference in a year or two.

I often hump my pillow face down and I know that itís preventing me from getting off any other way. How do I fix that? (age 15)

Resolve to never masturbate prone (humping your pillow) again. In about a week, you will have an easier time masturbating by hand. You will like that better.

I cannot masturbate with my legs bent. I can only masturbate lying on my back with my legs streched. Any tips to begin to masturbate with my legs bent? (age 20)

There is nothing wrong with masturbating with your legs stretched. That is how most males and females do it. If you want to do it with bent legs, then masturbate with your legs stretched until you're fairly close to orgasm, and then bend your legs. You might also try it kneeling.

I don't admit to my husband that I masturbate. I told him that I used to before, but I don't anymore because I have him. But I really masturbate a few times a month, only when he is at work and my child is in school. He suspects that I do because sometimes I will go a week or more having sex with him without caring if I orgasm, and he thinks it's because I masturbate. I have denied it multiple times, and admitting it now would be very difficult. What should I do? I feel bad not telling him, but I also think it's private and my business. (age 28)

Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun. It's something all men and most women do regularly. It's something partners can share together. Your husband has already figured out that you're masturbating, so it won't come as a surprise to him if you admit that you do. It is not purely your business because it's affecting your sex life with him. Men like it when their partners orgasm.

When I masturbate, I tremble and feel like I have reached climax, but sometimes nothing comes out. I'm not really sure how to stimulate myself properly yet and some things turn me on more than others, but I feel like I've never completely "finished." (age 17)

Don't expect fluid to come out every time you orgasm. If you can keep masturbating until your privates are too sensitive to continue, then you will know you've finished. Allowing yourself to vocalize (scream, moan, utter words) at orgasm will also help you reach a fuller orgasm.

Am I too young to masturbate? I have a sort of fascination with sex and being pregnant, and I imagine it in my head sometimes. Is this wrong? Is there a good way I can tell my parents about this? (age 11)

Lots of girls your age are already masturbating. In fact, from birth to age 11 is the only time in life that more girls than boys are masturbating. There is nothing wrong with fantasizing about sex and being pregnant. But I hope you won't actually have sex for many years. There is no reason to tell your parents. In fact, if you read my page for parents, you'll find most don't even want to know.

I sometimes feel like my clitoris is broken. I don't really feel anything, and I have a complete lack of a clitoral hood to act as a buffer. I can only orgasm by touching it through my underwear, and I've been masturbating like this since I was about 6. Should I try to change this, and if I should, what can I do? (age 15)

You ought not diagnose a problem with your clitoris. When you visit a doctor, ask if there is anything abnormal with your genital anatomy. You should expect to be told that everything is normal. Then tell the doctor about the sensitivity problem you're experiencing. She or he is apt to have dealt with the situation before. Never be embarrassed to tell the doctor you masturbate. He or she masturbates too.

Would you say itís OK for me to have sex at my age? My boyfriend has suggested it multiple times. I already masturbate and I wouldnít do it without a condom but Iím not 100% sure if I should or not. (age 13)

It is definitely not OK to have sex at your age, and it might even be against the law. If you aren't 100% sure about it, then you shouldn't.

How old should I be to stick something in my vagina? (age 13)

Some girls are already using objects at your age, but most don't find this arousing until they're older. Most females start by masturbating externally (stimulating the clitoris and the area around it) and then start inserting their fingers.

Iíve been masturbating since I was 12 and Iíve heard about people moaning when they orgasm but when I orgasm, Iím completely silent. Is this normal? (age 14)

It's up to you. Most young people don't vocalize. Try moaning sometime and see if it makes your orgasm better.

I am a female who has the tendency to masturbate prone. I do all right masturbating on my back, but I find it hard to climax like this. Once I flip onto my knees, I often take the position of a wedge with my head shoved under my pillow. Is this bad for my knees? I masturbate many times a day. If this is bad for my knees, would my frequency make it worse? How do I recover from prone masturbation when it's so fixed into my routine? (age 17)

Your frequency is extreme and if you think your position is hard on your knees, it probably is. Females who masturbate prone have a harder time reaching orgasm in intercourse than females who masturbate conventionally. I urge you to give up prone and learn to masturbate all the way to the end while lying on your back. You are pretty young and should be able to switch readily.

Will masturbating affect the growth of my vagina? (age 11)


I use an electric toothbrush to masturbate (not the same one I use for my teeth) as I donít have access to a vibrator. Will this cause damage? If it does, Iíll try to stop but it feels good and gives me the best orgasm. (age 17)

Females who masturbate with their hands have the most orgasms in intercourse. Using a vibrator makes it more difficult for you to achieve orgasm on your own or with a partner. I recommend you give up the toothbrush.

My husband and I have been married for 5 years and I can't seem to break down his walls when it comes to bedroom activities. I just recently discovered he has been watching porn and masturbating this whole time instead of being with me. I'm heartbroken about it and at my wits' end! I have tried talking to him about it and he knows that I feel abandoned and undesired by him. We have had more sex recently but it's quick like he just wants to get it over with instead of enjoying it. Just this morning I found more porn on his phone. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help us! (age 24)

All husbands masturbate occasionally, at least, so he will never stop that completely. You've already let him know how you feel and that you want more and better sex. It seems to be working lately. I would suggest you come up with a plan for sex and masturbation that might say you will have sex three or four times a week (or whatever number you think is right) and that he (and you) can each masturbate once or twice a week. If that plan doesn't get followed, then you might need to seek professional help.

I am seeing these dark spots near my vagina. They donít hurt but why are they there? I am scared. (age 18)

Only a doctor can answer that. Have them checked out soon.

I love playing with myself while my boyfriend watches me. (age 19)

And I have no doubt he enjoys it too.

Is the process of reaching orgasm not enjoyable for males? Is only the climax enjoyable? Basically, is building up to it pleasurable? A male friend says it is not and I am baffled. (age 23)

Yes, the whole session is enjoyable. It's too bad if your friend doesn't think the arousal phase is enjoyable, because that's the longest one. The plateau phase and orgasm only last seconds. In a sexual session, everything from the start to the feeling that orgasm is imminent is part of the arousal phase. In other words, more than 14 minutes of a 15 minute session. (Or 4 minutes of a 5 minute session...) Maybe he's using too much force and spoiling his fun.

I lost my virginity a year ago and I used to masturbate for seven years by grinding on my pillow face down. When I started having sex, I didn't feel anything so a search led me to and I found out about prone masturbation so I have stopped. Now I masturbate on my back but I don't get the response I need unless I apply pressure to my clit. I've never had an orgasm but I feel like I reach climax. There is no liquid so now I'm stuck. (age 19)

You aren't stuck. You're learning. Find out what helps you reach that climax and maybe soon you'll be able to use it to cause what you would regard as a genuine orgasm. Most women don't expel liquid when they masturbate to orgasm.

I have masturbated and had an orgasm. I had a sticky, almost slimy, clear, viscous liquid come out. I masturbated again two days later and nothing came out. What was it that came out and how can I have an ejaculation again. (How long do I need to wait after climax?) (age 13)

Congratulations on masturbating to orgasm. You can do that as often as you like. You won't have a burst of fluid with every orgasm. The substance might have been sexual fluids that had been building up and were ready to be released.

I would like to know if masturbation has any effect on a person's intellectual capabilities. I am known to be good in math but lately, I had NO more time to masturbate for a week and only now did I find the time to be able to masturbate. My competency as a student - especially in math - has greatly declined or decreased. (age 15)

If anything, masturbating is good for you. Many people who excel in school -- people who earned graduate and professional degrees -- masturbate frequently, perhaps more often, on average, than people of lesser intellectual accomplishment.

I live in a really conservative society. Discussing sex in my family is taboo. While watching Netflix with my parents, my dad skips intimate scenes. How do I approach my parents about any questions I have about sex? (age 15)

You can either just ask or preface your question by saying, "I have questions about sex." Your parents can't skip your question like scenes on TV.

I have a very busy schedule, so thereís really little time throughout the week for me to masturbate. On those days when I am free, my parents are around, and I donít want to risk getting caught masturbating. Is there a way around this so I can masturbate regularly? (age 15)

You might be the first 15-year-old since the advent of child labor laws to be too busy to masturbate regularly. Your parents either know or strongly suspect that you masturbate, so don't worry about being caught. Doing it at bedtime is how most young people get privacy.

Is it it bad for the vulva/vagina to use oil-based lube while masturbating? I know it not good for sex because it deteriorates latex condoms, but does it harm the vagina's bacterial balance? Can it give a UTI? Does it burn? Is coconut oil safe? (age 15)

You should use a water-based lube. Your body cannot process an oil-based lube well and it will upset your vagina. I don't know about UTIs, but oil-based lube cannot help. Coconut oil is oil-based. I think you would enjoy water-based more anyway.

Is it normal that I can control my orgasm when I masturbate by just rubbing my clitoris, but when I masturbate internally I can't control it? (age 19)

That is typical. I suspect you've been masturbating clitorally longer than you've been masturbating internally and have gotten better at it. As you get more experienced, you will learn to control your orgasm internally also.

Should I tell my parents that I started masturbating? (age 13)

There is no reason to do that, and they don't want to know anyway.

Why does there have to be so much guilt surrounding sex and masturbation? I've felt down about it lately. (age 16)

Some guilt is normal and perhaps even healthy, as it keeps people on the right track sexually. If there were no guilt about sex, there would be more adultery and promiscuity and people not forming relationships with the parents of their children. If there were no guilt about masturbation, people would be less likely to seek partners for sex, and the species would die off.

Is it possible to force orgasm? (age 14)

Yes, but only if you know how to have an orgasm.

Is it normal to lose your urge/need to masturbate? I used to masturbate frequently, but now I simply don't want to, so I don't. I also can't seem to get aroused anymore. (age 15)

Among males, it is often the case that the highest frequency of masturbation happens at ages 12-14. Most cut down to about once a day starting around age 14-15. Something like that is also the case among girls, but it is not a good sign that you don't ever want to or can't get aroused. I hope this is only a one-time thing and you will be back to normal soon. If it persists, see a doctor.

Is the clitoris affected by childbirth? (age 16)

Generally, no. It is one of the least affected female parts by that experience.

Iíve tried masturbating with everything, fingers, porn, pictures of my boyfriend, but I have not reached orgasm. Could this be because of my anti-depressants? (age 16)

Yes, definitely. Ask your doctor to switch you to a different SSRI that doesn't have sexual side effects.

It's really hard for me to orgasm sometimes and I have to be on top and I have to control the strokes. Why can I not orgasm in any other position and can I fix this? (age 21)

That is not an unusual problem. At least you can orgasm in intercourse at least some of the time. If you don't also masturbate, it would be a good idea to learn to bring yourself to orgasm that way. Once you've learned how to bring yourself to orgasm through your own touch, you can teach your partner how to do it and better stimulate you in intercourse.

I've wanted to try masturbating for a while. I did it once and I put in a tampon and started pumping. It felt amazing but I was scared that I would get pain afterward. Should I ask my mom for a dildo so I won't be so careless? (age 13)

You shouldn't use either a dildo or tampon to masturbate at your age. See what feels good using only your hands. Most younger females prefer to stimulate the clitoral area (externally) rather than insert fingers or objects inside the vagina.

How do guys get aroused so they can masturbate? (female, age 16)

If they're not aroused spontaneously, a guy who wants to masturbate will think about something stimulating or look at something stimulating.

Is it normal that I get a cramp around my waist after I masturbate? It feels the exact same as menstrual cramps, except less intense. (age 15)

That happens to some females. More often, masturbating to orgasm relieves cramps rather than causing them. I would suggest masturbating longer to increase your chances of having a satisfying orgasm. Sometimes the first pulse of a female orgasm simply isn't enough.

I want to do a job that involves sex when I'm older. Maybe a doctor like a sexologist or gynecologist. Or expressing my sexuality through some sort of dance and teaching people. I want to help people with sex and other things around it as a job, but what would I tell my family? (age 15)

Sex is part of life. You ought no more be embarrassed of telling your family that you want to be a sex doctor than that you want to be an eye doctor. I would urge you to learn more about these careers you mention and find out what it takes to go into them.

I notice that you have a page for testicular self-examination, and was wondering if there could also be a page about how to self test for breast cancer? (age 15)

I think you're the first person who has noticed the TSE page in the four years it's been up. The monthly breast examination for females is much better known than the monthly testicular exam for males, which is why I have a TSE page. Perhaps I will link to a breast self-exam page.

This doesn't happen any more, but during the first few times I masturbated, as I orgasmed, I'd begin to tremble and shake rapidly from the waist down. Was that normal? (age 15)

Yes, it's normal for most people. Hooray for your quaking, shaking orgasms.

If the mouth and vulva each have a pair of lips, then should cunnilingus be called kissing? (age 14)

I don't think so. The mouth has muscular lips that can be manipulated very precisely. The genital labia almost can't be moved by muscular motion alone.

How do I masturbate in public? (age 24)

It's really better if you don't. If you must, try it in your car when you're parked in a place with some privacy.

I recently lost my virginity; a month ago to be exact. I havenít had any sexual activity since. I masturbate with my vibrator. How much time do you recommend I give myself before masturbating with penetration? Iím nervous about being all up inside myself since Iíve never done that before. (age 19)

There is no harm in trying to penetrate yourself vaginally and seeing if you enjoy it. Not all females do their first few times. If you're enjoying masturbating externally, it might not even be necessary for you to masturbate internally.

I'm wondering what other objects you can safely use to masturbate other than your fingers?

Whatever a female uses should be readily cleanable both before and after using and should have no sharp surfaces.

Please help me. I am ashamed to not know how to masturbate at all, but I really want to experience an orgasm. If you could walk me through how to orgasm, step by step, I feel that I could follow the rules and achieve my goal. I feel defeated and stupid. I don't know how to orgasm with my own hand, and that is sad. All I want is to know what everyone is talking about. I just found my clit this evening. Please help me. (age 26)

Reading my page for young females will help a lot, as will reading through the other female pages. Basically just relax and do what feels good for you and don't be obsessed with having an orgasm. Think about whatever arouses you most, and go with that. Now that you've found your clitoris, it will be easier for you to make yourself orgasm.

I know that girls and women use vibrators to masturbate, but do men use them also? Are there special vibrators for men? (age 24)

Vibration does a lot to stimulate a clitoris, which is a relatively small organ. A vibrator would have to be dangerously large to deliver the same force to a relatively larger erect penis. An erect penis has a volume of approximately 9 to 12 cubic inches.

There is a penile attachment designed to fit the Hitachi Magic Wand and its copycats, but I don't think it's very popular with men. The penis simply doesn't respond well to vibration.

As long as I've masturbated, I've only been able to do it with a full bladder. This isn't entirely an issue now because I've never been sexually active. I want to get out of this habit but it's been very difficult because it's hard for me to be aroused without a full bladder to begin with. I'm worried I've done something really bad and made myself sexually dysfunctional. (age 14)

I suggest taking an extra-long time without masturbating, perhaps a week or more, and then when you do it next, it will be easier with an empty bladder. You will enjoy it a lot more when you aren't distracted by a full bladder or worrying about wetting.

What is the age most people start masturbating? Also, how popular is this site? (female, age 13)

According to a survey of over 10,000 males by in the second half of 2007, the most common age for boys to start is 12. Second most common is 13. Between them, 12 and 13 have a majority. According to a survey of over 300 females by in 2007-08, the most common age for girls to start is also 12. Second most common is also 13. However, girls start over a much wider period than boys. Even combining ages 10-13 inclusive still doesn't account for a majority of girls. is very popular among the people who read it. Some readers tell me they've been reading for over 10 years.

My girlfriend feels horny during her period and wants me to have sex, but I don't want her blood on my penis, even with a condom. What should I do? Do all girls feel horny during their period? If yes, why? (age 22)

No. Females are split on that almost perfectly. About as many want to masturbate or have intercourse on their period as do not. The important thing is that your girlfriend is one of those who wants it. She puts up with your semen; perhaps you could decide you can put up with her blood. And you can wash it off afterward.

My grandfather died only last week and I'm wondering if it's still OK to masturbate. How can I think about doing that? (age 15)

The world is not suddenly a different place because your grandfather is no longer here. You will still do all the things you enjoy, except being with him. He would like it that way.

Is it normal to try to resist the urge to masturbate? (age 14)

I think by "try to resist" you mean "fail to resist." Lots of males and females try to quit masturbating, and nearly every one of them fails. Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It is good and good for you and not something you should try to resist.

I have been masturbating solely from rubbing my clitoris since probably about 16. I probably masturbate about twice a day and I find that I have to press harder and harder to get the response I need. When I started having sex at 16, I noticed how lackluster it felt unless I was simultaneously rubbing myself, but my partner didn't want me to. If I stop masturbating, will my sensitivity return? (age 18)

You don't need to stop masturbating. I urge you to learn to masturbate with less force. Try abstaining from sex and masturbation for a week or so and see if you can masturbate to orgasm with as little force as you can. It might take a period of six months to a year of learning to use less force and then seeing the difference it makes.

Would it be wrong (legally) to masturbate in the same room as my boyfriend? (age 15)

I doubt that would be a crime.

How old are you? (age 14)

I don't answer personal questions here. But I will say that I saw the total eclipse on August 21, 2017, and I also remember the eclipse of February 26, 1979.

Last month during school we played "Never Have I Ever" with my boyfriend and another male friend. The questions were all about masturbating. When we asked each other what method of masturbation we used, the friends reported masturbating using his hand while my boyfriend reported masturbating prone. We both looked at him weirdly and now I feel that we have shamed him. It wasn't until recently that I found through a YouTube channel and learned about prone masturbation. I want to tell my boyfriend that he might be damaging his future sex life but I don't know how to tell him. I feel like I'll be shaming him even more and I don't want him to think that I want sex. We are under the age of legal consent and I have problems of my own masturbating that I am getting help with on (age 14)

You have already discussed masturbating with your boyfriend and at least one other friend, so he knows that simply because you talk about masturbating doesn't mean that you want to have sex. It is not shaming someone to tell them information that is useful to them, even if it is embarrassing to share. He already told at least two people that he masturbates prone. Those are two people who should tell them what they know. It's better that he learn about the dangers of prone now instead of practicing it for years longer. Why don't you show him and just let him read?

Follow-up: I sent my boyfriend the link to the main page of the site. He said it was cool. A couple of days later I asked if he read more and said he didn't want to talk about it.

You've done what you could to alert him to the perils of prone.

I have a twin brother. Masturbating isn't something we've ever talked about. The other day we were with a younger boy who has developmental issues. The boy started telling us what masturbating is. My brother sort of blurted out, "You don't need to tell me. I've been doing it since I was 12." I was not only surprised to hear him say that, but I was surprised because I was doing it before I was 12. Is it normal for girls to start masturbating before their brothers? (age 18)

Yes, perfectly normal. In the pre-puberty years, more girls than boys are masturbating. This is the only time of life where that's true. I have a graph that demonstrates this perfectly, but it isn't here right now. Please check back later and I'll show you on a graph.

I've been masturbating for like two years now. I always hear about how girls finger themselves, but when I do, it doesn't feel good. It hurts. I've tried it several times. Is there something wrong with me? (age 12)

No, you're very young. Most girls start out by masturbating externally (stimulating the clitoris). Internal masturbation (inserting fingers) usually doesn't happen until later. Just keep doing what you enjoy, and eventually you will like how it feels to insert fingers.

I've only inserted my finger into my vagina once. There was no bleeding. Is my hymen ruptured or not? (age 20)

My guess is it was not ruptured by that one insertion, but only someone who can look inside can say for certain. At your age, not too many females have completely intact hymens.

I masturbate a lot, about 5 times a week. I'm confused with the difference between an orgasm and climax because when I orgasm it feels amazing, but I feel done. Is it normal that I prefer to finger myself when I have to urinate? (age 15)

An orgasm is a series of contractions within the pelvis that happen at the peak of sexual arousal, that spreads throughout the body. The term climax is used to refer to a woman's highest state of arousal, whether or not she has an orgasm. If you feel done, then you are having orgasms. You can finger yourself whenever you want to, but most women (and men) find it uncomfortable and distracting to masturbate with a full bladder.

I have a pool and it has a jet (where clean water comes out after being filtered). If I get close to it, it is very strong. Sometimes I masturbate by holding my vulva in this stream. It doesn't hurt me but afterward I am sensitive. I am just wondering if this will hurt me long term if I continue it? (age 16)

That is a bad idea. Females who masturbate with the gentle touch of their hands have a higher success rate in intercourse than females who masturbate with large forces. I advise you to stop.

Iíve had sexual partners, but Iíve never been able to orgasm. The guy Iím currently seeing has been the most attentive man Iíve been intimate with by far, though. Heís lovely and I appreciate him always wanting to make sure Iím pleasured and satisfied. It feel guilty because I haven't been able to orgasm. The closest Iíve gotten was my body shaking while he was fingering me.

Youíve mentioned that itís easier for someone to have their first orgasm while masturbating on their own. So Iíve recently started doing more of that, too. I know you said it takes practice to get there. But in the off-chance that thereís something wrong with my body, how would I go about finding that out? (age 21)

Keep doing what you're doing. Don't feel guilty about not having an orgasm. Let your boyfriend know that you aren't having orgasms in intercourse yet but that you appreciate when he makes you feel good. Enjoy his orgasms. I find it unlikely there's something wrong with your body, and it's even more unlikely a doctor would want to run tests on you when anorgasmia is your only symptom. Unfortunately, anorgasmia is common in women of all ages.

Keep masturbating and enjoying what you can do with your partner. You are apt to have an orgasm when you least expect one.


Dear readers: I am getting short of stories to put on the caught masturbating page. Why not go over there and share your stories or things you've done to keep from getting caught.

Tell the story of your first orgasm

Attention females!

We are doing a new page where females share the stories of their first orgasms. How long did it take? How did that first orgasm happen? By sharing your story, you can help younger females and other pre-orgasmic women have their first orgasm. Please go to the first orgasms page and share your story.

Older questions from females

This page updated August 11, 2019.

Many older questions from female readers have been moved to one of these topic pages:

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