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This page is for questions from females about masturbation and other issues related to sexuality. A few rare questions from males about the female experience are also posted here.
Questions from female readers
These questions and answers pertain specifically to the experience of female masturbation. Of course, a lot of the questions on the main masturbation page, although posed by males, can address the experience of both genders. Answers marked with have been critically reviewed by an anonymous female correspondent.
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How is masturbation healthy? (age 14)
- It's fun and relaxing
- It keeps your sex organs in healthy functioning condition
- Orgasm releases mood-enhancing chemicals
- It teaches you about your body and sexuality
- It's good practice for sexual function
- It relieves menstrual cramps
- It promotes restful sleep
- It releases tension and stress
- It stimulates the immune system
- It lowers blood pressure
- It keeps you from doing something where you might get an STD
- It keeps you from doing something where you might get pregnant
So I really like this guy and I think that we should hook up and I think heís just too shy to ask me. Weíre friends and used to be best friends. Would it be bad if I gave him Viagra or something to give him a boner when we hang out to make him think heís really attracted to me and want to masturbate or hook up with me? Is that drugging someone like a roofie? He's awake and he will just have a boner. It's like a love potion. What do you think?
Drugging someone with Viagra is a crime. You could hurt or possibly even kill him, because you don't know the proper dose of Viagra or how it could interact with any other medications he takes. Men used to drug women with a love potion called Spanish Fly at one time (which was essentially a urinary tract irritant) but it has been decades since I've heard of that happening.
In the teen years, guys are erect for about 20 minutes of every 90. So if you're with a guy for an hour and a half, he almost certainly had an erection for part of that time. A drug-induced erection would be just another erection.
You didn't say how old you are, but I'm thinking you're too young for all of this. If you really want to have sex with him, tell him. Talk to him about it. Maybe he's eager to have sex with you, or maybe he wants to wait, or maybe even suggesting it will be the end of your friendship. Talk to him and then figure this all out without drugging him.
I was brought up Christian, and to this day I have a very strong faith. I started masturbating when I turned 11 years old. As I got older, I developed guilt and depression after masturbating, and It has continued to get worse. I tried to stop, and I went months without touching myself, but then the urge grew stronger and stronger, so I did it, and then I got guilt again. What is some advice you can give to help me stop masturbating, or help the guilt go away? (age 19)
Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun. All the men your age and most women your age practice it regularly, no matter what their religious faith. Instead of trying to give up masturbation, work at accepting it as normal, healthy, and fun. Reading my page for Christians will give you some theological viewpoints on the world's most frequent sex act.
I usually masturbate about 2-3 times a week and I like to curl my fingers a lot. The day after, I feel sore. Is that normal? (age 15)
No, it isn't. I think you might be curling your fingers too much. Try to be more relaxed.
My cousin, 19, has been exposing his masturbating sessions to me. I liked watching him initially but now I don't anymore and I have told him. He refuses to take heed and continues to flash and keeps his door unlocked during his masturbating period. I have walked in a number of times and walked out in embarrassment when I realized what he was up to. Should I complain about this to my elders? (female, age 16)
You're backpedaling from liking it to begin with. I think you'll have to say more than once that you don't want to see it before anything will be different. Let him know you'll tell adults if he doesn't stop.
Can a virgin open up her vagina through masturbation? When a guy has sex with her for the first time, will he notice that she wasn't a virgin? (age 19)
No one can lose their virginity by masturbating. By definition, when a guy has sex with her for the first time, she will still be a virgin at that moment. In general, a vagina that is rigid and not responsive to the touch can be made more so by a woman masturbating internally.
I want to masturbate a lot, like 2 or 3 times a day, which is not good. Now I'm on my period and I'm dying to masturbate. What should I do? (age 20)
Many women enjoy masturbating more when they have their period. You should do it. How many times you do it in a day is up to you.
Is masturbation bad to do every day?
It is good to masturbate every day!
Can a girl lose her virginity with a finger? (age 18)
No, not at all.
Is it OK if I get very horny when I see my teacher? (age 14)
Yes, it's fine. The problem happens when you decide to act on feeling horny about your teacher. Keep in mind that it's against the law in most places for a teacher to be sexual with a student under 18 years old. Find a way to channel your horniness to more appropriate subjects, like your classmates.
I went over to my friend's house last week and she excitedly dragged me upstairs saying she had found something and wanted me to see it. She opened a drawer and pointed to a dark blue object, giggling and saying ďitís my sister's vibrator.Ē Iíve seen them in a shop but never close up.
With the door firmly shut she explained she had seen it yesterday but was too nervous to take it without me. After turning it on and talking for ages we psyched ourselves up and just pressed it against our vulvas (outside of our panties as neither of us wanted to be exposed.) My friend went first just by pulling her skirt up and held it on herself for maybe 20 seconds but stopped saying it was nice but not amazing. I did the same but found the tip more buzzy so used that. I started feeling hot almost immediately so I pressed a little harder and it felt like a sort of shiver ran down my legs and my genitals went tight in a wave. Was this an orgasm? I havenít felt something like it before. (age 16)
It might have been an orgasm, or you might have only been getting close. The amount of time you're talking about is not really long enough for a girl to get to orgasm. I would suggest learning to masturbate to orgasm by hand instead of surreptitiously masturbating with your friend's sister's vibrator, or any vibrator.
Is it OK to not be sexually attracted to the opposite gender at all? (female, age 16)
Yes, that is OK. Some people are like that. Some people aren't sexually attracted to anyone. And some are only attracted to their own gender.
Iím currently in hospital after a horse riding accident where Iíve broken a leg and my right shoulder so Iím trussed up like a turkey in plaster until the fractures heal after an operation. I have to have a catheter as I cannot get up to go to the toilet.
Iím naturally horny and despite all this I really need to have a release. A couple of days ago, the ward was empty at night and I tried masturbating with my working hand, but Iím right handed and with the catheter in the way, I couldn't pleasure myself.
The following lunch time, my usual nurse checked my catheter and noticed that my vulva was swollen. She asked if it was itchy and had I scratched it. I just burst into tears. She then leaned in and asked quietly if I had masturbated. I nodded. She assured me that it was really common but not to do it with my hand as it could inflame my urethra and that not to worry as she would get something to help.
I thought she was going to get me yet another drug, this time to lower my libido. Instead she came back with a hard white lipstick saying, ďit's not bad considering itís free from the hospital pharmacy.Ē I must have looked puzzled as she said "to help you ... you know?Ē I then realized that I was holding a small, cheap but discreet vibrator! Looking embarrassed I said there was no way I could do it in an open ward. She told me not to worry and she would come back toward the end of her shift to give me some privacy.
Four achingly slow hours later she came back and asked if I was ready. She drew the curtain around my bed area and helped me flop the blanket off saying she would go outside and catch up on paperwork but make sure that no one came in. By this time I was far too horny to bail out so after she left I turned the little vibe on and went at it. This was by far the most excited Iíve ever been, basically masturbating away in a really busy room with just a curtain between being seen and knowing that a complete stranger knows what Iím up to. The first orgasm was probably less that a minute and the second more like 10. Not wanting to push my luck I stopped there, covered up and called for the nurse, who popped back in asking if I was done. The last bit of this embarrassing saga then followed with the nurse apologizing and explaining that she had to check that I hadnít dislodged my catheter. If I had known she was going to look, I would have waited until I had calmed down. So she saw a soaked, sticky and pink me. Luckily nothing had moved and she was content for me to just cover up.
Itís now the following evening and I saw her briefly today but only for a quick checkup. I might have another two weeks in here and am wondering when I can ask her for another private time? (age 22)
I'm sorry you're going through all that. It's part of the nurse's job to make sure you're comfortable. The next time you see her, tell her you'd like to have more private time soon.
Follow-up: Thanks for your kind words. Iím coming out of hospital tomorrow though Iíll still look like something from a horror film. She has been so caring and definitely going the extra mile. After I messaged you last, the nurse and I organized a plan. Itís almost become normal to be asked if I need some time to masturbate (though she never uses the word), but each time having my post-orgasm vagina checked has taken some getting used to. So thanks again HealthyStrokes.com and my kind nurse for the support.
My sister and I both love your site, which our mom sent us to if we had questions. Iíve seen on your wet dreams page that girls donít have wet dreams. Both my sister and I definitely have wet dreams as sometimes in the morning we have really wet patches on our pajamas. Iím 18 and my sister is 17, also itís not really wet more like really sticky that has soaked through.
Once I woke up halfway through a naughty dream to find the same thing and couldnít sleep until I had gone to the bathroom and masturbated. (age 18)
I don't doubt that some females produce sexual fluids in their sleep that is similar to a male wet dream, but it's not the same thing. In a wet dream, a male has an orgasm and fully ejaculates in his sleep.
The boys in my band class occasionally make obvious sexual jokes. While I'm not included in it, I end up hearing the conversation because they are only a few feet away. They know I'm listening. I want to actually say something to them, but I don't know how they'd take it, me being the only girl. I also know the teacher wouldn't appreciate this talk, but I feel like it will help me feel less confined to being the girl that is in their instrument section. (age 13)
You ought not be exposed to unwanted sexual banter in junior high school. The teacher has a duty to put a stop to that. Tell him or her, and maybe also tell the principal. Joining in their banter would probably make things worse. You want it to stop, not to increase.
Last year I made friends with an Amish girl who was starting her rumspringa. (That's what the Amish call adolescence.) Weíve been close and recently sheís been asking questions about masturbation. She masturbates often and the subject of sex toys came up. I lent her a couple of mine. She loved them but is going back to her community in a couple of months. Apparently masturbation is NEVER discussed and neither are sex toys but she wants to take one. Would a dildo be banned? She canít ask anyone from her family so has asked me for advice, and Iíve turned to you. (age 18)
If sex toys and masturbation are never discussed, then how does she know anyone would object to her having one and masturbating? I would encourage her to masturbate with her hands anyway, but if you were to give her a dildo, I don't know that anyone in her family is going to do anything about it.
Iím a late developer and only recently started masturbating to orgasm. How long I take to get there seems to make a difference as to what happens. If Iím really horny and quickly rub until I orgasm, I just get a bit wet. If I watch a bit of porn and am slower (say 20 minutes) I get really slippery but if I almost orgasm then tease myself for a bit before really going for it, when I orgasm white creamy stuff comes out. Is this normal? Why is it white? (age 18)
That is all normal. Thanks for sharing with other females how you take your time to bring yourself to a better orgasm. The whiteness is the result of additional fluid building up during the extra time you're taking.
Iíve been masturbating since I was about 6. I only touched my breasts, but recently Iíve gone even further to fingering myself, but I never get turned on the way touching my breasts does. Just touching my vagina doesnít feel good or bad. It only feels good when my boyfriend (who is also 15) touches me down there. Itís like only he can make me feel good down there. I just want that feeling when Iím alone while masturbating. Is there another way to help me feel good while touching my vagina? (age 15)
Lots of women and girls stimulate their breasts while masturbating or while getting aroused to masturbate. There is nothing wrong with that at all. You obviously can get aroused by genital touching, because you do when your boyfriend does it. I would suggest being relaxed and in a welcoming state of mind when you try it next. Practice makes perfect.
Iím quite an outgoing person, bubbly and not shy so recently when I was asked to be one of two models in a life drawing class I was flattered. On arrival at the studio, the lecturer/lead artist explained it was meant to be an erotic classical scene of two parts. The first I was to curl up on a pile of soft pillows with the other female model curled around me; the second she was on her back and I was meant to be sitting on her stomach with a bunch of grapes held above my head. He asked we were both comfortable with this intimacy and we both said it was fine.
The first set was easy. It was arousing being curled up with a naked stranger while 10 or so students looked at every inch of me. The second scene started and I realized how exposed I was, mainly to the other model whose head was only two feet from my straddling form. The more I thought about it, the more intense it got and I started to get sticky down there. My labia stuck to her stomach so that every time she breathed out they made a Ďpipí sound. She noticed and started getting the giggles which started me off too. Eventually the lecturer called a break.
She has asked if I want to do another session together some time saying that this time sheíll be on top and I can do the looking. Half of the people on earth have a vulva and the other want to see it. (age 21)
Thank you for sharing.
I have been masturbating for a few years now and I really hate thinking of having anything in my vagina. Iíve tried to put fingers in there while masturbating and a tampon while on my period, but nothing will go in. When Iím fantasizing or watching porn, I always imagine myself as a man with a penis. I feel envious of men who get to have a penis and be hairy and muscular. I want to have sex with women but not as a woman. I want to have sex with a woman as a man. What does this mean? (age 14)
You might have a desire to be transgender. It might be only a phase or if you're still feeling this way after a few years, you might identify as transgender permanently. Some people even as young as you identify and live as the other gender these days. Keep in mind that most girls your age are not masturbating internally yet but will within a few years. Keep your mind open to a lot of different possibilities.
Iíve been reading boys' experiences with porn, but I wonder about girls. I know girls watch porn, but I still feel like society make me think itís just not for girls. I want to watch porn just to see what in the world it is, but I donít know my parents' views on it, not that I would tell them Iím watching it, and I donít want to feel guilty. Hopefully you can help. Thanks! (age 12)
You're awfully young. I can't believe any parents would think it's a good idea for you to watch porn. Many parents would be OK with you taking a look at some to see what it is. Overwhelmingly, porn is made by men for men. There is some porn created with women as the intended audience, but that is very much the exception. You don't need to feel guilty for being curious about porn. But many people feel guilty when they get into the habit of watching it regularly. I tell both boys and girls your age (and even older) that it's better to exercise your imagination than to get accustomed to watching the sexual fantasies of strangers acted out.
Why do I always want to masturbate whenever I'm alone? (age 14)
It seems to have become a habit for you. It's a good habit, one that's healthy for you.
I wrote to you about experimenting with shaving with my roommate and wonder why you didn't answer me? (age 17)
It's on the page about living in dorms.
I began talking to a guy over Snapchat from another school and he's asked me for nudes and I've sent them. He didn't screenshot or show anyone. Should I feel guilty? He said that he liked them and we talked after that, but he's been ignoring me these past few days. What does this mean? (age 14)
It is dangerous and possibly illegal to send nude photos of yourself to strangers. You don't know how old he is or where he is. You don't know if he did or didn't save your photos or share them with anyone. If he's doing that with you, he's probably also doing it with other girls, and that might explain why you aren't hearing from him lately.
Is it OK to read sex stories instead of watching porn? (age 15)
Reading stories like that is certainly preferable.
I masturbate very often but I am only able to get pleasure from grinding the floor. Whenever I try to masturbate sitting up or lying in my back, I can't seem to reach that level of pleasure. I tried fingering myself before and I couldn't feel any pleasure. (age 15)
I'm sorry you're having trouble, but grinding the floor is very bad for your sexuality and possibly also for your vulva. I tell males in your situation to take a week off from masturbating and other sexual stimulation and at the end of that week, they should be able to masturbate to orgasm by hand. In your case, I would suggest taking two weeks off. You will be glad you did. Better orgasms are ahead.
Just letting you know more than ďmore than a few femalesĒ masturbate on a regular basis. Just as much as men do, if not more. Acknowledging this would be nice since girls are often shamed for masturbating while guys get to do it all the time and talk about it. Girls masturbate just as much. I wish people would realize this. (age 18)
No matter how much you wish it were so, it isn't. Masturbating is a universal experience for males over 16 (probably younger), and most younger males practice it daily or nearly so. Among women the same age, anywhere from 25 to 40 percent claim to not practice it at all, and among those who do, the frequency can vary wildly. There are women who claim they masturbate but only do it a few times a year. It is not unusual for a woman to say she masturbates often, but when asked how often, says once every two weeks. Women masturbate much more often than they once did, but nowhere near the frequency of men.
So far the only thing I do is rub my clit and a bit further down to the labia, but never inside. Should I try it? I have never reached orgasm before but I really want to. I'm scared I'll make noise and I have male siblings. (age 16)
You're at the age where many girls are experimenting with internal masturbation to see if they like it. I think you should try. You can always muffle a noisy orgasm with a pillow. Don't let fear of making noise stop you from having an enjoyable orgasm.
I don't know what's wrong with me lately. I'm still a virgin but I love to masturbate. I really like boys. I also like looking at cute guys, but these past few weeks I've started looking at lesbian porn and I think I've started to fancy my friend. I'd love to masturbate with her and see her naked. I've seen her in her underwear a few times and it's always small and sexy. I'm sure she masturbates as well but we've never talked about it. Do you think it's a good idea to ask her if she'd like to masturbate with me, maybe ask her in a joking sort of way, maybe ask her to compare our bodies, or something like that? (age 15)
It's better if you stay friends and don't use her for idle sexual experimentation. Keep trying to find out what you want.
My best friend, who I've masturbated with a few times, has started shaving her pubic hair. We both used to trim and now she's telling me to do the same as it feels so much better for masturbating. I'm not sure about shaving smooth and I'm wondering if you have any advice. (age 15)
It's your body and you get to decide what you do with it. You need not do what your good friend says. Lots of females these days go completely shaven. Even 15 years ago, not many did. 20 or more years ago, it was typical for everyone to be completely untrimmed. I doubt that shaving or not shaving makes any difference for masturbating. You might experiment and see if it makes any difference for you.
I've tried masturbating a million ways and only one super specific thing works for me to feel good at all. I have a dildo/vibrator I bought online and it doesn't feel good. My shower head hurts even on the lowest setting. I've been to so many web sites and I just can't figure it out. I really want to mix things up but it's frustrating when nothing else works. Is there something wrong with me? (age 15)
I think you need to be more patient. You obviously haven't tried a million ways. You are young and need more time to figure out what will work for you. Often taking your time and doing things slowly work better than a gadget. Instead of buying objects that might not work, take time to slow down and enjoy your own touch.
I want to finger myself but Iím scared? Does it hurt? What do I do? Do I need to pop my hymen? How do I finger myself and what position shall I be in?
Most girls start by masturbating externally (i.e., stroking the clitoris, labia, and other external genitalia). When they are comfortable with that, they start inserting fingers into the vagina. It ought not hurt. If it does, you're doing something wrong. Inserting fingers will probably not affect your hymen much, but inserting objects certainly will. Most girls finger themselves while lying on their backs. You seem way too nervous about this to derive any pleasure from it your first few times.
What is the most effective way to orgasm? (age 18)
Most would say that masturbation is most effective while intercourse is most fun.
I never orgasm with my husband through sexual intercourse or oral. In order to reach an orgasm, I have to find porn (gang rape, prostitution, risky sexual encounters, etc.) and use a vibrator. I don't even get wet before sex. But once I get into it, I start to get wet. I just want to be turned on without the porn and vibrator. (age 30)
Have you told your husband this? Maybe he can describe things that you look at in porn as foreplay. Would it arouse you to hear him describe a risky sexual encounter? Many couples do this via phone sex when they can't be together, but it works in person also.
I want to learn how to masturbate but I donít know how. I am not a virgin but I want to be able to pleasure myself and be able to cum. (age 17)
I suggest you start with my Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation and then read the other female pages on HealthyStrokes.com.
I'm completely straight, yet whenever I see as much as hard nipples, I already feel aroused. I've figured that I have a very, very high sex drive (I masturbate about twice almost every day) but I would to have more insight as to why I feel aroused from just nipples. (age 14)
It's not unusual to be aroused by breasts, even nipples. Most females pay a lot of attention to their breasts and those on other females. Don't forget that males have nipples also.
Is it normal that I masturbate about 4-8 times a week? Sometimes I've done twice a day for a full week. (age 14)
That is completely normal and good for you too.
Girls my age at my school often talk about how they've had sex more than once. Is this normal? (age 14)
Many (not most) girls your age have had sex. Of the ones who've had sex, the overwhelming majority have had sex more than once.
I have a friend with whom I've never talked too much about sexual activities or masturbation. Recently I've been getting turned on lately and relieving myself. I feel like I should tell her about it because its a normal thing to do but she's really shy and I'm not exactly sure how to tell her. (age 16)
You could start by saying, "I've been getting turned on lately and relieving myself." Then see what, if anything, she says.
I love to masturbate with my fingers but I want something more and canít go buy something. What do I do? (age 12)
You are doing a lot better than most girls your age who haven't even discovered masturbation yet. I suggest you keep up what you're doing and get more comfortable with it before trying something from a store. You might get some ideas from my page about adding variety, even though that page was written for boys.
I feel like my vagina smells and tastes weird but I went to a doctor, and they said nothing seems off. Do you have any suggestions? (age 18)
If the doctor says you're fine, you should be relieved. It might be your natural smell and taste you're reacting negatively to. There are some products made to change the smell and taste of vaginas, but those chemicals can also cause problems with your natural vaginal chemistry. You might just need to worry less.
I masturbate and bleed a little. Am I a virgin still? (age 21)
Masturbation cannot make you lose your virginity. The only way to lose your virginity is to have sex with a partner.
Send me a pic (age 30)
Here is a pic
I have been sexual with my best female friend. We started out humping each other naked in bed at sleepovers. Then she started kissing me working down to my breasts then down lower until she was opening my legs and satisfying me orally. It felt like heaven, much better than when I masturbate. Now all I think about is being with her for that wonderful feeling. I like boys but have not had any sexual doings with them except kissing. Does this make me a lesbian? (age 14)
Your sexual escapades are advanced for your age, but I would hesistate to say that you're a lesbian. Lots of young people do what you did at your age and did not become gay or lesbian permanently. You express interest in boys. See where that leads and also see if you develop any feelings for your friend beyond sexual curiosity. You will probably have a better idea of your preference in a year or two.
I often hump my pillow face down and I know that itís preventing me from getting off any other way. How do I fix that? (age 15)
Resolve to never masturbate prone (humping your pillow) again. In about a week, you will have an easier time masturbating by hand. You will like that better.
I cannot masturbate with my legs bent. I can only masturbate lying on my back with my legs streched. Any tips to begin to masturbate with my legs bent? (age 20)
There is nothing wrong with masturbating with your legs stretched. That is how most males and females do it. If you want to do it with bent legs, then masturbate with your legs stretched until you're fairly close to orgasm, and then bend your legs. You might also try it kneeling.
I don't admit to my husband that I masturbate. I told him that I used to before, but I don't anymore because I have him. But I really masturbate a few times a month, only when he is at work and my child is in school. He suspects that I do because sometimes I will go a week or more having sex with him without caring if I orgasm, and he thinks it's because I masturbate. I have denied it multiple times, and admitting it now would be very difficult. What should I do? I feel bad not telling him, but I also think it's private and my business. (age 28)
Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun. It's something all men and most women do regularly. It's something partners can share together. Your husband has already figured out that you're masturbating, so it won't come as a surprise to him if you admit that you do. It is not purely your business because it's affecting your sex life with him. Men like it when their partners orgasm.
When I masturbate, I tremble and feel like I have reached climax, but sometimes nothing comes out. I'm not really sure how to stimulate myself properly yet and some things turn me on more than others, but I feel like I've never completely "finished." (age 17)
Don't expect fluid to come out every time you orgasm. If you can keep masturbating until your privates are too sensitive to continue, then you will know you've finished. Allowing yourself to vocalize (scream, moan, utter words) at orgasm will also help you reach a fuller orgasm.
Am I too young to masturbate? I have a sort of fascination with sex and being pregnant, and I imagine it in my head sometimes. Is this wrong? Is there a good way I can tell my parents about this? (age 11)
Lots of girls your age are already masturbating. In fact, from birth to age 11 is the only time in life that more girls than boys are masturbating. There is nothing wrong with fantasizing about sex and being pregnant. But I hope you won't actually have sex for many years. There is no reason to tell your parents. In fact, if you read my page for parents, you'll find most don't even want to know.
I sometimes feel like my clitoris is broken. I don't really feel anything, and I have a complete lack of a clitoral hood to act as a buffer. I can only orgasm by touching it through my underwear, and I've been masturbating like this since I was about 6. Should I try to change this, and if I should, what can I do? (age 15)
You ought not diagnose a problem with your clitoris. When you visit a doctor, ask if there is anything abnormal with your genital anatomy. You should expect to be told that everything is normal. Then tell the doctor about the sensitivity problem you're experiencing. She or he is apt to have dealt with the situation before. Never be embarrassed to tell the doctor you masturbate. He or she masturbates too.
Would you say itís OK for me to have sex at my age? My boyfriend has suggested it multiple times. I already masturbate and I wouldnít do it without a condom but Iím not 100% sure if I should or not. (age 13)
It is definitely not OK to have sex at your age, and it might even be against the law. If you aren't 100% sure about it, then you shouldn't.
How old should I be to stick something in my vagina? (age 13)
Some girls are already using objects at your age, but most don't find this arousing until they're older. Most females start by masturbating externally (stimulating the clitoris and the area around it) and then start inserting their fingers.
Iíve been masturbating since I was 12 and Iíve heard about people moaning when they orgasm but when I orgasm, Iím completely silent. Is this normal? (age 14)
It's up to you. Most young people don't vocalize. Try moaning sometime and see if it makes your orgasm better.
I am a female who has the tendency to masturbate prone. I do all right masturbating on my back, but I find it hard to climax like this. Once I flip onto my knees, I often take the position of a wedge with my head shoved under my pillow. Is this bad for my knees? I masturbate many times a day. If this is bad for my knees, would my frequency make it worse? How do I recover from prone masturbation when it's so fixed into my routine? (age 17)
Your frequency is extreme and if you think your position is hard on your knees, it probably is. Females who masturbate prone have a harder time reaching orgasm in intercourse than females who masturbate conventionally. I urge you to give up prone and learn to masturbate all the way to the end while lying on your back. You are pretty young and should be able to switch readily.
Will masturbating affect the growth of my vagina? (age 11)
I use an electric toothbrush to masturbate (not the same one I use for my teeth) as I donít have access to a vibrator. Will this cause damage? If it does, Iíll try to stop but it feels good and gives me the best orgasm. (age 17)
Females who masturbate with their hands have the most orgasms in intercourse. Using a vibrator makes it more difficult for you to achieve orgasm on your own or with a partner. I recommend you give up the toothbrush.
My husband and I have been married for 5 years and I can't seem to break down his walls when it comes to bedroom activities. I just recently discovered he has been watching porn and masturbating this whole time instead of being with me. I'm heartbroken about it and at my wits' end! I have tried talking to him about it and he knows that I feel abandoned and undesired by him. We have had more sex recently but it's quick like he just wants to get it over with instead of enjoying it. Just this morning I found more porn on his phone. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help us! (age 24)
All husbands masturbate occasionally, at least, so he will never stop that completely. You've already let him know how you feel and that you want more and better sex. It seems to be working lately. I would suggest you come up with a plan for sex and masturbation that might say you will have sex three or four times a week (or whatever number you think is right) and that he (and you) can each masturbate once or twice a week. If that plan doesn't get followed, then you might need to seek professional help.
I am seeing these dark spots near my vagina. They donít hurt but why are they there? I am scared. (age 18)
Only a doctor can answer that. Have them checked out soon.
I love playing with myself while my boyfriend watches me. (age 19)
And I have no doubt he enjoys it too.
Is the process of reaching orgasm not enjoyable for males? Is only the climax enjoyable? Basically, is building up to it pleasurable? A male friend says it is not and I am baffled. (age 23)
Yes, the whole session is enjoyable. It's too bad if your friend doesn't think the arousal phase is enjoyable, because that's the longest one. The plateau phase and orgasm only last seconds. In a sexual session, everything from the start to the feeling that orgasm is imminent is part of the arousal phase. In other words, more than 14 minutes of a 15 minute session. (Or 4 minutes of a 5 minute session...) Maybe he's using too much force and spoiling his fun.
I lost my virginity a year ago and I used to masturbate for seven years by grinding on my pillow face down. When I started having sex, I didn't feel anything so a search led me to HealthyStrokes.com and I found out about prone masturbation so I have stopped. Now I masturbate on my back but I don't get the response I need unless I apply pressure to my clit. I've never had an orgasm but I feel like I reach climax. There is no liquid so now I'm stuck. (age 19)
You aren't stuck. You're learning. Find out what helps you reach that climax and maybe soon you'll be able to use it to cause what you would regard as a genuine orgasm. Most women don't expel liquid when they masturbate to orgasm.
I have masturbated and had an orgasm. I had a sticky, almost slimy, clear, viscous liquid come out. I masturbated again two days later and nothing came out. What was it that came out and how can I have an ejaculation again. (How long do I need to wait after climax?) (age 13)
Congratulations on masturbating to orgasm. You can do that as often as you like. You won't have a burst of fluid with every orgasm. The substance might have been sexual fluids that had been building up and were ready to be released.
I would like to know if masturbation has any effect on a person's intellectual capabilities. I am known to be good in math but lately, I had NO more time to masturbate for a week and only now did I find the time to be able to masturbate. My competency as a student - especially in math - has greatly declined or decreased. (age 15)
If anything, masturbating is good for you. Many people who excel in school -- people who earned graduate and professional degrees -- masturbate frequently, perhaps more often, on average, than people of lesser intellectual accomplishment.
I live in a really conservative society. Discussing sex in my family is taboo. While watching Netflix with my parents, my dad skips intimate scenes. How do I approach my parents about any questions I have about sex? (age 15)
You can either just ask or preface your question by saying, "I have questions about sex." Your parents can't skip your question like scenes on TV.
I have a very busy schedule, so thereís really little time throughout the week for me to masturbate. On those days when I am free, my parents are around, and I donít want to risk getting caught masturbating. Is there a way around this so I can masturbate regularly? (age 15)
You might be the first 15-year-old since the advent of child labor laws to be too busy to masturbate regularly. Your parents either know or strongly suspect that you masturbate, so don't worry about being caught. Doing it at bedtime is how most young people get privacy.
Is it it bad for the vulva/vagina to use oil-based lube while masturbating? I know it not good for sex because it deteriorates latex condoms, but does it harm the vagina's bacterial balance? Can it give a UTI? Does it burn? Is coconut oil safe? (age 15)
You should use a water-based lube. Your body cannot process an oil-based lube well and it will upset your vagina. I don't know about UTIs, but oil-based lube cannot help. Coconut oil is oil-based. I think you would enjoy water-based more anyway.
Is it normal that I can control my orgasm when I masturbate by just rubbing my clitoris, but when I masturbate internally I can't control it? (age 19)
That is typical. I suspect you've been masturbating clitorally longer than you've been masturbating internally and have gotten better at it. As you get more experienced, you will learn to control your orgasm internally also.
Should I tell my parents that I started masturbating? (age 13)
There is no reason to do that, and they don't want to know anyway.
Why does there have to be so much guilt surrounding sex and masturbation? I've felt down about it lately. (age 16)
Some guilt is normal and perhaps even healthy, as it keeps people on the right track sexually. If there were no guilt about sex, there would be more adultery and promiscuity and people not forming relationships with the parents of their children. If there were no guilt about masturbation, people would be less likely to seek partners for sex, and the species would die off.
Is it possible to force orgasm? (age 14)
Yes, but only if you know how to have an orgasm.
Is it normal to lose your urge/need to masturbate? I used to masturbate frequently, but now I simply don't want to, so I don't. I also can't seem to get aroused anymore. (age 15)
Among males, it is often the case that the highest frequency of masturbation happens at ages 12-14. Most cut down to about once a day starting around age 14-15. Something like that is also the case among girls, but it is not a good sign that you don't ever want to or can't get aroused. I hope this is only a one-time thing and you will be back to normal soon. If it persists, see a doctor.
Is the clitoris affected by childbirth? (age 16)
Generally, no. It is one of the least affected female parts by that experience.
Iíve tried masturbating with everything, fingers, porn, pictures of my boyfriend, but I have not reached orgasm. Could this be because of my anti-depressants? (age 16)
Yes, definitely. Ask your doctor to switch you to a different SSRI that doesn't have sexual side effects.
It's really hard for me to orgasm sometimes and I have to be on top and I have to control the strokes. Why can I not orgasm in any other position and can I fix this? (age 21)
That is not an unusual problem. At least you can orgasm in intercourse at least some of the time. If you don't also masturbate, it would be a good idea to learn to bring yourself to orgasm that way. Once you've learned how to bring yourself to orgasm through your own touch, you can teach your partner how to do it and better stimulate you in intercourse.
I've wanted to try masturbating for a while. I did it once and I put in a tampon and started pumping. It felt amazing but I was scared that I would get pain afterward. Should I ask my mom for a dildo so I won't be so careless? (age 13)
You shouldn't use either a dildo or tampon to masturbate at your age. See what feels good using only your hands. Most younger females prefer to stimulate the clitoral area (externally) rather than insert fingers or objects inside the vagina.
How do guys get aroused so they can masturbate? (female, age 16)
If they're not aroused spontaneously, a guy who wants to masturbate will think about something stimulating or look at something stimulating.
Is it normal that I get a cramp around my waist after I masturbate? It feels the exact same as menstrual cramps, except less intense. (age 15)
That happens to some females. More often, masturbating to orgasm relieves cramps rather than causing them. I would suggest masturbating longer to increase your chances of having a satisfying orgasm. Sometimes the first pulse of a female orgasm simply isn't enough.
I want to do a job that involves sex when I'm older. Maybe a doctor like a sexologist or gynecologist. Or expressing my sexuality through some sort of dance and teaching people. I want to help people with sex and other things around it as a job, but what would I tell my family? (age 15)
Sex is part of life. You ought no more be embarrassed of telling your family that you want to be a sex doctor than that you want to be an eye doctor. I would urge you to learn more about these careers you mention and find out what it takes to go into them.
I notice that you have a page for testicular self-examination, and was wondering if there could also be a page about how to self test for breast cancer? (age 15)
I think you're the first person who has noticed the TSE page in the four years it's been up. The monthly breast examination for females is much better known than the monthly testicular exam for males, which is why I have a TSE page. Perhaps I will link to a breast self-exam page.
This doesn't happen any more, but during the first few times I masturbated, as I orgasmed, I'd begin to tremble and shake rapidly from the waist down. Was that normal? (age 15)
Yes, it's normal for most people. Hooray for your quaking, shaking orgasms.
If the mouth and vulva each have a pair of lips, then should cunnilingus be called kissing? (age 14)
I don't think so. The mouth has muscular lips that can be manipulated very precisely. The genital labia almost can't be moved by muscular motion alone.
How do I masturbate in public? (age 24)
It's really better if you don't. If you must, try it in your car when you're parked in a place with some privacy.
I recently lost my virginity; a month ago to be exact. I havenít had any sexual activity since. I masturbate with my vibrator. How much time do you recommend I give myself before masturbating with penetration? Iím nervous about being all up inside myself since Iíve never done that before. (age 19)
There is no harm in trying to penetrate yourself vaginally and seeing if you enjoy it. Not all females do their first few times. If you're enjoying masturbating externally, it might not even be necessary for you to masturbate internally.
I'm wondering what other objects you can safely use to masturbate other than your fingers?
Whatever a female uses should be readily cleanable both before and after using and should have no sharp surfaces.
Please help me. I am ashamed to not know how to masturbate at all, but I really want to experience an orgasm. If you could walk me through how to orgasm, step by step, I feel that I could follow the rules and achieve my goal. I feel defeated and stupid. I don't know how to orgasm with my own hand, and that is sad. All I want is to know what everyone is talking about. I just found my clit this evening. Please help me. (age 26)
Reading my page for young females will help a lot, as will reading through the other female pages. Basically just relax and do what feels good for you and don't be obsessed with having an orgasm. Think about whatever arouses you most, and go with that. Now that you've found your clitoris, it will be easier for you to make yourself orgasm.
I know that girls and women use vibrators to masturbate, but do men use them also? Are there special vibrators for men? (age 24)
Vibration does a lot to stimulate a clitoris, which is a relatively small organ. A vibrator would have to be dangerously large to deliver the same force to a relatively larger erect penis. An erect penis has a volume of approximately 9 to 12 cubic inches.
There is a penile attachment designed to fit the Hitachi Magic Wand and its copycats, but I don't think it's very popular with men. The penis simply doesn't respond well to vibration.
As long as I've masturbated, I've only been able to do it with a full bladder. This isn't entirely an issue now because I've never been sexually active. I want to get out of this habit but it's been very difficult because it's hard for me to be aroused without a full bladder to begin with. I'm worried I've done something really bad and made myself sexually dysfunctional. (age 14)
I suggest taking an extra-long time without masturbating, perhaps a week or more, and then when you do it next, it will be easier with an empty bladder. You will enjoy it a lot more when you aren't distracted by a full bladder or worrying about wetting.
What is the age most people start masturbating? Also, how popular is this site? (female, age 13)
According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, the most common age for boys to start is 12. Second most common is 13. Between them, 12 and 13 have a majority. According to a survey of over 300 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, the most common age for girls to start is also 12. Second most common is also 13. However, girls start over a much wider period than boys. Even combining ages 10-13 inclusive still doesn't account for a majority of girls.
HealthyStrokes.com is very popular among the people who read it. Some readers tell me they've been reading for over 10 years.
My girlfriend feels horny during her period and wants me to have sex, but I don't want her blood on my penis, even with a condom. What should I do? Do all girls feel horny during their period? If yes, why? (age 22)
No. Females are split on that almost perfectly. About as many want to masturbate or have intercourse on their period as do not. The important thing is that your girlfriend is one of those who wants it. She puts up with your semen; perhaps you could decide you can put up with her blood. And you can wash it off afterward.
My grandfather died only last week and I'm wondering if it's still OK to masturbate. How can I think about doing that? (age 15)
The world is not suddenly a different place because your grandfather is no longer here. You will still do all the things you enjoy, except being with him. He would like it that way.
Is it normal to try to resist the urge to masturbate? (age 14)
I think by "try to resist" you mean "fail to resist." Lots of males and females try to quit masturbating, and nearly every one of them fails. Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It is good and good for you and not something you should try to resist.
I have been masturbating solely from rubbing my clitoris since probably about 16. I probably masturbate about twice a day and I find that I have to press harder and harder to get the response I need. When I started having sex at 16, I noticed how lackluster it felt unless I was simultaneously rubbing myself, but my partner didn't want me to. If I stop masturbating, will my sensitivity return? (age 18)
You don't need to stop masturbating. I urge you to learn to masturbate with less force. Try abstaining from sex and masturbation for a week or so and see if you can masturbate to orgasm with as little force as you can. It might take a period of six months to a year of learning to use less force and then seeing the difference it makes.
Would it be wrong (legally) to masturbate in the same room as my boyfriend? (age 15)
I doubt that would be a crime.
How old are you? (age 14)
I don't answer personal questions here. But I will say that I saw the total eclipse on August 21, 2017, and I also remember the eclipse of February 26, 1979.
Last month during school we played "Never Have I Ever" with my boyfriend and another male friend. The questions were all about masturbating. When we asked each other what method of masturbation we used, the friends reported masturbating using his hand while my boyfriend reported masturbating prone. We both looked at him weirdly and now I feel that we have shamed him. It wasn't until recently that I found HealthyStrokes.com through a YouTube channel and learned about prone masturbation. I want to tell my boyfriend that he might be damaging his future sex life but I don't know how to tell him. I feel like I'll be shaming him even more and I don't want him to think that I want sex. We are under the age of legal consent and I have problems of my own masturbating that I am getting help with on HealthyStrokes.com. (age 14)
You have already discussed masturbating with your boyfriend and at least one other friend, so he knows that simply because you talk about masturbating doesn't mean that you want to have sex. It is not shaming someone to tell them information that is useful to them, even if it is embarrassing to share. He already told at least two people that he masturbates prone. Those are two people who should tell them what they know. It's better that he learn about the dangers of prone now instead of practicing it for years longer. Why don't you show him HealthyStrokes.com and just let him read?
Follow-up: I sent my boyfriend the link to the main page of the site. He said it was cool. A couple of days later I asked if he read more and said he didn't want to talk about it.
You've done what you could to alert him to the perils of prone.
I have a twin brother. Masturbating isn't something we've ever talked about. The other day we were with a younger boy who has developmental issues. The boy started telling us what masturbating is. My brother sort of blurted out, "You don't need to tell me. I've been doing it since I was 12." I was not only surprised to hear him say that, but I was surprised because I was doing it before I was 12. Is it normal for girls to start masturbating before their brothers? (age 18)
Yes, perfectly normal. In the pre-puberty years, more girls than boys are masturbating. This is the only time of life where that's true. I have a graph that demonstrates this perfectly, but it isn't here right now. Please check back later and I'll show you on a graph.
I've been masturbating for like two years now. I always hear about how girls finger themselves, but when I do, it doesn't feel good. It hurts. I've tried it several times. Is there something wrong with me? (age 12)
No, you're very young. Most girls start out by masturbating externally (stimulating the clitoris). Internal masturbation (inserting fingers) usually doesn't happen until later. Just keep doing what you enjoy, and eventually you will like how it feels to insert fingers.
I've only inserted my finger into my vagina once. There was no bleeding. Is my hymen ruptured or not? (age 20)
My guess is it was not ruptured by that one insertion, but only someone who can look inside can say for certain. At your age, not too many females have completely intact hymens.
I masturbate a lot, about 5 times a week. I'm confused with the difference between an orgasm and climax because when I orgasm it feels amazing, but I feel done. Is it normal that I prefer to finger myself when I have to urinate? (age 15)
An orgasm is a series of contractions within the pelvis that happen at the peak of sexual arousal, that spreads throughout the body. The term climax is used to refer to a woman's highest state of arousal, whether or not she has an orgasm. If you feel done, then you are having orgasms. You can finger yourself whenever you want to, but most women (and men) find it uncomfortable and distracting to masturbate with a full bladder.
I have a pool and it has a jet (where clean water comes out after being filtered). If I get close to it, it is very strong. Sometimes I masturbate by holding my vulva in this stream. It doesn't hurt me but afterward I am sensitive. I am just wondering if this will hurt me long term if I continue it? (age 16)
That is a bad idea. Females who masturbate with the gentle touch of their hands have a higher success rate in intercourse than females who masturbate with large forces. I advise you to stop.
Iíve had sexual partners, but Iíve never been able to orgasm. The guy Iím currently seeing has been the most attentive man Iíve been intimate with by far, though. Heís lovely and I appreciate him always wanting to make sure Iím pleasured and satisfied. It feel guilty because I haven't been able to orgasm. The closest Iíve gotten was my body shaking while he was fingering me.
Youíve mentioned that itís easier for someone to have their first orgasm while masturbating on their own. So Iíve recently started doing more of that, too. I know you said it takes practice to get there. But in the off-chance that thereís something wrong with my body, how would I go about finding that out? (age 21)
Keep doing what you're doing. Don't feel guilty about not having an orgasm. Let your boyfriend know that you aren't having orgasms in intercourse yet but that you appreciate when he makes you feel good. Enjoy his orgasms. I find it unlikely there's something wrong with your body, and it's even more unlikely a doctor would want to run tests on you when anorgasmia is your only symptom. Unfortunately, anorgasmia is common in women of all ages.
Keep masturbating and enjoying what you can do with your partner. You are apt to have an orgasm when you least expect one.
THE NEWEST QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS NOW APPEAR AT THE TOP OF THIS PAGE FOR THE BENEFIT OF READERS USING MOBILE DEVICES
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This page updated January 9, 2019.
Many older questions from female readers have been moved to one of these topic pages:
- Female anatomy: vulvas, hymens, vaginas
- Masturbatory technique and female sexual response
- Sexual orientation, fantasies, and unusual behavior
- Masturbation toys: vibrators, dildoes, and other objects
- Sex with partners
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