Healthy Strokes - Female Masturbation

Female masturbation

The experience of masturbation is different for females than for males. This page will present information about female masturbation and address the question of whether there is a female equivalent of TMS.

Many older questions from female readers have been moved to one of these topic pages:

New 2008 survey for females!

Attention women!

Do you like to take surveys? A new female survey is online. Won't you please help us out by completing it? It is completely anonymous. Click here to take this fun and interesting survey. This is different from the survey that was open from October 2007 to February 2008. Even if you took that one, will you please take this one?

Questions from female readers

These questions and answers pertain specifically to the experience of female masturbation. Of course, a lot of the questions on the main masturbation page, although posed by males, can address the experience of both genders. Answers marked with have been critically reviewed by an anonymous female correspondent.

I'm 15, and I have already gotten my period, and I use Slimfits tampons. I masturbate with my hand but it hurts when I put my finger into my vagina. Is that normal? Will it get bigger so that when I try to have sex, I won't tear or anything? I know you don't normally answer girls' questions but I was wondering if you could help me out. Thanks.

There was a time it was recommended females didn't use tampons until they were older. I don't know if that's part of your problem. Sexually, females normally need some "warming up" before penetration of the vagina is comfortable, and I imagine that would be even more true of a virgin. You should masturbate in a way that is comfortable for you. Don't worry about your sensitive vagina for now. It would take a huge amount of force to tear your vaginal walls. Just be sure to take it slow when you're ready for sex and find a partner who isn't a brute.

What are some good masturbating techniques? I'm female. (age 14)

I'm male, so I only have hearsay when it comes to female masturbation. Girls generally stroke their clitoris (sometimes indirectly, because the organ is very sensitive) and some also stick fingers inside their vagina. The important thing is to relax and take your time.

Hi, I'm a girl. What is the correct way of masturbation for us? (age 16)

Girls have more variety in how they can masturbate. Ninety percent of guys do it the same way, and as is the main thrust of this site, doing it any other way can lead to problems. Most girls also lie on their backs, same as guys, and rub the area around their clitorises. Some insert their fingers or objects into their vaginas, usually in addition to clitoral stimulation. Some girls masturbate with streams of water, although this is not a sensation that can be replicated in sexual intercourse. Some girls also practice a female equivalent of TMS (there's a case study on this page), although this has fewer implications for them than for males because males have the burden of sexual performance in intercourse.

Masturbation is useful to bring people in touch with their sexuality. Many men believe that women who masturbate make better lovers.

Hi, I'm a girl, and I recently heard two people on a dating show talking about women masturbating internally or externally. I'm not entirely sure what they were talking about. Can you help? (age 16)

Yes, for females, internal masturbation means inserting fingers or objects into the vagina, and external masturbation means masturbating without doing this. Of women who masturbate, informal research says only 20 percent masturbate internally. 84 percent masturbate externally by stimulating their clitorises and/or labia, 11 percent mount or rub against objects -- the female equivalent of TMS, 11 percent stimulate their breasts, 10 percent squeeze their thighs, 5 percent masturbate by contracting their PC muscles, and a lucky 2 percent can achieve orgasm by fantasy alone. (The numbers don't add to 100 because some women masturbate more than one way.) [These stats courtesy of SexTV, although they reflect a web survey, not a scientific one.]

Can chicks have TMS? (age 18)

That's what we're trying to learn. You might help us if you and some of your female friends can fill out our survey of female masturbation. As of now, we've only heard one or two cases of female sexual dysfunction from masturbating prone.

Is it common for females to masturbate more than twice a day? (age 18)

No. Only one female in 20 masturbates even once a day.

I have never had sex. During an episode of my boyfriend pleasuring me with his hand, I bled a seemingly large amount. My boyfriend, who I am very close with, and I are worried and curious about this. Can you please tell me what happened? (age 16)

It sounds like your hymen was broken. The hymen, as you probably know, is a membrane that covers the vaginal opening. It breaks upon a female's first sexual contact, although most girls probably break it themselves before then. You probably don't have anything to worry about.

I am used to masturbating twice a day since my divorce 5 years ago. Now my need seems to increase and I am starting to use porn and a vibrator. Is this a normal behaviour? (age 46)

Your frequency seems to be on the high side of normal, but not so high that I'd call it a problem. A lot of women find they want to masturbate or engage in intercourse more frequently at your age.

How old should I be to have sex? I can't stop masturbating. (age 12, female)

I think you should wait until you've graduated from high school. Intercourse is apt to be less satisfying than masturbating at your age.

I KNOW YOU ARE A MAN AND MAYBE YOU WON'T KNOW THE ANSWER, BUT I HAVEN'T HAD MY PERIOD FOR ABOUT 2 MONTHS NOW. I MASTURBATE ALMOST EVERY DAY. IS THAT CAUSING IT? OR SHOULD I SEE A DOCTOR? (age 15)

Sorry ladies, masturbating will not make your period go away. It's normal at your age for your period to be abnormal. I assume you haven't been sexually active, because certainly you would have mentioned that. I don't think you need to see a doctor, but you could mention it to your mother. You don't need to tell her you masturbate.

Can women get TMS? (female, age 16)

That's what we're trying to learn in a new survey. Results will be available on this site by the end of the year.

When my girlfriend masturbates, she sometimes starts to bleed like she's on her period and then she starts her period. It's happened more then once, and she's worried about it. She and I haven't ever had sex. I'm just concerned about her and am trying to find an answer. (age 17)

Bleeding is not a normal or healthy consequence of masturbation in either females or males. She should find out what's causing the bleeding. If it's due to objects being inserted, she should masturbate without them a few times to see if it makes a difference. She might also experiment with different kinds of objects to see if that's the key.

I am a female and I masturbate about once a week but I'm worried because I can fit both my hands into my vagina. Is this normal? (age 12)

I don't think that's a healthy practice at your age. Most girls masturbate by focusing on their external genitalia and only stimulate the vagina a little (with something small, like a candle or two fingers) to add to the experience. Stretching your vagina out regularly with two hands is apt to make adjustment to intercourse more difficult when that time comes.

I'm 14 and I love to think about sex. It makes me feel so good. I masturbate with the end of a paint brush. When I achieve an orgasm, a whole bunch of clear grayish liqud comes out. If that were to happen during sex, where does it go? I make such a mess in my bathroom I masturbate on towels. What am I supposed to do with it?

I'm sure you've heard of the law of gravity. You know where it will go. Probably mixed with your partner's fluids. All guys have the problem of what to do with their ejaculate. I tell them to mop up with a clean rag, like an old shirt.

I've been sexually active for 2 1/2 years but I've never had an orgasm in intercourse. I worry that I'll never be able to orgasm through intercourse. I've heard that using a vibrator over the course of time "numbs" your clitoris; although I know this sounds dubious I still wish I knew whether using it actually has some sort of detrimental effect on being able to have an orgasm WITHOUT a vibrator? Is it normal to not be able to achieve orgasm through intercourse while having no difficulty alone? I've masturbated 1500 times and have only had an orgasm twice when not using a vibrator. (age 23)

It's normal in the sense that most women have an easier time reaching orgasm masturbating than in intercourse. It is apt to be easier when you have a partner who's used to you. Habituation to a vibrator might be a female problem similar to the male problem TMS, the focus of this site. You might use the same techniques I recommend for males to quit TMS to teach yourself to masturbate without a vibrator.

I am a 12 year old girl and I was wondering how girls masturbate? What are some things they use and where do you buy vibrators and other things to masturbate with?

A girl usually starts by stroking her clitoris or the area around it. Later she might insert fingers or objects like candles or carrots into her vagina. Females don't usually use dildos or vibrators until they're old enough to buy them or get someone to buy them.

I am 14 years old and I want to have sex but it hurts when I put my finger in. Should I try putting three fingers in?

I think you're too young to have sex. And if one finger hurts, three will hurt more. You just need time to get used to what you're doing and be more relaxed about it.

I love to masturbate and I do all the time. Is that normal? It feels so good. (female, age 13)

Yes, very.

I go over to my mom's friend's house, and when I'm over there I like to wrestle with her son who is 14, but he always has something hard in his pants. When I feel this up against me I get wet down there, and then I use their bathroom and touch myself there. Is this normal? (age 12)

All of that sounds normal from a health standpoint, but you've obviously gotten too old to be engaging in non-sexual physical play with boys. Your getting wet means it's affecting you in a sexual way. It's a sexual thing for him too, because a guy wouldn't get hard wrestling with someone who didn't turn him on. It's a bad idea to masturbate anyplace other than your own home. If you were to be caught, word might get around and you would be severely embarrassed.

That girl can fit both hands in her vagina and I'm worried because I can only fit 3 fingers. Is this normal? Plus, where can I get a dildo? (age 14)

Three fingers is a lot. It's better to try to use fewer instead of more. Dildos aren't age restricted but most places don't sell to young people. You might ask a friend's older sister.

Guys always ask me to have sex but I say no even though I really want to. They say how pretty I am and stuff etc., but I haven't had sex and I don't know how to tell if my hymen is still there because I don't feel anything. How far in is it? Can guys tell if you've had sex? (age 15)

There's no reason to be self-conscious. Your whole message is about your unfamiliarity with your body. Guys know 1/1000 of what you know. Your hymen would be just past both sets of labia, before your vaginal opening. If you've been masturbating regularly for a while, it's unlikely there's much left.

I masturbate by stimulating my clitoris. I'm interested in trying vaginal stimulation, but I am afraid I will hurt myself. I also don't know what to use. (age 16)

Start with your fingers. You would have a hard time hurting yourself with your fingers. As you get more comfortable with internal masturbation, you might try smooth objects like markers, candles, etc.

I am not into the whole masturbation thing. But I hear it feels so good, and I want to feel it. I kinda think it is gross. I really want to try it. Help me please. (age 12, female)

You need to stop thinking of it as gross. Your vulva is no grosser than your mouth. You don't need to put your fingers into your vagina at first. Start by touching the area around your clitoris. I think you'll figure it out soon.

I'm a 20 year old woman who had her first sexual intercourse at the age of 15. Since then I've been having sex with men. Is it normal that I'm getting so wet whenever I see naked women? I get this crave to have them, but I'm not lesbian but I want to try having sex with a girl. What can I do?

I don't think many straight women get so wet when they see naked women. You might have to consider the possibility you're not straight. One way to satisfy your crave might be to have sex with a woman.

Follow-up from another reader:

I do not agree that being turned on by a naked woman makes a female bisexual or even gay. A woman's body is a beautiful thing and woman exploring different ideas is very healthy for her sexuality. My boyfriend and I watch lesbian porn during sex to spice things up from time to time and it gets both of us very excited. However, the thought of ever having sexual relations with another girl is not something I would ever do. It is a different thing. If you're going to continue to generate your comments to young people such as these who have yet to discover their sexuality, I suggest you do a little bit more research before you imply that someone is one thing or another. (age 20)

I didn't say it made her bisexual or lesbian, only that she'd have to consider the possibility. Furthermore, her case is different from yours in that she not only gets wet but also craves sex with women. My experience hearing from lots of people about masturbation is that same-sex fantasy is normal for gays and bisexuals and rare for straights. Given what she told me, what else could I tell her?

I can't stop masturbating. I've really tried, but know it's almost impossible to stop. What are some items I could use to stimulate myself? I know I'm young, but I know I won't be able to stop. (age 12)

It's curious that you want to quit masturbating but at the same time want to learn how to masturbate with objects. It's almost impossible for males to stop, but I've heard credible cases of females quitting. Most girls try smooth objects like markers or candles when they're ready to try internal stimulation.

I am curious to why masturbation is such a "bad" topic. I have a lot of girl friends, and once or twice we have stumbled upon the question of whether or not we have masturbated before, and the subject is always changed as soon as posible. We all say that we have done it, but all seemed ashamed. Even I've done it, and I can talk about it to other girls. (age 15, female)

Your group isn't the only one where masturbation is a taboo subject. Sex researchers have frequently found that subjects will talk to them about about adultery, sexual fantasies, intercourse positions, and even rape, but the questions about masturbation have to be asked in writing. Masturbation's long history of ignomy stems from it being a non-procreative activity. There is a biological purpose to masturbatory guilt. If everyone were satisfied masturbating, there would be less reason to make love and procreate. So you shouldn't be surprised when people don't want to talk about it.

Is it OK to put my vulva under running water while I have my period? (age 15)

Females are advised not to swim while menstruating because some flow may be released into the water, causing them embarrassment. A tampon will fix this. Since you needn't worry about being embarrassed while masturbating in the bathtub, I don't think you need to worry. However, by masturbating that way, you're raising the bar for any male who wants to satisfy you someday. The "high pressure hose" between our legs just can't compete with your faucet.

How can I know when I've reached orgasm? (age 15)

Your nipples will erect if they weren't already. (That's how guys check to see if a woman is faking orgasm.) Once you have your first one, you'll know. Other signs include a shock to your breathing (imagine jumping into a cold pool), your private parts suddenly becoming too sensitive to touch, and an urge to have a body spasm (or several). Good luck.

Hello. I started masturbating about 8 months ago and do it about 20 times a month. Is it normal for girls to masturbate as much as guys? (age 15, female)

I hear all the time from girls who masturbate with the frequency you'd expect from a guy, and from guys who masturbate with the frequency you'd expect from a girl. This is only abnormal in the statistical sense. Both are healthy.

I have a 14 year old girlfriend, and I was wondering if she masturbates? (female, age 14)

It's very rude to ask, but a lot of people your age do. You might start by telling her that you masturbate and see if she takes the bait.

Sometimes in the shower, I wash my genitals and massage them. Is this normal for girls my age and is it called masturbation? Am I hurting myself? (age 13)

It's masturbation if you're doing it to bring sexual pleasure. I think it's normal, and you're not hurting yourself.

Why do people masturbate and is it right for girls to do so? (age 20)

People masturbate because it's fun. Males also masturbate because they have to relieve themselves of sexual fluids that have built up. Some scientists believe that masturbation also keeps sperm in healthy condition. You'll have to decide for yourself if it's right. I think it is.

CAN YOU GIVE ME A LIST OF OBJECTS AROUND THE HOUSE TO MASTURBATE WITH? LATELY I'M HORNY ALL THE TIME AND CAN'T SEEM TO PLEASURE MYSELF ENOUGH. (age 15)

Some objects popular among girls your age: Markers, candles, brush handles, toothbrush handles, doll parts, and if you feel like a snack afterward, carrots, cucumbers, and bananas.

I masturbate every month. Am I still a virgin? (age 18)

Masturbating does not make you not a virgin.

I sometimes masturbate with a Jacuzzi jet. You say that that kind of feeling can't be replicated with a man. What do you mean? (age 14)

A man brings a woman to orgasm in intercourse by his penis stimulating her clitoris and/or her vaginal walls. This is nothing like the feeling of a bathroom faucet, let alone a powerful water jet, against a woman's clitoris. A woman who's used to stimulation by running water is unlikely to be satisfied by sexual intercouse. The pressure from a man rubbing his penis against and inside her is simply no comparison to water pressure.

Can you give me any examples of water based lubricant we can use? (female, age 18)

Some of the popular ones are K-Y Liquid, K-Y Jelly, and Astroglide. Most drug and discount stores carry these next to the condoms.

I found your site today, and wanted to share that I think it is a wonderfully educating site for young men and women. I wish the Internet had existed when I was that age. It took me years to realize that masturbation was normal. I am married, my kids are in school, and I have a home office. My husband and I have sex once or twice a week usually, and I still regularly masturbate three to four times a week during the day. Most of my girlfriends do as well. Keep letting the young women know it is not only normal, but it is a healthy part of life. (age 38)

Thanks for your comments.

I have a lot of questions about masturbation. I feel like I always want to masturbate, even if nothing is stimulating it. The only kind of masturbation I have ever tried is vaginal masturbation. What else can I do? What is a hymen and how do you make it break? I like to look at porn on the web. Is that normal for a girl at age 12? How do you achieve an orgasm with masturbation? I KNOW for a fact that I am not a lesbian, but I am interested in trying having sex with a woman sometime in the future. Is that normal? And what is a good postion to masturbate in? (age 12)

Lots of people always want to masturbate, especially at your age. Most girls practice external masturbation by stimulating their external genitalia, specifically the clitoris and labia minora. The hymen is a thin piece of skin that covers the vaginal opening. If you've been masturbating vaginally, it's almost certainly been broken already. Most boys and girls your age are curious about porn on the net, but I don't recommend watching. There's a lot of awful stuff out there you can't handle, and amoral people are behind it. If you're relaxed and enjoying masturbation, you're likely to have your first orgasm when you don't expect it. Don't worry about not having one. Lots of people your age are curious about different kinds of sex, but you shouldn't be obsessed with having sex with a woman (or anyone else) at your age. Most people learn to masturbate reclining on their backs.

I masturbate with objects in the prone position daily. Can it harm me? (age 22)

You might be habituating to a form of stimulation that you can't get in intercourse. The results of my female masturbation survey suggest that masturbating prone causes problems in women, in addition to the previously documented problems it causes for men.

I was wondering who came up with the word vagina and why and the word masturbate. Why don't they just call it playing with yourself? (female, age 15)

Most of our sexual words evolved in medieval times based on how monks talked. In its original form, penis meant the tail of an animal and vagina meant sheath, something that was used inside out, like the holster for a gun. Masturbate comes from the Latin words manus, meaning hand and turbare, meaning to disturb. So masturbation means "to disturb with the hand." Many people indeed call it "playing with yourself," but one of the main functions of language is to replace 3-word colloquial phrases with single words that sound better. Remember the conjugation: I play with myself (first person), you masturbate (second person), he jerks off (third person).

I was wondering if it was possible for girls to have TMS. I squeeze my legs together tightly. Is this bad? It feels good. But I am not sure if it is healthy.

I discuss the issue of female TMS along with the results of my recent female masturbation survey. Lots of women masturbate by squeezing the proper muscles. I think it's bad if they can't masturbate to orgasm any other way, and especially if they can't have an orgasm from any kind of sex. If you're not sure it's healthy, why not explore more conventional ways of bringing yourself to orgasm?

Last month, three girls at school asked me if I polish my pearl. When I told them I didn't understand they all laughed and left. I think this must be some kind of slang. Was I right that they were talking about something sexual? Thank you for your site. You know a lot so maybe you can answer my question. By the way, I don't play with myself but maybe I will sometime. (age 13)

"Polish the pearl" is slang for female masturbation; specifically, rubbing the clitoris. You might read the glossary for this site.

Although having sites of this nature accessible for people of all ages is wonderful, being too judgmental is not. I have read the responses to the questions in the "Female Masturbation" section of your site, and you usually give good advice, but you also make comments that can be detrimental to a person's self-esteem. When the questions were asked about brothers and sisters masturbating together was brought up, the comment "You and your brother need to stop this before you get put into institutions" was out of line. The children in question were 10 and 12, and making a comment to them implying they could be institutionalized is wrong. Though incest is wrong, they are at a young and vulnerable age, and any comments made to them, online or off, could have long time effects on their self-esteem and mental-health. How would you feel, if the little girl that asked that question went on with her life, forever questioning whether she is crazy, and if she should be institutionalized. Even at my age, children are very impressionable, and should be handled with care.

In response to the girls and women who asked questions about their sexuality, you told one, "I don't think many straight women get so wet when they see naked women." This is untrue. At any age, exploring all your sexual options is not abnormal. Feeling physical responses to naked women, or the thought of naked women is in no way rare. These feelings can be kept for masturbation, or explored in any way they wish to pursue.

I am not, however encouraging sexual contact between people under the age of consent. In response to the 12 year old girl asking about wrestling with the 14 year old friend of the family, all I can say is that those feelings are natural, and you should not discourage them. She should not, however, act on those feelings with him. Masturbating about them is normal. Guys can be turned on by almost anything; who's to say the 14 year old mentioned above is necessarily being turned on by her? Apparently you think you have the ability to read his mind. I'm very sorry if it sounds like I am against your site. I'm not. I believe it is a very good idea, but maybe more thought needs to be taken when you answer questions. Thank you for reading this. Signed, Apple (female, age 15)

Hi Apple! Thanks for writing. I'm glad you care so much. I try to empathize with my correspondents, but some need more firm guidance. The 10-year-old girl was in that group. I needed to tell her to cut out that behavior because of how a government bureaucrat would react to what she wrote. I know because I used to be a government bureaucrat. I never suggested she was crazy. The woman I advised might be a lesbian was 20 and had described a long-term pattern of erotic thoughts. I frequently tell younger writers that such thoughts in isolation do not mean they are gay. Having them often over a period of years suggests just the opposite. I told the wrestler her behavior was normal. I don't read minds but I was 14 once and know the impact of wrestling with a girl. I hope you will keep reading.

Every time I go to my friend's house we talk about sex or ways we masturbate. I feel totally comfortable saying things like this and it always makes me want to masturbate afterward. Is this normal? When I masturbate (about every 1-2 days) I always have to urinate afterwards. Do you know the cause of this? (age 12)

It's normal to talk about sex with your friends and to feel like masturbating when talking about sex. (I wonder if people masturbate after reading my site.) Urine helps clean the urethra of sexual fluids. This is very usual in males but it happens to females too.

Should I masturbate daily? (age 16, female)

If I were you, I would.

I love to masturbate! I've been doing it for about 2 years now! Do you think I am too young? (age 10)

No. We're all on different pages. You just got to this one ahead of most people. Congratulations!

I don't get why you give advice for females when you are a male. Why do you do it? (age 13)

Because females want my advice! There is a definite need for information out there. Being female never stopped Dear Abby, Ann Landers, Dr. Ruth, Dr. Laura, or Dr. Joyce Brothers from giving advice to males, did it?

I have recently tried to start masturbating. But when I feel my body start to really get into it and like I'm almost reaching something, I lose the feeling completely. I think I'm in the right area, but I don't think I've really touched my clitoris. Can you help? Also, can I do it when I have my period? (If I stick to the clitoris area?) (age 23)

Of course I can help! It's important to maintain a mental focus and just enjoy what you're doing. An orgasm is apt to happen when you least expect it. It's not necessary to touch the clitoris. The clitoris is near the top inside your outer labia. And many women enjoy masturbating, both internally and externally, when menstruating.

Is masturbating an addiction? I've been masturbating since I was 13 and feel a bit ashamed. Should I stop? It feels so good. (age 15)

It isn't an addiction, but there's such a thing as compulsive masturbation. The definition is on my page of male questions. You shouldn't be ashamed or try to stop.

I do not understand why you said you'd recommend against using a pillow to masturbate and use a more conventional method. I think pillow thrusting is a great way to masturbate. I've been masturbating since I was about 7 and I love finding new ways to do it. I study sexuality and masturbation too. The conventional way can get boring, and everyone has her own way of doing things, and I don't think you should tell someone what they're doing is wrong as long as it's not hurting them. Sweet site by the way. (age 16)

If you've read my site, you know that masturbating in the prone position causes severe sexual problems in most males who practice it and is implicated in female sexuality too.

How quickly do you check your email? Do YOU have the option of posting the mail on your website? Your site is the best! (age 12)

I try to answer questions every day, but I'm sometimes out of town. Yes, I have sole discretion as to what gets answered.

Do girls have more pleasure than boys during masturbation? (female, age 15)

That's a really interesting question! I'd be inclined to say boys do, based on the percentage of male masturbation that results in orgasm (more than 99%) versus a smaller level for females. There are also many females who only masturbate once a month or less, as opposed to the average unattached male masturbating daily. However, it is common for females to be multi-orgasmic, something that is extremely rare among males. Those females probably have more pleasure than males.

I was watching this girl on a school trip, and she put her hands in her pants and I could see that he was moving her hands. She pretended to sleep during all of this. Is this normal?? (age 14)

Yes, both her masturbating and her pretending to sleep. If you read this page, you will find stories of many little girls who think no one sees their hands when they pretend to be sleeping.

Just to point out irony: it seems that the male section is all about how to stop masturbation while the female side is about encouraging it. I just thought that was funny. (age 15)

I don't think you read the site very carefully. I have never advocated that anyone stop masturbating. I tell both males and females to masturbate and have a good time doing it. I advocate strongly against a particularly harmful form of masturbation called TMS.

When are you not a virgin? I heard it's when the boy gets all of the head in and I've heard that it's when the boy busts your hymen. I can't tell whether or not I am because he got all of the head in, but not much else. I really enjoy your site, and I've learned a lot from it.

I'm inclined to say you're not a virgin if you've had even a penile head inside you. The hymen is irrelevant, since most girls have already broken theirs before they have intercourse for the first time.

I masturbate TMS style. I usually rest on my pubic bone, and this gets me the pleasure I am aiming for. Is there anything wrong with this in females? I can't find much information on female TMS and I want to know if I have to quit cold turkey, or if its ok. (age 14)

I think TMS is bad for females but not as harmful as it is for males. It would be a good idea to quit and learn a new way. The youngest males have the easiest time switching.

I masturbate at least once a day. I inserted a finger inside my vagina. Am I still a virgin? (age 15)

Masturbating does not make you not a virgin. You have to have sexual intercourse for that. Might read the glossary.

What exactly is "pillow masturbating"? (age 15)

It's thrusting against or into a pillow. It's a form of TMS which I highly caution against.

Is is possible to lose your virginity while masturbating, using water or plain clitoral stimulation (rubbing)? (age 21)

You cannot lose your virginity by masturbating, only by having sexual intercourse with another person.

I'm still a virgin and last night my boyfriend used his fingers to pleasure me. I've had this done to me before but ever since last night every time I go to the toilet my vagina hurts and it won't stop bleeding. Does this mean that I am no longer a virgin? (age 16)

Most people say that having someone's fingers in your vagina (manual intercourse) does not make you not a virgin. Most people believe you have to have penis-in-vagina intercourse (vaginal intercourse) or at least penis-in-anus (anal intercourse) or penis-in-mouth intercourse (oral intercourse) to lose your virginity. He probably broke your hymen more than it had ever been before, but that doesn't make you a non-virgin.

I would like to point out that every single time I come to your site I end up masturbating. I guess there's just something about talking about masturbating that gets me wet. Is that normal? (age 17)

Yes, very normal. I'm glad you enjoy your visits here!

How many times do boys and girls masturbate in a week? And who has stronger orgasm feelings, girls or boys? (Lisa, age 14)

The average girl your age (12 1/2 to 16 1/2) who masturbates does it about five times a week, but only about half of them do at all. Almost all the boys your age do, and the average for boys in that age group is about 10 times a week. (These numbers are from the surveys I have done for this site.) I suspect boys have stronger orgasm feelings, since most adult men say the feelings they had in orgasms when they were new to masturbation are about the same as they still have, while many women say they didn't even have a real orgasm until they had been masturbating and/or having sex for many years.

I've always had a large pubic bone. It juts out and makes it embarrassing to wear a bathing suit. It's not really the fat over it that makes it big; the bone itself just comes out farther than other girls. Can you tell me why this is? (age 19)

Some people have ears that stick out, some people have very noticeable elbows, and you have a prominent pubic bone. Although it sounds shallow for me to say it, you shouldn't be embarrassed. Lots of males think a prominent pubis is sexy. Why not try showing it off this summer instead of hiding it?

I've been masturbating for about two years, but I don't know how to stop. Sometimes I think it ruins my life. I masturbate at least 3-4 times a week. (female, age 13)

I don't think you need to stop. Your frequency isn't so high that you should be worried. Try to enjoy masturbating more, and in a few years you'll think it's funny that you ever wanted to quit.

I don't masturbate, but I'm wondering if I can lose my virginity by using a tampon. I've only used the smaller sizes twice before getting scared that I broke my hymen, so is it intact, damaged, or gone? (age 15)

Someone would have to look to say for sure, but if you've used any tampons at all, it's unlikely your hymen is still intact. Having or not having a hymen has little to do with virginity. Most older virgins (18+) have little or no hymen left. And a few women have had sexual intercourse but for whatever reason, the hymen remains intact. You can't lose your virginity by using tampons.

I would like to offer a suggestion to all of the age-appropriate sexually active women out there. From my experience, I used to rarely be able to reach orgasm through sexual intercourse. I am in a serious relationship and am very attracted to my partner. He is very attentive to my sexual needs. However, I was still rarely able to reach orgasm through sexual intercourse. I am able to reach multiple orgasms through clitoral stimulation when masturbating (especially with a vibrator). The more orgasms I have, the easier it is to reach orgasm. Basically, the first orgasm is the challenge. I have discovered that by masturbating prior to sexual intercourse, I am able to reach orgasm during intercourse more easily.

Masturbating prior to intercourse has many advantages: 1) after masturbating, my vagina produces a wonderful lubricant that does wonders during intercourse 2) after reaching a couple of orgasms through masturbation, my genitals are slightly swollen and my boyfriend loves the way I feel when he's inside of me (warm, wet, and tight) 3) I usually can reach an orgasm during intercourse in a matter of minutes. This means my boyfriend is not holding off forever (like he used to) to wait for me to reach orgasm So, the next time your partner tells you he masturbates, you be sure to do the same! (age 33)

Sounds good, but couldn't manual stimulation by your partner as foreplay accomplish the same thing?

I have been using pillows to masturbate for about 4 years now. I don't thrust against them, I just push (while fully clothed), but face down (more to the side). I can't reach orgasm with my hands and have tried many times. I have also tried fingering myself but am too tight and it hurts to put one finger in. Is it OK to rock back and forth on the seam of your pants while reading things that turn you on? After hearing about TMS, I am very scared. Do you think I have it? (age 14)

You have a borderline case, at least. I don't think TMS is as dangerous for females as it is for males. You might try abstaining from masturbation until you can do it with your hands, the same as I recommend for males. See the main page for strategies. I don't know how long to tell you to abstain for since no female has tried the program that I know of. Better plan on two weeks. Good luck.

I often masturbate with a doll. I lie on my back and rub the doll against my clitoris. I use saliva as a lubricant and it's like the doll is humping me. It feels really great! Is this normal and will grinding the doll give me TMS? (age 18)

TMS is masturbating prone. I don't think what you're doing is exactly normal -- I often hear of younger girls doing that, and older females have generally switched to their hands or vibrators or dildos. I don't think it's harmful either. You'd probably have an easier time having an orgasm with a partner if you masturbated more conventionally.

I have been masturbating since I was young (externally), but not very frequently. And now barely ever. But I just recently found out that the way I do it is called TMS. I did not know this was "unconventional." Why do you think this is harmful? And also upon finding out about this, I read that it affects having good orgasms during sex. I am a virgin and am now worried that I won't have a good orgasm when I have sex later. Has TMS "done its damage" on me, or can I stop the TMS way and still have good orgasms when I start having sex? Thanks for this site, it's very informative. (age 18)

You answer your own question. TMS is harmful because it makes its practitioners unable to have orgasms any other way. Males who quit TMS find themselves becoming sexually normal and able to have orgasms with partners very soon. I suspect the experience would be the same for females.

I discovered masturbation about a year ago and I do it more than twice a day. Is this normal for a girl my age? Also, the only way I can ever reach orgasm is when I rub myself on the corner of my bed or rub up on anything. I would like to find other ways to reach an orgasm if you could help me with that. (age 15)

You might follow the abstinence program for males I recommend on the main page to make yourself sensitive enough to masturbate using only your hands. Your frequency is a little high but not abnormal.

I love to masturbate. It feels so good! I feel like I'm in my own world and no one can stop me! I use a brush handle! But I want to use something more exciting. Where can you get dildos and what is a vibrator? Can you help me? I love masturbating! (age 12)

Yes, you mentioned. I don't know that anyone would sell a dildo to a 12 year old. A vibrator is generally used externally for a female to masturbate by its vibration. I suggest using your hands (and the brush handle) for a while longer.

This is sooooo embarrassing to ask and has nothing to do with masturbation. I started to develop breasts at about 9 years old. I am now 15 and my breasts are not as big as some of my friends. They are actually kind of small (34 A). Will they start to grow soon? Guys at my school make fun of me!

I bet those guys will regret they made fun of you one day! There is nothing wrong with small breasts. Many quality men, including me, prefer them to large ones. Some women's breasts don't stop growing until age 25, and there are other changes to the breasts as part of childbearing that might make them bigger yet.

I am so glad to have come across this site. It is great! It has answered many questions of mine that I can't ask my parents. (They are ministers and have strict rules about sex and masturbation, or rather they just don't talk about it.) Despite what they have said, I started exploring myself around puberty like any other normal kid and have had boyfriends. I am still a virgin. But I can't seem to get an orgasm on my own. I think I have had a few, but they all have been when I am making out and rolling around with guys. I have been trying to find my G spot but still have had no success. My girlfriends at college all are cheering me on in my pursuit but I just can't get it. When I am alone and am trying, I get tired and just give up. Can you give me any tips or words of encouragement? (age 18)

I'm cheering you on too! You should focus on your external genitalia and not on your vagina at this point. The most important thing is to relax and maintain a mental focus. Many women don't have orgasms until later. Just try to enjoy masturbating and perhaps an orgasm will happen when you least expect it. It's good that you can discuss masturbation with your friends.

I just found out about TMS. I masturbate face down 60 percent of the time. My hands are side by side over my mons veneris. I get tense and push myself toward the lower part of the palms of my hands, and maybe shake them a little and do this until I get excited. Does this deform or affect my mons pubis or vagina in a bad way? Is TMS bad? (age 18)

TMS doesn't deform your anatomy (as far as I know) but it conditions you to a kind of sensation that you can't get in sexual intercourse. I think you should stop the face-down part and do it like you do the other 40 percent of the time.

Is masturbating against the Catholic religion? (female, age 17)

The official position of the Roman Catholic church is that it is wrong, but a lot of Catholics privately disagree and practice it anyway. You can learn about some other Christian perspectives on this page.

This site is REALLY helpful and it gives a lot of answers and not-to-dos to me. I really thank you because good sites like these are hard to find. (age 12)

You are very welcome!

Somebody in my school asked me if I've got a "clean pussy." What does that mean? (age 14)

It means they have a dirty mouth.

When you masturbate internally, does your hymen always break? I masturbate about twice a day and my hymen hasn't broken yet. (age 13)

The hymen won't necessarily break the first time you masturbate internally, but as you increase force and the number of fingers, it is likely to. If you get to the point of inserting objects, your hymen is almost certain to break rapidly. "Breaking" doesn't mean the hymen is completely gone; that process generally takes months or even years. But as the opening in the hymen erodes, it resembles a circle less.

I recently walked in on my thirteen year old daughter humping the spine of a book to masturbate. I read up on TMS, and I was wondering if this would be hurtful to her in someway. And how would it be? (age 32)

TMS is a documented cause of sexual dysfunction in males, and we're just starting to learn about the possible ill-effects of TMS in females. Based on surveys done on this site, there seems to be a pattern of women having less orgasmic capacity if they masturbate prone. More research needs to be done. Beyond that, however, the spine of a book is a much more brutal object for masturbation and could cause trauma all by itself. Most females who masturbate prone thrust against a pillow or stuffed animal or their hands. I suggest you talk to your daughter and tell her that the vast majority of females and almost all males masturbate with their hands. If such a conversation would be too uncomfortable, perhaps you could print out my Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation for her to read.

I can't believe what you're telling these young girls. Ask your mom for a vibrator? Telling them to use candles and vegetables! This is very unhygienic and unsafe, as the wall of the vagina can be damaged. I am a Christian and am saving myself for a lifelong partner. I think that the use of sex toys is not a good idea, as you are training you body to react in a certain way, and it can be harder for your partner to please you. No offense, but your male opinion is not especially helpful to these young girls, as you have no frame of reference. I suggest you refrain from answering questions you cannot know the answer to. (age 17)

Most of the girls who write me have no one else to ask about masturbation. Their friends don't know anything, the schools don't teach anything about it, and they can't ask their mothers. I think it would be a very positive step if a girl could ask her mother for a vibrator, and that's why I suggest it. I advise against the use of candles and vegetables, but females continue to use them. I always say to clean them before and after use and to be gentle. I applaud your decision to wait, but you might read the letter not too far above this from a newlywed woman whose abstaining from masturbation has caused her honeymoon to be underhappy. Masturbation is healthy, fun, and very beneficial. It does not detract from saving yourself for a partner.

I have female correspondents to whom I refer especially challenging questions. I will cease giving advice to women when Dear Abby, Dr. Laura, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Dr. Ruth, and their ilk stop giving advice to men.

Is it a sin? (age 16, female)

I don't think so, but many religions that put an emphasis on sin do. I think it's a normal part of sexual functioning that God devised for people to stay healthy sexually. I suspect you're struggling greatly with this, since you couldn't even type the word masturbation in your question.

I masturbate face down. I heard this is bad, but it's the only way I can reach an orgasm. Should I stop? I've tried it on my back but no orgasm. Please help. (age 13)

TMS is very bad for males, and some early research on this site says it's bad for females too. I think you should stop. Be persistent with masturbating on your back. You're ahead of most girls, who haven't had an orgasm at your age. You already know what one feels like, and that will make it easier for you to find as you try it on your back. Some of the tips I have for males to quit TMS on the main page will work for you too. Good luck.

It's nice to see a site with such useful and benefical answers for everyone! Good Job! (age 21)

My mother and I are very open about things like this but I haven't told her I masturbate yet because she didn't like the idea of me using tampons but I want to tell her because I don't like keeping things from her. What can I do? (age 13)

I don't know why you need to, but if you want to tell her, then tell her. I think she'll understand.

A lot of times when I get aroused it's because I'm thinking of being with an older man, like a guest at work. I don't always think about sex, just the thought of an older man's attention sometimes arouses me. Is this normal? I also blush a lot when older men talk to me. Is there any way I can control that? (age 18)

It's normal, and it's good that you can become aroused by non-sexual things. That suggests you'll be a responsive partner to some lucky man someday. Blushing is pretty much an uncontrollable reaction, but it's probably not as noticeable as you think. And if the older man notices, he probably likes it. I'm older than you, and I do. I still remember being flattered by girls in junior high blushing when I talked to them. Hey, you're getting my attention!

I'm 14 and I masturbate on the phone with my boyfriend. When I'm done, I feel tired. Is this normal?

Orgasm ordinarily leads to sleep. That's why so many people masturbate or have sex before bed. I hope your boyfriend knows what you're doing.

I have been masturbating since I was about 4 years old. I know from your site it's not that normal for such a young age. I also can masturbate by sitting in one place and not moving or touching myself and just contracting my muscles. I did it one time in class just to see if I could, but a guy friend asked me what I was doing and being very surprised, I just blurted out that I was masturbating, and now he won't leave me alone. Every time I sit still, he asks me if I need help with that or something dumb. How can I tell him to leave me alone? (age 14)

You really pushed that guy's button. Almost all the guys your age masturbate, and for most males, nothing is more erotic than the thought of a female masturbating. And it was you who put that image in his head. I've corresponded with a guy who continued to date a woman he wasn't interested in, only because she talked to him on their first date about masturbating. Although almost all guys your age masturbate, they're also petrified at the idea of someone finding out they do. What you need to do is tell this guy that if he doesn't stop teasing you about it, that you will stand up in front of the class and tell everyone that he keeps asking you to masturbate with him. (Don't do this, just threaten to.) Don't ever tell anyone again what you're doing. It might also be a good idea not to masturbate that way in public.

Also, there is nothing wrong with you for masturbating at a young age. It's only abnormal in the statistical sense. Girls who masturbate young tend to be more sexually responsive as they grow older. What you can do simply by flexing your muscles is something nearly everyone envies you for.

I have masturbated since 5 or 6 years old and still do. I masturbate about 2 or 3 times a day, but sometimes I just do it once or twice. About a month ago I found this other web site that blamed overmasturbation for memory loss, backaches, sleeping problems and other scary symptoms. I'm really terrified. Can you tell me is it true or not? How many times a week to masturbate is normal? (age 13)

None of that is true. You should beware of web sites selling a remedy they claim cures what they say something causes. There's really no such thing as "overmasturbation." You masturbate more often than most girls your age, but I don't think you have anything to worry about.

You give some really bad advice. Like that question about the 4 friends that like to have oral sex with each other. There's nothing wrong with that, but that's not what you say. They're 14 years old and that's plenty old enough to experiment. That's what you should be telling them. (age 18)

That question was probably fake anyway, but 14 is much too young to be having any kind of sex. Any reasonable person would believe that. That's why the age of consent for sex is higher than 14 in most places.

I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember. However, I never knew the dangers masturbating on your stomach could cause. Why don't we learn more about masturbation in school? (age 15)

If you hear about masturbation in sex ed at all, you're ahead of most. Masturbation is one of those topics that the kind of parents who serve on the school board don't want kids to hear about in school. Be glad this site is here for you. I didn't find out the dangers of prone masturbation until I had been doing it for 18 years.

Is it right at my age to just kiss a boy because I really want to kiss but be abstinent. (age 13)

Yes, I think that's a very good plan for your age.

I masturbate all the time but I feel guilty afterward. I think I'm too young to masturbate but sometimes I just have to. Should I be afraid to tell my mom about it? (age 12)

Everyone feels guilty occasionally. It's normal and good for you, because it tells you to find a partner when the time comes and not to spend your whole life masturbating. You're not too young. Some girls start at 12 and some at 15 and some at 6. Some girls never do. It's up to you whether you tell your mom. She probably masturbates herself, and she doesn't need to know that you do. You can read some comments from mothers (and fathers) on my parents page.

First of all, I love your site! I masturbate with my mom's vibrator (I know you tell the other girls to wash it before and after, so I do.) Do you think it would be OK to masturbate with veggies? What can I do to make sure my parents don't catch me masturbating? (age 16)

I think learning to please yourself with your hands would be better than using vegetables, but a lot of females use them. To keep from being discovered, the most important thing is to put a lock on your bedroom door. Also try to keep the noise level down.

This site is really really helpful. I know so much more about masturbation. Thank you for answering my questions. It's hard to find a good site these days. Once my mom came in and asked to check what I was doing on my computer. Feeling a bit guilty, I showed her this site. She said there is no reason to be guilty and it's a good site with good information and that I could still come back to visit HealthyStrokes.com. So anyway, thanks. (age 13)

Can I use your mom as a reference?

When do our questions show up on this page once we've submitted them? I can't find the one I just submitted. (age 15)

I answer questions every day I'm home. (But I'm away from home a lot.) Look for the date at the bottom of the questions and answers. Questions that appear to be fake or that duplicate other questions already answered are generally not answered. New questions are only posted on the main male page, the main female page, or the TMS comments page. The other pages are filled with questions that have been moved there.

The thought of guys masturbating really turns me on. I'd like my boyfriend to masturbate in front of me, but I am too embarrassed to ask. What can I do? (age 19)

You should tell him, "the thought of guys masturbating really turns me on."

Whenever I read about sex or reproduction, I tighten up down there. What causes that? (age 21)

It's just a bad habit. When you realize you're clenching your muscles "down there," relax them.

I am still a virgin and I want to have sex with my boyfriend but I get nervous. How can I break my hymen or erode it so that I can be comfortable? Does a Pap smear hurt, I heard they do? I never had one but I have to get one now that I am 18.

You shouldn't have to do anything to your hymen. Just tell your boyfriend to be gentle and to stop if you are feeling pain. I don't think Pap smears hurt, but they can be uncomfortable. You might discuss it with your mother.

My friend said that guys get an erection every 90 to 100 minutes and they don't even have to be aroused. She also said this happens until age 18. Is this true? (age 13)

Your friend is very well informed. Yes, that is all true. The frequent erections can stop anytime from 17-21, but 18 is probably average.

I started masturbating at the age of 6 after watching a porn movie that my mother had on. I figured out the prone style to please myself and I used to have orgasms that way. Nothing was wrong until I was 17 and I figured out that my privates look different from normal and that I have a huge clitoris and also that I have completely lost my hymen. I am now very scared to get married and just don't know what to do to get myself back in shape. Can you suggest anything please? I'm very depressed. (age 19)

I think prone masturbation is bad for females too, so you should try to cut that out. You shouldn't worry about the size of your clitoris -- it probably isn't as big as you think -- and every sexually active woman's hymen is on its way to gone. You should be happy that you know yourself sexually better than most women and you can more successfully have sex with a partner.

I've tried to masturbate but it never felt good. I'm embarrased because I don't know how. I get horny and need to satisfy myself when I get excited. I need major help or instructions. Your web site has given me help and made me feel normal about wanting this. (age 15)

You might start with my Young Woman's Guide and then read through the pages for females.

I masturbate about 3-4 times a week when I'm in the shower. I use the shower spray against my clit and I get amazing oragasms. I am great with my hands but the shower is so amazing. Is this dangerous? Should I stop doing it? (age 14)

I think you're better off if you don't. It's not a feeling you'll ever have with a partner. It's good that you're great with your hands. Why don't you make a pledge to only masturbate that way from now on.

Some of my friends who have been having sex for a while now say that it hurts when the penis goes in even if you have been using tampons. Is this true? (age 15)

Yes, it is apt to hurt a little. The penis is firmer than tampons, and the male uses more force to insert it (which you cannot control precisely) than you use to insert a tampon. Don't worry about it so much and try to enjoy it. And try to find a partner who will be gentle.

I read a question about a girl who stopped masturbating for 2-3 months. How is that possible? I can't even last 3 days!! (age 16)

Your experience is closer to that of a male. Most feel tremendous pressure to masturbate after more than a few days. Females don't usually have the same urge (no fluids that need to be eliminated) and can generally go much longer.

I totally disagree with your comments to the 13 year old who wanted to get her labia pierced. I do agree with you that she is too young to be thinking about getting any piercings yet. I am glad that you are trying to help and give advice, but find it a bit funny that you are giving advice to girls (about certain topics) when you are a guy. A lot of the advice you are giving these girls seems quite comical and not right. Why don't you get a girl to answer the girl's questions? Make sure that these YOUNG girls know that masturbating is healthy but sex is not at their age. I believe that girls should not have sex until AT LEAST 15-17 yrs old. I do applaud you for helping these girls and giving them someone to talk to about sex without making them feel embarrassed, etc. Keep up the good work! (age 18)

I only answer the questions I am asked, and if girls would rather ask me than a woman, I'm flattered and eager to help. I refer certain questions to female correspondents for them to answer. These answers are marked with the female logo. The comical answers are generally in response to questions which I wonder are really serious. (I get a lot of fake questions.) I think 19 is old enough to be sexually active. But I don't preach this at every young person who is obviously already active at a younger age and in need of advice.

I masturbate about 5 or 6 times a day and I just started doing this for a few days. I'm constantly horny. It doesn't go away and it's kind of scary, actually. It's all I can think about and even right after I orgasm I want more. I've noticed these red bumps around my clitoris and I want to know if that's healthy. I need to keep masturbating but should I cut down to maybe 2 or 3 times a day? (age 17)

Even 2 or 3 times a day is an extreme frequency for a female and would be quite high even for a male your age. You might have to stop masturbating for a week to see if the bumps go away and if it's your masturbating that's causing them.

I have never had sex before. I want to know the color of my hymen, and can I see it by using a mirror? Where is the location of it exactly, and can I insert a thin object without hurting it? (age 20)

You might start by browsing the hymen gallery on this site and the other illustrations, which are linked from the bottom of the left side menu. The hymen is usually pink, although it can also be clear. You would see it with a mirror as you held your labia apart with your hands, just before the vaginal opening. If you're interested in preserving your hymen, I advise against inserting any kind of object.

I have learned recently that I have come into the habit of masturbating my sleep. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now, and this first came about maybe six months ago. I was shocked to hear about it. How can I do something that I have no recollection of? My sex drive has become quite low, and I think because I have become self-conscious about it. I know my boyfriend is quite frustrated because he sees me having pleasure and he wants to be a part of it. I wonder if this has something to do with my being raped ten years ago. I feel that I have overcome it, but could my new problem be because of that? I am curious what I can do to overcome it, get my sex drive back, and stop doing things in my sleep that I get no pleasure or recollection from doing? (age 27)

I think you need professional help. Your sleep masturbation is akin to sleepwalking. It would be useful if your boyfriend could wake you up when he sees you doing it. If your body gets satisfaction from sleep masturbating, even if you have no recollection, that could interfere with your sex drive. I think it would be helpful to talk to a counselor about the relation of the problem to the rape.

Follow-up: Where would you suggest I go for professional help? I went to a therapist after the rape, but I didn?t feel that she helped me. How can I find someone that I can trust, and feel comfortable telling such intimate thoughts?

If you have health insurance, just call the mental health unit of your clinic and make an appointment. The therapist is there to help you, and you should trust her as you would any professional. They will probably just treat you as they would a sleepwalker and probably go into the past trauma to figure out if it brought the sleep masturbation on. Another way to deal with it would be to make sure you're satisfied sexually when you go to bed, and then you'd be less likely to masturbate in your sleep.

I had sex last night but I wasn't a virgin. I experienced a lot of bleeding, and I decided that it was just my hymen tearing all the way. Now I am just concerned because I have a tab of skin that is just hanging now. Will this eventually go away? (age 19)

What you say is consistent with that. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

I am 14 and I've been masturbating since I was 10. I used to just go back and forth in a sitting position and now have to thrust against a blanket or pillow. I have tried to use my hands but I feel nothing when touching my clitoris. Is it bad for me to do that this way? Why does my mons veneris have more skin on it than all my friends? I can't even wear a bathing suit because it's like fat.

It would be better if you could masturbate with your hands. You might go a week or so without masturbating and see if your clitoris gets more sensitive. Everyone's body is different. You shouldn't be self-conscious about your mons veneris. Many guys admire prominent ones.

I'm 14 and I've recently begun masturbating, and I can almost always reach an orgasm with just my fingers. Except it only lasts a second or two. Any tips to make it longer or better?

You might focus at the point of orgasm and repeat whatever got you to that point.

Is it normal to masturbate with a removable shower head? I hold the shower head close to me, and within a minute I get a tingling sensation when I put it on the right place. Is this an orgasm? (age 16)

An orgasm is more than a tingling sensation, but I think you're getting closer. The trouble with masturbating using a shower head is that you might find it hard to masturbate without one.

When I was 5 or 6, a family friend would touch my privates; I can't remember if he would go under my panties, but I guess he was basically just massaging my clitoris. I told my mom, and he stopped, but he was still welcome in my house. I grew up with him always staring at me. Anyway, I have a boyfriend that I've been with for 3 years. He's the only guy I've ever had sexual activity with. I'm confused because I'm not sure that I've ever orgasmed and for about the first 2 years sex hurt. When I climax, it usually happens pretty quickly. I generally have little sexual desire although I have sex fairly frequently. I would like to have desire and drive, and wonder what is wrong. Is what happened to me when I was younger considered a traumatic experience? Or do I perhaps just naturally have a low libido? (age 21)

I suspect the incident with the pedophile has impacted you more than it should have; undoubtedly his being around and staring at you didn't help. You might talk to a professional about this and also about your low desire. I think your problems are fixable with the right help.

When I masturbate I can never get a really good orgasm that makes me want to scream. I use an electric toothbrush and it seems to feel good, but I really haven't had that mind-blowing orgasm yet. Is there any way that you can help? (age 14)

It would be better if you didn't use the toothbrush and concentrated on feelings you like with your hands. Lots of girls don't have full orgasms at your age.

I can only orgasm by inserting one or two fingers inside, not by just rubbing the outside. Is there something wrong with me there that I can't? Am I doing something wrong? (age 20)

You probably just need to relax more and focus on having an orgasm by masturbating externally. A lot of women your age can only masturbate one way. You should enjoy what you can do, and if you can't diversify your style, that's OK too.

I just wanted to thank you for your site. I made myself bleed the other night masturbating, and I was scared that meant I wasn't a virgin anymore. It doesn't matter to my boyfriend, but it's important to me that I am a virgin when I get married, and your site stopped me from freaking out about it when I read that breaking the hymen doesn't change your virginity. Will using lube while masturbating make my hymen erode less or erode slower? (age 20)

Glad to be of service! I doubt the lube will make much difference in preserving your hymen. If that's your goal, you should masturbate externally.

Thanks for sharing this site with the world. I have a daughter who will be needing this kind of information in a few years. I appreciate your efforts and the dedication it takes to answer what must be a large volume of mail. (age 36)

Thanks! And I'm sure your daughter appreciates your dedication too.

I'm a virgin. Sometimes, though, when I think about having sex with boyfriend, I get the same feeling I get when I masturbate. Is it possible to get an orgasm without actually touching myself? (age 20)

Possible, but not very likely, especially if you're sexually inexperienced. It occurs to me that your orgasms might not be very intense even when you masturbate, which is why you think the feeling you get from mere fantasy is similar. You might concentrate on having a stronger orgasm.

I can only achieve an orgasm when I'm with a guy when I'm on top and he is sitting up. Is that normal? (age 18)

The position you describe gives you a lot of control, which makes it easier for someone to reach orgasm. You'd enjoy it more if you could learn to reach orgasm in other positions.

I am a single and in college and not sexually active. I experienced sexual intercourse during early adolescence at age 16. Because of defense mechanisms, my memory of my first experience is unclear. I recall being unsure about having sexual intercourse and felt that my first encounter was rape since I asked for it to be stopped during the intercourse but it was not. I did not express emotions of anger toward my ex-boyfriend afterward since I was ashamed and confused and he had expressed anger when I asked him to stop and carried on with a sexual relationship for over 2 years after the encounter. I still have unresolved conflicts when I think back to this matter. I still have doubts as to if it were rape or not since I took so long to come to this conclusion. I still don't understand why or how I could have let this go on and hope that the many adolescents visiting this site would consider carefully their decision in partaking in this activity. You may have regrets when you are older and wish you would have been wiser then and possess more self respect. (age 20)

You should talk to a crisis counselor, which your campus probably has. You obviously have unresolved fear and anger over being raped. You should know that most men would stop when you asked them to. Thank you for your words of caution to others.

You've told girls of 13 that you would strongly suggest they don't use a vibrator when they ask you where to get one, but when a 12 year old girl tells you she's used her mother's that she should ask for one for Christmas. I don't get why your opinions change from one person to the next. (age 17)

The response is tailored to each individual. The 13 year old had never used a vibrator, and I advised her against trying one. The 12 year old had already used one and really wanted one of her own, so I suggested she ask her mother. It's the same thing with sexual intercourse. I advise young people against it, but if it's clear they're going to try it or are already engaging in it, I tell them what they need to know.

Why do you make it sound like a bad thing if other people presume that you're lesbian or bisexual? (age 23)

It's a bad thing if you're not a lesbian or bisexual and people presume you are, but it might be a good thing if people presume it when you actually are lesbian or bisexual.

Do women have an urge to have sex like men do? If so, what triggers this? (Good looks, like it is with men, or personality traits?) (age 14, male)

The female urge to merge is most easily produced by the touch of a partner. I don't believe this to be a complete answer, so I ask my female readers, what gives you the urge to have sex?

My clitoris is very sensitive, I think it is because the hood is broken. The hood doesn't cover the whole clitoris and there is like a "split." It hurts when I touch it by itself, but when it is wet, it doesn't hurt. Do I need to make my clitoris wet when I have sex with my boyfriend? Because we are thinking about doing it soon, I'm scared there will be too much pain on my clitoris. (age 18)

You could see a doctor about an anatomic abnormality. There often isn't contact with the clitoris in intercourse, especially with an inexperienced lover. You could try it and see if it hurts. If it does, it might help to cover it with some goopy lube before having sex.

I would really like to masturbate with my best friend. I don't know how to bring up the subject. I don't even know if she masturbates. What can I do? I'd like us to be naked on opposite ends of a bed so we each get the full view of what the other is doing with her vulva. (age 17)

I think masturbating with someone is for lovers, not for friends. Your friend might be repulsed by the suggestion and it could affect your friendship. You might start talking about your own masturbating, and see if she joins the conversation. If not, just drop it.

I have something about four inches inside my vagina that stops anything from going any farther. What is this as no one else has said they have one! (age 15)

It's your cervix, which connects the vagina to the uterus.

I'm fed up. Is there anyone who is happy talking about sex openly if it does arise? People my age I've talked to don't seem shocked when we were talking about a film 40 Days and 40 Nights and how I said it's impossible to talk sex together as in the film. He stops solo sex too and they got shocked by me saying "solo sex." I didn't even say masturbation. (age 16)

Young people usually think it's cool to talk about sexual intercourse but are completely tongue-tied when masturbation is mentioned. More than a few teens are embarrassed about masturbating and scared to death someone will find out they practice it. When I was younger, I knew a guy who was about 17 who would talk about every sexual practice in the book without blushing, as if he was a cook sharing recipes, but he never said a word about the most popular sex act of all. So you shouldn't be surprised if your friends are all laughing and chatty about sex acts that none of them have ever tried (or aren't sure what they are) but start staring at their shoes when someone mentions the one sex act that all of them have probably practiced.

I did masturbation just this week, in the night and in the day, and I felt guilty after I was done. Is masturbation a sin? Anyway, in my second masturbation my vagina got dry and I had a hard time producing fluid again. Is this normal? When my fiance visited me from America, he touched me with his fingers and I missed it much and that's why I masturbate now. Thank you for this site. (age 20)

I don't think masturbation is a sin, but some people do. You should warm up a little with your fingers before you go inside so your vagina has a chance to get lubricated.

Hi! I have read the messages from parents about their children that are 2-6yrs old and already started to masturbate, and I also saw that some of them were worried that their child might be getting molested. I was like this when I was 5 and now that I'm 18, I can't remember what might have happened, but I think about it and I wish my mom talked to me about it (my mom ignored it), and I still masturbate (of course) but I'm still a virgin, so I'm not saying that just because I didn't have sexual intercourse at a young age with my own consent that another child may or may not have had sexual intercourse, but I think that their parents should talk to them about it, especially if something did happen to the child.

Your site is so great! Is it OK for a girl to watch male porn and gay porn to get aroused and masturbate? (I do that.) Will you define me as a pervert for looking at such things? (age 15)

No, although gay porn is a little extreme for your age. According to surveys of females I've done for this site, 56 percent use pictures at least sometimes when they masturbate (compared with 80 percent of males.)

My nipples erect when my boyfriend hugs me. They get painful in few minutes. What can I do? (age 12)

Keep them from being touched as much as possible. With any luck, they won't be so sensitive when you're older.

I have been masturbating for 5 years and internally for about 2, but I've never bled which causes me to think that my hymen hasn't broken. Where is the hymen? I've never bled out of my vagina except for my period. Also, most of my friends that masturbate can use things like their phones and small deodorant cans but the biggest thing I can use is a glue stick. Is my vagina too small? (age 13)

I imagine it's just right. You ought to avoid objects for now and not believe everything your friends say. The hymen partially covers the vaginal opening. Yours might have broken more than two years ago, and it's possible you never had one. You could look with a mirror to know for sure.

I have never reached an orgasm internally, only externally (stimulating the clitoris). I am still a virgin, and I am worried that when my boyfriend and I start having sex that I will never orgasm and he will blame himself. Is there something wrong with me? (age 17)

No. Lots of girls your age have never had an orgasm at all. You're ahead of them. Most women have an easier time achieving an orgasm internally than externally. In fact, the usual way to bring a woman to orgasm in intercourse is to angle the penis so that it makes contact with the clitoris. So those are mostly external orgasms too.

Follow up: Really? Most girls my age have never had an orgasm? Wow ... what I experience is an orgasm I think, because it is really intense and enjoyable. So if most girls never have had one yet (around my age), then why do they masturbate? Is it not just to achieve an orgasm?

I don't know about most, but many have not had a true orgasm at your age. Women have written to me saying they didn't have real orgasms until they were in their 20s (or later) and what they felt when they were younger was just a peak of feeling approaching an orgasm, but they didn't put the ball through the goal posts.

I constantly fantasize about performing oral sex on my husband. When I try to act it out with him, it's less exciting and I'm not sure I like giving up control. (age 30)

Real life often doesn't live up to fantasies. You might try to turn your real life into a fantasy instead of vice versa.

I gave my boyfriend manual intercourse and washed my hands thoroughly afterwards with anti-bacterial soap and cold water. I masturbated the next night, after having showered again, and one of my friends seems to think that I could still get pregnant. I think this is ridiculous, but I'm still concerned. I haven't had sex -- with him or with anyone else. (age 19)

Sperm can only live briefly outside a warm body. You don't have to worry. Just keep his fluid away from your privates while it's still warm.

Is it OK to have sex while on my period? This would probably creep most people out, right? (age 19)

It won't hurt you or your partner if you use protection. I think most women would only have sex during their period with a partner they're experienced with.

Hi I have a question, I've started to masturbate but I never seem to release myself. I know where the G-spot is but it's not working. I've tried all the techniques except for using a vibrator/dildo. Is there something wrong with my body? (age 17)

No. A lot of girls your age have trouble masturbating to orgasm. Just be patient and relax more. Try to enjoy the feelings you get even if they're not orgasmic. You might have an orgasm when you least expect it.

I'm a female virgin and I can't even put one finger into my vagina. I'm the only one who can't do it among my friends and I've been trying on and off for years. There's a big node of really sensitive skin right above the vaginal opening on the outside (it's not my hymen and by sensitive I mean it hurts if I try to put anything into my vagina), so the opening is only like a thin silver - I can have my periods just fine but it's torture if I try to put in a tampon (I've never been able to use one) or a finger. I made sure I'm all relaxed or turned on before, in many positions, but it still hurts and stays sore for days after the failed attempt. So I've never been able to get anything inside my vagina and I'm scared because I don't think I can have normal sex with men. Do I need to get surgery or something? I don't know what to do. I've looked at medical photos and porn and none of the women's genitals look like mine. (age 19)

I think you should see a doctor, who would probably reassure you that you're normal. Many women enjoy masturbating externally without putting anything into their vaginas.

When my boyfriend orgasmed, he continued to thrust into me for about 30 seconds. We were using a condom and when he came, some fluid leaked from either him or me. He thinks it was mine but I think it was his since I didn't climax. I'm concerned that semen leaked out of the open end of the condom. He still had an erection when he removed his penis and the condom was intact. Is it possible for semen to leak out of condoms though the penis has not gone soft? (age 23)

It's possible, which is why many people supplement a condom with vaginal jelly or another form of birth control. It's a good idea to withdraw before going soft.

Why exactly is masturbating with a pillow so bad? I lie on my side, not prone. I've been doing it this way since I was about 5. It feels great, and touching myself on my own does nothing for me. (It's way too intense, so having fabric in the way helps.) I have no problem getting turned on from my boyfriend touching me and absolutely no problems reaching orgasm by myself on my side with a pillow (about 3 minutes on a good day), or through fingering, oral sex, or intercourse. I find G-spot orgasms much much better than simply playing with my clit, and I can get multiples much easier that way. So would you please explain why you are so against pillows? (age 19)

Because masturbating by thrusting is very bad for males and I hear more and more from females who think their orgasmic capacity is reduced by doing it too. It's good that you're very sexually responsive, but most women don't need to use fabric as a buffer. If I were you, I'd wean off using the pillow.

I've been sexually active for a while now and have never suffered major pain. I noticed the other day that I had a sort of lasso from the top of my vagina to the bottom. We looked it up and came to the conclusion that I have a septate hymen. The other night during sex my vagina became very uncomfortable and we stopped. I went to the toilet and blood was gushing out! What can I do? Can they be cut off? I can't tell anyone because we're having a secret relationship. (age 17)

You can trust a doctor not to tell because of confidentiality. That's better than doing your own diagnosis and surgery. I think it's doubtful your hymen was just now breaking after you've been sexually active for a while. Better see a doctor.

During sex, I always find myself over-lubricated, even before the point of orgasm. Sometimes it gets so wet, it isn't pleasureable. Is there anything I can do about this? (age 22)

You might talk to a doctor about it. Some women treat it with antihistamines, and you might not even need a prescription for them, although a doctor's opinion would be good.

Ever since I can remember, I have sat on the floor or a footstool or a pillow and rub my crotch on it. I can remember doing it even at after 4 or 5. Does this have any of the effects that TMS has on a man since it puts pressure on the clitoris? I have never actually reached a full orgasm that way but I also can't lying on my back. Also, my little brother is two years my junior. I remember frequently going to his room and he'd be lying on the floor with his hands on his crotch or a pillow there (much like I would do). I don't know if he'd actually ejaculate, or if he ever lies down or sits up to masturbate, but I'd like him to stop doing this if it's so bad for him. How should I go about telling him to stop? (age 18)

If you haven't quit the crotch-rubbing yet, I think you should now. It really serves no purpose and might be inhibiting your orgasmic development. I don't think there's any easy way for a 16 year old boy to discuss masturbation with his 18 year old sister. You'll have to distance yourself from the discussion. One way might be to print up the main page of my web site and ask him if he's ever heard anyone mention this.

I have been masturbating for about 3 years and I have decided over the past months that I want to experience sex with another female. I want the experience because I want to know what it is like. Is there any way I can find girls who will just "fool around" with other girls or would that be like prostitution? By the way, I love your site. I think it's the best thing ever! (age 17)

It's only prostitution if you're doing it for money. I advise against homosexual experimentation at your age. If you still want to experience lesbian sex in three years, then you might get involved with some lesbian or bisexual groups at a college to meet like-minded women.

I'm so tight. Why does it hurt to stick a tampon in? (age 19)

You just need more practice. Your muscles will relax more as you get accustomed to things being inserted in your vagina.

What kind of smell is supposed to come from your vagina? (age 15)

It should be a very mild smell. It should smell like a bodily fluid. Men and women are very sensitive to each other's smells. That's why people at your age start bathing or showering daily and why males should never leave dried semen on them when around others, especially females.

After doing some research, I came to the conclusion I had a septate hymen. I have been having sex for about 6 months, but just last night my boyfriend and I did the rear entry position for the first time and it broke. I bled for about an hour and it was a bit sore. Is this normal? How common are septate hymens? Will the remnants erode? (age 19)

Your experience is normal. You should expect more bleeding but not much pain as the rest of the hymen erodes. About 1 in 1000 girls is born with a septate hymen.

What do you mean by telling everyone that there cannot be much left of the hymen at my age? What does age have to do with the hymen if the person never had sex? Sometimes you say that external masturbation doesn't hurt the hymen and sometimes you say that it does. Can you please tell me, does it or not? (age 22)

I wish you would tell me where I said that external masturbation can damage the hymen. It does not. It's simply a fact that by age 22 most virgin women have lost most of their hymens by internal masturbation, use of tampons, sexual activity short of intercourse, and even physical fitness exercise. It does not make them any less virginal. Only sexual intercourse can do that.

Is it okay to masturbate by rubbing on a pillow until it feels good? And also can you do this on your period? (age 17)

I advise against masturbating that way since it's harder to get the same kind of stimulation from a partner. It's your pillow, so you can decide what happens to it.

I've heard lots of things about masturbating. Is it true that masturbating makes you feel sleepy? Why? I don't masturbate a lot, but I never feel sleepy after masturbating. Is it normal? (age 15)

Yes, it's true. Sexual activity is a soporific -- sleep inducing -- activity. Some theorize that the sleepiness that results from orgasm helps partners to bond better and for the woman to remain horizontal so that the semen doesn't run out and therefore has a better chance of leading to pregnancy. Not everyone feels sleepy after masturbating, especially people who don't do it often.

A year ago when I watched a sex movie, I got aroused and started masturbation. I inserted my middle finger into my vagina. It was the 4th day of my period. When I saw my finger, there was blood on it Was my hymen damaged at that moment or was it the blood of my period? Can a hymen tear by inserting just one finger? Is the hymen outside the vagina or inside? Can 3 inches of a finger damage it? Please reply to me because on your response I will decide to get married or not. In our society, if the girl has a torn hymen and gets married, she gets divorced the next day. (age 26)

I think it was menstrual blood. One finger would have to be pretty rough to tear the hymen, but in the right conditions, 3 inches could do it. The hymen is outside the vagina but inside the labia.

I've been having sex since I was 16 and before that I used to mastrubate constantly and still do, where I can make myself orgasm always face down and always in a certain way. I have never achieved orgasm during sex despite many attempts. Am I suffering from the female version of TMS? After so long I have gotten used to not having an orgasm, and it doesn't stop my enjoyment but I have always wanted to know if the reason was due to the habit. (age 19)

I think you do have female TMS. You would probably be more responsive during sex if you didn't masturbate face down. Why not cut that out for a week or two and then try masturbating with your hand? It is apt to make a difference in your intercourse.

Does masturbating using a pillow affect the hymen?

It's not likely, but not impossible.

I started masturbating with a candle at first but now I use a beer bottle. Is that normal? (age 13)

It would be better if you used your hands instead of objects at your age. Most girls your age also work on masturbating externally.

I have to say this site is wonderful. It was really helpful seeing all these questions from younger girls. I've always known young teens masturbate, but I still felt alone because I did. Now that I'm older, it's nice to see that I was not alone. I'm in a same-sex relationship with my best friend of 7 years. She is almost 24 and very body shy and has never masturbated. We both don't want to have sex until we have a commitment ceremony, but I would still like to help her become less shy about herself. I'm very shy also, but I've been masturbating since I was 11 or 12. I have only been able to orgasm once or twice that I'm sure of, and it's really hard for me to relax sometimes. I know it's a mental thing, but I hate my fingers feeling sticky or wet, even though the sensation turns me on. Is there anything I can do to get myself over that, so that I can be a responsive lover? (age 22)

You might try a latex glove or a condom over your fingers. I doubt you'd be able to perform manual intercourse on a partner in a satisfactory manner if you have an issue making contact with even your own fluids. You might find just talking about sexual things makes her more open to them.

I am a 17 year old girl and I fingered myself for the first time today. I only did it because I was told that if a girl knew her body better, she would be better able to be pleased by her boyfriend. (I have never done anything with a guy, but plan on it.) HOWEVER, I did not feel any pleasure whatsoever. Supposedly there is a g-spot. So I tried to find that. It took me forever, but I eventually found a spot that might be it. But still no response. It was more my fingers feeling my insides than it was my insides feeling my finger. I'm worried. What can I do? Now I'm scared that I'll have to fake whenever my boyfriend tries to pleasure me. I don't understand why so many other girls seem reach orgasm (or even just have a little pleasure) naturally, but I try and try and can't feel any pleasure whatsoever. Does actual sex feel any different than having your finger inside of you?

Don't worry so much! You shouldn't expect results the first time you masturbate. It takes many females years before they have a true orgasm. Even males don't necessarily have an orgasm their first time. You need to relax more and concentrate on your external genitalia, which is a much more reliable source of orgasm than the G spot. Intercourse is a lot different from masturbation.

I have the flu right now and I noticed that I produced more vaginal fluids now than I normally do (even though I did get aroused once in a while). I just wanted to know if this is normal. (age 18)

I've never heard it mentioned as a flu symptom, but it's possible. Most people urinate much more than usual when they're sick. I hope you feel better soon!

I am 13 years old and I haven't gotten my period yet. I have pubic hair (and lots of it) but I don't have any breasts yet. Can I masturbate? I have tried several times but I haven't gotten any pleasure. I need to masturbate.

I think you're moving a little too fast. You shouldn't be in such a rush to have an orgasm. Be more relaxed the next time you try. You might have an orgasm when you least expect it.

If a virgin has a pap test then is her hymen most likely broken? (age 22)

If the hymen is present -- and remember that lack of previous sexual intercourse does not guarantee the presence of a hymen -- the examination does not necessarily break the hymen. The swab used in the Pap smear, most certainly, does not break the hymen. Bleeding after the Pap may occur because the cervix may be in a delicate state, but you should not expect bleeding from the hymen rupturing.

Hi! I've been masturbating externally since I was 11, and I can't seem to stop! I do it usually once a day, but afterward I feel guilty and it seems as if the next day, I get bad luck - arguments, lost homework, etc. I'm Catholic, so is it wrong to God? It seems like I'm overly horny and I love touching myself. Whenever I look at a cute guy, watch porn, or go to your web site, I get really wet down there and feel like masturbating. I've tried to stop because I feel guilty, but after a week, I get back to it. Should I try to stop, or should I just keep on pleasuring myself? I love the feeling! I just get into bed, lie on my back, and rub my clitoris, and I think about sex and imagine people doing it. Is it bad? Please help me! By the way, I love your site! (age 12)

I don't think it's wrong to God, but many Catholics do. You should avoid porn at your age. I don't think what you do is bad.

I know that some females may experience pain when they first have sex but how much pain is it? Also, when the hymen breaks, how much blood do you actually lose? (age 20)

Some women don't notice it but some feel a lot of pain. You shouldn't worry about it. It can also be uncomfortable if the vagina hasn't had anything that large in it before or if the woman isn't properly aroused when penetration happens. The amount of blood is generally small, less than one loses when menstruating.

I'm an arabic woman and here they think if you haven't got a hymen you are not a virgin. I lost my hymen in accident. How can I hide that? (age 23)

A doctor can put in some temporary stitching and a fake blood capsule that you can use on your wedding night to fool your husband into thinking you still have a hymen. That's a necessity in some Middle Eastern countries where women can be killed if they're believed to have engaged in pre-marital sex.

What is the function of the hymen? (age 20)

It can be useful in determining if a young girl (12 or younger) has been sexually abused.

How long will the bleeding from the breaking of the hymen go on (days vs. months), what is a normal amount of blood, and what other causes might there be for non-period vaginal bleeding, and when is it appropriate to bring this up as a concern with a doctor? (age 22)

You can bring any question that concerns you to a doctor. The bleeding is apt to be limited to a few days. It would be less blood than you would have with your period although some women have more. Many women have bleeding between menstrual flows so a small amount is not necessarily a cause for concern. Insertion of objects, especially when done roughly, can cause vaginal bleeding.

My clitoris hangs down low and is embarrassing. To double that, my pubic bone sticks out kinda far. It makes me sad. (age 13)

Don't worry about those things. You might look a lot different when you finish puberty, and even if you don't, those things aren't very important to anyone.

I have been masturbating since around 4 years old. I masturbate about 3-4 times a week and lately I feel these orgasms aren't enough or that masturbating is getting boring. Is there anything I can do to make it more interesting? (age 15)

You might try doing it less often and see if you enjoy it more.

I am 13 years old and I have masturbated about 20 times, but I can never get an orgasm!!! It is so frustrating. I get them in dreams, but never in real life. Is there anything you can tell me that will help me achieve an orgasm?

Just be patient. You're apt to have one when you least expect it. Be glad you're already masturbating. A lot of girls your age haven't even figured out how.

I am married and we have a 9 month old daughter. I can't ever have an orgasm without making myself. My husband only lasts 5 minutes AT MOST and can't go again until another day. we I was just wondering if you had any suggestion. (age 20)

It would be good if he could bring you to orgasm manually or orally before having vaginal intercourse.

how much does it bleed when you break your hymen? Will it be enough for my mom to notice? (age 14)

Probably less than your period. It would be easy for your mom to miss the blood.

I've been masturbating since I was very young (can't remember exact age, but I was way under 10), and after reading some of the young girls' questions on this page I think I might have something to contribute. First of all, don't be afraid to explore your body, both by touch and by viewing (try using a mirror). Try to find your sensual areas, such as the breasts, neck, stomach and thighs. Close your eyes and touch yourself the way you want a partner to touch you. If you like someone in particular, try imagining that person doing it, and you'll immediately feel more relaxed.

I would advise to only masturbate externally until you feel secure in that area. Then you could gently start to explore internal masturbation, but don't rush by inserting objects. It can be very painful if done wrong. Start with a finger and find out what feels good and what doesn't. Carefully caressing the area around the vagina can be very erotic and prepares you for penetration. Then, when you find out what feels best that way you can start exploring with objects. Start small and work your way up. It took me about 10 years to feel comfortable with penetration. So when you finally get a partner you'll know what you want him to do, and it will be good and not awkward and uncomfortable. Don't rush into sex because "everyone else is doing it"; do it when you feel ready for it. But most of all, take your time! Find a place and time you feel comfortable with, if you're scared that can make your horniness go away and you won't achieve orgasm, but only feel frustration. (age 22)

Thanks for your disquisition. I'd be interested in referring certain female questions to you. E-mail me if you're interested in being one of my female correspondents.

I was lying in bed last night and my privates just went mad! My vagina started twitching and my clitoris was hard. I felt some kind of weird tickling feeling in my lower abdomen. What could be going on? (age 18)

Sounds like arousal. Congratulations on having spontaneous arousal!

I am 13 years old and sometimes when I masturbate I touch a certain part of my vagina that feels good but kind of tickles. It is more on the upper part. Is this my clitoris?

Probably, although it's part of your vulva and not your vagina. The vagina is inside.

You caution against pillow/blanket masturbation, which you say is a form of TMS. Why/how is it bad for a woman? What negative effects can it have on her later sex life with her husband? And can she overcome them? If so, how can she do so and how long will it take before she can have a good sex life with her spouse? I am speaking of pillow/blanket masturbation while lying on her sides. And also of squeezing her thighs and muscles for pleasure. (age 16)

TMS for males is a pretty new area of interest and we are just starting to learn about TMS in women. Basically, any unusual or atypical masturbation style is bad for either males or females. It makes it harder to adjust to sex with a partner. Once a person quits their atypical style and learns to masturbate typically (i.e., with his or her hands), he or she can be sexually normal within a few months.

What is the G spot and why can't I find it? (age 17)

The Grafenberg, or G spot, is a sensitive area on the top of the vagina about a third of the way in. Lots of females your age haven't found theirs yet. In fact, most only masturbate externally. Just enjoy what you're doing and don't worry about the G spot.

I had my first orgasm when I was in the 1st grade. I figured it out on playground poles then started using my fingers shortly after but for a couple years I did it prone. I was always ashamed. I'm still weirded out by sex. I lost my virginity at 15. It only took a few times having sex to have an orgasm. Usually I get off in a short time and before my partner. After I get off I tighten up and it begins to hurt really bad where I have to stop. After that I couldn't care less about sex and can't even believe I wanted to do it. I would like to have multiple orgasms but I don't see how that can happen if I can't stand it after the first one. What do I need to do? (age 17)

You could be trying too hard. You're forcing the orgasm on, causing the quenching and pain. Try to relax and enjoy yourself instead of trying to achieve orgasm. Relaxation could take away the shame too. And don't go chasing the multiple orgasm; it will happen in due time. Many women don't get to that point for many years.

You told a 12 year old girl she'd have to decide if she masturbated with her female friend but you advised a 14 year old girl not to have oral sex with three female friends. Why is it OK for the 12 year old but not the 14 year old? (age 17)

Because the 12 year old was asking about masturbating and the 14 year old was asking about oral sex. There's a difference.

How long is too long to be masturbating? I can masturbate for up to an hour! My friend only masturbates for around 5 minutes. Does she do this because she knows something that I don't? (age 13)

She obviously knows how to get to orgasm efficiently. I don't think an hour is necessarily too long, but you are probably feeling frustrated after 20 minutes. You'll probably get better at it and it will take less time.

I can get a pen 3 inches inside my vagina, but I'm scared to go any farther because it starts to feel different. How far in is "too far"? Is there a "too far"? (age 13)

You should be able to feel it when you touch your cervix. Four inches is the average depth. It would be better if you learned with your hands and didn't use objects until you are more comfortable with them.

What about masturbating standing up? I get big orgasms but then I feel weak and kind of shaky. Is it a normal thing to feel like you have to sit down? Is it okay for a girl to do it standing up? I like it. (age 15)

Yes, that's fine. It's normal to feel like sitting down when you have an orgasm.

I've heard so many people talk about having sex when they're 17 and 18. But my parents say you shouldn't until after your married. Would having oral sex with a girl be dangerous? And do you approve of having sex with someone when you're not married to them or even engaged? (age 12)

Lots of people have sex when they're 17 and 18, but I don't think you should at your age, even oral sex. I don't think sex has to wait until marriage, but I admire some of those who wait.

When I masturbate, it will sometimes take me 30-50 minutes to actually orgasm. I'll get really close, then I'll calm down. Is this normal? What am I doing wrong? (age 17)

You should only masturbate when you can focus mentally on what you're doing. I think that's why you're losing your concentration and the orgasm slips away.

Does masturbation make you gain weight? (age 17)

No.

I've been masturbating for about 1 year now and when I masturbate after about 3 or 4 minutes it starts to hurt. I've tried new ways of masturbating but I dont get any pleasure! I don't want to ask a doctor or my mother because this is embarrassing. (age 13)

You need to find ways of masturbating that don't hurt. It might take some practice before you learn them and then become orgasmic.

How do you use lube? Does masturbation feel better with it, or without it? (age 13)

Most females apply a few drops to their fingers and/or those private parts that receive the friction from masturbating. It might feel different at first, but most people find that lube makes for a better overall experience in the long run.

How do you know when is the right time to masturbate? I'm not sure when I get turned on. (female, age 13)

When they're new to masturbation, most people masturbate when they somehow get aroused, but once they're more experienced, people work to get themselves aroused so they can masturbate. This might make more sense in a year or two. There's no right time to masturbate, but it's better to be aroused when you do it.

The main reason I want to wait longer to have sex is that I am very scared it will hurt. Are there any exercises I can do to stretch the hymen so it won't hurt as much? (age 15)

Most girls stretch or break their hymens through tampon use or masturbating with objects. You shouldn't worry about it hurting so much. When the time is right, make sure you have a partner you can trust to be gentle.

I have had a problem with masturbation for a long time and this is something I battle with inside. I have never told anybody about my problem and I feel guilty every time I masturbate. It has probably been a year since I have done it. I was molested at the age of 7 and ever since then I have carried this secret inside and have struggled with masturbation. I want to be able to speak to somebody about this but I am so ashamed of myself. I feel that I need help. What do you think I should do? (age 28)

You shouldn't be guilty. Masturbating is normal and healthy and fun. I'd be happy to chat with you about it online, but you might be better off in a support group for those recovering from sexual abuse.

When I insert my finger into my vagina, I encounter an obstruction. Could this be my cervix? (age 17)

Yes.

I have masturbating inside my vagina for a very long time with my fingers. It felt sooo good so I started using a brush handle and going very fast too. My vagina used to be so smooth on the inside and now it feels rough and covered with bumps. Is using a brush bad? Will the inside of my vagina ever feel wet and smooth again? (age 13)

Using an object to masturbate can affect the surface of your vagina. It is better to be lubricated at the time you start masturbating, or to coat the object with some lube. If you cease masturbating with objects in a dry vagina, your vaginal walls will probably go back to normal.

How can you tell if you have a sensitive cervix? About how far up is it in the vagina? My boyfriend and I hugged and I noticed that he was twitching down there and right after that, I got wet. Is his twitching normal? Can spontaneous arousal lead to G-spot orgasms? Can women spontaneously ejaculate? I thought I did once or twice when I was aroused and I even orgasmed twice without having to masturbate. (age 18)

If you're aware of your cervix (about 4 inches past the opening of the vagina), it's sensitive. Males can flex their erections a little. They use the same muscles that start and stop the flow of urine. That's probably what he was doing. If you could feel it, it was probably very arousing to you and that's why you got wet. By definition, a "G-spot orgasm" could only happen through stimulation of the G spot. Most sex scientists don't believe women can ejaculate at all, much less spontaneously. You seem to be very much in touch with your sexual feelings. That will serve you well.

I have recently begun masturbating by inserting objects inside me. Today I stupidly and embarrassingly inserted the handle of a brush to masturbate. Since I don't have a vibrator or anything of that sort, this is the closest thing I have to replicate a penis. When I was done, I noticed a light, almost orange-red blood was on the brush. It was thick and somewhat globby as well. I went to the the bathroom and the bleeding did not continue, giving me reason to believe that the bleeding is internal. I am very scared as to what I might have damaged. (age 17)

Don't worry about it if you weren't bleeding. It might be old menstrual blood.

If I choose not to masturbate, will my hymen disappear by itself? Will it be noticeable if it breaks the first time I engage in intercourse? (age 15)

Those are tough questions. They hymen will not "disappear by itself," but it might break through normal activity, including tampon use and exercise. Some females find their hymen breaks quite easily on first intercourse and others have much pain and bleeding. Of course, most don't still have an intact hymen when they first have intercourse. Preservation of the hymen is not the main issue for most females when taking up masturbation. You can enjoy it externally, as most females do, and not make contact with your hymen or vagina at all.

My boyfriend and I want to have sex. The problem is he has a huge penis. What do I do? (age 16)

You can either try sex with him or wait for someone with a smaller penis.

I came across your web site and found it quite illuminating. I'm a single parent of a 15-year old daughter. She appears to be quite active with her masturbating. I want to ask your advice. About 6 months ago I happened to walk past my daughter's bedroom late at night and heard a buzzing sound. I stopped and stood silently close to her door to try to figure out what it was, and soon I realized that she was probably masturbating with a vibrator. I have absolutely no sexual desires toward my daughter, but I was very surprised and somehow spellbound to just stand there listening to her. I could hear soft moans and occasionally more audible sounds that indicated she was orgasming. I was shocked and amazed at how long she went on; probably for close to an hour (with numerous apparent orgasms).

The next day when she went to school I stayed home to look around in the room, and eventually I found a box with several sexual aids behind a pile of sweaters in a closet. I was just stunned at how seriously she seemed to be experimenting with masturbation. The massager I had heard had several different attachments for clitoris massage. There were also several dildos of different shapes and sizes and various oils and lotions. But the most disturbing was a big pile of e-mail printouts, correspondence between her and a married man in his 40s in Canada. I spent some time going through this material, and the bottom line is that she had posted an ad for a sexual pen-pal a year ago and started an e-mail relationship with this guy. She writes about being constantly turned on and describes in detail how she masturbates and what her orgasms feel like. The guy encourages her to try new ways to make herself come stronger and more easily. It turns out he sent her all these things that she uses on herself. I got the impression that they guy is not really attempting to meet her, but who knows what it may yet turn into.

Anyway, I'm really mostly worried about her sexuality being so strong at an early age. Apparently she feels the need for orgasm multiple times a day (starting at age 11!) and often has these long sessions with herself when she completely indulges. I had not even imagined that my daughter had any sexual interests before all this. She does very well in school, has quite normal friends, and is overall a very normal girl. Although she is very cute and boys seem to be interested in her, she always appears shy around them. Her letters indicate that she has kissed and done some light touching with boys but that she has not yet had intercourse. She seems mainly interested in the strong physical sensations that she can create on her own, and her letters indicate that she is happy with the way she is learning more about her body and the increasing pleasures she is experiencing; evidently the guy has really had an effect on how she can indulge in masturbation. My feelings about this are of course mixed. I feel bad that I have uncovered her secrets like this, but I also feel that I need to know what is going on with her in case something goes bad. I now enter her room about once a week to look at her correspondence and occasionally I also listen to her activities at night. I repeat that I have no sexual interest in her. I have a girlfriend who occasionally spends time here and I have told her about this. She doesn't share my worry but instead seems impressed (almost admiringly so) by her capacity for pleasure. We are thinking about her somehow approaching my daughter about her sexuality, but we haven't decided how to do that without disclosing that we know what she is up to. It would be nice to know what other people think about all this.

I am horrified that you would stand there eavesdropping on your daughter masturbating "for close to an hour." I think most people would get far away when they realized what they were hearing, to respect the other person's privacy. There is nothing wrong with masturbating, and nothing wrong with a girl that age experimenting with different ways of masturbating. (Although if she had asked me, I would have advised her to learn her body better with her hands before acquiring that much hardware.) The only thing that seems potentially dangerous is her correspondence with the older man. You could discuss that without embarrassment and without revealing what you learned from your repeated and frequent snooping. All you have to do is tell her you know she uses the Internet and to warn her about dealing with people online. You seem to have already concluded the chances of her meeting him are low (and I suspect you have his e-mail address anyway). Although your daughter's discussing masturbation with him (and placing the ad) are unusual, I think she's less likely to get into trouble that way than by experimenting sexually with local males.

I can never get myself wet no matter what I try. What am I doing wrong? What can I do to make myself get wet? (age 14)

I think you're trying to hard. It might also be your body isn't producing enough of those fluids yet. Wait another year. You might start lubricating when you least expect it.

I use Vaseline Petroleum Jelly as a lube. It obviously gets inside my vagina. Is this bad? Should I use something else? (age 13)

I think it's fine for now. You might want to try a water-based lube someday.

What is the fluid that comes out of my vagina when I masturbate? (age 13)

It's primarily vaginal lubricant.

Can I have sex if I haven't gotten my period yet? (age 13)

Yes.

Des a fluid come out of your vagina when you mastubate and orgasm and can this make you pregnant? (age 14)

Some females have an emission of fluid during masturbation but it can definitely not make anyone pregnant.

I know a lot of girls moan when they get an orgasm because it's always more intense than what guys get. I've been masturbating since age 10. I've never moaned or screamed. It's never been THAT intense. How can I get a more intense orgasm? (age 13)

I doubt the female orgasm is more intense than the male orgasm. Many females don't have scream-inducing orgasms until they're much older than you are. Try to enjoy the orgasms you have now (which many girls your age don't have at all). I'm sure your orgasms will get more intense as you mature.

My vagina has little tiny bumps on it. What does that mean? When I masturbate I can feel that my vagina is lumpy. (age 14)

If it doesn't hurt, it's probably not anything dangerous; it's not abnormal for a vagina to have lumps. But if it's painful or itchy, you should tell a doctor just in case. It could be just acne, but only a doctor can tell for sure.

Can I see my hymen if I look in the mirror? (age 13)

Yes.

Is masturbating on your side considered prone or supine? Can a tampon easily break my hymen? (age 13)

On your side is neither prone nor supine. Not easily, but a hymen is apt to be reduced by years of tampon use.

When I'm doing martial arts, I get aroused really easily and the back of my martial arts pants become wet. It's very annoying. Please tell me why this is happening. (age 13)

Your body seems to find the physical contact in martial arts arousing. It's probably not as noticeable as you think. It might help to wear heavier underwear or even a sanitary pad.

I am scared to put my fingers in my vagina because I will bleed. Will I always bleed? (age 12)

No, but I think you're better off keeping them out. You won't enjoy yourself if you're worried about bleeding. You might feel differently in a couple of years and then you can explore the inside.

What percentage of girls 10-17 masturbate? (age 12)

That's a pretty broad range. At 10, probably about 10 percent. At 17, almost three quarters. That leaves a lot in between. Overall, probably 40 percent in that age range masturbate regularly.

I feel like getting pregnant all the time. I think about pregnancy when I masturbate. I read about Britney Spears and Julia Roberts getting pregnant, I go to pregnancy sites, and I fantasize a lot. I think about a guy getting me pregnant. I'm a virgin, but all I can think about is having sex and getting pregnant. What can I do to stop thinking so dirty like that? (age 14)

I wouldn't call it dirty. Lots of girls your age dream about motherhood. It would be a good idea to finish your education before getting pregnant. Spears and Roberts are a lot older than you, and they're both established in their careers.

Is it safe to masturbate before I go to bed and once a day or more? Like many other people, I feel guilty for masturbating. One time my mom came into my room when I was doing it and I covered myself with a blanket and said that I had a stomachache. Girls at school are always asking me things like, "Have you ever fingered your pussy?" I feel ashamed to admit it, so I just say no. (age 13)

It's safe. You don't need to feel so guilty. I'm pretty sure your mom already knew what you were doing when she asked. You should just tell those girls it's not their business.

I'm 13 and female and have been masturbating since I was 11, on and off again. When I started, I couldn't reach orgasm, but at 12 years I got orgasms so quickly and intensely I have to moan. I hide it from my parents, because it is against our religion. I get aroused so easily by seeing a kissing scene on TV, and I'm often wet in my pants. This doesn't happen to my friends, so I'm wondering if I'm normal. I have no idea how to stop, because I feel guilty and it seems as if the day is ruined after those five seconds of orgsam. I have it really fast, and it goes away really fast. I quit for two weeks, but then I was back at it, and so far I've quit for a week but I feel like doing it so badly. I have no idea why I feel like this. I'm a straight A student, and I don't want this to keep me distracted from my studies. My Christmas break is in three days, so I'm wondering if it's safe to masturbate during it, but I'm afraid I'll get hooked on it again. One site said masturbating is an addiction that will continue for the rest of my life. I don't want to do it, yet I feel the need to do it so badly. Why is this happening to me? Please help!

You're very normal. Masturbating is normal and healthy and lots of fun. It's not an addiction. You should relax and try to enjoy it more. It is unlikely to interfere with your school work. Some of the best students I know have admitted to taking a masturbation break from long study sessions, and it helps them stay focused longer.

I've recently started masturbating internally and always find that once I put about two inches in diagonally I find I can't go in farther. I thought this was because I hadn't actually gotten into my vaginal opening, so I took a look in a mirror. I found that past my labia minora there was a piece of pinkish skin. It appeared to be a lump, and I couldn't find a hole. I was too freaked out to touch it and see if I had an opening to the side. (age 12)

I think you're jumping to conclusions. You might show the lump to your mother or a doctor.

I had surgery recently because I had an imperforate hymen and vaginal septum. Right now my gynecologist is making me use a dilator that's a little bigger than a quarter. It's been two months and I no longer have any stiches but it still hurts. Will it hurt when I have intercourse in later life? Will I still bleed even though I don't have a hymen? (age 15)

Those are things to ask your doctor. I doubt it will still hurt. It will bleed if your doctor left some of the hymen in place. There would have been no need to remove it completely.

What do girls mean when they say they have an orgasm by using running water? (age 15)

A female can masturbate by directing water from a shower head or bathtub faucet at her vulva. I discourage this method of masturbation because it provides more stimulation than a female can get by masturbating with her hands or from a male in intercourse.

What does TMS do to you? Why is it bad? (age 12)

TMS does a poor job of simulating the feelings one gets in intercourse. As a result, most males and some females who practice TMS have trouble obtaining orgasm in intercourse. Some males also have trouble becoming erect in a satisfactory manner to have intercourse.

The last two times my boyfriend has performed manual intercourse on me, I have bled. The first time it bled a little, the second time a lot. I have only had sex once before and I never masturbate, so I think that it is because my hymen has broken, but the amount of blood lost concerns me. (age 21)

It probably is from your hymen. You might inspect with a mirror to see how much, if any, you have left of your hymen.

I'm a sexual assault nurse examiner in a hospital. I had a case come in that a 6 year old female was found to be masturbating by rubbing. Today I did a genital exam to look at her hymen. When I spread her labia, I didn't see much of a hymen and could see the vaginal vault wide open. Could this be because of the rubbing type of masturbation? (age 37)

If by rubbing, you mean thrusting (TMS), I don't think it would do much damage to the hymen. Masturbating with objects or inserting fingers is what would do that. It's hard to believe a six year old could masturbate roughly enough to eliminate so much of her hymen. If I were you, I would keep looking for evidence of sexual abuse.

Will masturbating with breadsticks give me a yeast infection? Which kinds are safer than others? Are frozen hot dogs safe or will I get salmonella from them? Can I transmit salmonella to my boyfriend? (age 19)

This is the fakest-sounding question I've answered all month. Breadsticks are cooked and the yeast in them should not be active. The dry, hard ones have less yeast than the soft ones and are easier to masturbate with anyway. (I can't believe I really said that.) Almost all the hot dogs you buy at the store are fully cooked and are not sources of salmonella. Make sure it says "fully cooked" on the package. I've never heard of salmonella being sexually transmitted, but if you have it, you might be able to transmit it through oral contact, like kissing.

Is it normal for females to watch porn? (female, age 18)

In the survey of females done for this web site, 100 of 171, or 58 percent, said they use pictures when they masturbate.

Can you get pregnant if you haven't had your first period yet? (age 12)

Yes. What females call their "period" comes at the end of the cycle. When the menstrual flow happens, the female ovulated about 14 days earlier. This means there is no way of knowing when your very first one happens.

I heard you can clean out a Windex bottle and put water into it and put the nozzle on stream and spray it against your clitoris. Is this safe? I want to find new ways to masturbate because I have been having trouble reaching orgasms. (age 13)

I advise against the use of running water. Your method also has an element of danger because of the possibility of a cleaning chemical remaining in that bottle. At your age, you should work on being more effective at conventional ways of masturbating.

I was worried reading about dangers of masturbating in the prone position as I enjoy that frequently together with a silicone dildo inside the vagina (basically like having sex with me on top of a pillow with dildo inside). I like to make myself very excited like this and then use fingers on my clitoris to have orgasms. I also use a vibrator when I am very excited and need to come more after I have done with fingers several times. I would like a man in my life. I am seeing someone who is 35, but I'm very shy and although I liked it, I told him to stop when he touched my breast. We only kiss but I would like to have sex. When I masturbate I think that I should just tell him to undress me and touch my body, but I'm afraid that he will think it is strange. Will he think I'm strange looking like a girl but wanting much sex? (age 18)

Masturbating prone is probably not as bad for females as for males, but you describe a pattern of using a lot of stimulation to get to orgasm. It would be better if you could learn to reach orgasm with less. You should communicate to your partner what you want and not tell him no when you mean yes. He will not think it's strange because he appears to be interested in having sex with you.

I'd like to know more about you. You hear about tons of girls and boys every day, but we never hear about you. Tell me something about the person giving me such good advice please. Great site by the way! (female, age 16)

I have overcome my history of TMS and started this site to help others. There were also times when I was younger that I would have liked to have a site like this to answer my questions. I'm very busy trying to get tenure at a major research university, but I answer questions on this site about two or three times a week.

Thanks for your advice - I'll look more carefully at things before putting two and two together next time. How rare is a labial hymen, anyway? (age 12)

A labial hymen is an extreme rarity. Much less than 1 in 2000. Probably 1 in 10,000.

Is it normal to get an orgasm - or, at the very least, aroused - by reading a book that says something vaguely sexual? (age 12)

Getting aroused that way would be normal but getting an orgasm would be abnormal in a good way.

When my boyfriend fingers my clitoris, I vibrate and shudder. Is that normal? (age 18)

Yes.

My boyfriend said he didnt come and there wasn't any ejaculate, but his penis did enter my vagina. Will that make me pregnant? (age 18)

It is rare for a male your age to penetrate a female and not have an orgasm. Even if he didn't, there could be tiny amounts of sperm on his penis, which could make you pregnant. It would be better for you to use birth control.

I touched my bf's penis while it was erect. It was too dark to see it so I just touched and played with it. Is it possible to get an STD by just touching him? Could there be a wound/sore around his genitals caused by any STD and if I touched it, am I going to have an STD too? (age 20)

I can't say it's impossible, but what you describe makes transmission of an STD extremely unlikely. No man could tolerate the stroking of an open sore on his penis. I think you would know if you felt one. And it is pretty unlikely you would be stroking him with an open sore on your hand. Perhaps you ought not be engaging in sexual behavior with someone you obviously don't trust.

What is "cum" or "come" and what is "horny"? I'm new to all this. Can you fill me in? (age 13)

It's good to be new. Orgasm is referred to informally as coming or cumming, and the fluid the male ejaculates is called come or cum. Horny means sexually aroused. You might want to read the glossary on this site, although it uses normal words and not slang.

Recently I have tried to have sex for the first time. It hurts when the penis is barely even in. By this time I am fully aroused and I just cant see why it isn't working for me. What can I do? (age 17)

It would be good to get through the time where it hurts. It often hurts less when the penis is fully in. It's kind of like how being a little bit in a cold pool (or thinking about being in one) is worse than being fully immersed in one. Your body gets used to it.

I masturbated with a removable shower head for the first time, and when I was done, my clitoris was much bigger than usual, and more sensitive. Is this normal? (age 13)

It's an expected consequence of masturbating that way.

Some girls I know find the concept of male and female maturbation to both be disgusting. Why might this be?

It's probably because they're not comfortable with the idea of playing with bodily fluids. Many people have this idea at some point in life but overcome it when they find out how much fun it can be. Males overcome it through wet dreams, if they haven't started masturbating already by that point. Or it could be she's embarrassed about her own masturbating and says it's disgusting to avoid having to discuss it.

I have never orgasmed when I masturbate; usually I masturbate every day. I get really wet, then I start to rhythmically rub my clitoris and grind my pelvis and moan as I am told this helps to orgasm. I recently rubbed a felt tip up and down my clitoris and it felt great. It lasted for about 5 seconds and then stopped. I don't think it was an orgasm because it felt nice but not that amazing. How can I orgasm? Please help I really REALLY want it! (age 13)

I think you're trying too hard. The nice feeling for 5 seconds might have been your first orgasm. They get better as you get more experienced at having them. Try to be more patient and just enjoy what you're doing even if you don't think you're having an orgasm.

I've been masturbating since I was 18 years old. I'm still a virgin. I can't seem to stop masturbating. I'm afraid that my future husband will know that I masturbated. Please tell me if a guy has a way of knowing if a girl masturbates. I feel extremely guilty of masturbating but I can't seem to stop. Please advise me on ways that I can stop masturbating. Thank you. (age 23)

Masturbation is normal and healthy and fun. You shouldn't want to stop. All males and most females do it. Females who masturbate have more orgasms in intercourse than those who don't. Your future partner will not be able to tell by looking that you masturbate.

Will swallowing semen make you pregnant? (age 20)

No, but it might make you very popular.

My sister taught me how to masturbate a couple of years ago. She's had sex and I am a virgin. She has a dildo and it's really big and she wants me to try it. I want to but I don't want to lose my virginity to a piece of plastic. She says that she'll do it for me. Should I do it? (age 14)

Masturbating with a dildo does not make you not a virgin. You should not let your sister use it on you. That's manual intercourse and it's homosexual activity and incestuous. If you want to do it yourself, that's another thing.

I will be 18 in four months. My breasts still don't even fill an A cup. My period is often irregular (I skip a couple of months or it will last for up to eleven days). Could these two things might be related? Most other females in my family have large B to C cup sizes. Is there something that might be medically wrong with me?

It would be worth talking to a doctor about. If your period is still irregular, there's a good chance your breasts haven't finished developing. You should learn to like your breasts even if they're small. Many men also like small breasts.

Sometimes I masturbate with a massager. It feels great and I always have multiple orgasms. But the next few days, I have pain in my pelvic and upper thigh area. Am I doing this too much??? Why do I have pain later on? I also orgasm so strongly that I urinate. Is this normal? (age 37)

You urinate because you don't have adequate control of your pelvic muscles. You feel pain because you are overdoing the massager masturbation. You ought to concentrate on masturbating with your hands and doing Kegel exercises to get control of your pelvic muscles.

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for a year or so but he thought it would be sexy to stick a large object into my vagina and have me move around. I did but then it hurt unbelievably bad for a second until I got it out. There was some blood on the object but not much. It has been 10 hours and if I stick my finger inside there is a small amount of blood and it is not my period. Did I scratch my insides? Is this a problem? Will it hurt our chances of kids someday? (age 22)

Only a doctor could answer that after an examination, but I am amazed you let him do that on the basis of what HE thought would be sexy. Anything that goes into your vagina should be as a result of what YOU find arousing.

I have a septate hymen. If I keep masturbating, will it finally break down the center and will I then have a normal entrance? (age 21)

If you are masturbating internally, especially with objects, I think that is pretty likely.

I have had orgasms externally, but I heard that G spot orgasms are even more intense. How do I reach those orgasm? (age 18)

You have to find your G spot, which is about halfway up your vagina on the top surface. Then you have to stimulate it while masturbating or having intercourse.

I haven't gotten my period yet, and I was wondering if it is OK to masturbate? Can someone who has not gotten her period yet have orgasms? (age 12)

Yes, it is OK. Some girls can have orgasms before they have their periods.

My boyfriend masturbates every chance he gets when I am asleep or not home or even just out of the room. I think that I am not pleasing him sexually, but I really try. This is really hurting the little confidence that I had with my body. He says he has always done it any chance he could get even while with other girlfriends. It is really bothering me. And does the fact that he puts something in his butt while he does this say that he is really bisexual? (age 28)

I think your boyfriend masturbates compulsively. That is a problem he might need professional help to deal with. It borders on emotional abuse that he's doing it when you're aware of it, and he knows it's hurtful to you. You could threaten to leave him if he doesn't cut down on masturbating or at least not do it when you're aware of it. I don't think use of the butt plug necessarily means he is gay or bisexual.

Sometimes if I hold my urine I can get an orgasm. I heard if you hold your urine it makes it harder for you to have an orgasm. (age 14)

Actually, the muscles you use to hold your urine are the same ones you need to gain control of an orgasm. These are the muscles females are urged to train with Kegel exercises. So holding your urine and having an orgasm are closely related skills.

I've never dated anyone before, or been kissed, mostly because I'm kind of shy. Recently, I've noticed some guys that go to my school have taken an interest in me. I have so much sexual energy that I'm afraid if I date one and we kiss, we won't be able to stop and it will escalate to something more before I really get to know the guy. What should I do? (age 17)

Don't be alone with the guy until you really get to know him. Most guys will stop when you tell them to, but some won't, and you have to be careful you're not with one of them.

I've been masturbating for long time but only externally by stimulating my clitoris. I've NEVER inserted anything inside. I used a mirror to see my hymen; all I found was very small opening. Is my hymen still there intact? Would the use of lubes hurt it? I get so wet before an orgasm. Is this normal? (age 23)

The small opening might be in the middle of your hymen. Lubes would not hurt the hymen. It's normal, and in fact, very good, to be wet before an orgasm.

While I'm at school, I might not be horny or anything, but I just feel a need to masturbate so in the middle of class I pull my arm inside my sweatshirt and finger myself. Is this compulsive masturbation? (age 15)

I think so. You're masturbating when you don't feel "horny," and that points to compulsion, and you're doing it where you stand a good chance of being caught. You might work at cutting that behavior out.

Every day my mom drives a bunch of us to and from school in our mini-van. Two days ago one of my friends was in the rear seat with her boyfriend and she performed manual intercourse on him. That night at home I heard Mom telling my dad she smelled semen in the car on the way home. Do you think she could really smell it? (age 14)

Yes, I do.

My boyfriend masturbates while reading stories about incest. Is this normal? (age 18)

People are known to read a variety of stories while masturbating. Some like to read about incest. I'd be more inclined to think of it as paraphilia instead of normal. It would be good if your boyfriend had other erotic interests.

I am a virgin and I have not masturbated before. I get very throbby down below when I think about sex or read erotic stories. I want to have sex but want to wait for the right person but all I can think about is sex. Will masturbating release the tension? (age 23)

Yes, it will. Good luck.

I have been masturbating externally since was about 6 or 7. Just recently I tried masturbating internally and it wasn't the same; I had no orgasm at all. Could you tell me why? What else could I use other than a vibrator internally? I LOVE YOUR SITE!!! (age 17)

Vibrators are normally used externally. If you are going inside, you should try to supplement what are you doing externally rather than replace it. It's just new feelings to get used to. If you decide to keep masturbating internally, you will find feelings you like and get used to them.

I am scared to put things in my vagina, I think it might hurt. I haven't even used a tampon yet. How can I get over this? Will it hurt to have something in my vagina? (age 14)

I think you'll get over your fear as you get older. It might be uncomfortable at first but you'll get used to it.

My breasts have grown too much. Their size is 40DD. I don't wear a bra because I can't find one for my breasts. My nipples can clearly be seen through my shirt. I can't even hug my boyfriend because of them. Is there any method to decrease the size? Also, my vagina is too narrow. (age 16)

First, the easy part: All you have to do is relax a little and it will be easier for your vagina to expand. Don't have sex unless you are very comfortable. Your boyfriend should get you ready with his hand before he penetrates you. The oversize breasts are a more difficult problem. It shouldn't be too much trouble to find the correct size bra through mail or Internet order. A permanent solution would be breast-reduction surgery, which is very complicated and expensive. If you have health insurance, there's a chance they would cover such surgery if you could show the breasts are causing you a disability.

I've been masturbating for a while now, but I only stick to rubbing. I get a sore feeling after I orgasm. Does this mean that I have broken my hymen? (age 17)

Not necessarily. If you're masturbating externally, your hymen isn't involved. If you're sore, you're probably doing something wrong. Perhaps try using less force.

I am afraid that I am too tight for a dildo, and I am scared of using one. Am I too young? (age 14)

I see no reason for you to use one at your age, or to masturbate internally at all. Why not get more experienced with your external parts and the feelings you can get from them?

I am sexually active and am due for my period to start soon. I really haven't been worrying, but I'm still wondering if I may be pregnant. Does masturbation make your period come sooner? I have been experiencing breast soreness and light cramps, but I still haven't started. (age 15)

Masturbation won't make your period come sooner (or at all), but it might ease the stress caused by the worrying (that you haven't been doing.)

I had sex recently for the first time. My partner entered almost his entire penis but I didn't bleed at all. I've read that not all women do so. I don't remember having any accident that hurt my hymen. How is this possible? (age 25)

There doesn't have to be a single accident that does away with the hymen. It can erode slowly through masturbation, tampon use, gynecological examination, and even vigorous exercise. Very few women at 25, even virgins, would have intact hymens. Also, the amount of bleeding a female does upon breaking of the hymen is dependent on the blood flow in the hymen. Some have more dense networks of blood vessels and therefore bleed heavily while others have poor circulation in the hymen and bleed only a little or not at all.

It is normal for a female to release bodily fluids when masturbating or during intercourse, but I frequently have a discharge in the crotch of my panties. Is there something wrong with me? Or do plenty of girls get like this? Its embarrassing and makes me self conscious not knowing if its normal.

A lot of females have a discharge like you describe. It doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong. You could mention it to your doctor next time, but it might just be a matter of changing underwear when it happens. You don't need to be self-conscious.

I have been masturbating for years without success, without orgasm. I have reached orgasm in intercourse. I believe masturbation is healthy for both sexes and yet I don't seem to be able to follow through on my own. Please help me! (age 32)

It is usually easier for women to reach orgasm in masturbation than in intercourse. The thing to do is to relax and focus on what you enjoy at the same time. Do it when you can take your time.

My labia appear to be long and have a hanging effect. Is this normal? (age 19)

That is normal.

I fingered myself the other day and when I removed my finger, there was white thicker discharge on it. Could you tell me if this is some sort of vaginal infection? (age 17)

This is a medical question. If you are afraid to speak with an adult about it, you should keep an eye on it to see if the substance becomes a problem (irritating, itchy, odorous, etc.) If so, you need to see a doctor. If it comes and goes depending on fingering activity, without anything else happening, it's probably just normal excretions.

I have just started to masturbate internally but I can't seem to get an orgasm without stimulating my clit. How can I correct? Am I not using something big enough? (age 18)

You should expect to have to stimulate your clitoris, since that is how you are accustomed to having orgasms. Internal masturbation is best when it supplements, rather than replaces, external masturbation.

I want to give my boyfriend oral sex. I know I'm young, but many teens now have sex at my age. Many of my friends have already had some form of sex. My boyfriend and I have a very strong relationship, respect each other and are very supportive of each other. Please tell me more about this act. Knowing more about it might make me change my mind and I may not want to do it anymore. (age 15)

I think you're better off waiting. If you're so apt to change your mind about it, I think actually engaging in oral sex would trigger some unhappy thoughts and feelings for you. Why not wait until you're absolutely certain it's what you want to do?

I am scared to put things in my vagina. I think it might hurt. I haven't even used a tampon yet. How can I get over this? Will it hurt to have something in my vagina? (age 14)

It won't hurt to put something in your vagina. But if you're uptight, it could be slightly uncomfortable. Get a package of beginner tampons and follow the instructions carefully. That will get you used to putting something in.

I have had sex three times and it was very painful every time. I never bleed from masturbation or from sex. Does that mean my hymen isn't broken? I have a bit of skin covering my vagina, but I can move it out of the way and see my vaginal opening. Is that flap of skin my hymen? (age 16)

That flap could be part of your hymen. You ought to get used to the feeling of intercourse. It would help to relax more. If intercourse continues to be painful, you might see a doctor about a possible anatomic problem or surgical removal of your hymen remnant.

What is the vagina supposed to smell like, before you replied with a body fluid smell, but what do you mean by this? Is there any other way you can describe the smell? A lot of my friends have had sex or been fingered, but I'm nervous to let my boyfriend finger me, because I have heard of guys saying their fingers came out smelling bad, or were covered in some gross layer. What should actually happen, and will the fingers be wet, or have an odor? What age would you recommend to have sex at? How old are you? (age 15)

I'm the age Jack Benny frequently claimed to be. I don't know that any single age is old enough to have sex, but I know that 15 is too young. Why not wait until you're able to deal with the consequences of having sex? If you're self-conscious about the smell, you're less likely to enjoy the experience. Males generally enjoy sex enough that they're willing to endure smells and textures that they might otherwise regard as unpleasant. A classy guy would never bad-mouth the experience of sex he had with a female in any way. If you really want to know what your vagina smells or tastes like, well, the answer is a little bit below your navel.

I'm in a long distance relationship in which I see my boyfriend every 4 months. I expect him to masturbate in the interim. I was curious what he uses to masturbate and he says he masturbates 1-2 times a week using Internet porn. I find this disturbing as if he's a porn addict or something. He claims on average he masturbates 3 times a week. I don't believe him. I think its more. Does that sound normal to you? My main issue is his obsession with the Internet porn. (age 20)

I really think you are the one obsessed with Internet porn. If what he is saying is true, I don't think he has any kind of problem. I don't think your relationship will last if you don't trust his answers to questions that weren't any of your business in the first place.

My husband of six years and I used to have a healthy sex life but now he masturbates frequently and we rarely have sex. Does masturbating daily interfere with normal ejaculation when having sex with a female partner? (age 47)

Yes, it does. You might need to see a professional together to work this out. Your husband seems to have consciously gone from intercourse with you to masturbation. The reasons for that are important.

For a girl to not be a virgin, does she have to have had vaginal intercourse with a guy? My girlfriend and I fooled around, touched each other and stuff. I am a lesbian. (Yes, I'm sure!) Does that count as sex, as I know it is a broad term. Am I still a virgin? (age 13)

I must say 13 is a young age to be sure you're a lesbian. Most adult lesbians weren't sure until they were much older. Everyone agrees that someone who has had vaginal intercourse is not a virgin. Everyone agrees that someone who has done nothing genitally with another person is a virgin. There are a lot of opinions in between those two. Different people will have different opinions as to whether you're a virgin. What you describe is sex, but not everyone agrees it constitutes virginity-vacating sexual intercourse.

Is there a reason you encourage women to masturbate externally rather than internally? Is it usually better, more intense, or something else? Also, when I orgasm, my nipples don't erect. (age 20)

It is better for females to learn to masturbate externally because the external parts (specifically the clitoris) are more attuned to orgasm than the vagina is. Perhaps you're not having true orgasms or the reaction is very minute. Don't worry about it.

I am a virgin and I have read some of the comments from younger girls having trouble feeling pleasure or much of anything when they masturbate. I had the same problem until I was probably 19 years old. Now I enjoy great orgasms; I bet it will happen in time for those other girls too! (age 20)

Thank you for sharing your nice story!

Why is it a good idea for men to withdraw their penises before they become soft? (age 20)

Because the condom is only effective if it clings to the erect penis. Once the penis goes limp, the condom comes loose and can leak over the top into the vagina.

I'm a virgin but I'm into masturbation! How does a girl know how many orgasms she has had? Is it the breathing? Is it the contractions? How do I know how many times I come in one session? How do I know when one starts and another begins? (age 18)

That is an unresolved question, but I look at it this way: Separate orgasms involve the person going back to a state of equilibrium in between. So if a person has several orgasmic feelings in a short space, I think they are waves in a single orgasm.

I try to masturbate externally sometimes and some of my muscles contract, but I don't really feel anything. If it isn't normal, would you suggest something else? (age 19)

It's possible you just need to relax and concentrate more. Try to make it feel good even if you're not having an orgasm. Lots of women start masturbating internally when they're not being satisfied by external masturbation.

I'm a survivor of sexual abuse as a child and I worry that it caused damage over time. I've also ridden horses weekly since I was 4, and I've heard that too can cause damage. Though I've been masturbating since 4, I've never been able to orgasm. I've read numerous sites on techniques, but nothing seems to work! Even when very aroused, my clitoris just doesn't feel as sensitive when rubbed as other women describe. How can I find out if my problem is because of nerve damage, psychological damage, or just poor skills? Is there a way for me to tell, or a test my doctor could do? (age 18)

The chances that you were damaged by either sexual abuse or horse riding are low. You should stop worrying about those things and just concentrate on enjoying masturbation. Once you're not focused on those troubles, I think you'll start feeling more sensitive.

When I masturbate and reach orgasm, it feels much more intense than when I have sex. Is there a different orgasm from clitoral stimulation than vaginal stimulation? (age 17)

Most females have an easier time reaching orgasm through masturbation than intercourse. It's not really a function of anatomy. It's more about you focusing on your own feelings and doing what you like. It's just easier for a person to bring his or herself to orgasm instead of a partner doing it.

I've been fingered more than a few times. Does this mean that my hymen has more than likely already been penetrated? It didn't hurt the first time and I've never bled during. I also masturbated before I was ever fingered. Could this have eroded my hymen? (age 18)

Your hymen has definitely been penetrated. Masturbating could indeed have eroded your hymen. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

I have heard others say that when a guy has sexual intercourse with a girl, he "pops her cherry." What exactly does this term mean? (age 18)

The cherry is a slang term for the hymen, and "popping her cherry" refers to being her first sexual partner.

I keep reading about how masturbation relieves menstral cramps. For some weird reason, I get cramps almost every day of my cycle, and masturbation makes it hurt worse. Should I talk to an OB/Gyn? What is a pelvic exam like? I haven't had one yet; I'm too nervous. (age 19)

I don't think you need an OB/GYN to deal with your menstrual cramps or why masturbation makes it worse. That's a better topic to deal with in a women's group online. The pelvic exam makes a a lot of people uncomfortable (as do many medical exams) but make sure the doctor knows you're nervous and he or she can work at making you more comfortable.

I noticed some little whitish dots on the tips of my nipples. Could they be milk ducts or something else? (age 19)

You should have them checked out by a gynecologist. They're probably normal. Many women have white bumps on their nipples; they could be anything from skin condition, to small pimples, to ducts.

Another female reader responds:

Those "white bumps" are most likely Montgomery's Tubercules. These are small glands that secrete a waxy substance which helps keep the skin of the areolas and nipples soft and moisturized. All women have them, although they are more prominent in some women than others. These glands will also become larger after childbirth to help keep the nipples from drying out due to breastfeeding.

I love your site! It's really useful and has taught me not to be ashamed of masturbating. I don't really get pleasure from fingering, and I cant get my fingers up far anyway, I've been told its because I haven't broken my hymen, so how can I break it? Will it feel better if I do? When I rub my clitoris, if I do it for more than a few seconds, it starts to get a little bit painful. I don't know how to get an orgasm. Any advice? (age 14)

You should work at stimulating the area around the clitoris and not the clitoris directly. That's how most girls your age masturbate. Don't worry about your hymen or internal masturbation for now. That might happen later.

I started masturbating when I was 11. I just love pleasuring myself! I do it as soon as I wake up and also before I fall asleep. I also love looking at my body. I have a full length mirror in my room and have often watched myself as I bring myself to orgasm. Recently I have been masturbating in front of my mirror, and tasting myself on my fingers. I will switch hands so I can always have one between my legs and one in my mouth. Do a lot of girls do this? Am I normal? (age 15)

I think a lot of females do that occasionally, but it's not good for you to be doing it constantly. Try to have more than one thing that turns you on.

I have been masturbating for many years, and I have had two partners. During one intercourse last year, I had bleeding and it continued for a week; I think my hymen was septate, but now the lower part of the hymen is torn and it is like throat with uvula. Could you please tell me whether I am still a virgin and whether this period of bleeding is normal and how can I restore it and after restoring is it take a long time to be torn again?

You are not a virgin because you have had intercourse. It does not matter if all or part of your hymen is left. A doctor could remove the hymen remnants, but there is really no need for this. The hymen will eventually go away through continued intercourse.

My boyfriend keeps asking me if I'd like to be fisted before we have sex. Can you please explain this and is it safe? (age 19)

Fisting is the insertion of a fist into the vagina. It probably wouldn't be comfortable unless you're used to having multiple fingers inside at once. It's not much less safe than fingering.

Can masturbating with a vibrator prevent breasts from growing?

No.

If you have oral sex performed on you, will you lose your virginity? I was thinking about this for a few weeks and I needed an honest but impartial source for the answer. I've asked many questions here before and I'm grateful to you for your answers since they made me feel better about an important part of my life. (age 19)

Some people think if you have had oral sex, you are not a virgin. There are different standards for virginity. The only way you can be sure that everyone regards you as a virgin is to do nothing at all "below the waist," either yours or your partner's.

I am 17 years old, and my boyfriend of a year admitted to me his way of masturbating. I told him I had read about it and it was called TMS. He is embarrassed by it and says he knows it isn't good (he says he does it an average of once a week), but he says the conventional way takes too much effort and does nothing for him. I realize now that his masturbating technique is the reason he can never reach orgasm when I perform oral sex on him or try to please him with my own hand. He reaches orgasm during sexual intercourse. What can I do to help him? I feel bad for making a big deal of it, but I want to be able to please him. Please help!

There really isn't anything you can do besides let him know what you've learned about TMS. He has to want to change himself. It's good that he can reach orgasm in intercourse, but that also takes away most of his motivation to change. Also, he can't do the TMS-cure program recommended on this site while he is sexually active in any way. So you can understand why it would be difficult for him to go through with it. I think he'd be better off if he tried, even if it means a month or so with no sex.

I've always masturbated prone. It feels good and ends with a small peak of pleasure, but I don't think I'm having orgasms. Trying it other ways doesn't bring me anywhere near what little I do feel prone. I've never had sex, and I have only had oral sex once, with no orgasm. The experience felt "nice," but that's it. Is it because I'm used to the much stronger pressure I use with my hand while masturbating face down? In trying to masturbate laying on my back, should I not use so much pressure? Will I be able to "unlearn" doing it prone after 6 or 7 years, and how? (age 19)

A lot of females lack notable orgasms at your age. Women who masturbate prone tend to have fewer orgasms in sex than women who masturbate supine. I don't know that you can conclude based on one unsatisfactory experience of cunnilingus that prone masturbation is to blame. I think it would be better for you if you quit and learned to masturbate on your back. Using less and less pressure is to be desired. Others have quit, and you can too. The cure program I recommend for males on this site is apt to help you too.

How does a woman know if she's aroused? (age 19)

The main signs are her vagina will lubricate and her nipples will erect.

I've been masturbating a while now find myself fantasizing about giving birth to a baby, like rubbing while pushing or an "examination." I also get turned on by women giving birth. Is this normal and why does it turn me on? (age 16)

Many women want to give birth someday, and it's normal to think about it. However, fantasizing about it sexually makes it a paraphilia, an unusual stimulus. A paraphilia is probably not harmful unless it's the only thing that turns you on. Try to have more than one erotic interest.

Is it easier for women who masturbate internally to have orgasms during intercourse? (age 20)

It's easier for women who masturbate to have orgasms during intercourse that women who don't masturbate, but I don't know of any research that says it's easier for women who masturbate internally as opposed to externally.

Recently, during intercourse, I bled. Could he have have punctured something even though nothing looked abnormal and the bleeding stopped? This has only happened once also. Anyway, I love your informative site. (age 23)

Only an internal exam could tell if something was punctured. If it hasn't bled since, you probably don't have anything to worry about.

Can a doctor know you are no longer a virgin by using that device used to verify the fetus in a uterus? Can a doctor know whether you masturbate or not? How can you see your hymen in a mirror? (age 15)

A doctor can't tell if you're a virgin that way and I doubt a doctor could tell with more than 50 percent accuracy whether or not a female masturbates. The hymen can be seen easily if you position yourself correctly and part your labia sufficiently.

I feel sexually turned on by another Christian friend of mine who is married and eight years older than I am. I don't want to have sex with her anymore, but I'd like to get naked with her sometime just so we can look at and explore each other's bodies and private body parts (more out of curiosity than for sexual reasons). This friend of mine used to be a lesbian. If she consented to it or made it her own idea, would it be OK for us to see each other naked, even explore each other's bodies and private body parts, or would the two of us be treading dangerous waters if we did so, concerning our religious beliefs? (age 37)

I don't think any of that is a good idea. If you want to explore lesbian sex, you can find a lesbian woman who isn't married without jeopardizing an existing friendship. I don't think religious beliefs are as much an issue as that.

My boyfriend is unable to orgasm in front of anyone and it bothers me that I am unable to see it when it's easy for me to do it in front of him. I've even asked him to tape it since I can't be in the same room when it happens. Is there something he could try to help him get off with me, or is there some way I can get over this and get it through my head I may never get to see that side of him? (age 31)

If he is unable to orgasm in sexual intercourse, then you have something to work on. If you are only interested in watching him masturbate, I think you are out of luck. I would be prepared to dump any woman who expected me to tape it for her.

I'm a 20 year old girl who is still a virgin. I am dating someone and think that I might have sex with him because I like him. What do people who are going out do if they're not having sex? Can we only engage in oral sex and masturbation? Also, what is a right time to have sex? Please help!

People do a lot of things, like go to movies, and walk in the park, and the camper and RV show. There are a lot of sexual activities people can do when they don't want to engage in vaginal intercourse. A lot of people find manual intercourse (what some people call mutual masturbation) a lot of fun. I don't know that there's a right time to have sex, but I think there's more of it going on after sunset.

My boyfriend has what I believe to be a callus on his penis just below the head. He says it is from masturbating. Could one get a callus this way, or is he in denial about it being something else?

Thanks for your web site, I just read through it and is the most informative one I?e seen. (age 32)

Yes, it is possible to get a callus from masturbating. It should go away within a few days if one changed the motion that was causing it. Lube is apt to help. If it would ease your mind, he should get it checked by a doctor.

I've been using tampons since I first got my period (but I only wear them when I feel I need to, such as for certain sports). It hurts a little when I insert them, and it's kind of hard, but I usually don't have much of a problem, but when I take out the tampons it's quite painful. I'm pretty sure it's my hymen (not positive, but I know it's there from masturbation, etc.). Is there something wrong with me? Is there any way to fix this? (age 15)

You're most likely inserting the tampon wrong. You're supposed to insert it slightly tilted back, because that is the shape of the vagina. It takes some practice to get it right. And the tampon is probably tilted when you pull it out, which causes you additional pain. You could try feeling the inside with a finger first, just make sure it's clean. It might also be a good idea to try a smaller tampon. So don't worry and keep practicing.

I want to have oral sex with my b/f of 1 year and I'm ready and everything, but I saw a discussion of oral sex on TV and after the guy gave her oral sex, she referred to her fluids being "all over his face." Is that normal? Is it normal to get vaginal discharge throughout the day? It's white or clear but it just doesn't smell right. Also, I get really wet when I'm aroused. Is this normal? (age 17)

It's normal to get very wet, but that means your partner who performs cunnilingus on you is apt to get some on his face. You should try not to be self-conscious of this, and if you are, it suggests you're not "ready and everything." Only a doctor can tell you if your vaginal discharge is normal or not. If it bothers you, you should get it checked out.

Just in response to those girls worried about their chests not growing, I didn't reach my full cup size (DD) until I was 24. (age 29)

Thanks for your help.

My boyfriend and I started having sex 6 months ago. He has trouble getting erect, but once it happens he can stay hard for a long time. He wants me to dress provocatively and dance in front of him for 15 minutes before he gets hard. I sometimes have my orgasm before he does and he just can't seem to finish inside my vagina. I think he's masturbated too much in his life so my vagina just doesn't give him the sensation he wants. I'm not sure I want to be with him because our sex life is too strange. I don't like that our sex life is dictated by his fantasies. His body is not the greatest. I don't make him work out in the gym for hours in order to turn me on. Do you think this is normal? (age 29)

Your boyfriend has several troublesome problems. He has erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia and a narrow range of erotic interests. The pattern you describe is often caused by TMS. If you don't want to put in the time needed to arouse him, and he doesn't want help, you should move on. One stopgap solution might be for him to use visual aids to get aroused so you don't have to try so hard. Most men are horrified at the thought of using visual aids when having intercourse, so you will have to assure him it's what you want.

I have been having sex now for 3-4 years with the same partner. After we have intercourse, I have a burning sensation in the inner wall of my vagina and sometimes the outer part. I have been to the doctors, and we ruled out being allergic to his semen, condoms, a yeast infection and a bladder infection. I have been to an Ob/Gyn and she couldn't find anything. I don't know what else could be wrong, but it is a big concern for me especially since this hasn't always been this way. It started 2 years ago, and it comes and goes. (age 23)

If those doctors couldn't establish anything, I don't know that I would know anything different. But if any of my female readers have an idea, please pass it along.

I heard that oral sex is illegal in some states. Is this true? (age 12)

The Supreme Court of the United States recently ruled that laws prohibiting sodomy are unconstitutional. Thus, states cannot prohibit oral sex among consenting adults. However, it might be possible for states to prohibit oral sex involving minors.

I love to masturbate, but I can only reach orgasm by sticking my clitoris under the faucet in the bathtub. When I get an orgasm (usually after 5 minutes), it usually isn't very big. I want to learn how to do it with my hands but it doesn't feel good when I try it.

You ought to stay away from masturbating for a week or so, and then try it again with your hands. Just focus on what feels good.

I lost my virginity yesterday at 11:00 a.m., today it is 9:45 p.m. and I still have blood coming out. Is this normal? And when it stops, if I have sex again within a couple of hours, will I start bleeding again? (age 16)

It's normal to have some bleeding with the breaking of the hymen. There is apt to be a small amount of bleeding for your next few sexual experiences since it is likely there is still some hymen left.

In the bath yesterday, I put my vulva under the faucet and it felt really good. About a minute later, I started to shake. Is that normal? I read in your site that doing that is not very good. Could this possibly break the hymen? And am I still a virgin? I've only done that about 3 times. Will I be still be safe if I quit doing it, or is it too late? And do you know any ways to masturbate without coming near the hymen? (age 13)

Masturbating does not make you not a virgin. It's unlikely what you did broke your hymen. The response you had is normal. It's better if you could masturbate by stroking your external genitalia (clitoris and labia) which is what most women and nearly all girls your age do.

I want to let you know how good I think your site is. If there were something like this available when I was growing up, it would have helped me a lot.

I just can't get an orgasm and touching myself is getting boring. What do I do? (age 12)

Just keep up the touches when it feels good, and better feelings and orgasms will come in time.

Why do you discourage masturbation face down? (age 17)

Because face-down masturbation in males has been implicated in some serious sexual issues. It is also suspected of causing sexual troubles for women.

I have had sex only a few times and I have had an orgasm sex yet. I have never reached orgasm without external masturbation. When I was younger I running water to masturbate. Do you have any sugestions on how I can reach orgasm during sex? (age 16)

A few times isn't a good indicator. As you become more experienced, you're apt to relax more and that will make it easier for you to have an orgasm. Many females masturbate while having sex in order to have an orgasm.

I am 18 years old and haven't had my period in seven months. Is there a problem? I have always been abnormal, but never this abnormal. Will this hinder me from having children? Should I see a doctor?

I think you should. Your problem is really beyond the scope of this site.

I am a 32B now and wondering if my breasts will get any bigger. I have often thought about breast implants. Will I continue to grow or should I consider implants? (age 18)

You might get a little bigger, but 32B is a very nice size! It might be best if you could learn to like your breasts the way they are.

I want to have sex with one of my former high school teachers. We flirt all the time and sometimes he comes to my house, but we always sort of "chicken" out. But I want him so bad, how can I let him know without scaring him off? (age 21)

I think you're there. Next time he's at your house, give him a really nice kiss. Then things should fall into place.

I am married and although I love my husband, I try to avoid sex. I have never had an orgasm with a partner and although I used to be able to successfully masturbate, I am now always unsuccessful and have stopped even trying. When we do have sex, I try to concentrate on feeling good but mostly I feel nothing. My husband is aware of the situation but after numerous unsuccessful attempts at me showing him how I like to be touched or me initiating the sex, we have both let the issue lie. My sexuality is definitely on a back burner and I don't think I have a physical problem. I am now tired of it and would like to avoid the whole experience because I know he feels guilty when I don't feel pleasure, and I feel guilty when I know he feels badly. I have gone back to my old trick of pretending I like it. Any suggestions? (age 26)

I think there are support groups for women in your situation. You might join one. You might also decide to let your husband enjoy his sexuality with you. Just tell him to do what feels good for him and not worry about satisfying you. It will probably be over in 3-5 minutes and your marriage will not feel as much of a strain. Then you can work on enjoying it when you decide to take your sexuality off the back burner.

I have a dildo, and I put a sheet around the dildo and put it inside my vagina that way. It feels so much better. Is this way of masturbation wrong or unhealthy? (age 13)

I think the dildo being too uncomfortable means you're too young for it. It would be more healthy for you to learn to use your hands.

I'm short for my age and small. My boyfriend is tall and large. I think his penis might be too big for me. We're new to sex and it doesn't feel right. I love your site! (age 17)

Lots of females feel too small for the penis when they're new to sex. In you, it is compounded due to the difference in size. Try to relax and see if it gets more comfortable. It probably will. If not, you might be better suited to someone smaller.

I masturbate, and I skipped my period. Is it because of masturbating? (age 13)

It's because you're young.

My clit looks like a very, very small penis. Is this normal? (age 13)

Yes.

I just recently had sex with my boyfriend without a condom. When I was younger my dad always told me to come and tell him if I was sexually active. So I went and told my dad. I asked him if he would take me to get a pregnancy test. He said he wouldn't unless my mom agreed with the idea of having me tested. So, naturally he wants me to dicuss it with my mom. If my mom finds out that I had sex, she won't let me see my boyfriend anymore. My dad won't take me to get a pregnancy test. I don't want my mom to know. Is there any way that I could get one without parental consent? (age 15)

In most states, you can get one from a doctor without parental consent, and then there are home pregnancy tests, which I don't believe are age-restricted.

I have woken up several times in the past couple of weeks to find my boyfriend masturbating in his sleep. Is this normal for guys or should I be concerned? (age 25)

It's kind of unusual, like sleepwalking. Your boyfriend would probably be horrified at first if you told him he was doing it, but I think he would want you to help him stop it, so he can save his sexuality for when he's awake.

I masturbate by using a pillow and pretending to have sex with it. Then I have an urge to go faster. After a while I feel a great pleasure and I slow down. After that I can't do it again. Was that an orgasm? Why can't I do it again? I don't have my period, but I want to try and use my finger to masturbate. Can I do it even though I haven't gotten my period? (age 13)

It could very well have been an orgasm. You can't masturbate again right away because your body needs time to recover from the orgasm. You don't have to have your period in order to masturbate with your hand.

If you've masturbated externaly for a long time will your hymen get looser? I'm afraid to insert my fingers when I masturbate. Will it hurt if I do? (age 21)

Masturbating externally is apt to have no effect on the hymen. It shouldn't hurt to insert your fingers, and you can always adjust your movements if it does.

I was just wondering if you have a faith, and if you do what is it? Because it doesn't seem to be Christian. And if you are Christian, how do you feel about premarital sex? (age 22)

You must have missed my page for Christians, where I specifically state that I am one. Many Christians want to wait for marriage, and I respect that. But most Chistians do not wait for marriage. I think it is useful if individual Christians can decide in advance under what circumstances they will engage in premarital sex.

Follow-up: I question you because handing out sexual advice to children and unmarried adults does not follow the teachings of the Christian bible, which you cannot possibly be studying from. In order to rightfully say that you are a good Christian, it would seemingly follow that you would answer your messages in a way that conveyed Christ's teachings. All in all, if people have to guess or wonder if you're a Christian, then you must not be as a good a Christian as you say you are. One side of the fence or the other, make a decision.

Oh, get off your high horse. This is not specifically a Christian site. This site is based on tenets of sexual health, and I occasionally give Christian-based replies to people who ask for them. Not all Christians share your narrow view of sexuality. In fact, not very many do. You would seem to have me tell every unmarried person who asks about sexual intercourse, "wait until you're married." I don't think I've ever told anyone that, although I frequently tell people under 18 to wait until they're older. Most of the Christians I know didn't wait for marriage, and for me, waiting that long was a recipe for sexual disaster. Is it your place to judge the faith of another?

You've given me so much help and I'd just like to thank you for this wonderful web site. (age 13)

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months. We waited to have sex until a month and a half ago. He has only been able to reach orgasm during sex once. It is starting to cause a lot of stress in our relationship. Before we had intercourse, I gave him oral sex and he was able to orgasm the first 4 times and now he can't reach orgasm that way either. He says that he can reach orgasm during masturbation and that he used to be able to reach orgasm during sex, only not with me. He does get erections and says that I turn him on. It's just that he cant finish. What could possibly be the problem? If I sexually stimulate him, why cant he reach orgasm? (age 24)

It might have been too soon since his last ejaculation. He should abstain from ejaculating for 3-4 days before your next encounter. Once you're sexually successful, he can reduce that interval.

Is it true if you masturbate too much it's possible to lose your eggs that way? This has been bothering me lately because when you have an orgasm does the female release one of her eggs? Is it possible you release an egg even when you masturbate? (age 13)

Release of ova is not related to orgasm. Masturbating will not cause you to lose ova.

My boyfriend asked me to give him a hand job sometime. Can you tell me how? (age 16)

It's better if you ask him. He's the one who knows what he likes. Tell him to take your hand and show you what to do with it.

This site has been really interesting and helpful. While I struggle with the fact that my fianc masturbates daily, he is able to perform fine during intercourse nightly. I usually masturbate daily as well, but since I was very young 8 or 9 years old, I started masturbating by rubbing my clitoris on the corner edge of a bed or something hard like that. I discovered recently that this is a prone position and isn't normal or healthy. I have always wondered why I could not orgasm during sex like I do when I masturbate. I have found that my partner can produce a response short of orgasm in certain positions, but it is not the same as I get masturbating. I can also reach orgasm on top of him only by grinding my clit on his pubic bone. I stopped masturbating about 5 days ago following the advice for guys on your site, although we have still been having sex, but I haven't had an orgasm yet. I am afraid to get myself turned on alone because I know I will revert to the old methods. I tried once to do it in the traditional style with a dildo while I rubbed my clit, but it took 20 minutes and nothing came of it. I am a mother of 2, and have not a whole lot of alone time. Help! (age 28)

Although it is not clear that there is a female equivalent of TMS, you have one of the strongest potential cases I've seen. It is good that you want to give up prone masturbation, but you have to give up intercourse too during the abstention period. It might take you much longer than 20 minutes the first few times you try to masturbate conventionally. Don't give up, and don't worry too much if you wind up masturbating prone along the way. Most males who have been cured of TMS still cheat occasionally with a session of prone masturbation.

At least I know that I'm not alone in this issue. I am 29 years old, have been sexually active for 13 years and have never had an orgasm in any way other than in a derivative of the prone position. I began masturbating at the age of 3 years old by rubbing against the floor or a bed (never used pillows, blankets, etc.) It was very tiring and took approximately 5-7 minutes. At the age of 8 years old I self-discovered the following way and have been practicing in this fashion for 21 years. I roll a bathroom towel and place it between myself and a piece of furniture and then mount and hump the edge of furniture (the edge of a desk or a bathroom sink exclusively) for approximately 1 minute, resulting in a 3 second orgasm. I rub my pubic bone and mons.

I have never had an orgasm by touching my own clitoris, by oral sex, or by penetration. I've tried your techniques but they haven't worked (I've abstained for WEEKS to no avail) Has doing this so frequently for 26 years resulted in some permanent damage? While perusing your site, I notice you are even more opposed to humping furniture than a bed or floor. Since I am masturbating "standing up" against furniture, is it damaging in the same way? I have read that many women do not have orgasms through penetration, so is my inability to have orgasms in any way due to that, masturbating prone or both? It is horrible to not be able to come to orgasm via my hand, vibrator, oral sex or penetration.

I have never heard of a case of TMS that was intractable, although some males take longer to be cured than others. The question of whether there is a female TMS is still up in the air, but you have obviously been habituated to an idiosyncratic method of masturbating. I would encourage you to try the abstinence routine again. I doubt you have physical damage, but since it is so worrisome to you, it might be worthwhile to tell your OB/GYN and ask him or her to do a more thorough than usual examination of your genitalia for signs of trauma. Don't worry about not orgasming through penetration right now. Just focus on developing orgasmic ability through conventional masturbation.

Thanks for answering all my questions! Because of your help, I now know more about a vital part of my life. I was wondering about the G-spot. Specifically, how do I know I've found it and if I can actually stimulate it sufficiently during masturbation? I thought I found it earlier this week; it was about the size of a small walnut and very ridged and firm. Is this it? (age 19)

The G-spot doesn't have any particular feel. That's why it's so hard to find. It's merely a very sensitive spot on the upper surface of the vagina. You'll know you've found it when it stroking it consistently gives you more intense orgasms. It's most likely to be active right after an orgasm has begun.

Should females do something with their breasts while masturbating? (age 12)

Many females touch or fondle their breasts while masturbating, but this is not something essential to producing a sexual response.

Is there really a such thing as a 10 inch penis? My friend was telling me that some men have 10, 11, 12 and even 13" penises. (age 21)

Yes. The longest penis on record was 13 1/2 inches. But only 2.8 percent of men exceed 7.5 inches. 85 percent of men are between 5 and 7 inches.

I have never experienced orgasm even though I enjoy foreplay. How I can achieve this? I recently got a sex toy but it is strange to use. Any advice? (age 29)

It's better if you can learn with your hands. They shouldn't feel strange. You can try touching in the same places you like being touched in foreplay. Find what you like and do it over and over.

In my culture, I'm expected to stay a virgin until I get married, and I'm happy to comply, but I've been masturbating internally for a while now and I'm worried that my vagina will expand so much that my future husband will think I'm not a virgin. I would really like to avoid this as it would be considered a great shame and embarrassment. Is it possible for a man to tell if a woman has been masturbating? Is the width of 2 fingers anywhere near the width of the average penis? (age 16)

I doubt that a man could tell, especially if he is supposed to be a virgin too. There is variation in the feel of vaginas. Two fingers is about the same width as an average penis.

My boyfriend masturbates every day. The only reason I know is because I checked his Internet history. I don't care that he masturbates, but it takes him too long to finish when we have sex that night. He doesn't seem as excited as he does when he hasn't masturbated that day, I can tell the difference. He doesn't seem as hard, and he doesn't cum as fast. Does it seem strange to you that he still masturbates daily? He says he does it during the day if he's horny. But then he doesn't seem as horny for me. I hate feeling like sex is becoming such a chore, and I enjoy having sex last longer than 15 minutes, but this doesn't seem normal. What do you think? (age 28)

Men need to balance intercourse and masturbation. It's unusual for someone having frequent intercourse to masturbate daily. I suspect he (and you) would enjoy it more if he masturbated less. I don't know how to get him to change. Perhaps you could suggest he abstain for 24-48 hours and see if he notices the difference in the sex.

I've been masturbating since I was about 8 using my electric toothbrush and the shower head. My labia are very meaty on top and hang down. If I stop masturbating with my toothbrush, will my labia shrink? (age 14)

I doubt it. Females have different kinds of labia, just like they have different kinds of arms and ears.

Last weekend after having sex, the opening of my vagina really hurt and it was all red. Could this be because of the condom? (age 18)

It's possible. Some people are allergic to latex. You probably shouldn't judge on the basis of one incident. If you have a reaction next time, perhaps switch to a non-latex condom, although they are not as good at preventing disease.

My labia are very large and do not look like my friends'. My friends' are largely invisible and mine are very noticeable. What should I do? (age 17)

I think you should learn to like the ones you have. They come in different types, like ears or hands. No one will judge you on the basis of labia.

I have a comment about your remarks regarding virginity. I'm a lesbian and realized that quite early in my teens. I didn't act on it until I was 21 and had my first sexual relationship. I've only ever had sex with women and have no desire to have sex with men. It's a curious idea that a female can only lose her virginity by having a penis involved in the act. I certainly don't think of myself as a virgin. (age 26)

I define the outer limits of virginity, not the complete limits. I say that everyone would agree that someone who has never done anything "below the waist" is a virgin. Thus, people who have engaged in gay or lesbian activity "below the waist" would fall outside the scope of what everyone would agree is a virgin.

I'm 13 and have been masturbating ever since I can remember. When I was 5 or so I used to move my private part back and forth in a strange way I can't explain it. Now I use my fingers on the hood of my clitoris. I have used a shower head maybe 3-4 times and it feels good but I love my fingers better. I use them all the time because I love to masturbate. I was sitting here at my computer the other day and I usually go through a spell after I masturbate and my vagina sorta contracts and stuff but its nothing big. I usually stop but instead I started to use my fingers on my clitoris and all of a sudden for like 2 seconds I sort of went in a daze and everything got blurry. Then I reached down to see if I got wet and there was extra wetness. Was this my first orgasm?

I also really want to ask my best friend if she masturbates but I'm scared out of my wits. What is your input?

Also, after I masturbate, I get guilty feelings for like a minute or so. I stop masturbating when I get them but then I get the desire to do it again. Is this normal? I'm Catholic and sometimes it bugs me a lot.

I love the feeling of a vibrator on my clitoris but then I think my parents found out and they either hid their stuff again (I found it in the top of their bathroom closet) or they threw it away. I was wondering if there was a way I can get some high pleasure from my fingers. Could you give me some great tips? I LOVE YOUR SITE!!!!!!

Yes, I think it was an orgasm. Congratulations. I suggest you respect your best friend's privacy. A little guilt is normal, and so is the desire to do it again. And you should respect your parents' privacy too. Anyway, it's better if you don't use a vibrator at your age.

I recently started masturbating but I'm not having orgasms yet. I don't want to use a dildo. What should I do? (age 13)

Don't worry about that. Orgasms will happen in time. Just keep up what you're doing.

A little while ago my boyfriend, who is 16, went up my shirt. I live in Canada and I want to know if that was okay? (age 13)

If it's OK with you. I've never heard of anyone getting in trouble on age of consent laws for breast fondling.

I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. My ex and I have been broken up for quite some time now. He began dating another girl who happens to be a member of my church (we're Christian). Now he has joined also. I feel he still has feelings for me, because every Sunday he finds a way to say hi or to hug me; anything to be near me and to talk to me. He stares at me constantly. When we get a chance to chat, he stares into my eyes like he wants to ask or say something, and we're left with awkward silences. So I try to leave by saying "Well, see you around" or something, and he doesn't seem to want me to go. He'll actually watch me walk away until I'm out of sight! I know that I still have STRONG feelings for him. How can I let him know, without coming off too strong, and still be a lady and a good Christian? Is there any way to find out how he feels about me without compromising myself by letting my feelings be known to him? (age 21)

I'm having trouble figuring out your problem. You spend over half your message complaining about how you think he is obsessed with you and stalking you at church, yet the punch line is you want him interested in you. I don't have any doubt that he's interested in you. And here I was thinking of what to say to the pastor to get him to leave you alone. Well, instead of brushing him off, try the S.O.F.T.E.N. approach:

S - SMILE
O - OPEN POSTURE
F - FORWARD LEAN
T - TOUCH
E - EYE CONTACT
N - NOD

If you want someone interested, do those things. If you don't want them interested, do the opposite. Capiche? But even so, trying to get him to take the initiative only gets you so far. You might have to to tell him you're still interested. If he isn't, move on to someone else.

Follow-up: I still want him to like me, yet I'm even more confused. This past Sunday, he hugged me, and started rubbing on my back, which he's NEVER done. Can you please tell me what you think is going on, and what he's really trying to convey, being as you're a male also. I can't take much more of this.

I don't think it means anything. I suspect he learned the rubbing maneuver from someone else. If you want him back, you ought to declare your intentions before he gets in too deep with this other woman.

I know I am not a lesbian, but I love thinking about and looking at my female biology teacher. When I fantasize about her, it gets me excited, as does looking at her. Why?

People who are not gay occasionally have crushes on people of the same sex. A good way to stop obsessing about her would be to form an attachment to some person your age.

I had sex for the first time a week ago. For the past 2 days, I've been dry. Is this normal? What should I do? (age 23)

Vaginal dryness is common and not a cause for concern after only two days. You might try some vaginal moisturizer, located next to the condoms in most drug and discount stores.

I'm new to the site but I think so far it's wonderful. I had been masturbating prone most of the time up until now, and I'm working to fix it. When I try to masturbate normally, I use the end of a hairbrush, and it works really well. But I'm not sure I've ever masturbated to orgasm with it, or any other time without being on my stomach. Sometimes when I get really excited, I squirt a clear liquid, but I'm not sure if it's from actually masturbating. I've never felt the tingling sensation I get from masturbating on my stomach when I masturbate supine, but after I'm done (or just tired) my urge to masturbate is gone. Can you tell if I have ever masturbated to orgasm supine? Sometimes I try for nearly an hour and get really excited, but I've never had the same feeling that I get in the prone position. Thanks for the wonderful site! I appreciate any help you can give! (age 16)

You are the only one who can tell what the feeling is. It's possible you just haven't found the combination of touch and mental state that can produce an orgasm. Just keep trying and enjoy what you're doing in the meantime.

I had sex one time and never again because it felt kind of weird. When he first inserted his penis, it hurt really bad, but then he got deeper and I could hardly feel anything. It's as if I went numb. I felt his penis slightly rubbing against what felt like the ridges of my vagina. I didn't feel pain or pleasure. He tried to go deeper and it started to hurt again and that's when I told him to stop. I didn't feel like I had an orgasm but I had some white discharge, the same discharge that I get when I masturbate, except when I masturbate, it feels good and I get really wet. I just want to know if there's a reason why I didn't feel anything when I had sex, and if there's something wrong with me. (age 19)

You shouldn't judge based on one time. By your own description, you were feeling things but they weren't good feelings. You ought to try again with a patient partner who will take the time to warm you up first. Good luck.

I love your web site. I feel much better now. I thought I was the only one masturbating on the clitoris. I want to try the vagina way, but when I stick my fingers up there, it feels weird, and when I move my finger, my nail rubs against my vaginal wall. I thought it might do damage, so I cut my nail short, but I still think my nail is going to hurt. Will it? (age 15)

Don't forget to file the nail too. Just take it slow and you'll be able to stop if it starts to hurt.

Something is wrong. You don't seem to believe that he only masturbates a few times a week. If that is all he did, he should still be eager for sex several times a week. If he's masturbating more often, then he's not being honest with you, and he's not conserving his sexual energy for intercourse. It's possible for someone to masturbate to the point that they have no interest in sexual intercourse, but I'm not convinced that's his problem. I think you might need to find a new partner, because this one doesn't seem as engaged in having a sexual relationship as you are.

My friend asked me if I masturbate because she says she does, I say yes and we start a conversation about this. Soon, another friend comes, and we ask her the same question and she says yes. My point is there are a lot of people you know, even most of them, who masturbate but never talk about it so don't feel like you are alone in this. (age 13)

You are right, but you should consider that some people don't want to talk about masturbating or even admit to themselves that you do, and just asking them could alienate them from you.

How do you pronounce "clitoris"? (age 13)

The most common pronunciation is KLIT-er-is, but some people say kli-TOR-is.

Will my future husband be able to tell I've been masturbating? (age 16)

I highly doubt it. If you masturbate externally (without sticking fingers or objects inside), it would be close to impossible.

I recently went on vacation without my boyfriend. When I got back, I was so happy to see him that I couldn't wait to have sex with him. We were messing around and I felt a place on his penis that felt like a genital wart. But it went away the next day. When I asked him what it was, he said it was from masturbating too hard. Is it possible for it to happen? (age 19)

Yes. And if it was a genital wart, it couldn't have disappeared overnight.

Hi. It's my first time to visit your site, and it's really helpful. At 23, I'm still a virgin, for I believe that sex should only be done when married, but that doesn't mean I don't masturbate, and I've been doing it for more than 10 years now. But I have been doing the same thing every time, and it pleasures me, so I have no problem with that, but I do it with my panties on, and I only do it externally. Do you think that it will affect me in some ways? Is it OK to do that? Is it a clean thing? When I masturbate, I don't have the "liquid dripping" (as what they call it sometimes) as much as others do. Is it because I'm a virgin? Is it also bad to masturbate at this age, but be a virgin? I am scared of the thought of putting something into my vagina. Maybe that's why I do it with panties on, and I'm not comfortable touching my clit with my hands. It seems like I'm gonna tear it apart. Also, I like the thought of having sex, but when I think of me actually having it, the penetration and all other stuff, I get scared and it feels like I don't wanna get married anymore. Still, I'm encouraging myself that I'll get over it.

You have a lot of hangups about sex and masturbation. You would be better off sexually if you were more comfortable with your own body. It isn't hurting you physically or being "unclean" to masturbate through your panties, but I think you would become more comfortable with your own body if you were to do it with the panties down. Most women masturbate externally. You also shouldn't worry about the lack of fluids. Some women produce a lot and others don't. I also think it would be good for you to talk about sexuality with a sexually experienced woman around your age, someone whose reassurance you could trust about what sex is really like.

Just out of curiosity, what is your race?

I'm white.

A guy told me I had a "fat pussy." I'm not very experienced, when it comes to guys and sexual slang. It hurt my feelings. I didn't think you could tell something like that while someone was fully clothed. What was he trying to say? (age 22)

I think he was trying to say that he's a creep.

How can you feel you are an authority over masturbation? How can you answer young girls' questions without having any idea what it's like to have a vagina or clitoris. I think maybe you need a female recruit and some more education. (age 32)

I have female recruits and seek their counsel often. I will stop giving advice to females when Dr. Laura, Dear Abby, etc. stop giving advice to men.

You have said that a lot of people don't like to talk about masturbating, but with my friends, it's the total opposite. Is this okay? (age 14)

Sure.

My boyfriend is serving in Iraq and he wrote me an e-mail the other day and told me he needs somthing to masturbate to. I packed up an artificial vagina and some erotic pictures of myself and thought it was illegal to send it through the US Mail. FedEx and UPS don't have places in Baghdad so how do I send it to him? (age 24)

Don't send him that stuff. You don't want pictures of yourself falling into the wrong, um, hands. Just buy him one or two of Playboy's special editions. For more protection, wrap them in fake covers so the military censors can pretend they're something else. You can look up his zip code on this list at the post office's web site. If it's not marked E2, then the military censors won't care if there's nudity in it. Look for the Overseas Military Mail Postal Bulletin at http://ribbs.usps.gov/files/IntCustomsForms/

I love to masturbate, but how do I know when I've had an orgasm? (age 19)

Better read this:

To anyone who is wondering if they had an orgasm, I now realize that if you've had one, you probably won't have to wonder whether you have or not. I bought a vibrator recently to enhance the experience, and it ended up giving me my first real orgasm. I'm trying to wean away from using it, per your advice here, but, just sharing my experience, as it seems a lot of girls here aren't sure about orgasms. I also practiced internal masturbation, so any girls who do that, I'd recommend trying external since this happened. It seems you DO know what you are talking about, author! (age 21)

I'm flattered.

Why do you make a bigger deal about guys have finding privacy to masturbate than for girls. We have issues with it too just the same as guys and I would like to know what other girls do. (age 19)

First, there are two pages on this site about being discovered masturbating and about masturbating in dorms. Both of these pages address both male and female readers. Second, I suspect that this is more of an issue for males than females because (1) females can usually masturbate beneath the covers, whereas males usually cannot; (2) male masturbation generally involves more motion than female masturbation and is therefore harder to do inconspicuously; and (3) males generally masturbate more often than females.

On the results of the survey, it says something about prone and supine. What do they mean? (age 15)

Prone means lying on one's stomach and supine means lying on one's back.

You say that guys need to ejaculate with some frequency to be healthy. Is it necessary for women to have sexual response, masturbate or orgasms in order to be healthy or to let out sexual fluids now and then? (age 20)

No, it isn't. Females don't accumulate fluids similar to semen that have to be released. It is healthy for women to have orgasms or to not have orgasms at all.

The author of this site is biased about a few of the issues on here. He also makes some very wide generalizations which I think may be unbeneficial to the young people reading. As an example, "once a person starts masturbating they will do it for the rest of their lives whether or not they also have sex with partners." I think this is a rather false statement to be making, among countless others. (age 15)

I have been studying sex since before you were born and have read all of the major studies. That statement was based on survey research, which finds that only a couple dozen people out of thousands in a sex survey will claim to have stopped masturbating when they got married. Authorities have also written that masturbation is universal among widows. If you think something is wrong, can you cite some authority that says so?

Who typically gives oral sex first? The male or the female? (age 16)

I don't know. And as you might've noticed, I don't say that very often.

I'm a psychologist specializing in pre-teen and teenage sexuality. You seem to think that girls 12-15 are too immature to masturbate and you want teen girls to masturbate as little as possible. Any girl who can menstruate should be masturbating. You warn against inserting objects into the vagina and even physical exercise! You should be advising girls to wash hands before and after masturbating and to wash the vulva after masturbating, or at least use wipes to clean off vaginal secretions. It would be good to go into details on cleaning the clitoris/hood to avoid build-up of smegma and, in severe cases, clitoral adhesion; to only insert washed items without sharp edges or tips; and to use different items for vaginal and rectal stimulation.

I don't think those girls are too immature to masturbate. I daily give them advice on masturbating. I simply cite statistics that females of that age are much less likely to masturbate, and to masturbate less frequently, than males of the same age. I also don't agree with you that any girl who is menstruating ought to be masturbating. I think females should save vaginal insertion for after they have mastered stimulating themselves externally by hand, since they might never be able to do that if they start taking shortcuts first. I don't warn against physical exercise; I simply state that it can be a cause of damage to the hymen. I don't know that your long list of hygiene activities is necessary for everyone.

I've gone over the pages of your site regarding whether there really is a female equivalent for TMS. I want you to know that there is and I suffer from it. I don't exactly remember when the whole thing started, only that when I was about 10 or so, I woke up feeling tingly all over down there and the slightest contact from a sheet or pillow would set me off. Of course I didn't know what it was then, only that I felt so sensitive down there that once it started, I would have multiples of that tingly feeling every time I squeezed my legs, even when standing up or walking! I have noticed though that over the years, I need more pressure to achieve that same feeling, so I would lie face down, squeeze my legs together, and rub myself with the bedsheet or a pillow clumped thickly and tightly between my legs, moving myself up and down similar to how a man would thrust himself inside a woman when he has sex.

I love sex, but what really despairs me is that I have never achieved orgasm from it. Whenever I have intercourse, I always feel the pressure isn't enough, so I usually end up finishing myself off with a blanket and my partner would end up masturbating himself. I have tried masturbating using my fingers but I just can't achieve that similar feeling I would if I do it with a blanket so I usually just give up and finish off that way. I think I have lost sensitivity in my clitoris or something. Is there any way I could rid myself off this problem? Even though my boyfriend is understanding about this, I still can't help feeling insecure knowing that he has made all the women he's had sex with before orgasm and that the feeling of them orgasmimg is incomparably hot for him. I would love to give him pleasure and experience the same kind of pleasure he's given his past girlfriends, but I just don't see how I can enjoy sex if I always have to jerk off with a blanket. (age 23)

You might consider joining the online TMS support group, and there is one for women too, although it only has a few members. I suggest following the same kind of cure regimen that works for males. The people in those groups would be able to help you along. Keep in mind that even if you can't reach orgasm in intercourse, there's no reason to make your boyfriend masturbate when he could reach orgasm through intercourse.

I am an engaged virgin and I will be marrying a non-virgin. In one of your earlier answers, you told a male virgin that he had better step on it and get married or give up his virginity is absolutely inaccurate and neglectful of your duty as a self-proclaimed author. (female, age 21)

A female virgin your age suffers much less in terms of both societal stigma and sexual dysfunction than a male virgin your age. That is one reason why it is better for males to become sexually experienced before they get too far into their 20s than it is for a female. I don't know that he has to "step on it," but it would be good for him to develop a strategy for finding a marital and/or sexual partner. I don't believe remaining a male virgin past the age of 21 is all that rational unless one already has a partner lined up (just waiting for the wedding) or is in some social situation that makes finding a marital partner easy (e.g., student at a Bible college aka "bridal college"). Being a male virgin and trying to compete in the regular dating world with sexually experienced males is very tough.

I'm a female about to turn 17. I don't really like to finger myself or rub myself much, but I do like to twirl my fingers in my pubic hairs. It's very calming and I do it often without even thinking about it. Is this masturbation?

I don't think so. I hope you don't start doing it without thinking about it when you're not alone.

Lately I find that as soon as I get home from school, I have to go to my room and masturbate. Is this normal? (female, age 15)

Yes, it is. I think that's very common for males your age, and more than a few females are in the habit of doing that too.

You're truly a genius, and you have such an interesting site; why don't you write some book about masturbation. (age 22)

Thank you! I just might do that someday.

A couple of your questions show clear indications of child abuse. In particular, there is a day care teacher who inspects the vagina of one of her female students that masturbates in her class during nap time. She should be arrested and not be allowed near children. It is your responsibility to report such abuse. (age 32)

What am I supposed to say, and to whom? I have no way of knowing who sends me these questions and comments, or whether any of them are true.

My best friend walked in my room to find me masturbating. She said the way I do it was weird. (I lie on my front and thrust against my hands.) I don't know what to do. Why is it weird? (age 16)

The form of masturbation you practice is called masturbating prone, or TMS -- Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome. This has been shown to be a cause of sexual dysfunction in men, and there is a growing number of cases pointing to it being a cause of sexual dysfunction in women too. Your friend is correct; relatively few women and even fewer men masturbate prone. Instead of merely being shocked that your friend walked in on you masturbating, you ought to thank her for worrying about your sexual functioning.

I share a house with 3 other girls and one night I was masturbating. I lie face down and basically hump my vibrator. I was caught by a housemate and now I'm a laughing stock because they say that isn't how to masturbate. Surely its up to the individual? (age 18)

Again, most females (and males) masturbate lying on their backs. Many women have found that masturbating prone limits their orgasmic capacity in intercourse. You illustrate that is valuable to discuss masturbation and sexuality with others in your age cohort to learn what people think about sexual practices.

Do you have a degree in psychology? I would not object to your obsession with masturbation if you were dealing only with adults. Imparting wisdom from your twisted psyche to children is as inappropriate as the incest you describe. MOST homosexuals realize they are gay at very young ages and they are just as wonderful as straight children. Most women fantasize about a penis that is large, not small, and it feels good! Humans do not commit to a sexual preference as you suggest. Our daughter asked for permission to access this site (apparently considered a hoot with her friends) and after reading your potentially devastating replies to impressionable and sometimes troubled kids, we declined and directed her toward more balanced research. My husband and I have medical degrees and just want to point out that your motives for operating this site are suspect at best. Calm reason and understanding in the stead of threatening institutionalization would be in order if you were serious about helping young people. We can't help wondering if you are or were a priest of the Catholic faith? (age 31)

My degrees are not in psychology and I am not a cleric.

Follow-up: I have written here before and just wanted to say thank you so much for your advice. I have definitely calmed down a bit since talking to you and I have learned a lot by reading your site. To the 31 year old asking if you were a Catholic priest and accused you of being obsessed with masturbation, I say I hope you didn't get down about that rude comment. This site is actually educational and the kids who write these things here obviously have no other resource. Reading comments like that will not help those kids to continue asking questions to this site if it is the only thing they trust when it comes to questions on sexuality-based material. Thirteen is kind of young to decide if you are homosexual or hetero, because your sexual hormones are just developing. This is a really good site. (age 15)

I masturbate once in a while. I'm single with no boyfriend and I'm still a virgin.. When I masturbate, I have orgams and it's great, but after I come, I seem to get too moody and emotional at the moment about all the things I don't have, and I feel sorry for myself for being so pathetic to have to give myself pleasure because I can't get someone else to do it, and I end up crying and depressed. What can I do? (age 19)

You ought to think of masturbation as pleasure you can give to yourself and not as a substitute for a partner. Almost every day, I hear from a woman your age or older who cannot reach orgasm at all. You should be thankful that you have accomplished that. You might also try harder to find a partner. There's no reason to be or act desperate. Just be more available socially, and I think you will find interested men in a short while.

What percentage of the general population of females masturbate? Also, do you think more females masturbate than males? (age 30)

I'm certain more males than females masturbate. The estimates of female masturbation vary greatly, but most experts believe it's around 75 percent of adult women.

I was reading your site, and I was wondering what PC excercises are?

The pubococcygeus muscle is the one that contracts when you have an orgasm. Strengthening it usually means better orgasms. The PC muscle is also the one used to stop and start the flow of urine and to control bowel evacuation.

There are three basic PC muscle exercises:

Contract the front of your PC muscle repeatedly as if you were stopping the flow of urine. Do this 10 times at first and gradually increase the number of repititions to 24 times.
Once you have done the first exercise for a few days, try contracting the PC muscle and holding it for up to 10 seconds.
Next, contract the back of your PC muscle as if you were trying to prevent a bowel movement. Work at this exercise until you can do it five times in quick succession.

Doing these exercises daily can increase the orgasmic capacity of both genders and make it easier for men to prevent premature ejaculation.

I overheard my brother's friend saying that he thought I was hot and that later that night he was going to spy on me through the window. So when I saw that he was outside my window (which was conveniently left open) I started to undress, and when I was fully naked, I stuck an object inside my vagina, and when I glanced outside, I saw him masturbating. Was it wrong of me to reveal myself to a 13-year-old? (age 19)

It was very wrong and perhaps criminal. If you ever get caught doing that, you would get arrested and wind up with a record as a sex offender. It would not be merely your word against his if he could accurately describe your private parts and the object you used.

I've been reading your site and it seems like all girls masturbate. Is it wrong if I dont masturbate or never masturbate? Will that make me bad at sex? Am I weird if I don't masturbate? (age 13)

At your age, the majority of girls don't masturbate. It's not wrong if you don't or never do. Keep in mind that people who masturbate do it mostly because they find it a whole lot of fun. Females who have masturbated are more sexually competent than those who haven't. I don't think you're weird. I hope you decide masturbating isn't weird within a few years.

Excellent site. I think it really gets the purpose of educating and bringing healthy information for all the women - especially teenagers. (age 25)

Thank you. I try to help males too, you know.

I masturbate frequently. Is it really that obvious to my mom from my laundry? (age 13)

Probably not.

I masturbated for years face down with a pillow. It's hard, but I will never do that again after reading your research. I tried masturbating with my hand, and there is a very slight arousal, but I can't seem to get any further than that. I think it's like how you can't tickle yourself. How can I get pleasure out of masturbating without doing it face down. Do I have TMS? (age 15)

Masturbating prone is TMS. Any time you start to do something new sexually, there is a learning curve. Don't be discouraged if you can't reach orgasm in the supine position right away. The abstinence method I propose for males on the main page will also work for females. Most girls your age have trouble having orgasms. Since you have already experienced them, I think it will be much easier for you than for a girl who's never masturbated at all. Once you get the conventional method down, I think you will enjoy it a lot more than humping the pillow.

What is that white stuff around my vulva? I'm scared to ask anyone. It's kind of between the folds of skin. Is that normal? (age 11)

That's normal. You can get rid of it by washing more often.

I would like to congratulate you for such an informative site. I learned so much. I masturbated while reading it and I plan to masturbate after this too. More power! (age 15)

What big plans! More power to you too!

I admire your work debunking myths about masturbation, so it annoys me when you turn around and frighten girls with the bogeyman of "female TMS." Fingering my clitoris is a totally different experience from intercourse, so I don't see why girls who masturbate in other ways should change their technique. Isn't it more important for a person's future sexual happiness to learn what works for them, rather than getting all uptight that they're "doing it wrong"? (age 21)

I'm not convinced that prone masturbation is a problem for females either, but there is some preliminary evidence showing that women who masturbate in the manner you describe have an easier time reaching orgasm in intercourse than women who masturbate prone. I would prefer to err on the side of caution.

What is the difference between menstruating and masturbating? (age 11)

Menstruating is the monthly process by which a female sheds her uterine lining in preparation for possibly getting pregnant the next month. (Basically, she bleeds through her vagina for a couple of days.) Masturbating is stimulating one's own private parts in order to become more sexually aroused.

While I agree that masturbation is a healthy and wonderful experience, who are you to tell them if 5 or 15 times a day is wrong? (age 18)

Did I say it was wrong? I think I said it was outside the normal range and apt to cause problems. Someone who has a different opinion of masturbation than you could well ask who you are to tell someone that masturbation is a healthy and wonderful experience. (Of course, I believe that too so I would not be that person.)

Are you married? (age 25)

No. :(

Just thought I would write in and say that I find your site full of useful information. Thanks for doing such a good job! (age 24)

You're too nice!

I wish this HealthyStrokes.com has been around when I was a kid. I have a 16 year old sister and a 12 year old brother. Knowing my mother and her way of communicating, how do you suggest I tell them about your site without embarrassing them? The info you have here is invaluable. Thanks for having a safe place for young people to ask these questions. (age 36)

You probably seem more like a mother to them than an older sister due to the age difference. Why don't you just tell them what you told me? You can tell them you know that people their age have a lot of questions about sex, and give them the address of HealthyStrokes.com. It would be good for you to them they're welcome to ask you if they have any questions too. Thank you in advance for the referrals!

Usually I'm at home by myself when I masturbate. But sometimes when my mom is home, I go in a private room and masturbate. I'm so scared that I'm gonna get caught, and what my mom will say when she finds out. I mostly wonder will she take it the wrong way? (age 13)

She would probably be happy for you. Most mothers masturbate too.

I think your research is rather informal to be able to legitimately conclude that it's problematic for females to masturbate prone. During intercourse, it's easiest for women to have an orgasm when they're on top (thus facing down) so why should it be a problem to masturbate facing that way? Since the main way that females experience sexual pleasure is through clitoral stimulation, it doesn't matter how the body is oriented when that is done. Rubbing against an object is also fine. (age 23)

I don't know that I have concluded that about females. I have definitely concluded that prone masturbation is a problem for males. There is also a tendency for females who masturbate prone to have more difficulty reaching orgasm in intercourse than those who masturbate supine. The problem with masturbating prone is that it puts more pressure on the genitals than they would receive in intercourse. I think it matters how the body is positioned if it results in sexual stimulation that makes the person so habituated to it that they can't have orgasms in intercourse. Some women have urged that I continue to push for a female TMS because they found it to be a cause of their problems.

I understand that men need to masturbate to get rid of old semen but why do women need to masturbate when they regularly menstruate? (age 23)

They masturbate because it's fun. Menstruation doesn't have anything to do with it.

I understand why men must masturbate, but why must women masturbate? (male, age 23)

They don't. Women won't suffer any harm if they never masturbate in their life. Women masturbate because it's fun and some masturbate to relieve menstrual cramps. Men, on the other hand, have to relieve themselves of sexual fluids regularly or they can cause harm to their sexual organs.

What is the youngest age a girl can conceive or become pregnant? (age 17)

The youngest mother on record was 7. For most girls, menarche (the start of menstruation) is at age 12.

You're opposed to the practice of females humping and dry sex to boot. In general, somebody has to be on top in intercourse, which would make their position prone. So what's so wrong with a girl humping the floor? (age 23)

There is nothing wrong with being prone in intercourse. What has been identified as a problem in men and possibly also in women is masturbating prone. Masturbating prone puts much more pressure on the genitals than having intercourse prone.

My dad's girlfriend, soon to be wife, likes talking about her sex life with me and she's 45. It's really nasty, but every time I want to tell her to stop, I get scared. My mom died when I was young. I am afraid to bring it up with my dad. (age 15)

You should tell your dad now. It's bordering on child abuse for her to discuss her sex life with your dad with you. It would also be good for you to learn to express your opinion when you are being intruded upon. This woman has learned that you are not assertive, and if you don't stand up for yourself soon, or get your dad involved, things will only get worse for you after they are married.

I like your site very much. I am the wife of the dictator and I will pay you $850,000 U.S. dollars for your role in helping me with a bank transfer.

I don't even want you reading my site anymore.

I believe this site has helped me greatly. I was wondering what qualifications you have that allow you to give such advice. (age 16)

I have been running this site and an online support group for people with TMS for over four years. I have a master's degree in a field unrelated to sexuality but have been studying the subject for over 20 years.

One of your readers said she leaked urine during intercourse but not during masturbation, and your reply was that she was probably "losing control" during intercourse and that she should practice her Kegels. I disagree and I'm an editor of health and sex books. She's probably a female ejaculator. (age 42)

You may be right. I was just taking her at her word that it was urine. There's no harm in her working on her Kegels anyway. I hope you will include information about TMS in your books. It's something more people should know about.

I am really interested in becoming a sexologist and was just wondering what it involves. Are you a doctor or sexologist? (female, age 17)

What a good question! I know no one has ever asked me that before. I have said many times that I am not a health care professional of any kind, but I occasionally think of becoming a sexologist when I am in danger of quitting or getting thrown out of my field. You might read through these websites: http://www.sexologist.org/ is of more importance for people who want to be practitioners (e.g., sex therapists working with clients) while http://www.sexscience.org is of more importance for people who want to do research.

You've one of the best sites. Thank you so much for it! (age 19)

I've never been discovered masturbating, but I am worried what will happen if I'm caught. Many American adults masturbate, and most consider it normal for teens to do so also. Does that apply to all cultures? Regardless of religions/beliefs? (age 13)

No. Masturbation is generally accepted in the industrialized countries of the West, but in the Third World and most of the Eastern world, it is taboo. You ought not worry so much about being discovered.

Girls should never, ever use lotion or petroleum jelly as lube! Anything not water-based or silicone-based can cause infection and the girl could get very sick! Water-based lubricant can be bought for under $5 at any drug or discount store and many large grocery stores. (age 20)

That's good advice.

I masturbate by putting the corner of a soft object like a pillow or a blanket inside my vulva, lying on my stomach and grinding against it. Is this considered TMS? Could this have caused my hymen to break over time because I think most of mine is gone. (age 18)

What you describe is TMS. TMS means masturbating while lying on your stomach. Your hymen is internal, and I'm not sure that doing anything externally would cause it to break. It's more likely that you would have to insert something into your vagina to break your hymen.

My roommate and I are having an issue. Both of our boyfriends (who are best friends) masturbate frequently. We have all fought about it, and the guys have both lied about it. It's affecting our relationships in that they are LYING and it's weird when we have sex. We connect this to our intimacy, while they say it's two separate things. They know that it hurts us, but say that it's perfectly normal and male instinct. We've been sexually active for about 2 years. What is going on here? (age 21)

You need to grow up. The only reason they are lying is because you are asking about things that are not your business. It ought not be weird when you have sex, because any other man you can have sex with masturbates too. In a 1996 survey of university students in Germany, only four percent of men and five percent of women said masturbation should not occur in steady relationships. Rather, 73 percent of men and 76 percent of women said it's a form of sex in its own right. (Arne Dekker & Gunter Schmidt, "Patterns of Masturbatory Behaviour: Changes Between the Sixties and the Nineties," Journal of Psychology & Human Sexuality, 14: 35-48, at 44, 2002.)

Follow-up: But it's Internet porn. The images are very sick and degrading to women. I wouldn't mind if it were a magazine or something.

If these guys are talking to each other and their girlfriends about this, I don't foresee them stopping because you object. If it is really bothersome, you ought to find someone else. There are plenty of men who aren't into Internet porn.

I just wanted to let you know that I think your site is great! I grew up so ashamed of myself because of masturbation. I thought I started too young, and I thought I used weird techniques. It would have been so great if there was this much information available to me when I was younger instead of having to feel like I was different, weird and abnormal. (age 28)

I know lots of younger people who feel the same way.

I'm not sexually active, nor do I have my period. I read in a magazine that you should start seeing a gynecologist once you hit 15 or once you become sexually active, whichever's first. Should I be seeing one? (age 15)

Yes, it's a very good idea, and you can also ask them why you don't have periods yet.

I have been masturbating since I was 9. I have a very large family that has 5 people including me. I never get ANY alone time.. Our bathroom has a lock on it but we only have one bathroom so I can't take up too much time. My door doesn't close all the way and they refuse to fix it as "punishment" for talking back. They have even threatend to take it off. I also do not even have a drawer in my room, I have no privacy or anything to call my own. How can I find SOMEWHERE to go to be alone? I LOVE YOUR SITE SO MUCH!! (age 15)

Your privacy issue seems to be only part of a larger issue of communication you're having with your parents. Why don't you make an extra effort to get along with them and your siblings, and in a few weeks, they'll be more willing to listen to your gripes about privacy.

I recently found out that if I rub my pubic region I get pleasure. No liguid comes out, but is just rubbing it masturbating? (age 15)

Yes. You might read the glossary.

I just had this curiosity. If men have hands and that's how they masturbate, what about male animals that don't have hands? What do they do? What about female animals? Do ones without the chance to please themselves ever orgasm? I can't help but think they couldn't. What do you think? (age 18)

I hope your curiosity will lead you to a library where you can learn about animal sexuality. I don't know a whole lot about it either, but masturbation has been observed in the male of every species of mammal. Obviously those with hands (primates) have an easier time of it than others. Most of the others rub or thrust their penises against something; ask the owner of an unneutered male dog about that sometime. Elephants masturbate with their trunks. Deer masturbate with their antlers. No, they don't touch their penises with them, but the tips of antlers can be very sensitive and rubbing them against something can lead the buck to ejaculate. Of course, it is more difficult for female animals, but the ones who have hands generally know how to use them to produce sexual satisfaction.

I sometimes feel like masturbating in the morning but other times at night. Does this mean anything? (age 17)

It is probably good, but it might mean more in terms of whether you are a morning person or a night person than anything about your sexuality. Some people are such extreme morning persons that they can't conceive of doing anything at night, even something fun, and vice versa.

I have recently been trying to locate my G spot and I think I've found it. Does it feel bumpy? How do I get pleasure from it? I don't know how to make it react. (age 17)

Yes, the area around the G Spot often feels bumpy. I think you're in the right area. Just work with it when you're already close to a peak. Relax and don't try too hard. Good luck.

Do mothers in their 30s masturbate? (age 14)

Yes, most do.

I never really had a boyfriend until now and we have been good friends since my junior year in high school so we know each other pretty well and decided to get together about a year ago. It's been a good relationship but a non-sexual one and every time I am around him, I get more nervous and more aroused. I want to do more than hold hands and kiss. But I have strong moral values and want to wait until I am married, but I also want him to be my first. What should I do? (age 22)

You can do more than you are doing now, but you can still draw the line at actual intercourse if that is what you are worried about. You don't have to decide all at once. I would advise you to take it slowly and see what you feel like as you become more experienced.

I grew up hearing from my mom that losing your virginity is a very, very painful experience (with bleeding, extensive soreness, and unenjoyable due to burning/stinging/general pain during penetration). Due to that, I have never had intercourse or any type of insertion. I masturbate, but only stimulating the clitoris. Is the tearing/stretching of the hymen completely painful? Is there any way to ease the pain of penetration? (age 22)

Only a minority of females describe their first intercourse as painful. About 1 in 6, if I recall those surveys correctly. You ought not anticipate that your first time will be painful. Your advanced age also makes that situation less likely. Just try to relax and enjoy it. It helps to have a gentle partner.

Which gender has better pleasure from masturbation? Is it harder for a girl to reach an orgasm compared to a boy? Will girls sometimes not even reach an orgasm during intercourse? (age 14)

I am inclined to believe boys have it better when it comes to orgasm. However, many women can be multi-orgasmic, which only a few men can do.

Your site is great! My boyfriend's semen comes out very thin and clear, and we know he should see a doctor to find out if he has low sperm count, but he's scared and isn't ready for that step. Do you think that's a sign of abnormal sperm or low sperm count? (age 30)

The only thing to be scared of is the test result. The test consists of masturbating in the doctor's bathroom, and some doctors will let him do it at home. I don't think you should be diagnosing his semen by appearance. Some excellent specimens have a strange appearance, and vice versa.

I've masturbated lying on my stomach 2-3 times a week for the past year or so, and I am afraid that I may be in danger of sexual dysfunction, except when I insert objects inside myself, they are always parallel with my legs so I'm not sure if this still qualifies me as having this disorder, because I feel that nothing would change if I were on my back. I don't press my body down onto the object; I just lie there and push the object inside in the same way as if I were on my back. Am I still at risk for sexual dysfunction? (age 19)

Women who masturbate in that position have a lower rate of orgasmic success in intercourse than women who masturbate exclusively on their backs. I have no information about the specific quirk you describe, except as it relates to what I stated in the last sentence. If nothing would change if you were on your back, then why not do it that way exclusively?

I was wondering why guys are so embarrassed about masturbating when it's something they have to do in order to release their semen. That's like being embarrassed that you have to urinate. (age 12)

You're right that it doesn't make sense on that level, but males, especially younger ones, are very embarrassed, if not by masturbating itself, then at least by anyone making reference to them doing it. Older males become more secure in their sexuality and less likely to use the topic to embarrass someone, but even so it is not a subject often discussed. The same is true of female masturbation.

A few weeks ago I had sex for the first time. I don't masturbate and rarely use tampons. I didn't bleed very much and I could tell that my hymen was still partially intact. This past weekend we had sex again and I started bleeding a lot more and it's obvious that there is little to none of my hymen left. Does this mean that I will probably not bleed again? (age 20)

Perhaps not, although women have some remnants of their hymens left until they give birth. In a situation like yours, it takes a few sessions of intercourse to eliminate most of the hymen. You seem to have a good handle on what is causing the bleeding.

I have tried to stop masturbating because I thought it was a sin, and then I read your masturbation for Christians article and changed my mind but now when I masturbate I get wet too fast and it doesn't feel as good. (age 15)

Lubrication is associated with higher levels of arousal, not lower. So even if the amount seems like a nuisance, it means you are doing something right and your body is responding. Some females lubricate more than others. There's nothing you can do about it, so it's good to get used to it.

Is it possible to have an orgasm while dreaming for a female? If it is, I think I might have had one. I just felt so open and alive, if thats what an orgasm feels like. (age 22)

Yes, it is possible, although they are rare. Perhaps what you learned about orgasms from that happening will help you have one when you're awake.

What's the difference between a dildo and a vibrator? (age 13)

A dildo is an object shaped somewhat like a penis and a vibrator is an electrical appliance that vibrates and may or may not be shaped like a penis.

My aunt has had guardianship of me for a year and a half. She caught me masturbating and got mad at me saying I was too young. Now I feel stupid and like she will never let me have privacy again. (age 16)

Your aunt must be new to dealing with teenagers. You are obviously old enough. You ought not feel stupid and might print out my Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation for your aunt to read.

How can I get a closer relationship with my mother about these things? When we used to talk about she seemed very uncomfortable. How can I make it easier to talk? (age 14)

Even if she seemed uncomfortable, she talked with you, so it should not be too difficult for you to bring them up. She certainly wants to help you. Just talk about what is important to you and let her worry about her uncomfortableness.

Can you have an orgasm if you have not yet broken your hymen? (age 14)

Yes.

I masturbate around 2-3 times a day but not every day. Is this bad for me? If I am on my period using a tampon, can I take it out, masturbate, and reinsert the tampon? (age 13)

Your frequency is not bad for you. I advise against putting something soaked with blood back inside you after it has been out of your body.

I have a septate hymen. I never knew until I came onto your site because just recently it ripped. Are there any complications I should be aware of? Should I seek medical attention? (age 17)

You ought not diagnose the condition of your hymen. There is nothing wrong with a septate hymen or having one rip. If you think you have a problem, then see a doctor.

About 3 days after my period, my boyfriend fingered me. I think he had masturbated before, and I am afraid that some of his fluids might have gotten into my vagina. I usually have a regular cycle for my period, but I should have gotten my period about a week ago and I still haven't gotten it. Is there a chance I am pregnant? He didn't ejaculate. Please help me, I am REALLY scared. I can't be pregnant! (age 21)

I can't say for certain that you are not pregnant, but it seems unlikely based on those facts. If you don't know for sure that he had masturbated before, then it was probably far enough in advance that he still wouldn't have live sperm on his fingers. Periods can be irregular at your age, but doing anything that involves sexual contact carries some risk of pregnancy.

I am 51 years old and not sexually active, since I don't want to involve myself in casual sex. I think I have been masturbating compulsively lately. When I masturbate it still feels good and I become aroused, but lately I find it's taking longer to have an orgasm. I know that I should wait for a while and try it again, but every day I feel the urge to masturbate, but I haven't been coming to climax. What should I do? I am extremely horny everyday and not being able to orgasm is just bugging me to no end.

If you're enjoying it, don't worry so much if you're not having an orgasm. Try to enjoy the feelings you have. Although I frequently discourage teenaged girls from using them, at your age, a vibrator might do you a lot of good.

I'm really scared right now because my period has been irregular. I externally masturbate and I think that has something to do with my period being irregular. I'm scared that I may not be able to have a baby. HELP please! (age 13)

You are certainly worried for nothing. Periods are usually irregular at your age, and masturbating externally would not impair your fertility.

If a male does not ejaculate, can a female still get pregnant?

Yes. Sperm can exist in the fluids that seep out of the penis during arousal and only one sperm cell is necessary for conception.

I don't see how the penis can rub the clitoris during sex, because of the angle of the vagina. (age 16)

The vagina is very pliable and can be reached from many different positions. Some positions would result in the penis making contact with the clitoris. This is especially easy to make happen if the female is the one who is moving. Imagine sticking your finger in your ear. There are ways you can do it so that your finger makes contact with the fleshy tip next to your cheek (which is called the tragus, by the way) and there are ways you can do it so that it wouldn't make contact.

Why is it so much easier for guys to orgasm and to learn how to orgasm? How is that fair? (age 16)

It's easier because their private parts are on the outside and because the adolescent penis erects about every 90 minutes. If he didn't notice it before puberty, the male will soon figure out that it feels good to touch it. It might not seem fair to those females who have to struggle to have their first orgasm in their 20s and 30s that about 70 percent of males naturally learn to masturbate at age 12-13 (and the rest have spontaneous orgasms known as wet dreams), but there is some functional significance to it. It is theorized that male mammals have to be able to reach orgasm quickly so they can impregnate a female and be done with it before a predator approaches. That might not be too much comfort to a male human who is trying to overcome premature ejaculation, but it tells him he has company in the animal kingdom.

I masturbate about once a day. I use an elctric toothbrush to massage my clitoris. Now the skin around that area is getting saggy. Is there any way I can tighten it back up? Please help! (age 15)

It is probably not caused by masturbating. If you really think it is, try to avoid the toothbrush for a while and see if it makes a difference.

I always get wet randomly throughout the day, but I can never seem to get wet when I need to, like if I want my boyfriend to touch me. How can I get wet, besides making out? (age 16)

You can no more will yourself to be wet than a male can will himself to have an erection. Making out is truly the best way, because it is real arousal.

I've been masturbating for a few years now, and I'm not sure if I've ever really reached orgasm. My nipples never go erect, but often my body gets rigid and my breathing stops for a few seconds, and I get contractions in my vagina. After a few seconds everything's gone and I feel completely back to normal. Is this an orgasm? It doesn't feel as good as everyone describes it to be. (age 15)

Yes, that is an orgasm. Now that you know when you're having one, you can try to make it better. Good luck.

In response to your general question about what makes females want to have sex, my personal experience is that I am most turned on when I know my boyfriend is also really horny. Obviously, physical contact, kisses and the like contribute greatly, but I really am most sexually aroused after hearing him moan or seeing him get hard. (age 16)

Thanks for contributing!

When I masturbate, lately I notice that every time I orgasm, I don't feel the sensation in my clitoris (but I feel the orgasm everywhere else). Is there anything I can do about it? (age 16)

That is pretty normal. The orgasm is a whole-body experience and is not localized in your clitoris.

Is it better to rub the clit back and forth, as opposed to side to side, so that it replicates the motion of a penis? (age 16)

That doesn't make any difference. It is probably a good idea to use a light touch rather than a hard one.

I masturbate often and I feel abnormal because I'm a girl. My mom has almost caught me several times and I don't want her to know I do it. Does masturbating make a girl a freak? (age 16)

Of course not! Most girls your age do it. Your mom probably does too. She would probably understand, although there's no need to tell her.

I live alone with my mom. Ever since I can remember, she sometimes reads lying on her front with a book between her elbows. Last week I went to her room and the door was open so I could see in. Instead of just lying there, she was sort of balanced on her elbows but holding herself off the bed and moving her butt up and down. I went away but I think she knows I saw her. Do you think she was masturbating and should I say anything? (female, age 15)

There's a good chance she was, but you would probably not want someone to say anything to you if they saw you masturbating, so I don't think you should say anything to her. If you meant about warning her about the hazards of prone masturbation, then you are a very brave young woman.

I dated this guy for a few months and he was really hands on, and we split up. Now I have a new guy and it is something special. Recently I was taking a walk and the other guy came on to me. I got really scared because of his past and called my boyfriend. My boyfriend came and had to get the old guy away from me. Could this be classed as rape? (age 18)

I don't think so. Rape involves sexual penetration or at least sexual contact. If he was just talking to you, that is not rape.

After I masturbate, there is a lot clear liquid on my legs and under me. I usually focus on my G spot. Is this normal after orgasm? Will this happen when I have vaginal sex with a partner? (age 17)

Yes, that is normal, and you can expect it to happen during intercourse. Males expect it and most don't mind it. However, there is often discussion about who has to sleep on the "wet spot."

I was at home and so was my cousin, who normally doesn't come out of her room. So I went in my room and I was sure the door was locked. I did some work on the computer and then I started masturbating to some pictures. I heard the toilet flush and I looked to my door and it was ajar slightly. Although I'm unsure when exactly she peeked in, how do I respond? (female, age 17)

So you weren't sure your door was locked? It is probably better if you say nothing to your cousin. From now on, you can be extra sure the door is locked. At least you have a lock. A lot of my readers don't, as you surely know.

I read that it's not good for you to use water pressure to masturbate. I have been doing it for about 10 months. Has it affected me if I have used the water about 3 times a month plus using my fingers? Will I be able to orgasm with a guy when I'm ready to have sex? (age 15)

It is better if you don't do that, but I doubt you have greatly affected your future orgasmic abilities in only 10 months. Better that you learn some other way.

If I have started masturbating and I stop for a long period of time, will my orgasms get stronger? What if I wait a year or so to start masturbating again? (age 14)

I suspect they will get stronger if you stay in practice. Stopping for a long period of time is apt to make it harder to improve.

I just wanted to thank you! I have been seeing this guy for 4 months now and he has TMS. I found it difficult to deal with at first but now that I found this site, I believe that he can be helped! Thank you so much. (age 18)

Is it possible to ascertain if a guy is virgin or not? (age 33)

The best way would by seeing how comfortable he is with intercourse.

My boyfriend and I have been having sex now for about four months, and every time we have sex he always gets an orgasm, but I never do. It feels really good for me, but I would really like to get an orgasm, especially since I have gotten waves of one just by masturbating. Do you think I haven't been able to orgasm because my boyfriend finishes REALLY fast? Our sex normally lasts only five minutes, because he comes so early. What can I do to get an orgasm, and how can he last longer? (age 16)

It would help if he could work on you manually or orally before he penetrates you. It would be easier for him to bring you to orgasm those ways. Five minutes isn't too bad for his age.

Is it strange to feel the need to sort of thrash about when having an orgasm? I can't handle it without moving around a lot. (age 16)

Yes, that is normal. The orgasm produces a lot of energy that has to be released somehow, by vocalizing or moving about. I have gotten a couple of messages from women who like to masturbate surreptitiously in public, and they can get away with it except for the convulsion that happens at the point of orgasm, which they cover up by pretending to sneeze, etc.

Can a guy only get precum when he has an erection? (age 16)

No.

I just lost my virginity last night, and it was fine except for the first time my arms really cramped up. During the second and third time they didn't. Was it just because I was nervous? Or should I be worried? (age 19)

I don't think you have anything to worry about. It is good to be able to move your arms.

When you're masturbating, how can you be sure it's your vagina and not your urethra? Can your finger fit in your urethra? (age 15)

No, it couldn't. You would feel irritation if you were stimulating your urethra.

I have recently found out that my 15-year-old daughter has become sexually active. I am very worried about her becoming pregnant. Is it all right to buy her some educational material on masturbation and/or a device to assist with this? Will this help the "urge"? (age 36)

If she has been sexually active, she probably has as much urge for contact with partners as she does for sexual gratification. I doubt that facilitating her masturbation at this point will make her choose to be abstinent. You would do better to teach her about birth control.

When I get really close to orgasm, it gets so intense sometimes that I have to stop touching myself, so I squeeze my legs together to make myself come. How will I be able to stand it when I get close to orgasm in sex? (age 16)

Practice makes perfect. Most people don't have to stop until they actually have an orgasm. I would suggest that instead of stopping touching yourself, you find a way to keep touching and still have the orgasm. It might involve touching a different spot. You can learn to adjust to these feelings.

I'm a 22 year old female and I've never had sex. I've never had an orgasm. I have masturbated before and even have a dildo, a bullet, and this funny shaped G-spot stimulator. Even with these I can't achieve an orgasm. It doesn't even really feel that good. I also don't seem to be all that senstive on my clitoris or breasts. I can rub my clitoris all I want and all I feel is a little tingly and thats it. I get turned on and wet but even then when I attempt it's nothing special. Is there something wrong with me? Will I ever experience an orgasm?

You shouldn't give up. When you feel turned on and wet, just try something else that feels good. Eventually you will figure it out. In the meantime, just try to enjoy the feelings you're getting. I advise against using all that hardware for now.

I'm still a virgin and it hurts to put tampons in. My problem is that my boyfriend was pleasuring me with his fingers and although I've had it done before and it hurt a little, this time he did it with more than one finger and it extremely hurt! Not only that but there was blood everywhere. I'm still bleeding a little but my private area still hurts. It stings when I urinate and sometimes hurts when I sit down. What happened? It's been about 2 days now. (age 20)

He must have been a little rough and touched some places you're not used to having touched. It would be better for you if you could practice introducing things to your vagina when you're alone, so you don't have to be self-conscious on top of feeling sensitive. It will get easier with practice.

Is it bad to get aroused sometimes by the vibrating of the seat on a train or a car, since you say vibrators are a bad habit? (age 16)

I don't think that amount of vibrating is a bad thing. It is good if you are so easily aroused by that. It means you are very sensitive.

I'm almost sixteen and sexually active. Why am I not easily aroused? Sexual things that would normally turn any other person on don't really turn me on at all, just a little. I rarely get horny and when I do it's just at a random time, never in a sexual moment or something that anyone would find arousing. Why is this, and what can I do to get turned on by more sex stuff?

There is no rule that says sex things have to be arousing. If something else turns you on, then by all means, go with it. It would be better if you could find your partner arousing and get turned on by him. It would be better if you were not sexually active while you try to work this out.

I'm not sexually active yet, but I am horny ALL the time and I can't seem to stop thinking about sex. I want to have sex, but I don't have a boyfriend or someone special in my life. I get so horny just thinking about guys. Does this mean that when I start having sex, I will enjoy it more and I'll become a nymphomaniac? (age 15)

Don't worry about that now. Many females your age enjoy sex and are as horny as you, but very few can be legitimately be called nymphomanics. Since you're waiting for someone special, that's a good sign that you will be able to focus your sexual attention on one special guy.

My boyfriend went on vacation with his friends a few months back. They're all bachelors, and I never did trust them together, even though I never let my boyfriend know that. He left his phone at my place a few weeks ago, and I went through it and saw naked pictures of women they met there giving one guy oral sex. My boyfriend was in the picture and naked also, but not engaging in a sexual act, even though there were other females in the room. He claims he was just watching after he tried to deny it even being him. We argued badly because my stand was that he shouldn't have even been in the room, much less naked. He says he didn't do anything. I say he did because he was naked. Do you think he had sex also? And if so, how can he claim to love me if he cheated with a slut? I'm so confused and depressed because we were talking marriage. Should I leave him? (age 23)

I think it would be good for you to try going out with some men who wouldn't treat women that way. I can't prove he did or didn't have sex, but then what was his purpose in being naked in a room where women were performing sex acts on strange men? He might not think of sex with somebody like that as cheating, because it's only sex. You should have found out what he considers cheating before this point.

I am 23 years old and my boyfriend is 35. My mother and I had a heated discussion because I heard her tell someone else that "I was just a kid." It made me feel bad beause I think I'm a very mature and responsible adult. But she never would explain what she meant by that. Do you know what she means? Does she really see me as a child? Would you date someone who was 12 years your junior?

Your mother will always see you as a kid on some level. I know people in their 90s who treat their children in their 60s like children. It could be there is some other issue that is keeping your mother from thinking of you as an adult. You suspect she does not approve of your older boyfriend. It does not mean you immature because you prefer an older companion. You ought to find out what issue she has with your man. And yes, I would. Very happily.

I'm a virgin. I usually masturbate about 4 times a week, but sometimes I don't for 2-3 weeks. It is very typical for me to have orgasms during my sleep; sometimes multiple ones at one dream; they feel like real orgasms. When I wake up in the morning, I still feel the orgasm feeling. My dreams usually involve something touching my private area. Sometimes I get those dreams 3 times a week. Is this something normal for a female? (age 21)

It is more orgasmic feeling than a lot of women get. What you describe sounds similar to persistent sexual arousal syndrome. If it isn't bothering you, then there's no reason for you to regard it as a problem.

My husband is not interested in sex. He can go months without it. He says he is very tired. This has been going on for over 10 years! He's seen a doctor and his blood work was fine. I would like to have sex at least once a week. We are both in our late 30's. We love each other very much and every other aspect of our marriage is fine. I feel that I'm doomed to a sexless life. Are there any medications that I can take to dimish my sexual desire? Any ideas? (age 39)

The effort should be on increasing your husband's sexual desire, not decreasing yours. I suggest seeing a competent sex therapist.

If a girl gets wet, does that always mean she is aroused? (age 16)

In general, it does, but not in every single case.

Recently, my orgasms have gotten really weak. I don't know I could even call them orgasms now. I masturbate almost daily. Should I stop masturbating for a while and if so, for how long? (age 16)

It might be related to stress or something else in your life. It might help to cut down to every other day until you think you're back to normal.

If I can orgasm from internal masturbation, how can I orgasm when my boyfriend fingers me? (age 16)

It would help if he could mimic your own movements as closely as possible, and if you could be as relaxed with him as you are alone.

I'm 16 and I've thought of masturbating internally. Is it normal to be grossed out by my vagina, which keeps me from masturbating that way? Whenever I've tried tampons, my muscles get tense. Is there some way to prevent that? Thank you. Your site has been so much help!

For most girls, the prospect of sexual pleasure helps them overcome the gross feeling. I would advise trying it once and seeing if you feel differently about the feeling afterward. The issue with tampons could be related. It takes practice to use them, and it helps greatly if you can overcome the natural inclination of your muscles to keep the tampon out. Learning to relax your vagina will help you sexually as well.

I recently started masturbating a lot, between 3 and 4 times a day. I have a fiance, and when we have sex, I barely feel anything. Am I overstimulating my clitoris? (age 22)

There's a good chance you are. When men report trouble in intercourse, the first thing I suggest is cutting back masturbation. It would probably help you too. I suggest abstaining altogether for 3-4 days before the next time you have sex. See if it makes a difference.

I used to have to stop touching myself right before orgasm because it got too intense. Recently, I've been able to keep going all the way to orgasm, but it seems like my orgasms are weaker now. How can I get intense orgasms again? (age 16)

Practice makes perfect. It's just a matter of figuring out what kind of touching increases your orgasms and what kind takes away.

I don't masturbate internally because I don't wanna lose anything before marriage. I masturbate with running water. After a while it gets sensitive, and I get this extreme tingly feeling, and after a while I can't take it anymore and stop. How do I orgasm? (age 15)

The tingly feeling is the orgasm. I advise against running water. You will probably have a long time until you get married. There is no reason to be so hung up about your hymen.

Your comment on marijuana is completely inaccurate. My boyfriend and myself both smoke marijuana on a daily basis and have done so for several years. We found out a few months ago that I was pregnant so therefore your statement that marijuana kills sperm was completely inaccurate. Do you have any scientific data proving that your statements on this matter are correct, or are you just going by hearsay and trying to scare twelve year old boys into not trying something that comes from the earth? I think that you are just another ignorant bible thumper who is trying to push his worthless, narrow minded, illogical, and basically prehistoric opinions onto the naive. (age 21)

Did I say that marijuana kills all sperm? Why not start by reading this from the BBC.

My boyfriend and I had never had sex before. He tried penetrating me with a condom on and lubricant. It was the kind that creates a warming feeling. He used a lot, and his penis went in about 2 inches, and it was very painful. I felt a really bad burn inside my vagina. I had to tell him to pull it out and it burned for about 5 minutes after. Could this have been too much lube or a reaction to it? (age 18)

It was probably too much of the chemical that causes the warming feeling. A little goes a long way.

I'm so scared. Am I bi? I sometimes look at other women and it kind of makes me feel good. But I still have a boyfriend at the same time. I don't wanna be bi (no offense to other bisexuals), but it's just not me. I'm straight. And I know it. And sometimes when I masturbate, I think about this really pretty girl. If this isn't normal, can you help me? (age 14)

Those thoughts and fantasies in isolation don't mean you have any kind of sexual preference. Just relax. Between now and when you're 18, you will have noticed whether those fantasies are rare or whether they are common, and how you react to various boyfriend(s). However, right now it is more important for you to be more accepting of various sexual preferences, because I think bisexuals and lesbians would be offended by your fear of being bi and the urgency of your concern.

I have been masturbating for about 2 years. Some women are able to release fluid, but I can't. Is this abnormal? Also, I always feel like I'm having an orgasm but the way I feel doesn't match what health web sites say about how it should feel. Am I thinking incorrectly that I've had an orgasm? (age 17)

Most women can't release fluid. Don't worry about that. It's unfortunate that you aren't certain you've had an orgasm, but if you keep doing what you're doing and learn to respond to what your body wants, eventually you will get to the point where you will have no doubt that what you're feeling is an orgasm. Don't be discouraged and keep trying.

I have a heart problem. And I ...well, you know. My heart problem is categorized as high pulse, or arrhythmia. I have medicine to control it, and I have monitored it while ... you know. It didn't seem high or anything. My mom has high blood pressure, and I was reading about something that when you reach orgasm, your blood pressure elevates. I was just wondering if there are any dangers in my case and if I should stop. (age 16)

That is really a question for your doctor. I know it will be incredibly difficult for you to ask because you can't even type the word when writing to a web site that specializes in ... you know. Why not call up a female nurse who works for your doctor. If you can't bring yourself to say the word, then ask about the hazards of "orgasm." She will be able to give you an answer, and it ought to be easier for you to discuss it with her. Don't be embarrassed. Not only does she likely masturbate herself, she has probably dealt with the question from other patients. You will enjoy it more when you know you don't have to be worried about it.

I am still a virgin, so masturbation is my only sexual outlet. I've only ever done it one way, by externally rubbing the clitoris until I reach orgasm. I prefer to have my underwear between my hand and my clitoris. I've never tried using a vibrator or fingering myself internally to reach orgasm, partly because I'm a bit put off by the idea. Is this normal? Also, I'm concerned because I've never gotten wet while masturbating, despite the fact that I get excited and have an orgasm. Does this mean that I won't get wet during actual sex, or is it because I'm masturbating wrong? Should I try a different masturbation technique? (age 21)

Everything you describe sounds normal, although wearing the underwear is a little unusual. It is likely that having a partner present would help you get wetter more than masturbating does. I don't think you have anything to worry about, and you should try a different technique only if you want to.

Is it true that some women don't have the ability to orgasm?

According to Masters & Johnson, the scientists who proved that there is a female orgasm, every female has the ability to have an orgasm. It is indeed true that not all women regularly have orgasms, however. For many, it is simply a matter of becoming more familiar with the body and the process that produces orgasm.

I was masturbating in the shower when my friend surprised me. She said she wouldn't tell and that she did it too. Then she started touching me. Now every time we have a sleepover, she wants to masturbate with me? Is this OK? (age 15)

I don't think so, but if it's what you want, then it's OK with you. If it's not OK with you, then you should tell her. And if she continues, then she's a rapist.

Recently, I've gotten into this habit of tensing up my torso at the point of orgasm, and I think it is limiting the pleasure of orgasm. Could you offer any advice on how to stop myself from doing this? (age 16)

I'm not convinced that is a problem, because 40 percent of males do that with their legs when they masturbate most of the time, according to a recent survey for this site, and only 7 percent never do it. I think it is because doing that tends to minimize any feeling that is coming in from the legs and lets them focus more on their genitals. You might be doing it for the same reason. If you really want to cut it out, just make a conscious effort to not do it. You say it's something that's only started recently. Then it shouldn't be too difficult to eliminate.

I have been masturbating with a very large fast-vibrating back massager since I was 12. There is no way I can reach orgasm with my hand or an object. I am extremely worried my boyfriend will not be be able to bring me to orgasm. What do you suggest I do to start being able to orgasm normally and how long do you think it will take? (age 17)

I don't know how you could expect him to bring you to orgasm when you can't do it yourself (without the back massager). It would be good to quit the back massager and learn to reach orgasm with your hands. It might take a year to get there. With any luck, less time. Try to enjoy what you (and your boyfriend) can do even if you aren't having orgasms.

Often when my boyfriend masturbates, he sometimes likes to take a while even though he can ejaculate in between five to ten minutes. Is this bad? Why is it that early ejaculation during intercourse is a bad thing while you encourage males to last not much longer than 10 minutes when masturbating? (age 15)

It is not bad to take as long as you want to. It is bad when one can't last more than a couple of minutes during intercourse (premature ejaculation) or when one can't come within 10 minutes no matter how hard he tries.

I generally masturbate face down. I've had sex, and TMS hasn't affected this. I sometimes masturbate while lying on my back; however, I feel I get much better orgasms from a face down position. This also means I can reach orgasm more than once. (age 17)

Although the evidence against female prone masturbation isn't as strong as the evidence against male, I advise women against it. Since you can get orgasms other ways, why not work on developing those, and avoiding the potential problems from prone masturbation.

One afternoon I was masturbating in the living room as my computer is there, without the door locked as no one was home. Suddenly, the front door opened and my brother and his friend were staring at me for a second and then closed the door immediately. I was so embarrassed as I was fully nude with a dildo. I felt so violated but my brother came and consoled me and said that it is normal. I was relieved but exposed so fully that I keep thinking of it when I masturbate and I cannot really concentrate! (age 18)

Try to relax and not think about that incident. Be glad you have a sympathetic brother.

I have been on the pill for a month and a half. Is it OK if my partner orgasms inside me? I'm just worried about getting pregnant. (age 16)

Your doctor should have advised you when it was safe to have intercourse after you started the pill. It ought to be safe by now. Keep in mind that no form of birth control is completely effective.

I have been masturbating prone since I was 7 and now I have trouble climaxing. I'm afraid my clitoris isn't sensitive anymore. I have never climaxed with my boyfriend and we've been doing it for 2 years. Is there something wrong with me? Can it be fixed? (age 19)

I would recommend moving away from prone masturbation. Abstaining from masturbating for about a week makes it easier for males to learn to masturbate conventionally, and it would probably help you too. After a few months, you are apt to notice a difference in your sexual functioning.

I've been masturbating prone since I was five. I can't orgasm any other way. I've been trying to masturbate conventionally since I was 19, but for some reason it makes me fall asleep. I've done everything I know how to orgasm another way. Nothing even comes close. I may get aroused by masturbating supine, but nowhere near orgasm. Also, I've tried not to fall asleep while massaging my clitoris, but it almost feels like I've been drugged. What should I do for help? (age 29)

If you have been working at it for 10 years, I would suggest seeing a sex therapist. You can find one in your area at http://www.sexologist.org. There might also be a support group to help you, if you live in a large enough city.

I masturbated on chair close to the balcony in my apartment house. I was alone that day. However, I was caught by the next door man who was on his balcony which is right next to mine. After I finished doing it and still had my hand inside my vagina, I saw that he was looking at me. I was really embarrassed. (age 23)

Everyone should remember that an apartment or hotel balcony is not a private space.

I caught my brother once (he's 15 months younger than me), but I played it off like I saw nothing. I ended up peeking and catching him again. I'm very curious. Is it odd that I'm turned on by this? Also, I'm not certain that he's trying to hide it. (age 14)

You ought to respect your brother's privacy and not spy on him. If you think he wants you to see, then suggest he go into a more private spot. It isn't odd that you're turned on, but you might start feeling very guilty of doing that later.

I haven't been masturbating for too long now, and when I do pleasure builds and then for few seconds I feel sort of like goosebumps all over my body, and my vagina contracts a few times. Is this an orgasm? I'm not sure because it doesn't feel that great. (age 15)

I think it is, or perhaps it's just the beginning of one. Orgasms aren't always earth-shaking, but most people find them very enjoyable. A lot of it is in your head. Be sure you're not distracted when you masturbate. It can make a big difference.

When I masturbate, my orgasms come back to back and usually within the first 3-5 seconds. Is this normal? (age 13)

I don't think those are orgasms. They only happen after more time spent masturbating than that.

I`ve been treated for depression by a psychiatrist. I'm still a virgin and that's one of my issues. My therapist suggested I masturbate to ease the ansiety. I've been doing it and I come, but afterward I just end up crying and feeling worse for having to pleasure myself because I don't have someone to give me pleasure. What do you think? I come and then I feel down, why? (age 20)

It seems to intensify your feelings of loneliness, but there are positive ways to look at it. By masturbating, you'll be more prepared for when you'll be able to have sex with someone. And masturbating can make you more sexually self-sufficient so you won't feel as needy for a partner. Instead of feeling sorry for pleasuring yourself, you should feel confident that you're building your sexual abilities. It will show after a while. Perhaps you should discuss these things with your therapist.

Why can I only reach orgasm doggy style? Nothing else can satisfy me. I want to be able to have an orgasm with me on top or him on top because we will be face to face and it is more romantic. Any tips? (age 18)

A lot of women your age can't have orgasms in intercourse at all, and some can't have orgasms period, so you are one of the lucky ones. It would probably be easier for you to have an orgasm in another position the longer it has been since your last orgasm. Just keep at it and try to enjoy the feelings you are having now.

Why can't I have an orgasm with my boyfriend? When we do it he has to stop a lot and we have tried every position and nothing has worked. Sometimes we can go for a long time and it feels great but I never have an orgasm. What are we doing wrong? I am not on the pill but we use condoms. Would it be better if I were on the pill so it wouldn't matter if he has an orgasm? (age 19)

Being on the pill wouldn't mean it wouldn't matter if your partner had an orgasm. It would not be an enjoyable experience for either of you if he couldn't reach orgasm. However, it would easier for both of you to have orgasms if you weren't using condoms. In that case, being on the pill would make it easier for you to reach orgasm. Also, the pill is more effective than condoms, so you might also be more at ease.

My boyfriend and I are very atttracted to each other sexually. He gets very turned on, very hard, but when we make love, he is unable to cum. Hours can go by, and nothing happens. He said this has gone on for years, and he is used to it but I feel he is losing out. He is 48 years old. Can you help? (age 47)

I can only suggest that he abstain from orgasm for 4-5 days before your next sexual encounter. It would probably be a good idea for him to see a competent sex therapist. He can find one near him at http://www.sexologist.org.

When I think about a guy I like, I get a feeling in my vagina like I have to go to the bathroom, but what comes out isn't urine. What is it? (age 13)

It is probably your vaginal lubricant. Now that you know that sensation doesn't mean you have to use the bathroom, you can look through this site and find out what other girls do when they get it.

I know this sounds insane, but seeing a baby cry gets me excited and makes me want to masturbate. I often masturbate thinking about crying babies. Am I the only one in the world who has this habit? (age 21)

Probably not. There is pretty wide variation in what turns people on. You shouldn't be ashamed of your fetish, but it would serve you well to find other things that also arouse you.

Whenever I try to insert even the tip of my finger into my vagina, it hurts. I wasn't sure I was putting it in the right place so I had a look and saw what I thought must be my hymen. It was like a fleshy pink lump. I had a look at your hymen gallery and now I'm confused. I didn't know that the hymen was supposed to have a hole in it already. When I look at mine, I can't see a hole at all. But I get my period every month, quite heavily. I don't know what to do. (age 16)

It is more important that you relax when you try to insert your finger. Start at the bottom of your vulvar lips. Then you are more likely to find the vagina instead of the urethra (which would hurt if you tried to stick a finger in). Be in a reclining position and take your time.

My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now and having sex for 2. I've never had an orgasm with him. I have no idea why. He knows I don't have orgasms and sometimes he feels really bad and guilty but I tell him not to worry. I have orgasms only when I'm alone and masturbate. (age 22)

Orgasmic difficulty is common for women in intercourse, even those who can masturbate to orgasm. It might be easier for him to give you an orgasm by hand, especially if you show him how you like to touch yourself. Once you've got that down, it makes sense to experiment with different intercourse positions until you find ones that are optimal for orgasm. It's also worth mentioning that some women masturbate while they're having intercourse.

I am a virgin. I masturbate with a water stream. Does that mean I would not be satisfied with vaginal intercourse? (age 18)

It is less likely you would be able to achieve orgasm in intercourse than a woman who is able to masturbate with her hands.

I have been masturbating since I was 10 and I have had a lot of orgasms. I have been doing it almost a full 2 years. Is this a good time to start inserting objects (markers, toothbrushes, etc.) into my vagina? I have used a highlighter before and there was some blood on it and I didn't have my period. Was that part of my vagina bleeding because I cut it? (age 12)

You might have torn your hymen or scraped your vaginal wall. I don't know that one time is better than any other to start using objects.

I have been masturbating since I was about 13. Unfortunately I began looking at pictures and eventually videos to reach orgasm faster. I realized that this was wrong and stopped around age 14, but still masturbated. The thing that scares me is that it is easier for me to orgasm thinking about women than about men, but I know I'm straight. I like guys, I date guys, and would never think of dating a girl. What's wrong with me? (age 15)

Perhaps you should not reject out of hand the idea that you're something other than straight. A lot of lesbians were dating males at your age. If thinking about women scares you, try thinking only about men, and see if your satisfaction is the same.

I was masturbating in the washroom, and my mom needed to use it. She saw that the door was locked and forced it open in like 2 seconds. She saw me with my pants down and my hand on my vulva and she was horrified. She yelled at me for masturbating and said how ashamed she was at me for doing such a thing and said that I should be ashamed at myself too, to be doing something so sexual at my age. After the incident, she taped the lock on the washroom and removed the lock on my bedroom door, saying that if I she ever caught me masturbating again, there would be consequences. I'm still confused because I thought that masturbating was normal. (age 12)

I usually tell parents of girls your age to print out my Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation and give it to their daughters, but in your case, I think you should print it out for your mom. Most parents these days are very understanding and only a small number react the way your mom did.

I've been with my boyfriend for some time now and sometimes in the middle of sex he'll go soft and have to take things into his own hands. I hate this because I dont get anything out of it, but at the same time I want him to reach an orgasm. Is there anything we can do to keep this from happening so often? (age 17)

It is easier to reach orgasm the longer it's been since the last time. I would suggest he increase the interval between his orgasms (the ones with you and the other ones) before your next intercourse.

I have been masturbating for about 6 years now. I usually do it in the shower with a hand-held shower head set on the "jet" setting. I have also been sexually active for about 3 years and have never been able to reach an orgasm in intercourse. I figure it's because of masturbation. I even have a difficult time becoming aroused and getting wet. If I were to stop masturbating (which I did 5 days ago), how long would it take for me to become sensitive to my boyfriend's touch? (age 16)

I advise males who are quitting TMS to make it a two-step process. First learn to masturbate the conventional way, and then learn to have sex with a partner. The solution for females who are used to masturbating with running water is similar. First learn to masturbate using only your hands. This might take a month or more. Once you have been successfully having orgasms by hand for a month, then is the time to try having sex with a partner. I'm not confident that you can get over your water fatigue by skipping the middle step. A good plan would be to be having orgasms through manual masturbation a month from now and to try having sex with your boyfriend a month after that and with luck you might be having orgasms with him six months from now.

I've been using the shower faucet to bring myself to orgasm since I was about 8; I've been doing it for eight years now. Should I stop this because I can't seem to feel anything from my fingers. I'm also afraid that I won't orgasm when I have sexual intercourse. (age 16)

I think those fears are well founded. I would recommend giving up the shower faucet forever. Then try abstaining from masturbating for as long as you can stand, possibly two weeks to a month. Then work on having an orgasm by hand. I think you will notice an increase in sensitivity within six months.

I try to masturbate but the only time I can do it is in bed at 1:00 a.m. There is no privacy in my house during the day and we are never home. Any ideas? (age 15)

Unless you can work out a schedule that would give you some privacy, 1:00 a.m. is it.

Last night when I was masturbating in my bedroom (I do that every night), when my sister came to my room. Randomly, she realized I was naked. She said, "What are you doing naked?" Then I told her that I was touching myself, and she told me that it's not healthy to touch myself, and I'll get a yeast infection. She asked if I wash my hands, and I said yes. She also tried to tell my parents about this as well, I was embarrassed and am afraid to get yeast infection. What should I do? (age 16)

I'm sure your parents were also embarrassed to hear this report. I doubt they'll say anything to you. A yeast infection caused by masturbating would be very rare. It would help if you don't introduce sugar to your vagina. If you get one, they're generally no big deal. You shouldn't let the fear of one interfere with the pleasure of masturbating. And your sister needs to grow up.

Just today I was caught by my little sister who's 11 and all she did was look through part of the door (because i have no lock and my door doesn't close all the way) and ran away. She had been downstairs and I had the whole upstairs to myself. I tried to make it look like I was changing into my pajamas and I'm not sure if she knew what I was doing. (age 11)

You might get the door fixed. Privacy protects not only the person who's masturbating but also the person who might see.

How can I get longer orgasms? Mine aren't 8 seconds, only a few. (age 16)

Practice makes perfect! Lots of girls your age aren't able to orgasm at all, so you are ahead of the game. Keep at it!

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for six months, and it has never been a problem. However, when we started to have sex the other day, it sort of burned, and then afterward when I urinated, it stung and burned really badly. I think this may be a cut inside my vagina but I am not sure. My boyfriend and I haven't had sex with anyone else so I know it is not an STD. What could this be other than a cut, and how long does it take to heal? We tried sex again, and it still hurt, but not nearly as bad as the first time. (age 16)

It is probably either a cut or tear or some kind of irritated skin. I think it would be OK if you left it alone for a few days. It might help to rinse the area off just in case some kind of chemical is involved.

I have not masturbated before. My boyfriend can make me orgasm by using his finger to stimulate my clit, and I have also had an orgasm while having intercourse with him. However, when I tried to masturbate myself, it didn't seem to work. I literally have no feeling when doing it. Is there some problem with me? (age 21)

No, I think you just need practice. Try to simulate as closely as you can what your boyfriend does when he gives you an orgasm.

My boyfriend is uncircumcised and when he retracts his foreskin, the head of his penis is really pink compared to the outer part and the rest of his penis. Is this normal? I just want to make sure he doesn't have an infection. (age 26)

Yes, that is normal.

I have been mastubating for almost 2 years now and I like it, but I feel that I am doing something bad. Is there a certain age you should be when you masturbate? That really worries me. (age 12)

It shouldn't worry you. It is normal and healthy and fun. There is no particular age to start.

Yesterday I barged into my boyfriend's room while he was masturbating. He was ejaculating when I saw him. Though we both know that both of us masturbate, it's the first time that I've actually seen a guy masturbating, so it was kind of a shock. I just turned back and ran home, but I guess I should have been more cool about it. What do you think I should do? As a girlfriend, should I try to act normal, or talk about it with him? By the way, he's normally cool about me just barging into his room; he has told me that there is no necessity to knock. But I don't know what to do. It's embarrassing. (age 15)

You should have stayed to talk about it. You've been open about masturbation before. Maybe he wanted you to catch him. Maybe he wanted it to lead to some other kind of sexual interaction.

My boyfriend sucked really hard and long on my clitoris and three days later it's still swollen red and hurts. I didn't have an orgasm either. Can you help me? (age 18)

One of the key differences between men and women is that men want the same movement over and over while women can become fatigued or even injured if the stimulation is repetitive. Varying the amount and type of stimulation he gives you will not only prevent this type of injury but will make it easier for you to have an orgasm. Let him know when he's worked on one spot long enough.

My friend and her boyfriend haven't been having sexual intercourse, just oral and such. Now they're wanting to put "just the tip" of the penis in her vagina. She says it wouldn't take her virginity away. My friends and I disagree with her though. (age 14)

I disagree too. If any part of the penis goes inside her vulvar lips, she is no longer a virgin. A lot of people also would say that someone who has had oral sex is not a virgin.

I have been masturbating for a very long time, but only by stimulating my clitoris; never by inserting anything into my vagina. When a partner tries to do it, I can't have an orgasm. I have had an orgasm vaginally, but I get a sensation like I need to urinate. Does this feeling mean I'm close to having an orgasm? (age 19)

It's a good sign. Since you are used to orgasms by hand, it might help if your partner tried to give you one that way. If he were successful, he might have a better chance of giving you one vaginally. Don't be discouraged; many women are unable to reach orgasm in intercourse.

I had sex with my boyfriend last night protected. I was on my period. I loved it but now I am not on my period. Should I be worried? (age 15)

I don't think so. When you have your period is when you are least fertile. Also, you used protection. If your period went away, that is only a coincidence.

When I try to finger myself, I only get feeling from jiggling my finger around, but not much of anything from moving it in and out. What will I do when I have sex? Is it because my finger is too small? I tried two and it was uncomfortable. (age 16)

I think you will have better feeling when you get more practice. Don't be self-conscious.

When I am masturbating, should I stop right at the orgasm or keep going during it? And when a guy says how big his penis is, does he mean erect size or normal?(age 16)

It is good if you keep going as long as it feels good. That is how some women have multiple orgasms. Erect size, definitely.

I had sex for the first time last week. I hurt my vagina. I have been masturbating for years. Why would sex hurt so much? Could my vagina be too narrow? (age 18)

Your vagina can stretch to accomodate a baby's head. It will hurt less with practice. It helps if you have a partner who can be slow and gentle.

When I masturbate I imagine I'm having sex with the boy I like. I don't want to have sex for quite a while (when I am 18). But I always think of him when I masturbate. Is that normal? (age 13)

Yes, it is. However, it is good if you can have fantasies about more than one person.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder for someone else, right? Someone I'm with will be going to Washington for a week. We have a close relationship, and by then we will have been together for three months, and we've had sex too. I'll have contact with them, by text, phone, and instant messaging. Do you think everything will be okay? I'm afraid we'll grow apart. (age 14)

A week is not so long to be apart. You can make him respect you more by not constantly texting, calling, or IMing him.

My boyfriend and I recently tried some things and found that he couldnt get much more than an inch of a finger in me without me saying "ow." I looked on your site, and it looks like I have a septate hymen. Should it hurt this much? Should I see a doctor?

A septate hymen shouldn't hurt more than a normal one, but it might be harder to break. If you continue having trouble, it might be worthwhile to see a doctor.

Why do girls have a hymen? And how long does it take for sperm to die after they get on your hand? (age 16)

The hymen is useful in assessing whether young girls have been sexually abused. Sperm can probably not live for an hour outside of a protective environment.

Follow-up: I meant does the hymen serve any function to the body? If not, why is it there if it is just going to break later anyway?

I described a function of the hymen. I don't believe it has any other function.

One time I was lying in bed with my best friend watching a movie. She said she needed to go home for dinner but she would be back to finish the movie later at night. Once she left I couldn't help myself; I ripped ofd my jeans and undies and started masturbating furiously. I was moaning slightly when I heard footsteps. I figured it was my brother going to his room but my best friend opened my door and walked in on me. I was so embarrassed. She never came back to my house again and we barely speak. (age 18)

That's too bad. You might try telling her that you're not ashamed of what you were doing and you're not upset with her for coming in. She is probably embarrassed about it too, but as you've doubtless read on this site, it's a normal thing that the vast majority of women your age do, and it's also pretty common to have someone accidentally walk in on you.

Sometimes after orgasms, I don't feel satisfied. I know they are real orgasms. Should I try to get more orgasms when this happens? (age 16)

It would be worth trying to have multiple orgasms until you're satisfied. If you can't have multiple orgasms, then multiple masturbation sessions in succession will probably not be very satisfying. It might help if you can figure out why your orgasms are not satisfying.

A couple of days ago I had the biggest ogasm I've ever had. I was at the point that I could barely moan or make any sort of noise except gasping for air. Is it normal for girls to have an orgasm that big that causes a person to gasp for air? (age 13)

That is pretty intense. I think it's good that you can have such great orgasms at your age. Congratulations.

I dont know what you believe exacly, but I am a Catholic and my dad told me that masturbating is a mortal sin and that if I have ever done it must confess it to our priest. I have masturbated before; every day recently, in fact. And I dont want to stop! I am too embarrassed to confess it. What do you think I should do? (age 13)

I'm Protestant, so I can't help too much with this conundrum. Perhaps there are some older Catholic girls in your church you could talk to about it?

I recently had sexual intercourse with my boyfriend for the first time. When we were getting ready his penis was hard and fully erect. After he put a condom on, it went soft. This got worse when he tried to enter me. Is there anything I can do that will keep him erect longer? The condoms we were using were natural feel and he thought they may have been too tight. Should I give him oral sex beforehand? (age 16)

That would make it worse. It would be better if he abstained from ejaculation longer before your next attempt. It will probably get easier for him with some experience.

My boyfriend and I are both virgins and we have been talking about having sex but I know that my first time will most likely hurt. If I finger myself or use other objects before actual intercourse will that lessen the pain? Will it make any difference? (age 18)

At this point, it will probably make little difference. If you had started using the objects years ago, then you would likely have an easier time of your first intercourse. A few weeks of practice with objects isn't apt to help and might make things worse. Don't anticipate pain. It will keep you from enjoying the experience.

You have a great site!! Thank you so much for the info! I've always masturbated externally and have used pads, so it scared me what I found out when I started using tampons. I think I might have something abnormal about my hymen or vagina. I looked at the hymen gallery at your site, and I first thought that I had septate hymen. But its not a bridge, it's more like a wall. Almost as if I have two vaginas. Its so hard to explain without using a picture! It's like a tube, that has a wall dividing it in the middle. It's a think wall. It hurts so bad if a tampon pushes against it! I tried to tear it using my hairbrush, but it just hurt too much. And my vaginas are tight. I can put in a tampon or one finger, but it hurts if put in two fingers. Do you think I should see a doctor? Is there some surgery that I should have? (age 15)

It would be a good idea for you to be examined by a doctor or nurse practitioner, who can see if there is anything abnormal about your vagina (I doubt there is) and explain to you about the parts of your anatomy. It is always a bad idea to tear your hymen intentionally. You might not be aiming for the right place.

Ever since I was 11, I've fantasized about being raped. I fantasize about being pinned down and choked. Most of the time it's the only thing that I can masturbate to. I told my best friend this, and she said that I'm weird. What should I do? (age 15)

Rape is a common fantasy for females. You're not weird. It would help if you could develop other fantasies that also work for you. Sometimes reading stories or looking at pictures can help you develop new fantasies.

I'm 17 and I'm straight. I am physically attracted to males but when I masturbate images of females turn me on and when I think of males while I masturbate, I don't really feel anything and they don't excite me. It's almost a turnoff. Is this normal?

It's normal to be aroused by images of people you're physically attracted to.

This is a really embarrassing story. When my parents and my older brother were gone and I had the whole house to myself, I decided to go in my room and masturbate. I started rubbing my clitoris and sticking my hand in my vagina. Right about the time I had and orgasm I heard my parents walk up the stairs. I nearly had a heart attack. I tore out of my bed and went for the door handle but it was too late. My mom walked in, looked terrified, and quickly shut the door. Is it normal for girls my age to masturbate? I have also done it in my pool and in my bathtub. (age 13)

Yes, that is pretty normal.

Before I go to sleep, I usually fantasize about sex with guys. Is this normal? (age 15)

Yes, very.

Is it possible to get pregnant masturbating next to a male? (age 19)

Make sure you don't get any of his sexual fluids on your hands.

I'm very confused about sexual orientation. I like kissing guys, but I find sex with them repulsive. I've never done anything with a girl, but I wouldn't mind kissing one (even though I'd prefer kissing a guy) and I even like the idea of sex with a girl. Is this normal? Am I bi or lesbian? I know I can't be straight. I fantasize about girls frequently. (age 14)

At your age, I would advise against sex even if your preferences were perfectly clear. Perhaps by the time you're 16, everything will make a lot more sense.

Why do I dream about masturbating? It happens a lot and I actually have an orgasm in my dreams. Why does this happen? Sometimes I have really weird dreams about guys masturbating (I don't see their penises but I know that's what they're doing.) And I have dreams about me being naked and people looking at me. Is there something wrong with me? (age 19)

No, I think that's all normal. It might reflect your subconscious belief that you're not having enough orgasms when you're awake. Being naked in front of a large number of strange men is a common female fantasy.

I have masturbated for a while and wondered if using saliva as a lubricant is bad or inserting things deep into my vagina is bad? Also, one of my labia minora is quite large and flaps outside of my outer lips. Could this be a result of too much masturbation? I am still a virgin. (age 19)

Saliva is OK for males but for females you run the risk of introducing something to your vagina that can cause an infection if you have been eating recently. It might be time for you to try a commercial lubricant made especially for sex, like K-Y Liquid or Astroglide. There is a lot of variation in labia, and I don't think you have to worry that masturbation is making yours different.

I really love your site!!! My boyfriend wants to have sex with me but I'm still a virgin and I don't really have any idea about sex. I want to do it with him, but I feel so stupid because of my innocence. What should I do? (age 16)

I think you should wait a while longer, until you can be completely comfortable about it.

I can never reach an orgasm. I try fantasies, videos, pictures, and using my hands. How can I reach an orgasm? (age 16)

Practice and patience. I think you'll be having orgasms soon.

I am 28 and my partner is 30. I don't mind that he masturbates, but I want to make sure that his interest in sex with me is healthy. We both work full time and are in school full time and have been together about a year and a half. Often when our external stresses are lower, we will have sex at least 2-3 times per week, but when work and school get us stressed, we seem to only have sex about once a week, yet he masturbates nearly every day. I think this is probably just a result of stress and has nothing to do with me, really, but I wanted a male opionion regarding whether or not this is normal. I have a healthy sex drive for a female, and I don't want to allow myself to feel insecure that he might prefer masturbation to me.

Many men masturbate when they could be having sex because it allows them to relieve themselves without having to satisfy a partner. However, what you describe (sex once a week while masturbating daily) is extreme. It would be a lot better if it were closer to the other way around. It would help if you could discuss this with your partner and let him know you're willing to have sex more.

My boyfriend and I recently started having sex. We were both virgins. Whenever he penetrates me with a condom on, it burns terribly to the point that I can't take it. He has penetrated me without a condom on and it didn't burn. We've tried different kinds of condoms (all latex) and same thing happens. What could be the problem? (age 18)

It could be a latex allergy. There are condoms available made of PVC (they will be labeled as non-latex), but they don't protect against STDs as well as latex condoms. If you were really both virgins, then I suspect you're using the condoms for contraception. If you're confident that your partner was really a virgin and remains faithful, then trying PVC condoms might be a good plan.

If you masturbate too frequently, can you lose your hymen completely? Do you need your hymen for childbirth? (age 13)

The erosion of the hymen is caused not by frequency but by the amount of contact with it. The hymen is not needed for childbirth; after childbirth, there are not even remnants of it left.

I started masturbating last summer when I was curious. I have felt very guilty about it ever since, but I still do it 2-3 times a week. I told my best friend about it the other night and found out that she had been doing it too!! I use the shower head turned on high.. Will it hurt me? Thanks for having such and informative site! I wish I knew about it long ago!! (age 16)

Now that you can share notes with your friend, I hope you will be less guilty. It is better if you don't use running water. The most sexually successful females use only their hands.

You give really sound, educated, non-sugar-coated advice. I just recently found out that my boyfriend has been unfaithful during our relationship. I really love him, and despite what he's done, I'd love to just move on and forget it and be with him. However, I would also like to be sure that he won't do it again, and based on how long I've known him I know when he's lying, and I believe he's sorry. What's your take? Should I stay with him, or will he look at it as a license to keep cheating?

A lot of women would tell you to drop him and move on. I think you might be able to make the relationship work if you tell him absolutely, positively that you will dump him if he ever cheats again. However, if he does, then that is what you must do, otherwise he has a license to cheat.

I have been masturbating for a few weeks now. After it's over, my legs shake and it's hard to walk. I feel wobbly for a while and wonder if I'm harming myself? (age 16)

I doubt it. You must be lucky to have such intense orgasms! It might help to rest for a few minutes after you're done.

I'm planning to have sex in a few years. I'm nervous because I masturbate using water stimulation Will sex be worse or better if I stop doing water stimulation? How will I know? (age 14)

Females tend to be more responsive in sex if they don't masturbate with running water. If you're not planning to be sexually active for several years, you have plenty of time to change.

I happened to look in the mirror right after I finished masturbating today, and my face was very red. Is this normal, and can anyone else tell? (age 16)

Yes, that is called sex flush, and it happens in about 30 percent of both males and females. If someone sees you before it goes away (usually within 10 minutes), they will have a pretty good clue that you've just have an orgasm.

I only started having sex about a year ago with a guy that I am still dating. He has a very low sex drive. Even though I am very attractive, he would rather spend hours studying for college. It makes me very frustrated that he always tells me sex makes him very tired and he cannot focus on his studying. He accepts fellatio once in a while. Of course I masturbate and I recently bought a vibrator, which made things even worse between us. What should I do? (age 23)

I think you should find a man whose sexual desires are more in line with yours. I suspect he will have a different excuse for not having sex once he is through with college. If sex makes him tired, then why don't you have it at bedtime? Many people do exactly that. I have to believe that there is a deeper problem.

My boyfriend and I broke up unfortunately last year. I never stopped loving him, and I know he feels the same way. Now he has a fianc? whom he doesn't love and doesn't want to marry. I want him back, and I want to make love. What can I do to get him back?

You might be in denial about him never stopping loving you. If he doesn't want to marry her, then why are they engaged? Give him a call and make one last pitch to let him know how you feel, but if he doesn't go for it, move on to somebody else who really wants you.

One day I was masturbating in the living room in front of the computer and was watching a music video on my iPod while I did it. I didn't hear my mom come in the front door. She asked why I was naked and I was so scared I thought I would die. I told her I was itchy. It seemed like she believed me and told me to go upstairs and take a shower. I couldn't tell her the truth! She probably would've disowned me. What should I do if it happens again? (age 15)

You should do what you can to see that it doesn't happen again. I don't think any mother in the Western world would disown her daughter for masturbating. Even so, there is no reason to tell her, and you are very clever to have thought of that.

I just found out that my boyfriend had a threesome with two women behind my back and lied to me when I asked him if he cheated on me. What should I do? (age 28)

I recommend dumping him and getting tested for STDs.

Does being able to vocalize make a huge difference in your orgasms? (age 18)

It's hard to say for sure, but people who have enough privacy that they can vocalize often prefer to. I think this means the vocalizing makes a difference in their orgasms.

I only get a good sensation by masturbating on top of my clothes and I can't stand the feeling of something inside me. Is that normal? Also, once I masturbated standing up, leaning against a wall, and I nearly passed out. Is this normal? (age 18)

There are a lot of different female opinions on how to masturbate, and for a small number of women it is normal to masturbate through clothes. More than a few women don't like having objects inside when they masturbate. Most women, of course, like objects and also masturbate directly rather than through clothes. I have heard of a few women having such an intense orgasm that they passed out. That is extremely rare, and quite dangerous if you masturbate anyplace but bed.

I want to thank you for this site to help me understand that I'm not the only teen who has masturbated and has been curious about the sexual side of me. For other teens out there, thank you for posting things on this site. I once masturbated and bled and was curious and this site is the best for understanding what's going on. Thank you. (age 13)

It's nice of you to write.

I recently switched from masturbating with the shower head to using my hands. It takes longer to reach orgasm with my hands. Is this normal? (age 16)

Yes, it is. You will be able to reach orgasm faster once you are used to the feeling.

I have never been caught but my sister knows I masturbate and when she found out she made me promise never to do it again, or if I do make sure she never finds out. She has never masturbated but is stubborn on saying it's wrong. Now whenever I masturbate I cannot focus and enjoy it as much because I remember her telling me it's not normal. (age 14)

Your sister is immature. Would it help if I told you it's normal? Your sister's problem is in her head. Why not leave it in there and not let it spread to yours.

Do guys have a better orgasm if more ejaculate comes out? (age 16)

I'm inclined to believe a better orgasm makes more ejaculate come out, but yes.

I masturbate very frequently (2-3 times a day). Recently I accidentally slipped this to my friend over the phone. I've liked him for three years and I know he likes me back but I don't know to what extent. When he realized what I said, he asked for all the little details. Do you think he did so because he was excited by it or just curious? (age 15)

Probably both. Don't be surprised if your relationship turns sexual soon.

I've been masturbating for years but I never did it more than twice a week. I used running water and external masturbation. Now above my clitoris I am sagging a lot, so I quit. Will the sagging go away or will it stay forever? Do you know any ways to help it? (age 16)

Masturbating didn't make it that way. It is probably not as noticeable as you think. Other people won't judge you on it anyway.

Sometimes I look at pictures or videos on the Internet to get aroused, because often nothing else can arouse me, not even making out with a guy. Is this bad? I wouldn't do it if there were other ways for me but it's the only way I can masturbate comfortably. (age 15)

Most girls your age are not in touch with their means of arousal, but it is surprising that actual physical contact with a guy doesn't arouse you. There is probably no reason to worry about it for a few years. In the meantime, you ought to feel OK about looking at pictures.

I was giving my boyfriend oral sex. I noticed he had a scab on the underside of his penis. The scab was narrow, running lengthwise along his penis, closer to the head but not quite at the tip. Now, I'm curious. Could this be a scab from sex with someone else? Is this a sign of infidelity? (age 35)

It can obviously have been caused a lot of ways, perhaps even a zipper accident. You obviously don't trust him very much. Why not ask what caused the scab, and then ask some follow-up questions to see if you can tell if he's being deceptive.

Follow-up: I asked him about it while I was about to perform oral sex on him again, so that he couldn't say he didn't have a scab. When I asked "what happened to you right here?," he touched it himself, looked crazy, almost as if he had seen a ghost and shook his head "no," as if he had no idea where it came from, and didn't know it was there. He then pulled up his pants, changed the subject and started acting weird until finally he left.

That sounds like deceptive behavior to me. Would he have noticed the scab when he urinated? If so, then he was definitely lying about something. Even if it was not noticeable through ordinary handling of the penis, I don't think an honest person would have acted as he did. Maybe you are right to be suspicious.

I started masturbating around the age of 10, not knowing what it was. My sister caught me and told my mom, who yelled at me and said it was a sin. I felt so ashamed and confused, since I did not know what I did wrong. I KNOW as a fact it IS a normal thing for girls my age to do, but she just won't accept it. I'm very afraid she will catch me one day. I lightly brought the topic up and eventualy the conversation led on to her saying she would disown me if I masturbated! What should I do? (age 14)

It would be a good idea to avoid talking about it. That might be the most important thing.

My boyfriend has erectile dysfunction, and I was wondering what we can do to fix it. (age 19)

It is inadvisable to diagnose it yourself. HealthyStrokes.com mostly helps people with idiosyncratic masturbatory styles learn to masturbate conventionally. It would be worthwhile to see a doctor to rule out a more serious problem.

I've been masturbating regularly since I was 18 and have had many great orgasms. But when I turned 37, I noticed the quality and strength of my orgasms began to decline. It's as if the nerve endings in my clitoris and the surrounding muscles have weakened or simply burned out. I do Kegels, have checked with my gynecologist, and am physically healthy. Because of the decline in pleasure, I've been masturbating less and have even found that my fantasies don't work as well anymore when I try to masturbate. Now I have little sexual desire and in dating, I'm more willing to give blow jobs than to have intercourse. Even though I'm fine physically, I feel like there's something wrong with me because I don't even feel the desire to masturbate or get any pleasure from it. I even feel less physically attractive since my sexuality took a nose dive and that makes the situation worse. Is it normal for the sex drive to fall off like this? (age 37)

It's been less than a year. Maybe you're making too much of it. It might be worthwhile for you to join an online women's sexuality support group or an in-person one if you live in a large enough place. Try to find a group that will encourage you instead of just depress you with their stories of hopelessness. If you can afford it or your insurance would cover it, you might see a sexologist specializing in female sexuality for a few sessions. You can find listings at http://www.sexologist.org.

I am a 34 year old female. I am not a prude, a virgin or have any super strange fetishes. I have a very good friend who is only just a friend because we live on opposite sides of the planet. We are soon going to be on the same side of the planet and my problem is this: He made me aware through a badly executed joke that he is uncircumcised. I have not the faintest idea what the heck to do with an uncircumcised penis. I have looked up some pictures, read some stuff, but I can't tell what is accurate and what is inaccurate. Also, I would like to find some sort of videos of uncut men engaged in sex that is actually educational. I looked your site over and other than making my stomach churn at how young a lot of these kids are (I have a 12 year old daughter and am I gonna have a talk with her later) but you give good advice, and I was hoping you could steer me in the right direction. I am really hoping that this becomes a physical relationship and I would like it to be a pleasant one if it does.

You ought not be worried. You do the same things with an uncircumcised penis that you do with a circumcised one. He will show you what to do. It's not a puzzle; it's an adventure. Don't worry, be happy.

Once I was masturbating in my room, and my brother barged in and saw me. I was fully naked with a dildo. He smiled and said, "Does your boyfriend do that to you too?" I was mortified, and I have a feeling that he is going to bring it up with my parents. What should I do? (age 15)

He has nothing to say about you. In all likelihood, he masturbates more than twice as often.

I never masturbated while growing up; it never seemed to interest me. I have a very healthy sex life now, and my husband has no problem helping me achieve orgasm, including multiples, both orally and vaginally. However, I have started to experiement with masturbation now and cannot seem to ever reach orgasm masturbating. Why can't I when I can achieve it through sex? (age 32)

Most women report the opposite experience: They can orgasm masturbating but not through sex. I think you will be able to orgasm that way after some more experimenting. Just try to be relaxed and focus on what will increase your arousal.

I masturbate with a lubed up bendy straw. I put the straw in my vagina and gently push down. I also rotate the short part of the straw so it hits my clit. Is that OK to do? (age 14)

I think so, but it would be a good idea to use a fresh straw every time (perhaps buy a box of them), so you don't have to worry about introducing anything organic into your vagina.

I have a weak bladder and when I orgasm I sometimes lose urine. Is there any way to stop this or strengthen my bladder? (age 15)

Kegel exercises can help you maintain control.

My boyfriend and I have had unprotected sex a couple of times, but he says he never ejaculated into my vagina. I think I might be pregnant. I haven't had my period for about a month or two (I think) so could this be a sign of pregnancy? Should there be any other signs that I might be pregnant or should I just get tested? (age 17)

Unprotected sex (and even protected sex) carry with them the risk of pregnancy. I find it extremely unlikely he never ejaculated into your vagina, if he had an orgasm. Even if he didn't have an orgasm, he could still leak sperm-containing fluids into your vagina. Getting tested should be a priority. There are home pregnancy tests that can give you an idea of what the result will be. You also ought to keep track of when you have your periods with a calendar.

I don't always think of my boyfriend when I masturbate. Should I only think of him? (age 22)

There is no reason to feel guilty about that. Think about whatever makes you aroused. I can assure you that your boyfriend doesn't think only of you when he masturbates.

I have fantasies when I masturbate about a teacher I once had. He was one of the most handsome male men I ever knew. I often wonder if I am the only girl that ever thinks about this when she masturbates. Is this normal? (age 17)

Yes, it is very normal.

Is masturbating once a week OK? (age 17)

Yes.

I've had unprotected sex a few times and lately I've been eating more than usual. Could I be pregnant? (age 15)

If you've had unprotected sex, you certainly could be; however, food cravings typically are not one of the first signs.

I was reading your male page and someone mentioned a "mile high club." I'm not familiar with that. Will you please explain? (age 23)

It means having sex in an airplane.

I would like to say thank you because your site has helped a lot with questions I have. I have been masturbating since I was 11 and I have tried to masturbate by putting my fingers into my vagina. It felt weird and I didn't reach orgasm. Is there anything I can do to to make it feel less weird and reach an orgasm? (age 13)

You might continue masturbating externally for now. When you are a little older, I think it will feel less weird.

Did you just decide to make a web site on masturbation and other stuff one day or did you study it in college? (female, age 13)

That's a very good question! I had come across Dr. Sank's article on TMS and was working on overcoming TMS myself. One day I was taking a pretty long car trip by myself and thought it would be worthwhile to put up a couple of pages about TMS and start the online support group on Yahoo. The general questions and topics -- which now make up most of this site -- came later. I never took any sex classes in college or graduate school but I've probably read as much on the subject as Ph.D. sexologists.

I'm a single Christian woman. I've had a hard time getting Christian men attracted to me as more than friends. It's against the rules of my church to dress slutty or flirt with them. How can I be "pretty" and sexy at the same time? How can I get even one Christian guy I am interested in to be sexually interested enough in me to want to date me? (age 32)

You've got me interested! You can flirt with men gently, in a manner that won't raise anyone's eyebrows. It might be just a matter of being friendly and smiling a lot. It can help if you let key people in your church know that you're single and looking. If your church doesn't have a singles group, you could start one, or join a multi-church Christian singles group. Try to give the men who ask you out a chance. To keep them from becoming your friend, don't let them. Don't let them speak to you in a way they would talk to their male friends. If you can't make it past that point, then move on.

I used to get to a point in masturbating when I came close to orgasm, and it would happen no matter what, even if I stopped touching. Now I have to stimulate myself the entire time. I guess it's not really a bad thing, but I feel like the old orgasms were more intense. Can people desensitize themselves over time? (age 16)

I don't think you're desensitized, but you've probably gotten more used to the feeling and it's become more automatic. You are essentially able to control it before where you couldn't before. The orgasms are no less intense. Just keep at it and find out what you like.

Is it possible to be born without a hymen? When I look in the mirror at my genitals, it doesn't look like I have a hymen. I have masturbated internally only a few times, as I usually masturbate externally. Please help. I'm really worried. (age 14)

One girl in a thousand is born without a hymen.

I am a graduate student in psychology and with some quick research I discovered that though Dr. Lawrence Sank hypothesized that TMS is dangerous, no recent medical studies have followed up on his ideas. His ideas are also not widely accepted in the medical community. If, however, there has been further research I would gladly be open to reading it. (age 22)

Congratulations on getting into graduate school at your age! I have some other articles that have been done and will send them to you if you e-mail me privately. Getting things accepted in the medical community is often a matter of publicity.

I have not tried masturbating with my hand, but I use a back massager. I love it and it's the only way I've found I can have an orgasm. Is this bad? Should I just try it with my hand? Also, I find that when I'm trying to have an orgasm, it's easiest when I think about girls masturbating. Does this mean I'm lesbian or bi? I have a boyfriend who I am sexually active with and I feel aroused with him, so I've always thought I'm straight. (age 15)

I suggest giving up the back massager and learning to masturbate with your hand. It does not mean you're lesbian or bi because you sometimes fantasize about women. It's good that there is more than one thing that turns you on.

I came home the other day and heard my 16 year old daughter running around upstairs. When I went into my room, I found the homemade sex tape of my wife and me running in the VCR, and when I put it back in hiding, I found my wife's dildo, still wet and warm. How should I approach my daughter? (age 41)

The issue is not about her masturbating but about her failing to respect your privacy. I suggest you tell her you know what she was doing and that you expect her to respect your privacy in the future. You might offer to get her some of her own equipment. It might also be a good idea to erase the homemade sex tape or at least put a lock on the hiding place.

I need a second opinion concerning performing oral sex on a male. I understand that oral is a normal part of a sexual relationship if both parties consent, but I find that a lot of guys automatically consider girls trashy if they perform oral sex. Even in serious, committed relationships in which sex is a common practice, if a girl gives a guy oral sex, she's automatically considered easy or slutty. I know that it really depends on the individuals, but I have a lot of male friends and it seems that most of them share this idea. They all want oral sex and enjoy it but any girl that will give them one is easy. I'm just unsure about it. If my partner wanted one, I assume I'd give him one, but I wouldn't want to be considered trashy for wanting to please someone I care about. The first time I let a guy finger me, he called me easy the next day. I'm just not sure how most males feel about it. It used to just be sex that made girls easy, but now oral sex is the trashy thing to do. I'm just confused. (age 19)

You ought not do anything you're not comfortable with. Why not see how the male in question speaks of women in general. If he refers to any by words that you don't want used to refer to you, then don't do anything sexual with him. Also, consider your own needs in deciding what you will do sexually and not just what will please the male.

Do most females my age masturbate? Do they prefer internal or external orgasms? (age 17)

Yes, most do. Most prefer external masturbation at your age.

I masturbate externally but I have never masturbated internally before. I have not had intercourse, but when aroused, I feel like I want to masturbate internally, but it's painful. I also feel pain when trying to insert a tampon. What should I do? I'm glad I found this web site! (age 17)

Try to be relaxed when trying to masturbate internally or inserting a tampon. You are probably contracting your vaginal muscles more than necessary. There is nothing wrong with masturbating externally, and you obviously have found it satisfying.

My boyfriend and I are both virgins, but we are planning on having sex when we return to college next week. We plan to use some sort of contraception, but we aren't sure what. We both agreed that we would rather not use condoms our first time because we both want to be able to experience every sensation. I'm not on birth control. He suggested that he pull out before ejaculation, but I don't want him to because I know he'll reach climax before I do and I want to be completely satisfied during my first time. Is there any other way to protect myself from unwanted accidents?

I've heard about a "morning-after pill," but I've also heard that it's a bit controversial. What is it, what does it do, and why is it considered controversial? Also, I know this is a dumb question for someone my age who should know by now but I was never taught or informed of these things. Where can I find this pill (in Texas) and where can I get birth control pills. (I don't have a regular doctor)

I also worry about how pleasurable the experience will be for me. I've been masturbating since I was around 12 or so, both internally and externally, often several times a day. I also first started masturbating using water pressure and continued that way for a while, though I don't do it anymore. I don't masturbate as much as I used to; however, I still masturbate at least once or twice a week, and my boyfriend and I engage in very vigorous foreplay. However, whether I pleasure him manually or orally, he doesn't last very long. Also, when he pleasures me, it takes me an INCREDIBLY long time to reach climax. I have a feeling it's because of all the masturbation and such I've done in the past. I read somewhere on your site that using water pressure to masturbate makes it more difficult for you to reach climax with a partner later. I'm very worried about whether I'll be satisfied our first time. I know that he can stimulate me manually as we're going at it, but I really would rather him not our first time. Also, I just wanted to say this is a really great site you have going. I only wish I could have had such a site to turn to as I was growing up. Thank you, and keep up the great work. (age 19)

You are worried too much about what is not important and not worried enough about what is. If you take birth control and the prevention of STDs seriously, you should use condoms every time. If your long-term plan is to use condoms, then you should not go bare the first time, because it will make it harder for you to use condoms after that. If you plan to be sexually active on a regular basis, birth control pills are your best option. You need to see a doctor for birth control pills. Another option that is less effective than either the pill or condoms is contraceptive jelly. However, it does not protect against STDs. The morning-after pill is used to prevent implantation of the zygote in case of conception. Some people consider it a form of abortion, and that's why it's controversial. It can cause nasty side effects (bleeding, vomiting) so it ought to be taken only as a last resort, if at all.

A history of masturbation will make a woman more sexually responsive her first time, not less. I doubt that your having used water pressure so long ago will make a difference. Most women don't have orgasms during their first intercourse. You should not feel let down if you do not. It would probably be better if he could satisfy you manually before you have vaginal intercourse.

I m 17 and I ve been masturbating for such a long time that I can practically say I have a black belt in masturbating. I often think about sex which usually leads to fantasies and I m worried that this is more of a male behavior. Even though I am a very sexual person, I have decided to wait a few more years before I have sex. My biggest concern is when I have sex that it will be hard for men to satisfy me and that men wouldn't be able to keep up with my sex drive. (age 17)

You are worried about things that you don't even know to be problems. Plenty of girls your age masturbate daily; it is not a "male behavior." There are a lot of good reasons to wait longer before having sex, but I don't think being afraid that you will be insatiable is one of them.

Follow-up from another reader: This behavior is not only for males. I too am a female who at one time considered my amount of masturbation to be too much or abnormal because not many of my friends were even thinking of masturbation at the time. Knowing how you can reach orgasm is better for you when you finally decide to have sex because you are more aware of what you want and need to make it pleasurable. There are people like you and me out there: just remember, it is only "abnormal" as a statistic! (age 16)

Is there any way I can break my hymen with little or no pain? How long does it take to break your hymen if you just get fingered? (age 16)

By fingering yourself (masturbating internally), you would wear it away gradually. It might take a while, but it would be less jarring than to be penetrated in intercourse with no preparatory activities.

I have been masturbating externally for a month or so now. I just found out that I am going to get a pap test done in a couple of weeks. Will the doctor be able to know that I masturbate? (age 16)

Don't worry about that. The doctor won't even notice and could probably only guess with 50 percent accuracy.

I walked in on my sister masturbating. Now she can't even look me in the eye and she keeps apologizing. How do I let her know it's OK to masturbate because I do it too, but I don't want to tell her. (age 13)

You can tell her it's OK to masturbate without telling her you do it too.

My parents are divorced and I live with my dad. The other night I him getting a blow job from his girlfriend. I could not believe how jealous and turned on I got. Since then I have been masturbating thinking about it. Is this wrong? Am I OK? (age 16)

It would be too strong to call it wrong, but I think you are better if you don't fantasize about your dad or any other close relatives.

I'm assuming that when most girls masturbate externally they do it by stimulating the skin around the clitoris. But when I do it, I keep my underwear on, so that the fabric of the underwear is in between my fingers and the my body. Is this bad? (age 18)

I don't think so, but most females don't do that. You would probably be better off if you got used to more direct stimulation.

Are there any signs of masturbation other than being caught red handed? (age 18)

A lot of people flush when they have an orgasm. Someone might be able to guess what you were doing before the redness goes away.

My older step sister and I share a room. I have heard heavy breathing from her side of the room at night. I talked to one my friends at school and she told me what she might be doing. One night, I really thought she was asleep and I started to do it under the covers as quietly as I could. When I finished and was pulling everything back up, I heard her whisper, "Hey, feels AWESOME, doesn't it!" I didn't say anything and pretended to be sleeping. I'm totally scared she'll tell my mom. (age 13)

You have nothing to worry about because you could tell the same thing about her.

I was in the pool a week ago and caught my 7-year-old niece with her legs up on the side of the pool so the water jet was going into her private area. She kept saying how good it felt. What should I do? (age 16)

You should tell her not to put her sensitive body parts up against the jet parts of pools. Of course, it is OK if she masturbates without help from a pool jet. Congress is considering legislation to require additional safety at pools after a 6-year-old girl had her intestines sucked out by a pool drain. http://www.businessweek.com/ap/financialnews/D8QIGE280.htm

What can help you have a stronger orgasm? (age 14)

Kegel exercises are probably the most helpful thing.

I had the equivalent of a wet dream except I didn't come. In the dream, I was at a restaurant that was designed like a Pizza Hut except the colors and tables were wooden like Venice House. I was sitting across the table from an ominous male whose appearance I can't recall. In my dream, I began masturbating across the table. I don't remember why exactly. All I could feel was the rising sensation of an orgasm building really quickly, with no hands. I don't really know how long it was building but it couldn't have been longer than 10 or 20 seconds. Then the guy stood up and I saw his erect penis and I orgasmed, in my dream, and then I woke up. I was confused, because I wondered if I had been masturbating because I felt so good but my hands weren't anywhere near my pants. I am wondering if it's possible for women to have orgasms in dreams without physical contact. I masturbate regularly and don't believe that I'm excessively sexually pent up and can achieve orgasm in some instances as fast as 1 or 2 minutes. (age 18)

Women can have sexual dreams. That is not in dispute. So can males. However, women and mature males are unlikely to have orgasms during dreams. That seems to be restricted to newly sexual males (i.e., young adolescents). It is widely believed that a certain amount of masturbating will inhibit the wet dream reflex permanently. Even if a woman had an orgasm during a dream, it would not be considered a wet dream, because female ejaculation is a disputed point.

I have tried masturbating. Why does it not feel right? Am I not stimulating the right spot? What does it look like when a female has an orgasm? Sometimes I think about hot guys and a clear liquid comes out of my vagina. Is that normal? Does that mean I'm aroused? (age 15)

It might not feel right because you are in need of practice. Just keep at it and be patient, and you will soon discover which places feel the best to touch. I'm not sure what you mean by "what does it look like." A female having an orgasm generally looks tensed up and her body and face might be contorted. If you're asking what it feels like, it is an overall feeling of relief coupled with a series of contractions inside the genitals. Yes, the presence of vaginal lubrication means that you're aroused. Continuing to think of what arouses you while you masturbate is apt to lead to an orgasm.

I masturbate probably every few weeks, and I often have very sexual dreams and, though I'm not actually masturbating during sleep, I wake up after such dreams with my hand in my underwear. Othertimes, in my dreams, it feels like I'm having an orgasm and when I wake up right after the dream, I still feel that way. Am I actually having an orgasm, or is it just the dream? Also, I have very large breasts for my age (the DD bra I currently wear is too small for me), and not because I'm overweight. Is this normal, and is there anything that would either stop my breasts from growing, or to make them smaller? (age 14)

Sexual dreams are not uncommon. It might be worthwhile masturbating more often and see if that makes any difference in these dreams. I doubt that large breasts mean that there is anything wrong with you. You might talk to a doctor about them, but if you really want to make them smaller, breast reduction surgery will have to wait until you are older, because it is considered major surgery.

How likely is it that my hymen is still intact? Does it degenerate as I get older? I have never put anything inside my vagina, but I masturbate externally. (age 21)

You can examine your hymen with help from a mirror or a speculum or ask someone else to describe it for you. It is tough to say if hymens degenerate, since females with non-intact hymens often falsely attribute the deterioration of them to something other than sexual activity. I suspect if what you say is true that your hymen may be quite sturdy for a woman your age, if not perfectly intact.

I'm sexually experienced and I masturbate but I've never had an orgasm. Why not ? How can it be fixed? (age 27)

Lack of orgasm (anorgasmia) in women is unfortunately a common problem. It might help to use a strong vibrator while masturbating. Once you've learned how to have orgasms, you can work at having them without being completely dependent on the vibrator.

I love my boyfriend, and I am sexually aroused by him, but recently, I have been getting extreme sexual thoughts about his brother, and I have been thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend. What can I do to not think about his brother? I feel I can justify this by saying his brother has a better body and is generally more attractive, but I still feel in the wrong. (age 15)

At your age, you ought not be committed to one person exclusively and ought rather be going out with various people in an effort to discover what you like. It would be very painful for him to be dumped in favor of his brother, but less so if you continued to date him as well as other people, and that might include his brother.

Sometimes when I'm at school, I am overcome by the urge to masturbate and I go off and do it in the girls' bathroom. I have read your site and am worried that someone will catch me. What should I do? (age 16)

Is there some reason why waiting until you get home is out of the question? That is what all of the boys in your school do almost all of the time. Keep in mind that boys your age get erections every 90 minutes or so, which last for about 20 minutes each. If they went to the bathroom and masturbated every time, perhaps most of the school would have to be allocated to bathrooms.

Is it illegal if my older female friend (she's 28) manually stimulates me to orgasm? (age 17)

That depends on the age of consent in your state.

Sometimes when I fantasize sexually, I can bring myself to orgasm, but I don't touch my genitals or anything while fantasizing. Does this still count as masturbation? (age 15)

According to the definition of masturbation used by this site, that is not masturbation. Not very many people can bring themselves to orgasm that way. You are very special!

I've not been masturbating that long. But I masturbate only by rubbing my clit and I can't seem to reach orgasm. Can anyone help me? (age 23)

Most females don't have orgasms until they've been masturbating for a while. Your experience is fairly typical. You probably just need more practice.

I masturbate by rubbing on the corner of a chair or the armrest, and I always get a great orgasm out of it, but when I try doing it manually by rubbing my clitoris, I don't enjoy it. It takes too long and it's never very satisfactory. Whats wrong with me? (age 15)

You have gotten used to the extra hard pressure of the way you masturbate. It would be good if you could learn to masturbate conventionally. It would be easiest to do that if you took a break from using your method for a while.

In response to a question in the "Fantasies, fetishes & unusual practices" section, you wrote, "Men who remain virgins past the age of 20 have trouble adjusting sexually." Why do you believe this and do you have examples that don't come from cultural dictates? What about women? Would they then also have trouble adjusting sexually, or is their sexual role so passive that it wouldn't matter? (age 16)

The age of 20 is not an absolute. It is just a pattern that males who remain virgins into their 20s are more likely to have sexual dysfunctions. This is less true for women. I can't give you an answer that completely avoids cultural dictates. One of the most basic is that men are often considered sexual failures unless they can get erect 100 percent of the time and achieve orgasm 100 percent of the time. I call this the "100/100 rule." On the other hand, women can be considered sexually successful even if they only become aroused 50 percent of the time and never have an orgasm. I call this the "50/0 rule." Thus, sexual performance is more important for men than for women. Unfortunately, because a large proportion of women never have orgasms anyway, and because women are roundly more orgasmic in masturbation than in intercourse, it is less of an issue if they are inexperienced at intercourse.

What is wrong with masturbating with a pillow? I can also have an orgasm with my husband. I am pregnant and this gives me pleasure and release. (age 34)

Women who masturbate prone tend to be less orgasmic than women who only masturbate manually. It is less important that you masturbate prone if you can also have orgasms in intercourse.

My boyfriend asks me to do things such as flash him a few times a week. I want to but I'm nervous to because I never have before. I've told him that I'm nervous and he seems to respect it, but he always asks again within the next few days. I'm also afraid of what he would think if I did it. What do you think I should do about that? Also, sometimes after I masturbate, I get a burning/itching feeling on the lips of my vagina. It varies in how long it lasts (from around 15 minutes to until I can ignore it enough to fall asleep, which can take an hour or more.) I only do external masturbation, and I always make sure my hands are clean before I do it. Do you think maybe it's just the skin rubbing skin that bothers it? What do you think it could be and what should I do? (age 14)

You should not do anything with another person that you are not comfortable with. If he persists in asking after you have made it clear you won't do something, then you should no longer be with him. Your labia problem might be solved by using lube. I was going to suggest washing your hands before you masturbate, but you already addressed that issue.

Thank you for your site! I was raised in a very strict and devout Christian family where masturbation is considered sinful. I am still single, but I lost my virginity at 42 and have had only two sex partners. I believe that God made us sexual beings and we need to release our sexual feelings. I hope to find a sexual partner someday and perhaps marriage, but until then I will masturbate without guilt. What toys for women do you recommend? (age 53)

I don't recommend any for women who able to reach orgasm manually, but I recognize the usefulness of a powerful vibrator for those who cannot. Using toys can sometimes make things more interesting, but they often can make a person less responsive to a partner's touch.

I am really sure that I am not a lesbian. I am attracted to guys, but when I masturbate, I think about women stimulating me. Is this normal? (age 16)

Yes, lots of women have fantasies like that.

I have been masturbating since a very young age. Some of my earliest memories revolve around this activity. I've been doing it TMS style the entire time. It gives me powerful, strong orgasms but lately, I've been trying it the traditional way. I've been doing this for about two weeks now and I've felt a small amount of excitement but in the end, I just end up tired and frustrated. Do you think I can make the sucessful transition to the traditional way of masturbating when I've been doing it prone my entire life? (female, age 17)

Yes, absolutely you can. Many, many people have switched when they were much older than you. I've never heard of anyone who was unable to change. You will be very happy when you are successful at it.

Sometimes I have trouble getting wet before masturbating or getting fingered by my boyfriend. How can I make this easier? (age 16)

Relax and take your time. Think about whatever turns you on the most.

How long should someone abstain from masturbating to get more easily aroused for sex? (age 16)

I don't think there is a simple answer to that question. Some practice and your own experience will tell you more. I advise males who are having trouble with erections or orgasms to abstain for 5-7 days and those whose troubles are less specific to abstain for 3-5 days. You might figure out what your average has been. I assume you're not satisfied with your arousal. So you should add a couple of days to your average and see if that makes a difference. If not, try a little longer. If it works well, see if you can reduce the abstinence interval and still have satisfactory intercourse.

Why don't you answer some questions? No disrespect, but I asked you a question that was very important to me, and I asked you because I value your opinion, and you just disregarded it. Why is that?

I don't answer all questions because many duplicate of what is already on this site; sometimes I don't have time to answer questions and they back up; and some submissions are just so long that I get overwhelmed just looking at the amount of text. Also, if you include any HTML links in your question, it will be automatically deleted by the software.

Some of my girlfriends and I have kissed/made out before, but just for fun (nothing serious) but sometimes when I will be having sex with my boyfriend, I have to think about my girlfriends in order to stay in the mood. What does this mean? (age 18)

It means you ought to consider carefully why it was fun to make out with girls, and whether you prefer them to males.

If you say that masturbation can feel physically better for a guy, then why would they want sex so badly? Or wouldn't they at least want a hand job more? (age 16)

That's an interesting question, but there is more to sexual intercourse than just ejaculation. Men crave sex not only so they can ejaculate, but also to feel close to a partner, to lie close to her, to engage in other activities that accompany sexual intercourse (e.g., touching, kissing), and also to engage that person's sexual response (i.e., bring her to orgasm). None of those things are present during masturbation and they are present to a much lesser degree during manual intercourse. So it isn't just about the perfect orgasm and the optimum quality of ejaculation.

Sometimes, after masturbating to orgasm, I'll go to the bathroom right after and sometimes the muscles seem to tense up. What is happening? (age 16)

The same muscles that control the flow of urine also contract during orgasm. Mostly, is it the PC muscle, and this is why women (and men) are encouraged to exercise it, by simulating the stopping and starting of urine flow. It is not unusual for these muscles to tense up right after an orgasm. That is why it is a good idea to relax for a few minutes afterward.

I've been masturbating for about 6 months now, using my fingers both internally and externally. I have to get a physical exam, and I'm really worried about the doctor finding out that I masturbate. Will the doctor know I masturbate when I get my physical exam? I want to be prepared. (age 14)

There is less than a 50 percent chance that the doctor can guess accurately, and he or she wouldn't be allowed to tell anyone else anyway. It is not something to be feared.

Often, before masturbation, I urinate. I will then masturbate as normal, often externally and then later progressing to internally as I near orgasm. However, when I do, I tighten up and feel a sudden urge to urinate. I know the feeling of female ejaculation has been compared to this, although I don't know how I can be sure it's not urine. If I try to hold it back, I tense up, often feeling as though some part of me is contracting, or tightening, and it can sometimes hurt. The orgasm itself is fine, and as I keep getting this feeling only as I am orgasming, I tend to believe it could be sexual fluid. I have tried checking its colour though it varies from transparent to slightly yellow, never as yellow as urine, although I cannot tell what it is from its aroma. I have now progressed to sex, and I am afraid to have a full orgasm, as I need to, in case it is urine. I have tried everything in my power to ensure it's not and I was wondering if you could assure me or help me in finding out if I could have ejaculated. (age 16)

You have already checked the fluid yourself and you decided it was not urine. So you have nothing to worry about. Even if it were, a few drops of urine getting spilled should not be enough to ruin a perfectly enjoyable session of masturbation or intercourse. Your partner would probably not care, or even notice. Go ahead and have those full orgasms. He wants you to and so should you.

I've always masturbated on my stomach. I didn't even know that it was bad until I saw this site and now I think it's TMS. But I'm scared that I won't be able to masturbate the other way! What are some ways to masturbate on your back? (age 13)

At your age, I think you can switch pretty easily. Look through the female pages on this site for lots of ideas other females have shared.

I just started masturbating by rubbing my clitoris and it feels really good for a couple of seconds but then it starts to get sore. What should I do to lengthen the time I can do this? (age 15)

Most girls rub the area around the clitoris but avoid touching the clitoral head directly. It can also help to use lube.

I have been masturbating externally since I was 12 and have orgasmed hundreds of times. I recently inserted my hairbrush handle in my vagina and it felt good but I know I wasn't even close to orgasm. It has only like 3/4 of and inch in diameter and 4 inches long. Should I be using something bigger? And how exactly do I move it for the most pleasure? (age 14)

The hairbrush handle is plenty big. You ought to give it a few more tries. Most females like to stimulate the upper part of the vaginal wall. That's where the G spot is.

I can't seem to get any response when I masturbate externally unless I do it prone, and I want to try internally with my fingers, but I'm afraid of breaking my hymen. I have been using tampons for about two months, so is it gone? Is it possible to do internal masturbation and not break the hymen? (age 16)

Internal masturbation will tend to erode your hymen. The tampons probably have not had much impact on it. You don't need a hymen for anything, so you ought not be so protective of it.

I have been using a pillow to mastubate for a while now, and I have absolutely great orgasms. I know you say that's not good, but when I touch myself with my hands, it doesn't feel good. I know I'm doing it in the right place. Can you help me? (age 16)

You just need more practice. It is easier to do the longer it has been since your last orgasm.

I'm 25 and my husband is 24. We have sex at least 2 or 3 times a week but he is still having wet dreams about once a week. Is this normal? Am I not pleasing him? When asked what the dreams were about he always says he can't remember. Wouldn't you remember a dream that good?

Your sexual frequency is in the normal range. Your husband is just an unusual case for having wet dreams so long after being sexually active. Lots of males can't ever remember their wet dreams.

I have just broken up with my boyfriend of one year. It was an illicit, inappropriate relationship, but the sex was great. When I masturbate, I still only think of him. Do you have any advice on how I can change my thinking so he is no longer in my fantasies? I want to put my focus elsewhere so I can forget about him and find someone new who loves me. (age 24)

A simple solution would be pictures or stories. A more sophisticated solution would be to get involved with more people so that not only will you be in contact with men who can fill your mind with sexual fantasies, but you might also find one or more to date. Good luck.

I often masturbate while looking at images of naked men. Is this normal? (age 17)

Yes. Lots of females do that.

This is so embarrasing! My pubic bone looks different from other girls'. Mine sticks out more. I think it was the same when I was little too. It really annoys me, and I hate going swimming and stuff. I feel like a freak! I seem to be the only person with this problem. What can I do about it? If I lose weight, will it make a difference? (age 14)

You can't control your bones. I've answered this question before, so you're not the only one. Perhaps no one else is paying attention to your pubic bone, and if they are, maybe they like what they see. If you're very self conscious, it might help to wear a swimsuit with more material.

I had my first orgasm when I was about 9 or 10 and have only been masturbating externally since then. I can reach orgasm both lying on my front and on my back. I've tried internal masturbation before but it doesn't excite me at all. I'm worried, because not being able to feel pleasure from internal masturbation will probably mean not being able to feel pleasure during sexual intercourse. Will this change as I get older? I tried internal masturbation again recently by using a candle and the only way I could reach orgasm was by rubbing my clit at the same time. But when I move the candle in and out of my vagina, it kind of hurts in my butt. Am I sliding it in the wrong direction or something? It's not a really really bad pain, but it concerns me. Am I damaging anything? And when I insert the candle a couple of inches in, I encounter some sort of muscle tissue? What's that? Can I damage it by pushing too hard? After and before I masturbate, the muscles in my vagina contract so I'm really tight "down there" and I can just about fit 1 finger in. But when I get into it, I can fit about 3 fingers in. I ask too many questions, I know. Thanks, your site is awesome! (age 14)

You are very worried about all kinds of aspects of internal masturbating. I would suggest sticking with the external masturbation you have been doing for 5 years until you are comfortable enough with your body that internal masturbation doesn't worry you so much. You would certainly enjoy it more if you weren't so worried. Women who masturbate externally and those who do it internally have similar levels of orgasm in intercourse. It is more idiosyncratic forms of masturbation that are associated with a smaller incidence of orgasm.

Follow-up from another reader: I have a similar situation. I have masturbated by stimulating my clit for about 4 years now. Putting my fingers inside has no effect on me and when I had sex I still had to rub my clit because just having the penis in me wasn't enough to get me close to orgasm. I've had sex about 15 times already and each time is same thing. Is there something wrong there? (age 18)

Yours is a fairly common experience. It might help if your partner brought you to orgasm by some other means first, so you don't have to masturbate while he's penetrating you. I suspect you'll get better with practice.

How do you know if you've broken the hymen? I've been masturbating for a while and I've done internal masturbation many times. I love this site, by the way! (age 14)

You could take a look with a mirror or ask a doctor to look for you.

I reached orgasm once but now I can't seem to. Is that normal and does your mental state (whether you're calm or not) also affect whether you reach orgasm? Sometimes I think of what a boy looks like naked. I usually don't mean to (like when I just let my mind wander). Is that normal too and thanks so much this site has been a huge help! (age 14)

You should be able to have more orgasms by relaxing and trying to do what you did before. Your normal state makes a huge difference! It is normal to think of naked boys and also normal to mean to do so. I think you are doing pretty well.

I took a morning after pill ("Plan B"), and then I masturbated. Will that have an effect on what the pill is supposed to do? (age 19)

No.

So masturbation with objects doesn't really count? You could still be a virgin after doing that? (age 16)

Yes. To become a non-virgin, you have to have sex with another person.

I masturbate a lot.. I love it but when I have sex I don't have orgasms except once. I heard that if a girl masturbates a lot she can't have orgasms in intercourse. Is this true and should I stop masturbating? (age 17)

No. Women who masturbate are more likely to have orgasms in intercourse. However, it might be a good idea to abstain from masturbating for a few days before intercourse to help yourself be more receptive, at least until you are able to have orgasms in intercourse more often.

I was masturbating in my room when my boyfriend walked in. He asked to have sex with me and I declined but he keeps asking. I want to wait until I'm married to have sex so what should I do? (age 14)

You ought to find a boyfriend who will respect your wishes.

I am a virgin and have been masturbating since I was 14. Recently, my boyfriend (who is also a virgin) and I tried making out and performing manual intercourse on each other. Although I get very wet, I have difficulty orgasming. A couple of times he tried giving me oral sex but my clitoris hurt so bad that I couldn't climax. Why is it like that and what can I do to lessen the pain? My orgasm problem could be that I'm afraid that I'll freak him out if I make too much noise. I'm also used to masturbating face down. (age 21)

There is no reason to be afraid of making too much noise. He will probably like it. He is inexperienced and irritated your clitoris. It is better to stay away from the clitoris itself as much as possible and to instead work on the area around it. You are apt to be more orgasmic as you become more experienced.

What do you know about blue clit? I have had no success having an orgasm except when my boyfriend uses his hand. After masturbating I have a painful sensation like I have to urinate. This time it has lasted for twelve hours and counting. Last night I could not sleep because of it; right now I am on my period. I am not sexually active with vaginal intercourse but I have had oral sex many months ago. Could this be something more serious? (age 22)

What you call "blue clit" is vasocongestion, the engorgement of the female genitalia with blood from unsatisfied sexual arousal. Vasocongestion in males is often called "blue balls." It can be relieved by masturbating to orgasm. Usually a person knows how to do this and a partner leaves them unsatisfied, but in your case it is the opposite. I would suggest learning to masturbate completely. If this is happening often, I would suggest using a powerful vibrator to finish yourself off, something I usually discourage women from doing.

I've been trying to masturbate for about six months, and haven't really gotten anywhere. Last time I tried it however, I actually felt a little turned on, but before I could really get into it, I urinated. It was really embarrassing and I didn't know what to do. I want to try again but I'm scared I'll wet the bed again. Is this normal? (age 12)

It's more common than you think. There is a talk radio host famous for his filthy program who claims to have done the same thing the first time he masturbated. Keep trying. Make sure you go beforehand, and put a towel under you so you won't worry about that.

I started masturbating when I was 14. I do it on my back by rubbing my thighs and clitoris together. It is a physical activity and I don't use my hands. I have to try four or five times to get the orgasm. Is it a correct method or will I suffer any side effects? This web site is very informative, thanks. (age 25)

Most people learn to masturbate in such a way that they only have to try once. I also suspect that your unusual method will make it more difficult for you to have orgasms in intercourse. I would suggest learning the conventional method.

I live at home with 2 younger sisters, one's only a year and a half younger but the other one's only 12 and a half. I've been masturbating since I was about 11 or 12 and my middle sister and I have been very open about it since she started back when she was about 12 too. Both of my little sisters masturbate, my 12 and 1/2 one is rather shy about it, and since she first asked me a bunch of questions about safety and normality a year ago, she's said next to nothing about it! All three of us have old-fashioned four-poster beds with long ball-topped rods at each post. These rods are perfect for masturbation! They're thin enough and long enough to jam in and out; however, they become painful after prolonged use and lack of excessive lubrication or extended periods of time spent with it in your vagina even if it's not moving. The other night the little one walked in on me masturbating in this fashion. She's not overly careful and always wants what we have though. I'm woried that she'll attempt to masturbate this way and seriously injure herself. She's not one to take no for an answer. What do I do? (age 17)

You are better off not masturbating with rods from your bed. You ought to tell your little sister that she could hurt herself masturbating that way.

Recently my boyfriend and I were in the middle of sex and the condom broke. He didn't ejaculate but I think there was probably some pre-cum. I'm not on the pill and I am very worried that I am pregnant now. Is it highly possible considering it was only a few days after my period had stopped? (age 17)

Yes. You might have gone to talk to a doctor about Plan B right after it happened. I hope you didn't get pregnant and that this experience will teach you to be more careful.

I've just had sex with my boyfriend but I didn't bleed at all. I never masturbate internally and I don't use tampons. Does this mean my hymen is still intact? (age 18)

If you've had sex, you should not expect your hymen to be intact.

If two females have sex together, are they still considered virgins ... or half? (age 14)

I don't think they are still virgins.

I was raped a few years ago and was wondering if a doctor would be able to tell now? (age 22)

A doctor might be able to tell you've had intercourse but would not at this point be able to tell that it was rape.

My parents don't want me to lock my door ever but now when I masturbate with my door unlocked, I can never concentrate. It's already been an entire week without masturbation, and I have been masturbating for a while now and about a week ago I would masturbate twice a day. Now I haven't masturbated for a week and it's frustrating! (age 14)

Just ignore the unlocked door. They are unlikely to barge in on you.

I have been masturbating since I was 6 and I was wondering if TMS includes rubbing against the end a chair? That has been the only way I can get an orgasm, (age 14)

Yes, that is TMS. It would be a good idea to stop that. You are pretty young and many (perhaps most) girls your age are unable to orgasm. You can learn to have orgasms more conventionally.

What is the vagina's depth?

About 4 inches.

I am only able to masturbate to orgasm while sitting in a chair. I can't achieve one when I'm in bed. Is this normal? (age 13)

It is common for females, especially those who are inexperienced at masturbating, to only be able to do it one way. Try to relax and get as close as you can when you're in bed. I think you'll figure it before too long.

How often on average do married couples have sex?

There is a lot of variance from couple to couple, but the statistic usually cited is three times a week.

Can you still get your period when you are pregnant? (age 16)

No. That's how most women notice they are pregnant -- they don't get their period.

I just started masturbating, and I have tried both external and internal. I have not reached an orgasm, even when I push hard. I have tried everything from softly stroking to putting as much pressure I can muster onto my clitoris. Is there something wrong with me? I want to try other things like a dildo, but my mom would kill me if she knew. (age 13)

You are pretty young. A lot of women older than you have never had an orgasm. Just be patient and do what feels good. You will have an orgasm sooner or later.

All I think about is sex. I never felt the need to think about it, but that's all I ever think about lately! I am still a virgin and will remain one until after marriage. Are these normal thoughts? (age 13)

Yes, that is very normal.

I use an electric toothbrush occasionally to masturbate. I always clean it before and after using it. Can I hurt myself by doing this? (age 13)

It is better if you don't do that. The danger isn't of acute injury but of making you so dependent on the toothbrush at your age that you will have trouble learning to reach orgasm any other way.

When my boyfriend and I do it doggy style (the rear entry position), I start to hear this noise that sounds like someone passing wind, although I haven't. It happens many times. It's embarrassing. What is this and how can I stop it? (age 17)

It's air going into your vagina where you don't have a close seal on the penis. It can happen in any position but is most likely to happen in the rear entry position. You can try adjusting your position but it might not be eliminated completely.

How long does sex typically last?

Anywhere from two minutes to a half hour. 10-15 minutes is pretty typical.

I'm a virgin and recently started dating. My boyfriend is a virgin also. When we're together, the only sexual thing that we do is rub against each other. I don't really get much pleasure out of it, but he does. Is this a form of TMS? Can him rubbing against me hurt his penis? (age 22)

I wouldn't call it TMS exactly, but it must be pretty close. It can't be good for his penis. I would suggest doing something else, especially since you don't find it pleasurable.

For the first time, is your partner supposed to put his penis all the way inside of you? (age 23)

That is probably best. It helps if he is gentle and has you aroused first.

I have a boyfriend, but there is this other guy at school that I am pretty sure that I don't like, but I constantly find myself flirting with him. Sometimes when I masturbate, he pops into my mind, even if I don't want it to happen. Is there something wrong with me? (age 16)

I suggest getting to know this other guy better and find out what it is you do or don't like about him. You obviously find him sexually exciting. At your age, you are better off giving a lot of guys a chance instead of focusing exclusively on one.

My boyfriend has recently started fondling me through my clothes, I don't let him go too far, but I enjoy it. I get the feeling he wants me to do something for him, but I don't know how to please him without having sex vaginally or orally. Is it enough for him to be able to fondle me? (age 14)

I have no doubt that your boyfriend wants to be stimulated sexually himself. He could show you how you could bring him to orgasm with your hands (assuming he knows how to do it himself), but I think that would lead you to other sexual things that you don't want to do right now and that you shouldn't be doing at your age.

I think you're there. Next time he's at your house, give him a really nice kiss. Then things should fall into place.

Follow-up several years later: Well, the day finally arrived and we had amazing sex. Anyway, we cuddled afterward, he gently massaged me, and we shared some passionate kisses - all this happened afterward. But, he left that night and I haven't heard from him since (two nights ago). I texted him and he gave a hasty response. I'm confused. What's the deal? (age 23)

Two nights doesn't mean all that much. He might just be really busy. Or, he might have only been interested in one night of bliss. It might have been a mistake for you to get so wrapped up in him before he was at the same point. Former teachers are no different from other men.

To have an orgasm, I have to pretend I am a gynecologist examining myself. Is this normal? This is the only way I can have an orgasm. (age 12)

It is a fetish I've heard of before. There is nothing wrong with it, but it would be better if you could develop some other things that turn you on. Try to expand your menu and your imagination.

I now have my first boyfriend and we will probably soon have sex, since I really want it. He told me that he will be sweet and he will do it slowly. He doesn't want to hurt me because he knows it can hurt the first time. I would really want to please him, give him pleasure and I don't want to make him pass a bad moment if it hurts. So I tried to masturbate inserting objects and I realized that bigger things just can't enter even if I am totally relaxed. Is it supposed to be hard to enter objects (smaller than normal penis) when I am a virgin, or is my hymen too resistant? I can enter fingers, so I know it is opened but it stops bigger things and the skin seems unbreakable. (age 21)

Don't worry so much about it and just hope it will go well. You seem to have found a partner who is interested in being gentle and pleasing you. That's more than a lot of women in your position have.

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for a year now. It doesn't hurt me but doesn't really feel THAT great, and I still haven't had an orgasm. I know this is probably because I have a tough time getting aroused. There is nothing that makes me horny from sexual thoughts to getting fingered or oral stimulation. How can I start getting more turned on by sex stuff? Should I go to a sex therapist? I know if I were turned on, sex would be more pleasurable. Please help.

Arousal difficulties are common in women. You ought to find what turns you on before you can expect your boyfriend to figure it out. You could start by reading some sexually explicit stories or looking at pictures to get a better idea of what can turn you on the most.

I masturbate with a shower nozzle because I could never do it in my room. Is this safe? Also, I have a friend who reads porn comic books and talks about sex a lot. Do you think she masturbates? I'm the only girl I know who masturbates and I feel like I'm the only one. (age 16)

It is better if you can work on using your hands and not the shower nozzle. (You meant the water from it, right?) I'm fairly certain your friend masturbates. You are not the only one.

I'm sexually active, and when I replay things that I've done in my head, I get a sneezing feeling in my vulva. It feels like an orgasm, but it only lasts about 1 second, so it's not an orgasm. What is it? (age 14)

It seems to be some heightened sense of arousal. Keep working on it, and see if you can bring the sneezing feeling under control. You're still just learning.

Like many other girls my age, I love masturbating, but every time I feel like I'm going to orgasm I can't go on because I feel like I might make a loud sound. I have no issue of someone barging in, but I'm a really loud person and what if I moan or scream during an orgasm? Would I scream or make a noise? I really want to experience an orgasm but I don't know how to muffle my sound. (age 13)

Use a pillow and don't hold back. You will learn to control your noise pretty quickly.

I'm 18 and a female, and I was wondering if women can have wet dreams. When I was 12, I would wake up during a climax. At the time, I didn't know what climaxing was. Ever since I started masturbating, I have never woken up by "wet dream." So is this a wet dream or is there a different term for woman?

I would call it sleep arousal. The term wet dream could definitely not be used for a female. The vast majority of men lose their wet dreams when they start masturbating, so you are in good company.

I'm a female who masturbates prone. This site has just scared me. I insert an object inside my vagina and then lie face down, place a blanket between my legs, and just thrust against it until I have an orgasm. This presses the object deep and I move around to help with the sensation. I have never really reached an orgasm by masturbating on my back. And I am still a virgin. If you are having sex and the female is on top, isn't it basically like what I'm doing? (age 18)

Perhaps. If you were a male and asked if masturbating prone wasn't similar to intercourse, I would say no. The penis definitely gets more pressure when the man is lying on top of it than when it is going inside a woman. The answer for women isn't as clear, but it is fairly obvious that females who masturbate with their hands have a better rate of orgasm in intercourse than those who masturbate the way you do. If I were you, I would work harder at having an orgasm on my back.

My boyfriend and I have intercourse about every other day. I'm on the pill and he wears condoms for extra protection. When we have intercourse, I cannot orgasm. He can make me orgasm only by oral intercourse or by dry humping me naked. Is there anything we can try that might make me be able to orgasm other than different positions? (age 17)

I have no idea why you have rejected the idea of different positions. They can be key for a lot of women to have orgasms in intercourse. You could also find a position that would allow you to masturbate while he thrusts into you. I would suggest learning what it is about dry humping that brings you to orgasm and then seeing if you can find a position where you could replicate that in wet humping.

What does it mean when a female is getting cunnilingus performed on her and her legs are shaking? Not on the outside, like she's doing it herself, but on the inside, kinda like she can't control it? (age 19)

It means she is focusing on having an orgasm. Most males stretch their legs out tense when they are close to having an orgasm. Doing so neutralizes sensations they are getting from their legs and lets them focus on the sensations in their genitals more and keeps the legs from moving. The same would work well for females. If the legs shake, hold them out tense.

I find it really hard to get mentally and physically aroused. Nothing sexual seems to really turn me on. I think it is making sex with my boyfriends less pleasurable for me (obviously) although I do enjoy the feeling. I know it will be hard to orgasm if I am not horny, so how can I start getting attracted to sexual acts and thoughts? We do a lot of foreplay (including oral sex and him fingering me) but I never really get in the mood. I've been having sex for about six months now. Should I talk to a sex therapist? (age 17)

Six months is not so long. You ought to take longer to get to know what works for you sexually. If you masturbate, then try to replicate what you do to get aroused then before intercourse. For most females, arousal results from the stimulating touch of a loving partner.

I want to have sex with my boyfriend but I am scared because any penetration hurts. I am too tight for his penis, so he fingered me and even that hurts. Can you help me? We BOTH really want sex but I am holding us back. (age 16)

It would help if you had more experience fingering yourself. The most important thing is to be very relaxed. Don't be thinking about the possibility of it hurting, because that will cause you to tense up more.

Something has been bothering me for quite some time. When I masturbate, the only way I can achieve orgasm is by thinking or reading about lesbian sex, but I also think about a guy giving a girl oral sex. Does that make me bisexual? (age 16)

Not by itself, but if in a few years, more of your fantasies are about women than men, then I would say it's likely you're bisexual.

How important is it to guys how tight a girl is? And does how tight a girl is vary from person to person? (age 18)

The main variable affecting tightness is whether a females had given birth. There isn't much variation among females who haven't. I don't think it is very important to males.

How much of a difference does childbirth make? And does it do so very noticeably? I had a baby about a year ago and that worries me because I don't want to feel like a loose empty space to my boyfriend. (age 24)

I think men can tell the difference. Don't worry about feeling like a loose, empty space. That's nonsense. If it bothers you, Kegel exercises can tighten your muscles.

Your Site Is AMAZING. Just wanted to say that today my boyfriend and I got a little too horny and he fingered and tongued me. But I think I was too worried about getting caught because I didn't orgasm. I can orgasm fine by myself but struggled when it was him. (age 14)

I suggest not doing that at your age. At the rate you're going, you will be having vaginal intercourse in about five weeks. Most females don't have orgasms the first time they're sexual with other people.

I love your site and I think that it is really useful because you normally can't find good info on vibrators and stuff. This is really embarrassing, but I really love masturbating and have been doing it since I was about 5 or 6. I masturbate up to 4 times a day. Is this normal? I want a vibrator but I can't talk to my mom about it because I get the impression that she thinks it's disgusting. I can't even talk to my friends about it so could you give me some alternatives? (age 13)

Talking about it with your friends might be embarrassing, but they might have some ideas about vibrators you could use. I suggest you work at developing your sexuality without a vibrator for a while longer.

My boyfriend and I are planning on having sex, but he's very nervous about being unable to orgasm or ejaculate (I think he's self-conscious). He's had sex before, and hasn't been able to orgasm a single time during intercourse. It also takes him over an hour to orgasm while he's masturbating and I'm positive he's not a TMS practitioner. I'm worried that he might have some kind of serious physical problem, but I have no idea what it could be! (age 18)

If you think he's self-conscious, then just see what sex is like. He is apt to become less self-conscious as he becomes experienced. If problems persist, he should see a doctor to rule out a physical cause.

I am really nervous about asking my mom if I can have a dildo or vibrator. I have already told her that I masturbate and that went fine, but I don't know what to do. (age 12)

I am against girls using those toys at your age. You ought to get to know yourself better by hand. Your mother would probably tell you the same thing.

I have never had a boyfriend and I've never been asked out or pursued by a guy. I don't have many male friends either. Why do other girls seem more comfortable with guys and how can I make it known that I would want to date someone? (age 16)

I suggest becoming more comfortable with guys and people in general. Just be friendly to people. It helps to smile often. When you're self-conscious or uncomfortable, you probably don't smile much. Being friendly, even without being flirtatious, can lead males to believe you'd be receptive to their advances.

I masturbate once in a while, externally only. I have never had any sexual experiences with men. Is my hymen still intact? How would I know? (age 18)

You could look yourself with a mirror or two, or you could have a health care professional look for you.

I have recently begun using a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate. Can that hurt me? (age 13)

I advise against it because it can habituate you to masturbating with a vibrator. It is better to get the maximum out of just your hands.

I've masturbated for a few years now, but I can't get a cucumber to fit inside my vagina. I'm still a virgin but I want sex so bad, and that's why I use bananas. How can I get the cucumber to fit? (age 14)

You are probably using a cucumber that's too big. A slicing cucumber is much bigger than a penis. A pickling cucumber (called a chub at the supermarket) is more likely to fit. Practice makes perfect!

I've never had any type of sexual contact with a guy, but I've had oral intercourse and manual intercourse with a girl. Am I a virgin? (age 15)

Some people would say you are not a virgin, but I think most would say you are.

On average, how many guys out of one school classroom masturbate? (age 15)

At your age, I would say all but one.

What is lube? Do girls use it? (age 15)

Lube is a substance used to prevent chafing of the genitals during sexual activity, including masturbation. A large percentage of males use it eventually, and many females use it during masturbation too.

When I was young (2-14), I frequently masturbated using the wooden knob on my toy box. I would lift my feet off the ground and place all my weight onto my pelvic bone, then grind around. It felt nice, but I never orgasmed. I found out more about sex and masturbation when I was 14, and I've since stopped doing it that way because I'm afraid it might be damaging. However, I have very little "good" feeling in my clitoris. I've tried doing it slowly, quickly, in a mix, writing the alphabet to see if any strokes feel nice, touching it directly, touching it through clothes, touching it with the clitoral hood over it, using a vibrator, using a vibrator with something inserted, sexual intercourse, oral -- pretty much EVERYTHING. It feels nothing more than "nice," and I absolutely have to tense my legs to get any feeling at all. My gynecologist says that he sees no damage, and I have talked to him about this. He seems to think it's psychological. I've been working on it since I was 18, and still NOTHING. My questions are these: Are some women simply anorgasmic? Should I stop seeking orgasm and just enjoy the feeling of being close with my partner, even though he wants me to orgasm? Do you think I may have caused nerve damage by masturbating in a harmful way so frequently during my developmental stages? (age 21)

You ought not give up on being orgasmic at your age. The report from your doctor that nothing is wrong is a good sign. I suggest you seek a referral to a competent sex therapist. You might start at the "find a therapist" section of the AASECT web site: http://www.aasect.org/directory.asp Find a therapist that you are comfortable with, and call and find out about whether your insurance will cover his or her services.

I was lying on my bed last night talking to one of my male friends on the phone. We were just talking about different things. We got on the subject of phone sex, and we decided to try it. I was masturbating when my mom walked in to turn my TV off because she thought I was asleep. Now she won't even talk to me or look at me and I'm also grounded from the phone. Do you think it's right of her do this? What should I do? (age 17)

She probably wouldn't have objected to you either masturbating or talking on the phone, but doing both at once apparently shocked her. I think you should try to be extra cool around the house until this blows over.

Another web site said that the vagina opens up for sex when you're aroused, but my muscles get a lot tighter when I masturbate. What's up with that? (age 15)

You're probably not feeling calm enough when you masturbate. Your muscles will learn to relax with practice.

I have masturbated externally for 2 years and have always orgasmed. I have also recently started internal masturbation but have not yet orgasmed. When I masturbate, I am not loud, I am worried that when I have a sexual relationship with someone that I will not show pleasure or make him proud of the pleasure he is bringing to me. How can I get in the habit of being more excited? (age 14)

I hope you will not be sexually active for a long time. When you are, I am sure you will figure out how to communicate your satisfaction to your partner. You will probably have more privacy by then and not be as worried about calling attention to yourself by vocalizing.

I can't masturbate internally. I can't even use tampons. I can only get the tip of my finger in before it becomes painful and I can't push anymore. If I insert the tip of my finger and wiggle it around a bit every day, will it gradually become less painful until I can get my whole finger in? What will the impact on my hymen be? (age 17)

Yes, that is a good strategy for becoming less sensitive. Inserting fingers and objects will tend to wear your hymen away.

I haven't been masturbating very long and I'm not sure that I've ever had an orgasm. I've read some of the descriptions of what it should feel like, and I think I've gotten really close, but I'm not sure if I have ever had one. Recently during my masturbation sessions, my body begins to shake, especially my lower body, and my vagina walls tighten and my clitoris gets really sensitive. I get to a point to where I feel like I'm about to explode and then nothing. It's like everything stops cold. There isn't anything that happens afterward, and my clitoris is still somewhat sensitive, but not nearly what it was only moments before. Also nothing happens with my breasts. It feels really weird if I touch them either before or after I began masturbating. Is this normal? Am I doing something wrong? Have I ever actually achieved an orgasm? (age 15)

You are probably pretty close. You are also probably paying too much attention to what you're doing. Try to relax and let your mind wander around things that arouse you. Just enjoy what you are doing even if you aren't having an obvious orgasm. You'll get one before long.

You said that girls probably don't have wet dreams. I've had a few dreams where I felt an orgasm in my dream. Did I really have one, or did I just dream it? It was never as strong as a real one, but it was definately the feeling an orgasm produces. (age 16)

Well, obviously, you can do anything in your dreams. Even fly. The question is not whether you can have an orgasm inside a dream but whether you can have a real orgasm from a dream, like boys can. If you woke up after a dream orgasm and your vagina was wet as if you'd been masturbating, then that would suggest that you had a real dream.

I went on a double date with my brother who is 26 and his girlfriend. We all got very drunk and went to the beach at night. I ended up having sex with my boyfriend right next to my brother while he was having sex with his girlfriend. I was so turned on having him see me and watching him. Now I masturbate thinking about my brother? What should I do? (age 23)

Fantasies are supposed to be fun, so you ought not fantasize about anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. It would also be a good idea to avoid sexual situations with your brother.

My best friend and I were housesitting once and found a huge stash of porn, so for the rest of the night we took turns using the living room TV and masturbating to the videos. Sometimes I feel dirty about it. Was it wrong? (age 13)

The masturbating wasn't wrong, but snooping was.

A while ago my ex and I tried to have sex. He stuck his penis in without thrusting, but then he had to take it out because we almost got caught. Would I still be considered a virgin? (age 16)

I don't think many people would consider you a virgin.

I think that boys are really cute and HOT but when I masturbate I sometimes think about naked women. Does that mean I'm a bisexual? (age 12)

No.

I've just recently started having what I think might be female wet dreams. I wake up having an orgasm! It's not quite the same as an orgasm but near enough. The strangest part is it happens when I have a tremendous urge to urinate. Is it weird for these two things to be related? (age 26)

I don't think so. Here's my non-neurologist's take on it: The full bladder sends signals to the brain, and apparently the brain is processing them as it would signals of arousal from the same area. You wake up feeling aroused and nearly having an orgasm. I hope you find them enjoyable!

Someone left the cake out in the rain.

I have been to MacArthur Park many times, and it can be a depressing place. I know why someone would do that with the cake.

I am a mother of a teenaged boy (he's 15) and I also have two younger children. My son tends to stay up way too late, and I will go up there to turn off lights and his TV. I have seen him in there asleep and undressed, but he always wears pajamas. I am worried that I will walk in there sometime and he will either be masturbating or asleep with evidence of masturbating still visible. What should I do? (age 34)

He was obviously doing something when he took his clothes off while leaving lights and the TV on. Half of males in that situation masturbate daily. If you regularly patrol after hours like that, you are inevitably going to see some masturbation and masturbation accessories. Why not protect his privacy by not complaining about the lights and TV being left on or at least knocking first?

When I was 15, my friend, who was also female and 15, invited me to spend a weekend with her and her family at a beach house on Cape Cod. The beach house had only one bedroom, which her parents used. That left me, my friend, and her 16 year old brother to sleep in the living room. *** (long story deleted)

Sadly, they moved to the west coast soon after that vacation. Thanks for listening. (age 25)

Wow, that was quite a story, but it doesn't really belong on this web site. I enjoyed reading it, though, especially since I live a lot closer to Cape Cod than to the west coast. On my last trip to the Cape, I pointed out to my companion that "cod" was a euphemism for penis in the 19th century. She didn't seem to appreciate the comment, so I refrained from pointing out that the Cape is kind of, sort of shaped like one too. Feel free to e-mail me if you have any more stories.

I took the liberty of reading almost all of the questions and I think your answers are GREAT! Some people disagree with complete and total honesty but I think it's the best way to go. For the people who say that you're not a good "source" - they should definitely read your answers because even though you give some funny ones to weird comments, you're very professional when you write. Anyway, if I stop masturbating or having sex for some time, is it possible for my vagina to become smaller on the inside? I talked to a friend and he told me there is nothing better than to have sex with a virgin because it's sooooo tight! I want that. I'm fairly tight myself, but I want it to be smaller! How do you know when you're a nymphomaniac? I love having sex, maybe too much, and when I don't have sex, I have to masturbate at least 3 times a day. Much love. (age 18)

The virginal tightness your friend refers to is a function of muscles not knowing what to do. Now that you are sexually experienced, your muscles will never go back to that state of unreadiness. I think you're a nymphomaniac when no amount of orgasming is ever satisfying to the point that you don't want any more.

I always find myself pressing my vulva with my fingers for sexual pleasure when I'm waking up and still half asleep. Is this normal? I have found myself doing this since I was young.

Sleep masturbation is more common than many people realize. However, only a small minority of people do it. You would probably be better off if you could curb the habit, because it will make you less sexually responsive when you are awake.

Do all females experience a wet feeling when they're sexually excited? Do you have to be going through puberty to experience this feeling? (age 13)

Not all, but the vast majority do. Some girls can have that feeling before puberty.

I think HealthyStrokes.com is really helpful. I really want to ask my boyfriend if he masturbates and if he might like to masturbate with me. We both want to remain chaste and I think doing something like that might cause us to have sex. Also, it might be too awkward and could ruin our relationship. Also, I've only masturbated in the shower. What should I do? (age 14)

I advise against doing any of that at your age. Your boyfriend might be greatly shocked if you asked him that, and it could affect your relationship. A survey for my site found that the average age males are comfortable talking about masturbation is 18. I agree that it would be hard for you to abstain from sex if you started masturbating together. I suggest trying to masturbate outside the shower sometime when you're very comfortable and eager to try it.

I was recently asked if I liked skin to skin sex. What is that? (age 24)

It is sex without latex protection, which is only safe if you and your partner are both monogamous and disease free. It can't have been a serious question, because everyone would rather have sex that way.

I masturbate with my panties on, and they usually get pretty wet. I fear my mother will see them and realize that I've masturbated. What should I do? (age 13)

You might start by taking your panties off, and then think like a guy in terms of not making a mess and cleaning up. It might be as simple as keeping a towel handy to put under yourself.

I have no other means of masturbation then my shower head, and I use it to stimulate my clitoris, which works well. But I have never, and have tried, reached orgasm manually. Is using a shower head dangerous, or can I lose feeling from overuse? I usually do it twice when I shower, and I shower every other day. I am not sexually active. (age 19)

I advise against running water because the feeling can't be simulated in other ways. I suggest abstaining from masturbation for a week or two and then trying by hand. You will enjoy manual orgasms much more than the ones in the shower. You can do them wherever you want.

One of my favourite sexual fantasies is rather odd: I imagine my crush crying into my arms, and I get really horny. I am desperate to know whether or not this fantasy is normal, beacuse it provides me with a lot of sexual pleasure. (age 13)

I think that it is. Your fantasy is that he comes to you and you comfort him. That can be a good role to play.

Ever since I started masturbating about two weeks ago, I've noticed two things: Every time I see a guy, I now think of him sexually, and whenever I'm at home alone, I tend to crave an orgasm and have a constant urge to masturbate. Is there something wrong with me? (age 16)

No. I think those things will settle down when you have more experience.

I have been practicing TMS since I was three, and my parents used to catch me doing this. They took me to the doctor, and the doctor said that I would grow out of it. I have a great sex life, and I can orgasm orally and in vaginal intercourse very easily. But all these years later, I am still masturbating prone. I can't help myself. It feels great! I masturbate lying on my left side, crossing my legs and putting my hand on my vulva and moving back and forth until I orgasm. My boyfriend does not know that I do this, and that's the way that I want to keep it. Is it normal that I am still doing this? (age 20)

It is normal to continue masturbating in a way that gives you pleasure. If you were male, I would tell you to stop masturbating that way, because eventually it would be apt to cause a man severe sexual dysfunction. But the results of TMS in women are not as clear. You obviously have not suffered damage to your orgasmic ability from masturbating that way, so there is no urgent need to do something about that. However, you do not say that you can masturbate to orgasm any other way. I would advise you to work on that, and perhaps you will decide you like conventional masturbation better than what you do anyway.

Your site is fantastic, and so are you. I must say that I find your humour very funny.

Why, thank you! Be sure to check out my very funny answers on the discontents page.

I've never masturbated. I tried once and it made me very scared. I don't understand it how someone can have an orgasm just from touching herself. The fun for me is not knowing what's gonna happen next when I am with someone. I think masturbation is for people who can't get any. There are a bunch of 12 year olds who do this all the time and I haven't ever. I feel like such an outsider. (age 19)

You would enjoy sex with partners more if you were more comfortable with your body. The fun for a lot of people is being able to control what is happening. It is unfair to put someone down for masturbating as "not getting any." People who have a lot of sex tend to masturbate a lot too. A lot of women your age have never masturbated to orgasm. Once you learn how, you won't feel like an outsider.

I've masturbated since I was 8. One day when my parents were away, I printed out some pages from HealthyStrokes.com, but the printer went crazy and printed them again when my mom was using it. She said, "I found something on the computer and we're going to talk." I was so afraid. She never said anything. And now when I go on the computer, she's always checking on me, and I think she knows I've been masturbating. I don't want to say anything to her. What should I do? (age 13)

Masturbating is your own business, but she can dictate what happens with her computer. She is probably more upset that you were looking at material about sex on the Internet than that you masturbate. Perhaps you can show her that this site isn't porn.

I want to know where my clit is, but I don't understand the terms you use. This site is so great. I used to think I was really sex obsessed until I read it! (age 13)

It is at the top where your vaginal lips come together. Right above the place urine comes out.

Though I masturbate many times a week, I don't feel like masturbating immediately after I've done it. Is this a problem? Can I have multiple orgasms and how? Your site is really awesome. Thanks for creating such a useful site. (age 15)

That is normal and nothing to be worried about. You can work on having multiple orgasms sometime when you feel like you can keep going right after an orgasm. Most females who have multiple orgasms don't stop when they are masturbating. If you are satisfied after one orgasm, there is no reason to go for multiple ones.

At what age do most girls start to lubricate? Does this happen spontaneously? (age 11)

Typically around age 12, girls notice themselves becoming wet spontaneously. Some of them are already masturbating so make it happen themselves.

My boyfriend wants me to give him manual intercourse (hand job), and although I am fine with that, I don't know how. A lot of sites advise asking him to tell me how he masturbates. However, he does not masturbate. How else could I learn how to give him a hand job? (age 16)

I don't think you could expect to be successful at that until he's done it to himself. If you tell him that, I think he is likely to be more truthful about his masturbation experience, which I suspect is extensive.

Can people around us smell the fluids released after masturbation? (female, age 23)

It is possible. That is why some males use a condom to masturbate when they are going out afterward without being able to shower or change clothes. Always clean up your sexual fluids promptly and completely. Some people can smell them in minuscule quantities.

Does masturbation lead to PCOD? (age 27)

I've never heard of such a link. The vast majority of women masturbate, but only a tiny fraction will ever develop polycystic ovarian disease (PCOD). And some of the women who develop PCOD claim to not masturbate. I don't think you should be worried about that.

Is it normal to masturbate every day? (age 28)

I will be able to give you a more definitive answer after the new female survey is complete, but daily seems to be on the high side for a woman your age.

Your site is really useful and I've read a lot of the information on how to masturbate, but I still can't get an orgasm when masturbating. It's really frustrating. Please help. (age 13)

Practice makes perfect. It helps to be patient and not be so concerned about having an orgasm.

After I masturbate, I feel rapid contractions and relaxations in the muscles of my vagina. Are these normal? What are these? They are not pleasant. (age 15)

Those are the contractions of an orgasm. You are supposed to enjoy them. Perhaps keep masturbating while they are happening, and you will like the feeling better.

I engaged in sexual relations for 2.5 years with my boyfriend. It has been about 1.5 years. I left him because he was bad to me. I found another very good guy and I want to marry him, but I don't know if he should know about my past. He might leave me. I've never done sex with him. Can my virginity be restored without doing any surgery? (age 28)

Your virginity cannot be restored at all. Once it is gone, it is gone forever. In some societies, there are doctors who can stitch in a false hymen to fool an unsophisticated man into believing that you are a virgin.

I have been doing clitoral stimulation for a few years now. I'm wanting to start experimenting with my G-spot and my fingers are long enough to reach it. What other methods are there for G-spot stimulation? (age 18)

Some women use dildoes or other objects to reach it, but it is better if you can learn to stimulate it with your fingers.

When I was at the beach with this guy I knew, he playfully tackled me and started tickling me. In the process, my top fell off and he took it and started feeling my chest and down below. I know he was kidding but I felt violated. Now at school he acts like nothing happened. How should I tell him that what he did was wrong or should I? (age 14)

Did you object strenuously at the time and tell him to stop? You might be able to talk to the police about bringing charges against him. I suspect that all you want is an apology. If so, you might tell him that you felt violated and see if he offers.

Do TMS orgasms feel better than normal orgasms?

I remember them being very intense.

My boyfriend doesn't have as high a sex drive as I do. When I hint at having sex, he turns me down almost every time. He also doesn't like me groping him when he isn't turned on. Is this normal? We have a very healthy relationship and there are no problems except for a few sexual ones. I feel really sad when he doesn't want to have sex with me. What should I do? (age 19)

I suspect there are more serious issues involved here, such as a physical problem that is inhibiting his sexual desire or erection troubles that make it difficult for him to get erect except when he initiates sex. It also could be he isn't truly attracted to you.

Would you decribe that tingly feeling down there as being horny? I very rarely feel my clit pounding with arousal; sometimes it's just tingling. What does it signal when you feel like collapsing when you think of something sexy? (age 15)

I would describe the tingly feeling as arousal and use horny to mean having sexual desire. The feeling like collapsing might mean you have low blood pressure.

I was kissing someone in a sitting position but leaning toward them, and I felt, liquid going toward my butt. Does that mean that I had an orgasm? (age 15)

You could have had a release of fluid in conjunction with an orgasm. Yes, it is possible.

I don't think I ever had a hymen. I rarely masturbate internally, but after looking at the diagrams on this site and then looking at my privates, I have nothing that resembles a hymen. Are some girls born without one? (age 14)

Yes, about 1 girl in 1000 is born without a hymen.

At a birthday party, everyone dared me and my friend, who's a girl, to kiss. The moment we kissed, I felt a pounding in my genitals more than it has when I've ever kissed a boy. Will I become lesbian now? (age 12)

I doubt it. The feeling was intensified by your kissing in public on a dare.

When I was about 8 or 9, I was sitting on a vertical tennis raquet, in a position that the top of the grip was on my vulva. I had clothes on. My mom said I shouldn't do that because it will damage those parts down there. What did she mean by this? I wasn't masturbating with it in any way.

She was just being protective. What you were doing wouldn't hurt you through clothes, but there are some objects that you could sit on (especially if with all your weight) that could do harm. It's a good idea to save those parts for things that really feel fun.

I've done it in places where I could have gotten caught but I never have. I don't make any sounds and the riskiest place was in a double bed with my younger sister beside me, but I don't think she knew. One day we talked about masturbation and I think she is curious about it and has maybe done it, but she doesn't know that I do it. My mom mentioned it once and said it was bad and for boys, but I don't know what she would do if she caught me. (age 16)

Probably nothing, but it's good that you've decided to influence your sister in a positive direction (by discussing sex with her) rather than negative directions (like masturbating furtively in bed with her).

Found your site by chance while researching something for my class. Bravo! The site has great content and frankly discusses a lot of subjects that I could never have spoken to my mother about! I will bookmark your page so when my 3 kids are old enough, they can read about it in addition to speaking with me about it. Thanks and keep up the good work. (age 43)

I've read a lot on your site about boys masturbating at school, and I just thought you should know that girls do it too. It's a good way to relieve stress when you've been in an awful class. (age 16)

Your experience is noted, but I think the reason I hear more from boys than girls on this topic is that it's so much easier for girls to do it discreetly. Boys have to use more force, and that means they make more noise, and then there's the matter of the resulting ejaculation which has to be contained or dealt with. Congratulations on dealing successfully with stress.

I'm quite confused about my sexuality. I've only been with one man (I say that because boy sounds quite stupid) but I've had "fantasies" if you will about girls. One of my friends I've heard is bisexual and I almost feel attracted to her. I'm not sure how to figure out who I am. (age 14)

Deciding between "boy" and "man" is quite simple; was he over 18? This is the distinction that all of the newspapers use and is quite mechanical. If you are uncomfortable with either word, you can always say "male." If your thinking is as confused about your sexuality as this minor point, I can understand why you are having trouble. You might take some more time to think about your feelings before you act on them. It would also be a good idea to get some definitive information about whether your friend is bisexual so you don't have to make decisions based on rumors.

I am a brunette from the Middle East. I am pretty outside and ugly down there! I have masturbated externally since I was a little baby. The whole area down there is ugly. It looks like dead skin and it's wrinkled! I wish I could cut it off!! It's such an embarrassment! (age 20 1/2)

You are pretty obsessed with your looks, both with your outward appearance and by what your vulva looks like. I doubt that any man would tell you it's ugly. You ought to believe that women's genitals are beautiful, including yours. All you have to do is carry the confidence you have about your looks to your genitals, and I think you will be a lot happier about them. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.

I first started masturbating with my hands and fingers, and then with objects such as lip gloss tubes, bottles, and hairbrush handles. I currently use my sister's (who is age 16) vibrator every night, and I just realized that she must have found it, because I saw it in her room this morning. I was shocked that she didn't say anything. Should I explain this to her or should I just forget about it like it never happened? (age 14)

Since it is her vibrator, she would be the one to say something if it were an issue. The next time you see it in her room, perhaps you could ask her where she got it and if she'd get you one.

Does sex flush mean a better orgasm?

What an interesting question! I've never seen that studied anyplace. It could be theorized a couple of different ways, but I am inclined to believe that sex flush does not mean a better orgasm.

I've seen some porn where the women are squirting some fluid out of their vaginas. I've masturbated about 2 years now. Why can't I do that? (age 14)

I have occasionally gotten this question from males about men's copious ejaculations in porn. Those men are shooting liquid soap, not semen, and of course it doesn't come from their penises. Some women claim they can ejaculate, but what they produce is nowhere near the volume seen in porn. Porn is just a bunch of lies and special effects. It isn't real.

I've been masturbating for about 7 years, and I have typically masturbated with massagers and running water. When I went through your web site, I realized that the way I typically masturbate was probably why I could never orgasm from manual stimulation. So I decided to practice with my hands, and I must say that I had a stronger and longer orgasm using my hands than any other method before. I just had to get the hang of it. Thank you so much!!! (age 17)

I like having satisfied customers.

I take issue with something you say on this site. Ever since I was 7, I've been masturbating using the shower head method (though I had no idea that's what I was doing back then). In the last year or two, I discovered masturbating with my hands -- and I definitely prefer it over the shower head. Nevertheless, I still use the shower head method when I feel like it. In short, I think it's perfectly fine for females to use BOTH the shower head and manual method, in whichever way they prefer. Also, I've been using my fingers for the past two years or so, and I've recently tried inserting objects. I tried a marker and also a large pen but all I got was discomfort, even when I tried to stimulate my clitoris. Is this normal? (age 16)

I find it quite remarkable that you criticize my discouraging females from masturbating with running water and then ask my advice about your inability to reach orgasm from a more conventional method of masturbating. Did you consider that perhaps this is a byproduct of your habit of masturbating with the shower head? The very reason I advise females not to do that is just the thing you are complaining about -- that they might not be able to reach orgasm from other means. I advise you to keep practicing with the objects. Be gentle, and only use them when you think you are really in a good state for having an orgasm. Might I also suggest you give up masturbating with the shower head, at least until you are successful with the objects.

Will girls' sex drives go up if they haven't masturbated for a while? (age 16)

Yes.

I have been masturbating with an electric toothbrush on my clit for about a year, but I read that it is better for your sex life later on the use your hands. I have tried but I don't get any arousal AT ALL. Can you help? (age 16)

You don't say if you were able to masturbate to orgasm before a year ago when you started the toothbrush. If so, then you are suffering from "vibrator fatigue," and you can overcome it just by quitting the toothbrush. If not, then you more likely have had ongoing trouble reaching orgasm. In either case, I would suggest taking time away from the toothbrush and just relaxing and letting your fingers do what you need. It takes patience and will power.

I have a 10-year-old sister, and I'm well liked and respected by her group of friends. I'm worried that I would be the person that her friends might come to talk to about masturbation, sexuality and the like. I wouldn't mind answering their questions if this happens, but I would be afraid of getting in trouble if word got to their parents that I was talking to young children about stuff like that. Any advice? (age 19)

If you are not comfortable talking to children about sex, then don't. If you really get asked questions by them, try to confine your answers to the less controversial areas (e.g., anatomy, menstruation) rather than controversial ones (e.g., intercourse, birth control). It always helps if you remember the number one rule of sex education: Never talk about yourself.

My boyfriend gave me a DVD of the pornography he masturbates to. I was disturbed by the abundance of mother-son incest and pedophilia. I tried discussing this with him and his friends but they only laughed. They have stashes of incest, hard-core, pedophilic material plus memberships to adult video and book stores. Every excuse (and they are ridiculous and plentiful) my boyfriend makes is regarding his mother. I've heard of the phrase 'mama's boy' but his obsession with incest and children is creepy. Are all males like this? (age 16)

No, and that's a rather rare sexual interest. It also sounds like his paraphilia is intruding onto other areas of his life (such as how he relates to you). It might be better if you moved on.

I have been masturbating for less than half a year now. I've noticed that no matter what I do or how aroused I am, my fingers do NOTHING. I use a back massager and the shower head. It takes me anywhere from 30 minutes to an hour to orgasm. Is it something to worry about how I just can't seem to get anything out of my hands? Is there a way to get the orgasm stronger? (age 17)

You need more practice, and I strongly recommend that it come from your hands and not the machines you're using now. Since it's taking 30 minutes to an hour, they are not magic bullets anyway. The important thing is to be both focused and relaxed while masturbating. Just enjoy what you're doing, and sometime when you least expect it, you'll have an orgasm.

How do you clean a sex toy? I usually just use warm water and soap. Also, when using any sex toy or object internally/externally, is it OK not to use a condom with it? (age 14)

What you do sounds good. It is probably more than most people use. There is no need to use a condom unless you are using it while exchanging bodily fluids with other people.

In a question way back, you said it was a bad thing to not be lesbian or bisexual, but a good thing if you are. I'm not homophobic, but why do you think this? (age 16)

I was not commenting on being lesbian or bisexual being either good or bad. The person asked why I thought it was bad if people presumed someone was lesbian or bisexual. I responded that it's bad if people presume that when you're not lesbian or bisexual, but it can be a good thing if people presume that when you are. In a better situation, people would reserve their judgment until they had more information.

I looked at my vulva in a small mirror today, and I'm really freaked out because when I opened my inner lips, there was this weird circular lump near my hymen and a few lumps inside. Is this serious or normal? Should I see a doctor? (age 13)

You might check with your mother before seeing a doctor. It could be anatomically normal or even part of your hymen. However, "lumps" can be a sign of cancer or serious disease, so they should always be checked out. With any luck, what you are seeing is normal and not a true lump.

If I watch a movie with sex in it, I get really aroused and I always fantasize about having sex with someone and think about what it feels like to have vaginal sex. What is the best way to pleasure myself when I get that feeling? Today for the first time I masturbated internally and I felt bumps in my vagina. What are those? Is it normal to feel a little pain? (age 12)

I hesitate to tell you a best way to pleasure yourself, but most girls your age start by masturbating externally (stimulating the clitoris and other external genitalia). Internal masturbation (inserting things) seems to be a more advanced move. The bumps could be a lot of things, including your hymen. The vagina is not perfectly smooth. Pain is a sign of something going wrong, but it is common to feel a little the first time you insert something into your vagina.

I don't use tampons because I cannot insert them. It is uncomfortable and painful, even the smallest ones. Does this mean that when I have sex for the first time it will hurt me more than it would hurt someone who does use tampons because they would be used to inserting them? (age 17)

It's very possible. A lot of females find tampons good practice for reducing the tendency of the vaginal muscles to resist something being inserted. It would be good to keep at it and be relaxed. Remember that no harm will come if you can't insert a tampon on any particular day.

I have in the past week started to masturbate. But I don't ever get a good feeling. I have no idea where my clitoris is, and I don't know what I'm doing. My boyfriend has told me he gets excited when I masturbate. I want to keep him happy but I don't really know how. (age 17)

I can imagine how excited he is. I think it would have been better if you had started masturbating to enjoy it rather than to entertain your boyfriend. The illustrations on the site and the stories posted by readers can give you some ideas. It is less important that you seek out the clitoris specifically than you touch someplace that makes you feel good. Try doing it when you're alone and can enjoy yourself and not feel self-conscious about doing it in front of your boyfriend.

I started masturbating at a pretty young age and my brother caught me and he pointed at me and told me I was dirty and disgusting. Then he proceeded to tell everybody he knew (including my parents and friends) while doing these impersonations of me. From them on he would sneak into my room and try to catch me in the act on a nightly basis in order to be able to humiliate me the next day. Sometimes he was successful and sometimes not. If he wasn't, he would hit me across my head instead. I just cannot understand why he wanted to do that to me? I get these awful flashbacks on a daily basis where he's impersonating me to my mother and the intense feeling of shame comes over me and it makes me want to throw up. I cringe all the time involuntarily. I have no issues with masturbation now and am able to do so in front of my husband with no problem but after we have sex and I orgasm, I always have these intense feeling of sadness right afterward. Perhaps that's connected? What should I do? (age 29)

I suggest working these issues out with a competent psychologist. It ought to be of some comfort that your mother was apparently not put off by what your brother told her. Perhaps she would also be understanding if you talked to her about it.

Does anyone know where the fluid from the vagina comes from? Why do some people question whether the G spot really exists? (age 14)

There are glands adjacent to the vagina, including Bartholin's gland, that produce fluid. The existence of the G spot is a fact, but some people don't like the idea that there is one particular spot inside the vagina that has to be stimulated. They would rather people worked on all kinds of different places instead of making a big deal about one spot.

What's the difference between semen and sperm? (age 24)

Sperm are the microscopic cells that carry DNA and impregnate a female. Semen is the fluid in which sperm travel. It is like the difference between white blood cells and whole blood.

I turn 14 in a couple days. I?e been masturbating since the beginning of summer. I? afraid of being walked in on, but not that freaked out. I want to talk to my mother about it, but I happen to be really nervous about it. She said I could talk to her about anything. How should I bring it up and what should I say?

Unless you have questions you want to ask, there is no reason to say anything. If you want to say something, how about, "I'd like to talk to you about masturbating."

I have never had an orgasm while having sexual intercourse with my one and only boyfriend. I fake it but I am tired of that. What can I do? I have been masturbating since I was about 9, and for some reason with a pillow. I have learned it is bad and I can stop. I have tried hand masturbating and it usually works. Have I caused permanent damage that cannot be fixed? I am worried about my future sex life. If I get cured from TMS, will all my problems go away in particular being able to have an orgasm while having sex? (age 17)

Faking orgasm is counterproductive, because it makes your boyfriend think he's doing a good job at whatever he's doing when he's really not. TMS is very unlikely to have caused permanent damage and quitting it is apt to make you more orgasmic in sex. Why not let your boyfriend know so that he can work on what will give you a real orgasm?

I gave my virgin boyfriend oral sex. He did not ejaculate, but is there still any way of me getting an infection? Your site is amazing, by the way.

If you trust that he has never had sex before, then you cannot get infected. It is still a good idea to use a condom for oral sex. They make flavored and unlubricated condoms specially for it.

I have been masturbating for a few years now, but I've always done it on my front rubbing my vulva. I've read its dangerous doing it face down, but it's the only way I enjoy it so much. Should I stop? (age 16)

I highly recommend it. If you learn to masturbate in more conventional ways, it can lead you to all kinds of sexual things you'll enjoy better than prone masturbation.

What does TMS actually mean? Is it really bad for femlales? I've been masturbating face down for so long I'm really scared that I won't be able to stop. I know it's bad. I've tried other ways and I'm just not getting the pleasure like I did when I was masturbating lying down. Please help me! P.S Love this site! (age 16)

TMS -- Traumatic Masturbatory Syndrome -- is probably not as bad for females as for males, but it is fairly obvious that women who masturbate on their backs with their hands have greater orgasmic ability in intercourse. You can switch and learn to be orgasmic in other ways. Many, many women have switched.

I am a virgin who desparately wants to have sex! I have masturbated since I was 11. I find myself having great urges to have a real sexual experience. There is no special guy in the picture right now and while I am able to orgasm alone, I want to have sex! Should I find someone to have a one-night stand with? (age 26)

You would be settling for less than you want if you did that. It ought not be too much trouble to find a relationship. It is so much easier for women. All you have to do is go out and be approachable, and you will meet oodles of men. Surely you can find someone within a few weeks who you would want to get to know better. Have you tried personals ads?

I masturbate every day in the bathtub running my clit under the water. I catch an orgasm in less than 5 minutes. This been happening since I was 13. Is there something wrong with me? (age 16)

It would be better if you did not masturbate that way. You've had some great orgasms, but they come at the expense of your not being able to orgasm every other way. Wouldn't it be nice if you could have an orgasm wherever and whenever you wanted to, without anyone wondering why you run the bathtub so much?

I have a friend who hates to have an orgasm. Why is that? She knows it's an orgasm but it is very unpleasurable for her. She is about 16. (age 15)

There is a rare condition where people don't enjoy their orgasms -- it's called anhedonia, but I would be more inclined to believe she's guilty or embarrassed about masturbating and wants you to think she doesn't do it.

In school, there is this fellow that I really like but my friends think I'm crazy. He's 17 years old and not afraid to talk about awkward things in front of me. (He talks about how he masturbates and gets all the guys around him to talk about it. Once he asked a group of guys if they're circumcised during band.) He thinks it amusing to see me squrim. I'm not quite sure what to do about him, for there is a dance coming up and I want to go with him, yet he doesn't seemed inclined to go. What should I do? I don't have a clue if he likes me. I can't talk about this with my family or friends for they think its weird for me to fancy anyone. (age 14)

You could ask him to the dance (which would be rather bold given the difference in your ages), or you could drop hints that you will be at the dance and you'd like him to be there too. You ought to go to the dance with some female friends. You will have a lot of fun no matter how many boys show up. You might also give a chance to some guys whose main interest is not making you uncomfortable.

I'm really scared. I had some girlfriends over and we checked each other out, and I couldn't find my hymen. Theirs were really obvious, but I just can't find mine!! What should I do? (age 15)

Don't worry about it and just ask your doctor to show it to you on your next visit. Some are more obvious than others.

Can you lose your virginity by using a dildo? (age 13)

No.

My ex and I broke up about 1 1/2 years ago. I have not gotten over it. I pretend I have to my family and friends, and I've even had a child since then. But inside I'm depressed and sad all the time. He was my best friend, and now I feel lost and confused all the time. And I'm like a black sheep in my family. I'm beginning to think I should seek therapy. Can you please tell me how I go about doing that? (age 24)

If you have health insurance, just call the mental health hotline of your provider. If not, there are online sources where you can find free or low-cost support groups. The book How to Survive the Loss of a Love might also be helpful.

I recently switched from masturbating with one finger to masturbating with two. I don't get any feeling with only one anymore. Is something wrong? (age 14)

No, I think you're just learning. Don't focus on how many fingers you're using.

Do girls "come"? Is it the same as an orgasm? (age 15)

Yes. Yes.

I have trouble getting an orgasm while masturbating. Is it necessary to flex your pelvic muscles? Does that make it easier? (age 13)

No, that is not necessary. It will not necessarily make it easier either. I suggest you be patient and keep trying.

Is fingering the same as stimulating the clitoris? Or is it just internally? (age 15)

Most people who use the term mean it to insert a finger in the vagina. Technically it is correct to refer to any touching with the finger.

I don't know if this is considered masturbation, but I sit on an exercise ball and thrust forward and sometimes watch porn. Is that masturbation? Is it wrong to watch porn? I never have an orgasm if I just use my hands. (age 12)

If you are trying to increase your sexual response, it is masturbation. It is an idiosyncratic form of masturbation that should be avoided. It would be better for you to improve your skills with your hands.

I have been masturbating prone since age 5. I do this by rubbing against a blanket, and I sometimes use a lot of pressure. I realize that there is a small tear on what I think is my labia. It's not too painful or anything, but I am concerned about it. Is there any way to get it to heal without seeing a gynecologist? (age 18)

I doubt it is a tear if it isn't painful, because a tear there ought to hurt like nobody's business. Your regular doctor could examine it. You wouldn't necessarily need a gynecologist. Of course, if it is to heal, it will be necessary for you to avoid the behavior that caused it in the first place.

Why do females experience sexual tension? What is the physical explanation? Is it real or just in our imaginations? (age 19)

Most females believe it is real. They can feel a physical longing when they haven't had an orgasm for a long time. The orgasm is good for clearing up a congested feeling that can happen to both male and female genital areas. The feeling of tension is also useful for getting people who otherwise wouldn't to have sexual relations so the species can continue.

Follow-up: Is there actually a physical event occuring inside a girl's body when she feels tension? How does it build up? Like for guys, it's because they have to eliminate seminal fluids and sperm. But what about girls? Where does the horny longing feeling come from?

A lot of sexual tension for both males and females is the flow of blood into the pelvis. This congestion is most readily reduced by orgasm. If not, it can produce a feeling well known in males as "blue balls" and also present in females. You might enjoy some of Masters & Johnson's books about sexual response that describe this process in greater detail. Any large library would have them.

My boyfriend doesn't seem to enjoy his orgasms and I'm wondering why. He says they don't feel like anything special and that the best part of sexual activity is the emotions and closeness he feels. He also never masturbates. I believe this, because I have never caught him, and I live with him, sleep with him, wake up with him, go to sleep with him, and shower with him, and he wants to spend all his time with me, more than I even want to spend with him. I also really believe he doesn't enjoy his orgasms because sometimes he doesn't ejaculate when I decide to end the session because I don't feel it going anywhere, and he doesn't pressure me to put up with him if it's going wrong. He says it doesn't feel that good to come. He just says it can hurt if he doesn't and that is the only motive he has to orgasm. Why isn't he enjoying his orgasms? Do you think this is why he doesn't masturbate? (age 19)

I am always suspicious of males who claim they don't masturbate. He has at least two problems: anhedonic orgasms (orgasms without pleasure) and anorgasmia. As frequently discussed on this site, an atypical or idiosyncratic method of masturbating is often to blame for anorgasmia. But if his claim of non-masturbating is to be taken seriously, this is not his problem. The next most obvious cause is side effects from prescription drugs. A third explanation, which would also explain his anhedonia, is drug or alcohol abuse. Beyond these obvious sexual problems, you also have the problem that he is especially needy -- wanting to spend every minute with you. Healthy men masturbate, they enjoy both masturbating and sex with their partners, and they have a life apart from their partners. Some exploration of the causes of his sexual problems are needed before he can try to solve them. And that's the overarching thing -- he, not you, has to be the one to want to solve these problems.

When I have sex, I can feel my G spot inside me, except sometimes it hurts when my boyfriend fingers me. I don't think I've ever had a G spot orgasm, although when it's being touched, I find it a very stimulating experience. It seems to stir emotions and motives in me, but I don't get a release from it. Afterward I usually feel a strange emotion lingering that feels like longing and a bit of desperation, but while I'm being stimulated, it's almost like I feel too stubborn to let go. What should I do to resolve this feeling? I believe that "blue balls" is not only a problem for guys; I believe it can happen to girls as well, and that if you don't get release, tension and swelling can hurt in those areas. It also can make someone feel sad. (age 19)

You are analyzing too much and are too focused on having a G Spot orgasm (or not having one). You would be better off to just let your mind wander to something that helps you feel good, and if it leads you to an orgasm, HOORAY! And if it doesn't, well, at least it felt good to have that stimulation while you were thinking happy thoughts. If you feel unrelieved after a G Spot session, then by go ahead and masturbate in a way that you can have an orgasm. You are correct that females can have congestion in the pelvis just like males; your body doesn't care how the orgasm that puts an end to it is brought about.

I'm afraid to insert my fingers, so I want to buy a vibrator. There's a store at the mall I go to that sells them. I'm 14 in less than a month, but I believe I can pass off as older than that. Do you think they would sell it to me? (age 13)

I guess there's no harm in trying. You ought to be less afraid of inserting your fingers than a foreign object. Why not put off this whole exploratory mission until you're more comfortable with it?

I tried to fit a dildo into my vagina but I couldn't without it hurting. How do I relax my vagina so I can fit more than one finger in? (age 16)

Practice. It helps to be as relaxed as you can. You might also need to make a conscious effort to relax the muscles in that area. There is no reason to be in a hurry to do that. Just work it in on a schedule that you can enjoy.

Until two nights ago, I was scared of talking to my mom about masturbating. I told her everything and she told me it was perfectly normal. I even asked her get me a vibrator. Was I wrong to ask my mom to buy me a vibrator? (age 12)

No, but I hope you'll understand if she has reasons for not getting you one. First among those is that you should be trying to learn with your own hands first.

If I masturbate once a day but reach orgasm several times, is that considered masturbating more than once? And how far in exactly is the hymen? Some people say it's a couple of inches in, and some say it's right at the surface. Would I be able to see mine with a little handheld mirror? (age 13)

You count times masturbating by the number of sessions, not by the number of orgasms. The hymen is probably about an inch and a half in. The problem in seeing it isn't its depth but the narrowness of your vagina. You could probably see it with a handheld mirror, but I think you would have a better chance if you could lie close to a wall-sized mirror.

one of my inner lips is a lot bigger than the other one, and it is kind of dark grey on the edge. Is this bad? (age 11)

Don't even think about that. You will go through puberty shortly, and after that you won't even recognize your vulva from what it used to be.

There's this guy I really like. The thought of him masturbating is so arousing. Sometimes I wonder if he does. For some reason, he seems like the type of guy who wouldn't, especially since he's sexually active. He just turned 15. Also, he smokes marijuana. Does that affect how often he masturbates? Do 15 year old guys masturbate daily? (age 14)

A male who is sexually active is more likely to masturbate than one who isn't. According to surveys done on this site, 90 percent of males had masturbated by their 15th birthdays and 96 percent by their 16th birthdays. The average 15 year old masturbates 8.17 times a week. I have never surveyed about marijuana use and don't know how it affects masturbation.

How do I bring masturbation up with my friends? I love doing it, and I'm sure I can't be the only one. (age 15)

You would probably have more luck one on one than you would bringing it up in a group. You might try making a little joke about it and seeing if your friend responds.

Do women all have the same arrangement of nerves in their genitals? Why or why not? Do men? (age 19)

The basic anatomical pattern is the same. I don't know anything about variation from person to person. Lots of things vary, so why wouldn't nerves? This is really a question for a neurologist or something.

I was at home and thought I was alone. I started masturbating with a banana in the kitchen and I was nearing climax when the phone rang. My brother quickly ran to pick up the phone and he saw the banana. He said it was OK and to forget about it but I feel really weird around him. Should I talk to him about it again? (age 16)

He said it was OK. It's OK. You don't need to talk about it. It's possible he said it was OK just so you wouldn't try to talk about it.

Do most guys think about the age difference when they're dating a younger girl? As long as she is of legal age, would he mind the age difference?

Yes, I suspect the age difference is one of the appeals of dating a younger girl. If he is the one initiating the relationship, and he is aware of the age difference, then there should be no reason to believe he minds.

I really enjoy sex with my boyfriend, and I have been sexually active for a year. However, I can only have sex with him once a day, otherwise it hurts me. The first time is great, but the second time, even though I am aroused and wet, still hurts. It sort of feels like something is tearing, which I know is not the case because whenever we do it the second time he is careful. It hurts on the outside my vagina, not inside. It only hurts directly under the vaginal opening. The skin almost feels raw. What can I do to help this? (age 17)

That might be a skin problem more than a sexual one. It would help to have a doctor look at it. I'm not clear what you mean by "outside" your vagina. If you mean outside your entire vulva, then the skin you are talking about would be more readily treatable than skin that is inside your vulva but outside the vagina proper. This is all the more reason to have a doctor or nurse look at it before trying to self-medicate. P.S. Once a day is not such a bad frequency.

Once I put my middle finger all the way into my vagina. About 3 inches. It bled a tiny bit, and it didn't hurt. Is my hymen broken? (age 12)

There's a good chance it is, but there would still be a lot of it left.

Is it normal for a girl to like porn? (age 15)

More than a few do. If you do, you aren't the only one.

Just wanted to commend you on an excellent and informative site. It's great that young people have a place where they can ask questions and learn from others about a topic that is often still difficult for them to discuss with friends. And I learned a thing or two myself, so it's not only the kids who are benefitting from your hard work. (age 51)

Thanks a lot!

I just had sex with my boyfriend and I feel really loose. Will it go back? I cant stand feeling loose. (age 16)

The vagina is very pliable and will go back to normal fairly quickly. If it really bothers you, you can try to exercise your PC muscle and see if it makes a difference.

Me boyfriend fingered me but I got nothing out of it. I'm too nervous to tell him how to do it right so that I orgasm. What tips have you got for being subtle about telling him what's he's doing wrong?

Just tell him. He's doing it for you. There is no reason for him to do it if it isn't pleasing you. You are being unfair if you know how to be touched so that you orgasm and you don't tell him.

Does an erection feel good? (age 15)

Yes.

Can AIDS/HIV be created or only passed on? If you've had oral sex with a guy and then have sex with another guy and then another guy, if none of them had HIV/AIDS, could it be created anyway? (age 15)

You can't create HIV by yourself. Someone has to have the virus before they can pass it to someone else. I also recommend against your hypothetical sex with multiple partners.

When I was masturbating (externally), I felt the need to squeeze my thighs together to reach orgasm. Is this normal? Could I do that in intercourse? (age 14)

It is OK to squeeze your thighs together. Some women do it rhythmically. However, if you have do it that way in order to have orgasm, then it is bad. In which case, you ought to train yourself to reach orgasm without squeezing. There are some intercourse positions in which that would be possible (rear entry, for example), but it is even worse if you are limited in intercourse to a non-standard position. You have a lot of time to practice.

I often masturbate on the toilet here at college because the fact that there are others very close excites me. Do you think this a normal place for a girl to do it? (age 19)

I don't think many do. You are very much risking people figuring out what you're doing by masturbating at times when others are so close.

I visit your site often. But with such a sexual site, some closed-minded people are bound to get offended. Have you ever received threatening messages or just downright verbally abusive ones? And if so, can you track them down or is this a truly an anonymous site? (age 28)

I get more screechy messages from people who think I'm not libertine enough! I've never had a truly threatening message, but I put the ones that really complain on their own special page. I have no way of tracking anyone down.

I read that boys in high school get erections every 90 minutes. That's hard to believe. Wouldn't someone notice? I'm a freshman and I've never noticed it in the boys I attend school with. (age 14)

It is true. Males from puberty to around age 20 are erect for 20 minutes out of every 90. It's fairly easy to cover up, because the fly in pants is right where the penis points up (well, duh). That means there is extra fabric to cover. It would be hard to notice unless the boy were wearing very thin material. Also, you don't stare at guys' crotches, do you? If you're trying to spot the guys with erections, look at who is walking in the halls with a windbreaker or notebook blocking the view of his privates. I think I was only caught with one once. I had just woken up on a plane while on a school trip and decided to flex it a little. The girl sitting next to me was apparently staring right at it, because she freaked out and told me to wake up and hit me with one of those little pillows.

I don't feel guilty about masturbating, but I feel guilty about watching gay porn while I masturbate sometimes. After I come, I feel that people would be ashamed of me if they found out what I do when I masturbate. Can you help me? (age 15)

People might be surprised at a girl your age watching gay porn, but I doubt they would be ashamed. If it turns you on and you only use it some of the time, then there's nothing wrong with it. Most girls your age still feel guilty about masturbating. You will soon overcome your guilt about porn too.

I've recently started masturbating. Last time, I found the place on my clitoris that pleases me most, and I felt a feeling that made my whole body sort of spasm for a few seconds. It was really pleasureable. Is this an orgasm? (age 15)

Yes, a good one. Keep working on that spot and try to find a few others.

I started masturbating a year ago but I was wondering if using the same object every time can get me infected or anything? (age 12)

It is a good idea to clean your objects before inserting them and after using them.

I am new to masturbating so I tried to have fun in the shower with a bar of soap, but it burned so badly that I had to tell my parents to help me. They told me I should never stick soap in my vagina or anything else for that matter. What do I do? (age 10)

It would be good to you to listen to them about soap. Not every beauty product can safely be used in the vagina. However, they are wrong to deny you some toys which could help you explore your sexual pleasure while at the same time posing no chemical threat to your body. I think you will have to work most of this out on your own.

When I have oral sex with a male, I sometimes swallow the semen. Is this bad? And will it harm me in any way? (age 15)

It is unsafe sex. It is possible to catch a sexually transmitted disease that way. You should only perform unprotected oral sex on a male whom you trust to be uninfected and monogamous. Other than that, the semen cannot hurt you and is a good source of protein.

Can I only squirt if the G spot is hit right? Or can it happen with the clitoris? (age 16)

Squirting by females is a controversial area. If a particular woman can do it, it does not matter how the orgasm is brought about. You ought to seek the best way that you can have an orgasm and not worry about whether you can squirt or not. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, then at least you had a nice orgasm.

I'm a 17 year old female, and I have been sexually active since I was about 13. I have this discharge coming out of my vagina for a while now, but I'm afraid to go to the doctor or tell my parents about it. The smell is not pleasant. What could this be? An STD? Is it able to be fixed? I'm scared to go get tested for stuff, because I don't want to know the answer.

Ignore it, and it is apt to get worse. It could very well be an STD. When it is treated early, there are likely to be no long-term consequences. When you let it go too long, it can affect your fertility and sexual functioning. You need to go see a doctor now. They will not tell your parents.

I just started to masturbate this week, and when I do it, it feels like I am urinating. Is this normal or is something wrong with me? (age 21)

That is a common feeling in both males and females. It is a good idea to urinate beforehand so you don't get that sensation. Also, it is more comfortable to masturbate or have sex when your bladder is empty.

After I have an intense orgasm, I feel the need to urinate. Why is this? (age 14)

For a lot of people, the activity in the genitals causes an increased awareness of the urine in the bladder and stimulates the urge to go.

When I'm fingered by a partner, I can orgasm within 20 seconds and then have multiple orgasms. Is this odd, and how can I stop being so sensitive? (age 18)

That is an unusual problem, and one that a lot of my female readers would want to have. It just takes practice. I tell males who are coming too quickly to try to extend their time a little bit every week. That approach would serve you well too. So work on getting to 30 seconds, and then 40, and so on. It might also help for your partner to heavily lubricate their finger. Lubrication can reduce sensitivity in some ways even as it enhances it in others.

I tried masturbating and enjoy it. But I'm not reaching orgasm. Can you tell me how? While masturbating, I reach a stage where I feel very aroused and something runs through my whole body, but there is no orgasm. (age 17)

You are pretty close. When you get that very aroused feeling, I suggest stroking however you are doing it only faster and more intensely.

Follow-up: Do I have to do it more intensely?

That is best. Once you have learned how to have an orgasm, you can slow down and be less intense.

My friends say that if I touch my breasts or pull on my nipples it will feel really good, like masturbating, but I don't feel anything yet. (age 13)

It might not. Not all girls enjoy doing that and most of the ones that do practice it while they are masturbating.

When having oral sex with a male, can I still get an STI if he doesn't ejaculate in my mouth? (age 17)

It is possible. In order to have safe oral sex, you either need a disease-free, monogamous partner or a condom.

I'm a virgin and I just started to masturbate by touching my clit. I wanted to finger myself, but every time I do it, it hurts. Why is that? (age 21)

You are not used to the feeling. Just take your time and gradually work at fingering yourself. Try it when you are feeling really good after masturbating or are otherwise relaxed.

Can you get pregnant by being fingered? My boyfriend's hands were clean. (age 13)

It is extremely unlikely, but I would hesitate to rule out getting pregnant altogether.

While exploring my vagina, my fingers went as far as they could and I felt a hard lump. What is this? (age 14)

It is probably your cervix, but if you think it's a lump and not something anatomical, it is urgent to get it checked.

Is it to normal to fantasize about being raped, murdered and then devoured by your lover while you masturbate? (age 17)

That is kind of unusual, but lots of women have rape fantasies. I don't know that any fantasy is a problem unless it is the only thing you can fantasize about.

Ever since I started puberty, I began to like and even love girls. Before that, I had very mild sexual feelings for boys. Is this a phase? (age 13)

Probably. You're very young. It would be a good idea to be friendly but not too affectionate to both until you sort things out.

I can only get an orgasm by masturbating (externally only). I never can climax while having sex with my boyfriend (which we have been doing for a year) or even when he fingers me. It's a completely different feeling from how I masturbate, and sex feels good, but not as good as when I pleasure myself. What can I do to get an orgasm during sex? The feeling is completely different, and I never get even close, even after we've been doing it for thirty minutes. (age 19)

Being more relaxed would make a difference. A different position, where he makes better contact with your clitoris would also help. You might also find a position where one of you could stimulate your clitoris by hand. It would also help if you could learn to masturbate to orgasm internally.

I saw a question about squeezing thigh muscles while masturbating. I was wondering if I can get an orgasm without tightening, squeezing or flexing any muscles in that region. All I have to do is use my hands? (age 13)

Yes, that is how most girls masturbate. Just work on feeling good with your hands.

I've been masturbating every night for about a week now and when I reach orgasm, I get the feelings and the contractions but not the pleasure. Will leaving it for a while help? (age 14)

A week is not very long to practice. Most females had to wait a lot longer than that before they had orgasms. If you are enjoying it, then keep it up. If you are not enjoying it, then waiting a week or so before trying again is a very good idea.

I've been masturbating internally for about 2 years. If I pushed my finger against my cervix hard enough, could it go up into my uterus? (age 18)

That is very unlikely. Your cervix is a natural barrier between your vagina and uterus. It is also normally too small to accommodate your finger.

I have a friend who always says that masturbating is for 12 year olds. He is 18. His father died when he was 3 years old and his mother says masturbation is bad. I don't really know if he masturbates and I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't. He is very feminine and has never had a girlfriend. He never shows interest in sexual things, straight or gay. Could it be that the lack of masturbation (or repression of the urge to masturbate) has somehow affected his sexual development? (age 16)

I doubt it. I am more inclined to believe, if you are correct, that his sexual development has interfered with his interest in masturbation. But I don't think you are correct. He probably masturbates as much as a typical 18 year old. Gays masturbate as much as straights. It is much more likely that he puts down masturbation because he is ashamed of it than because he is asexual.

Do most females reach orgasm the first time they have intercourse?

No. According to an informal survey on a web site (not this one), ten women answered this question yes or no, and only one of the ten had an orgasm her first time. Five males also answered the question yes or no, and all of them had an orgasm. The average age of the respondents was 35.7.

Can girls still masturbate internally with fingernail polish on? What if they just used nail polish remover? (age 13)

There ought to be no issue with dry nail polish. It would be a good idea to wash your hands after using nail polish remover. But you should do that anyway.

I've been masturbating for about 3 years externally and internally just with my fingers and have achieved orgasm. But I think I'm ready to try an object like carrot or cucumber. Do I have to cover it with something first like a condom? Are you gay or straight? (age 15)

No, but I suggest you wash whatever object you use first (and probably afterward too). I am straight. You are the first person to have asked in the nearly 6 years I've been writing this site.

If a policeman were in your house when you didn't know, and walked into your room while you were masturbating, would he arrest you? (age 12)

In the civilized world, absolutely not. Masturbating is not a crime.

How long should it take me to orgasm? (age 15)

It can vary a lot more for females than males, especially at your age. If you can have orgasms at all, you're doing better than a lot of girls your age. I will know more after the female survey is finished, but I would say that 15-30 minutes is fairly typical.

Follow-up: I can orgasm in less than a minute with about 10 orgasms or more in 30 minutes. Will it be easier for me to orgasm during sex becuase of this? Do you have any idea how bad it hurts the first time for a girl because I am extremely worried!

Your orgasmic capacity is very good, and I suspect you will have an easy time of it in intercourse. Being experienced masturbating, especially internally, makes it less likely you will experience pain the first time.

Is it normal to only be able to have an orgasm if I'm thinking of doing something sexual while I'm externally masturbating? (age 33)

Yes, and that is even more true for males than for females. For most people, sexual fantasy is the key to orgasm.

Can masturbating with other things like cucumbers or other objects be damaging to a person?

Use appropriate judgment about the size and shape of the object and how much force you use. Avoid anything that could be sharp. I squeezed a cucumber tonight at the grocery store and it squirted me. I didn't buy that one.

I've noticed that masturbating and even sex are based upon the mind more than the physical part of it. Without the correct state of mind it's close to impossible to reach orgasm. Would you say that's accurate? (age 17)

Yes, very. The brain is the most important sex organ.

I've been masturbating for about 6 months and I use a hair brush and rub my clitoris. I was wondering if there's anything wrong with that. I've tried to use my hands but it just doesn't work. (age 13)

It would be better if you could learn to use your hands. You already have an idea what the best place to touch is, so go with that. You are also probably using more force with the hairbrush than would be necessary with your hands. Having an orgasm from light pressure is very awesome! Why not work on it some more.

Follow-up: Thank you sooo much!! I had my best orgasm yet last night just by using my fingers! No hairbrush! How come in sex stories and even in porn the guys are always saying how sweet the girl tastes but mine doesn't taste/smell sweet at all? (age 13)

Porn and sex stories aren't real and you shouldn't put much stock in them. Perhaps your fluids will smell sweeter to someone who thinks you're very, very special.

I had been masturbating for months, then I just stopped. I'm in 8th grade now and I see a lot of arousing things almost every day, but since I haven't masturbated since 6th grade, I don't even remember how. I tried but I don't orgasm. I concentrate on a specific thing and nothing happens. I would like to get a vibrator but I never have any money and I don't have anyone older to ask, and my mom and I aren't close. Is there any way I could get a vibrator or any masturbating toys? (age 13)

You really sound like you've lost all hope. The best toys are your own hands. They don't cost anything, and you don't have to worry about buying them or having anyone catch you with them. I don't recommend anything else until you've had success with your hands or are a lot older.

I have been masturbating for 5 years now and I have used pens and brushes to masturbate but I was wondering about using bananas. I really want to try but I don't want them to break while in my vagina. (age 15)

You're not supposed to peel them! An unpeeled banana won't break. Really.

I have a slight discomfort in my lower abdomen after I masturbate (externally). I orgasm every time. Is it from orgasming and the contractions? (age 13)

It could be. It might just be something to get used to. It might also be in your head because you anticipate it happening. Just keep doing what you like and the problem might go away by itself.

I recently broke my fingers on my right hand and I am in a cast. I don't know how to get pleasure from my left hand, and I keep practicing but nothing is working. I don't think I can wait 6 weeks. Please help! (age 14)

This must be a terribly frustrating situation. I suggest keeping it at. It is good if you can learn to masturbate with more than one hand anyway. The cast has given you an involuntary abstinence period during which your private parts are apt to become more sensitive. It might help if you wait 4-5 days and do nothing in that time instead of "practicing" every single day. Please let me know how it goes.

Follow-up: Hi! you helped me out a lot with my problem. I took your advice and I waited 5 days and with a little more effort, I can now get orgasms from my left hand! THANK YOU!! I still have a few more weeks with a cast but now I am MUCH happier! YOU ARE AMAZING!

Spread the word! Thanks for letting me know how it went. Sorry you had to break your hand to learn to masturbate with the other one.

Last night, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. When I woke up this morning, I felt really sick. I had a horrible stomacheache. My vagina was also very sore. I hope I am not pregnant, but if i am, how do I explain this to my parents? They don't even know I have a boyfriend. How can you tell you're pregnant without going to the doctor or using a pregnancy test? (age 18)

You couldn't know the next day anyway. The two ways you mentioned are the ones. There are symptoms of pregnancy, but they could easily be mistaken for other conditions. You are still within the time frame for using a controversial birth control known as the morning after pill. Talk to a pharmacist about it. You are a woman of legal age, and explaining things to your parents ought not be the first thing that comes to mind.

I have never seen a gynecologist, and I am not sure how the procedure goes. Anyway, will being touched by one make me lose my virginity? I have been in the dark about this for a while. (age 13)

No. In order to lose your virginity, you have to have sex with another person.

I have been masturbating since I was around 13 and have had orgasms, but they weren't big ones. Once my boyfriend and I were rubbing up against each other with our clothes on and I had the best orgasm. Is this a good way to tell that sex will be good? I am a virgin and I don't want it to hurt, but if I have amazing orgasms with just rubbing up against him I would hope sex would be even better. (age 17)

Yes, I think that is a good sign that you will be orgasmic in sex.

I want to masturbate using an object like a marker, but I know that objects around the house are dirty. How would I wash it safely? Are there certain products I shouldn't use? (age 15)

I would suggest buying something new from a store, preferably something made for children by a reputable company. Then you don't have to worry about where it's been. You can just wash it with ordinary dish soap. I advise against anything too small or anything with sharp edges.

Can a septate hymen be broken when a penis is inserted? (age 17)

Yes.

Do guys notice or care about labia appearance or size?

Not that anyone has ever told me.

I understand why I feel like urinating when I masturbate internally, but why is it the same when I masturbate externally? (age 15)

Males feel the same way. It is perhaps a natural reflex after sexual activity so that sexual fluids can be flushed out. This makes more sense for males than for females because the same tube (the urethra) is used for both purposes in the male.

Do you need to have a certain level of hormones to fall in love? (age 13)

That is one of the great unsolved questions. Scientists don't agree as to what constitutes falling in love or what the biological process is, if there is one. Some say it's all a state of mind. Others point to levels of endorphins and brain synapses, etc. Some people have memories of feeling great emotion toward other people at a time when their bodies were obviously not producing hormones at adult or even adolescent levels, so I would tend to believe that hormones are not the principal agent involved. Perhaps you could take up the scientific study of this and one day come up with the answer!

I masturbate with a battery powered flosser. It feels awesome but I dont know if I'm having an orgasm. My feet get hot and then it spreads to the rest of my body. The heat is so intense that it's almost uncomfortable. Is this an orgasm? Why does it feels this way? Is there any way to make it feel different? (age 13)

The sensation you describe is familiar, but the center of it is generally your genitals rather than your feet. It might be easier to locate the feeling if you kept your feet either covered or uncovered (you might have to experiment) and concentrated on your genitals rather than them.

For as long as I can remember, my labia minora have been almost stretched out, wrinkly and oversized. They stick out far from my labia majora. I've never had a boyfriend and worry that if I do, he will find it gross or weird. Why is it like this and is it unusual? (age 19)

A man will not complain about that. Labia, like eyes and ears and facial lips, come in different shapes, sizes, and hues. They are nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed of.

My boyfriend and I have been living together for the past two months. We have sex regularly and are happy. Recently I caught him mastrubating watching porn. I really don't mind that he likes the women in porn, but why does he masturbate when he can have sex with me? Does this mean he isn't satisfied with me? (age 23)

That is a dangerous thing to assume. Men regard masturbation as different from intercourse, not better. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you.

I would like to know whether it is OK to masturbate using a pillow. Will it lead to female TMS? (age 16)

Masturbating face down is TMS. It would be much better if you didn't use the pillow. The women who are most sexually responsive in intercourse are the ones who make the most use of their hands in masturbation.

Does it hurt if the male breaks the hymen during the woman's first vaginal intercourse? Is it hard to break? (age 17)

Some females experience pain with their first intercourse, but this is not usually because of the hymen. The hymen is a very thin membrane which usually breaks without the woman even feeling it.

I feel really guilty after masturbating and wish I had never started doing it. What can I do for this and will I be able to stop masturbating? Does masturbating make you thin? (age 17)

There is no reason to feel guilty about masturbating. It is healthy and fun. Girls can quit more easily than boys. In fact, some authorities say it's impossible for males to quit. Masturbating has little or no impact on your weight.

Is the skin on the penis supposed to be able to move (like up and down the shaft)during manual stimulation? Would it have anything to do with circumcision or how turned on he is? (age 16)

It should move a little whether he is circumcised or not. It would be a lot easier to stimulate him manually if he is turned on (i.e., erect).

When a molester forces intercourse with a prepubescent girl, don't they rip the vagina? (age 29)

It has happened although it is unlikely. The vagina is very stretchable. A rape like that would be very painful and frightening for a little girl. Let's wish that that never happens again.

A friend of mine told me that the vibrations from the game Operation gameboard can be very satisfying. However, I tried using the game the other day, and not only was it uncomfortable, but my 12-year-old brother saw me! How should I approach him about this and is it safe? (age 15)

There is less than a 50 percent chance that your brother masturbates, but I don't think you need to say anything. Was his nose red? I doubt that would be very satisfying, because the game board is kind of big and not the right shape.

Is it harmful to masturbate with fruit or vegetables? (age 33)

It would be a good idea to keep anything with sugar from making contact with your sugar walls. I mean, your vaginal walls. It could cause a yeast infection. Using a vegetable that is covered and/or waxed, like a cucumber, is probably OK.

I've never really thought about masturbating before, and I know I'm going to be virgin until I get married, and I always thought that not masturbating would be a good thing. But recently, I just can't help it, I feel like I have to, and I just broke up with my boyfriend, so it's even more confusing, and I feel like I'm too old to start but I tried anyway, and I just felt so weird that I had to stop after a couple of minutes. Is this normal? (age 22)

You are going through a lot right now. Many females who don't have your history of revulsion toward masturbation have trouble reaching orgasm for the first time. Just relax and do what feels good for you. If you don't have an orgasm, don't worry. Just keep it up and eventually you will find what works for you.

I'm 13 and I masturbate 25 times a week. Is that bad?

It's an extreme frequency for a girl your age. You might enjoy it more if you cut down.

If masturbating in public were culturally OK, would you do it? (age 14)

What a good question! I usually don't answer personal ones, but this one I like. No, I wouldn't masturbate in public. I'm a very private person, and there are a lot of things I don't do in public. I'm even self-conscious eating outside of a dining area.

Would you recommend that I tell my same-sex crush that I like her? (age 13)

I doubt that would lead to good things at your age. You are more likely to wind up ostracized.

Thank you so much for this site. I've been ashamed to even look this stuff up for years. My concern is that my labia minora are kind of long, maybe an inch, and wrinkly. My doctor said "curly." Does this sound like something that would disgust a man? Should I have a surgery for it? I thought at first that it looked like that because I masturbated (I noticed it around the time I started, at 12), and that scared me into not masturbating, but it didn't change. I'm afraid to ever have a sexual partner until I know that he won't be disgusted by my body. (age 18)

You don't have to worry about that. I promise that when you let a man see you like that, he will be very happy and not paying attention to what your pubis looks like. Your labia are more interesting than ordinary ones. There are men who would be more attracted to them.

I've always masturbated internally because it seemed like it never worked externally. Recently I haven't been getting any orgasms from internal stimulation, so I'm trying it again with my clitoris, but then I feel really uncomfortable and don't get any sexual pleasure out of it. My clitoral hood is pretty thick, but I'm not sure if that is the problem. It's as if my clitoris is numb. What do you think about this situation? (age 16)

You are giving up on both of the most popular forms of masturbation fairly young. Your recent lack of orgasms could be from stress or all kinds of things. Just relax and keep doing what you know.

I have a boyfriend who is 21 years old and doesn't masturbate very much. We've already come to the conclusion that we are in love and want to spend the rest of our lives together. That also means we want to have kids, but I'm worried he might be infertile due to his lack of masturbation. He has no problem being aroused; he just doesn't masturbate, and from what he has told me, he has only masturbated about 30 times in his life. Should I be concerned that this might lead to sexual problems later on or problems with reproducing? (age 17)

I think you should. Most males his age, particularly sexually inexperienced ones, masturbate daily. If his story about not masturbating is to be believed, he doesn't really know his own body very well, so how can you expect him to be able to satisfy either one of you sexually? If his story is not to be believed, then you should not be planning to spend your life with him. I strongly suggest you get to know some other men before you commit to this one. You are very young to be deciding you don't want to look around any longer.

What does semen taste like? (age 13)

What makes you think I know?

I enjoy giving oral sex to my boyfriend; however, after he has ejaculated, he tends to feel awkward. Could you please make a suggestion? (age 18)

He should be grateful to you! It could be he feels he should reciprocate (by performing oral sex on you) but he is uncomfortable about doing that. Most males would prefer to relax after an orgasm, so he would probably be less awkward if you didn't make any kind of demand on him at that moment.

I can only insert a 4 inch object inside my vagina. After that I hit my cervix. But my boyfriend is saying his penis will be 6 to 7 inches long while we are having sex. How he will fully insert his penis? (age 21)

He won't. The average vagina is four inches deep. You are normal. It wouldn't be comfortable if he could insert it all the way.

I have been on birth control for almost 2 months now. Today my boyfriend and I had sex, and he ejaculated inside me. Should I worry about pregnancy, even though I've been on the pill for a month and a half? (age 16)

No form of birth control is completely effective, so pregnancy is always worth worrying about. If you have used birth control safely for 1 3/4 months, you ought to feel pretty safe.

Let's say I give oral sex to my boyfriend. If he ejaculates and gets some semen on his hands, but washes them with water and soap before he fingers me, is there a chance of me getting pregnant? (age 21)

It would be extremely unlikely, and probably unheard of, for you to get pregnant in those circumstances. But don't forget about your hands too.

I masturbate tons and I'm really scared my mom will catch me, but now I've started doing it in the shower or at night when everyone is sleeping. Thanks for the great site! (age 13)

I don't think you need to masturbate so furtively. She will probably be happy for you. Find the place where you can masturbate best and then pick a time when your expected privacy is highest.

I recently cleaned my vulva with a lot of soap in the shower. Now when I masturbate, I'll usually feel a sudden pain in my clitoris and outer labia before I can climax. (age 13)

It would be a good idea to clean yourself thoroughly with regular soap and warm water the next few times to see if it makes a difference.

Is it possible to have decreased sexual stimulation when you use a vibrator? What if you place the vibrator directly on your clitoris? (age 17)

Yes, many women have noted something called "vibrator fatigue." I think you are better off if you don't use a vibrator or use one as little as possible.

When I get my period, I act cocky and wacky, yet nicer than I normally am. When I'm not on my period, I'm often sad and mean. Can anything explain this? I have no sex drive while on my period either. (age 15)

A lot of females -- perhaps most -- experience mood changes along with their periods. You might want to discuss it with someone more familiar with issues of PMS than I am.

I was sitting on a public bus, and as we were waiting at one of the stops, I began to get aroused by the vibrations of my seat. Is that normal? (age 15)

Yes. Lots of females are aroused by vibration. It is a good thing. It is a sign that you are sexually responsive to touch.

I masturbate about 4-5 times a week. Is that compulsive? How do I masturbate while on my period? It seems when I'm on my period, I have the greatest urge to do it. (age 14)

Your frequency does not point to compulsivity at all. It sounds very normal. If you are worried about getting menstrual flow on your hands or other accessories, you might find a way of doing it that doesn't involve inserting anything into your vagina. Otherwise, it should be about the same.

I want to tear my hymen becase I have one of those that makes a bridge, and it bugs me when I remove my tampon. What should I do? (age 15)

You describe a septate hymen. A lot of girls your age would work the tampon or something in and out until the hymen becomes less obtrusive.

Sometimes when I am watching a movie that is getting really hot or if I am imagining myself having sex (not while I am masturbating), I get this thumping in my private parts. I have had an orgasm before so I know it isn't that, but what is it? (age 16)

It is your body being in a high state of arousal. When you get the thumping feeling, your body could really use an orgasm.

Do your religious views condone oral sex between a married heterosexual couple? (age 17)

Yes!

Do girls pull back the clitoral hood when they masturbate? I'm still learning how to masturbate. (age 13)

That would be an unusual practice. The head of the clitoris is usually too sensitive to stimulate directly, so most girls stimulate it through the clitoral hood.

I know that women have very different orgasms, but I'm always disappointed in mine. I stimulate myself externally on the inside of my labia (my clit is too sensitive to be enjoyable) and when I orgasm, I breathe heavier and feel warm over my entire body, but I do not find myself in a state of bliss afterward no matter what the situation. How can I increase the intensity and/or enjoyment of masturbation? (age 17)

You are lucky to be orgasmic; many females your age are not. Practice will help you enjoy them more. Being relaxed before and after will also help you bring on a more soothing, blissful state. Using lube might also help you stimulate your clitoris more directly.

When I masturbate, I get the most powerful orgasms not when I think about sexual things, but when I think about problems I'm facing in life. For example, if something bad happens, I go and masturbate (while still thinking about that problem), and it temporarily makes me feel better. Is this OK? Or am I using masturbation to push aside bad feelings (like a drug)? (age 19)

What you describe is unusual, but I don't believe it's bad to use masturbation to help with an anxious situation. I only think it's a problem when you are using masturbation as an escape rather than an immediate stress reliever. Males use masturbation as an anxiety reducer all the time. It's a good drug, and a safe one.

Is it OK to masturbate with underwear on? Would I get more pleasure if I did it without underwear on? (age 20)

I would have an easier time answering if I knew why you used underwear. For privacy? To reduce sensitivity? As a fetish? In general, I think it's OK, but you would probably find it more pleasurable without underwear. If nothing else, taking your underwear off lets you move around more freely.

I've been masturbating since I can remember and it's always felt good. I've always been face down while doing it, and I'm not sure how to do it lying on my back. Every time I try to masturbate while lying on my back, I don't feel any excitement. I've tried doing it the same way I would if I were laying on my stomach (rubbing back and forth) but it doesn't work. What is the best way to masturbate if I lay on my back? (age 22)

As I frequently tell males trying to overcome TMS, you can masturbate most readily in a new situation by abstaining from masturbation for a week or so beforehand. It's just something new to get used to. You can do it. Look above this for the story of the girl who broke her hand and used my advice to learn to masturbate with her other hand.

Last year I was spread out on my parents' bed, and nobody was home. I didn't hear my dad come home from work, and he walked in on me naked as I was orgasming. I opened my eyes to see him watching me. Afterward he talked to me about masturbation and how to be more careful. I was so embarrassed. (age 14)

It's good that he's on your side.

Sometimes if I'm really horny and just masterbating isn't enough, I go into chat rooms and cyber with guys. When we role play having sex I get SO excited like I'm really having sex and I get this burning sensation down there and I rock back and forth on my chair and I orgasm. Is this bad? (age 17)

It would be better if you used your hands.

Is masturbating every day considered chronic masturbation? (age 17)

No. It's considered healthy and normal.

Would getting punched in the breasts in puberty stunt their growth? (age 13)

No, but it is a lot better if that doesn't happen.

I wrote before about how I can't use tampons and can't insert even the tip of my finger without it hurting. How will a penis fit in there when I have sex for the first time? Will it just happen naturally? If he pushes despite the fact that it's uncomfortable for me, will he be able to fit? And will it only hurt the first time? Is it normal for a virgin to be this sensitive using tampons for the first time? (age 17)

If tampons and fingers hurt, a penis would cause great pain. Obviously he can fit, but it would be very insensitive of him to force it in while it is hurting you. I would suggest ignoring your pain as much as you can when you are alone and practicing getting the finger in. Pretty soon you will feel comfortable about having other things inserted.

I have been masturbating for almost a year, and after my last session, I found that that the bottom half of one of my labia swelled up to four times its normal size. I cannot ever recall my labia differing, and it feels odd. What should I do? Have I done something wrong? (age 12)

It is probably just a routine irritation. It might help to avoid the affected area for a while or to use lube while masturbating.

My boyfriend is 19 and he is a virgin (both of us are). I've read a few things on your site that worry me. He used to masturbate by lying on his bed and humping it (as he said) and I told him not to do that! After reading things on here, he stopped but then he started getting into other things. Do you think it's normal that he is 19 and hasn't had sex and that he masturbates a lot? Also do you think phone sex is weird/abnormal? (age 15)

You ought to take a careful look at the statutory rape laws in your state before doing anything sexual with him. He could be charged with a crime in most states for having sex with you. Maybe that is why he is still a virgin. That would be a good plan, at least until you are 16, 17, or 18, depending on the laws in your state. It is good that you are encouraging him to quit masturbating prone, but he has to want to overcome it himself. I think it is very normal for a man his age who isn't sexually active to masturbate frequently. Phone sex is just a form of masturbating, and I think it is neither weird nor abnormal, and it doesn't lead to pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases either.

My male friend and I were talking on the phone and I had told him that I had an orgasm the other day. It was just part of the conversation; it wasn't random. Did this probably arouse him, or freak him out? Also, he said that he hadn't masturbated for 3 months or so. Is he probably lying? (age 15)

It probably aroused him greatly. If he had been freaked out, he wouldn't have volunteered the bit about three months ago. The average male at your age masturbates more than once a day; about 8.2 times per week. A small percentage of males aren't masturbating yet. He might be one of them, so it isn't fair to accuse him of lying. (I didn't start until I was 15 3/4.)

Can masturbating delay periods? (age 15)

No.

I was wondering who I should contact for this sort of problem. I cannot get turned on by ANYTHING sexual whatsoever, only a couple of random actions that have nothing to do with sex. Obviously, this greatly affects my sex life, for I am never turned on, and thus never reach orgasm! I just want to be able to get aroused easily by sexual stuff, which I never have been able to. Would I contact a sex therapist or a psychologist, or what? PLEASE help. Thanks so much great site. (age 18)

I disagree that those things have nothing to do with sex, because they get you aroused. You might start by consulting your mental health provider through your insurance, if you have insurance. They would probably screen you and try to help you in-house before referring you to a sex therapist. Arousal disorder is fairly common, and a regular psychologist or marriage and family therapist would probably be able to get you started.

My boyfriend masturbates with a very tight grip. Is this bad for him? When I give him oral sex, he sometimes asks me to use my teeth and even bite down on his penis. Is this normal? I thought that most guys were too sensitive for teeth. (age 22)

A tight grip is bad and it would be better if he could learn to use as little force as necessary. However, he has to want to do this himself. It is very unusual that he wants you to bite his penis.

I've always preferred being on top when having intercourse and since getting divorced a year ago, I've started masturbating again, but I only enjoy it when I'm face down and humping the bed. Can that be so wrong? (age 52)

You describe a habituation to two atypical ways of being sexual: The female superior intercourse position, and prone masturbation. These are related. Females who avoid prone masturbation do better in sexual intercourse. You can work at moving away from prone masturbation, to reaching orgasm through other, more typical masturbatory positions, and this would result in you becoming more orgasmic in intercourse.

Great site, but I saw a question where a girl asked if she could see her hymen in a hand held mirror. Your response was that it is located one and a half inches in. That is false; it is located right at the entrance of the vagina, and a hand held mirror is an excellent way to view the hymen. (age 19)

The hymen is at the entrance of the vagina, and the entrance of the vagina is about an inch and half past the outer labia. I stand happily uncorrected.

I walked in on my 15 year old female cousin masturbating, and I talked with her awhile and she asked me to buy her a dildo. I want to tell her yes because we're very close, and I think something like that might help her hold off from sex for a while. Would there be any physical problem with her age for her to have one? (age 21)

No. I think you're being a good cousin by helping guide her sexual development.

I have chosen to remain a virgin until I find a special partner. While I am perfectly capable of experiencing sexual sensation, I feel no particular desire for it. Will my prolonged virginity potentially cause me to experience less pleasure when I finally find a partner, and does my lack of sexual appetite foreshadow any difficulties with a potential future partner? (age 24)

The body is designed for sexual functioning and not for abstinence. It is better for you to masturbate while you don't have a partner. The average male enjoys being sexual with a female partner quite often (3-4 times per week, at least), and masturbation would make it easier for you to adjust to a partner's sex drive, as opposed to starting "cold turkey" when the opportunity finally arises.

Does puberty make your face prettier?

I am inclined to say that it does.

I'm normally quite loud when I orgasm and I never get headaches from orgasming. But tonight I had to be quiet because my parents were in the house, and I noticed my head was really sore afterward. Is this from forcing myself to be quiet? (age 15)

That is very unlikely. Everyone gets orgasm headaches from time to time.

Can precum get you pregnant? (age 15)

Yes. It can contain live sperm. Always be careful around it.

I am a sexually active 19 year old female. I have had orgasms during intercourse but am unable to give myself an orgasms. I just cannot arouse myself. Do you have any suggestions? Is this unusual?

It is very unusual. There is a whole industry built around teaching women to masturbate, which then serves to make them more orgasmic in intercourse. There are probably 1000 women who can masturbate but can't reach orgasm in intercourse for every woman in your situation. But like those women, you are halfway there, and you have already achieved the more difficult half. I suggest looking at some of the online resources for women learning to masturbate (including some of the female pages on HealthyStrokes.com) and use that advice to help you achieve what you want.

I have wanted to masturbate for some time. I have tried my fingers in before, but it doesn't bring any sensation. Am I putting them in the wrong place? Where exactly is my clitoris? I share a room with my twin sister. How can I masturbate without her noticing? Whenever I try to masturbate, I can't seem to get relaxed. When I try to masturbate, I always urinate. What am I doing wrong? (age 17)

Being relaxed is key. Unless you can do that, you won't succeed. You also might familiarize yourself with the anatomy illustrations on this site.

I am straight but recently had a dream where I was a guy who had sex with girls from my school. Is there a reason? Could I be a lesbian? (age 17)

Some women are lesbians, but your opening statement to me was "I am straight." A single dream does not necessarily mean anything. Some dreams are just random thoughts.

Follow-up: Do you think that the dream meant anything? I am pretty sure I am straight, but I have had thoughts about some of my friends sometimes. Just random thoughts once in a while.

Hmm, I told you, "some dreams are just random thoughts," and now you say you have random lesbian thoughts about some of your friends once in a while. It is worth asking yourself what your normal sexual fantasy thoughts are about and which gender you desire most often to have sex with, or actually have sex with. Those will explain your sexuality better than occasional dreams, random thoughts, or even conscious sexual fantasies.

Can you orgasm with a tampon in? (age 15)

Yes. A female who normally masturbates internally might find it trouble to masturbate with a tampon in, but a female who normally masturbates externally ought to be able to reach orgasm even then.

I am thinking about inserting something into my vagina while masturbating. Will there be blood or pain? (age 13)

Probably not, but it happens sometime. You can always stop if you're uncomfortable.

I like to masturbate in front of a mirror. It turns me on to watch myself do it. Have you ever heard of this? (age 17)

Yes, all kinds of people like to mirrorbate. Some people have mirrors mounted over their beds because it not only enhances for them the experience of sexual intercourse, but also mirrorbating.

Whenever I get really turned on, my nipples never erect. Is this a bad thing? (age 15)

No. Some do and some don't. They are more likely to become erect from stimulation of them, but it is also common for them to erect when a female has an orgasm.

Will using tampons break your hymen? (age 18)

Using tampons will tend to stretch the hymen and/or erode it over time.

I have never masturbated or had an orgasm before, but sometimes when I start feeling like I need to masturbate, I try to do something about it and the urge to masturbate just goes away. Is there anything I can do about that? (age 18)

I don't quite understand what you're asking. If you're trying to make the urge go away, it appears that what you are doing is working. On the other hand, if you want to masturbate and have an orgasm, then it would be advisable to try even if you don't have a particular urge lasting for more than a minute or so. I am also curious about how you know when you are having an urge to masturbate if you have never masturbated before.

I use tampons, masturbate internally regularly, and even use objects a