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This page is for questions from females about masturbation and other issues related to sexuality. A few rare questions from males about the female experience are also posted here.
Questions from female readers
These questions and answers pertain specifically to the experience of female masturbation. Of course, a lot of the questions on the main masturbation page, although posed by males, can address the experience of both genders. Answers marked with have been critically reviewed by an anonymous female correspondent.
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You may contact the author via e-mail or if you wish to be anonymous, enter your questions and comments in the box below. Your question may be answered on the male or female or prone pages. It's a good idea to read the topic pages to see if your question has already been answered.
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I use an electric toothbrush to masturbate (not the same one I use for my teeth) as I donít have access to a vibrator. Will this cause damage? If it does, Iíll try to stop but it feels good and gives me the best orgasm. (age 17)
Females who masturbate with their hands have the most orgasms in intercourse. Using a vibrator makes it more difficult for you to achieve orgasm on your own or with a partner. I recommend you give up the toothbrush.
My husband and I have been married for 5 years and I can't seem to break down his walls when it comes to bedroom activities. I just recently discovered he has been watching porn and masturbating this whole time instead of being with me. I'm heartbroken about it and at my wits' end! I have tried talking to him about it and he knows that I feel abandoned and undesired by him. We have had more sex recently but it's quick like he just wants to get it over with instead of enjoying it. Just this morning I found more porn on his phone. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help us! (age 24)
All husbands masturbate occasionally, at least, so he will never stop that completely. You've already let him know how you feel and that you want more and better sex. It seems to be working lately. I would suggest you come up with a plan for sex and masturbation that might say you will have sex three or four times a week (or whatever number you think is right) and that he (and you) can each masturbate once or twice a week. If that plan doesn't get followed, then you might need to seek professional help.
I am seeing these dark spots near my vagina. They donít hurt but why are they there? I am scared. (age 18)
Only a doctor can answer that. Have them checked out soon.
I love playing with myself while my boyfriend watches me. (age 19)
And I have no doubt he enjoys it too.
Is the process of reaching orgasm not enjoyable for males? Is only the climax enjoyable? Basically, is building up to it pleasurable? A male friend says it is not and I am baffled. (age 23)
Yes, the whole session is enjoyable. It's too bad if your friend doesn't think the arousal phase is enjoyable, because that's the longest one. The plateau phase and orgasm only last seconds. In a sexual session, everything from the start to the feeling that orgasm is imminent is part of the arousal phase. In other words, more than 14 minutes of a 15 minute session. (Or 4 minutes of a 5 minute session...) Maybe he's using too much force and spoiling his fun.
I lost my virginity a year ago and I used to masturbate for seven years by grinding on my pillow face down. When I started having sex, I didn't feel anything so a search led me to HealthyStrokes.com and I found out about prone masturbation so I have stopped. Now I masturbate on my back but I don't get the response I need unless I apply pressure to my clit. I've never had an orgasm but I feel like I reach climax. There is no liquid so now I'm stuck. (age 19)
You aren't stuck. You're learning. Find out what helps you reach that climax and maybe soon you'll be able to use it to cause what you would regard as a genuine orgasm. Most women don't expel liquid when they masturbate to orgasm.
I have masturbated and had an orgasm. I had a sticky, almost slimy, clear, viscous liquid come out. I masturbated again two days later and nothing came out. What was it that came out and how can I have an ejaculation again. (How long do I need to wait after climax?) (age 13)
Congratulations on masturbating to orgasm. You can do that as often as you like. You won't have a burst of fluid with every orgasm. The substance might have been sexual fluids that had been building up and were ready to be released.
I would like to know if masturbation has any effect on a person's intellectual capabilities. I am known to be good in math but lately, I had NO more time to masturbate for a week and only now did I find the time to be able to masturbate. My competency as a student - especially in math - has greatly declined or decreased. (age 15)
If anything, masturbating is good for you. Many people who excel in school -- people who earned graduate and professional degrees -- masturbate frequently, perhaps more often, on average, than people of lesser intellectual accomplishment.
I live in a really conservative society. Discussing sex in my family is taboo. While watching Netflix with my parents, my dad skips intimate scenes. How do I approach my parents about any questions I have about sex? (age 15)
You can either just ask or preface your question by saying, "I have questions about sex." Your parents can't skip your question like scenes on TV.
I have a very busy schedule, so thereís really little time throughout the week for me to masturbate. On those days when I am free, my parents are around, and I donít want to risk getting caught masturbating. Is there a way around this so I can masturbate regularly? (age 15)
You might be the first 15-year-old since the advent of child labor laws to be too busy to masturbate regularly. Your parents either know or strongly suspect that you masturbate, so don't worry about being caught. Doing it at bedtime is how most young people get privacy.
Is it it bad for the vulva/vagina to use oil-based lube while masturbating? I know it not good for sex because it deteriorates latex condoms, but does it harm the vagina's bacterial balance? Can it give a UTI? Does it burn? Is coconut oil safe? (age 15)
You should use a water-based lube. Your body cannot process an oil-based lube well and it will upset your vagina. I don't know about UTIs, but oil-based lube cannot help. Coconut oil is oil-based. I think you would enjoy water-based more anyway.
Is it normal that I can control my orgasm when I masturbate by just rubbing my clitoris, but when I masturbate internally I can't control it? (age 19)
That is typical. I suspect you've been masturbating clitorally longer than you've been masturbating internally and have gotten better at it. As you get more experienced, you will learn to control your orgasm internally also.
Should I tell my parents that I started masturbating? (age 13)
There is no reason to do that, and they don't want to know anyway.
Why does there have to be so much guilt surrounding sex and masturbation? I've felt down about it lately. (age 16)
Some guilt is normal and perhaps even healthy, as it keeps people on the right track sexually. If there were no guilt about sex, there would be more adultery and promiscuity and people not forming relationships with the parents of their children. If there were no guilt about masturbation, people would be less likely to seek partners for sex, and the species would die off.
Is it possible to force orgasm? (age 14)
Yes, but only if you know how to have an orgasm.
Is it normal to lose your urge/need to masturbate? I used to masturbate frequently, but now I simply don't want to, so I don't. I also can't seem to get aroused anymore. (age 15)
Among males, it is often the case that the highest frequency of masturbation happens at ages 12-14. Most cut down to about once a day starting around age 14-15. Something like that is also the case among girls, but it is not a good sign that you don't ever want to or can't get aroused. I hope this is only a one-time thing and you will be back to normal soon. If it persists, see a doctor.
Is the clitoris affected by childbirth? (age 16)
Generally, no. It is one of the least affected female parts by that experience.
Iíve tried masturbating with everything, fingers, porn, pictures of my boyfriend, but I have not reached orgasm. Could this be because of my anti-depressants? (age 16)
Yes, definitely. Ask your doctor to switch you to a different SSRI that doesn't have sexual side effects.
It's really hard for me to orgasm sometimes and I have to be on top and I have to control the strokes. Why can I not orgasm in any other position and can I fix this? (age 21)
That is not an unusual problem. At least you can orgasm in intercourse at least some of the time. If you don't also masturbate, it would be a good idea to learn to bring yourself to orgasm that way. Once you've learned how to bring yourself to orgasm through your own touch, you can teach your partner how to do it and better stimulate you in intercourse.
I've wanted to try masturbating for a while. I did it once and I put in a tampon and started pumping. It felt amazing but I was scared that I would get pain afterward. Should I ask my mom for a dildo so I won't be so careless? (age 13)
You shouldn't use either a dildo or tampon to masturbate at your age. See what feels good using only your hands. Most younger females prefer to stimulate the clitoral area (externally) rather than insert fingers or objects inside the vagina.
How do guys get aroused so they can masturbate? (female, age 16)
If they're not aroused spontaneously, a guy who wants to masturbate will think about something stimulating or look at something stimulating.
Is it normal that I get a cramp around my waist after I masturbate? It feels the exact same as menstrual cramps, except less intense. (age 15)
That happens to some females. More often, masturbating to orgasm relieves cramps rather than causing them. I would suggest masturbating longer to increase your chances of having a satisfying orgasm. Sometimes the first pulse of a female orgasm simply isn't enough.
I want to do a job that involves sex when I'm older. Maybe a doctor like a sexologist or gynecologist. Or expressing my sexuality through some sort of dance and teaching people. I want to help people with sex and other things around it as a job, but what would I tell my family? (age 15)
Sex is part of life. You ought no more be embarrassed of telling your family that you want to be a sex doctor than that you want to be an eye doctor. I would urge you to learn more about these careers you mention and find out what it takes to go into them.
I notice that you have a page for testicular self-examination, and was wondering if there could also be a page about how to self test for breast cancer? (age 15)
I think you're the first person who has noticed the TSE page in the four years it's been up. The monthly breast examination for females is much better known than the monthly testicular exam for males, which is why I have a TSE page. Perhaps I will link to a breast self-exam page.
This doesn't happen any more, but during the first few times I masturbated, as I orgasmed, I'd begin to tremble and shake rapidly from the waist down. Was that normal? (age 15)
Yes, it's normal for most people. Hooray for your quaking, shaking orgasms.
If the mouth and vulva each have a pair of lips, then should cunnilingus be called kissing? (age 14)
I don't think so. The mouth has muscular lips that can be manipulated very precisely. The genital labia almost can't be moved by muscular motion alone.
How do I masturbate in public? (age 24)
It's really better if you don't. If you must, try it in your car when you're parked in a place with some privacy.
I recently lost my virginity; a month ago to be exact. I havenít had any sexual activity since. I masturbate with my vibrator. How much time do you recommend I give myself before masturbating with penetration? Iím nervous about being all up inside myself since Iíve never done that before. (age 19)
There is no harm in trying to penetrate yourself vaginally and seeing if you enjoy it. Not all females do their first few times. If you're enjoying masturbating externally, it might not even be necessary for you to masturbate internally.
I'm wondering what other objects you can safely use to masturbate other than your fingers?
Whatever a female uses should be readily cleanable both before and after using and should have no sharp surfaces.
Please help me. I am ashamed to not know how to masturbate at all, but I really want to experience an orgasm. If you could walk me through how to orgasm, step by step, I feel that I could follow the rules and achieve my goal. I feel defeated and stupid. I don't know how to orgasm with my own hand, and that is sad. All I want is to know what everyone is talking about. I just found my clit this evening. Please help me. (age 26)
Reading my page for young females will help a lot, as will reading through the other female pages. Basically just relax and do what feels good for you and don't be obsessed with having an orgasm. Think about whatever arouses you most, and go with that. Now that you've found your clitoris, it will be easier for you to make yourself orgasm.
I know that girls and women use vibrators to masturbate, but do men use them also? Are there special vibrators for men? (age 24)
Vibration does a lot to stimulate a clitoris, which is a relatively small organ. A vibrator would have to be dangerously large to deliver the same force to a relatively larger erect penis. An erect penis has a volume of approximately 9 to 12 cubic inches.
There is a penile attachment designed to fit the Hitachi Magic Wand and its copycats, but I don't think it's very popular with men. The penis simply doesn't respond well to vibration.
As long as I've masturbated, I've only been able to do it with a full bladder. This isn't entirely an issue now because I've never been sexually active. I want to get out of this habit but it's been very difficult because it's hard for me to be aroused without a full bladder to begin with. I'm worried I've done something really bad and made myself sexually dysfunctional. (age 14)
I suggest taking an extra-long time without masturbating, perhaps a week or more, and then when you do it next, it will be easier with an empty bladder. You will enjoy it a lot more when you aren't distracted by a full bladder or worrying about wetting.
What is the age most people start masturbating? Also, how popular is this site? (female, age 13)
According to a survey of over 10,000 males by HealthyStrokes.com in the second half of 2007, the most common age for boys to start is 12. Second most common is 13. Between them, 12 and 13 have a majority. According to a survey of over 300 females by HealthyStrokes.com in 2007-08, the most common age for girls to start is also 12. Second most common is also 13. However, girls start over a much wider period than boys. Even combining ages 10-13 inclusive still doesn't account for a majority of girls.
HealthyStrokes.com is very popular among the people who read it. Some readers tell me they've been reading for over 10 years.
My girlfriend feels horny during her period and wants me to have sex, but I don't want her blood on my penis, even with a condom. What should I do? Do all girls feel horny during their period? If yes, why? (age 22)
No. Females are split on that almost perfectly. About as many want to masturbate or have intercourse on their period as do not. The important thing is that your girlfriend is one of those who wants it. She puts up with your semen; perhaps you could decide you can put up with her blood. And you can wash it off afterward.
My grandfather died only last week and I'm wondering if it's still OK to masturbate. How can I think about doing that? (age 15)
The world is not suddenly a different place because your grandfather is no longer here. You will still do all the things you enjoy, except being with him. He would like it that way.
Is it normal to try to resist the urge to masturbate? (age 14)
I think by "try to resist" you mean "fail to resist." Lots of males and females try to quit masturbating, and nearly every one of them fails. Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. It is good and good for you and not something you should try to resist.
I have been masturbating solely from rubbing my clitoris since probably about 16. I probably masturbate about twice a day and I find that I have to press harder and harder to get the response I need. When I started having sex at 16, I noticed how lackluster it felt unless I was simultaneously rubbing myself, but my partner didn't want me to. If I stop masturbating, will my sensitivity return? (age 18)
You don't need to stop masturbating. I urge you to learn to masturbate with less force. Try abstaining from sex and masturbation for a week or so and see if you can masturbate to orgasm with as little force as you can. It might take a period of six months to a year of learning to use less force and then seeing the difference it makes.
Would it be wrong (legally) to masturbate in the same room as my boyfriend? (age 15)
I doubt that would be a crime.
How old are you? (age 14)
I don't answer personal questions here. But I will say that I saw the total eclipse on August 21, 2017, and I also remember the eclipse of February 26, 1979.
Last month during school we played "Never Have I Ever" with my boyfriend and another male friend. The questions were all about masturbating. When we asked each other what method of masturbation we used, the friends reported masturbating using his hand while my boyfriend reported masturbating prone. We both looked at him weirdly and now I feel that we have shamed him. It wasn't until recently that I found HealthyStrokes.com through a YouTube channel and learned about prone masturbation. I want to tell my boyfriend that he might be damaging his future sex life but I don't know how to tell him. I feel like I'll be shaming him even more and I don't want him to think that I want sex. We are under the age of legal consent and I have problems of my own masturbating that I am getting help with on HealthyStrokes.com. (age 14)
You have already discussed masturbating with your boyfriend and at least one other friend, so he knows that simply because you talk about masturbating doesn't mean that you want to have sex. It is not shaming someone to tell them information that is useful to them, even if it is embarrassing to share. He already told at least two people that he masturbates prone. Those are two people who should tell them what they know. It's better that he learn about the dangers of prone now instead of practicing it for years longer. Why don't you show him HealthyStrokes.com and just let him read?
Follow-up: I sent my boyfriend the link to the main page of the site. He said it was cool. A couple of days later I asked if he read more and said he didn't want to talk about it.
You've done what you could to alert him to the perils of prone.
I have a twin brother. Masturbating isn't something we've ever talked about. The other day we were with a younger boy who has developmental issues. The boy started telling us what masturbating is. My brother sort of blurted out, "You don't need to tell me. I've been doing it since I was 12." I was not only surprised to hear him say that, but I was surprised because I was doing it before I was 12. Is it normal for girls to start masturbating before their brothers? (age 18)
Yes, perfectly normal. In the pre-puberty years, more girls than boys are masturbating. This is the only time of life where that's true. I have a graph that demonstrates this perfectly, but it isn't here right now. Please check back later and I'll show you on a graph.
I've been masturbating for like two years now. I always hear about how girls finger themselves, but when I do, it doesn't feel good. It hurts. I've tried it several times. Is there something wrong with me? (age 12)
No, you're very young. Most girls start out by masturbating externally (stimulating the clitoris). Internal masturbation (inserting fingers) usually doesn't happen until later. Just keep doing what you enjoy, and eventually you will like how it feels to insert fingers.
I've only inserted my finger into my vagina once. There was no bleeding. Is my hymen ruptured or not? (age 20)
My guess is it was not ruptured by that one insertion, but only someone who can look inside can say for certain. At your age, not too many females have completely intact hymens.
I masturbate a lot, about 5 times a week. I'm confused with the difference between an orgasm and climax because when I orgasm it feels amazing, but I feel done. Is it normal that I prefer to finger myself when I have to urinate? (age 15)
An orgasm is a series of contractions within the pelvis that happen at the peak of sexual arousal, that spreads throughout the body. The term climax is used to refer to a woman's highest state of arousal, whether or not she has an orgasm. If you feel done, then you are having orgasms. You can finger yourself whenever you want to, but most women (and men) find it uncomfortable and distracting to masturbate with a full bladder.
I have a pool and it has a jet (where clean water comes out after being filtered). If I get close to it, it is very strong. Sometimes I masturbate by holding my vulva in this stream. It doesn't hurt me but afterward I am sensitive. I am just wondering if this will hurt me long term if I continue it? (age 16)
That is a bad idea. Females who masturbate with the gentle touch of their hands have a higher success rate in intercourse than females who masturbate with large forces. I advise you to stop.
Iíve had sexual partners, but Iíve never been able to orgasm. The guy Iím currently seeing has been the most attentive man Iíve been intimate with by far, though. Heís lovely and I appreciate him always wanting to make sure Iím pleasured and satisfied. It feel guilty because I haven't been able to orgasm. The closest Iíve gotten was my body shaking while he was fingering me.
Youíve mentioned that itís easier for someone to have their first orgasm while masturbating on their own. So Iíve recently started doing more of that, too. I know you said it takes practice to get there. But in the off-chance that thereís something wrong with my body, how would I go about finding that out? (age 21)
Keep doing what you're doing. Don't feel guilty about not having an orgasm. Let your boyfriend know that you aren't having orgasms in intercourse yet but that you appreciate when he makes you feel good. Enjoy his orgasms. I find it unlikely there's something wrong with your body, and it's even more unlikely a doctor would want to run tests on you when anorgasmia is your only symptom. Unfortunately, anorgasmia is common in women of all ages.
Keep masturbating and enjoying what you can do with your partner. You are apt to have an orgasm when you least expect one.
I've never had orgasmed before and I would love to learn how to but I keep jerking off and after a few minutes I get nothing but a little slimy feeling that won't do anything else. Please tell me what I should do. (age 14)
When you get the slimy feeling, think about whatever turns you on the most and keep up the stimulation. I don't think I've ever heard a girl refer to her masturbation as "jerking off" before. That's a male term.
I have been masturbating via humping things and rubbing my clitoris and using shower heads, and I have been doing it very quickly (couple of minutes) and feeling very guilty immediately afterward. But where I live, virginity is valued highly and it is directly related to my hymen. So while masturbating, I made it a habit to squeeze myself so that nothing can get in my vagina. I was recently diagnosed with vaginismus. My sexual encounters are a quick outer rubbing of my vulva, with me squeezing and everything suddenly coming to a halt when anything tries to squeeze into my vagina. Do you think I have a female form of prone masturbation? (age 30)
Humping things is prone masturbation. I urge you to give that up and also masturbating with shower heads and concentrate on masturbating using only your hand or hands. You don't need to penetrate your vagina; but even if you, it wouldn't mean you're not a virgin. I also suggest making a plan to lose your virginity soon.
I think a girl was masturbating in a bathroom stall at my school. I know who it was. What should I do? (age 15)
Don't do anything.
Is a penis doctor called a penologist? (female, age 17)
A doctor who specializes in the male urogenital system is called a urologist. In case you're wondering, a penologist studies prisons.
I'm not sure if I'm having an orgasm. When I masturbate I do both externally and internally, and eventually, after about 20-25 minutes of stimulation, I get this "heat" and tingly feeling that spreads through my body. It's kind of tingly but not at all like the body racking orgasms I've read about. (age 15)
Yes, that is an orgasm. Keep working on that feeling and you can make them more intense. Figure out what is causing the orgasm (thoughts, touches...) and use that to your advantage.
I've been masturbating now for two years. Whenever I rub my clit, after a few minutes, I feel the urge to urinate and it's annoying. Is this normal? Also, is a brinjal OK to rub against? I like it because it isn't hard. (age 19)
I had to look up brinjal (eggplant). I don't advise thrusting against anything. Most people urinate before having sex or masturbating so they aren't bothered by that feeling. It might also help to place a towel under yourself so you won't worry if you release some fluid one way or another.
Do some guys not masturbate, because this guy I like insists he doesn't. He finds it digusting and holds it in. He says he hasn't had sex in the year that he broke up his ex-girlfriend. (age 17)
Some males haven't started masturbating yet, but the guy you like isn't one of them. He has too many reasons for why he doesn't masturbate. Believe me, he does. Any male who has had sex or who has an ex is experienced at masturbating.
Instead of denying that he masturbates, he would do better to accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health.
I'm 16 and female and I really love masturbating. I want to talk about it with my best friend who's a guy, but I don't know how to bring it up. What suggestions do you have?
Why do you want to talk about it with him? Are you interested in him being more than just a friend? There is a good chance he would think you're signalling that you're interested in being sexual with him. If you've talked about other sexual things with him before now, you ought to be able to talk about masturbating. If you haven't talked about sexual things before, then masturbating is a bad choice for your first conversation about sex. And if you really do want to signal that you're interested in him sexually, then just dropping into conversation, "I really love masturbating" is apt to do the job.
I have experimented touching myself on and off since I was about 10. I never gave myself enough practice to reach an orgasm. As I didn't feel anything nor did I get turned on, I gave up. I'm now almost 31 and I don't masturbate, After reading this site, I feel like I'm not normal for not doing this.
I have had many sexual partners and only one long-term relationship, and I have only ever had three guys be able to make me orgasm through fingering me. When this has happened, its explosive and I squirt and it feels AMAZING!!! With my long term partner, I would sometimes cum if I were on top but that was only sometimes and also the only way. I would have body shaking and euphoric feelings sometimes during sex or him from him touching me. Is this still having an orgasm?
I'm always shy when guys ask me what I like; I don't really know. I just wish they could learn whatever it was that those other three guys could do. I also wish I could do this myself. And believe me I have tried. I just think when I masturbate I can't get into it enough.
I am sure going to try more after reading this site, but I'm 31 and I really feel like I'm missing out. I can't believe 10-12 year olds are having a better time sexually than I am! How can I fix this? (age 31)
You report having orgasms in intercourse only when you're on top. When a woman is on top, she has the most control. So you are somehow able to pivot your organs so they receive maximum contact from your sexual partner. When masturbating, you can stimulate those same parts. Some women prefer external (clitoral) stimulation, while others prefer internal (vaginal) stimulation. I suspect that you prefer vaginal stimulation. You can pursue G-spot stimulation when masturbating privately. Just relax and find what feels good for you. Don't be obsessed with having an orgasm. There are toys that can help you reach your G Spot more easily than you can with your fingers.
If your body is shaking and you have a feeling of euphoria, then you had an orgasm, even if it wasn't as amazing as other ones you described.
When I masturbate, I tend to urinate. It's uncontrollable. And this means I have to do my masturbating at the toilet bowl. How do I stop this? (age 17)
I advise you to put down a heavy towel underneath yourself when you masturbate in bed. It will absorb any urine. You can teach yourself to keep from urinating while you masturbate in bed, which is obviously more comfortable and enjoyable than doing it on the toilet. It also helps to urinate beforehand so your bladder will be empty.
You say that although it is usually very difficult (if not impossible) for males to quit masturbating, females can quit without a problem. But I have been trying to quit masturbating for 10 years (almost since I started) and find I can never make it past a week or so. Whenever I go a few days without masturbating I start getting randomly horny all day long. My clitoris throbs and I feel like I'm going to explode. I can't think about anything but sex and it drives me crazy! If females don't really need to masturbate, why do I feel like this? (age 25)
I didn't say females can quit without a problem, and I didn't say they don't need to masturbate. I said it's generally easier for females to quit (relative to males, for whom it's somewhere between very difficult and impossible to quit masturbating). That doesn't mean any female can quit whenever she wants to; but she might only feel the urge after two weeks or a month rather than within a few days as is the case for a male. It is a biological necessity for a male to ejaculate, but this is not true for females. But that doesn't mean that individual females who have come to enjoy frequent orgasms don't get similar urges when they have gone a certain time without one.
So you enjoy masturbating and do so frequently. That's a good thing. But then I have to ask, why have you been trying to quit masturbating for 10 years? Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun. It is good for you and your body. Please see this page for a graphic of the health benefits of female masturbation.
I am a virgin. I like men as friends and some are nice to look at, but I've never found one I wanted to date or have sex with. I masturbate 2-4 times a week, with several orgasms each time and often while enjoying gay (male/male) porn or erotica. I also fantasize a lot, but my fantasies are always about men together and I am not in them. I know this is extremely abnormal but I'm content with my sex life, I don't want kids, and I'm alright with never marrying (but the companionship would be nice). Is there some good way to seek out a man who would be alright with no intercourse? I definitely don't want to date heterosexual men; that would obviously cause problems. (age 28)
There are more forms of personal relationships available these days than was true in the past. You seem to want a gay or bisexual man for companionship (and perhaps marriage) but no sex. And you would be OK with him having sex with other men (and/or women) outside of your relationship? I think there are web sites where you could post a personals ad describing what you want and find something.
I was wondering if it's a good idea to leave a carrot in my vagina to stretch my hymen (age 14)
Hmm... I'm thinking I could ask a million people that question and not one of them would think it's a good idea.
I feel too horny when I masturbate and I think that I had an orgasm. Is this bad if my periods have not started yet? (age 13)
No, many girls start masturbating before they have their first menstruation.
I've recently started masturbating. I do external masturbation by clitoral stimulation, by rubbing the area very quickly. After about 45-60 seconds, I feel an amazing feeling, like the best feeling I've ever had, but the problem is that my arms get tired extremely quickly and I have to stop. If I continue, that feeling just goes away. My nipples didn't erect and the feeling was not strong enough to be an orgasm. But why did that amazing feeling go away? And how can I masturbate without getting tired after less than a minute? And how can I achieve an orgasm I really want one? I've never had one yet. (age 25)
You are obviously using a very fast and forceful stroke, which is both tiring your arm and bringing you close to orgasm in less than a minute. A slower and less forceful stroke will not tire your arm so fast (most males and females masturbate for 5-15 minutes before orgasm) but still let you concentrate on bringing yourself to orgasm. If you really need that jackhammer arm, then switch hands, and if necessary, use your other arm to move the hand you're used to masturbating with.
I have become a masturbation addict and did it 10 times a day for a few months and then when I had intercourse with my partner, I couldn't have an orgasm and just faked it. If I stop masturbating now,can my body become normal and can I have an orgasm?? Please help! (age 21)
10 times a day is an extreme frequency for anyone at any age. You don't need to give up masturbating, but it would be easier to have orgasms with your partner if you cut back to about once a day. If you're having trouble doing that, you might need the help of a competent sex therapist.
My boyfriend doesn't ejaculate when we have sex and he claims to masturbate a lot of times in a week! He has ejaculated into me just once. Is it normal if he doesn't ejaculate while we have sex? How can I make him ejaculate with me while having sex rather than in masturbating, because I feel he isn't satisfied by me!
Most males masturbate about once a day (sometimes more) before they become sexually active. Some guys can masturbate daily and still enjoy sex to ejaculation several times a week. But some guys find that frequent masturbation interferes with having intercourse and so cut down on their masturbating. If your boyfriend is having trouble reaching orgasm in intercourse, it would be a good idea for him to abstain from masturbating for the two days before your intercourse. You can tell him this, but it is more important that you tell him how it is affecting you. It is good that he is open about masturbating.
Sometimes I like to masturbate against objects like pillows to make it feel like I am with another person. I was once in the mood for masturbating and my younger brother was lying asleep next to me. I had the urge to rub my breasts up against his back to see if it would feel good, because his back was more stable than a pillow. Because he was asleep, I knew he would not know what I was doing, and I felt like it would be OK because I am not attracted to him in any way and so I felt like my sexual arousal would not be directed at him. Is this wrong or a crime? (age 21)
It is definitely wrong to stimulate yourself sexually with another person without their consent. Rubbing your sexual organs against him while he sleeps would be a crime, but I'm not sure the female breasts count. It would all depend on how the laws are worded where you live. You can avoid all this wrongness and crime by respecting your brother and leaving him alone while he sleeps.
When I am masturbating I don't seem to get wet a lot, and I don't know why. I hardly get a orgasm. Can you give me any tips on how to make this work? I'm in a dorm room so I don't want to have a vibrator, because someone might find it. Can you please help me? (age 18)
You are an adult, and if you want to have a vibrator in your dorm room, and masturbate with it, that is your business. I suggest getting more aroused than you are before you start masturbating. Generally, the longer time you are aroused, the wetter you will get. If you can be aroused for 15 minutes before you start masturbating, that is better than if you are only aroused for one minute. Some people look at arousing photos to get aroused, some people watch videos, some people read stories, some people just do whatever has gotten them aroused in the past, even if it's thinking about somebody brushing their teeth. I suggest you try a variety of things and find out what gets you aroused and then make that work for you before you masturbate.
I've been masturbating since I was 10, and I've been sexually active since I was 17. My orgasms are not how most people describe them. I only feel the contraction but not the pleasure. I have only reached a pleasuring orgasm once, while I was having cybersex with my boyfriend. Is that normal? Am I anorgasmic? (age 21)
I would hesitate to call you anorgasmic since you're pretty young and still learning. You also report having orgasms, but not pleasurable ones (except once). Technically that's orgasmic anhedonia. Instead of seeking a diagnosis, I would keep working on experiencing pleasure in orgasm. Try to do again what you did that time masturbating over the Internet with your boyfriend. Try to feel the pleasure in your orgasms. Let the good feeling spread all over your body.
I'm a 12-year-old girl and I love masturbating but only once touched my insides. My friend is just like me and once told me that she loves the feeling of sex and once asked me if I've ever wanted to feel sex or if I ever would engage in masturbational sex with her somewhere. Is it OK if I tell her yes?
It is not OK because you are below the age of consent. Every place has a law that says how old you have to be to consent to sex. If your friend is older than you, she could be charged with a crime if you have sex together. If you're older, then you could be charged with a crime, even though your friend is the one who is initiating the sex. I would urge you to save sex with anyone -- male or female -- until you're older and for now just talk with your friend about sex and masturbation.
I masturbate and I realize that my labia are starting to hang. I'm really scared about this because I think when I do start having real sex, a guy won't want to do it with me. Can you explain why my labia are hanging? (age 14)
Like other parts of your body, your labia change as you get older. These changes are not caused by masturbating. No male will ever reject you because of the look of your labia. Most males are very, very grateful whenever a woman lets him see her private parts. Many males worry about the look of their private parts too (and more of them are on the outside!)
I read an interview with a celebrity whose nude photos got posted on the Internet. She said she took the photos so her boyfriend would fantasize about her when they were apart and not look at women in porn. Would giving a man nude photos really keep him from looking at porn? (age 23)
No. They would become just one part of whatever collection of visual aids the man looks at. No male who is in the habit of using visual aids to masturbate is going to use photos of only one person.
I'm 23 and have been masturbating since I was 13. All by hand with no outside stimulation (dildo, porn, spankbank). My problem is that I feel absoluely no desire to have intercourse. I just don't want to. I'm not a lesbian and I feel strong attraction to men. Is this normal?
You don't say anything about dating or having any kind of contact with men. I think if you got into a relationship with a man, you would want to have sex with him. I don't think there's anything abnormal about not wanting to have intercourse when you have no opportunity to do so.
My brother keeps watching me masturbate and then comes in jiggling his penis at me. He is 6. (age 13)
Make sure he doesn't get to see you masturbate anymore. A lock on your bedroom door will help.
Why is it that it's more pleasurable and I orgasm faster using my fingers than with an object? Also, when I masturbate and aim my thrust toward the roof of my vagina, I can orgasm in like 2-3 minutes. Am I hitting my G spot? (age 15)
Your body likes the feeling of your own fingers better than objects. That is very good. The G Spot is on the upper surface of your vagina within reach of most fingers. I think that's what's happening. You should be pleased to be so orgasmic.
Does masturbating make me sexually active? (age 12)
No. Sexually active means having sex with a partner.
I've been feeling aroused here and there and I want to masturbate but like you said, I should start with my hands, but I'm scared to because I think it will hurt. What do I do? (age 14)
Masturbating does not hurt. Nearly everyone says it feels very, very good. You should try masturbating and do what feels good and very, very good, and not do what hurts. You'll be glad you did.
I have been masturbating since I was 13 and I've been doing it prone. I just now discovered that prone is bad for you. I don't get horny by touching myself in the normal way (rubbing my clitoris), and I don't have orgasms when my boyfriend touches me either. What should I do to recover? (age 18)
The abstinence method for males that I present on the main page of HealthyStrokes.com will work for females too. Basically, abstain from masturbation and intercourse for long enough to allow you to learn to masturbate by hand. Most females can do it after a week off. Some take longer. If you give up prone masturbation forever, you can be masturbating conventionally within a few weeks, and you will get better at responding to your partner's touch also.
I just started masturbating about a week ago and I'm getting no pleasure out of it. I have no idea what I'm doing. I want to masturbate but I'm not sure how. (age 12)
Not everyone gets good at something in only a week. Keep trying, and see what feels good. You might continue to read the female pages here on HealthyStrokes.com for ideas.
I started touching myself when I was 12, and I watched a lot of porn too. I used to put a powder brush inside and push it in and out roughly. When I put the brush inside of me I always make sure that I need to urinate. If I don't need the toilet I can never feel any good. When I have the brush inside of me, I go onto my back and squeeze my stomach and thigh muscles and that's what feels good. After what I think is an orgasm my clitoris is really sensitive. And by pushing the brush in and out, sometimes afterward a thick white liquid pours out. Is it an orgasm? Will masturbating this way destroy my hymen? I've done the tightness test, and I can barely move two fingers inside of me. I cannot fit in three. I've looked at it a mirror and it's whitish where I think my hymen is. I've also tried masturbating externally, and nothing works. What can I do? I just want to have an orgasm. (age 15 1/2)
Wow, you made me realize that when I was 15 1/2, I hadn't even started masturbating yet. And my private parts are on the outside! You are really trying too desperately to have an orgasm. You seem to be straining like you are doing calisthenics or trying to win a marathon. It isn't like that. Just relax and make yourself feel good, and enjoy the good feelings whether or not they are orgasmic. Eventually you should have an orgasm. Most girls your age learn to masturbate externally first and then try internal masturbation. Don't expect fireworks right away. Just try for good feelings, and follow those feelings where they go. I doubt you have any hymen left after three years of aggressive internal masturbation.
Is it bad that I'm 13 and I use feminine cleansing washes for my vagina and I sometimes masturbate in the shower (or bath when I'm too tired after track to stand) and my clitoris throbs after an orgasm. I'm very good with my hands, but afterward I sometimes feel guilty because I live with my father and I don't want to weird him out. And whenever I need to buy things like feminine wash or lube, I have to go shopping alone because I don't think he'll understand or he might say something against what I do.
Your sexual interests seem to be advanced for 13. I'm not weirded out by it, and I suspect your father wouldn't be either, but what you wrote would make more sense coming from someone who is 20 or older. A young vagina does an excellent job of cleaning itself. You shouldn't need feminine cleansing washes. That you think you do suggests that you don't accept having a changing vagina and masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun. I suggest giving up the vaginal washes.
I started masturbating three months ago and I'm really enjoying it so far. But what I want is to have multiple orgasms. How can I do this?
When you masturbate to orgasm, see if you can keep stimulating yourself during and after your orgasm. Many people find their private parts are too sensitive to keep stroking. But if you can do it and maintain your arousal, work at bringing yourself to a second orgasm. Not all women can do it. I recommend your hands over sex toys any day.
A couple of weeks ago, I gave one of my ex-childhood friends oral sex, and he reciprocated. After this, I said goodbye and rejected his texts and Facebook messages. I have not spoken to him again and frankly I'm embarrassed. I also worried that it might have been unsafe because he had previously had sex with other girls and had never bothered to get checked out. Was this safe? Was it rude of me to reject him after we had a sexual experience? Is this considered a one night stand? And finally, was it inappropriate for me to have given oral sex purely out of curiosity and experimentation? Does this mean I used him even though he approved of it? (age 18)
You are feeling very guilty about the way you treated your friend. Even if you don't want to have sex with him again, you should continue to be his friend as you were before. I have no doubt that he regards your behavior as rude. By definition, sexual relations that people have on exactly one occasion is a one-night stand. I think you did use him because he seems to want a relationship but all you wanted was for him to satisfy your curiosity.
Experimenting with some random guy that you didn't previously know would have probably given you fewer feelings of guilt. However, you knew your friend's sexual history well, and that makes the encounter less unsafe than sex with a stranger. Oral sex without a latex barrier (condom for fellation, dental dam for cunnilingus) is not safe sex; but the chances of contracting an STD through oral sex are extremely low.
I hope you can patch things up with this guy and not leave him feeling resentful toward you, especially since I gather that you have other friends in common.
I had anal sex with my boyfriend. Does that still make me a virgin?
Most people say that a female who has had anal sex is not a virgin.
I've been sexually active since 16. I started masturbating around 17 just because I felt like I needed to get more comfortable with my body and not rely only on another person's stimulation. When I masturbate, I slowly start to touch my vagina so that it can get wetter and wetter and then I'll touch my clitoris. And I'll start rubbing it quicker and quicker and then all of a sudden it starts to feel really good and I have a tingly feeling but I stop. I feel like I should go more but also feel like I can't go more because the feeling is intense. Is that an orgasm? Or am I constantly cutting myself short? (age 18)
I get the impression you're stopping before you fully realize an orgasm. When you have an orgasm, you're sure of it. The tingly feeling is only the beginning. I would urge you to not hold back next time and see how intense your orgasm can actually be.
I am a virgin, and I masturbate often, but whenever I try to masturbate internally, I end up bleeding some. It stops rather quickly. Is this normal? Will it ever stop? I don't want to tell my mom about it and go to a doctor because it would be embarrassing. (age 17)
You should expect to bleed the first few times you masturbate internally. It will not keep bleeding like that forever. Most females are more comfortable with the bleeding when they can put a red towel under them while they masturbate and not worry that bits of blood will get on bedding. Don't let a little bit of bleeding keep you from something that you enjoy. Your mom and the doctor don't need to know.
Can masturbating help when you are sick? Once I was sick and was just about ready to throw up. I lay in bed and masturbated and it helped me take a nap. I woke up and felt better and didn't throw up. Did masturbating make me better? (age 22)
Masturbating won't cure a physical ailment but it will make you feel better for a while.
I was at a sleepover. There were six of us and we were talking about boys. We were talking about a guy I had a HUGE crush on and I got REALLY wet. I was squirming in my seat and pretty uncomfortable. My friend noticed and said if you want, we have another room to go to if I want to go fix that situation. I got really embarrassed and blushed. I have masturbated since I was 11 so it was really no big deal for me to get horny and want to do it. Since I was curious, I accepted, went into the other room and did it and came back. My friends just giggled except for one girl who is religious and sheltered and thought I was being very sinful. All of the other girls admitted to masturbating regularly but she looked at us funnily. I was wondering how I could get her to just be friends again. It's very awkward. (age 14)
You are lucky to have friends who are open about sex and masturbation. Not everyone wants to be as open as you are, and your group crossed the boundaries for the one girl. I think it would be good for you to interact with her one on one and not say anything about sex or masturbation or make reference to the sleepover. I think she will be cool with being your friend if you don't cross that boundary.
When I get wet, it's not sticky, just wet. Is that normal? (age 17)
Yes. Vaginal secretions are not sticky. They are supposed to be lubricating so they should feel slippery.
I have masturbated every so often but I feel like every time I do, I can't really reach my goal. I feel my muscles clenching down there but then I feel like I have to urinating and stop. Was I about to have an orgasm? Plus when I have sex with my boyfriend, I can't really reach an orgasm and here lately he was getting mad about not being able to get me there so I faked one. Is it possible to never have an orgasm? Will I ever be able to? I hated faking it. I just want the real thing to happen. (age 20)
By having a goal, you are defeating some of the enjoyment of your masturbation session. Don't be so focused on having an orgasm. Just do what feels good and see how good you can feel. By relaxing more and simply enjoying whatever happens, you will take pressure off to have an orgasm. To put less worry on yourself about urinating involuntarily, urinate before masturbating and place a towel underneath yourself. Then you will be both less likely to urinate and less likely to worry that you'll damage your bedding if you do. There is a good chance that if you can get past the muscle clenching stage that you'll have an orgasm.
Faking orgasms in intercourse doesn't help either you or your boyfriend. You are signalling him falsely about what gets you to orgasm. I would urge you to masturbate more often, since that is how pre-orgasmic women are more likely to have their first orgasm. Practice makes perfect.
I think I'm starting to have a masturbation problem. I usually masturbate every day and in one hour I can give myself 6 or 7 orgasms. After an hour, I'll usually stop but I'll start again once in a while and have a go at it for another hour. On weekends when there isn't anyone home, I can end up masturbating again and again (usually with an hour of resting periods) for the whole day. Sometimes I don't really even feel that good nor am I aroused but I feel the need to masturbate so I do. I orgasm and my body feels great but my mind is just in a constant state of wanting even more and more and I don't really feel relaxed or all that good afterward. It's been disrupting my studies lately and I've tried not masturbating for two days but I cannot go longer than that without masturbating - my mind goes into overdrive and I just think about sex and masturbation all the time and end up getting reckless over things. (age 15)
That is very unusual for a 15-year-old female. Most girls your age who masturbate don't even practice it daily. After an hour of masturbating and 6-7 orgasms, you should feel like you've had enough and be good for at least another day. You might need help from a sexual professional. It's possible you have something called persistent sexual arousal syndrome. It would be worth discussing this with a doctor or gynecologist.
This guy in my class has been constantly asking me for sex. He's been at it for almost five months and at first, I completely refused in a polite way because I wanted to stay his friend and for him to not feel awkward around me. He was nice about it but he was still persistent and we ended up having phone sex twice and making out in public places. We even got caught the second time by security guards and he was very surprised over how I seemed so playful about making out outside and how I was OK with being caught even though they didn't see our faces. I'm starting to consider having only casual sex with him since he said he just wanted me for that, but I'm worried that he'll just brag about having sex with me. He says he only talks to me when he feels the need to masturbate and he'll try to get some sexting out of me. He said he only chose me because I seemed very OK with the talk of sex. I don't want to have sex before I'm legal but part of me wants to. What should I do? (age 16)
You're sending a very confused message to me and I'm guessing also to him. You started by describing him as "this guy in my class," which makes him sound like a stranger or casual acquaintance, but then we learn that not only is he your friend, he's someone you've had phone sex with and made out in a public place. He seems to have a very high sex drive, and he seems to be very interested in you. You have mixed feelings about him, and I have the impression you're mostly giving him sexual favors to keep from hurting him. I think you should drop this guy. That means no more sexual favors or talk of sexual favors. You should see who else is out there. Getting to know more males will help you decide your sexual future with more confidence.
I am having trouble pacing myself when I masturbate. I go so fast that I sometimes feel sore afterward, and the orgasms I get aren't nearly as good. Any suggestions? (age 16)
If you know the problem is that you're going too fast, then go more slowly, and also use less force. See how good a soft touch can feel. If you can't reach orgasm without going as fast as you are now, perhaps try cutting back on your frequency and see if you can get better orgasms again.
My boyfriend and I have recently engaged in intercourse. He lives far away so when he comes to visit, we sneak to my room and have sex. The first time he couldn't get his penis in, so he pushed really hard. It went in but I really hurt. Then another time we couldn't get it in at all. We don't use protection. Would that help when he tries to put his penis into me? (age 15)
Everything you say tells me that you shouldn't be having intercourse. You don't even understand the mechanics of it, and you aren't using protection. I'm guessing you haven't discussed with each other whether and what kind of sex you've had before. When you get older, not only will you be more comfortable with the mechanics of intercourse, you will be better prepared to deal with pregancy and STDs. If you persist in having intercourse anyway, I suggest you start using condoms at the very least. Condoms are most often lubricated and therefore make it easier to get the penis into an unreceptive vagina.
I'm a virgin who has never orgasmed before. I've tried masturbating with my fingers several times over the years but the most I ever felt was a slight rush. Usually after a few minutes of trying to masturbate, I get bored and distracted and my mind wanders to something else and I stop. I know that you don't recommend vibrators in general, but I want to get one so that I can see what an orgasm is supposed to feel like so that I can try with my fingers again. Are there any vibrators that you would recommend for someone like me? (age 25)
I usually discourage teen girls from using vibrators, but it is more understandable for a woman your age who has never had an orgasm. You might start by getting a small battery-powered one and seeing how it can help you. I think your main problem is that you're not focused on your masturbating sessions. Find a way to focus on your sexual arousal and keep it going. For males, looking at visual aids usually makes the difference (some females also), and for females, reading erotic literature usually helps maintain arousal (for some males also).
I'm a woman and I'm comfortable with masturbation. My husband has told me that he never masturbated. This concerns me because I believe masturbation is a very important part of being sexually healthy. We are very open, and he is not religious. I'm just curious if he's massively shy, which isn't like him, or if he is healthy even if he doesn't masturbate. Can lack of masturbation mean you are unhealthy? (age 23)
I simply don't believe him. I wouldn't believe any sexually mature, sexually active male has never masturbated. Dealing with this situation will require you to use some tact. It would be best to not accuse him directly of lying. You might mention that even though nearly all adult males masturbate, many are too embarrassed to admit to it. Since you are comfortable about masturbating, I assume you have already told him that you used to masturbate, or maybe that you currently do? Saying that would help most men open up about it, but I'm not certain that would be effective with a man who strenuously denies ever having masturbated.
When I was looking for something in my mother's closet, I found a box with multiple dildos and handcuffs and I don't know whether to ask her about them. I love HealthyStrokes.com so much because I never knew that girls my age masturbate and it made me feel more comfortable doing it. (age 14)
Asking your mother about her closet secrets is a bad idea. She will probably be too embarrassed to tell you anything about them, and she will know you were snooping.
Will the shape of one's hymen cause problems when having sex if it is shaped differently than usual, such as imperforate or septate?
No. The only hymen condition that might require a doctor's intervention before having sex is a sclerotic (hardened) hymen. Of course, an imperforate hymen will have to be punctured at least before a girl's first menstruation. Usually imperforate hymens are discovered at birth or in childhood examinations.
I am a virgin but doubt I am because my boyfriend and I had phone sex and I got wet, and when I told him, he was surprised that I got wet. I want to know if I am actually a virgin or not. (age 18)
Phone sex is just masturbating while talking on the phone with a partner. You cannot lose your virginity by masturbating. You cannot lose your virginity by phone sex. The only way to lose your virginity is by having intercourse with another person. Getting wet during phone sex is a sign that your boyfriend knows how to arouse you over the phone. That is good!
When masturbating with objects, do most girls put condoms or medical gloves over the objects? (age 19)
I have never heard of anyone doing that. If it happens, I think it is very rare.
I am not very self-conscious about my body, in fact I'm pretty comfortable in what I look like. I'm fine with masturbation and all that jazz. The one thing that really gets me about my body is the fact that I have sno-globes. My nipples are the same color as the rest of the skin. It's normal in some women, but I've never seen anyone else who has them, and neither my sister, my mother, or any of my other female family members have them. It makes me feel weird. I've never had any comments from my previous boyfriends (who have all enjoyed my 36Ds) but it still makes me self conscious when I first go topless in front of a new guy. I'm starting college in the fall, and I was wondering what a guy's point of view would be on the subject? (age 16)
Males are generally aroused and fascinated by the female breast and don't make many complaints. If anything, having skin-colored nipples makes you especially interesting. Nipples tend to get darker as women get older, but males enjoy them no matter their color. This is something that ought not worry you at all.
I tried to masturbate for first time. I just rubbed my fingers around my clit but I was wearing undergarments and after some time, something happened to me for just a few seconds. So was that arousal and should I continue masturbating and should I take off my undergarments next time? (age 17)
You would probably enjoy it more if you weren't wearing undergarments. Taking them completely off would not only allow your hands greater access to your genitals but would also let you spread your legs as wide as you need. The something that happened might not have been merely arousal but actual orgasm. Either way, good for you!
I have never climaxed or peaked. I have been with a woman and a guy and I don't believe it has anything to do with who is pleasing me. I honestly think it's my body. Is there something wrong? I have an occasional release of clear maybe white discharge periodically. I feel like that should happen when I climax and want to know if that's linked. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can orgasm? (age 18)
Most females reach their first orgasms by masturbating. You would certainly have an easier time learning when you're alone and when you don't have to worry about a partner. Once you are successful masturbating to orgasm, you can work at reaching orgasm with a partner. I doubt the problem is your body. The vaginal discharge is normal. Keep practicing and enjoy the orgasms that are ahead.
I shave down there and have discovered that I'm starting to get more black hairs and they're growing farther up my body. Is that normal? (age 14)
It is normal for that to change quickly at your age, and it's also typical for hair to change more quickly when it's shaved than when it isn't.
I started masturbating and had my first orgasm when I was thirteen. The first and second time I orgasmed, it felt like this overwhelming pleasurable wave that started in my pelvis and spread throughout my body all the way to the tips of the fingers/toes and head. Because this was my first experience of orgasm, I am led to believe that that's what it's supposed to feel like. But since then, it hasn't been like that when I masturbate. It now feels like my muscles in my pelvis tense up, which isn't really pleasurable, then they contract two or three times, then it stops. No pleasurable feelings are present. Why is it like this? Am I doing something wrong? It's so frustrating. (age 16)
It sounds like you are anticipating an unhappy orgasm and don't let your body respond. It might also be you are worried about making too much noise if you have an unrestrained orgasm. Next time you masturbate, don't anticipate that it will be exactly like the last hundred times you masturbated. Just let loose and don't try to restrain those feelings in your pelvis.
Follow-up: I've tried to relax but it has been very difficult to because I seem to always tense up. I don't make noises when I orgasm. I can't seem to just forget about my surroundings and just enjoy myself. I've tried, believe me. The only way I can feel a little bit good is if I go unexplainably fast then it lasts like 3 seconds then I actually just feel irritated and frustrated. I really appreciate your help.
Just do what feels good. Force your body to relax. Be as relaxed as you can be. If you start to tense up, then stop. If you find it not feeling good, then stop. Try taking a bath or shower beforehand so your muscles are optimally relaxed.
Follow-up: This is driving me crazy! I've now taken 2 weeks off masturbating and I still get the same result! I know that I'm being too rough but I don't know how to stop and relax. I'm doing many things wrong: I'm using a lot of force; I'm doing it very, very fast; I'm anticipating a bad orgasm. And now I stopped for two weeks and I still it isn't any better. I'm just tense and uncomfortable. You've already seen the description of the orgasms in the previous posts, and when I got those orgasms, I only did it until the first one as it was satisfying enough, but now I'm not sure of the exact number but I reach these events five or more times in one session, and it isn't pleasurable at all! Please help me!
Lots of girls your age don't have orgasms at all. You really seem to be trying too hard. Just relax and do what feels good. Don't be despondent to have an orgasm. Enjoy the gentle touch of your own hand or hands and see where the feeling leads. You haven't lost anything if you don't have a mind-numbing orgasm every time. The brain is the most important sex organ. Find out how to properly stimulate it before you stimulate your privates.
I have masturbated for quite a few years now. I have used my hands to rub and finger myself and it's felt great every time. I have been very horny lately but I'm single and a virgin so I bought a Jack Rabbit vibrator. It won't go in all the way like my fingers can and I can't seem to orgasm with it. Even with the rotation and vibration on. It doesn't hurt but it doesn't feel like anything. It just doesn't do anything for me. Why? (age 20)
Probably because your fingers feel great every time. Vibrators are usually used by women who can't get results by hand. If you're doing well with your own digits, why switch to a piece of plastic. Women who use vibrators have more reason to envy you than you to envy them.
My boyfriend and I are both virgins and wish to abstain from intercourse but are OK doing everything else. He has been with a couple of other girls while this is all new to me. When fingering me, he told me that I am big down there and that he isn't going to be able to please me since I haven't been able to orgasm. Is there anything we can do differently? (age 17)
You could use a new boyfriend. The one you have is an insensitive jerk. Since there is very little variation in the size of vaginas, yours is probably the same size as any other. A man who took his time and worked at making you feel good could please you just fine, but I don't think he has much patience for that. The main thing you could do is learn to masturbate to orgasm if you don't already. Once you know how to make yourself orgasm, it is easier to show someone else how to do it.
I started masturbating in elementary school and still do today. In junior high, after a masturbation session, my vagina changed, almost like it split open. I didn't look at my vagina before so I don't know exactly what changed, but it is a lot more open. What happened? Am I OK? (age 21)
You are asking about something that happened eight years ago. Have you ever had a pelvic exam from a gynecologist? He or she would notice right away if there were anything physically wrong with your vagina. There is probably nothing wrong. The vagina has muscles that surround it, and as you get more experienced at masturbation and intercourse, these muscles get exercised. They can do more than they once did. I suggest having a doctor examine you and reassure you that you're fine.
How far up the vagina is the hymen? (age 15)
The hymen is at the entrance to the vagina. It is not up the vagina at all.
What can I use besides a dildo? (age 19)
Most females are satisfied masturbating with their hands. Whatever you insert into your vagina should be smooth and easy to clean.
my boyfriend wants me to give him fellatio and although I'm OK with that, I've refused. He's offered to give me cunnilingus if I give him fellatio and as much as I really want to, I'm afraid he'll get turned off by the sight of my vulva. I have dark uneven inner thighs and labia, and my pubic hair is all over my genital region, not just above. We're both 16 and each other's first sexual partners so I'm not so sure he's used to it or that it will be of no issue to him.
I think it is better that you discuss it with him and tell him why you're uneasy about oral sex instead of presuming he won't like your looks. He's already seen you and he's coming back for more.
I love your site. It's been very helpful. I've been masturbating since I was 12. When I started masturbating, I reached orgasm pretty quickly, and that was that. I soon was able to have around 20 orgasms in one session. Is this normal? I first thought I might be addicted to masturbating, but could I just be having multiple orgasms? (age 16)
Males typically have exactly one orgasm per sexual session, whether coital or masturbatory, but females can have anywhere from 0 to 100. If you can have 20 orgasms in a single masturbation session, you are doing a lot better than normal. If you're enjoying it and it's not causing problems in other areas of your life (e.g., making you late for work or school), then you are not addicted and simply are excellent at bringing yourself pleasure.
I don't know if I should masturbate. Which is better, external or internal? (age 14)
Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun. Most girls who do it enjoy it greatly and are very happy that they do. Most females learn to masturbate externally (stimulating the clitoris and labia) and eventually learn to masturbate internally (inserting fingers or objects into the vagina) as well. I hesitate to say whether one or the other is better; I think they're different.
I masturbate once or twice a day and always use a dildo. I can orgasm only from it or with clitoral rubbing but I'm worried that maybe I should stop using the dildo and just masturbate with my hand because lately I've been having problems holding my urine. Although I haven't wet myself, I feel like it might happen. Is this because of my masturbating with a dildo? (age 17)
I suggest urinating before masturbating so that you don't need to worry about urinating during your session. For further peace of mind, place a towel underneath yourself so a little urine won't bother you or make you worry about making a mess. I doubt your problem is using the dildo. Twice a day is a high frequency, and maybe your problem would be reduced if you cut back to once a day for a while, at least.
I am a 22-year-old virgin girl. I just felt a lot of pain and stiffness in my breasts after I masturbated just now. Why is this?
The pain and stiffness probably isn't because you masturbated. If it only happened once, it might not be anything to worry about. If it happens regularly when you masturbate, you might try having your breasts uncovered if they aren't already, because your clothing or even your arm might be brushing against them and making them uncomfortable.
For a while, I've been using water masturbation to have orgasms and I usually masturbate this way about three times a week. I also masturbate with my hand on my clitoris when I'm in bed too, but when I'm just about to orgasm I move and lose the feeling. Does water masturbation decrease my chances of having a good sex life in the future? How do I get to orgasm in bed? (age 18)
Running water puts a lot of pressure on your private parts (especially your clitoris and labia minora) that cannot be replicated any other way. This explains part of the reason you're having trouble masturbating to orgasm by hand in bed. It will also make it more difficult for you to have orgasms with a partner later. For best results, you should give up masturbating with running water and instead learn to use the gentle touch of your hand. It's a good thing that you're able to have orgasms; take a week or two off from masturbating with water and then try to masturbate to orgasm by hand. When you've gone that long without an orgasm, that movement of your pelvis that's interfering with your orgasm won't make much of a difference.
When I masturbated, I expelled a large amount of urine-like fluid, and I had an orgasm. Is this normal? (age 12)
Some females claim that they have an ejaculation of fluid when they reach orgasm; many medical authorities deny that there is female ejaculation. If you have it, it does not mean there is anything wrong with you. If it bothers you, then just put a towel down when you masturbate so you won't have to worry.
Is it bad to insert water into your vagina? I have done it while masturbating and I don't know if it will affect my vagina or if it is not bad and there is nothing to worry about. (age 12)
The water itself will not hurt you, but masturbating with running water is bad for your sexual progress. You are better off masturbating with the gentle touch of your hand instead of the brutal force of running water. Girls who learn to masturbate by hand have a much easier time reaching orgasm with a partner than those who are used to running water.
Will an orgasm hurt me? (age 12)
No! It will probably be the most fun you've ever had. Don't worry at all about it hurting.
I did the hymen check you tell other girls, but when I put my legs in the frog position, I still couldn't see my hymen or my vaginal opening. Do you have any more suggestions? (age 16)
You might need one or more mirrors. It would help if you could do the frog legs position directly in front of a large wall-mounted mirror.
My boyfriend age 22 masturbates quite often and has been doing it since his childhood. He told me about HealthyStrokes.com but I and my friends never feel the urge to masturbate and never do it. I asked him to quit masturbation as I find it disgusting and wonder why boys do it. He says he can't quit as he often feels a strong urge to do it. What's that urge all about? Why do girls never get any sort of compulsions to masturbate? Please explain. (age 20)
I really feel sorry for you. Most women your age masturbate often and enjoy it. This helps them out later in life. Women who start masturbating early have an easier time getting an orgasm in intercourse than women who don't masturbate. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun for both genders. It is a biological necessity for males. Males produce sexual fluids that have to be eliminated frequently by ejaculation. (Female sexual fluids don't need an orgasm to be eliminated.) If a male doesn't ejaculate for a period of time, these sexual fluids will collect and make him more and more uncomfortable. Most males can't stand it after about a week. You are not being very kind to your boyfriend and are discounting female sexuality too. I suspect that many of your friends masturbate but don't talk about it.
What happens if the skin near the clitoris is starting to look bruised because of masturbation? (age 17)
Like any bruise, it will heal in time. Using a water-based lube while you masturbate can go a long way to prevent bruising.
I am a 21 year old girl. I am cutting down on my masturbating. The last time I masturbated was Monday. I had an orgasm, however I have had a discharge like when I orgasm every day since Monday. But I haven't been actually masturbating or doing anything to arouse myself. It's becoming really annoying. I really want it to stop. What do you think I can do? My friend told me maybe I should masturbate to let it all out. I did and for almost a day there wasn't any discharge but it came back.
The discharge that's happening every day might not have anything to do with masturbating. If it bothers you, then see a doctor or nurse as it could be the symptom of something more serious. Why are you cutting down on masturbating? It is normal, healthy, and fun.
I feel the need to tell my father that I masturbate. It feels hopeless keeping it a secret, and it makes me fear getting caught even more if he doesn't understand. His standing on porn is good, but we've never talked about masturbation.
I don't know how I can go about telling him, especially because I am a girl. He already knows I'm a lesbian, but I need to find a way to tell him I do the deed.
The suspense of anticipating getting caught is hindering my performance. Any way I can solve this? (age 14)
There is no reason to tell your father that you masturbate. He already knows or at least suspects strongly. If you've discussed porn with him, then you've implicitly discussed masturbation. If you are really determined to pursue this, then ask him how he feels about masturbation. Then you'll learn about his standing on that too.
Do females also produce sexual fluids? How do they get released and is their sexual urge as frequent as boys? (female, age 25)
Yes. Females' sexual fluids consist mostly of vaginal lubrication and a fluid produced in Bartholin's gland. These are produced in lesser quantity than male sexual fluids. Sometimes females will find that they've discharged something from their vagina and didn't even feel it happen. Males need to have an orgasm to ejaculate their sexual fluids and most younger males have one daily. Females need to eliminate their fluids much less.
I have been masturbating ever since I can remember. I only rub my clit and have never tried vaginal because I am scared that I might break my hymen. I also heard that you will go to the doctor when you're 16 to check if your hymen is gone and I don't want my mom to find out I broke it. Is that true? Should I just try vaginal anyway? (age 14)
Most girls your age don't like vaginal masturbation, and it sounds like you would be extremely anxious about your hymen. I would suggest putting off internal masturbation for a few years. I don't know what country you're in, but I've never heard of a mandatory hymen check at age 16. If you're in a country where that's a real thing, then I'm not the man to ask.
I have done masturbation with a carrot and I want to know whether it has broken my hymen and if I'm still a virgin. (age 19)
You cannot lose your virginity by masturbating. The only way to lose your virginity is by having sex with another person. Masturbating with a carrot can easily break your hymen and yours probably has.
Is it safe to guess that my close friend who is a boy my age thinks of me sexually and masturbates to the thought of me? We have openly told each other that we find one another physically attractive, and he is comfortable making lighthearted jokes about sex from time to time. Is it wrong to want to discuss this with him, just to know? I have fantasized about him, and I wouldn't mind experimenting with him in the future, but I also don't want to cramp our friendship, since I don't see us becoming more than friends. I've never talked about sex/masturbation with a boy. Could our talking about this be good for us both, or are there drawbacks to consider more thoroughly? (age 17)
It is never safe to assume what someone's sexual fantasies are. He might have a personal ethic that he doesn't fantasize about his friends. Strange as it sounds, some people don't fantasize about anyone they actually want to pursue a relationship with and only fantasize about people they know they never will or just flat aren't interested in. Certainly you ought to be able to talk about sex or masturbating with him, but keeping it general or technical will do less to interfere with your friendship than telling him you fantasize about him or asking him who he fantasizes about.
I was planning to buy a sex toy behind my mom's back, but my sister did the same thing and our mom was very surprised and upset when she found it. Is it OK to buy things like that behind her back?
You will have to decide for yourself, but your mom doesn't seem to think it's OK. Keep in mind your mom will be less surprised and upset when she finds your sex toy because she's already been through it with your sister. Older siblings have to break trail like that.
When I masturbate by clitoral stimulation, I always unintentionally pull away when it feels like I'm just starting to climax. Is there a way to end this frustration I'm feeling? (age 18)
Can you try consciously not to pull away? You might be afraid of a little bit of pain. Try to endure that pain or discomfort for just a few extra seconds and see what happens.
Are you male or female? I'm asking because you said you haven't had a menstrual cycle. (age 15)
And I never will. I'm a man. How dreadfully delicious that you found that one line on HealthyStrokes.com and none of the other places where I said straight out that I'm male.
I've been masturbating for about a year now, but I've never had an orgasm. Some of the answers you gave others convinced me that it was because I have no privacy. My dad took the lock off my door years ago and barges in whenever he wants; sometimes, I'm even changing clothes. I decided to tell my mom what I've been doing, and she promised me privacy. That was a few weeks ago, but I still haven't been able to reach an orgasm. Is there a reason for that? I'm not concerned with being interrupted anymore, and I've never used toys or any methods other than my own hands. Am I just doing something wrong? (age 17)
Practice makes perfect. If the feeling of limited privacy was interfering with your having an orgasm, it will not necessarily go away overnight just because you have more privacy now. Take time to go slowly and relax. Put your mind in a place where you are easily aroused and aware of things (touches, thoughts) that impact your arousal.
Recently I cut down on masturbating. However, I still feel the urge every day. It is this way even when I have masturbated the day before. What should I do? (age 21)
Why did you cut down on masturbating? Your body seems to want it every day.
I don't know what's been going on lately, but I've been insanely horny. I'm an extremely private person and always under watch by my parents since I'm an only child. I've never thought of myself as a sexual person, even though I've been masturbating for a long time, and neither does anyone else. I'm not completely sure what an orgasm feels like because I always stopped rubbing when I couldn't take it anymore. It was like at some kind of peak but I'm not sure whether I could go longer. Then I read somewhere about using an electric toothbrush and since using it I've gotten the most pleasure I've ever felt. I think it's an orgasm. I've tried with my hands, but I just can't get anything that way. I read somewhere that masturbating with an electric toothbrush can result in infertility and various other bad sexual consequences. I don't understand this, especially since I'm just using it on my clitoris. Is this really true? I'm scared I won't be able to turn back from using it. I also think your page about masturbating in dorms is super. (age 17)
Masturbating with an electric toothbrush or other vibrator will not cause infertility. But it might make it less likely that you'll ever reach orgasm with a partner. Women who masturbate with their hands are more likely to have orgasms in intercourse. If you masturbate until you can't take it anymore, you're probably using more force and a greater intensity than is needed. Try taking it more slowly and feel your arousal building gradually. Then you will be more comfortable pushing yourself over to orgasm.
Is it harder to get aroused or orgasm when you masturbate with ice cold fingers? Mine are always cold, so I was just wondering.
Ice cold fingers are a definite problem. You can warm them pretty quickly by holding them against your warm abdomen.
I masturbate 1-6 times a day. But not internally. Not inserting fingers in my vagina but rubbing my clit. Is it bad? Thanks! (age 17)
Masturbating is quite good. Most younger females prefer to masturbate clitorally rather than vaginally. The only thing that concerns me is your frequency. Six times a day is an extreme frequency. Most girls your age masturbate once a day or less.
I've been using a vibrator for about two years now and I'm worried I might be getting over-attached to it. My clitoris starts to throb whenever I see my vibrator or even think about it. I first started masturbating with just my hands and still use them more often than I do the vibrator but I don't throb when I look at my hands. I don't think my vibrator is numbing out my nerves or anything, because I can still reach orgasm using just my hand with no problem, but I'm wondering if it's normal to get so excited from just thinking about it. I'm also wondering if I'm going to have that reaction to my partner's penis when I start having sex. (age 19)
If you think you're getting over-attached, then you probably are. A throbbing clitoris is a lot better than one that doesn't respond at all. If you can reach orgasm by hand, then I would encourage you to do it that way more often. You will be able to judge whether your naked partner is aroused more easily than he can tell if you are.
I've been masturbating for as long as I can remember and I got caught many times and my mom didn't look kindly upon it. She even threw out my magazine (when I was 16) and it wasn't even pictures, it was just text. It made it really hard for me to enjoy and learn. I spent a lot of time disgusted at myself. Now I have a partner who has encouraged me beyond belief. I just want to say thank you. I stumbled upon HealthyStrokes.com and it made me realize that just because I started young (at 5) it wasn't wrong. And if I ever have a girl (I have a boy) I'm going to buy her a dildo and encourage her natural behaviors. (age 20)
Thanks for your thanks!
I have masturbated for a few years. Recently I have been using bigger objects. I've also been using a bubble stick in the shower. Today I imagined a guy I like and masturbated in the shower. I also did it yesterday. Now my privates are sore. Is all this OK? (age 15)
You are better off using your hands instead of objects and a bubble stick. (I think a bubble stick is a shower sprayer, but if you mean the thing kids blow bubbles with, that's even worse.) Something you've done lately has made you sore. If you had masturbated using the gentle touch of your hands yesterday and today, I doubt you'd be sore right now.
I live alone in an apartment. I recently discovered that my neighbor's teen boy, age 16 or so, has been using binoculars to peep into my room at regular intervals. He is otherwise a very nice kid and I share very cordial relations with him and his parents. Since I discovered this, I use the room without closing the blinds to dress and masturbate. I get hugely turned on when I realize that he is watching me from his window. Can I continue with this, as he has never brought up this topic and continues to behave very normally with me? (age 29)
It's your privacy that is being violated. Technically, if you know someone is peeping at you, it's not against the law. I think it would be better if you conducted private activity in private and kept your blinds closed.
I've masturbated since I was about 6. Lately I've been trying with my fingers. Tonight I fit two in but I don't like the feeling. Fingering, or having objects in my vagina doesn't feel good like people describe it should. It's sort of uncomfortable having an item go in and out of my vaginal opening. Is this normal? Shouldn't I be feeling pleasure from this? (age 13)
You are still pretty young. Most girls your age masturbate by stimulating the clitoris and the area around it. Most girls don't like vaginal stimulation until they're older.
Every time I masturbate, after I'm done, I usually just go to sleep but then after I change clothes, I can still smell my vagina pretty strongly. I shower regularly and change clothes regularly, but it still smells strong and I'm afraid people around me can smell it, so I always close my legs tightly and try to mask it. Is this normal or is there something wrong with me? (age 13)
I doubt there's something wrong with you. You seem hyper-sensitive to an imagined smell from your vagina. The chances that anyone else can smell it are very small. If it really bothers you, put some mentholated rub (like Vick's) on your neck or arms (you can always say allergies or an impending cold are bothering you). Then the only thing anyone who comes near you will smell is that.
I have been wondering if stopping my urinary flow can cause a problem to the urinary system. (age 19)
No, in fact stopping and restarting urine flow is one of the Kegel exercises, which are encouraged for both males and females as a way of improving control over one's orgasms. You are not causing a problem but are exercising your PC muscle.
I've been caught masturbating a few times by my mother in multiple situations. Fortunately, she has never made a big deal about it, so being caught has just encouraged me to masturbate more freely and without fear of getting caught. (female, age 17)
Hooray for you! Please see the page about being caught masturbating to understand how others have handled it.
I started masturbating just today after reading HealthyStrokes.com for a couple of days. Ny vagina started squeezing and then relaxing. Was that an orgasm? Is it normal? (age 14)
Yes, that is an orgasm. It's either very normal or a lot better than normal. Keep up what you're doing and the orgasms are likely to get better.
While tidying my 14 year old daughter's bedroom, I found a slim-type deodorant bottle under her pillow. It was obvious that she has been using it to masturbate. I expected her to start exploring her sexuality around this time, but should I be worried that she may be penetrating herself when masturbating? I don't know how to raise my concern with her. (age 39)
It is better for a girl to masturbate using her hands instead of objects. If she insists on using objects, it is good if she washes them both before and after use. If you are worried about her causing damage with the bottle, it might be useful to offer to get her a toy made especially for masturbation. You are the parent and it is your job to tell her what she needs to know.
I haven't ever masturbated before (I never felt the desire to) but now I've started. I rub my clitoris and it gets really instense for like a minute or two but then stops. Any help? (age 14)
I think you're helping yourself just fine. A minute or two is a pretty long climax. A typical orgasm lasts about eight seconds. Just keep up what you're doing and I suspect you will be having obvious orgasms soon.
I have masturbated the same way since I was probably 5, and I never even thought twice about it being a problem honestly, until I came across HealthyStrokes.com. I lie flat on my back and use pressure from my palm on my clitoris and it works every time. I had sex for the first time a few times recently, and even though it felt great, I could never orgasm. Does this sound like prone masturbation, or that I may have a problem? Do I need to change something? (age 19)
That is not prone masturbation, obviously, but it would be better if you used less force to masturbate. Try using fingers instead of your palm and see if you can still bring yourself to orgasm. Most females don't have orgasms within the first few times they have sex. You probably just need more experience.
When I was 5-6 years old my sister who was a year older and I would play do sexual things with our enormous toys after the shower naked. I don't feel great about that but I want to talk about masturbation because I think she knows I do it since we have a bunk bed. I just need advice on this. (age 13)
I'm not sure if you want to talk about masturbation or about what you used to do with the toys. It is fine if you want to bring up either with your sister. Maybe you could open the conversation by asking, "Do you think we need a rule about masturbating in our bedroom?"
I have been masturbating for a while now, but when I reach my climax, I never orgasm. I just feel a nice sensation, and then I'm turned off. Is there something wrong with me? (age 13)
No, you're just young and inexperienced. Work at making the nice sensation last a few seconds longer. You are closer to reaching a true orgasm (if you haven't already) than most girls your age.
What's the best time to masturbate? How long should it go on? How can I make sure that people don't come to know about it? I feel porn makes it faster. What do you suggest? How can I cover my vulva if I have to? Don't boys feel ashamed about that long penis being seen? (age 16)
About half of masturbation takes place at bedtime. It helps people sleep and is the time of day that people have the most privacy. Most girls your age masturbate to orgasm in 15-20 minutes. I advise against porn at your age. Try to use your imagination as much as you can. Masturbating under the covers is quite popular with girls. It means your genitals are covered. (That method doesn't work for males as well.) Boys aren't ashamed of their long penises being seen, but they are as embarrassed as girls are when they get caught masturbating.
I started masturbating when I was 10 but then I stopped until this summer when I accidentally brushed up against a water jet. Ever since then I've been masturbating nightly under the water faucet and I freeze up for a few seconds and it feels REALLY good. What is that? We moved out of that house and now the faucet isn't as strong. How can I masturbate similar to that without water? I love your site! (age 12)
Masturbating with running water, especially something as powerful as a jet, is dangerous for your sexual progress. Females can get so used to the force of the water that they can't reach orgasm any other way. The feeling you describe is most likely orgasm. You are very young and ought to give up water masturbation and go back to masturbating with your hands ASAP.
There is something irritating my labia minora. I initially thought it was my pubic hair rubbing on it, so I trimmed the area around it (not shaved), but this didn't help at all. I eventually figured that it might be something on the actual labia minora that's bothering me. It feels like something's scratching it. It's very irritating and uncomfortable in such a sensitive area. I toughed it a bit and I found that the flesh inside surrounding my urethra is very rough and uncomfortable. I tried adding some coconut oil (which I use as lube, but only externally) and that didn't help much. I'm a virgin and have only ever masturbated externally rubbing my clitoris and surrounds. This is really bothering me and interfering with my masturbation. I'm not completely sure what it is that is creating the scratching feeling, but it's very unpleasant. Is the flesh around the urethra supposed to be rough? And is coconut oil safe to use as lube? (age 17)
No, there should be nothing sharp or scratching there. Have you eliminated your clothing as a source of irritation? I advise against using tropical oils internally. It would be better if you tried a water-based lube made especially for vaginal use (like K-Y Liquid or Sliquid). If the problem is contained to the area around your urethra, it could be a urinary tract infection, which you'd need to see a doctor about.
I always insist on protection for sex but my boyfriend keeps telling me that sex feels so much better without a condom. Is this true? (age 19)
Yes, it is. If you are sure that you're both faithful and disease free, you might consider other methods of contraception, like the pill, spermicidal jelly, or Nuva-Ring.
During sleep, I have sexual dreams pertaining to my crush. My dreams are usually about stimulating others' genitals, but I haven't had any sexual experiences with him. While I'm dreaing about these things, I experience lots of pleasure around my vagina. I've never masturbated before. Should I be concerned? (age 13)
There is nothing to be concerned about in your report. It is all normal. When girls wake up feeling pleasure around their genitals, it often leads them to masturbate. That is very normal too, and very good.
When I'm on my period, I have to masturbate furiously several times a day. I don't do this any other time of the month. In fact, when I'm not on my period, I hardly ever masturbate at all. Why is this? (age 17)
It's likely because of your hormone flow and/or the feeling in your privates when you have your period. Masturbation is excellent for stress relief and has some use for pain relief too.
Does doing clitoral masturbation with fingers or water make me fat? (age 19)
No, not at all.
I've started to masturbate but I'm confused about where to stroke to get an orgasm. Can you explain it to me?
At the top of your vaginal opening is your clitoris. When a female is sexually aroused, her clitoris and the whole area around it become very sensitive to touch. Some females are able to stroke the clitoris itself successfully (some find it too sensitive to touch) while others masturbate by stroking the area around the clitoris. Practice touching a bunch of areas and see what makes you more aroused. Keep working on the areas that arouse you.
I have an excessively high interest in sex for a female. I am not sure if I have a sex addiction, something like peristent genital arousal disorder (PGAD), or just a high sex drive. When I try to control how much I masturbate, I'm horny (physically and mentally) almost all of the time, dream of sex often, and wake up every morning feeling aroused. I have sexual fantasies as well as physical sensations several times a day, and yes, I do use porn, but only a couple of times a week. It actually seems like the more I masturbate, the less trouble I have with random intrusive sexual thoughts and feelings of arousal. If I do it 2-3 times a day, every day, on a steady basis, I can get to a point where I mostly stop thinking about sex outside of those sessions and actually feel kind of normal, apart from the knowledge that I'm a person who masturbates 2-3 times every day. I'm not sure which approach is better/healthier.
When I'm trying to stop or cut back on masturbating, I feel like I'm addicted to it because the constant horniness interferes with my ability to function. I become tense, irritable and easily distracted. I can't concentrate on anything except my throbbing genitals and what I want to do with them. I start thinking about doing things I know are wrong and would never consider if I were masturbating every day.
When I let myself masturbate as much as I like I feel better in between sessions, but I keep thinking what is wrong with me that I need to do it so much. I think I'm unusually sensitive as well. I've had orgasms from dreams, and the slightest thing can get me excited (like driving over a bumpy road or seeing a guy with a nice butt in tight pants) and I can often masturbate to orgasm in less than a minute, especially if I haven't masturbated for several days. (age 22)
You don't say anything about having sex with partners. I doubt anyone would consider you a sex addict just because you masturbate often. There is nothing wrong with masturbating 2-3 times a day, especially if you would be having negative happenings if you didn't. If you think you have PGAD, you should see a doctor, or maybe join an Internet support group.
Some of my friends shave their pubes and some don't. I'm trying to decide. What are the benefits of having pubic hair for girls? (age 16)
The function of pubic hair is (1) to reduce friction during intercourse, when the mons pubis of the male brushes forcefully against the mons veneris of the female; (2) to retain the pheromone scent which can be useful in attracting a partner; (3) to reduce the amount of moisture loose outside the vulva; (4) many people find it attractive to the eye. It's up to you.
If I let my boyfriend suck my nipples, will my breasts get bigger? (age 17)
When I touch myself, I usually fantasize about attractive girls in my class or I start by looking at completely non-sexual images of such girls and then go from there. Is this wrong or bad?
Also, I've found that I can't masturbate to fantasies about guys and myself. I find them attractive going by looks in real life, but have no physical or emotional attraction. Does this mean I am a lesbian or bisexual, or is it just hormones? (age 13)
I think it means you're young and learning. There is nothing wrong with fantasizing about girls in your class or looking at non-sexual images. Keep up with what you're doing, and you will probably find you will develop new fantasies as you progress.
If a girl doesn't have orgasms, how does she know when she's done masturbating? (male, age 16)
It's like any other activity that doesn't end in an orgasm. You stop when you've had enough running, roller-skating, bouncing on the trampoline...
I am babysitting my 7 year old nephew. For the past two weeks I have noticed him masturbating with glee whenever I leave the room to let him play alone with his toys. From his expressions as I observed him from start to finish twice, I can say he is experiencing orgasm and having a good time. He covers up as soon as he hears my footsteps or I make some noise before entering his room, and he has not realized so far that I have caught him. I don't want to report this to my sister as she and her husband are very conservative and might punish him. Should I just let him be or have a talk with him regading this? On one of two occasions when I peeped on him, I noticed a white semi-solid stuff coming from his penis. I am not sure but it did not look like semen or ejaculation. Is there anything to be checked? (female, age 22)
I think you've already seen too much. You wouldn't want anyone spying on you while you masturbate. Show your nephew the same respect. There is no need to say anything to either him or your sister.
When I was masturbating, it abruptly felt like my pelvic muscles tightened a lot. My clitoris seemed to get smaller when I was touching it. This startled me, and I stopped masturbating. A few seconds later, I felt something on my face and neck like the feeling you get when you are relieved after you get scared and then realize that there is nothing there. Did I have an orgasm? (age 17)
Yes, you did. Hooray! Mark this date on your calendar. And then go for that feeling again and again.
I've been masturbating regularly for a few years now. I'm not old enough to have sex toys, I think, and I would be too embarrassed anyway. I have a wooden doll that is not really lumpy or anything. I often use this to help achieve orgasm. I wonder if it's safe?
I doubt that it's anything close to safe. You ought not be embarrassed to use something that is designed to help you achieve a satisfying orgasm safely and conveniently. I think you'd be better off still using your hands exclusively.
Is every vibrator a dildo, or is every dildo a vibrator? (age 22)
Neither. A vibrator, obviously, is something that vibrates. If it is shaped like a dildo (i.e, can fit into the vagina), then we can call it a vibrating dildo. Most dildos don't vibrate at all, and many vibrators can't enter the vagina.
I can only get wet from a certain kink of mine and I only feel good when I put my fingers around my clitoral hood and rock back and forth on my hand/fingers. I'm scared I'm not normal or this will cause me issues. Is this the case? (age 14)
If you are lying on your back, you are fine. If you are lying on your stomach and rocking on your hand that way, then that is prone masturbation, which is a proven cause of sexual dysfunctions in males and a suggested cause of them in females. I am more concerned about your only getting aroused from a particular kink. Try to find more things that arouse you. You are pretty young to get pigeonholed into one source of arousal.
I'm a varsity athlete and recently my teammates pranked me by putting heat rub inside my uniform. It made me really warm and uncomfortable, including in my private parts. Now I have sexual fantasies about this being done to me. Is this normal? (age 20)
It's not a bit unusual that you have sexual feelings stemming from that incident. Lots of people have sexual feelings pertaining to things that are unpleasant, or that they were afraid of as children.
The heat balm was uncomfortable, obviously, but it created a sensation in your genitals. Anything that creates a sensation in your genitals might someday be recalled to bring on a sexual feeling, even if it was unpleasant. A common fetish involves sitting on paper. This comes from people having to sit on the paper covering at the doctor's. Often a person will connect this to being touched in the genital area.
I don't think you should incorporate heat balm into your sexual practices, but it's perfectly OK to have fantasies pertaining to the time your teammates pranked you with heat balm.
Also keep in mind that some sexual lubes have heat in them as a means of enhancing their sensation. Kind of like heat balm only not as strong. Maybe you'd enjoy trying some of those heat lubes now!
I have recently been having fantasies about urination. There is a recurring fantasy I have where I am grinding against a pretty girl through clothing and I urinate through my clothing and hers. When I am in the washroom and a pretty girl I know is there, I get excited to hear her urinate. I also like the pressure feeling of having to urinate. Is this bad, wrong, or disgusting? I don't feel guilty from my fantasies, but sometimes I feel like I'm invading on the girl's personal space by listening to her urinate. (age 14)
Those are common fantasies. Don't worry that they're bad, wrong, or disgusting. The girls in the washroom are letting you hear them by not doing anything to mask the noise, like flushing the toilet. (Males have it easier because they can usually aim above the waterline for silent emptying.) You may be interested to know that when people go beyond fantasies and seek to become involved in the urination of other people (or vice versa), it is called urophilia.
I'm a virgin, and I sometimes masturbate. Does masturbating externally break the hymen? (age 19)
What is the difference between virginity and chastity? (age 16)
Chastity means not being sexually active. Virginity means never having been sexually active. You can always become not sexually active, but you can't become never having been sexually active again once you have been.
As the songwriter wrote, "once you pass its border, you can ne'er return again."
My question is not about myself but is about boys. When I start masturbating, my vagina gets all wet. It's more fun to masturbate when my vagina is wet than when it's still dry. Since boys don't produce wetness, when they use lube on their penis, does it make it more fun for them to masturbate? (age 17)
I must point out that uncircumcised males in fact produce lube when they get aroused. Many of them can masturbate without lube. To answer your question, yes, males who use lube do so because it's more fun that way, and also less likely to cause pain or chafing.
Is it normal to be a girl my age and not be in the mood for sex? Is something wrong with me? (age 16)
Many girls your age are not sexually active. There is nothing wrong with you if you don't want to be sexually active right now.
I've been masturbating but immediately afterward I go into a deep sleep. Is it normal? (female, age 18)
Yes, that is very normal, and part of the reason why about half of both male and female masturbation takes place at bedtime.
I masturbate by crossing my legs and flexing my muscles until I have an orgasm. I'm also a virgin. Is this bad for me? Should I switch to masturbating with my hands through direct clitoral or vaginal stimulation? (age 21)
There's nothing wrong with masturbating by crossing your legs and flexing. That causes less stimulation than masturbating with your hands. If anything, you would have an easier time reaching orgasm in intercourse when your main way of masturbating is what you do.
Having said that, I recommend that you learn those other ways (clitoral and vaginal stimulation) anyway. Because then you will have three ways.
Is it OK to watch porn at my age? (age 13)
It's not at all OK. It's probably against the law, and the people who provide the porn are supposed to make sure the people viewing it are of legal age. You'd be better off if you didn't use porn and instead used the next few years to develop your imagination.
I don't get aroused, wet, or horny for ANYTHING. I've tried fantasizing, lightly touching the inside of my legs and NOTHING works. Is this abnormal? (age 13)
You're pretty young. Try to relax and be less impatient. Lots of people your age -- boys and girls -- aren't experiencing arousal yet. Take time and let your body develop.
I started masturbating a week ago. I can reach really strong orgasms. However, my last few orgasms were very weak. What happened and what should I do to make my orgasms strong again? (age 17)
You're doing pretty well for only started masturbating last week. Some days are just better than others. Some orgasms are stronger than others. Just keep up what you're doing and you will learn how to have better orgasms more and more.
I'm 17 years old and have had trouble having any sort of pleasure from sexual stimulation. The only way I seem to get any pleasure is by doing a pull-up motion off a ledge or a countertop and rubbing my vulva on the bit of wall there. In no other way have I been able to reach any sort of sexual pleasure. I had a partner of over a year who would perform cunnilingus, finger me and do things of that nature, but I achieved no pleasure from it and when I masturbate, I gain no pleasure either. The little bit of pleasure I gain from the wall bit lasts for a few seconds and never amounts to an orgasm.
I've read articles online that say I'm just not sexually mature yet and I'm worried that maybe it isn't that but I'm just not able to reach an orgasm. What do you think of this? Is there any way to try and find if I can feel pleasure or should I just ask a doctor? You're the first I've had the courage to relay this question to in a detailed manner and your site helped give me the courage to ask. Thank you for your time.
If I were you, I would take a week or more off from the wall-rubbing motion. Then work at slowly and gently stimulating your vulva with your hand. Try to have your mind in a sexually aroused state while you do this. Just do what feels good and don't be obsessed with having an orgasm. You are apt to discover one sooner rather than later if you masturbate that way often.
I masturbate as much a teenage guy. I've heard that women can orgasm more than once in a sitting. I've tried but to no avail. Do you know if teenagers can do it? Or am I doing something wrong? (age 16)
You are young and learning. Females can learn to be multi-orgasmic with practice. For males it is much more difficult. Some girls can have multiple orgasms at your age, but you might be trying too hard to force it. Just relax and keep masturbating after your first orgasm and see if you can have a second one. If your clitoris is too sensitive to touch after your first orgasm, then touch around it, where it doesn't hurt.
When I masturbate I feel as though I am about to reach a climax but then my hand/arm wont let me keep going and my clitoris is very sensitive. Is that me experiencing an orgasm? (age 15)
It might be the start of one. At the point where your clitoral head becomes too sensitive to touch, most girls stroke the area around it or the clitoral shaft. Keep trying until you can't stand it anymore. Then you'll know for sure what an orgasm feels like.
I've been masturbating since I was 12. I stopped until I was 13, and now that I'm 15, I've been doing it every day for the past 8 months. Sometimes I do it more than twice a day. Once I masturbated seven times in one day, because when I don't, I get this feeling of craving for it and I can't stop thinking about it until I orgasm. I know I should really bring down the number of times that I do it. Is there any way you could help me? I've tried everything. I've played violin for 6.5 hours just to distract the urge and the aching! (age 15)
There's nothing wrong with masturbating two and three times a day, especially at your age. Seven is quite extreme. If you really feel like masturbating, then get to a private place and do it. Practicing violin isn't going to make the urge go away.
I have to go to urinate constantly and my clitoris is very sensitive. I used to masturbate. Could anyone help me please? (age 19)
Strange as it sounds, the cure for having to urinate frequently is to drink more water. Your bladder is reacting to not having much urine in it. If you fill your bladder more often, you will be less sensitive to that need to urinate when you don't have much urine. Masturbating is good for you. A sensitive clitoris is also a good thing.
I am 16 and my boyfriend tried to finger me once. It was awkward because he wasn't really sure what to do and I wasn't sure how to help him to make it better for me. He was just fumbling around and I wasn't sure what to do or say. I have only just started masturbating and I still have a really hard time actually pleasuring myself. How can I help him to make it better and less awkward? I really love this boy and I want to one day have sex and I feel like this a hurdle we need to get over.
By masturbating, you are learning what you can show him to do. You are pretty young and have a lot of time in the future for sex.
I'm still pretty new to this "masturbation" thing but I think I am into it enough to know what it feels like. I don't feel the tingly feeling most girls do when they masturbate. Is this not normal? (soon 13)
I don't think you're confident enough about masturbating to have an orgasm. Only after you decide that masturbation doesn't need to be in quotation marks will you have an orgasm. And that's plenty normal for your age. Just find out what you enjoy and don't be obsessed with having an orgasm.
My brother just caught me fingering myself. He opened my door and saw me and then closed it very quickly. What should I do? (age 16)
Probably nothing. He probably won't say anything, and neither do you need to. It can be your little secret. To learn more about this situation, see the page about getting caught masturbating.
I have masturbated prone for 10 years. I have never had an orgasm with my husband, only while masturbating prone. Please tell me the solution. (age 30)
You ought to give up prone masturbation and learn to masturbate with your hand. It would help if you weren't having sex with your husband while you're learning to masturbate conventionally. The main page of this site is written for males, but the advice in it can also help females give up masturbating prone.
I just love to masturbate but I feel guilty about it every time I do it. Last time I masturbated, I hurt myself somehow. I don't know what I did but I'm in pain above my vagina. I just dont kbow how to fix this. (age 15)
Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun. Most people feel guilty occasionally, but don't be bothered too much. If the pain persists, you should see a doctor. It could be trouble in your internal genitals that has nothing to do with masturbating, like an ovarian cyst. Don't be embarrassed to tell the doctor you masturbate. He or she masturbates too.
I can't masturbate longer than 10 seconds and it doesn't feel as great as people say. (age 17)
Figure out how to keep going longer than 10 seconds. 10-15 minutes is a good time. Try to figure out what feels good to touch and makes you want to keep going longer. Practice makes perfect.
I've been masturbating with a water jet since I was 12. Now I feel like it was wrong. Will this cause infertility? (age 20)
The danger from masturbating with running water is not that it will cause infertility but that it will make it harder for a female to reach orgasm when having sex with a partner. I would urge you to give up the water jet and learn to masturbate only with your hands, if you have not already. If you have lost any sensation in your vulva, it will come back after you give up the running water habit.
Is it normal to be extremely wet before he has penetrated me and after only two minutes of foreplay? (age 18)
It is good to be that wet that fast. Good for you. It is normal for females to quickly become lubricated once penetration has started, if they weren't already.
What age is the right age to start masturbation? I used my mom's vibrator once and I enjoyed it. How do I ask her to get me one? I am really scared to ask her because she doesn't know I masturbate and I am scared of her reaction to finding out. How can I tell her in words that will make her understand?
Most females start masturbating between 11 and 15. It is better if you learn to bring yourself to orgasm by hand instead of using a vibrator. If you really want one, you're going to have to be direct and say you want one. Since your mother has a vibrator herself, you know that she masturbates herself and therefore she will not be especially shocked to learn that you do too.
I don't want or have a boyfriend, but I masturbate 1-2 times a week. Is it weird or bad that I'm doing this and without a "special guy" on my mind? (age 14)
Not at all. Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun. Enjoy what you're doing and look for a special guy later.
I can't tell if I still have my hymen or not. I've only ever had some manual and tampon penetration and I've been physically active from a very young age. By all accounts I shouldn't still have it but a recent trip to the gynecologist revealed to me that apparently I have a very tiny vaginal opening. How big a problem will that be when I become sexually active? (age 25)
Don't worry about either of those things. If you've never been sexually active, you're still a virgin, whether or not you have a hymen, or what condition it's in. If you have issues with your vaginal opening when you become sexually active, you can deal with it then. There's no reason to worry about it now.
I masturbate often and always feel guilty after it, as I have heard that only males need to masturbate and females never do it as they have control over their bodies and it degrades those who do it. Why am I not able to quit? (age 28)
You are not supposed to quit; you are supposed to accept masturbation as normal, healthy, and fun. You have heard and believe a lot of things that are wrong. While females have less of a biological necessity to masturbate than males do, the vast majority of women your age masturbate. Masturbation does a lot of healthy things for female bodies. It is not a bit degrading. Instead of trying to masturbate less, try to feel less guilty.
Why is it that sometimes when I feel like urinating and I've held it in for quite a bit of time, I get aroused so fast? (age 15)
That is normal for both males and females. At your age, a boy usually gets an erection when his bladder gets full. (According to a survey of over 6000 males by HealthyStrokes.com launched in 2008, 72 percent say a full-bladder erection feels different from the one accompanying a sexual urge.) The full bladder heightens the sensation in your pubic region, which makes you more receptive to sexual arousal. Unfortunately, a full bladder makes it difficult for a male or female to enjoy masturbating or sex, not least of which for a female because she's afraid of accidentally urinating.
My boyfriend reaches orgasm too quickly. He says it's because he doesn't masturbate during the week when we're apart. We only have sex on the weekends. (age 19)
I really find it hard to believe that your boyfriend doesn't masturbate in the five days he doesn't see you every week.
If he needs your permission to masturbate, then give it to him. Tell him you'd like him to masturbate the night before you get together and see if it helps him last longer in intercourse.
Recently I have been masturbating while reading dirty fan fiction. I really enjoy it but I notice that you keep saying that using porn at a young age is not a good idea and that we should use our imaginations. I agree with that, but I'm wondering if what I'm doing is considered the same thing?
I find that it helps my imagination as I am able to fantasize easier when I masturbate now that I've read a lot, and I don't only play out things I've read. It's helped me get an idea of what I find arousing. I noticed that looking at dirty pictures does absolutely nothing for me. I get very aroused and can masturbate by hearing sounds. I'm not sure if what I'm doing is good for me or not. I can get aroused and masturbate to orgasm without it. Would you say it's a bad thing? (female, age 17)
No, I don't think erotica/fan fiction is harmful in the way that visual stimulation is. The ideas that come from textual erotica don't get burned into the user and cause fixation and a decline of imaginative capacity the way that visual stimulation does.
I'm a normal teenage girl, and I usually masturbate during weekends so I won't oversleep on school days. Lately, when I was washing my privates after urinating, I felt like a string of something between my labia. It felt like a jelly string, and I got freaked out and thought it was a worm or something and pulled it out. I was relieved when I looked and it was just a strand of something from my vagina. It keeps happening lately and I am worried. It is something normal?
After masturbating, I walk around the house normally but the white thingy just pours down occasionally and stops after 3-4 hours. Is it normal as well? (age 16)
That sounds like some sexual fluids that are congealing inside of you and then coming out in a liquid/semi-solid strand. Has a male been ejaculating inside of you? What you write would make more sense if you were sexually active. If not, it would have to be your own sexual fluids. Only a doctor can say for sure, but I don't think you need to worry.
I'm a girl and I masturbate. I have a doctor's appointment (pelvic exam) coming up in two weeks. I am worried that the doctor will be able to tell that I masturbate. Would it do any good if I stopped masturbating between now and the exam? (age 17)
No, because going that long without it is apt to make you cranky and irritable. The doctor cannot tell that you masturbate. Doctors know that most girls your age masturbate. Masturbating is normal, healthy, and fun, and should not make you embarrassed. Most of your friends do it. And I can promise that your doctor does it.
I'm in a relationship. I enjoy having sex and recently I tried masturbating. Sometimes I do it while he is inside me and it makes it easier for me to cum right before he does and sometimes we cum together. Will it make him doubt his capacity in sex? (age 25)
Sex is for both partners. Many women masturbate during intercourse. If it increases your pleasure, you ought not avoid it just because it will make him worry. Most men have experienced a partner who does what you do. If anything, maybe it will make him want to learn to touch you during sex the way you touch yourself.
I've been masturbating for quite a few months now and am still uncertain whether I've achieved an orgasm. I'll rub my clit and do different motions and speeds until I feel really good. Once I feel tingly for about 4 seconds at most it's done and it stops feeling good. After that my clit is so sensitive and I can't touch anymore. Was this an orgasm? How can I be sure? Why is it so short? (age 14)
Yes, those are orgasms. It is normal for the clitoris (or the penis) to be too sensitive to be touched after an orgasm. Using lubricant can help somewhat, but you will still have to stop shortly after your orgasm. Many females switch to stroking the area around the clitoris at that point (including the labia minora) and find that they can keep going and even have more orgasms. Orgasms are always short. Four seconds is not so bad. Eight seconds is average for a person experienced at masturbating. Fifteen seconds is out of sight.
I started masturbating about two months ago. Since the first time, I've only used my hands instead of using an object. The only problem is my arm getting sore like I've been lifting heavy dumbbells recently. Whenever I get close to orgasm, I stop until the soreness goes away and then start again. Am I doing something wrong? (age 19)
I suspect you are using too much force. Try to use less. It might also help to lift dumbbells for real in order to strengthen your arms. Here's a trick males have been known to use in your situation: When your arm gets too sore, use your other arm to move the sore one.
When I masturbate, nothing white and sticky comes out of me. I just feel really good and then hit what I think is a climax. Am I masturbating if that isn't happening? How do I make that happen? (age 15)
Masturbating means stimulating your own genitals for the purpose of increasing sexual response. Someone who does that is masturbating whether or not they have an orgasm. The feeling really good and the climax might be an orgasm. Most females don't have anything white and sticky happen. I think you might be confused with the male sexual response. At the point of the good feeling, keep up what you're doing and keep your mind in a happy place for orgasm. I think you'll get one soon enough.
Can you tell me why I shouldn't masturbate right now? (age 16)
I'm not the one to ask why you shouldn't. HealthyStrokes.com is a pro-masturbation web site. Please see this page that contains a graphic for females stating ten health benefits of masturbating: http://www.healthystrokes.com/profemale.html.
I know for a fact I'm straight but enjoy lesbian porn. Is that weird? I'm not attracted to women at all. (age 15)
No, that's not weird. Lots of straight women enjoy lesbian porn or female solo.
1. I'm uncomfortable fantasizing sexually at my age, but without porn I can't become aroused. What should I do? 2. I know it's bad, but using water to masturbate is the only way I can come close to orgasm. I've tried masturbating by hand in a variety of different positions and techniques. 3. Men have it easy!! What is a girl supposed to do? I know you're meant to like stimulate the clitoris and labia, but how are you actually supposed to do this? (age 12)
You are pretty young to decide you can't get aroused without porn or that you can only masturbate with running water. You are young. Give yourself a chance to fantasize and reach orgasm by hand. Fantasy is only thoughts in your head. Don't be ashamed of them. You're right that it's easier for males to learn to masturbate than females. I suggest you start by reading my Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation and then read the other female pages here on HealthyStrokes.com.
Will masturbating on the bed leave a smell on the bed sheet? I don't want my mom to discover. (age 17)
No, it probably won't, and I doubt your mom smells your bed sheets. You are almost an adult and should grow up when it comes to masturbation. It's your body and you get to decide what you do with it.
I have not had my period yet but whenever I masturbate, the white stuff comes out. Lately it has been red. My clit is not senstive and I can't get horny and even when that stuff comes out, I know it is not a orgasm because it feels like nothing. What is it and why is it red now? (age 14)
You can have vaginal discharge without having an orgasm or being aroused. If it is red, it is probably blood. It might be the start of your first period, or it might be you've caused some bleeding with your masturbating. Don't be in such a hurry to have an orgasm. Wait until you're genuinely aroused to masturbate.
I am 26 and still a virgin and do not insert anything or masturbate. I once treated an infection using an antibiotic with an applicator so while inserting the drug I felt a sharp pain and this happened 3 to 4 to times while inserting the applicator but I never bled so I do not know if I punctured my hymen. I am scared of using my fingers to look for the hymen and vaginal opening according to your advice in previous questions because my labia are always leaning on and almost covering my opening. I do not know how else to check if I have a hymen or not. I am really disturbed because I really want it there.
You don't need a hymen for anything so don't worry if you punctured it with the applicator. A doctor or nurse could examine your hymen and tell you how much is left. You are a virgin, you say, and it doesn't matter if your hymen is intact or not. You can only become a non-virgin by having intercourse with someone.
While masturbating internally during a session of about ten minutes, I felt all warm and tingly, but it wasn't as dramatic as I'd envisioned an orgasm to be, and I didn't feel the need to stop, nor did I feel a kind of finality. Was this an orgasm (I've never had one before) or was it just close to the climax? (age 14)
It doesn't sound like an orgasm. Don't be in such a rush to get one. Keep doing what feels good, and when you get the warm and tingly feeling, think about whatever arouses you most, and touch where and in a way that helps the warm and tingly feeling grow.
When I was masturbating for the first time, after a few minutes, I felt the urge to go faster, so I did. My face suddenly grew hot, I felt like I was about to burst into laughter, my vagina felt ticklish, and I began shaking violently. Did I orgasm? Or did something else happen? (age 14)
Yes, I think you orgasmed, or at least you came close to it. Congratulations on doing so well your first time. Keep at it. Practice makes perfect.
I get why prone masturbation is bad for males, but is it bad for females too? It's the only way I can actually come close to satisfying myself. Sometimes when I wake up my undies are super wet. I've read of wet dreams but I haven't read about a female getting one. Is it possible that's what's happened? Sometimes I wake up and feel the same feeling I have after masturbating and they are wet and a whitish color. (age 14)
Surveys I've done on HealthyStrokes.com reveal that females who masturbate prone are less likely to reach orgasm in intercourse with partners. For males and females both, masturbating with the gentle touch of your hand is the best way to train your body to reach orgasm with a partner. Females can have arousing dreams and become vaginally lubricated as a result of them. That might be what happened to you.
My 15-year-old boyfriend masturbates every day, probably 2-3 times a day. Sometimes he does it on the phone with me while I'm masturbating too, and most of the time he's alone. When we're doing it on the phone, he masturbates all the way to orgasm but I don't. I don't like that he does it to girls he knows. I'm OK with him masturbating to celebrities or girls in porn but not to girls he knows. That's not right. How can I get used to this? (age 15)
Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and even necessary for male sexual health. You do it too. Your problem seems not to be masturbating, or even your boyfriend's high frequency of it (most males his age masturbate about once a day). Your problem is that he's fantasizing about girls he knows or that both of you know.
It is normal to fantasize about people from all walks of life. People in magazines, videos, TV, people on the street, people you work with or go to school with. People you go to school with are very fantasizable at age 15. Just look at how many of the students you go to school with are attractive and/or provocatively dressed.
Instead of being offended by your boyfriend's fantasies, why not develop some adventurous ones of your own?
I haven't been masturbating recently because I was confused if only boys do it or if girls masturbate too. I think I'm the only girl in my circle of friends that masturbates. I thought I was the only one until I read about girls who masturbate on HealthyStrokes.com and I feel really relieved. I want to tell one of my best friends but I don't know if I should because she might make fun of me or treat me differently because I masturbate. Do you think I should tell her? Should I tell my mom about this, since my mom's a doctor? (age 14)
No one needs to know you masturbate. The important thing is that you know it's normal, healthy, and fun, for both boys and girls. You seem to be unsure whether you should say anything to your friend. If you're not sure, then don't tell her. There also isn't any reason to tell your mom. You probably aren't the only one of your friends who masturbates. Wait a year or two and you definitely won't be the only one.
If my boyfriend rubbed his penis inside my vagina and rubbed it against my clit but didn't put it inside of me, am I still a virgin? (age 15)
You seem to be unsure about what the vagina is. The vagina is an internal organ. If his penis was there, then you're not a virgin. If his penis was only outside you're body, then you are.
I've never been with anybody before. I have a boyfriend now and I've never been with him either. He told me that his penis is too wide. It's normal length but too wide. Will I get loose if I have sex with him? Can I get an hemorragy? Will my vagina get too big? Can I fix it somehow if that happened? (age 21)
Don't worry about any of that. His penis is fine. Your vagina will be fine if you have sex with him. I don't think hemorragy is even a word. Your vagina can expand to accommodate a baby's head and then feel same as usual for sex a few weeks later.
I heard that the head of a boy's penis is the same color as his lips. Is this true? (age 16)
No. Lips are typically very red, but a red glans (the correct term for the head of the penis) is quite rare. (Red steaks are also rare, but that wasn't your question.) If a male's sexual habits are making his glans as red as his lips, then he's doing something wrong.
The only way I can reach orgasm is by masturbating by rubbing a completely peeled cantaloupe all over my labia and clitoris. This started when I sat on a piece of cantaloupe that my cousin had laying on the bench and it's the only thing that gets me to orgasm. I've been spending a lot of money on cantaloupe and honeydew melon. How else can I masturbate and do you know of anyone else doing this? (age 17)
I have never heard of that before. I suggest you take a week or two off from masturbating and then try to masturbate using only the touch of your hands. Possibly you could use some water-based lube also.
When I first started masturbating, it was really easy to make myself orgasm. Now I find that I have to masturbate for a longer time to orgasm. Is this normal? (age 14)
Yes, it is. Lots of things are simpler when they're new. The main thing is to enjoy it and not watch the clock.
I have been using Internet porn to masturbate since a very young age (around 11). I read on your site that imagination is the best thing for girls to use. Is it too late or should I start using my imagination again? (age 17)
It is not too late to develop your imagination. Try to use visual aids only every other time you masturbate. Instead of using the Internet, try to picture people you see in person that turn you on.
I've masturbated at least once a day since I was 11. I started off using my fingers internally and externally. After about a year of this, I started using a shampoo bottle as a dildo. I've been using it at least once a day for about two years. I clean it every time I use it. None of my friends masturbate and they think I'm weird for doing it so much. Every time I'm alone I'm horny and I'm starting to think I'm addicted to masturbating. Is it unhealthy to always be this horny? (age 14)
Once a day is typical for people your age, even girls. It doesn't mean you're an addict because you do it slightly more than that. I doubt all of your friends are being honest about how much or little they masturbate. Be glad you're young and able to enjoy your sexuality.
Am I a freak if I masturbate using pictures of myself? (age 15)
No, you aren't. Most people secretly find themselves very good looking. Many people enjoy masturbating in the mirror -- mirrorbating! The most involved people affix a mirror on the ceiling above their beds.
What are the dangers of masturbation? (age 19)
Masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, and usually not at all dangerous. Be careful what you insert into your vagina, if anything. Clean objects before and after use, and avoid getting any kind of sugar in your vagina. Try to use less force instead of more. I wish you would think about the many pleasures and health benefits of masturbating and less about the few dangers.
I masturbate on my stomach humping my arm while fingering and achieve orgasm almost every time but I can't orgasm any other way. Also, when I am with a male sexual partner, I cannot achieve orgasm and many a time have faked them. (age 16)
Your problems are related. Humping your arm puts great pressure on your clitoris that cannot be replicated in regular masturbation or with a partner. I suggest you give up the humping forever and after you have stopped for a week or so, work at masturbating to orgasm using only your hands. After you have achieved orgasm that way while masturbating, it will be more likely that you will have orgasm in intercourse.
I masturbate almost once a day or maybe twice every few days, but I think I may have rubbed too hard and now my clit won't get hard. Even if I touch it, I don't seem to get aroused anymore. Is something wrong with it? (age 15)
It might be feeling fatigued. If you take a few days off, you might find you're as good as new when you masturbate again. Overwhelmingly, females prefer to stimulate the area around the clitoris rather than the clitoral head directly.
I masturbate regularly, usually externally, but I can't orgasm. Mostly because when I'm at that point, my muscles spasm. Is this normal? (age 15)
It happens. Try to work around it. Don't anticipate that your muscles will spasm. Do what you can to keep the spasm from happening, and keep going around it. One day you will not spasm and instead have a most shocking orgasm.
Is semen supposed to feel hot when a man ejaculates it inside of me? (age 19)
Yes, it often does. Even if both the man and the woman are at the same body temperature, since semen is a liquid, its heat is concentrated and it feels warmer against the less dense surface of the vagina.
I begin to masturbate and feel a good sensation and feel like I'm close to coming but then all of a sudden it hurts. I just rub my clitoris and the area around it. (age 15)
Practice makes perfect. When it starts to hurt, touch someplace that feels good but doesn't hurt. Many females don't stroke the clitoris directly but instead the area around it or the labia minora.
I have chronic pain in my lower abdomen and butt after masturbation. What is it? Should I see a doctor and stop masturbating? (age 23)
Yes, you should be checked out by a doctor. I don't know how that pain could be caused in a female by masturbating. If you were male, I'd point out that pain like that could result from ejaculating too often, a condition called prostatodynia. The doctor can rule out a serious condition.
I've been masturbating since I was about 12, and I've always been comfortable with it and haven't had much trouble reaching orgasm. Within the past two or three years, I've noticed that if I imagine having a penis and having intercourse with someone (sometimes the person I imagine has a vagina, sometimes they do not) then I orgasm much faster and feel more satisfied. Is it normal for people with vaginas to want a penis and to have fantasies about it? (age 22)
People want what they can't have. Your fantasies are just fine.
I am 26 and still a virgin and I usually have itching on my vulva when I want to urinate during my menstrual cycles, and after my cycle, it stops. I have treated a vaginal infection. Will my small vagina size affect my sexual life?
Itching and vaginal infections are questions for doctors. It would probably help to bathe more often when you're itching. I doubt your vagina is small. It can stretch to accomodate a penis or a baby's head.
I've been masturbating since I was 13, and I really enjoy it. My orgasms don't feel the same as they were at the very beginning, but I still enjoy myself greatly. I'm trying to figure out why they used to be like intense pleasurable waves washing over me from the middle of my pelvis to the tips of my fingers and toes. I've only had that about 3 or 4 times, mostly in the beginning. Now my orgasms are some quick contractions of my vagina, and my hips buck upward and my body sort of contracts, then my arousal disappears. I see this sort of orgasm as feeling more like a resolution than a climax as I actually enjoy the feeling before it happens a whole lot more than the actual orgasm, so I end up dragging my masturbation sessions out longer as I know it will be over quickly when I let myself orgasm. I have no idea what made the first few times so special. I'm very confused with all this. I've also been struggling to get pleasurable feelings going when I masturbate. What would you suggest? And do males also have something like this happen to them? (female, age 17)
They are still intense and pleasurable for you, as you describe vividly. Many girls your age (and even older women) are greatly envious of the orgasms that you can have and wish they could have them too. The early ones you remember were that way because they were new for you. The part of masturbation that you enjoy stretching out is called plateau. You seem to be doing well at making that phase last longer. Instead of anticipating quick contractions that will end your arousal, let those contractions pulse all over your body, and keep stroking so that they will last a few seconds longer. Then relax and enjoy the feeling. The pattern of sexual response is very similar in males.
I don't masturbate every day, although it is getting more frequent. When I masturbate, I find it hard to stop, and if I'm doing it at night, I usually stay up for 1-2 hours or more just masturbating externally. Is this bad for me? (age 16)
No, it is very good. I'm glad you've found something you enjoy enough to do for two hours or more at a time. Many females enjoy masturbating that way, and many can be multi-orgasmic and have orgasm after orgasm for hours. This is different from the male experience, which is most often to get masturbating over with in 5-10 minutes and then go back to whatever they were doing before.
I am a stage 4 cancer patient with AML. I have never orgasmed and never masturbated. I'm willing to do it now. Should I do it? How should I do it? I'm in a long distance relationship and he can be a help. (age 23)
You would greatly enjoy masturbating and I don't know how it could interfere with your cancer treatment. I suggest you start by reading my Young Woman's Guide to Masturbation. If your long-distance partner could say things you find arousing over the phone, it would help a lot. Simply tell that person that you'd like to try phone sex.
How can I get my orgasm at the peak level during masturbation? (age 27)
Practice makes perfect. With practice, you can focus on what arouses you the most and concentrate on that right as you're building to orgasm. All kinds of things can make a difference, so put as many of those in your favor as you can.
I am recently married and my husband and I were both virgins prior to our marriage. I know my husband had struggled with porn addiction and masturbation at a young age and through his high school years. It all stopped about 3 years prior to our marriage. I'm finding that he can ejaculate when we do oral or when I give him manual intercouse, but he hasn't ever been able to ejaculate when we have vaginal intercourse. I'm wondering if it is related to his past? And if so, how to we get him to be able to ejaculate during intercourse? I'm feeling very alone and very hurt by this situation because I haven't heard of this problem before. I love my husband and want him to be able to enjoy intercourse. Thank you in advance! (age 22)
You are mistaken if you think your husband was "porn addicted" and "struggled with masturbation" and then suddenly quit three years ago. He has been masturbating all this time, probably using whatever visual aids he was using before that. Males who remain virgins past the age of 21 tend to have more trouble getting accustomed to sex than males who have sex earlier. The learning curve for him (and perhaps also you) is higher because of that. Take time and relax. Try to find out about his recent masturbation and use of visual aids. Do not shame him for those; they are normal.
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This page updated April 16, 2018.
Many older questions from female readers have been moved to one of these topic pages:
- Female anatomy: vulvas, hymens, vaginas
- Masturbatory technique and female sexual response
- Sexual orientation, fantasies, and unusual behavior
- Masturbation toys: vibrators, dildoes, and other objects
- Sex with partners
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